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work experience. I was still in college around the time I found out about the organization,
the Lake Group. I had an internship in my local area. So this is where I met Erin and I met Dylan
and so we all got along really well. They seemed like great people to work with and work for.
This is Anna. Before working for the Lake Group, she worked for another nonprofit that had some
overlap with the Lake Group, which is how she was introduced to her soon-to-be managers, Erin and
Dylan. The Lake Group is a protective environmental nonprofit close to Anna's hometown. I graduated
from college and then COVID happened. So it was really hard for me to find a position. There were
a lot of jobs that were posted but were no longer active. So it was really difficult and I kept
pestering the Lake Group. I'm like, please hire me. I know I can do well for you guys and they were
like, I'm sorry, we don't have a job for you right now. So eventually Erin invited me to apply.
He later offered me the position. So it was a very rushed interview process. He was like, hey,
we wanted to offer you the position and I remember just saying, are you kidding me? I was so stoked
and so excited. This Lake was the reason why I went to college to begin with. I always really
wanted to be able to give back to my community, protect the water supply that I grew up on,
and protect my family and friends. So I was super excited to be offered that position and I started
about two weeks later. Anna couldn't have asked for a better fit. She was stoked because the mission
of this nonprofit and the role of her new position was in alignment with everything she was passionate
about. It was her dream to be involved in protecting the environment and more specifically the lake
that she grew up on. But inside the walls of the Lake Group, she would find a failing operation
run by Erin, who would quickly prove to be an awful leader. My name is Carleigh and this is Toxic
Workplace, a podcast that gives a platform to those who have survived highly toxic work experiences
only to come out with newfound wisdom and a renewed sense of self. A toxic workplace is more than just
the daily grind. It's a soul-pressing experience that will chip away at your sanity until you're
about to lose your mind. It's an abusive relationship that's hard to leave and the longer you stay,
the more you lose sight of who you set out to be. So I went over at like a government office
with Dylan at the regulatory branch and then Erin was at a college office actually. So I
didn't really see Erin that often. So I was really just working with Dylan and Dylan was great.
My first day was kind of weird. I was given this work laptop and when I opened it up, there was a
whole bunch of windows open on it. The last hire's personal email was open. It's like she had just
vanished and I was like, what is going on? I was like, I'm not going to ask. Like I'm new. I'm just
going to pretend like this didn't happen. This is strange. And so I'm clicking through her old
documents and there's an email on there that says, Erin aggressive email. And I'm like, what happened
here? Like I am so confused. So obviously I click on it. It seemed like there was some kind of an
issue with COVID. So she was around with Dylan when COVID was still going on and she was like, hey,
like I'm using my personal vehicle. You're working from home with a work vehicle. Can I borrow it?
I'm having a really hard time getting down these tiny roads by the lake with my sedan. And you know,
is it your personal vehicle? Like I was just wondering if I could use it because Dylan and this
girl that was there before me weren't allowed to ride in the one truck that they had together.
So he just responded like in all of this bold red text and he was like, I gather that you
recognize a second vehicle is out of the discussion. We need to put this to rest. I've stated it like
numerous times yet you decide to pursue it anyway. We're operating at a deficit. And in terms of
capacity, you know, we have maybe 10 years until this organization is dissolved. I'm putting between,
you know, 100 miles a month on this car. Does that seem like it's a large enough number to you? And
he's just like flipping out on her. And he's like, I am very concerned about you. Are you even happy
in this position? I think we need to meet with the chair of the organization to discuss whether or
not this role is good for you. I'm just trying to keep us employed. There's an economic downturn.
Like all of this stuff and like berating her, of course, I don't ask, right? Because this is like,
it's my first day and I'm like, what is going on? So she responds and she's like, yes, I'm new and
I'm still trying to understand everything. Like I'm just looking for an understanding. If you need
to get me up to speed, please tell me what I'm doing without getting angry at me. I'm like very hurt
by your response. And I've told you again and again, like I love my job. Like I moved here for this
job. And I want to address your concerns. Maybe we should have a different conversation about this
because like, I'm literally just trying to do my job. She thought it was bad enough to where she
saved it on this computer and didn't delete it. She must have been fired and haste because all of
her stuff was open. I'm like, Oh, this makes sense. But like, I didn't ask about this until like three
months later. Anna didn't want to believe what she was seeing. She was high on cloud nine, day one
of her dream job. But the magnitude of toxicity within this email was hard to deny. From the bold
red font to the accusations and berating, this was a glaring red flag Anna couldn't unsee.
