I'm going to read the first 11 verses of this exceedingly practical chapter of a very practical
book.
The Lord Jesus made a number of important statements regarding the matter of marriage.
These statements were basically theological ones, but were rooted in the Old Testament
teachings.
In the chapter before us, we have some of the practical application of theology for
everyday life.
We talked last week about some of the situations that confronted the Corinthian believers
in their town of Corinth.
They had a number of questions which they wrote to Paul, asking, were concerned about
celibacy.
Was it right to be a celibate?
In fact, was it more spiritual to remain single than it was to be married?
There were some who said that was the case because of the terrible degeneracy surrounding
marriage and the sexual relationships in Corinth.
There was a strong Jewish element in the church that said, however, that if you don't marry,
you sin against God and there's no place for you in heaven.
You have to get married.
So a work of God's is not what about this.
As Paul answers their questions in this chapter, he does not take time to write down the specific
things that they're asked.
I wish he had.
It might have helped us a little bit in our interpretation of the chapter.
And by reconstructing the questions, I think we can come to some understanding of what
Paul is saying here.
Let's begin with verse one of 1st Corinthians 7.
Now concerning the things about which we write unto me, it is good for a man not to touch
a woman, nevertheless to avoid fornication, that every man have his own wife and that
every woman have her own husband.
Let the husband render unto the wife her due, and likewise also the wife unto the husband.
The wife hath not power of her own body but the husband, and likewise also the husband
hath not power of his own body but the wife.
Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give
yourselves to fasting and prayer, and then come together again, that Satan tempt ye not
for your incontinency, or lack of self-control.
I speak this by permission, not by commandment.
I read that all men, though even as I myself, that every man hath his proper gift of God,
one after this manner and another after that.
I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as
I, but if they cannot have self-control, let them marry, for it is better to marry than
to burn.
And unto the married I command, yet now I but the Lord, let not the wife depart from
her husband, but if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband,
and let not her husband put away his wife.
I will repeat again, when Paul makes a statement like he does in verse 10, I command, yet not
I but the Lord, he is saying that the Lord has made a reference to this issue earlier.
And so he quotes the Lord Jesus Christ.
And verse 12 he says, to the rest speak I, not the Lord.
Paul is not saying, no, what I am going to say now is simply my opinion, it has no force.
He is saying, now Jesus made no reference to what I am about to say, but here is the
revelation that God would give you through me.
And so all of it is revelation that has equal authority, equal force in our lives.
The one case, Paul is saying, now this is what Jesus said, I am quoting him, and another
place he is saying, now Jesus made no reference to this, but here is the word of God.
I don't understand what he means when he says that.
Now the first question that was answered by the apostle Paul seems to be the question,
is it wrong to be single?
Paul answers that by saying in essence, no.
In fact he says, it is good, or beneficial in some respects, to remain single.
Later in the chapter he reminds his readers and all of us of some of the troubles that
come through marriage.
A marriage does bring its troubles and its responsibilities.
He says it is good if they can remain even as I am.
He was single at this point in his life, though earlier probably he was married and his wife
had died.
But he makes it clear that singleness is a gift from God.
And there are not many really that have the gift of singleness.
It is not abnormal to be single, it is not seen to be single, but one should have the
gift of singleness if he is going to remain unmarried.
Now the reason is very practical.
Because in that day and current there was so much pressure for immoral relationships,
he says you are better to marry than to burn with passion.
We live in a day today that is not unlike the Corinthian society.
Or we will return.
We are confronted with the same kind of pressures and worse morals that the Corinthians faced.
And so today it is not wrong to be single.
God calls some to be single and they have a unique opportunity to minister and to give
their lives for the glory of God.
It is a great thing.
On the other hand there are not many that have that gift.
God has called most people to be married.
And one of the reasons to be married is to avoid fornication, sexual sins.
And that is what he says in verse 2.
Nevertheless to avoid fornication, and every man has his own wife and every woman has her
own husband.
And the way he says it is that he makes it clear that it is monogamy he is talking about.
