Hello everybody and welcome to the Awaken Together podcast.
I'm Kat and today I am joined by a very special guest.
I want to introduce you all to my friend Ash Mills of Ritual Healing.
Ash is an intuitive tattoo artist, certified yoga teacher, and really advocate for sharing
your story and promoting vulnerability.
So welcome to the show Ash.
Thank you so much.
I'm so happy to be here.
Of course.
Thank you so much for being here.
I'm just so excited for our community to hear all about your work and your gifts.
I personally have friends who've experienced your work and they just have nothing but amazing
glowing things to say.
I'm blushing.
You are.
I love it.
Yeah, but I wanted to see if we can start by just hearing a little bit more about your
work so our listeners can get a sense for what that magic is.
Yeah.
So to put it very simply is I give space for a person to talk about themselves and their
life story.
And during that time I draw out a set of symbols that are universal and archetypal while they're
talking and develop a symbol that kind of represents that journey.
And if the person is completely in love with the story, I actually go about tattooing it
on them.
And the tattooing portion is also very intentional and leans towards being a little medicinal
as well.
Yeah.
And we will link Ash's link to this podcast so you can get a feel and just a visual for
what her pieces look like.
How would you describe your artwork if you had like a couple words?
Yeah.
So I think that it's really interesting because it doesn't derive from any particular culture.
I've heard a little bit Nordic.
But I think the most interesting part is that no matter which part of the world you're on,
because I've done these sessions online with a couple of people in a couple of different
countries, that doesn't really matter what language you speak or religion you grew up
in that the symbols themselves are like they resonate in the same way.
And my favorite example is that when you see a rounded line facing upwards, it has a very
soft feminine held nurturing feeling opposed to a triangle facing upwards.
So that has a little more structured masculine upward movement feeling to it.
You can see that.
Yeah.
So cool.
I think what's really special that I mean, one of the many things that sets you apart
from more different tattoos that I think many people kind of think of is your space and
how it's really one and one.
It's not in like a big tattoo salon with other people where you can kind of pick up on others'
energy and just a lot of external stimuli.
But we actually met through Nurture and you have this beautiful suite where I've seen
you can tattoo people lying down on the ground just with their legs up the wall.
I think that's so neat and really helps with the nervous system.
Yeah.
So that is, I think, really important when it comes to actually getting tattooed, really
activating that parasympathetic nervous system.
So getting out of fight or flight, I know that I've been in a couple tattoo shops where
I felt incredibly uncomfortable and it was cold and it was like the heavy metal music
was playing and my body was just in like fight or flight.
And I also kind of felt like the people didn't want me to want me to be there.
And I'm a very sensitive person, obviously.
So when your body is in fight or flight and it's getting tattooed, it's already kind
of irritated and doesn't want to be there.
However, if you're with a person that you feel really safe with, there's like plants
and light and like either music that you chose or like calm music, your nervous system is
like, OK, I can tolerate and handle this pain.
It's like I've had so many clients are like, that was the most relaxing tattoo that I've
ever gotten.
I think that's so special.
I have one tattoo.
I recently shared how I actually have two tattoos, but one's a cover up.
And I'm somebody who has like vasovagal syncope.
I've done EMDR for it.
But whenever I get shots or needlework done, I faint.
And so I just had such imposter syndrome when I got my tattoo done.
It was many years ago now where it was one of the spaces like heavy metal playing like
you shared about.
And I can just only imagine how much more of a beautiful, grounding, meaningful, intentional
experience it would be with you holding the space.
So, oh, it's amazing.
Thank you.
Of course.
And I would love to hear a little bit more about kind of a journey in your life that
has gotten you to this work, because I think not many people find themselves as intuitive
tattoo artists.
So if you wouldn't mind sharing.
Of course.
So I've always been like that artsy kid, for sure.
I've always also been incredibly sensitive and creative.
And also had a pretty chaotic childhood that added to that hypervigilance of really picking
up on other people's emotions and how they feel and kind of where they're at.
