Hello, everybody. Welcome back to That's Life
podcast. I'm your host, Abbey Luckett. And life
has a lot of highs, a lot of lows, and many in
-betweens. But the thing that remains consistent
is our God. So let's see what we talk about today.
The meaning of life. This is what time and time
again philosophers and theologians, Thessalonians,
and Biblians. What are Thessalonians? Barbarians.
All of the ins the eons encyclopedia lens and
scientists Are you cutting me off of my intro?
These women and men It's my podcast, okay, sorry
jokes, I'm not mean to my husband This is what
all of these eons insert blank eons wonder time
and time and again the meaning of life the meaning
of life Life. L -I -F -E. Four letters, one word.
And today, we're gonna talk about that word applying
to us, meaning our lives. Because today, we're
just gonna sit and chat about what has been going
on in our L -I -V -E -S. Not L -I -F -E -F -S.
Life -ifs. What is happening? I've been doing
this show for five plus years, I'm running out
of hooks, okay? I'm trying to get creative here.
I'm trying to put my best foot forward. And I
just like, I get really overwhelmed and like,
oh. Okay, okay, okay. Stop. Did I freak you out?
Did you believe me? Yeah, you're freaking me
out. No, I didn't believe you, I just wanted
to get over that. It was my theater kid showing.
Yeah. My theater kid coming out. Hey, what's
your name? Tell if there's anyone new tell them
who you are Ryan and in five describe yourself
in five words. Oh, I like that Okay, I have to
describe myself in five words. I don't like describing
myself for like Can I describe you in five words
you describe me in five words? Okay, King. Okay
go first King? Um, Highness King master. I'm
just kidding No, okay my words like we're doing
like adjectives traits. Yeah qualities about
each other. What else would you use? Like physical
I was thinking maybe like physical features or
like huge or like sporty or like whatever Or
like fuzzy face, you know things like that. I
am growing my beard out you guys. I don't know
What is a five o 'clock shadow? Is that what
that is? My facial hair right now? Yeah. I don't
know if this qualifies as a five o 'clock shadow.
This probably qualifies as like scruff. Well,
anyways, OK, five words I would use to describe
you. I can't do it in five words. OK, man after
God's own heart. Wait, what? I can't. I can't
do it all in one. Man after God's own heart is
literally five words. Okay. Okay, chill. Man
after, okay. No, no, you can't use that. God
chaser. Nope, that's two words. Oh, I can't do
this. This is too hard for me. Okay. I need to
fix the mic level, so pause. Five words I would
use to describe my loving husband are as follows.
Abby is really playing this out because she can't
think of any. You want me to go first? Yeah,
I can't think. All right. I'll describe you in
five words. Okay. Bubbly. That's a sweet one.
Creative. Thank you. Fun. I like that one. Beautiful.
Thank you. And. Driven. Why were you laughing?
I was gonna say a lot. Okay. Which I feel like
is... Driven's a good... Driven's a good one.
Yeah. All right. For you, I'm going patient.
You're patient. I would say relaxed. I think
you're just very chill. Maybe chill. Patient,
chill. Too chill, you thought. Fashionable. Hey,
let's go. That's big. You are... Can I use creative
for you too? Sure. Creative and kind -hearted.
That's two words. Hearted. Could you say kind?
You are hearted. Kind? I hearted you. Okay. That's
all I'd say about that. Okay, so I'm gonna bring
this up You don't know that I'm throwing this
at you, but you have been on this new kick of
eliminating like convenience and Efficiency Ryan
has been like irking at the word efficiency Like
I was I literally the other day was like let's
do this this way so that it's more efficient
and he went I thought you were making like I
thought you were making fun of me for my Instagram
post That's why I irked. What? Instagram post.
I'm really loud now. Oh my gosh, I'm yelling.
I can't get these levels right on the mic. Oh
my gosh, listen. We do this every single week.
Okay. No, I'm saying like you would think it
would just be the same. Like we didn't have to
mess with it. I know, but I just, listen, we're
a two person, we're a two person operation here.
Not a lot of brain. And so it's just, okay. Okay.
Hello? All right. We're good. We're good. Okay.
Are we good? Just keep it there. Can you just
say, like, hello, my wife is so beautiful. Hello,
my wife is so hot. No, but say it while I'm not
speaking. Hello, my wife is so hot. Okay, why'd
you say hot? I said beautiful. Say it again.
Hello, my wife is so sexy. No, wait till I stop
speaking and then say it, go. Hello, my wife
is so, so, so, so sexy. Okay, okay. Say it one
more time. Hello, my wife is so beautiful. All
right, all right, all right, all right. I just
have to turn this camera away because, what?
Why'd you say bro? I don't know. Why'd you say
bro? I'm turning this computer away so that I
don't, okay. Let me explain to the people that
are either watching or listening. So our setup
here, we're in front of a Murphy bed that is
our guest bedroom in our apartment, okay? We
have the chairs, we have a light. Awesome. To
my, I don't even know if you can see it. in the
video but to my left of where I'm sitting I have
our computer which is where all the sound goes
for our podcast. So every week I sit there and
like look at the levels and I'll like make sure
that Ryan's mic matches my mic and that we're
like his mic isn't super quiet and I'm super
loud and yada yada yada. Every single time without
fail I have to adjust the sound. It's just not
a gift. It's not a gift of mine. Well I was gonna
I was even gonna say people watching, obviously
our setup is not some amazing thing. It may look
more glorious than it actually appears to be.
Abby and I really don't know what we're doing,
especially for podcast -wise. In a perfect world,
we would just have somebody help us set up an
actual podcast setup, but funds aren't super
high around here. We can't just pay somebody.
No, we're fine, but... Well, I know, but I'm
just saying, like, we can't just pay somebody
to, like, give us this, like, all class podcast
setup. So we set, we have a very nice camera
and we set up the camera on a tripod, tripod,
tripod, and we. have these two green chairs and
we sit in them and we just talk in front of it.
It's not like we have multiple camera angles
like a lot of other podcasts. But you know what?