His own wife, her own husband.
There is one of each, that is it, monogamous.
There are those who like to think of other terms but the scripture has nothing to say
except condemnation upon any other kind of immoral relationship.
In the Old Testament there were some great patriarchs who had more than one wife and
they paid for it, I mean in a lot of ways they paid for it, that caused heartache and
grief in families.
And the sad thing in the New Testament was clearly stated, one man one woman.
A wonderful God designed relationship.
In his eyes the God has put into us whatever they be whether for appetite, or for relaxation,
or for laughter, or for the enjoyment of sex.
All of these things are good, they are from God.
Satan would take them, twist them, provoke them, or make a scene through them.
The God wants us to know these appetites and to have them fulfilled in a righteous, godly
way.
These things are proper, there is a place for each of them.
There is a way that they are to be fulfilled.
And the way that our sexual desires are to be fulfilled is within the bounds of marriage.
And there are the woes.
As we come to verse 3, actually, we come to a second question.
It is not entirely separated from the first.
Paul moves very quickly from singleness to the second question, but the second question
seems to be this.
Can Christian couples ever separate?
Is there ever a time for them to separate?
Apparently, there are some in Corinth who encourage couples to separate.
We talked last week about the mixed up marriage laws.
Or let's put it this way, the mixed up ways in which one could be married in the Roman
Empire.
Are there slaves, are there just the average citizens and nobility?
And it caused tremendous inter-relational problems.
And there were some who said, you know, the best thing to do is to separate husbands and
wives and everybody be single and live that way for the glory of God.
Now Paul says no, that's not right.
Should married couples ever separate?
First he gives us a principle.
He says, look to your husband, render to the wife her due.
And likewise also the wife to her husband.
Because the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does.
Conversely, the husband does not have authority over his body, but the wife does.
And so he says, defraud thee not one the other.
The word defraud here is a very strong one.
Paul used it back in chapter 5 in both in the terms of robbery.
He's saying don't rob the other person of what is rightfully his or hers in your marriage
relationship.
Essentially the principle that Paul lays down is this, if you are married then be married.
If you're married then be married and live within the holy bonds of marriage.
Give to each other that which is due.
That's what he's saying.
And what is due?
Well, in the context here he's talking about the marital relationship, the act of love.
But the thought goes beyond that to include the common policies of life, kindness, proper
manners.
Those things also are due to our partners.
The tragedy is in many marriages that husbands and wives stop dating after they get married.
No longer is the door open for the wife.
Now I've got to pull my own feet back here before I step on the toes, but I do that.
I don't know if I can get them out of the way though.
I wear size 12 and that's a pretty good size foot.
And I may stomp on yours too, but let's face it.
We owe one another the common kindnesses and policies that are so easy to remember when
we're dating and trying to impress, and so easy to forget once we've established a marital
relationship.
That's part of what is due.
That's obligation.
When he says what is due, he says what is owed.
We owe these things to one another.
And so it covers a broad range of matters within marriage.
He says we don't have authority over our own bodies.
Our partners have authority over our bodies.
It is a terrible thing when one of the partners in a marriage says, you sleep on the couch
until you come around to my point of view.
Now I don't have to make any more credit than that, do I?
That is absolutely the wrong use of a couch, as well as some other things.
We do not have authority over our own bodies, our partners do, and we are with ours.
Marriage is not a 50-50 relationship, so if that person withhoes 5%, I'm going to withhold
5%.
Then we have a 45-45.
And it begins to chisel its way down until it's zilch against zilch.
It's 100% giving to the other person and the other person giving 100% to me.
That's what it is.
That's mature marriage.
When people come to me for premarital counseling, one of the things I try to determine is, do
they understand what real love is?
Do they understand that marriage is not just a situation where two people are going to
enter in 50-50, but each is giving completely to the other?
It's a giving over of one's total life.
It's a total commitment.
Now that's what Paul is saying here.
The principle behind marriage is this.
If you are married, then be married.
Live as a married person.
