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Hello and welcome to the Awaken Together podcast.

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I'm Kat and Jen isn't with me again.

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It's just me today.

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And the reason for that is because Jen is currently sick right now.

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Her voice isn't great, she told me.

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We were texting a little bit earlier today because she was going to be recording this

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week's episode with her husband.

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So more to come on that.

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It'll be TBD.

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It's going to be a great one down the line.

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And yeah, she's just been sick since Sunday, hoping her voice would get better.

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And she said her sister heard her speak and was like, yeah, don't record a podcast sounding

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like that.

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So here we are.

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I think it's just the time of year where people are commonly getting sick.

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It's Thursday, December 2nd that I'm recording this.

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This episode will come out tomorrow on the 3rd.

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And yeah, it's like either it's allergies or it's flu season.

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And of course, COVID time is not out of the woods.

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So I think today's episode is going to be around what comes up when things get hard.

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What comes up when things go down, really?

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Because it's not just Jen, of course, we always have these weird little synchronicities between

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us, but it's not just her household that is experiencing sickness this week.

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My home also is well, unfortunately.

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So I'll give you a little bit of backstory here.

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On Saturday, Saturday day, Kyle and I had a fantastic day.

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We went out to this thing called the Rhino Bazaar here in Denver.

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If you're not familiar or local to Denver, Rhino, it stands for River North.

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And it's this area, this neighborhood in Denver that's super cool, really hip, lots of art

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and murals around, like painted everywhere and lots of cool bars and going out places

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and restaurants and lots of things to do.

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So there was this Christmas market that we went to and it was really fun.

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There was tons of vendors, everything local made and cool holiday drinks.

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And it was outdoors, so we figured, you know, it was kosher.

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We're all vaccinated.

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So we went with our friend and we had a really, really great time.

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Bought lots of Christmassy candles and maple syrup and olive oil and vinegar and just all

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of these yummy local handmade things.

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I really tried to shop local for the holiday season, so that's where I like to get a lot

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of my gifts.

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So we had a great time and we're feeling great.

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And then the evening, our friend came back to our house for a little bit and her partner

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was coming to pick her up.

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We were just hanging out and just as she was getting picked up, we turned to each other,

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Kyle and I, and we were like, not feeling so great.

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I was like, I have a sore throat.

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It just came out of nowhere.

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And he was like, really? me too.

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It was really random that we were both having a sore throat that came on at literally the

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same time.

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So we had plans with another set of our good friends.

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Later that night, we were supposed to have them over and play some board games and we

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texted them beforehand.

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We had already ordered food that they were going to pick up and bring over.

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And we were like, hey, you know, we hate to even bring this up because probably nothing,

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we know you're traveling to work for Mexico on Sunday and we just want to let you know

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to be safe.

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But we both just started getting sore throats and I know you're really cautious with everything.

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So just a heads up, whatever you feel best doing, like you could still come here if you're

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cool with that or we can totally cancel and we can pick up the food or whatever.

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And these friends, you know, they were like, thank you for telling us, let's just go ahead

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and cancel to be safe.

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Like I do have that trip coming up.

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That'll just make me feel better.

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And it's a good freaking thing we did cancel because our sore throats just kept getting

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worse throughout the night.

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And then the next morning we woke up feeling like crap.

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So I went and got us some rapid tests.

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My sore throat had just gotten worse overnight.

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But when I woke up, you know, I wasn't feeling too bad.

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And I'm one of those people who as a kid, I would get strep all the freaking time.

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So it really just felt like strep throat to me, like the swallowing cotton ball feeling

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so icky, icky, but manageable, like familiar in that way.

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And Kyle, he was also, he had a headache and started getting some chills.

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So that developed into a fever that day as well.

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And so it got a little scary.

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So I went to CVS and I picked up some rapid tests.

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I bring them home and we take the tests and I took mine first because Kyle was chilling

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on the couch while I was setting it all up.

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And I took mine and mine was negative like right away.

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And then Kyle's, his was positive pretty much instantly.

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And I don't know if you, if you're, you who's listening, if you've ever taken a rapid test

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before, it looks kind of like a pregnancy test in the way that the sample, there's one

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line if it's negative, and then there's two lines if it's positive.

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And before Kyle's, like it says to not look at your results before 15 minutes have gone

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by and that your results are only accurate between 15 and 30 minutes.

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Well guess what?

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Right when I put his swab in the little form, probably took a minute and a half for that

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second line to show up.

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And like unmistakable, it wasn't blurry, it wasn't light in color, like he had COVID.

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And so of course we were kind of freaked out and that Kyle is one of those people who loves

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to research everything, which if you have ever been on WebMD or have gone through that

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rabbit hole of researching an illness online, it just freaks you the F out.

