I need a sea law after that.
What a delight to be here this weekend.
Jeanette and I always enjoy being back at Calvary.
This is where our life together started.
And you are family.
Sorry about that.
You always will be and there's nothing you can do about it.
You are close to our hearts.
And to be back on this special weekend honoring the Grams and their 50th anniversary is just
a wonderful delight.
We don't have two dearer friends and I know pastors aren't supposed to have favorites,
right?
But we don't have two dearer friends than David and Carol Graham.
And to be here today to share with you and with them and this weekend is a real delight
for us.
As David said, Jeanette and I have begun service with a ministry called Barnabas International.
I think I mentioned that last fall when we were here.
Barnabas exists to encourage and provide pastoral care for missionaries, their families, and
other international servants.
We do that by going, listening, speaking, and giving.
It is one of the greatest privileges I've known in my life of ministry to be a part
of this organization.
And it is such a joy to us to be under the leadership of Perry Bradford and his wife
and some other couples who are the leadership team of Barnabas.
We're of course named after Barnabas in the book of Acts, who was introduced to us earlier
in the book.
But then in chapter 9, when Paul needs encouragement, Barnabas is there to help him.
Barnabas took Paul when the church in Jerusalem was rejecting him.
They remembered his past.
They could hardly believe this man who was such a fierce enemy of believers could be
converted now and be preaching that Jesus Christ is the Son of God.
And so they held him off.
They were in conflict about Paul.
Barnabas took the brave step of going out beside Paul, putting his arm around him, and
bringing him to the leaders of the church.
And they're allowing Paul to be accepted.
And so I think we're appropriately named because what we seek to do is encourage others.
Missionaries are very much like all of us.
They are wonderfully dedicated, sacrificial servants of Jesus Christ who have answered
the call of God to go to a foreign culture, but in most ways they're just like you and
me.
When they get to the mission field, many of them face a certain kind of shock, culture
shock, a language shock, the shock of relocating family.
They meet people that perhaps they've not met before on their team.
And so they enter into a period for the first year or two in particular when there can be
real issues as they get introduced to the mission field.
But then later on, as they begin to work more deeply with others and experience more about
the people that they have answered the call to serve, they can be in crisis.
Missionaries come home for a lot of reasons.
Some of them come home because of financial reasons or family reasons.
Sometimes it's health.
But the single most common reason that missionaries, after serving on the mission field for some
period of time, the most common reason that they leave the field and come home is conflict.
I was shocked when I heard that.
I know that it exists everywhere, but that is the single greatest thing that we deal
with as Barnabas in helping missionaries through periods of conflict.
Sometimes it's conflict in the marriage, sometimes and more often it's conflict with the team
of missionaries that they are associated with on the mission field.
So today I thought I would talk about conflict because that's what we deal with a great deal.
David said to me this week, now I want to tell you that the service Sunday morning is
going to focus a lot on marriage.
I said, well, I'm talking about conflict.
What more do you want?
Now the fact is that conflicts happen.
They're inevitable in a fallen world like ours.
The important thing is how we manage conflict.
Conflict in our own lives, in our families, conflict with our friends.
Paul was not directly a part of the problem we're going to look at today, only indirectly.
And as he wrote the letter of 1 Corinthians, and I invite you to turn to 1 Corinthians
chapter 1, as he wrote the book of 1 Corinthians, a letter actually to them, Paul models a way
to manage conflict to an outcome that pleases God.
As we look in verses 10 through 18, which I'm going to read in a moment, we're going
to see a model here for a way to manage conflict.
Now if you're not in conflict this morning, just get ready, you will be by the end of
the week, somewhere in your life.
Conflict is inevitable, it's universal, it happens.
Paul writes beginning in verse 10, I appeal to you, brethren, in the name of our Lord
Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another, so that there be no divisions among
you, and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought.
My brothers, some from Chloe's household have informed me that there are quarrels among
you.
What I mean is this, one of you says, I follow Paul.
