We're continuing our summer foundations of the
Christian life series We've already covered this
summer trusting God and doing good Standing your
post and being fruitful in the realm that God
has given you We've learned to be at peace with
God's authority structure We have learned that
men and women have glorious God ordained different
origins and orientations and yet They are oriented
towards each other We've learned God's blueprint
for marriage and the last time we were together
We studied that wives should joyously submit
respect and honor their husbands Today we will
now take up God's command for husbands to love
their wives as Christ loved the church Let us
pray together Our God and our father Thank you
for sending the Spirit to give us life and to
empower us for the call that you have given us
to carry out your words of life, beginning in
our marriages, our households, and to the very
ends of the earth. Please allow the words of
my mouth and the meditations of all our hearts
to be acceptable in your sight, O Lord our rock
and your kinsman redeemer, Jesus Christ, our
risen Lord. Amen. Our passage today is from Ephesians
chapter 5. We'll be picking up beginning with
verse 25. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ
also loved the church and gave himself for her,
that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the
washing of the water by the word, that he might
present her to himself, a glorious church. not
having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but
that she should be holy without blemish. So husbands
ought to love their own wives as their own bodies.
He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one
ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes
it, just as the Lord does the church. For we
are members of his body, of his flesh, and of
his bones. For this reason a man shall leave
his father and mother and be joined to his wife,
and the two shall become one flesh. This is a
great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ
and the church. Nevertheless, let each one of
you in particular so love his own wife as himself,
and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
These are the words of Almighty God. Receive
them in your hearts. Now, there are three lenses
with which I want us to approach the thoughts
in these passages today. They begin with this.
Jesus' love is the definition of commitment.
Second, Jesus in His love relinquished His glory
for us. Jesus in His love relinquished His glory
for us. And finally, Jesus' love is found in
the security of His dominion and His bounteous
fruitfulness for us. Jesus' love is found in
the security of His dominion and His bounteous
fruitfulness for us. Saints of God, there is
nothing of greater significance to you, Christian,
than the love of Jesus. Jesus' love for you is
immeasurable. If a man were to right now write
a treatise on the love of Jesus, it would be
completely unable to describe or explain or even
be close and the stunningly resplendent. marvelous
love of Jesus to His church, of which all of
you are a part. When I call all y 'all, the dearly
beloved, I am speaking of Jesus' delight in you.
If you are reflecting on this truth, this truth
of Jesus' delight in you. Considering the actions
and words and thoughts and the emotional reactions
in your life and marriage and family and community,
you are aware of your unworthiness of Jesus'
love and the destitute position you are in to
be a recipient of Jesus' love and therefore communion
with God as one commentator puts it no subject
excuse me no subject more exposes the poverty
of our lives before God than actual communion
with God we feel or should feel totally out of
our depth however highly Other Christians might
esteem you. You know only too well how weakly,
how inconsistently, how pure poorly, how coldly
your heart engages in communion with God. Like
Paul, you desire to know Christ and the power
of His resurrection and the fellowship of His
sufferings described in Philippians 3. But oh
how often that desire is weakened by the sluggishness
of the flesh the diversions of the devil the
enticements of a dying world and yet it is not
the believers truest Longing for communion with
the Savior isn't that what we long for even with
all our weaknesses even as regenerate men and
women, we are a spiritual mystery. Dearly beloved,
be assured of Jesus' love for you, not as one
to be pitied like a stray dog, but as one in
whom Jesus delights in. Jesus loves His own.
Psalm 149 verse 4 says, for Yahweh takes pleasure
in His people. He will beautify the humble with
salvation. Do you hear that? He takes pleasure.
That same word could be interpreted, delights.
He takes pleasure. He delights in His people.
And what will He do? He will beautify the humble
with salvation. Zephaniah 3 .17 says, Yahweh
your God in your midst, the mighty one will save.
