WEBVTT 00:00:04.230 --> 00:00:11.009 Good morning. All right, everybody. I have been 00:00:11.009 --> 00:00:15.789 sitting and thinking and wondering about what 00:00:15.789 --> 00:00:19.850 I was going to say in the next episode and had 00:00:19.850 --> 00:00:23.769 all these thoughts and ideas. Let me tell you 00:00:23.769 --> 00:00:31.940 right now, I am just waking up. I had a little 00:00:31.940 --> 00:00:39.719 bit of a staycation for myself just to kind of 00:00:39.719 --> 00:00:45.280 take care of my brain but I am really excited 00:00:45.280 --> 00:00:51.759 to check in with you all in a way that's far 00:00:51.759 --> 00:00:55.640 more far more real because I'm not concerned 00:00:55.640 --> 00:00:58.280 about whether I sound tired I'm not concerned 00:00:58.280 --> 00:01:02.560 about If there's pauses in the things that I 00:01:02.560 --> 00:01:09.400 say I'm just here to exist I'm honestly in a 00:01:09.400 --> 00:01:12.219 point in life. I think we all go through this 00:01:12.219 --> 00:01:15.480 in adulthood. I Don't know. Maybe some of us 00:01:15.480 --> 00:01:18.459 don't who knows but nonetheless I am going through 00:01:18.459 --> 00:01:22.760 something where There's a lot of grief in my 00:01:22.760 --> 00:01:25.540 body. There's a lot of things that I'm letting 00:01:25.540 --> 00:01:29.489 go of things and people and ideas. There's a 00:01:29.489 --> 00:01:32.230 lot of things that I'm learning that I can't 00:01:32.230 --> 00:01:37.469 let go of or else it will dissipate into the 00:01:37.469 --> 00:01:41.670 ether that is adulthood. Things like friendships 00:01:41.670 --> 00:01:50.689 and joy. But, you know, having lost my grandmother 00:01:50.689 --> 00:01:56.209 in February, oh, that's the first time I've been 00:01:56.209 --> 00:02:01.010 able to say that without tearing up and that 00:02:01.010 --> 00:02:04.329 feels both amazing and sad because that means 00:02:04.329 --> 00:02:09.930 that part of me is healing but then i also wonder 00:02:09.930 --> 00:02:14.930 i just i hope that part of me doesn't forget 00:02:14.930 --> 00:02:17.550 you know because in order to heal you do kind 00:02:17.550 --> 00:02:20.229 of have to forget a little bit you kind of have 00:02:20.229 --> 00:02:23.669 to push it to the side of the mind or at least 00:02:23.669 --> 00:02:32.840 that's what i thought because As I sit more in 00:02:32.840 --> 00:02:35.780 this season of life that requires a lot of stillness, 00:02:35.900 --> 00:02:40.740 a lot of me pouring into myself, a lot of me 00:02:40.740 --> 00:02:43.199 being my follow through, a lot of me being my 00:02:43.199 --> 00:02:46.159 support, and as much as folks say that they can 00:02:46.159 --> 00:02:49.460 be there, this is very much a season of me acknowledging 00:02:49.460 --> 00:02:55.219 I'm all I have and that's okay. At the end of 00:02:55.219 --> 00:03:01.150 the day, you're alone on a dark road or something 00:03:01.150 --> 00:03:04.669 and it's just you in a car it's just you in a 00:03:04.669 --> 00:03:10.610 car and that's okay but just making peace with 00:03:10.610 --> 00:03:13.310 that and knowing that the people that I love 00:03:13.310 --> 00:03:17.990 may not be alive but they live on in me through 00:03:17.990 --> 00:03:28.120 all the things that remind me of them Yeah, so 00:03:28.120 --> 00:03:31.360 I decided that I needed a little bit of a staycation 00:03:31.360 --> 00:03:36.900 because I had a really long week and then another 00:03:36.900 --> 00:03:39.360 long week before that and honestly it just kind 00:03:39.360 --> 00:03:42.159 of feels like I'm getting to a point where I 00:03:42.159 --> 00:03:45.419 don't know what I need anymore and that's okay. 00:03:46.900 --> 00:03:49.340 I saw a video of a woman and she's a mother and 00:03:49.340 --> 00:03:52.840 she is a mother