I'm Drea. I'm Meg. I'm Tina. And I'm Jess. And
this is Pardon My Stash. Welcome to Pardon
My Stash, a podcast about crafting within the
fiber arts and how awesome it is. Yeah. Before
we get into today's topics, let's check out what
we're working on this week, guys. Jess. I'm still
doing the cat sweater. Are you? Cat knit pullover
sweater. Yes. I'm almost to the final increase
row though. And then I've got like nine more
rows and then I'm done with the color work. And
I don't know if that's good or bad, honestly,
because then it's just the same color going and
going. But I am getting there. oh yeah i mean
it is coming along it is and they're super cute
and i'm sad that i'm just like you have almost
full cats on this on this project i don't know
why i'm having such issues with it but i am but
i did also find another color work project that
i'm like that looks cool so maybe that'll have
me finish this one legitimately so i can start
another one that i'm gonna have the same problem
with probably but persevere I'm gonna persevere.
It's getting there. Oh, I'm using Critical Hit
Die Sorcerer in the colors Embers and Displacer.
Beautiful. Dana? I am working on... The high
-vis beanie because this is, I think, the only
beanie I have left in my whips because I finished.
You are working through them. I am. I don't know
why. I think I just am trying to avoid everything
else in my life. Damn. Fair. The colors are neon
yellow and neon orange in like a DK weight. So
I did finish the northward beanie, which is what
I was, I think it was what I was working on last
time. It was. By Tin Can Knits. It's beautiful.
colorway sugar maple by sugar maple fibers in
single ply bulky and it's very cute it is very
you may touch it it's a little damp it's very
it's very fall it's it feels like it's gonna
be really cozy though yes like it's a little
damp still but it feels like it's gonna be cozy
oh that is nice look at you blocking okay but
i had to for both of these because they were
very small when i finished them And did that
fix it? It bloomed very nicely. The northward
was not even going over part of my head. And
then when I blocked it, now it's nice and fitted.
It's got nice plump cables, too. I do like that.
Your cables are beautiful. Meg? So I am still
working on Winter Light by Meg Gadsby. Jess did,
since last episode, Jess did take a look at my
Siree sweater. Yeah, I did. After I nagged. And
she helped me figure out what I had to do. And
I was torn on which project I was going to work
on tonight. But I was inspired by a shout out
to Jen on Instagram who said that, quote, the
project monogamy is and then did the clap emoji.
So I'm going to stick with the project monogamy
of the project that I've been working on. So
good. That is good peer pressure right there.
It was real good. Thank you, Jen. Because I really
was ready to go jump back to the sweater. But
I'm like, you know what? I am. I'm so close.
You are so close. I'm so close to being done.
It looks so good. With this shawl. Like that
fade is beautiful. I'm working on it in fiber
optics gradient in Texas blue bonnets. I don't
have a lot of yarn left, so we're getting there.
Nice. So I don't know if I will completely stick
with it until it is done, but I am trying really
hard to stick with it until it is done. I really
want to finish the project. Meg, I believe in
you. I believe in me, too. You can do this. Thank
you. Let me tell you, finishing one, once I finished
the cocoa, I was like, I'm finishing this northward.
Right. And for the first time in a very long
time, I pulled out my knitting while I was sitting
and watching TV, which for me is a big deal because
I've really been only knitting with you guys.
Yeah. But it's a high. And then you want to keep
chasing it. Finish it. I know. Finish it. I will
feel that. I really want to. And again, I know
we talk about. A lot like it's not about like
the quantity that you finish or anything like
that. I get it. But for my own personal edification.
Only because you're so close. Right. I want to
finish something. I will be very happy when I
finish something. Drea. I finished the happy
turtle pattern. He's very cute. He is super cute.
