Now, welcome to another inspiring edition of
Sound Insight with Dr. Tom Curran. Romans chapter
12, verse 2. Do not conform yourselves to this
age, but be transformed by the renewal of your
mind so that you may judge what is God's will,
what is good, pleasing, and perfect. Be transformed.
That's what I'm so committed to in this age and
stage of my life and helping you experience that
transformation. We all have a stewardship of
God's grace, a stewardship of the gifts and graces
he's given to us that we've lived in the course
of our lives. You talk about that reality of
fulfilling the duties of your state and life.
And in my call to lead and provide and protect
my family, one of the ways that the Lord has
formed and molded my life is around the theme
of dialogue. And to implement that theme, the
Lord has opened doors for me. And I've been able
to, over the course of the last almost 30 years
now, walk with folks in church settings and in
corporate settings to be able to experience transformation.
I've used Sound Insight over the last 20 years
to walk with you, to walk with you in the hopes
that you will grow in your own following of Jesus,
that you will experience transformation in your
life. And over the course of those years, Mondays
have really been set aside for my time to dialogue
with priests. Fridays have been set aside to
be faith and family. Fridays. And I'm often having
Carrie on those programs, my wife, because that's
a beautiful opportunity to dialogue with her
about how we walk together as a family. I'm now
launching something new, and that is a coaching
hour. This hour on Thursdays, I'm going to set
aside to hand on to you insights that I've gained
from my work as an executive coach. In the name
of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit,
amen. Heavenly Father, we love you. We thank
you and praise you that you meet us, you reach
out to us, you knock on the door of our hearts
each and every day, and you invite us to open
to you. And that, Lord, you speak to our hearts
and you invite us to open our hearts to you in
this beautiful dialogue of love. Lord, open our
hearts today to receive your gifts and graces.
as we walk with you into the Lent, into this
desert that has our name on it, this Lent. And
Lord, I just pray that this program would be
a blessing, that as I share insights from my
own journey, as in my professional life, that
this would be a blessing to those who are walking
with you. And we make this prayer, Jesus, in
your holy name. Amen. In the name of the Father,
and the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen. This
is another way that I'm striving to be faithful
as a steward. I want to hand on to you what I
myself have received. That's the reality of tradition.
Tradition is handing on what you've received
from others in a way that the next generation
can be a blessing to them. So many of the gifts
and graces that have been given to us are given
to us because the Lord loves us, yes, but they're
not only given for us. They're given for the
sake of others. And that's the goal I have for
this focus on coaching. I call it a coaching
hour. And it will be hopefully something that
grows into an opportunity for you to share your
situations with me through email, through even
voicemail, through text messages about things
that you're facing. that I can then bring out
into the open. You know, there are many programs
on Catholic Radio that have to do with themes
like this. You think of programs that are involving
various forms of therapy, right? So I think of
the PopCax show, or I think of Dr. Ray Garendi,
or even Call to Communion in some ways, Dr. David
Anders. And in a different format, you have apologetics
programming that have so much to do with people.
who bring their situations out into the open,
they talk about them, and they're trying to seek
insight so that they can move forward in their
lives. And it made me ponder, as I am so focused
on helping folks like you be transformed to experience
this awakening and this trajectory -changing
encounter with Jesus, that there are insights
that I have mentioned over the course of the
years on this program, but to be able to make
it more of a point of focus. It's a theme that
is really jumping out at me. And so I'm going
to be sharing with you from my 25 years, almost
30 years of working in church settings and in
corporate America as an executive coach and a
strategy consultant. And by doing that, my goal
is to, once again, share with you some stories.
share with you some anecdotes, share with you
some principles and practices that have come
from those circumstances that, guess what? They
have a part to play in your life of faith. And
so my hope and prayer is that as you hear these
insights, as you hear these principles and practices,
that you'll see that, oh, wow, that's relevant
to my life. That's very striking to me. Or maybe
it's something that you'll find to be a blessing
in your married life. Maybe it'll be a blessing
for a loved one. Maybe it's a spouse or a child.
Maybe it's a parent. So this is going to be just
another form of me sharing with you sound insight.
Insight to help you see into your life, into
your life living in this world. Because I think
that as I'm sharing with you these insights that
have come from my interactions with so many folks
in corporate settings, but even just in one -on
-one settings, a lot of folks will say to me,
Tom, can we get together for coffee? Or could
I just call you up? I want to pick your brain
for something. I offer them insight that comes
as a result of a dialogue that they then can
take an action on. And that's what coaching is.
