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Hello everyone and welcome to the Awaken Together podcast.

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I am Jen and today we have another incredible guest joining us to help us deep dive into

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a subject that I know is going to so deeply relate with our listeners and I know I'm going

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to learn a ton from this.

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Taylor will be coming on, she is a podcast host, has her own podcast, she is an occupational

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therapist with her doctorate degree, she's trauma sensitive, she has personal experience

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in the world of trauma and has brought all of that onto social media to create trauma

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sensitive content and she's a course creator to help people along on their journey on coming

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back to themselves.

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So hello Taylor, welcome.

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Hi, oh my goodness, I could not have said that better myself.

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That was spectacular, Jen, totally.

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Thank you, Taylor.

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It's so wild.

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I found Taylor on social media, honestly I really don't even remember how but the second,

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I think TikTok was first.

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Yeah, TikTok first.

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And then I stopped you on a live and I was like, um, we need to do a podcast together,

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like what?

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So then you came on mine, like totally blind, like oh this brand new podcast you're doing?

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Sure.

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So freaking loved it.

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Crust in the universe.

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You handled it like you have been doing podcasts for forever.

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It was, and we had such a good conversation there.

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It flowed so good, so easily.

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And yeah, you, since I was on your podcast and I first found you, both your Instagram

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and your TikTok have like really gotten a huge amount of following.

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I've been so proud of you along.

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I'm like, yes, Taylor, yes.

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Very different spots than we were at last time, but I love it though.

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It's all the energy.

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It's very interesting.

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So yes, absolutely.

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And yeah, we, we first really bonded over the fact that we both have experience in the

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kind of physical rehab world, occupational therapy and physical therapy, um, which it's,

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it's so fascinating when you start delving into other sectors of kind of the mind and

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body connection and the world of healing and spiritual healing.

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And you have that experience just in that setting.

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There's just, you need someone to like talk it out.

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Cause there's just a lot.

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When you're a woo woo therapist, we're going to be friends.

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Like, sorry.

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That's a, that's a given whether you like it or not, we're best friends now.

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So thank you.

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Yes.

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And I love it.

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And Taylor is also so into all the little side sectors of spirituality.

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And I love that you bring that to the forefront with all of your work because yeah, for the

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minds that can connect all these things, it's incredible.

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But today we're going to like delve in a lot more into trauma, which, um, we've had one

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episode on this called the body keeps the score where we kind of went over some of the

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generals around it.

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But Taylor, I would love to hear since you have had your own personal experience with

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all of this, just to give us a little bit of your story.

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Yeah.

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So I'm going to try and keep this brief because I feel like this could go on forever because

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I've been through a lot.

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So, um, I'll get this down one day.

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Right?

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All right.

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So, um, yeah.

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So like Jen said, I am Taylor.

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Um, I am a trauma survivor and an occupational therapist.

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Um, and later got super, super into figuring out trauma in the world and, and that kind

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of thing in my doctorate.

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So I focused on that.

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And then later in my career, I became a certified trauma professional.

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So I gained a lot more awareness of trauma.

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And since then, it just like, it really helped me connect the dots in my childhood thinking

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that I grew up where, you know, I was the oldest child and you know, like I just, I

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took care of my brothers a little bit.

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My dad was kind of a jerk, like, you know, looking back, I was like, well, you know,

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it was kind of stressful and everything was okay until I was about 16 and things got bad

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in the divorce.

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That's what I thought originally as I've been diving into my own healing work.

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Um, I do EMDR therapy for myself with my therapist and that has changed my life.

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Also after doing it for almost two years helped me uncover some repressed memories, realizing

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how far back my childhood trauma does go and different abuse of like physical, emotional,

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psychological manipulation was the huge one for me.

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And so I essentially grew up where I was in these survival responses, which we can go

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into in a little bit, but basically there's fight, flight, freeze, and fun.

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And fun is the one that isn't as talked about.

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And basically it's like the people pleasing, the one who's like, you're trying to make

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sure that there is no actual threat.

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Like you know that the person's a threat.

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It's the camouflage, right?

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It's the yes, man.

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It's making yourself as small as possible to stay out of trouble.

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And that's what I did my entire life.

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And so while like basically making myself as small as I could, but then fiercely fighting

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and protecting my brothers.

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So it was like, it was abandoning self when I look back a little bit, but little me was

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just doing what she could to get by and to be okay.

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Because based on, you know, if I was safe or not really dependent on my biological father's

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mood that day, or if there was a trigger or whatever it is, it could be the smallest little

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thing.

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And so I grew up walking on eggshells and suppressed a lot of who I was.

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And it took a long time into my adulthood, figuring out who that was and hating myself

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and all of the things that they used to tell me every single day that I was fat, that I

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was ugly, that I was never going to be worth it in the world, that I was mentally unstable,

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wouldn't be able to work with special needs kids like I wanted.

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Like all of that stuff got so deeply ingrained that I started believing that and had like

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no self-worth.

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So I really, I just turned it around at one point.

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I was like, I'm not going to live in this victim mode.

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And I started fighting for myself and thank goodness I did.

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But you know, that's what led me to here and my page survivors overcoming silence.

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You know, for that, it's about the silence that I endured because I was threatened into

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silence for years of abuse under wraps and half of the family was enabling and the other

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half was in on it.

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And it was a generational pattern.

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And so I'm really the only one in my family, aside from one in my like extended family,

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who's breaking the cycle and even admits there's anything wrong.

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And I'm labeled as the problem and the scapegoat and the crazy one basically.

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And the only one who's ever gone to therapy or done anything.

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And I have since gone no contact with all of them and I feel more free and I have been

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healing so deeply that I just connect so deeply with my inner child now.

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And it's led me to all the work that I do here and being really real and honest about

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all of the stuff that I've been through and those like harder decisions and nuances that

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a lot of people don't talk about publicly.

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And so that's what I do.

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And it's because my story was silenced for so long.

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So yeah.

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Taylor, thank you for sharing and thank you for your vulnerability and speaking up about

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it and going into that place just so others can see that they're not alone in their place.

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I think that is so, so important.

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And so thank you for what you are doing.

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It's huge.

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Yeah, I would love to hear when was the first time you were like, it really clicked like,

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oh, I'm going to need some help with all of this.

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Like this is, when did you first start realizing like the, I guess, realizing the signs in

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your body and knowing that there was something kind of off?

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So it's interesting because I kind of recognized around when I was 16 that there was trauma

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without being able to label it.

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My parents went through a messy divorce.

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I was triangulated, basically put in the middle of it.

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My biological father told me about how he was going to secretly move out when my mom

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was gone on a business trip for six weeks.

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But I wasn't allowed to tell her long story short, I told her he was my abuser and she

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wasn't.

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And so it got messy and then they threatened to make my life a living hell.

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And that's kind of when my like thing started, because I really was seen as like the enemy

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actively by my bio father.

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And so I noticed it then and I recognized that like my biological father is absolutely

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an overt narcissist.

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And so knew exactly what buttons to push in order to make me react.

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And I remember there are so many times where like when they would hit a button or a trigger

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or something, like at my body would just go out of control, like just screaming.

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And it was protective, but like it took me a while to come down.

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I remember like logically trying to control everything and I couldn't.

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And meanwhile, they were just saying like they would poke, poke, poke until I would

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fight back and then just smile and have that like really gross, evil looking smirk, like

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ha, gotcha.

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You are the crazy one.

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So that's when I really realized that I feel like in my adulthood and my very first relationship

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was when I recognized how deeply my relational wounds went in trauma and I was super codependent

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and super anxiously attached.

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And that's really when I was like, oh, this impacted me a whole lot more than I thought

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it did.

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Like I just thought I worked through my emotions.

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And like by this point, when I was in a relationship with this guy, like my first relationship

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serious one was like when I was 20 turning 21 and I had worked through so many of my

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emotions and I learned how to gain emotional regulation and gain control of my emotions

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and my triggers through beginning therapy, but also just it's what I had to do to survive.

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Otherwise things would be pinned against me.

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So I had to learn real quick growing up how to keep myself as calm as possible to not

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give them any leverage.

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So when I recognized in that relationship that there was more, that's when I was like,

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oh, this goes really, really deep.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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It comes in.

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It literally comes in layers as you start trying to build the bridge of where the disconnect

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started and yeah, starts and ends or doesn't even end like where it just begins.

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So I know I used to think there was a beginning point or like, you know, it was like, oh,

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it started right here.

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And now as I'm getting more memories back younger, like I'm all the way back to seven

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years old now and I still think there's more.

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So I'm like, oh, okay, that's interesting.

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So that's, you know, that's a new thing.

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I'm glad you said the relationship thing, because I feel like when you first start trying

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to interact in your own form of relationships, when you're out of the household or you're

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a little bit stepped on, I think you start to like realize how much you're bringing old

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patterns in and it's like very confusing to watch, like watch yourself and you're like,

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okay, well, clearly it can't go exactly how I envisioned it in my mind because I'm not

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quite functioning.