So I guess that's a positive thing some trauma has given me being able to use that
within my work.
But also experiencing so many different types of things.
I think that there's a lot of people that I can talk to where it's I can actually hold
space for that because I understand it.
And I always use this example of just like if there's an alcoholic and a person that's
just like, you should stop drinking the alcohol that would go well, you can go screw yourself.
Yeah, right.
But if it's an alcoholic talking to another alcoholic of being like, hey, I get you, I
see you.
It's really hard.
Life can get better.
The person who is drinking is like, oh, I can actually be seen and held.
So there's a positive that has came to like all of the chaos.
And as for the tattooing portion, I've kind of stayed out of tattoo shops because of that
sensitivity and tried to get an apprenticeship, but the vibes were all off.
And it's just like, I also have a history of addiction.
So I like knew that I couldn't be in those spaces.
And so the tattooing, I was working at a yoga studio.
I had this very beautiful mentor that saw my artwork and she asked me why I wasn't
tattooing yet.
And I told her the reasons why I just told you.
And so she bought me the equipment and trust of that's what I'm supposed to be doing
with my life and like giving her tattoos later on.
And the intuitive process actually came within the first, I think, 10 tattoos that I ever
did.
That's incredible.
So it was kind of everything like fell into place very easily.
I feel very fortunate for that.
But it has been about 10 years of journey work to actually be able to like hold the
space and be doing what I'm doing.
I think that's so cool that you had a mentor like that put on your path, kind of nudge
you in reflection.
Yeah.
And she's a beautiful badass woman.
So it definitely like lit a fire of like, oh, she believes in me.
I have to do this.
I have to figure this out.
Oh, that's beautiful.
Do you want to give her a shout out?
Katie Rowe.
I love Katie Rowe.
Do you know Katie Rowe?
Yeah, she was one of my teachers on my 300 hour at the river.
Yes.
Yeah, she's an angel.
But definitely a huge part of my journey.
So thank you.
Thank you, Katie.
Amazing.
And so I think a lot of our listeners will resonate with that of like, just having a
more tumultuous childhood and upbringing to kind of land in this place of being hypersensitive,
attuned to people's energies, a little bit of that, just leaning on intuition for a lot
of what we do.
And so I think what we're really looking to dig into today is the importance of sharing
your story.
Of course, this is something that you hold space for really often.
But can you share in a nutshell, like, why is this so important for us to be empowered
to do?
I think that one, there's not that many spaces in this world to actually sit and tell your
entire story.
I think that we go to therapy and can talk about our problems.
I think that we can go on dates and share things with friends.
But I don't know of many spaces of where you can sit and vulnerably and authentically
show yourself and everything that you've been through in a space where it can be held
and listened to.
And that's the thing about vulnerability that's fascinating is that I think that when
you show who you truly are, and then there's a person receiving it on the other side that
isn't shocked or appalled or is this like making this like, oh my God, well, why did
you do that?
Or having all these solutions for you when it can truly just be held and you realize
that like, oh, who I am is okay.
The things that I have been through have shaped me into the person who I am.
Not to mention there's so many times when a person tells their story and there's a red
thread on like, oh, it seems like you do that that often or oh, your mom also did that.
And they're like, oh, I've never noticed that.
So there's these things that come up that you've never really recognized when it comes
to just trends and things that have happened.
Not to mention when someone can sit and hear your story and then they look at you and then
they just say that that makes a lot of sense or that must be really hard.
Yeah, you just the health like scene you are right and being seen and heard, I think is
just a really important thing to the psyche.
I think it's such a key to our human experience that so many of us often don't receive until
we are in spaces that feel just safe.
Right.
And we are in a society that we just get caught comparing ourselves so often.
Social media is so hard for so many of us.
And we just assume that everybody has it easier than we do.
Right.
We really do.
And the wild thing about the position that I'm in is that you really cannot look at a
person and know what they've been through.
