Hello!
Welcome back to another episode of Diagnosing a Killer, the mental breakdown edition.
Minty Bricky, minty bricky.
Ooh, new theme song.
New theme song.
Hell yeah.
Someone record that for us.
I didn't make it a thing.
Trade market.
Just put it on a shirt.
Slap it on a shirt.
We should make a minty bricky shirt.
Minty bricky.
And then put like a mint breaking as like the picture.
Like a peppermint?
Yeah.
Oh that'd be cute.
That's adorable.
Yeah.
It was meant for you.
Don't get it.
Get it.
Gotta do the elbow.
Get it.
Yeah.
Get it.
If this is your first time here, welcome.
And we are Kenna.
I'm Koelle.
Yeah, I forgot to say that.
We are Kana.
That's both of our names today.
People say that we sound alike anyway, so you might as well.
Sometimes I get us confused.
I'm already sweating.
This closet is so hot.
It's always so hot in here.
Well, I'm closer to the door, so I have like a breeze.
Yeah, a little bit of a breeze.
A little bit of a breeze.
So how was your weekend?
It was good.
I went to a missions game.
You did?
I saw that.
Yeah.
With our niece.
That was a lot of fun.
We overcast at the beginning of the game, and then it got really hot.
And it just was one of those still-hots where there's no wind.
Yeah.
Oh my gosh, my ass was so sweaty.
I had swass.
Swass.
Oh my god.
Yeah.
Well, for those that don't know, the missions are the minor league baseball team that we
have here, because we don't have a major league team.
It's true.
And it's still fun.
It's still a lot of fun.
I actually was at a baseball game.
Was it the same time as you or was it the day before?
We were on, this was on Sunday.
Yeah, I went to the Hooks game on Saturday.
And also, for those of you that have heard me say my best friend's name, Dana, a bunch
of times, she got engaged this weekend.
Oh my gosh.
Congratulations, Al and Dana.
Absolutely.
We definitely pulled one over on her.
I am very happy about my situation, because I am bad at secrets.
We all know, bad at lying.
But we were able to pull it off.
She was definitely surprised, and it was a great moment.
I got it all on camera.
She just showed me all of the pictures that she took of them and the proposal.
And I'm so happy for them.
I'm so happy for them.
That's everything I've ever wanted for her and more.
I feel like even the pressure's kind of taken off us, just as people that know them now.
You know, like we're like, when is it going to happen?
When is it going to happen?
And I feel like we all felt kind of that anxiety.
Yeah.
That was like Wednesday morning.
Wednesday morning.
I think she said at one point, she goes, oh my God, I get to register for like a registry
now.
And I'm like, yeah, you do.
I can't ask people for shit.
It's really cool.
That's so fun.
Like when you go into like a store and they give you the little scan gun.
Yeah.
I remember when I was engaged and I was, Justin couldn't get off work, which was fine.
He trusted me.
He didn't really care.
He didn't care about the registry.
He knew I cared.
So I went into Target and I got that little gun and I started, you can go around and just
scan the items that you want as part of the registry.
And so this woman came up to me and she was like, excuse me, where can I find blah, blah,
blah?
And I was like, oh my God.
I'm just gonna be here.
And she looked at me and she was like, with a smile on her face, just nodding because
she was waiting for me to be like, I'm just kidding.
It's on aisle four or whatever.
And I was like, no, really, I don't work here.
Are you wearing red?
No, I wasn't.
And that's why I was like, I'm not even wearing red.
I'm clearly someone who just stole this gun.
Yeah.
You know, just beeping for the fuck of it.
She probably thought I was insane.
Probably so.
Yeah.
Well, yeah.
So we were super happy for them and definitely a really exciting weekend for us.
And that's also why we're releasing this episode on Tuesday instead of on Monday.
So that was my bad.
A long weekend too.
Memorial Day.
Yeah.
We gave everyone a little bit of a break from us.
But now we are back.
Before we do get started, we definitely want to recognize our newest patron, Lisa.
Lisa.
Thanks, Lisa.
We really appreciate you having us on Instagram and then also donating to the Patreon.
If you guys like us and you want to support us that way as well, you can go to patreon.com
slash diagnosing a killer.
For those that don't know, every Patreon member does get access to ad free episodes every
time they are released.
Patrons in the tier two and three tiers will get access to an additional bonus episode
every month.
