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I'm going to read the first 11 verses of this exceedingly practical chapter of a very practical

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book.

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The Lord Jesus made a number of important statements regarding the matter of marriage.

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These statements were basically theological ones, but were rooted in the Old Testament

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teachings.

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In the chapter before us, we have some of the practical application of theology for

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everyday life.

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We talked last week about some of the situations that confronted the Corinthian believers

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in their town of Corinth.

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They had a number of questions which they wrote to Paul, asking, were concerned about

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celibacy.

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Was it right to be a celibate?

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In fact, was it more spiritual to remain single than it was to be married?

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There were some who said that was the case because of the terrible degeneracy surrounding

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marriage and the sexual relationships in Corinth.

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There was a strong Jewish element in the church that said, however, that if you don't marry,

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you sin against God and there's no place for you in heaven.

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You have to get married.

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So a work of God's is not what about this.

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As Paul answers their questions in this chapter, he does not take time to write down the specific

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things that they're asked.

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I wish he had.

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It might have helped us a little bit in our interpretation of the chapter.

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And by reconstructing the questions, I think we can come to some understanding of what

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Paul is saying here.

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Let's begin with verse one of 1st Corinthians 7.

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Now concerning the things about which we write unto me, it is good for a man not to touch

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a woman, nevertheless to avoid fornication, that every man have his own wife and that

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every woman have her own husband.

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Let the husband render unto the wife her due, and likewise also the wife unto the husband.

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The wife hath not power of her own body but the husband, and likewise also the husband

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hath not power of his own body but the wife.

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Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give

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yourselves to fasting and prayer, and then come together again, that Satan tempt ye not

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for your incontinency, or lack of self-control.

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I speak this by permission, not by commandment.

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I read that all men, though even as I myself, that every man hath his proper gift of God,

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one after this manner and another after that.

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I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as

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I, but if they cannot have self-control, let them marry, for it is better to marry than

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to burn.

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And unto the married I command, yet now I but the Lord, let not the wife depart from

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her husband, but if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband,

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and let not her husband put away his wife.

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I will repeat again, when Paul makes a statement like he does in verse 10, I command, yet not

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I but the Lord, he is saying that the Lord has made a reference to this issue earlier.

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And so he quotes the Lord Jesus Christ.

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And verse 12 he says, to the rest speak I, not the Lord.

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Paul is not saying, no, what I am going to say now is simply my opinion, it has no force.

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He is saying, now Jesus made no reference to what I am about to say, but here is the

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revelation that God would give you through me.

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And so all of it is revelation that has equal authority, equal force in our lives.

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The one case, Paul is saying, now this is what Jesus said, I am quoting him, and another

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place he is saying, now Jesus made no reference to this, but here is the word of God.

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I don't understand what he means when he says that.

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Now the first question that was answered by the apostle Paul seems to be the question,

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is it wrong to be single?

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Paul answers that by saying in essence, no.

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In fact he says, it is good, or beneficial in some respects, to remain single.

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Later in the chapter he reminds his readers and all of us of some of the troubles that

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come through marriage.

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A marriage does bring its troubles and its responsibilities.

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He says it is good if they can remain even as I am.

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He was single at this point in his life, though earlier probably he was married and his wife

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had died.

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But he makes it clear that singleness is a gift from God.

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And there are not many really that have the gift of singleness.

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It is not abnormal to be single, it is not seen to be single, but one should have the

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gift of singleness if he is going to remain unmarried.

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Now the reason is very practical.

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Because in that day and current there was so much pressure for immoral relationships,

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he says you are better to marry than to burn with passion.

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We live in a day today that is not unlike the Corinthian society.

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Or we will return.

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We are confronted with the same kind of pressures and worse morals that the Corinthians faced.

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And so today it is not wrong to be single.

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God calls some to be single and they have a unique opportunity to minister and to give

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their lives for the glory of God.

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It is a great thing.

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On the other hand there are not many that have that gift.

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God has called most people to be married.

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And one of the reasons to be married is to avoid fornication, sexual sins.

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And that is what he says in verse 2.

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Nevertheless to avoid fornication, and every man has his own wife and every woman has her

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own husband.

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And the way he says it is that he makes it clear that it is monogamy he is talking about.