I have counseled men who think somehow after they get married they can still go out and
run with the bulls or they can play ball every night of the week or go fishing and never
think about the needs of the wild for some things.
There's nothing wrong with the ball game.
There's nothing wrong with going fishing.
Don't misunderstand me.
When one gets married, he gets married.
Some people have called the marriage ring a tentacle because it cuts off circulation.
And it does somewhat because no longer can I make a decision just based upon what I want
to do.
Now I must consider my wife.
And the wife must consider her husband.
That's the principle.
And it's such an important one.
And he says here, do not rob the other person of what is rightfully his or hers.
Now there is an exception, that Paul notes.
He says, do not rob the other person except that be with consent for a time that you may
give yourselves to fasting and prayer and come together again for Satan tempts you not
for your incontinency.
He says there may be a rare occasion now and then when such a spiritual issue will come
before you that we will want as a husband and wife to separate yourselves from your
normal marital relationship.
And he says that is to be with mutual consent.
Both are to be with, this is what we should do.
It is to be for a little time, a limited time, not very long.
And it's to be for the specific purpose of prayer, for a spiritual goal.
And he says come together again lest Satan enter into and tempt you.
And your lack of self control leads you into sin.
That's the only exception he gives here for married people.
Now he does touch again upon it in verses 10 and 11.
And the context is a little different.
But he says to the Lord, I command you now, but the Lord, let not the right depart from
her husband.
And here we have the command.
This is not suggested to us, it is commanded to us that the wife is not to depart from
her husband.
And later he says, let not the husband put away his wife.
What is he talking about here?
He is talking about a divorce of a Christian couple.
He says there is no place for divorce among believers.
Let not the wife depart from her husband.
The word depart here we are told is a technical word for divorce in that way.
So Paul is saying if you want to separate for a brief time for a spiritual purpose,
okay.
I gave you permission to do that.
It was not commanded.
We are permitted to do that.
Later he comes back to this point again and he says, but do not let the wife divorce her
husband and don't let the husband put away his wife.
He goes on to say, now if this has happened, but if she does depart, and apparently this
had happened in prayer, that is divorces had already taken place, that the couples were
already split up.
Because if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband.
Do you understand what Paul is saying here?
We live in a day when nearly one out of two marriages is breaking up in our land.
Actually the percentage is decreasing a little bit.
The statisticians tell us it is because more couples are simply living together, they are
not getting married.
And so the statistics are not reflecting what is actually taking place in our society.
Some of us said figures don't lie, but liars figure.
And that way it will be true.
And yet these people who knew the figuring force tell us that the problem has not gone
away.
The problem actually was increasing.
It's something that fewer people are being married before they live together.
And thus the diverse statistics are thrown off.
But the apostle was saying here folks, he was exceedingly clear, it could not be clearer,
that Jesus Christ would have stand here on this platform this morning himself and so
of.
But when there are two believers who are married to one another, they are out to be married.
If for some reason a separation between them becomes mandatory, there are only two choices.
One is that they each remain single for the rest of their lives.
The other is that they be reconciled as husband and wife.
In our church we have a ministry that is called the Rebuilders.
It is in part for those whose marriages are going through times of stress and difficulty.
It is in part for those who have been through the heartache and the sorrow of a divorce.
One of the joys of the Rebuilders' ministry has been seeing now I think four or five couples
within the last three or four months who have been married again.
They have been divorced due to one thing or another.
And through the love of Jesus Christ and the transformation that he makes in the life,
they have been reconciled and reunited in marriage.
And it is a marvelous thing to behold.
There is as much joy at one of those weddings as at a first time wedding.
In fact in some respects there is more joy.
Someone related to me to one of the recent weddings, it was the children who brought
in the rings and who helped attend mom and dad as they got married again.
Well that is neat.
To see that husband and wife reconciled.
There are times when that simple is not possible.
And when that is not possible, the other option is to remain single for believers.
Now there is an important footnote I must add at this point.
The apostle Paul is dealing here in general principles regarding marriage between believers.
