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Hello!

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Hello!

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Welcome to another episode of Dying in Us Get Killer, the mental breakdown.

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I'm Gwelle.

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And I'm Kena.

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Ment break.

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Ment break.

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Ment break.

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How's it going?

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It's going.

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Yeah?

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Just kind of a little overwhelmed with everything.

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Just like earlier when I came home and I had like that ATP bag and that Walmart bag,

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not that we're sponsored, but ran inside and then you guys were like, hey how's it going?

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Or you're like, hey how's it going?

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And mom was like, hey kiddo how's it going?

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And then talking to my son.

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And then right at that moment Cliff called and I was like, oh my god there's so much

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chaos.

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There's so much going on.

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No, I have like a big paper coming up for school and so I'm worried, not worried about

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that, but thinking about that that's like a big project that I want to do really well

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on.

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So that's kind of what's on my mind.

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You know, you and I are both kicking ass though because yesterday I didn't leave my computer

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for like five straight hours because I was just equation after equation after equation

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after equation just trying to powerhouse through a lot of stuff and I think that yeah, it's

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just we like to be busy.

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Yeah, so you can't sit still.

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Can't sit still.

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What do you got for us?

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Do you want to give us the handles?

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Sure.

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So if you are new here, welcome to the mental breakdown.

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On Mondays we do an episode that we call the mental breakdown obviously and we talk about

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something that we just think is interesting, maybe psychology, maybe an event, something

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like that.

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Thursday is our true crime case.

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So if you're listening here, you probably like the mental breakdown so thanks for coming

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back.

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But if it is your first time, you can follow us anywhere on social media at diagnosingaKiller.

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You can reach out to us via email at diagnosingaKiller at gmail.com and then actually X is at killer

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diagnosis instead of at diagnosing a killer.

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Done it to the Patreon if you feel so inclined, we have a couple of bonus episodes already

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out but the tier two and three Patreons do get an additional bonus episode every 29th

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of every month.

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I don't think there is a- oh wait, why did I just think it was February?

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Whoa.

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Whoa.

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I don't think there is a 29th this month.

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I haven't decided on my case this month is what I think it was gonna say.

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But we will let you guys know, we usually do like a week in advance.

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What do we do for that?

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Yeah, we do a little teaser trailer or photograph on Instagram or social media as

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well as before.

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Yeah, for sure.

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So again, that is just tier two and three Patreon members and that's a content warning

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free, really gory episode.

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So go ahead and get over to Patreon if you are interested in that.

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Ad free too.

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Ad free, yes.

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Oh, all the Patreon episodes are ad free.

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That's true.

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Duh.

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Duh.

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All right, are you ready to talk about our topic?

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Sure.

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We're gonna- it's gonna be kind of like a- I don't wanna say an easy topic but I think

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it's something that might be helpful to someone that might be going through it or experiencing

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maybe a loved one that might be going through it.

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Content warning, this episode contains discussions on mental health struggles, including substances

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and self-harm.

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If this episode is not for you, we encourage you to check out another one of our episodes.

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Remember that your mental health comes first and we love you.

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Love you.

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Bye.

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Bye.

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So most of what I wanna talk about today is through the SeizeTheOckward.org website.

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Okay.

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And just on their very first front page, it is all about starting a conversation about

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mental health and how it doesn't need to be uncomfortable.

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It can make all the difference just by starting a conversation with a friend, for sure.

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Which is what we do here.

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Absolutely.

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So again, all we're gonna be talking about is pretty much everything you're gonna find

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on the SeizeTheOckward.org website.

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So what are some signs that a loved one might be experiencing a mental health struggle?

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They might be exhibiting like impulsive behaviors or being more irritable than usual, not functioning

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like their usual selves, like a change in habits of how they dress, general appearance,

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eating or sleeping habits, talking about feelings of loneliness or negative feelings,

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excessive worry or anxiety, trouble concentrating or seem withdrawn or in their heads, substance

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use.

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And these signs might display themselves like they don't wanna hang out as much, their mind

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seems to be elsewhere, anxious, they can't relax, they've gotten really negative about

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life, they're not acting like themselves or are more irritable like we said earlier.