That is on the 29th, so we just had one release.
And we did David Parker Ray, aka the Toybox Killer, per request from Frankie.
So if you want access to that episode, ad free super gory content.
Yeah.
Go ahead and join the Patreon.
Tummy-turning for sure.
Honestly.
Don't forget to check out diagnosing a killer dot com.
There you will find links to our merch site resources and other things.
Don't forget to hit us up on any social media at diagnosing a killer other than Twitter,
which is at killer diagnosis.
Make sure you email us.
We got a new rating.
We did get a new rating.
A five star rating.
Yeah.
Let me actually find that because I was telling you about it earlier, but I kind of paraphrased.
Let me see what they said.
This was from someone by the username of ordep, ordep, 22, and they said, great, very entertaining.
These ladies are funny and do a lot of research for their shows.
Highly recommend.
Thank you for your review.
Absolutely.
And is there anything else that you have?
No, I'm just excited for, I guess just like, I don't know, personally, I'm excited for
Pride Month.
So that's gonna be this week.
Yes.
So we have part two of Elliot Roger coming out this week as well.
So be prepared for that.
And then also the True Crime Paranormal Podcast Festival.
If this is your first time listening, we are being, we're going to be hosts at the festival
in August and it's coming up really soon.
So I recently got some information that some people we may know may be attending Austin.
So, and they are listeners.
Well, like podcasters or listeners?
Listeners.
Okay.
Yeah.
So I'm really excited.
Oh my gosh.
That's exciting.
So we have this Menti Breakey.
What do you think?
Let's do it.
Okay.
So we're going to be talking about something that we've talked about in passing before,
but we haven't ever break it, breaking it down.
Starting out strong.
To a great start.
We have never broken it down.
So this week we are going to be talking about imposter syndrome.
Oh, I'm so excited to learn about this.
I really am.
I definitely have it.
Because we don't have it.
A lot.
Can relate.
So yeah, imposter syndrome is something that I'm sure a lot of people have heard the term
before.
Kind of means exactly what it sounds like, but just to break it down a little bit further,
because I did learn some stuff as well.
The term imposter syndrome was actually first coined in 1978.
Oh, okay.
By two clinical psychologists.
That is Pauline Rose Clance and Suzanne Ims.
So 78, like 50 years ago.
Not that long ago.
That's wild.
Imposter syndrome is a condition of feeling anxious and not experiencing success internally
despite being high performing and external objective ways.
Oh, okay.
So someone that's really good at what they do but doesn't feel like they are.
They're internal.
Like they're not accomplishing anything the more they do, even if they're doing a great
job.
Like me, we have almost 20,000 downloads on the podcast and I'm like, no one listens
to us.
I'm dead ass.
I'm not even kidding.
It's just us.
Also, if you were one of the two people that I met, Jonathan and Jennifer at the Hooks
game this weekend and I just said dead ass, I hope you're laughing because I said that
by accident when I was talking about something really stupid.
I was like, oh yeah, dead ass.
And they were like, okay.
And then I started laughing.
I was like, I'm so sorry.
That was really inappropriate.
And they both started cracking up.
They were like, we weren't going to say anything but that was really inappropriate.
Just uncensored.
Yeah, no, seriously.
Uncensored, DAK live out in the world.
Honestly.
That's definitely me feeling like I don't have any successes or like no progress is
being made when in reality it is and everyone can see it but it's just not happening in
my mind.
I totally get that.
Yeah.
Yes.
This condition often results in people feeling like a fraud or a phony and doubting their
abilities.
You're a big fat phony.
I love that word.
This guy's a phony.
Within posture syndrome, a person will not feel confident or even competent regardless
of what they achieve.
So not even like chill out with like what we're doing.
Not even just, all right, that's worse for me.
I'm just talking and talking.
No, I totally get what you're saying though because I do, there's times where I'm hanging
out with friends after a long day of doing a bunch of things and they'll say, so how
was your day?
I'll be like, it's all right.
Yeah.
That didn't do much.
I didn't do much.
I just did and then I'll just list off a bunch of things that I did.
Like, well, it sounds like a pretty productive day and I'm like, whatever.
Yeah.
I'm like, you're going to fall into one of these categories here.
So people with imposter syndrome will often not find joy in their successes because they're
always waiting for their inadequacy and fraudulence to come to light.
That's really sad.
That's sad.
I know.
