Now, welcome to another inspiring edition of
Sound Insight with Dr. Tom Curran. Hey, welcome
to the program. This is Dr. Tom Curran, and this
is your Catholic Coaching Hour. Once a week,
I'm taking time to share with you insights drawn
from my, well, 25 plus years, almost... 30 years
where I have functioned as a coach in Catholic
settings, and often for Catholics in professional
settings that are not faith -based as they do
their work in corporate America, as well as serving
business owners, what are called C -suite executives,
so CEOs, CFOs, or other high -level executives
in companies that didn't directly involve faith
at all. However, What I want to hand on to you
are insights that have led to transformation
for these clients. Transformation in their own
personal lives and in their professional lives.
I've had the wonderful gift of being able to
engage in these coaching conversations with many
Catholics through the decades. talking to men
about challenges they have as a husband, as a
father, or striving to lead and provide and protect
their families. I've also had a wonderful chance
to talk to many couples, along with Carrie, or
even just apart from Carrie, helping them to
discern the best path forward for their families.
This happened quite a bit around... the time
of COVID, where families were discerning, what
do I need to do right now for the sake of my
family? And in many instances that involved uprooting
and making a move. And what they were blessed
by was the accompaniment, my walking with them
every step of the way. Today, we're going to
take some steps and explore how to get started,
how I got started in coaching, but how you get
started and benefit from it as well. That's what
we're going to dive into today. In the name of
the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, amen.
Heavenly Father, in Jesus' name, we thank you
and praise you for the gift of our lives. And
Lord, that you have us on this journey where
you call us home to heaven, and yet you call
us to be salt, light, and leaven in this world.
Lord, we don't always know what to do. We don't
always know how to move forward. And so, Lord,
I thank you that your Holy Spirit is at work
in our lives. And I thank you, Lord, for giving
us gifts and graces to help each other, to support
each other, to encourage each other, and to hold
each other accountable on that journey. Lord,
I ask that you would use this program to be a
blessing to those who are listening today, that
they would find graces, insights, help they need
to experience the transformation that you will
for us. And we make this prayer, Jesus, in your
holy name. Amen. In the name of the Father and
the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen. Just a story
to get started. I remember talking with a client
of mine, and this was in a very large, prominent
corporation, and he had a role that was very
impressive. He oversaw about, well, 1 ,500 to
2 ,000 executives and high -level leaders, and
then thousands of other employees under that.
And so he had a very large remit or area of responsibility.
And this was something that was a sign of, he
didn't stumble into that position. It was a sign
of the growth that he was able to have in this
company, shifting from position to position as
he was succeeding and being elevated because
of his success. And now here he was in this circumstance
where he was very admired for holding a position
that was incredibly important. overseeing billions
of dollars annually in terms of the budget that
he was responsible for. And yet in the confidential
setting of a coaching conversation, my goal was
to provide him some trusted guidance. And it
was a place where he could open himself to be
able to share about what he was facing. And I'm
never going to be sharing details with you about
elements that would be considered confidential.
I do, however, want to share with you insights
that came from this conversation and were repeated
time and again by many business owners and by
high -placed executives in important roles and
overseeing meaningful work, very important work.
And it's a dynamic that is a bit surprising until
we reflect on it. And then we realize this shows
up in our Catholic faith. This shows up in our
Catholic tradition of spiritual growth. What's
the insight? Well, one of the things that he
shared with me was that there was an unspoken
dynamic in the corporation itself, that the higher
you were promoted in the company, the more you
shared in a degree of ownership. And that happened
through what were called stock options. So you
received stock and stock that would invest or
would become yours after certain periods of time.
There would be bonuses in the forms of more stock.
And again, this would be things that would increase
the value, the wealth that you had. And it was
a sign, again, of the difference you were making.
As you grew in the organization, in position,
as you went up the pyramid to a higher position,
up the ladder to a higher role, you became more
of an owner. But the unspoken but rock -solid
cultural atmosphere would be stated as follows.