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They're taking more risks than usual, maybe something that might be dangerous like driving

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quickly or something.

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They are taking more drugs or drinking more than usual and they are self-harming or self-harming.

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Yeah, and a lot of those things that you mentioned are not gonna be immediately noticeable right

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off the bat.

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Like you're not just gonna, it's gonna be very rare for someone to come up and say,

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hey look, I've been self-harming.

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You know, unless they really trust you and they're ready to have that conversation.

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But there are other signs for things like that, like especially with like drug use and stuff.

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There's symptoms that come along with that.

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Self-harm, there's obviously visible symptoms that can sometimes come along with that.

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So just being on the alert, if you notice that someone's acting a certain way or maybe

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they're not acting themselves, that might be another thing to just have in the back

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of your mind to see if maybe that's also going on.

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Yeah and like you said to your point, almost like something like anxiety you wouldn't really

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be able to see but only maybe in body language, you know.

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So someone bouncing their leg a lot or...

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That's me currently, I'm doing that right now.

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So even online, you can spot these signs as maybe posting captions, hashtags or emojis

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that are overtly sad or negative or go beyond a sarcastic joke.

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Liking posts or following accounts that promote negative behaviors even if they aren't sharing

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it on their feeds.

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Writing posts or comments that show impulsive behavior, irritability, hostility or indicate

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insomnia.

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And whether it's on social media and group chats or during a hangout, if you suspect

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your friend is struggling, trust your gut.

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Absolutely, yeah.

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Definitely, you know, I have some friends that I know immediately if something's wrong

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or even like with Casey, like even if he tries to lie through his teeth and say, I'm fine,

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I'm like, no you're not, I can literally see it on your face.

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See it on your face.

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Like I know you're not fine.

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So when you do have that relationship with someone, it is, I feel like easier to tell

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when something's off.

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Right.

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So definitely don't take those things being off lightly, I guess.

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Yeah, yeah.

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So again, you know, reading verbatim from CZOquer.org, beginning the conversation doesn't mean that

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you have to dive straight into talking about mental health struggles or have an intense

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heart to heart.

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Consider instead meeting your friend where they are or extending an invitation to hang

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out.

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You can even talk about your struggles that you're going through in order to give your

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friend an avenue to open up.

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Whether it's over a bite to eat or taking a simple walk, a what's up is a great place

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to begin.

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Yeah, no, for real, I think that a lot of the times when I recognize that I have a really

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good intuition when it comes to like understanding people's emotions and how they react to things.

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So certain friends of mine, I can say, dude, seriously, like what the fuck?

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Yeah, you need to talk to me.

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Yeah.

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Other friends, I have to be more gentle and say, hey, it looks like you might need some

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space, like let me know if you need me.

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I'm here if you need me, but I'm not going to bug you because it's just going to make

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them more frustrated.

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Yeah.

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So really again, it just depends on the person.

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But even just a simple text, even when you don't think anything's wrong, maybe just a

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simple text every now and then to just say, hey, just wanted to let you know I'm thinking

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about you or hey, I appreciate your friendship or whatever because that goes a long way.

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Yeah, absolutely.

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So some ideas that CZOqua.org suggests to start a conversation would be asking a friend

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to play a pick up game of your favorite sport, casually ask while playing an online game

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together if they're OK, invite them to grab food after class or even just texting what's

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up in a DM.

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Yeah.

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A text.

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And like I said, I don't wait until I see negative signs of something to remind people

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that I care about them and I'm thinking about them.

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You know, you and I do that all the time.

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I text you, I'm like, hey, just by the way, love you.

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Love you, love you, love you.

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Yeah, exactly.

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Yeah, even going on a walk or taking a drive around the neighborhood together can be beneficial.

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Just getting some, just get out on the open road.

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Fuck no, I waste my gas on you.

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I'm just kidding.

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Pay me $5 in gas, I'll listen to your shit.

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Yeah, you got that gas money back.

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But some helpful tips that the website also suggests is that you keep it really casual.

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This is not a therapy session.

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You are not being paid to be someone's therapist.

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Listen and let them take the lead, let them guide the conversation.

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Avoid offering advice or trying to fix them.

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Again, that's not your job.

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Let them know that it is OK to feel the way that they're feeling.