And so today I'm going to sort of lay the groundwork.
And by doing this, I want to help you realize
that This concept of coaching, even though it
might sound a bit like corporate and what does
this have to do with faith, is actually traced
back to fundamentally Catholic realities. therapists
who are talking on Catholic radio are bringing
situations that are very often secular in nature
and are out in the world in secular settings.
So also, coaching is one of these things that
will have an application out in the secular world,
but guess what? If it's done through a Catholic
lens, if it's done with a Catholic worldview,
if it's done in a Catholic way, you'll find that
the deepest truths of our faith have incredible
application for how we flourish in settings in
this world. Yes, even in business settings. I
see this again and again. I remember a particular,
what's called an offsite. This was a gathering
of senior leaders and executives at a fortune.
500 company, probably a Fortune 100 company.
And I was speaking to a gathering of, I don't
know, between say 50 and 100 of these executives.
And I was working with them over the course of
the day on some crucial issues that I had helped
diagnose through some assessment work, right?
So an assessment is where I kind of parachute
in and I have a chance to talk with a variety
of senior leaders or executives in one -on -one
settings and in settings that have a degree of
confidentiality to them, and then I can bring
the insights that I gained from them through
those dialogues, and I shaped and molded them
into a series of presentations. And the first
set of insights that came out were, guess what,
utterly associated with the Catholic understanding
of what it means to be a person. Now, I never
used the word faith, I never used the word Catholic,
and I never used the word God, but I was able
to develop this understanding that each person
in this room And each person that they're serving
and each of the customers that they're ultimately
trying to reach and offer services to is a person
that is a gift. So it was amazing. I was able
to take John Paul II's understanding of the person
as gift and weave it into a set of conversations
and a set of deliverables that at the beginning
of the day, there was some questions like, okay,
well, Is this going to be something, is this
guy going to be able to deliver insight that
will have impact on our business? And at the
end of the presentation, they were like, this
was the most profound understanding of what it
means for me to look at my coworkers, to look
at the people that are reporting to me that I've
ever had before. And all I did was. was able
to share with them this Catholic understanding
of what it means to be a person in a way that
they could understand. I'll share more about
that story later, but my point is that you'll
find that you living your Catholic faith in your
workplace, you living your Catholic faith in
your workplace is more than having a rosary.
in your pocket or wearing a crucifix around your
neck or having a picture of the sacred heart
of Jesus at your desk. Those types of things,
right? I'm not talking so much about the externals.
I'm talking about the spirit. I'm talking about
the person. I'm talking about how you show up
and how you live in the workplace, in the world.
So many of you are people who are called to go
forth into the world and be salt and light and
leaven. And we will do that by living out the
fullness of our faith in the world. Okay, so
I'm going to dive into this now and just talk
a little bit about, you know, you're saying,
Tom, what is a coach? I'm not talking about sports,
right? Coaching in terms of sports. whole profession
is something that only grew up in the last, say,
less than 30 years. It was in the late 1990s
where folks that were involved in training and
consulting kind of blended these together and
realized that, wait a minute, instead of me coming
in and giving a talk to a bunch of people about
things they ought to be doing, and then I get
to leave, I was the expert who shared some insights
and some practices, and then I leave, and then
they're left to sort of figure them out. Maybe
it would be better to have someone who could
walk with them, who could be with them and accompany
them over the course of an extended period of
time to be able to help them implement the insights
and apply the insights in their own settings.
And so coaching emerged in the late 1990s as
a profession, as something that people would
offer in professional settings. And what's interesting
is that when I got into this, it was because
I was doing a lot of training and consulting
and speaking in Catholic settings. I would do
a lot of work speaking with Catholic leaders.
I was speaking either to bishops or priests,
sometimes to deacons. I was speaking to what
are called curia, so the leadership at the diocesan
level. And I would even offer, interesting, I
would offer formation by phone classes. And so
you'd have people gathered around a speakerphone
in another state. Maybe it was like a leadership
group of a prayer group. prayer group leaders.
And they would gather together and I would send
them outlines and we would work through the outlines
together. And I had never met the people, but
they'd be on the phone and we would walk through
these outlines and I would talk with them by
phone. It was formation by phone. And eventually
when this theme of coaching came up, it was like,
this would be so much more impactful. if I would
be able to incorporate something like that, right?
So the sort of the throwaway line was, oh, Tiger
Woods has a swing coach. So at that point, Tiger
Woods, right, the leading golfer in the world.