The higher you went and the more you became an
owner, the more That you were, in fact, owned
by the company. Which strikes, it's paradoxical
at first. You hear that. The more I become an
owner, the more I become owned. And you'd think
it would be just the opposite. The person who's
owned is the slave. The owner is the master,
is the boss, is the one in charge. And yet, the
idea was, no, no, no. The more that you went
and were advanced in positional visibility and
in responsibility, the more that the company
would and could ask from you and the less that
there was any wiggle room for you to not say
yes. There was essentially a requirement for
you to say yes in advance to whatever was asked
of you. The more I became an owner, the more
I became owned in the very same position. I bring
that up as an opening story because that dynamic
is something that I have seen play out in a number
of clients over the past 25 to 30 years. And
I mentioned to you that this is something that
is part of our Catholic tradition. And it shows
up. In one particular way, in St. John of the
Cross, where he talks about attachments. And
the reality of an attachment is that it is holding
us back from being free to advance in what is
ultimately what matters. Our growth in holiness,
our union with Christ, our becoming a saint.
Advancing becomes tied down through attachments.
And there's that famous analogy that he uses
that if it's a thick chain or if it's a tender
thread that is holding back the bird from flying
freely and flying away, that bird is still attached.
And that principle I see at work in this. Am
I becoming more of an owner or am I becoming
more owned by the work that I'm doing, by the
company that I'm working for? And the answer
is yes, it's definitely present. Now, why is
that the case? Well, in part it's the case because
the person who is taking on this responsibility
feels this sense of accountability to those.
for whom he is working or she is working. And
at the same time, there is, let's peel this back.
Let's take away the corporate covering of that
kind of dynamic. It's something that I see play
out in many careers where someone is saying,
I'm going to strive to provide for my family.
But my striving to provide for my family means
that I end up making sacrifices that principally
impact my family. Let me give you an example
of how I saw this play out in my own life. So
in the 1990s, into the early 2000s, I spent a
lot of time speaking at conferences around the
country. Because of the visibility I had in the
early 90s with my work with Evangelization 2000,
I would routinely be speaking at evangelization
conferences and religious ed conferences, men's
conferences, women's conferences, religious ed
conferences, I've already said that, for dioceses
around the country. The 1990s was really the
boom time of conferences where dioceses... had
so many folks in parishes and on staffs, and
there was so much going on that conferences were
a big thing. And so I found myself traveling
quite a bit. Now, Carrie and I got married in
1994, but we were not blessed with children until
1999 in September when our oldest Mary Grace
was born. And so before we had children, Kerry
had given me that permission, that space, that
freedom to go and to speak at conferences and
being away by traveling. But once we had children,
I found that there was this tension or this dynamic
that started to emerge in me. It wasn't that
Kerry would be saying no, but I began to notice
that. there was a dynamic that said, I can continue
to do this. I can continue to accept these invitations
to speak around the country. And that sounds
pretty cool. I'm becoming better known and I'm
making an impact and I'm speaking in front of
all these groups and these 1 ,000 people here
and 500 there and a few thousand there and this
is national conference here and this regional.
Hey. That's pretty, look, honey, I'm doing important
stuff. But I would be doing it on the backs of
my kids, on the backs of my not being present
to them. And so for a while, I had this sort
of funny middle ground where I would strive to
find a way to say, let me be present at your
conference, but I'm going to fly in at the last
minute, speak and jam in the talks as quickly
as I could, and then fly out at the first possible
minute. And I was really an outlier. in doing
that. So many of the speakers I would encounter
would get there a day before the conference.
It would give them a chance to kind of adjust
to the time change and just the tiredness associated
with travel. They'd get a chance to visit with
the local leaders and they would be present throughout
the entire conference for the whole weekend,
Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and they would eventually
fly back Sunday night or maybe even Monday. I
didn't judge that for their situation. Actually,
I did. I wondered how they could be away from
their families for such an extended period of
time. And I'm thinking in their own minds, it
was, well, again, I'm doing this for the sake
of really being present to the people I'm serving.
