1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:06,040 My name is Carly, this is Toxic Workplace, and I'm trying something new. 2 00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:12,080 This is my first after hours episode where I talk about different aspects of a toxic 3 00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:13,080 workplace. 4 00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:17,920 In each episode, I'll pick a topic that is a recurring theme or pattern that you'll 5 00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:20,320 hear in my podcast stories. 6 00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:25,520 And today I'm talking about why HR is not your friend. 7 00:00:25,520 --> 00:00:29,920 Now this isn't to say that there aren't friendly HR people out there. 8 00:00:29,920 --> 00:00:34,600 I was an HR manager for years, and I'm sure I have some nice listeners out there that 9 00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:39,920 are in HR, and they're probably feeling stuck in a toxic workplace with their hands tied. 10 00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:45,800 So for purposes of this podcast, I'm referring to the HR people that are part of the toxic 11 00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:47,840 workplace problem. 12 00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:54,960 So if you listen to the stories on this podcast, more times than not, HR is non-existent, part 13 00:00:54,960 --> 00:01:01,000 of the problem, or they have no true power to actually help with the problem. 14 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:05,840 Because let's be real, the only people with the power to control a toxic workplace are 15 00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:08,560 the toxic leaders themselves. 16 00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:14,040 So even if you have a wonderful, level-headed, empathetic person in the HR position, they 17 00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:18,560 have no weight to bear against the warped agenda of the people at the top. 18 00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:23,160 Okay, so first and foremost, HR is an advocate for the employer. 19 00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:28,600 They're there to protect the company from litigation and make sure the company is compliant 20 00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:30,440 with labor laws. 21 00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:36,240 So if you're bringing a grievance to HR, you're notifying the company of your issue. 22 00:01:36,240 --> 00:01:41,120 Expect that HR is going to report that to management, and if management deems your grievance to 23 00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:47,360 be irreconcilable, they may find a way to move you out of your position or out of the 24 00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:48,660 company. 25 00:01:48,660 --> 00:01:54,840 Even if your intentions were pure and resolution-oriented, if your complaint goes against the grain, 26 00:01:54,840 --> 00:02:00,360 against some hidden agenda, your days are probably numbered, and you might even see retaliation 27 00:02:00,360 --> 00:02:02,120 for lodging your complaint. 28 00:02:02,120 --> 00:02:05,360 You may have heard this on some of the episodes on this podcast. 29 00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:09,560 The one that comes to mind is Elizabeth's story of working on Wall Street. 30 00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:12,040 She dealt with sexual harassment. 31 00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:17,220 She put in her complaint with HR, and from that point on, they made her life miserable. 32 00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:19,280 If you haven't listened to that story, listen to it. 33 00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:22,280 It's from season one, if you haven't already. 34 00:02:22,280 --> 00:02:28,200 Anyway, one thing people should remember is that HR is always going to pledge their allegiance 35 00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:30,480 to the person who signs their paycheck. 36 00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:32,400 This isn't anything against you. 37 00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:37,840 It really has nothing to do with you, and it has everything to do with their job security. 38 00:02:37,840 --> 00:02:42,360 As you know from this podcast, these toxic leaders can be highly manipulative, and the 39 00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:46,160 HR position is an important position to control. 40 00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:50,320 Which control is another reoccurring theme on this podcast. 41 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:54,960 Toxic leaders like to have full control over the culture and its people, and if that's 42 00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:58,080 the case, then I would bet one of the following are true. 43 00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:04,400 Either HR doesn't exist, the HR person was hired in as a friend or family member, or 44 00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:10,720 the HR person is underqualified with no experience and a title they probably didn't earn. 45 00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:15,440 You see, when control is an issue, then the controlling leader is going to hire and retain 46 00:03:15,440 --> 00:03:18,680 people that they think they can control and manipulate. 47 00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:21,200 They essentially see HR as their puppet. 48 00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:26,320 By hiring a friend or family member, they're almost always guaranteed to get their way 49 00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:30,160 and do what they want without worry of what HR is going to say. 50 00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:36,000 Similarly, promoting someone that's underqualified and probably not secure in that role, the 51 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:39,720 leader is going to be able to dictate what does and doesn't fly. 52 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:44,920 I can tell you now, only that toxic leader's agenda is going to be flying high. 53 00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:47,960 I experienced this in one of the toxic places I worked. 54 00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:53,120 The owners of this company wanted an HR manager that they could mold into someone who would 55 00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:55,040 carry out their agenda. 56 00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:58,320 They wanted young candidates with like zero experience. 57 00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:02,520 They weren't looking for someone who could educate them on how to be a better company 58 00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:04,560 or create a better culture. 59 00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:05,640 They wanted a puppet. 