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Lives like a Christian, right?

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Well that's idealism.

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Idealism is noble, but it's not very practical.

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Nowhere does idealism seem more noble, more right, more spiritual than in a church.

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And perhaps nowhere is idealism more debilitating or even discouraging than when it's in church.

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We have such high idealistic expectations, especially of others.

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And when those expectations aren't met, we become disillusioned, or we place blame, or

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we begin conflict.

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But there shouldn't be any problems in the church.

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We're God's people.

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God has only one will.

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How can sincere people understand the will of God to be two diametric things?

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But that's the reality, isn't it?

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You want to talk about the mode of baptism?

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The Lordship salvation issue?

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The presence of the charismatic gifts in the church?

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We sometimes dream that friction should not happen among God's people.

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But conflict does take place in every setting, including the church.

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The more idealistic people are, the greater the likelihood that they will be in the center

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of a controversy.

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Because you see, the ought of idealism and the is of reality always collide in a fallen

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world.

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What ought to be and what is don't match in a world like ours.

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The Church of Jesus Christ is a family, and like any family, can and does experience friction

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and disagreement.

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We see that in our text today in 1 Timothy 5.

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The issue that Paul is addressing here is an issue of how widows were to be supported

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by the Church.

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He begins this text by saying,

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Do not sharply rebuke an older man, but rather appeal to him as a father.

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To the younger men as brothers, the older women as mothers, and the younger women as

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sisters in all purity.

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Honor widows who are widows indeed, but if any widow has children or grandchildren,

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let them first learn to practice piety in regard to their own family, and to make some

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return to their parents, for this is acceptable in the sight of God.

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For she who is a widow indeed, and who has been left alone, has fixed her hope on God,

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and continues in entreaties and prayers night and day.

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But she who gives herself to want and pleasure is dead even while she lives.

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Prescribe these things as well, so that they may be above reproach.

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But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household,

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he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

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Let a widow be put on the list only if she is not less than sixty years old, having been

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the wife of one man, having a reputation for good works, and if she has brought up children,

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if she has shown hospitality to strangers, if she has washed the saints' feet, if she

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has assisted those in distress, and if she has devoted herself to every good work.

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But refuse to put younger widows on the list, for when they feel sensual desires and disregard

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of Christ, they want to get married, thus incurring condemnation because they have set

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aside their previous pledge.

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And at the same time, they also learn to be idle as they go around from house to house,

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not merely idle, but also gossips and busybodies talking about things not proper to mention.

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Therefore, I want younger widows to get married, bear children, keep house, and give the enemy

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no occasion for reproach.

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For some have already turned aside to follow Satan.

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If any woman who is a believer has dependent widows, let her assist them, and let not the

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church be burdened so that it may assist those who are widows indeed.

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Writing in the book Mastering Conflict and Controversies, Marshall Shelley writes, conflict

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in the church is unavoidable.

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It's been that way from the beginning.

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He goes on then to illustrate in the book of Acts how very soon after the beginning

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of the church there was controversy and disagreement.

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I agree with that.

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Conflict in the church is inevitable, and how we deal with it will determine its outcome.

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Conflict is not inherently bad or evil.

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In fact, it can produce good.

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There are those who have the mistaken idea that controversy is sin.

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That is not necessarily so.

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Indeed, controversy, friction, disagreement, conflict, all of these can be an opportunity

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for growth or a tool for destruction depending upon how we use them.

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So the question I want to pose this morning is how should believers respond to conflicts

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in the church?

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We respond to conflict in the church by doing several things.

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Paul lays it out for us here.

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The first is to respect one another.

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In verses 1 and 2, Paul writes to Pastor Timothy and tells him to respond to people in the

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church as if they were family members.

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The older men as fathers, the younger men as brothers, the older women as mothers, the

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younger women as sisters.

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The picture that he presents of the church here is a picture of the family.

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Indeed, a church is a family, a family of families, ideally all related to God by the

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new birth and therefore made children of God.

