WEBVTT 00:00:07.099 --> 00:00:10.699 Welcome to the Business Abundance Podcast, providing 00:00:10.699 --> 00:00:13.160 the tools and knowledge to help small business 00:00:13.160 --> 00:00:16.559 owners succeed. For additional resources, visit 00:00:16.559 --> 00:00:23.399 www .businessabundance .online. Hello and welcome 00:00:23.399 --> 00:00:26.079 to the Business Abundance Podcast. Hello. I'm 00:00:26.079 --> 00:00:30.820 Zee and today I'm here with Rowan. Hi. We're 00:00:30.820 --> 00:00:32.960 missing Ian today, but I'm sure he'll be back 00:00:32.960 --> 00:00:36.700 in future podcasts. Today, we're going to be 00:00:36.700 --> 00:00:39.780 chatting about people pleasing specifically in 00:00:39.780 --> 00:00:42.520 the business workplace. And there's a few reasons 00:00:42.520 --> 00:00:47.299 why this is important. Mostly because of the 00:00:47.299 --> 00:00:51.899 impact people pleasing can have on your relationships, 00:00:51.979 --> 00:00:55.880 whether that be personal or in business, your 00:00:55.880 --> 00:00:59.229 productivity in business. Basically, it can impact 00:00:59.229 --> 00:01:03.469 anything. I mean, if you want to maintain good 00:01:03.469 --> 00:01:08.849 relationships or you want to ensure that everything's 00:01:08.849 --> 00:01:12.349 really happy and you don't like conflict, people 00:01:12.349 --> 00:01:16.129 pleasing could be quite a bad thing. If you want 00:01:16.129 --> 00:01:19.030 to make sure that you're like if you're if you're 00:01:19.030 --> 00:01:21.109 a small business owner that just wants to help 00:01:21.109 --> 00:01:23.939 people. It's likely that you're doing yourself 00:01:23.939 --> 00:01:26.500 a disservice by whether that be in a financial 00:01:26.500 --> 00:01:30.659 aspect by dealing with people who can't pay you 00:01:30.659 --> 00:01:33.079 on time and so you just cover the cost for them. 00:01:33.140 --> 00:01:35.019 Taking on the world's problems. Yeah, whether 00:01:35.019 --> 00:01:37.519 you've become a counselor for your employees 00:01:37.519 --> 00:01:40.159 because they can't deal with conflict resolution. 00:01:41.459 --> 00:01:44.140 You're doing more work than you're meant to because 00:01:44.140 --> 00:01:46.200 your employees won't pick up the slack. There's 00:01:46.200 --> 00:01:49.560 so many reasons. why it's not helpful for you. 00:01:49.640 --> 00:01:51.099 Yeah. It's not something you think about ever. 00:01:51.439 --> 00:01:53.219 No one goes, do you think about if you're a people 00:01:53.219 --> 00:01:56.000 pleaser or not? Yeah. You just kind of do the 00:01:56.000 --> 00:02:02.780 stuff. So, uh, I mean, if we can define it, um, 00:02:03.019 --> 00:02:05.540 it's just basically meeting the expectations 00:02:05.540 --> 00:02:07.959 of other people at the expense of your own needs. 00:02:08.979 --> 00:02:11.039 So it sounds way worse than, oh, a people pleaser. 00:02:11.180 --> 00:02:16.099 That sounds nice. Just self -sabotage. Um, but 00:02:16.099 --> 00:02:18.919 yeah, your self -worth is based on making other 00:02:18.919 --> 00:02:24.520 people happy. So that's, uh, kind of where that 00:02:24.520 --> 00:02:27.360 stems from. Um, and it's not good for your business 00:02:27.360 --> 00:02:29.860 because in the end, you're going to lead to burnout 00:02:29.860 --> 00:02:34.599 or financial stress or, um, brewing conflict 00:02:34.599 --> 00:02:36.919 among your employees. There's so many reasons 00:02:36.919 --> 00:02:40.620 that I could think of and we could go for days, 00:02:40.819 --> 00:02:44.659 but basically want to talk about. identifying 00:02:44.659 --> 00:02:48.639 those issues, figuring out what to do if you 00:02:48.639 --> 00:02:54.659 are in that position. And yeah, like where you 00:02:54.659 --> 00:02:59.080 can be if you do fix those. It's not necessarily 00:02:59.080 --> 00:03:01.780 a bad thing to say no is kind of the moral of 00:03:01.780 --> 00:03:03.759 this. It could be good for everyone. It could 00:03:03.759 --> 00:03:07.960 be. Yes. It's good to take accountability and 00:03:07.960 --> 00:03:11.469 set boundaries. I mean, I think that's just kind 00:03:11.469 --> 00:03:13.650 of like the end. We can finish up there. Very 00:03:13.650 --> 00:03:23.789 good. Just say no. No. Now I think we start off 00:03:23.789 --> 00:03:27.210 with the consequences. I think just because they 00:03:27.210 --> 00:03:30.449 seem to be straightforward. I've got one. Okay. 00:03:30.569 --> 00:03:34.960 Let's go. Clients unhappy after you've done heaps 00:03:34.960 --> 00:03:36.439 and heaps and heaps of things for them You've 00:03:36.439 --> 00:03:38.199 done a great job and you've you've gone out of 00:03:38.199 --> 00:03:40.379 the way to make it happen And then they're still 00:03:40.379 --> 00:03:43.080 upset at the end and then you hate the world. 00:03:44.000 --> 00:03:50.740 Yeah consequence consequence that is and Partly 00:03:50.740 --> 00:03:56.439 you ought to blame for that. Yeah 100 % Yeah, 00:03:56.439 --> 00:03:59.460 I think a lot of people have been in that position 00:04:00.900 --> 00:04:05.280 Yes. So that's resentment, your relationships 00:04:05.280 --> 00:04:08.740 becoming unbalanced and unsatisfying. You just 00:04:08.740 --> 00:04:10.979 feel like you're carrying the load where they're 00:04:10.979 --> 00:04:13.740 not doing much. It's like when you're in school 00:04:13.740 --> 00:04:16.000 and you do those group projects and they all 00:04:16.000 --> 00:04:18.079 make you do the most of the essay writing and 00:04:18.079 --> 00:04:19.980 you're just sitting there and everyone takes 00:04:19.980 --> 00:04:22.819 an A and you're just like, aw. That's really 00:04:22.819 --> 00:04:24.560 interesting. I never thought about work like 00:04:24.560 --> 00:04:27.680 school projects, but. That's pretty much would 00:04:27.680 --> 00:04:30.240 sum up a lot of places where one person's carrying 00:04:30.240 --> 00:04:35.379 everyone and everyone gets an A. Yeah. Painful. 