We're not like other podcasts. Yeah, we're not
like most people. And like, it's not about the
setup, it's about the heart. Yeah, there you
go. And as for me, my house will serve the Lord.
And in this house, we laugh hard and we cry big.
And we forgive often. And we hug deeply. Very
deeply. So, efficiency. Well, the reason why
I thought you were, why I irked at you like that,
I thought you were making fun of me because I
had a post about like AI and stuff. Oh. Did you
see that on my story? I started watching it and
then I skipped it. Watch it? That's crazy work.
I skipped it. I'm sorry. I can't even get support
from my wife. Okay, you can't say anything. I
have... time and time again, heard my voice coming
from your phone. And then I hear it. Hello, everybody.
Because you scroll. I usually watch you make
the video in real time. OK, but this specific
one, you didn't. I would know I was sitting at
the corner of our house and you were out on a
run and I made the video because I was like,
hey, guys, blah, blah, blah. And all I hear when
you come from your phone, you're sitting there.
Hey, guys. So. Yeah, I try and watch them all
the way through a lot of times Bro, are you just
are you just pulling the fib card? We are together
all the time. Sometimes I need a little bit more
diversification in my podcast. Diversification?
Is that a real word? Diversity? I know but diversify
there's diversification. I don't think that's
a word I don't think that's a word. Abby and
I are about to do a spelling bee, and is my husband
smarter than a fifth grader soon? Okay, let's
practice now, and then we'll circle back to efficiency.
Okay. But we don't need to be efficient right
now, so we can just talk. Yeah, yeah. All right,
spell the word dictionary. Okay, dictionary.
Can you use it in a sentence for me? Are you
for real? Yes. I looked up this word in a dictionary.
Origin, please. My mouth. No, no, no. Country
of origin, please. Is that Latin? It's from the
Hebrew Bible. All right. Dictionary. D -I -C
-T -I -O -N -A -R -Y. Dictionary. Ding, ding,
ding, ding, ding. I'm actually a pretty good
speller. Macaroni. This is kind of tough. M -A
-C Mac. O. No. Ah! Wait, it's not O? Macaroni?
Mac? Mac? E? Is it E? Macaroni. Is it just R?
Macaroni. M -A -C -C? Macaroni. Are you being
for real? Wait, what? Macaroni. Are you being
for real? M -A -C -O. No! What? What is it? You
don't say Macaroni. How do you say Macaroni?
Macaroni. Macaroni. Uh? Mac, uh, yeah. It's not
you. No. Mac, uh. It's an A. Is it? Oh, it is
an A. Yeah, it is an A. Okay. See, this is why
this video is going to be great. Maybe I'm not
the best. That's actually crazy. Yeah, it's tough.
You said, is it just a R? I will say it. Macaroni?
I don't ever claim to be smart. Like, I can talk.
I have socialist skills, but I do not have book
smarts. You know what it is about you? Even on
like a fourth grade level. You know what it is
about you? What? I saw this video a lot. I saw
this video coming across my free page and The
caption like the overlay at the top was your
friend. That's not very smart But then they've
got so much wisdom and so it was this guy and
he was like six seven six seven six seven and
then all of a sudden it cuts to this clip and
he's like and in James chapter 1 verse 5 Jesus
is talking about And I was like that is my husband
and it's not that I I think you're smart. Okay,
I'm not a six seven guy though Give me that Ryan.
It was just an example. Yeah. I know Okay, okay,
okay, I mean Going oh to then I spell dictionary,
right? I spell dictionary, right to go going
from oh, I didn't get the option being e you
R double C. That's tough. It's tough. That's,
that's what got me. Here's the thing though,
is you were going to keep going on things I spell
until I got something wrong. Okay, do me. I don't
really think I'm that good of a speller. Okay.
Efficiency. E F F. Well, the problem is, is I
don't even know if you'll spell it right or not.
So. I think it's E F F I. E. C. No, C. Yeah,
C. E, F, F, I, C, I, E, N. Yeah, it's something.
It's one of the EIs or IEs. CY? No, T, CY? No,
there's no T in efficiency. There's no T. There
is no T. N, CY, yeah. Efficient is with a T.
Yeah. No, you know what's harder is if I could
write it out. I would do it right. I can't do
it in my head. I can't keep track of the letters.
So in my spelling bee, though, will I have like
pen and paper where I can, you know, kind of
practice? No. See, that's where I just don't
know if that's fair. It's how have you ever seen
an actual spelling bee? No, they used to put
them on TV, though. And they go up to the mic
and they just say it from their head. But but
you can't ask definition, use it in a sentence
and origin. And I didn't get the origin. Oh,
because that would have changed it. Where is
macaroni from? Macaroni. Macaroni. It feels like
Italy, right? Macaroni is like an Italian dish,
right? I don't know. It's like a noodle with
cheese. That seems very Italy. I feel like we've
Americanized it though. Craft with a K. We had
some macaroni the other night. Okay. Can we circle
back to the efficiency? Yeah, yeah. I love that.
Okay. Efficiency. Where did you get on this?
Because this has been the talk of our house for
the past week. It's like, I am done with being
efficient. I'm done with being convenient. I'm
done with. No, it's not that I'm done with it.
I don't, I don't want people to think that I'm
just like over, like I hate efficiency and don't
like getting things done. I love getting things
done and we get a lot done during the week, but.
So the reason I brought even started on that
was because I read a really ruthless elimination
of hurry again by John Mark Homer Yeah, who's
it's just a really good book and he goes into
deep detail of how The world is in such a rush
to get to the next thing to make the next dollar
to go to the next place or We're not even in
the moment that we're living in because we're
either A on our phones or whatever the case may
be. It's a great book. It is a really good book
and one of the huge takeaways that at least for
me was like I feel like the world at least especially
as I relate to it is I'm just trying to get as
efficient as possible so that I can get more
and more and more done so that and what that
does is puts even more things on your plate during
the day because I can get this much done think
about how much like if I can get even more efficient
on these things I can stack more things onto
me and one thing I had been noticing with you
is that you were just so exhausted at the end
of the day yeah and Abby's days were like planned
out to a tee in that case which mine were as
well because we work together so like and mine
not as much but Yours, you really like because
what is that type A or type B? I don't know.