And even he had somebody who was attempting to
see what he was doing and give him insight that
he could benefit from as well. And I mentioned
to you that the people that were initially attracted
to this profession of coaching, they really came
from three different directions. There were those
that were sort of the consultant mentors. So
the consultant slash mentor who moved into coaching
were those who basically said, the answers lie
within me. I've been there and done that. And
if you bring me in, I'm going to help your folks
or the people that I work with in one -on -one
settings to be able to get the insights that
I have. And I'm going to help them be able to
apply those insights into their settings. So
a mentor or a consultant. Then there were those
that were the therapists. And so those that came
from organizational psychology or individual
therapy, they had a desire to, once again, maybe
take on more of a coaching role rather than a
therapeutic role. But their general approach
was the answers lie within you. And so those
that came from more of a therapist -type background
and model of coaching were those who would say,
let me learn how to ask. interesting questions.
Let me learn how to ask the questions that will
help to surface the insights that are in you
that you're not aware of yet. And so the answers
really do lie within you. And so through my appreciative
inquiry, through the way that I'm talking with
you, you're going to gain new insight into your
own situation. And so that was the second model.
And the third was those that gathered around,
let's call that person a guru, someone who came
into visibility and had a bit of fame, maybe
because of some successes they've had in their
own lives. generated a program that encapsulated
their insights. And they then offered that program
for people to be certified in utilizing handouts
and other materials and assets to apply the guru's
insights through this program. And those coaches
were those who were certified to be able to do
that. So the therapist, the mentor, and the program
coach. There was a fourth model though. And this
is one that I brought to the table. Did you seek
mentors for your life? Absolutely. Look to people
who can help you gain insight because they've
been there and done that. They will help shorten
the process of you advancing in your life. So
coaches that came from a mentor background certainly
had a place and were valuable. Is it important
to be able to talk with people in such a way
that they're asking you the right questions and
helping you come to see things that you don't
see within yourself? So those that have more
therapeutic background, yeah, incredibly valuable.
And so a therapeutic background and approach
to coaching also had its place and was valuable.
How about learning from those who were able to
encapsulate those insights that they had, sort
of the guru again, and put it into a program
and said, you know what? I don't want to have
to guess how to figure out how to get insights.
I can just follow these questions. I can follow
this program. And if I trust the program and
what's been put together, I'll be able to reach
the goal line. And so these three approaches,
coaches that would be certified in executing
a program, these were all valuable ways of coaching.
However, my background was in Catholic theology.
I was a Catholic theologian. And my background
was in working in a parish setting and then eventually
moving up to a national and international level
where I would be interacting with Catholic leaders
around the world and the Catholic bishops in
the United States. And I realized that there
was a very rich tradition that involved the kind
of work that coaches do. And it was the tradition
of spiritual direction. Because a spiritual director
is someone who blends all three of these other
models. You see, a spiritual director, on the
one hand, himself or herself, is called upon
to have walked the path. They're called to be...
holy. They're called to be someone who is walking
in a way of integrity. And so they're kind of
like a mentor. So if you have a spiritual director,
some of the answers lie within that spiritual
director. And at the same time, a spiritual director
is wise enough to say, the Holy Spirit is not
simply at my command, but the Holy Spirit's at
work in you. And you may not be aware of how
the Holy Spirit is at work in you. And so I realized
that if I can ask you the right questions, some
of those insights will come out of you. And so
this good spiritual director is going to also
have and draw from some of the therapeutic approach
to coaching. At the same time, the spiritual
director is going to be trained and formed in
the collective wisdom, in the whole tradition
of spiritual direction that has been handed down.
And that's that program approach, right? Not
from one guru, but from the entire tradition
of the church. And so a wise spiritual director
is someone who's going to, if you will, follow
the program, is someone who's going to understand
that there are some really key things, insights
and principles and practices that ought to be
implemented in a healthy spiritual direction
situation so that their directee can benefit.
And for me, it became very natural to say, oh,
my approach to coaching in professional settings
was drawn from the tradition of spiritual direction.
Some of the answers lie within you. And my goal
will be to help you surface those insights. Some
of the answers lie within me because I have my
own fund of experience. I've been there and done
that. And I want to be able to bring that to
the table when the situation calls for it. At
the same time, I also realize that some of the
answers are beyond us. Some of the answers are
not in either of us, but if we are open to it
and we're wise in our own searching, we're going
to be able to lean into the wonderful tradition
of faith, or in this instance, the wonderful
sources of insight that are available beyond
us in the world, and let's go and let's allow
those to come to the table as well. And so as
a coach, in these corporate settings, I have
been living this model of spiritual direction.
