Now, welcome to another inspiring edition of
Sound Insight with Dr. Tom Curran. Welcome to
the Coaching Hour with Dr. Tom Curran. On Thursdays,
I dedicate this time to share with you insights
drawn from my work coaching executives and leaders,
both in Catholic settings, having worked with
Catholic church leaders for 35 years, as well
as in corporate America, where I've coached CEOs
and C -suite executives for over 25 years. And
I'm being a steward. I want to hand on to you
insights. It's so fascinating that The insights
that are drawn from our Catholic faith and this
incredible Western tradition of philosophy and
theology can have a fruitful impact on how you
lead, on how you operate. So I'm going to share
with you some interesting questions to get conversations
started that are kind of coaching questions,
but I'm going to focus in on a leadership theme
that is going to be principally hidden in your
life, but will have an incredible visible impact
when you show up in a room. A hidden reality
that has a visible impact. I don't even have
to hide it from you. I'm talking about intercessory
prayer and how leaders have a very specific call
and role to play in interceding. for others.
So I'm going to share some stories and themes
around that today. But I want to kick things
off with some, again, interesting questions.
And these came from the guy who is considered
in some ways the father of the modern or the
contemporary profession of coaching. His name
is Thomas Leonard. And I'll introduce those questions
to you in a moment. Prayer is a dialogue with
the Lord. It's not just us communicating with
God, but it's us talking to God, I should say.
It's us communicating with God. That means there's
a back and a forth. And if we have the insight
drawn from our tradition, it's that communication
starts on God's side. So even though I'm going
to start with a prayer right now, there's something
that precedes my prayer, and that is the grace.
and the inspiration, and this situation that
I'm in that gives rise to an opportunity to pray.
And so let's pray. In the name of the Father,
and the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen. Loving
God, I thank you and I praise you for who you
are and for all that you've done for us. And
Lord, I ask that you would... Give us the grace
we need today, Lord, to stay in that rich dialogue
with you. Lord, we want to come to insight that
you have for us. Help us, Lord, to come to know
a new level of seeing into our own lives, seeing
into your will for our lives, especially as we
walk with you, Lord, as you accompany us in this
season. Thank you, Lord, for the gifts and graces
you've poured out upon our lives. Make us good
stewards of them. And we make this prayer, Jesus,
in your holy name. Amen. In the name of the Father
and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen. What is
something that you're doing that you'd like to
do better? What is something that you're not
doing that you'd like to start doing? And what's
something that you're doing that you'd like to
no longer do? And what's something that you don't
have that you'd like to attain? Those are four
questions that Thomas Leonard is the source of
them for me. And I learned of this back in, I
think it was 1998. It was that long ago when
I discovered of this realm of coaching. And he
was one of the, again, thought leaders at the
time and helped spread this as an alternative
to training or therapy or consulting or being
a mentor. Being a coach has an opportunity to
walk with someone and help them to advance, help
them to improve. Oftentimes, there are two elements
to coaching. There's an element of overcoming
certain brokennesses and weaknesses, and there's
an element of, I'm going to continue to advance
and mature the giftings that I have. It's a lot
like, believe it or not, it's like Lent, walking
through the desert. When you walk through the
desert with the Lord and you are... praying and
fasting and giving alms, right? You're taking
on these disciplines of Lent. You're attempting
to walk with the Lord and make this journey,
right? And this 40 -day journey through the desert
is both drawn from the scriptural Exodus. And
in that Exodus journey, what do you see? You
see this journey from, you're trying to leave
behind the brokennesses and the slavery aspects
of being in Egypt. And you're trying to grow
in the, let's call it, exercise those muscles
of being children of God and following his lead
wherever he would take us. And so moving into
that promised land of good things that the Lord
has for us. And so is fasting principally about
breaking the chains of bondage to the brokennesses
in our lives? Or is it about spiritually working
us out so that we become more hungry for God's
word? Yes. The answer is yes. It's both. It's
both of those elements. And you could do the
same thing with prayer and with almsgiving. And
so coaching is similar to that. And when I sit
down and I work with someone across the table
or I'm working with a group or a couple, it's,
okay, let's identify the gift that you are and
the gifts that you have. This is a really interesting
thing because when I start an engagement with
someone or with a company, the first thing I
do when I parachute in is I'll do an assessment.