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Make yourself available even when not talking.

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So much like you said, you know, just doesn't really have to be a full on conversation, but

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just maybe a reminder that you're there.

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Yeah, or even like those nonverbal cues.

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Like if someone's expressing something and they're in a deep thought or whatever, instead

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of interrupting, you can just lean in a little bit and tell them, OK, look, I'm here, I'm

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still listening, or nod your head or whatever.

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Or if the person is comfortable and you know that they're OK with touch, maybe touch their

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shoulders or something.

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Make sure that you let them open up to their own speed.

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Don't demand answers.

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Tell me now.

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Tell me what's going on here.

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Breakfast.

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Use them to talk to a professional and let them know that you're not judging them and

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let them know that what they say won't change how you feel about them.

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Yeah, that's a big one too.

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It's like you can tell me.

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You can tell me.

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Like I'm not going to freak out.

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Like I'm not going to judge you.

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You know, you can tell me.

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I think that one of the coolest things that I've heard recently on TikTok, it's like

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the way this family has their language.

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If someone sits down and they want to vent before the conversation even starts, the person

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on the receiving end of that venting asks, do you want advice or do you want solutions?

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Or do you want just to talk?

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Do you want advice or solutions?

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Or do you just want to talk?

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I think there's another way that they phrased it.

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I don't know what they said exactly.

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But I was like, that's a good way because I always immediately go into offering solutions

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and advice, but sometimes people don't want to.

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I'm trying to help you.

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Yeah, for sure.

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I think that I definitely have been in scenarios in the past in relationships where I've come

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home from a long day of work and I just start bitching about whatever and the traffic was

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awful.

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And my partner is trying to give me advice or why don't you just da-da-da-da-da and I'm

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like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

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I'm just venting.

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I have to say it out loud because some people don't know what you want.

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And so I think maybe that's another half of the conversations, maybe establish that first.

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Yeah, for sure.

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And also on the other end of this whole thing, being conscientious on your end of things,

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when you want to vent to someone, I ask, do you have space?

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Do you have room for me to vent to you right now?

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Or do you have your own shit going on and you can't handle any more stress in your life?

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And if it's not something emergent, obviously if it's something emergent, you don't need

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to ask for permission to express that to someone if it's very serious.

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But if I know I'm just complaining about this, something, a little thing that happened, but

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it's really bugging me and I want to give in to my friend and I'm like, hey, do you

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have a minute?

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Can I vent to you for a second?

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That's why that's me and Dana's verbiage.

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Can I vent to you for a second?

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Yeah, sure, whatever.

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I know leading up to the festival, you were just talking about it every day, but just

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a bunch of what-ifs, right?

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What-if, what-if, what-if, what-if, what-if, what-if, what-if, what-if.

242
00:11:11,280 --> 00:11:12,280
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

243
00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:13,280
Yeah, I know.

244
00:11:13,280 --> 00:11:14,280
That's like, it's okay.

245
00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:15,280
You're like, I don't want to put this on you.

246
00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:16,280
I don't want to put this on you.

247
00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:17,280
You're like, I know, I know.

248
00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:19,900
But I'm keeping my cool now that eventually I lost it.

249
00:11:19,900 --> 00:11:21,640
You did lose it a little bit.

250
00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:22,640
That's another story.

251
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:25,840
It's a total other story, but no, we talked through it.

252
00:11:25,840 --> 00:11:28,200
Everyone deals with things differently.

253
00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:34,400
We've realized this the past couple of weeks that I very much handle my anxiety and my

254
00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:35,400
stress out loud.

255
00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:36,400
Out loud.

256
00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:39,040
Like I have to tell someone or else it'll eat me alive.

257
00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:40,640
Like I need to get this out.

258
00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:45,480
Even if I don't get advice or even like a response, like an agreement, I just want it

259
00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:47,000
to be out and open.

260
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:53,600
And I definitely have practiced being patient with myself and allowing myself internal space

261
00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:56,280
to figure out what I want to say before I say it.

262
00:11:56,280 --> 00:12:02,200
So in your case with you venting or expressing out loud and trying to get all that anxiety

263
00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:06,840
out, I'm like, okay, this is like something else I'm taking and putting in my own bucket

264
00:12:06,840 --> 00:12:09,240
so that I can process so I know what to say later.