But I thought of it as, wait a minute, am I allowing
myself to be owned by this? this mission, by
this sense of call, and it would be building
the ministry on the back of my family. And I
can remember talking about this with other Catholic
leaders at the time, and this would have been
in the early 2000s, and I would just say, just
be aware that you might in fact be building your
ministry on the back of your family. And for
the sake of saying I need to be available to
serve these people at this distance, I'm making
my family be the ones that suffer where I'm not
around them. I'm not present to them. I'm not
caring for them. And in fact, that had one of
the important shifts that occurred in my life
where I began to focus more on doing Catholic
radio. I could do that from home. I could do
that in my own locale. And I could have a big
impact, but being in place. And so I began to
say no, back in 2003, I began to say no to traveling,
no to speaking at these different events. And
it was all because of my sense of call that I
had to be present to my family. And in the mystery
of it all, if there was some confirming event,
what happened in the spring of 2003 is that we
gave birth to, Carrie gave birth to a daughter
of ours that had some significant health challenges.
And that for me was just a confirming sign that
I needed to be present to my family and not in
the name of serving the Lord and the church be
traveling around so much. I needed to be the
owner of my mission and not be owned by it. Back
in a minute. Jesus says that in his call to us
to be disciples of his, to make sure that we
have our priorities in order. And I'm sharing
with you some insights that I've... brought to
bear in my coaching work serving Catholic executives
and business owners and leadership teams in both
church settings, in non -profit settings, in
for -profit settings. And one of them is that
very simple but fundamental insight that we ought
to have for our own lives. In what ways am I
taking ownership over the call that I have to
live in the world and be salt, light, and leaven
and lead and provide and protect my family? But
in what sense am I surrendering that sense of
ownership over my life. I'm giving it over to
the company. And this is where the challenge
becomes. This is where we can face some serious
conflicts or challenging circumstances where
we're called upon to discern. What is at stake?
What is at stake? That's a fundamental question.
And it's a question that has to do with goodness.
It has to do with a value. It has to do with
a good that's at stake in the moment. But I bring
up that question, what is at stake? Because when
I would meet with my clients, my coaching clients,
it would be in one -on -one settings. And very
often, the first thing I would end up writing
on the whiteboard, and I always loved my whiteboards.
In fact, I'm sitting here in my... humble studio
looking at one, two, three, four whiteboards
that are just literally across the room from
me, propped up so I can look at all four of them
at once. And it's mapping out the things that
I'm working on right now. And then I have my
fifth whiteboard, which is also in front of me
that deals with my day -to -day things. What
am I doing today? I love to have that sense of
the whole. And that's why I loved a whiteboard.
It gave me a sense of the whole. That's something
to think about for you as you're trying to get
clear about something, using a computer and typing
it on a list or a things to do list, or having
an important conversation with your spouse or
with your kids. A whiteboard can be so very helpful.
because it can allow you to I'm using that phrase
map out it can allow you to capture some of the
key thoughts in the flow of the conversation
which can easily be forgotten if you're just
speaking words to each other but when you can
see it in front of you pictured. You can say,
okay, here's where we started. Now we're talking
about this and this. And then all of a sudden
someone can say something and it's out of place.
It doesn't fit. It doesn't follow the flow of
what we were doing. You can immediately point
back and say, okay, now wait a minute. How does
this relate to the things we've been talking
about so far? Did you see how I said that? And
so it gives me a chance to be able to put things
in proper order. And having proper order is so
very important. It helps to order that sense
of the thinking and the flow of the conversation.
So what is at stake I would put on the board?
Because it's more than just knowing what it is
we want to talk about, the what of the matter,
but rather to get at the so what of the matter.
The so what is the what is at stake? It's the
goodness. It's the value. It's the preciousness.
It's the important things that are happening
right now that we ought to pay attention to.
So, for instance, if you're going to apply this
in your kids' lives, you could talk about, okay,
what are we going to talk about? Well, let's
talk about how school is going. That's the what.
Well, what's at stake in talking about how school
is going? what we really want to talk about are
the grades. So what we really want to talk about
is the dynamic that's happening with you and
your friends. Or what we really want to talk
about is what's coming up in the school, and
it's the school dance. And how are you going
to relate to what's happening at that dance?
Or what about the dynamic that's happening with
dating or use of smartphones or, you know, internet
-based technology, right? So much of what you
want to talk about is going to be related to
a clear understanding of among all the things
that we could discuss, what's the most important
thing for us to talk about right now? And so
I found that super helpful when I would be working
with these clients and they would come in and
say, what are we going to talk about today? I
say, well, let's just answer this one question.
