1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:08,840 Hello everyone and welcome to the Awaken Together podcast. 2 00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:17,000 I am Jen and today it's going to be me and a very special guest as we unpack concepts 3 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:23,200 around gender, sexuality, our inner teen, religion trauma. 4 00:00:23,200 --> 00:00:26,640 We're bringing all these big concepts together. 5 00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:33,200 Gender is a gender fluid, creative spaceholder and mystical being for real, for real, Sagittarius 6 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:38,000 Sun, Taurus rising, Cat Moon. 7 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:44,360 And our virtual program that we have co-collaborated on is officially launched. 8 00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:50,520 This program is called Inner U and it's a self-paced guided virtual program to help 9 00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:57,280 you with deeper healing with your inner child, inner teen and inner young adult self. 10 00:00:57,280 --> 00:01:00,240 There is so much good in this program. 11 00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:06,000 We created it in Asheville, North Carolina when we were supposed to have a neurodivergent 12 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:07,720 live retreat. 13 00:01:07,720 --> 00:01:12,480 It ended up falling through, but we still knew coming together and creating something 14 00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:18,280 was so important and thus was the starting point of birthing this program. 15 00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:23,880 I would love for you to support us and join us in this virtual experience. 16 00:01:23,880 --> 00:01:25,600 It's $44. 17 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:31,320 You can find the link to access the workbook and all of the videos for this program at 18 00:01:31,320 --> 00:01:39,400 my Instagram, Senseful.Wellness on my website, SensefulWellness.com or on Phoenix's bio, 19 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:43,080 which is healing portals on Instagram. 20 00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:47,040 Thank you for your support and let's get talking. 21 00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:49,360 Welcome Phoenix to the podcast. 22 00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:52,400 Thank you so much for having me, Jen. 23 00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:55,480 I'm so happy to be here and to get to unpack all of this. 24 00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:56,880 This is exciting. 25 00:01:56,880 --> 00:01:57,880 Yes. 26 00:01:57,880 --> 00:02:03,040 So we just spent what four days in Asheville. 27 00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:08,880 So much has come up as we've really explored concepts around our inner teen. 28 00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:12,720 I feel like we've made so many like light bulb moments. 29 00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:19,840 So I would love you to share just some of the highlights of your journey and how you 30 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:25,920 stepped into some of your power that has really been more embodied and recent now. 31 00:02:25,920 --> 00:02:26,920 Yeah. 32 00:02:26,920 --> 00:02:27,920 Thank you for that question. 33 00:02:27,920 --> 00:02:28,920 I love that. 34 00:02:28,920 --> 00:02:29,920 So thoughtful. 35 00:02:29,920 --> 00:02:37,240 So it's been a beautiful journey as someone who's narrow, divergent, queer, sentient, 36 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:41,240 and very sensitive to the feelings of the world. 37 00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:46,920 And it's in my astrology, as you know, I was born into this world and felt almost like 38 00:02:46,920 --> 00:02:53,160 a raw nerve end at certain points in my childhood, like overstimulated all the time. 39 00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:58,480 And in this world where we're taught to suppress our emotions and I have very big emotions, 40 00:02:58,480 --> 00:03:05,560 it kind of led me down a very dark, shadowy path of suppressing and numbing and escaping 41 00:03:05,560 --> 00:03:11,200 and finding different unhealthy coping mechanisms, whether that was disordered eating, a day 42 00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:14,240 addiction, different stuff like that. 43 00:03:14,240 --> 00:03:20,320 And the beauty of that part of my journey is that eventually it led me to a bit of a 44 00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:25,080 rock bottom where I found my spirituality along the way. 45 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:33,880 So now I am very blessed to have a focus on nervous system regulation and holistic healing 46 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:38,440 with myself and holding space for all the parts of me. 47 00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:45,480 And the way that I've done a lot of transmutation and a lot of healing is letting myself heal, 48 00:03:45,480 --> 00:03:52,480 living intentionally and ceremonially, tapping into things like breathwork and yoga and Reiki 49 00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:57,680 or energy healing, just tons of different healing modalities that have literally been 50 00:03:57,680 --> 00:03:58,680 lifesaving. 51 00:03:58,680 --> 00:04:04,440 And through all of my intuitive practices of intuitive movement, different ceremonial 52 00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:09,640 things, I've traveled a lot and learned a lot as I've gone, I've just been able to tap 53 00:04:09,640 --> 00:04:13,960 into my own intuitive magic and mysticism and wisdom. 54 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:19,120 So with that, I felt very passionate about sharing that with others and helping others 55 00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:28,680 reconnect and deprogram and this reconnection is to our own innate healing and magic abilities. 