1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:08,280 Next Sunday is anniversary Sunday here at Grace Church. 2 00:00:08,280 --> 00:00:14,960 It is the day when we'll remember our birth 12 years ago as a congregation. 3 00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:19,560 I hope you'll plan to be here and participate in it fully. 4 00:00:19,560 --> 00:00:25,520 You'll notice that there is a special anniversary offering that is being received next week, 5 00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:30,920 designated gifts, which the elders have set aside for replacement of carpet around the 6 00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:32,400 building. 7 00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,600 And if you've looked down at your feet as you walk through our building, you know there 8 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:38,840 are places that that is badly needed. 9 00:00:38,840 --> 00:00:45,040 So God bless you as you come prepared to give thanks to Him with a special gift, above and 10 00:00:45,040 --> 00:00:51,140 beyond your regular giving, thanking God for the 12 years of ministry and for the ministry 11 00:00:51,140 --> 00:00:55,320 that He is growing in our midst. 12 00:00:55,320 --> 00:01:01,920 I ask you to open your Bible with me now to Proverbs chapter 18 verse 22 where it says, 13 00:01:01,920 --> 00:01:11,320 He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord. 14 00:01:11,320 --> 00:01:16,560 Marriage is God's design and God's plan for humankind. 15 00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:24,520 To find a wife, or I think we can also say to find a husband, in God's will, is a good 16 00:01:24,520 --> 00:01:28,120 gift from Him. 17 00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:31,560 You can't improve on God's plan for marriage. 18 00:01:31,560 --> 00:01:37,300 A preacher was stating that one time in his message and a young man in the congregation 19 00:01:37,300 --> 00:01:41,960 leaned over to the one seated beside him and said, I don't want to improve on this plan, 20 00:01:41,960 --> 00:01:43,960 I just want to get in on it. 21 00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:48,560 Well, of course, that's possible, you have to work at it. 22 00:01:48,560 --> 00:01:53,160 One young lady was asked to quote her favorite Bible verse and replied, if any man would 23 00:01:53,160 --> 00:02:00,960 come after me, let him. 24 00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:06,120 Marriages may be made in heaven, but the husband and wife are responsible on earth for the 25 00:02:06,120 --> 00:02:08,000 maintenance work to marriage. 26 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:12,840 And that's what we want to talk about today as we conclude this series on Proverbs that 27 00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:17,960 we're calling growing in marriage. 28 00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:24,240 Real institution suffers more from an identity crisis than marriage and the family. 29 00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:28,720 There is great confusion in our culture about what the family is all about. 30 00:02:28,720 --> 00:02:35,320 The family is being attacked, undermined, and redefined on several fronts. 31 00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:40,400 Undoubtedly one of the most virulent and hostile enemies of the family in our culture today 32 00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:46,600 is the gay political movement, which seeks to redefine the family as including homosexual 33 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:49,240 lovers. 34 00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:56,080 A billboard was recently put up in California featuring two lesbians, one of whom was very 35 00:02:56,080 --> 00:02:57,080 pregnant. 36 00:02:57,080 --> 00:03:00,960 If there was ever a contradiction, that's it. 37 00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:08,800 And beneath it, beneath the picture it said, another traditional family. 38 00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:13,520 In our own state there is an attempt right now to add sexual orientation to the human 39 00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:20,280 rights bill, which is nothing more than a disguised effort to gain society's approval 40 00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:24,400 on perverse sexuality. 41 00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:29,840 Yet it's disguised under the name, it's time, Minnesota. 42 00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:35,320 And in fact, if polls are correct, this time it may pass. 43 00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:40,640 That's why it's important that you and I voice our opinions regarding that particular 44 00:03:40,640 --> 00:03:43,240 legislation. 45 00:03:43,240 --> 00:03:49,760 Time Magazine, in a special edition this last fall called Beyond the Year 2000, What to 46 00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:54,320 Expect in the New Millennium, gave a number of predictions about what human life would 47 00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:58,960 be like in the future, including the family. 48 00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:04,080 That part of the magazine dealing with marriage and the family was entitled The Nuclear Family 49 00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:05,800 Goes Boom. 50 00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:10,960 And from there it went downhill. 51 00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:17,720 Jim talks about the family as it anticipates the family will be in the 21st century. 52 00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:24,080 Jim Dobson summarizes the various points in the article under 12 headings. 53 00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:28,480 Number one, the family as we have known it will soon die. 54 00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:33,160 It is nothing more than an interesting anomaly, a mere blip in human history. 55 00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:35,280 We thought of it as normal, but we were wrong. 