Among all the things that we could talk about,
what is the most at stake? What's the most pressing
matter? What's the most important matter? What
is it that has you stirred up right now? What
are you trying to get ready for that's coming
up later today or tomorrow or next week? Let's
try to discern, let's try to discover among all
the things that we could talk about, what's the
most important thing to talk about right now?
Now, in these settings, in the settings of a
coaching engagement, I would begin with an assessment.
I would begin with a process where I would come
to some insight into this particular client or
this leadership team or what's going on in the
company. And I would do that through an assessment
process where I would go around and I would interview
people face -to -face. I would have up my laptop
and I would ask them some fundamental questions
and I would take notes. And it would be a dialogue
that I would have, and I would capture the notes
on the laptop. And then I would... Gather together
all of these conversations. These conversations
would happen in what was called a 360 mode. And
so I would talk with people that were all around
this executive. So this executive supervisor,
peers. So that's, you know, let's call you above
and then across. And then the people that are
reporting to that supervisor. And then maybe
some key stakeholders or customers inside the
company and outside the company. And by talking
to all of those people, we would get a 300. 360
degree, a full circle of input into this particular
executive. What are their best gifts? What's
their approach to leadership? Among all the things
that they're doing right now, where is it that
they're doing well? Among all the things that
they're doing, where could they improve, right?
What else do you think would be important to
share with this person that hasn't been discussed
so far? And so there was a method to the order
of the questions that I asked and how I would
have a dialogue with them. And it was meant to
give them that sense of comfort and confidence
that they could share openly and honestly with
me in this setting. And what would be shared
would be done in a relatively confidential way.
The client who received it wouldn't know who
shared it, even though what they shared would
become known in the midst of everything else
that was shared. So that was a process I used
to help gain insight into this person's life.
Now, you're not going to often have that kind
of situation for yourselves. However, it can
become very helpful for you to... to have some
pathways to get insight into your circumstance
and situation. One of the things that Kerry and
I use are personality assessments. One of them
that we constantly go back to, and we've gone
back to it now for 25 years anyways, is the Myers
-Briggs type indicator. It's called the MBTI.
And it has to do with four sets of comparable
or contrasting attributes. So are you an introvert
or an extrovert? Are you intuitive or are you
sensate? Are you a thinker or a feeler? Are you
a perceiver or a judger? And so you basically
take an assessment, you know, depending, it could
be 15 minutes, 20 minutes long. And then based
on the answers, it gives rise to a particular
type. And so I'm an ENFJ. So as an ENFJ, I'm
someone who has certain tendencies. I am someone
who enjoys to speak and be in front of people.
And I love to influence people and I've liked
to lead and I'm very relational, right? And Carrie,
she's an ENTP. And so she's someone that compliments
me in some ways. And so as we've done this, And
we understand ourselves. We can also understand
each other. And the same is true for our kids.
In the last two days, Carrie has gone back to
the book that we use to try to understand one
of our kids' personalities and a different kid's
personality and how that might impact how we
influence them. Why? Because of what is at stake.
Okay, so there's something at stake right now
for one of our kids at college in terms of, hey,
they're trying to figure out their budget and
their finances and here's their financial situation
and they're asking us, hey, can I have, I know
I owe you this amount of money, but can I have
this amount of money for the rest of the semester
for my expenses? And so Carrie was looking and
she was thinking, okay, no, wait a minute, how
is he asking us for this? And so she went back
to the personality and she read it out loud.
And it was really fascinating. And so it was
something that it was like, oh, no wonder he's
asking for money like that. It's because of his
personality. It's not, oh, this is a sign that
he's a fallen human being. Or, wow, this is an
incredibly virtuous way for him to ask for money.
No, this is his personality. It's how God made
him. And the same was true with regards to one
of our other kids and how she was relating to
a situation where she was advocating to be able
to use her spring break to go visit a friend.
And it was a matter of us saying, okay, how do
we navigate this circumstance with her? Why is
it important to her? How do we bring this out
into the open? So you can see how we are moving
from this dialogue that she and I, Carrie and
I are having to try to gain insight that can
apply to what's at stake right now in our kids'
lives. And then based on that, we take an action.