56 00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:36,160 Beautiful and just to really shout you out, Phoenix also travels the dream realm in the 57 00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:38,680 craziest way. 58 00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:46,760 Every single, very common, every night you receive really profound messages that really 59 00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:50,800 make sense and it's a really big connection for you. 60 00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:51,800 Yeah. 61 00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:52,800 Thank you. 62 00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:53,800 Yeah, I love it. 63 00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:57,520 Yeah, it's definitely like my moon and Neptune in the nine paths. 64 00:04:57,520 --> 00:04:58,520 Yeah. 65 00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:00,160 And it's very connected to the dream realm. 66 00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:04,320 It's always been powerful for me and I like to journal my dreams and have dream practices 67 00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:09,280 and I love the wisdom and messages I get and they come in very different forms and ways 68 00:05:09,280 --> 00:05:14,160 and as a kid, it manifested as a lot of night terrors. 69 00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:20,600 So getting to have such a healthy relationship with the dream realm is really beautiful. 70 00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:24,760 And do you feel like the more that you created space for all the versions of yourself, you 71 00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:29,760 noticed that like shift and change of being able to see wisdom through your dream space? 72 00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:30,760 For sure. 73 00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:36,040 And like once I was able to be awake and holding space for my grief and my fear and my anger 74 00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:40,440 and my doubt and my insecurity and my disappointment and all of those things that are sacred parts 75 00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:46,920 of me and holding space for my teenage self that felt a lot of those things very intensely 76 00:05:46,920 --> 00:05:51,520 but suppressed them because there wasn't time when you're waking up at 6 a.m. and going 77 00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:55,040 to school and then you have religious obligations. 78 00:05:55,040 --> 00:06:00,560 It was a packed schedule and a society where you're not meant to feel. 79 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:01,560 Absolutely. 80 00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:06,000 And yeah, so for we've spent some time and reflection. 81 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:12,240 We called our teenage self forward and you know, I think for Phoenix and I like being 82 00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:18,200 inside kind of different religion bubbles but still some religion bubbles within the 83 00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:23,240 same it's so hard to kind of know. 84 00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:27,960 You know, you kind of make excuses for hunches you have around different things. 85 00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:33,160 I know for me we were like cracking up laughing, looking at old photos that make it so obvious 86 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:35,160 that we are not straight. 87 00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:41,960 There's so many so many signs like the photo had me cracking up. 88 00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:43,620 It's like little symbols. 89 00:06:43,620 --> 00:06:48,520 But it's so funny because I remember that teenage version of myself just like writing 90 00:06:48,520 --> 00:06:52,720 things off in ways where I felt like there would be less judgment. 91 00:06:52,720 --> 00:06:57,400 Like writing things off as I'm just like fun and silly and I love everybody and it's 92 00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:58,400 fine. 93 00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:03,560 And like, you know, just coming up with all these like ways to like soften some of that 94 00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:11,080 reality because I was so scared of revealing like deeper truths not only like outwardly 95 00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:16,160 but even to my own brain I fought myself for so long on some of that. 96 00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:18,980 So I thought it would be very funny. 97 00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:27,320 Like we had one of our favorite stories we were going over talking about summer camp. 98 00:07:27,320 --> 00:07:31,240 So I don't know if any of you had like a religion summer camp. 99 00:07:31,240 --> 00:07:35,680 I know I have a lot of people that listen to this podcast with religion trauma but we 100 00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:42,160 really talked about some of the pressures of camp that there were like just like seeping 101 00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:48,960 out these like pressures of like all of like the cooler kids at camp would be like going 102 00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:50,660 and sneaking off for my camp. 103 00:07:50,660 --> 00:07:52,600 It was going behind the wall. 104 00:07:52,600 --> 00:08:00,880 We had this like literal like wall but it was such a metaphorical wall because I that 105 00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:08,600 wall put like a wall in my heart because so many of the cool kids got to go behind the 106 00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:09,600 wall. 107 00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:13,480 I never was allowed to interact with the wall because I just didn't have people. 