1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:11,520 Hello and welcome to another episode of the Awaken Together podcast. 2 00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:12,520 I'm Kat. 3 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:13,520 I'm Jen. 4 00:00:13,520 --> 00:00:19,400 And today we're talking about coming out of the spiritual closet. 5 00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:20,400 What does that mean? 6 00:00:20,400 --> 00:00:26,200 We're going to tell you a little bit about what it looks like, one, for us and two, what 7 00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:30,320 it might look like for you to have your own spiritual journey and then step out into the 8 00:00:30,320 --> 00:00:34,440 world and integrate these inner and outer experiences. 9 00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:37,280 So well said and yes. 10 00:00:37,280 --> 00:00:44,040 So I feel on social media in the spiritual community and world, I've seen a lot of content 11 00:00:44,040 --> 00:00:49,160 being put out about what a spiritual awakening is going to look and feel like. 12 00:00:49,160 --> 00:00:54,040 And I really truly believe it's going to look and feel different for everyone. 13 00:00:54,040 --> 00:00:59,880 I've seen a lot of content on having the dark night of the soul, having this deep isolation 14 00:00:59,880 --> 00:01:02,800 and like loneliness period. 15 00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:06,800 And I don't feel like that is a requirement to have your spiritual awakening, but I'm 16 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:12,800 going to share a little bit about why I think that context kind of gets put out there. 17 00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:18,600 So I think when you have created a life that is, you know, that came from an authentic 18 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:24,560 place, there is definitely a grieving process when you have to kind of deconstruct an entire 19 00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:30,040 life that maybe was built when you didn't like yourself, when you were people pleasing, 20 00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:35,200 when you were maybe giving in to systems and ways of thinking that you're no longer resonating 21 00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:36,200 with. 22 00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:40,280 And I do think there's a little pain with that because sometimes your external world 23 00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:45,960 is full of people that don't even actually know you on an authentic level. 24 00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:51,640 And so there can be a form of isolation when you pull away from a group of people and just 25 00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:54,360 a life that was built in a different context. 26 00:01:54,360 --> 00:02:00,160 So I just wanted to paint the picture because I think in your spiritual journey, when you 27 00:02:00,160 --> 00:02:05,760 are kind of shedding these layers of yourself to kind of return to a more authentic and 28 00:02:05,760 --> 00:02:11,000 pure version of who you think you are and what you have to do again and again and again, 29 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:15,600 I think that, yeah, there might be periods when you need to reach out for help. 30 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:21,000 And if you feel like it's supposed to be this extremely isolating process, I get a little 31 00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:27,100 worried when I see that context shared because you really might need others at certain pieces. 32 00:02:27,100 --> 00:02:31,760 And so staying in the closet, leaving yourself trapped in there and feeling like you have 33 00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:37,180 to kind of stay in and isolate until you get to this certain level of perfection or this 34 00:02:37,180 --> 00:02:40,360 certain view, I think is a bunch of bullshit. 35 00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:44,600 And I think there's a lot of moments when you are going to need some time to reflect 36 00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:50,160 by yourself, but also lots of moments when rebuilding with connection to people that 37 00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:58,240 are understanding this shift in yourself and people that are more maybe sharing the spiritual 38 00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:02,440 journey, it could be nice to like plug in with them and not feel like it has to happen 39 00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:03,440 alone. 40 00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:04,440 That's right. 41 00:03:04,440 --> 00:03:08,960 It's a bunch of bullshit. 42 00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:15,120 So yeah, for me, thinking about before I even stepped into the spiritual room, let alone 43 00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:20,960 the closet where I started to do all my deep work, I had a lot of things that I think were 44 00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:23,520 taught to me that I wanted, right? 45 00:03:23,520 --> 00:03:27,400 I think we're all taught from a young age that we should follow the American dream, 46 00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:29,920 at least in this country, but I think everywhere. 47 00:03:29,920 --> 00:03:31,920 Like here's what you want. 48 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:36,080 You are going to go to college so that you can make a lot of money so that you can buy 49 00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:42,120 nice things, then you get married, then you have babies, and then you work and then you 50 00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:44,840 retire and then you die. 51 00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:47,000 And that was really what I knew. 52 00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:49,920 That's what I learned and that's what I subscribed to. 53 00:03:49,920 --> 00:03:56,320 I think there were a couple little like breadcrumbs that I followed in my life that taught me, 54 00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:58,880 maybe there's a little bit more to this. 55 00:03:58,880 --> 00:04:04,560 I remember specifically after I graduated college, when I started working my first job, 56 00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:08,320 which you know, getting that first job is a celebration in itself. 57 00:04:08,320 --> 00:04:10,040 It's like, okay, I made it. 58 00:04:10,040 --> 00:04:14,560 Someone validated me in my experience and here I'm beginning this new chapter. 59 00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:20,520 But for me, after like maybe three months of that, I was quickly like, wait, this is 60 00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:23,740 what the rest of my life has to be like? 61 00:04:23,740 --> 00:04:25,960 And I had a big problem with that. 62 00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:31,360 And I think that was one of my very first moments where I started questioning reality 63 00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:33,240 and everything that we were taught. 