That's really sad.
But I feel like that.
That's sad for them.
I don't feel bad for me.
That's really sad for me.
Although Clance and I'm originally defined in posture syndrome to describe a condition
they observed in professional women, research actually shows that men and women alike can
suffer from this syndrome.
You know, it's like...
It's not hysterical.
Yeah, exactly.
Imposter syndrome can also cause people to feel like their time is running out, so to
speak.
So they may feel like they've been putting on an act and they can't keep up appearance
as much longer.
Oh.
Like, I'm pretending to be...
I mean, that was literally me.
It's literally me in every job.
I'm like, oh yeah, I'm pretending like I'm really good at this job.
Like, how long am I going to be able to pretend for it?
But I'm actually really good at this job in real life.
Well, they always say, like, fake it till you make it.
And I never understood that.
I'm like, no, I'm going to make it and then later I'm going to worry about faking it.
Literally.
I like the term fake it until you become it.
Oh, that's cute.
Right?
Like, just work on it until you get there.
Just work on it.
Just work on it until you get there.
You should just work on that.
Just work on yourself.
She's like, I'm trying to put this away quietly.
It makes a bunch of noise.
So, however, again, people feeling like they've been keeping up this act is all despite evidence to the contrary.
Like, they were actually doing a really good job and everyone else recognizes it except for them.
This can also cause people with imposter syndrome to feel as though they cannot keep reaching new levels in their career
and feel as though they're unable to like keep climbing.
Does that include like, because I know that I've been one of those people that I feel like if there's just like, if I've been capped,
then I just, I won't stick with the job.
I'll be like, oh, okay, well, I tried out for that, you know, I applied to that.
I interviewed for it.
I didn't get it.
My time here is now limited.
Like, I'm not going to stick around if I'm like not recognized.
I don't think that's imposter syndrome.
I think that's life and I think that's correct.
I would do that too.
Yeah.
But I'll let you be the judge once I get through the, because there's a couple different types that we'll talk about.
But it's almost like, and again, imposter syndrome is actually supposed to be like more career given.
Like it's usually mostly happening in someone's career when they have, you know, we're pursuing a career,
but it can happen in any instance in life.
Yeah.
Like, you know, not feeling like an adequate mom, maybe.
Yeah, exactly.
Or partner or partner or even in school, like not really like an adequate student or like a doggy parent.
Yeah.
Or, you know, a cat mom.
Yeah, same.
And also a regular mom though too.
Not like a regular mom.
I'm a cool mom.
I was going to say you're not a regular mom.
You're a cool mom.
Thanks.
It is often that people with this syndrome feel as though they can't keep going at the same rate they have been
and feeling shameful as a result.
I know it's really sad.
So if you work yourself up in this like kind of frenzy, you work and you work and you put more on your plate like you.
And...
Damn.
Ouch.
You do all this because you're trying to like feel that sense of achievement.
But then if you go at that pace for so long, you're going to fucking burn out, right?
Yeah, definitely.
And again, there's different types.
I'm pretty sure I have like two of them.
Sounds like that sounds like you.
Yeah.
So this shame that people feel ultimately makes them suffer alone and in silence.
In fact, people don't realize how many other people suffer from imposter syndrome as nobody usually wants to admit it out loud.
Yeah.
I'm the opposite.
I'm like, wait me.
Help me.
Help.
Do you think that some people feel like they don't recognize at the moment that they're experiencing that maybe as well?
Is that why people don't mention it?
Yeah.
Oh, absolutely.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
And if they do, they probably don't want to be like, hey, so I feel like I'm not really achieving enough here.
Like you're not going to go to your boss and say that, right?
Yeah, right.
I was like, okay, well then fire me.
Can you fire me please?
Yeah.
So the imposter feelings represent a conflict between one's own self perception and the way that other people perceive them.
So just like you said, even while others praise one's talents, they write off their own successes to timing and good luck.
So they're not successful because they're good at what they're doing.
They just got lucky or it was just good timing for them when they came into the business.
Dang.
People struggling with imposter syndrome may pressure themselves to work harder in order to become worthy of the roles they don't believe they deserve.
To make up for what they consider their lack of intelligence.
To ease feelings of guilt over tricking people and or to help others from recognizing their shortcomings.
It's like the opposite of a narcissist.
Yeah, it really is.
Yeah, that's very interesting.
