Thanks to Paul and to the very creative team
this morning for leading us in this time of worship.
I'd like for you to stand right where you are
and greet a friend near you and perhaps even
meet a new friend. Would you do that? Let everyone
know that we're glad they're here today. Yesterday
we had some teams from our wanna clubs who participated
in a Bible quiz and we want to congratulate the
four teams who did so and especially the pioneers
and the pals who came in first in their contests.
And you will notice that there are four roses
at the organ today. They're in honor of four
new believers who've come to faith in Christ,
the witness of people in our church family in
the last two weeks. They are Erin, Christina,
Melissa, and Hai Vu. Would you pray with me,
please? Father, we give thanks to you for the
fruit of witness and for these four who've come
to faith in your Son. Our prayer is that they
will grow and be nurtured and that they, too,
would come to bear fruit as missionaries for
the Lord Jesus Christ in those places where they
live and work. Father, we pray this morning for
Rod who continues to battle disease. We ask that
you bring a measure of health to him even this
day and new strength. Lord, you know the concerns
and burdens of every one of us as we gather and
we bring those to you because you are our friend
and you care about us. We give thanks for that
friendship and that love. that characterizes
your concern for each of us. And now would you
minister to our hearts by your Holy Spirit as
we study your word together about friends. In
Jesus' name, amen. I invite you to open the Word
of God with me today to Proverbs chapter 17 and
verse 17 where it says, A friend loves at all
times and a brother is born for adversity. The
most serious form of poverty is to be without
a friend. Our greatest wealth is measured not
in terms of riches, but relationships. Friends
are like socks. Everybody should have at least
a few good ones. There are different kinds of
friends, of course. There are superficial friends
and deep friends, true friends and false friends.
I think of the prodigal son and the friends that
he made while he was on his journey away from
his father. When his money ran out, so did his
friends, and he was left alone in the pig pen.
Someone has written, true friends are like diamonds,
precious and rare. False friends are like autumn
leaves found everywhere. We treasure, and rightly
so, those who are our true friends. God has a
good deal to say about friendships, especially
in the book of Proverbs. The wise person listens
to God's counsel regarding friendships. In the
first place, we learn from God's counsel that
a true friend sticks close, even when it's tough.
A friend loves at all times. And chapter 18 verse
24 says, a man of many companions may come to
ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer
than a brother. A friend sticks close, a true
friend. Even when the times are tough, this word
stick in chapter 18 verse 24 is the same. Hebrew
word as used in Ruth chapter 1 verse 14 of Ruth
clinging to Naomi when Naomi sought to send her
back to her homeland. She persisted and clung
to her mother -in -law and desired to be with
her. Your people will be my people, she said.
Your God will be my God. The day of trouble is
the day that tells you who your real friends
are. You remember, I'm sure, Jonathan and David.
David, who would be the future king of Israel,
and Jonathan, who was the son of the current
king whose name was Saul. It says in the 18th
chapter of 1 Samuel that their hearts were knit
together. Their hearts were bound together like
a bundle of wood is bound tightly And they became
dear friends. They loved each other truly The
day came when Saul was very jealous of David
and sought to put David to death by a number
of different means Jonathan's friendship was
so strong with David and he believed so deeply
in David's call of God to be the next king that
Jonathan was willing to risk his relationship
with his father for the sake of his friend and
nearly got himself killed by his own dad because
he stuck up for his friend David who was in trouble.
When David heard the news that Jonathan had been
killed on Mount Gilboa with his father Saul,
David wept. Yes, he wept for Saul, the man who
had tried to kill him. He was loyal even to the
one who became his enemy. But at the end of his
lamentation, David wept for Jonathan. because
he was going to miss this man who was the dearest
of all of his friends. A true friend sticks close
even when it's tough. Some friends are like your
shadow. You see them only when the sun shines.
But a true friend is there on cloudy days. A
little boy defined a friend as somebody who knows
all about you and likes you just the same. Secondly,
we learn that a true friend tells you the truth
even when it hurts. That's what God says. Chapter
27 of Proverbs in verse 6. Wounds from a friend
can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.
Faithful are the wounds of a friend, says the
King James Version. You know, regardless of what
happens to you, there are some friends who knew
it would. Isn't that right? A friend loves you
enough to risk that relationship to be honest
with you. Treasure that person. Every one of
us needs at least one honest critic who loves
us and who is willing to take the time and energy
necessary to prove that love by correcting us
when we need it. A true friend tells you the
truth even when it hurts. Has there been some
friend who has hurt you in recent days and you've
become angry? Understand that that friend did
you a favor. if he or she told you the truth.