Another says, I follow Apollos.
Another says, I follow Cephas, or Peter.
And still another, I follow Christ.
Is Christ divided?
Was Paul crucified for you?
Were you baptized into the name of Paul?
I'm thankful that I did not baptize any of you except Cephas and Gaius.
So no one can say that you were baptized into my name.
Oh yes, I also baptized the household of Stephanus.
Beyond that, I don't remember if I baptized anyone.
For Christ did not send me to baptize, but to preach the gospel, not with words of human
wisdom, lest the cross of Christ be emptied of its power.
For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who
are being saved, it is the power of God.
Let's pray together.
Father, would you by the Holy Spirit come and be our teacher now, and lay upon our hearts
the truth from this text that will help us in managing our own conflicts and the conflicts
of our friends and those around us to the glory of God.
And I pray this in Jesus' name, amen.
As you look at this text, it talks about conflict, and it lays before us several principles that
can assist us in conflict resolution.
The first principle that I see here is this, if you're in conflict, employ helpful language.
You know you can carry to a conflict a bucket of water or a can of gasoline by the words
that you use in addressing the conflict.
Your words can inflame a problem, or they can quench the fire of the quarrel.
Paul was an apostle.
He was the founding pastor, missionary pastor of this church.
And Paul might have written to them and demanded that they stop it.
He could have just said, stop it, stop it, stop it.
But he didn't do that.
Paul uses words that reflect a gentleness in his appeal to them.
He uses that very word, I appeal to you, a word that implies I'm coming alongside you.
I want to put my arm around you and have a personal talk.
I want you to feel my heart.
I want you to know my genuine concern.
You notice he calls them brethren, which means that they are of the same family.
They share the same parentage, the same bloodline, as we sang this morning about the blood of
Jesus.
All of them were a part of the family of God through their faith in Jesus Christ and his
shed blood on the cross.
They're brothers.
He speaks of our Lord Jesus Christ.
He wants to remind them in a subtle and gentle way, all of us belong to one another and to
a common Savior.
He is our Lord Jesus Christ.
Paul here is using language to introduce his address of their conflict in the church, language
that will be easy for them to hear and which will remind them of basic fundamental truths.
Helpful expressions that we can use in resolving conflict are those that first of all draw
upon relationship if there is one.
If you're in conflict with your family, with a brother or sister for example, say, well,
you know, you and I are flesh and blood.
Or in the family of God you can say, you know, we're followers, both of us, of Jesus Christ.
Therefore we need to resolve this.
Helpful expressions draw on relationship.
They also show understanding.
Honey, I think I know how you feel.
You show understanding.
Helpful expressions prove that you've listened first before you've spoken.
You can say something like, I think I know what I'm hearing.
And repeat back to them what you think you've heard to show that you've listened to their
heart concern.
Helpful expressions reveal empathy.
I'm so sorry this is happening.
How can I help?
What would you like me to do?
I think I know how you feel about this.
Helpful expressions also express a willingness to forgive and to move on.
So when you're going to address conflict, find words that are helpful words.
Employ helpful language.
Unhelpful expressions include those that are words of rejection or shame.
Blaming the other person.
Being angry.
Showing resentment or manipulation.
If you want to know more about that kind of thing, I want to recommend a book.
It's called The Peacemaker, a biblical guide to resolving conflict.
Good book.
He'll help you.
Ken Sandy is the author of it.
Paul himself wrote to the Ephesians and he said to them, you know, we need to speak the
truth in love.
And that's what we're talking about here.
Pascal said, cold words freeze people.
Hot words scorch them.
And bitter words make them bitter.
And wrathful words make them wrathful.
Kind words also produce their own image on men's souls.
And the beautiful image it is, they soothe and quiet and comfort the hearer.
When resolving conflict, don't count your words.
Weigh them.
That's the first principle.
Second principle we see in what Paul says, when you're facing conflict, envision a preferable
future, a better future.
