And the fifth contingent, Paul deals with some
of the issues in that congregation, and what
we're going to do actually is enter into a married
clinic with the Apostle Paul. We're going to
read the first 24 verses, so please open your
Bible and follow along in whatever translation
you have with you today. Now concerning... The
things about which you wrote, it is good for
a man not to touch a woman. But because of immoralities,
let each man have his own wife, and let each
woman have her own husband. Let the husband fulfill
his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife
to her husband. The wife does not have authority
over her own body, but the husband does. And
likewise also the husband does not have authority
over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving
one another except by agreement for a time that
you may devote yourselves to prayer and come
together again lest fate can tempt you because
of your lack of self -control. But this I say
by way of confession, not of command. Yet I wish
that all men were even as I myself am. However,
each man has his own gift from God, and one in
this manner and another in that. But I say to
the unmarried and to the widows that it is good
for them if they remain even as I. But if they
do not have self -control, let them marry, for
it is better to marry than to burn. But to the
married I give instructions, not I but the Lord,
that the wife should not leave her husband. But
if she does leave, let her remain unmarried or
else we reconcile to her husband, and that the
husband should not send away his wife. But to
the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother
has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents
to live with him, let him not send her away.
And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, if
he consents to live with her, let her not send
her husband away. For the unbelieving husband
is sanctified through the wife, and the unbelieving
wife is sanctified through her believing husband.
For otherwise your children are unclean, but
now they are holy. Yet if the unbelieving one
leaves, let him leave. The brother or the sister
is not under bondage in such cases, but God has
called us to peace. For how do you know, O wife,
whether you will save your husband? Or how do
you know, O husband, whether you will save your
wife? Only as the Lord has assigned to each one,
as God has called each, in this manner let him
walk. and thus I direct in all the churches.
Was any man called already circumcised? Let him
not become uncircumcised. Has anyone been called
in uncircumcision? Let him not be circumcised.
Circumcision is nothing, uncircumcision is nothing.
But what matters is the keeping of the commandments
of God. Let each man remain in that condition
in which he was called. Were you called while
a slave? Do not worry about it, but if you are
able also to become free, rather do that. For
he who was called in the Lord while a slave is
the Lord's freed man. Likewise, he who was called
while free is Christ's slave. You were not bought
with a price. You were bought with a price. Do
not become slaves of men. Brethren, let each
man remain with God in that condition in which...
He was called. Well, marriage is a wonderful
gift from God, our Creator. It reminds me of
a story of a minister who was planning a wedding
at the close of his Sunday morning service, which
is sometimes done in smaller churches and more
rural situations. As he was about to call the
couple forward after the benediction, his mind
went blank and he could not remember their names.
And so he simply said, will those wanting to
get married please come to the front? Immediately
nine single ladies, three widows, four widowers,
and six single men stepped up to the front of
the church. Well, they wanted to claim God's
blessing. Marriage is a blessing from God. It's
designed... is for a lifelong monogamous relationship
of love between man and woman. But we're very
clear in these days of confusion that it does
not involve same -gender relationships. God's
design is for a lifelong commitment of love between
a man and a woman. Jesus talked a lot about marriage,
but he leads to the Apostle Paul and other spirit
-directed writers, the practical application
of the theology of marriage. Now, it may be helpful
to get a cultural glimpse, at least, of what
was happening in the Roman Empire in the mid
-first century AD. In the first place, there
was a high divorce rate among the Romans. Homosexuality
was very prevalent in their culture. There was
widespread use of concubines. and there was a
growing feminist rebellion. It sounds a little
bit like our own culture, doesn't it? Now, Paul
is writing to Christians who are living in that
kind of a culture. Now, because of what he writes,
he is sometimes accused of being an ascetic,
or as against married. I have read that Paul
hated women. I have read also that Paul contradicted
Jesus. and what he wrote here. None of that is
true. It is true that Paul favored celibacy,
but he also encouraged marriage, as we will see.
Now you notice from what verse 1 says that Paul
is answering specific questions that had been
posed to him by the Corinthians. He does not
give us the questions, he only gives us the answers.
And so what we need to do is to go to his answers
and try to reconstruct the question. Okay? That's
how we're going to approach the text this morning.