108 00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:17,720 I was like a very like yeah I had a lot of things going on as a kid. 109 00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:26,000 I didn't fit that like typical like yeah patriarchal view and honestly we were teenagers. 110 00:08:26,000 --> 00:08:32,880 There was like so much like weird sexualization within so much of the religion trauma shit. 111 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:38,360 But anyway our camp selves like we were reflecting back to how yeah even though we didn't make 112 00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:40,600 it for Phoenix it was going to sure. 113 00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:46,880 Yeah for me it was hill time and I feel like us not making it was actually such a blessing. 114 00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:47,880 Such a blessing. 115 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:51,120 We were laughing a lot about Jen not making it behind the wall and Phoenix not making 116 00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:54,120 it to hill time successfully. 117 00:08:54,120 --> 00:09:00,400 But the thing is about hill time which was very the same vibe as behind the wall time 118 00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:09,400 was that you know like I ended up having beautiful like kind of like asexual experiences. 119 00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:16,440 Neurodivergent kid friends with the counselors more than the kids like also it's hard because 120 00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:20,440 kids are expressing their sexuality and when you're closeted and suppressed you can't even 121 00:09:20,440 --> 00:09:24,880 go there because you've blocked that off so far from yourself. 122 00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:29,480 And it also was like very dystopian when you think about it that they want these kids to 123 00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:37,760 like co-mingle within their religion and procreate and like I don't know further the cause. 124 00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:44,520 Yeah they love to see like just the traditional like couples coming up and like very much 125 00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:49,120 trying to pull from any expression in any other direction. 126 00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:54,180 And it's really weird how certain like young couples get celebrated because they're so 127 00:09:54,180 --> 00:09:58,080 quickly trying to get you to follow this like one life path. 128 00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:00,680 And make more babies in it. 129 00:10:00,680 --> 00:10:01,920 It's wild. 130 00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:08,000 So we reflected that although our inner teen selves really wanted to try to keep up we 131 00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:14,720 were queer we were neurodivergent we had so much more to learn like so many things and 132 00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:19,800 so the wall and the hill like were played out exactly as we should be. 133 00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:23,840 Yeah and although I was not fooling around in the bushes I was stargazing and listening 134 00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:26,640 to great guitar music and that was part of my path. 135 00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:27,640 Love that. 136 00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:30,160 And I was in a cabin full of girls probably pretty happy. 137 00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:32,560 In my own way. 138 00:10:32,560 --> 00:10:33,560 In my own way. 139 00:10:33,560 --> 00:10:34,560 Yes. 140 00:10:34,560 --> 00:10:35,560 Oh gosh. 141 00:10:35,560 --> 00:10:36,560 Oh so good. 142 00:10:36,560 --> 00:10:38,000 So good. 143 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:46,320 And so yeah I think I would love to hear you just with that inner teen self when and how 144 00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:51,640 did things start to feel as you noticed that you weren't going to fit the kind of traditional 145 00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:52,640 mold of things. 146 00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:55,120 That's a really good question. 147 00:10:55,120 --> 00:11:01,320 So what's interesting for me is that so because I went to a very private Jewish day school 148 00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:05,360 from and I've never talked about this in front of a group of people so this is exciting to 149 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:09,320 like let this go I went to a very private Jewish day school and I moved in fourth grade 150 00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:12,480 and the kids had been going to school together since kindergarten. 151 00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:13,680 So it's kind of the odd one out. 152 00:11:13,680 --> 00:11:18,960 I stood out because I look different like I was the only blonde haired or one of two 153 00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:26,720 blonde haired blue eyed kids and it was very interesting because I was bullied a lot and 154 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:32,080 because of that by the time I got to high school and had friends I was very scared to 155 00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:37,880 shift anything because I didn't want to be back in that place of feeling social rejection 156 00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:40,240 feeling like an outcast like feeling lonely. 157 00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:48,400 So for me a lot of the portrayal and media of people coming out was very very dramatic 158 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:52,560 very traumatic their families rejecting them their friends rejecting them them dealing 159 00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:55,240 with all of this and coming to terms with stuff. 