Right.
There's some times where I was just like, I had no idea that was coming and how they
present themselves on a day to day basis and then their story.
I'm just like, and that's another thing that I'm always surprised about is the resilience
of people where it's just like the I mean, some terrible things happen, some really,
really bad things.
And I'm like, how I won't say I want to say, say that, say this, but it's just like, how
are you still sitting here?
Yeah.
How are you still here?
You are amazing.
Right.
And I think that also unlocks things within us.
Right.
And I'm like, well, if they can do this and they have been through so much, like that
thing was so hard and here they are still showing up like that to me is it means so
much.
It's just like it gives me just a little bit more self assurance that like whatever I have
going on is going to be OK, too, knowing that somebody else has gone through maybe something
similar and is OK.
Yeah.
And that's almost every time I come out of the sessions or something that I've learned
either about myself, something that I've connected to or just being in the space of just like
this is how they reacted and how helpful it was.
It's really amazing when you do share like that connection that happens, even with podcasts
of just like when you hear someone sharing authentically and they're just like, oh, I'm
struggling, too.
Mm hmm.
It's just like, but they seem like they're doing so well on social media.
It's like, oh, when you share authentically, there's so much more connection.
Right.
Exactly.
And I think sometimes we have to seek these spaces out.
Right.
Like you are such a safe space for this.
This is your work.
This is your mission.
And I feel like a big part of your purpose, like why you're here.
You do it so beautifully.
And I think it can be hard for people who don't find themselves in a line community
but want it so bad to to resonate or not to resonate, but to feel safe, to open up.
Right.
So I'm wondering if you have any tips or recommendations for someone who might be in that boat who
feels like they're maybe ready to share their story and be vulnerable, but they don't know
like a safe place that exists right now to them.
Yeah, I would say first things first is trusting yourself.
Because I have mentioned even coming on this podcast, I was like, oh my God, what am I
going to talk about?
Like, how am I going to say this?
And then this like, hey, this trust came in of just like, you'll know what to talk about.
You're going to be OK.
So this idea that one, you don't have to have everything perfect.
That's definitely not how sharing your story works.
But also the fact that like it's it's going to feel so much lighter once you do start
telling your story.
It does get easier after it takes some time and you really do have to find the right places.
You can't like go to a bar and be like, this is my story.
And before like, why are you sharing this here?
So also, obviously, finding the right places and using using your your gut to like recognize
the spaces that it should be told in, because some places just can't receive it properly.
Yeah, I love that.
And what are some things that you think people should look out for to know that they feel
safe, to know that this is a space that they can share?
That's a great question.
Yeah, I feel like for me, it's like my body knows the answer.
I was going to say that's the probably the first thing to go to is really checking in
with yourself.
If there is a feeling in your gut that you shouldn't be there, that that feeling is usually
pretty valid.
Yeah, like you can feel it, like even relating to the chakras.
Yeah, that's solar plexus, my belly.
Yeah, a little butterfly.
Yeah.
And I think some of that might be normal, right?
The butterflies, especially the first few times.
But if it's like a sign, yeah, there's definitely because there's fears and then it's scary
to do things like tell your story.
And then there's mine almost comes from like my solar plexus area.
It's just like there's something wrong.
I think you are sure.
Because I resonate with that.
Yeah.
I mean, anxiety can feel like many different things.
And I think there's a difference in anxiety when something's a little stretchy and new
than when it's just like not safe and wrong.
Right.
Yes.
Yeah.
I'm a part of a women's circle that I think I've maybe mentioned on the podcast here once
or twice.
And I've been we've had it for almost almost two years now, which is crazy.
In August, it'll be two years.
And it is insanely helpful for me because it's one of those spaces that I can feel like
I just show up and don't have to think about anything going into it, but have that kind
of in my mind that every month I'll meet with the same women and we will talk about what's
going on in our lives.
And it's funny, whenever a new person joins, there's tears.
