The National Day of Prayer, I want to thank those of you who made it over there to San
Jose as part of that observance sometime during the day.
As a follow-up to that, we're going to be establishing at the request of the leadership
of this organization, the National Day of Prayer, we're going to be having a prayer
meeting in our church every Thursday from now through the election at 12 o'clock.
We invite you to come if you're free to join us at that time.
It will be in room 219.
It will start this coming Thursday.
It's important to be a prayer for our nation.
There was a wedding that was planned for the end of the morning worship service.
I don't know if you've ever been in that kind of a wedding or not, but it happens occasionally,
especially in rural areas.
The pastor finished his sermon, they had the invitation, he gave the benediction, and then
he had a mental lapse, and he could not remember the names of the bride and the groom.
Have you ever been there?
An embarrassing point like that.
And so he just on the spur of the moment said, well, would those wanting to get married please
come forward?
And four widows, three widowers, two single women, and one partridge in a pear tree all
came forward to be married.
There was a pastor who was talking about marriage saying, this is God's plan.
You can't improve on God's plan.
Some single person at the back stood up and said, pastor, I don't want to improve on it,
I just want to get in on it.
Well, most people want to be married.
But you know, there's something worse than wishing you were married.
And that's wishing you what?
Wishing you weren't.
In a place like Corinth, and we're studying the book of 1 Corinthians in the service,
in a place like Corinth, there were all kinds of marriage problems.
You can just imagine.
With the kind of immorality that the city was well known for.
Relationships, families were struggling, people were split up.
All kinds of questions.
And the people in Corinth had written to Paul in a letter we don't have preserved for us,
to ask some questions specifically related to marriage and the home.
And so as we come to 1 Corinthians chapter 7, we find Paul's response to this.
I invite you to open your Bible as we read beginning in verse 1.
This is sometimes a chapter people avoid because it's frankly a tough chapter.
It's complex, woven together in a complex way.
Would you follow along in your text that you hold in your hands as I read beginning in
verse 1 of 1 Corinthians chapter 7 where Paul says,
Now for the matters you wrote about, it is good for a man not to marry.
But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman
her own husband.
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife.
And likewise the wife to her husband.
The wife's body does not belong to her alone, but also to her husband.
In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone, but also to his wife.
Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time.
So that you may devote yourselves to prayer.
Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self
control.
I say this as a concession, not as a command.
I wish that all men were as I am.
But each man has his own gift from God.
One has this gift, another that.
Now to the unmarried and to the widows I say, it is good for them to stay unmarried as I
am.
But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry for it is better to marry than
to burn with passion.
To the married I give this command, not I but the Lord.
What he means by that is Jesus spoke directly to this issue.
I'm going to quote him now he says, A wife must not separate from her husband.
But if she does, she must remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband.
And the husband must not divorce his wife.
To the rest I say this, I not the Lord.
By this he means Jesus didn't talk about what I'm about to say.
But here's what I believe God wants me to say to you.
If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must
not divorce her.
And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her,
she must not divorce him.
For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife and the unbelieving wife
has been sanctified through her believing husband.
Otherwise your children would be unclean but as it is, they are holy.
But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so.
A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances.
God has called us to live in peace.
How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband?
How do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
Nevertheless, each one should retain the place in life that the Lord assigned to him and
to which God has called him.
This is the rule I lay down in all the churches.
Was a man already circumcised when he was called, he should not become uncircumcised.
Was a man uncircumcised when he was called, he should not be circumcised.
Circumcision is nothing and uncircumcision is nothing.
Keeping God's commands is what counts.
Each one should remain in the situation which he was called in when God called him.
Were you a slave when you were called?
God ought to trouble you, although if you can gain your freedom, do so.
For he who is a slave when he was called by the Lord is the Lord's freed man.
Similarly, he who was a free man when he was called is Christ's slave.
You were bought at a price.
Do not become slaves of men.
Brothers, each man is responsible to God, should remain in the situation in which God
has called him.
The apostle Paul begins to address the marriage issues.
The thing I want to say to you this morning is this, that marriage is by God's design.
Do you agree with that?
It is a wonderful gift from God.
Marriage was not thought up by a culture, a social order.
It was not created by our constitution.
It was created by God himself in the Garden of Eden.
That's why we believe so strongly that a culture like ours, for example, should not tinker
with and mess with what God has designed in marriage.
It's foundational to all of the created order.
And it's important that we seek to preserve it.
Marriage is by God's design.
This morning we have some couples who are from our church at a marriage conference that's
held here annually, a family conference.
It's wonderful they can go and be a part of that.
They want to sharpen their marriages as we all should.
Marriage will be most happily lived when governed by the wise principles of God.
Now Paul knew this.
Paul knew this.