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We are to treat one another with a fraternal respect and deference.

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We are to be considerate and courteous.

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We are to prefer one another.

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We are to honor one another as in a family.

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So how do we handle conflict in a church?

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First by respecting one another as members of the same family of God.

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Secondly, we handle conflict in a church by defining the problem.

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That's what Paul does in verse 3 when he points out that the church is to honor widows who

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are widows indeed.

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The problem in the church was how to deal with widows.

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There were apparently a number of them involved in the church at Ephesus.

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So many were making demands financially upon the church because the church felt an obligation

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to help them that the church was apparently in financial crisis.

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And so Paul in response to this situation, this conflict in the church defines the problem

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for us first.

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It is good for us to remember that widows along with orphans and aliens receive special

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recognition in the Bible as those who are in need of understanding and help from God's

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people.

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James writes, this is pure and undefiled religion in the sight of God and our Father, to visit

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orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself unstained by the world.

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In Psalm 146 verse 9 it says, the Lord protects the strangers, that is the aliens in the land.

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He protects the strangers, he supports the fatherless and the widow.

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Widows in the Roman world were left to care for themselves.

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That is because women, especially single women, had little worth in that culture.

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They were often left to beg or to prostitute themselves if they were without a caring family.

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They often lived destitute and wretched lives as widows.

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Thus you can understand the compulsion of the church and the pressure on the church

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to help Christian widows.

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But Paul says in verse 3 that they were to honor widows who are widows indeed.

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And he later then defines that to mean they are those who have no support system at all.

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They are the ones who are widows indeed and who are especially deserving of the church's

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support.

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Having defined the problem, the apostle now takes another step which is important for

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us to observe as we think about resolving problems and facing conflict in the church.

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Step number 3 is found in verses 3 through 16, the major part of the text.

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As Paul tells us here to face the conflict head on.

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As I said before, the widows who were in need were overwhelming the church with expectations.

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There was not enough to go around to care for them all.

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And so the apostle faces that problem head on in the text.

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He does this first by looking for an appropriate compromise.

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He explains his compromise in verses 3 through 6 and then even more elaborately in verses

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9 through 13.

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Basically what he says in his compromise of the church supporting widows is that first

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of all families could care for some of them and should.

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And he says if they don't care for them then they are worse than unbelievers.

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They are responsible for their parents, for their family.

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And then he suggests that those who are designated widows indeed who were without a support system

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should meet certain requirements and he lists those.

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In verse 5 he says that they are those who have fixed their hope on God and continue

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in treaties and prayers night and day.

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And then he goes on to list other qualifications for them beginning in verse 9.

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A widow is to be added to the support list if she has done these things, says Paul.

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If not then she is not to be added to the list.

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And so the very first thing that the apostle does as he faces this conflict is to look

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for an appropriate compromise and to lay it out.

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And then in verse 7 he exhorts Timothy to be part of the solution.

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Prescribe these things as well, he says, so that they may be above reproach.

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Timothy had a part to play.

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He was to command, he was to order these things.

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This is the same word that was used to Timothy back in chapter 4 verse 11 where Paul says

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prescribe and teach these things.

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Now he says again you are to order these things, you are to command them.

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He says create a list, make a role of the widows indeed.

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And as part of the solution Timothy you are to set up these standards so that the church

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will not be overwhelmed.

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When facing the conflict the third thing that he says to do is to act ethically.

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In verse 8 he says if anyone does not provide for his own, especially for those of his own

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household he has denied the faith.

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So there is an emphasis here on settling the conflict with ethical standards.

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And finally he says don't expect the church to be everything to everyone, verse 16.

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He says if a woman who is a believer has a dependent widow let her assist them, let not

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the church be burdened.

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In other words Timothy your church there in Ephesus cannot be all things to all people.

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It can't be everything to everyone.

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Some widows can care for themselves, some can be cared for by their families so that

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the church then can be free to help those who are truly in need.