265
00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:11,240
But then after a while it doesn't work.

266
00:12:11,240 --> 00:12:12,240
It doesn't work.

267
00:12:12,240 --> 00:12:13,960
It's just taking it all.

268
00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:15,840
I'm just taking it all in.

269
00:12:15,840 --> 00:12:19,040
I'm like, uh-oh, uh-oh, my bucket's full now.

270
00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:23,920
So I guess the main point is have the hard conversations before they become much harder.

271
00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:24,920
That's true.

272
00:12:24,920 --> 00:12:25,920
Yeah.

273
00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:31,560
I'm really grateful for our relationship because I feel like we do know how we participate

274
00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:33,520
in conversations we want to.

275
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:38,680
And I think that most of the time we're really good at being able to be like, okay, like

276
00:12:38,680 --> 00:12:43,720
I need to say something now or I need to have this conversation with you now because you're

277
00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:46,160
ready to have the conversation, even if I'm not.

278
00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:48,840
And I have to just have to kind of like take that leap of faith that you're going to be

279
00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:50,320
okay with it.

280
00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:51,320
And vice versa.

281
00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:54,400
You know, like sometimes you'll come in and you'll ask me a sentence or something and

282
00:12:54,400 --> 00:13:01,200
then I can see you go, that's all I'm going to give her right now because if I continue

283
00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:03,000
to talk, I'm just going to never stop.

284
00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:06,880
You know, like, see you shut down.

285
00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:07,880
It's a balance.

286
00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:09,040
Yeah, anyways.

287
00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:14,560
So it's totally understandable if your friend asks you to keep this a secret.

288
00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:18,120
But when dealing with mental health struggles, it isn't always a good idea.

289
00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:22,320
Again, this is from csvawkward.org.

290
00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:26,400
To avoid breaking a promise, it's easier not to make one in the first place.

291
00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:30,120
If your friend asks you to promise not to tell anyone, you can say something along the

292
00:13:30,120 --> 00:13:35,360
lines of quote, I understand why you want me to promise not to tell anyone and I can

293
00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:39,080
do that unless there is something that makes me really worried about you.

294
00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:43,640
I'm always here for you and you and can go with you to get help if that's helpful to

295
00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:44,640
you.

296
00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:48,000
And quote, yeah, honestly, that's something that I really have to practice as well because

297
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:51,280
like we always say, like you and I are not licensed therapists, we're not asking anybody

298
00:13:51,280 --> 00:13:53,120
to play the role of therapist in this.

299
00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:57,960
However, it does kind of go along with that patient therapist confidentiality.

300
00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:02,720
That confidentiality, however, can be breached if the patient is in danger of harming themselves

301
00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:03,720
or someone else.

302
00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:04,720
Right.

303
00:14:04,720 --> 00:14:06,960
So going into that, they say, you promise you can't say anything.

304
00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:10,240
I would probably say like, I'm not going to promise you that right now because I want

305
00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:11,240
to make sure that you're okay.

306
00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:12,240
Right.

307
00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:13,240
Exactly.

308
00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:14,400
And if I don't feel like you're okay, I'm not going to promise you that and then break

309
00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:15,400
my promise.

310
00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:16,400
Yeah.

311
00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:17,400
I'd rather make sure you're good.

312
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:18,400
Right.

313
00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:22,520
And I actually watched a TikTok with Cliff the other day where he said, promise not to

314
00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:23,520
be mad.

315
00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:28,240
She goes, I can't promise not to be mad, but I can let you know that I will regulate my

316
00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:29,840
emotions to the best of my ability.

317
00:14:29,840 --> 00:14:30,840
There you go.

318
00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:31,840
And it's like something like that.

319
00:14:31,840 --> 00:14:32,840
Right.

320
00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:35,400
It's like, I can't promise you I won't say anything if it becomes a concern of mine.

321
00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:36,400
Yeah.

322
00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:38,400
What I can promise to do is be open-minded.

323
00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:39,400
And hear you out.

324
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:40,400
And hear you.

325
00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:41,400
Yeah.

326
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:42,400
Absolutely.