And Paul responds to the Corinthians' questions here by giving them some answers.
The problem that you and I have is that we don't have their questions.
So we don't know exactly what Paul was answering as he writes these words.
It is up to us to try to re-engineer or reinvent the questions and see what Paul was answering.
And that's the way I'm going to approach the text this morning.
I see that there are four questions in these verses that we have looked at together.
The first question seems to be this.
Is it wrong, is it wrong not to be married?
Now there were some who taught that in Paul's day.
That if you did not marry, you were living in sin before God.
And so what Paul says is actually it is good not to marry.
He exhorts these folks to follow his own example.
Had Paul ever been married, the subject is debated.
It's not for us this morning.
But the fact is at this point Paul was single.
And he says I wish that these folks were as I am, single.
Now later he will say in verse 26, and the text we'll look at the next time we come to
this, that this advice is in light of what he calls the present crisis.
Again, we don't know what the circumstances were in Corinth that causes him to say some
of the things he does in this chapter.
It may have been that there was present at that moment or that there was on the horizon
some kind of persecution of the believers that would make it very difficult for those
who were married.
And so Paul says actually it's good not to marry.
He doesn't say that singleness is bad.
He says in fact that singleness is good.
He doesn't say either that it's bad to marry.
But he simply says singleness is a good thing.
And it's to be considered as honorable as marriage.
Now there are some folks, especially who are single folks, who feel badly about the fact
that they are not married.
Let me tell you that before God your state of singleness is as honorable as those who
are married.
And it is in fact a gift that God gives to some.
But we have to acknowledge that celibacy can be very frustrating for those who are without
the gift of singleness.
So to avoid sexual sin, Paul says also, it is better to marry.
Marriage is good.
Singleness is good.
But singleness can foster temptation.
And so to avoid sexual temptation it is better to marry.
You can understand how relevant this is in a place like Corinth and in a place like the
United States with our culture where it is.
Because God's word teaches that any sexual intimacy that is outside of marriage is out
of bounds.
It's not permitted.
And the reason for this is because it is so destructive to everybody that's involved.
As I said last week, God is not a killjoy.
When God puts up a boundary it's because He loves us so much He doesn't want us to be
hurt by the things on the other side of that boundary.
And He knows what happens when people are sexually immoral.
He knows the destruction it brings to them.
He knows the destruction it brings to their families.
He knows the seeds that it brings to a society.
And so God puts up the boundary where He does.
Paul says in answer to this first question, is it wrong not to be married?
He says no.
That's his short answer.
No, it's not wrong.
If you have the gift of singleness use it for the glory of God.
There are some advantages to it.
And we'll get into that more next time.
That brings us to a second question arising out of the answer in our text.
And that is should Christian couples separate?
Again he gives a short answer and the short answer is no.
If you're married, be married.
We all need to be aware of those people or those things or those feelings that can separate
us even emotionally as married couples.
One man said to his friend, my wife says that if I don't stop golfing she will leave me.
And his friend said, well man that's too bad.
And he says it sure is.
I'm going to miss her.
Hey, whether it's golf or it's some feeling of anger or jealousy that comes up, we need
to avoid those things that separate us.
I've heard people say, well we want to serve the Lord and to do that we should separate.
What a foolish idea.
Paul does say that, okay you can separate but let it be for a spiritual purpose like
prayer and only for a time.
Because he points out here that every spouse, each spouse has a duty to the other.
He calls it a marital duty.
Do we need to explain that?
I don't think so.
Sexual intimacy is involved here of course.
Maybe he's also including a little more than just the sexual relationship.
Perhaps also he's talking about the duty for courtesy, for manners, for kindness.
You know there are different kinds of duties aren't there?
Here's the duty of the chores you've got to do.
The duty of taking out the garbage.
The duty of homework.
Which is stuff you just have to do and you may not like to do it but you have to do it.
That isn't the duty he's talking about here.
Sexual intimacy in a marriage should never be a drudgery.
It should never be a hardship for us.
It should never be looked at as simply a performance.
The marital duty is to enjoy this intimacy together as God has planned.
Now the world says to us, you do what pleases you.
God says I want you to do what pleases the other.
That is your marital duty.
Each spouse has that duty to the other.
It goes on to say that neither spouse should deprive the other because the right of intimacy
comes with the marriage commitment.
Folks, I've been around long enough to know that there are marriages where sexual intimacy
is used as a weapon.
Where one spouse or the other withholds in order to punish for some reason.
May I say to you that is wrong.
Never get yourself into that situation.
If there's a conflict, if you've been offended, there are ways that that can be addressed
and should be addressed.
But this is not one of them.
And again, Paul says if you're going to separate, let it be for something like prayer.