I'm very type A. Yeah. And so, and I am not right.
But I also have to write things out or else it'll
just swirl in my brain. I know. And that's why
I mean like there is a point to it where it's
really good to be efficient and have a routine
and things. But I think Abby made a really good
point. We were talking about it over dinner yesterday
or lunch yesterday at True Food. And she was
saying like it becomes a problem when you become
a slave to it. like a slave to your schedule
or a slave to your routine and my biggest thing
is like I don't want to go through life just
trying to get as much done so that I can earn
as much money so that I can just like fill my
life with things that revolve around work or
whatever and I don't just slow down long enough
to like enjoy a long conversation that might
go over time quote -unquote or Like I was telling
Abby yesterday is like some of my favorite memories
growing up or like staying up super late and
like just super long Conversations that you didn't
you didn't even know what time it was and it's
like, oh, it's 2 a .m And you've been talking
to that person for that long and I feel like
we've lost that, you know I feel like it's funny
you say that specific example because I feel
like in today's day with this is just a specific
like subsection of efficiency and you know getting
everything out of every moment and maximizing
your time but especially in the fitness space
my brain goes to like oh but I have to get this
amount of sleep or else it's gonna or else I'm
not gonna feel good the next day and I have to
do this routine and I have to do this thing then
this thing and this thing like my brain just
went like you know people that like oh I have
to sauna then cold plums and shower then eat
this specific meal with these specific macros
and this for this specific diet then I have to
put on my Mouth tape my nose strips and my face
mask and then get in my whatever. It's like We
have become all of these things are great like
I Love that people can just go do red light therapy
or all these things and this is kind of just
our world of fitness But that's where my brain
went when you said like staying up late with
your friends, we, me in this category as well,
become so accustomed to the routine of consuming
and being optimal as ourselves that sometimes
it's at the detriment of sacrificing what really
matters in this life which is community, people.
memory making memories and I bring that up because
on paper if you're like would you rather stay
up till 2 a .m. Talking with your friends Unplanned
or do your same routine that you do every night.
Well, I'd rather hang out with my friends. Yeah,
but when you're in the moment Clikes clock strikes
10 o 'clock and you're in the middle of a conversation
My brain automatically goes I got to get home
because I have to do all my stuff because I have
to do this and this and this and this and this
You go to the next day to like it's like oh I
have this in the morning so I gotta and I just
don't think that's a way to live I don't either
but I am still and I'm still there and I'm trying
to fight against we're doing really we've been
doing a lot better I feel like because the some
of so In the book, John Mark Comer writes out
like 20 rules that he follows in life to like
slow down, be in the moment, be present, and
not like feel like he's constantly in a rush
and not in a hurry. And like some of them Abby
and I have been trying to do like drive the speed
limit, drive the speed limit, stop at every stop
sign like all the way, no phone at all while
you're in the car. What are some other ones that
we've been trying? Oh, Sabbath. Like that's a
big one full no work and what basically whatever
we're doing that is what we're doing Yeah, so
if you're watching a show your phone is gone.
Yeah, or if you're eating dinner, you're eating
dinner Yeah, well, that's another thing. We've
been trying to do is eat dinners and like actually
have the meal together in communion and like
fellowship and like laughter and telling stories
and Asking about each other's day and what was
good and what was bad or even just in silence
Yeah, like I don't really operate in silence
much. I mean we don't but there was one time
where we were Sitting on the couch and we kind
of just like sat there and ate. Yeah. Yeah, but
just saying like it It's just so special to have
this life. This life is very special. Yes, everything's
meaningless. Go look in Ecclesiastes. All this
is meaningless. But our time on Earth is also
a gift. It's just a gift from God. There are
some things that Solomon said though that is
good, right? Eating and drinking with... Exactly.
That's what I'm saying is that the things of
the world that equate to success... meaningless
yeah but that doesn't mean that we block out
everything i was gonna say i don't want to sound
hypocritical but like because we do work really
hard and we care about you know what we do and
everything um so we're not here to say we've
just like are giving everything up and living
on it in a beach town that's not what we mean
when we mean being in no hurry like you can get
yeah i didn't take it that way i know i'm just
i'm just people may have, I'm not saying you
did, I'm saying other people could. Like, rest
and solitude and silence and slowing down, like
those kind of words of like not being in a hurry
or whatever, doesn't mean you just like sit on
the couch all day and nap and just like don't
do anything. Because I feel like that's what
people think of. And it's like, well, that seems
really boring. It's like, no, what it really
means is like, yes, you need to spend time in
your day. No screen, no technology with the word
of God, with God, praying, meditate in silence
with your own thoughts. And I swear, like he
talks about this in his book, too, but it's like
you're recalibrating yourself when that happens.
It's what it feels like. and you feel like a
sense of just like coming back to the moment.
And it's been really fun to like try that out.
And I've I've really taken a lot from it. Just
like the way we walk around, like when we go
on walks, we've just slowed down. Like, you know,
sometimes like we would go on walks and we would
be cooking. And now we've or at least I mean
I have on my own walks and stuff just like Chill
like you don't have to you're not going anywhere.
Like what are you trying to get to the next thing?
I don't know. Just my thoughts recently. I think
well I want to stay on the the point of Sabbath
because we had like a really really nice Sabbath
for those of you that don't know like long story
short Sabbath has been around since the beginning
of time. And the Bible tells us to honor the
Sabbath day and keep it holy. So basically a
rest day. I mean, you're resting, you're not
supposed to work, whatever. And then Jesus came
and did work on Sabbath. And then all the Pharisees
were like, what the heck, you're working on the
Sabbath. Like, what does that even mean? And
it kind of just painted this picture of like...