00:04:35.500 --> 00:04:38.279 People -pleasing. No fun. No, don't do it. Unless 00:04:38.279 --> 00:04:41.040 you're one of the other people, I guess. Well, 00:04:41.040 --> 00:04:43.100 that's not people -pleasing. Yeah, you're not 00:04:43.100 --> 00:04:44.720 going to achieve anything on your own. It is 00:04:44.720 --> 00:04:47.139 an interesting point though, and I think I am 00:04:47.139 --> 00:04:49.759 jumping ahead, but while we're on it... We're 00:04:49.759 --> 00:04:53.939 in discussion. Yeah, but if you're... If you're 00:04:53.939 --> 00:04:55.839 a people pleaser, you see that the group's not 00:04:55.839 --> 00:04:58.579 carrying their load and the deadline is two days 00:04:58.579 --> 00:05:01.439 away. And you've realised that if you don't do 00:05:01.439 --> 00:05:05.800 it, no one else will. How do you not be a people 00:05:05.800 --> 00:05:08.560 pleaser in that situation? At that point, you're 00:05:08.560 --> 00:05:11.720 probably limited. It would have to be changing 00:05:11.720 --> 00:05:15.920 it well before that point. Knowing that you probably 00:05:16.250 --> 00:05:18.410 going to put yourself in that situation because 00:05:18.410 --> 00:05:20.189 you're sort of like, Oh yeah, it'll be fine. 00:05:20.310 --> 00:05:22.290 We'll do this. And then suddenly it's not fine. 00:05:22.350 --> 00:05:25.470 Yeah. And everyone knew except you. And they're 00:05:25.470 --> 00:05:28.810 like, they were just calling it Z will sort it. 00:05:28.949 --> 00:05:33.269 So you won't sort it, but she will. Yeah. Well, 00:05:33.370 --> 00:05:35.769 we're talking about consequences. An example, 00:05:36.870 --> 00:05:38.850 some other consequences. You have people in your 00:05:38.850 --> 00:05:41.879 business that, you know, often take leave because 00:05:41.879 --> 00:05:43.920 of whatever. Stress. And you keep, yeah, no, 00:05:43.920 --> 00:05:45.579 it's fine. It's fine. You'd be supportive, be 00:05:45.579 --> 00:05:46.939 supportive. And then you're frustrated because 00:05:46.939 --> 00:05:48.839 nothing gets done or they're not available or 00:05:48.839 --> 00:05:50.819 whatever. Or I suppose like a client too, if 00:05:50.819 --> 00:05:53.060 they leave you, I'll put them through their apprenticeship, 00:05:53.819 --> 00:05:55.620 blah, blah, blah. We did this for them. We did 00:05:55.620 --> 00:05:57.959 this for them. And then they're left. And I've 00:05:57.959 --> 00:06:00.959 heard that from so many clients and it's so frustrating. 00:06:01.819 --> 00:06:04.040 But I think it comes from that people pleasing. 00:06:04.139 --> 00:06:06.310 They're trying to make everyone happy. Yeah, 00:06:06.310 --> 00:06:08.470 it really ends up in resentment and the theme 00:06:08.470 --> 00:06:10.790 here is resentment. Yeah, you just end up not 00:06:10.790 --> 00:06:14.769 liking this self loathing. Yeah resentment There's 00:06:14.769 --> 00:06:16.990 also loss of identity because you're just kind 00:06:16.990 --> 00:06:20.050 of caught up in there in the fact that you're 00:06:20.050 --> 00:06:22.509 Doing all this work and you don't know if you're 00:06:22.509 --> 00:06:24.470 doing it for yourself or for someone else Yeah, 00:06:24.870 --> 00:06:27.250 that's a that's a shocker that one I guess like 00:06:27.250 --> 00:06:29.110 your success or your failures are based on what 00:06:29.110 --> 00:06:31.709 other people's decisions ultimately are not your 00:06:31.709 --> 00:06:34.879 own. Yep Yeah. So you just then become a workhorse, 00:06:34.920 --> 00:06:39.420 not really thinking for yourself. So yeah, that's 00:06:39.420 --> 00:06:42.139 a big one. That's a deep rooted one. That's not 00:06:42.139 --> 00:06:45.519 a good one. What else have we got? Um, I've already 00:06:45.519 --> 00:06:48.259 talked about burnout, but I mean, touching on 00:06:48.259 --> 00:06:52.089 that just a little bit more if you don't. if 00:06:52.089 --> 00:06:53.949 you just keep going and going and picking up 00:06:53.949 --> 00:06:56.550 the slack for each other, for other people and 00:06:56.550 --> 00:06:58.490 for your employees, for example, and you're pulling 00:06:58.490 --> 00:07:00.689 the really late nights because work just needs 00:07:00.689 --> 00:07:02.290 to be done, which I'm sure. Or you're just doing 00:07:02.290 --> 00:07:03.430 all the work all the time. You don't have to 00:07:03.430 --> 00:07:04.629 be doing late nights, but if you're just doing 00:07:04.629 --> 00:07:06.649 the day and everyone else is coasting. I mean, 00:07:06.790 --> 00:07:08.910 why, why are you even employing people in that 00:07:08.910 --> 00:07:11.509 situation? True. So you're just doing all the 00:07:11.509 --> 00:07:14.310 work, picking up the slack. I can think of a 00:07:14.310 --> 00:07:16.829 thousand reasons why that is an issue or where 00:07:16.829 --> 00:07:19.230 that issue stems from, whether that be poor processes 00:07:19.230 --> 00:07:22.149 or just bad employee management, but... Or people 00:07:22.149 --> 00:07:26.250 pleasing. Yeah, or people pleasing. But it's 00:07:26.250 --> 00:07:28.230 all pretty relevant. And then, yeah, you're pulling 00:07:28.230 --> 00:07:30.810 the late nights and getting only a couple of 00:07:30.810 --> 00:07:33.329 hours sleep and then waking up, doing it all 00:07:33.329 --> 00:07:36.589 over again. So what's the thing, is it having 00:07:36.589 --> 00:07:40.029 a line where that's not my problem, it's all 00:07:40.029 --> 00:07:42.470 your problem, sort it, like none of my business, 00:07:42.610 --> 00:07:45.389 leave me alone, I'm not going to help you? No, 00:07:45.569 --> 00:07:47.410 I think you need to set clear boundaries for 00:07:47.410 --> 00:07:49.410 yourself. I think that's probably the first one. 00:07:49.769 --> 00:07:52.689 Understanding what your role is. I mean, if you're 00:07:52.689 --> 00:07:56.610 a small business owner and you've got employees, 00:07:56.870 --> 00:07:59.889 you've employed them to do something. You've 00:07:59.889 --> 00:08:01.990 got an admin team to do the admin work. You shouldn't 00:08:01.990 --> 00:08:03.970 be doing the admin work. That's not your role. 00:08:04.410 --> 00:08:07.050 If you've got a general manager, leave them to 00:08:07.050 --> 00:08:09.850 run the business. If you're there for growing 00:08:09.850 --> 00:08:12.089 the