64 00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:39,080 I mean, I questioned other things before, but in terms of like my path and what I wanted 65 00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:41,800 going forward, that was a big aha moment. 66 00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:47,880 And I remember finding yoga around that same time and it became a reprieve for me, so much 67 00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:50,320 so that I really leaned into it, became obsessed. 68 00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:55,080 You know, I think I've said on other episodes of how I started taking like two classes during 69 00:04:55,080 --> 00:05:01,040 the week, and then that escalated to five days to seven days for a little while because 70 00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:05,080 I felt like it was a little glimmer of hope in my life. 71 00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:10,920 I was able to see this possibility and this sense of peace that I had never really experienced 72 00:05:10,920 --> 00:05:11,920 before. 73 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:12,920 Thanks. 74 00:05:12,920 --> 00:05:13,920 Yeah. 75 00:05:13,920 --> 00:05:19,080 And so that caused me to sign up for teacher training. 76 00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:26,400 And Jen, we were just talking about our journeys in teacher training and how that has changed 77 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:33,640 so much from before we really were out of the spiritual closet to now when we're just 78 00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:35,680 no shame of anything. 79 00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:36,680 Yeah. 80 00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:37,680 Yeah. 81 00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:38,680 So share yours too. 82 00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:42,920 When you first did teacher training, how was stepping into the world and starting to share 83 00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:46,040 these like personal epiphanies you were having on your yoga mat? 84 00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:47,920 Yeah, it was super interesting. 85 00:05:47,920 --> 00:05:52,400 I didn't feel like I had any friends at the time who were there with me. 86 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:54,360 It was really isolating. 87 00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:59,800 I didn't know, like I talk about what I was experiencing, but no one really got it. 88 00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:03,720 Kyle was happy for me because he was there with me then. 89 00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:09,080 And I would share my dreams of wanting to open a community center and a studio where 90 00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:13,080 everyone could get together and experience this work. 91 00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:17,080 But there, especially, I don't know if it was a Boston thing where I was, but it just 92 00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:22,160 did not feel like anyone in my circle was into yoga at the time. 93 00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:27,800 They'd done it, they practiced it before the workout, hadn't necessarily shared the profound 94 00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:30,320 shifts that I had experienced. 95 00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:33,000 So then I went and I started teaching. 96 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:39,880 And I remember when I first started teaching being so nervous about like, how did they 97 00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:41,560 like that class? 98 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:45,880 Because that's one of my core wounds is people pleasing that I've come to notice. 99 00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:50,400 And it still triggers me to this day, but I'm now able to notice it. 100 00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:56,080 But for years, I'd say two, three years of yoga teaching in Boston, I was kind of a wreck 101 00:06:56,080 --> 00:07:01,800 after class and it didn't leave me feeling peace, which had me feeling all confused inside 102 00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:07,620 because here was this gift of yoga that I loved so much and I was sharing it. 103 00:07:07,620 --> 00:07:11,920 But then there was an internal struggle for me because I wasn't rooted in my spiritual 104 00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:15,640 confidence and I was still very early on my path. 105 00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:17,400 So it's just that like a little rockiness. 106 00:07:17,400 --> 00:07:22,600 Yeah, and what comes to mind as you're sharing that too is even when you go through trainings 107 00:07:22,600 --> 00:07:27,760 for something, so we'll use yoga teacher training as an example, you can even start to add a 108 00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:32,080 label and a pressure on yourself for that of I'm a yoga teacher now. 109 00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:34,100 This is what that lifestyle has to look like. 110 00:07:34,100 --> 00:07:35,600 This is what I need to do. 111 00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:40,840 I need to be doing this many classes or I need to be, you know, every single new step 112 00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:46,240 on our journey poses a potential other label that we can attach to and then add all this 113 00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:47,380 pressure to ourselves. 114 00:07:47,380 --> 00:07:52,280 So I think it brings us back to the drawing board of having to then release and shake 115 00:07:52,280 --> 00:07:55,080 away these expectations that we've applied to ourselves. 116 00:07:55,080 --> 00:07:57,200 Do you feel like that happened a bit? 117 00:07:57,200 --> 00:08:03,000 Totally and Jen, you've shared some awesome content on this on TikTok about like ego death. 118 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:08,040 You think you've evolved and surpassed that thing and then it's like circles back in another 119 00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:09,040 way. 120 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:10,040 Here I am. 121 00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:12,040 I just look a little different now. 122 00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:13,040 Absolutely. 123 00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:20,360 Yeah, so to share like a piece of mind, I feel like I had multiple. 124 00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:22,760 I mean, I think we all go through multiple awakenings. 