We're going to go to what Paul says in his response,
and out of that, attempt to reconstruct the question
that Paul was answering. It is as though, as
we come to this chapter, the Apostle Paul sits
down with us to teach us in a seminar or a clinic
regarding marriage issues. We're going to see
that some of the issues that Paul was dealing
with were the very same issues as we come to
the end of the 20th century. Now the bottom line
in this message is that God's revelation must
govern our marriage decisions. God's revelation
must govern our marriage decisions. Not what
we hear on radio talk shows, not what we pick
up from columns in this paper, not what the advice
is from friends who don't know Christ. What must
govern our marriage decisions is what God says
about it. And from that, I want to go on to say
this, that obedience then brings God's blessing.
And disobedience brings self -destruction. When
God tells us to do something, it is for our own
good. When we choose to obey God, it results
in the natural blessings that come to us as a
result. And when we choose to disobey what God
says, then we are actually putting ourselves
on a road to self -destruction. It is very, very
serious. The choice is critical. But now let's
try to think of the questions that Paul was probably
answering as he wrote these words. The first
question that seems to be in Paul's mind is this
one. Is it wrong not to be married? Is it wrong
not to be married? The Jewish rabbis of that
day, many of them, thought that it was, in fact,
sinful not to marry. Out of that thinking, Paul
may be answering this question arising in the
Corinthian Church. Paul says in the first place
regarding this question that it is good not to
engage in marriage. In verse 1, the word touch
does not mean to physically embrace or to touch
a person. It is a euphemism for the intimacies
of the marriage relationship. This is seen throughout
the Old Testament, that touching, in this kind
of a context, refers to the sexual intimacies
of Mary. Well, Paul is saying here it is good
not to enter into that kind of a relationship.
It is good. In fact, he exhorts them to follow
his own example of celibacy in verse 8. Paul
is saying here that as a general principle in
light of the quote present distress As he calls
it in verse 26 the circumstances of the day It
might in fact be better not to marry or to give
your daughter in marriage as he says in verse
38 Now having said that we need to note that
Paul does not say that singleness is the only
good Nor did he say that it's bad to be married.
He simply says it is good, it is a good, to be
celibate. And in doing so he shows us that singleness
is not only acceptable, but it is a good to be
appreciated. It is to be considered as honorable
as married. He implies that it is a gift given
by God to some. But if you don't have that gift,
celibacy can be terribly frustrating. And so
the apostle says, secondly, that to avoid sexual
sin, it is better to marry. Singleness is good,
but it fosters sexual temptation. as he suggests
in verses 2 and 9. Now, in writing what he does
here, Paul assumes monogamy. He talks about his
own, her own. It is a relationship between one
man and one woman. And he also makes it very
clear that sex outside of that kind of a marriage
is not permitted by God. It is sinful. Sex outside
of the commitment and the love of a man -woman
married is out of bounds, and it not only incurs
God's judgment, it brings self -destruction as
well. So Paul's counsel here, in light of this
question, is it wrong not to be married, says,
well, it's in fact good not to engage in marriage.
But you have to have the gift for it. If you
don't have the gift, it can be frustrating. So
to avoid sexual sin, it is better to marry. But
he says, if you have the gift for being single,
use it. Use it. Now there's a second question
that comes to mind as we continue on in our reading
in these early verses of the chapter, and it's
this. Should Christian couples separate? Paul's
principle is no, no, they should not separate.
If they are married, they are to be married.
They should not separate. Christian couples,
like all couples, need to be aware of people,
of things, of circumstances, of attitudes that
tend to create division and separation in a marriage.
One man said to his friend, my wife says if I
don't quit playing golf, she's going to leave
me. His friend said, well, man, that's too bad.
And he replied and said, yep, I'm sure going
to miss her. Golf? To be fishing? Now that it's
a week after Oprah, I can get away with that.
We need to be aware of those things that tend
to separate us, because it is God's will for
us not to separate. In this context, Paul says
several things that build on it. He says in the
first place in verses 3 and 4 that each spouse,
in fact, has a duty to the others, has a duty.
So that includes things like courtesy, manners.
being kind. Oliver Wendell Holmes said that the
nearer you come in relation with a person, the
more necessary do tax and courtesy become. It
is an observable but sad fact that too often,
once we become married, we forget the courtesies
and the manners and the words and the expressions
of love. that were part of dating courtship.