I've never called it that, but I utilize the
very same principles that are drawn from a very
healthy Catholic understanding of spiritual direction.
Now, there's an insight that shows up in St.
John of the Cross. in St. Francis de Sales, in
Introduction to the Devout Life, and in many
writings in our Catholic tradition. And it's
this. Finding a good spiritual director is incredibly
rare. Having a spiritual director who is going
to fulfill that call is very rare. And so...
Finding a wonderful spiritual director who is
going to live out all those different aspects
of that call is a great challenge. And there's
a book called The Book of All Saints, written
by Adrienne Von Speyer. And in it, she talks
about and gives insight into the prayer lives
and spiritual lives of great saints throughout
our tradition. And one of the themes that shows
up again and again is that the particular call
and mission of this particular saint, this particular
blessed, this very holy man or woman in our tradition
wasn't fully realized because they weren't accompanied
by a holy spiritual director. It was the lack
of a wise... spiritual director that held back
the full flourishing and the full realization
of someone's mission. Even a saint, they could
have been even more fruitful had they been better
directed. I found that so striking when I read
that in the Book of All Saints, but I also found
it so confirming of what I've experienced. in
my own work, moving into the world to be Salt,
Light, and Leaven as a corporate consultant,
as a trusted advisor, as someone who offered
a confidential sounding board to CEOs and C -level
executives and in corporate settings where I've
attempted to help them flourish as top leadership
teams, that they were held back because they
didn't have a good coach. It was the absence
of a coach that left this individual to attempt
to figure stuff out. And so finding the right
coach was someone that was going to help them
flourish more fully and to realize their mission,
even their mission in that corporation itself.
And that's what I found to be. this great gift
that I was able to bring to bear, something that
came from my own background in theology and in
ministry, and to bring it to bear in settings
that often involve faith, but often didn't, right?
And just real in corporate settings. What was
interesting was this, was that a number of my
clients, those who were drawn to me, were also
Catholic. Certainly not all, right? But a number
of them were. And it was interesting because
they heard me on the radio at some point. And
I talked about the fact that I did this coaching,
this executive coaching for companies like Boeing
and T -Mobile. And I worked with business owners
and walked with these leaders. And they're like,
hey, you know what? My company offers the opportunity
to draw on executive coaching. Can we see about
getting you involved here? And so it became for
me a beautiful way for me to live out my mission,
which was in principally in ministry settings,
but then to bring that to bear as well outside
of ministry settings. It's been a really powerful
and beautiful gift. Now, this draws upon this
Catholic understanding of being a person called
Catholic anthropology. And it's this, it's the
power and importance and fundamental reality
of dialogue in our own lives. The power and importance
and the fundamental reality of dialogue in our
lives. So what I just shared with you as understanding
the models of coaching, I want you to stop and
think about that for your own life of faith.
and for your own professional life. So I don't
talk into a lot of men or women who have to go
out the door, out their front door, out into
the world, and you're trying to make a living.
You're trying to make it work. When you have
someone who can walk with you, accompany you
in a dialogue, it's a way for you to gain insight.
to see into your circumstances more fully so
that you can take the action that you need. And
so I say that this is connected to our anthropology
and how fundamental is it? I said it's really
fundamental and it's important. Well, it goes
all the way back to John Paul II and his understanding
of the person is created in the image of God.
We as human beings are created in the image of
God. Now, when we think about that, we say, oh,
what does it mean we're created in the image
of God? Well, for over a thousand years, say
1 ,500 years in our tradition, the emphasis,
not the totality of it, but the emphasis has
been on the fact that we're created in the image
of God as individual human beings. That means
that I am the image of God because I have an
intellect, a will, and a memory. Through my intellect,
I am able to know what is true, like the Word
of God, the second person of the Trinity. I can
will what is good, and so there's the act of
love. To will what is good is an act of love,
and that's like the person of the Holy Spirit.
And I also have a memory, and a memory isn't
just the ability to recall facts, but it's the
ability to make what is past real. and effective
in the present, like God the Father, the source
of all being. And so we have this image of the
Trinitarian God in a single person as an individual.
Again, that was beautifully articulated by St.
Augustine in his book, De Trinitate, on the Trinity.
It's a very dense book. But there are other strands
in our tradition. about what it means to be a
human being created in the image of God that
is more than involving just an individual human
being. And St. John Paul II highlights this.
