And welcome back everybody you're listening to Escort Confessions with me, I'm your host Alexa Max
and I have Mr. Lim with me. What's up? What's up? Hi friends, hi podcast friends and followers.
So today we're going to talk about... Today we're going to talk about if prostitution
helps with sex addiction. Yes, yes thank you. I was like I know what we're going to talk about,
I didn't know how to phrase it in English but yes. Okay so yes, what is a sexual addiction?
Sexual addiction is basically excessive masturbating and when you watch too much
porn and basically like your mind is occupied with sex so much and you're constantly seeking it
and it takes you away from daily activities and it's all your life like looking for sex and
needing to have sex all the time on constant basis. Yes that's one definition of it because
much like any kind of eating addiction or other addictions that help perpetuate you know humanity,
sex is a biological imperative so we have to have sex. We're hardwired to have sex so we can
procreate and we can carry on humanity but it's also defined as anything that is problematic but
that's a controversial thing saying sex is an addiction because a lot of psychiatrists have
excluded it from the DSM and the DSM or the DSM-5 is the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental
Disorders, the guidebook that psychiatrists and counselors use to define mental illness.
I love that book, it has all kinds of disorders and I'm like oh this one looks like me,
oh that one looks like me too, just kidding. But still a very popular thing because well
popular to say that it's a problem or it's a real medical condition or mental illness because a lot
of celebrities like Tiger Woods for instance when he got into all this trouble from having his
multiple affairs he claimed oh I'm a sex addict and then the predator Harvey Weinstein also said
hey I'm a sex addict too when he was you know when he was brought to trial for his assaults
and for his misdeeds and things he did. So it tends to be a catch-all for bad behavior
but I also remember one of the porn stars that I follow Penny Flame when she wanted to go on the
Dr. Drew show, the Drew Pinsky show for her sex addiction he actually treated her and she subsequently
retired from porn and became a counselor, Jeannie Ketchum and she wrote a blog about it and a book
and documented her struggles with sex addiction and her recovery and her education.
So now she's a counselor and she specializes in addiction and therapeutic ways of dealing with addiction.
I feel like you are something that you are addicted I know I have in the past felt that way.
I when I first started I thought I was addicted addicted to sex because I had more orgasms with
with guys who pay me for sex rather than guys who don't pay me for sex but and it turned out that
I just I was addicted to having money in my pocket so and I think like with me I crave intimacy a
lot like I have to have a crush on a person and then like that that feeling I don't I don't know
how to explain it but it's not just sex for me I have to have everything.
Right and in some of the literature you see that women tend to be associated with love
and intimacy addiction more so than just the sexual component whereas men and men presenting
individuals tend to be more sex addiction. I remember years ago that I used to have the same
problem when I would go to SSA meetings which is Sex Addicts Anonymous and there would be men there
and sometimes women in the groups there are a mixed group who would you know present having these
kinds of problems but I didn't have the same problems that they did you know like I mean I was
acting out in dangerous behavior but I wasn't the same way they were but everyone's different
though and I don't have the same problems anymore like I've changed a lot of the things I've done
that I've done in the past that was considered problematic so I don't consider myself to be an
addict not having in about a decade now maybe during that time it was a problem for me I don't
I don't think it is now for sure. I always wanted to know it's such a stupid question but do
do guys well in the sex sex anonymous group do guys still hit on women that are there or is it
like a big no-no what are the rules about sex? Yeah it's a big no-no there's so if you ever go
to one you figure out which group you're going to go to yeah and there are open groups and closed
groups and closed groups are closed to gender only so it's only men and then only women and then open
or mixed groups are both and there's always a certain set of rules and and and um things that
you're supposed to follow like norms you're supposed to follow as in you know you interact
with people that you have consensual consent to interact with no no talk about things that are
explicit you know no touching anybody without their consent you know and even in even in
in mixed group rules or even in like any kind of addiction support group rules where you have to
take turns with sharing you have to have you know there's no cross talk there's no um you know
making things identifiable to other people i remember at the time there was a member of the
group that i went to a meeting once or twice and the guy one of the guys there was also at the
church that i attended and i saw him in their church service and he was interacting with me and
him who i was married with married to at the time and i didn't like the way he was interacting it
was very overtly friendly oh and that was part of his thing how he interacted with people how he over
how he uh his acting out which is one of the things he's talked about when people have
psychological problems acting out as a way to to identify negative behavior and i stopped going to
that church and i stopped going to that group and i really stopped interacting with this person it
wasn't like he was trying to be malicious it was just overtly friendly and i did not like i felt
like he was crossing boundaries and i didn't talk to him about that i probably should have but
i was uncomfortable and obviously when you're uncomfortable you don't want to do things