160 00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:59,360 So that was one thing like even mean girls was like a huge influence of like someone 161 00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:03,600 getting shunned by the whole school for being a lesbian like that stuck with me and I didn't 162 00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:08,720 realize this consciously at the time like I very much was just like everyone that I 163 00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:12,960 came out to was like oh we know sweetie like we know. 164 00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:16,920 And so that was just interesting and I was always weird and unique and eccentric but 165 00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:21,840 I just started to kind of dim my light as a survival mechanism because in middle school 166 00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:25,040 and such whenever I started to shine it that's when I got picked on. 167 00:12:25,040 --> 00:12:31,040 So I learned to associate shining with like being a target whether that's for predatory 168 00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:32,880 energy or bully energy. 169 00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:37,680 So it's been doing a lot of work of like unwriting that story. 170 00:12:37,680 --> 00:12:44,440 And can you tell us a little bit about your journey with using he they pronouns how that 171 00:12:44,440 --> 00:12:45,760 shift started happening to you? 172 00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:47,480 Yeah that's a beautiful part too. 173 00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:52,760 It's like as soon as I figured out the sexuality it was like gender. 174 00:12:52,760 --> 00:12:53,760 You open the treasure box. 175 00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:57,200 Literally my whole life started to make sense. 176 00:12:57,200 --> 00:13:02,800 Like I definitely my whole life had been like joked, joked quote unquote I'm a boy, I'm 177 00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:05,720 a boy and I've always had like part of me has been trans. 178 00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:10,320 I've done inner child healing where it's like my eight-year-old self and my 12-year-old 179 00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:14,440 self are very much like he, him and I have younger ages that are they, them. 180 00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:18,680 I think there's like very little me that just doesn't care about pronouns at all. 181 00:13:18,680 --> 00:13:24,680 But for me it's like when I first moved to Colorado that's the first time I had met trans 182 00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:25,680 people in real life. 183 00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:30,840 It's the first time I started going to poetry and art events where people were like this 184 00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:36,400 is my name, this is my pronouns and I learned that gender fluidity was a thing and I felt 185 00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:40,920 myself on the spectrum of gender fluidity of sometimes feeling like I don't have a gender 186 00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:41,920 at all. 187 00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:42,920 I'm just a magical creature. 188 00:13:42,920 --> 00:13:48,000 Sometimes feeling like I'm a man and just being on my own journey with that and realizing 189 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:50,120 that I can be fluid in it. 190 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:55,840 I can change everything and this world is in constant and it's been such a blessing 191 00:13:55,840 --> 00:14:01,880 and a lot of my life and my childhood and my romantic relationships have made sense. 192 00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:08,960 I've always had very romantic friendships with women and gay men and I was like oh because 193 00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:12,920 I'm kind of like a gender fluid lesbian and a gay man all in one. 194 00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:16,840 It all makes sense and yeah it's pretty cool. 195 00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:21,200 I just had a reconnection with a lot of my friends from high school and it's been since 196 00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:26,240 the pandemic and it's really it was just so healing to see all of us because we were all 197 00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:32,160 closeted in high school to see all of us be out and happy and like pursuing relationships 198 00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:35,800 that are aligned with us instead of just being like the only kids who didn't date. 199 00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:40,680 You know so it's just like seeing that was healing on a lot of levels and like then we're 200 00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:42,680 here during this teen and high school healing. 201 00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:43,680 It feels really good. 202 00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:44,680 I love that. 203 00:14:44,680 --> 00:14:45,680 Thanks for asking. 204 00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:50,200 Yes, absolutely and thank you for sharing parts of your journey. 205 00:14:50,200 --> 00:15:00,440 I think yeah for myself looking back at I mean the religion trauma truly has even unpacked 206 00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:07,280 like so much deeper probably within the last like even three years I would say. 207 00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:12,480 So yeah so Saturn return for real. 208 00:15:12,480 --> 00:15:19,160 But I think so much of how my young college self definitely like explored and experimented 209 00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:26,960 in so many ways and I didn't have a lot of block in experimenting and trying but the 210 00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:34,320 energy behind it was always so rebellious and bad and like I associated it so much more 211 00:15:34,320 --> 00:15:40,960 with partying like I just love everyone when I am drinking and it's fine and you know just 212 00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:46,760 like playing off of a fun hype instead of it being like a real intimate vulnerable like 213 00:15:46,760 --> 00:15:53,000 accepting energy which honestly you know has taken so much time to kind of like circle 214 00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:54,520 back to. 215 00:15:54,520 --> 00:16:02,600 I think the layers that have yeah come up even since you know Danny and I got married 216 00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:04,360 in 2018. 