Try to gain insight into what's going on at a
human level, right? What's happening in terms
of dynamics on the leadership team or in this
particular individual for whom I'm going to be
working as a coach or what's happening in the
organization. And it's so important to begin
with some... insight that can come from gathering
of information, gathering from those that are
around this person. And the first question in
that assessment is, what are this person's best
gifts? What are this person's best gifts? And
it's so funny. And I just, hey, take a note of
this. When I sit down across the table and I'm
saying, hey, I'm here to talk with you about
Executive X or this leader in the company. And
are you ready? Okay, here we go. It's five short
questions. Here's the first question. What are
their best gifts? And they get stopped in their
tracks so often because they think that I'm going
to be principally interested in. Or what they
are principally interested in is talking about
the failures, where that person falls short,
where are the gaps that exist in that person's
exercise of their role in the organization or
how they're showing up in the organization. And
so when I have them frame this conversation first
around the reality of gifts, and that each person
is a gift and has gifts and let's try to identify
what those best gifts are and how are those gifts
having an impact. Do you know what that does?
It's a very fascinating thing. I have done over
a thousand hours of these types of one -on -one
interviews to gain insight into individuals'
lives and all of that. It's a way for me to start
sowing seeds in each of these interviews that
I'm doing. In each of these interview assessments
that I'm doing, I'm already starting to sow the
seeds of the gift message, that each person is
a gift and has gifts. And what will often happen,
not always, but will often happen in this conversation
is that I will have an opportunity to very briefly,
in sort of like a laser -like fashion, talk with
them about the gift that he or she is. the person
that I'm interviewing. There's got nothing to
do with the coaching engagement other than you're
an interviewee and just was to help me get insight
into that other person. Well, I'm going to just
give you a quick little gift here. I'm going
to help you just quickly identify your best gift
and how that's making a difference. And that
becomes a way for them to say, oh, okay, I get
that. So now I know how to share about this person.
And guess what it does? It also changes the atmosphere.
It changes the consciousness, right? How they're
approaching this conversation of, oh, I'm here
to help give insight into this person. The first
thing and the most important thing and the foundational
thing that we want to focus on are the gifts
that this person has, the gift this person is
who's bringing these gifts to bear, and what
difference they're making. And so that, brothers
and sisters, that has big impacts on how we're
living our lives. And so my kids, they kind of
joke about it. They joke about when I would be
meeting with them growing up one -on -one to
correct them. They did something wrong and, okay,
let's meet with dad. Or I'm here to help them
advance or improve in something where they're
falling short. They know that they're going to
get a gift sandwich. And this is funny because
it's really funny because when I sit down, the
first thing I'll say is, you know, you're such
a gift. And here are the ways that I see you
being a gift in this family and the way that
God shines through you and in all of this. And
they're like, I thought I was in trouble. I thought
I was going to get something really bad said
to me. And then on the basis of that gift that
I see that you are, let's talk about how you
showed up in that instance. or how you're showing
up right now in your relationship with your sibling,
or how you're showing up right now at school.
And what I'm doing is, is I'm offering criticism
that's not destructive, or it's much less likely
to be destructive, but it's constructive. Because
it's being built on a foundation of, look me
in the eyes, you are a gift. I see that. I acknowledge,
I want you to know that. I want you to sense
that that's what's radiating forth from me and
you can see it in my eyes that you are a gift.
And at the same time, you need to know I am really
upset. I am angry at what you've done, how you've
fallen short and settled for less. This is not
something I'm going to accept and neither should
you. And now let's talk about that. And so we'll
discuss that and we'll come up with, okay, what's
going to be the punishment or the next steps
that will be followed up. And then when that
is completed, I will finish with the thank you.
And I want you to shine even more brightly this
beautiful gift that you are. And so there's the
gift sandwich. I begin with that, with the bun,
the really yummy tasting bread. And then we get
to the meat, which is the heart of the matter
that we need to talk about. And then we finish
with the bottom side of the bun or the top side
of the bun, however you want to say it. So that
you're going to be asked to take in a lot here,
oh loved one of mine, but you're going to be
asked to take it in in a context, in a sandwich
that is marked by this reality that you're a
gift. So honestly, when this... This then helps
shape and mold the other questions that show
up in the assessment. I'll bring those out into
the open at some point with you as well. But
just to say right now, beginning like that has
such a power in impacting the nature of what
else is going to show up in the rest of that
interview. And so I encourage you to think about
that. Ponder that, that little bit of insight.
and see how you might use it. Take action on
that the next time that you're going to have
a crucial conversation with a loved one. You
know, one where there's a lot at stake or one
where there's something that you need to address.
Can I serve it up in a gift sandwich? And so
it's an important thing to be thinking about.
So as a coach, yes, I'm there to identify the
assets or the gifts that will help this person
advance and help this person to, again, shine
more brightly and be more impactful in the organization.