Look at how big his eyes are and how. floppy
i like his floppy i like his floppy little flippers
yeah he's cute yeah it's definitely an upgrade
from uh the turtle pattern that i was doing from
that which is also cute but yeah i don't know
the floppy flippers the kit was a good start
but now they're getting a little bit more involved
and i like i love that for me yeah he's very
very cute he is very cute i have started another
happy turtle pattern I'm telling you, when you
feel like it, look up Crafty Intentions because
she has a ton of little creatures and they're
lots of fun. Let me tell you what released today.
What released today? I am going to be making
this. Okay. I am very excited. Oh, my God. It
is a BLT Rex. BLT Rex. That's amazing. I thought
it was a taco at first. She has a Tacosaurus,
too. That's great. Also good. Yes. Fantastic.
And that's a pattern by Croutons Crochet. And
if you have not checked out her and her patterns,
man. That's cute. She's got a lot of, like, food
animals. How do you choose one? You can't. I
mean, once you start with a Bananasaurus, it's
only inevitable that you end up with a BLT -saurus.
Truth. It's true. Slippery slope. She's also
got a Piceratops. Oh, my God. Oh. I need that
one just with a name. I know. It's. It is super
cute. They're all super cute. I bet. So I'm going
to be working through probably her entire series
of food animals. As you do. As I do. With turtles
on the side because I am really enjoying this
happy turtle pattern. It's a great pattern. As
always, big twist, baby bear. Happy turtle pattern
by Happy Turtle Crochet. By the way, because
everyone keeps reminding me on Yarn Saver, Big
Twist IP got picked up by Michaels. Certain IPs.
So I don't know which one Michaels is going to
have and which one Herschners is going to have.
Like, I don't know how the split's going. But
that means I don't think Herschners was going
to pick a baby bear. So I'm hoping Michaels is
going to pick a baby bear because their original
one that they tried to do with loops and threads
that was supposed to be a competitor to is crap.
It's not as good. It's crap. I have purchased
it. It is not my favorite. So I think they're
trying to basically take the IP for the formula
and then rebrand it as that. Man, I hope so.
Because I don't think they're necessary. I think
they got the... intellectual property to to take
the like fiber content and like make the blend
but i don't think they're gonna put it out as
big twist baby bear so we'll have to see what
happens michaels is advertising a lot about when
we went there a couple what was it like two weeks
ago two weeks ago and they had signs up saying
like i don't know i don't think they said big
twist but mentioning the joe like buying out
some of the joanne's yarn so yeah yeah they definitely
they definitely didn't buy all of them but i
want to say that they bought the remainder because
they had pre -sold a couple to like herschners
and like other places but um it i mean it makes
sense it's not going away hey yeah i hope not
yeah well yeah and so if you were looking for
it hopefully it comes out in a very similar fashion
especially if they have the recipe for it so
um that's good we're going to try something a
little bit new moving forward we're going to
introduce a new segment just a little ask us
some stuff maybe we'll answer our first question
that has run across our desks how does one block
a dragon slash alligator scale stitch bag pitched
by winter's eve 86 jess sincere I think I'm the
only one that's made a dragon stitch bag. No,
I'm just kidding. So full disclosure, I did not
block mine, any of mine at all. I find that once
you fill them with enough stuff, they stretch
the way you want them to. And if they don't...
It needs more stuff. I can see where that's an
issue. So what you can do, depending on what
you used, honestly, a steam block is kind of
your best bet just to loosen up the yarn a bit
and let it rest. I have seen people put like
a balloon in the bag and then like blow up a
balloon inside the bag to get it to a shape so
it will keep that shape while it sets and then
you pop the balloon and... That's ingenious.
Let it do it. But yeah, mine, I was like, nah,
I like the way these look, and they were good.
But yeah, that would probably be best bet on
to do it. You probably could full soak and block
it. It'd be kind of flat. You'd want to do one
side, pull them a little bit, flip it over, and
do the other side. You can't really pin it. It's
okay. Sometimes blocking is overrated. Don't
forget that. All right, and we have time for
one more. This one has come from Chicken Nuggets.
