1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:06,640 And welcome back everybody you're listening to Escort Confessions with me, I'm your host Alexa Max 2 00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:15,760 and I have Mr. Lim with me. What's up? What's up? Hi friends, hi podcast friends and followers. 3 00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:20,800 So today we're going to talk about... Today we're going to talk about if prostitution 4 00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:25,200 helps with sex addiction. Yes, yes thank you. I was like I know what we're going to talk about, 5 00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:33,920 I didn't know how to phrase it in English but yes. Okay so yes, what is a sexual addiction? 6 00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:39,440 Sexual addiction is basically excessive masturbating and when you watch too much 7 00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:45,600 porn and basically like your mind is occupied with sex so much and you're constantly seeking it 8 00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:53,280 and it takes you away from daily activities and it's all your life like looking for sex and 9 00:00:53,280 --> 00:01:00,960 needing to have sex all the time on constant basis. Yes that's one definition of it because 10 00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:09,360 much like any kind of eating addiction or other addictions that help perpetuate you know humanity, 11 00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:16,480 sex is a biological imperative so we have to have sex. We're hardwired to have sex so we can 12 00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:23,840 procreate and we can carry on humanity but it's also defined as anything that is problematic but 13 00:01:23,840 --> 00:01:29,280 that's a controversial thing saying sex is an addiction because a lot of psychiatrists have 14 00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:36,240 excluded it from the DSM and the DSM or the DSM-5 is the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental 15 00:01:36,240 --> 00:01:40,720 Disorders, the guidebook that psychiatrists and counselors use to define mental illness. 16 00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:46,960 I love that book, it has all kinds of disorders and I'm like oh this one looks like me, 17 00:01:46,960 --> 00:01:52,640 oh that one looks like me too, just kidding. But still a very popular thing because well 18 00:01:52,640 --> 00:01:58,560 popular to say that it's a problem or it's a real medical condition or mental illness because a lot 19 00:01:58,560 --> 00:02:04,080 of celebrities like Tiger Woods for instance when he got into all this trouble from having his 20 00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:11,600 multiple affairs he claimed oh I'm a sex addict and then the predator Harvey Weinstein also said 21 00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:17,360 hey I'm a sex addict too when he was you know when he was brought to trial for his assaults 22 00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:25,520 and for his misdeeds and things he did. So it tends to be a catch-all for bad behavior 23 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:34,400 but I also remember one of the porn stars that I follow Penny Flame when she wanted to go on the 24 00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:41,120 Dr. Drew show, the Drew Pinsky show for her sex addiction he actually treated her and she subsequently 25 00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:49,360 retired from porn and became a counselor, Jeannie Ketchum and she wrote a blog about it and a book 26 00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:54,480 and documented her struggles with sex addiction and her recovery and her education. 27 00:02:54,480 --> 00:03:00,960 So now she's a counselor and she specializes in addiction and therapeutic ways of dealing with addiction. 28 00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:05,920 I feel like you are something that you are addicted I know I have in the past felt that way. 29 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:15,120 I when I first started I thought I was addicted addicted to sex because I had more orgasms with 30 00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:21,520 with guys who pay me for sex rather than guys who don't pay me for sex but and it turned out that 31 00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:29,680 I just I was addicted to having money in my pocket so and I think like with me I crave intimacy a 32 00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:35,840 lot like I have to have a crush on a person and then like that that feeling I don't I don't know 33 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:39,760 how to explain it but it's not just sex for me I have to have everything. 34 00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:47,120 Right and in some of the literature you see that women tend to be associated with love 35 00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:55,120 and intimacy addiction more so than just the sexual component whereas men and men presenting 36 00:03:55,120 --> 00:04:01,520 individuals tend to be more sex addiction. I remember years ago that I used to have the same 37 00:04:01,520 --> 00:04:09,040 problem when I would go to SSA meetings which is Sex Addicts Anonymous and there would be men there 38 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:13,840 and sometimes women in the groups there are a mixed group who would you know present having these 39 00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:19,280 kinds of problems but I didn't have the same problems that they did you know like I mean I was 40 00:04:19,280 --> 00:04:25,200 acting out in dangerous behavior but I wasn't the same way they were but everyone's different 41 