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His own wife, her own husband.

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There is one of each, that is it, monogamous.

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There are those who like to think of other terms but the scripture has nothing to say

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except condemnation upon any other kind of immoral relationship.

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In the Old Testament there were some great patriarchs who had more than one wife and

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they paid for it, I mean in a lot of ways they paid for it, that caused heartache and

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grief in families.

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And the sad thing in the New Testament was clearly stated, one man one woman.

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A wonderful God designed relationship.

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In his eyes the God has put into us whatever they be whether for appetite, or for relaxation,

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or for laughter, or for the enjoyment of sex.

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All of these things are good, they are from God.

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Satan would take them, twist them, provoke them, or make a scene through them.

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The God wants us to know these appetites and to have them fulfilled in a righteous, godly

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way.

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These things are proper, there is a place for each of them.

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There is a way that they are to be fulfilled.

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And the way that our sexual desires are to be fulfilled is within the bounds of marriage.

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And there are the woes.

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As we come to verse 3, actually, we come to a second question.

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It is not entirely separated from the first.

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Paul moves very quickly from singleness to the second question, but the second question

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seems to be this.

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Can Christian couples ever separate?

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Is there ever a time for them to separate?

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Apparently, there are some in Corinth who encourage couples to separate.

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We talked last week about the mixed up marriage laws.

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Or let's put it this way, the mixed up ways in which one could be married in the Roman

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Empire.

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Are there slaves, are there just the average citizens and nobility?

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And it caused tremendous inter-relational problems.

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And there were some who said, you know, the best thing to do is to separate husbands and

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wives and everybody be single and live that way for the glory of God.

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Now Paul says no, that's not right.

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Should married couples ever separate?

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First he gives us a principle.

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He says, look to your husband, render to the wife her due.

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And likewise also the wife to her husband.

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Because the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does.

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Conversely, the husband does not have authority over his body, but the wife does.

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And so he says, defraud thee not one the other.

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The word defraud here is a very strong one.

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Paul used it back in chapter 5 in both in the terms of robbery.

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He's saying don't rob the other person of what is rightfully his or hers in your marriage

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relationship.

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Essentially the principle that Paul lays down is this, if you are married then be married.

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If you're married then be married and live within the holy bonds of marriage.

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Give to each other that which is due.

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That's what he's saying.

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And what is due?

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Well, in the context here he's talking about the marital relationship, the act of love.

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But the thought goes beyond that to include the common policies of life, kindness, proper

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manners.

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Those things also are due to our partners.

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The tragedy is in many marriages that husbands and wives stop dating after they get married.

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No longer is the door open for the wife.

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Now I've got to pull my own feet back here before I step on the toes, but I do that.

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I don't know if I can get them out of the way though.

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I wear size 12 and that's a pretty good size foot.

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And I may stomp on yours too, but let's face it.

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We owe one another the common kindnesses and policies that are so easy to remember when

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we're dating and trying to impress, and so easy to forget once we've established a marital

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relationship.

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That's part of what is due.

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That's obligation.

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When he says what is due, he says what is owed.

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We owe these things to one another.

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And so it covers a broad range of matters within marriage.

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He says we don't have authority over our own bodies.

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Our partners have authority over our bodies.

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It is a terrible thing when one of the partners in a marriage says, you sleep on the couch

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until you come around to my point of view.

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Now I don't have to make any more credit than that, do I?

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That is absolutely the wrong use of a couch, as well as some other things.

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We do not have authority over our own bodies, our partners do, and we are with ours.

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Marriage is not a 50-50 relationship, so if that person withhoes 5%, I'm going to withhold

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5%.

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Then we have a 45-45.

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And it begins to chisel its way down until it's zilch against zilch.

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It's 100% giving to the other person and the other person giving 100% to me.

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That's what it is.

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That's mature marriage.

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When people come to me for premarital counseling, one of the things I try to determine is, do

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they understand what real love is?

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Do they understand that marriage is not just a situation where two people are going to

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enter in 50-50, but each is giving completely to the other?

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It's a giving over of one's total life.

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It's a total commitment.

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Now that's what Paul is saying here.

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The principle behind marriage is this.

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If you are married, then be married.

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Live as a married person.