327
00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:44,800
So this allows you to preserve the trust that you have established with your friend while

328
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:49,520
leaving the door open for you to seek help from a trusted adult or professional in the

329
00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:53,560
event that your friend later tells you that they feel like harming themselves or it gets

330
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:54,560
worse.

331
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:55,560
Yeah, exactly.

332
00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:57,560
Like I would hate for me to say, oh, I promise I'm not going to say anything.

333
00:14:57,560 --> 00:15:00,800
And then my friend's like, hey, I'm thinking about self-harming and I'm like, oh, shit.

334
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:01,800
Yeah.

335
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:02,800
And then you carry that.

336
00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:03,800
Now you're carrying it.

337
00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:08,160
It's your responsibility now to not tell anyone because they're going to get mad or whatever.

338
00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:11,440
It's just a hard situation all around.

339
00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:12,880
But it's an important conversation to have.

340
00:15:12,880 --> 00:15:13,880
Yeah.

341
00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:14,880
And I'm like, oh, I'm sorry.

342
00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:17,400
Your friend might be scared to ask for help or open up.

343
00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:21,680
If you sense hesitation, you can start a conversation by talking about your own struggles, letting

344
00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:25,800
them know that you are there for them no matter what and that you are always there to support

345
00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:26,800
them.

346
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:31,620
A conversation doesn't always have to be how you extend a helping hand.

347
00:15:31,620 --> 00:15:35,920
You can reach out by inviting them to hang out, to come to an event or an activity.

348
00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:40,120
If you have a sense that they are needing more or might be comfortable talking to someone

349
00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:43,560
else, you can offer to help make that connection for them.

350
00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:44,560
Okay.

351
00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:45,560
Yeah.

352
00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:47,560
It's like, I don't feel comfortable talking to you, but I would want to talk to someone.

353
00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:49,920
You know, offer resources or advice.

354
00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:53,400
Or advice first so you can tell your friend, you know, okay, I think this conversation's

355
00:15:53,400 --> 00:15:55,000
making me a little uncomfortable.

356
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:58,080
I think maybe you should go seek some help.

357
00:15:58,080 --> 00:16:00,040
Can I help you find the help that you need?

358
00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:01,040
Yeah, exactly.

359
00:16:01,040 --> 00:16:07,800
And honestly, I feel like I've been in cases like that where I'm like, out of protection,

360
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:12,640
and I won't say this out loud, of course, but in my own self-preservation and keeping

361
00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:18,680
in mind that I fear that if my friend does tell me something that it might change my

362
00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:24,000
perception, my perception, and then I'll just suggest that I might not be the right person

363
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:25,320
to go to is what I'm saying.

364
00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:28,760
Like if I'm ill-equipped to deal with it, then I'd rather them talk to a professional

365
00:16:28,760 --> 00:16:29,760
is what I mean by that.

366
00:16:29,760 --> 00:16:30,760
For sure.

367
00:16:30,760 --> 00:16:34,200
Like, listen, I'm here for you, but I'm not licensed.

368
00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:35,200
I'm not licensed.

369
00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:36,200
Exactly.

370
00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:37,600
I haven't been trained for this.

371
00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:38,600
Yeah.

372
00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:41,760
And then I get in my head where I'm like, I fear I'm going to say the wrong thing.

373
00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:43,320
And then or give the wrong advice.

374
00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:44,320
Give the wrong advice.

375
00:16:44,320 --> 00:16:45,320
Exactly.

376
00:16:45,320 --> 00:16:51,440
And it's, but again, I can be a lended ear to a certain point, but when I'm your only

377
00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:54,760
source of an outlet, that's when it becomes tricky for me.

378
00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:55,760
Oh, for sure.

379
00:16:55,760 --> 00:16:56,760
No, I completely understand.

380
00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:57,760
And that's not how it should be.

381
00:16:57,760 --> 00:17:02,560
Like if someone is in actual need for mental health treatment, they need to seek a professional

382
00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:03,560
end-all be-all.

383
00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:04,560
Absolutely.

384
00:17:04,560 --> 00:17:05,560
That's it.