He will rejoice over you with gladness. He will
quiet you with His love. He will rejoice over
you with singing. What great love, what passionate
love, what joyous love that He rejoices over
you. Psalm 18 19 says he also brought me out
into a broad place That is a place of safety
you might feel like you were on the edge of a
cliff But God's love is so great He has set you
on a broad place Good footing he delivered me
and here it is because He delighted in me Dearly
beloved God himself has chosen you before the
foundations of the world To be among his elect
those chosen as the bride for his son fulfilling
his sovereign loving grand design for all of
history a Bride for his son. Oh What joy we have
in the eternal love of Jesus as his bride Oh
joy, oh comfort, what a comfort that we have
in the wondrous love of Jesus for us. 1 John
4 18 tells us, there is no fear in love, but
perfect love casts out fear because fear involves
torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect
in love. We love him. Because he first loved
us How can it be that Jesus loved us before we
had anything to offer? As one commentator puts
it Lord Jesus loves his church unselfishly that
is to say he never loved her for what she has
or what she is not so much What she is, but what
he makes her as the object of His love. What
He is saying there is this, Christ did not love
you because of what you brought to Him. You only
brought your sin. But rather, He made you the
object of His love and He loves you for what
He is making you into. Jesus, His is the strongest
love that ever was, for He has loved the unlovely.
until He has changed her. He has loved the sinner
until He has made him a saint. He has loved the
foul and filthy until He has washed her with
the water of the Word and presented her unto
Himself without spot or wrinkle. Even now that
God has worked in our life, and changed us in
so many ways and given us so many good gifts.
What we have to offer is not our own, but rather
the Lord Jesus' gifts of water and word, made
alive by the power of the Spirit. You see, Jesus
remains faithful to his chosen people, his elect.
those to whom He made the object of His love.
He is faithful to us even in our weaknesses.
And praise God, He is bestowed upon us as it
says in 2 Timothy 2 .13, if we are faithless,
He remains faithful. He cannot deny Himself.
This means that Jesus keeps His Word and we have
an assurance of His work on our behalf. Today
we have already sung two songs, two hymns, that
reminded us so much of Jesus' love and the assurance
that we have in Him. Dearly beloved, lean more
to Jesus. No yet cast yourself upon Jesus all
the way. Because he loves you and he is faithful
to you We can throw ourselves cast ourselves
completely upon the love of Jesus because we
are reminded in 2nd Corinthians 120 for all the
promises of God in him that is Jesus our yes
and in him amen to the glory of God through us
Do you hear that his promises are yes and amen
For the glory of God through us What a transformational
love the love of Jesus is Jesus humbled himself
as a servant and a servant who gave his life
that you may have life and to have it more abundantly
Philippians 2 tells us that Jesus humbled himself
and relinquished the glory of his position and
obedience to the Father Obeying every command
of God even obedience to death even a hard and
torturous death on the cross Jesus showed us
that he trusted the Father in the difficult and
Just an undeserved death that we may have life
being reconciled with the father what love a
Bounteous life what love with every gift we need
what love To glorify God and to benefit the world
and we talked about that as the purpose of marriage
Jesus has given himself to you, for you. So we
see Jesus' love demonstrated to us. How then
should we respond to such a great love? With
the deepest gratitude. We could and should sing
with the psalmist in Psalm 103. Bless the Lord.
O my soul, and all that is within me, bless His
holy name. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget
not all of His benefits, who forgives all your
iniquities, who heals all your diseases, who
redeems your life from destruction, who crowns
you with loving kindness and tender mercies,
who satisfies your mouth with good things. so
that your youth is renewed like the eagles. Oh,
to sing and proclaim our gratitude for the love
of Jesus. We're all to respond to such love in
that it spurs us on to actions. It should spur
us on to take an action. You think about this,
a description. of the way a man is to love his
wife. If we as the church are to respond with
joy and obedience and anticipation to what God
is asking of us to do, so then a wife too should
do that. So for us as husbands, as men, are we
loving our wives as Christ? of the church. We
are to love Jesus by keeping His commandments,
the very ways of life, especially to husbands.
Love God and so obey His commandment to love
your wife, to delight in your wife, to provide
security and provision and fidelity. Today, just
as we cannot be absolutely comprehensive in detailing
every way of Jesus' love of His church, we cannot
be comprehensive in all the ways that a husband
is to love his wife. But we will cover three
this morning. One, fidelity to your wife. Husbands,
you are to be full of fidelity to your wife.