If you could only knit one pattern for the rest
of your life, what would it be? That's a big
oof. It is. But you know what? I think my answer
is going to depend on entirely when you're asking
me. Because if this was like 10 years ago, Drea,
it would be Sunday Swing. But if you're asking
today, Drea, it's Happy Turtles. Oh, God. So
it has to be a specific pattern, huh? That's
a tough one. One pattern. I would think so. I
would think, yeah. I probably would make... I
really enjoyed the French can can. That was so
good. And the only reason why I'm going to say
the French can can is because I could do it now.
It has simple parts that I could do in front
of a TV show. And then it has a complicated enough
part that would keep me interested. And if I
got to a point older in my life where I deal
with pain in my hands and stuff, and I feel like
I could still do that pattern in a disabled capacity,
like I might be able to still knit that. So I'll
say the French can can. It's a good one, though.
I've also made the French can can. And it's a
it's a really good project. Do you know yours?
No, I'd die. I would be so angry with the decision
that I would just never knit again. That's true.
That's fair. Absolutely. I feel like that's what
would happen. I would stare at the pattern and
be like, no, I don't want to do this again. I'm
trying to think of anything I've done more than
once. The dragon stitch bag. That's I think the
only thing that I've ever seen you do. Multiple.
Multiple times. Yeah. Everything else, like you've
done incarnations of a similar nature, but not
exactly the same. Yeah. Because I was, I'm going
through it. I'm like, did I do? I'm like, no.
Even when I do the multiple dragons, they've
all been different. Yeah. That is true. They've
all been different. Some of them have used the
same arms and legs but different but like I've
changed everything. Because I'm awful. I'd die.
Okay. Maybe phrase it this way. You could use
the same pattern but you can customize it at
free will. Right? Like I would. Still turtles.
Yeah. I mean that's a good point. Yeah. Because
you're not pulling from another pattern. Like
your cocoa bean. Yeah. It's the same pattern.
Yeah. And I added a pearl row for no reason.
And that wasn't from another pattern. So if you
could embellish it. Yeah. So if you could customize
it. Dragon tapestry. Oh, that's a good point.
Yeah. You could change up the color work. Yeah.
Yeah. That's a good one. just just throwing a
bone to jess because like i'm like thinking otherwise
this one's a no i'm like going i'm like i don't
think i've ever done i was just feeling the misery
the same pattern ever yeah even the dragon stitch
bag uh i've done it's the dragon stitch i've
done it in different ways yeah like different
sizes different amounts of scales meg I honestly
thought about this one a lot and mine would be
From Summer to Fall by Lea Michele Designs. And
the reasoning being that it is, it's got a couple
of different stitch techniques in it. So, you
know, you're switching it up and it requires
three skeins of yarn and the color combinations
would be endless. I love finding skeins that
match or that complement each other. And I would
have a whole wardrobe of these extremely versatile
shawls. That's fair. Right. So I would literally
just make different color combinations until
the end of time. That'd be mine. I respect that.
I've been dying to make another one. So I do
that. Turtles, tapestries and shawls. Love it.
As it be. I love that for us. As one do. All
right. Into our main topic, and I've put a lot
of thought into this this week. I'm very excited
to present to you yarn jobs that should exist
in the world. They don't have to be practical,
but man, they should be fun. Wait, fun for the
person doing them? Or fun for me benefiting from
the person doing them? Yes. Okay. All of that.
Because, yeah. I think it would be a lot of fun.
Also, just so you know, all of these jobs that
we are going to pitch today, in our fantasy world,
these are all high -paying, top -tier. You can
pay your mortgage. You can pay that daycare.
You can pay your healthcare bills. It's all paid,
guys. Highly desired, well -paying jobs. Extensive
training required. Fully paid and free. Makes
sense of training. Because, yes. Benefits. Oh,
Lord, I hope so. Treat yourself. May I present
to you the yarn sommelier. Ooh. Hang on. I closed
my notes. Well, honestly, that should be a thing.