But there is a footnote that is clear as far as I am concerned in the New Testament regarding
this matter of divorce.
And that involves adultery.
And this day adultery is casually looked upon.
In fact it is even expected by some people that a husband will be unfaithful to his wife.
After all it is just the way he is made.
And there are some couples who determine that while they are happily married if one of them
or both of them want to look around and play around.
And that is just perfectly fine because they have an open marriage.
Tragedy and in the eyes of God you sin.
It is adultery.
Would you turn with me please to Matthew chapter 5.
We want to see the words of the Lord Jesus as he speaks regarding this matter of marriage.
The context actually begins in verse 27 of Matthew 5 but for time's sake we are going
to go right to verse 32.
He says that I say to you that whosoever shall put away his wife except for the cause of
fornication causeth her to commit adultery and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced
committeth adultery.
And then we go to Matthew chapter 19 and verse 9.
The Lord Jesus says I say to you whosoever shall put away his wife except to be for fornication
and shall marry another commit adultery and whosoever marry her that is put away commit
adultery.
And so twice here in the Gospel of Matthew the very same statement in essence is recorded
for us.
But Jesus is saying here that adultery is grounds for divorce.
There is no other way to understand this if it is going to be legitimate in my opinion
is biblical interpretation.
Let us back up and think about marriage for a moment.
Marriage was instituted by God to be a permanent union between one man and one woman.
Is that right?
That is what the Garden of Eden was about when God brought Eve to Adam and united them
in marriage in that first marriage ceremony.
But after that, after that institution of the perfect marriage something happened in
the world.
What was it?
Well they fell into sin didn't they?
And just as sin ruined every other part of creation, sin has involved marriage in its
tangled mess as well.
God intended for Adam and Eve to live on and on and on.
But death came in because of sin.
And likewise sin affects marriages and it can bring to an end a marriage relationship.
When a partner is unfaithful and falls into an adulterous relationship the innocent person
in that marriage has right for divorce in the eyes of God.
It is not of God's perfect will.
It is not something that God looks upon with great pleasure, but God allows it for that
innocent person.
The first responsibility of the innocent person, and I want to emphasize this, listen to me,
the first responsibility of that innocent person is to forgive his mate.
And if there is repentance and sorrow in the part of that guilty, offending party, then
the innocent person of marriage has responsibility before God to forgive him or her, even as
God for Christ's sake has forgiven us.
Forgiveness is the order of the day.
But when there is no repentance and there is continued sin upon sin and adultery, the
person who is innocent has right for divorce.
Then there are those who argue well with this divorce, what about remarriage?
The whole purpose of divorce is to free a person to remarry.
There are not two separate issues, as some make them, but there is one issue involved.
If there is such a thing as an allowable dissolution of a marriage, then remarriage is inherently
a right for the person who is innocent.
I recognize that all of you may not agree with that position, and there are those who
do take another position, and that's fine, I'm not going to argue about it, but I have
not come to this position after a great deal of thought and study.
I have not come to this place casually.
I honestly believe that that's what the Word of God teaches.
Again, I emphasize that God hates divorce.
God's principle is if you're married, then be married.
The adultery is such a heinous violation of the marriage vows that God says that is grounds
for divorce.
If anything, what God should tell us is what God thinks of adultery.
He should tell us what a stench is that sin in the nostrils of God.
We must never take the marriage vows lightly.
Yesterday it was a joy to unite a young man and a young lady in marriage, and before all
of us gathered before God, they spoke their commitment to one another, to death they do
part.
And I believe in that.
You don't find the marriage ceremony per se in the Bible, you understand that, we talked
about that last week, but the vows that are part of our marriage ceremony are certainly
based upon what the Bible teaches.
Marriage is to be a permanent union between a man and a woman.
Between believers, there is no reason, there is no allowance for divorce, except for adultery.
The only other two possibilities are reconciliation, or remaining single, and through life.
And they seem harsh to some, and undoubtedly it brings questions to the mind, but what
about, an ugly example has to be examined in the light of the Word of God.