The conflict need not be the final answer in that relationship.
Point to the next one.
And the better future is always one of unity.
You see, unity is the crown of glory on a missionary team.
And when that unity is fractured, there are all kinds of issues and fallout that affect
the work of Christ.
Barnabas has a team of people right now in a country in Africa.
And we're praying for them over these days, just about a week period of time, as they
work with a team of missionaries that have been in conflict for years, seeking to bring
a preferable future.
When there's oneness, you see, there's peace and joy, but there's also power, spiritual
power.
But when there is disunity.
When unity is missing, then there's anxiety, there is uncertainty, and there is ineffectiveness.
That's true whether it be in our lives or it be in the missionary's lives or some organization
or a church.
And so Paul paints a better future here in verse 10.
He says, here's what I want to see that you all agree with one another.
That there may be no divisions among you.
It doesn't have to be this way.
He says that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought.
But Paul isn't saying you have to agree on absolutely everything.
But he's saying when you disagree, agree to disagree.
Don't fight about it.
Recognize that people have differences of opinion and that's okay.
God has made us different.
Work is painful.
It's like an ache in your soul.
It grates against you.
It hurts and it endangers.
It's a powerful thing when you can paint a picture for a married couple, a missionary
team.
When you can paint a picture of the future that is without tension, that is without the
stress.
And frankly, when most people see that as a possibility, somehow it kindles hope in
their hearts and they're willing to put down the gloves.
They see the bigger picture.
They can finally get their eyes off the trees of the conflict and get a glimpse of the forest
again.
Envision a preferable future.
It's important to do that when you're working with people who are fighting with one another.
It doesn't have to be this way.
Third principle.
State the case.
What are the contributing factors to this squabble?
Conflicts have some sort of a definition.
There's always a history.
I had a pastor friend in Minnesota who took a small rural church.
And immediately after getting there, he noticed that there were two factions in this church.
And it basically centered around two families.
That's one of the difficulties with a smaller church.
You can come into family hierarchies, really.
And so he had these two camps going at one another and he couldn't understand why.
So he began to ask questions.
What's this all about?
You know what it came down to?
Decades ago, in the choir, a lady from one of the families wore a hat.
And a man sitting behind her from the other family couldn't see around the hat.
And that started a squabble between those two families that was still going on in the
1980s, decades later.
You say, well, that's silly.
Well, it is a bit silly.
Sometimes our own squabbles are equally silly, aren't they?
How did Paul know there was a problem?
Well, he had some people who told him.
This wasn't gossip.
They went to the person who could do something about it.
So Paul elaborates on what he understands the conflict to be.
He states the case.
And the issue basically is this.
They're conflicted over their leaders.
If you were to visit the first church of Corinth back in those days, you might walk in the
front door and there'd be an usher there and he'd take you over to the side and say, which
side of the church do you want to sit on?
He said, I'd like you to sit over here on my side.
I'm in the Paul group.
We're right over here.
You know, Paul founded this church.
He's the one that led a lot of us to Christ.
And Paul is so profound.
I mean, after all, he's been to heaven and back.
He can't talk about it, but he's been there.
And when you hear him, he's a heavenly preacher and he knows the truth.
He is really profound.
He's a teacher.
So you walk away and he had that way and somebody interrupts you and you're walking, say, hey,
where are you?
You're new here.
Yeah, well, come over and sit in our group.
We're over here on this side.
We're the Apollos group.
He said Apollos was a powerful teacher in this church.
He followed Paul, who founded it.
You should have heard Apollos preach.
He was profound.
Yes, now it's true, Paul wrote books.
But I'm telling you, Apollos was the pulpitier.
He was powerful.
He could move around the platform.
He could stir your emotions.
He could preach loud.
He could talk quietly to press his points.
He was an order.
Come over here and sit with the Apollos group.
And so you come toward that group of pews and there's somebody else who interrupts you.
And he says, hey, I'm glad you're here today.