The errand she knew was friendly and charming, not an aggressive jerk. But it was too soon to say
anything. She didn't want to start on the wrong foot and ruffle any feathers her first day on the
job. Erin's comment about the financial outlook of this organization not being sustainable was
worrisome to Anna. With it being a nonprofit, their financials were open and available to the public.
So I immediately went online and confirmed that they are running a deficit every year and then
by the amount of money that they had in their reserves at that deficit that they were running,
it was about 10, maybe 15 years. So I can see why Erin was like concerned and upset about, you
know, not purchasing another vehicle. But then it like made me wonder what is going on with these
finances. Just that first glance, I noticed that Erin's salary was ridiculously high in comparison
to Dylan's and mine. And I was like, Oh, that might be a significant chunk. But there were so
many line items, it was hard to really draw any conclusions on like why it's happening. But I also
felt really bad for the girl before me because she was literally just trying to do her job.
The financial deficit was alarming and too overwhelming for Anna to dig in. She was still
new and wanted to stay focused on her training and learning the ropes of this nonprofit. She
figured there had to be a reasonable explanation behind the email. And if this nonprofit needed
help, she could be the one to fix it. But it wasn't long before she would start to hear and see
more signs that Erin wasn't as nice as she initially thought. Over time, I started to hear
more things coming from Dylan about Erin. Part of the issue was that Dylan had been in this job
for over like 20 or 30 years. And Erin had never had the job that Dylan had. So like Erin would
send him administrative tasks and other random miscellaneous things that Dylan didn't really
have time for. But you can't really say anything when this is how apparently this guy responds to
the simplest of requests. So Dylan had started to open up to me about things to be aware of and
things to be concerned about. The micro management was one thing of like, you know, telling us, Oh,
you have to do this administrative thing when we don't have time to. Every two weeks, we had to
submit our time sheets to our bookkeeper. And we had to copy Erin on those emails. And he was
sent out like reminders. So we had a Google calendar that had reminders of those things. So it was
kind of annoying to have a Google calendar reminder go off and it happened to be like, don't forget.
I'm like, we just had our count our share calendar go off two minutes ago, like, well, we know.
So one of the first times I sent it in, it was the following week, we got an email from Erin,
and he was like, our bookkeeper did not get your time sheet, you need to be responsible for your
own record keeping needed to copy me on these emails. And I just like felt berated. And I'm
like, I'm pretty sure I sent it. So like, I go back through and I find my email. And sure enough,
I sent it to our bookkeeper and I sent it to Erin. I didn't want to be like passive aggressive,
because I'm like reminding myself of the things that the girl before me went through. And unless
you need to be very careful. So I forward this email, I'm just like, please see the forwarded
email. And then the tone like completely changes. Oh, thank you very much. The entire time I worked
here, he never said sorry for anything. I never got any accountability from him ever.
A manager who lacks accountability and consistently avoids apologizing for their mistakes can create
a toxic work environment by undermining the team's trust. Accountability is crucial for effective
leadership, because it demonstrates commitment to integrity and responsibility.
Erin was lacking accountability in more ways than one. He would also present the work of Dylan
and Anna as his own, which made them question what he was actually accomplishing for this organization.