56 00:04:35,280 --> 00:04:40,560 The very term nuclear family will give off a musty smell in the days ahead, according 57 00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:43,120 to Time Magazine. 58 00:04:43,120 --> 00:04:49,360 Replacing it will be multiple marriages or what will be known as serial monogamy, just 59 00:04:49,360 --> 00:04:52,360 one at a time. 60 00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:55,360 Divorce will be so common it has to be considered normal. 61 00:04:55,360 --> 00:05:04,280 Some marriage contracts will have sunset clauses to automatically terminate at a given age. 62 00:05:04,280 --> 00:05:11,800 Time also sees the future as including situations where many women will live with other women, 63 00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:17,640 much like the golden girls are depicted on the television sitcom. 64 00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:23,080 Children will live with a bewildering array of relatives, mothers, fathers, multiple stepmothers 65 00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:30,120 and stepfathers, stepbrothers and stepsisters, grandparents and former grandparents, etc. 66 00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:36,000 The taboo against incest, says Time, will be weakened. 67 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:41,400 The fractured family will consist of relatives, non-relatives and former relatives, breaking 68 00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:47,280 down the obsolete prohibition against intimacies at home. 69 00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:50,920 There will be more older people and fewer children than ever before. 70 00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:54,480 The trend toward childlessness will accelerate. 71 00:05:54,480 --> 00:05:56,200 Children will be routinely victimized. 72 00:05:56,200 --> 00:06:01,280 They will be bounced from home to home as families splinter and reform. 73 00:06:01,280 --> 00:06:05,680 Pediatricians will teach children about the use of condoms at the time of their vaccinations 74 00:06:05,680 --> 00:06:06,680 against disease. 75 00:06:06,680 --> 00:06:09,960 Now this is Time Magazine predicting this. 76 00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:14,080 Theology, the study of the Bible and God will soon die. 77 00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:19,160 Schoolchildren of tomorrow will have no knowledge of spiritual matters nor even any interest 78 00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:20,160 in the topic. 79 00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:24,320 And this is a direct quote from Time Magazine. 80 00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:30,400 The triumph of feminist religion will cause many Christians and Jews to shun references 81 00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:36,080 to God in personal terms, no more Lord or Heavenly Father. 82 00:06:36,080 --> 00:06:41,600 This in turn will strengthen the groups that worship a mysterious nature force to seek 83 00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:47,000 to deify the self. 84 00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:51,900 Time goes on to say forced abortions such as China imposes on its women will be necessary 85 00:06:51,900 --> 00:06:55,280 in nations with exploding populations. 86 00:06:55,280 --> 00:07:00,600 Representative Patricia Schroeder, Democrat from Colorado spelled out the ideal quote, 87 00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:08,440 the most important goal for the 21st century is family planning for everyone, close quote. 88 00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:14,720 So what is the bottom line in Time's prediction of the future for the family? 89 00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:18,540 Again I quote, an even more radical approach may evolve. 90 00:07:18,540 --> 00:07:22,980 It is reasonable to ask whether there will be a family at all. 91 00:07:22,980 --> 00:07:27,880 Given the propensity for divorce, the growing number of adults who choose to remain single, 92 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:34,680 the declining popularity of having children and the evaporation of the time families spend 93 00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:38,440 together, another way may eventually evolve. 94 00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:44,160 It may be quicker and more efficient to dispense with family based reproduction. 95 00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:48,760 Family could then produce its future generations and institutions that might resemble state 96 00:07:48,760 --> 00:07:54,320 sponsored baby hatcheries, close quote from Time magazine. 97 00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:59,320 Then Jim Dobson who leads Focus on the Family concludes his summary by saying, that ladies 98 00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:04,520 and gentlemen is the apocalyptic world envisioned for your children and grandchildren by the 99 00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:06,160 writers of Time magazine. 100 00:08:06,160 --> 00:08:11,160 Why do we get the impression from this publication that the impending death of the traditional 101 00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:15,600 family is not a tragedy to be mourned? 102 00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:20,220 Rather its demise is presented as a natural evolution to be welcomed. 103 00:08:20,220 --> 00:08:22,200 That should not surprise us. 104 00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:28,720 The triumph of radical feminist ideology, new age philosophy and state controlled reproduction 105 00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:35,160 are cherished dreams of those who seek to undermine the family today. 106 00:08:35,160 --> 00:08:40,120 We're dealing with powerful forces in our culture that want to see the family as it 107 00:08:40,120 --> 00:08:45,400 is defined in God's word completely destroyed. 108 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:52,400 In the confusion of our current milieu of contemporary thinking, what does God say in 109 00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:54,440 his word about the family? 