And I think that's because it's the first time that they're in a safe space and maybe
a long time.
And so there's just so much held down that maybe that first time is just like a volcano
coming up with your words that you don't even realize how much truth and emotion that you've
been not even paying attention to that's been weighing heavy.
And that's another thing is that just this world doesn't provide too many spaces.
I'm just thinking about all of the basic life things of going to school and going to college
and going to work.
It's like, well, where is that?
Where are the safe places?
And I think that there used to be a lot of like community and like structures like that
that we don't really have anymore.
Right.
So that's beautiful when someone can find a space like that.
Yeah.
And you're just like, and you're just like, oh my gosh, I can show up fully exactly who
I am.
And then there's a people all in the room and they're just like, you're welcome to be
here exactly who you are and how you are at all.
And it just it feels amazing.
There's nothing in the world like that feeling.
I can feel it right now.
Even like last night, that last night we had women's circle and one of my friends who she
she just moved here like six months ago and I invited her.
It was her first circle.
Like I mentioned, there were tears.
She wasn't expecting tears she shared after.
But she's recently married and they still haven't talked about finances and what they
want that to look like.
And so I think like five of us in the group are married and the rest are just in different
points, whether relationships, single, all that.
And she's like, I didn't even know how much I needed to hear from other people in relationships,
how to treat finances.
And she's like, I know at the end of the day, it will come from me and us, but it's just
so helpful hearing authentically about these topics that aren't OK to talk about in normal
everyday life with people.
Yeah.
And that just makes me think about like the olden times where everyone would use to sit
around a fire and share about their stories as well as like what they're going through.
Yes.
There's just such like a deep internal need for something like that.
There's like humans are storytellers and it's just like even the difficult parts of things
that you're not necessarily supposed to share, where there's just like spaces where that's
completely welcome.
I yes, so agree.
We need to bring back that more, more frequently, more regularly, I think.
And I think we're seeing it now.
I think so, too, especially in spaces like Denver.
Yeah.
We're lucky.
Yeah.
So one thing kind of came to mind, and I think it's a fear that I've heard some people share,
whether it's I'm talking to them about Women's Circle or in yoga or, you know, even at work
sometimes of this fear of oversharing, right, oversharing fears or vulnerabilities, even
in safe spaces.
That's the difference.
There's an oversharing at the grocery store line.
Yeah.
Right.
But even in safe spaces, that's really interesting because it's almost like they're being too
much.
Yeah.
And I don't think I don't know, man, when I'm in when I'm receiving and I'm holding
spaces, I'm like, if there's something there, like, lay it on the table because this is
like don't hide anything.
Yeah.
Because if that's who you truly are.
And I think that especially as women, like we're told that we overreact because we have
these big feelings and we have these big emotions.
And it's supposed to be a to be more in like the masculine sense and like this is no, this
is how things make sense.
And it's just like, no, you're allowed to feel a lot.
And again, you have to find the right space for that to be held.
And you have to make sure that it is a space where it can be held.
But if it's a safe space, I would recommend just just putting it out there.
Going all in.
Yeah.
And I get it too.
I'm not a sharer.
Oddly enough, like I receive stories very well.
And something that I'm working in therapy right now is that when I'm actually sharing
my emotions, there's something that like blocks up that it just like, no, like I'm not the
one that shares.
So it's just like there's certain levels to all of it.
Yeah, that that reciprocity can be tricky to find the balance between.
Yeah, I like to tell people that too, of like, I'm a great listener.
At least I like to think so.
Right.
But sometimes it kind of depends on the mood I'm in too.
Sometimes I'll be with a friend and I'll be like, how about you?
I feel like you haven't shared much.
What's going on?
It's like, you know, thank you for noticing that.
But sometimes I just feel like listening and being there for you.
Yeah, that's okay.
Yeah.
And as long as that communication is there and it's not like you're being completely
drained and you're like, don't worry, I'm here.
I love when people are just like recognizing that, like I'm speaking a lot.