who is now recovering from chronic 00:03:52.840 --> 00:03:56.990 illness. that was kind of onset by becoming a 00:03:56.990 --> 00:04:03.389 mother, a parent. And just her giving tips to 00:04:03.389 --> 00:04:06.430 future parents and one of her tips being, there 00:04:06.430 --> 00:04:08.889 is a version of you that you're gonna have that 00:04:08.889 --> 00:04:11.590 will not exist as soon as that baby is here. 00:04:12.069 --> 00:04:17.029 And I thought that that was a joke. Like I really 00:04:17.029 --> 00:04:19.149 genuinely thought that that was a joke. I thought 00:04:19.149 --> 00:04:23.699 that people were trying to... Create this narrative 00:04:23.699 --> 00:04:25.920 that when you become a parent you have to let 00:04:25.920 --> 00:04:30.899 go of who you are But it's like as I'm getting 00:04:30.899 --> 00:04:33.680 older I'm learning are those things who I am 00:04:33.680 --> 00:04:38.519 or are they just things that I did Who am I like 00:04:38.519 --> 00:04:43.120 outside of those things that I did? It's a hard 00:04:43.120 --> 00:04:46.459 journey, I think we all know like a Saturn return 00:04:46.459 --> 00:04:55.410 is not to be played with But yeah, so I'm just 00:04:55.410 --> 00:04:58.689 sitting in this bed contemplating what I'm going 00:04:58.689 --> 00:05:03.170 to do next. I teeter totter between should I 00:05:03.170 --> 00:05:05.589 rest, should I work out, because I know that 00:05:05.589 --> 00:05:07.709 moving my body feeds my brain and I know that 00:05:07.709 --> 00:05:12.910 my brain needs joy. And then there's also this 00:05:12.910 --> 00:05:18.759 notion of I'm very much learning and accepting 00:05:18.759 --> 00:05:21.720 that joy really is something that we cultivate. 00:05:21.939 --> 00:05:24.740 It's not something that just exists. It's very 00:05:24.740 --> 00:05:29.500 fleeting. We have to find reasons to exist if 00:05:29.500 --> 00:05:33.319 we feel like we don't have enough. If that makes 00:05:33.319 --> 00:05:36.199 sense, like my mother and grandma were talking 00:05:36.199 --> 00:05:38.240 about like, oh, like there's nothing to do today. 00:05:38.259 --> 00:05:39.560 And I was like, well, you know what? Sometimes 00:05:39.560 --> 00:05:42.920 you have to make something to do. It's not always 00:05:42.920 --> 00:05:45.139 that there's gonna be something to do. It's like 00:05:45.139 --> 00:05:47.300 what what can you find? What can you pull out 00:05:47.300 --> 00:05:50.939 of the universe today? And I remember when I 00:05:50.939 --> 00:05:53.079 was in New York It was a lot easier for me to 00:05:53.079 --> 00:05:55.680 do that because I feel like New York is the city 00:05:55.680 --> 00:06:00.939 of that And like being in a place like Richmond 00:06:00.939 --> 00:06:04.519 makes it really hard because It's just a different 00:06:04.519 --> 00:06:07.920 culture And then it's also like the people that 00:06:07.920 --> 00:06:12.740 I meet here I have a handful of people that I 00:06:12.740 --> 00:06:16.500 really like Actually, I don't even know if I 00:06:16.500 --> 00:06:19.060 actually trust anyone here honestly genuinely 00:06:19.060 --> 00:06:22.939 and that's sad Because there's been so many caveats 00:06:22.939 --> 00:06:28.160 to my relationships So it's kind of like I'm 00:06:28.160 --> 00:06:34.800 teetering between a survival tactic and And just 00:06:34.800 --> 00:06:39.819 like trying to be real with myself of like Trying 00:06:39.819 --> 00:06:42.000 to acknowledge that yeah, actually some people 00:06:42.000 --> 00:06:44.259 that I think are friends actually don't know 00:06:44.259 --> 00:06:49.160 me that well and actually don't like Want to 00:06:49.160 --> 00:06:54.420 if that makes sense? Also like being on the spectrum 00:06:54.420 --> 00:06:56.860 like realizing that I actually do struggle to 