If you listened last week to the very first coaching
hour I shared with you, the model of coaching
that I use is drawn from the relationship of
a spiritual director to a spiritual directee.
where there's a sense of dialogue leading to
insight. And then on the basis of that, you take
an action. And as you do that, you're walking
together. And as a spiritual director and a spiritual
directee are walking together, who are they listening
for? Are they listening for their own voices?
No, not first of all. They're listening for the
voice that is at work in them. Maybe it's in
the director. Maybe it's in the directee. Maybe
it's beyond them. It's the voice of the Holy
Spirit. So the Holy Spirit is the director. The
Holy Spirit is beyond them, but the Holy Spirit
is also in each of them and at work between them.
And so it becomes the role of the director to
be able to sense and discern and to help prompt
a healthy sense of attentiveness in the directee.
Let's have a dialogue. And in that dialogue,
let's see if we can gain an insight. Let's see
if we can see into the dynamic, the situation,
the reality that you're talking about right now.
And then based on that, let's see if we can come
up with the right next step for you to take.
So I bring that back to you to say this approach
to having conversations with your spouse, with
your kids, is a coaching one. And when it's done
well, it can lead to a powerful advancing and
yes, even transformation. It's a fascinating
thing that I functioned as a corporate coach,
a business coach, an executive coach serving.
These sometimes extremely large corporations,
sometimes it was small businesses, sometimes
just helping individual, let's call them solo
professionals, individuals attempting to live
their lives in their own careers and to do well.
And the fascinating thing is that I would serve
people across a variety of business types. biopharmaceutical,
specialty insurance, aerospace engineering, cellular
telephone service, mortgage companies, things
like, you know, all these different types of
companies that I had no domain expertise. And
so, in fact, I've never taken a class in business.
But what I did have was expertise in communication
among human beings, dialogue. And in fact, it's
one of the least appreciated but most desperately
needed areas to help an individual, a team, or
an organization to be able to grow, and that
is flourishing relationships among those who
are in the company. And healthy relationships,
healthy dialogical interactions, the ability
to have true, authentic dialogue together among
the leaders. In fact, that was where I ended
up specializing was with the top leadership teams
where they struggled the most. was in the relationships
that these very successful leaders had in their
own domain, in their own what's called a silo
or their own aspect of the company. Maybe it's
in the research. Maybe it's in manufacturing.
Maybe it's in business development. Maybe it's
in sales and marketing. Maybe it's in operations.
Maybe it's in HR. All these different areas of
the company. They would be sitting on top of
their own area of leadership, and they were really
good at that, driving execution and making sure
they could confidently lead those under them
and help them to figure out what they were doing
and keep them on track. Well, what they were
not very good at was often working together with
the other leaders of the other parts of the organization.
That's where they struggled. And there was a
reason why the very things that made them successful
in leading their own silo in their own area of
the company made them really not very good at
leading alongside other leaders in other parts
of the company. The very same gifts that were
an asset in one realm became a bit of a liability,
or it could be potentially a liability when they
were put together on the top leadership team
with a bunch of other leaders that were like
them. You could call it, oh, a bunch of alpha
males or alphas, male or female, were in the
room together. And so they had a harder time
being open and trusting and available to have
that authentic type of interaction, that authentic
type of giving and receiving and being able to
affirm and encourage and celebrate and have those
honest conversations for the sake of the advancement
of the entire company. And so I would help these
top leadership teams come to insight through
these assessments. Oh, here are the five things
you need to work on. Well, you need to work on
how to support each other, how to encourage each
other, how to hold each other accountable. You
need to work on strategic thinking. You need
to work on blah, blah, blah. And then I would
design a set of sessions that I would implement
to help them overcome all at the human level.
It was at the human level. As they became better
human beings, as they were able to adapt and
adjust to these other human traits and qualities,
well, guess what? The company succeeded. It didn't
gain new technological insight. It didn't identify
a new system or process to put in place. It was
about them becoming better human beings, better
at communicating. And I would create the vehicle
and the vessel for them to be able to have these
authentic conversations. And I share that with
you because this is true for families as well.
This is how we are going to grow and flourish
as families. There's a fundamental truth I would
bring out to these corporate settings. And believe
it or not, it's from the depths of authentic
and profound Catholic anthropology. And it was
this. What is radiant is magnetic. What is radiant
is magnetic. And you hear that and you're thinking,
that's a business principle? Yes. This is a principle
for flourishing as an individual and as a member
of a team. What is radiant is magnetic. Last
week I talked about how John Paul II's gift message
has a very powerful place to be heard and is
amazingly well received in corporate settings.