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I have counseled men who think somehow after they get married they can still go out and

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run with the bulls or they can play ball every night of the week or go fishing and never

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think about the needs of the wild for some things.

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There's nothing wrong with the ball game.

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There's nothing wrong with going fishing.

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Don't misunderstand me.

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When one gets married, he gets married.

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Some people have called the marriage ring a tentacle because it cuts off circulation.

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And it does somewhat because no longer can I make a decision just based upon what I want

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to do.

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Now I must consider my wife.

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And the wife must consider her husband.

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That's the principle.

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And it's such an important one.

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And he says here, do not rob the other person of what is rightfully his or hers.

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Now there is an exception, that Paul notes.

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He says, do not rob the other person except that be with consent for a time that you may

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give yourselves to fasting and prayer and come together again for Satan tempts you not

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for your incontinency.

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He says there may be a rare occasion now and then when such a spiritual issue will come

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before you that we will want as a husband and wife to separate yourselves from your

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normal marital relationship.

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And he says that is to be with mutual consent.

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Both are to be with, this is what we should do.

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It is to be for a little time, a limited time, not very long.

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And it's to be for the specific purpose of prayer, for a spiritual goal.

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And he says come together again lest Satan enter into and tempt you.

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And your lack of self control leads you into sin.

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That's the only exception he gives here for married people.

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Now he does touch again upon it in verses 10 and 11.

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And the context is a little different.

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But he says to the Lord, I command you now, but the Lord, let not the right depart from

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her husband.

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And here we have the command.

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This is not suggested to us, it is commanded to us that the wife is not to depart from

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her husband.

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And later he says, let not the husband put away his wife.

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What is he talking about here?

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He is talking about a divorce of a Christian couple.

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He says there is no place for divorce among believers.

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Let not the wife depart from her husband.

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The word depart here we are told is a technical word for divorce in that way.

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So Paul is saying if you want to separate for a brief time for a spiritual purpose,

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okay.

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I gave you permission to do that.

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It was not commanded.

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We are permitted to do that.

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Later he comes back to this point again and he says, but do not let the wife divorce her

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husband and don't let the husband put away his wife.

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He goes on to say, now if this has happened, but if she does depart, and apparently this

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had happened in prayer, that is divorces had already taken place, that the couples were

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already split up.

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Because if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband.

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Do you understand what Paul is saying here?

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We live in a day when nearly one out of two marriages is breaking up in our land.

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Actually the percentage is decreasing a little bit.

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The statisticians tell us it is because more couples are simply living together, they are

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not getting married.

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And so the statistics are not reflecting what is actually taking place in our society.

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Some of us said figures don't lie, but liars figure.

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And that way it will be true.

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And yet these people who knew the figuring force tell us that the problem has not gone

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away.

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The problem actually was increasing.

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It's something that fewer people are being married before they live together.

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And thus the diverse statistics are thrown off.

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But the apostle was saying here folks, he was exceedingly clear, it could not be clearer,

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that Jesus Christ would have stand here on this platform this morning himself and so

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of.

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But when there are two believers who are married to one another, they are out to be married.

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If for some reason a separation between them becomes mandatory, there are only two choices.

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One is that they each remain single for the rest of their lives.

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The other is that they be reconciled as husband and wife.

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In our church we have a ministry that is called the Rebuilders.

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It is in part for those whose marriages are going through times of stress and difficulty.

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It is in part for those who have been through the heartache and the sorrow of a divorce.

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One of the joys of the Rebuilders' ministry has been seeing now I think four or five couples

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within the last three or four months who have been married again.

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They have been divorced due to one thing or another.

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And through the love of Jesus Christ and the transformation that he makes in the life,

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they have been reconciled and reunited in marriage.

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And it is a marvelous thing to behold.

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There is as much joy at one of those weddings as at a first time wedding.

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In fact in some respects there is more joy.

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Someone related to me to one of the recent weddings, it was the children who brought

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in the rings and who helped attend mom and dad as they got married again.

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Well that is neat.

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To see that husband and wife reconciled.

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There are times when that simple is not possible.

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And when that is not possible, the other option is to remain single for believers.

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Now there is an important footnote I must add at this point.