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Like I want to be noticing like how easily you can get set off by people and what's still

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lingering even when you're away.

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Because I think when, at least when I was young, I think I just, I think I realized

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my family was the problem and if I could just get away from it, then I would be fine.

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Not knowing anything about how, yeah, my body's presets at this point were not quite correct

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and that I was going to have a lot to unwind from that.

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And the other interesting experience on my journey has been, yeah, so much religion trauma.

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I've talked about that several times on this podcast, but yeah, I have that too.

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Oh my gosh.

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Yeah.

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You peel back the layers and you just realize how much that led to kind of a compliance

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and people pleasing and heavy masking and heavy repression and, and anti-spirituality, like

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anti-self spirituality.

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Oh my God, Taylor.

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Absolutely.

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So while to get there, same.

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And yeah, every single thing that's kind of come on my path, I've, you know, I've had

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so much skepticism and fear around it.

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And it took so long to kind of pinpoint what was going to work for me and what, you know,

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what I, what I didn't need it as a part of my life.

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And it to erase the labels that had been put into my head on what equals what by my family,

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it takes so much longer.

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It's so much easier said than done.

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Yeah.

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Absolutely.

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Yeah.

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So tell me a little bit, I'd love to hear about EMDR and just some of the, some of the

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stuff that you've explored personally.

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And then we can kind of do another overview on yeah, what trauma looks like for the average

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person.

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Sure.

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So EMDR therapy, I always say the right, if I remember correctly, it's eye movement, desensitization

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and reprocessing.

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Yep.

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We'll check that.

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Okay.

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I was going to say double check that.

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I always just say EMDR.

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I just always mess up one of the words, but so basically what happens is there with every

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trauma memory, there is some kind of belief within there that is adding to the trigger

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either I'm not good enough.

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I'm unsafe.

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It's the message that we assign to the memory that allows it to be stored as trauma.

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Okay.

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And so what we do at first is when you're tapping into the memories before you even

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get into basically like when you have EMDR, it's like you go back into your mind and you

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watch this trauma memory, like a movie and you work to reprocess it.

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Okay.

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It's not as scary as it sounds.

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Trust me.

238
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I used to be terrified of this and it has changed my life.

239
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And I'm so glad that I took a couple of years and eventually made the courage to do it.

240
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So basically you start off with EMDR and the way my process goes is that you come up with

241
00:14:08,840 --> 00:14:12,600
how intense the feeling in your body is, like, where do you feel it?

242
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So I usually feel it in my stomach or my heart.

243
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And how intense does it feel when you bring up this or there's an image attached to it?

244
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:23,400
Like, for instance, let's talk about my most recent thing.

245
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I was recently triggered by my haircut.

246
00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:28,360
It's interesting.

247
00:14:28,360 --> 00:14:33,440
I had a little bit more of a blunt bang and my hair, I had it toned down a little bit

248
00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:38,480
darker and it just happened to be almost the exact shade of my little brother who had a

249
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bowl cut when he was younger.

250
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And that image kept popping in my head and I felt out of control and I really didn't

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understand what was happening.

252
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And so then what I really ended up doing, luckily I was on the way to therapy and she's

253
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like, okay, how intense is this?

254
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And I was like, honestly, this is the most intense this is one has ever been.

255
00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:06,520
And it's like a nine out of 10 and trying to feel like what the negative cognition was

256
00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:07,520
with that.

257
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And it was just, I am overwhelmed and unsafe.

258
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Just completely overwhelmed and unsafe.

259
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And then my therapist would ask me, okay, so what do you want to believe differently

260
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about that once we work through this?

261
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It's like, oh, I did the best I could and I had control of what I did.

262
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Like trying to reframe a little bit, like not changing reality, but trying to see how

263
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I can see it a little bit differently.

264
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And so then like, okay, so then basically there's a bilateral stimulation of the brain.

265
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So I use buzzers in my hand.

266
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Some people do tapping that kind of thing, but basically it's to get both parts of the

267
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brain online and to bring up this memory in order to be processed.

268
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So the first thing that my therapist does is I hold each of the buzzers in each hand

269
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and basically the idea is for bilateral stimulation of the brain.

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It's going to go back and forth alternating.

271
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Okay.

272
00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:05,200
So I have one in each palm and it's just like a vibration when they go off.

273
00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:09,440
So she starts it at first, when I go into the memory, like the intense trauma that I'm

274
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feeling, she starts off with like a higher vibration and it's like, it's harder in my

275
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palm and it's faster back and forth.

276
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And so then we go in for short bursts and just be like, okay, just follow wherever your

277
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brain takes you.

278
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And so I take my deep breaths, I do all my grounding stuff.

279
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I already have my coping strategies and my escape strategies if I need them at any point

280
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because I've been doing this for a while and that's about safety.

281
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So I go in and she goes, okay, I'll tell you when to stop.

282
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I'm like, okay.

283
00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:40,760
And I can always stop before if I need to, if it gets too intense.

284
00:16:40,760 --> 00:16:45,000
So again, going in, like watching a movie, following the original image that comes up

285
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:48,840
in my head, and then I'm just trusting my brain to lead me where it needs to lead.

286
00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:51,660
And sometimes it'll make sense and it'll like play like a movie.

287
00:16:51,660 --> 00:16:56,040
And sometimes membranes will start connecting from all over my childhood that I recognize

288
00:16:56,040 --> 00:17:00,600
later has to do with the same kind of core belief that's wounded.

289
00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:06,200
So like I'm not enough or, you know, one time I talked about having issues with friends

290
00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:09,400
and I was worried more about my current relationships.

291
00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:14,320
And then it went back to me as a teenager, me as a child, me always being bullied.

292
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And so it just like bopped around and I was like, oh, so it was like connecting triggers

293
00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:23,160
for me to help me unwind it, which is another thing was super cool.

294
00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:24,160
Yeah.

295
00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:26,600
So I'm going back and forth, whatever.

296
00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:30,160
And so I see my little brother and then basically it just brought me to this memory of abuse

297
00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:33,760
when I was little, that I'd never had before.

298
00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:35,440
There was just an overwhelming at first.

299
00:17:35,440 --> 00:17:36,440
I didn't see anything.

300
00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:39,140
I just heard a bunch of things being screamed at me.

301
00:17:39,140 --> 00:17:42,560
And then I did see things and then I saw more things.

302
00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:45,940
And then every single time my therapist would be like, okay, stop.

303
00:17:45,940 --> 00:17:47,340
What did you notice?

304
00:17:47,340 --> 00:17:49,680
And like it's when she's saying, what did you notice?

305
00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:51,240
She wants me to talk about sensory details.

306
00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:53,940
She wants me to talk about, you know, what's actually happening.

307
00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:55,960
How am I actually feeling in this situation?

308
00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:56,960
Who's there?

309
00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:57,960
What kind of control do I have?

310
00:17:57,960 --> 00:17:58,960
What are my escapes?

311
00:17:58,960 --> 00:17:59,960
How is my body reacting?

312
00:17:59,960 --> 00:18:00,960
All of that stuff.

313
00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:04,920
And again, it's just trusting your brain where it's led.

314
00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:08,600
So then we get through it and she'll either say, okay, keep going or she'll sit there

315
00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:11,840
and she'll process it with me and she'd be like, okay, well, could you see it this way?

316
00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:14,000
Do you see how you were doing the best you could here?

317
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:19,520
Do you know, like she's basically giving me an objective viewpoint to help me recognize

318
00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:21,480
that maybe it wasn't all my fault.

319
00:18:21,480 --> 00:18:23,640
You know what I mean?

320
00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:27,600
So, and then we kind of go back in and work through the memory.

321
00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:32,240
And then once I get back to my stage of safety and I feel like a process quite a bit and

322
00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:38,760
I've gotten all that I can out of the actual memory, then she does the buzzers again, but

323
00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:43,800
it's very calm vibration and it goes back and forth super slow.

324
00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:49,120
So instead of like half a second or faster back and forth, now when I'm doing my breathing

325
00:18:49,120 --> 00:18:53,040
and I'm going to store it again and I go to my safe place in my head to put this memory

326
00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:57,800
back in my chest where it needs to go so it doesn't come up for me later, all a visualization

327
00:18:57,800 --> 00:19:00,720
thing, tons of that in there.

328
00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:06,000
And then I breathe through it and kind of close out what I need to.

329
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:10,660
And then the buzzers are like every two to three seconds they switch, super calm.

330
00:19:10,660 --> 00:19:13,160
And then I tell her when I'm ready to stop.

331
00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:16,440
And then we kind of talk about more, how are you feeling now?

332
00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:17,600
How intense is it now?

333
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:19,920
Is there a change from what it was before?

334
00:19:19,920 --> 00:19:24,200
And what's really, really strange, I still don't understand how it works and it works

335
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:30,240
so well, at least for me, is that I can go in with an out of control feeling.