Second, Our authority for the glory of God and
the benefit of our wives our authority for the
glory of God and the benefit of our wives and
three Tending the garden of our realm to the
fruitfulness of our wives Tending the garden
of our realm what God has given us responsibility
for to the fruitfulness of our wives Our passage
today instructs husbands to love your wives Just
as Christ loved the church and gave himself for
her that he might sanctify and cleanse her with
the Washing of the water by the word that he
might present her to himself a glorious church
Not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing,
but that she should be holy without blemish So
husbands ought to love their own wives as their
own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
Now to clarify this, the reformer John Calvin
says this, Christ's redemptive death cannot be
duplicated by the husband. I don't want to say
that again. Christ's redemptive death cannot
be duplicated by a husband. He goes on to say
this, but the self -giving character, of Christ's
love is something husbands are commanded to imitate.
The self -giving character of Christ's love is
something husbands are commanded to imitate.
Husbands, you are not the mediator to God for
your wife, but you are to imitate Jesus' pattern
of self -giving love. Jesus' own wondrous, gracious
love to you, enabled by the power of the Spirit,
should spur you on to be a faithful husband in
words, actions, and provision. Just as Christ
has one bride, the church, men, are you able
to be, excuse me, you are to be, not are you
able to. But just as Christ has one bride the
church men you are to be a one woman man Having
chosen one woman above all others That is what
Christ Jesus has done. He chose one bride his
church the elect not everyone and that is the
bride That he is dedicated to Jesus has chosen
one bride in whom he delights. Even, check this
out guys, are you listening right now? Even when
she is not acting as his beloved, Jesus treats
the church as his beloved, undeserving as she
may be acting. He is faithful no matter what.
Fidelity means a firm adherence to the person
to whom you are united with. You might have thought
that that wedding was about you Sort of But it
was about God and the witnesses and the covenant
that God was uniting you to Dearly beloved everybody
out here right now If you've been in a wedding
you are called to be a covenant witness of those
vows before God So if that brother or that sister
or that marriage is in jeopardy You are obligated
before God to go and minister and encourage and
spur them on and help them. There should be an
honesty and veracity to your words, a confidence
in your words, husbands, and deeds towards your
wife at all times. This fidelity to your wife
surely includes internal and external sexual
adultery These are all things in your mind so
second glances Lustic and porn These are things
in your words Unwholesome speech or your actions
that is actual flirting, or sexual immorality.
Anything that makes you other than a one -woman
man. Men do not fall into the desperate deceptions
of the devil who wants so much to destroy your
marriage. Satan and all those who stand with
Satan hate marriage because marriage is the image
of Christ to his beloved church. Marriage is
the gospel. Marriage is for the glory of God
and the benefit of the world. Husbands in this
room, future husbands in this room, boys, are
you listening to me? You need to pay attention.
Your dads need to pay attention. You old men
in here, you need to pay attention. Do not blaspheme
Christ in any adulterous ways. as the Proverbs
tell us, do not even walk by the paths of the
violent or the adulterous. You think about that.
You have a choice every day which way you're
going to go. Yes, those flattering lips of some
girl to you, some woman to you, that might sound
good, but as the book of Proverbs tells us, that
bed, those sexual acts. They lead to death. Men,
husbands, drink from your own cistern. Rejoice
with the wife of your youth. Be satisfied with
your wife sexually at all times. Be enraptured
with her love. There is another common way with
which we undermine the security or you can say
the fidelity of our marriages and This is one
that's not so obvious. I think I mean I do believe
it's obvious But I don't think we think of it
in this way about it undermining our fidelity
We weaken our wives confidence in us by our words
and actions Now I say that and you go yeah, I
get that Jesus tells us to let our yes be yes
and our no be no. When our wives ask us to do
something, when we say we're going to do something,
we must do it. Or go back, give an explanation
that is judicious and just and is honoring to
God. If you, one, do not say what you say, I
mean, excuse me, you don't do what you say, you
lay temptations for your wife to hold you in
disrespect. Do you get that? Last time we were
together, I told wives in here, they are to obey,
submit, honor, respect their husbands. Husbands,
don't lay that temptation down by not being a
man of your word. Second, you can also place
stress fractures of doubt into your marriage.