Sabbath is about heart posture essentially like
Jesus was like well if one of your sheep was
injured would you not or if one of your sheep
fell in a well would you not work hard like on
the Sabbath day would you not work hard to pull
your sheep out of the well basically is what
he's saying and so it just paints this picture
of Sabbath being about heart posture and I Started
learning what Sabbath was when I was in college
because I just thought Sabbath equaled like a
rest day So like I'm not working out But then
I started getting so burned out and I would just
crash and burn I was like why like I'm giving
myself a rest day each week, but I wasn't like
I was still working I was still getting up early
I was still doing everything but calling it Sabbath
because I wasn't working out and so I Really
worked hard on what true Sabbath meant and in
my abbey words not in scripture words, but in
abbey words how I would describe a true Sabbath
day would be When you tell yourself, oh, I wish
I had a day where I just could just relax and
not do anything. It's that day. That's that day.
So for me, that means waking up with no plans,
waking up. Sometimes I'll set my alarm and wake
up early so that I could read my Bible at sunrise
because I love that. Sometimes I'll sleep in
because I love that too. If I want to take a
nap, I'll take a nap. If I want to bake, I'll
bake. If we want to go on a walk, we'll go on
a walk. But it's for me having an unplanned today
because my brain doesn't have to like think.
And I just feel so rested and connected because
if I even try to plan something that seems restful
on Sabbath, like if I plan like, oh, I'm going
to go lay out in the sun for an hour the night
before. then my brain all day is going, well,
I have to do this at this hour because I said
I was going to do it. And then it takes away
the true Sabbath because I'm like, oh, well,
I have this plan. Does that make sense? Yeah,
for sure. But that's just how my brain works.
And that's what I've figured out for myself is
that like in order to fully reset and recalibrate,
like you were saying, I have to go into it. No
plan. So that's why we choose to do it on a Saturday
instead of a Sunday, because Saturdays we have
nothing. Absolutely nothing. Yeah, unless we're
like traveling or something. Yeah. And Sunday
is obviously a holy day, too. But it's a it's
for me. It's like, oh, well, I have to be somewhere
at some time. So my brain just doesn't fully
kind of rest. Yeah. And we work on Sundays. Yeah.
So like there's that, too. Yeah. But I just thought
I just think that whole conversation is very
interesting and very against the world. Like
when you were telling me what you were reading
in the book about. Slowing down and all this
stuff my immediate thought and it kind of shocked
me that I should probably read the book again
was Well, if I slow down then I'm gonna get behind
Yeah, I'm not gonna keep up with the rest of
the world and then we're gonna fail. That was
my brain. Yeah and I I don't want to say I preach
because I try not to like put myself in a category
where I don't feel I don't say qualified but
I'm not a preacher, so I don't want to try to
act like a preacher. But for the lack of - Yeah,
same here, bro. I can't even spell efficiency.
But for a lack of better - Or whatever word it
was. For a lack of better words, I preach all
the time or I talk about all the time that success
is relative and subjective. You're like this.
Thank you. I'm getting on my soapbox. But I preach
all the time that success is relative and subjective.
Because how would you define success is going
to be different for lots of people. But success
of this world, if you're just striving for that
and serving for that, then you're not serving
God. You can't serve two masters. That's when
it clocked for me, who is your master? Because
if you're telling yourself, I'm going to fall
behind and then I'm going to be a failure. I
won't be successful. That's not what God says
about me. Yeah, you've lost the plot. That's
not how God defines me. No wonder I'm feeling
burnt out and stressed because that's exactly
where that path is gonna lead you when you rely
on your own understanding rather than Following
God's path that he has for you. Yeah, and it
took me so long to understand that and I'm still
learning to understand it and there will be another
time in my life where I forget and then I have
to re -understand it and re -understand it and
re -understand it again because life comes in
all these ways and God is constantly moving and
I'm constantly changing like he is an alive God
but something that is he is like so prevalently
telling me right now it's just like we are working
together right now to rewire where my priorities
lie when it comes to Surrender and like learning
what true surrender is Surrendering my plans
to him surrendering my life to him surrendering
everything to him, but It started with the spark
of that conversation for me because I was like,
oh my gosh I am like serving like work and success
right now because temporarily it feels great
and I feel like really proud I do genuinely delight
in Accomplishments that happen in this world
like I'm like, yes, that's awesome. Like I love
working hard and seeing the fruits of that But
who gets the honor? Well, who gets the honor
and also at some point that's not gonna feel
the same way that it did So then you're just
gonna try to get more. Yeah and more and more
and the cycle repeats itself when The caveat
of that as a follower of Jesus is I don't have
to search for my worth in anything. I already
know that. I know I'm made holy. I know that
the sermon this Sunday that we listened to was
about sanctification. I know that I'm being sanctified.
Sanctification is a process. It's constantly
happening. I know whose I am. I know my identity.
All that. That doesn't change. I don't have to
work for that. I freely get that. Freely. Once
I leave this earth, I get to be with my Creator
forever. So I get all those things for free.
Now, how can I take this foundation that I have
and use it in what I do here on this earth and
use that as fuel to work hard? God wants us to
work hard. God wants me to enjoy work. God wants
me to work hard and celebrate my successes. He
wants to share that with me. But if I just do
it all on my own, I've eliminated him from the
picture. at some point it's gonna fail. And that's
just gonna, I'm just gonna take that personally
and then equate that with who I am and my identity.
And that's not fun. That's no way to live. All
that to say, I kind of went on a little soapbox,
but it starts with neglecting rest because the
moment that you stop centering yourself with
reality of the bigger picture of what's going
on here and how small we are and how big God
is. When you take that away, things just never
stop. It's like a hamster wheel. That's what
Sabbath does for me. Like you were saying, it
brings me back to reality. It shows me that there's
life outside of my little bubble. So that's my
two cents We live in a hustle culture world and
we're actively having to Fight against that not
disapprove of it. I think there are great Traits
in Like you were saying in the beginning like
I think working hard is a great thing. I think
wanting to utilize time. Well is a great thing
like There are many great things that can come
from like oh work hard like play work hard play
hard but Is this work hard play hard? This is
work hard play hard. Okay. I didn't know that
I thought was rock and roll, but it can just
Consume you so quickly and I lived my life like
that for so long like I felt guilty if I had
a moment to breathe because I I Felt like I was
doing something wrong. Yeah, like if I didn't
have something at every second of the day. Like
it almost was like a flex. I was like, Oh, I
can't, I'm busy because I have this, this, this,
and this. Well, people equate people that are
quote unquote busy and like to tell people they're
busy. They, they equate that with importance.