336
00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:36,120
And then after I've processed through it and like watch it back like a movie, so much less

337
00:19:36,120 --> 00:19:40,440
intense sometimes it's non-existent after the fact.

338
00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:44,320
And if I'm triggered later on something similar, it's not as intense.

339
00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:45,320
It's powerful.

340
00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:50,480
We have powerful stuff that has become like, yeah, such a huge outlet for people.

341
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:56,240
EMDR has like such substantial research on its benefits.

342
00:19:56,240 --> 00:20:01,520
And honestly, you brought up a really good point that I think is very important to emphasize

343
00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:09,600
for those who know that they have stuff to work through from their upbringing or something

344
00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:15,280
that occurred that has definitely been a traumatic point in their life is that when we get triggered

345
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:18,200
it can be like the strangest things.

346
00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:20,520
And then there you are fighting for your life.

347
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:27,480
Like, I mean, that, yeah, you got your hair, you had your hair cut.

348
00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:32,880
And it sounds like, I think people, I think until you kind of learn about trauma and you

349
00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:37,440
learn about the lens and you learn that your body is taking you to a completely different

350
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:43,040
place than the current situation, but that is not something that you can control.

351
00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:49,360
I think there's so much guilt and shame around how you acted and why you went so, yeah, you

352
00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:50,360
took it so far.

353
00:20:50,360 --> 00:20:55,320
And there's all this guilt and shame on your outlashes for certain things when in reality

354
00:20:55,320 --> 00:20:58,920
that's so out of your control in the moment.

355
00:20:58,920 --> 00:21:02,360
It's something you can definitely work on and get like to the, yeah, to the point where

356
00:21:02,360 --> 00:21:07,120
you are, yeah, the triggering gets so much less and so much less often.

357
00:21:07,120 --> 00:21:14,040
And so, so much less deep, but I think the important step one is knowing that it is not

358
00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:17,760
your fault that your body is taking you there in those moments.

359
00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:18,760
No.

360
00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:23,280
And, you know, I would say that the fact that your body did react that way is even more

361
00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:25,320
validation that something is wrong.

362
00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:26,320
Yeah.

363
00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:28,840
Because your body is not just going to jump to that.

364
00:21:28,840 --> 00:21:33,320
Like as a child, you're not automatically going to always go into fight or flight unless

365
00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:36,480
there is something consistently unsafe in your environment.

366
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:40,240
Like we're, you know, there are always going to be some instances.

367
00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:41,240
Yes.

368
00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:45,320
But if you're recognizing that as a kid, you were chronically like this, there may be more

369
00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:46,320
to it.

370
00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:48,920
And, you know, I was always told that I was overdramatic.

371
00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:54,520
I was making it up like all of this stuff that is absolutely not true and saying that

372
00:21:54,520 --> 00:21:56,040
I don't experience trauma.

373
00:21:56,040 --> 00:21:59,480
And it's interesting because it's like trauma is such an individual thing.

374
00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:06,120
It's based on someone's context internally and their skills and their environment.

375
00:22:06,120 --> 00:22:12,960
And you know, the past experiences and relationships and like the, I'm sure genes and generational

376
00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:17,500
patterns as well, that like your body stores it as trauma.

377
00:22:17,500 --> 00:22:21,820
If your body determines it's trauma, what your body determines is trauma may not be

378
00:22:21,820 --> 00:22:25,840
with someone else's body determines his trauma because they have different resiliency factors.

379
00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:26,840
Absolutely.

380
00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:27,880
And it's, oh yeah.

381
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:30,880
You can't tell people they didn't experience trauma because you're not in their body.

382
00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:31,880
Yeah.

383
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:32,880
Thank you.

384
00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:33,880
Say it again.

385
00:22:33,880 --> 00:22:34,880
Yeah, no, like I'm sorry.

386
00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:36,320
That's not, that's not a thing.

387
00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:37,720
People try so hard on the internet.

388
00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:40,120
I can't even tell you how many trolls I get with that stuff.

389
00:22:40,120 --> 00:22:45,160
But you know, like you, especially when someone's body is reacting in a trauma response, that

390
00:22:45,160 --> 00:22:51,960
is because they have experienced trauma period, mic drop, send it home.

391
00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:55,800
You know, it's like, so when you're ashamed of your own responses like that, it's because

392
00:22:55,800 --> 00:23:00,560
something is leading you there or has in the past and your body is stuck there.

393
00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:02,020
So like, it is not your fault.

394
00:23:02,020 --> 00:23:06,560
And so when you go back into those memories, like for me later in life, I was more into

395
00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:07,560
the fight or flight.

396
00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:12,400
But like I said earlier on, I was in the people pleasing because I was chronically in a traumatic

397
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:14,040
environment just trying to survive.

398
00:23:14,040 --> 00:23:16,640
These people were in complete control of my life.

399
00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:18,200
I didn't have any autonomy.

400
00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:19,200
I was a child.

401
00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:22,880
Obviously they had control over me legally, physically, emotionally, like everything.

402
00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:23,880
Right?

403
00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:28,200
So there would be points where I used to have a really hard relationship with my inner child

404
00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:29,200
because I was mad at her.

405
00:23:29,200 --> 00:23:31,040
I was like, why didn't you fight back?

406
00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:32,160
Why didn't you do more?

407
00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:33,760
Why did you just let this happen?

408
00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:34,840
Quote unquote.

409
00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:38,800
And it took me a while to recognize that like I was doing what I needed to, to survive.

410
00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:42,860
So it wasn't worse that I stopped fighting at some point and I started people pleasing

411
00:23:42,860 --> 00:23:46,280
and I tried to be best friends with these people because otherwise it was going to get

412
00:23:46,280 --> 00:23:48,160
me thrown into a wall again.

413
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:49,160
You know what I mean?

414
00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:53,400
So it's like my little me was so fricking strong.

415
00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:59,000
And one of the memories that I uncovered was the after every fight or everything were like

416
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:02,440
this memory where I was thrown into a wall.

417
00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:07,260
And my youngest brother was instructed to also like hit me or get hit.

418
00:24:07,260 --> 00:24:09,400
So you know, a huge manipulation there.

419
00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:11,560
And my brother was probably like four or five at the time.

420
00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:12,560
So it's just heartbreaking.

421
00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:13,560
Wow.

422
00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:15,560
But I remember I just endured all of this.

423
00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:18,320
Kay stopped fighting back, whatever, until it was done.

424
00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:23,560
And then I went into my room and you know, on the way out, my bio father said, you made

425
00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:25,280
me do that.

426
00:24:25,280 --> 00:24:29,720
And my way of coping was convincing myself that was true.

427
00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:35,840
And so little seven, eight year old me went into my room, sobbing, staring in the mirror,

428
00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:40,280
hitting myself in the face saying, why did you make him do that again?

429
00:24:40,280 --> 00:24:46,720
And just like that's, I had to convince myself that I was the problem because otherwise why

430
00:24:46,720 --> 00:24:51,360
would these people who are supposed to care for me allow this to happen consistently?

431
00:24:51,360 --> 00:24:53,320
I must be the weak link here.

432
00:24:53,320 --> 00:24:57,780
And it took a lot of time to recognize, but she was just so hurt and just trying the best

433
00:24:57,780 --> 00:25:02,320
she could and thought she was the villain in this story, which is what manipulation

434
00:25:02,320 --> 00:25:05,000
does and gaslighting does to be able to continue abuse.

435
00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:09,440
And like, as an adult, I see that now and I fight for her so fricking hard now.

436
00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:12,720
That's why we don't talk to any of them.

437
00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:17,320
You know, but at the same time, it's like, that was all trauma.

438
00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:20,940
And I had to really unwind that narrative that it was not my fault.

439
00:25:20,940 --> 00:25:22,080
I am not the bad person.

440
00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:23,080
I'm not the crazy person.

441
00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:24,080
I don't provoke people.

442
00:25:24,080 --> 00:25:28,680
I don't just being a goofy kid, like the stupidest little things that have looked back or triggers

443
00:25:28,680 --> 00:25:31,040
laughing too loud, sitting in the wrong chair.

444
00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:33,920
None of that is worth getting beat at all.

445
00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:38,200
Like I, you know, so, and I know that as an adult, like thinking now I would never even

446
00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:41,880
do like anything that my bio father did to me.

447
00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:45,920
I would never even think of speaking to a child like that, let alone anything physical.

448
00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:51,120
So you know, I see differently now, but I also recognize it like that's the mindset

449
00:25:51,120 --> 00:25:53,600
that they had from their own parents.

450
00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:57,440
And they thought they were maybe being a little bit better, but never got help.

451
00:25:57,440 --> 00:26:03,120
And so continued the cycle without even recognizing how severely they were.

452
00:26:03,120 --> 00:26:05,160
And that's what generational trauma is.

453
00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:06,360
Absolutely.