We would have these monthly meetings where all of those townships that were around the lake were
attending our monthly meetings for updates. And so we would have partners there, different government
agencies, our report, Erin's report, every single month. And something I started to notice was that
Erin would report on our work. And instead of calling us by name or by calling us the regulatory
branch, he would say the lake group staff. So it almost felt like he was taking credit for
everything that we did. And then he would also present other partners work, which irritated them,
like we would have hush-hush conversations. And I'd be like, I can't believe he reported on that
moments before I did. He would sit in the back of the room and not pay attention to any of that
meeting. And so it was time to give his presentation. After a while, I started to see the pattern of
after those bi-weekly meetings, you would find out what we were doing, put them in his report,
and report on them. We started to cross off things that he did not do. And we were left with very
little. We're like, okay, so what does this guy do taking a third of the nonprofit's money
in his salary? We don't know what he's doing. But it sounds like a lot because he talks for 15
minutes on what everyone else is doing. Erin was clearly a poor manager. And it was obvious to those
who worked closely with him. But he wasn't going anywhere. Erin came from a well-to-do family that
was heavily connected to the leaders of Anna's community. Nepotism can act as a safeguard for
a bad manager. Their protection is based on personal relationships and their family name,
rather than their performance. So Erin has a PhD. And his family is very well known locally for
doing a lot of scientific research. So I think that because Erin came with the family name,
the chair felt like he was the most qualified person to lead his organization. So the chair
created the Lake Group and then hired a very prestigious name, Erin, to come in and be that
figurehead. Anna and Dylan worked together in the regulatory branch of this nonprofit,
which felt isolated from Erin and the rest of the operation. Despite the disconnect,
she was happy to work closely with Dylan because he was an excellent mentor and taught her a lot
about the industry and the organization. Dylan was trustworthy and validated Anna's suspicions
of Erin's poor leadership. The two were able to keep their heads down and dodge conflict with
Erin, which made work more tolerable and enjoyable. But Dylan wasn't planning to stay for the long
haul. After three months of working there and being trained by Dylan, Dylan told me that he
was leaving and I was to be the only employee left in the regulatory branch. That was really
terrifying. Like he had 20, 30 years of experience and I was completely stricken with fear. I had an
idea of how to perform the job alone, but it's still a large area to monitor. Over the next two
and a half years of me working there, he still remained in touch with me to help me out. I
always appreciated that. But he was my mentor and I really looked up to him and after he left,
I turned around and cried so hard. I tried to be strong and now let him know how upset I was.
They immediately went into trying to hire somebody else to get me some help and I asked about being
moved up into Dylan's title and they were like, no, we're not going to do that. This next person
is going to be your equal. So it was a guy and he had a master's degree but didn't need it and
they were going to pay him like two or three thousand dollars more than what I was currently
making and I'm thinking to myself, how are you going to pay somebody that I have to train
as my equal at that and pay him like three thousand dollars more because of a master's
degree he doesn't need. So I ended up getting the same salary as him after asking and I was
suspicious that it was gender related but I didn't really know. So I did like him. He came from a
different state. He worked for a government agency. He was only there for a couple of months before he
left due to irritation over Aaron and he did not put in his two weeks. He literally left.
We ended up getting a new vehicle through a grant. The one that the former girl was so
concerned about. So all of a sudden it could happen when the finances didn't change at all
but whatever. Why Grant couldn't have been written back then. She got fired for asking. I don't know.
So he literally just dropped off the vehicle and left because he felt belittled. He felt
disrespected. Aaron asked him to do his mindless tasks during his last week rather than doing the
full scope of the job which he felt like was really rude. So he's like I'm not putting up with this guy.
I'm leaving and around the time that he was still working there I gained a stalker which lasted for
half of my employment there. We met with this guy. I gave him some state permitting information
and he started sending me nasty texts and emails. Every time I drove past this person's house I would
get an email or a message. So I literally felt like he was just staring out the window waiting for
my work chart to go by. Like God knows if he's following me and like I'm trying to talk to people
and they're like oh yeah he's super creepy and I didn't know what to do but I knew that there's
like an anti-corrosion policy for most workplaces. So I asked Aaron about it and Aaron kind of
brushed it off but the police didn't believe me when I reported it. They were like oh well you
probably had a relationship with him and you're just not telling us. And I eventually tried to go
see a judge about a restraining order and the judge knew the guy and was like you don't have to worry
about him. We're not giving you a restraining order. I showed up at the judge's office alone
and walked out alone in tears. This new guy leaves and now I'm alone again with a stalker.
I'm like great I love this. Prioritizing employee safety is a fundamental aspect of
responsible and sustainable business. Part of this job was driving out to land owner's properties
and some of those properties were in rural areas without cell phone service. Anna wasn't comfortable
being alone especially now that she had someone stalking her. Instead of brushing her off Aaron
should have taken proactive steps to prevent and address the stalking to make sure Anna was safe
while at work. He should have gone with her to make their police report or showed up in front of
the judge to get the restraining order. Not only did Aaron not support Anna in securing her safety
he would contribute to the uneasiness. Anna and Aaron were soon moved to the same location
and Anna started to feel uncomfortable in his presence. He would like lean over me like way
too closely. I would like stand up and get so far away from him that you like should be able to take
a hint. He would walk up from behind me and I wouldn't see him. I would be like surprised and
like alarmed that he'd be like standing there over my shoulder doing God knows what and then he
would like when he looked amused with himself he would go from like super charming super nice super
helpful guy to like being super condescending. Aaron was dragging his feet when it came to
hiring Dylan's replacement because of budgetary constraints but having two people in the regulatory
branch was completely necessary in order to handle the workload. Anna finally convinced Aaron to
search for a new candidate in which Anna was able to select during the interview process.