Sometimes having recognition given to people is considered pity or sympathy.
So if you're recognizing me at work, it's because you think I'm doing an okay job, but you want to make me feel better about it.
Or you're just trying to encourage me.
Like I'm trying to encourage you in order for you to do better.
And despite one's successes, they will stir over the minor errors.
So they can do a project like completely correct, but maybe they slept in one day.
They're going to stir over that.
They slept in one day, even though the project was perfect.
Otherwise.
Frankie, was I like that?
You've been my boss, Frankie, so you can tell me to be honest.
If I sound like this.
Shout out Frankie.
She's been talking about TWICE in this episode.
She's so famous.
She's elusive.
So over time, imposter syndrome can fuel a cycle of anxiety, depression, and guilt.
Now before I get into how to combat imposter syndrome, we're going to talk about, like I said, the five types of imposter syndrome.
Oh my goodness.
So this first one is me.
And probably you.
It's just Kenna in parentheses.
Yeah, it's called the perfectionist.
Oh, yay.
This particular person would focus on how something is done.
This includes how the work is conducted and how it turns out.
One minor flaw in an otherwise stellar performance equals failure, and therefore shame.
Whether they realize it or not, people with the perfectionism type of imposter syndrome may be perceived as control freaks.
Yeah.
Cute.
They will set up very high goals for themselves, and when they fail to reach a goal, they will experience major self-doubt and worry about measuring up.
Really high goals is me.
I'm like, I want to have $10,000 by the end of the day.
It doesn't happen.
I'm like, you're a fucking failure.
You're a fucking failure.
God.
Some questions to ask yourself.
If you think this may apply to you.
Oh, great.
You want to answer them?
Yeah.
Have you ever been accused of micromanaging?
Yes.
Same.
Do you have great difficulty delegating?
Yeah, actually.
If you are able to delegate, do you often feel frustrated and or disappointed with the results?
It's so true.
I'm like, I mean, I guess you could do this.
It would take something off my plate, but if you're going to do it, I want you to do it this way.
And then when you come back with, yeah, exactly, total anxiety, because I'm like, this is not going to be the way that I wanted to do it.
The way that I would expect it to be done.
Sure.
Can you hang up that poster that I stay there the whole time and watch the game?
Yeah.
That'd be me just like looking over every five seconds to make sure that the work that they're doing is exactly the way that I would do it.
It doesn't really take time away from you.
It really doesn't.
It doesn't help at all.
It's not helpful.
Because then the way that I see it is that if I know that, because what I am good at is time management when it comes to, well, mostly, I will say mostly.
If I put too much on my plate, then no.
But I'm pretty good at time management when it comes to multitaskings or anything.
So if I am still trusting someone that they're going to take care of that one thing and it's not done right the first time, I'm going to have to go back and redo it.
Yeah.
And I didn't put that as part of my time management.
And my plans.
And my plans, right?
Okay, yeah.
That sounds like a control freak, doesn't it?
Yeah.
I have a habit of telling someone to do something and then just immediately saying, never mind, never mind.
And then just doing it.
I'm like, can you grab me that?
Never mind.
I got it.
When you miss the insanely high mark on something, do you accuse yourself of just not being cut out for it?
Well, I'm perfect.
So not really.
I would say no.
I would say I do.
Like I want to do something right and I want to do it right the first time.
Yeah.
And if I don't do it right the first time, I get like really, I'm like, maybe this just isn't for me.
Right.
You know.
That's true.
I could see that.
I could see myself saying that.
But I wouldn't be harsh on myself.
Yeah.
And lastly, do you feel like your work must be 100% perfect 100% of the time?
Yeah.
Yeah, same.
I mean, we do that on the podcast sometimes where we're like, you know, we tend to maybe rush a little bit of research and we're like, I mean, I've definitely done that where I needed something done.
And I, you know, I skipped a few steps or didn't mention certain things or whatever, which is where I appreciate the listeners saying, you forgot to talk about that.
Yeah.
Because then we'll talk about it next time.
Exactly.
Sometimes I leave it out on purpose just for brevity's sake, right?
Then I feel so guilty after recording because I'm like, I could have delivered that information right the first time.
Yeah.
You know, I feel the exact same way.
And honestly, like if I don't mention like someone's brother's sister's cousin's aunt's child, I'm like, damn, I left something out of the research.
Damn, I left it out.