Welcome to our church.
We're glad to have your first church.
Would you come over here and sit in our pews?
We're the Peter group.
You remember Peter, don't you?
He's one of the originals.
He was there with Jesus.
Peter has authority.
Man does he have authority.
He heard Jesus preach.
And I'll tell you something else about Peter.
When he came here and preached, he wore sandals and Bermudas.
You see, he is authentic.
He's real.
He'll tell you about the time he betrayed Jesus and how Jesus restored him.
He'll share the deepest part of his heart.
You want to be a part of our group.
You start to sit down in the pew and somebody approaches you from the front.
They say, hey, wait a minute.
You need to come be a part of our group.
Sit up here because we're the Jesus people.
We love Jesus in this church.
And those who are in the Christ group are disavowing any human leader.
Now, we respect them.
You understand that.
We appreciate Paul.
And Paul is a great preacher.
Oh, yes, yes.
And Peter, yes, he was with Jesus.
But you need to be with our group because we're with him.
We're with the real guy.
We're with Jesus.
And I want you to notice that Paul does not commend them because they had the wrong attitude.
The apostle Paul doesn't commend any of these folks because they're fighting over the very
gifts that God had given them.
And it's a silly thing.
John MacArthur says, fractured fellowship robs Christians of joy and effectiveness,
robs God of glory, and robs the world of the true testimony of the gospel, a high price
or an ego trip.
And that's what's happening here.
Now, before we condemn them too much, we have to recognize that contemporary church of Jesus
Christ is just as prone to celebrityism as was the first church of Corinth.
We have our favorite preachers, some of them who wrote books, some of them who've been
on the radio, some of them who stirred our hearts when we came to Christ.
We have these favorite preachers, and we begin to judge others who are not a part of our
group.
It's okay to have your favorites.
We all do.
But the point is, don't judge others because they don't come up to your standards.
They're not as good as your guy.
And if it's not a battle over personalities, and it's a battle over worship styles, it's
a battle over ministry philosophies or Bible translations or Sunday school curriculum,
a whole host of secondary theological issues, what to use in communion, how do you partake
of communion, how do you baptize?
Is it forwards or backwards or three times forwards or three times backwards or once
or in the name of the Lord or in the name of the Trinity?
How do you baptize?
Now, I could go on because I've experienced a lot of these in churches.
Conflict, and so when you're dealing with conflict, what you have to do is get to the
heart of the matter.
What is causing the conflict?
And be able to state that.
You can't resolve what you don't understand.
Fourth principle.
Once you understand the issue, number four, insert a clarifying perspective.
What I mean by that is find a biblical truth that will shed light on the case of the conflict.
Because whenever there is a conflict, something's missing.
Something's been forgotten or overlooked or not known.
So find out what that is.
That's what Paul does.
After stating the case and what the problem is, he says, is Christ divided?
That's a disgusting picture, frankly.
Is Christ cut up into pieces and all of you have a piece of Christ?
He says, was Paul crucified for you?
He might have said, was Peter crucified for you?
The point is that no one can be elevated to Christ's unique role as the Savior who sacrificed
himself.
He says, were you baptized in the name of Paul?
He wants to remind them that they're not his followers.
They're not his church.
They're not Peter's church.
They're not Apollos' church.
They were united to Jesus Christ alone.
The obvious answer to each of these questions is no.
So how silly to be so caught up with a human personality as to bring conflict to the church
of Jesus Christ.
How silly to be so caught up in whatever the conflict is that it divides the church of
Jesus Christ.
The final principle that we see here, after you have inserted that new perspective, that
biblical truth that sheds light on the real issues, the final one is restore the proper
focus.
Get the focus back.
He does that in verses 17 and 18.
The focus needs to be on Jesus Christ and the gospel.
You see, the gospel is the good news that God loves us even though we were hostile and
in conflict with him because of our sin.