I go with somebody I went to college with and her name was Jenny so I was finally promoted to have
Dylan's title but without the pay which comes up later. Jenny became like my best friend and like
truly helped me see some of the verbal abuse and inequity that was happening at the late group.
She stayed for about a year and a half and when she finally did leave because of Aaron
she begged me to like leave with her. I was like we can't leave together like I can't leave all
this knowledge behind it at least have to hand it over to somebody appropriately but I promise you
I will find a way out. She was really the one that convinced me that I needed to go. So there were
quite a few things that she had seen so we actually ended up crafting a very long document
of every event that we felt like was not okay so I'm going to be referring to that a little bit
but first you made like a list of things that we experienced and then as things happened
we kind of documented which one of those things we were experiencing. So the list is 11 things.
First is providing badly defined projects with little or no resources to complete the projects.
Changing priorities so that completing projects are difficult. Setting us up to fail due to core
communication. Taking credit for our work. Factors like burying our early career successes.
Withholding information when it's required to do our jobs effectively. Lack of constructive responses.
Degrading, belittling, condescending, behavior, lack of accountability, unethical behavior,
ostracism, emotional abuse, passive-aggressive type of language, and invasion of personal space
and privacy. So the first thing that happened we felt like it was ignoring our feedback no
consideration for our workload problem so the lake group acquired this massive piece of property.
So at some point Aaron handed me a piece of paper. He didn't tell me what it was he just kind of put
it on my desk and he was like review this when you get a chance. I didn't get to it until like weeks
later and I found out that we would now be responsible for monitoring that parcel every year
and it was over 160 acres and we had a look for like illegal activities you know any other water
quality concerns but other weird things like trespassing and squatting which had nothing to
do with our job and so Jenny at some point she's like I feel like there's like a misalignment between
like what the community is paying for us to do because we're funded by government dollars. We
hopped on a zoom call with Aaron. I was like look I think we're going to have trouble accommodating
for this like what's the perception going to be like are we going to be expected to sacrifice
our routine work is this a permanent responsibility like what is this and he was like the committee
is not your boss I am and we don't need approval from them you are the staff of the lake group
and you will take on additional responsibilities as I provide them I am your boss and sometimes you
have to do things you don't want to do and I was like oh my god thinking to myself like you asked me
to provide comments questions and concerns and then you dismissed said comments questions and
concerns so then that's the lack of constructive responses kind of sending language so we have
a committee in all legal writings the committee is supposed to be our boss and like we've been
hearing this from other people we have read it ourselves and so now there's like this animosity
around Aaron being our boss at all but of course we don't bring it up. At some point Jenny starts
asking about pay because Jenny was hired for even less money than I was hired for and I had explained
to her how much the guy who only stayed for three months was making and she was like are you kidding
me she's like well how much was billing making and I explained it to her I showed her the finances
all documented through a nonprofit and she's like I think this is an equal pay act concern like you're
supposed to be paid if you're doing the same work at the same organization the same title
you're supposed to be receiving the same amount of money as your male counterpart and I'm like you
know what like this is going to be incredibly difficult to bring up to Aaron but I support you
and I think we should so she writes this letter and I write a letter explaining our market research
and how much we think we're worth and how much the men were apparently worth and we hand it to
Aaron he was like okay with my letter but he was not okay with hers and he like spent maybe like
five to six hours throughout the course of one week on the phone with me asking me why I didn't
dissuade her from talking about it and I'm like telling him first of all that is unethical and
secondly that is illegal you cannot dissuade somebody from bringing up a protected action
when it's a concern and so like we have this really really hard meeting with him a couple of
different times and he's constantly calling us entry level that we're inexperienced that we don't
understand the equal pay act that we don't know what we're talking about pretty much that we're
stupid and the most I don't know I guess you could say respectful terms but they still weren't
respectful at all and so then he's just like you know this is putting down the me too movement
which was like unrelated like you clearly don't know what the me too movement is all I said to him
was Aaron I don't know what to say to you I am not going to comment on that and he just gave me
this snooty face and he was like okay so Aaron sends us email and he's like I understand you both
had some questions about the equal pay act and you know I am like offended that you think I would
do that to you and Jenny and I were like we understand that like this might not be deliberate
like sometimes people don't come in and say I'm going to pay a woman less for this job sometimes
it just happens like we don't necessarily we're not necessarily accusing you of doing this on