Fast from that intimacy for the purpose of prayer, but not for too long.
Let Satan tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
And thirdly, he says that both spouses are to stay committed to one another.
Verses 10 and 11 make this very clear.
We're talking about two believers who are married.
God has no plan for separation.
Now Paul recognizes, and I think we all do if we're realistic, that there are times when
there is nonetheless separation.
And sometimes it's the best of bad choices.
For example, is a wife who is physically abused or a wife who's in a marriage where the children
are endangered because of a husband, is she committed to stay with that man?
My answer to that is no, she's not.
I know that there are ministers who disagree with me on this.
I respect them for their opinions.
God has no plan for separation, but we live in a fallen world.
And our relationships sometimes get fallen further where two people cannot continue to
live together.
But Paul makes this point very clear.
When that becomes necessary, there is no remarriage for either party.
It's a high price to pay.
But sometimes it's necessary to pay that price.
What is it that often generates these feelings of I want to get away from this?
Very rarely does it occur because of some huge thing all at once.
Most commonly what happens is that little things begin to happen in the communication
or in the relationship where frustration or dissatisfaction or unhappiness develops on
a very low level.
And then it begins to build up.
And because these are not addressed in a healthy way, they become big things.
We used to have moles in our yard in Minnesota.
I don't know if you've ever had moles, but they are so frustrating.
You can't get rid of those creatures.
Now you could in the day you could buy poison peanuts, but now that's environmentally outlawed.
So you can't give them poison peanuts.
And so you go to the hardware store or some other pest control and you find some gadget.
Maybe it's electronic.
It's supposed to scare them away.
Or there are traps.
Actually, they look rather perverse, but there are traps.
You can put down their holes and you have to put them in there very carefully so that
they don't know they're there.
Right.
And then when they come along, it grabs them.
I struggle with these moles.
They destroyed my lawn until one day somebody told me what I needed to do.
There is an underlying problem with moles.
Do you know what the problem is?
Some of you do.
Grub worms.
That's why moles are in my yard.
It's because of the grub worms.
And you know when I poisoned the grub worms, the moles went away because they had nothing
to eat.
What happens too often is that the grub worms just kind of are present in our marriages.
And because they are there and we don't deal with them, the moles come along and begin
then to eat away and leave holes in our relationship.
Should Christian couples separate?
Paul says no.
But then he gives the exception and the consequences of that.
That brings us to a third question that's kind of related.
And that is should a Christian leave an unsaved spouse?
Now the problem seemed to have arisen out of a question from somebody.
Does my living with my pagan spouse defile me as a believer?
You can understand this.
For example, here's a woman who has come to faith in Christ and Corinth and her husband
still goes up there to the temple of Aphrodite and partakes in that because he's an unbeliever.
He's a pagan.
What do you expect pagans to do?
And so she writes to Paul, let's say, and she says, should I separate?
Should I leave him?
Because am I being defiled because of what's happening up there at the temple and the worship
of these pagan gods and so forth?
And so Paul's short answer again is no.
Absolutely not.
You should not separate.
You should not leave your unsaved spouse.
Now why is this?
Well, Paul answers in verse 14.
It's what I call matrimonial sanctification.
He says your presence in that marriage brings God into it.
And because of that, you never know if your husband may respond to the gospel and be saved.
Peter says the same thing, doesn't he, in 1 Peter 3?
He says the behavior of you as a Christian wife may very well win your non-believing
husband.
The same is true if there's a husband who's a believer.
Your being in that marriage is a sanctifying part of God's plan in that other person's
life.
You're there.
Your presence there sanctifies your children.
They are set apart.
Now that doesn't mean that children are automatically saved, but it means that God's Spirit can
be at work in that home and the likelihood is that those children will become believers.
So there's great value in you remaining in that marriage.
Now the underlying implication here is that this was a woman who had become a believer
through the marriage.
And so she's caught in this dilemma, or the man on the other hand.
Now Paul says they should not separate, but there's a note of clarification that he gives
as well in verse 15.
What do you do if your unsafe spouse deserts the marriage, abandons the marriage?
I know of situations where this has happened.
The one who hasn't become a believer says, you're not the same person I married.
You're too good.
I went out of this marriage.
You're not the fun you used to be.
You don't want to go to the places you used to go.
I went out of this marriage.
What do you do in a case like that?
Now Paul says a believer in that kind of a situation is not under bondage.
Now bondage is taken by some to mean that the person is not bound to live with the unbeliever.
Well it seems to me rather obvious if the unbeliever deserts the marriage, the believer
is not going to be living with the unbeliever.
I don't think that's what he means here at all.
I think the idea of being bound, you're not under bondage in that situation, is the same
thing as being bound in verse 39 in the chapter where it's very clearly the bondage of the
marriage vows.
