Lives like a Christian, right?
Well that's idealism.
Idealism is noble, but it's not very practical.
Nowhere does idealism seem more noble, more right, more spiritual than in a church.
And perhaps nowhere is idealism more debilitating or even discouraging than when it's in church.
We have such high idealistic expectations, especially of others.
And when those expectations aren't met, we become disillusioned, or we place blame, or
we begin conflict.
But there shouldn't be any problems in the church.
We're God's people.
God has only one will.
How can sincere people understand the will of God to be two diametric things?
But that's the reality, isn't it?
You want to talk about the mode of baptism?
The Lordship salvation issue?
The presence of the charismatic gifts in the church?
We sometimes dream that friction should not happen among God's people.
But conflict does take place in every setting, including the church.
The more idealistic people are, the greater the likelihood that they will be in the center
of a controversy.
Because you see, the ought of idealism and the is of reality always collide in a fallen
world.
What ought to be and what is don't match in a world like ours.
The Church of Jesus Christ is a family, and like any family, can and does experience friction
and disagreement.
We see that in our text today in 1 Timothy 5.
The issue that Paul is addressing here is an issue of how widows were to be supported
by the Church.
He begins this text by saying,
Do not sharply rebuke an older man, but rather appeal to him as a father.
To the younger men as brothers, the older women as mothers, and the younger women as
sisters in all purity.
Honor widows who are widows indeed, but if any widow has children or grandchildren,
let them first learn to practice piety in regard to their own family, and to make some
return to their parents, for this is acceptable in the sight of God.
For she who is a widow indeed, and who has been left alone, has fixed her hope on God,
and continues in entreaties and prayers night and day.
But she who gives herself to want and pleasure is dead even while she lives.
Prescribe these things as well, so that they may be above reproach.
But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household,
he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
Let a widow be put on the list only if she is not less than sixty years old, having been
the wife of one man, having a reputation for good works, and if she has brought up children,
if she has shown hospitality to strangers, if she has washed the saints' feet, if she
has assisted those in distress, and if she has devoted herself to every good work.
But refuse to put younger widows on the list, for when they feel sensual desires and disregard
of Christ, they want to get married, thus incurring condemnation because they have set
aside their previous pledge.
And at the same time, they also learn to be idle as they go around from house to house,
not merely idle, but also gossips and busybodies talking about things not proper to mention.
Therefore, I want younger widows to get married, bear children, keep house, and give the enemy
no occasion for reproach.
For some have already turned aside to follow Satan.
If any woman who is a believer has dependent widows, let her assist them, and let not the
church be burdened so that it may assist those who are widows indeed.
Writing in the book Mastering Conflict and Controversies, Marshall Shelley writes, conflict
in the church is unavoidable.
It's been that way from the beginning.
He goes on then to illustrate in the book of Acts how very soon after the beginning
of the church there was controversy and disagreement.
I agree with that.
Conflict in the church is inevitable, and how we deal with it will determine its outcome.
Conflict is not inherently bad or evil.
In fact, it can produce good.
There are those who have the mistaken idea that controversy is sin.
That is not necessarily so.
Indeed, controversy, friction, disagreement, conflict, all of these can be an opportunity
for growth or a tool for destruction depending upon how we use them.
So the question I want to pose this morning is how should believers respond to conflicts
in the church?
We respond to conflict in the church by doing several things.
Paul lays it out for us here.
The first is to respect one another.
In verses 1 and 2, Paul writes to Pastor Timothy and tells him to respond to people in the
church as if they were family members.
The older men as fathers, the younger men as brothers, the older women as mothers, the
younger women as sisters.
The picture that he presents of the church here is a picture of the family.
Indeed, a church is a family, a family of families, ideally all related to God by the
new birth and therefore made children of God.
We are to treat one another with a fraternal respect and deference.
We are to be considerate and courteous.
We are to prefer one another.
We are to honor one another as in a family.
So how do we handle conflict in a church?
First by respecting one another as members of the same family of God.
Secondly, we handle conflict in a church by defining the problem.
That's what Paul does in verse 3 when he points out that the church is to honor widows who
are widows indeed.
The problem in the church was how to deal with widows.
There were apparently a number of them involved in the church at Ephesus.
So many were making demands financially upon the church because the church felt an obligation
to help them that the church was apparently in financial crisis.
And so Paul in response to this situation, this conflict in the church defines the problem
for us first.
It is good for us to remember that widows along with orphans and aliens receive special
recognition in the Bible as those who are in need of understanding and help from God's
people.
James writes, this is pure and undefiled religion in the sight of God and our Father, to visit
orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself unstained by the world.