So that's called good to great coaching. Coaching
good to great. You take high performers and you
help them excel even greater. Now, even those
high performers have what's called a shadow side
because very often, which is fascinating, is
what that person is the best at also has this
shadow side to it where all of a sudden that
best gift is starting to have negative consequences.
And there's a basic reason for it. And what is
it? Well, I'm good at this. And so I naturally
flow into it. I see the positive impact it has.
So I'll continue to do it. And even then, when
I move outside the path where that gift in its
application or its utilization is going to have
this really beautiful productive impact to it.
I've moved outside it. And now it's the thing
that I'm not just defaulting to, but I'm kind
of using entirely and I'm missing out on the
other side. I'm missing out on the thing that
will counterbalance that. And so then all of
a sudden that gift becomes the brokenness. It
has that broken side to it. And so whether it's
that or whether it's other aspects of an executive's
life, there's that side where it's called turnaround
coaching. where part of a coaching engagement
is helping someone turn around from heading in
the wrong direction. And so typically, there's
a leading with one or the other. You're a good
to great coach, and you happen to also deal with
the shadow sides, or you're a turnaround coach.
And part of what helps them turn around is helping
to recover some of what they're good at. Our
devoted to coaching insights shared with you
that you can apply into your life. I'm sharing
with you this and I begin with a prayer, right?
And in this prayer, I'm referencing the reality
that we're in this Lenten season. We're on this
journey through the desert and we're both implementing
things to grow. strengthen ourselves, so spiritual
training asceticism, as well as to put to death
those parts of our lives that are holding us
back in spiritual bondage. That's mortification,
right? So that's ascetical theology. That's that
mystical theology, sorry. That's that theology
of growing in holiness and growing to shine more
brightly with the face of Christ. And what's
interesting is that I will typically, especially
if I'm in a faith setting, I will, of course,
I begin my sessions with prayer and so what is
fascinating though is that in Typically, clients
are very open to that because they're working
with me because I have a background in faith
and I'm going to bring that to bear. And so being
able to begin with a prayer is a beautiful way,
again, of welcoming the Lord into the midst of
us. Remember, coaching is some of the answers
lie within you. Some of the answers lie within
me. Some of the answers come from beyond us.
And so when we're consciously, intentionally
beginning with a prayer, we're asking the Lord
to be at work and to speak. And one of the ways
that I pray when I'm praying with someone at
the beginning of a coaching session, and honestly,
I say coaching session, but it's a routine thing
for me to have someone say, hey, I want to bounce
something off of you. I, today, full disclosure,
got two text messages from two different people
that are part of my life who said, hey, can I
get together with you? I want to talk with you
about something. And so those are, you know,
a cup of coffee, have a conversation. And these
are... coaching conversations, where when we
get together, I'm going to say, hey, can we pray
as we get started? And when we do, I want you
to notice one of the things that I'll say. I'm
going to imagine I'm working with you, because
again, I'm sharing this with you because this
is a way for you to consider praying in crucial
conversations that you're having with your spouse
or your kids or a loved one or a friend, right?
And they want to talk about something important.
Right in the name of the Father and the Son and
the Holy Spirit. Amen. Heavenly Father, I thank
you and I praise you in Jesus' holy name for
the gift of our lives, for the graces that have
brought us to this moment. And Lord Jesus, Be
with us as a good shepherd. Shepherd us in this
conversation. And Holy Spirit, we give you permission.
We yield to you. We are docile to your promptings.
And we ask for an anointing on this conversation
that you, Holy Spirit, would prompt us into the
right things to say that would be a blessing
to this person I'm talking to, that it would
glorify the Lord, and that it would be a fruitful
use of the lives and the gifts you've given to
us. And Lord, I ask that if anything that I share
is not from you, I pray that it would not be
heard. I pray that it would gently be washed
away. But Lord, if there is something that I
share that, and in this conversation happens,
that is from you, I pray that it would take root
and that it would blossom and it would have the
effect that you intend. And I make this prayer,
Jesus, in your holy name. Amen. And so what's
fascinating is the people hear that, the person
I'm talking to hears that, and they say, wow.
And there are probably several reasons for the
wow. One of them is... Wow, the Lord, he actually
cares about this conversation. He actually set
this up. He's part of this conversation. Number
one. Number two, he's not just part of it, but
he's not just a passive observer on the sidelines.
No, we've put him right into the center. We've
asked Jesus to shepherd it so that it glorifies
the Lord. It's a blessing to us. And we've asked
the Holy Spirit to prompt and anoint. When I
say anoint, I mean that it's going to flow. It's
going to flow in a way that just... makes things
easier, like shockingly easier. And the kind
of insights that come out are just not planned
in advance, but they happen quickly and immediately.