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Now in laying out these things the apostle has some interesting guidelines for us today

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in settling problems.

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But I think if we look beyond the church we also see some ideas here regarding supporting

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people in need in society.

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Our government has gone far from the kinds of standards that are laid down here in helping

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those who are needy.

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And right now we are being overwhelmed.

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And therefore both on the state level and the federal level they are talking about welfare

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reform.

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Our legislators need to look at some of the ideas found in 1 Timothy chapter 5 as they

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think about how to reform welfare in our society.

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And so Timothy is told respect one another, define the problem, face the conflict and

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finally guard against Satan.

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Notice he says in verse 15, some have already turned aside to follow Satan.

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He warns in verse 14 that the enemy can be given occasion to reproach.

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You see the devil is always looking for opportunities to take advantage of us.

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In 2 Corinthians 2, 11 the apostle says that we are not ignorant of Satan's schemes.

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We want to be aware lest we be taken advantage of by him.

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The word advantage there means to be outwitted by him, to be defrauded by him, to be cheated

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by him.

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Satan is always out working, looking for occasions, looking for opportunities that he might do

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damage to God's people and to the Lord's church.

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And so as we think about how to face conflicts in the church, the final thing that is laid

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out for us in the text here is that we are to be on guard against Satan because he is

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always present to take advantage.

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As I laid out the text in Timothy several months ago, I wondered when I came to 1 Timothy

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5 how I was going to deal with it.

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Because after all how to care for widows in the church is not exactly a pressing issue

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in churches today.

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Because widows are cared for by social security, by our government.

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And so the whole situation is foreign to what we face.

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But God in his wisdom knew that we would be dealing with this text today after a difficult

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vote in our church last week.

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And so therefore I want to take you through the steps that we just talked about and apply

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them to our situation.

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How do we deal with the difference that has arisen in our congregation regarding the vision

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for expansion and growth in ministry here?

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How do we deal with that?

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The first thing we have to do is to respect one another.

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We may have voted differently, but we must maintain regard for one another because we

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are in the family of God.

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And we're in the family of his church here.

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So we have to begin at this point of respect and consideration, of esteem for one another,

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and deference for one another.

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Though we may not agree, there still must be respect for each other.

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I have talked to people on each side of the vote from last Sunday.

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I have talked to some of the two-thirds who voted in favor of moving ahead right now.

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There's hurt there.

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There's anger there on the part of some.

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Some would like to retaliate.

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Let's be honest about it.

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Is that right?

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No.

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It is not right, and we need to respect those who voted against the proposal.

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I have talked to and heard from some who are on the other side who voted no.

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Some who are rather gleeful about the outcome of the vote, perhaps even tending to become

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smug about it, and who really want to demean those in leadership and those who voted yes.

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That's wrong.

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There has to be respect for one another, although we may differ about what the church ought

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to do at this point.

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The very first thing that has to happen in order for division to be avoided when conflict

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arises is for there to be respect for one another in the family of God.

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Secondly, we have to define the problem.

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We have to think about this a little bit, because what is the problem?

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Is the problem the vote last Sunday?

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Well, to some it is.

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But I want to submit to you that that is not the problem.

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The problem, rather, is how our congregation is going to provide for its present and its

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future space needs so that ministry can continue to grow and this region can be reached, so

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that disciples can be matured and the body equipped for ministry.

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That it seems to me is the problem.

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Last week the leadership proposed a solution for that, and it was not ideal, but I think

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it was realistic.

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It took into account a myriad of factors that were involved.

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That's why it took so long to come up with some solution.

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And while receiving a strong endorsement, it was not sufficient of an endorsement to

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enact the solution.

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And we've explained why the vote was intentionally set so high, why the threshold was at 80%.

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You see, the problem isn't the vote.

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The problem is how we're going to do what we need to do in order to provide for the

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future of the church.

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Just saying no doesn't provide the solution.

