1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,520 How many of you have had a child say at some time in your hearing, 2 00:00:05,520 --> 00:00:08,320 you just don't understand me? 3 00:00:08,320 --> 00:00:11,240 Have you ever heard that? 4 00:00:11,240 --> 00:00:14,340 Or you have a child that says 5 00:00:14,340 --> 00:00:17,280 you never let me do anything. 6 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:20,680 Anything? Anything? 7 00:00:20,680 --> 00:00:23,920 Where everybody else gets to, 8 00:00:23,920 --> 00:00:27,520 then you fill in the blank, right? Hey, parenting 9 00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:31,840 is tough work. Parenting isn't for cowards, 10 00:00:31,840 --> 00:00:37,720 as Dr. Dobson used to say. We want to talk today about how to parent 11 00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:43,200 your family after God's heart. How to parent your family after God's heart. 12 00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:44,960 I hope you'll take your green outline out 13 00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:48,480 and follow along with me as, excuse me, the yellow one. 14 00:00:48,480 --> 00:00:51,520 Yellow. I'm colorblind. Did I ever tell you that? 15 00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:55,160 No, not really. Just forgetful. 16 00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:59,000 Here's the yellow one. 17 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:03,840 A father passed by his son's bedroom and was astonished to see that the bed was 18 00:01:03,840 --> 00:01:05,480 still neatly made. 19 00:01:05,480 --> 00:01:09,600 The pillow was still fluffy 20 00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:12,640 and on that fluffy pillow there was an envelope. 21 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:16,000 And the envelope was addressed 22 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:23,000 to dad. He went into the room and he picked up the envelope and he 23 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:26,520 opened it, trembling, fearful 24 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:30,120 what it was going to say. He said, Dear Dad, 25 00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:33,440 it is with great regret and sorrow 26 00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:37,800 that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend 27 00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:41,280 because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and mom. 28 00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:45,280 I've been finding real passion with Joan 29 00:01:45,280 --> 00:01:50,440 and she is so nice. I knew you would not approve of her because of all her 30 00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:51,280 piercings, 31 00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:54,400 tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes 32 00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:57,480 and the fact that she is so much older than I am. 33 00:01:57,480 --> 00:02:01,240 It's not just her passion, Dad. 34 00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:07,160 She really gets me. Joan says that we're going to be very happy. 35 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:11,440 She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood. 36 00:02:11,440 --> 00:02:16,920 Enough for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many children. 37 00:02:16,920 --> 00:02:20,920 Please don't worry, Dad. I'm 15. 38 00:02:20,920 --> 00:02:26,640 And I know how to take care of myself. I'm sure we'll be back someday to visit 39 00:02:26,640 --> 00:02:28,800 so that you can get to know your grandchildren. 40 00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:33,160 Your son, Chad. 41 00:02:33,160 --> 00:02:36,680 P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. 42 00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:42,960 I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse 43 00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:46,320 things in life than the report card that's in my desk drawer. 44 00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:53,320 I love you. 45 00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:59,000 Call when it's safe to come home. 46 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:05,200 Hey folks, parenting is a challenge. It's even a challenge for an apostle like 47 00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:05,840 Paul. 48 00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:10,000 So as we open our Bibles today, let's think about parenting 49 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:14,320 and how to do that after God's heart. 50 00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:17,200 1 Corinthians chapter 4. 51 00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:23,440 By the way, your children don't want you to be a peer. 52 00:03:23,440 --> 00:03:28,880 Did you know that? They don't need you as a peer. Some parents think that 53 00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:32,920 in order to be effective parents, they have to become a child, have to become one of 54 00:03:32,920 --> 00:03:33,840 the teenagers. 55 00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:37,800 Your teenagers don't want you to become a teenager. 56 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:43,840 They need you to be a parent. So let's see what God's Word has to tell us today 57 00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:44,840 about this 58 00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:50,840 difficult task of parenting. What we're going to find is that Paul pulls three 59 00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:54,120 tools out of the parenting box here, the toolbox. 60 00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:58,760 And by looking at these tools, you and I will learn some things about how we can 61 00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:00,360 perhaps be better parents. 62 00:04:00,360 --> 00:04:03,920 Paul begins the text in verse 8 where we pick it up. 63 00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:08,120 And what he does here, he picks up first a reprimand. 