It should be a thing. It's very realistic. Think
of it. You compare your mood, your beverages,
the situation that you find yourself in life,
your existential crises. You compare everything
with the perfect yarn. That's fair. That is fair.
And sometimes it's really hard to tell what you
need for all of those things. You may think it's
better to do like a more complicated project
or even an easier project, but that's maybe not
the case. Yeah. I just have this visual of this
like really well -dressed fancy person holding
like a tablet. And as you answer things, they're
like entering in things. So it helps their formula.
And then they kind of look through the list and
they're like, I got it. And then they just go
through all the racks and pull out this one skate.
And the person's like. Are you feeling some existential
overwhelm? Might I suggest a nice alpaca silk
blend? Is that how you fix existential overwhelm?
I mean, it's not how we do it, but it's probably
how she does it. It's ethereal. It's soft. You
can disappear into delicate stitches and a soothing
drape. I'm sorry. The visual I just got was like
going through a divorce, having some super washed
merino wool. It's versatile and it will get you
through anything. Truth. Yes. Truth be told.
Yes. Do you need to channel some rage into some
knitting or crafting? Might I suggest some chunky
wool? Some super bulky. Yeah. You don't want
anybody getting delicate with that. No. No. You
don't want it. It's fast. It's tactile. Oh, you're
feeling really, really murderous? Might I suggest
some felting? Oh, yes. Stab away. I have a nice
felting kit for you, madame monsieur. Stab away.
Stab away all of your problems. Oh, God. That's
funny. Are you looking for some comfort? Might
I suggest a cotton bamboo blend? Worsted weight.
It's breathable. It's soft on the skin. It's
gentle on your hands. And it's a thicker weight,
so you won't make as much mistakes while you're
crying through your project. Exactly. Absorbent.
Absorbent. Oh, God. I mean, that's a good, it's
a good point. Like, alternatively, a yarn sommelier
is in theory so well trained that they can either
help you or they can also hinder you. Wait, so
like evil sommeliers? There could be an evil
sommelier. Like, I thought about this because
I was like, man, like if I'm having existential
overwhelm. Can you imagine if the suggestion
to me was like lace weight? Here, do this lace
weight shawl with 5 ,000 stitch repeats. No.
I found some really nice Peruvian highland wool.
Pure. No. See, if I were an evil sommelier, I
would pair that for somebody who was channeling
some intense rage. Or someone looking for comfort.
Well, for the rage victim. Sorry, for the rage
person. Victim. Oh, okay. Okay, so is this like...
It's also hurting you. So it's just like helping
you channel your rage even more. Like, I'm just
saying. Are these jobs or super villains? Yes.
Okay. I thought about this way too long this
week. Okay, I see that. I looked for an upside
and a downside. Okay. Well, yeah, I mean, practically
speaking, not super villain murderous wise. I
like I could see like a yarn sommelier might
put me off particularly because I hate being
told what I need. Yeah. Not what to do. Just
what I need. Like, you don't know me. Even if
you are correct, you don't know me. I feel like
that's the kind of job where you wait for someone
to approach you. Yes. And ask your services.
You're not going around like a. like you're trying
to be psychic like oh I can see that you're channeling
some intense feelings and I'm gonna push this
yarn on you like so I sense the Pisces in your
chart like no please don't yeah I feel like that's
that's not that's not the kind of pushy salesperson
job you want to have no that's no definitely
I mean if you're going to a high -paid sommelier
It should be a service that you want. Yeah, if
you are going to the event and that's what you're
expecting and you seek them out. The Yarn Sommelier
has its own office. This will not be at the common
yarn shop. I see. You will not find the Yarn
Sommelier at your local yarn store. There's like
a yarn lounge. Yes. You have to go to the high
end. I really wish there was a yarn... Anyway.
Oh, God. They have like an in -place daycare
where they can take the kids and wash them for
you. While you go to the yarn sommelier. While
you get an hour of uninterrupted knitting or
crochet or whatever project you want to work
on. Why not? I would pay like 50 bucks for that.