We have that kind of a duty to one another, but
in the context here, Paul is thinking about more
than that, he's thinking about the intimacy of
marriage. The obligation that comes to the husband
and to the wife with regard to sexual fulfillment.
And he says that each has authority over the
other. That means that each has an exclusive
claim on the other. And therefore married couples
are not to separate. And we're to be aware of
those things, those attitudes, those circumstances
that bring separation and threaten that oneness.
In this fight, he says something further. He
says neither spouse should deprive the other.
There is the right of intimacy that comes with
the commitment of marriage. And neither spouse
should use that relationship of intimacy as a
weapon against the other. It is never to be used
to punish. It is never to be used to get even.
It is never to be used to teach him or to teach
her a lesson. There is a right of intimacy that
comes with the commitment of Mary's now Paul
does make an exception He says you may separate
but only by mutual consent We both agree to it
obviously for a limited time and for a well -defined
spiritual purpose human since prayer And once
that has been fulfilled, quickly come together
again, resume your normal relationship. He says
that anything else can lead to sin. It can leave
you and or your spouse open to temptation. And
so, neither spouse should deprive the other.
Now Paul says, this is not my command that I'm
giving you, it is my allowance. And then in verses
10 and 11, he goes on with another thought. He
says, both spouses are to stay with one another.
He says, to the married, I give instructions,
not I, but the Lord. What he means by this is
that Jesus referred to this. Later you notice
he says, it is I saying this and not the Lord.
He is not saying that this is not important because
Jesus didn't say it. He is saying Jesus didn't
talk about this. But I am going to talk about
it, and he is saying that what I say to you is
of equal weight and authority of what Jesus would
say. That's his point. Now he says, the wife
should not leave her husband, and the husband
should not send his wife away. That is God's
plan. That is God's ideal, that there be no separation.
But notice the parenthesis, the beginning of
verse 11, if he does leave. You see the Apostle
Paul was living in a fallen world as we are.
And he recognizes that there are situations where
this is going to happen even though God's perfect
will is that Christian couples not separate.
He doesn't necessarily say that it's even sinful.
It may be. and it may not be. But because of
the fallenness of the world and the fallenness
that still remains in us as believers, he recognizes
the reality that sometimes it happens. And he
says when it does, there is no remarriage. So
let no one think that Paul provides here an open
happy door for Christian couples to separate.
This is a very hard thing. And he says, if there
is something that is so grievous that separation
happens, then there is to be no remarriage on
the part of either spouse that is outside of
God's will. Now they may reconcile. They may
come back together. the two of them. But other
than that, they are committing themselves to
a future life of total celibacy. Now, what is
it that generates separation? Why does Paul even
need to address this? Well, as I said, it's because
of the kind of world that we live in. It's because
of the kind of people we are. What is it that
generates separation so often it's the little
things and Because they aren't dealt with over
a period of time They really tear up a relationship
I Was in a hardware store recently looking around
if you men have a hard time understanding why
your wives can go to a mall and Shop for three
hours and come home without anything God be praised
when that happens, right? But you can go and
look around the store and just be content looking.
And you don't like to go because you get frustrated.
Just think what you're like in a hardware store.
I go into a hardware store, go up and down the
aisles. I just like to see what's on sale and
what this gadget is and what that's about. Don't
you do that? So recently I was in there and I
saw this contraption. It had sharp spikes in
it, and it was spring loaded. And it was a mole
trap. A mole trap. I was fascinated by this thing.
Have you ever had a problem with moles? I mean,
in the yard? I got a couple of my back, too,
but I'm talking about the other kind of mole.
Well, I've tried poison peanuts. You know, those
little peanuts that are blue, and you... put
them down in the hole, which absolutely guarantees
that mole will never come that direction again.
You can count on it. When you put a peanut in
there, that runway is done. The mole will never
come and eat those peanuts and die. You can get
a spade and stand out there and wait for the
mole to come around. You can see them moving
through the tunnel. But you'll probably be on
social security before you ever kill all of them.
So you get these traps. But you know there's
really a simpler way than a trap, even? All you
have to do is to get some chemical and go out
into the yard and poison the grub worms. Because
that's why the moles are there. They don't care
about your lawn. They don't care about you. All
they want are the grub worms. And so if you kill
the grub worms, you get rid of the moles. And
you know what our marriage is? It's the grubworms.