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The apostle Paul is dealing here in general principles regarding marriage between believers.

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But there is a footnote that is clear as far as I am concerned in the New Testament regarding

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this matter of divorce.

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And that involves adultery.

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And this day adultery is casually looked upon.

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In fact it is even expected by some people that a husband will be unfaithful to his wife.

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After all it is just the way he is made.

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And there are some couples who determine that while they are happily married if one of them

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or both of them want to look around and play around.

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And that is just perfectly fine because they have an open marriage.

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Tragedy and in the eyes of God you sin.

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It is adultery.

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Would you turn with me please to Matthew chapter 5.

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We want to see the words of the Lord Jesus as he speaks regarding this matter of marriage.

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The context actually begins in verse 27 of Matthew 5 but for time's sake we are going

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to go right to verse 32.

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He says that I say to you that whosoever shall put away his wife except for the cause of

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fornication causeth her to commit adultery and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced

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committeth adultery.

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And then we go to Matthew chapter 19 and verse 9.

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The Lord Jesus says I say to you whosoever shall put away his wife except to be for fornication

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and shall marry another commit adultery and whosoever marry her that is put away commit

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adultery.

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And so twice here in the Gospel of Matthew the very same statement in essence is recorded

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for us.

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But Jesus is saying here that adultery is grounds for divorce.

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There is no other way to understand this if it is going to be legitimate in my opinion

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is biblical interpretation.

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Let us back up and think about marriage for a moment.

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Marriage was instituted by God to be a permanent union between one man and one woman.

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Is that right?

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That is what the Garden of Eden was about when God brought Eve to Adam and united them

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in marriage in that first marriage ceremony.

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But after that, after that institution of the perfect marriage something happened in

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the world.

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What was it?

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Well they fell into sin didn't they?

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And just as sin ruined every other part of creation, sin has involved marriage in its

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tangled mess as well.

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God intended for Adam and Eve to live on and on and on.

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But death came in because of sin.

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And likewise sin affects marriages and it can bring to an end a marriage relationship.

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When a partner is unfaithful and falls into an adulterous relationship the innocent person

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in that marriage has right for divorce in the eyes of God.

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It is not of God's perfect will.

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It is not something that God looks upon with great pleasure, but God allows it for that

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innocent person.

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The first responsibility of the innocent person, and I want to emphasize this, listen to me,

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the first responsibility of that innocent person is to forgive his mate.

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And if there is repentance and sorrow in the part of that guilty, offending party, then

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the innocent person of marriage has responsibility before God to forgive him or her, even as

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God for Christ's sake has forgiven us.

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Forgiveness is the order of the day.

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But when there is no repentance and there is continued sin upon sin and adultery, the

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person who is innocent has right for divorce.

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Then there are those who argue well with this divorce, what about remarriage?

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The whole purpose of divorce is to free a person to remarry.

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There are not two separate issues, as some make them, but there is one issue involved.

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If there is such a thing as an allowable dissolution of a marriage, then remarriage is inherently

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a right for the person who is innocent.

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I recognize that all of you may not agree with that position, and there are those who

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do take another position, and that's fine, I'm not going to argue about it, but I have

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not come to this position after a great deal of thought and study.

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I have not come to this place casually.

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I honestly believe that that's what the Word of God teaches.

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Again, I emphasize that God hates divorce.

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God's principle is if you're married, then be married.

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The adultery is such a heinous violation of the marriage vows that God says that is grounds

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for divorce.

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If anything, what God should tell us is what God thinks of adultery.

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He should tell us what a stench is that sin in the nostrils of God.

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We must never take the marriage vows lightly.

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Yesterday it was a joy to unite a young man and a young lady in marriage, and before all

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of us gathered before God, they spoke their commitment to one another, to death they do

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part.

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And I believe in that.

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You don't find the marriage ceremony per se in the Bible, you understand that, we talked

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about that last week, but the vows that are part of our marriage ceremony are certainly

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based upon what the Bible teaches.

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Marriage is to be a permanent union between a man and a woman.

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Between believers, there is no reason, there is no allowance for divorce, except for adultery.

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The only other two possibilities are reconciliation, or remaining single, and through life.

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And they seem harsh to some, and undoubtedly it brings questions to the mind, but what

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about, an ugly example has to be examined in the light of the Word of God.