Heck yeah. 100 bucks. Hell, I'd pay 200 bucks.
Take my wallet. Just give me the freaking hour.
Oh, God. Meg, you have told me several times
now that you have. a yarn job that you wanted
to share it's not it's not fun it's not fun um
this would have to be quite high paying and i
don't know how it would be possible um the job
would be inspecting all hanks for knots before
they're wound so that when i put them on a swift
i do not get yarn bar okay but to be fair We
need that. That would be, that would make my
whole crafting existence. If that were a thing,
if, if there was some, and this is not a possible
job, I realize this is pie in the sky insanity,
but. Yeah but I want it Same The amount of cursing
I do when I'm Doing the swift and all of a sudden
it's You know you get that tangled mess Where
somehow it Went underneath a yarn And now it
just won't It wrapped the wrong way or I mean
I would love a curator To check the skeins And
make sure that doesn't happen Again I want that
I know it's not possible. I would do that job.
I would hate that job. I would love that job.
That would be the opposite of me. Would it should
pay? Like, I would, I don't know. I feel like
it's one giant puzzle. So, yes. Find the thing.
Yes. But what you need to understand is that
my capacity for patience for puzzles is about
a one. It's true. It's awful. Like a lot of these
jobs are going to be like not a fit for everybody.
No. People with no patience. Yes. Some people
will like it. I don't. It's not for me. Right.
It's not. I could not do it. Like I am words
like word puzzles any day. Figuring out how something
works. I'm going to spend about three seconds.
I'm going to toss it to Jess and be like, here
you go. Let me know when you figure that out
because she likes it. I don't. In that same vein,
though, how's about a director of not affairs?
Yeah. Basically, that's a well -paid detangler.
Yeah. So it's basically what Jess does, only
I don't pay her. sorry dude what the hell sorry
you pay her in love i buy her legos yeah okay
so you pay her like if you think about it that's
a pretty high salary i buy her lego sets you
know the lego sets encompass a lot of things
it's true but yeah no somebody to untangle the
yarn i'm not gonna lie you know if you spend
some time dealing with the yarn barf and like
dealing with all of the all of the tangled mess
it is so satisfying to come to the end of the
mess yes and i love that feeling it's not enough
of a payoff for me to do it oh it's not i would
do that too i have patience for that i don't
have patience for stupidity and that's where
i find my problems anyways like like a cobbler
but for needles like a needle repair right like
someone to kind of fix that that will fix it
like if you get the bamboo they'll sand it down
and make sure that or if it gets sticky or something
they'll like repolish it or you know when ty
hunts our circulars they'll fix the cable that
he chewed little holes in yeah i love that cobbler
i love that So you don't have to just toss out
your stuff. You can refurbish it. Yeah, okay,
it's a whatever. But sometimes it's a nice needle
set. I don't want to toss it. I just want it
gussied back up to where it was. That's a good
one. There's such a huge market for that right
now, just in society. I think everyone's disillusioned
about just buy. brand new and not fix it I think
everyone's changing their mindset and like more
wanting to mend to fix to just maintain what
they have yeah it makes sense just to tossing
it but there were other where it's like I like
the feel of these needles they got my like hand
they're perfect in my hands I don't want to like
or the needles are fine but as you said like
the cord is garbage and I can't use them anymore
because they're not interchangeables yeah no
that's a good point I like that It's a good one.
That is a good one. And then the yarn sommelier
would give you yarn to go with your fixed tools.
Yeah. And the director of non -affairs would
be in the other room in case you have those problems
as well. What you're saying is we're creating
an agency of people. Oh, man. Craft agency. What
about kind of to go with the sommelier, a pattern
librarian that you could go to and say, I'm looking
for. this i'm looking for like or i'm in this
kind of mood and they help you find the perfect
oh it's like someone or you're like i like these
types of books is there a new one that you can
suggest right like when you go to the librarian
and you're like i really loved this book can
you recommend me something like this yeah so
like a fiber archivist yeah something like that
i love that yeah like because sometimes you maintain
a library of uh all yarns and books and patterns.