110 00:08:54,440 --> 00:08:57,640 It might be helpful to summarize several points. 111 00:08:57,640 --> 00:09:06,900 Number one, the heart of family as God defines it is monogamous lifelong marriage by a man 112 00:09:06,900 --> 00:09:09,640 and woman. 113 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:13,160 Marriage is holy and God ordained. 114 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:19,240 Marriage pictures the relationship between God and his son, the Lord Jesus Christ, and 115 00:09:19,240 --> 00:09:23,720 those who are his chosen people in the church. 116 00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:27,440 And God says that marriage is a classroom. 117 00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:33,960 Marriage is a place where we are challenged to grow as all of us who are married realize. 118 00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:40,280 God's wisdom exalts the commitment of marriage and tells us how to grow in it. 119 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:45,160 We cannot cover everything this morning that is said in God's word regarding growing 120 00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:50,280 in marriage, but I would like us to focus on a couple of thoughts that come out of Proverbs 121 00:09:50,280 --> 00:09:53,000 very directly. 122 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:59,080 The first one is found in chapter five of Proverbs, verses 18 and 19. 123 00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:02,760 We have touched on it briefly before, but it's important to come back to it because 124 00:10:02,760 --> 00:10:07,720 it is an important aspect of marriage. 125 00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:13,800 May your fountain be blessed and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth. 126 00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:19,800 A loving doe, a graceful deer, may her breasts satisfy you always. 127 00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:23,800 May you ever be captivated by her love. 128 00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:32,320 In the first place, God's word tells us that we are to rejoice in our spouses. 129 00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:37,720 God wants you to rejoice in your wife, and we can reverse that and say, God wants you 130 00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:42,240 to rejoice in your husband. 131 00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:45,840 Now the context here is clear. 132 00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:52,680 It is talking about the delights that come from the privileges of intimacy in marriage. 133 00:10:52,680 --> 00:11:00,320 It's talking about sexual pleasure, which God himself says is good. 134 00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:03,800 It is a gift from him, and it is holy. 135 00:11:03,800 --> 00:11:07,680 You say, well, this is pretty blunt, isn't it? 136 00:11:07,680 --> 00:11:11,400 Well, the Bible does say things very clearly. 137 00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:14,280 We have to be blind to miss them. 138 00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:19,980 Go to the Song of Solomon sometime and see what it says, not in some allegorical sense, 139 00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:25,960 but in a literal sense, and you will see the delights of love and sexuality. 140 00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:35,600 Or go to the New Testament where the writer of Hebrews says, the marriage bed is undefiled. 141 00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:41,360 Or to 1 Corinthians chapter 7 where Paul lays down a number of principles and commands regarding 142 00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:44,400 marriage and sex and its purpose in life. 143 00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:50,080 God is not silent on this subject, and of course he need not be because God is the one 144 00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:53,400 who created us as sexual beings. 145 00:11:53,400 --> 00:12:04,400 It is important to grow in appreciation of your spouse as God's gracious provision for 146 00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:10,400 the emotional and physical desires that he has created within you. 147 00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:15,100 We have to acknowledge that there is a difference between the emotional and physical desires 148 00:12:15,100 --> 00:12:17,200 of men and women. 149 00:12:17,200 --> 00:12:21,280 We don't operate completely on the same wavelength. 150 00:12:21,280 --> 00:12:27,240 That's part of the adventure in marriage. 151 00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:32,320 What God says here is that we are to grow in our understanding of our spouse. 152 00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:38,920 We are to rejoice in that person that God has given to us as a completer. 153 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:45,440 As we rejoice in that one, we are to grow in our understanding of what pleases and satisfies 154 00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:47,600 our spouse. 155 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:55,200 We are not to selfishly use one another, for love seeks the welfare and pleasure of the 156 00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:56,200 other. 157 00:12:56,200 --> 00:13:00,600 It is too bad that there are some people, including Christians, who have a very negative 158 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:04,560 attitude regarding sex. 159 00:13:04,560 --> 00:13:09,000 That is completely contrary to the wisdom of God. 160 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:12,120 God created positive sex. 161 00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:14,520 The world created negative sex. 162 00:13:14,520 --> 00:13:20,720 Isn't it interesting how that's been reversed in the thinking of our culture? 163 00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:26,640 Our world thinks that God is negative and that it is positive. 