00:06:56.860 --> 00:06:59.800 reach out And that's okay. It's not something 00:06:59.800 --> 00:07:01.899 that makes me weird or it's not something to 00:07:01.899 --> 00:07:04.899 hyperanalyze it's a personality trait of mine 00:07:04.899 --> 00:07:10.439 and The more I get into motherhood and parenthood 00:07:10.439 --> 00:07:17.939 and life as an adult the more I Forget my thought 00:07:17.939 --> 00:07:23.279 But the more I kind of Can leave room for the 00:07:23.279 --> 00:07:25.660 personality that I was meant to have before it 00:07:25.660 --> 00:07:31.779 was policed by everybody around me and like I 00:07:31.779 --> 00:07:33.819 remember talking to my therapist the other day 00:07:33.819 --> 00:07:39.680 and just saying like I feel so much, like, there's 00:07:39.680 --> 00:07:43.680 grief in my body. Like, not just for people I've 00:07:43.680 --> 00:07:48.660 lost, but for myself. For the, the finesse that 00:07:48.660 --> 00:07:51.779 got silenced a lot, that got pushed away, that 00:07:51.779 --> 00:08:00.639 got... ousted. And, um, it's hard to have relationships 00:08:00.639 --> 00:08:02.899 with people that made you feel like that, you 00:08:02.899 --> 00:08:06.410 know what I mean? Without having the hard conversations 00:08:06.410 --> 00:08:09.850 first and again I'm learning how to do that, 00:08:09.850 --> 00:08:12.930 but I'm also being very gentle with myself like 00:08:12.930 --> 00:08:18.529 my mind is strong Yet very open right now I'm 00:08:18.529 --> 00:08:21.649 such a spiritual being and when times are like 00:08:21.649 --> 00:08:27.550 this like politically Socially I'm always like 00:08:27.550 --> 00:08:30.529 hella like it feels like my soul is charged like 00:08:30.529 --> 00:08:33.210 it feels like Let me see, I'm trying to think 00:08:33.210 --> 00:08:37.870 of a movie. It feels like Activation, if you 00:08:37.870 --> 00:08:43.350 will. Almost like, um... What movie is that? 00:08:43.990 --> 00:08:46.210 Oh yeah, Alien vs. Predator. I know this is crazy, 00:08:46.470 --> 00:08:49.009 but y 'all can, y 'all can relate. So, you know 00:08:49.009 --> 00:08:53.090 how... I think it's The Predator. Okay, this 00:08:53.090 --> 00:08:55.850 is really funny, because now I lost where my 00:08:55.850 --> 00:08:57.389 little metaphor was gonna go, but nonetheless. 00:08:58.400 --> 00:09:01.700 okay so like the predators they have these things 00:09:01.700 --> 00:09:06.960 in their ears or the aliens do where when they 00:09:06.960 --> 00:09:09.000 turn their head to the side when they hear something 00:09:09.000 --> 00:09:11.879 and they want to hear it closer they can like 00:09:11.879 --> 00:09:14.899 almost zoom in with their ears do you know what 00:09:14.899 --> 00:09:18.419 I'm talking about And I feel like my soul is 00:09:18.419 --> 00:09:21.559 doing that, like my soul is zoomed into the world 00:09:21.559 --> 00:09:24.159 right now. And it's just like, I'm trying to 00:09:24.159 --> 00:09:27.980 tell her, can you chill? Can we keep it local, 00:09:27.980 --> 00:09:33.539 honey? You know, can we keep it local, please? 00:09:34.000 --> 00:09:38.159 Because something that we talk about in this 00:09:38.159 --> 00:09:42.279 day and age of visibility and internet, you know, 00:09:42.460 --> 00:09:45.909 sensationalism, I think that... We need to acknowledge 00:09:45.909 --> 00:09:52.590 that it is totally abnormal to be aware of everything 00:09:52.590 --> 00:09:58.450 everywhere all at once. It is totally abnormal 00:09:58.450 --> 00:10:01.549 to be aware of every single tragedy happening 00:10:01.549 --> 00:10:05.389 in every area code ever invented, longitudes, 00:10:05.629 --> 00:10:09.009 latitudes, pictures, videos, everything but help, 00:10:09.009 --> 00:10:12.350 you know? And it's not natural for us to kind 00:10:12.350 --> 