385
00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:10,640
However, normal things that a lot of us experience, such as anxiety, depression, things like that,

386
00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:16,440
as long as it's not extreme, I think talking with a friend is good for that moment, at

387
00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:22,080
least as a kind of way to get more help if needed.

388
00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:25,880
So if you learn that your friend is being abused, a victim of trauma, or having suicidal

389
00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:29,480
thoughts, they might need more help than you can provide.

390
00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:34,240
The best thing you can do as a friend is to assist with getting help additionally, even

391
00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:36,560
if it's hard for them to accept.

392
00:17:36,560 --> 00:17:40,840
And they also have a resource tab as well on CsTheOckward.org where you can find all

393
00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:44,560
of that extra get help page that they have.

394
00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:46,480
Being a confidant is part of a friendship.

395
00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:50,840
However, sometimes being a good friend requires you to break that trust to get your friend

396
00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:52,640
long-term help.

397
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:56,520
Even if your friend becomes angry with you for telling someone, their safety is more

398
00:17:56,520 --> 00:17:57,520
important.

399
00:17:57,520 --> 00:17:58,520
Absolutely.

400
00:17:58,520 --> 00:18:02,320
Consider that your friend may be angry for being outed, but they will likely appreciate

401
00:18:02,320 --> 00:18:05,560
you that you cared enough about them to get the help that they actually need.

402
00:18:05,560 --> 00:18:06,560
Absolutely.

403
00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:07,560
It's exactly what I would...

404
00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:12,640
I've been in situations before where I've had to make a judgment call, and in the moment

405
00:18:12,640 --> 00:18:15,760
my friend was mad, but the next day they were thanking me.

406
00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:16,760
Absolutely.

407
00:18:16,760 --> 00:18:18,720
I was just trying to help you.

408
00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:19,720
Absolutely.

409
00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:20,720
That's happened to me as well.

410
00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:25,000
I had an emergency phone call from someone.

411
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:32,920
I rushed to the location, but as I did, I called 911 because they were threatening themselves.

412
00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:38,480
And when I got there, they were very upset at me, but it's an emergency.

413
00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:40,280
Yeah, it is at that point.

414
00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:41,280
Yeah, absolutely.

415
00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:47,840
And they did end up getting some help, and yeah, I'm pretty sure that they're still in

416
00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:52,640
a good place, so thinking about them for sure.

417
00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:55,880
So that being said, it's important to know that sometimes friendships can suffer or

418
00:18:55,880 --> 00:18:59,840
even end when a friend seeks professional help or a struggling friend.

419
00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:03,240
Just know that you are doing the right thing and can take comfort that you played a role

420
00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:05,960
for them in starting their road to recovery.

421
00:19:05,960 --> 00:19:08,240
Yeah, absolutely.

422
00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:11,760
Often just being there is enough for your friend, like you were saying earlier.

423
00:19:11,760 --> 00:19:14,840
Listening to your friend, following up and checking in regularly can all be really great

424
00:19:14,840 --> 00:19:20,800
ways to support, and being supportive doesn't have to be happening all at once either.

425
00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:26,040
It can and usually is the little movements strung together that truly make an impact.

426
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:29,320
Even if the gesture is small like a text saying that you're thinking about them or how much

427
00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:31,760
you appreciate them, it still matters.

428
00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:36,280
The smallest of gestures can out up over time as a signal that you do care about your friend.

429
00:19:36,280 --> 00:19:37,280
For sure.

430
00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:38,280
For sure.

431
00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:39,280
For sure.

432
00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:40,280
Sorry.

433
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:47,400
So, one of the questions posed on the fax page of Csvawgward.org is, how involved should

434
00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:51,280
I get, and what if I should start feeling overwhelmed?

435
00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:54,640
Helping a friend who's going through something difficult, especially when it involves something

436
00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:58,360
serious or intense feelings, can be exhausting.

437
00:19:58,360 --> 00:20:00,720
It is important to know your own limits.

438
00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:04,240
If you fall apart, you won't be able to help your friend at all.

439
00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:05,640
Take care of yourself.

440
00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:08,600
Indulging in self-care doesn't mean that you're a bad friend.

441
00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:12,600
If you feel like you need to take a step back, communicate that to your friend.

442
00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:16,160
Put yourself first and make sure that you're okay in order to continue to help and support

443
00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:17,960
your friend.