They creep into your marriage by not being clear
and honest in telling her what you're going to
do. I'm going to explain that in a minute. Do
not purpose. to be passive, simply to appease
your wife in the moment. Because if you do that,
you undermine her trust and fidelity in your
life, in your marriage. Here's how I want to
explain this to you. Your wife comes up to you,
says, listen, I want you to do We'll just pick
this. Take out the trash. All right? I don't
know what you're doing. Let's assume it could
be anything. You could be sitting at the computer
and playing a game in which I would tell you
probably should, within 60 seconds, put that
game down and go take trash out. Because she's
probably telling you to take trash out because
it's full. OK? If you're working, this is what
you need to do. You need to turn, look at her
in either case, and give her your full attention.
Now, wives, be careful. If you know he's working,
try not to disrupt him. But if it's important,
go to it. Men, look at your wives. Give them
your full attention. Hear what they're saying.
If you need to ask a clarifying question, is
this something that needs to be done right now,
or can it wait? whatever time you think is reasonable.
I'm just giving you wise counsel here. But if
you say, I tell you what, I need to finish what
I'm doing, I can get that in 20 minutes. Or if
it's a bigger project, I'll do that Tuesday night.
Men, you gotta be rest assured of this. Don't
be passive and just appease her in the moment.
Say, yes, I'm gonna do it in 20 minutes. When
20 minutes is up, Get up fulfill your word because
this is what Jesus would do When Jesus says something
he does it This is how you love your wife. This
is how you don't put stress fractures of mistrust
into your marriage We could go into some detail
on all kinds of scenarios And obviously sometimes
we have bigger issues, like bigger projects.
You might say, I'm gonna do it Tuesday night,
something comes up. As soon as you're aware that
you can't fulfill your word, go and communicate.
Don't let it be a place where you don't keep
your word, where she thinks you're gonna keep
your word for a certain day coming up and then
you don't do it. Now, it's important that when
you tell her these things, you are not undermining
your authority. It is giving your wife assurance
of your action plan. Let's be honest. Our wives,
they're multitaskers in ways we can't imagine.
We're usually, what we call multitasking is we're
running several applications at the same time,
right? No. At best, most of us men have. Maybe
two eyes on the stove. She's a professional stove
with 16 eyes and multiple pots cooking in simmering.
She's got concerns she's thinking about. And
I'm not saying you're not carrying burdens, right?
But if you tell her that you're going to do something
on a day and you do it, she goes, OK, that pot
is simmering. It's all right. If you tell her
nothing, If you just say, I'm going to take care
of it, I promise you, in your wife's mind are
13 questions. When is he going to do it? How
is he going to do it? What do I need to do to
help him? How are the kids going to get in his
way or help him? There's all these different
things going on in her mind. You might laugh
at this one. Is there enough gas in the car right
now for him to go do this? I'm just saying there
are all these things, questions. Put her mind
at rest. Show her your fidelity. Bye. Give her
some specific information. Now, wives, don't
badger your husbands beyond what is necessary.
If you need to ask a clarifying question, men,
don't snap back. I gave you an answer. But be
loving. Provide clarity. You must demonstrate
your faithfulness this way, and this will assist
your wife to flourish in the fruit of the Spirit.
Husband's God is surely giving you authority,
but this authority is not for your glory and
benefit, just like Jesus' authority was given
to him to transform all of creation. and is bride
to the glory of the Father. That's what your
authority is given to you for. Men, you have
been given authority in this world for God's
glory, so that when men see your good works,
they will glorify the Father in heaven, and yes,
be converted by the gospel of your marriage,
or even your spouse transformed, flourishing
in Christ. Because you are living as Christ loved
the church to your wife Husbands this is important
You are not merely given authority. You are given
a Christ -like pattern of exercising that authority
Husbands God's authority rests on you as one
who will have to give an account Do not Be a
foolish tyrant in your household, or really anywhere
else for that matter. Consider the words from
1 Peter chapter 3, beginning in verse 7. Husbands
likewise dwell with them. He's speaking of wives.
With understanding, giving honor to the wife
as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together
of the grace of life, that your prayers may not
be hindered. Call to this. that you may inherit
a blessing. Husbands, Christ loves the church
in a patient and edifying way for her building
up, washing her with the water and word. Do your
words build up your wife? Are they edifying?
Or do you have complaints because you stepped
on toys and Legos for the 13th time tonight?