But then again, I don't want to put all of that in there because no one wants to listen to more than two parts of an episode.
It's true.
Yeah.
Nobody ever.
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Sorry, that was a little harsh, but there's no...
It's true.
And okay, it's when it gets to that point, it's just like, get to the point.
You know what I mean?
Get to the episode.
So I want to put all of the info in there all the time, which is like this imposter syndrome.
And I feel really guilty when I don't.
I'll just leave it at that.
Yeah.
Elliot Rogers has been my...
It's been very relieving and very rewarding to be able to cover a lot of him.
And I do feel like a lot of, I don't know, I guess gratification from doing two parts sometimes because we do get to get all that information out.
But yeah, five parts, that's too much.
I do see podcasts that have like four or five part episodes.
Yeah.
That's so much.
And then could you imagine having to wait every week?
And editing all that?
Come on, that's a lot of work.
Yeah.
That's ridiculous.
But to each his own, honestly, if you guys like two-parters or one single part or three, let us know.
Honestly, I'm happy to do whatever you guys are interested in hearing.
Yeah.
If you like the suspense of a two-parter, we can do more.
We used to do them like, you know, every so often and we haven't done them in a while.
We actually got someone commenting on the first part of Elliot Rogers Instagram post and said, like, can you please hurry up and rush out part two?
And I was like, yes.
I'm excited.
So part two will be coming out very soon.
It's a good one.
So for this type, so again, the perfectionist type of imposter syndrome, success is rarely satisfying because they will often believe they could have done better.
Yeah.
And I feel like I heard that recently somewhere.
If it was you, you were like, I'm happy that I did it, but I feel like I could have done it better.
If it wasn't you, someone said that to me recently.
I don't even know what it was about.
I basically just said that, but I said a lot of other things.
Owning and celebrating achievements is essential.
Small, small, small.
You guys just heard one of the only birds I've ever had in my entire life.
I have to leave that in.
I never burped.
I can't.
I was drinking water when it happened and I couldn't.
I was going to spit it out.
Okay.
We have to pause.
Okay.
We're totally leaving that in.
I'm crying.
Sorry, y'all.
That was probably a lot of like really loud noises.
You couldn't do anything.
She's just grasping for all of the clothing around her.
Trying to hold onto something.
Just spew water all over the microphone.
So what I was saying is that owning and celebrating achievement is essential no matter how small in order to avoid burnout.
Okay.
So that's one way to combat if you're experiencing the perfectionist type of imposter syndrome.
Remain mindful about the achievements that you have throughout your day.
Yeah.
And celebrate the little things.
Honestly, you know, it sounds really cliche, but I celebrate the little things.
If I go all day without crying, bam, celebration.
I don't.
I better find gold bars while I'm like walking down the street downtown or else my day is ruined.
I'm still crying.
So the next type of imposter syndrome is the superwoman or superman type.
People who experience this type of imposter syndrome typically are convinced that they are phonies among their real deal coworkers.
They're like Clark Kent's.
Well, yeah, it's almost like, okay, all these people actually know how to do their job.
I'm the phony.
Even though they're doing the same job as everyone else.
They will often push themselves harder to measure up, but this is usually a false cover up for their insecurities and the work overload usually results in harming their mental health and their relationship with others.
Aww.
So you said like take everything on your plate at once.
This is why I think that I'm also kind of like this.
So questions to ask if you think you're dealing with this type.
Are you ready?
Yeah.
Do you stay later at the office and the rest of your team even past the point that you've completed that day's necessary work?
No.
Me neither.
Do you get stressed when you're not working and find downtime completely wasteful?
It depends on the day.
I think so too, because today I took a day off work and I felt so guilty all day.
Even though I was exhausted and today was my rest day, I still felt so guilty that I wasn't working.
I mean, I think it's ebb and flow, especially for like a service, you know, position or retail is, you know, something that I did for a long time.
And I think it was, yeah, like we fucked off sometimes, you know, we did leave work for the next day sometimes.
But, you know, if we can get it done and then fuck off afterwards, that's kind of always been my kind of go to attitude.
Have you ever let your hobbies and passions fall short in order to focus on your work?
Yes.
Me too.
Do you feel like you haven't truly earned your title in your career or perhaps school title or something?
No, I want more titles.
Yeah.
Well, like if, like if, if and when you do achieve a title, do you feel like you haven't fully earned it?