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So that brings us to the third point.

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How do we face the conflict?

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Because that's what we need to do.

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We need to face it head on.

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Well, let's go through the steps that we see Paul using here in 1 Timothy.

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The first step is to look for an appropriate compromise.

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This is no time for either side to be vindictive or to be smug.

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We must find a suitable way to work it out together.

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That's the only way it can happen.

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Just as Paul looked for a way of compromise, looked for a way to bring the issue down to

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reality and to say, here's how it can be done realistically.

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So we also need to look for an appropriate compromise.

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Secondly, as he encouraged Timothy, we also need to be encouraged to be part of the solution.

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Each of us must determine to be part of the solution, not part of the problem.

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The elders need to understand why those who voted no voted no.

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That is why the slip of paper is in the bulletin this morning.

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As Harold said earlier, we want to hear from you.

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We need to hear from those voting yes as well.

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And we need to hear from those in the church who did not vote.

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We need to determine to be part of the solution.

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Now I hope that those who voted yes, even though they did not, we did not, succeed in

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getting the solution through last Sunday.

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I hope that we are still committed to the solution of the problem as we've defined

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it.

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And I hope that those who voted no are also committed to that solution.

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If one votes yes and has that privilege to vote yes, then it means that one is taking

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the responsibility to help make it happen.

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Is that right?

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And if one votes no and has the privilege to vote no, it means that he has the responsibility

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to come up with a solution.

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And therefore I think that we can work together to find that better solution that will still

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meet the problem as we've defined it.

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And as Paul told Timothy, we all have to act ethically.

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And I want to commend the honorable way in which most of the people in the congregation

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who voted both ways conducted themselves.

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There was a minimal amount of politicking.

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And I commend you for that.

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Because I have seen similar issues such as the nursery color that we saw in the skit

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this morning that have created horrific problems in churches.

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And I do not sense that kind of a spirit in this church generally.

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And I thank God for that.

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And that's been true for all the years.

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As we face the conflict, there's a fourth step that Paul mentions here to Timothy, and

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that is that we should not expect the church to be everything to everyone.

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In coming up with a compromise, coming up with a solution, not everyone's going to

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be satisfied.

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Because every concern, every objection cannot be answered.

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Every difference of opinion cannot be settled.

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It is impossible to please everyone's perspective.

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That's where we have to learn to live with differences.

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Whether it be difference over debt, whether it be difference over the design of the building.

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As a congregation of people, as a family of families, we have to learn to live with our

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differences.

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Now, if we'll take those steps and face the conflict, I'm confident that our problem is

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going to be solved.

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It may take some time, but we'll be able to do it together.

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And then finally, we, like the church at Ephesus, must guard against Satan.

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Because Satan would love to infect the spirits, the attitudes of people, by their disappointment

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in last week.

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And we must not allow that to happen.

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Each of us must guard our hearts and put an antiseptic on our hearts.

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That's why I'm so glad, and again this was planned weeks ago, that this morning we had

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a service of praise and worship to God because there is no better antiseptic for hurt than

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praise.

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There's no better way to deal with disappointment than to lift our hearts in praise to God.

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Let us be on guard against Satan on whichever side we may have felt about the issue last

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week.

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To be on guard that Satan may not take advantage of us.

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As I began this morning, I said that idealism is noble, but it's impractical.

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Ideally there wouldn't be any conflict at any church.

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There wouldn't be any disagreement in grace church.

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But this isn't an ideal world and therefore we need to get real.

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We need to see that disagreement is going to be inevitable.

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But when that friction and that tension arises, it is important to remember what holds us

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together.

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It is not our nice personalities.

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Some of us have bad breath, just like the guy in the middle on the end this morning

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I suppose.

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Some of us can be not so nice sometimes.

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So it's not nice personalities that hold us together.

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It's not that we're all at the same place of maturity and understanding of the things

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of God because we aren't and no church is.

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Every church has a whole range of maturity levels.