Hebrews chapter 4 verses 15 and 16 tells us that
Jesus is our high priest who can sympathize with
our weakness. And so we can boldly come to the
throne of grace. If that is Jesus' position,
he sits on the throne of grace. It's an authority
of grace. And we may because he can sympathize
with us. We can boldly come before His throne
of grace. Here's the question. Is your wife able
to boldly come before you and find what she needs?
Mercy, grace, and help in the time of need. Go
back and read all of Hebrews 4. Here's my question.
Can she boldly come to your throne of grace?
Is your anger, irritation, impatience and lack
of understanding barriers for your wife or your
children to come to you regarding absolutely
anything they have need of even if it's a repetitive
issue. I want you to thank men for just a second
how every one of us go again and again to Jesus
knowing that he loves us and he wants us to come.
even in our needs, even in our difficulties,
even when we have sinned against Him, He wants
us to come to us, us to come to Him. Likewise,
man, you need to be from that throne. Your throne
is the throne of grace. Do you forget the frame?
or even the circumstances of your wife. We're
commanded by God to know our wife's frame, her
burdens, and sin, and still live with her in
understanding because we are heirs together in
the grace of life. That is your realm. Man, you
are undermining and destroying your household
if your throne is not a throne of grace. Where
your wife and your children can boldly approach
you We want to teach respect in decorum But are
you granting respect in decorum so that you can
bestow grace and mercy and help Just as in keeping
As Jesus talks about loving your neighbor as
yourself and forgiving others as God forgives
you, here in 1 Peter, there is a caveat, there
is a condition. If you do not live with your
wife in this gracious understanding tethered
to God's word, your prayers can and most likely
will be hindered. Thus, by not loving your wife
as yourself, You are bringing harm to yourself
in all that you are attempting to accomplish,
even if you think it is for God's glory. You
might have all kinds of grand plans for God's
glory. Remember we talked about this before,
right? Marriage is meant for the glory of God
and the benefit of the world. But if the trial
is your marriage, If you're not reigning from
a throne of grace, you've created this barrier
in here. You're not living in understanding and
care so that you can bestow the grace of God
that He's so graciously given to you. You're
this way. Remember, you're kind of doing this.
You're looking out at the world. And God, I want
to take the world for Jesus. I want to expand
the kingdom of heaven to your glory while trampling
on your co -hearing Christ, your wife. Jesus
doesn't do that. Your prayers that you're offering
up for all the things you're trying to do for
God's glory will be hindered. You cannot separate
God's glory from the pattern of Jesus's love
Are you hearing me men? Jesus loves his church
for the glory of God and the good of the world
through the church Which means you're gonna glorify
God Thinking about how to transform the world
through your wife and what your wife produces
your children. Following these thoughts on Christ's
love demonstrated in selfless fidelity and authority,
we're now going to think about this third and
last thing here today. We are to love our wives,
utilizing our realm to bestow gifts that promote
fruitfulness. We're to love utilizing our realm,
what God has given us, to bestow gifts that promote
fruitfulness. Again, for about the 50th time
this summer, fruitfulness is not just having
kids. I'm ecstatic that we're having lots of
kids here. But you want your wife and your children
that you already have to be fruitful and the
fruit of the Spirit to have confidence in Christ
Jesus So that they can stand their post and do
good Trust God and do good We're always looking
for the grand gesture and we lack faithfulness
and the small things each and every day If we're
living in the promise of unhindered prayers,
we are obeying Christ Jesus in regards to our
wives. And because of that, we are now strengthened
and united together to take dominion and be fruitful
together. Husbands, does the environment of your
marriage and household promote the abundant flourishing
of the fruit of the Spirit? Look up the fruit
of the Spirit. You don't know them. You don't
have them memorized. Look them up. More than
that. Study them. Post them in your house. If
that's what your children are supposed to be
fruitful, then post that in your house. If it's
not posted and you don't talk about it all the
time. Right? Boy, I sure would like to have a
good lunch this afternoon. Wait. If I'm going
to have a good lunch, I have to determine what
I want, make a list, go to the store, come home,
cook it, set up the table, eat it, and then I
can enjoy the feast. Or someone has to do that,
right? But the point of that is, you don't get
to the feast, you don't get to the fruitfulness
without effort and planning. Right? If it's a
new recipe, I've got to ask people questions.