so that's how it worked out but yeah when you show up you uh you go to the meeting you you know
introduce yourself i am you know i am x and say hi x welcome to or i say i am x i am a sex addict
and then you say they welcome and you're amongst friends and then you have your discussion and
eventually you get a sponsor and then you go through the 12 steps with this is one of the
this is one of the ones that's a 12 step associated recovery group um just like alcoholics anonymous
overeaters anonymous gamblers anonymous uh narcotics anonymous tripaholics anonymous any
kind of anonymous base group is based on the alcoholics anonymous model and depending on
how long you've been sober for they give you a commemorative chip so if you have had one day of
sobriety then you give you a white one day chip and you can build up to up to 25 75 you know
however many days you want and then weeks months years etc and then the the interesting thing about
s a a which is sex ex anonymous is that you determine what sobriety means for you
and that could be anything from uh not acting out in dangerous or negative behaviors or simply just
not doing one particular thing that's a problem working being being completely celibate and sober
and not doing anything at all and so say you have a particular thing that's always a problem like
you engage with illegal trade like i.e. you know hiring uh an escort or professional and that's
you know illegal and whatever jurisdiction you're in and you do that regularly and you end up getting
arrested for that or you can sit consistently get arrested for that or you are in a committed
relationship with somebody and you constantly cheat on them or say you have a proclivity towards
you know exposing yourself in public those are your negative things sobriety for somebody might
mean not engaging in that acting out behavior is there a certain age group that's usually in s a
um i mean usually it's for adults so anyone over 18 um i noticed the groups i went to were very much
men who were over 30 i mean there were a few young men in the group but i think i don't know
i just geographically it would tend to be all men of a certain age i think at least over 25 that i
noticed but i've only been to a couple group meetings um i'm not a regular and i'm certainly
not in the program currently and i don't feel like i need to be because i said i'm not the same
person i was you know i was you know 27 28 and i always wanted to go to one to s a and i was
saying just find out just see what problems people had and um yeah one time i think i went to
alcoholics and all that was just because somebody invited me and i'm like oh yeah why not why not to
go and it was so long but they provided us with coffee and donuts so that was okay but it was just
interesting to hear everybody's story and feel bad but at the same time relate in a way yeah
the motto is it works if you work it so work it you're worth it that's what you always say at the
closing that's a good motto to have because it sort of puts emphasis on yourself and it's successful
because much like any other kind of manifestation technique you you give your problems to a higher
power now you don't have to believe in god or the universe or whatever your higher power is
can be a is subjective and so when you give your problems over to a higher power you you put them
in and you put the abstract in their in their hands but then you work on yourself and you walk
through the steps and i don't remember all the steps because i've only been through a couple
steps when i went and like i said i'm not in the program anymore so i have very limited exposure
to it but you can find it though if you google saa recovery and then your town you can find
meetings in your town and they'll tell you where and when and the type whether it's open or closed
or mixed or what have you and then you can decide which one you want to go to and then you just show
up and you should be welcomed and everyone you know would help you work through your problems if
that's something that somebody wants to do but like i said it's controversial not people not
everybody even agrees that it's a real problem there have been studies that have come out
in previously in the past few years that say sex addiction is not an actual clinical problem
and that it's just been made up by people who are anti-pornography campaigners people who are anti
smut or like religious groups who try to demonize pornography and sex workers by saying that it
adds to the problem of addiction those people really don't have the data to back up that
addiction is a real thing or not and i think it's all like a lot of other things that if you
find it it's a problem for you it is a problem for you and if it's something that you want to
seek help with you should but that does also mean that you should not tell other people how to live
their lives in my opinion right but i'm very libertarian anyway so that's how i kind of
respond to it yeah i was reading on the the first the first thing that popped up when i googled
sex addiction was web md article and it said um oh gosh what did it say like sex with prostitutes
is apparently a sex addiction i'm like what is wrong with that like yeah like i'm one but at the
same time what's wrong with that like you pay somebody for sex because you can't get laid but
but unprotected sex is part of this sexual addiction and which yeah like participating in
risky behavior and then it was like public sex and i'm like well no i don't agree with that public
sex is fun as long as you don't get caught um right but like what if you have public sex and
a child sees you or a minor sees you and that's obviously a problem because you can't you should
not expose children to that kind of thing no now granted if you're doing something like in a park
after hours and you're only people around and the cops discover you then technically you're
breaking the law for public indecency even though nobody was hurt it's victimless um that's the
thing you know it's you know prostitution still is illegal in a lot of places and part of the
thrill some people have is breaking the law yeah and not getting caught and that's part of why it's