He calls this back out into the open, and he
emphasizes the fact that we are made in the image
of God, not only as intellect will and memory
as an individual, but because we're created in
the image of the Blessed Trinity, Father, Son,
and Holy Spirit, that is a communion of persons.
There's this union among the Father, Son, and
Holy Spirit that is infinite, that is eternal,
and is perfect. And this infinite communion of
persons between the Father and Son and Holy Spirit,
St. John Paul II refers to as a dialogue. love
and truth. The union of persons among the Trinity
is a dialogue of love and truth. But this also
has an impact on our lives and what it means
for us to be persons created in the image of
the Trinitarian God. What is that? I'll tell
you in a minute. So here I am in my inaugural
session of the Catholic Coaching Hour. My goal
here is to share with you insights drawn from
my career serving executives and CEOs and business
owners and others to share insights that are
rooted in our Catholic faith and that will have
an applicability to your life of faith. Also,
in a special way, I am speaking to those that
actually have to move out into the world, that
you're called to make a difference. by being
salt, light, and leaven. You have jobs to go
to, you have careers you're trying to develop,
you're involved in companies, and you want to
be able to live your faith with integrity. You
want to be able to flourish in that setting.
And I want to give you the confidence that living
your faith, letting it shine, I'm not talking
about preaching, I'm talking about being a light,
by how you live your faith, how you live it with
integrity, is something that can happen. It's
something that we are in need of more and more
and I want to help with that. And so I'm going
to be sharing these insights with you. I'll give
again some anecdotes and some other stories and
by doing that to embody some of the principles
and practices that you'll be able to take with
you. Today I'm just sort of laying the foundations.
And so these foundations will play themselves
out. in our family lives, not just in our professional
lives, but in our family's life. So the insight
I just left off with before the break was this
idea that John Paul II offers that we're created
in the image of God as a communion of persons.
And he lays this out at, first of all, the most
basic level, that as a person, I image God in
one way through my intellect, will, and memory.
And he certainly says that, but he says, Image
God more perfectly and completely when we are
in a relationship of communion with others. So
yes, I am the image of God all by myself, just
standing alone as an individual. But I more perfectly
and completely am the image of God when I am
in a relationship of love with another human
being. He refers to these as I -thou relationships.
And in an I -thou relationship, I want you to
think of a boy and his dad playing catch with
a baseball. A really fascinating thing happened
when my dad died a couple of years ago. My older
brother George and I shared, like, what was one
of your most moving memories? that you had growing
up with dad. And he and I both said the same
thing, playing catch with the baseball in the
backyard. I was down one end of the yard. He
was down, my dad was down the other end of the
yard. And I threw him the ball. He caught it.
He threw me the ball. And I can still remember
that he threw the ball really fast and it hit
my glove and it stung my hand. I can remember
he's going to throw a curveball and he threw
the curveball and it just moved in really amazing
ways. I remember I wanted to throw it really
hard. It was wild. And the memory, this was a
memory of a communion of persons playing catch.
Just playing catch this. Do you see what's going
on? It's a circulation It's a back and forth
and that back and forth is I see you I celebrate
you, I affirm you, I receive from you, and I
give to you, right? So you can think of all of
that type of language, the receiving, the openness
to receive, the openness then to reciprocate,
to give back. There's a degree of I'm affirming
you, you belong, I belong. There's that, okay,
isn't that beautiful language? And it might be
a bit like flowery, but I tell you that this
idea of this circulation of love with my dad
and the act of playing catch, it made me alive.
It made me Tom. Well, Tommy then. It made me
come alive as a human being. According to John
Paul II, and it was something that I got to live.
And so... We are made for relationships like
that. We are made for relationships of communion.
And you see the difference when there isn't that
sense of circulation. When there's no dialogue,
what do you have, a monologue? Someone's just
talking at you, not with you. Or if someone's
closed off, they're not open to receive you,
or they're not open to... acknowledge that I'm
receiving what you're sharing and I'm going to
share back with you. There's, again, a wall that's
put up. And so there isn't that circulation.
When there's a breakdown in communication, there's
something then less than fully flourishing human
being that's happening there. John Paul II takes
this reality of saying this I and thou, it then,
when this I and thou, where you're facing each
other, you could become a we, where together
you then face the world. You face others together,
that that affirmation and mutual receptivity
to each other leads to a sense of solidarity,
a sense of compassion, a sense of working together
for the sake of someone else. This communion
of persons plays itself out in our lives as a
married couple. John Paul II says that marriage
is a communion of persons. He says that family
is a communion of persons, this fundamental cell
of society. That's what we were made for. We
were made for this communion of persons, this
union of existence where we share life together.