And also with the thing about showing up a little too much is also I really love asking,
like, do you have space to hold this for me right now?
Yes.
So so you can get it right off the bat of like, is this a space where I can share?
And the person has the absolute ability to be like, I've got a lot of things on my mind.
This is not something I can handle right now.
Or they can be like, fuck you, I laid on me.
Yes, exactly.
So asking like, hey, do you have I'm feeling a lot.
Do you have space for this?
I love that so much.
Something that Kyle, my husband and I have gotten in the habit of doing more and more
regularly with each other of like, do you have space right now to listen to something?
And oftentimes it's something that has to do with the other person.
Yeah, I guess I am.
Okay.
They're like, yes, or like, I'm sorry, I don't right now.
Yeah, and something that we started using more and more in our vocabulary is like, are
you feeling regulated right now?
What a great couple.
That sounds amazing.
This is years and years of therapy on both ends and together.
So that sounds like years and years of therapy.
What's your feelings wheel right now?
Can you point to it?
Go over to the fridge.
We should print it out and put on the fridge, right?
Yes.
So I mean, in everyday conversations, maybe less, but if you're with people that you know
and trust, maybe you establish that kind of vocabulary and common language to just kind
of help take the burden off and level the field.
So easy too.
Yeah.
Do you have space for this?
Yes.
And do you want feedback?
Do you just want me to listen?
Yeah.
I find it so helpful.
So helpful.
There's friends who we know them.
They have the best intentions, but it's always like, oh, have you tried this?
Or like the helpers, the fixers?
Some type of vitamin or something like that.
And like I've been that person.
So I know something I'm always working on.
Yeah.
And the helpers, type twos on the end of your gram is, it's tough, but it's so worth it
just to ask that extra little question.
Absolutely.
So in all of the stories that you've listened to, all the spaces that you've held, I'm curious
if you've noticed some common threads that you could share with us through that.
Yeah.
So this is something that I've recognized when I first started out was the, particularly
like the mother figure within childhood, which can also mean the grandma or that type of
support, oftentimes becomes what a person's inner monologue sounds like.
So say a person has a very soft, nurturing, just supportive kind of like an understanding
mother.
I, when I talk to them, they're like, yeah, that was really hard, but I'm okay.
Opposed to if they had a very critical, kind of emotionally absent, maybe physically their
mom, then their inner monologue is, it sounds the same.
And so it's really fascinating, like seeing, hearing so many different, and I'm sure there's
like books or something like this on that subject, but it's just like, it's fascinating
to see the way a person describes their mom and then the way that they act towards themselves.
Yeah.
I can so see that.
I think, are you familiar with IFS therapy, internal family systems?
That's okay.
So it's this idea that within us, there's a whole network of different parts.
So I think we all kind of as a society know this intuitively.
It's like, there's a part of me that feels this, right?
And so it's that whole principle, that whole concept.
And it sounds to me like our mothers or any female figures kind of get ingrained as a
part of us.
Right?
And so we have like the younger parts of us, the higher parts of us, the protector parts,
the defenses.
And so you're talking about like archetypes.
Yeah, pretty much.
Yes, exactly.
But it's kind of like a different language.
Yeah.
So it's wild to hear that, and I think it just makes so much sense how as women, we
learn how to be women from other women in our lives.
Right?
And especially, I mean, you're learning your environment and what is okay and what's not
okay.
So if you look at mom and you're just like, this is how I'm supposed to act.
And the mom is really destructive or angry.
And you're like, all right, this is how we're supposed to end it.
And your brain is so malleable during those ages.
You're like, this is how we interact with the world in order to survive.
Yes.
So it becomes, and then as you grow older, it turns into those neural pathways.
And fortunately, there's no neuroplasticity where you can change that.
But it's just, it's fascinating how much it just kind of sticks with us when it's at a
really early age.
Yeah.
And I think the one that's screaming out to me loudest right now is body image and food
and diet and how...