00:10:17.129 of dive into those things. like we scroll we 00:10:17.129 --> 00:10:19.009 scroll we scroll but we don't realize what we're 00:10:19.009 --> 00:10:23.970 taking in and For some people who will say things 00:10:23.970 --> 00:10:26.129 like oh you're too sensitive. Well, I'm really 00:10:26.129 --> 00:10:30.250 glad that I am I was looking at a post and one 00:10:30.250 --> 00:10:32.409 of the comments said you mean sensitive like 00:10:32.409 --> 00:10:38.230 a thermometer It said something along the lines 00:10:38.230 --> 00:10:42.269 of which one would you rather have you have detect 00:10:42.269 --> 00:10:45.190 the temperature of a room a sensitive thermometer 00:10:45.190 --> 00:10:48.690 or a dull one and it's like oh my god i'm just 00:10:48.690 --> 00:10:51.049 detecting the temperature of the room bruh somebody 00:10:51.049 --> 00:10:56.149 gotta do it and it's okay like honestly and i 00:10:56.149 --> 00:10:58.909 think the danger also is in like when you make 00:10:58.909 --> 00:11:03.629 someone betray their intuition oh sorry just 00:11:03.629 --> 00:11:07.669 hit the mic i'm so good at this but when you 00:11:07.669 --> 00:11:12.009 make somebody betray your intuition then how 00:11:12.009 --> 00:11:15.179 can how can How can their inner power speak to 00:11:15.179 --> 00:11:19.399 them? We all have an intuition like the gut Science 00:11:19.399 --> 00:11:21.820 says that there is another brain in your gut. 00:11:21.820 --> 00:11:23.919 Okay, and I don't think that's by accident. I 00:11:23.919 --> 00:11:27.000 don't think it's an accident that we feel We 00:11:27.000 --> 00:11:30.360 feel nervous in our gut. You know what I'm saying? 00:11:31.580 --> 00:11:34.320 I feel like that's one of the most ancient technologies 00:11:34.320 --> 00:11:38.559 that we have even more so than our Madhula Ambangada 00:11:38.559 --> 00:11:40.379 upstairs, you know what I'm saying? I feel like 00:11:40.379 --> 00:11:44.379 the gut biome brain is the smartest one we have, 00:11:44.480 --> 00:11:47.960 because you know what that gut does? Like the 00:11:47.960 --> 00:11:50.360 other one doesn't do? The endocrine system, the 00:11:50.360 --> 00:11:52.940 hormones, in charge of how pretty much everything 00:11:52.940 --> 00:11:56.960 functions, including the brain itself. So we 00:11:56.960 --> 00:11:59.120 put so much onus on what's going on upstairs, 00:11:59.120 --> 00:12:01.399 we don't really even pay attention to our gut. 00:12:02.659 --> 00:12:06.460 And do you ever... For example, I don't know 00:12:06.460 --> 00:12:09.740 any sensitive kids or people who were called 00:12:09.740 --> 00:12:12.340 sensitive in your childhood That is not a bad 00:12:12.340 --> 00:12:15.679 word by the way So I'm not gonna say no offense 00:12:15.679 --> 00:12:18.480 anymore because it's not offensive but anyone 00:12:18.480 --> 00:12:22.639 who was deemed sensitive In your childhood. Do 00:12:22.639 --> 00:12:24.879 you remember your tummy getting upset before 00:12:24.879 --> 00:12:28.600 you did something or do you remember like if 00:12:28.600 --> 00:12:31.330 you were? And this might be a little bit much 00:12:31.330 --> 00:12:34.389 for you to do because it requires you going back 00:12:34.389 --> 00:12:39.409 in time within that situation in a younger body. 00:12:40.970 --> 00:12:42.730 Again, these are things that can be done in therapy, 00:12:42.769 --> 00:12:45.429 but just as someone who has a very particularly 00:12:45.429 --> 00:12:52.740 vivid visual memory. I will go back in time to 00:12:52.740 --> 00:12:55.940 kind of analyze what that gut feeling means and 00:12:55.940 --> 00:12:58.240 I remember like that gut feeling was happening 00:12:58.240 --> 00:13:02.399 in certain moments where I didn't need to be 00:13:02.399 --> 00:13:08.299 there or if I play back