Yeah. I'm so busy. So I'm so important. Don't
even know if it was important. I just felt like
I was doing it wrong Like I felt like I was doing
life wrong because I was like, well, everybody
else is always doing stuff So I got to do stuff
too. Hmm, and then if I wasn't doing stuff, then
I was like, what do I do? We have such different
brains. It's actually crazy. Why I just don't
think like that and I feel like there's so many
other areas where I fall short, obviously, but
I've never just wanted to be super busy I never
have craved busyness could not be me I've been
busy like my life has gotten so busy and it's
been everybody gets busy But I've never just
been the one that's been like man. I wish I had
more stuff to do Well, you know how that started
for me. It's my freshman year of high school
and I wanted to stay busy so I didn't have to
sit alone in my thoughts because if I sat alone
in my thoughts then I would I would start thinking
irrational thoughts. And if I started thinking
irrational thoughts, my brain would tell me,
oh, at some point they'll become true or you
won't be able to stop thinking like this. So
I was like, if I'm always doing something, if
I'm always with people, I never have to sit alone
in my thoughts. I remember it actually as clear
as day. It was the second semester of my freshman
year. Well, this all kind of started - Oh, I
thought you were talking about high school. I
am. Oh. Freshman year of high school. Second
semester. So like we had their Christmas break.
Yeah, we had like half semesters So I guess technically
was the third semester, but that those would
be trying. He has like two. Yeah. Yeah, whatever
I think we did have four semesters But for me,
it was like the first half of the year second
half of the year because we did a block schedule
So we had like we did it college college style.
So I had four classes In a day classes in a day.
Yeah, it was like long weird class an hour and
a half Wow, this is like college style. I had
six classes in a day So I had I had really remember
I had four classes before Christmas and then
a different set of classes after Christmas That's
what we had but six and six. Okay. So anyways
so the first half it started developing because
I Got I went to high school and was like fresh
off of also recovering from an ED. Yeah. So you
lose your personality there too. I mean, everything
is just centered around this thing. So anyways,
I had, you know, fresh off of recovery and all
that. I had my eighth grade year to enjoy. Like
eighth grade was great. Then I go to high school
and I'm just like, who am I? What is my personality?
What do I like? What do I not like? How do I
act? Everyone's new. All these people. Yeah,
I'm sure that didn't help either. No, everyone
is... Well, and I was in classes where, like,
people were older than me. Like, my first class,
my freshman year. Oh, you were smart. Not super
smart. Were you in, like, advanced classes? I
don't know. I was in geometry or something. I
don't know. Dang! Geometry freshman year? Okay,
right. I don't know. Anyways, I was in my first
class walking in. It was all sophomores. I was
like, I have no idea who these people are. Like...
They were all cool kids. I just freaked out.
I was so desperate, not for people's approval.
I really didn't care what people thought about
me, but I was desperate to know what my prototype
was. Who did people describe Abby as? I wanted
my traits. And you wanted to be funny. And so
I wanted to be funny. You know, I'm a I don't
care what people think about me kind of girl
So I naturally fell into that you're not easily
embarrassed. No, I'm not easily embarrassed And
so once I kind of fell into that I was like,
oh, this is my thing people like this people
think I'm funny people think I'm the class clown
like oh if you're in a class with Abby like It's
gonna be crazy. Like that was kind of like the
thing and I was I was the girl that was like
let's invite Abby so it's not awkward like that
was that was me and I Found my pride in that
honestly that it it took over and it made me
terrified of straying from the script and so
I would go to school every day and perform and
Be this over -the -top That had to be so exhausting.
I would come home and not talk to anyone for
hours I was so tired because all I was doing
was thinking how I can make people laugh what
I can do You weren't being yourself to be above
and beyond you're going like against the grain
of just like not like your natural self Yeah,
because my natural self is this is chill. I mean
i'm a goofy person. Yeah, you're not chill, but
i'm not i'm not this Well, nobody is like some
actor funny person exactly robin williams or
whatever like those comedians that eventually
like fall into depression because yes, they are
Cons all they think about is how they can make
somebody laugh. Yes that that was me Yeah, perfect
way to put it. So anyways lesser scale when that's
why I never wanted to be alone funny I felt safe.
I felt safe with like my small group of people,
but it was very small group and Anyways all that
to say That's how the irrational thoughts Cycle
started because I was like, oh well if I'm alone
then I'm I'm gonna be like, well, who am I actually
and I didn't want to Wow. I didn't want to deal
with that. So I was just like, I'm just going
to be who everybody says I am. Yeah. Mind you,
I'm still like reading my Bible, praying all
these things, but my heart was just so confused
and I was like, well, Jesus like loves laughter
and joy. So like I'm doing what I should do.
I was just very confused. And then it just clicked
for me one day. I don't have many like light
switch moments when it comes to my heart posture,
this was when I remember I walked into the hallway
after coming back from a doctor's appointment.
And what was the doctor's appointment for? I
have no idea. Was it just random? I honestly,
I think it was for my down there stuff. Oh, okay.
Your down there stuff. Yeah, this has been a
theme forever. But I remember as I was the only
person in the hallways because classes were happening.
So I was like walking back. From the office like
to my to go to my class. I'm just walking in
the hallway and I was like This is high school
like I Am actively aware that I'm going through
something and I'm aware of that and I started
like talking to God and I was like We're gonna
figure this out. Like I'm gonna be okay we're
gonna get through this together, but like How
cool is it that? God you let me know that I'm
in control of figuring this out. And I almost
had to like realize to myself that I wasn't okay.