217 00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:10,080 We had very big talks early on about like staying open to concepts because I still knew 218 00:16:10,080 --> 00:16:14,520 so much was evolving and so much was growing and luckily I have a partner that's willing 219 00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:19,280 to like expand and grow with me and play with anything that comes up for us. 220 00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:26,640 So Danny and I have even explored like polyamorous thinking and looking into yeah it's giving 221 00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:33,480 space to so many versions of myself that although are in like the past and you know timeline 222 00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:39,640 it's there still very much here and have really we're not really allowed to own up so many 223 00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:46,240 parts so being able to just allow that energy moves where it needs to go and that there 224 00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:52,640 is room and space for all those sides of myself that in the actual time of living it and being 225 00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:55,880 in it we're not getting in full expression. 226 00:16:55,880 --> 00:17:02,440 It's so beautiful to be able to allow for all sides of that and yeah just knowing that 227 00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:09,480 you are safe and that society is shifting so much in these concepts and I think for 228 00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:15,600 me one of the biggest like light bulb moments actually happened really around Roe v Wade 229 00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:22,280 all of the just seeing the like kind of how threatened the queer community was within 230 00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:28,120 so many concepts like bled into that and how it felt like it could be like a domino effect 231 00:17:28,120 --> 00:17:33,920 so easily right like what we're going backwards when you know we've been trying to expand 232 00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:39,160 and then you see something like that happen it was like this huge moment for me I felt 233 00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:46,880 the collective pain I felt pain for every version of myself and it was truly where I 234 00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:54,900 realized that I was kind of riding the privilege of being married and just you know being able 235 00:17:54,900 --> 00:18:00,720 to play off this seemingly more traditional even though Danny and I have very expansive 236 00:18:00,720 --> 00:18:07,160 concepts I hadn't brought in a lot of those things like out into light because yeah it 237 00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:14,560 was kind of easy just to ride the normal but I started feeling like super heavy like holding 238 00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:22,960 that in and realizing that being bisexual or even pansexual and exploring all of that 239 00:18:22,960 --> 00:18:28,560 like that's always been a part of my journey I've just kind of kept it so quiet and close 240 00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:37,040 because it's how my life conveniently worked but it's so important that we bring all elements 241 00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:44,400 of our story to light because right now what we are really battling is this expansiveness 242 00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:49,520 that's happening and it's happening so beautifully I can cry about it at any point of the day 243 00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:55,440 just thinking about how much is shifting for the better people being able to claim and 244 00:18:55,440 --> 00:19:01,600 move through really so many things and the judgments getting less and less and society 245 00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:09,040 is it's so much easier to find your people than what it was but it's also you know there 246 00:19:09,040 --> 00:19:15,200 is a little pushback the old is dying and there is a desperate claim for the old that 247 00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:21,360 is happening but the more people that are even in comfortable situations that also remember 248 00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:25,600 the elements of their story that very much fit against this narrative like bring that 249 00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:33,200 to light is so important right now and when I felt that deeply it helped me even expand 250 00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:34,200 that even more. 251 00:19:34,200 --> 00:19:41,600 Wow that's so eloquent thank you for sharing that I love that all of that and just how 252 00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:46,000 you feel the collective I understand that that's very relevant and I like when we talked 253 00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:51,760 about how we kind of talked about how it's interesting because this revolution and this 254 00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:58,240 reclamation is happening and it's happening fast and it's happening strong and it's been 255 00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:03,200 like the pandemic and everyone taking some time off from like the toxic productivity 256 