Yeah.
I was going to ask that.
How's that?
Oh man.
Yeah.
My mom still, whenever taking photos as a family, it's like, waist up, she'll say.
I'm like, come on, mom.
Get my good angle.
And just hearing little things like that growing up, it takes a toll on how we talk to ourselves.
It absolutely does.
And I think that the thing is that we don't even recognize that it's wrong.
Right.
Until you start recognizing and learning from other people.
You're just like, oh, you don't hate yourself in every picture?
I didn't even know that was another way.
Exactly.
I didn't realize that.
Like you can just look at a picture and enjoy it.
Yeah.
And you know that was okay.
Yeah, exactly.
Like I thought people like that were full of themselves.
Exactly.
Oh my gosh.
I hear that so much.
Yeah.
And just like, for me, it's just like confidence was like a cocky bad thing.
Yeah.
And you should be picking yourself apart.
Right.
Which just feels so gross, like saying out loud.
I know.
Or like people who are really good at setting boundaries.
It's true to those people.
That's like, you shouldn't do that.
She's a bitch.
Yeah, exactly.
We see it in the workplace.
We see it in how we care for others, putting others' needs ahead of our own.
Man.
But I have so much hope for our generation.
This came up last night of just like how we are doing a lot of work, right?
We are doing a lot of work.
We're in the age of Aquarius.
As a collective, we're rising up and meeting these challenges.
I also think that is just like there's so much information available.
Yes.
And I can even feel it right now, just like connecting with another person and just being
like, my mom was like that too.
I'm like, oh, connection.
Oh my gosh, connection.
And connection is where there's growth.
Yeah.
That's where growth happens.
You don't do things on your own.
And that's why I think that your story is really important to share, is that you can
write in your journal about your story, which does its own thing, or else you can actually
connect with somebody.
And that's where so much of the growth happens.
Exactly.
It's like when we're connecting with somebody, I'm very clear, boy.
And so I have these like pictures going in my mind right now.
It's like when you even like reached out, touched my knee, like we're connecting.
I just got this visual of like two like ropes coming together.
Because you felt it too, right?
Yes.
When we talked about our moms.
Uh huh.
We're just like, uh huh.
That's where the connection is.
Yes.
You wrote that tie a knot and you're just stronger because of who you're connecting
with.
Right.
And those connections just go deeper and deeper and deeper into our psyches.
And we're just more powerful together.
Yeah.
And not to mention it's just like just having that little conversation with like another
human.
I'm sure after I leave here, if there's some type of picture that I see of myself be like,
oh yeah, other people do that too.
Or just like, that's funny.
I shouldn't tear myself apart after I see every photo of mine.
So that's like connection and just like getting that strength from another person.
And then it falls into our daily lives.
Exactly.
We realized that like our way of doing things isn't the only way and how other ways might
be even greater.
Like if we can open our eyes and just stay open in our hearts, it's like, oh well, Ash
doesn't look at this photo and think badly of herself.
So I don't have to either.
Right.
Exactly.
Yeah.
Oh, this is so special.
I love it.
And that's, I mean, like I said, I had some nerves before this and now I'm just in this
like, I don't know this, I even had to explain it.
Just very light feeling of enjoying talking to somebody.
You too.
My heart is definitely feeling it.
All the love filling up.
This is really nice.
I wish you guys would be here.
I know, I know.
I wish y'all could see this.
But I have a feeling that others listening to this are going to be feeling it in their
hearts as well and wanting to connect with you on deeper levels and just learn more about
your work.
So how can our community connect with you?
To the easiest ways I would say is Instagram, super easy handle, ritual.healing.
And then my website is ritual-healing.com.
Awesome.
Yeah.
Thank you so much.
I'm so, so nice to be here.
It's been wonderful to have you.
And if any of you all have questions for Ash, you can pop it down on our Instagram or follow
her directly.
And we hope to see y'all next time.
Thank you.
Bye.