It was like the first time that I was like, I'm
not okay. This isn't okay. And now, I mean, I
blasted online on social media every second when
I'm like, I'm not okay. I'm not doing well. But
that was like the first time I'd ever admitted
it to myself and let down this like, I'm always
happy. I'm always goofy. I'm always ready to
make people laugh person. but I felt so much
joy in the fact that I was struggling. I felt
so liberated and I was so just like glued to
God because I was like, we're in this together
and only you and I know this is happening and
only you and I know how this feels. And that
was like the safest. The safest thing yeah, and
then I went and I sat in my class and I was just
like I'm good and then from there I mean it just
slowly kind of progressed and I found a great
group of friends who I felt like I could be myself
and it it taught me It taught me how to be confident
in who Christ made me and I just naturally kind
of found Who I was and like that changed over
the course of high school because you have influence
and friends but Finding who you are is just weird.
It's weird. I feel like I'm constantly finding
who I am. I'm sure it'll change when I become
a mom, and I'm sure it'll change when I become
an empty nester. I experienced not as much of
that in college, I think, just because I was...
confident yeah even for our stages of life right
now like we went from single we went from dating
we went from engagement to like all those things
change i mean i wouldn't i would say as you get
older it it doesn't change as frequent i think
i think it just depends on your situation yeah
like yeah i guess you're right because when i
was older, I really struggled a lot when I would
go home from college because I was like, well,
now I'm this now I'm this person, but who am
I at home? Like, it's just weird, you know, just
depends how it kind of creeps in. But the thing
about confidence is and like being confident
in who you are and all these things. Like I had
someone ask me the other day, actually, they
were like, how are you like confident enough
to just post things on social media? And I was
like, I do think I'm confident, but I'm not having
thoughts or worries of what people are gonna
think. I'm having those thoughts every day, every
single day. I'm like, oh, what are people gonna
say? But I just do it anyway. And I think sometimes
people can mistake confidence for just... I don't
ever have a thought about myself and blah, blah,
blah, blah. I mean, take body image, for example,
like people, you know, I talk about like being
in recovery and all these things and gaining
weight and I'm very open about it, but that does
not mean for a second that I'm like my body's
tea and I think I have the best body ever. And
like, I feel like you share a lot about how you
are not confident. So that's why I do that. No,
but I'm just saying it's funny to hear somebody
say, Like, how are you so confident? But I feel
like a lot of times you share like, I'm really
struggling right now. Like I'm, I am, this is
a rough day. I am not confident in myself, that
sort of thing. So I feel like it's just funny
how people will like. Perceive things. Yeah,
yeah, yeah. Definitely. Well, the thing is, if
this, this is till the day I die, this is 100
% how to be confident. is that you cannot get
it from within yourself. Maybe temporarily. I've
tried to find it in myself. I don't have that
much to sustain it. It ends in failure. I forget
what, and by the way, it's just apart from me,
you can do nothing. I am the vine, you are the
branches, apart from me, you can do nothing.
Absolutely. Like he says, you can do nothing.
He doesn't say like apart from me, like you could
probably figure this out or you could do this.
Like he says, you could do nothing apart from
me, which is just. I literally read that verse
today. It's crazy. And the thing about, I listened
to, I went to a women's conference this weekend.
Yeah, we were going to talk about that. Yeah,
so I went to this conference and something terribly
cobble said She was talking about like the verse
for the week was i'm the viney or the branches
apart from me You can do nothing. Oh really?
It was really really cool. Um, and she was talking
about like all the Branch has to do is just stay
attached to the vine and it'll grow Like the
vine is what? keeps the branches together. And
the branches, all that their job is to do is
to stay attached to that vine and they're gonna
grow. But if they try to go off and do it on
their own, they're gonna go nowhere. They're
gonna die. They're gonna stay there. They're
not gonna grow. So it's just interesting that
imagery. Because if we are the branches and Christ
is the vine, All we need to do is just stay attached
to him. And he will be the one to tell us where
to go, line our path. It's so true though. And
then she followed it up with like, and how do
you stay attached to him? You read his word.
She said, you can't trust someone you don't know.
She said, and she was like, and how do you know
him? You read his word. And then you, I was talking
to this with my therapist. She was like, where
do you? look for God. And I said, I couldn't
tell you the last time that I went out and looked
for God. Wow. That was a chilling thought because
I was so consumed with how busy my days were
and how much I had to get done and me, me, me,
me, me. And I started my day in the word, you
know, as a good Christian girl does. And then
I would just switch that brain off and What do
I need to get done? How do I get it done to the
best of my ability? Let me get all this done
that I would Forget about christ. You just left
him in the room. You were reading him and well
That's like how your brain probably yeah, and
then I sit and then I would sit there at the
end of the day and wonder like Why do I just
feel so out of control and why do I then all
of a sudden? All my health starts declining And
now i'm sitting here you know, almost four months
into my health kind of being wonky. Four months?
I mean four weeks. What do you say? You've been
lying to me. Almost four weeks into my health
being wonky and all I want to do is talk about
God. I don't care about myself. Like, I just
want to talk about him. And I just don't believe
that's a coincidence. You couldn't, you can't
convince me that's a coincidence. that I was
so out of control. Not even knowing it. But you
probably could witness how just go, go, go I
am. Especially when it comes to the day being
started and how short of a fuse I have when it
comes to being off schedule because we need to
get things done and we need to... And then I
was literally forced to slow down. And by the
grace of God, he slowed me down and I've had
time to be like, whoa Where is God in my life?