Those little things that just irritate and aren't
dealt with over a period of time that bring the
bigger problems that begin to undermine the relationship.
What are the grubworms that are working away
in your relationship today? Paul says Christian
couples are not to separate. Now, there's a third
question that arises as we continue on in the
text. It is this, did a Christian leave an unsaved
spouse? The problem that is in Paul's mind apparently,
having been asked this question by the Corinthians,
is does living with a non -Christian defile a
believer? And Paul's response is absolutely not,
the same thing, verses 12 and 13. Now the question
may have arisen out of ancient Israel's laws
and practices, such as in the book of Ezra, when
the pagan wives were to be put away. And so the
Christians in Corinth now were asking the question,
well, I'm married to a pagan. Should I put the
pagan away? And so Paul responds, saying, no,
that is not the case. In verse 14, he talks about
what we might call matrimonial sanctification.
He says, the unbeliever is set apart by the believer.
So that the children that are produced in this
union are holy and not unclean. The marriage
is not unholy. It is not unclean. He says the
unbeliever, in fact, is sanctified. Now, that
doesn't mean the unbeliever is automatically
saved by being married to the Christian. It does
not even guarantee that this person will be saved.
It suggests that there's a spillover effect of
God's blessing in the life of the Christian with
that unbelieving spouse partakes in. They are
under the blessing of God and they enjoy that,
and the hope is, and maybe even the tendency
is, that by the godly living of the Christian,
the unsaved spouse will come to Christ. Verse
16. I could give you anecdotes about that. One
is of a converted Hindu woman who offered a great
deal at the hands of her non -Christian relatives.
So a missionary asked her one day, when your
husband's angry and persecutes you, what do you
do? And her response was, I just cook the food
better and I sweep the floor cleaner. And when
he's unkind with me, I answer him mildly, and
I try to show him in every way that when I became
a Christian, I became a better wife. And the
missionary you had that encounter tells us that
over a period of time, the Holy Spirit used that
godly woman to bring her Hindu husband to the
Savior. It's not easy. The Paul says don't separate,
but there's a note of clarification. What if
the unsaved one initiates the divorce? What if
that pagan spouse says, look, you're not the
one I married. I'm getting out of here. What's
a Christian to do? The Paul says the Christian
is not under bonded in those kinds of cases.
In the context of the chapter, that seems very
clearly to me not under bonding to the marriage
vow, to the marriage union. Let him go, says
Paul. You're called to peace. You're called to
peace. And so this seems to allow for the dissolution
of a marriage on the grounds of desertion in
a case where an unbeliever becomes a believer
and now there is a mixed marriage. Now, it's
not talking about where a believer disobediently
marries an unbeliever. He is talking about where
two people who are unsaved find themselves in
a situation where now they are mixed. And one
has become a Christian, and one fast refuses
it and says, I'm out of here. I don't want to
be married to a Christian. And Paul says, let
him go. Let her go. There seems to be a second
biblical allowance for divorce, along with adultery.
Allowance, I say, not command. It is permitted.
And by the way, the reason that God permits it
is so the one who is left, the innocent one,
is able to remarry in the Lord. Where there is
a biblical allowance for it, there is the inherent
right for the remarriage. Now, I know that this
kind of thing brings up all sorts of questions
and it's impossible to answer them in the context
of this chapter or in the time we have this morning,
but let me say that the elders of this church
have hammered out a statement regarding marriage
and divorce, and you are welcome to ask for a
copy of that at the church office and we'll send
it to you. Let me leave that and go on to the
final question, which is now found beginning
in verse 17, a question that rather provides
the context for all that Paul says in this chapter.
The question might be put this way. Paul, should
a Christian agitate to change his status after
conversion? Should he feel pressure to change
his status, be it social status, economic status?
Ethnic status, political status, whatever. The
married questions that Paul has been dealing
with is here tied to and placed under another
general principle that we see here. Paul is saying
that a believer should remain as God has called
him. That's the idea. And in the context of the
larger chapter, we would say it this way then.
If a believer... is married to an unsaved, then
that person should remain in that relationship.