to me re -entering into 00:13:08.299 --> 00:13:11.519 certain situations that I had healed from like 00:13:11.519 --> 00:13:13.879 that feeling would often surface in my gut like 00:13:13.879 --> 00:13:15.600 you're not supposed to do this or you're not 00:13:15.600 --> 00:13:18.500 supposed to be here or whatever that was in the 00:13:18.500 --> 00:13:21.879 moment and again this is my situation look at 00:13:21.879 --> 00:13:25.120 me touching the microphone again this is my own 00:13:25.120 --> 00:13:28.259 uh reality and this is not your reality it might 00:13:28.259 --> 00:13:31.940 sound similar and if it does then i'm happy that 00:13:31.940 --> 00:13:35.120 you feel seen and heard but i want to remind 00:13:35.120 --> 00:13:37.220 you all that i'm only speaking from my own personal 00:13:37.220 --> 00:13:39.519 experience and no one else's and i'm not encouraging 00:13:39.519 --> 00:13:42.039 you to do anything that may trigger or harm you 00:13:42.039 --> 00:13:47.559 okay um so going back to what i was saying Yeah, 00:13:47.580 --> 00:13:51.100 just the acknowledgement of my head is there. 00:13:51.240 --> 00:13:53.559 Yes, my heart is there too, but so is my gut. 00:13:54.179 --> 00:13:57.259 How do we strengthen the gut? You know, and a 00:13:57.259 --> 00:14:02.539 lot of that has been me resting I've been really 00:14:02.539 --> 00:14:06.379 careful with my diet. I don't like that word, 00:14:06.440 --> 00:14:09.940 but I guess, uh, restrictive eating, I don't 00:14:09.940 --> 00:14:14.399 know. Um, but I have PCOS, polycystic ovarian 00:14:14.399 --> 00:14:16.940 syndrome, polycystic ovarian disorder, whatever 00:14:16.940 --> 00:14:21.179 you want to call it, nine times out of ten, um, 00:14:21.419 --> 00:14:23.500 most - well, actually that's not true, let's 00:14:23.500 --> 00:14:26.539 go back, but long story short, I have that and 00:14:26.539 --> 00:14:29.059 what it is or what I'm learning that it is that 00:14:29.059 --> 00:14:32.500 I was misled about when I was so young. Is that 00:14:32.500 --> 00:14:35.679 it's a hormone imbalance. I was just I'm thinking 00:14:35.679 --> 00:14:39.019 oh, yeah, I don't ovulate right and that's it 00:14:39.019 --> 00:14:45.519 But no, it's actually very akin to diabetes like 00:14:45.519 --> 00:14:49.850 it's actually very It's a very serious thing 00:14:49.850 --> 00:14:53.909 and a lot of people who have PCOD or PCOS have 00:14:53.909 --> 00:14:56.330 insulin resistance, have energy issues, have 00:14:56.330 --> 00:14:57.970 trouble keeping weight on their body or trouble 00:14:57.970 --> 00:15:01.830 losing weight, struggle with mental health, mood 00:15:01.830 --> 00:15:06.409 disorders, a lot of things and I'm like slowly 00:15:06.409 --> 00:15:15.110 learning that all the ways in which I let's say 00:15:16.149 --> 00:15:19.870 all the ways in which I was gas -lit, there you 00:15:19.870 --> 00:15:23.169 go, into abandoning myself were actually all 00:15:23.169 --> 00:15:25.870 the ways in which I needed to stay healthy. And 00:15:25.870 --> 00:15:29.509 like that acknowledgement is such a defeat. It 00:15:29.509 --> 00:15:32.169 felt like, like it felt like, oh my God, like 00:15:32.169 --> 00:15:34.330 I should have been listening to myself this whole 00:15:34.330 --> 00:15:37.669 time. Like I know what's good for me, but also 00:15:37.669 --> 00:15:41.330 that's okay. We're allowed to fuck up and step 00:15:41.330 --> 00:15:43.149 back and say, and you know what? That's not a 00:15:43.149 --> 00:15:45.830 fuck up by the way. i'm learning that i'm really 00:15:45.830 --> 00:15:47.830 hard on myself and i'm trying to talk to myself 00:15:47.830 --> 00:15:51.549 with a bit more kindness so we're allowed to 00:15:51.549 --> 00:15:55.389 try things out and not like them it's just all 00:15:55.389 --> 