00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:31,200 though and I don't have the same problems anymore like I've changed a lot of the things I've done 42 00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:36,640 that I've done in the past that was considered problematic so I don't consider myself to be an 43 00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:43,440 addict not having in about a decade now maybe during that time it was a problem for me I don't 44 00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:49,680 I don't think it is now for sure. I always wanted to know it's such a stupid question but do 45 00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:59,520 do guys well in the sex sex anonymous group do guys still hit on women that are there or is it 46 00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:09,040 like a big no-no what are the rules about sex? Yeah it's a big no-no there's so if you ever go 47 00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:15,440 to one you figure out which group you're going to go to yeah and there are open groups and closed 48 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:24,720 groups and closed groups are closed to gender only so it's only men and then only women and then open 49 00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:31,600 or mixed groups are both and there's always a certain set of rules and and and um things that 50 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:36,800 you're supposed to follow like norms you're supposed to follow as in you know you interact 51 00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:45,760 with people that you have consensual consent to interact with no no talk about things that are 52 00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:53,360 explicit you know no touching anybody without their consent you know and even in even in 53 00:05:53,360 --> 00:05:58,880 in mixed group rules or even in like any kind of addiction support group rules where you have to 54 00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:06,000 take turns with sharing you have to have you know there's no cross talk there's no um you know 55 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:10,320 making things identifiable to other people i remember at the time there was a member of the 56 00:06:10,320 --> 00:06:17,040 group that i went to a meeting once or twice and the guy one of the guys there was also at the 57 00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:21,680 church that i attended and i saw him in their church service and he was interacting with me and 58 00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:25,920 him who i was married with married to at the time and i didn't like the way he was interacting it 59 00:06:25,920 --> 00:06:33,040 was very overtly friendly oh and that was part of his thing how he interacted with people how he over 60 00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:38,080 how he uh his acting out which is one of the things he's talked about when people have 61 00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:44,720 psychological problems acting out as a way to to identify negative behavior and i stopped going to 62 00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:49,280 that church and i stopped going to that group and i really stopped interacting with this person it 63 00:06:49,280 --> 00:06:54,800 wasn't like he was trying to be malicious it was just overtly friendly and i did not like i felt 64 00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:58,880 like he was crossing boundaries and i didn't talk to him about that i probably should have but 65 00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:02,880 i was uncomfortable and obviously when you're uncomfortable you don't want to do things 66 00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:09,200 so that's how it worked out but yeah when you show up you uh you go to the meeting you you know 67 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:16,800 introduce yourself i am you know i am x and say hi x welcome to or i say i am x i am a sex addict 68 00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:22,480 and then you say they welcome and you're amongst friends and then you have your discussion and 69 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:27,040 eventually you get a sponsor and then you go through the 12 steps with this is one of the 70 00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:32,400 this is one of the ones that's a 12 step associated recovery group um just like alcoholics anonymous 71 00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:38,880 overeaters anonymous gamblers anonymous uh narcotics anonymous tripaholics anonymous any 72 00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:45,040 kind of anonymous base group is based on the alcoholics anonymous model and depending on 73 00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:49,520 how long you've been sober for they give you a commemorative chip so if you have had one day of 74 00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:56,080 sobriety then you give you a white one day chip and you can build up to up to 25 75 you know 75 00:07:56,080 --> 00:08:02,480 however many days you want and then weeks months years etc and then the the interesting thing about 76 00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:09,520 s a a which is sex ex anonymous is that you determine what sobriety means for you 77 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:17,840 and that could be anything from uh not acting out in dangerous or negative behaviors or simply just 78 00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:23,200 not doing one particular thing that's a problem working being being completely celibate and sober 79 00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:29,600 and not doing anything at all and so say you have a particular