I guess is what it really means.
No, I own every single title that I've ever gotten.
Same. I think so too. Like I, well, I don't know, because when I got my diploma, like my bachelor's degree, I was like, damn, I can't believe I actually got this.
Like, I don't think I deserve it.
Like dead ass. I was like, I got D's like in a bunch of courses and I still have a degree.
Like that doesn't make sense.
So I guess D's get degrees.
No, I feel like I've always wanted more of a title.
Give me more. Give me more.
So those are the questions for that one.
Imposter workaholics are usually addicted to the validation that comes from working and not the actual work itself.
Yes.
And that's the difference in me. I don't feel that way.
Like these people will frequently work themselves so much in order to get satisfaction and recognition from others that they're working so much.
Oh my God, you work so much. You work so hard.
No, for me, it's more of a personal thing.
Things like that.
It's a personal thing.
Yeah, same. It's much more of a personal thing for me.
It's almost, well, I, one of my love languages is words of affirmation.
So when I hear that, it makes me feel nice.
Yeah.
You feel like I'm doing something right, but it's really more for me.
It's not for other people.
I completely agree.
And I know people that work themselves.
They don't work themselves to the bone.
They just work a lot of hours and then they brag about it.
And almost like we said, wanting people to recognize like, oh, you're such a hard worker, you know, or you work so much.
When do you ever get a day off?
Yeah.
And they're like, oh, you know, I just work so hard.
I know people like that.
Yeah.
And you know what, if it works for you, it works for you.
Right.
But what intended works.
So one way to combat this type of imposter syndrome is to try to veer yourself away from external validation.
Okay.
Learning to take constructive criticism seriously and not personally is another great way to combat it.
Oh.
The third type is the natural genius.
Okay.
This type of imposter syndrome tends to apply to people who grew up with many things that came easily to them.
They usually excelled at anything they attempted growing up.
And when they were finally faced with a task that was not extremely easy for them, they feel shame.
These types of imposters set their internal bar impossibly high and they judge themselves based on getting things right on the first try.
You're smiling.
Do you know people like that?
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
What is that from?
Someone like...
I don't know.
Oh, it's the Empress New Groove when he has the menu over his face.
He's like, we can get all of an onion log.
Yeah.
And an onion log.
To split.
Oh, God.
We are veering off the path so much on this one.
It's fine though.
This is what the mental breakdowns are for, to break something down but also like...
Yeah, we had to keep it light.
So when this type of imposter syndrome, people that experience it are not able to do something quickly or fluently, their alarm sounds, so to speak.
Ready for the questions?
Yes.
Are you used to excelling without much effort?
No.
Me neither.
Were you told frequently as a child that you were the smart one on your family?
I feel like mom and dad were really good about reminding us that we are bright kids or intelligent kids.
But I don't think it was out of control.
But they did it to all of us.
It wasn't just you.
Right.
Like, oh, you're much smarter than your sisters.
Yeah.
No, absolutely not.
Do you dislike the idea of having a mentor because you can handle things on your own?
No.
I feel like...
No, I feel like I've definitely been in especially work positions where I feel like I could learn from somebody else for sure.
Same.
Do you often avoid challenges because it's uncomfortable by trying something that you're not great at?
Yes.
I don't.
Well, that's kind of that perfectionism.
It's like, you know, to be afraid to fail.
I feel like that's something that I used to feel when I was much younger, but I'm not afraid to fail anymore.
Especially when it comes to something like work.
I'll try it out.
And again, much like we said earlier, I'll try it out.
And if I don't like to do it or if it's not something that I feel like I'm good at, then I might not do it again.
But I'm not afraid to just try something and fail anymore.
I feel like I've really pushed past that feeling.
Like I will not want to try something, but then I'll push past that feeling to try it.
And same thing with you.
If I don't care for it after that, then I won't do it.
But I'm better about taking the risk now than I used to be.
So ways to combat feelings of this type of imposter syndrome.
It's good to start looking at yourself as a work in progress.
So kind of reminding yourself that you don't have to be great at everything right off the bat.
It will take time to master new tasks if you need to try something new.
And rather than beating yourself up when you don't reach your high standards,
identify specific changeable behaviors that you can improve over time.
Okay.
So identify things that you know that, not know that, but things that you feel like you can improve,
not necessarily focusing on things that you can't handle.
Yeah, exactly.