454
00:26:06,360 --> 00:26:11,480
And yeah, I like what you, like what you said, cause that's definitely a part of the journey,

455
00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:16,800
especially when, um, yeah, you're, you're first starting off as you really have to figure

456
00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:22,520
out what those underlying messages are that you possibly had started to believe about

457
00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:27,120
yourself that were playing, that you were building, that became your foundations to

458
00:26:27,120 --> 00:26:30,080
build like this whole lie against yourself.

459
00:26:30,080 --> 00:26:35,880
Like, yeah, I'm not as smart as everyone else, or I'm not this, or just these little lies.

460
00:26:35,880 --> 00:26:37,400
Like, yeah, I'm the problem.

461
00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:38,720
I'm the issue.

462
00:26:38,720 --> 00:26:44,280
And so many of your protective responses are to prove that you're not a problem, to prove

463
00:26:44,280 --> 00:26:46,000
you're not an issue too.

464
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:49,960
You have to look at those like base stories that you started to believe.

465
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:56,640
And then, yeah, looking through with a therapist or someone that can coach and help and guide,

466
00:26:56,640 --> 00:27:00,320
you have to see that where the root of that story is somewhat from.

467
00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:04,440
I don't think you have to necessarily trace everyone back, but knowing that you've created

468
00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:10,760
these stories and that they're probably the reason you're acting through on some things

469
00:27:10,760 --> 00:27:13,040
is a very important, like first step.

470
00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:17,440
And I think we in the spiritual world, it's kind of all chalked up shadow work.

471
00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:18,440
Yeah.

472
00:27:18,440 --> 00:27:26,160
Looking at the why behind, but let's shift into inner child healing because that is,

473
00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:31,040
yeah, I think there's really two parts to it.

474
00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:37,000
I think there is looking at the inner child wounds that are present, which is still, yeah,

475
00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:38,000
pretty much the same.

476
00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:44,760
Like what messages did you receive as a child and what actions did that end up leading to

477
00:27:44,760 --> 00:27:46,560
that you followed through on?

478
00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:51,240
I know for a lot of mine, it was, I have to be a good girl.

479
00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:52,480
Like I have to be good.

480
00:27:52,480 --> 00:27:54,880
Like I was so scared of being bad.

481
00:27:54,880 --> 00:28:01,680
And it was so, I got the message so many times as being what would have been kind of the

482
00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:04,640
more outspoken questioning.

483
00:28:04,640 --> 00:28:07,040
I never really took things fully for what they were.

484
00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:13,320
I was always a very curious kid, but I got definitely pushed down for being so vocal

485
00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:19,480
and so wanting to push past what my rules and guidelines were.

486
00:28:19,480 --> 00:28:24,840
So I was always seen as like, don't talk back, like stop, yeah, stop challenging what I am

487
00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:25,840
saying.

488
00:28:25,840 --> 00:28:33,920
Like these, these constant limits on, yeah, almost feeling like I was bad for wanting

489
00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:35,200
to know things.

490
00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:41,320
So I had all these wounds around that, that took so long to unwind from of like, God,

491
00:28:41,320 --> 00:28:42,320
am I doing something bad?

492
00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:43,320
Is this bad?

493
00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:48,380
Is that like every single thing that I ever entered had that same monologue and story

494
00:28:48,380 --> 00:28:52,400
of like, am I bad on like a very deep level?

495
00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:55,040
Like, oh my gosh, so much unwinding for that.

496
00:28:55,040 --> 00:29:00,020
So inner child work for me was first of all, learning that I was playing out the program

497
00:29:00,020 --> 00:29:05,640
of these old stories and really having to find ways to release that baggage that I was

498
00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:07,200
holding onto.

499
00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:12,960
And then reflecting back on little Jen and the stuff she so deeply wanted to do that

500
00:29:12,960 --> 00:29:16,640
was being completely put out of her control.

501
00:29:16,640 --> 00:29:23,040
So now like inner child healing for me is letting myself explore and study concepts

502
00:29:23,040 --> 00:29:28,800
that I would have never been able to even have a friend that believes in some of those

503
00:29:28,800 --> 00:29:34,480
things as a kid, letting myself like openly explore, letting myself ask questions, letting

504
00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:38,840
myself be more inconsistent and messy.

505
00:29:38,840 --> 00:29:43,680
And yeah, yeah, act out, be loud.

506
00:29:43,680 --> 00:29:48,320
I had so much wounds about being loud and using my voice and like no one wants to hear

507
00:29:48,320 --> 00:29:49,880
what I have to say.

508
00:29:49,880 --> 00:29:53,320
Like, oh my gosh, I thought all of it was crazy.

509
00:29:53,320 --> 00:29:57,840
You're like, if you're ever silly or goofy, like you're too much, you're crazy.

510
00:29:57,840 --> 00:30:00,720
Like, no one acts like that as a child.

511
00:30:00,720 --> 00:30:04,400
Like yeah, I definitely resonate with that.

512
00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:07,280
So, you know, I just made myself smaller and smaller and smaller.

513
00:30:07,280 --> 00:30:08,400
So I feel you there.

514
00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:09,400
That was definitely one of mine.

515
00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:10,400
Yeah.

516
00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:11,400
Yeah.

517
00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:12,400
Tell me more.

518
00:30:12,400 --> 00:30:13,400
Go, go, go.

519
00:30:13,400 --> 00:30:14,400
Yeah.

520
00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:15,400
Let's see.

521
00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:16,400
What else was there?

522
00:30:16,400 --> 00:30:23,800
I think the main was that the big thing was that who I was, the real me was never to

523
00:30:23,800 --> 00:30:26,200
be accepted or loved.

524
00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:31,360
And my abuser made it seem like they were just tolerating me and no one else would actually

525
00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:32,600
be able to.

526
00:30:32,600 --> 00:30:36,720
Like they would be like, it's awful for me to have to tolerate you.

527
00:30:36,720 --> 00:30:39,160
I can't imagine how anyone else can.

528
00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:48,200
Like, so it was just every part of who I was authentically was just completely just degraded.

529
00:30:48,200 --> 00:30:53,440
Anything that made me smile, anything that gave me light that, you know, I was this goofy,

530
00:30:53,440 --> 00:30:58,800
spunky little kid and the only thing they cared about were my grades and how that reflected

531
00:30:58,800 --> 00:31:01,960
on their perception of their parenting.

532
00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:06,360
So what happened from that is I made myself a chameleon.

533
00:31:06,360 --> 00:31:08,280
I didn't show who I was.

534
00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:14,120
I studied people and friends and even if you can, as a little kid, I remember doing this

535
00:31:14,120 --> 00:31:19,200
studying people's likes, their patterns of behavior and making myself into something

536
00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:23,800
that I thought they would like and only showing up that way.

537
00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:28,960
So I didn't really have much of an identity because I was absorbing things all the time

538
00:31:28,960 --> 00:31:30,520
to be liked.

539
00:31:30,520 --> 00:31:32,080
I became teacher's pets.

540
00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:36,760
I, you know, and when I wasn't liked for even when I was trying super hard, I took that

541
00:31:36,760 --> 00:31:40,280
a lot harder because I was like, well, if they don't like the mask, they're not even

542
00:31:40,280 --> 00:31:41,560
going to like the real me.

543
00:31:41,560 --> 00:31:43,240
Like I would take that so much harder.

544
00:31:43,240 --> 00:31:46,920
Again, as an adult recognizing now that was more a mask, but I just took it super personally.

545
00:31:46,920 --> 00:31:51,160
Like, oh, they don't even like this little persona that I'm creating.

546
00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:55,360
You know, and so the moment that I didn't get along with someone or, you know, I was

547
00:31:55,360 --> 00:31:57,320
bullied, I was, I was a little weird nerd.

548
00:31:57,320 --> 00:31:59,160
I'm not going to lie.

549
00:31:59,160 --> 00:32:04,080
You know, so like I didn't fit in all the time and I took that super personally and

550
00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:09,100
I was incredibly emotional and I was mocked for being emotional and at home too.

551
00:32:09,100 --> 00:32:13,680
So I learned to suppress the emotions really quickly.

552
00:32:13,680 --> 00:32:16,600
So what does the healing side look for you?

553
00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:20,400
What have you given to little Taylor to help her?

554
00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:24,240
So I let her be whoever the hell she wants to be.

555
00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:29,520
Like when she's goofy, when I like seriously, Oh, and spirituality was a huge thing in that

556
00:32:29,520 --> 00:32:30,840
that is like, you're crazy.

557
00:32:30,840 --> 00:32:31,840
Like no.

558
00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:32,840
And like I was a gifted little kid.

559
00:32:32,840 --> 00:32:34,840
I'm going to tell you right now.

560
00:32:34,840 --> 00:32:38,000
I look back and I'm like, Oh yeah, those were definitely spiritual gifts that were labeled

561
00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:39,640
as no one's going to accept you.

562
00:32:39,640 --> 00:32:40,640
You're crazy.

563
00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:41,640
Like all of this stuff, right?

564
00:32:41,640 --> 00:32:42,640
Yeah.