164 00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:30,140 God is positive about sex. 165 00:13:30,140 --> 00:13:35,480 He tells us that it's a gift from him to be used, and he tells us how to use it so 166 00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:43,680 that it is satisfying, so that it strengthens the unity of relationships, so that it gives 167 00:13:43,680 --> 00:13:46,080 us freedom in life. 168 00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:48,880 That's very positive. 169 00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:56,160 On the other hand, the world's ideas bring destruction, guilt, and disease. 170 00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:59,720 That's very negative. 171 00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:03,680 God has created positive sex. 172 00:14:03,680 --> 00:14:08,500 What we are clearly told in the book of Proverbs is that to grow in our marriage, we need to 173 00:14:08,500 --> 00:14:15,400 rejoice in that spouse that God has given to us. 174 00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:21,400 God has created you to mutually enjoy life in all of its dimensions. 175 00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:27,240 As we begin in chapter 18, and there are other places in Proverbs where it says that your 176 00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:35,600 spouse is a gift from God, see that person as God's gift to you. 177 00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:41,760 That gift may be a little different than the wrappings appeared 20 years ago. 178 00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:43,240 That's true in every marriage. 179 00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:44,240 Did you know that? 180 00:14:44,240 --> 00:14:48,720 There are people who say, well, she's not the same one I married, or he's not the same 181 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:50,440 man that I thought I married. 182 00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:56,480 That's true, because you see that person has grown just like you have. 183 00:14:56,480 --> 00:15:04,080 And as your marriage has allowed a deeper understanding and transparency, that person 184 00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:06,360 is different to you. 185 00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:08,240 That's not bad, that's very good. 186 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:09,840 God wants it to be that way. 187 00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:11,640 That's part of growth. 188 00:15:11,640 --> 00:15:18,400 See that person as God's ever unfolding gift to you. 189 00:15:18,400 --> 00:15:24,680 And yet I've heard statements, and maybe you have too, where someone says, my spouse 190 00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:28,400 doesn't meet my needs anymore. 191 00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:37,280 One of my dearest friends is in ministry in another state, and six weeks ago, that's 192 00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:41,320 exactly what his wife said to him. 193 00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:46,440 As she moved out and went to live with a high school sweetheart, now high school was 20 194 00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:53,240 years ago, as she went to live with a high school sweetheart who's a multi-millionaire 195 00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:58,240 who can meet all of her needs, she thinks. 196 00:15:58,240 --> 00:16:01,280 He just doesn't meet my needs anymore. 197 00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:09,280 When I hear that statement, the first question that comes to my mind is, have you really 198 00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:15,800 communicated to your spouse what your needs are? 199 00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:19,480 Sometimes that has not been made clear. 200 00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:25,760 A spouse cannot meet needs that he or she does not know about. 201 00:16:25,760 --> 00:16:28,640 But beyond that question, there is this truth. 202 00:16:28,640 --> 00:16:35,920 No one, no other person can perfectly meet all the needs of anyone else. 203 00:16:35,920 --> 00:16:40,720 There is no marriage where one spouse completely meets all of the needs of the other. 204 00:16:40,720 --> 00:16:45,160 That's impossible, because we're all human. 205 00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:52,200 It is important to remember that you are married to a person who is struggling with what it 206 00:16:52,200 --> 00:17:02,160 means to live in a fallen world, just like you are. 207 00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:07,920 And I've heard the statement, I don't love her, I don't love him like I used to. 208 00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:10,400 I can't deny my emotions. 209 00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:19,440 Well, that's true, we can't deny our emotions, but neither do we have to live by them. 210 00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:23,840 The feelings may be different for one reason or another, and that's a question you need 211 00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:24,840 to find out. 212 00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:27,600 Why do I feel the way I do? 213 00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:31,280 There's always a reason. 214 00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:35,640 But you don't have to live on the basis of your emotions. 215 00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:42,000 If someone is listening today who feels that way regarding the spouse, let me encourage 216 00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:48,900 you to seek to understand why your emotions are changing. 217 00:17:48,900 --> 00:17:54,400 I've heard people say, I don't love my spouse anymore, there's no one else in the picture. 218 00:17:54,400 --> 00:18:00,120 And time after time, that is a lie. 219 00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:09,040 Almost always there is someone else who has come in to rob the affections of the heart. 220 00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:13,040 Almost always. 