a risky behavior people live their lives differently and everyone can do what they want to do as long as
they don't hurt somebody else that's that's the general consensus amen amen to that
was it easter recently how was your easter what did you do i had a very low-key easter
spent with family and we had chocolate eggs and we i did do a thing that was very easter related
before a few weeks before there was a pagan inspired uh photo shoot that we went to and
it was in a it was in a park and it was next to a church oh church was having an easter egg hunt
and our little pagan community had a bunch of you know we all have kids and the kids were like oh
easter eggs and the little pagan children ran over and grabbed the little christian easter eggs
and we found easter eggs and the little kids were like hi hi and then all these church families were
looking at us like who are you why do you have our eggs and it was like we had to kind of like
take these don't belong to us kids put them back and like okay it was really cute and fun so i'm
carrying that as an easter event the uh crossing of uh pagan and christian christian traditions
yeah up with the stara and easter celebrations what did you do i don't remember i think i just
stayed at home watched big band theory i think i did that because that's what i've been doing for
the last week or so and i have two more seasons to go and that's it and yeah i've been slacking
and all that stuff but yeah that's what i do for easter i think i had an audition that day too but
thank you about it
what what is what is coming up what holiday is coming up
um in the pagan tradition beltene is around the corner that's like the spring
holiday where everybody gets it on also known as mayday
uh with the maypole that's a big thing and then after that you've got um some like i think arbor
day is coming up we just had earth day and then you know july um or mother's day mother's day and
the father's day the father's day and then mother's day later on and then you've got fourth of july
so parent days are coming up soon and then united states having a birthday after that
and my birthday is in august so that's that one right yeah um i don't know if we've talked enough
about the sort of sex addiction do you think yeah do you think any of your clients are exhibiting
those kinds of problems like in there having sex addiction problems like are you do you have any
that are engaging in ultra risky behavior no not my regulars they're fine um i think
um i think i don't know if i could put slobbyists or hobbies on the list of having sexual addiction
they have addiction to write reviews about the ghost performance but that's another topic
are any of them married oh all of them are married i'm pretty sure the slobbyists or like my regulars
your regulars yes because if they are then technically that's risky behavior right there
because that's the risk of them ruining their marriages their thing then i don't want to i don't
want to kink shame or judge i know one of them one one of them is married i think but um yeah
uh but others are single they're just busy for you know dating and whatnot and it's just an
important issue though i mean uh part of i remember i remember when penny flame went through the dr
drew show and i remember she wanted to be on the show to begin with because she wanted more
exposure for her pornography career and you know he helped her confront a lot of things
she wasn't ready to confront like her childhood some childhood you know abandonment issues and
how she made some poor decision like poor i use air quotes because she regrets them later but she
made decisions early on in her modeling career that brought her into you know this realm and
i think she also had some drug issues i don't want to paraphrase her story because i've read
her book but i i didn't live it firsthand but i know she had some drug issues at some point too
and that could be a catalyst as well you know sometimes people tend to
not only be addicted to sex and and activities but also to drugs and alcohol it's like they kind of
the three of them go along with each other and so if you seek therapy for drug addiction then you
may also find that you're acting out in risky sexual activity or overspending you know or like
compulsive gambling or what other compulsions you have um and that's sort of where you know a lot of
addiction therapy is based in let's get rid of this compulsive behavior and let's work through
you know how our brains are wired because addiction works by creating synapses in the pleasure zones
of your brain and your neuro receptors that register pleasure are constantly stimulated by
the chemicals that you are addicted to and if you take away those bridges these artificially
created bridges then you can't feel pleasure until they're there again and so you automatically
crave those chemicals to make those connections to make happiness and so one of the one downsides to
people who use excessive pornography is this conditioning effect where they can only be aroused
by it because they've created these synapses between what they're seeing and engaging in
versus what they're actually using to reach climax and that's people who have too much
pornography use or too much whatever usage will create ways where they cannot have a climax unless
they have that kind of stimulation and that's not really addiction per se but it's definitely
conditioning so if you want to change how you reach that climax then you would stop watching those
movies or stop engaging in certain activities or other things that you build these mental
neurological bridges with and I mean I hope I'm not way way off here that's always a good thing
that's always been my understanding of again disclaimer either one of us are doctors they seek
professional medical advice for any conditions that you have or any kind of therapy you want to
take because we can't be giving medical advice when we're not actual medical doctors big disclaimer
disclaimer yeah cool cool very cool very cool thank you so much for today you're very welcome
all right alexa you be good and you do good stuff and try not to get in trouble and I'll do the same
okay sounds good all right you