565
00:32:42,640 --> 00:32:45,400
And so getting into my spirituality was like me being a rebel.

566
00:32:45,400 --> 00:32:49,760
Like as an adult, I'm like, I'm going to follow this thing that I've always been drawn towards

567
00:32:49,760 --> 00:32:51,040
and I don't care.

568
00:32:51,040 --> 00:32:52,960
I'm going to look into these crystals.

569
00:32:52,960 --> 00:32:54,000
I'm going to go back.

570
00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:55,000
What are these cards?

571
00:32:55,000 --> 00:32:58,920
Like just random, you know, stuff like that, things that were shunned.

572
00:32:58,920 --> 00:33:04,920
But it also allowed me to start showing up as myself and recognizing when I was people

573
00:33:04,920 --> 00:33:10,640
pleasing or being chameleon, you know, a big part of the people pleasing and stuff is that

574
00:33:10,640 --> 00:33:13,560
I also felt like I needed to be perfect at all times.

575
00:33:13,560 --> 00:33:20,700
So allowing myself nowadays to make mistakes, to go slow, to take rest, to not immediately

576
00:33:20,700 --> 00:33:25,640
attack myself when I don't get perfect anything or perfect feedback, say on like a work review

577
00:33:25,640 --> 00:33:29,520
or, you know, like a real didn't do as well as I wanted to.

578
00:33:29,520 --> 00:33:31,880
I don't really care as much about that stuff anymore.

579
00:33:31,880 --> 00:33:35,320
That used to be a huge thing for me that like I would take it all as a sense of my self

580
00:33:35,320 --> 00:33:38,980
worth was the validation that I received from others.

581
00:33:38,980 --> 00:33:45,580
So now it's been validating myself and a huge part of the healing has been setting boundaries

582
00:33:45,580 --> 00:33:49,240
around the people who actually don't like me and being like, okay, you don't have to

583
00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:50,640
be in my life then.

584
00:33:50,640 --> 00:33:54,680
Like if you don't like me, if you're going to criticize me all the time, we can either

585
00:33:54,680 --> 00:33:57,300
try and work together and I'm going to be me.

586
00:33:57,300 --> 00:34:00,800
And if you don't like it too bad and you know, we're going to have our differences and that's

587
00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:01,800
okay.

588
00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:06,440
But if you're going to continue, mock me and put me down and make me feel bad for existing,

589
00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:08,920
I'm not going to be around you because I like me now.

590
00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:15,560
So boundaries and relationships, allowing myself to show up as who I am fully and exploring

591
00:34:15,560 --> 00:34:16,560
different interests.

592
00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:18,960
Like I was kind of like you in that way too, that it was just like, you know, I really

593
00:34:18,960 --> 00:34:20,440
liked writing.

594
00:34:20,440 --> 00:34:26,360
I was put more into theater as a kid and choir later on, but I was more into the singing

595
00:34:26,360 --> 00:34:27,360
part.

596
00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:31,600
So I did more of the singing as an adult, you know, it's like taking back the control

597
00:34:31,600 --> 00:34:37,040
that had always been put on me in my life and allowing independence.

598
00:34:37,040 --> 00:34:38,960
So well said.

599
00:34:38,960 --> 00:34:44,320
And yes, that is, that is something that I think, yeah, it's going to look very different

600
00:34:44,320 --> 00:34:51,000
for each person, but those little things that we are drawn to as kids just so effortlessly,

601
00:34:51,000 --> 00:34:56,960
the second they get boundaries on them that are to keep you small and to keep you less

602
00:34:56,960 --> 00:35:00,960
interested in those things because they do not fall into the interest of your caretakers

603
00:35:00,960 --> 00:35:05,860
and you had caretakers that very much did not let you express and go in the direction

604
00:35:05,860 --> 00:35:11,840
of your instincts, which so deeply had that growing up.

605
00:35:11,840 --> 00:35:17,560
You start to be disconnected to what was naturally there even beforehand.

606
00:35:17,560 --> 00:35:22,400
And it gets, it gets very tricky to even know what your natural instincts are and where

607
00:35:22,400 --> 00:35:23,400
they started.

608
00:35:23,400 --> 00:35:27,320
So I've really tried to go back and think of the stuff that I used to like daydream

609
00:35:27,320 --> 00:35:31,360
about, you know, in my head, like the stuff that I just was like, gosh, I just wish this

610
00:35:31,360 --> 00:35:32,360
could happen.

611
00:35:32,360 --> 00:35:33,360
I wish I could do this.

612
00:35:33,360 --> 00:35:34,360
I wish.

613
00:35:34,360 --> 00:35:39,160
I wish I could have all these secret wishes that over time I even started disconnecting

614
00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:41,200
from those cause nothing felt realistic.

615
00:35:41,200 --> 00:35:45,560
And the, obviously the more you get into your teenage years, the more it becomes almost

616
00:35:45,560 --> 00:35:51,000
self hatred because at that point you haven't honored your instincts so much that like there

617
00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:53,320
is no foundation of who you are.

618
00:35:53,320 --> 00:35:58,320
And so you're just a reflection of the people around you and you lose, you lose the child

619
00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:00,000
in that completely.

620
00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:05,080
And I think in reality for more healthy family upbringings or people that were encouraged

621
00:36:05,080 --> 00:36:13,600
more, I think you really see them very easily live out kind of the balance of that childhood.

622
00:36:13,600 --> 00:36:15,320
You know, they just follow their instincts a lot more.

623
00:36:15,320 --> 00:36:19,160
You can definitely see the difference between people that don't have it.

624
00:36:19,160 --> 00:36:24,740
It takes a lot of time and there's a lot of pushback in every, even if you get years,

625
00:36:24,740 --> 00:36:30,160
like I feel like I've drawn trauma work now for lots and lots and lots of years.

626
00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:32,280
And then every now and then something will still happen.

627
00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:33,280
And I'm like, what is this?

628
00:36:33,280 --> 00:36:34,280
Like, what is this?

629
00:36:34,280 --> 00:36:39,560
And you know, it's been a decade for me and things are still popping up and I'm like,

630
00:36:39,560 --> 00:36:40,560
whoo.

631
00:36:40,560 --> 00:36:41,560
Yeah.

632
00:36:41,560 --> 00:36:47,280
And except the difference is I can become like almost a witness to it more and say like,

633
00:36:47,280 --> 00:36:48,280
what is needed here?

634
00:36:48,280 --> 00:36:49,560
Let me slow down with this.

635
00:36:49,560 --> 00:36:54,320
Let me figure out like what is coming from this one before I would have been like, no,

636
00:36:54,320 --> 00:36:55,320
no, no, no.

637
00:36:55,320 --> 00:36:56,480
Like, I don't like, why are you?

638
00:36:56,480 --> 00:36:57,480
Yeah.

639
00:36:57,480 --> 00:36:58,480
Why are you being like that?

640
00:36:58,480 --> 00:36:59,480
Like almost, yeah.

641
00:36:59,480 --> 00:37:01,840
Trying to sell for like attacking yourself.

642
00:37:01,840 --> 00:37:02,840
Yeah.

643
00:37:02,840 --> 00:37:04,080
Attacking yourself for being the way you are.

644
00:37:04,080 --> 00:37:05,080
Yeah.

645
00:37:05,080 --> 00:37:06,080
Yeah.

646
00:37:06,080 --> 00:37:07,080
Absolutely.

647
00:37:07,080 --> 00:37:08,080
Absolutely.

648
00:37:08,080 --> 00:37:09,080
And not like full distrust of my emotions.

649
00:37:09,080 --> 00:37:10,880
Like we are not going to be sad right now.

650
00:37:10,880 --> 00:37:12,720
Like we are not about to be angry.

651
00:37:12,720 --> 00:37:18,400
Like, and just, yeah, just full, full repression of the instincts that come up when now I honor

652
00:37:18,400 --> 00:37:22,600
the things that surface so much and try to very much get curious about them.

653
00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:24,680
I don't see it as a limitation.

654
00:37:24,680 --> 00:37:30,440
I see it as a gift to unpack something else that, yeah, it could be influencing my current

655
00:37:30,440 --> 00:37:36,440
behavior and that for me has looked, yeah, it's definitely delved more into a spiritual

656
00:37:36,440 --> 00:37:44,200
practice now of mindfulness and yeah, looking, looking beneath the surface and not feeling

657
00:37:44,200 --> 00:37:49,920
as attached to that story because I think the whole point is to continue to be unattached

658
00:37:49,920 --> 00:37:51,520
to, you know, all of it.

659
00:37:51,520 --> 00:37:56,760
You want to see yourself be able to move through things without these holdups and you want

660
00:37:56,760 --> 00:38:02,820
to get to the point where you can look at people and yeah, not see them with so much

661
00:38:02,820 --> 00:38:03,820
emotional charge.