221 00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:16,400 But if that's the way you feel today, you need to get the involvement of a trusted and 222 00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:19,160 godly friend or counselor. 223 00:18:19,160 --> 00:18:23,760 Above everything else, you need to decide up front right now before you go any further 224 00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:26,080 that you will be faithful. 225 00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:32,800 You choose to be faithful to the vows that you made before God. 226 00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:37,560 To love that person that God gave you for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, 227 00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:47,000 in sickness and in health, till death we do part. 228 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:52,080 Someone says, well pastor, that's all well and good and that's the ideal, but my marriage 229 00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:54,840 has already failed. 230 00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:59,120 What do I do? 231 00:18:59,120 --> 00:19:03,080 I wish I could go into that completely this morning, I can't, but let me just suggest 232 00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:04,080 a couple of things. 233 00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:11,640 First of all, acknowledge whatever responsibility may be yours in that failed marriage. 234 00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:16,280 It may be large, it may be small, but whatever it is, be honest with yourself before God 235 00:19:16,280 --> 00:19:17,920 to acknowledge it. 236 00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:27,280 Secondly, deal with bitterness and any other unhealthy or sinful leftovers from that failed 237 00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:28,280 marriage. 238 00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:30,040 Deal with them before God. 239 00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:36,840 Allow unhealthy, sinful emotions to remain in your life. 240 00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:42,960 Thirdly, serve Christ faithfully where you are now today. 241 00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:49,040 Do not allow yourself to become overcome by guilt from a failed past, whatever that may 242 00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:50,960 include. 243 00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:54,800 Serve Jesus Christ faithfully where you are today. 244 00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:56,880 So often it's impossible to go back. 245 00:19:56,880 --> 00:19:59,920 Humpty Dumpty cannot always be put together again. 246 00:19:59,920 --> 00:20:04,400 In fact, usually he cannot. 247 00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:09,400 And so turn from the past once you have dealt with it and go on to walk with God and serve 248 00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:14,440 him faithfully and God will be well pleased. 249 00:20:14,440 --> 00:20:19,920 What Proverbs says first here is so very important, rejoice in your spouse. 250 00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:20,920 Rejoice in your spouse. 251 00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:27,920 But secondly, Proverbs suggests to us that we ought to respect our spouses. 252 00:20:27,920 --> 00:20:36,480 Turn to chapter 31 of the book, which of course is the last chapter. 253 00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:42,600 This is the chapter that deals with the godly woman, the virtuous woman. 254 00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:49,160 I'd like for us to read just three or four verses out of this longer paragraph. 255 00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:54,200 Beginning in verse 10 it says, a wife of noble character, who can find? 256 00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:57,560 She is worth far more than rubies. 257 00:20:57,560 --> 00:21:03,760 Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. 258 00:21:03,760 --> 00:21:08,320 Verse 28, her children arise and call her blessed. 259 00:21:08,320 --> 00:21:11,560 Her husband also, and he praises her. 260 00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:16,880 Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all. 261 00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:22,600 Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. 262 00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:29,840 Give her the reward she has earned and let her works bring her praise at the city gate. 263 00:21:29,840 --> 00:21:36,080 What I see in this whole paragraph is a reminder that you and I are to respect that person 264 00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:39,720 that God has given us as a spouse. 265 00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:47,480 We respect our spouse as one who is equal in personhood and in relation to God. 266 00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:52,280 You see, we're in a partnership in marriage. 267 00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:58,800 Faith equality exists in the worth of the husband and the wife as persons created in 268 00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:02,280 the image of God. 269 00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:07,520 The husband is not closer to God, the wife is not closer to God, they are equally close 270 00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:10,520 to God. 271 00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:18,960 Likewise, the husband and wife are completely equal in their worth as children of God through 272 00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:22,400 faith in Jesus Christ. 273 00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:30,560 Sadly, this equality hasn't always been realized, even among Christians. 274 00:22:30,560 --> 00:22:35,160 Women have sometimes been treated in the home and sometimes in the church as second-class 275 00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:43,080 Christians who are relegated to certain duties. 