It might be wise to say at this point that before
we go telling the truth to our friends, it is
wise for us to invest enough time in them that
they know that when we speak the truth to them,
we're speaking it in love. The Bible says we
are to speak the truth in love. A critical spirit
is not a spiritual gift, but loving criticism
can be valuable as a contribution to someone
that you really care about. As you deal with
someone else's faults, though, deal with them
gently as if they were your own. There's an old
Arab proverb that says, is one to whom we may
pour out all the contents of our hearts, chaff
and grain together, knowing that the gentlest
of hands will take and sift it, keep what is
worth keeping, and with the breath of kindness
blow the rest away." All of us need a friend
like that. Third, God's counsel to us is this,
a true friend shapes your character. even when
it's grating. Do you have a friend who grates
on you? Please remember that as that friendship
is fulfilled, it will shape your character. Chapter
27, verse 17 says, As iron sharpens iron, so
one man sharpens another. Interaction with other
people is crucial. to your maturity as a human
being and as a Christian. God has made us so
that we do not develop living in cocoons. We
need other people. And just as iron moving across
iron causes it eventually to be sharpened, so
one friend rubbing up against another friend,
interacting with him over weeks and months and
years sharpens his friend. An exchange of views,
even a healthy disagreement, sharpens us so that
we are better men and women for that inner change.
That person is your friend who pushes you nearer
to God. But the process of that can be sometimes
grating. Do you enjoy the sound of fingernails
on a blackboard? Do you enjoy the sound of iron
rubbing across iron? Sometimes that gets to us.
It can be unpleasant, but be glad for those relationships
where you don't agree on everything. Where you
don't, where you always agree. Where you always
agree, one of you is unnecessary. And so be glad
that there is some difference. It is that difference
as you interact in a healthy and mature way that
causes your character to be sharpened. Pick the
kind of friends that are going to sharpen you
well. Don't pick the friends that are always
going to tell you what you want to hear. Now,
the darker side of this can be found in the New
Testament of 1 Corinthians 15. Where it says
bad company corrupts good morals. 1st Corinthians
15 33 We need to beware of the wrong kinds of
friends Because just as a true friend Will sharpen
our character in a positive sense The wrong kind
of friends will dull us in a negative sense People
are judged we hear by the company they keep.
It's also true that people are judged by the
company they don't keep. Don't keep the kind
of friends that will push you away from God.
That will cause your character to be dulled instead
of sharpened. Pick your friends well. Because
we will talk and we will think like the person
that we listen to the most. A true friend shapes
your character even when it's grating. And fourth,
a true friend deserves your care even when it's
understood. Chapter 27 again in verse 10. Do
not forsake your friend and the friend of your
father. And do not go to your brother's house
when disaster strikes you. Better a neighbor
nearby than a brother far away. Be wise, my son,
and bring joy to my heart." What is he saying
here? He is saying that we ought to not forsake
our friends or our father's friends. We need
to nurture them. They deserve our care, these
true friendships. We think, well, he knows. She
knows that we're friends, and that may well be,
but God counsels us to take care to our friendships,
and not our own personally, but also those that
belong to our broader family. Don't take them
for granted. Friendship is too precious to treat
it that way. It needs nurture. Give it nurture.
Dr. Samuel Johnson said, a man, sir, should keep
his friendships in constant repair. Is there
a friendship in your life that today is beginning
to fray at the edge? Not because you necessarily
wanted to, but simply because you haven't invested
time or concern in that friendship for a while?
If that is a true friend, I urge you to go back
and to knit together that fraying. To invest
the kind of time and concern from your heart
that is necessary so that friendship doesn't
fail. True friends are too much to be treasured
to allow that to happen. It requires effort.
It costs you something. But true friendships
do not grow on their own. They need to be tended.