I've shared this any number of times in, again,
very secular companies, but it's never been poorly
received. It's always been received so very well
because it's an authentic truth about being a
human being. And that gift message says this,
that, The truth about who you are is that you
are a masterpiece. You really are a masterpiece.
And you were meant to shine. And if you are able
to shine from a place of the depths of the truth
about who you are, the depths of your authentic
identity, because what's your authentic identity?
You're made in the image and likeness of God.
And I wouldn't say it like that in a corporate
setting. But I would say this, that there's a
uniqueness about you, and that is there's only
one of you in all of human history that says,
I, Tom, with Tom's I. That personhood is unique,
and that uniqueness is also precious, because
it brings out into the open, it is a display
of the beauty and truth and goodness of being
a human being. See, I don't even have to say
God and faith and child of God and all of that.
The truth and goodness and beauty of just being
a human being, there's something fundamentally
unique and precious about that. And when you
can have that come out into the open, it is radiant.
Okay, I just spoke about right there a transcendental
attribute of being. The transcendental attributes
of being are every individual thing is one. And
then it's true and good and beautiful, right?
So the truth about something is the essence of
it. And when the essence of something, when the
identity, when the deepest depths of someone
can come out into the open, you shine, you radiate.
And the authentic, beautiful truth of a human
being that shines forth in a setting is magnetic.
There's something that will draw others to that
person. We see this at a very surface level.
To use the easiest example, a very beautiful
woman, a very beautiful woman, whether it's her
face or her whole makeup, when she walks into
a room, guys are going to turn and they're going
to notice. What are they noticing? They're noticing
beauty that is marked by certain aspects or attributes.
There's a sense of harmony. There's a sense of
proportion. There's a sense of a proper weightiness,
a proper weighting of the elements. And so that
harmony of the elements, there's that sense of
the harmony and the proportion and the proper
weighting of things that when it shines forth,
it magnetically draws people. You could even
say that at the level of a personality, someone
that you call that is charismatic. I don't mean
that in the gifts of the spirit. I mean, oh,
that person has a charisma about them. They're
very charismatic. And what you're saying is when
they walk into the room, they're just giving
off something that just draws people's attention
to them. And so you could say that at the level
of their personality. In fact, what's so interesting
is that the deeper you go, the more that the
physical level of beauty gets put into proper
order. How many times have you seen someone and,
oh, wow, like I kind of joke about this and I
tell my kids this. I said, look, you know, I
can remember dating women and it wouldn't last
long. One or two dates is all it took. And then
I would realize that that's not the one I'm called
to marry. And so this is I'm in my mid to late
20s. And so I could see someone and boy, they're
very beautiful. OK, now let me go out on a date
with them. And it takes me a few minutes and
all of a sudden I realize, OK, yeah, at the surface
level, this person is very attractive, but. you
go to the depth level. You get to that level
of the person. The personality starts showing
up. And that personality starts to have an effect
on their outward surface. And so if internally
there's disorder, there's a lack of harmony,
there's a lack of proper ordering, what's showing
up are aspects of their person that are selfish
or self -centered or just broken. All of a sudden,
the external beauty, that external level, it
hasn't changed in terms of, oh, they're no longer
in proper order. But wait a minute. No, there's
levels to this radiance. And that radiance just
stops at the physical level. Okay, but wait a
minute. There's something even deeper. So at
the level of the personality, you can get down
to the core of their being, to their heart. And
when the heart of the person is in union with
the Lord, when the heart of who they are, has
been purified and is deepening in their own sense
of holiness and their wondrous union with the
living God, with the Lord Jesus, then that interior,
intimate, profound union with Jesus is going
to begin to manifest itself in their personality,
through their personality, and onto their...
even their physical being, how they show up and
how they manifest in the world. We all know the
best example of this in the last 40 years is
Saint Mother Teresa of Calcutta. So you see pictures
of Mother Teresa and you just say, oh, she's
so beautiful. Well, you only really, really,
really say she's beautiful. Because the way that
her intimate, profound union with Jesus in the
core of her being manifests itself in her personality.