276 00:22:43,080 --> 00:22:49,480 While I am by no means a follower of feminist theology, I think that all of us have been 277 00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:55,760 sensitized by what we have heard in the last decade regarding the role of women to the 278 00:22:55,760 --> 00:23:03,560 fact that discrimination has sometimes taken place in the church, in Christian homes, and 279 00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:07,320 when it has, it's sin. 280 00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:12,080 It needs to be honestly confessed and corrected. 281 00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:18,360 We need to respect our spouse as one who is equal in personhood and equal in relation 282 00:23:18,360 --> 00:23:21,920 to God as ourselves. 283 00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:29,160 Secondly, we need to respect our spouse as one who has assigned a role in God's order 284 00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:32,960 for the home and the church. 285 00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:38,920 The roles that God has given to us as men and women, as husbands and wives, are roles 286 00:23:38,920 --> 00:23:42,760 that are based upon creation, not the fall. 287 00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:47,320 By that I mean these roles do not reflect sin. 288 00:23:47,320 --> 00:23:55,600 They reflect His design for the order of mankind before sin entered the equation. 289 00:23:55,600 --> 00:24:01,800 The managing of marriage and of the home, God says that the husband is to be the head. 290 00:24:01,800 --> 00:24:07,600 It's rather silly how some people try to redefine that word in the Bible. 291 00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:09,480 It's very simple as to what it means. 292 00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:14,200 It means the one who is the leader. 293 00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:21,360 The role of the wife in respect to the home and the marriage is that of a follower. 294 00:24:21,360 --> 00:24:22,360 You say that's discrimination. 295 00:24:22,360 --> 00:24:25,000 No, it's not. 296 00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:26,320 There is equality in that. 297 00:24:26,320 --> 00:24:33,240 That is simply a role that God assigns in His order, and that is reflected in the church, 298 00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:35,840 which I don't have time to go into this morning. 299 00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:45,280 But in fulfilling the role of God, the husband is to love his wife. 300 00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:58,240 And the standard for his love is the way Jesus Christ loved the church, a love of total self-sacrifice. 301 00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:05,600 The role of the wife is to submit to her husband, the standard being the way that the church 302 00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:10,760 submits to Jesus Christ. 303 00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:16,440 When a wife and husband understand the role that God has given and seek by the power of 304 00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:22,640 the Holy Spirit to be faithful to that role, there is harmony in the home. 305 00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:26,920 It is born out of respect for your spouse. 306 00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:29,840 How does all this relate to Proverbs 31? 307 00:25:29,840 --> 00:25:41,960 The Proverbs 31 provides a model that fit with an ancient, mid-eastern culture of Israel. 308 00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:47,040 It is not perfectly transferable today, but what you see here are two roles. 309 00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:53,000 There is the wife who cared for the home and the family, and who was appropriately involved 310 00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:58,840 in business adventures, enterprise. 311 00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:02,680 And then there is the husband, who is mentioned in verse 23 very briefly. 312 00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:06,840 Her husband is respected at the city gate. 313 00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:10,160 Some people have looked at this and they say, well, see, the wife does all the work and 314 00:26:10,160 --> 00:26:18,120 all the husband does is sit out there at the gate all day long and gossip with his friends. 315 00:26:18,120 --> 00:26:22,880 Remember we're dealing with a culture that's not 20th century America. 316 00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:24,880 What was the husband doing at the gate? 317 00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:31,200 Obviously this is the suggestion that he was responsible as a judge in the city. 318 00:26:31,200 --> 00:26:35,960 That's where court was held at the city gate, and so he had a role to fulfill in the community 319 00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:37,600 in that way. 320 00:26:37,600 --> 00:26:42,640 The point is simply is this, that each had a role which God ordained and God approved. 321 00:26:42,640 --> 00:26:48,960 And you see the mutual respect, the husband for his wife, praising her, blessing her at 322 00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:55,840 the city gates, and the wife fulfilling her role in the home, being more valuable than 323 00:26:55,840 --> 00:27:01,400 rubies to her husband. 324 00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:04,820 We see here each speaking praise of the other. 325 00:27:04,820 --> 00:27:07,480 By the way, that is so very important. 326 00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:11,520 That you speak good things, that you speak blessing to your spouse. 327 00:27:11,520 --> 00:27:15,800 You say, well, I show it by what I do. 328 00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:16,800 That's wonderful. 329 00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:23,080 But it doesn't replace the spoken word. 330 00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:27,600 Keep doing what you're doing to show your love. 331 00:27:27,600 --> 00:27:36,040 Those tender embraces, the pats, the looks, helping with the dishes, doing the wash, scrubbing 332 00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:43,880 the floor, cooking the meals, or whatever it is you do. 333 00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:47,520 Keep doing those things, but don't forget the words. 