And why am I not looking for him? And how do
I fix that real quick? So Yeah, I just think
you know, this is part of it like this is just
part of a walk with Christ like I am forever
and always going to follow Jesus forever in my
life, but that doesn't mean that I'm gonna be
like perfect at it ever because I'm not and so
Yeah, I don't know I just I think there's so
much beauty in the fact that like we are his
children and Did you think there is I know there
is You know, I mean think of a toddler when they
feel scared or in danger they run to their parent
and like that's That was me. I was like, I don't
know what to do And all the parent wants to do
is just Wrap them a big hug and that's what God's
doing for me right now. Yeah, he is and I'm excited
He'd be doing I'm excited when I have experienced
a little more of what's going on in my life to
like actually go into the details of what's happening,
but I think right now it's just between me and
God and that kind of feels really special. So
was I being boring? No, you weren't being boring
at all. I love that. It's great. You were just
like sitting there and you were talking. What
was I supposed to do? Yeah. Mm hmm. I did that
a lot. I'm an audible listener. I know I'm not.
yeah you're not oh my gosh y 'all this is like
vibe change but i was talking on the i was talking
on the phone with my sister her name is morgan
shout out morgan and she was talking to ryan
about something that we're working on that you
guys can't know about yet sorry i had to do that
i had to do that i'm sorry but you guys anyways
it's really not a big deal at all so anyways
i was talking to her about something Anyways,
and so Morgan was like, Ryan, like, are you here?
And I was like, cause I had just taken him out
of my ears, like my headphones. So he was on
speaker. So she was like, can you hear me? And
he was like, yeah. So she starts talking and
she was like, yeah, blah, blah, blah. Like, I
think this and you know, blah, blah, blah. I
think this. And then she goes, and Ryan's just
listening, and I know what's going on, but she
doesn't know what's going on. And then she just
goes, can you guys hear me? Am I cutting out?
And I said, no, my husband just doesn't respond
whenever you talk. So even if you pause, he's
not gonna say anything. And she was like, oh,
am I like, you know, oh, or whatever. And I was
like, yeah, just get used to it. She just thought
that what she was saying was not. Important yeah,
I was like no like I'm letting you just go through
everything and then I'll say whatever at the
end But yeah, but usually it's like mm -hmm.
Yeah, okay Yeah, well I just like in processing
what she's saying because I wanted to take it
all in and figure out okay Yeah, I could I could
do that and she literally was like yeah, and
maybe it should be like this like in my head
I was I was I was Saying stuff you know what
I mean no I actually have no idea what my head
if she says, yeah, you could like change this
and put it this way in my head. I'm like, yeah,
like that might look good. I mean, I need to
try that. Yeah, but you just said nothing. I
know you just say nothing, but I am listening.
You know, I was taking it all in. Yeah. We just
might need like a uh -huh here and there. I'll
practice my arms. Not not for yourself but just
to give the other person a little confidence
because speaking from experience it makes a difference
in the conversation. Well too it's different
though whenever you're talking to me usually
I'm just staring at you. But sometimes all the
time I'll be like blah blah blah blah blah you
know and you never say anything so then I just
feel dumb like I'm like yeah I hate shaving my
legs you know. Well, actually no Well, it does
kind of seem like you do hate it actually Things
are hairy no what? Okay. Okay. I'm just kidding.
Just kidding. That's joke funny joke. Haha How
does it feel to get no response and just sit
there in silence? Well, I got a response. You
started laughing. You did. Wait, pause. Let me
try not to laugh. Don't laugh. Serious business.
You can't laugh either. I'm not laughing. I'm
being so serious right now. Just forget it. No,
you have to look at me. You can't break. Am I
that funny looking? You looked at me and immediately
smiled. No laughing. Okay, what are you doing?
You're not even trying. I'm trying not to smile.
No, you're not trying. Think of something really
sad. Okay. And look at me. You spat on me. Sorry,
sorry, sorry. Okay. You could never be an actor.
I'm just kidding. You actually would be an amazing
actor. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, you would.
No, I don't think so. No, you would. I'm not
gonna speak down on you like that because it's
not even true. I think if I could cast Ryan in
a movie, I tell him - Wait, you think I could
act actually? Yes. Okay. Ryan, you're so good.
Have you seen our Instagram? You do these skits
and you're like, great. It's different. No, it's
not. It's dip. It's a different form. I was chicken
little at one point in my life. What I was. We've
heard this. I was the main character in a play.
Okay. But listen, Ryan, I'm trying to hype you
up. You're really good at it. You just don't
have experience. But if you had the experience,
I think you would be an incredible actor. I told
Ryan if I could see him acting in something,
it would be like a style of movie that's like
the Kissing Booth or like To All the Boys I Loved
Before or like one of those like cutesy rom -coms.
Oh, you have said that. I didn't know those movies.
Kissing Booth? Yeah, it's like all the girlies
watched it back in the day. It's like one of
those like cutesy ones that you're like, oh,
it's a little like silly, but it's good like
the notebook No, the notebook is like Oscar award
great movie. Yeah, that's like Leonardo Caprio
Ryan Gosling level Well, Ryan Gosling is the
one that plays Noah, but and he's so good. He's
really good Ryan Gosling is really good La La
Land great movie. Oh, yeah, I forgot about La
La Land. Well, he's in that I know yeah, he's
really good at Emma Stone. That might be his
best movie No. What do you think his best movie
is? Barbie movie? No, it's not. I'm just kidding.
La La Land is better than Barbie. He did win
an award for it though. For what? For Barbie
movie. Well, the Barbie movie is good. I just
don't think it's as good as La La Land. No, I
like, I would, I don't know. I haven't seen all
of Ryan Gosling's movies, but I have a love -hate
relationship with La La Land because I really,
I really, really like La La Land a lot. And I
think it, it's great for just It felt like very
classic old school musical, like back in the
day musical, but, but, but, but there's nothing
that beats musical theater. Like live action
on the stage musical theater. And I think I'm
going to like it better when it's for the stage.
So I'm saving my, Oh my gosh, it's amazing for
when it goes to Broadway. Are they doing that?
There was a rumor that it was. I don't think
it is anymore. Is the La La Land coffee shop
affiliated with the movie? I don't think so.
I don't know though. Seems weird. Yeah, I'm not
really sure. What are your thoughts on La La
Land coffee shop? It's really good. Oh really?
You liked it? Well, we went in LA. I liked it.