business, that's your role. If you're taking 00:08:12.089 --> 00:08:15.089 sales calls, pass that onto the sales team. It's 00:08:15.089 --> 00:08:17.009 setting boundaries and just defining what you're 00:08:17.009 --> 00:08:21.509 actually there to do. Yep. So let's say with 00:08:21.509 --> 00:08:26.430 the admin team then, if we're taking over their 00:08:26.430 --> 00:08:30.970 roles, like how are we people pleasing? Uh, because 00:08:30.970 --> 00:08:33.690 they could be talking about how they've also 00:08:33.690 --> 00:08:36.389 got marketing and everything else that they're 00:08:36.389 --> 00:08:38.029 doing. I'm too busy. I'm too busy. Yeah. I've 00:08:38.029 --> 00:08:40.629 got the social media posts to do. I've got that 00:08:40.629 --> 00:08:43.529 lunch to make. I've got this to do. I've got 00:08:43.529 --> 00:08:46.210 these people to follow up. I've got invoices, 00:08:46.370 --> 00:08:48.110 blah, blah, blah. And you're just like, well, 00:08:48.149 --> 00:08:50.350 it does really need to get done. So that's what 00:08:50.350 --> 00:08:52.870 you should say. I'm the one that is going to 00:08:52.870 --> 00:08:55.710 do it. And so that's how it becomes people pleasing. 00:08:56.149 --> 00:08:59.120 Yeah. So it's not just you think like I'm a nice 00:08:59.120 --> 00:09:01.299 person. So I'm helping people out. It's also 00:09:01.299 --> 00:09:04.470 just not necessarily been willing to stand up 00:09:04.470 --> 00:09:06.370 or you can't be bothered having the discussion. 00:09:06.690 --> 00:09:08.149 So I'm just going to do what's easier. And I 00:09:08.149 --> 00:09:10.149 think we're like sitting here and there's this 00:09:10.149 --> 00:09:12.429 negative tone being like, you silly sucker, like 00:09:12.429 --> 00:09:14.649 why are you the people pleaser? But they're invested. 00:09:14.730 --> 00:09:16.669 Like as a small business owner, you need to get 00:09:16.669 --> 00:09:17.990 that done. You feel that investment. Oh, I wasn't 00:09:17.990 --> 00:09:20.350 calling anyone a silly sucker. No, but it seems 00:09:20.350 --> 00:09:23.149 like that's like the negative undertone, I guess, 00:09:23.269 --> 00:09:24.970 is just like... Or we're giving examples. Like, 00:09:25.029 --> 00:09:26.929 you know, what's the... There's nothing positive 00:09:26.929 --> 00:09:30.809 coming out of it. But it's just like... You're 00:09:30.809 --> 00:09:34.149 invested, you need to see this get done. Um, 00:09:35.070 --> 00:09:37.889 and so you, you do seriously feel that pinch 00:09:37.889 --> 00:09:40.070 to get it sorted. And if they don't do it, then 00:09:40.070 --> 00:09:41.649 you're like, well, no one else is, I've got to 00:09:41.649 --> 00:09:43.830 sort it out. And I don't sympathize with them 00:09:43.830 --> 00:09:46.330 in that sense because I would do that myself 00:09:46.330 --> 00:09:48.309 too. Yeah. We want a good result, don't you? 00:09:48.389 --> 00:09:50.490 Yeah. And it's your business, your money, your 00:09:50.490 --> 00:09:53.230 risk that you've, you've put in there. Um, but 00:09:53.230 --> 00:09:55.350 you've employed people for a reason. So I guess 00:09:55.350 --> 00:09:58.269 your role would be more making sure that they're 00:09:58.269 --> 00:10:02.220 accountable. For their roles. So I guess as a 00:10:02.220 --> 00:10:04.379 manager, we're not trying to, I think there's 00:10:04.379 --> 00:10:06.720 a book with the one minute manager that I can't 00:10:06.720 --> 00:10:08.200 remember these exact details. And there's about 00:10:08.200 --> 00:10:10.259 30 different versions. And also like the one 00:10:10.259 --> 00:10:11.899 minute manager for high performance teams and 00:10:11.899 --> 00:10:13.779 high forming teams and the new one minute manager, 00:10:13.899 --> 00:10:15.259 which I bought someone the other day. And I was 00:10:15.259 --> 00:10:16.720 like, well, this is different to what I remember 00:10:16.720 --> 00:10:20.460 it being. But they talked about that your job 00:10:20.460 --> 00:10:23.700 as a manager is to be available for everyone 00:10:23.700 --> 00:10:26.179 when they need it and make sure that you're getting 00:10:26.179 --> 00:10:29.789 things out of their way. Rather than if you're 00:10:29.789 --> 00:10:32.309 busy doing everything, you have no time for managing. 00:10:33.470 --> 00:10:36.090 So if you're a good manager, you should be available 00:10:36.090 --> 00:10:39.149 and the discussion should be, well, how can we 00:10:39.149 --> 00:10:41.929 solve these problems that you've got? Not let 00:10:41.929 --> 00:10:45.610 me do that with you or for you to help. Don't 00:10:45.610 --> 00:10:50.409 let me do it for you. Yeah. So I think that's 00:10:50.409 --> 00:10:52.529 an interesting thought. If you think about that, 00:10:52.529 --> 00:10:56.750 those scenarios from that perspective. then it's 00:10:56.750 --> 00:11:00.110 not going, oh, I help because I'm a good person, 00:11:00.330 --> 00:11:02.549 or I help because I can't be bothered having 00:11:02.549 --> 00:11:05.870 the argument. But understanding your role as 00:11:05.870 --> 00:11:09.049 a manager, in this case, is to help them do their 00:11:09.049 --> 00:11:12.730 job. So that's how you can help and be nice is, 00:11:12.950 --> 00:11:14.169 is okay, well, how can we solve these problems 00:11:14.169 --> 00:11:15.529 that you're having? You know, you go to social 00:11:15.529 --> 00:11:18.309 media posts, well, okay, well, why, why has that 00:11:18.309 --> 00:11:21.309 become a scheduling issue? What's happened? Oh, 00:11:21.389 --> 00:11:23.750 I had to do this, this, this. Okay, well, let's 00:11:23.750 --> 00:11:25.750 look at... What are you doing overall? Do you 00:11:25.750 --> 00:11:27.710 want to come back to Eve? Like how we can solve 00:11:27.710 --> 00:11:30.509 this problem rather than let's get it done. Which 00:11:30.509 --> 00:11:32.970 might be just a tiny bit more work, but over 00:11:32.970 --> 00:11:35.210 the long term, it's not going to fall back on 00:11:35.210 --> 00:11:37.330 your plate because they're taking responsibility. 