And that personality is brightly shining on her
face. At just a pure, raw... physical level,
if you knew nothing about who she was, you knew
nothing about her heart, you never heard her
voice, you were never in her presence, you never
heard anything about her life, you just saw the
picture, you wouldn't quickly say, I'm just magnetically
drawn to that woman. But Even with her, let's
say, as she's getting older and older, you could
say physically she's less and less attractive.
No, but she radiated more and more profoundly
from the core of her being, Jesus himself. What
is radiant is magnetic. One of the biggest things
I would work on with individuals in these settings
is becoming more radiant, getting to the core
of who they are. letting that shine forth in
the personality that is theirs, and then letting
that manifest itself in the environments where
they were planted. Now this became important
that what is radiant is magnetic. This became
so important when it came to advancing in one's
own career, becoming more impactful, more effective,
more fruitful in living out their own career.
And it did so in a number of settings and a number
of environments. And I share this with you because
it goes to the heart of the idea of, do you want
to have a bigger impact in the workplace? Do
you want to set yourself up for greater success
in the world, in the marketplace? It's do the
hard work of becoming virtuous. Do the important
work of... Growing in your union with Jesus,
you will become more radiant. You will become
more magnetic as a result of that. It is true.
It's just true. And I want to give this to you
in a couple of simple principles. Working in,
again, in this particular very large company,
one of the things that they would look for, these
highly placed executives, was, who would be part
of the succession plan? Who are the high potential
leaders that had the capacity to advance and
grow to be able to operate at a higher level?
And they were always on the lookout for these
high potential leaders, and they would be watching
them in various settings. And one of the principles
that came out of this was every conversation
is an interview. Every conversation is an interview.
It's something that I would bring out to solo
professionals. So whatever your business is,
if you're trying to sell a particular service,
maybe you're a real estate agent, maybe you're
trying to originate loans for people, maybe you
have a boutique digital marketing firm, or again,
you're a solo professional, you have a small
individual company, you're trying to sell something.
One of the things that you ought to have clearly
in your mind is that every conversation is an
interview. That the people are watching. The
people around you are watching. And especially
if you're in a setting where you are networking
or you're in a setting where what is coming out
into the open is the work that you do. Now, in
this particular company, it was fascinating to
hear that. I just smiled because it was something
that the executives that I would end up working
with, I would give them that insight. Please
know this. Anytime you go into a leadership team
meeting or you're presenting and you have higher
level executives in the room with you, just know
this, that every conversation is an interview
and every meeting is a tryout. Every meeting
is a tryout. Every time you go and have coffee
with someone, it's a tryout. They want to see
how you operate when you're in that type of setting.
That can be so very helpful when you are attempting
to be successful in your business or as a business.
I got a big kick out of this because it involves
kicking. It involves a sport. My son was on a
high -level soccer team. It was a premier club
team. And they had this extensive tryout program
for these players. And there were four different
teams operating from the top level, second, third,
and fourth level. And what would happen is, okay,
after these extensive days of tryouts, you get
placed on a team. However, once you're placed
on a team, they pulled everybody back together,
and here's what they would say to the people,
let's say, if you're on the third team. All right,
we just want you to know that... There's going
to be a game that the second level team has next
week. And one of you is going to be pulled up
to play on that team in that game. And so every
practice, every practice that you have is a tryout.
And you think, wait a minute, I thought I made
the team. Yeah, you did make the team. But now
you need to know that how you show up in practice.
How you show up practice after practice is a
tryout for what's going to happen to you in the
next game. My son was nine years old. Nine years
old. And he was taught that lesson at that point.
I just find that so humorous. But it's so true.
You're always on and so if you're always on then
you must realize that When you go into a circumstance
into a setting into a business meeting you're
going into the company today You're not just
somebody that is living out a job You're someone
that is radiating something into that environment
you're radiating something into that environment
and What you radiate? is going to impact those
around you think of it this way how many times
have you and your spouse if you're married you're
driving to a party and let's just say you were
having a lively disagreement yeah you were fighting
on the way over yelling at each other really
upset and then all of a sudden in that upsetment
you now arrive at the party and you go walk into
the party And you've got smiles on your faces.
What are you radiating? Are you radiating what
the external face is saying you're radiating?