And this I and now and we, well, Carrie and I,
our call is to be one so that we can then, we
can be towards our kids and foster in them that
same thing. And John Paul II and other great
writers who've reflected deeply on this, like
Cardinal Ratzinger, Pope Benedict XVI, right,
and Hans Urs von Balthasar, they talk about instances
where you see a communion of persons on display.
It's marked by laughter as an expression of joy
and of play, right? I think about one of the
places where I've seen a beautiful experience
of communion of persons is growing up playing
sports. I especially see, I remember these just
times of being on the basketball court and just
playing together on a team. And when there's
just this flow together, time just slows down.
It gets so full. There's an overflow to it. That's
joy. And that's what we're made for. See, so
we're made for this communion of persons. fundamentally
as an individual, but then as that builds itself
out into the fundamental relationships in our
lives, that first fundamental cell of society,
my own family life, and then beyond that out
into the world. And so when I think about what's
success life, like what's, you know, mission
accomplished, not success, but for success from
the standpoint of what's mission accomplished
in my family, it's when I see my kids. loving
and enjoying each other, often marked by laughter
and play, where they are open to each other,
receiving each other. There's that reciprocation
of receiving and giving. When I see that, it
fills me to overflowing. I just, I stand and
I offer God great praise and thanks. One of the
great sadnesses, one of the great sources of
pain is when there's a rupture, when there's
a break in that communion of persons. When someone
isolates, separates, breaks away, and is literally
fracturing that sense of communion, there's a
tremendous sadness because there's not flourishing.
And so that's how fundamental This reality of
communion is. And again, communion as John Paul
II defines it is a dialogue. It's a dialogue
of love and truth. So this is what I would bring
to the reality of coaching. So I would get into
often in rooms and I'd love having a big whiteboard
there. And when someone would come in for the
meeting or I'd go to their office and we have
a meeting or even often it would happen over
Zoom. I would have a meeting. And there was this
sense of I thou, I'm looking you in the eyes
and I'm here to be open to you, to receive you.
And in receiving you, I want to be open to what
it is you have to say. I want to be able to,
in that moment, be able to draw out of you through
the dialogue we have insights that will help
you then recognize what's at stake right now
so that you can then take an action. What I just
shared with you is an understanding of a coaching.
Or let's call it the process of coaching. There's
dialogue that leads to insight that then leads
to action. Dialogue, insight, action. Hold on
to that. Because whether it's a situation of
you and your own vocation as a husband and a
father, dialogue, insight, action. Dialogue means
what? I have some of the answers in me, but you
have some of the answers in you. And there's
some answers that we need to have that come from
beyond us that we're going to draw from sources
of insight. And then we're going to try to welcome
them in. And as we see into our life situation,
we then want to know how to take the right action,
gracious action. And so I would very simply just
lay out that fundamental idea. that we're here
to have a dialogue and the goal of it is to have
insight. And what's the alternative of insight
is information, right? I don't want to simply
give you facts and data. However, facts and data
that can bring a light into a circumstance, that's
different. Now it's not just facts and data.
It's applicable. It's relevant. It's helping
to shed literally light on something so that
I can see more clearly. And so that's part of
the call we have. If we're going to live our
lives as disciples, we want to be involved in
life -giving dialogue that leads to insight that
then is the basis for taking action. Guess where
that happens first, brothers and sisters? Prayer.
Prayer. You want to have a definition of prayer?
Prayer is a dialogue, a communion of you with
the living God, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit,
because the Spirit of the living God is within
you, and that Holy Spirit will help stir into
visibility the presence of Jesus, who looks you
in the eyes, fosters a deeper union, and the
Lord will help you see the Father, because he
will turn you towards the Father. He'll help
you see with his eyes. No one sees the Father
except the Son and anyone to whom the Son reveals
him. And so this dialogue that is prayer will
lead to new sight, literally revelation. You'll
come to a new light. And when you see a new truth
that comes from God, you must act. If you believe
that you're going to see a new truth from God
and not act, you haven't seen the truth from
God. You've just gained a new fact. You've just
gained a new piece of information, even if it's
correct information. But if it doesn't move you
to take action, then you haven't received it
as real insight, but rather just as information.
Back in a minute. is involved in a relationship.