444
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:19,800
Keep your day-to-day consistent.

445
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:23,800
Don't let your friend's mental health dramatically impact or change your routine or the way that

446
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:25,560
you interact with your friend.

447
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:28,840
If you should start acting differently around them, this could discourage them from seeking

448
00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:33,200
help and will likely wear on you in ways that negatively affect your friendship.

449
00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:35,560
Which I found very interesting.

450
00:20:35,560 --> 00:20:39,840
Because again, I've definitely been in situations where I say, I have to self-preserve.

451
00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:41,360
I cannot be around this.

452
00:20:41,360 --> 00:20:43,360
I have to step back.

453
00:20:43,360 --> 00:20:46,920
But I thought that was really interesting that if you change your routine, they're going

454
00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:49,840
to feel potentially even more burdened.

455
00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:52,840
Like, oh, you're having to rearrange your life for me.

456
00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:55,160
I should just shut up so it doesn't affect you.

457
00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:56,160
That's not good for anybody.

458
00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:58,040
It's not good for anybody.

459
00:20:58,040 --> 00:21:01,920
Be honest about being in over your head with your friend and recognize when you went too

460
00:21:01,920 --> 00:21:04,880
far and set a boundary for yourself.

461
00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:08,400
Being a supportive friend can have many definitions, but there are some things to avoid.

462
00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:12,480
Again, this is C's The Awkward Dot Org.

463
00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:15,560
Don't take their behavior or comments personally.

464
00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:16,960
Don't give ultimatums.

465
00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:20,200
For example, don't say, quote, if you don't stop hurting yourself, I won't be friends

466
00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:21,200
with you anymore.

467
00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:22,200
End quote.

468
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:26,080
Don't tease or share private information in group settings or group chats.

469
00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:28,160
Respect your friend's feelings and privacy.

470
00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:29,160
That is huge.

471
00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:30,160
That's so huge.

472
00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:31,160
It's so huge.

473
00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:36,320
Because if you go around just talking, I mean, how awkward is that?

474
00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:39,320
I know it's C's The Awkward Dot Org, but how?

475
00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:40,800
That's the amount of betrayal.

476
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:46,680
If I felt so uncomfortable, then you're the only person that I can open up to about this,

477
00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:49,680
and then I found out that you told everyone else I would be so mortified.

478
00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:50,840
I would be too.

479
00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:53,920
And that's like, at the end of the day, that's not even being a good friend, telling other

480
00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:55,160
people about personal business.

481
00:21:55,160 --> 00:21:58,640
No, it's like you're almost like you're using it as ammunition at that point.

482
00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:01,480
You're probably not the best friend in the world.

483
00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:02,920
Definitely don't do that.

484
00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:03,920
Don't do that.

485
00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:09,360
Don't get frustrated if your friend doesn't have the same perspective as you on the situation,

486
00:22:09,360 --> 00:22:10,960
which is another really big one, I think.

487
00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:17,120
I think perception can be a really big triggering point for some people.

488
00:22:17,120 --> 00:22:22,880
That's how I'm being perceived and that's how you're perceiving someone else when it's

489
00:22:22,880 --> 00:22:25,800
really not maybe what's really going on in their head.

490
00:22:25,800 --> 00:22:31,400
Or even a situation, the person that is asking for help might perceive the initial conversation

491
00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:33,560
as something really, really scary.

492
00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:36,600
The other person on the receiving end might be like, oh, it was just a regular conversation.

493
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:39,680
It doesn't matter if I tell people or whatever.

494
00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:43,480
Perceiving the initial conversation about it as well is a big thing.

495
00:22:43,480 --> 00:22:48,240
I think going into that point is almost like overanalyzing the situation might be harmful

496
00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:52,160
too because if someone's coming to you and they just say, I've just been feeling a little

497
00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:56,000
depressed lately and you take that as something more extreme.

498
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:58,040
You have depression or whatever.

499
00:22:58,040 --> 00:23:02,880
Then it could be, oh my gosh, well then I'll just shut down then because I just wanted

500
00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:07,840
to vent, like he said, or get this off my chest, but now I'm being perceived as someone

501
00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:12,680
who's a danger to themselves or others.