No. No, you're radiating the discord, the lack
of peace. That's the word. You're all stirred
up. Remember, peace is the tranquility that comes
when things are in order. Tranquility, pax est
tranquilitas ordinis. Peace is the serenity,
the calm, the tranquility that comes when things
are in order. So when you have that interior
sense of being in order, it shows up. So when
you bring a sense of the peace that is in your
heart because you're in union with Christ, you
bring that into the workplace, it's going to
shine. It is going to shine. And so when you
then go and you see someone, and believe it or
not, one of the most critical people that I would
deal with in the organization is the EA, the
Executive Administrative Assistant. The executive
administrative, not the secretary. Don't you
dare call that person a secretary. These people
are sharp. They're not just the gatekeepers.
They're sharp. And so I would always know that
when I would go up before I would get in the
door to talk with that highly placed executive
client, I wanted to be sure that I was looking
in the eyes that executive administrative assistant.
And I would, my goal was to let them know, each
of them know, I see you as a gift. You are a
gift. And I want you to shine as a result of
our interaction. And just having that as a focus,
it impacted what questions I would ask them.
Something like, what's the best thing happening
that's happened to you today? What's the best
thing going on in your life right now? Or I just
want you to know, it's just always a delight
to see your smile. And so these things were appropriate,
and yet they were an attempt to draw out of that
person that gift quality that they actually are,
and to be able to have that come out onto the
surface, have that come out into the open. And
I got to tell you, it was a difference maker.
It differentiated me from so many other people
that would interact with them in purely functional
ways. And so having that be personal, what am
I doing? I'm saying, I'm not just here to bring
a message. I am the message. That was another
important truth. Again, it all traces back to
the sense that You're this gift. So again, I'm
sitting in the room. What's at stake in your
life right now? What's at stake for you right
now? It often was going back to the core, getting
back to the heart. The heart of the matter is
what matters to the heart. And I just made that
up. I think that's pretty cool. And so I would
say to them, look, you are the message. You don't
just have a message. You're not just bringing
a message when you're presenting in that room
tomorrow, but you are the message. So let's take
a look at how you are showing up. Let's take
a look at what it is you're going to say, what
order you want to say it in, how is it that you
want to emphasize it. And so you want to make
sure that that message itself is showing up in
its beauty and truth and its goodness so that
what's at stake in this message will also be
received. And it's not just going to come across
as a bunch of PowerPoint slides that just shares
information that's just going to be eyes glazing
over. It doesn't have any impact. And so being
able to recognize that every conversation is
an interview, every meeting is a tryout, who
you are radiates out and it's going to magnetically
draw people to you because you are the message
or it won't. Guys that are in bondage to internet
pornography, That's going to show up. It'll show
up in the eyes. How a guy looks at ladies. They
know. Are your eyes clear? Are they clean? Are
they looking? at that woman and they're saying
as they, with their eyes, with their very manner
of seeing, I'm looking at you and I can look
you in the eyes and there's no sense of energy.
There's no sense of clouded energy or a twofold
kind of engagement going on at one level. The,
yeah, I'm smiling and I'm talking to you, but
there's also in the eyes, something that says,
inside my brain, my imagination, I've got a whole
other bunch of stuff going on. Guys are foolish.
They're foolish. You are foolish. If you think
that you can live like that in hiding, and you
think nobody knows, but how you live in the core
of your being, it manifests itself. It radiates.
It's not a matter of, will I radiate something?
It's a matter of, what will I radiate into my
environment? And so, oh, by the way, that's true
in your family. That's true when you're with
your kids. How are you spending your time? How
are you spending your life? How are you spending
your life energy? Are you giving yourself over
to the Lord in the secret moments, in the quiet?
Are you putting Him first? Are you prioritizing
your relationship with Him? Are you spending
your time looking Him in the eyes? If you do
that, you know what's going to happen? It'll
clear the muddiness and the fogginess of the
waters. It'll bring calm. It'll bring a depth
so that the heart of Christ that is in union
with your heart will manifest. It'll show up
on your face. It'll radiate into your environment.
And you will be a message. Not just the message
of who you are, but the message of Christ in
your world. And you'll do that without ever saying
the name Jesus. That's powerful. Let's do that.