125 00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:27,840 I don't think it looks like one thing because I think awakening just means that you're constantly 126 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:34,040 being aware of where you're over attaching what labels you're starting to try to cling 127 00:08:34,040 --> 00:08:36,200 to, to control your life. 128 00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:40,080 And it's a constant evolving, constant shifting thing. 129 00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:43,720 You don't get to a state where all of a sudden you don't have to deal with any of this. 130 00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:47,640 Unfortunately, I don't believe that is the reality. 131 00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:53,120 But yeah, I had my first one, obviously, I've shared after my DUI, like having to really 132 00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:57,680 give up this like kind of partying, escapism mode. 133 00:08:57,680 --> 00:09:00,480 And I remember I had a lot of isolation in that time. 134 00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:06,080 I basically spent like a year in the mountains of West Virginia by myself, having lots of 135 00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:12,120 crying, lots of remember a lot of my tears being about how lonely I felt. 136 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:15,400 But I also just didn't know how to be my own company like at all. 137 00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:20,840 And so I think that period for me actually was really needed because I was the type that 138 00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:24,260 got terrified to spend any second by myself. 139 00:09:24,260 --> 00:09:28,360 But then as I went into yoga teacher training, that was one of my first things that I signed 140 00:09:28,360 --> 00:09:35,480 up for because just like you Kat, the yoga practice was something that was letting me 141 00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:38,120 reflect on myself a lot. 142 00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:43,000 And it was helping me to have a lot of release and a lot of peace that I had never felt. 143 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:47,080 But when I started yoga teacher training, I put all this pressure on myself, I watched 144 00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:51,560 like the same habits that had developed some of the toxic identities I was clinging to 145 00:09:51,560 --> 00:09:58,040 and my what do we want to call it last version of myself that I had subscribed to and I saw 146 00:09:58,040 --> 00:10:00,480 it kind of creeping into the yoga world. 147 00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:04,720 And I remember early on being like, I'm going to teach yoga, but I'm not going to make it 148 00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:09,640 like too spiritual because I think you know, I was just still so scared of my religion 149 00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:12,680 trauma like in those early yoga years. 150 00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:17,000 And I had my parents whispering to me like all the time on phone calls, like remember 151 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:20,320 yoga is going to start you down a really dark path. 152 00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:24,320 And I was like, I know that's not true, but it was like a whisper in my head. 153 00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:29,320 So yeah, I remember starting off yoga teacher training, like being so scared to make it 154 00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:33,840 too woohoo to make sure it was really practical to make sure it was very physical therapy 155 00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:38,760 and body focused and that obviously shifted a lot from my beginnings. 156 00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:44,240 And yeah, this kind of creeped up like it was moments of I think, yeah, probably two 157 00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:49,280 years into teaching yoga, I had kind of a second back to the drawing board back in my 158 00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:55,720 closet where I had to really review how I was holding on to some of those religious 159 00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:59,840 values and I was letting it shape my experience out of fear. 160 00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:05,280 I think I had to go back to the drawing board and shed another list of layers that I had 161 00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:07,840 not delved into. 162 00:11:07,840 --> 00:11:12,800 And another thing to share is as you kind of start on a spiritual journey, I think this 163 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:16,720 is something that I've seen happen again and again, it's definitely happened for me. 164 00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:21,760 But when you start thinking you have the answers to life and our existence and what it looks 165 00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:27,680 like your ego can come in and get so frustrated that no one is getting it. 166 00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:31,720 You can put a lot of pressure on your close relationships of like, why aren't you doing 167 00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:33,800 any of these spiritual practices with me? 168 00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:35,400 Why can't you just meditate with me? 169 00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:37,080 Why can't you just do yoga? 170 00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:42,160 And it starts to create another ego identity that I have it right, they have it wrong, 171 00:11:42,160 --> 00:11:45,000 if they just did this, they would be different. 172 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:51,960 It's painting another picture that is not trusting and it's clenching and holding value 173 00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:55,720 into spaces that are, yeah, not a guarantee. 174 00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:58,720 Maybe that person's not supposed to find yoga on their journey. 175 00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:01,080 Maybe their journey is going to look completely different. 176 00:12:01,080 --> 00:12:05,200 So trying to force context on what you think something should look like, I think is where 177 00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:09,660 you start getting the problem of, yeah, strong ego ties. 178 00:12:09,660 --> 00:12:13,840 And then yeah, you'll probably have to put yourself back in the closet, reevaluate, restrip 179 00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:14,840 away. 180 00:12:14,840 --> 00:12:18,840 And I think it's this constant process of coming out and going back in. 181 00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:20,560 I so agree. 