00:15:58.590 about like how are we going to adjust and adapt 00:15:58.590 --> 00:16:07.830 so yeah that was a lot i say all that to say 00:16:07.830 --> 00:16:11.429 in this season of life where things are very 00:16:11.429 --> 00:16:14.399 very hard for a lot of us, please remember that 00:16:14.399 --> 00:16:17.919 somebody has it harder. And that's not to play 00:16:17.919 --> 00:16:19.779 the Oppression Olympics, that's just to remind 00:16:19.779 --> 00:16:22.000 you that you still need to be grateful even in 00:16:22.000 --> 00:16:24.259 the pain, that you still need to show gratitude 00:16:24.259 --> 00:16:30.840 for what you do have. And then also, if you feel 00:16:30.840 --> 00:16:33.740 like what you eat does not make you feel good. 00:16:34.399 --> 00:16:37.179 slowly start getting used to eating things that 00:16:37.179 --> 00:16:40.059 actually make you feel good. And like for me, 00:16:40.059 --> 00:16:42.120 it's been a lot of experimenting. It's been a 00:16:42.120 --> 00:16:46.240 lot of research on what helps with PCOS. But 00:16:46.240 --> 00:16:50.080 there are also days where I don't eat the way 00:16:50.080 --> 00:16:54.960 I want to. Or like a craving trumped the lunch 00:16:54.960 --> 00:16:57.940 that I was gonna eat. And you know, as somebody 00:16:57.940 --> 00:17:01.320 who is neurodivergent, often times i struggle 00:17:01.320 --> 00:17:02.960 because i'm like oh no if i miss this meal i'm 00:17:02.960 --> 00:17:05.000 not gonna eat because i'm not gonna have an appetite 00:17:05.000 --> 00:17:06.900 and i'm gonna you know it's a slippery slope 00:17:06.900 --> 00:17:09.700 so sometimes i'm more concerned with getting 00:17:09.700 --> 00:17:12.420 something anything in my body than getting the 00:17:12.420 --> 00:17:16.279 perfect thing in my body um and if that's you 00:17:16.279 --> 00:17:21.160 that's okay but i want to know um i want to i 00:17:21.160 --> 00:17:23.140 want you all to know that you can find little 00:17:23.140 --> 00:17:27.210 baby steps because yeah I struggle so hard with 00:17:27.210 --> 00:17:30.509 meal prepping. I struggle so hard with, like 00:17:30.509 --> 00:17:32.910 I love to plan, but something about meal prepping 00:17:32.910 --> 00:17:35.630 doesn't sit right. Like I just, the thought of 00:17:35.630 --> 00:17:40.109 being stuck on one meal for the entire week is 00:17:40.109 --> 00:17:42.730 not attractive to my brain. I get the chicken 00:17:42.730 --> 00:17:45.730 ick really fast. So it's like one chicken meal 00:17:45.730 --> 00:17:49.470 and I'm ready for something better. So I like 00:17:49.470 --> 00:17:52.440 to kind of rotate between proteins. and sometimes 00:17:52.440 --> 00:17:56.339 I don't like protein um so meal prep was always 00:17:56.339 --> 00:17:58.779 kind of overwhelming for me but I will tell you 00:17:58.779 --> 00:18:03.859 what I did try um using my leftovers to meal 00:18:03.859 --> 00:18:08.960 prep that changed the game because then the finis 00:18:08.960 --> 00:18:12.279 that loves to take things that don't have a purpose 00:18:12.279 --> 00:18:14.839 and find a purpose oh she was she was loving 00:18:14.839 --> 00:18:19.059 that like basically what I did was I had some 00:18:19.059 --> 00:18:22.779 leftover meat I had made birria y 'all saw that 00:18:22.779 --> 00:18:26.039 uh let me some bustin' baria and um i had some 00:18:26.039 --> 00:18:28.900 left over i had some turkey sausage that i hadn't 00:18:28.900 --> 00:18:32.140 eaten that i thought i wanted to eat um and then 00:18:32.140 --> 00:18:36.920 lastly i had um i just got fancy with the last 00:18:36.920 --> 00:18:39.700 one like i wanted three different ones so i decided 00:18:39.700 --> 00:18:42.220 okay i have a egg tin let me make some egg bites 00:18:42.220 --> 00:18:44.279 i'm not doing nothing else so i get