And so I've just witnessed. Oh, and then the
last one is this, is I say, I'm not presuming
that anything I share is coming from the Lord.
I'm hoping. And I'm going to put my discernment,
my sensitivity onto the Spirit, and I'm going
to share in accord with my background. But I
really do pray, and I mean it, that if there's
something that is not from God, that they might
hear it in the moment, they might be struck by
it in the moment, but when they leave that moment,
it's amazing. It's amazing how insights that...
They might be heard and they might think, I am
never going to forget that powerful insight that
just came to my life in this conversation. I
am never going to forget that. And they walk
out of the room and they forget it. And they'll
say, how did we say that again? How did that
happen again? I think I've gotten two emails
in the last couple of days from people that I've
spoken with. I really appreciated meeting with
you and someone else. Thank you so much. We're
looking forward to meeting with you again. That's
why I will say when I'm meeting over online,
hey, can we record this? I'll give you permission
to record it because something might just come
up that just might be that striking to you that
you won't want to forget it. Those that say no,
almost assuredly will regret it. They regret
it afterwards and they'll say, wait a minute,
wait a minute, what? Can we just start recording
now? Right? And because the power of an insight
is that it does take root, but just like you
hear the gospel of the four types of soil, that
seed, that seed of the word, that word of God,
that insight that the Lord intended to be heard,
there's no guarantee that it's going to find
itself in that rich soil that will yield a hundredfold.
there are three chances out of four it can land
on the rocky soil and be stolen by Satan. It
doesn't have depth. And so it doesn't have the
strength to grow or it gets caught up in the
brambles, anxieties and stresses of the day and
it gets choked off. And so we don't want that
to happen. That's honestly one of the reasons
why coaching tends to be a relationship. It tends
to be, let's meet for a handful of sessions because
the insights that come in one session, you kind
of circle around the track and you have a chance
to do the next session and be able to say, oh,
that's right. Let's remember this. By the way,
that's another reason why I love whiteboards.
Again, I'm looking at five big old whiteboards,
probably four feet by three feet whiteboards
in front of me because I can see the sense of
the whole. And when I'm meeting with people,
I'll say, okay, let's walk through this again
and map things out with them and start writing
stuff down that we've covered before and we're
synthesizing it. And it's like, oh yeah, that's
right. Oh yeah, that's right. Oh, let me try
that. And it's amazing how it takes time and
time and time again to integrate a new insight
into one's life so that they're not just remembering
it as information. They not only can speak it
back because now it's becoming some knowledge,
but they begin to think on the basis of that
insight. Did you hear that? That's worthy of
a whole much longer conversation. I typically
talk about that when I'm working with a corporation
on culture or a church leadership group on culture.
It's that atmosphere. That's taken for granted.
It's morally charged. And so what are the values
that are in that atmosphere? Those are traced
back to insights that have taken root and now
begin to shape how we see and not just are parroted
back in group settings. So the gift message,
you're a gift, right? They might say, oh, that's
right, I forgot about that. And the next time
they're saying, oh yeah, I am a gift, and why
am I a gift? Well, there's only one of me in
all of human history, and I'm going to display
something about the goodness and beauty and truth
of being a human being, or if in a faith context,
that Christ is going to shine through me in a
way that's unique. That means that there's something
about me that's irreplaceable. I'm one of a kind.
Human history will never see me again. That's
how God designed you. As a result of that, you're
precious. You have this dignity, right? So now
those truths, eventually people can remember
them. Eventually people will be able to say them
maybe quicker and better than I can say them.
But the process is you start with learning the
ideas. Then those ideas will begin to take root
in your mind where you can remember them and
they can begin to show up in your speech. But
eventually they're going to take root in your
heart and they're going to blossom forth in your
life how you see. So not only will you begin
to see yourself as this gift that has been given
to you as a gift through the gazing in the eyes
of love, especially the Lord, but then even other
human beings who become conduits of the love
of the Lord. But then you begin to be able to
talk about people being gifts. You begin to talk
about people in affirming ways. But eventually
then it becomes how you see. It becomes how you
see. And when people know that about you, oh,
when you radiate this gift message into the world
around you, it changes things. It does. It has
a tangible impact. I think I told you last, I
think it was in my last Thursday program, I was
mentioning to someone who said, Yes, I want to
meet with you. I want to be coached by you. And
I just said something about the gift that that
person was and they started crying. And when
I'm at a restaurant or I'm going through a line
and there's someone who's at a supermarket, the
person at the cash register checking out my stuff,
I will almost assuredly, almost without exception,
like when I'm at a restaurant, what's your name?