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So that was fun.

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We scheduled PCR tests for the next day and just to be sure, like more specifically about

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me to see if I had it or not because I had the symptoms, you know, I had the sore throat,

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the runny nose, the congestion.

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I didn't have the fever and I wasn't as, I didn't feel as crappy as him.

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So then we told all of our friends of course that we'd seen that week and I slept up my

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yoga class for the next day and then we kind of buckled up for what we had no idea would

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be a pretty rough 48 hours.

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So the next day we got our PCR tests.

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We did the saliva, which was so great.

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The rapid test was nasal.

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So it was like, okay, I'll hit all the bases.

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I'll do the saliva one.

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Maybe that'll come up as positive because it feels like it's in my throat, not in my

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nose at the time.

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So we did that and then we came home and Kyle was just really felt so sick.

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He started getting these waves of fever where they became really debilitating.

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He would get really disoriented and confused, which would be really scary for him because

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you know, COVID is such a novel, I hate that word now.

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It's like the novelty of it, this illness, this virus that we don't know much about that

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can affect people so differently.

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But we were just really hopeful that since we were vaccinated, we wouldn't get it so

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bad.

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But then his fever continued to go up to 102.7 and we got really nervous.

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And I think, so Kyle, you know, in the last episode, if you listen to that, I interviewed

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him and he shared about his experience with anxiety and depression and mental health and

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his growth there.

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And yeah, like, it's crazy, just like all of that growth and the anxiety that a sickness

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can cause just in the background to your general mindset.

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So when these fever waves would come on, I just remember him saying like, I hate this,

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I hate this, I hate this, this is so hard, because he was struggling because it was scary,

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you know, and his breath would naturally speed up in pace.

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And that would cause him to panic even more.

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He was pacing around the kitchen and just unsure of what to do before he would take

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his next round of acetaminophen because you need to spread it out at least six to eight

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hours in between doses.

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So we were really timing that out well.

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He's like, I don't want to mess up my liver.

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So when those waves would come, it would just be scary.

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So that was like the first day and a half was just me trying to hold space and do the

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chores around the house and get him whatever he needed to feel good.

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And I'm an Enneagram 3, so I do love, I'm the helper, sorry, no, that's Enneagram 2.

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I wish I had Jen here.

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She knows Enneagram so well.

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She's the pro.

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So yes, I'm a 2, the helper.

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So of course, like at first I'm like, honey, what can I get you?

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What do you need?

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I'm here to serve.

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What can I help with?

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And then after time, I wasn't feeling awesome either and you might be able to hear it in

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my voice still just a little bit like measly, a little congested, but I feel so much better

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now.

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And so yeah, eventually a few days after that, it was hard.

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It became really hard to see Kyle struggle and have these fever waves.

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And so after the third, we were in the third or fourth one of them.

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And this one just, after having so many, it's almost like a little trigger, a little PTSD

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when you know another one is coming on.

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And so this one was coming on and after he's like, he was just chanting, I hate this, this

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is scary.

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And his breathing would quicken.

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I'm like, oh, here we go again.

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What can I do to comfort him?

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So I just asked him, do you want to try saying a different mantra, repeating another phrase

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that might empower you and make you feel better?

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And at first, he was just still in that head space where he was like, I don't know, what

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would I say?

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And I was like, what about, I've got this or I can do this.

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And so once he kind of calmed down a little bit, he decided, yeah, I need to center myself.

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I need to do that.

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So he sat himself down at our kitchen table and I took my seat on the couch, a good, at

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least six feet away so he could take his mask off.

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And we're both isolating at this point.

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So I figured I was either I was going to get it or my immune system at this point had what

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it needed to kick it.

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So we haven't been the best with the distance or isolating or masks we've tried, but hey,

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here we are.

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So he sat down, he centered himself and he started saying, I can do this really softly,

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just like whisper.

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And I was just kind of watching in awe.

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His eyes were closed.

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He was just like looking down, chin down, repeating to himself, like holding his head

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in his hand and saying, I can do this.

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And I was kind of like cheering him on.

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I was like, yeah, you can do this.

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You're doing this.

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You're doing it.

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And he was like, yeah, I'm doing it.

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I can do this.

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And his breathing just naturally slowed down.

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And man, after 10 minutes of that, he was just entering a meditative state and it was

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pretty wild to witness.

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Like I was so proud, so proud of him.

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And he took his temperature again after maybe 15 minutes of that, just sitting in silence

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with his eyes closed, breathing, repeating his mantra.

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I can do this.

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I'm doing it.

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I can do this.

