1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,000
I don't see it.

2
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:11,000
I know that everything is supposed to be special and I don't see it.

3
00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:18,000
It's been some months since Mary and what we know that she's pregnant.

4
00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:25,000
Such a strange time and with so much happening, it feels like such a whirlwind, but

5
00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:31,000
in the midst of all these things happening, you have someone that you know you're supposed to marry

6
00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:37,000
and you tell them that there is a baby and I know pretty clearly that this baby is not mine.

7
00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:41,000
No genius, but I'm pretty sure I know how some things work.

8
00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:48,000
But then I end up having a dream that tells me that this child is from God.

9
00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:53,000
I'm supposed to still be married to Mary and I keep thinking, okay,

10
00:00:53,000 --> 00:01:00,000
if things are not supposed to work in the usual way, then it's got to be special, right?

11
00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:02,000
There's got to be more to it.

12
00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:08,000
But every day since then everything has felt normal.

13
00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:17,000
And then later on we end up hearing about Mary's cousin Elizabeth and she goes to spend some time with her

14
00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:21,000
and apparently Elizabeth, she's a little bit older.

15
00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:28,000
She has had a child before, now I'm nowhere, she's pregnant and her husband can't talk.

16
00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:33,000
They think that she may have seen some angel speaking to him and the Holy of Holies

17
00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:40,000
and all these things that are happening, but Mary goes to visit and she says that there's this leaving

18
00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:47,000
inside of the two of them, that the child inside of Elizabeth and the child inside of Mary that they get it

19
00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:50,000
but you know what, I wasn't there.

20
00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:53,000
I didn't see this, I didn't feel this.

21
00:01:55,000 --> 00:02:00,000
Everything still looks and seems so normal.

22
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:07,000
But with it is now I have these questions in my mind is there's this child that is born

23
00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:16,000
and I know so many things that they were talking about that Zechariah and Elizabeth's child is not supposed to be drinking wine.

24
00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:18,000
Am I supposed to be doing something special?

25
00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:23,000
I'm not special, I'm just a cardinal.

26
00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:28,000
And if there's nothing to work with or would, I'll go work on something else.

27
00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:35,000
Am I supposed to be reading something? Am I supposed to be making something? Am I supposed to be figuring something out?

28
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:41,000
All I know is that we have to come here to this random place that I don't live in

29
00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:53,000
and now the woman that has this child that I'm going to be raising didn't even have time to make a bed for this child.

30
00:02:54,000 --> 00:03:01,000
Just hoping to clean out enough of the whatever the food is left over from the animals to make sure there's a place for the child.

31
00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:10,000
The truth is that I don't see how this is supposed to be, this wonderful thing, I don't see it.

32
00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:19,000
And we even have all these people coming in out of the fields and they're saying that they saw these angels up in the sky.

33
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:23,000
Frankly, these, I don't think they have a little bit too much wine or something or other.

34
00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:29,000
And they're coming through town and you can hear them wandering around.

35
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:36,000
They don't clearly know what they're doing. They're just looking for someone and then all of a sudden they stumble their way down us.

36
00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:46,000
And they seem like they're really excited to find the child and his wrath in these cause and life and nature and what they see. They see us.

37
00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:56,000
It's just us. There's nothing special about me. And as wonderful as I think that Mary may be,

38
00:03:56,000 --> 00:04:06,000
there's nothing obviously different about her. And then you go and you look at this child and you're like, is there something radiating to us?

39
00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:20,000
A nose? A mouth? What is there that I'm supposed to see? I don't see it. It's supposed to be special. Why can't I see it?

40
00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:26,000
The thing is that there is so much that I cannot understand.

41
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:33,000
I go to synagogue very early. I've heard these passages. I've heard the prophetize yet.

42
00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:46,000
I've heard the things about looking for the wonderful counselor and the prince of peace. How am I supposed to make sure that this little wrinkly raisin somehow turns into the wonderful counselor and the prince of peace?

43
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:50,000
I don't even know for sure how we're paying for the food number of days.

44
00:04:54,000 --> 00:05:06,000
How am I supposed to learn how to help this young boy, counsel, kings, become someone who can bring peace to a world that's in conflict?

45
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:11,000
I don't see it. How am I supposed to figure this out?

46
00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:21,000
What you're told is that I cannot see how it is that God is not just supposed to use this little child to do so much.

47
00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:24,000
How is he supposed to use me?

48
00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:36,000
Every time this child sprays his knee, every time that he has a heartache or that somebody hurts his feelings, every time there's something he doesn't get.

49
00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:41,000
And I'm supposed to try to make sure that he becomes a master toolman and what?

50
00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:45,000
He's going to get it right off the bat every single time?

51
00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:56,000
I am not always going to have the best temper with this child. How is that supposed to bring up the future prince of peace?

52
00:05:57,000 --> 00:06:04,000
What is he just saying? He's going to hear the words of scripture and somehow in a saying, God, understand?

53
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:11,000
Is he going to somehow make all the connections? I don't make all the connections.

54
00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:18,000
See, he's just going to somehow one day just start teaching how to know where.

55
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:25,000
I don't see how this is supposed to bring hope.

56
00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:33,000
The truth is, that's not what faith is supposed to be about.

57
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:40,000
Faith is not for the things of our office. Faith is not for the things of the career.

58
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:47,000
Faith is not because God has spelled it out and written down every single line.

59
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:54,000
Faith is not about knowing how to make sure that I know every step from here to there.

60
00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:59,000
Decades, struggle.

61
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:08,000
I was not expecting to someday have to care for the future king of kings.

62
00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:11,000
This is not what I was expecting.

63
00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:17,000
The truth is, that we don't have to see it for God to understand.

64
00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:23,000
I don't know what it is that God sees as so special in me,

65
00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:30,000
but truth be told there are many of us that don't get how God sees something special in us.

66
00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:38,000
We go about our everyday life. We wake up, we eat, we go about everything we're supposed to be doing.

67
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:47,000
And somehow, this day is one more step from the journey that God is doing something beautiful here and now.

68
00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:57,000
I don't see it. You probably don't see it, but he's still doing something amazing.

69
00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:03,000
I don't know how it's going to happen and I know that it won't be easy.

70
00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:10,000
I know that whatever life we have in front of us is not going to be a bed of roses.

71
00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:19,000
We had to start off with the manger and animals and crazy drunken shepherds running around and talking about angels.

72
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:23,000
But I don't have time for you now.

73
00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:29,000
Maybe that's how it is that we actually can have some hope and joy.

74
00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:36,000
That we're not the ones offering this. We're not the ones figuring out how it's going to work.

75
00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:47,000
But instead somehow this child is going to go to that cross and is going to make all things mean.

76
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:58,000
However, he has done that not just then, but also in our world today.

77
00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:06,000
I'm glad he's in charge because none of the rest of us possibly had a fear of God.

78
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:21,000
So may God truly be in any world. May He truly be with us because only by His presence do we have any hope in this dark, injury world.

79
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:36,000
Thank you.