64 00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:11,760 A reprimand, a correction 65 00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:15,240 for their arrogance. Notice how he does this. 66 00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:18,920 Already you have become 67 00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:23,080 you have all you want. Already you have become rich. 68 00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:27,000 You've become kings, and that without us. 69 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:30,720 How I wish that you really had become kings, 70 00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:33,840 so that we might be kings with you. 71 00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:39,000 Now Paul had only been gone from Corinth a couple of years and yet in that short 72 00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:41,480 period of time there had been an attitude develop. 73 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:46,360 Kind of an adolescent attitude on the part of the Corinthians. They didn't need 74 00:04:46,360 --> 00:04:49,320 Paul and the Apostles anymore. 75 00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:52,880 They were getting along just fine without him. 76 00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:55,880 And so Paul addresses this 77 00:04:55,880 --> 00:04:59,560 attitude of superiority that had been 78 00:04:59,560 --> 00:05:04,360 had developed in the Corinthians. And he does this by using 79 00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:07,920 irony. Irony to address it. 80 00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:13,120 Irony of course is when the meaning of what you're saying is exactly the opposite 81 00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:18,160 of the words you've used. For example somebody asked you 82 00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:21,280 an obvious question and you say back to them, 83 00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:24,760 is the Pope Catholic? I mean 84 00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:27,760 it's obvious what the answer to that question is right? 85 00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:33,080 That's irony. Or after a storm somebody says, 86 00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:37,640 did it rain last night? You say no the ground is dry. 87 00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:41,720 That's sarcasm which is a form of irony. 88 00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:45,440 If you spill something at the table you might say, 89 00:05:45,440 --> 00:05:48,760 oh great. Oh really is that great? 90 00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:52,440 No it means just the opposite of what you said. 91 00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:55,800 I like the statement of somebody who said, 92 00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:59,400 I feel so miserable without you it's almost like having you here. 93 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:06,400 One of the great users of irony to make us laugh like 94 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:09,800 that and sarcasm 95 00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:14,240 or irony can be funny. It can also be very 96 00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:19,640 deadly. But one of the great users of sarcasm in my generation, 97 00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:23,880 actually before my generation but I enjoyed him some as he was growing older, 98 00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:25,800 his name was Groucho Marx. Do you remember him? 99 00:06:25,800 --> 00:06:28,920 Somebody says Groucho your real name? 100 00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:33,640 He said no Groucho is not my real name I'm breaking it in for a friend. 101 00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:39,400 Irony. He said I'll never forget a face 102 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:46,040 but in your case I'll have to make an exception. He said I find television very 103 00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:49,520 educating every time somebody turns on the set I go into the other room and 104 00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:50,240 read a book. 105 00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:55,480 Not a bad practice actually. He said I've had a perfectly wonderful evening 106 00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:59,440 but this wasn't one of them. He said I 107 00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:03,120 didn't like the play but then I saw it under adverse conditions. 108 00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:10,120 The curtain was up. That's what you call irony. Paul is drawing upon 109 00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:14,760 sarcasm really here to reprimand 110 00:07:14,760 --> 00:07:18,080 the Corinthians. His language drips with sarcasm. He 111 00:07:18,080 --> 00:07:21,440 mocks them for how they have come to think 112 00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:25,960 and live as though they didn't need spiritual fathers anymore. 113 00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:29,200 Now Paul didn't do this to be mean. 114 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:33,640 He did this in order to get their attention. That was his purpose. 115 00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:36,920 He says to them oh you're so rich 116 00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:41,880 you're so rich in spiritual wisdom. The kingdom has arrived. You're already 117 00:07:41,880 --> 00:07:43,160 reigning as kings. 118 00:07:43,160 --> 00:07:47,320 The millennium is here. He said would to God that were the truth and we would be 119 00:07:47,320 --> 00:07:48,360 reigning with you. 120 00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:52,800 He says you think you've arrived and you don't need us anymore. 