502
00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:16,600
But on the flip, it's like you want to be overly cautious because you care about your

503
00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:19,200
friend, but that's where the conversation needs to happen.

504
00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:22,480
Yeah, it's definitely the communication that's key here.

505
00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:25,240
It needs to grow a little bit more, right?

506
00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:28,640
Don't shame, blame, or guilt your friend for their feelings or actions.

507
00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:33,800
Avoid accusing statements with things like you instead of you, instead of you's I instead

508
00:23:33,800 --> 00:23:34,800
of you.

509
00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:38,040
For example, don't say you are being irresponsible and reckless.

510
00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:42,840
Others say I'm concerned that you might hurt yourself and what makes me worry since I

511
00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:47,080
care about you, or that makes me worry since I care about you.

512
00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:50,520
Don't engage in activities that will likely make things worse, such as using alcohol or

513
00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:52,320
other drugs to distract from negative feelings.

514
00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:53,800
Yeah, you want to talk about your mental health?

515
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:54,800
Let's go to the bar.

516
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:55,800
Yeah, exactly.

517
00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:56,800
Because we can talk about it.

518
00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:58,280
Let's talk about it over some brusquies.

519
00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:00,120
Yeah, no, we're not having a good idea.

520
00:24:00,120 --> 00:24:03,960
Let's get high so we can mash all these feelings down.

521
00:24:03,960 --> 00:24:05,880
But most of all, don't give up.

522
00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:09,240
Giving a positive attitude will help your friends stay strong and provide them the strength

523
00:24:09,240 --> 00:24:10,760
to be healthier and get better.

524
00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:11,760
Oh, that's sweet.

525
00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:12,760
I like that.

526
00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:13,760
Yeah.

527
00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:14,760
So that's it.

528
00:24:14,760 --> 00:24:16,680
Again, that's from seizetheawkward.org.

529
00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:20,680
Awesome research we have now since added it to our diagnosingkiller.com website under

530
00:24:20,680 --> 00:24:22,120
our resources tab.

531
00:24:22,120 --> 00:24:25,520
So there you can of course find other links to other resources as well.

532
00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:26,520
For sure.

533
00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:28,640
Yeah, just get the conversation started y'all.

534
00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:32,320
We just love you guys so much and of course we want to always have these conversations

535
00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:34,280
with y'all as well.

536
00:24:34,280 --> 00:24:39,640
And again, being at the festival, we had the benefit of having some personal conversations

537
00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:46,320
with people about their struggles with depression or maybe even self-harm or some of the experiences

538
00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:50,000
that they've had and the toll that it takes on them mentally.

539
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:55,000
And I think again, that's kind of what bonds us as a community, the diagnosingkiller community,

540
00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:59,720
and other podcast communities because we all have a background in something that is affected

541
00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:00,720
us mentally.

542
00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:05,000
And yeah, I just want to make sure that you guys are still having those conversations

543
00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:06,000
on the ground floor.

544
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:07,000
Yeah, for sure.

545
00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:10,280
And I think if I'm not mistaken, I know that you chose the topic this week and I didn't

546
00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:11,280
have a hand in that.

547
00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:14,600
But if I'm not mistaken, I would probably have chosen the same topic or something similar

548
00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:18,760
because we have had those conversations lately, especially from the festival.

549
00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:21,120
People were like, oh my god, this is so important.

550
00:25:21,120 --> 00:25:24,400
Like this take on true crime is so important.

551
00:25:24,400 --> 00:25:25,840
No one else is talking about this.

552
00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:27,320
This needs to be talked about more.

553
00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:32,480
So that's a really good kind of perfect timing, I guess, if you will, to bring that in.

554
00:25:32,480 --> 00:25:36,000
A little refresher on how we can all be better communicators.

555
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:37,000
Yeah, for sure.

556
00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:39,920
Well, thank you guys for joining us.

557
00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:44,680
We will see you guys on Thursday with another case and then send us your requests so we

558
00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:46,680
can continue to do those.

559
00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:47,680
Yeah.

560
00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:48,680
Love you.

561
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:49,680
Bye.

562
00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:56,080
It's no secret that we value your mental health.

563
00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:59,920
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564
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