00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:08,680 culture constantly working like spread even more awareness and shed more of a light and 257 00:20:08,680 --> 00:20:12,360 what I realized and what we kind of talked about is that it's like a many-headed beast 258 00:20:12,360 --> 00:20:16,600 that we've been like kind of shaking that from all sides and that starts with us doing 259 00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:22,520 our own decolonizing work within us that helps with us all sharing our truths and healing 260 00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:26,320 our trauma and sharing our stories and letting people know they're not alone and that it 261 00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:31,520 doesn't have to be stigmatized and the thing is like it's like when you we're destroying 262 00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:38,400 this beast the old ways of not even the oldest ways but like the old archaic like not suiting 263 00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:45,440 society ways are dying out with that generation dying out and it's like right now we are 264 00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:50,840 at the tipping point and it's like this mountain cistern is going down it's dying it knows 265 00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:56,120 it and it's doing its final whiplash it's doing its final rearing of its head its desperation 266 00:20:56,120 --> 00:21:02,880 to survive its final thrashing and it's looking like the roe v way being overturned it's looking 267 00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:08,400 like trans rights being like taken away it's looking like all of these things but i think 268 00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:12,720 it's so important to remember not to lose hope because that's the idea of this final 269 00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:17,600 slash that's what they want is us to lose hope with we're on the brink of success we're 270 00:21:17,600 --> 00:21:23,280 on the brink of birthing this new world and like i do believe that like we as people have 271 00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:27,640 to remember how powerful we are and how we're more powerful than the corrupt systems and 272 00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:33,440 how we're all of our awareness is powerful and our stories our stories us and knowing 273 00:21:33,440 --> 00:21:39,600 that this isn't okay that children having their consent violated that people living 274 00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:44,240 on stolen land and charging crazy rent like we're literally the only species that pays 275 00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:51,680 rent to be honest with it and it's literally killing people and like just the police brutality 276 00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:56,360 like all the different things it's crumbling from all the different facets the industrial 277 00:21:56,360 --> 00:21:59,960 prison complex like we have awareness of all these things so they're we're taking our 278 00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:06,640 power back and like i just want anyone listening to remember that like not to lose hope that 279 00:22:06,640 --> 00:22:13,840 it has to get the darkest before dawn and i think we're really seeing for the first 280 00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:22,000 time you really being able to lean on community versus necessarily the full structure system 281 00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:27,760 you were given and that feels so good for so many people and i think it's important 282 00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:33,640 that if yeah you've isolated you know some of these concepts are within you too that 283 00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:40,680 you reach out and find people knowing that that is like the biggest form of advocating 284 00:22:40,680 --> 00:22:47,000 is just being in community with people because one day you're strong and then the next day 285 00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:52,400 you need people to remind you and i think it's important that you can cultivate some 286 00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:57,240 of your own strength and power through you know reclaiming your story accepting all these 287 00:22:57,240 --> 00:23:02,560 parts but we need each other and that's the real point is that we are connected and i 288 00:23:02,560 --> 00:23:06,560 think the connection lines are getting so much stronger because there's so many more 289 00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:13,520 people tuning into themselves but you have to reach out for that side because our system 290 00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:19,320 isn't set up for community thinking but it still exists and i think it's you know we're 291 00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:25,040 circling back to those concepts to helping each other out and that starts by also plugging 292 00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:32,800 in and plugging in to maybe even groups that feel very scary at first to plug into it can 293 00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:38,280 feel very different than maybe groups you previously plugged into but there is a community 294 00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:44,600 component to a lot of this too. I agree. It's community and it's also remembering 295 00:23:44,600 --> 00:23:50,520 like our connection to everything whether that's the animals or the planet the trees 296 00:23:50,520 --> 00:23:56,520 like that's our community too and that's like an old old old ancient wisdom that we have 297 00:23:56,520 --> 00:24:01,440 within ourselves within our DNA that we're getting to reconnect to supporting each other 298 00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:06,840 supporting the earth and allowing each other allowing others to support us as well you 299 00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:11,840 know receiving is a big part of that too. I love it