My name is Carly, this is Toxic Workplace, and I'm trying something new.
This is my first after hours episode where I talk about different aspects of a toxic
workplace.
In each episode, I'll pick a topic that is a recurring theme or pattern that you'll
hear in my podcast stories.
And today I'm talking about why HR is not your friend.
Now this isn't to say that there aren't friendly HR people out there.
I was an HR manager for years, and I'm sure I have some nice listeners out there that
are in HR, and they're probably feeling stuck in a toxic workplace with their hands tied.
So for purposes of this podcast, I'm referring to the HR people that are part of the toxic
workplace problem.
So if you listen to the stories on this podcast, more times than not, HR is non-existent, part
of the problem, or they have no true power to actually help with the problem.
Because let's be real, the only people with the power to control a toxic workplace are
the toxic leaders themselves.
So even if you have a wonderful, level-headed, empathetic person in the HR position, they
have no weight to bear against the warped agenda of the people at the top.
Okay, so first and foremost, HR is an advocate for the employer.
They're there to protect the company from litigation and make sure the company is compliant
with labor laws.
So if you're bringing a grievance to HR, you're notifying the company of your issue.
Expect that HR is going to report that to management, and if management deems your grievance to
be irreconcilable, they may find a way to move you out of your position or out of the
company.
Even if your intentions were pure and resolution-oriented, if your complaint goes against the grain,
against some hidden agenda, your days are probably numbered, and you might even see retaliation
for lodging your complaint.
You may have heard this on some of the episodes on this podcast.
The one that comes to mind is Elizabeth's story of working on Wall Street.
She dealt with sexual harassment.
She put in her complaint with HR, and from that point on, they made her life miserable.
If you haven't listened to that story, listen to it.
It's from season one, if you haven't already.
Anyway, one thing people should remember is that HR is always going to pledge their allegiance
to the person who signs their paycheck.
This isn't anything against you.
It really has nothing to do with you, and it has everything to do with their job security.
As you know from this podcast, these toxic leaders can be highly manipulative, and the
HR position is an important position to control.
Which control is another reoccurring theme on this podcast.
Toxic leaders like to have full control over the culture and its people, and if that's
the case, then I would bet one of the following are true.
Either HR doesn't exist, the HR person was hired in as a friend or family member, or
the HR person is underqualified with no experience and a title they probably didn't earn.
You see, when control is an issue, then the controlling leader is going to hire and retain
people that they think they can control and manipulate.
They essentially see HR as their puppet.
By hiring a friend or family member, they're almost always guaranteed to get their way
and do what they want without worry of what HR is going to say.
Similarly, promoting someone that's underqualified and probably not secure in that role, the
leader is going to be able to dictate what does and doesn't fly.
I can tell you now, only that toxic leader's agenda is going to be flying high.
I experienced this in one of the toxic places I worked.
The owners of this company wanted an HR manager that they could mold into someone who would
carry out their agenda.
They wanted young candidates with like zero experience.
They weren't looking for someone who could educate them on how to be a better company
or create a better culture.
They wanted a puppet.
They wanted somebody to carry out their dirty work.
They were on their third HR manager in a matter of five years, while simultaneously having
30% turnover.
It was pretty bad.
And maybe one of these days I'll be able to share my story, but unfortunately it's
not really anonymous, so we'll see.
Another common denominator these toxic workplaces have is a lack of trust.
The longer you stay in a toxic workplace, the more you realize that no one really trusts
anybody and there tends to be this eye for an eye mentality.
If this is the case, then HR will be no different from the rest.
We're all products of our environment and HR is no exception.
All right, so what are you supposed to do if you're in a toxic workplace and you can't
trust HR with your grievances?
Look, I'm always going to say this first and foremost.
You need to make your job search your part-time gig.
Toxic workplaces do not change.
Bid your time and look for new opportunities.
Be a resume writer, take a professional development class at a local college, do what you need
to do to gain the confidence you need to walk into an interview with your future employer.
You've got this.
You just have to put in the time and the effort and it's going to come to you.
And I know it's hard when you're in the turmoil of these toxic work environments, but I promise
you, as soon as you get out, you're going to find yourself again.
Like I say in my intro, it's a soul-crushing experience.
So the best advice that I can give to anybody is to get out of a toxic workplace.
But in the meantime, while you're biding your time and while you're putting your resume
out there, find a trusted friend, a family member, or a therapist that you can confide
in.
Inventing your frustrations with somebody that you trust is one of the best ways to
release your stress.
Also, get out of your daily pattern.
I know with me personally, I get into ruts where it's day in, day out, the same thing,
the same pattern every single day.
Try to shake up your daily routine.
Maybe go for a five to 10 minute walk at a time that you normally don't go for a walk.
Maybe you go bowling and you haven't been bowling in 20 years.
Go to the park and get on a swing and swing on the swing set.
I don't know.
I've got two kids, so that's one of my favorite things is to go on a swing.
But you know what I mean?
You want to do something that's fun and lighthearted and different and healthy.
Start putting elements of that into your day and it will start to take away from your focus
of a bad situation.
Do something you wouldn't normally do that will take the shift away from that daily routine.
Because a lot of times these daily routines are what contribute to the spiral that we
start to go down.
So I know this is short.
I'd love to hear your feedback.
I love getting feedback from my listeners.
If you go to ToxicWorkplacePodcast.com and on the homepage, if you scroll to the bottom,
you'll see a leave feedback form.
Let me know what you think.
Maybe if you have ideas for a future after hours episode that you want me to talk about.
Maybe you have a question.
Maybe you have a question about your situation.
Also I love to see reviews on Apple Podcasts and Spotify, so please leave a review if you
haven't already.
And to those of you who have, thank you so much.
It always brightens my day to see a five star positive review.
And last but not least, if you have a story you want to share on the podcast, please go
to my website, ToxicWorkplacePodcast.com, click on be a guest, send me your submission, and
we will be in contact.
So, with that, thanks for listening.
Go get some rest because you have to get up and do it all over again tomorrow.