60 00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:08,560 They wanted somebody to carry out their dirty work. 61 00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:13,560 They were on their third HR manager in a matter of five years, while simultaneously having 62 00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:15,720 30% turnover. 63 00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:17,720 It was pretty bad. 64 00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:22,840 And maybe one of these days I'll be able to share my story, but unfortunately it's 65 00:04:22,840 --> 00:04:27,040 not really anonymous, so we'll see. 66 00:04:27,040 --> 00:04:31,680 Another common denominator these toxic workplaces have is a lack of trust. 67 00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:36,080 The longer you stay in a toxic workplace, the more you realize that no one really trusts 68 00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:40,120 anybody and there tends to be this eye for an eye mentality. 69 00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:44,400 If this is the case, then HR will be no different from the rest. 70 00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:47,760 We're all products of our environment and HR is no exception. 71 00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:51,800 All right, so what are you supposed to do if you're in a toxic workplace and you can't 72 00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:53,880 trust HR with your grievances? 73 00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:57,360 Look, I'm always going to say this first and foremost. 74 00:04:57,360 --> 00:05:01,520 You need to make your job search your part-time gig. 75 00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:03,760 Toxic workplaces do not change. 76 00:05:03,760 --> 00:05:06,480 Bid your time and look for new opportunities. 77 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:11,960 Be a resume writer, take a professional development class at a local college, do what you need 78 00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:17,920 to do to gain the confidence you need to walk into an interview with your future employer. 79 00:05:17,920 --> 00:05:18,920 You've got this. 80 00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:22,800 You just have to put in the time and the effort and it's going to come to you. 81 00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:28,720 And I know it's hard when you're in the turmoil of these toxic work environments, but I promise 82 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:32,680 you, as soon as you get out, you're going to find yourself again. 83 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:37,000 Like I say in my intro, it's a soul-crushing experience. 84 00:05:37,000 --> 00:05:42,880 So the best advice that I can give to anybody is to get out of a toxic workplace. 85 00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:47,480 But in the meantime, while you're biding your time and while you're putting your resume 86 00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:53,680 out there, find a trusted friend, a family member, or a therapist that you can confide 87 00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:54,680 in. 88 00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:59,200 Inventing your frustrations with somebody that you trust is one of the best ways to 89 00:05:59,200 --> 00:06:00,920 release your stress. 90 00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:03,320 Also, get out of your daily pattern. 91 00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:08,400 I know with me personally, I get into ruts where it's day in, day out, the same thing, 92 00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:10,520 the same pattern every single day. 93 00:06:10,520 --> 00:06:13,680 Try to shake up your daily routine. 94 00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:18,800 Maybe go for a five to 10 minute walk at a time that you normally don't go for a walk. 95 00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:22,120 Maybe you go bowling and you haven't been bowling in 20 years. 96 00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:27,280 Go to the park and get on a swing and swing on the swing set. 97 00:06:27,280 --> 00:06:28,760 I don't know. 98 00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:35,000 I've got two kids, so that's one of my favorite things is to go on a swing. 99 00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:36,400 But you know what I mean? 100 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:41,600 You want to do something that's fun and lighthearted and different and healthy. 101 00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:46,200 Start putting elements of that into your day and it will start to take away from your focus 102 00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:48,440 of a bad situation. 103 00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:54,400 Do something you wouldn't normally do that will take the shift away from that daily routine. 104 00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:58,880 Because a lot of times these daily routines are what contribute to the spiral that we 105 00:06:58,880 --> 00:07:00,520 start to go down. 106 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:03,120 So I know this is short. 107 00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:04,680 I'd love to hear your feedback. 108 00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:06,800 I love getting feedback from my listeners. 109 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:11,760 If you go to ToxicWorkplacePodcast.com and on the homepage, if you scroll to the bottom, 110 00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:14,600 you'll see a leave feedback form. 111 00:07:14,600 --> 00:07:16,240 Let me know what you think. 112 00:07:16,240 --> 00:07:22,000 Maybe if you have ideas for a future after hours episode that you want me to talk about. 113 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:23,360 Maybe you have a question. 114 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:25,600 Maybe you have a question about your situation. 115 00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:30,520 Also I love to see reviews on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, so please leave a review if you 116 00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:31,520 haven't already. 117 00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:34,240 And to those of you who have, thank you so much. 118 00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:38,560 It always brightens my day to see a five star positive review. 119 00:07:38,560 --> 00:07:43,960 And last but not least, if you have a story you want to share on the podcast, please go 120 00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:50,880 to my website, ToxicWorkplacePodcast.com, click on be a guest, send me your submission, and 121 00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:52,360 we will be in contact. 122 00:07:52,360 --> 00:07:56,800 So, with that, thanks for listening. 123 00:07:56,800 --> 00:08:22,840 Go get some rest because you have to get up and do it all over again tomorrow.