00:11:37.509 --> 00:11:40.730 So your work is then helping them solve that 00:11:40.730 --> 00:11:43.610 problem, which takes a little bit longer than 00:11:43.610 --> 00:11:48.250 just writing the social media posts, maybe. But 00:11:48.250 --> 00:11:50.710 it's worth it over the long term. It means that 00:11:50.710 --> 00:11:52.990 you're not responsible for that. And instead 00:11:52.990 --> 00:11:56.029 of one post you're writing 10 or you solve the 00:11:56.029 --> 00:11:58.370 problem and you never write one. Yeah. And I 00:11:58.370 --> 00:12:00.029 suppose it takes a little bit of that. Oh, I 00:12:00.029 --> 00:12:02.250 need to have the conversation even though I might 00:12:02.250 --> 00:12:04.389 not want to do it because I don't know, you might 00:12:04.389 --> 00:12:06.970 be afraid of the answer or you're busy or whatever, 00:12:07.250 --> 00:12:08.970 but you've got to look at it. Okay. Well, we've 00:12:08.970 --> 00:12:11.450 got to, I've got to do the job. I've got to enable 00:12:11.450 --> 00:12:16.809 them to do their job rather than enabling them 00:12:16.809 --> 00:12:19.350 to not do the job and then getting resentful 00:12:19.350 --> 00:12:24.179 about it. Yeah. Yes. Which is Embrace constructive 00:12:24.179 --> 00:12:27.679 conflict. Yes. Constructive. That's a good term. 00:12:28.299 --> 00:12:32.940 Yep. So, uh, whether that be with employee management 00:12:32.940 --> 00:12:37.019 or dealing with processes, just be able to have 00:12:37.019 --> 00:12:40.159 those hard conversations about why it's not working 00:12:40.159 --> 00:12:41.799 and... Yeah. And they don't have to be hard, 00:12:41.919 --> 00:12:43.879 I guess. If you, if you're used to having them 00:12:43.879 --> 00:12:45.639 and everyone's, you know, aware and everyone's 00:12:45.639 --> 00:12:47.240 working in each other's best interests, then 00:12:47.240 --> 00:12:50.330 it's not a, it's not a battle. No. But if you're 00:12:50.330 --> 00:12:54.149 not used to it, then time to start. Yeah, but 00:12:54.149 --> 00:12:57.129 I think too, when people are not doing their 00:12:57.129 --> 00:12:58.590 roles or you're doing their roles for them, they're 00:12:58.590 --> 00:13:00.590 not happy either. They feel like they're letting 00:13:00.590 --> 00:13:02.509 it run down and then it's just constant, oh, 00:13:02.509 --> 00:13:04.509 when am I going to get in trouble for this? Yeah. 00:13:05.009 --> 00:13:06.830 The dreads, you know, that dreading something. 00:13:06.990 --> 00:13:08.370 So that doesn't help them be productive either. 00:13:09.669 --> 00:13:13.330 But I think this is like, it goes back to confidence 00:13:13.330 --> 00:13:17.000 to some degree. assertiveness, um, some of its 00:13:17.000 --> 00:13:18.679 theory, like the management thing, understanding 00:13:18.679 --> 00:13:21.059 what your role is rather than thinking I need 00:13:21.059 --> 00:13:24.940 to be a good person or I don't have time, but 00:13:24.940 --> 00:13:27.820 knowing what's appropriate to stand up, not stand 00:13:27.820 --> 00:13:30.059 up for yourself. It's not a battle, but to say, 00:13:30.679 --> 00:13:33.360 that's not my problem. That's your problem. Um, 00:13:33.519 --> 00:13:35.100 because I think for a lot of people, that's really 00:13:35.100 --> 00:13:36.639 hard. It's like, Oh, we want to help. What are 00:13:36.639 --> 00:13:39.059 we good people? But that's not my problem. Like 00:13:39.059 --> 00:13:41.909 you've, you've caused that problem. Yep. Like 00:13:41.909 --> 00:13:43.529 you could have found something different. You 00:13:43.529 --> 00:13:44.909 can do something different right now. You're 00:13:44.909 --> 00:13:47.029 just choosing not to. So now I have to sort it. 00:13:47.070 --> 00:13:50.129 That's not fair to me. It can sound really harsh, 00:13:50.129 --> 00:13:52.070 but I think it's really important, especially 00:13:52.070 --> 00:13:54.590 if you like doing things with people, you've 00:13:54.590 --> 00:13:55.809 got to go, well, if I do something for them, 00:13:55.809 --> 00:13:58.389 I don't expect something back. That's because 00:13:58.389 --> 00:14:00.470 then you're not upset that nothing happens in 00:14:00.470 --> 00:14:04.149 return. But in the same regards that I don't 00:14:04.149 --> 00:14:05.690 actually have to solve this problem. I'm not 00:14:05.690 --> 00:14:08.309 going to feel bad about it. Yeah. Yeah. That's 00:14:08.309 --> 00:14:11.320 really bad for you, but. You can change that. 00:14:11.700 --> 00:14:13.299 You don't need me to do it. You just can't be 00:14:13.299 --> 00:14:15.320 bothered. Yeah. Or you don't want to change. 00:14:15.519 --> 00:14:18.399 So leave me out of it. Like that's fully appropriate. 00:14:18.659 --> 00:14:22.639 Yeah. My head just went to like the very extreme 00:14:22.639 --> 00:14:25.120 point of that, where it's just like, if I play 00:14:25.120 --> 00:14:27.840 it, like if I have employees, but I do it myself, 00:14:27.840 --> 00:14:29.519 why pay them? Like, why have them? Oh, a hundred 00:14:29.519 --> 00:14:32.100 percent. Yeah. So like... People listen to that 00:14:32.100 --> 00:14:33.139 and they're like, yeah, I've had that thought 00:14:33.139 --> 00:14:36.659 yesterday. Yeah, like why are they even there 00:14:36.659 --> 00:14:39.220 if you're doing the whole job? Yeah, correct. 00:14:40.259 --> 00:14:42.679 So, yeah, I mean, put in extremes, just think 00:14:42.679 --> 00:14:46.139 about that. Yeah. So why am I paying them? Because 00:14:46.139 --> 00:14:48.879 I can do it myself. Well, sometimes there'll 00:14:48.879 --> 00:14:51.399 be reasons as far as, yeah, I'm looking to look 00:14:51.399 --> 00:14:53.279 for the future and we're trying to get them there, 00:14:53.279 --> 00:14:54.919 but you've got to actually make the steps to 00:14:54.919 --> 00:14:57.740 do that. But then if you continually don't do 00:14:57.740 --> 00:14:59.980 that, it is fine to say, well, yeah, it's not 00:14:59.980 --> 00:15:01.440 working out. I can't be bothered doing that anymore. 