662
00:38:03,820 --> 00:38:08,700
Like I used to have so much resistance towards so many, like a very harsh critic to others

663
00:38:08,700 --> 00:38:11,160
and a very judgmental mind to other people.

664
00:38:11,160 --> 00:38:12,160
Absolutely.

665
00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:17,280
Seeing that get better and the softness that I now can extend love and compassion, but

666
00:38:17,280 --> 00:38:22,000
also yeah, pull boundaries out a lot quicker if I need to and feel safe in boundaries.

667
00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:26,280
Like, oh my God, boundaries used to feel like the most unsafe thing though.

668
00:38:26,280 --> 00:38:30,760
Like I felt like, oh yeah, like the person was going to kill me or something.

669
00:38:30,760 --> 00:38:32,400
I had this deep wound.

670
00:38:32,400 --> 00:38:36,960
Like if I, if I cut them off and can't control like watching their behavior, they're going

671
00:38:36,960 --> 00:38:38,280
to come back and like hurt me.

672
00:38:38,280 --> 00:38:39,280
Like I realized-

673
00:38:39,280 --> 00:38:40,760
Or the guilt tripping.

674
00:38:40,760 --> 00:38:43,280
Like, oh, oh yeah.

675
00:38:43,280 --> 00:38:44,280
Absolutely.

676
00:38:44,280 --> 00:38:48,040
And so it's, it is a very tricky thing to realize.

677
00:38:48,040 --> 00:38:49,040
Yeah.

678
00:38:49,040 --> 00:38:53,320
The, the hidden story and wound behind the behaviors.

679
00:38:53,320 --> 00:39:02,120
But you said all of that so incredibly and yeah, put it really into, into a digestible

680
00:39:02,120 --> 00:39:05,360
thing to realize like, yeah, it's, this is a journey that we're all on.

681
00:39:05,360 --> 00:39:11,360
I also think I remind my community a lot that we are kind of writing a new script.

682
00:39:11,360 --> 00:39:19,120
We have more ability to know what the mind is actually doing more the studies and being

683
00:39:19,120 --> 00:39:23,040
able to brain scan and just do the things that we've been able to do in more recent

684
00:39:23,040 --> 00:39:28,280
times has led to just so much more profound resources being available for people that

685
00:39:28,280 --> 00:39:29,280
are suffering.

686
00:39:29,280 --> 00:39:36,320
And I think, yeah, trauma is, is probably a part of almost every single person's journey

687
00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:40,980
in one way, shape or form, but we're writing a new script because we have new research

688
00:39:40,980 --> 00:39:42,280
than what we've ever had.

689
00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:46,800
And we're writing a new script because there is, we're dismantling so many of the previous

690
00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:49,440
structures that were in place.

691
00:39:49,440 --> 00:39:53,520
And so in some of the chaos of all of it and the uncertainty, it's also because we are

692
00:39:53,520 --> 00:39:58,760
writing like a completely new chapter as a collective, there's a huge chunk of us doing

693
00:39:58,760 --> 00:40:02,680
this work and we're, for a lot of us, we're the first generation to ever go to therapy

694
00:40:02,680 --> 00:40:05,520
and unpack this.

695
00:40:05,520 --> 00:40:08,200
We're aware, we're aware, we're healing.

696
00:40:08,200 --> 00:40:12,000
Like this is really like the awakening generation, right?

697
00:40:12,000 --> 00:40:13,000
Absolutely.

698
00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:14,000
It's like where we are right now.

699
00:40:14,000 --> 00:40:18,080
And like the thing that like gives me peace is like, I was put on this earth at this time

700
00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:19,080
for a purpose.

701
00:40:19,080 --> 00:40:24,520
It is to help raise the vibration and awaken people to understanding trauma.

702
00:40:24,520 --> 00:40:26,240
Like I know that that's my purpose, right?

703
00:40:26,240 --> 00:40:28,360
And like help people in their overcoming journeys.

704
00:40:28,360 --> 00:40:30,520
Like that's my thing.

705
00:40:30,520 --> 00:40:33,680
And it's just so interesting because like there are different levels of awakening all

706
00:40:33,680 --> 00:40:37,960
across the board in the last even two years, you know?

707
00:40:37,960 --> 00:40:42,560
And you can see it that it's not just individual anymore, that like you said, it is collective.

708
00:40:42,560 --> 00:40:49,440
And you know, it's interesting because looking back, I think everything used to be a lot

709
00:40:49,440 --> 00:40:51,240
more individualistic.

710
00:40:51,240 --> 00:40:53,040
Absolutely.

711
00:40:53,040 --> 00:40:55,960
And now we're kind of coming together and it's kind of beautiful.

712
00:40:55,960 --> 00:40:59,680
Like obviously the stuff, but it's beautiful.

713
00:40:59,680 --> 00:41:04,040
I am endlessly, if I ever kind of, yeah.

714
00:41:04,040 --> 00:41:07,120
You know, it's a more intentional way of living.

715
00:41:07,120 --> 00:41:14,320
It's a more conscious way of living and the unconscious can feel, I mean, I don't crave

716
00:41:14,320 --> 00:41:18,560
it anymore now, but I definitely remember at the beginning of my journey, like thinking,

717
00:41:18,560 --> 00:41:24,520
oh, it would just be so much easier to check out than to have to go through all these intentional

718
00:41:24,520 --> 00:41:25,520
steps.

719
00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:27,000
I do not think that way anymore.

720
00:41:27,000 --> 00:41:34,080
Like I'm so grateful now for my ability to hack myself and just like figure out how Jen

721
00:41:34,080 --> 00:41:40,720
works and then extend love to all those parts and my uniqueness and my little soul that's

722
00:41:40,720 --> 00:41:43,840
inside of this body and extending love to that.

723
00:41:43,840 --> 00:41:50,800
But at the beginning it comes off intense because it is, yeah, the unconscious people

724
00:41:50,800 --> 00:41:56,880
have a lot less, it appears that there's like less thinking involved and less action steps

725
00:41:56,880 --> 00:41:57,880
that are needed.

726
00:41:57,880 --> 00:42:00,280
And it just seems easier.

727
00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:06,520
But in reality that, yeah, we used to be so individual thinking and also we, I don't think

728
00:42:06,520 --> 00:42:10,080
half the generations that came before us even knew each other like at all.

729
00:42:10,080 --> 00:42:13,360
Like there was just no, there was nothing.

730
00:42:13,360 --> 00:42:15,640
You didn't get to see under the hood for anybody.

731
00:42:15,640 --> 00:42:17,780
And it was so isolating and lonely.

732
00:42:17,780 --> 00:42:23,840
And I know that that runs deep in our, deep in our bodies, the stories of the generations

733
00:42:23,840 --> 00:42:27,200
that came before us and that we are unpacking so much.

734
00:42:27,200 --> 00:42:32,560
But this is the first group that I think is doing, in a long time doing very, yeah, collective

735
00:42:32,560 --> 00:42:34,280
thinking like you said.

736
00:42:34,280 --> 00:42:36,040
And that is what it's all about.

737
00:42:36,040 --> 00:42:41,480
And I think trauma is a very important conversation in all of this because I've definitely seen,

738
00:42:41,480 --> 00:42:47,680
this can be our final thought on it, but I've definitely seen people go the spiritual route

739
00:42:47,680 --> 00:42:53,040
without kind of maybe adding in the layer of some of the psychology and mental health

740
00:42:53,040 --> 00:42:54,980
stuff that we know.

741
00:42:54,980 --> 00:43:00,020
And you can definitely get to a point where you almost gaslight yourself with spirituality

742
00:43:00,020 --> 00:43:01,560
if you're not careful.

743
00:43:01,560 --> 00:43:06,160
And I think that is so important that it's not just spirituality alone, that it's looking

744
00:43:06,160 --> 00:43:09,600
at the resources that we now have to connect mind and body.

745
00:43:09,600 --> 00:43:18,440
In any of the previous systems, I think we're, as we get into all these different spiritual

746
00:43:18,440 --> 00:43:23,720
modalities, a lot of them have deep roots in history and culture, but at the same time,

747
00:43:23,720 --> 00:43:29,000
in respecting the origins of a lot of these things, we now have to add in the layer of

748
00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:34,800
what we now know with the mind and body and what that looks like and the newer tools we

749
00:43:34,800 --> 00:43:35,800
have.

750
00:43:35,800 --> 00:43:41,080
So yeah, we truly are writing a completely new story than ever before, but it is, I use

751
00:43:41,080 --> 00:43:43,920
that as my inspiration all the time.

752
00:43:43,920 --> 00:43:44,920
Absolutely.

753
00:43:44,920 --> 00:43:47,840
I mean, everything, you just said that so beautifully.

754
00:43:47,840 --> 00:43:51,660
There's one thing I do want to touch on when you were saying that like, past generations

755
00:43:51,660 --> 00:43:53,080
that they were kind of left alone.