182 00:12:20,560 --> 00:12:25,080 And on that note too, it's like, if you are in that point right now, or you have been 183 00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:30,560 in the past where you're feeling a little frustrated with other people for not being 184 00:12:30,560 --> 00:12:36,720 where you are on your spiritual journey, please just be kind to yourself because we have all 185 00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:38,720 been there. 186 00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:42,800 And so don't beat yourself down if you're listening to this being like, oh shit, like 187 00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:43,800 that's me. 188 00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:44,800 Like, yeah, that was me too. 189 00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:50,200 I remember talking to my mom and being like, mom, like all of your problems can be solved 190 00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:51,200 with yoga. 191 00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:55,080 Like literally saying that because that's what it felt like for me at the time, but 192 00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:56,800 it wasn't yoga healing me. 193 00:12:56,800 --> 00:13:00,960 It was, yoga is like a container in which you heal yourself. 194 00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:01,960 Absolutely. 195 00:13:01,960 --> 00:13:02,960 Yeah. 196 00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:07,040 And yeah, I think with not being hard on yourself, I also think that if you start believing that 197 00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:12,520 awakening is going to look one way and stay that way forever, there can be moments that 198 00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:18,880 maybe potentially look like setbacks that in reality is still growth and still evolving. 199 00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:23,640 I don't think all this work is to never have a problem again. 200 00:13:23,640 --> 00:13:26,480 I think that's a huge misconception. 201 00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:31,040 It really is knowing how to catch when something is happening, being aware of it quicker. 202 00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:35,840 So to where you can move through and you're not pushing pain onto other people, you're 203 00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:41,520 not deflecting, you're not numbing and escaping, you're staying in tune to the constant needs 204 00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:44,120 of your mind and body and spirit. 205 00:13:44,120 --> 00:13:47,840 And going back to the drawing board as many times as it takes, instead of latching on 206 00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:53,040 so tightly that you end up causing immense amounts of suffering for yourself and the 207 00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:54,640 immediate people around you. 208 00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:55,640 A hundred percent. 209 00:13:55,640 --> 00:14:02,000 I have a really real life example of this right now because I think I shared in our 210 00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:08,400 last episode that I recently got off the birth control pill and I have been feeling just 211 00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:16,760 so not like myself hormonally, emotionally, and it's been really scary. 212 00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:23,720 There's this song that I put in my yoga playlist this week called There She Is and I have cried 213 00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:30,360 to this song so many times this week, like more times than I'd like to admit because 214 00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:35,560 I think it's scary to not feel like yourself and that can happen so many different times 215 00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:38,840 in our lives, but again, it's kind of ego sneaking in. 216 00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:39,840 Yeah, and what's yourself? 217 00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:40,840 Right. 218 00:14:40,840 --> 00:14:41,840 What is yourself? 219 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:42,840 It's a construct. 220 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:43,840 Right. 221 00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:49,800 And I've kind of self-identified as light cat right now, whereas in the past in high 222 00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:51,440 school I was dark cat. 223 00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:55,560 And so whenever I'm not light cat, I judge myself. 224 00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:57,400 I'm being real honest. 225 00:14:57,400 --> 00:14:59,400 I'm like, what's going on? 226 00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:04,800 And this has been happening a lot more recently because of my hormonal changes. 227 00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:08,840 And at least I am able to kind of point to that, but I'm still having those moments of 228 00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:16,320 like, God, I haven't been in a bad mood and not known why since I was like a teenager. 229 00:15:16,320 --> 00:15:24,160 And just for that foreign concept to be existing now, having done so much work on myself, it 230 00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:26,280 feels like a disconnect. 231 00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:27,280 Yeah. 232 00:15:27,280 --> 00:15:29,680 But I'm really just coming back to all my self-care. 233 00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:36,040 I've been meditating once or twice a day, not just numbing out with TV or alcohol or 234 00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:37,040 weed. 235 00:15:37,040 --> 00:15:40,960 And I've dipped my toe in there, but then I've quickly realized this is making my anxiety 236 00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:41,960 worse. 237 00:15:41,960 --> 00:15:44,160 And so I'm stepping away from those things. 238 00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:48,480 So I think it's not or, it's and. 239 00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:49,480 Yeah. 240 00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:50,480 Right. 241 00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:53,080 And so like you said, it's not reverting. 242 00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:59,560 It's still giving yourself the space to feel like shit sometimes, knowing that's okay and 243 00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:02,800 that you're there for yourself and you've always gotten yourself through it and you 244 00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:06,080 will continue to and that you're going to be stronger because of it. 245 00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:08,600 Thanks for sharing that. 246 00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:16,160 And yeah, I think it's an illusion to think that all of these practices are to develop 247 00:16:16,160 --> 00:16:18,760 this concrete version of ourselves. 