121 00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:57,000 Like teenagers they had overestimated their 122 00:07:57,000 --> 00:08:02,240 maturity. As we used to say back in the Midwest they had gotten too big for 123 00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:03,280 their britches 124 00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:07,320 these Corinthians. So Paul is reprimanding them and 125 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:12,240 in this case using sarcasm. The caustic language 126 00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:17,360 is intended to correct their prideful thinking by embarrassing 127 00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:20,920 them and exposing their exaggerated 128 00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:26,760 self-esteem. It calls attention to their 129 00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:30,280 arrogance the way the Paul does this. This is language that is similar 130 00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:35,000 to Jesus and remember these are words inspired 131 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:42,000 by the Holy Spirit. The Lord Jesus writes to the church at Laodicea and He says to 132 00:08:42,680 --> 00:08:43,240 them 133 00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:47,400 since you are like lukewarm water neither hot nor cold 134 00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:52,800 I will spit you out of my mouth. You say I am rich. I have everything I want. I 135 00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:53,920 don't need a thing 136 00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:58,760 and you don't realize that you are wretched and miserable and poor and 137 00:08:58,760 --> 00:08:59,480 blind 138 00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:03,000 and naked. He reprimands. 139 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:06,720 Nobody likes a reprimand 140 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:13,000 but a reprimand can serve a great purpose because it can rescue us 141 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:20,000 from future harm. We've all needed reprimands in our lives and our children 142 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:25,560 from time to time need reprimands. I remember telling our children 143 00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:29,440 time after time be careful playing in the streets 144 00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:33,760 and I can remember to this day our youngest son when he was about three 145 00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:35,480 years old getting on a tricycle 146 00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:39,320 and there he went right out into the street and a car stopped just about that 147 00:09:39,320 --> 00:09:39,880 far 148 00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:44,160 from his little head. Yes I reprimanded him. 149 00:09:44,160 --> 00:09:47,520 To be honest with you I didn't know whether to hug him or kill him after that 150 00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:53,600 but I reprimanded him. Parenting is somewhat like coaching. 151 00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:57,240 There are times when teams need to be reprimanded for the way they've played a 152 00:09:57,240 --> 00:09:57,720 game 153 00:09:57,720 --> 00:10:02,600 or not played it. Tom Landry used to say the job of a football coach 154 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:07,360 is to make men do what they don't want to do in order to achieve what they've 155 00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:08,800 always wanted to be. 156 00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:13,560 Paul understands this and he 157 00:10:13,560 --> 00:10:17,720 therefore reprimands the Corinthians because of their pride. He knew their 158 00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:18,520 pride 159 00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:24,680 would lead them to spiritual destruction. It would be an opening for Satan to destroy 160 00:10:24,680 --> 00:10:27,760 them in their walk with God and so he reprimands them. 161 00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:32,560 Sarcasm let me warn you 162 00:10:32,560 --> 00:10:38,360 can be damaging. If you're going to use it with somebody else 163 00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:42,120 be sure you use it sparingly. It's like that 164 00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:46,040 Chinese restaurant I like to go to from time to time that brings you this little 165 00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:51,080 tray in which there are different levels of hotness in the 166 00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:56,280 the oils and you can mix your own sauce for the rice 167 00:10:56,280 --> 00:11:00,920 and they tell you be careful because this is this and this is this and this 168 00:11:00,920 --> 00:11:02,160 is the real hot stuff 169 00:11:02,160 --> 00:11:05,240 and you might say to yourself as I did one time well that 170 00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:08,480 looks pretty good actually. I think I'll just try a little bit of that. 171 00:11:08,480 --> 00:11:14,080 Put about three spoonfuls on it. It had third-degree burns all the way down to 172 00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:14,840 my stomach. 173 00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:20,120 The next thing I tasted was two days later. You know and sarcasm is like that. 174 00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:24,280 We have to be very careful with sarcasm. I've seen wives 175 00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:28,320 destroyed by husband sarcasm. 176 00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:31,520 It can be a wicked 177 00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:34,960 weapon or as in this case 178 00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:40,040 as Paul is using it here can be a useful tool to get attention. 179 00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:43,720 So Paul reaches down into the parenting toolbox 180 00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:48,720 that God gives to all of us and he pulls out a reprimand. 181 00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:51,760 There are times that you and I need that as well. Our children need to be 182 00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:53,440 reprimanded. 