It would be foolish for me to begin here, to say, but what about this, or what about
that?
If you have a question concerning this, I encourage you to study it in the Word of God.
I would be happy to talk with you myself, and give you what counsel I can, regarding
the situation you may personally find yourself in today.
The thing that I want to emphasize as we talk about these verses in 1 Corinthians 7, is
what an important step marriage is, in the eyes of God.
There are some young people who are so anxious to get married that the first thing that walks
in the door that wears pants, they want to get married.
And the first thing that appears on the scene that's wearing a skirt, that woman says,
I'm in love with her, and usually it's the first grade teacher, you know how that is.
Marriage is so significant and such an important commitment that one must be sure before he
decides to say, will you marry me?
And the further the response will be, yes.
There are some people who are so anxious to fall in love that they make a mistake.
I have met people who are in love not so much with the other person as they are in love
with the idea of marriage.
And they just think that marriage is going to be the answer, all their problems, whew,
they only live, right?
Before you get married, be sure that you're mature enough to handle responsibility.
If you're still at that stage where you're lining up all the girls according to that
list of perfection that you've got down, that list you put together to prove that person
is worthy of you.
If you're still lining up all the girls you meet according to that list, then you're
not ready to get married.
If you're still of the opinion that we've got to get married, one way or the other,
then we're not ready to get married.
In fact, I wonder if a person is really ready for marriage until the list is thrown away
and is willing to say, God, if you want me to be single the rest of my life, that's fine
with me.
I think when a person comes to that place, he's a good candidate for marriage.
The best things to do is to not grout and try to fall in love, but to grout and be a
lover of people.
Show love, be kind.
Seek love, not someone to love.
You seek love, to give love, that is, not for yourself, but to give it.
And as you seek to give it, God will bring into your life someone who can give you love
and with whom you may share your love and your life together in a holy matrimony.
When you are married, then be married.
Render to your partner the full rights of that marriage.
Do not sit in withholding yourself and what is due to your partner.
Meet your partner's needs full.
Understand what your partner's needs are.
I think a lot of the moral problems we face in counseling are due to the fact that there
are a lot of men who don't understand what the needs of their sweetheart are in a lot
of different areas.
And there are a lot of women who don't understand what the needs of the husband might be.
Now there are some books written on these subjects that are helpful.
There are some that are not very helpful, but there are some good ones.
Perhaps it would be well for you to read a book or two along this line and find out how
to please your partner.
And it would be all that God intends you to be as a husband, all that God wants you to
be as a wife.
Don't separate.
Accept to be for a spiritual purpose for a limited time within the limitations that
Paul gives here.
That there come about time, God forbid, that there should develop between you and your
partner such a tragedy of difference.
Recognize.
Recognize the seriousness of that situation.
Seek to be reconciled.
If you cannot live together, understand the consequences that you bring upon yourself.
If you're married, be married.
If you're single, then enjoy your singleness.
If you have a gift of singleness, then throughout life, live your glory of God and maximize
that singleness.
But if there is within you a burning desire for marriage, then wait upon God and allow
him to bring that right person into your life who can fulfill you and whom you may fulfill.
And you can know the blessed marriage of God intends.
Let's pray.
Heavenly Father, these words are so very important.
There may be some here today who have been hurt, who have been shocked or cut by the
word.
There are some ungodly who have questions and who are troubled by the high standards
that your word gives.
I pray that you will help them to understand what your will for them is.
And then give them grace and patience and submission to the Lordship of Christ to be
obedient to the Word of God.
Though in His blessing we understand that.
Obedience brings blessing.
Disobedience brings trouble.
Help us to obey.
I pray for those here who are single and looking forward to marriage, God give them your mind
and your time in all of this.
Bring that right person into their life.
I pray for those who are experiencing difficulty that right now before the difficulties are
magnified they may seek help and be healed.
Whatever our needs may be today, I pray by your grace meet our needs.
In Jesus' name, Amen.