That relationship that I refer to as coaching,
but it's also, guess what? It's your marriage.
It's your family. It's father to sons, mother
to daughter, parents to kids. And yes, it's even
among co -workers and among friends. Take that
map out. Take that concept of coaching as a specific
intentional activity of dialogue that leads to
insight and then takes action as a way for you
to live out this reality that you're made in
the image of god as a communion of persons and
that's what you're called to live and to foster
in your life now there's one other principle
i'll bring out today that's all i have time for
i'm kind of really laying foundational ideas
here well I'll give you more practical examples
and some principles that you'll find applicable,
but this foundational vision is so very important.
The last foundational principle I'm going to
share today is the truth that is in the scriptures,
it's in our tradition. Thomas Aquinas sums it
up very powerfully, and it has a wonderful application
here, is that we live our lives in time. And
so as we live our lives in time, we are headed
towards a goal. right? We're on the way. That's
the phrase. We live our lives on the way. And
so Thomas Aquinas says that if you want to like
get into the core of someone's being, what you'll
discover is that they are homo viator, one who
is on the way, one who is on the way. And that
means that, oh, I'm not perfect all by myself.
I'm not yet complete. I'm called, to the perfection
of charity. I'm called to let that perfect, that
love of God become perfected in me. Love the
Lord by God with all my heart, soul, mind, and
strength. But I'm on the way. I'm on the journey.
And the way that St. Thomas Aquinas maps this
out is that if I'm on the journey, well, guess
what? There's been a point of departure, right?
I got launched into this journey that I'm on.
Oh, that was the... moment that you were conceived.
That was the moment that you were born into this
world. That was the moment when you had the loving
smile of your mother on you that evoked out of
you this awareness that you love me. That was
the first thing that surfaced your very sense
of your own self, was that act of being loved
by the smile of your mother. That so says Hans
Urs von Balthasar, quoted by Cardinal Ratzinger
before he was Pope. And so this fundamental reality
of I'm on the journey, well, that's where I came
from. But I'm at this particular point where
I'm at now. I've made some progress along the
way. I've come far. I've grown to some extent.
But you know what? I'm not done yet. There's
still a distance I have to go. I haven't yet
arrived, right? Just yesterday, I was talking
to my kids, just saying to them, I said, now
remember, what's our life all about, right? What's
the fulfillment of our life? Because they were
talking about some of the things they were giving
up for Lent. And I said, remember now, where
are we headed, right? And I said, what's the
goal of everything? Where are we all headed?
And they didn't say we're all headed to death.
They said, we're all headed to heaven. That's
the goal. That's the call. And I can realize
that I'm not yet there. I'm not yet there. And
so these three key moments. map out this journey
of, I started here, this is how far I've come,
but this is where I'm headed. Now that fundamental
structure of being a human being, guess what?
It also maps itself out in the course of different
stages of our lives, like in careers. Or you
could say even in marriage. Carrie and I, we
got launched into our marriage August 12, 1994.
Okay, we're 31 years in. We don't know how much
longer we have, right? But we can see where we've
come from. We can see where we're at. And we
want to get a vision of where we're headed. The
same is true with raising our kids. Okay, that
all began September the 28th, 1999, when our
first daughter was born. And it's continued on
until now. And we're still trying to figure out
what is the right now moment of our lives as
parents look like. Well, it's all headed towards
some future state, right? Carrie puts like a
picture up of her mom with all of her, you know,
50 some odd grandchildren and great -grandchildren,
another 30, and just all the others, just in
the great -grandchildren. children, right? So
this reality of where are we headed is, again,
it speaks of that journey. And that's where the
theme of accompaniment shows up. Pope Francis
made it famous. I actually used it. So way back
in the early 2000s, when I described what I did
as a coach is I accompanied people. I walked
with them because I was bringing this Thomas
Aquinas insight into the structure of what it
means to be a human being. And so a spiritual
director is someone, not a spiritual director,
yes, a spiritual director, because that's the
model. But as a coach, what do I do? I walk with
people. I walk with them. I accompany them from
a starting point. And we recognize where we're
at. And then we want to have that other point
of where we want to be headed, right? We want
it where we want to go. And so that actually
identifies in our tradition three fundamental
themes. And these are three fundamental themes
that are associated with your call to love in
your marriage, in your family, and yes, even
in your workplace. and just our life lived in
the world. Those three themes connected to our
point of departure, our current reality, and
that point of arrival where we're headed, our
support, encouragement, and accountability. Support,
encouragement, and accountability. Now, we often
hear about accountability if you go to a men's
conference. It's like the big theme. You go there
and the guys will rally people up and they'll
say, come on guys, get off the sidelines, get
into the game. And do you know what you need?