thing that's always a problem like 80 00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:38,560 you engage with illegal trade like i.e. you know hiring uh an escort or professional and that's 81 00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:43,680 you know illegal and whatever jurisdiction you're in and you do that regularly and you end up getting 82 00:08:43,680 --> 00:08:49,280 arrested for that or you can sit consistently get arrested for that or you are in a committed 83 00:08:49,280 --> 00:08:55,200 relationship with somebody and you constantly cheat on them or say you have a proclivity towards 84 00:08:55,920 --> 00:09:00,800 you know exposing yourself in public those are your negative things sobriety for somebody might 85 00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:07,840 mean not engaging in that acting out behavior is there a certain age group that's usually in s a 86 00:09:08,720 --> 00:09:16,400 um i mean usually it's for adults so anyone over 18 um i noticed the groups i went to were very much 87 00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:22,640 men who were over 30 i mean there were a few young men in the group but i think i don't know 88 00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:28,320 i just geographically it would tend to be all men of a certain age i think at least over 25 that i 89 00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:33,280 noticed but i've only been to a couple group meetings um i'm not a regular and i'm certainly 90 00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:38,320 not in the program currently and i don't feel like i need to be because i said i'm not the same 91 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:46,240 person i was you know i was you know 27 28 and i always wanted to go to one to s a and i was 92 00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:57,040 saying just find out just see what problems people had and um yeah one time i think i went to 93 00:09:58,480 --> 00:10:02,640 alcoholics and all that was just because somebody invited me and i'm like oh yeah why not why not to 94 00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:12,400 go and it was so long but they provided us with coffee and donuts so that was okay but it was just 95 00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:18,880 interesting to hear everybody's story and feel bad but at the same time relate in a way yeah 96 00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:27,360 the motto is it works if you work it so work it you're worth it that's what you always say at the 97 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:32,880 closing that's a good motto to have because it sort of puts emphasis on yourself and it's successful 98 00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:41,680 because much like any other kind of manifestation technique you you give your problems to a higher 99 00:10:41,680 --> 00:10:47,280 power now you don't have to believe in god or the universe or whatever your higher power is 100 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:54,800 can be a is subjective and so when you give your problems over to a higher power you you put them 101 00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:58,800 in and you put the abstract in their in their hands but then you work on yourself and you walk 102 00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:02,080 through the steps and i don't remember all the steps because i've only been through a couple 103 00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:06,960 steps when i went and like i said i'm not in the program anymore so i have very limited exposure 104 00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:16,400 to it but you can find it though if you google saa recovery and then your town you can find 105 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:23,920 meetings in your town and they'll tell you where and when and the type whether it's open or closed 106 00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:29,200 or mixed or what have you and then you can decide which one you want to go to and then you just show 107 00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:34,880 up and you should be welcomed and everyone you know would help you work through your problems if 108 00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:40,080 that's something that somebody wants to do but like i said it's controversial not people not 109 00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:47,200 everybody even agrees that it's a real problem there have been studies that have come out 110 00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:55,440 in previously in the past few years that say sex addiction is not an actual clinical problem 111 00:11:55,440 --> 00:12:01,680 and that it's just been made up by people who are anti-pornography campaigners people who are anti 112 00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:08,320 smut or like religious groups who try to demonize pornography and sex workers by saying that it 113 00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:14,640 adds to the problem of addiction those people really don't have the data to back up that 114 00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:20,160 addiction is a real thing or not and i think it's all like a lot of other things that if you 115 00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:26,960 find it it's a problem for you it is a problem for you and if it's something that you want to 116 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:32,240 seek help with you should but that does also mean that you should not tell other people how to live 117 00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:37,200 their lives in my opinion right but i'm very libertarian anyway so that's how i kind of 118 00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:43,520 respond to it yeah i was reading on