248 00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:24,400 And I really do believe that there's a universal energy that the second we start really believing 249 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:30,600 something is adamantly true, the universe slams a bunch of tests and patterns just to 250 00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:34,640 like see, like, do you know how to see this multi-perspective? 251 00:16:34,640 --> 00:16:39,720 Do you know how to step outside of the eye behind things like again and again? 252 00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:46,700 The second I start to get too prideful, too absolute, I feel like my life automatically 253 00:16:46,700 --> 00:16:48,280 gets turned on its side. 254 00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:54,280 And it's just to keep me humble and knowing that, you know, this is a, this is a cyclical 255 00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:55,280 journey. 256 00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:56,520 It's not so linear. 257 00:16:56,520 --> 00:16:58,880 It's not so absolute. 258 00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:05,240 So we wanted to share to what it looks like kind of coming out of the closet, what it 259 00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:11,000 looks like taking these integrations where you have to go back and kind of do deep reflection, 260 00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:15,420 deep self or going back to your self care and self love practices, what it looks like 261 00:17:15,420 --> 00:17:20,800 to step back out into the world, like what that shift is, and a few things I want to 262 00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:22,020 say on that. 263 00:17:22,020 --> 00:17:27,880 So I think on social media, especially since that is one of the main ways I think we share 264 00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:33,360 our journey outward, you know, at least in a more public eye these days. 265 00:17:33,360 --> 00:17:38,080 I think you can kind of miss the context of how many things each person has been through 266 00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:39,340 behind the scenes. 267 00:17:39,340 --> 00:17:43,720 It's not always fully, you take things a lot of things out of context, right? 268 00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:49,480 When you see on social media, and I just like have reflected back, I was talking to Danny 269 00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:55,480 about this yesterday about how the things that once seemed so impossible, like I remember 270 00:17:55,480 --> 00:17:59,520 when I made my first TikTok, I was like shaking and I made so many mistakes. 271 00:17:59,520 --> 00:18:02,560 It took like 20 times to get like one TikTok down. 272 00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:04,880 And I was like, I don't think TikTok is for me. 273 00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:07,000 Like this is super uncomfortable. 274 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,840 And I just like can't do it. 275 00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:13,240 I remember even saying like, I just don't feel like I have good things to say. 276 00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:17,820 Like I don't feel like my voice matters, like all these wounds coming out the second I got 277 00:18:17,820 --> 00:18:19,680 myself uncomfortable. 278 00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:23,320 And I just think it's really important to know that when you first take that journey 279 00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:29,120 of sharing really personal insights that you've like learned, and you want to share and reach 280 00:18:29,120 --> 00:18:34,220 out and start adding connection off of those insights, it's going to be uncomfortable before 281 00:18:34,220 --> 00:18:35,880 it feels comfortable. 282 00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:42,080 There is this, I think there's this process of having to learn how to sit with the pain 283 00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:46,280 and sit with the discomfort and know that that doesn't mean it's because it's not for 284 00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:52,240 you or that it's a bad direction or that it's because you've done something wrong, which 285 00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:56,280 I think can, yeah, there's like definitely this undercurrent of guilt, I think that can 286 00:18:56,280 --> 00:19:00,560 come in where you think that once you've done all this spiritual work, you're going to come 287 00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:03,960 out and everything's going to make perfect sense and be really easy. 288 00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:07,320 And that's just really not the case, I think for most. 289 00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:13,680 Well, as Leva opened, but yeah, I think for me, I had to learn to trust that that discomfort 290 00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:15,840 was a part of my growth too. 291 00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:20,580 And that moving and sitting with that discomfort was going to change things. 292 00:19:20,580 --> 00:19:25,040 And because I was willing to do that, I'm now doing what I would have once thought was 293 00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:26,720 absolutely impossible. 294 00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:29,400 TikToks are like a second nature to me. 295 00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:33,600 Teaching yoga classes are a second nature when I literally used to throw up before I taught 296 00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:34,600 class. 297 00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:37,080 Like it happened probably over 50 times. 298 00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:41,240 Like that's how nervous I was getting to teach. 299 00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:45,160 Like I was so scared that I just like didn't have like what I needed. 300 00:19:45,160 --> 00:19:47,960 And maybe, maybe I should have said yoga teacher training for my own learning. 301 00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:51,600 Like I was just terrified to get uncomfortable. 302 00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:58,560 And that was really my control issues, like peering in and trying to come through. 303 00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:01,560 And yeah, I learned to befriend my discomfort. 304 00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:04,760 And since then, it's constant new discomforts. 305 00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:10,040 But I also know now I think I have enough of relationship to discomfort to know that 306 00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:14,360 I can't always believe what that initial feeling is, if that makes some sense. 