purpose but we still think this is happening we would like an investigation so he's like I'm
going to have to bring this up to the higher ups and we really do it like we at this point we need
it he always like gate kept the higher ups from us but we were never allowed to talk to them and in
our employee handbook it always said if we had an issue with Aaron that we were supposed to go to
the higher ups and after Jenny left I had done that over a couple situations which really ended
up being the last straw for me because I got berated for it the main purpose of the equal pay
act is to address and eliminate wage disparities based on gender the law seeks to ensure that
employees who perform substantially similar work regardless of gender receive equal pay for equal
work Aaron was doing everything he could to dissuade Jenny and Anna from moving forward with this
claim mainly by belittling them and explaining how they weren't as qualified as the men who once
worked in their positions unfortunately there would be a deterrent that shifted the focus from
unequal pay to a workers comp claim so we really had no support at this point we knew it because
he was very protective over the higher ups like he kept telling us not to go to them and that it
was such a bad thing that he had to go to them we were like whatever like this needs to be
investigated but at some point well this is going on we get in a car accident it wasn't that bad I
sprained my neck and Jenny was okay but it still totaled our truck and so this kind of like overlaps
any investigation into the equal pay act because now we were dealing with workers compensation
and I was like of course I'm going to file a workers comp suit because if I end up with
next issues for the rest of my life like this is what this is from and I also want to advise Jenny
appropriately and I'm like Jenny we're filing workers comp this is this is how it's done and
then Aaron's on the phone with me why didn't you just swayed from workers comp I'm like because that's
protected action that is illegal so I go to an urgent care because our urgent care had an
excellent machine and he's texting me and he's like why are you going to urgent care do you realize
that this is going to increase our monthly bill for workers comp pretty much trying to like make
me feel guilty for like receiving care and choosing urgent care and I'm like if you want to know if I
can work or not like I need to go and get an immediate answer and I keep like going back and
forth with him like he'd be a text about this so the equal pay act never gets brought up again
and then we just continue to like put our heads down and deal with different blittling language
every time we looked at this document and we like read through it again we're like what are we doing
you know what are we doing the document Anna and Jenny created to keep record of the things that
were problematic was helpful in more ways than one it was great for their own personal reference
and it made it easier to identify Aaron's patterns of behavior as they happened it also empowered
them to advocate for themselves it gave them a structured way to express their concerns to the
higher ups of this nonprofit so Jenny's like you know what we should go to the higher ups with this
document and I was like are you sure and she's like I think we should and so we're like I'm looking
at the handbook and it says that we can go to the vice chair so we go to the vice chair she agrees
to meet with us we tell her everything and she is completely astonished and she's like well
I will keep this to myself for now to try to protect you guys but it ends up coming up at one of
the higher up meetings and Aaron finds out and he's very upset with us and he gives us the cold
shoulder for like over a week and then nothing's ever really resolved and then Jenny doesn't really
feel too confident that anything will ever get resolved even though the vice chair was like supportive
she didn't want to be ostracized or like emotionally abused so she ends up believing
and so I'm dealing with him Aaron alone again and like things are very up and down still like
I'm very upset now and jaded that like I lost what was my best friend now at this workplace you know
it was really Dylan and Jenny for me that kept it together and now I didn't have either of them
we've been berated from going to the vice chair before and so they're like we want to reward you
for staying we want to give you a bonus or a promotion and I'm like cool so they send me this
job description of a to be promotion and they're like go ahead and add anything you'd like to have
you know Aaron needs a lot of help so maybe you can work a little bit more closely with Aaron
you know maybe you can continue to run the regulatory side of things as well and I'm thinking
to myself well not that I want to work closer to him but it would be really good on my resume
so I'm like you know can I be your assistant lead type of thing you're like oh I think that's
like two steps for you like let's make you like the widespread manager and you can kind of be the
glue and I'm like trying to like speak to like what he wants because we're fairly underpaid
at a nonprofit I mean it's part of the reason why Jenny left so I'm like okay but like for a whole
week of discussing this potential promotion like no one brings up salary at all so I literally
use chat gtp because I was so afraid of not sounding respectful enough and I'm like chat like
this is what I want to say this is my draft email can you make it sound more professional
just so it reads well because I was not going to have this conversation with Aaron over the phone
so I sent him an email and I'm like and I did my research and everything
and at this point I've had like enough experience so I kind of know what to expect
but he comes back with like he was just like you're and he said this to Jenny a couple of times too