the the first the first thing that popped up when i googled 119 00:12:43,520 --> 00:12:52,800 sex addiction was web md article and it said um oh gosh what did it say like sex with prostitutes 120 00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:57,840 is apparently a sex addiction i'm like what is wrong with that like yeah like i'm one but at the 121 00:12:57,840 --> 00:13:02,960 same time what's wrong with that like you pay somebody for sex because you can't get laid but 122 00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:12,240 but unprotected sex is part of this sexual addiction and which yeah like participating in 123 00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:17,280 risky behavior and then it was like public sex and i'm like well no i don't agree with that public 124 00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:25,040 sex is fun as long as you don't get caught um right but like what if you have public sex and 125 00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:30,160 a child sees you or a minor sees you and that's obviously a problem because you can't you should 126 00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:36,160 not expose children to that kind of thing no now granted if you're doing something like in a park 127 00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:42,880 after hours and you're only people around and the cops discover you then technically you're 128 00:13:42,880 --> 00:13:49,440 breaking the law for public indecency even though nobody was hurt it's victimless um that's the 129 00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:55,920 thing you know it's you know prostitution still is illegal in a lot of places and part of the 130 00:13:55,920 --> 00:14:02,480 thrill some people have is breaking the law yeah and not getting caught and that's part of why it's 131 00:14:02,480 --> 00:14:07,280 a risky behavior people live their lives differently and everyone can do what they want to do as long as 132 00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:12,800 they don't hurt somebody else that's that's the general consensus amen amen to that 133 00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:21,360 was it easter recently how was your easter what did you do i had a very low-key easter 134 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:29,680 spent with family and we had chocolate eggs and we i did do a thing that was very easter related 135 00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:38,080 before a few weeks before there was a pagan inspired uh photo shoot that we went to and 136 00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:44,720 it was in a it was in a park and it was next to a church oh church was having an easter egg hunt 137 00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:51,200 and our little pagan community had a bunch of you know we all have kids and the kids were like oh 138 00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:55,280 easter eggs and the little pagan children ran over and grabbed the little christian easter eggs 139 00:14:55,280 --> 00:15:01,120 and we found easter eggs and the little kids were like hi hi and then all these church families were 140 00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:07,280 looking at us like who are you why do you have our eggs and it was like we had to kind of like 141 00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:13,920 take these don't belong to us kids put them back and like okay it was really cute and fun so i'm 142 00:15:13,920 --> 00:15:20,080 carrying that as an easter event the uh crossing of uh pagan and christian christian traditions 143 00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:31,360 yeah up with the stara and easter celebrations what did you do i don't remember i think i just 144 00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:36,640 stayed at home watched big band theory i think i did that because that's what i've been doing for 145 00:15:36,640 --> 00:15:45,360 the last week or so and i have two more seasons to go and that's it and yeah i've been slacking 146 00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:51,360 and all that stuff but yeah that's what i do for easter i think i had an audition that day too but 147 00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:54,000 thank you about it 148 00:15:57,200 --> 00:16:00,800 what what is what is coming up what holiday is coming up 149 00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:08,480 um in the pagan tradition beltene is around the corner that's like the spring 150 00:16:09,040 --> 00:16:12,000 holiday where everybody gets it on also known as mayday 151 00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:18,880 uh with the maypole that's a big thing and then after that you've got um some like i think arbor 152 00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:25,600 day is coming up we just had earth day and then you know july um or mother's day mother's day and 153 00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:32,160 the father's day the father's day and then mother's day later on and then you've got fourth of july 154 00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:38,800 so parent days are coming up soon and then united states having a birthday after that 155 00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:45,200 and my birthday is in august so that's that one right yeah um i don't know if we've talked enough 156 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:51,200 about the sort of sex addiction do you think yeah do you think any of your clients are exhibiting 157 00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:56,320 those kinds of problems like in there having sex addiction problems like are you do you have any 158 00:16:56,320 --> 00:17:06,720 that are engaging in ultra risky behavior no not my regulars they're fine um i think 159 00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:16,960 