In Psalm 146 verse 9 it says, the Lord protects the strangers, that is the aliens in the land.
He protects the strangers, he supports the fatherless and the widow.
Widows in the Roman world were left to care for themselves.
That is because women, especially single women, had little worth in that culture.
They were often left to beg or to prostitute themselves if they were without a caring family.
They often lived destitute and wretched lives as widows.
Thus you can understand the compulsion of the church and the pressure on the church
to help Christian widows.
But Paul says in verse 3 that they were to honor widows who are widows indeed.
And he later then defines that to mean they are those who have no support system at all.
They are the ones who are widows indeed and who are especially deserving of the church's
support.
Having defined the problem, the apostle now takes another step which is important for
us to observe as we think about resolving problems and facing conflict in the church.
Step number 3 is found in verses 3 through 16, the major part of the text.
As Paul tells us here to face the conflict head on.
As I said before, the widows who were in need were overwhelming the church with expectations.
There was not enough to go around to care for them all.
And so the apostle faces that problem head on in the text.
He does this first by looking for an appropriate compromise.
He explains his compromise in verses 3 through 6 and then even more elaborately in verses
9 through 13.
Basically what he says in his compromise of the church supporting widows is that first
of all families could care for some of them and should.
And he says if they don't care for them then they are worse than unbelievers.
They are responsible for their parents, for their family.
And then he suggests that those who are designated widows indeed who were without a support system
should meet certain requirements and he lists those.
In verse 5 he says that they are those who have fixed their hope on God and continue
in treaties and prayers night and day.
And then he goes on to list other qualifications for them beginning in verse 9.
A widow is to be added to the support list if she has done these things, says Paul.
If not then she is not to be added to the list.
And so the very first thing that the apostle does as he faces this conflict is to look
for an appropriate compromise and to lay it out.
And then in verse 7 he exhorts Timothy to be part of the solution.
Prescribe these things as well, he says, so that they may be above reproach.
Timothy had a part to play.
He was to command, he was to order these things.
This is the same word that was used to Timothy back in chapter 4 verse 11 where Paul says
prescribe and teach these things.
Now he says again you are to order these things, you are to command them.
He says create a list, make a role of the widows indeed.
And as part of the solution Timothy you are to set up these standards so that the church
will not be overwhelmed.
When facing the conflict the third thing that he says to do is to act ethically.
In verse 8 he says if anyone does not provide for his own, especially for those of his own
household he has denied the faith.
So there is an emphasis here on settling the conflict with ethical standards.
And finally he says don't expect the church to be everything to everyone, verse 16.
He says if a woman who is a believer has a dependent widow let her assist them, let not
the church be burdened.
In other words Timothy your church there in Ephesus cannot be all things to all people.
It can't be everything to everyone.
Some widows can care for themselves, some can be cared for by their families so that
the church then can be free to help those who are truly in need.
Now in laying out these things the apostle has some interesting guidelines for us today
in settling problems.
But I think if we look beyond the church we also see some ideas here regarding supporting
people in need in society.
Our government has gone far from the kinds of standards that are laid down here in helping
those who are needy.
And right now we are being overwhelmed.
And therefore both on the state level and the federal level they are talking about welfare
reform.
Our legislators need to look at some of the ideas found in 1 Timothy chapter 5 as they
think about how to reform welfare in our society.
And so Timothy is told respect one another, define the problem, face the conflict and
finally guard against Satan.
Notice he says in verse 15, some have already turned aside to follow Satan.
He warns in verse 14 that the enemy can be given occasion to reproach.
You see the devil is always looking for opportunities to take advantage of us.
In 2 Corinthians 2, 11 the apostle says that we are not ignorant of Satan's schemes.
We want to be aware lest we be taken advantage of by him.
The word advantage there means to be outwitted by him, to be defrauded by him, to be cheated
by him.
Satan is always out working, looking for occasions, looking for opportunities that he might do
damage to God's people and to the Lord's church.
And so as we think about how to face conflicts in the church, the final thing that is laid
out for us in the text here is that we are to be on guard against Satan because he is
always present to take advantage.
As I laid out the text in Timothy several months ago, I wondered when I came to 1 Timothy
5 how I was going to deal with it.
Because after all how to care for widows in the church is not exactly a pressing issue
in churches today.
Because widows are cared for by social security, by our government.
And so the whole situation is foreign to what we face.
But God in his wisdom knew that we would be dealing with this text today after a difficult
vote in our church last week.
And so therefore I want to take you through the steps that we just talked about and apply
them to our situation.
How do we deal with the difference that has arisen in our congregation regarding the vision
for expansion and growth in ministry here?