They don't even tell me their name. What's your
name? And when they come back, thank you, and
I'll speak their name to them. And if they're
there for a moment and it doesn't look like they're
just rushed, I'll engage them as a person who
has a name. And the difference that that makes
is huge. It's huge. And it's more common than
less that the person waiting the table will comment
on that. And their demeanor, their attitude,
it's enjoyable. It's life -giving. And they're
not just taking on that demeanor. You can tell
there's something about they enjoy the interaction
because they're seen as a person. So it's a powerful
thing. So what I'm sharing with you that in the
end... Your capacity to sit down across from
your kid and you're going to correct them for
bad behavior and you want to serve up a gift
sandwich. It's going to mean more than you simply
having the correct method. Okay, let's see now.
Okay, hold on. Before I correct you for that
bad thing you did, let me see if I can come up
with three good things that are affirmations
of gifts that you have. Okay, hold on. Let me
see if I can come up with them. And you can see
it. But wait a minute. Oh, finally, the juicy
part is here. I get to correct you for what you've
done. Trust me, that's what's going to be radiating
forth from you. Where is the energy? What's the
tone of voice? What's the attitude that is oozing
out of you in that conversation? When they look
in your eyes, do they see you're a gift or they
see you're a knucklehead, right? You can't fake
that. So that's the path that we're on. That's
the path that we're on. If we're going to grow
in this dialogical capacity to manifest Christ
in all of these circumstances, and we want to
be useful to the Lord, and be useful in such
a way that the things that I talk about are things
that you intend me to say, and those things that
were not meant to be heard, I pray that they
are not heard. Bring that into your conversations.
You know, you're taking a walk with a friend.
You're meeting up in your Bible study and you're
going to be sharing maybe some personal things,
right? That's a beautiful prayer to pray. Consider
integrating a prayer like that. That all came
from my coaching work and I hand it on to you
as a gift. All right, we'll be back in a minute.
So this brings me back around to... the theme
that I mentioned to you at the very beginning
of the program. You might be saying, hey, I thought
he was going to talk about intercessory prayer
in the life of the leader. He's been talking
all about coaching engagements and assessing
people in interviews and rooms and all of that.
But did you track the flow of the conversation?
Did you see how I've been developing it? And
I said to you at the very end of that last section,
you can't fake it. Okay, well, how do we become
authentic then? How do we grow in the authenticity
and in the profundity of the words we speak having
a big impact? Really, truly impressing itself
into the minds and hearts of those that are around
us, in our families, in our marriages, and yes,
in our workplaces as well. Well, intercessory
prayer. It is a very powerful and important lever.
That's not why you do it, but it's a powerful
differentiator and difference maker in your life.
If you commit to pray for those that are under
your care, those that the Lord has planted in
your lives. Now, who's that? That could be...
applied both to, guess what, the family and the
workplace. It could be applied to your church
men's group or Bible study. And yes, it can apply
as well to your networking group and your professional
associations that you're a member of. Fascinating.
I was at Mass. Uh, and I was praying for at mass.
It popped into my mind to pray for this executive
that, uh, it just, I don't even know. It just
kind of came out of the blue. I should be praying
for that person. And so I did, I didn't, it didn't
come into my mind, but there's a way in which
here's the, here's the thing. When, when you
pray for someone, it shifts how you see them.
I remember talking to Carrie, I was coaching
a, uh, a church leader. I talk about good to
great and I talk about a turnaround situation.
This was more of a turnaround situation and that's
not my best gift. My best gift is really working
with high performers who want to get to the next
level rather than those who are really struggling
and let me turn them around. Those are people
that tend to do better with therapist -based
coaching. coaches who come from a therapeutic
background, like the Pupkeks, something like
that. I do well with high performers who are
sort of stuck and who are just trying to break
through or gain a sense of whether it's momentum
or insight to decide among directions to discern
and then get some accountability and some support
and some encouragement to get to that next place.
I love that stuff. And that's kind of the vein
that I've flowed into. So I happened to be in
this circumstance where someone said to me, could
you meet with this guy? He's got a lot of gifts,
but he's really struggling to figure stuff out.
And so met with him, poured some hours into this
coaching engagement, met with him again, poured
some more hours into it. And it was so frustrating.
And so I came, I can remember. having dinner
with Kerry and talking about this, and I just
shared some frustration about this guy that I
was coaching. And Kerry said, you know what,
you might have more impact on him if you stop
complaining about him and started praying for
him. And so I'm like, thank you, dear. I'm always
going to get the truth. spoken to me by my wife.
I love that. What a great gift. Not afraid to
speak into my life. And so I took the critique
and I started praying for him. And what's so
fascinating was I started to intercede for him
to, you know, Lord, help him with this because
Lord, he is so frustrating, blah, blah, blah.