Or I think we can also say, if there has been
a wrong divorce in the past, and now there's
a remarried, do not break the second marriage
to return to the first. It only compounds the
problem. Paul says, if you're a Gentile, remain
a Gentile. If you're called as a Jew, remain
a Jew. If you've been called into Christ as a
slave, remain a slave. However, he says, if you
can be freed, be freed, but use that freedom
for the Lord. The principle here is to abide
in the calling in which you were saved. It might
be called the principle of the status quo. He
is saying the most important thing is not whether
you're slave or free or Gentile or Jew or married
or divorced or single. He says the most important
thing about you is your spiritual position, that
you're in Christ, that you're in God. He says,
coupled with that, needs to be a desire in your
heart to keep God's moral commandments. Verse
19. And so if we're going to summarize this principle,
it would be this. your circumstances to God's
providence and seek to obey Him. That's what
Paul is saying. Whatever the issue may be in
your life, and it may have nothing to do with
Mary, he says, trust the circumstances of your
life to a God who is bigger than all of your
situations. And God, who in his providence, which
is wise and loving, arranges your circumstances,
trusts him with your circumstances, and seeks
to obey his moral commandments. Now, I think
you can see from this chapter that the Word of
God directs us counter to much of the present
wisdom of the world. You're not going to hear
this kind of stuff on talks. radio programs on
these syndicated television programs stood out
of the pit. They bring every perverse thing before
audiences who applaud like little idiots. You're
not going to hear this kind of thing there. Because
all of that, most of that, let me back up, most
of that is worldly wisdom. You can go out to
your friend who doesn't know Christ, or maybe
even a Christian friend who does know the Lord
but is not walking with God, and you can get
advice that will be counter to what God says.
And I could name you this morning enough marriages
that I know of from this church to put on one
hand, at least, where one spouse or the other
has gone out and gotten bad advice from people
who are supposed to be Christians and followed
that and ruined their marriage. because they
did not listen to the Word of God. Even Christian
friends can give you ungodly counsel. So my point
this morning at the beginning was that we need
to understand that God's revelations have governed
our married relationships. When we obey it, we're
blessed. When we disobey it, we self -destruct.
God is not trying to be mean in what he tells
us. He's not trying to make us miserable God
simply knows more than we do And he says if you
will do this You will have blessings, but if
you don't do that Then you will experience self
-destruction The choice is ours A number of years
ago there was a ship that went down on the Irish
coast Everyone was puzzled as to why the ship
would have gone down, hit the rocks. So they
sent divers down to recover bits of it and one
of the things they brought back from the depths
was the compass of the ship. They opened it and
examined it and they found that down inside the
compass was the tip of a knife. Apparently one
of the seamen had been cleaning the compass and
inadvertently broke off the tip of his knife
and it remained lodged down in the compass. And
he didn't think anything about it, but the problem
was that the tip of the knife just took the compass
off enough that in the fog the ship went on the
rocks. I don't know what it may be down in the
compass of your life today that threatens you.
I don't know what it may be where you have refused
God, you've made the wrong choice, but I can
tell you that unless you face that and deal with
it and confess it before God and come back to
obey the Lord, you're going to hit the rock.
Your marriage is going to hit the rock. Your
future is going to hit the rock. Obedience brings
blessing, but when we choose to disobey, it puts
us on the wrong course and we end up in self
-destruction. But what better time is there today
than to do business with God and to get the compass
cleaned up so that it's leading us in the right
direction, in the direction of God's blessing.
Let's pray together. Because you search your
own heart about this. What is it? What is it
that is the tip of a knife blade that's broken
off down in there? What choice is leading you
toward destruction? Whatever that is, I believe
that God is reminding you of it right now. And
I plead with you, in the name of Christ, Bring
your life under the governance of His Word for
your sake. Because if you will obey what God
says, my friend, you will know blessing. But
if you choose to disobey, destruction is surely
ahead. I plead with you. Bring that attitude.
Bring that lack of forgiveness. Bring that spirit
that quenches the Lord. Bring that behavior,
that secret thing that maybe nobody else knows
about. That sin that you're playing with. Bring
it to the Lord. And avoid the rock. Will you
do that right now? Tell him so. Lord, I thank
you that you are a faithful God who in love gives
us instructions. And I pray that all of us will
be able to leave here today, truly trusting you
as the God who providently has arranged our circumstances.
And with hearts that are seeking to obey you
in your moral commandment. God, I pray that we
will leave here moving in the direction of blessing
and not trouble. In Jesus' name, Amen.