How do you do this? My kids know I'm kind of
the meat guy at our house. My daughters are constantly
calling me, Dad, what about this and meat? They're
asking me some question. How long? What temperature?
How do I season this? What do I do over here?
Is there anything I need to do differently? Or
the occasional, hey, it's past the expiration
date. Can I still use it? And then I ask a series
of questions. But here's what I'm trying to drive
at. Men, if you are wanting the fruit of the
Spirit to flourish in your wife and in your children,
you've got to plant that. And you've got to have
a plan. And you have to measure what's coming
out. You have to live them out yourself. So here's
the question. I'm going to just read them. Stay
with me now. I know we're getting a little long,
but this is important. Is your house flourishing
in love? Well, that's the purpose of this sermon,
gentlemen. How about joy? I promise you this.
You know, we have this idea that if Mama ain't
happy, ain't nobody happy. There's some elements
of the truth to that, but I promise you, if you
come in the door from your job or you come out
of your, you're working from home and you come
out of your office and there's not joy in your
heart, if there's not the light in what you see
there in your wife and your children, it's all
gone. It's all going downhill. Peace. Is there
peace in your household? What about long suffering?
I bet I asked that question. Everybody put their
hand. There's long suffering in my house. Yeah,
but is it long suffering with love, joy, and
peace? Or are you embittered? God, why are you
doing this to me? Or wife, why are you doing
this? Children, why are you inconveniencing me?
Hear the problem here? Where is Jesus in any
of that? Is there kindness in your home? I'm
not talking about niceness, false flattery. I'm
talking about is there genuine kindness, condescending
for blessing? Pointing people to Jesus and the
Lord is their goodness, faithfulness, gentleness.
All of that emanates out of the last one, self
-control. Think back to that throne. Can they
boldly approach you? Is your throne the throne
of a tyrant? A wand of grace and mercy and a
place of help in the time of need. You reap what
you sow. Are you sowing the love of Christ? Speaking
and living towards your wife as Christ loves
the church? Consider these two proverbs. I've
read them many times. They're right beside each
other. And the Holy Spirit doesn't do anything
by accident. But I bet if you first read them
you didn't see how they were connected Proverbs
18 21 Death and life are in the power of the
tongue and those who love it will eat its fruit
Okay, so there's power in your tongue There's
death and life The next verse says he who finds
a wife Finds a good thing and obtains favor from
the Lord Man if you have found a wife God has
said you have found a good thing and that you
have obtained favor from the covenant God who
keeps his word This morning we've all been joyfully
amazed at Christ Jesus love for us May we all
press more and more into Jesus. We have seen
and heard the good news that Jesus delights in
his bride. Dearly beloved, Jesus delights in
you all. Husbands, do not dismay, for this is
true for you in your marriage. If we did a report
card on these questions, if we're all honest,
We need more Jesus. We need more of the Spirit's
help to make that authority that God has given
us to be a throne of mercy and grace that our
wives and children may know Jesus more. We need
that more. Don't have dismay. This love is for
you. Jesus love is for you Jesus the lights in
you and Has given you all you need to do his
will and I'm gonna show this to you by closing
out with this by saying be assured by Jesus own
words Found in Luke chapter 12 again. It's another
set of verses that we have chopped up and cut
up We haven't put together because there's a
paragraph break. Luke 12, 31, but seek the kingdom
of God, and all these things shall be added to
you. And that's usually where we end the thought,
but the next verse is so important. Do not fear,
little flock, for it is your father's good pleasure.
That is the light. to give you the kingdom. Whatever
fears you have in being able to fulfill these
obligations, man, look to Jesus because God delights
in you and he is going to give you his kingdom.
Let us pray. Heavenly Father, it is with joyful
hearts we thank you for the love of Jesus which
passes all understanding. Fill us we pray with
the love and obedience for you and for your glory
and the benefit of the world Make us to be a
fruitful image of Christ and his church in our
marriages That the gospel may be proclaimed to
all those whom you place in our lives Heavenly
father we ask you to extend your kingdom until
all your enemies are put under your feet we ask
all this for the sake of Jesus your son who reigns
with you in the Holy Spirit world without end
amen