334 00:27:47,520 --> 00:27:53,720 A survey was done recently at the University of Washington in Seattle. 335 00:27:53,720 --> 00:28:00,320 And it showed that in couples that stay together, there are about five times more positive things 336 00:28:00,320 --> 00:28:05,220 said to and about one another than negative ones. 337 00:28:05,220 --> 00:28:12,100 In couples that stay together, the positive words outnumber the negative by five times. 338 00:28:12,100 --> 00:28:17,160 On the other hand, couples that divorced, there was one and a half times more negative 339 00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:19,360 things than positive things said. 340 00:28:19,360 --> 00:28:24,360 In other words, if you say, well, it's about equal, half and half, good and negative, then 341 00:28:24,360 --> 00:28:27,300 you're in trouble. 342 00:28:27,300 --> 00:28:33,440 You need to praise and to bless your spouse five times more than the negative things that 343 00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:34,440 you say. 344 00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:35,440 Why is that? 345 00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:41,680 Because the negative things tend to stay with us. 346 00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:45,040 So often they dig deep, they wound. 347 00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:51,120 Therefore, we need to overcompensate on the blessing side. 348 00:28:51,120 --> 00:29:01,440 First Peter 3, 7, I think puts this in beautiful perspective in the New Testament, where the 349 00:29:01,440 --> 00:29:07,680 apostle says, husbands in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives and 350 00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:16,440 treat them with respect as the weaker partner, that is physically, and as heirs with you 351 00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:20,000 of the gracious gift of life. 352 00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:22,360 You see the equality there? 353 00:29:22,360 --> 00:29:25,160 Heirs together of life. 354 00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:30,140 And therefore, treat her with respect. 355 00:29:30,140 --> 00:29:37,440 And the whole previous paragraph talks to the wife and how to be submissive to her husband. 356 00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:40,240 Respect one another as equals. 357 00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:44,440 Respect one another in those roles that God has given in the home. 358 00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:47,160 I want to tell you something. 359 00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:53,280 If you don't work at this, your marriage is in trouble in our world today. 360 00:29:53,280 --> 00:29:58,960 The husband and wife who think they can just coast along will find themselves eventually 361 00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:10,960 in trouble because our culture is so hostile to God's ideal of marriage and of the home. 362 00:30:10,960 --> 00:30:15,580 We live in a confused culture that has lost its way. 363 00:30:15,580 --> 00:30:22,080 It has abandoned its traditional values and it has veered into dangerous waters where 364 00:30:22,080 --> 00:30:26,920 destruction awaits. 365 00:30:26,920 --> 00:30:34,480 One Sunday afternoon, Pastor Rick and I had some free time in our conference in San Diego. 366 00:30:34,480 --> 00:30:37,680 I'm sorry somebody had to go. 367 00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:43,840 And a young man and his wife who are part of our church but they're stationed out there 368 00:30:43,840 --> 00:30:50,480 now in the Navy arranged for us to go on a tour of a submarine at the Navy base there. 369 00:30:50,480 --> 00:30:51,800 I was so excited about that. 370 00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:56,840 It was worth the whole trip as far as I was concerned. 371 00:30:56,840 --> 00:31:00,600 I began to believe the size of these vessels. 372 00:31:00,600 --> 00:31:02,120 Most of them of course below water. 373 00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:05,400 You just see the top when they come to the surface. 374 00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:09,600 Long longer than this auditorium is. 375 00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:14,040 That's when we'd gotten permission and went down into the sub. 376 00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:17,200 Began to see the various parts of the submarine. 377 00:31:17,200 --> 00:31:20,800 Now you picture these things as being very small, right? 378 00:31:20,800 --> 00:31:23,760 And the passage is narrow and confined. 379 00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:25,880 You almost have to duck to get through. 380 00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:27,560 They're absolutely right. 381 00:31:27,560 --> 00:31:29,520 That's exactly the way they are. 382 00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:32,520 I was claustrophobic the moment I got in. 383 00:31:32,520 --> 00:31:34,600 I was glad I was coming out. 384 00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:42,760 The only thing I could imagine was that the sea was still out there below where I was. 385 00:31:42,760 --> 00:31:47,800 The very center portion of the submarine is an important room. 386 00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:50,080 About three by four. 387 00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:52,120 It's where the gyroscope is. 388 00:31:52,120 --> 00:32:00,440 And we were able to look down into this compartment and to see the gyroscope that provides the 389 00:32:00,440 --> 00:32:06,040 gyro compass readings for the submarine so that wherever they are, hundreds of feet under 390 00:32:06,040 --> 00:32:13,240 the ocean, they can tell exactly where they are and tell the attitude of the ship. 391 00:32:13,240 --> 00:32:21,360 Because this gyroscope always is giving a reference point that's a constant plane for 392 00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:24,640 the submarine's commander. 