he's like you're just so righteously indignant he loved the word indignant but I almost felt like
that was kind of like a reflection of how he was feeling at time and I was just like can you explain
to me like how I'm coming off this way like literally looking for like any constructive
criticism to improve like acknowledging my role in a situation trying to be as professional as
possible like if I really am a problem like everything goes both ways like there's got
to be something in here that like came off wrong and I'd like love honestly love to learn from it
but there was none of that feeling indignant can be a sign that someone cares deeply about issues
of fairness and justice it can motivate people to take action or advocate for positive change
Aaron was calling Anna indignant in an accusatory manner as if it was something she needed to work
on instead of understanding the context and realizing it was his actions or lack thereof
that caused unfair treatment and wrongdoing towards Anna the amount of money Anna was asking for
with the promotion was only four thousand dollars which in the grand scheme of things is not a
significant amount of money and considering how much the men before her were making it really
wasn't out of line with what she was being promoted for but Aaron wanted to make her jump
through hoops to get it so he calls me and so he like explains to me that like I should have just
taken whatever they decided to give me and that you know the only way I would ever receive a raise
or like you know anything other than a dry promotion would be to like get you know some kind of
offer from another job and I was like well I certainly hope that's the only way to receive a
raise here if not to get an offer from another job like that's really disheartening so I have
like a little bit more gut-seeing the situation and I'm just like you know I did my research I
don't understand what I said was was wrong about it like I don't know like if you could provide me
any criticism and he's like well you should just take what you're given and it was pretty
right just like indignant for you to throw out a number before we've even discussed it and I was
like Aaron like we've been talking about this for a week and like I've heard nothing about salary
and I was like of course I'm going to ask and so he's just being like incredibly rude to me on the
phone like one of the worst conversations I've ever had with him it ends with well I don't know
what else to say to you you know so I get off the phone with him and I just started crying my eyes out
because I am so fed up at this point so I call the vice chair even though I know I'm supposedly
not supposed to I call her and she answers and I'm just in like complete tears and she's like oh
my god like what is going on and so I tell her and she was like oh my god like you're not our slave
I would have expected you to ask about salary like long before the week mark and I was like thank you
and she's like nothing you're doing or saying is wrong at all I completely believe that you were
super respectful like I'm sorry this is happening so she kind of like talked me down a little bit
she's like I will figure this out and so Aaron started calling beeping her well she's on the phone
with me I'm like great well at least I'm glad I got to you first and so after they talk Aaron
starts texting me and he's like I really think we should clear the air before the weekend I was like
no I really am not in any position to talk to you right now we can talk next week and so Tuesday
rolls around and he's giving me the cold shoulder I go up to him and I'm like hey like if you still
want to talk we have a bi-weekly internal scheduled you know we could we can talk during then or we
were supposed to go out together and do some like outdoor work together and I was like where we could
talk then and he's like I'll let you know and like just cold solar me all day so I wait around for
like the that little reminder to go off of my calendar for the meeting I get a notification that
he cancels it and then he starts packing up in leagues to go do the outdoor work without saying
anything and then at the end of the day he's like we can talk tomorrow so Wednesday morning comes around
I am so anxious all Tuesday night long because I have no idea what to expect I'm so scared and I come
in Wednesday morning and he's like you didn't attempt to talk to me at all after this whole
situation I was like I sent you follow-up emails I talked to you two times throughout the day to
talk with you because you wanted to talk and he's like oh no I didn't want to talk I was just trying
to provide you space to talk so he goes through a list of points reminding me that there's no HR
the nonprofit is young even though it's been around for over like 12 years at this point
and that I need to respect the structure by not going to the vice chair and not speaking with her
that it's inappropriate another one of the fire ups told the vice chair that it was inappropriate
for her to be speaking with me even though that is our grievance policy so I told the vice chair
I was like you need to iron out this grievance policy because I have no supporter why is it in
a handbook if that's not what we're supposed to be doing and so I explained that to Erin and I was
like you know I was just trying to figure out like you know what I can understand and about my salary
and that I have little to work with in regards to anybody's opinion on my salary which like led to a
breakdown of communication and he didn't say anything he told me again I was indignant on
professional inappropriate demanding he also questioned my competence by continually saying
I have no experience which I've heard for two and a half years after leading this entire branch
of the organization and I was like I disagree which made him angry but he like didn't provide any
constructive advice examples of how he was indignant demanding aggressive you know unprofessional