And so he is saying here that in that kind of a situation where a believer is deserted
or abandoned by an unsaved spouse, the believer is free to end that relationship.
And I remind you that whenever a marriage is ended for biblically justified reasons,
there is an inherent right for remarriage in those cases.
I know of two cases in the scriptures that I see where marriage can be ended and where
remarriage is presumed right.
One is in the case of adultery with a believer or unbeliever.
God says that adultery is such a significant sin that there is a right, doesn't have to
be exercised, but there is a right for the believer, for the other person rather, to
end the marriage at that point.
Now better for there to be confession, forgiveness, restoration.
But especially when there is a pattern.
Adultery justifies divorce.
Likewise here, when an unbeliever is married to one who has become a believer since the
remarriage and he leaves, Paul says that believer has a right to end the marriage.
And with that situation there is the inherent right of remarriage implied.
Now there is an underlying basic principle that is involved here.
That is that we as God's children should do what produces peace, not strife.
In other words, there is no benefit in trying to hang on to the one who has forsaken the
marriage.
We are to not live for strife, but to take the action that produces the peace.
Now does this answer all of the questions that this kind of a text raises?
It does not.
And you may be sitting there, what about this, what about that?
Well, Paul didn't talk about it, so I'm not going to talk about it this morning, but there
are people you can go to for help.
And I want to encourage you to do that.
If you have a question regarding your own situation or someone you know, come to one
of our lay counselors, come to one of our staff.
We will be glad to talk to you and address your situation and try to seek God's wisdom
with you.
But it brings us then to a fourth question in our text, and I wrap it up as I begin to
talk about this.
Should Christians demand change in their circumstances after conversion?
This seems to be behind the whole marriage question.
It is, should I seek or should I demand a change in my station in life now that I've
become a follower of Jesus?
He points out the example, as a slave, should I seek and demand my freedom?
We might also say, I've been born into this low caste in India, for example.
Should I demand to be released from my caste?
Or I am now unhappily married.
Should I seek divorce?
And Paul's short answer to this question is no.
You should not demand change in your circumstances after your conversion.
He says a believer should remain as God has called him.
If married to an unsafe spouse, remain in the marriage.
If wrongly divorced and now remarried to somebody else, don't break up the second marriage and
return to the first.
Remain where God has called you into his family.
He says if you're a Jew, remain a Jew.
If you're a Gentile, remain a Gentile.
If you're a slave, remain a slave.
Unless you can be freed, then be freed, but use it for the Lord.
What matters most is number one, that I see my place as God's assignment.
That my station in life is where God has called me to know him and to walk with him.
I need to trust his providence and not demand or insist or agitate for some kind of change.
Secondly, that I keep God's moral commands.
Paul says circumcision is nothing, uncircumcision is nothing.
Those ritual commands don't mean anything, but what does matter is the keeping of God's
moral commands.
God says this is right, this is wrong, follow that.
That's important.
That matters.
Thirdly, what matters most is to remain where God calls me.
We might call it the principle of the status quo.
The most important thing is not my political or ethnic or social position in this world.
What really matters is my spiritual position, that I am in Jesus Christ.
And wherever God's calling has found me, nothing can change my relationship to him.
He wants me to live out of that reality, not some temporal reality that is passing away.
In closing thoughts, as a child of God, number one, I am to make my commitment to him the
number one priority of my life.
Folks, when it's all said and done, this is what matters.
When I have taken my last breath, when my heart has beat for the last time, as it will
for each one of us someday in God's timing, what matters at that moment as I leave my
body and I enter into the presence of the Lord is have I lived my life with Jesus as
my priority.
That is written throughout this chapter.
Number two, as a child of God, I am to live in counterpoint to the wisdom of the world.
The world says agitate for change.
The world says demand your rights.
Get what you deserve.
You don't have to take this anymore.
And God says, I want you as my child to live in counterpoint to that wisdom.
That's not easy, is it?
Because the world hammers away all the time with its wisdom.
God says I want you to live in a counterpoint to what the world says.
Number three, as a child of God, I am to entrust my circumstances to his choice.
Isn't it easy to get our eyes on our circumstances?
And to feel frustrated, maybe to feel angry, to feel limited, like we just can't do what
we want to do.
What we really need to do is to get our eyes on Jesus, not on our circumstances.
And as we put our eyes on Jesus, we can entrust our circumstances to his wise lordship.
Can you say amen to that?
He knows what he's doing.
Is there anything that is bigger than Jesus in our lives?
No.
He can handle whatever we're facing.
I just need to live with him as my priority, with my eyes on Jesus, not on this world.
Would you bow with me, please?
Let's sing together the chorus.
I think you know it.
Turn your eyes upon...