and if yeah if you don't talk to 300 00:24:11,840 --> 00:24:19,720 trees on the regular 10 out of 10 recommend. It's so important. My oldest friends. Yes. 301 00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:28,520 The great listeners. Uh-huh and I would love for you to share um I know we discussed too 302 00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:34,440 like you coming in just uh yeah like going through the airport some of the stuff around 303 00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:39,640 just like the structures still that are in place for comfortability around pronouns 304 00:24:39,640 --> 00:24:46,000 and stuff do you have a few things like as you've branched into that that can help to 305 00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:52,720 create more space and just what has felt good for you that people have um yeah asked you 306 00:24:52,720 --> 00:25:00,480 how that's kind of integrated in. So what's great is um I love having pronoun pins that's 307 00:25:00,480 --> 00:25:05,360 always fun to be like look it's on my hat. It's on my shirt. Say them. So cute. But a 308 00:25:05,360 --> 00:25:09,280 lot of times I feel like um we're shifting as a culture and I think the biggest thing 309 00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:14,320 that I've been doing on my own journey um which is like a decolonizing and like a de-gendering 310 00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:19,280 of my mind is to just try and stop taking the gender out of things stop gendering everything 311 00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:24,760 right so it's like I used to see like two people like a parent and a child and I used 312 00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:28,640 to think like that's a mom and a son or a dad and a daughter or whatever like because 313 00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:32,420 that's how we're programmed to think so now I'm like oh look there's a parent and child 314 00:25:32,420 --> 00:25:37,080 when I worked in retail I'm like that customer in a dress I'm not assuming they're a woman 315 00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:43,160 because they're in a dress and um so working within myself that was a big part so I would 316 00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:47,160 encourage people to kind of think about how much they gender colors and clothes and how 317 00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:51,720 that's kind of a made-up construct um and the other thing is this is really nice to 318 00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:57,680 just create communities and spaces where everyone says their name and pronouns like making that 319 00:25:57,680 --> 00:26:03,400 the norm which is very like gen z pluto and satirical absolutely so happening yeah it's 320 00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:08,040 happening a lot and just not expecting trans people to just say their pronouns and not 321 00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:12,480 having it be like a spotlight on them but having everyone say their name and pronouns 322 00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:17,000 so we're not assuming everyone's gender and it really is a safe space for people to not 323 00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:22,720 feel like singled out and stuff and doing that in community spaces as well as just conversations 324 00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:28,840 and like things like hi I'm Phoenix I use their pronouns and kind of normalizing that 325 00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:34,960 and realizing it's not about being perfect we all have to reprogram our brains and it's 326 00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:40,560 like we all make mistakes like I have messed up people's pronouns and I use they he pronouns 327 00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:46,560 or they them he him pronouns and it's like you're human you can make mistakes and it's 328 00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:51,200 not about making a huge deal about messing it up because that's almost more than just 329 00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:55,440 messing it up it's literally just about correcting yourself it's like if you called someone by 330 00:26:55,440 --> 00:26:59,760 the wrong name you would be like oops and then like say the right name yeah they're 331 00:26:59,760 --> 00:27:06,720 like just you know caring enough to listen and think before you speak and do your best 332 00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:14,300 yes thank you I love that and yeah I think that is a huge a huge thing not only for shadow 333 00:27:14,300 --> 00:27:21,880 work for yourself but we label things so quick we even talked about this well in inner child 334 00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:27,360 reflection like how quick you are to say like wow you did that so well yeah you did perfect 335 00:27:27,360 --> 00:27:32,080 that was so perfect and just how quickly we like like to summarize stuff and like put 336 00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:38,640 it all into one word or one identity box like it makes our brain feel comfortable but you 337 00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:44,880 have to constantly be challenging your brain to not to not do that because it takes you 338 00:27:44,880 --> 00:27:51,640 into automatic patterns which helps your brain relax but I also think it stops so much of 339 00:27:51,640 --> 00:27:57,280 that creative flow so I think shadow work never ends you always have to go back and 340 00:27:57,280 --> 00:28:03,080 you have to look at what you're starting to yeah over box over cling to over attached 341 00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:08,720 to and that's an endless journey that is part of the healing process and I do think it's 342 00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:15,080 super important it's what that's what we're doing we're trying we're having to use labels 343 00:28:15,080 --> 00:28:23,640 at first now in some ways but the goal I think is to continue to just