like he said he's like I will not be recommending you for promotion because you're demanding an
inexperienced and so I'm thinking to myself this just feels like textbook retaliation for
reporting a violation of our policy this is bullying behavior and I'm going through our company
policy my performance reviews have been fantastic like I have documentation of how well I've done
since I've been here especially after losing Dylan and going through these changes and I'm like how
am I just like inexperienced and basically worthless and he kept saying he's like is there
any community to say to me so I felt like he was asking for an apology even though I didn't do anything
I go I'm sorry for talking to you while I was upset it probably kind of came off better on the phone
that day I was like can we apologize to each other and he goes I will not apologize I was too
intimidated and uncomfortable at that point to like be upfront about what mistakes I felt like he
made even though like the vice chair admitted to me that he was dealing with this really poorly
so he yeah he just told me more than once that I was like inexperienced unprofessional selfish
impatient and said that the vice chair fell on the sword for me and I reminded him I was just
following policy and he was like I'm unfamiliar with this reporting process and asked me to just
quote it off the top of my head I was like I can provide you a copy of the language but he wasn't
interested in that. Erin was using bullying gaslighting and coercion to get Anna to agree to
his terms when Anna refused to give in to his nonsense he retaliated by giving her the cold
shoulder and framing her to be the nonsensical and demanding one but Anna played by the rules
she put boundaries on the timing of her discussions with Erin so that she could participate without
being upset and overly emotional and she also sought out the counsel of the vice chair as
directed in the handbook but playing by the rules doesn't lead to a resolution when dealing with a
toxic boss. I've experienced enough turnover here to know that like I mean I was the only one sticking
it out like I was I was actually starting to question why nobody else was noticing why the
turnover like was like are they not seeing like especially after the vice chair like knew about
Jenny's concerns and then saw her leave like how was nobody making the connection or the way that
the guy who only stayed for a couple of months left like why is nobody making the connection
that this is the problem and like again as a local like I'm seriously concerned like we do an
important job like this isn't a joke like I understand that Erin's not from here and he gets to go
home every night and a different water supply but we don't it's like this isn't a joke so the next day
like after being berated the little intimidated friend and so on and he like continued to isolate
me I was like anxious all week I just felt like he was aware that I had nobody to report it to you
there were no witnesses just because Jenny was gone and if I continue to report it I'll just be
berated so I was like at this point afraid I was going to get fired because I felt like the girl
before me got fired for less the next day I get called into the chair's office and I was like
this is it I'm getting fired this is literally it for me like why why would I be getting called
into the chair's office because the girl before me in the email Erin was like we're gonna meet with
the chair and discuss your employment and then she was gone the chair was like super helpful
whenever I went through these harassment incidents so like he's never been like directly bad to me
but it always made me like suspicious that he was super close with Erin and he had just explained
to me that they're gonna wait to see where the new hire salary ends up but internally I was like
well that's kind of weird because the new hire salary is a known salary range so why are you
gonna tell me it's based on budget like holding off on my promotion when we know what that person's
salary is going to like fall within that doesn't make any sense and I told him I was like I feel
harassed and bullied and like this feels like retaliation and he was like no no no this is just
budget and like we're not gonna fire you like we've never had a discussion about firing you like
don't worry about it but at this point I'm like okay well if the only way I can get a raise is to get
an offer from another company then that is what I will do and sadly for them the offer that I ended
up getting like a week later didn't take me very long to get the exact salary I was asking for
somewhere else and they offered a lot of other benefits they wouldn't offer you know and so I
didn't give them an opportunity to negotiate I cried so hard knowing that I was going to accept
that offer because this is literally all I wanted to do if I had the opportunity to go back
and just be separate from Erin I would totally do that but for the rest of my life so I ended up
like telling them we hired a new girl who still texts me to this day when she needs help and so
one of the higher ups that talked to the vice chair and told her not to talk to me actually met
with me last weekend to spill the beans and why it left and I told her everything and I don't know
that anything will change but at least like the higher ups understand what happened whether or not
they want to believe it despite genuine efforts to communicate concerns and suggest improvements
some organizations may be resistant to change for various reasons whether it's blatant denial or
a systemic issue this can make it feel like a lost cause Anna loved the actual job at this
nonprofit and identified with its mission which gave her purpose but the poor leadership and
demeaning behavior from Erin was too much to bear she was forced to move on the ups and downs and
the ups and flows of these kinds of situations can be so confusing and like by nature they make you