Discontinued patterns. Oh yeah. all of the world's
crafting knowledge in one place like the library
of alexandria but for crafting but it is because
it's cool because it could be like look i really
like this shawl but i can't find something similar
like do you have a suggestion or or yes i do
i love her shawl but it's crochet can you give
me something similar in a knit pattern yes come
this way right something like that i love that
I where is this place located specifically in
my brain right now what this agency has we have
the first floor for repairs because you don't
want to go to you're already sad we're not going
to make you climb multiple stairs to go fix your
things that you're sad about the librarians would
probably be on the second floor with their whole
floor of like stuff and then you would have like
a services floor you know for not affairs in
somalia what else do we the rooftop lounge the
rooftop after you've gone through it all you
can go relax on the rooftop if you're on the
rooftop lounge do they have the disco brunch
i think they should have the disco brunch we
got guys And a craft themed bar. We need the
bar with all the craft themes, but it also comes
in like the non, like, you know, you've got your
virgin. Are you saying that we need to have a
craft services table? Yeah. Yep. Exactly. A what?
A craft services table. Sometimes we'll have
some craft beers. Oh my God. Actually, there
is, what is her name? Oh God, this is going to
kill me. There is someone who just with her husband
did, it's a half a library. No, no, no. Half
a yarn store, half library with a bar in it.
Oh, can I move in? it no I don't remember her
name oh that sounds great but yeah it was like
a it's like she had like a all these basically
made it like a destination like you can go there
and like enjoy and like get books you get yarn
you get knit you can lounge you can like That
sounds delightful. They don't have any of those
places anymore. And I can understand why a lot
of those loungy type of areas have shut down
just because they just get destroyed. It doesn't
matter. Like people abuse the crap out of them.
But like, man, I would pay a membership fee to
have access to a lounge area. Yeah. The Crafting
Country Club. Yes. Oh, man. Oh, God. So funny.
Yes. Yes. And I want us to have a club trophy.
For what, though? What would it be? well we'd
have to yeah well if it's a country club we they
have to win things right right at some point
so maybe we just give superlatives out at some
point you know to our members here's what you
can do too like if you want you can like we'll
have like a wall of honor and there's like you
can donate like a ribbon of something you've
entered somewhere and we'd like display it with
the pictures and everything and links to the
pattern and like such community Such peace. Too
bad we don't have millions of dollars. Yeah,
we don't. Okay, so Treya, as we fantasize, what
else you got? What about a chief cozy officer?
To do? A CCO? A CCO. They curate blanket designs
that meet maximum snuggle standards. I like that.
They also field test all blankets. Oh, well,
I'm going to do that. Designated nap times. I
like that. Yes, I like that for me, too. You
know, and they could have like a swatch library
almost. Yeah. So you could like squeeze and test
the. Yes. Like it wouldn't be in like all sizes.
It wouldn't be for like measuring the swatch,
but it would be for a petting zoo. It would be
like for squeezing. Or touching to be like, do
I really like this fabric? Do I like this combination
of yarns? Before I make it into a sweater. Right.
And testing it for how is it going to react when
it blocks. Yeah. I like that. I like that too.
Yes. Would not excuse you from swatching. No.
But the CO would let you know what the fabric
is like. Yes. Yes. COO would still say you need
to swatch still. Yes. Well, because you don't
know your own tension. You don't know your own
tension and you may not use these same needles.
Yep. A scrap strategist. Oh, what to do with
your scraps. Creates patterns and projects. With
leftover yarn scraps. Oh, you can donate your
leftovers if you're worried about like stuff.
You donate your leftovers into a jar. Instead
of waste. Instead of waste. Yarn saver is, I
take that for stuffing. There's places that will
make like animals for kids. Like they have little
craft groups that will make animals for kids.