00:15:01.440 --> 00:15:04.279 I'll just do it myself and happy days. It is 00:15:04.279 --> 00:15:05.860 what it is, but you have more money for what 00:15:05.860 --> 00:15:08.279 it is. rather than being something that it's 00:15:08.279 --> 00:15:10.279 not and having no money because of it. You won't 00:15:10.279 --> 00:15:12.080 have employee problems. You'll just be burnt 00:15:12.080 --> 00:15:15.360 out. Well, you know, keep it a size that you 00:15:15.360 --> 00:15:18.200 can manage. Yeah. Yeah. You don't need employees 00:15:18.200 --> 00:15:20.360 to be successful. You can be successful by yourself. 00:15:20.559 --> 00:15:22.879 It's just, you know, what you're aiming for, 00:15:22.879 --> 00:15:28.740 I guess. Yep. Yeah. So then we can talk about 00:15:28.740 --> 00:15:32.899 developing assertiveness. Yeah. Same sort of 00:15:32.899 --> 00:15:34.700 theme, I guess, in the sense that you're setting 00:15:34.700 --> 00:15:38.080 clear boundaries and. having that constructive 00:15:38.080 --> 00:15:43.299 conflict, you need to say no, which you said 00:15:43.299 --> 00:15:48.139 before, you need to be able to show that that's 00:15:48.139 --> 00:15:50.740 not something that you're willing to do. Well, 00:15:50.740 --> 00:15:53.399 you need to, yeah. Willing, need, whatever. Yeah. 00:15:54.159 --> 00:15:56.299 Well, I guess what is assertiveness? Different 00:15:56.299 --> 00:15:59.120 people have different, you know, because we're 00:15:59.120 --> 00:16:01.179 either being nice to people or being harsh. That's 00:16:01.179 --> 00:16:06.000 how most people view things. Yeah. I see it sort 00:16:06.000 --> 00:16:07.960 of hand in hand with boundaries. Like this is 00:16:07.960 --> 00:16:10.860 a boundary. I will not cross it. And so you've 00:16:10.860 --> 00:16:12.539 got to be assertive with those boundaries, which 00:16:12.539 --> 00:16:15.379 is using the word in a definition. Don't love 00:16:15.379 --> 00:16:23.360 that. Um, you're setting, you're strong in your 00:16:23.360 --> 00:16:28.159 opinion towards something or solid. In your opinion? 00:16:28.399 --> 00:16:30.019 Solid opinion. I don't know, if you're strong 00:16:30.019 --> 00:16:31.559 in your opinion, you can be like overwhelming, 00:16:31.580 --> 00:16:33.519 which isn't really a bit of service like being 00:16:33.519 --> 00:16:36.519 pushy. But I think it's being strong, confident, 00:16:36.559 --> 00:16:38.940 like understanding that, yeah, that is appropriate. 00:16:39.080 --> 00:16:41.100 You are allowed to say something. You don't get 00:16:41.100 --> 00:16:42.879 to talk over people, but you're allowed to say 00:16:42.879 --> 00:16:45.279 your opinion and they should listen to it. And 00:16:45.279 --> 00:16:47.580 or saying, no, I don't want to do it. Like you 00:16:47.580 --> 00:16:50.179 said, that's it. That's over my boundary without 00:16:50.179 --> 00:16:51.919 them coming back. Oh, but it's not because of 00:16:51.919 --> 00:16:53.720 all these things. And you're going, oh, I suppose 00:16:53.720 --> 00:16:56.429 I see a point, you know, like, no, well. Yes, 00:16:56.570 --> 00:16:59.549 I agree with all those things you said, but I 00:16:59.549 --> 00:17:02.230 still don't want to do it. So that's fine. That's 00:17:02.230 --> 00:17:07.430 okay. You're allowed to do that. Prioritising 00:17:07.430 --> 00:17:12.190 tasks. I always love this one. I do it almost 00:17:12.190 --> 00:17:14.250 every day and it's just basically figuring out 00:17:14.250 --> 00:17:16.130 what you need to do. But how does that relate 00:17:16.130 --> 00:17:18.589 to people pleasing? Well, if people are putting 00:17:18.589 --> 00:17:20.890 more on your list and it's not a high priority, 00:17:21.049 --> 00:17:24.059 if they're like, oh, I need to do this. Oh, what 00:17:24.059 --> 00:17:26.000 would be a task? Yeah. Well, people putting things 00:17:26.000 --> 00:17:28.119 on your list, I guess, if you're the boss, like 00:17:28.119 --> 00:17:30.240 that's your first of all, you need to stop that. 00:17:30.240 --> 00:17:33.819 Yeah. Yeah. Like it's you can choose to do it, 00:17:33.819 --> 00:17:35.759 but you need to be aware that that's what you're 00:17:35.759 --> 00:17:40.099 doing. Yeah. Yep. And if you're doing a budget 00:17:40.099 --> 00:17:44.500 as opposed to proofreading a report someone's 00:17:44.500 --> 00:17:47.619 written for you, which is, which holds more priority. 00:17:47.680 --> 00:17:50.509 And if you're dropping that budget in order to 00:17:50.509 --> 00:17:54.329 proofread that report, then your priorities aren't 00:17:54.329 --> 00:17:56.470 right. And your jobs are just going to get pushed 00:17:56.470 --> 00:17:58.650 down and down and down, even though they are 00:17:58.650 --> 00:18:01.710 vital to the business's success. Yeah. So let's 00:18:01.710 --> 00:18:04.410 talk about random scenario. I was just thinking 00:18:04.410 --> 00:18:06.490 about when you're talking, let's say you've got 00:18:06.490 --> 00:18:09.130 an employee that's fantastic and you know, whatever, 00:18:09.289 --> 00:18:10.549 and they're like, oh, I want this and this and 00:18:10.549 --> 00:18:12.410 this and this, or, you know, I'm going to leave. 00:18:13.890 --> 00:18:17.410 So as the business owner, people pleasing, it's 00:18:17.410 --> 00:18:20.150 like... You know, what can we do? Can we do all 00:18:20.150 --> 00:18:21.809 these things that's going to suck or whatever? 