How do we deal with that?
The first thing we have to do is to respect one another.
We may have voted differently, but we must maintain regard for one another because we
are in the family of God.
And we're in the family of his church here.
So we have to begin at this point of respect and consideration, of esteem for one another,
and deference for one another.
Though we may not agree, there still must be respect for each other.
I have talked to people on each side of the vote from last Sunday.
I have talked to some of the two-thirds who voted in favor of moving ahead right now.
There's hurt there.
There's anger there on the part of some.
Some would like to retaliate.
Let's be honest about it.
Is that right?
No.
It is not right, and we need to respect those who voted against the proposal.
I have talked to and heard from some who are on the other side who voted no.
Some who are rather gleeful about the outcome of the vote, perhaps even tending to become
smug about it, and who really want to demean those in leadership and those who voted yes.
That's wrong.
There has to be respect for one another, although we may differ about what the church ought
to do at this point.
The very first thing that has to happen in order for division to be avoided when conflict
arises is for there to be respect for one another in the family of God.
Secondly, we have to define the problem.
We have to think about this a little bit, because what is the problem?
Is the problem the vote last Sunday?
Well, to some it is.
But I want to submit to you that that is not the problem.
The problem, rather, is how our congregation is going to provide for its present and its
future space needs so that ministry can continue to grow and this region can be reached, so
that disciples can be matured and the body equipped for ministry.
That it seems to me is the problem.
Last week the leadership proposed a solution for that, and it was not ideal, but I think
it was realistic.
It took into account a myriad of factors that were involved.
That's why it took so long to come up with some solution.
And while receiving a strong endorsement, it was not sufficient of an endorsement to
enact the solution.
And we've explained why the vote was intentionally set so high, why the threshold was at 80%.
You see, the problem isn't the vote.
The problem is how we're going to do what we need to do in order to provide for the
future of the church.
Just saying no doesn't provide the solution.
So that brings us to the third point.
How do we face the conflict?
Because that's what we need to do.
We need to face it head on.
Well, let's go through the steps that we see Paul using here in 1 Timothy.
The first step is to look for an appropriate compromise.
This is no time for either side to be vindictive or to be smug.
We must find a suitable way to work it out together.
That's the only way it can happen.
Just as Paul looked for a way of compromise, looked for a way to bring the issue down to
reality and to say, here's how it can be done realistically.
So we also need to look for an appropriate compromise.
Secondly, as he encouraged Timothy, we also need to be encouraged to be part of the solution.
Each of us must determine to be part of the solution, not part of the problem.
The elders need to understand why those who voted no voted no.
That is why the slip of paper is in the bulletin this morning.
As Harold said earlier, we want to hear from you.
We need to hear from those voting yes as well.
And we need to hear from those in the church who did not vote.
We need to determine to be part of the solution.
Now I hope that those who voted yes, even though they did not, we did not, succeed in
getting the solution through last Sunday.
I hope that we are still committed to the solution of the problem as we've defined
it.
And I hope that those who voted no are also committed to that solution.
If one votes yes and has that privilege to vote yes, then it means that one is taking
the responsibility to help make it happen.
Is that right?
And if one votes no and has the privilege to vote no, it means that he has the responsibility
to come up with a solution.
And therefore I think that we can work together to find that better solution that will still
meet the problem as we've defined it.
And as Paul told Timothy, we all have to act ethically.
And I want to commend the honorable way in which most of the people in the congregation
who voted both ways conducted themselves.
There was a minimal amount of politicking.
And I commend you for that.
Because I have seen similar issues such as the nursery color that we saw in the skit
this morning that have created horrific problems in churches.
And I do not sense that kind of a spirit in this church generally.
And I thank God for that.
And that's been true for all the years.
As we face the conflict, there's a fourth step that Paul mentions here to Timothy, and
that is that we should not expect the church to be everything to everyone.
In coming up with a compromise, coming up with a solution, not everyone's going to
be satisfied.
Because every concern, every objection cannot be answered.
Every difference of opinion cannot be settled.
It is impossible to please everyone's perspective.
That's where we have to learn to live with differences.
Whether it be difference over debt, whether it be difference over the design of the building.
As a congregation of people, as a family of families, we have to learn to live with our
differences.
Now, if we'll take those steps and face the conflict, I'm confident that our problem is
going to be solved.
It may take some time, but we'll be able to do it together.
And then finally, we, like the church at Ephesus, must guard against Satan.
Because Satan would love to infect the spirits, the attitudes of people, by their disappointment
in last week.
And we must not allow that to happen.
Each of us must guard our hearts and put an antiseptic on our hearts.