um i think i don't know if i could put slobbyists or hobbies on the list of having sexual addiction 160 00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:21,920 they have addiction to write reviews about the ghost performance but that's another topic 161 00:17:23,360 --> 00:17:31,600 are any of them married oh all of them are married i'm pretty sure the slobbyists or like my regulars 162 00:17:31,600 --> 00:17:35,680 your regulars yes because if they are then technically that's risky behavior right there 163 00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:42,800 because that's the risk of them ruining their marriages their thing then i don't want to i don't 164 00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:52,160 want to kink shame or judge i know one of them one one of them is married i think but um yeah 165 00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:57,680 uh but others are single they're just busy for you know dating and whatnot and it's just an 166 00:17:57,680 --> 00:18:03,360 important issue though i mean uh part of i remember i remember when penny flame went through the dr 167 00:18:03,360 --> 00:18:08,800 drew show and i remember she wanted to be on the show to begin with because she wanted more 168 00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:16,000 exposure for her pornography career and you know he helped her confront a lot of things 169 00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:21,600 she wasn't ready to confront like her childhood some childhood you know abandonment issues and 170 00:18:22,160 --> 00:18:27,360 how she made some poor decision like poor i use air quotes because she regrets them later but she 171 00:18:27,360 --> 00:18:32,880 made decisions early on in her modeling career that brought her into you know this realm and 172 00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:38,720 i think she also had some drug issues i don't want to paraphrase her story because i've read 173 00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:44,880 her book but i i didn't live it firsthand but i know she had some drug issues at some point too 174 00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:48,960 and that could be a catalyst as well you know sometimes people tend to 175 00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:58,240 not only be addicted to sex and and activities but also to drugs and alcohol it's like they kind of 176 00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:06,640 the three of them go along with each other and so if you seek therapy for drug addiction then you 177 00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:15,440 may also find that you're acting out in risky sexual activity or overspending you know or like 178 00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:22,320 compulsive gambling or what other compulsions you have um and that's sort of where you know a lot of 179 00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:26,800 addiction therapy is based in let's get rid of this compulsive behavior and let's work through 180 00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:33,600 you know how our brains are wired because addiction works by creating synapses in the pleasure zones 181 00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:40,800 of your brain and your neuro receptors that register pleasure are constantly stimulated by 182 00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:48,960 the chemicals that you are addicted to and if you take away those bridges these artificially 183 00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:54,880 created bridges then you can't feel pleasure until they're there again and so you automatically 184 00:19:54,880 --> 00:20:03,440 crave those chemicals to make those connections to make happiness and so one of the one downsides to 185 00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:09,280 people who use excessive pornography is this conditioning effect where they can only be aroused 186 00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:15,040 by it because they've created these synapses between what they're seeing and engaging in 187 00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:20,480 versus what they're actually using to reach climax and that's people who have too much 188 00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:26,880 pornography use or too much whatever usage will create ways where they cannot have a climax unless 189 00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:32,160 they have that kind of stimulation and that's not really addiction per se but it's definitely 190 00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:39,520 conditioning so if you want to change how you reach that climax then you would stop watching those 191 00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:44,880 movies or stop engaging in certain activities or other things that you build these mental 192 00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:49,840 neurological bridges with and I mean I hope I'm not way way off here that's always a good thing 193 00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:55,360 that's always been my understanding of again disclaimer either one of us are doctors they seek 194 00:20:55,360 --> 00:20:59,280 professional medical advice for any conditions that you have or any kind of therapy you want to 195 00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:04,880 take because we can't be giving medical advice when we're not actual medical doctors big disclaimer 196 00:21:05,920 --> 00:21:15,680 disclaimer yeah cool cool very cool very cool thank you so much for today you're very welcome 197 00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:21,520 all right alexa you be good and you do good stuff and try not to get in trouble and I'll do the same 198 00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:49,520 okay sounds good all right you