307 00:20:14,360 --> 00:20:15,360 It does. 308 00:20:15,360 --> 00:20:16,360 Yeah. 309 00:20:16,360 --> 00:20:19,400 And I think we're taught a lot to listen to discomfort and to run in the other way of 310 00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:22,960 it because it's often a sign that something's not right. 311 00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:29,200 However, I think fine tuning your intuition, listening to your gut can help you understand 312 00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:34,920 when it is dangerous and when it's something that actually feels uncomfortable because 313 00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:35,920 it's growth. 314 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:36,920 Yeah. 315 00:20:36,920 --> 00:20:38,880 And because it's what you need. 316 00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:45,320 And one of my favorite quotes is the whole idea of like finding comfort and getting out 317 00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:46,840 of your comfort zone. 318 00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:53,360 And to me, that says that's like a big part of spiritual evolution for me and my journey. 319 00:20:53,360 --> 00:20:56,360 And yeah, I resonate with your story a lot too. 320 00:20:56,360 --> 00:21:00,840 I shared like with teacher training for me in the past or yoga teaching for me in the 321 00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:04,280 past what that was like and how that felt just so icky. 322 00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:08,380 And I've been teaching yoga now for like eight years. 323 00:21:08,380 --> 00:21:12,880 And I'd say maybe like four years ago. 324 00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:15,520 After four years of teaching. 325 00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:19,980 So like sorry new teachers, it does take a while to find your voice and get comfortable. 326 00:21:19,980 --> 00:21:20,980 But know that you're not alone. 327 00:21:20,980 --> 00:21:22,600 And that's all of us. 328 00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:27,480 But yeah, like four years in is when I started to really be like, okay, like I've been teaching 329 00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:28,480 for four years. 330 00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:29,480 That ego comes in. 331 00:21:29,480 --> 00:21:33,040 Yeah, I know what I'm doing. 332 00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:34,900 Like that's a long time. 333 00:21:34,900 --> 00:21:42,240 And that's also now I have so much fun teaching and I don't ever go into that same head of 334 00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:43,240 space. 335 00:21:43,240 --> 00:21:45,800 It's just foreign to me of like how I used to feel now. 336 00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:53,060 And I'm so grateful for that because I have this confidence in in my teaching experience 337 00:21:53,060 --> 00:21:57,360 in my authentic expression of how I teach. 338 00:21:57,360 --> 00:22:03,080 I always like no, I remind myself often of like, okay, well, if I don't have many people 339 00:22:03,080 --> 00:22:07,840 signed up for class one day that maybe it's just an off day, you know, maybe people are 340 00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:13,480 working later, just the weather or something like that, and just not taking it personally. 341 00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:21,080 Or if the energy was just not feeling super united or like on fire for a class, like I 342 00:22:21,080 --> 00:22:24,020 would have in the past and like, oh, that was all on me. 343 00:22:24,020 --> 00:22:25,020 Like I did something wrong. 344 00:22:25,020 --> 00:22:28,960 Like, no, maybe I was just holding space for a lot of people who are collectively going 345 00:22:28,960 --> 00:22:30,680 through something. 346 00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:35,400 Or it was just a lower energy class and it's not always a me thing. 347 00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:42,240 And yeah, now I like shake my butt listening to bass music in my own classes and just have 348 00:22:42,240 --> 00:22:44,600 so much fun teaching. 349 00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:46,880 So stick with it. 350 00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:47,880 Yeah. 351 00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:54,280 And I think it's also important to share that one of the perspectives I've taken is you 352 00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:59,600 don't know if you've already done something like just you living your own authenticity 353 00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:02,540 could be exactly what someone else is needing. 354 00:23:02,540 --> 00:23:07,440 And sometimes like when I make tech talks, for example, it might be one person that was 355 00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:11,880 needing that message and it doesn't matter how little or how much engagement it gets. 356 00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:16,240 It doesn't even matter in person what someone's initial responses. 357 00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:19,920 We are just constantly planting little seeds for each other. 358 00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:23,520 There is a deeper connection, I think, than we can see. 359 00:23:23,520 --> 00:23:27,200 And sometimes the word someone said to you, I'm sure you can reflect in your own journey 360 00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:32,440 about something someone said that maybe they don't even know is so significant, but you 361 00:23:32,440 --> 00:23:36,720 can reflect back on those words being like a big game changer for you. 362 00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:40,440 That happens again and again on the spiritual journey. 363 00:23:40,440 --> 00:23:45,200 And I really try when I put content out, I know that there was an energy that helped 364 00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:47,000 me put it out into the world. 365 00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:51,480 I had the energy to create that message and it doesn't really matter how it's received. 366 00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:55,160 I know it went out and I'm sure that there was someone that needed to hear that exact 367 00:23:55,160 --> 00:23:59,880 thing or I probably wouldn't have been able to create it so smoothly and so efficiently. 368 00:23:59,880 --> 00:24:05,880 So that's a perspective I take when I am voicing things out that I don't always get the validation 369 00:24:05,880 --> 00:24:10,400 in the moment, but maybe that was exactly what someone needed to be like a bookmark 370 00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:12,640 or a filler for a later time. 371 00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:13,640 Yeah. 372 00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:17,280 And that makes me want to talk about magnetism because that's what that is. 373 00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:24,160 It's being magnetic and also understanding that just like magnets, we will repel people. 