I'm sorry, not handle, not control.
Yes.
So our niece was saying, you know, I'm just so bad at math. I'm so bad at math.
And I told her, I said, you're not, don't say that you're bad at math.
Try to say you're working on getting better at math instead of just saying, nope, I'm not good at it.
You know, because you're not good at everything the first time around.
You know, might take some effort.
I mean, we weren't fucking great at the podcast.
The very first go episodes.
And I'm sure that you guys noticed our improvement.
If you did, let us know.
The imposter syndrome needs that validation.
So the next type, number four is the soloist.
Okay.
The next type of person will often have major struggles in asking for any help in any instance,
as they think that asking for help is what will reveal their phoniness.
That's me.
Really? Is it?
Yeah.
Okay, your questions are coming.
Okay.
They will do every task independently to the point of potential failure before asking for help.
Ask yourself these questions if you think this might be you.
Okay.
Do you firmly feel that you need to accomplish things on your own?
Yes.
Same.
Do you find yourself saying frequently, I don't need anyone's help?
Yes.
Same.
Do you frame requests in terms of the requirements of the project rather than your needs as a
person?
Yes.
Same.
I just need help with this one thing because the project is requiring this.
I don't need help.
Like personally, like I'm good.
I'm good.
But the project might need an extra hand.
Need an extra hand.
And this is the specific way in which you can do that.
Control free.
In order to help cope with these feelings, do you have a pen?
Not on me.
You can just text it to me.
Okay.
I'll copy and paste it.
Thanks.
I've been asking for help is the best way.
There you go.
Yes.
That's for help.
Proud of you.
Thanks.
So this is easier said than done, but once one realizes that it's okay to ask for help,
they can succeed easier.
Now lastly, the number fifth type of imposter syndrome is the expert.
Expert imposter syndrome makes one measure their confidence based on what or how much
they know or can do.
Believing that they will never know enough, the fear being exposed as inexperienced or
unknowable.
Is that also you?
No.
This is like when someone cannot say that they don't know.
So like, I've had a friend in the past that I would say like, oh, have you seen this TV
show?
And they would always say yes.
Or this movie, they would always say yes.
And one time I made up a movie and I asked and they said yes.
Because they just can't say that they don't know.
They don't want to be excluded or not in the know.
Exactly.
Questions you can ask yourself if you do think you are experiencing this specific type of
imposter syndrome.
Do you shy away from applying to job postings unless you meet every single education requirement?
No.
I don't shy away from that shit.
But I definitely know at least two to three people that have.
I'm like, give me a fucking chance.
I'll prove to you that I can do this job without the education.
But it's like every single point had to be made.
And because they didn't qualify for this one thing or even down to like would prefer experience
in, previous experience in.
They were like, oh, no, no, I'm not cut out for that.
Not cut off that.
Yeah.
That's imposter syndrome.
Are you constantly seeking out trainings or certifications because you think you need
to improve your skills in order to succeed?
No.
Me neither.
I don't feel like I do that.
Yeah.
But I got it like for the last job, but that was because it was for this one specific job.
Yeah.
Can you relate to feeling like you don't know enough about your job you've worked for a while?
So like if you've worked in the same position for a while, you feel like you don't know enough
about that position?
No.
I mean usually the first few weeks are pretty rocky and depending on whether or not I want
to move up and then it might change some things about, but no.
I don't feel like I'm, if I'm in a position even for just a few weeks, I feel like I get
my feet underneath me pretty quick.
Agreed.
One way to combat these feelings is to practice what's called just in time learning.
So learning only a new skill when it comes up rather than just like cramming your brain
with new skills all the time.
So this isn't to mean like remain stagnant, but also like don't overwork yourself.
Yeah.
So that makes sense.
Just like learn as you go and just realize that it's okay to do that and not know everything
all at once, right?
Exactly.
Just give yourself patience.
Yeah, absolutely.
So there's no clear cause of imposter syndrome, but there is a number of factors likely to
contribute to it developing.
One is parenting and childhood development.
So if your parents pressured you to do very well in school, if you were compared to your
siblings a lot growing up, if your parents were controlling and or overprotective, or
if they emphasized your natural intelligence or sharply criticized small mistakes, these
all might be contributing factors.
These things can all lead to developing the syndrome.
Academic success can also cause feelings like this to develop.