How do you preserve friendships? Well, let me
state it very succinctly in five quick sentences
that we'll find mentioned in the book of Proverbs
or suggested in the book of Proverbs. To preserve
your friendships in the first place, don't be
a nagger. Chapter 17 in verse 9. He who covers
over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats
the matter separates close friends. This verse
might be understood in a number of ways, but
as I look at it this morning what it's saying
is that if we continually repeat something in
a nagging sort of way, it causes our friendships
to become strained. Friends who can hold their
tongues rarely have any trouble holding their
friends. If you want to preserve your friendships
and nurture them and care for them, don't be
a nagger. Somebody has said horse sense is what
keeps you from becoming a nag. So use a little
bit of it in your friendships. Secondly, don't
be a gossip. If you want to preserve your friendships,
don't be a gossip. Chapter 25 and verse 8. Do
not bring hastily to court What you have seen
with your eyes, do not bring hastily to court.
For what will you do in the end if your neighbor
puts you to shame? If you argue your case with
your neighbor, do not betray another man's confidence.
For he who hears it may shame you, and you will
never lose your bad reputation." Salma's talking
here about court kind of situation, about litigation.
But you'll notice right in the middle of it is
this bit of advice that says do not betray another
man's confidence Don't be a gossip Somebody has
said there are three kinds of gossips There's
the vest button gossip who's always popping off
There's the vacuum type gossip who's always picking
up dirt and There's the liniment type gossip
who's always rubbing it in. Beware of being any
kind of a gossip. Some pastor was going to preach
on that subject in the bulletin. There was the
order of service, and you know how it usually
looks, and down toward the bottom of the service
it said, message colon gossip. Invitation hymn,
I love to tell the story. If you want to preserve
friendships, don't be a gossip. If your friends
misquote you, think how much worse it might have
been if they had quoted you correctly. Number
three, don't be a pest. Chapter 25, verses 16
and 17. If you find honey, eat just enough. Too
much of it and you will vomit. Seldom set foot
in your neighbor's house too much of you and
he will hate you. Those two verses go together.
Don't be a pest. Too much of anything can be
repulsive. Even something good like honey or
candy. Don't make yourself repugnant to your
friend. Don't be a pest. Somebody said familiarity
breeds contempt. And another person replied,
yes, but only with contemptible things and contemptible
people. But the fact is that even a pleasant
person can try another's patience when he's pesty.
There was a customer who was in a restaurant
and repeatedly asked the waitress for her telephone
number. Finally, she gave him a number. So when
he got away from there, he called the number.
And the person answered, hello, pest control
service. Don't be a pest to preserve your friendships.
Learn when you are welcome and when you're not
welcome. Be sensitive to other people's needs
and their feelings at a given moment. I was talking
a few days ago with a youth pastor, not the one
from our church, but one from a church in another
part of the city. And he was telling me that
after a long and hard day dealing with his ministry,
he finally got home at 8 .30 at night, just in
time to kiss his kids as they were going to bed.
And he collapsed on the sofa with his wife in
the living room and the doorbell rang. And he
went to the door and one of his teenagers said,
am I too late? Well, he said, I was sorely tempted
to say, you certainly are. But instead, he let
him in. My counsel to him was, sometime you need
to help your teens understand when it's too late.
There is a time to say no to people. We are wise
in our friendships if we learn when no should
be said and we don't press it that far. When
we don't allow ourselves to become pests to others.
I can remember a period of my life before I was
married when I was working as an intern in the
church. And I had lots of time on my hands because
of my work. I was not married, had few responsibilities
and I remember there was a couple in our church
who invited myself and my fellow intern over
to their home fairly frequently. We made pests
of ourselves. Now they were kind enough not to
tell us that, but as I look back now I can see
that we really stretched our friendship. Beware
of that. God's counsel fourthly is, if you want
to preserve your friendships, don't be a tease.
Now that's hard for some of us because we enjoy
teasing. But it's sort of like honey too. A little
of it goes a long way. Chapter 26, verses 18
and 19. Like a madman shooting firebrands or
deadly arrows is a man who deceives his neighbor
and says, I was only joking. Do you know anybody
like that at the office? Don't be a tease. Don't
do something, say, oh, I'm just pretending, we're
just having fun, just a joke. A person like that
is like someone who's got a mental problem and
out in the middle of the street with a rifle
or a bow and arrow to use the term here. Dr.
Robert Alden said, a humor is a delightful gift
from God, but it can be misused. The man who
deceives his neighbor and says he was only joking
is like a crazy person with a deadly weapon.
Even if this man was just playing a trick it
was hardly funny. Good humor does not laugh at
some other man's discomfort. The prankster here
shows insensitivity as well as poor moral judgment.