183 00:11:53,440 --> 00:11:57,240 They do. 184 00:11:57,240 --> 00:12:00,480 Parenting is really tough in the culture in which we live because children are 185 00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:04,720 used to getting their way. 186 00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:08,840 The King of England came to the United States to visit and he said the thing 187 00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:09,380 that 188 00:12:09,380 --> 00:12:14,200 I really like about America, that impresses me rather about America 189 00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:19,640 is the way parents obey their children. 190 00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:23,120 Children need to be in the position of obeying parents 191 00:12:23,120 --> 00:12:27,200 and a reprimand is one way to help them learn to do that. 192 00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:31,200 Paul then reaches into the toolbox and he brings out another second very important 193 00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:32,520 tool for parenting. 194 00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:37,520 It's an example. An example. 195 00:12:37,520 --> 00:12:40,480 Parents we cannot raise our children without 196 00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:46,920 example. In this case Paul gives an example of humility and he does this 197 00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:50,480 not only of himself but the other apostles as well. 198 00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:54,880 He says to them essentially that God hasn't even placed the apostles 199 00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:59,360 in the position that you Corinthians claim to have 200 00:12:59,360 --> 00:13:03,480 and he points out to them the contrast of attitudes 201 00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:08,320 between the Corinthians and the apostles like himself. 202 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:11,840 We'll start reading in verse 9. He says, For it seems to me that 203 00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:15,600 God has put us apostles on display at the end of the procession 204 00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:20,120 like men condemned to die in the arena. We've been made a spectacle 205 00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:24,160 to the whole universe, to angels as well as to men. 206 00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:27,840 We're fools for Christ but you 207 00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:32,720 you're so wise in Christ. We're weak 208 00:13:32,720 --> 00:13:37,120 oh but you're strong. You're honored 209 00:13:37,120 --> 00:13:42,600 we're dishonored. To this very hour we go hungry and thirsty we're in rags 210 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:45,840 we're brutally treated we're homeless 211 00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:50,880 we work hard with our own hands when we are cursed we bless 212 00:13:50,880 --> 00:13:56,880 when we are persecuted we endure it when we are slandered we answer kindly 213 00:13:56,880 --> 00:14:01,560 up to this moment we have become the scum of the earth 214 00:14:01,560 --> 00:14:05,640 the refuse of the world. Now Paul's not on a pity party here 215 00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:10,480 he's simply using this language to draw contrast between the attitude between the 216 00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:12,880 apostles and himself 217 00:14:12,880 --> 00:14:20,360 and the Corinthians on the other hand. The Corinthians saw themselves as special 218 00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:25,040 they were so special. Paul says we 219 00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:28,320 the apostles were spectacles that's what we are 220 00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:33,600 we're like prisoners who are condemned to death. You're reigning like kings of 221 00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:34,200 course 222 00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:40,320 but we your teachers the ones who brought the word of God to you 223 00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:46,040 we're like prisoners who are going to the arena to die 224 00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:50,200 we're stared at with curiosity 225 00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:53,240 with ridicule while you 226 00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:58,320 are reigning like kings. He contrasts the apostles and himself with the 227 00:14:58,320 --> 00:15:00,720 Corinthians using stinging words again 228 00:15:00,720 --> 00:15:04,960 that are really soaked with sarcasm. He says we're fools 229 00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:10,280 and maybe that was the language that some Corinthians were using of them I 230 00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:10,760 don't know 231 00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:14,760 but he says compared to you we're like fools for Christ 232 00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:18,120 but you oh you are wise you know it all 233 00:15:18,120 --> 00:15:23,600 I confess he says we're weak but oh you've got it all together you're so 234 00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:24,480 strong 235 00:15:24,480 --> 00:15:28,200 we're dishonored but 236 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:32,160 you have lots of distinguished remarks made about you 237 00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:39,160 you're honored. The example of humility that Paul is pointing out here is genuine 238 00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:42,800 he wants to set the record straight with these Corinthians 239 00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:47,320 and so to do that he tells them about how he faces himself 240 00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:50,680 physical deprivation notice that verses 11 and 12 241 00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:55,400 he is without while they have plenty 242 00:15:55,400 --> 00:16:00,400 he points out to them also the social degradation that he faces 243 00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:05,440 in fact he says we who are the apostles 244 00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:12,440 were considered to be the scum of the earth. So Paul points out 245 