Basically. The whole funnel of my frustration
just entered into my prayer. And I'm like, Lord,
I've given him all these amazing insights, and
he just leaves them behind and doesn't respond
to them. And then I commit all this time to him,
and I'm giving him all this best energy, and
he just reverts back to the old ways of doing
things. And it's like I wasn't even there. And
after I poured out my beautiful, humble prayer
to the Lord, about this church leader what i
sensed the lord saying back to me was how do
you like it how do you like it oh wow and so
what is the lord saying the lord was saying hey
uh welcome to my world I pour into you. I've
committed myself to you. I'm constantly giving
to you. I'm constantly pouring, giving you insights.
And what do you do? You keep reverting back to
your old behaviors. You keep settling for less.
You don't like really hear what I'm asking of
you and you don't respond well. Wow. Okay, Lord.
Thank you. Thank you, Lord. And so I have to
admit that. Coaching engagement, even though
I was not successful as I term success, which
was help this guy actually move forward, I was
able to give him some good ideas and some directions
and all that, but I wasn't going to be the right
guy for him. But boy, he ended up giving me a
huge gift. A huge gift. Actually, two gifts.
The first gift was intercede. The importance
and the power of interceding. for those whom
you are striving to serve. And interceding, because
it's a way to let God enter this circumstance.
And in doing that, God can bring you light and
insight that will be transformative. In this
instance, the Lord humbled me with this transformative
insight into the lack of responsiveness that
I have to the Lord in my life. Wow. What a gift.
And so I'm going to give you a quote from John
of the cross. And it is, it's a humbling quote.
It's from the spiritual canticle and it's relevant.
And I use this with Catholic leaders specifically
around. intercession, interceding. And again,
you can hear this as a leader in your realm,
right? Where's the Lord planted you where you
are in front influencing people to move in the
direction that God has for them to go in or the
people. It could be a corporate setting, again,
a business setting. It could be a church group.
It could be your own family, right? It could
be among your friends. You are influencing people
to move in a direction. Okay, so you start praying
for those people and watch what happens. Okay,
John of the Cross, his quote, he says this. Let
those then who are singularly active, who think
they can win the world with their preaching and
exterior works, observe here that they would
profit the church and please God much more, not
to mention the good example they would give,
were they to spend at least half of this time
with God in prayer. They would then certainly
accomplish more and with less labor by one work
than they otherwise would by a thousand. For
through their prayer they would merit this result
and themselves be spiritually strengthened. Without
prayer they would do a great deal of hammering
but accomplish little and sometimes nothing.
and even at times cause harm. I hear that and
it is just so striking, right? We accomplish
more with less labor by one work than we would
by a thousand because through their prayer, it's
like we're opening the conduit of grace in God's
action. And by the way, we're spiritually strengthened
as well. But without prayer, we do a great deal
of hammering, but accomplish little and sometimes
nothing and even at times cause harm. How humbling
is that? And there's only one challenge with
this. We don't believe it. We don't believe it.
And so if we did believe it, we'd act differently.
I mentioned to you this Lenten challenge I'm
facing where, okay, first thing I'm doing, I
get up, I pray my rosary. And I would be praying
otherwise. I would typically be doing spiritual
reading and quiet prayer and journaling. But
there's this conviction that I'm supposed to
be praying a rosary first thing. And so, sure
enough, I'm doing it. I'm still grumbling, but
I'm doing it. I'm honoring the Lord and taking
on penance and prayer to remember, wait a minute,
I'm not just doing this for myself. I'm doing
this. Here are the three phrases, on behalf of,
in the place of, and for the sake of. On behalf
of, in the place of, and for the sake of. You
heard me mention this in my conversation with
Father Pat Smith. It was a week or two ago. But
a leader ought to embrace those three phrases.
Because we really do lead our lives, we do really
enact our lives, not just for ourselves. but
on behalf of others. So it's on behalf of others
that I'm going to fast. I'm going to pray. I'm
going to give alms. I'm going to do penance.
I'm going to deny myself. I'm going to take up
a cross. It's for the sake of others that I'm
going to do all of those things. It's in the
place of others that I'm going to do those things.
It's so interesting because I find that this
intercessory prayer has taken a Padre Pio type
turn. And it's worth me discussing it. I'll talk
about it at another point, but it has to do with
praying for souls that are near to death and
far from God. So I'll just leave that here now.
But just to say, it's a form of intercession.
Remember now, intercession, petition is when
we pray for ourselves. We ask for good things
from God for ourselves. Should we do that? Absolutely.