756
00:43:53,080 --> 00:43:59,360
I think the thing that let me understand, like empathize a little bit and still have

757
00:43:59,360 --> 00:44:03,100
to protect myself and move forward and do what I need to do, however, be more informed

758
00:44:03,100 --> 00:44:06,700
is that some of the older generations, like, yes, they were left alone.

759
00:44:06,700 --> 00:44:08,520
And so what did they do to be able to cope with that?

760
00:44:08,520 --> 00:44:10,320
A lot of people shut down.

761
00:44:10,320 --> 00:44:11,320
Okay.

762
00:44:11,320 --> 00:44:18,260
So now if you have this kid who comes out, who is super light, bright, wants to talk

763
00:44:18,260 --> 00:44:23,760
about these things, wants to ask why, wants to bring awareness and you want to shut that

764
00:44:23,760 --> 00:44:29,400
down because they're eventually going to lead you to have to go deeper into yourself.

765
00:44:29,400 --> 00:44:33,920
And if that's uncomfortable, you are going to go after that.

766
00:44:33,920 --> 00:44:37,340
And if your body is eventually going to see that as a threat, right?

767
00:44:37,340 --> 00:44:40,600
So like, I think of like the older generations, like they were trying to like keep us down

768
00:44:40,600 --> 00:44:43,920
and keep us silenced and like dim that light because they weren't ready to look at what

769
00:44:43,920 --> 00:44:44,920
was hurt inside them.

770
00:44:44,920 --> 00:44:45,920
Yeah, we weren't ready to look.

771
00:44:45,920 --> 00:44:47,140
We were provoking.

772
00:44:47,140 --> 00:44:48,880
We were like living triggers.

773
00:44:48,880 --> 00:44:49,880
Exactly.

774
00:44:49,880 --> 00:44:53,220
And so instead of dealing with their own stuff, doing the work, because they were never taught

775
00:44:53,220 --> 00:44:55,160
even close to how to do that.

776
00:44:55,160 --> 00:44:58,520
When all of us little conscious kids come out and we're like, Oh my gosh, feelings,

777
00:44:58,520 --> 00:44:59,520
let's talk about this.

778
00:44:59,520 --> 00:45:01,420
Let's, you know, why this, why that?

779
00:45:01,420 --> 00:45:05,500
And as we grew up into teenagers and adults who still want to have more of these conversations

780
00:45:05,500 --> 00:45:10,280
on mental health and collective awakening and taking accountability and boundaries and

781
00:45:10,280 --> 00:45:14,440
all of these things that they weren't familiar with, it makes sense that they shut us down.

782
00:45:14,440 --> 00:45:19,780
However, it is still their responsibility to do their own work.

783
00:45:19,780 --> 00:45:24,360
And when you don't do your own work, you can project your work and your wounds onto other

784
00:45:24,360 --> 00:45:27,940
people and that continues a cycle.

785
00:45:27,940 --> 00:45:30,120
Even if you think, well, I'm not like them, I'm not going to whatever.

786
00:45:30,120 --> 00:45:34,000
Like if you are not having that self-awareness, if something happened to you, there are parts

787
00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:39,440
of me, like when I said that relationship, it wasn't even just what I experienced and

788
00:45:39,440 --> 00:45:43,860
what they, how they were reacting and how I shut down and was fearful from them.

789
00:45:43,860 --> 00:45:48,360
It was also the parts of me that were toxic, the behaviors in me that I picked up that

790
00:45:48,360 --> 00:45:49,360
were not okay.

791
00:45:49,360 --> 00:45:52,760
And if I hadn't ever looked at that and I hadn't done the work, I would actually be

792
00:45:52,760 --> 00:45:54,400
a miserable person right now.

793
00:45:54,400 --> 00:45:55,400
Yeah.

794
00:45:55,400 --> 00:45:56,400
Truly would.

795
00:45:56,400 --> 00:45:57,400
Thank you for saying that.

796
00:45:57,400 --> 00:46:00,680
Like really, you know, like you have to be able to look at your own stuff and some people

797
00:46:00,680 --> 00:46:01,680
aren't.

798
00:46:01,680 --> 00:46:02,680
And that's when people are like, Oh, you're so strong.

799
00:46:02,680 --> 00:46:06,120
It's like, that's part of the spiritual journey is looking at your own stuff and recognizing

800
00:46:06,120 --> 00:46:10,620
what you do need to amplify and what you need to work on so that you can be better for the

801
00:46:10,620 --> 00:46:11,800
collective and for yourself.

802
00:46:11,800 --> 00:46:13,200
Oh my gosh.

803
00:46:13,200 --> 00:46:15,120
That was such a good, such a good line.

804
00:46:15,120 --> 00:46:16,480
And thank you for saying that.

805
00:46:16,480 --> 00:46:17,480
Yeah.

806
00:46:17,480 --> 00:46:18,480
Yeah.

807
00:46:18,480 --> 00:46:21,500
We, we don't realize that we also picked up some toxicity along the way.

808
00:46:21,500 --> 00:46:24,240
And that is also needed to be looked through.

809
00:46:24,240 --> 00:46:29,760
And that is the part that I think that those that go on to like a self love journey, I

810
00:46:29,760 --> 00:46:33,720
mean, usually tend to understand that there is a lot of things that they also need to

811
00:46:33,720 --> 00:46:35,320
release and let go of.

812
00:46:35,320 --> 00:46:40,560
But I also think people have kind of used the self love to justify somewhat of toxic

813
00:46:40,560 --> 00:46:41,560
behaviors.

814
00:46:41,560 --> 00:46:43,720
So I get a little worried about that.

815
00:46:43,720 --> 00:46:48,200
Sometimes when I see, you know, some of the self love being pushed is also glorifying

816
00:46:48,200 --> 00:46:53,640
like what very much seems like, um, toxic trauma responses.

817
00:46:53,640 --> 00:46:57,080
Um, and probably from the way they were raised.

818
00:46:57,080 --> 00:47:00,880
And so you want to look at the behavior that's putting other people down in a very negative

819
00:47:00,880 --> 00:47:06,320
light and maybe what the root of some of that is because we can't just be all the good at

820
00:47:06,320 --> 00:47:07,320
all.

821
00:47:07,320 --> 00:47:08,320
Oh no.

822
00:47:08,320 --> 00:47:12,720
Self love, self love isn't that I'm better than you.

823
00:47:12,720 --> 00:47:16,160
Self love is that I'm enough and I'm enough with or without you.

824
00:47:16,160 --> 00:47:20,600
It's not that, you know, and I feel like that's such a perception that like as you're growing

825
00:47:20,600 --> 00:47:23,680
and you're healing, there are people who I don't have contact with anymore because as

826
00:47:23,680 --> 00:47:27,140
I'm growing and I'm healing and loving myself, they look at me like, well, you think you're

827
00:47:27,140 --> 00:47:28,140
better than me.

828
00:47:28,140 --> 00:47:30,440
No, that's your, that's your projection.

829
00:47:30,440 --> 00:47:31,520
That's not how I operate.

830
00:47:31,520 --> 00:47:32,520
Now.

831
00:47:32,520 --> 00:47:35,720
There are some people who do look down on others, but those of us who have been doing

832
00:47:35,720 --> 00:47:38,960
the deep work and recognize like, I don't think I'm better than any human on this earth.

833
00:47:38,960 --> 00:47:40,240
I think we all have stuff.

834
00:47:40,240 --> 00:47:44,200
I think I've been healing a lot more possibly than some of these people that I'm talking

835
00:47:44,200 --> 00:47:48,720
to that I might be a lot more self-aware, but I also recognize the things in myself

836
00:47:48,720 --> 00:47:55,140
that I don't always love quote unquote, but the self love journey is sitting in that stuff

837
00:47:55,140 --> 00:47:58,880
and loving yourself even when there are things that you don't like about yourself.

838
00:47:58,880 --> 00:47:59,880
Yeah.

839
00:47:59,880 --> 00:48:00,880
I still love it.

840
00:48:00,880 --> 00:48:01,880
And yeah.

841
00:48:01,880 --> 00:48:06,880
I think I've been learning to correct when I think the biggest thing I saw is I was able

842
00:48:06,880 --> 00:48:12,000
to humble myself when I did something out of instinct versus out of intentional, like,

843
00:48:12,000 --> 00:48:13,160
Oh, I'm sorry.

844
00:48:13,160 --> 00:48:20,080
My wording of that, like that just was, yeah, that came as like a quick, fast instinct.

845
00:48:20,080 --> 00:48:26,160
I did not like me not being able to humble myself enough, like humbling myself and correcting

846
00:48:26,160 --> 00:48:29,520
any of my behavior beforehand would have been the biggest trigger in the world.

847
00:48:29,520 --> 00:48:33,200
Like I would have hid from that so hard.

848
00:48:33,200 --> 00:48:34,760
Like I don't want to look stupid.

849
00:48:34,760 --> 00:48:36,520
I don't want them to think that I'm dumb.

850
00:48:36,520 --> 00:48:39,520
Like I was so terrified to correct anything I did.