00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:17,480 the example he says I'm not 246 00:16:17,480 --> 00:16:22,520 telling you to be something we're not. Parents 247 00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:25,600 it is important to reprimand 248 00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:31,400 but correction must be reinforced by your own good 249 00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:35,040 example we can't 250 00:16:35,040 --> 00:16:38,200 tell our children that they should do this or that 251 00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:43,200 if we ourselves are not tracking along in that same direction 252 00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:47,360 it destroys our children when we do that 253 00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:52,720 Paul reaches again into the toolbox and this time 254 00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:56,160 he pulls out a warning a warning 255 00:16:56,160 --> 00:17:02,040 of discipline. There are times we need to warn our families of what's ahead if they 256 00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:03,800 don't obey and that's what Paul does 257 00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:09,600 you'll notice in verses 18 and 19 he says some of you have become arrogant 258 00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:13,840 as if I were not coming to you but I will come to you 259 00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:20,400 very soon. Paul in essence is saying don't make me come down there 260 00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:25,960 he says we're going to come very soon if the Lord is willing and then I will 261 00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:29,400 find out not only how these arrogant people are talking but 262 00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:33,640 what power they have. He says we're gonna get to the bottom of this 263 00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:36,960 he's warning them. Now 264 00:17:36,960 --> 00:17:41,080 parents who are after God's heart do not humiliate 265 00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:44,920 or abuse or browbeat their children 266 00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:49,440 instead they love them and they love them enough 267 00:17:49,440 --> 00:17:53,960 they love them enough to warn them of discipline 268 00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:58,080 gently but firmly to warn them 269 00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:01,540 of discipline and what will happen if they do not 270 00:18:01,540 --> 00:18:05,080 obey. Children need this children 271 00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:10,320 need boundaries when children are very young 272 00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:15,040 they need to have all rules basically because they can't rationalize they 273 00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:16,920 don't understand you can't reason 274 00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:20,400 with little children right but as they grow up 275 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:25,320 then you have to begin to reason with them and help them to understand that if 276 00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:26,280 you do this 277 00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:32,600 this will be the consequence. Discipline by the way is best applied in the 278 00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:38,200 context of family that's why Paul uses so much family language in the text 279 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:44,440 you notice in verse 14 for example he says I'm not writing this to shame you 280 00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:49,280 but to warn you as my what my dear children 281 00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:53,320 Paul is saying I'm your spiritual father 282 00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:57,080 I'm warning you as my dear children 283 00:18:57,080 --> 00:19:02,280 now discipline does happen in other contexts too it happens at school 284 00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:07,400 it happens at church it happens in the daycare for little ones it can happen in 285 00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:07,800 this 286 00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:12,520 the context of the government and authorities that God has put over us 287 00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:16,920 but it's always best to happen in the context of the family 288 00:19:16,920 --> 00:19:20,520 first. We can never 289 00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:27,520 slip off to others the responsibility that we have to begin the whole process 290 00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:28,560 of discipline 291 00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:36,560 in the lives of our children. Paul says I'm the father who begot you with the 292 00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:38,640 gospel notice he actually says that 293 00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:43,680 in Christ Jesus I became your father through the gospel 294 00:19:43,680 --> 00:19:48,440 remind us of what Peter says when he says for you have been born again not of 295 00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:52,320 perishable seed but of imperishable through the living and enduring word of 296 00:19:52,320 --> 00:19:52,840 God 297 00:19:52,840 --> 00:19:58,160 this is a reminder that the the gospel is the seed that gives life and brings 298 00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:00,200 one into the family of God 299 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:06,760 it is the gospel and so that is why you and I need to be sharing the gospel with 300 00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:09,240 people as we're doing that we're planting seeds 301 00:20:09,240 --> 00:20:13,680 your children have only one set of parents 302 00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:18,640 you have many others in their lives who are important they need to learn to 303 00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:19,480 respect 304 00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:22,760 