00:18:22.470 --> 00:18:25.470 Where's the line of assertiveness then? Cause 00:18:25.470 --> 00:18:27.710 that's a pretty common problem for most businesses 00:18:27.710 --> 00:18:30.190 is like retaining staff or, you know, there's 00:18:30.190 --> 00:18:31.730 always, Oh, I'd like to go on holidays. I'd like 00:18:31.730 --> 00:18:33.369 to do this. Or can we do this or blah, blah, 00:18:33.789 --> 00:18:36.069 blah. It's like, how do you balance that? Like 00:18:36.069 --> 00:18:39.990 it's pretty uncertain. I think. Yeah. Uh, my 00:18:39.990 --> 00:18:42.029 head just jumped straight back to this book that 00:18:42.029 --> 00:18:45.430 I've read over the weekend. value -based fees 00:18:45.430 --> 00:18:48.829 by Alan Weiss. Nothing to do with people, but 00:18:48.829 --> 00:18:51.970 good. Not at all. But the concept he talks about 00:18:51.970 --> 00:18:58.750 is that there's a quote, the effort I put in 00:18:58.750 --> 00:19:04.329 and the cost that I charge is compensation for 00:19:04.329 --> 00:19:06.650 the value I bring to you and you're going to 00:19:06.650 --> 00:19:11.730 receive that same amount basically. What you 00:19:11.730 --> 00:19:14.680 receive I give to you, so I receive the same 00:19:14.680 --> 00:19:18.859 in return. Or part of, yeah. Yeah. And I kind 00:19:18.859 --> 00:19:21.259 of think of that in the business sense, like, 00:19:21.400 --> 00:19:22.859 okay, if you're going to stay, what is in it 00:19:22.859 --> 00:19:27.440 for me? Can we come to an agreement that works 00:19:27.440 --> 00:19:30.299 for both of us? Yes. So instead of just going 00:19:30.299 --> 00:19:32.880 on, we'll kick you out the door. Why is it not? 00:19:33.119 --> 00:19:35.660 Or here's everything you want. And now I'm upset 00:19:35.660 --> 00:19:39.190 because, you know. How about an alternative where 00:19:39.190 --> 00:19:41.410 we talk about different ways that will meet your 00:19:41.410 --> 00:19:45.150 needs? What is it that you actually need from 00:19:45.150 --> 00:19:47.230 another job that we're not providing you? And 00:19:47.230 --> 00:19:49.490 how can we reach that? Or do we want to provide 00:19:49.490 --> 00:19:52.569 you? Yeah. Yeah, spot on. I think it's like having 00:19:52.569 --> 00:19:55.789 that the kind of an assertive angle. It's like, 00:19:55.849 --> 00:19:57.849 OK, well, you'd like all these things. That's 00:19:57.849 --> 00:20:03.900 nice. This is what we'd like. what's the negotiation 00:20:03.900 --> 00:20:06.539 from here. But I guess you don't have to give 00:20:06.539 --> 00:20:09.000 in because I think from an employee point of 00:20:09.000 --> 00:20:10.799 view and from a people pleasing point of view, 00:20:11.440 --> 00:20:13.519 like there's always more people, there's always 00:20:13.519 --> 00:20:14.839 more opportunity. Like everyone's different, 00:20:14.839 --> 00:20:18.500 I get that. So everyone's unique and great. But 00:20:18.500 --> 00:20:21.059 the world will go on and you'll have another 00:20:21.059 --> 00:20:22.920 scenario where it'll be mutually beneficial with 00:20:22.920 --> 00:20:25.200 someone else. So if you ever feel like, oh, I 00:20:25.200 --> 00:20:27.559 have to give into all these things just to make 00:20:27.559 --> 00:20:30.289 peace, like you probably don't. Like you'll be 00:20:30.289 --> 00:20:33.769 uncomfortable afterwards either way. But if it's 00:20:33.769 --> 00:20:35.809 past your limit or past your boundary and you 00:20:35.809 --> 00:20:37.210 give in, you're going to feel upset the whole 00:20:37.210 --> 00:20:38.789 time and that's not going to change. Whereas 00:20:38.789 --> 00:20:40.029 if you go the other way, you're going to be upset 00:20:40.029 --> 00:20:42.210 for a short period of time and then it will change. 00:20:43.549 --> 00:20:45.509 But spot on what you said too, like the assertive 00:20:45.509 --> 00:20:47.170 way is to go, okay, well, yes, you'd like all 00:20:47.170 --> 00:20:49.470 these things. This is what we would like. How 00:20:49.470 --> 00:20:53.170 can we? make those work, rather than just saying, 00:20:53.369 --> 00:20:55.150 oh gee, if you left, I'll be in so much trouble. 00:20:55.170 --> 00:20:57.029 So I'll give you everything I want. You want, 00:20:57.109 --> 00:20:59.569 you know, but there's not a long -term solution 00:20:59.569 --> 00:21:01.450 because that's going to happen again the next 00:21:01.450 --> 00:21:03.410 month and the next month. And at what point is 00:21:03.410 --> 00:21:05.069 the business getting looked after? Yeah. Why 00:21:05.069 --> 00:21:07.990 are you so reliant on them staying? Yeah, correct. 00:21:08.549 --> 00:21:10.250 Which is a little bit different to the day -to 00:21:10.250 --> 00:21:12.630 -day example, but yeah, definitely a common one, 00:21:12.650 --> 00:21:15.450 I think. It is definitely a common one. Yeah. 00:21:15.690 --> 00:21:17.430 Having that, it goes back to confidence though, 00:21:17.490 --> 00:21:20.740 doesn't it? Sounds like assertive. Yeah, it's 00:21:20.740 --> 00:21:22.440 going okay. Well, I'm worth more than that. You 00:21:22.440 --> 00:21:24.480 know, we'll be right there to be fine Yeah, we 00:21:24.480 --> 00:21:27.279 we can solve it. Yeah protecting your interests. 00:21:27.299 --> 00:21:31.000 Yeah, but the world always goes on Yes. Yes. 00:21:31.000 --> 00:21:35.200 There's always more employees to yeah Ways to 00:21:35.200 --> 00:21:40.119 do your business. Yeah. Yeah another another 00:21:40.119 --> 00:21:43.099 kind of example, I guess that I could think of 00:21:43.099 --> 00:21:46.009 is if Had a marketing client and they wanted 00:21:46.009 --> 00:21:48.990 a marketing strategy. I promised within three 00:21:48.990 --> 00:21:52.289 months and I knew that everyone around me or 00:21:52.289 --> 00:21:55.109 working for me is over committed, but I'm like, 00:21:55.150 --> 00:21:56.950 yep, we'll get it done within three months because 00:21:56.950 --> 00:21:59.329 they're a high value client. I've just stressed 00:21:59.329 --> 00:22:02.789 out all my employees. I am the problem in that 00:22:02.789 --> 00:22:06.309 situation. I've just not really considered. Hmm. 00:22:06.869 --> 00:22:08.529 Well, you got to solve it then you took it on. 00:22:09.630 --> 00:22:11.869 um, stress yourself out or the employees, but 00:22:11.869 --> 00:22:13.089 it's no different having a machine. If you've 00:22:13.089 --> 00:22:14.349 got a machine that can make a hundred widgets 00:22:14.349 --> 00:22:16.130 per hour and you decide to give a, say a client, 00:22:16.170 --> 00:22:17.890 we can make you 200 widgets an hour. You don't 00:22:17.890 --> 00:22:21.549 give another machine like, yeah. Yeah. It's giving 00:22:21.549 --> 00:22:23.630 into, I guess, people -pleasing. That's from 00:22:23.630 --> 00:22:25.750 a client perspective. We're agreeing to something 00:22:25.750 --> 00:22:28.150 we, we can't quite deliver just because we want 00:22:28.150 --> 00:22:29.890 to keep the pace or we want to get the job. And 00:22:29.890 --> 00:22:31.730 then we create a lot of issues for ourselves. 