doubt yourself and question your sanity and you are unwilling to believe how you're feeling
and the things that you're going through even if you have like numerous people telling you like
this is not okay that you find excuses for yourself and you find excuses for that person
and the entire situation so like your podcast helps me realize what I was going through and
like gave me the confidence to like reach out to you and I just want other people to like
see those similarities in their situation so they can have the confidence to know that they are worth
what they originally thought they were worth no matter like what this other person or yourself
might be making you believe like I got the salary I was asking for on my first ask and they hired me
right away like whoever is listening you were certainly worth it and get out of there if it
is not good for your health trust yourself the first couple of times I started to see these things
I had a hope that I would be able to fix things and I think in some doses you know that can be
healthy and helpful because I'm sure there are some situations where you can make great change
but to have given myself a deadline on that change I think would have been a better idea
you know it's not that I didn't listen to Dylan I certainly did but I think like the amount of
hope that I had was a little bit toxically positive so like to be a little bit more realistic about
that and like you know actually seek out what your heart knows are what are you willing to
tolerate and what are you not willing to tolerate like where are you going to draw the line in the
sand and to hold yourself to that unfortunately like I needed those years of experience to really
do well for this new job that I got so I probably would have stayed and endured but like I also
should have trusted myself earlier on there probably were jobs that were open that I could
have gotten an experience from that I wasn't looking for because I had the belief that I
can change things something Jenny said to me is like you can't give from an empty cup so I kept
staying because I didn't want to leave my community with an inexperienced staff you know that are
serving them I could have left behind documents for them to find when this person gets hired so
they weren't totally on their own if I really felt that way and I also should have like been able to
think of that statement myself is that you can't give from an empty cup like when I reached my
point of empty I should have paid more attention so like my productivity how well I was actually
doing I would try to take time off if I like sense myself not being productive but there were a lot
more times than that that I worked through it and I didn't feel like I was giving the community the
attention it deserved because I was just so depleted so like recognizing like depletion in
yourself is important instead of just powering through like we live in such a hustle culture
that so many of us believe like you have to keep going no matter what it is but to a degree like
you also have to like take care of yourself because you're not going to do your best if you're not at
your best no one's success path is linear even if you have to take a pay cut in order to get into
a situation that's not shameful at all progress is not linear I mean maybe going back to like my
earthy roots here and like pun intended because have you ever pulled a carrot out of the ground and
saw it like bend it like a 90 degree angle you're like what is wrong with this you know if you've
never done any gardening it's like that that's full or that root or whatever may have hit a rock in
its path and like maybe it had to turn but it never stopped growing and I think that's something
that more people need to recognize like there's so many of us that take a personal hit when we have
to like step back on our salary or step back and like a less managerial role thinking that we're
a failure but we're not you're always going to do better in that position if you're in a healthier
environment and one that you can actually thrive in and learn from and actually be genuinely
thanked for like the work that you do and not in a shallow kind of way leaving a toxic work
environment is not just an act of self-preservation it's the courageous choice to open new doors
of opportunity and personal growth just as a flower can't thrive in unhealthy soil neither can your
potential and well-being flourish in a toxic workplace embrace the wisdom to recognize when
it's time to move on and in doing so you make space for a new path one that aligns with your values
nurtures your talent and allows you to bloom into the best version of yourself leaving is not
admitting defeat it's acknowledging your worth and choosing a future where your contributions are
valued your efforts are rewarded and your spirit can soar unburdened next time on toxic workplace
I had another nurse who was there for 38 years she made me explain to her why I wanted to work on
the unit she said why would you want to work in a unit where there's only gossiping women
I was like because I'm a nurse and I wanted to work for children and she made me explain to her
like why I'm here just basically trying to seem like I didn't belong they were questioning me in
front of the providers to make it seem like I didn't know what I was doing which I didn't because
I was brand new and a lot of times I was on my own and I felt afraid to ask questions this was just
going on and on and then I had finally reached out to another co-worker and she was like you need
to stand up for yourself this one everything but fire I hope you enjoyed the podcast if you have
a story to share please go to toxic workplace podcasts dot com and click on be a guest your story
will be told anonymously all names are changed to protect the employee and the company and don't
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