children need to learn to respect all adults 305 00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:28,400 I hear comments made by our Sunday school teachers from time to time 306 00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:31,480 about children who come into the classes 307 00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:35,440 children need to learn to respect 308 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:39,480 all adults in their lives in appropriate ways 309 00:20:39,480 --> 00:20:43,480 but they only have one set of parents 310 00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:47,200 and they need to hear parents giving warnings of discipline 311 00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:51,160 what that means and it changes as I say 312 00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:56,400 as they grow up now in between the verses we looked at already in the text 313 00:20:56,400 --> 00:21:00,200 Paul lays down for us what I see is principles of discipline 314 00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:03,840 in this text I'd like to go through these rather quickly 315 00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:07,200 and some of them will touch on what we've already said 316 00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:11,000 but I want you to notice how Paul is giving them principles of discipline 317 00:21:11,000 --> 00:21:15,200 now this is God's heart parents grandparents 318 00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:18,520 for the discipline of our families number one 319 00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:22,360 warning should precede action 320 00:21:22,360 --> 00:21:25,840 it's not fair to discipline unless you 321 00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:31,640 first established the expectations and children know what is required of them 322 00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:36,080 once you've given the expectations you can begin giving them 323 00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:40,360 also a warning about the consequences of what will happen 324 00:21:40,360 --> 00:21:44,280 but warning should precede action that's only fair 325 00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:50,120 verse 14 Paul says I'm not writing this to shame you but I'm warning you 326 00:21:50,120 --> 00:21:53,280 there's going to be action 327 00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:59,680 if you don't follow through he says second principle is this 328 00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:04,160 discipline proceeds from love not authority 329 00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:11,160 again in verse 14 my dear children there are times when I have said 330 00:22:11,160 --> 00:22:14,800 and I know none of you ever have but I said because 331 00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:21,520 I what all you have said that and there are times when that may be the best 332 00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:22,720 response you can give 333 00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:27,400 but discipline really proceeds out of love not because 334 00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:31,880 I'm in a position that I have my thumb on them and they need to know that 335 00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:35,120 they need to know that I'm discipline because I love them 336 00:22:35,120 --> 00:22:38,400 third personal example 337 00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:44,640 validates correction if there's no example that follows up the correction 338 00:22:44,640 --> 00:22:46,840 it nullifies what I said even worse 339 00:22:46,840 --> 00:22:53,840 even worse it makes a child bitter when he's corrected for what he sees his 340 00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:55,360 parents doing 341 00:22:55,360 --> 00:22:59,200 personal example 342 00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:02,800 validates correction number four 343 00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:07,400 reinforcement solidifies values 344 00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:13,760 notice what Paul does here he says I urge you to imitate me for this reason I'm 345 00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:15,960 sending to you Timothy my son 346 00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:20,520 whom I love and who is faithful in the Lord why is Paul doing this 347 00:23:20,520 --> 00:23:25,160 so that Timothy can reinforce with the Corinthians what he's trying to say 348 00:23:25,160 --> 00:23:32,160 a wise parent brings into the life of the family others who can reinforce 349 00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:39,480 one of the great values of a small group when you meet with children because they 350 00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:41,480 can see other parents other families 351 00:23:41,480 --> 00:23:47,600 who are saying the same thing that you're saying it's reinforcement 352 00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:53,360 and it solidifies the values in the hearts of the children as they see this 353 00:23:53,360 --> 00:23:58,640 number five trustworthy standards arise 354 00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:03,040 out of Christ's truth 355 00:24:03,040 --> 00:24:06,960 Paul goes on to say he Timothy will remind you of my way of life 356 00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:12,840 in Christ Jesus he's already said imitate me but he says 357 00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:16,600 what I'm doing I have learned from Christ Jesus 358 00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:21,880 it is important that the standards that you 359 00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:25,200 bring into your family arise from the word of God 360 00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:28,680 now in our culture that's tough 361 00:24:28,680 --> 00:24:33,800 because our culture wants to dictate the standards that we should use in 362 00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:38,960 disciplining and rearing our children but God says if we're going to be 363 00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:40,400 parents after his heart 364 00:24:40,400 --> 00:24:44,360 we have to