The Lord wants us to. What does he say? Ask,
seek, and knock. He has every expectation that
you are going to be petitioning him for good
things for yourself. right? The importunate widow
who keeps pestering the unjust judge. It's the
neighbor who comes and knocks on the neighbor's
door late at night because he has a friend come
and he doesn't have food and get out of bed,
right? And what does Jesus say? Ask, seek, and
knock. And he does that continuously so that
there's a sense of saying, yes, the Lord has
good things for you. But intercession is when
we pray. on behalf of others, for the sake of
others, in the place of others, so that the good
things will reach their lives. And so having
the conviction, having that sense of confidence
that the Lord intends to bless those that are
in your life because of you is a really, like,
light bulb goes on, this changes things type
of moment. When we come back, I'm going to lay
that point out a little bit more fully about
what it means that God has willed that certain
good things would come to the lives of those
we love through our prayers. Beckerman. So, your
intercessory prayer. is part of God's providential
care expressed in the lives of those that are
connected to you, that are around you, and especially
those whom you lead. Let me break that open.
Let me talk about my wife or my kids. Just let's
start with my wife. Does God love Carrie? Yes,
absolutely. Does God intend Carrie to have good
things come to her life? Yes, absolutely. Does
God give good things to Carrie despite me? Yes.
Yeah, despite my lack of praying, despite my
failures in her regard, despite her failures,
God blesses her. So God blesses Carrie despite
her and despite me. God blesses Carrie completely
apart from her and apart from me. So apart from
Carrie saying, Lord, bless me, God still blesses
her. Blessed her with life, with new life when
she was a baby, baptized, right? All the gifts
and graces, the protection, the provision, the
guidance that God gives to Carrie is so abundant.
And she's not asking for it. She hasn't earned
it or deserved it. It's just lavished upon her
because of God's love. Okay. So if God does these
things despite her, And apart from her, God also
gives good things because of her, because of
her own petitioning and praying. Okay, I got
that too. We've already talked about that. But
now here's the mysterious next part of it. There
are blessings that the Lord has held in reserve
for Carrie that his will, his intention, is that
they would come into Carrie's life through my
prayers. Wow. It is through my prayers and maybe
mysteriously only through my prayers that certain
gifts and graces and blessings are going to reach
Carrie's life. Now that sounds really mysterious.
You've already heard me bring up in the very
first session where I talked about the linkage
between my vision of coaching and the Catholic
vision of spiritual direction, how one of the
common laments in the greatest spiritual writers
like John of the Cross and Francis de Sales and
Alphonsus de Liguri is the dearth, the scarcity
of wise, holy spiritual directors. And as a result,
souls are not led and do not advance as far as
they could have had they been led. And you got
to say, wow, that's kind of a big deal. Like,
look how seriously God takes our human involvement
when it comes to the realization of his purpose
and plan. for other people's lives. And so I
want you to consider that quite seriously when
it comes to your call to be an intercessor for
those you love in particular, but even mysteriously
for those you work with, for those that are around
you. And so I want you to think of the scriptural
example of this. That is the intercessor. And
in the Old Testament, the model for the intercessor
was the person who went and stood in the gap.
The intercessor is someone who stands in the
gap. And you'll even hear that language sometimes
in Christian settings about, let's go stand in
the gap for this person over here. And it's like,
let's get together as these prayer warriors and
we're going to raise our hands to heaven and
we're going to cry out for the Lord to bless
and to break into this one's life. And so there's
like a movement of intercession and it's like
standing in the gap. And what that referring
to is the gap or the breach, standing in the
breach, is it's a wartime, a warfare. um analogy
and so as you know many cities were built on
hilltops and they were walled as an essential
means of protection against enemies and so if
enemies came and attempted to overthrow a city
they would they would be like looking for points
of attack and when what they would do is they
would concentrate their attack at a single point
in the wall to weaken and eventually break that
wall down And so once the wall was broken open,
and you can imagine, just think of a wall that
is cement block type wall, a rock wall. All of
a sudden, they're launching rocks at it. They're
launching and launching and launching. And now
it's starting to crumble and starting to break
open. And all of a sudden, now it gets down low
enough. And we'll look at that. Here's this opening
in the wall. We can get through that opening.
It's been breached. And so now the enemy is going
to concentrate its forces with its fullest intensity
on that spot. However, for the enemies to enter
through the city, if that ends up happening,
well, now you have, let's call it the vulnerable
underbelly, the exposed underbelly. Now you're
done. You're done. If the enemy soldiers can
get into the city, now how are you going to stop
them? You need to keep them out. So there's a
ton at stake. And so the armies defending the
city, they would have to send soldiers into the
opening in the wall, into the breach. And they
were called upon to stand in the gap in the wall.