That's why I'm so glad, and again this was planned weeks ago, that this morning we had
a service of praise and worship to God because there is no better antiseptic for hurt than
praise.
There's no better way to deal with disappointment than to lift our hearts in praise to God.
Let us be on guard against Satan on whichever side we may have felt about the issue last
week.
To be on guard that Satan may not take advantage of us.
As I began this morning, I said that idealism is noble, but it's impractical.
Ideally there wouldn't be any conflict at any church.
There wouldn't be any disagreement in grace church.
But this isn't an ideal world and therefore we need to get real.
We need to see that disagreement is going to be inevitable.
But when that friction and that tension arises, it is important to remember what holds us
together.
It is not our nice personalities.
Some of us have bad breath, just like the guy in the middle on the end this morning
I suppose.
Some of us can be not so nice sometimes.
So it's not nice personalities that hold us together.
It's not that we're all at the same place of maturity and understanding of the things
of God because we aren't and no church is.
Every church has a whole range of maturity levels.
It's not because we see all the issues exactly the same way, because we never will.
What creates our oneness, what it is that holds us together is twofold.
It's number one, relationship, and number two, cause.
First we are related together in the family of God.
We call upon God as our Father.
We have relationship in Him and we are going to be together forever in heaven.
Will there be any differences in heaven?
Well I doubt that there will be then, because I think we will all be conformed in our thinking
to Jesus Christ.
We will have fully the mind of Christ at that point, so I doubt that there will be a difference
over which praise song we are going to sing when, in what color, we ought to be painting
the mansions.
I doubt that there will be those kinds of differences in heaven, but in this world there
will be, and yet God is our Father now.
Let's learn to get along now because we are in the family of God.
But secondly cause holds us together.
We have received the same commission from Jesus Christ.
That commission is that we go into all the world and preach the gospel.
That includes our neighborhood, it includes the uttermost parts of the earth.
We have the same cause.
There is not one of us who is outside of that.
We share that together.
Someday when we stand before Jesus Christ and give account of our lives, that's going
to be part of the examination.
Were we committed together to the cause, to the commission of our Lord?
So as we think about the disagreement that may be among us in proceeding with the vision
for expansion and growth, we have to ask ourselves what is God's desired outcome?
I believe that God's desired outcome is that you and I learn to handle this disagreement
in a way that honors Him and matures us.
I believe that's what God wants.
He wants us to handle the disagreement, the difference, in a way that honors Him as our
Lord before whom all of us will give an account.
And in such a way that it causes us to grow up in Him spiritually.
You see like every other experience of life, God would use this for good.
Let our response be such that it will be good.
It will be good for each of us personally.
It will be good for our church.
Peace is the deliberate adjustment of your life and mine to the will of God.
Peace is not necessarily the absence of conflict, but it's a subtleness of heart.
That God is good and God's will is good.
When you and I seek the will of God, the Lordship of Jesus Christ in our lives with intention,
with deliberateness, then it will bring us to a point of peace.
Satan would love to use conflict to destroy us, but by the grace of God will shut the
door in his face.
By the grace of God we will honor Him.
By the grace of God we will grow.
By the grace of God we will respect one another.
Let's bow together.
Father I thank you that in your sovereignty you arranged for this text to be before us
today.
It amazes me.
Thank you for what we learned from it, from the situation that is so different than ours
in Ephesus and yet the principles of which are so applicable.
And I pray that whether we are members or non-members, whether we voted yes or no last
week, you'll get our eyes off the difference and back on that which unites us in our relationship
to you and the cause that we have.
Before I finish praying I wonder if I could ask you to respond.
I wonder if you would be willing to say, that's my determination by the grace of God to shut
the door in the devil, to honor God, to grow myself and respect others in the family of
God.
That is my determination and I am going to seek unity and oneness of heart and mind.
I refuse to be angry.
I refuse to be smug.
I will live with oneness with my brothers and my sisters and seek together with them
God's best, God's best for our church.
If that's how you feel I just wonder if with bowed head you would stand quietly to your
feet.
I recognize we have some visitors and others who may not fall into the category of needing
to stand but if the Spirit of God would lead you to do so that's your commitment to stand
your feet.
Would we stand before you today with hearts broken, with a deep desire to live in a way
that would please you in the midst of difference.
Thank you for our differences.
Teach us through them.
Grow us through them.
Honor yourself through them.
And we will give praise to you.
Thanks to you.
We will continue to come into your presence with rejoicing and praise because of your
work in our hearts.
Thank you for this morning.
Thank you for this strong response of oneness and our determination for it.
Lead us on Lord.
Lead us on in the direction you want us to go.
Amen.
Let's sing.