374 00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:26,680 And I am not for everyone. 375 00:24:26,680 --> 00:24:33,600 My yoga classes are not for everyone, just like not everyone is for me. 376 00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:38,080 We intuitively know when someone feels really good to be around and when someone doesn't. 377 00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:41,960 And it's not to say that that's bad, that someone doesn't want to be around you or vice 378 00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:49,480 versa, but it's knowing that you are going to attract the people who love your energy. 379 00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:54,200 The people who love my classes are going to keep coming back to my classes. 380 00:24:54,200 --> 00:25:01,160 And that's that whole idea of being magnetic and just being confident in that knowing. 381 00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:02,160 Yeah. 382 00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:05,680 And there might be pieces where you're at the right place in the right time for just 383 00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:10,400 a very brief moment and maybe that person, you never interact with them again, but we 384 00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:12,880 are just like constantly at play with each other. 385 00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:15,400 I think it's just so much more complex. 386 00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:21,120 And to share like a little bit more of coming out of the closet, integrating into the world, 387 00:25:21,120 --> 00:25:25,320 I think your energy starts to speak louder than words when you've done a lot of this 388 00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:27,760 like spiritual and healing work. 389 00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:34,520 I think for the people that have been in that space, I feel like you can be around them 390 00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:39,080 and you can notice when someone's not trying to manipulate the outcome, when there is like 391 00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:43,960 a real release of however it goes, because there's like a deeper sense and trust. 392 00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:46,920 And that doesn't mean that person's stuck in that mode forever. 393 00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:51,840 It just means that I think on this journey, we can really get to a place where we can 394 00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:58,160 move through the outside world and create kind of like a ripple effect of light and 395 00:25:58,160 --> 00:25:59,520 change around us. 396 00:25:59,520 --> 00:26:04,560 And I think that's what this journey is really for and a big part of it. 397 00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:10,400 And that's where you go from the individual journey to more of a collective shifting mindset. 398 00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:12,360 Yes. 399 00:26:12,360 --> 00:26:17,800 So a couple other things that we had some fun compiling into a list of what it might 400 00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:18,800 look like. 401 00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:24,320 It might want to emphasize the might look like when you come out of the spiritual closet 402 00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:27,800 or so you can look out for others who might be on that path with you. 403 00:26:27,800 --> 00:26:32,560 These are kind of silly, but it's also true. 404 00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:34,520 Using spiritual buzzwords. 405 00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:42,200 We, how often have you heard alignment, alchemy, transmutation, healing, chakras, and light 406 00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:43,200 work? 407 00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:44,200 Right? 408 00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:46,760 I mean, it's our vocabulary. 409 00:26:46,760 --> 00:26:51,720 And I think when you hear people use those words, you also kind of know like, okay, they're 410 00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:52,720 kin. 411 00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:57,640 When I hear someone compliment me and say, I love your energy, I'm like, oh, hey, like 412 00:26:57,640 --> 00:26:58,640 I know. 413 00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:00,880 Hey, did we just become best friends? 414 00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:07,600 I'm like an energy compliment over a body compliment, abso-freakin-lutely. 415 00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:11,080 All day. 416 00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:16,840 Another thing is not being afraid to take up space and not worrying what others think 417 00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:24,600 of your woo-woo-ness or talking this way, not being bothered by anyone who doesn't get 418 00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:30,200 it or who might judge you because you know that this is you and that's worth taking up 419 00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:31,200 space for. 420 00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:32,200 Yes. 421 00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:36,440 Every time I see a fellow person at the gym dancing to their music while they're working 422 00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:42,480 out, I'm like, hey, you know, just owning your uniqueness, owning that it doesn't have 423 00:27:42,480 --> 00:27:45,680 to like look a certain way out in the outside world. 424 00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:50,920 It truly does not matter how you move and shift through when you start feeling like 425 00:27:50,920 --> 00:27:54,040 your body has to be certain ways or held certain ways. 426 00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:59,760 Like you can see the people that are willing to just like take up the space and yeah, not 427 00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:02,720 move in a way that has so many set rules behind it. 428 00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:05,800 There's a rigidness, I think, when people are close off to themselves. 429 00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:12,480 I can feel it off of people versus ones that have a much more open aura and I can sense 430 00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:13,480 that deeply. 431 00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:14,480 Me too. 432 00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:15,480 Yes. 433 00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:19,840 The way they dress, the way they care themselves, the color they paint their hair, whatever, 434 00:28:19,840 --> 00:28:20,840 right? 