You need an accountability partner. You need
someone who's going to hold you accountable.
So if you're struggling with a sin, that brother
is going to help make sure that you're freed
from sin. Accountability, incredibly important.
But there's far more to it than that. And I think
this is where men's... speakers or men's conferences
would benefit from a deeper study of Aquinas
on this matter and our Catholic tradition, because
you would see these three themes. You support
someone where they're struggling. That has to
do with, this is how far you've come, and I've
got your back. I don't want you to fall back.
Encouragement. This is standing in the present,
and this is saying, look at what you're doing.
I want to put courage into the core of your being,
right into your heart. I want to help you to
be able to continue going. Let's keep going to
cheerlead you on. So that encouragement. And
then, yes, accountability. You know what? You
haven't arrived yet. There's still room for growth.
There's still a gap that exists between where
you're at and where you're headed, where you've
envisioned going. And so what I found is. Guess
what? Did I find this as a husband, a father,
or as an executive coach and a trusted advisor
to C -level executives? The answer is yes to
all three, support, encouragement, and accountability.
And this is what's so interesting is that I've
laid out that theme at men's conferences, at
marriage retreats, and yes, at corporate off
-sites. Off -sites to, again, leadership teams
of C -level or high -level executives, I've mapped
out this reality that you're on the way, guys,
and you need to be able to support each other,
encourage each other, and yes, hold each other
accountable. And it's a fascinating thing to
think about that. How do I consciously and intentionally
hold on to those things in my own life? Where
do I find support when I'm struggling? Where
do I find encouragement when I'm making progress
and who's noticing it, who's affirming it, celebrating
it, cheering me on and acknowledging it and saying,
keep going. And who is helping me be accountable
to my own highest ideals, not your ideals for
me, but my own highest ideals to say, you're
going to get there. Come on, keep moving forward.
We got this. And those three actions are all
actions of love. And when I describe the three
of them, and I'll describe them in more depth
in future programs, what does it mean to actually
support a loved one, a child who's struggling,
a spouse, a parent, or a friend? I've offered
support to so many folks just in my own life.
And what does that support look like? It's an
act of loving. But so is encouragement. And how
do I do that well? And so is accountability.
And that's the one I think we struggle with the
most. We most understand it poorly and apply
it even more poorly. And so to be able to, I
want to bring you insights that, again, what's
so interesting is, do you know who's interested
in accountability? Corporate America. There's
so many organizations where I've met with these
big leadership teams, and they wanted whole sessions
on accountability. I'm bringing them Catholic
understanding of accountability without ever
mentioning the Bible or any Catholic saint. It's
good human insight. It's human insight that will
help groups of people to flourish. And so walking
with folks and being a trusted advisor. or a
confidential sounding board, because that's what
coaching does. It's like a therapeutic, like
a therapist session where there's confidentiality.
So to be able to have a sounding board, someone
that I'm going to bounce things off of, oh, there
we go. There's that circulation again. So for
a CEO to have a confidential sounding board,
it's just so crucial. Very often as people move
higher in leadership, in organizations, they
get isolated. They get isolated from their ability
to speak freely. And so what they value so greatly
is a trusted advisor. Someone who says, I see
you. I see the situation you're in. And together,
I want to walk with you. And sometimes in walking
with you, I'm going to offer you guidance that
is support where you're struggling. Let's figure
out. how to do that. Let's figure out how to
get you the support that is needed here to address
this. Encouragement, let's figure out how to
put more courage into this leadership team to
take on the challenges that they're facing right
now. And then let's also talk about accountability.
Let's try to get insight into, let's try to diagnose
some of the biggest strategic challenges that
you're facing, and then let's come up with a
way to address them. And so What I've discovered
was my own background in the seminary with all
of that beautiful formation, my own work in the
church, working in a wonderful parish under a
great pastor, and then working up at the international
level with Evangelization 2000 and having wonderful
access and relationships with these amazing Catholic
leaders around the world. These truths that I
absorbed from them and through my studies and
my PhD work in systematic theology, where my
dissertation was on, guess what, interreligious
dialogue. I was able to apply all of that, not
only in my ministry work, but in corporate America
to great effect. And so can you. So can you.
So go deeper into your Catholic faith and apply
it in your professional life.