And if I get stuff that's pretty much just going
to be scrap or it's like unusable, little bag,
they like basically like shave it all up and
then stuffing. I love that though. Yeah. A color
work connoisseur. So this is something that like,
so my mom, I brought this up before, she loves
to quilt. My mom really struggles with do these
patterns, do these colors really go together?
Do they actually complement each other? Are they
fighting each other? Somebody like that. Or if
you could go and say like, I have this really
special skein that I want to use, but in a project
that pairs, what would look good with this? he
had like a color chip room with them like the
paint place right like the pantone yeah yeah
and so you could kind of see like what your options
are if you're going for something warm or cool
and what colors complement something like that
yeah sometimes that can be really hard figuring
out not everybody has like a firm grasp on like
color theory That too. Or also like these two
colors could go really well together for like,
say this project, but for this project now we're,
now we're struggling. They're fighting each other.
Yeah. So something like that. If you, if you
are lost. Yeah. Cause sometimes colors are surprise
you by the way they go together. But if you have
someone who knows that, that'd be awesome. Like,
I know this sounds weird, but trust me. It's
like, yeah, that would be cool. I would love
that job. I mean, I have like ones that would
be for like illegal enterprises, but not like
legit jobs, like a yarn smuggler. Which actually
is so necessary because let me tell you, getting
all this yarn from Portugal was ridiculous. This
Portuguese yarn is so nice. So like, but like
it's illegal. So like you wouldn't really get
money like a salary. It would be more like, you
know, laundered through a laundromat at your
local town. Like I can advise criminals. I can't
advise for right, like legal jobs. Please don't.
Please don't investigate. Okay, no, but here's
the thing. There's like the Canadian dude that
takes stuff from Trader Joe's. Yes, I love that
guy. Canada didn't have a Trader Joe's, so he
goes... I had nothing about this. Yeah, so he's
from Vancouver and he comes down to the United
States and he buys like a... of stuff from trader
joe's and then he brings it back up to canada
where he has his own shop called not trader joe's
it's something like that yeah yeah it's something
similar like that and they tried to sue him and
they lost like they did yeah so whoever his lawyers
are like maybe the smugglers need that yeah yeah
but they also banned him from many of the trader
joe's so now he employs other people to do it
for him or wears disguises this is crazy wow
but yeah so apparently there are legal ways to
do this so i just need to get this guy's lawyers
yes and then see start bringing suitcases see
how to do it legally yeah Now I just have this
visual of I put a shipping container full of
illegal yarn and then this guy opens it up from
customs and he's like, we're taking them down.
I got three tons of pure merino. What is this
cotton? Is this cotton? Ma 'am. It's a wool blend.
I'm sorry. yeah that's it's just nice thinking
about all of these like fun hypothetical jobs
that would really get you out of bed every day
yeah i mean i would not be signing up to to be
a not untangler but again like like you said
there's a job for everybody and if they're paying
high like and there's benefits heck yeah can
you imagine if this agency ever got off the ground
What a life we could live. I have another one.
A pattern translator. Oh, like that would be
a department. It would be a whole department.
And I know that there's lots of people that like
help translate several different patterns. But
to say that all patterns are translated is would
be facetious. Right. So but it would be great
if like someone could come in and be like, I
have what was one of them that you got was in
German or Russian. And Jess could come in and
be like, hello, I have this Russian pattern and
I'm struggle bussing. Can you please translate
this for me? And they would just be like, absolutely.
No problem. You know. Sylvia come over here and
look we have somebody for every language yes
yep yep yes polygots would love that job the
chart translators too it's like hey can you translate
this this graph into text or text into you know
like yeah now I now I have a visual sorry my
brain um now I have a visual of something coming
in with a crochet chart and be like can you translate
this and there's just this sassy front -end lady
who's just like what the heck is that we're not
doing that we're gonna have to outsource this
one yeah it's gonna be cost extra i can't i cannot
under like i don't know how she does it listen
sometimes looking at the crochet charts i'm like
i probably it's just spite she bought like the
book the pattern for the blanket that she was
crocheting came in like a book and i'm flipping
through and i'm like i have no idea what any
of this is like oh my goodness some of it is
very clear and there's other parts where i'm
like what yeah no those that's a whole other
where's the rest of it and i keep in mind like
if you are a a you know the first time you go
to read a knitting pattern you've never read
one before like you're gonna feel similarly but
wow like yeah oof It would be nice, too, if in
this fictional agency building that we have currently,
that's probably at nine stories at this point,
would be if there was a spot, too, where you
can bring knitted items that need new homes.