find the standards that come from his truth 365 00:24:44,360 --> 00:24:50,160 and bring those into our home number six reminders 366 00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:54,240 reminders reminders 367 00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:58,320 are a normal part of the disciplinary process 368 00:24:58,320 --> 00:25:01,320 verse 17 he will remind you 369 00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:06,720 he will remind you you ever get tired of repeating things your kids 370 00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:13,720 you know they're they're exaggerating again see haven't I told you a million 371 00:25:13,720 --> 00:25:14,360 times 372 00:25:14,360 --> 00:25:20,520 who's exaggerating? Reminders are so important 373 00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:24,320 children need to hear over and over again not only the what but the why 374 00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:29,760 that's normal if your kids forget welcome them to the human family 375 00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:34,200 you know why because you've forgotten haven't you and isn't that why God in His word 376 00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:37,640 often says to us I remind you remember 377 00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:40,760 why do we take communion this morning 378 00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:45,040 to remember what Jesus did for us 379 00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:49,400 number seven what is essential 380 00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:55,080 consistency consistency is essential 381 00:25:55,080 --> 00:25:59,000 notice Paul says he will remind you 382 00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:02,040 of my way of life which agrees with what I teach 383 00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:08,200 everywhere in every church you find the consistency is tough in your family 384 00:26:08,200 --> 00:26:13,840 we did it's really difficult to be consistent and 385 00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:17,160 part of the reason for that is because children are different 386 00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:22,760 now they don't understand this they don't understand that maybe you treat 387 00:26:22,760 --> 00:26:25,640 one child a little differently because they respond 388 00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:28,760 to you differently and to your words am I right? 389 00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:34,480 are you tracking with me here on this? when my mother 390 00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:37,960 married my stepfather I was 391 00:26:37,960 --> 00:26:41,840 15 years of age about a year later 392 00:26:41,840 --> 00:26:46,960 after he had gotten involved a little bit in the discipline of our family 393 00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:52,200 wisely she continued to primarily do that 394 00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:56,760 he was not really yet in a position to be able to enforce heavy discipline 395 00:26:56,760 --> 00:27:00,280 but he participated some my 396 00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:05,760 brother next to me two years younger and I started talking about the way that he 397 00:27:05,760 --> 00:27:07,120 was disciplining us 398 00:27:07,120 --> 00:27:10,400 and the way he was disciplining 399 00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:14,720 our next sibling down the line who had the same name he did 400 00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:17,880 you see and our conclusion was 401 00:27:17,880 --> 00:27:22,360 this is straight out of 402 00:27:22,360 --> 00:27:27,320 how to be a teenager our conclusion was he treated him differently because they 403 00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:28,240 had the same name 404 00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:33,040 and I remember how grieved he was when 405 00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:39,240 my brother and I told him that it was just a perception on our part 406 00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:43,080 but consistency is so important it's essential 407 00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:46,360 children see it so easily if we're inconsistent 408 00:27:46,360 --> 00:27:50,560 number eight words must be matched with action 409 00:27:50,560 --> 00:27:55,760 Paul says in verse 20 the kingdom of God is not a matter of what 410 00:27:55,760 --> 00:28:00,680 are you looking at it? not a matter of talk 411 00:28:00,680 --> 00:28:05,280 but of power words 412 00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:12,120 have to be matched with action if all we are is empty talk as parents 413 00:28:12,120 --> 00:28:19,120 that creates tremendous cynicism in the hearts of our children 414 00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:25,920 it's interesting to go into a store and to listen 415 00:28:25,920 --> 00:28:29,880 to a parent with little children 416 00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:34,400 and you can see 417 00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:38,560 what's going on not only in the store but what probably happens in the home too 418 00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:42,200 and how there are threats 419 00:28:42,200 --> 00:28:45,880 and there are warnings of wrath to come 420 00:28:45,880 --> 00:28:52,720 and you can tell nothing ever happens to that child all this is words 421 00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:56,600 how long do you think it takes a child to recognize 422 00:28:56,600 --> 00:29:00,000 mom dad they're never gonna do what they say 423 00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:07,000 you know what a nanosecond is? they get it really quick 424 00:29:07,240 --> 00:29:12,320 so folks words must be matched with action that's God's heart 425 00:29:12,320 --> 00:29:16,240 that's how God does it that's how God does it 426 00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:19,840 number nine choices 427 00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:23,640 choices are part of learning and 428 00:29:23,640 --> 00:29:30,640 so are consequences as children grow older you give them more choices 429 