have so much representation 344 00:28:23,640 --> 00:28:30,000 so much like de-stigmatizing that we end up being in a completely different reality where 345 00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:36,520 it's not so pressured but we have to claim certain labels at times to also create more 346 00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:41,260 freedom and I just think it's important to like yeah look at your relationship with every 347 00:28:41,260 --> 00:28:48,080 single thing around you how you interact with it how much you attach to it and this is the 348 00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:53,680 same I think of this in line a lot with like my mental health diagnosis is right like as 349 00:28:53,680 --> 00:29:00,320 much it's been super empowering to have like the titles and the labels behind that but 350 00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:05,360 I also think that with this mental health shift even and everyone like kind of knowing 351 00:29:05,360 --> 00:29:11,180 what they have there's empowerment within that but still we're getting loud about what 352 00:29:11,180 --> 00:29:15,240 that label is and finding community under that label but then the goal is still going 353 00:29:15,240 --> 00:29:20,280 to be to slowly start to remove that label it doesn't ever stop it helps you find community 354 00:29:20,280 --> 00:29:26,240 but I still think the reason we have to use the labels is to help find our people in this 355 00:29:26,240 --> 00:29:32,400 structure in this world and to also advocate against the hierarchy that has been created 356 00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:38,520 against so many labels but I still think the overarching goal is get loud about what you 357 00:29:38,520 --> 00:29:44,200 are and the more that people do that the less we're going to have this such pressure talking 358 00:29:44,200 --> 00:29:48,680 around having to have it so figured out because it is it's a lot of pressure to put on people 359 00:29:48,680 --> 00:29:54,200 to do the educating for everyone and do that it's a lot and you're just a human trying 360 00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:58,540 to live too and it's stressful to have to take the burden of so many things on your 361 00:29:58,540 --> 00:30:03,680 shoulders and I feel like it can feel that way really easily but yeah what I think of 362 00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:04,680 this all the time. 363 00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:10,080 I think about that a lot too because there's something so liberating like me never knowing 364 00:30:10,080 --> 00:30:15,940 what being trans meant having a lot of internalized transphobia taught to me and then like learning 365 00:30:15,940 --> 00:30:21,720 in psychology that it's a very very real thing and having so much compassion for trans people 366 00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:26,240 but not until I really knew that gender fluid was a thing or non-binary is what I was first 367 00:30:26,240 --> 00:30:35,200 introduced to just knowing that that's a thing was such a liberation for me and again a lot 368 00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:40,320 of times I'm like I'm literally just the Cosmos I'm Sardaz I'm a magical being I'm I can 369 00:30:40,320 --> 00:30:44,800 call myself fairy I can call myself Elvin I can you know come up with labels that I 370 00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:49,960 like to use labels or descriptions is almost like archetypes never boxes and that's what 371 00:30:49,960 --> 00:30:51,840 I think how we both use astrology as well. 372 00:30:51,840 --> 00:30:52,840 Yeah I love that. 373 00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:58,400 Just understandings of energy all about like dissolving into the oneness of the cosmos 374 00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:02,200 and I feel like that's really coming up and I feel like that shift's really happening 375 00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:08,880 and you know I just think I just think the world's coming back to it and it's like I've 376 00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:13,120 heard someone describe it as like we have all these different cups of water but really 377 00:31:13,120 --> 00:31:17,520 we'll want to just pour it all into like an ocean and let it all flow and have its different 378 00:31:17,520 --> 00:31:25,200 like it's don't have different cells but you know the vision is you know one with unity. 379 00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:26,840 I love that. 380 00:31:26,840 --> 00:31:34,880 I thank you so much for all your wisdom and all your words and your story which is incredible 381 00:31:34,880 --> 00:31:42,200 every little bit of it and to anyone listening I hope this provided yeah some space some 382 00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:49,120 permission to just create space for all that you are and every little piece of you and 383 00:31:49,120 --> 00:31:56,920 yeah let let all of that shine and we will see you next week for another episode and 384 00:31:56,920 --> 00:32:01,160 Phoenix really quick if you want to share some of your handles how people can support 385 00:32:01,160 --> 00:32:02,160 you too. 386 00:32:02,160 --> 00:32:04,000 Yeah thank you. 387 00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:10,760 So right now my Instagram is healing portals and you can follow me there to get on my email 388 00:32:10,760 --> 00:32:17,160 list I'm about to revamp some other social media stuff so stay tuned for that and I offer 389 00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:22,640 a lot of different healing stuff if you want to reconnect with the magic heal your nervous 390 00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:29,040 system and really just you know release that trauma from your body because you deserve 391 00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:30,960 it. 392 00:32:30,960 --> 00:32:33,960 Thank you all so much for having me. 393 00:32:33,960 --> 00:32:36,960 Yeah thank you. 394 00:32:36,960 --> 00:32:37,960 Bye. 395 00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:40,960 Bye.