Yeah, I just... I don't know. Maybe I got the
wrong thing. Oh, you didn't like your drink.
yeah it just wasn't sweet enough for me yeah
but i just got like a regular latte no you got
the wrong drink remember they didn't they didn't
put anything in it remember that's what it was
we didn't have time because we were going to
dancing with the stars yes i do remember that
now so i need another lalaland experience but
this time maybe i might get a signature drink
because i feel like that's more fun or like a
matcha or something. I think the aesthetic though
is I mean the coffee was good to me I thought
it was really good but apart from that the aesthetic
inside is really cool. Yeah with like the yellow
and stuff. Yeah and I like so the one in LA I
forget what part of the area what's that like
shopping center called? The Grove? The Grove
yeah in LA they have like an outdoor window that
they give the remember Yeah, it's like a drive
-through window, but not cars. And they just
call your name and I thought that was really
cool. Is that the coolest coffee shop you've
ever been to? I'm trying to think of the coolest
coffee shop we've ever been to. Yeah, that's
a good question. I can't really think. We saw
a bunch of cool ones in LA. But the thing about
us is that well at the time when we were looking
for cool coffee shops in LA None of them sold
stevia. It was all like natural stuff. And so
we're both like stevia drinkers So we walked
into these places and they didn't have stevia.
So then we were like, well, I guess we'll go
somewhere else. You remember that? Yeah, kind
of not really. Oh, never mind then. Well, I was
just thinking of coffee shops La La Land's probably
up there, but I don't think it's my favorite.
You know what coffee shop I really want to go
to? Honolulu Coffee Company was probably one
of my favorites. Oh, I love Honolulu Coffee Company.
You want to know which one I really want to go
to? Where? Can you guess? Is it in Hawaii? The
Nitro Bar. Oh, yeah. In Rhode Island. You're
obsessed with that place right now. I'm on a
big Nitro Bar kick. I've known about them for
a little while, but I just recently become obsessed
with them because Well, we're like really into
coffee right now. Like I'm really trying to come
up with new recipes and just like, we're getting
a new machine. Yeah. And just experimenting,
going to kind of build out a little bit of a
coffee bar. I'm going to make, you know, good
ingredients, syrups and just, well, it is our
dream one day to have a coffee shop one day.
Like we've talked about that for years. We just
want to have a little cafe that our kids can
grow up at and There's family vibes and fun,
but so I've started following a bunch of these
coffee companies and people that make coffee
recipes. My entire Instagram is just coffee,
coffee, coffee. I just think the Nitro Bar, the
way that they've done marketing is genius. They
started this trend. They've attached personalities
to their coffee. Yeah, you get to know the people
behind the coffee, but then the coffee backs
it up because it's different coffee than you've
seen before. It's like the crazy code for cold
foam, right? They've got like crazy cold foam
and they've got they call these things called
floats and like just all this really cool colors
and You know, it's Rhode Island. So it's cute
and like very fall vibes and just like Gilmore
Girl fun And yeah, anyways, that's my dream coffee
spot unless we have our own speaking of coffee
shop We went to one today called. What was the
place called? Cafe Cafe Loredos? Loredes? I don't
know, but that one was really cool too. Yeah,
very fancy inside. It had trees inside of it.
It was more of an upscale kind of vibe. They
had like swans. Cherry blossom trees. Yeah, it
was really cool though. Yeah. Yeah. But if we
had a coffee shop, it would not be that vibe.
No, no, no. What would be our vibe you think?
I know exactly what our vibe would be because
we've talked about it. Remember? kind of yeah
like like coastal cozy yeah yeah with a window
lots of light is you know we talk a lot but like
we're on a podcast yeah yeah oh yeah yeah yeah
i ask abby questions and she'll be like we've
talked about this before it's like we're literally
filming a podcast yeah this is true yeah like
a big window let in a lot of light nice and cozy
yeah different i i think different seating would
be cool like Like a couch and like beanbags and
yeah, I don't know if I'm a beanbag guy well,
you know what I mean like different cool like
some tall bar stools and then like some table
chairs and Yeah, very eclectic. I like a coffee
shop where it seems dark in there and it kind
of is but the point of the coffee shop or like
the focal point is the massive windows where
it like draws you. Yeah. So like you're in this
cozy coffee shop, but like the windows draw you.
Yeah. So if it rains, you're like, Oh my gosh,
incredible. If it's like sunny, you still get
some good light and it kind of shines through.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you feel like you're outside.
We outside with it for real. My mama's kids.
Right. Why did you just say that? I don't know.
Alright, be serious. In the podcast. Be serious.
You in the podcast. You. I don't want to say
goodbye to them. Alright. Guys, thanks for listening.
Oh, Ryan wants to say goodbye to you guys. No,
it's just time. Well, it's time for me to make
some pizza for us. Oh, Abby's making sourdough
pizza and I'm so excited. Sourdough pizza, sourdough
pizza. And I'm starving right now. I'm also really
hungry. You have no idea how hungry I am right
now. I'm gonna make pizza without the red sauce.
What? No, I want the red sauce. You can have
the red sauce. Oh, okay. I'm not having the red
sauce on mine. Oh, I see. Okay. All right, guys.
Because of my new diet. Anyways. So lame. The
new diet's so lame. The new diet is lame, but...
You've had coffee, though, lately. And coffee's
been good, but I'm still a little paranoid on
all the other stuff. Yeah. All right, well, you
guys, thanks for listening. This was a fun episode.
Very... Kind of all over the place, but... Yeah.
But good. Who knows what the title of this episode
will be? Sometimes you just need to chill. A
little podcast. Alright y 'all, thanks for listening.
We'll be back next week with another episode.
What are we going to talk about next week, you
think? Probably your face. And actually I will
say too, just real quick, if you're still listening,
you're a real one, but we have potentially, this
isn't like a promise or anything, but potentially
two guests coming up in the next like two months.
But you guys can't know about them yet! Anyways,
um, thanks for listening In the podcast You can
be mean and make a joke at the same time did
you know that all right y 'all my husband mean
Jesus loves you. We know we love you Jesus loves
you and