00:29:31,040 --> 00:29:35,680 they're capable of making more decisions but as they make more decisions they 430 00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:36,920 make those choices 431 00:29:36,920 --> 00:29:41,520 they also have to be told what consequences are and suffer them if they 432 00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:42,440 make the wrong 433 00:29:42,440 --> 00:29:47,640 choices that's how they learn to be responsible 434 00:29:47,640 --> 00:29:52,520 children who are never given choices once they get out of home 435 00:29:52,520 --> 00:29:56,160 out away from home will make all the wrong choices 436 00:29:56,160 --> 00:30:01,040 count on it so part of discipline part of the 437 00:30:01,040 --> 00:30:04,560 the teaching of children has to be giving them choices that are appropriate 438 00:30:04,560 --> 00:30:05,480 for their age 439 00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:09,480 and help them to see that with the choices come consequences 440 00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:15,000 folks that's God's heart for parenting it's not really complicated 441 00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:19,360 in fact we might even say it makes common sense that shouldn't surprise us 442 00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:23,280 who's the author of common sense? our God 443 00:30:23,280 --> 00:30:26,520 Paul writes here as a father 444 00:30:26,520 --> 00:30:29,760 the father of spiritual children 445 00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:34,920 as he does that he reflects to us the father heart 446 00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:38,000 of God and so 447 00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:41,680 becoming a parent after God's heart is 448 00:30:41,680 --> 00:30:44,920 attainable you need to know that it's not 449 00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:48,840 just for a few anybody can do this it is attainable 450 00:30:48,840 --> 00:30:52,560 but you need to also understand that it's critical 451 00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:55,760 it's critical to your family's long-term happiness 452 00:30:55,760 --> 00:31:00,920 to become a parent after God's own heart 453 00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:05,640 and you can become a parent after God's heart it's not hard 454 00:31:05,640 --> 00:31:09,000 so how do you do it you love your children enough 455 00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:14,520 to discipline them that's how you see as a parent your 456 00:31:14,520 --> 00:31:18,440 your God-given purpose is not to give them everything they desire 457 00:31:18,440 --> 00:31:23,760 your God-given purpose as a parent is not to get them involved in all the 458 00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:25,360 activities and sports 459 00:31:25,360 --> 00:31:30,440 that you didn't get to do when you were a kid sometimes I think we try to live 460 00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:31,920 our lives through our kids 461 00:31:31,920 --> 00:31:37,480 and we make their lives miserable your God-given purpose is not to see that 462 00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:39,280 their life is fun and games 463 00:31:39,280 --> 00:31:42,680 there's a place for those kind of things but that's not life 464 00:31:42,680 --> 00:31:46,400 your God-given purpose is not to make life 465 00:31:46,400 --> 00:31:52,480 easy for them and to help them avoid all the pitfalls and all the problems 466 00:31:52,480 --> 00:31:57,480 because it's through experiencing some of the hardships of life 467 00:31:57,480 --> 00:32:01,920 that we grow if life is always easy they grow up lazy 468 00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:07,240 but your job as a parent my job as a parent 469 00:32:07,240 --> 00:32:13,120 indeed my job as a grandparent is to help shape those under me into persons 470 00:32:13,120 --> 00:32:17,000 who are wise in Christ Jesus who are wise 471 00:32:17,000 --> 00:32:21,320 in Christ Jesus once you remember something 472 00:32:21,320 --> 00:32:28,000 your children didn't choose you so I didn't choose them either 473 00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:33,760 well you chose to have them you chose to have them 474 00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:36,760 and God blessed you with them 475 00:32:36,760 --> 00:32:42,760 but they didn't choose you but you're what they've got 476 00:32:42,760 --> 00:32:47,360 and you're all they've got so I plead with you 477 00:32:47,360 --> 00:32:51,400 in Christ Jesus rear them 478 00:32:51,400 --> 00:32:58,000 after God's heart it's critical for them 479 00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:01,080 that you do so let's pray 480 00:33:01,080 --> 00:33:05,240 oh father 481 00:33:05,240 --> 00:33:10,960 we thank you for how patient you've been with us some of us here today are 482 00:33:10,960 --> 00:33:12,720 grandparents and we look back upon our 483 00:33:12,720 --> 00:33:20,360 experiences parents with memories of regret here and there how grateful we 484 00:33:20,360 --> 00:33:28,880 are that children bounce back that they're flexible your grace is there in 485 00:33:28,880 --> 00:33:31,880 our failures too 486 00:33:33,240 --> 00:33:38,200 Lord I wish it were so that we could practice these principles and be 487 00:33:38,200 --> 00:33:43,480 guaranteed that our children are going to just turn out perfect but that isn't 488 00:33:43,480 --> 00:33:46,480 the case it's not even the case in your own family is it 489 00:33:48,480 --> 00:33:53,680 the father I pray that you will give us a deep desire to be parents after your 490 00:33:53,680 --> 00:34:00,960 heart and the result of that will be that we will put into place in our homes 491 00:34:00,960 --> 00:34:08,640 and our families that will help our children with their children help others 492 00:34:08,640 --> 00:34:13,720 that we can to follow the wise principles of your word and become 493 00:34:13,720 --> 00:34:21,520 parents after your heart knowing that that's the very best thing we can do for 494 00:34:21,520 --> 00:34:24,520 their long-term happiness in Jesus name 495 00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:33,080 amen amen let's say please stand with us as we worship our wonderful powerful 496 00:34:33,080 --> 00:34:56,080 beautiful and loving father 497 00:35:03,080 --> 00:35:06,660 Arico