There have been some friendships broken up because
teasing. that went too far. A fifth bit of advice
from God regarding preserving friendships is
found in chapter 27 verse 14. If a man loudly
blesses his neighbor early in the morning, it
will be taken as a curse. Advice number five,
don't be a nuisance. Learn to be timely, even
in your praise of another person. He writes of
a man who gets up early in the morning and goes
outside his neighbor's house and praises and
blesses him for all the good he's done, but his
neighbor's trying to sleep. And as far as the
neighbor's concerned, it's a curse. We need to
be careful we don't become a nuisance to others.
Even compliments. given at inappropriate moments
may cause embarrassment and put stress and strain
on a relationship. Do you have friends? Likely
in your whole life you'll have not more than
half a dozen, maybe ten, true friends. We all
have many acquaintances, but oh how we treasure
those who are friends. Do you have many friends?
I've heard that complaint occasionally from people.
I say, pastor, I just don't have any friends.
When you hear that complaint from someone the
first thing to do is simply to say to that one
making that complaint Why do you think that is?
Because sometimes we don't have friends due to
our own problems We haven't taken the advice
of God's Word that we've looked at this morning
and as a result of that people stay away from
us They hold us off at arm's length. We need
to examine ourselves first if we say that we
have no friends. Before we place the blame on
them, let's look inside. But perhaps the better
question this morning is not, do you have friends?
The better question may be, are you a friend?
One of the variants of Proverbs 18 24 variant
readings is he who would have friends must show
himself friendly That's the way the King James
Version puts it To have a friend you must be
one and so The better question is are you a friend
to another person? Because one who proves to
be a true friend will usually find that that
action is reciprocal The challenge I want to
give to you is to be a friend Don't go out and
look for people to be your friends go out determined
in your heart to be friends with someone else
Because you will find that as you do that and
do it with the counsel of God's Word You will
find cadre of friends who will eventually surround
you as well. Sometimes we make the mistake of
thinking that our friends aren't meeting our
needs. My friends just aren't coming through
like they ought to. I must need better friends.
Well, the first question is, do I need to be
a better friend? The second question is, am I
expecting of my friends what no friend can deliver.
Sometimes we allow ourselves to become bottomless
pits of emotional needs. And we expect people
around us to keep throwing themselves into the
pit, but it never gets filled up. Sometimes we
need emotional healing. Because of hurts and
pains that we've experienced in the past and
the fact is that we need to seek that healing
Before we expect our friends to really meet our
needs But beyond that Ultimately, there is only
one friend who can truly meet our needs and that
is the Lord Jesus Christ He says to us, I do
not call you servants, because a servant does
not know what his master will do, but I call
you friends. Can you imagine this? That the King
of the universe, the Lord of glory, Jesus Christ,
looks you square in the eyes and he says, my
friend. He is the one who truly can meet your
needs He is the one who truly sticks closer than
a brother Because you see Jesus Christ knows
the worst about every one of us and he loves
us still and When we have that moment of great
need in our lives he is always there Our human
friends can fail us it is true But Jesus never
fails. Is he your true friend today because he
is your Lord and Savior? I hope so. And if he's
not, will you trust him today to be the Savior
of your soul and understand that as he comes
into your life, he comes in to be your true friend.
And he will act as the true friend. as the book
of Proverbs describes him. Let's pray together.
Do you know the Lord Jesus this morning as your
Savior and Lord? Is He your best and true friend?
The songwriter said He was. He said Jesus is
all the world to me, my life, my joy, my all.
Do you have friendship with Jesus? Can you sing
that hymn? What a friend I have in Jesus, all
my sins and griefs to bear. My friend, let Him
come into your life today. Let Him be the Lord
of your life. Let your life focus on Him. Let
Him be all to you. Let Him be the world to you.
Believe me, He'll be a friend who will stick.
Lord Jesus, we give thanks because You have proven
Your friendship. You have said, greater love
has no man than this that He laid down His life
for another. You have laid down Your life for
us. What love, what friendship there is in that.
Thank you for your presence. Thank you for your
desire to meet our needs. Thank you that you
desire to be worshipped. And you desire to be
our all. May we today not only receive for our
needs from you. But give to you the praise and
the glory that place of preeminence and lordship
in our lives that you deserve May we experience
that depth of friendship Lord Jesus that you
would want us to know and enjoy in the pilgrimage
of life Amen