That was the point where the battle and the attack
was going to be the most fierce and the most
dangerous. And it's that image that God utilizes
to depict the role. of the intercessor in scripture.
God could have used all kinds of, you know, images
or metaphors for an intercessor. An intercessor
is an angel going back and forth. No, an intercessor
is someone standing in the gap. And you can see
it, Ezekiel 22. Thus I have searched among them
for someone who could build a wall or stand in
the breach before me. To keep me from destroying
the land. But I found no one. Therefore, I have
poured out my fury upon them. With my fiery wrath,
I have consumed them. I have brought down their
conduct upon their heads, says the Lord. So the
Lord is searching among them for someone who
would stand in the breach. And you see this,
you can stop and think about it. You know the
stories in the Old Testament where that happens.
You have Abraham, right? He intercedes for Sodom
in Genesis 18, right? If there are 50 among them,
if there are 45, if there are 40, if there are
30, right? He keeps saying, will you still destroy
it? Will you still destroy it? He is standing
in the gap. He is standing in the gap for the
people of Sodom. Or Moses, how many times is
Moses interceding and saying? At least three
times, right? They make the golden calf and Moses
intercedes in Exodus 32. Don't destroy them.
Don't destroy them. In Numbers 14, he intercedes
for the Israelites when they refuse to enter
the land, the promised land. In Deuteronomy 9,
7, he recalls interceding before God for the
Israelites. So you have Moses basically saying,
look, Lord. don't destroy them. Like, kill me
instead. Take me, but don't destroy them. Like,
Lord, hey, what's going to happen to your reputation
if you destroy them? Like, you led them out here
to destroy them. He is, what is he doing? And
this is the amazing thing, is that the Lord is
raising us up and we're going to stand in the
gap. Now, I want you to hear that little detail.
I would stand in the breach before me to keep
me from destroying the land. So one who stands
in the gap is appointed by God to, quote unquote,
oppose God. To oppose God, to withstand God.
At that point where God is experienced as the
enemy, as the attacker. This is a fascinating,
mysterious point to think about. It's this mystery
of our free cooperation in God's saving plan
for the world, that God does not desire destruction,
but quote -unquote needs or wills that there
be intercessors who stand up in place of, for
the sake of, and on behalf of those who have
sinned. Did you hear what I just said? on behalf
of those who have failed, on behalf of those
who have betrayed, on behalf of those who have
failed to honor God, to prevent this destruction
from occurring. And so here's the mysterious
sense of communion. You'd imagine someone who
says, Lord, pick me. I'm willing to stand in
the gap. You're like, Lord, I'm in union with
you. I'm in union with you, Lord. I got you.
I know that those people have done horrible things.
I'm with you. Let me take on the role of the
intercessor. But the one who stands in the gap
is standing in solidarity with the people at
their point of sinfulness rather than with God
at the point of his righteousness. Did you hear
that? If you're an intercessor, you're coming
before God and you're not saying, Lord, I know
you and I are on the same page. I'm kind of holy
like you and I'm kind of approaching sinlessness.
So I can kind of hang out here in the heavenly
realm and feel like I've got divine light kind
of in my life. But Lord, I'm looking at these
really horrific sinners down there and they need
help. And so Lord, I'm taking up that role of
intercessor and I'm with you. So Lord, help them
out. I know that you want to use me to be a conduit
of graces because, you know, I'm... I don't have
many sins going on, and I can be a good holy
conduit. No, it's not it. It's, Lord, free us
from our brokenness, from our lostness, from
our sin. Lord, we have fallen short. We have
betrayed you. We have let you down, oh God. So
if you get it, do you see it? We're standing
with God at that point. at the point of the brokenness
of those people. And this is connected to the
meaning of intercession and its connection to
the cross of Jesus. This is in the Catechism
of the Catholic Church, paragraph 2741. Jesus
also prays for us, guess what, in our place and
on our behalf. And it says, all our petitions
were gathered up once for all. in his cry on
the cross and in his resurrection heard by the
father. That's powerful. Jesus intercedes for
us. And where is it? It's in his cry on the cross.
And that idea of taking up one's place at the
point of encounter between sinful humanity and
the suffering love of God, which is the cross.
By the way, that's the Carmelite vocation is
taking up that place. at that point of encounter
between sinful humanity and the suffering love
of God, the cross. You want to be an intercessor?
You're asking to enter into the crucifixion of
Jesus. Do it anyways. The Lord is calling you
and me to intercede, especially for those we
love and for those whose lives we impact. Yes,
even in the workplace. And you will become a
more radiant witness as a result.