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It's not because we see all the issues exactly the same way, because we never will.

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What creates our oneness, what it is that holds us together is twofold.

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It's number one, relationship, and number two, cause.

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First we are related together in the family of God.

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We call upon God as our Father.

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We have relationship in Him and we are going to be together forever in heaven.

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Will there be any differences in heaven?

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Well I doubt that there will be then, because I think we will all be conformed in our thinking

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to Jesus Christ.

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We will have fully the mind of Christ at that point, so I doubt that there will be a difference

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over which praise song we are going to sing when, in what color, we ought to be painting

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the mansions.

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I doubt that there will be those kinds of differences in heaven, but in this world there

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will be, and yet God is our Father now.

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Let's learn to get along now because we are in the family of God.

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But secondly cause holds us together.

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We have received the same commission from Jesus Christ.

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That commission is that we go into all the world and preach the gospel.

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That includes our neighborhood, it includes the uttermost parts of the earth.

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We have the same cause.

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There is not one of us who is outside of that.

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We share that together.

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Someday when we stand before Jesus Christ and give account of our lives, that's going

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to be part of the examination.

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Were we committed together to the cause, to the commission of our Lord?

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So as we think about the disagreement that may be among us in proceeding with the vision

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for expansion and growth, we have to ask ourselves what is God's desired outcome?

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I believe that God's desired outcome is that you and I learn to handle this disagreement

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in a way that honors Him and matures us.

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I believe that's what God wants.

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He wants us to handle the disagreement, the difference, in a way that honors Him as our

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Lord before whom all of us will give an account.

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And in such a way that it causes us to grow up in Him spiritually.

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You see like every other experience of life, God would use this for good.

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Let our response be such that it will be good.

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It will be good for each of us personally.

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It will be good for our church.

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Peace is the deliberate adjustment of your life and mine to the will of God.

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Peace is not necessarily the absence of conflict, but it's a subtleness of heart.

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That God is good and God's will is good.

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When you and I seek the will of God, the Lordship of Jesus Christ in our lives with intention,

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with deliberateness, then it will bring us to a point of peace.

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Satan would love to use conflict to destroy us, but by the grace of God will shut the

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door in his face.

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By the grace of God we will honor Him.

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By the grace of God we will grow.

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By the grace of God we will respect one another.

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Let's bow together.

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Father I thank you that in your sovereignty you arranged for this text to be before us

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today.

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It amazes me.

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Thank you for what we learned from it, from the situation that is so different than ours

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in Ephesus and yet the principles of which are so applicable.

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And I pray that whether we are members or non-members, whether we voted yes or no last

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week, you'll get our eyes off the difference and back on that which unites us in our relationship

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to you and the cause that we have.

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Before I finish praying I wonder if I could ask you to respond.

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I wonder if you would be willing to say, that's my determination by the grace of God to shut

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the door in the devil, to honor God, to grow myself and respect others in the family of

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God.

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That is my determination and I am going to seek unity and oneness of heart and mind.

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I refuse to be angry.

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I refuse to be smug.

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I will live with oneness with my brothers and my sisters and seek together with them

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God's best, God's best for our church.

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If that's how you feel I just wonder if with bowed head you would stand quietly to your

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feet.

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I recognize we have some visitors and others who may not fall into the category of needing

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to stand but if the Spirit of God would lead you to do so that's your commitment to stand

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your feet.

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Would we stand before you today with hearts broken, with a deep desire to live in a way

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that would please you in the midst of difference.

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Thank you for our differences.

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Teach us through them.

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Grow us through them.

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Honor yourself through them.

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And we will give praise to you.

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Thanks to you.

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We will continue to come into your presence with rejoicing and praise because of your

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work in our hearts.

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Thank you for this morning.

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Thank you for this strong response of oneness and our determination for it.

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Lead us on Lord.

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Lead us on in the direction you want us to go.

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Amen.

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Let's sing.