Not yarn, but like actual finished objects. Like
if they don't fit anymore or they don't serve
you anymore. You don't like how they look on
you. I know there's that app that does like swaps,
but it would be nice if you could just be like,
hi. I have this sweater. I lost a hundred pounds.
This doesn't fit me anymore. What do I do with
it? And they'd be like, oh, okay, we will find
a good home. And then they do cute little videos
and they're like, they're great with other sweaters.
I do like the swap idea. The adoption. Adoption.
It's adoption agency. Adopting it. Yeah. Adopting
it. Good with kids. Adopt a finished object.
Yeah. That would be nice. Yeah. Adopt a fob.
A fob? Finished object. Foe just sounds like
you're going to fight something. So you got to
go with the OB. What does the B stand for? Object.
Oh, stop. That took too long. Oh my God. Listen,
nobody said we were scholars at this table. Look,
we have big ideas. We just can't, you know. The
manifestation is a little bit harder. It is.
Our job is not to spell. Our job is to dream
big. Our job is to be dreamers. We're dreaming.
So basically all we need at this point is a giant
budget. from some benevolent billionaire who
actually isn't a terrible person and wants to
support the fiber arts. And then we need a team
of people who are really good at doing stuff
and getting stuff together. Oh, that's not us.
Yeah. And then the board of dreamers would be
people like us who are just like, oh, you know,
it'd be a good team. Oh, my God. Look, we're
the think tank. Okay. Yeah, the think tank. That's
a think tank spell. It is. Yeah. we're just thinking
we're not spelling okay we're not doers and we
definitely don't have money oh god yeah definitely
yeah um so yeah hey you know what though i mean
it is it's nice to dream about like in a perfect
world look some people dream about what they're
gonna do when they win the lottery some of us
like to dream about what a perfect crafting world
would look like in a singular building If I won
a jackpot and it was multi millions of dollars,
there would there. I wouldn't say anything, but
there would be signs because this agency would
be upright. There would be signs. There would
be signs. It would just be in some. She'd pop
on part of my session, but just so as y 'all
know, here's the address. Here's our opening
hours. You can get discounts on your membership
fee if you test it for people. Oh, you know,
I'm discount. I'm also just picturing like a
giant building, like an enormous building. Do
you know how many of those empty corporate buildings
are around here? Many. But, you know, instead
of like a name on the building, you know, buildings
generally have the name of the business or whatever
on there. We just have a giant mustache. no explanation
but you will know and if you know you know if
you know you know and and the test knitter idea
jess is also a plus because there was always
complaints that they don't get compensated enough
but now you can go to the mustache building wow
that's you can go to the mustache building and
make all your yarn dreams come true yep yep and
we will support all crafts Guys, what a dream.
I am dying at the mustache building. No, there
is definitely a whole bunch of commercial buildings
that are not in use right now. And I know they
are clamoring for some action. I'd be like, sir,
like, you know, this is the four of us pitching
and Dre would be like, but sir, we could put
a giant mustache on the outside of your building.
It will be a landmark for the nation. You know,
somebody out there is looking for some mustache
accent and we're ready to get action. Did you
say mustache? I did. I said what I said. Well,
that's all we have for tonight. God. Just saying.
On that note. That is it for this week's episode.
For additional content, opportunities to connect
with the cast, our blog. Discord. Our Discord.
More stuff involving us. Go to our website at
partofmystache .gov. And tune in next time for
more. Laughs, love, llamas. That part of my stash.