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It would be foolish for me to begin here, to say, but what about this, or what about

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that?

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If you have a question concerning this, I encourage you to study it in the Word of God.

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I would be happy to talk with you myself, and give you what counsel I can, regarding

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the situation you may personally find yourself in today.

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The thing that I want to emphasize as we talk about these verses in 1 Corinthians 7, is

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what an important step marriage is, in the eyes of God.

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There are some young people who are so anxious to get married that the first thing that walks

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in the door that wears pants, they want to get married.

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And the first thing that appears on the scene that's wearing a skirt, that woman says,

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I'm in love with her, and usually it's the first grade teacher, you know how that is.

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Marriage is so significant and such an important commitment that one must be sure before he

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decides to say, will you marry me?

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And the further the response will be, yes.

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There are some people who are so anxious to fall in love that they make a mistake.

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I have met people who are in love not so much with the other person as they are in love

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with the idea of marriage.

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And they just think that marriage is going to be the answer, all their problems, whew,

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they only live, right?

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Before you get married, be sure that you're mature enough to handle responsibility.

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If you're still at that stage where you're lining up all the girls according to that

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list of perfection that you've got down, that list you put together to prove that person

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is worthy of you.

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If you're still lining up all the girls you meet according to that list, then you're

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not ready to get married.

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If you're still of the opinion that we've got to get married, one way or the other,

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then we're not ready to get married.

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In fact, I wonder if a person is really ready for marriage until the list is thrown away

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and is willing to say, God, if you want me to be single the rest of my life, that's fine

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with me.

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I think when a person comes to that place, he's a good candidate for marriage.

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The best things to do is to not grout and try to fall in love, but to grout and be a

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lover of people.

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Show love, be kind.

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Seek love, not someone to love.

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You seek love, to give love, that is, not for yourself, but to give it.

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And as you seek to give it, God will bring into your life someone who can give you love

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and with whom you may share your love and your life together in a holy matrimony.

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When you are married, then be married.

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Render to your partner the full rights of that marriage.

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Do not sit in withholding yourself and what is due to your partner.

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Meet your partner's needs full.

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Understand what your partner's needs are.

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I think a lot of the moral problems we face in counseling are due to the fact that there

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are a lot of men who don't understand what the needs of their sweetheart are in a lot

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of different areas.

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And there are a lot of women who don't understand what the needs of the husband might be.

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Now there are some books written on these subjects that are helpful.

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There are some that are not very helpful, but there are some good ones.

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Perhaps it would be well for you to read a book or two along this line and find out how

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to please your partner.

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And it would be all that God intends you to be as a husband, all that God wants you to

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be as a wife.

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Don't separate.

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Accept to be for a spiritual purpose for a limited time within the limitations that

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Paul gives here.

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That there come about time, God forbid, that there should develop between you and your

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partner such a tragedy of difference.

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Recognize.

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Recognize the seriousness of that situation.

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Seek to be reconciled.

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If you cannot live together, understand the consequences that you bring upon yourself.

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If you're married, be married.

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If you're single, then enjoy your singleness.

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If you have a gift of singleness, then throughout life, live your glory of God and maximize

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that singleness.

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But if there is within you a burning desire for marriage, then wait upon God and allow

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him to bring that right person into your life who can fulfill you and whom you may fulfill.

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And you can know the blessed marriage of God intends.

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Let's pray.

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Heavenly Father, these words are so very important.

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There may be some here today who have been hurt, who have been shocked or cut by the

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word.

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There are some ungodly who have questions and who are troubled by the high standards

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that your word gives.

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I pray that you will help them to understand what your will for them is.

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And then give them grace and patience and submission to the Lordship of Christ to be

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obedient to the Word of God.

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Though in His blessing we understand that.

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Obedience brings blessing.

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Disobedience brings trouble.

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Help us to obey.

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I pray for those here who are single and looking forward to marriage, God give them your mind

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and your time in all of this.

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Bring that right person into their life.

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I pray for those who are experiencing difficulty that right now before the difficulties are

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magnified they may seek help and be healed.

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Whatever our needs may be today, I pray by your grace meet our needs.

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In Jesus' name, Amen.