851
00:48:39,520 --> 00:48:40,520
Yeah.

852
00:48:40,520 --> 00:48:41,520
Such loud shame.

853
00:48:41,520 --> 00:48:42,520
Yes.

854
00:48:42,520 --> 00:48:45,200
And like, that's the thing too is like with self love, like the more that I've grown to

855
00:48:45,200 --> 00:48:52,600
love myself, no matter what, I no longer feel ashamed of little things like little mistakes

856
00:48:52,600 --> 00:48:54,920
or things that I say things wrong.

857
00:48:54,920 --> 00:48:58,000
I will be the first one to go up to you and be like, I messed up.

858
00:48:58,000 --> 00:49:05,080
I am sorry, because I know now that that mistake is not a blow to my self-worth where I used

859
00:49:05,080 --> 00:49:09,280
to take it as that again, everyone's feedback was determined on myself for it.

860
00:49:09,280 --> 00:49:12,160
So if someone was upset, that meant that I was a horrible person.

861
00:49:12,160 --> 00:49:14,400
And I know now that deep down, that is not the case.

862
00:49:14,400 --> 00:49:18,160
I know I am a brilliant, strong, beautiful person inside and out.

863
00:49:18,160 --> 00:49:19,560
I recognize that about myself.

864
00:49:19,560 --> 00:49:21,360
I also am a human who makes mistakes.

865
00:49:21,360 --> 00:49:26,120
I also slip into patterns sometimes that are toxic and I can recognize it and I can correct

866
00:49:26,120 --> 00:49:29,680
it and also know that I'm not perfect.

867
00:49:29,680 --> 00:49:36,120
However, you know, I also, when I, depending on intimate relationships, I'm someone who

868
00:49:36,120 --> 00:49:38,200
believes in accountability in both parties.

869
00:49:38,200 --> 00:49:39,200
Yeah.

870
00:49:39,200 --> 00:49:42,800
I will tell you when I messed up, but I also expect you to be looking the same kind of

871
00:49:42,800 --> 00:49:46,760
way and be self-aware in order to connect because I'm not going to have things projected

872
00:49:46,760 --> 00:49:48,120
on me consistently.

873
00:49:48,120 --> 00:49:52,720
And that's part of my self-love thing too, is recognizing when someone is able to meet

874
00:49:52,720 --> 00:49:54,040
me at a level I'm at or not.

875
00:49:54,040 --> 00:49:56,280
And it's not that I'm better than them.

876
00:49:56,280 --> 00:49:59,620
It's that in order to be at this level of relationship with me, we need to have this

877
00:49:59,620 --> 00:50:03,000
level of self-awareness individually and together.

878
00:50:03,000 --> 00:50:04,000
Yes.

879
00:50:04,000 --> 00:50:05,000
Oh my gosh.

880
00:50:05,000 --> 00:50:08,440
And that's what the boundaries have been for me is that when people can't get there, instead

881
00:50:08,440 --> 00:50:13,360
of seeing their potential or helping them or sacrificing myself to help other people,

882
00:50:13,360 --> 00:50:14,520
which is what I used to do.

883
00:50:14,520 --> 00:50:15,520
Yeah.

884
00:50:15,520 --> 00:50:16,520
I say codependency, man.

885
00:50:16,520 --> 00:50:17,520
Oh yeah.

886
00:50:17,520 --> 00:50:18,520
So bad.

887
00:50:18,520 --> 00:50:25,000
I say, you know, I see you have some stuff to do, I send you love and light and it's

888
00:50:25,000 --> 00:50:26,360
just not for me right now.

889
00:50:26,360 --> 00:50:27,360
Yeah.

890
00:50:27,360 --> 00:50:28,360
So good for you.

891
00:50:28,360 --> 00:50:29,600
Oh my gosh.

892
00:50:29,600 --> 00:50:30,920
Such good advice.

893
00:50:30,920 --> 00:50:31,920
Take that in.

894
00:50:31,920 --> 00:50:32,920
So good.

895
00:50:32,920 --> 00:50:40,040
Taylor, tell everyone who's listening how they can connect with you and yeah, what you

896
00:50:40,040 --> 00:50:41,540
offer.

897
00:50:41,540 --> 00:50:46,160
So right now my offerings, I like, I don't have anything like super out right now.

898
00:50:46,160 --> 00:50:50,360
So you can connect with me is S O S. So it's survivors of overcoming silence.

899
00:50:50,360 --> 00:50:54,240
So S O S with a Dr. Taylor.

900
00:50:54,240 --> 00:50:57,960
So T A E L O R that's on Instagram and tick tock.

901
00:50:57,960 --> 00:50:58,960
I do not do Facebook.

902
00:50:58,960 --> 00:51:00,760
I do not like the vibe over there.

903
00:51:00,760 --> 00:51:06,120
So if there is someone who is trying to be me on Facebook, please let me know because

904
00:51:06,120 --> 00:51:07,920
I it's generational thing.

905
00:51:07,920 --> 00:51:09,720
You know, I don't vibe with those kinds of comments.

906
00:51:09,720 --> 00:51:11,400
I know man.

907
00:51:11,400 --> 00:51:12,400
It's rough.

908
00:51:12,400 --> 00:51:13,400
There.

909
00:51:13,400 --> 00:51:15,200
When you talk about trauma, I get a few of them on Instagram.

910
00:51:15,200 --> 00:51:22,280
When you talk about trauma and then I want to anyways, sorry, which I'm pretty sure I'm

911
00:51:22,280 --> 00:51:25,000
not, not tested, but definitely have anyways.

912
00:51:25,000 --> 00:51:29,400
So that's also linked to trauma.

913
00:51:29,400 --> 00:51:30,400
We can go on and on.

914
00:51:30,400 --> 00:51:31,400
I can't, I can't.

915
00:51:31,400 --> 00:51:32,400
Okay.

916
00:51:32,400 --> 00:51:40,440
So S S O S with Dr. Taylor T A E L O R. And that's where I am on Instagram and tick tock.

917
00:51:40,440 --> 00:51:45,440
And then I also, I do monthly master classes where I have like different topics.

918
00:51:45,440 --> 00:51:49,840
Like I've done self-regulation before I've talked about trauma brain.

919
00:51:49,840 --> 00:51:53,520
And also going to be working on them one about executive functioning, which is like the higher

920
00:51:53,520 --> 00:51:56,180
level brain function and like how to work through that stuff.

921
00:51:56,180 --> 00:51:59,680
So if you do resonate with like the ADHD comment, then maybe that'll be something you want to

922
00:51:59,680 --> 00:52:00,680
look into.

923
00:52:00,680 --> 00:52:04,840
Just saying makes life a little bit easier when you know about it and how to kind of

924
00:52:04,840 --> 00:52:05,840
work through it.

925
00:52:05,840 --> 00:52:08,000
That's, that's my occupational therapy mind right there.

926
00:52:08,000 --> 00:52:16,560
So I do stuff like that, but I'm also working on a giant core series that it's coming out

927
00:52:16,560 --> 00:52:21,040
and really helping people get through trauma and like understanding like different levels

928
00:52:21,040 --> 00:52:22,040
of self-awareness.

929
00:52:22,040 --> 00:52:27,080
It's going to be holistic wellness is my focus all about, you know, mind, body, spirit, but

930
00:52:27,080 --> 00:52:31,320
we're looking at like the physical body, your emotions, your mental health, your spiritual

931
00:52:31,320 --> 00:52:34,800
health, social, like everything.

932
00:52:34,800 --> 00:52:37,080
That is kind of like my focus.

933
00:52:37,080 --> 00:52:40,620
It's a very OT, but also spiritual in nature.

934
00:52:40,620 --> 00:52:44,480
So really helping you figure out those aspects of yourself.

935
00:52:44,480 --> 00:52:48,600
And I do courses and stuff on that and growth and all the stuff.

936
00:52:48,600 --> 00:52:51,880
If you're a professional and you want me to come speak and do stuff like that, you can

937
00:52:51,880 --> 00:52:54,160
reach out to me on Instagram and I do that kind of stuff too.

938
00:52:54,160 --> 00:52:55,160
So yeah, amazing.

939
00:52:55,160 --> 00:52:58,280
You make the greatest content.

940
00:52:58,280 --> 00:52:59,280
Definitely.

941
00:52:59,280 --> 00:53:06,160
We will share on the, we will share you on our page when this episode comes out and yeah,

942
00:53:06,160 --> 00:53:07,740
thank you so much, Taylor.

943
00:53:07,740 --> 00:53:09,800
Our souls were meant to find each other.

944
00:53:09,800 --> 00:53:11,880
We knew that right away.

945
00:53:11,880 --> 00:53:14,640
And yes, vibing, vibing high.

946
00:53:14,640 --> 00:53:15,640
Thank you for coming.

947
00:53:15,640 --> 00:53:16,640
We will talk soon.

948
00:53:16,640 --> 00:53:37,080
All right, bye.