435 00:28:20,840 --> 00:28:27,600 Another thing we've kind of touched on is acting on your intuition, not just like focusing 436 00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:33,720 on logic and what you think is the right thing to do, but understanding how something feels 437 00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:37,000 and taking action on that instead. 438 00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:42,080 Leading with your vulnerability, sharing how an interaction made you feel and also being 439 00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:46,040 very open to sharing when something has made you uncomfortable. 440 00:28:46,040 --> 00:28:51,480 The people that are very willing to talk to me about something I said not sitting well, 441 00:28:51,480 --> 00:28:56,680 like that screams a huge openness too when you're able to communicate something fully 442 00:28:56,680 --> 00:29:02,440 through instead of being offended or closed off or refusing to actually navigate that 443 00:29:02,440 --> 00:29:03,920 on a communication level. 444 00:29:03,920 --> 00:29:06,280 I think that shows a real openness difference too. 445 00:29:06,280 --> 00:29:07,280 I so agree. 446 00:29:07,280 --> 00:29:08,280 Yeah. 447 00:29:08,280 --> 00:29:15,880 And on that note too, it's like feeling this desire to lift others up, to amplify voices 448 00:29:15,880 --> 00:29:23,440 that you believe in versus starting drama or staying in your pain body or talking shit 449 00:29:23,440 --> 00:29:27,880 just because you're feeling this jealousy or something like that. 450 00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:33,400 Jealousy is such a low vibrational energy and the more that we can pay attention to 451 00:29:33,400 --> 00:29:44,000 that at first and be able to, here's the word, transmute it into love and to lifting others 452 00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:45,000 up. 453 00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:51,080 I think it takes practice for sure, but don't ignore it and see what you can do with it. 454 00:29:51,080 --> 00:29:53,440 And yeah, final thing I will share. 455 00:29:53,440 --> 00:30:01,280 I have definitely looked back at old photos of myself from before I had any sort of spiritual 456 00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:07,680 lean into that journey of self love, healing, spirituality in general. 457 00:30:07,680 --> 00:30:10,240 And I can just see a difference in my eyes. 458 00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:15,000 I can see a heaviness and a darkness in my eyes before. 459 00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:17,920 And then where I'm at now, you can just feel a lighter. 460 00:30:17,920 --> 00:30:20,160 I can see it in my own eyes and photos. 461 00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:23,680 And that's really wild to do a side by side and see. 462 00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:28,560 But I think there's a kind of glow up that can happen when you just start to radically 463 00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:32,200 love yourself and yeah, you're living just from an authentic place. 464 00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:37,600 And that does not mean that it's not messy and doesn't shift and change all the time. 465 00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:43,160 But even being able to ride the waves of highs and lows, yeah, there's a difference there 466 00:30:43,160 --> 00:30:50,160 than when you're resisting and trying to avoid and ignore these little hints that you're 467 00:30:50,160 --> 00:30:51,440 needing a change. 468 00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:53,120 You're needing to let go of something. 469 00:30:53,120 --> 00:30:55,040 I think there's a big difference there. 470 00:30:55,040 --> 00:30:58,160 Yeah, they say the eyes are the windows to the soul. 471 00:30:58,160 --> 00:31:00,360 So that makes sense. 472 00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:04,960 Yeah, similarly, I remember after I think I moved out to Colorado for like a year at 473 00:31:04,960 --> 00:31:09,240 this point, I visited Massachusetts, met with some high school friends who I hadn't seen 474 00:31:09,240 --> 00:31:15,320 in years ever since I started my spiritual journey and teaching yoga and had the confidence 475 00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:19,760 to move out here, which that was a big sign of progression on my spiritual journey to 476 00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:24,000 me too of having the confidence to leave the nest. 477 00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:28,340 But I remember her saying, Kat, you seem so different. 478 00:31:28,340 --> 00:31:30,240 You're talking different. 479 00:31:30,240 --> 00:31:32,360 You're holding yourself different. 480 00:31:32,360 --> 00:31:33,360 What happened? 481 00:31:33,360 --> 00:31:34,360 What's going on? 482 00:31:34,360 --> 00:31:35,360 I was like, wow, really? 483 00:31:35,360 --> 00:31:36,360 I never noticed that. 484 00:31:36,360 --> 00:31:38,880 But yeah, I feel different. 485 00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:43,160 I feel just happier and lighter and more connected with myself. 486 00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:46,280 And that is the gift of this work. 487 00:31:46,280 --> 00:31:47,280 Beautiful. 488 00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:53,800 And just to say, we deeply need more people coming out of the closet, sharing the work 489 00:31:53,800 --> 00:31:59,520 that you've been doing with the world, even if it's messy at first, it's uncomfortable, 490 00:31:59,520 --> 00:32:07,400 it requires you to go back and make corrections and talk about things in a deeper, more complex 491 00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:08,400 way. 492 00:32:08,400 --> 00:32:13,920 We need more voices out that deeply care about the world evolving to something that looks 493 00:32:13,920 --> 00:32:18,520 safer and more beautiful, not just for individuals, but for the collective. 494 00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:20,920 And so come out of the closet. 495 00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:22,520 We want to see you. 496 00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:23,520 Join us. 497 00:32:23,520 --> 00:32:35,520 And with that, thank you all so much for being our family, for just supporting us here. 498 00:32:35,520 --> 00:32:40,040 And if you haven't already, please go ahead and hit follow on the podcast so you can be 499 00:32:40,040 --> 00:32:43,040 alerted when each new episode comes out. 500 00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:48,360 Leave us a review, follow us on Instagram, and let us know how we can support you. 501 00:32:48,360 --> 00:32:49,360 We love you. 502 00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:50,360 Love you so much. 503 00:32:50,360 --> 00:32:51,360 We'll talk soon. 504 00:32:51,360 --> 00:33:05,800 Bye.