God still loves us even though we had declared ourselves enemies of God, that he himself
came into the world in the person of Jesus Christ.
And he sacrificed himself on the cross and shed his precious blood so that he might reconcile
us to himself.
That he might end the conflict.
The gospel is all about ending conflict, first between us and God and then between us and
others.
And we need to get that focus back.
When people in conflict get genuinely focused on the Lord instead of each other, they surrender
themselves to him and in the process they lay aside the fighting and the division and
the quarreling and they are then united in the fellowship of Jesus Christ.
Being in conflict can end a missionary's service.
Being in conflict, if it's not resolved, can lead to the dissolution of a marriage.
Being in conflict in time will result in a split church if it's not addressed and resolved
and managed in a proper way.
I want to tell you something, conflict is serious stuff.
It endangers your soul.
It undermines your church or your organization or your missionary team or your marriage.
It threatens your effectiveness.
It dishonors your Lord, the very Christ who died to end the conflict.
We have to ask an honest question, is conflict always resolved?
Resolved in the very best way possible.
And the answer to that sadly is no, it's not.
I told you about Paul and Barnabas, but you know the later story about them, don't you,
in Acts chapter 15 as they were preparing to go on a second missionary journey.
Paul and Barnabas got into a fight, a disagreement regarding a young man named John Mark that
they had taken on their first missionary journey and had left early.
Apparently, he couldn't take it, it was too tough.
And Paul said, there's no way, I'm going to risk this missionary journey by taking John
Mark back.
And Barnabas said, well he's my blood, you know, I trust him.
There's been a change in John Mark, haven't you seen that Paul?
I want to take him.
And the two of them had such a sharp conflict, says the word of God, that they parted ways.
Barnabas went one way and Paul went the other way.
They could not resolve that conflict.
Now perhaps later it was resolved because Paul embraced John Mark later on, a few years
later.
And so perhaps he and Barnabas got back together.
The scripture simply doesn't tell us.
It doesn't really condemn either man either.
It simply says that they had to part.
So no, conflict is not always resolved in the very best way possible.
Sometimes friendships end.
Sometimes missionaries come home.
Sometimes marriages dissolve.
And families divide and churches splinter.
But it's always sad, isn't it?
You're going to stay on track spiritually.
If you're going to grow spiritually, you need to keep yourself as much as humanly possible,
free from conflict with others.
Live at peace with all men as much as you possibly can, says the word of God.
Seek to manage conflict in your life, in your ministry, in your marriage.
Paul says, I urge you then to live a life worthy of the calling you've received.
Be completely humble and gentle and be patient, bearing with one another.
Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit.
That's what it takes.
Humility, gentleness, patience, forbearance, all that the Spirit of God would build into
your life.
If you're in conflict today, he wants to use that conflict to build you as a person.
He wants to use that conflict to teach you something, to grow you through it, so he can
use you in some significant way that you might not experience otherwise.
I urge you to get a hold of that conflict and manage it according to the principles
of God's word.
And if today you are still at war with God.
I had somebody say to me one time, God and me aren't on speaking terms.
I wonder who's in trouble when that happens.
If you're in conflict with God over something, do you understand how much God loves you?
And how much he has done to embrace you?
If only you'll just humble yourself and come to him and say, Lord, I need you.
Let's pray together.
Father, we all have experienced and many of us are experiencing conflict this morning.
What we need, we desperately need, is to resolve that conflict, most critically if it's with
you, but then also, importantly, if it's with others.
And so I pray that you will give us understanding of the next step we ought to take.
And God, that can be fearful for us sometimes.
We don't exactly perhaps know what to do, but I pray that you will show us what the
next step needs to be as we look into your word and learn from its principles.
So that we can see conflict in our lives managed to the glory of God in the best possible outcome
and have a conscience that is free from guilt.
We might live before you as holy people and in the power of the Holy Spirit.
And this I pray in the name of him who died to end all conflict and who lives in us to
apply that.
In Jesus' name, amen.