00:22:32.809 --> 00:22:34.369 That's why it's the theory, whether we call it 00:22:34.369 --> 00:22:36.210 people -pleasing or not, is being aware of that 00:22:36.210 --> 00:22:40.019 your actions. Cause you future issues that have 00:22:40.019 --> 00:22:44.000 consequences that you have basically fully enabled. 00:22:45.000 --> 00:22:49.099 Yeah. So I guess in time, in trying to reduce 00:22:49.099 --> 00:22:51.480 the impact, like if you think, if you've been 00:22:51.480 --> 00:22:53.200 listening to this podcast, for example, and you're 00:22:53.200 --> 00:22:54.740 like, yeah, I'm definitely a people, please. 00:22:54.859 --> 00:22:57.180 I've done that a hundred times, which I'm sure 00:22:57.180 --> 00:23:01.940 almost everyone has, uh, maybe the first thing 00:23:01.940 --> 00:23:03.619 you would want to do is understand what your 00:23:03.619 --> 00:23:06.420 boundaries are. What, like, what can you actually 00:23:06.420 --> 00:23:09.630 provide? Yeah. That might be. It's like you mentioned 00:23:09.630 --> 00:23:11.490 at the start, like what your role is, what you 00:23:11.490 --> 00:23:14.190 do do and what you don't do. Yeah. And how much 00:23:14.190 --> 00:23:15.970 of that can you actually do? So for example, 00:23:15.990 --> 00:23:19.029 with the actual client work, you know, you have 00:23:19.029 --> 00:23:23.029 a hundred, a hundred employees don't promise 00:23:23.029 --> 00:23:25.309 anything over that. Understand what your constraints 00:23:25.309 --> 00:23:27.069 are. What are you promising with that? But no, 00:23:27.210 --> 00:23:31.089 I think maybe reword that a little bit. But internally, 00:23:31.369 --> 00:23:33.390 what's your role? What's your people's roles? 00:23:33.869 --> 00:23:37.940 And then. been able to stick to, that's yours, 00:23:38.000 --> 00:23:41.579 that's mine. And it's not necessarily blame the 00:23:41.579 --> 00:23:43.900 people, blame the system. But then from a client 00:23:43.900 --> 00:23:46.059 perspective is having the right engagements. 00:23:46.759 --> 00:23:49.059 So that's not taking on a project you can't deliver 00:23:49.059 --> 00:23:52.240 or that's having terms and conditions that not 00:23:52.240 --> 00:23:55.019 only guarantee the client a good result, but 00:23:55.019 --> 00:23:57.819 also guarantee your business a good result. So 00:23:57.819 --> 00:23:59.500 it's not just like, oh, we need your work. We're 00:23:59.500 --> 00:24:01.240 desperate, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, 00:24:01.240 --> 00:24:02.980 no one's going out saying that. They're like, 00:24:02.980 --> 00:24:04.200 I really want this job. I really want this job 00:24:04.200 --> 00:24:06.339 to do all these things to get it. And then then 00:24:06.339 --> 00:24:09.559 you get screwed over by something. They're not 00:24:09.559 --> 00:24:11.319 really screwing you over because they didn't, 00:24:11.319 --> 00:24:12.839 they never agreed to it. They didn't expect it. 00:24:12.839 --> 00:24:14.480 It was all stuff in your head you expected from 00:24:14.480 --> 00:24:17.299 this job. It was going to be great. But just 00:24:17.299 --> 00:24:19.519 making sure that you have a good clear expectations, 00:24:19.900 --> 00:24:21.940 not just for yourself, but other people you deal 00:24:21.940 --> 00:24:25.960 with. And then having the assertiveness too. 00:24:26.160 --> 00:24:30.180 Stand up for your side Yeah, the thing that's 00:24:30.180 --> 00:24:33.839 in my head is just like get creative like Don't 00:24:33.839 --> 00:24:35.960 think that it's all on you. You have resources 00:24:35.960 --> 00:24:40.480 use them. Yeah Yeah, especially when it comes 00:24:40.480 --> 00:24:45.019 to You've got employees who you pay How can they 00:24:45.019 --> 00:24:47.519 help you? Yeah, if you're pleasing them all the 00:24:47.519 --> 00:24:49.259 time, they're not you're not letting them help 00:24:49.259 --> 00:24:52.480 you Yeah, let them help you. Hmm. Yeah, so I 00:24:52.480 --> 00:24:54.980 think it's the thing you're welcome to do it 00:24:54.890 --> 00:24:58.430 just understand in hindsight. The consequences. 00:24:58.750 --> 00:25:00.269 Yeah, like it's fine. It's a fine thing to do, 00:25:00.269 --> 00:25:02.150 but it's not fine when you don't realize you're 00:25:02.150 --> 00:25:04.410 doing it and you get upset about it and you don't 00:25:04.410 --> 00:25:06.950 know how to change it. Yeah. But it's fine to 00:25:06.950 --> 00:25:08.450 go, yes, I've done this and I did this to help 00:25:08.450 --> 00:25:10.109 them and it didn't work out or they're annoyed 00:25:10.109 --> 00:25:12.130 or whatever and now I'm annoyed. But I know that 00:25:12.130 --> 00:25:13.269 was the outcome. It could have happened at the 00:25:13.269 --> 00:25:15.369 start. So it's don't worry about it. I just want 00:25:15.369 --> 00:25:17.990 to do that in the future. Yeah. And you mentioned 00:25:17.990 --> 00:25:21.950 it just a little bit before when you talk about 00:25:21.950 --> 00:25:24.009 asking them, how can they solve the problem? 00:25:24.200 --> 00:25:30.400 Like if you're a manager and you're asking that 00:25:30.400 --> 00:25:32.900 question of them, showing your leadership by 00:25:32.900 --> 00:25:35.440 challenging them to do better or solve the problem 00:25:35.440 --> 00:25:38.819 for you, which then helps them in turn grow. 00:25:39.099 --> 00:25:41.019 And it's also destroy a line as far as you're 00:25:41.019 --> 00:25:43.039 trying to give me a problem. This is one of the 00:25:43.039 --> 00:25:44.619 one minute manager things. Good little book. 00:25:44.660 --> 00:25:46.519 If you get the oldest one, it's just so basic, 00:25:46.619 --> 00:25:48.460 so simple. It's big text. It's got like a hundred 00:25:48.460 --> 00:25:51.420 pages. It's a little book. It's not an hour, 00:25:51.660 --> 00:25:54.559 but it's good. But it's like if someone comes 00:25:54.559 --> 00:25:57.319 to you with a problem, you always make them leave 00:25:57.319 --> 00:26:00.279 with the problem. So like talks about like the 00:26:00.279 --> 00:26:01.900 manager's desk, so they come into your office 00:26:01.900 --> 00:26:03.099 and they're like, here's a problem and they leave 00:26:03.099 --> 00:26:04.259 your problem. And the manager's like, yeah, leave 00:26:04.259 --> 00:26:05.980 that with me and I'll sort it for you. Then you 00:26:05.980 --> 00:26:07.900 keep getting all this stuff. That's a lot of 00:26:07.900 --> 00:26:09.180 problems. So then what's the easiest thing for 00:26:09.180 --> 00:26:11.380 people to do is just to go give it to you. And 00:26:11.380 --> 00:26:13.279 you think like, if you're working in a shop, 00:26:13.680 --> 00:26:15.980 I'll get the manager to solve that one for you. 00:26:16.039 --> 00:26:18.670 You know, that's. Because the manager will sort 00:26:18.670 --> 00:26:20.569 it, but no, the manager should be like, you can 00:26:20.569 --> 00:26:22.829 do that. Here's the policy, you know, leave me 00:26:22.829 --> 00:26:25.609 out of this. But the easiest thing is they take 00:26:25.609 --> 00:26:28.210 it off them. And I think in that book, if my 00:26:28.210 --> 00:26:29.730 memory serves me correctly, it was like, if someone 00:26:29.730 --> 00:26:32.329 comes to you with a problem, you not only leave 00:26:32.329 --> 00:26:33.890 them with it. So what would you do? Do you think 00:26:33.890 --> 00:26:36.109 that's a good idea? What's your plan? Oh, that 00:26:36.109 --> 00:26:38.049 sounds great. Go do that. You give them one of 00:26:38.049 --> 00:26:40.569 yours as well. So you're actually teaching them 00:26:40.569 --> 00:26:42.190 the way they come to you with a problem. Yes, 00:26:42.329 --> 00:26:44.220 you'll help them. but they can solve themselves 00:26:44.220 --> 00:26:46.099 most of the time, but they're leaving with one 00:26:46.099 --> 00:26:48.460 of yours. So then it's highly likely before they 00:26:48.460 --> 00:26:49.819 come and see you that they're going to make a 00:26:49.819 --> 00:26:51.539 pretty good effort to solve the problem themselves. 00:26:52.220 --> 00:26:55.640 And like they don't, no one's ever realised that, 00:26:55.799 --> 00:26:57.819 oh yeah, you've come to me and I've given you 00:26:57.819 --> 00:27:00.599 one. But it's just a, it's completely flipping 00:27:00.599 --> 00:27:02.079 the whole, they're leaving problems with you 00:27:02.079 --> 00:27:05.000 and you get annoyed and then too busy to, they 00:27:05.000 --> 00:27:07.140 come in. and they take their problem with them. 00:27:07.220 --> 00:27:12.119 Plus they take one of yours. Like, yeah, so flipping 00:27:12.119 --> 00:27:15.779 the script. Yep, that's a different way to do 00:27:15.779 --> 00:27:22.119 it. Yeah, I. I think people pleasing is easy 00:27:22.119 --> 00:27:24.559 to do, but I think it is actually quite an easy. 00:27:26.779 --> 00:27:29.240 Uh, easy thing to not do. Yeah. Easy problem 00:27:29.240 --> 00:27:31.420 to solve. I think this was a good discussion. 00:27:31.640 --> 00:27:34.400 Just it's a very simple theory, but people don't 00:27:34.400 --> 00:27:36.839 generally think about it. No. And we discussed 00:27:36.839 --> 00:27:38.900 a few different ways that aren't necessarily 00:27:38.900 --> 00:27:40.660 people pleasing, but it's the exact same concept. 00:27:41.660 --> 00:27:44.579 So, yeah, I think it just takes just like five 00:27:44.579 --> 00:27:46.579 minutes of your day and think about, I mean, 00:27:46.680 --> 00:27:48.220 for a week, just think about the ways that you 00:27:48.220 --> 00:27:51.319 have people. done some people pleasing and write 00:27:51.319 --> 00:27:53.160 them down and think about how you could do that 00:27:53.160 --> 00:27:54.559 better for the next week. And it's just going 00:27:54.559 --> 00:27:56.619 to take just a little bit of thinking. You get 00:27:56.619 --> 00:27:59.660 so like caught up. And I know I have, is you 00:27:59.660 --> 00:28:01.680 get so caught up in just getting the work done 00:28:01.680 --> 00:28:03.920 that you don't stop and think and go, what am 00:28:03.920 --> 00:28:07.779 I actually doing? Um, and yeah, all it takes 00:28:07.779 --> 00:28:10.400 is five minutes to just think outside the box. 00:28:10.579 --> 00:28:12.799 Um, there's a lot of things, um, people say like 00:28:12.799 --> 00:28:14.480 writing journals, a great idea, not saying ever 00:28:14.480 --> 00:28:17.589 should write a journal, but. I've started, it 00:28:17.589 --> 00:28:20.150 helps. You've got the flight sorties, you know, 00:28:20.250 --> 00:28:23.150 pilots go out and they have a briefing before, 00:28:23.390 --> 00:28:25.589 which might take an hour, an hour and a half. 00:28:25.750 --> 00:28:27.490 And then they do the actual flight and then they 00:28:27.490 --> 00:28:29.289 come back and they do a debriefing, which might 00:28:29.289 --> 00:28:32.349 take an hour, two hours. So like, why are they 00:28:32.349 --> 00:28:34.680 having... four hours worth of briefings and debriefings 00:28:34.680 --> 00:28:36.039 when they're only flying, which everyone's just 00:28:36.039 --> 00:28:39.000 going flying is their job. But it's that whole 00:28:39.000 --> 00:28:40.619 same thing as writing a journal at the end of 00:28:40.619 --> 00:28:42.500 the day, a bit of reflection, a bit of what happened, 00:28:42.660 --> 00:28:44.980 what was annoying, you know? But I think it's 00:28:44.980 --> 00:28:47.559 the main thing people pleasing is just when you're 00:28:47.559 --> 00:28:49.519 frustrated about something, look back and don't 00:28:49.519 --> 00:28:51.180 just blame, oh, this person did this to me. It's 00:28:51.180 --> 00:28:55.900 no fun. It's not fair to go, well, what actions 00:28:55.900 --> 00:28:59.319 am I taking that I could do differently? And 00:28:59.319 --> 00:29:02.130 yeah, exactly what you said. What could I do 00:29:02.130 --> 00:29:05.109 differently in the future? Yep. Couldn't agree 00:29:05.109 --> 00:29:07.890 more. Cool. Well, Tim, I hope that is helpful. 00:29:09.369 --> 00:29:13.130 We'll leave this with you and some notes in the 00:29:13.130 --> 00:29:16.470 podcast notes at the bottom. Episode notes. That's 00:29:16.470 --> 00:29:19.410 the word. Very good. All right. Have a good rest 00:29:19.410 --> 00:29:20.769 of your week. Bye. Bye.