the eggs 00:18:44.279 --> 00:18:46.460 and i'm thinking to myself okay what three flavor 00:18:46.460 --> 00:18:49.700 profiles i picked three flavor profiles one with 00:18:49.700 --> 00:18:54.960 tomato parmesan, pesto, and like basil or something 00:18:54.960 --> 00:18:58.660 and a little mozzarella. And then the other one 00:18:58.660 --> 00:19:00.980 was your standard sausage, egg and cheese with 00:19:00.980 --> 00:19:04.000 the turkey sausage in it. And then the last one 00:19:04.000 --> 00:19:09.759 being a birria. So I put cilantro, I put the 00:19:09.759 --> 00:19:12.900 cojita and then I put the birria. But I also 00:19:12.900 --> 00:19:15.480 put what else? I put a little bit of hot sauce 00:19:15.480 --> 00:19:18.559 and that the birria one was probably my favorite. 00:19:19.119 --> 00:19:22.279 But I and see your girl can't stop touching this 00:19:22.279 --> 00:19:26.099 microphone it's so pretty but I say all that 00:19:26.099 --> 00:19:29.599 to say um sometimes the excitement of getting 00:19:29.599 --> 00:19:33.059 creative with leftovers is more exciting than 00:19:33.059 --> 00:19:34.940 planning out what you're going to do with your 00:19:34.940 --> 00:19:40.480 leftovers you feel me um my brain is so awesome 00:19:40.480 --> 00:19:42.640 because it can do this thing where I'll look 00:19:42.640 --> 00:19:46.059 at something once and I'll like store it so like 00:19:46.059 --> 00:19:48.779 if I see if I go through recipes like let's say 00:19:49.179 --> 00:19:51.779 This morning I spend an hour on Pinterest and 00:19:51.779 --> 00:19:54.259 I'm going through a bunch of really quick meal 00:19:54.259 --> 00:19:57.079 prep ideas. I only have to do that for a little 00:19:57.079 --> 00:19:59.140 bit. And then the next thing you know, I'm in 00:19:59.140 --> 00:20:00.420 the kitchen and I'm gonna be like, okay, that 00:20:00.420 --> 00:20:02.140 meal prep I tried, I guess I can try that right 00:20:02.140 --> 00:20:05.180 now. I don't need the recipe. And that's beautiful. 00:20:07.119 --> 00:20:10.079 And so yeah, if you have that superpower, then 00:20:10.079 --> 00:20:13.059 use it. Try not to plan so much. Planning sucks. 00:20:14.259 --> 00:20:16.319 It's cute sometimes, but it really does suck 00:20:16.319 --> 00:20:19.339 sometimes. I mean structure, but I also very 00:20:19.339 --> 00:20:25.680 much hate Authority Happy medium happy medium, 00:20:25.720 --> 00:20:30.220 but Your girl went off on a huge tangent again, 00:20:30.400 --> 00:20:32.900 like I'm not trying to I'm not trying to police 00:20:32.900 --> 00:20:35.559 myself anymore I just want myself to be who I 00:20:35.559 --> 00:20:37.799 am and the people that matter and who the people 00:20:37.799 --> 00:20:41.390 who like it will flock and that's fine Anybody 00:20:41.390 --> 00:20:43.869 who doesn't like it. What am I a papaya say? 00:20:43.990 --> 00:20:48.950 If I'm not your cup of tea, don't drink it. And 00:20:48.950 --> 00:20:51.569 that's my queen. If I'm not your cup of tea, 00:20:51.569 --> 00:20:56.069 don't drink it. I think I'll leave it at that 00:20:56.069 --> 00:20:58.410 note today. Today is just a day of me sitting 00:20:58.410 --> 00:21:04.910 in bed alone in the quiet. And now remember how 00:21:04.910 --> 00:21:07.230 I said I needed a break. Like as an Audi HD mother, 00:21:07.829 --> 00:21:12.309 like alone time is E. sensual I thought that 00:21:12.309 --> 00:21:14.730 it was like debatable I thought that I could 00:21:14.730 --> 00:21:17.069 do like oh no I don't need to be alone no I need 00:21:17.069 --> 00:21:22.690 to be alone like once a week that's okay and 00:21:22.690 --> 00:21:25.069 that is okay and stop letting people tell you 00:21:25.069 --> 00:21:27.069 that you're a bad parent because you want alone 00:21:27.069 --> 00:21:29.710 time my god