393 00:32:24,640 --> 00:32:29,040 If that gyroscope were to fail, they'd probably have backup systems, but they would at least 394 00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:31,440 momentarily be in trouble. 395 00:32:31,440 --> 00:32:34,920 Because they would not know where they were, the crew would be endangered. 396 00:32:34,920 --> 00:32:41,480 I want you to know that today, the gyro compass for our culture has stopped. 397 00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:43,740 Our culture is lost. 398 00:32:43,740 --> 00:32:45,120 It is drifting. 399 00:32:45,120 --> 00:32:51,280 And the whole crew, including you and me, were in danger. 400 00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:54,280 This culture is collapsing around us. 401 00:32:54,280 --> 00:32:59,960 The heart, the heart of society is the home. 402 00:32:59,960 --> 00:33:04,780 God says if we want our homes to be what He wants them to be and what will give us the 403 00:33:04,780 --> 00:33:08,360 greatest happiness, then we need to grow in our marriage. 404 00:33:08,360 --> 00:33:11,160 Rejoice in our spouses. 405 00:33:11,160 --> 00:33:18,640 Respect our spouses for who they are is God's special gift to us. 406 00:33:18,640 --> 00:33:22,080 We need to seek the wisdom of God. 407 00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:26,320 We live in a world of fools. 408 00:33:26,320 --> 00:33:34,160 We who know God must seek to understand His wisdom, that is how to live skillfully. 409 00:33:34,160 --> 00:33:36,680 And here's where we learn it. 410 00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:40,720 I hope that the months that we have spent studying the book of Proverbs and a number 411 00:33:40,720 --> 00:33:46,160 of its themes, and we've by no means exhausted the book, but I hope that the various themes 412 00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:50,040 that we've covered have helped you to get a grasp of what it means to live in the fear 413 00:33:50,040 --> 00:33:59,480 of God, to live wisely in a foolish culture, so that your life can go on course, so that 414 00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:06,080 your life will be filled with good things and happiness and prosperity and health and 415 00:34:06,080 --> 00:34:12,160 long life, all of which are the promise of God to those who will live wisely. 416 00:34:12,160 --> 00:34:19,080 Are you living under the lordship of Jesus Christ and His Word? 417 00:34:19,080 --> 00:34:22,520 I hope you are because that's where wisdom begins. 418 00:34:22,520 --> 00:34:27,760 It is submitting one's will to Jesus Christ, receiving Him as Savior and Lord, and then 419 00:34:27,760 --> 00:34:34,120 beyond that, living each day in submission to Him. 420 00:34:34,120 --> 00:34:36,480 I hope that describes your lifestyle. 421 00:34:36,480 --> 00:34:43,840 If it doesn't today, you can enter it, you can know Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. 422 00:34:43,840 --> 00:34:45,600 You can have that personal relationship. 423 00:34:45,600 --> 00:34:50,040 You can know the wisdom of God that will guide you on a course through life that you will 424 00:34:50,040 --> 00:34:56,200 never regret one day in this life, and certainly not in eternity to come. 425 00:34:56,200 --> 00:34:59,200 Let's pray. 426 00:34:59,200 --> 00:35:01,160 Our heads bowed and our eyes closed. 427 00:35:01,160 --> 00:35:07,400 I wonder if there may be someone here who would say, Pastor, I am without guidance in 428 00:35:07,400 --> 00:35:08,400 my life. 429 00:35:08,400 --> 00:35:12,240 I do not know Jesus Christ as my Savior and Lord. 430 00:35:12,240 --> 00:35:19,600 But my life is so lost, my life is so messed up, that I know I need Him. 431 00:35:19,600 --> 00:35:21,520 I am filled with guilt for my sin. 432 00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:23,400 I don't know which way to go. 433 00:35:23,400 --> 00:35:30,200 I don't know how to pick up the pieces of my life, and I need Jesus. 434 00:35:30,200 --> 00:35:34,360 Will you call on Him right where you are seated at this moment and say, Lord Jesus, come into 435 00:35:34,360 --> 00:35:36,040 my life. 436 00:35:36,040 --> 00:35:38,200 I receive you as my Savior and Lord. 437 00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:40,600 Forgive me of my sins. 438 00:35:40,600 --> 00:35:45,680 Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins and rising from the dead. 439 00:35:45,680 --> 00:35:49,320 I trust you alone for the salvation of my soul. 440 00:35:49,320 --> 00:35:54,480 Friend, if that is the prayer and the attitude of your heart, will you just do something 441 00:35:54,480 --> 00:35:56,880 as people around you pray? 442 00:35:56,880 --> 00:36:01,600 Would you look up and just lift your hands so that I can see you? 443 00:36:01,600 --> 00:36:05,680 Let that be your profession of faith this morning. 444 00:36:05,680 --> 00:36:07,960 Just lift your hand and say, Pastor, call today. 445 00:36:07,960 --> 00:36:10,080 That is my decision. 446 00:36:10,080 --> 00:36:15,000 That is my faith to trust Jesus Christ as my Savior. 447 00:36:15,000 --> 00:36:18,160 Is there someone? 448 00:36:18,160 --> 00:36:24,120 Is there someone? 449 00:36:24,120 --> 00:36:25,120 Let's stand together. 450 00:36:25,120 --> 00:36:29,240 With our heads bowed. 451 00:36:29,240 --> 00:36:34,720 Children of God, I hope that you will join me in saying to our Father, Lord, teach me 452 00:36:34,720 --> 00:36:37,460 wisdom. 453 00:36:37,460 --> 00:36:44,960 Give me grace to avoid the pitfalls of sin. 454 00:36:44,960 --> 00:36:52,000 Enable us to walk skillfully through this confused, declining culture. 455 00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:56,800 Lord, keep us on course. 456 00:36:56,800 --> 00:37:05,420 May we not allow the gyroscope that gives direction to our lives to fail. 457 00:37:05,420 --> 00:37:13,940 May the fear of the Lord, reverence and trust in him, give us not only power but direction 458 00:37:13,940 --> 00:37:18,760 that we may walk through this world as conquerors. 459 00:37:18,760 --> 00:37:27,800 As those filled with the Spirit of God, as those who are bound for heaven. 460 00:37:27,800 --> 00:37:31,920 To that end, would you bless us as we go? 461 00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:49,200 For Jesus' sake, we pray, Amen.