So for example, if you had a really easy time in like elementary and middle school, high
school or college might be a little bit of a shock and then turn would cause imposter
syndrome because it's a little bit more difficult.
Heard.
So I think I said it.
Yeah, college is difficult for most people when they're just starting out.
Like it's a common thing.
Right.
And that has maybe as predisposed to developing imposter syndrome might if, if and when they
get into college.
Certain personality traits have also been linked to imposter syndrome such as perfectionistic
tendencies, low self confidence in your ability to manage your behavior and higher sources
of measures of neuroticism.
Actually, existing mental health symptoms such as anxiety and depression can cause these
symptoms to develop as well.
Imposter syndrome can also worsen mental health symptoms, creating a cycle that is like really
hard to break.
So again, a cycle like mental health can cause imposter syndrome, but it causes imposter
syndrome can heighten your mental illness and vice versa.
Psychological.
Yeah.
Studies have shown that around 25 to 30% of high achievers may suffer from imposter syndrome
and around 70% of adults may experience imposterism at least once in their lifetime.
Wow.
So it's just again, you said it's a syndrome, right?
So it can, I mean, it can not be cured.
What am I trying to say?
Come and go.
Yeah.
So, if you're dealing with imposter syndrome symptoms, it's best not to ignore it and instead
try to tame the emotion by acknowledging its presence.
Be aware of the impact on your body, physical and mental, and take the steps to alleviate
your stress.
Refocus on your values by taking away focus from outward signs of success or achievement
and remind yourself what really matters to you.
It's like a TED talk.
Remind yourself that your life and career are a journey and you can make progress without
overworking yourself.
That's something that I struggle with is like, I feel like if I don't make progress in a
couple of days, I'm not making any progress.
Yeah.
And I need to remind myself that it's a marathon, not a sprint.
Exactly, yeah.
Practicing self-compassion is another great way to combat imposter syndrome.
Don't beat yourself up for feeling like a fraud, but instead give yourself credit and
compassion for how far you've come already.
If you do feel like that your symptoms are getting more difficult to deal with, reach
out to a mental health professional.
Some therapists are trained to offer support with overcoming feelings of unworthiness or
perceived fraudulence, addressing anxiety and depression and challenging and reframing
unwanted beliefs.
But that is my mental breakdown.
That's really interesting.
Right?
I didn't know a lot of that.
Essentially all of it.
But I was like, wow, yeah, that makes so much sense when it comes to sometimes the way that
I feel about my own achievements and things like that.
Or even honestly give me a little insight into some other people as well and being able to
just not only be compassionate towards myself when I'm experiencing those things, but being
compassionate towards other people when they're experiencing those things.
That's really, that's huge.
Yeah.
And realizing that you're not alone, like I said, almost 70% of people have experiences
at least once.
And again, it doesn't just go for a career.
It can go for anything.
I have personally a lot of imposter syndrome with the podcast.
I have a lot of imposter syndrome with my relationship with Casey.
We've been together for almost six years and I still think people don't take us seriously
as a couple.
And it's even as an almost 30 year old woman, I still think that people look at me as a
child and it's really just a huge internal thing.
Just recognizing and again, really practicing like self compassion, positive affirmations
is really helpful.
But I learned a lot too just doing this research.
I didn't know there were five types.
I didn't know either.
I thought it was just a thing, not five different kinds of a thing.
But yeah, thank you guys for joining us.
I know this has been a requested one as well.
So I'm excited to get it out there for you guys to hear.
Do you have anything else?
I don't.
Yeah.
So make sure you guys get your tickets before August for the Austin True Crime and Paranormal
podcast festival where you can see us and hang out.
I think we were talking about maybe doing some merchy merch exchange.
Yeah.
Something in exchange for maybe Patreon's.
I think so.
Yeah, definitely.
And or maybe like if you follow us on Instagram, you get a pencil or something.
Yeah.
Something like that.
But we'll definitely be there and they actually released the lineup for Saturday and Sunday's
panels, so go check that out as well.
Oh yeah, Lainey's been all over that stuff.
Yeah, definitely.
There's a lot of really great podcasts that are going.
So yeah, I think that's it for us today.
Yeah, we will see you guys on Thursday for part two of Elliot Rogers.
So excited.
And thanks again, Lisa, for joining the Patreon.
Yes, thank you so much.
Love you guys.
Love you.
Bye.
I said it too early.
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