you brought them into this world 00:21:29.710 --> 00:21:31.789 you keep them alive and you spend as much time 00:21:31.789 --> 00:21:33.990 with them as you can god forbid you want to go 00:21:33.990 --> 00:21:40.900 have a coffee quietly so This is a morning of 00:21:40.900 --> 00:21:47.559 me on a staycation, sitting in my thoughts, sitting 00:21:47.559 --> 00:21:51.940 in my grief, but also sitting in my joy, sitting 00:21:51.940 --> 00:21:56.980 in my gratitude, sitting in my yearning for what's 00:21:56.980 --> 00:21:58.700 next. And I'm not going to say even that I'm 00:21:58.700 --> 00:22:00.799 yearning for it. It's already here and I feel 00:22:00.799 --> 00:22:03.440 it and I'm just so ready to welcome it with open 00:22:03.440 --> 00:22:09.420 arms. I'm really glad that I did this for myself 00:22:09.420 --> 00:22:13.960 a lot of the time when I go to make choices for 00:22:13.960 --> 00:22:16.359 myself I'll start to ask myself well that's expensive 00:22:16.359 --> 00:22:18.500 that cost money and then I remind myself didn't 00:22:18.500 --> 00:22:20.259 you just spend more money on that other person 00:22:20.259 --> 00:22:23.000 the other day don't you spend this much on stuff 00:22:23.000 --> 00:22:26.400 for other people yeah girl if you don't get that 00:22:26.400 --> 00:22:29.839 hotel room for yourself like the the price of 00:22:29.839 --> 00:22:33.539 peace is it doesn't exist so I have to constantly 00:22:33.539 --> 00:22:35.990 remind myself that putting money into myself 00:22:35.990 --> 00:22:39.609 in that way is an investment that can save my 00:22:39.609 --> 00:22:42.609 life. And that's just the truth. Like things 00:22:42.609 --> 00:22:47.690 like these, like these little staycations and 00:22:47.690 --> 00:22:50.750 stuff like this saves my life. And that's just 00:22:50.750 --> 00:22:53.430 the truth. And so if you're a parent and you 00:22:53.430 --> 00:22:55.710 feel like you're really teetering on the edge 00:22:55.710 --> 00:22:58.170 and you need a minute, like please take that 00:22:58.170 --> 00:23:01.609 minute. You deserve that. These kids need you. 00:23:01.630 --> 00:23:04.349 So you have to be here and you have to be here 00:23:04.640 --> 00:23:08.500 in the best ways not not irritable not snippy 00:23:08.500 --> 00:23:11.059 snappy you know and if you are irritable today 00:23:11.059 --> 00:23:15.019 that's okay forgive yourself i'm irritable most 00:23:15.019 --> 00:23:19.880 days and that's just the truth um and i'm learning 00:23:19.880 --> 00:23:25.160 that making sure that i am fed well rested and 00:23:25.160 --> 00:23:27.519 taken care of is the key to making sure that 00:23:27.519 --> 00:23:33.359 everybody has a good day so yeah choose to be 00:23:33.359 --> 00:23:39.369 selfish Because when you're a giver, being selfish 00:23:39.369 --> 00:23:42.809 is actually not selfish at all. Being selfish 00:23:42.809 --> 00:23:49.269 is a gift to the collective. So I look forward 00:23:49.269 --> 00:23:51.390 to fostering more community. I look forward to 00:23:51.390 --> 00:23:53.890 being brave this week. I look forward to being 00:23:53.890 --> 00:23:58.029 brave today and I look forward to living in the 00:23:58.029 --> 00:24:02.000 joy that today has to give. Happy belated birthday 00:24:02.000 --> 00:24:04.980 to my aunt Lisa and happy early birthday to my 00:24:04.980 --> 00:24:07.259 grandma, Alverna. We got a little bit, but girl 00:24:07.259 --> 00:24:13.599 I'm gearing up to celebrate you real hard. Sometimes 00:24:13.599 --> 00:24:16.880 when I close my eyes, I can almost see her near 00:24:16.880 --> 00:24:21.000 me and I just miss her so much, but it's okay. 00:24:21.559 --> 00:24:24.900 I'm grateful and I'll continue to live my best 00:24:24.900 --> 00:24:29.779 life for her. Alright folks, see you next time.