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He took his temperature and his temperature actually went down and his breathing slowed

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and he started to feel better.

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And he was sharing this with me, just like the changes he was experiencing.

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And he was proud of himself too, I could tell.

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And we were just sharing in this moment of like, wow, the mind is so powerful.

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And it's something that we both took away from that experience that we are going to

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continue to try to remind ourselves of when the going gets tough.

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So I'm happy to report now it's Thursday.

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That was Sunday, Monday, we're the worst of it.

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And he's so much better now, just like fatigue and congested and coughing, but the fever

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broke I think yesterday, or maybe the day before at this point.

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I don't know, the days are all blurring together.

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So yeah, things are on the up and up here.

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We're on the mend, happy to report.

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But all of this like holding space and nurturing and taking care of him, oh, I'm going to

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get emotional.

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It's like, I kind of feel like at a deficit now.

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And it's hard, you know?

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And just feeling all the feelings.

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And this is a podcast where we promote that.

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And I want to encourage you to do that as well.

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So what comes up when things go down?

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To add to everything else right now, they're building a freaking house, like a whole house

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next door to me.

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And so if you hear like occasional hammering or knocking, that's why I considered skipping

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the podcast for a week because of that.

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But I said, nope, either you hear the knocking and it's true and authentic and what's actually

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happening right now, or we just don't have fun.

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And I decided to do that because this space is pretty healing for me too, just to share

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in the rawness of how I'm showing up today, how I'm presenting in the world and just being

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here with you.

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So thank you for listening and for being here with me and for holding the space.

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And yeah, ever since I woke up this morning, the day was kind of off on a rocky start due

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to that deficit that I just shared about.

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And I did the worst thing to start the day.

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I scrolled through Instagram for like, I don't know, an hour, stupid.

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Like, I know that's not what's going to make me feel good, but I went into that zombie

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mode probably because I'm not feeling my best.

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I woke up at like 5 45 and just went to my phone.

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It was still kind of dark out and just pulled my phone on and started scrolling.

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I don't even remember what I was looking at as we tend to forget that because it's

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just like we go into the zombie state.

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And once I realized what was going on and how crappy I was feeling, all those thoughts

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of like, you know, looking at fellow health coaches pages and all the things they are

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doing the comparison game just sets in, which makes you feel worse.

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And I'm also on my cycle to add to this toughness of this week.

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Hormones are bouncing all around and just, I don't know, I've been sleeping pretty well

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so that's not a factor, but haven't been eating perfectly, but like screw eating perfectly.

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That's not what it's about.

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I had some fried food last night, which maybe didn't positively impact my mood.

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So I scrolled and I realized what was happening and then I said, okay, I need to meditate

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because I know that when things get hard, meditation is my most direct path to my inner

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self, to like listening to what it is I need in that moment.

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So I went on insight timer and I just clicked, you know, one of the first ones I came on,

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I was kind of desperate just to get into the meditative space and start because I have

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a short time window from when I wake up and feed Minnie in the morning to when I, when

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she starts whining for a walk, where I have like that little bit of time for me.

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So I made my coffee, I hit play on my insight timer, I'm sitting on the couch, Minnie sitting

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next to me and I am holding my coffee, this warmth in my hand, my back is propped up against

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the couch behind me.

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I try to soften my body, loosen my jaw and take a deep breath and then I hit play and

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my monkey mind was really bouncing all around from the scrolling, the serotonin, you know,

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loose here and there and just the pulling of attention from one place to the next.

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I noticed that and it was the first time I actually had awareness that that was happening,

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which is really good initial takeaway while not, you know, successful at meditating in

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the moment.

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It's okay to notice it's still a win to acknowledge that.

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And there were some moments within this 10 minute meditation where I was still, where I was able

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to check in with my breathing, check in with myself and just kind of be there with me noticing

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how I actually felt pretty crappy.

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And after it finished, I wrapped up, I came back into my body, into the room and I asked

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myself what else it was that I need.

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So parts of my daily ritual, meditation, movement and spiritual practice.

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So I sipped my coffee and tried to practice some gratitude.

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Today I'm grateful for Minnie.

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She's been providing me with emotional support all week.

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She's been glued to me sleeping with me on the couch every night while Kyle has the bed

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and just giving me all the pets, all the love.

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I've been giving her the pets, but she's been so good for that.

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And then, yeah, I'm so grateful for my health.

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Like somehow I've managed to not get COVID.

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My PCR test came back negative and like, wow, I also heard that blood type O is more resistant

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to COVID and I have that.

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So that could also be a factor.

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Kyle's also been more stressed than me lately with work and stuff.

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So a couple of factors that might attribute to it, but I'm really grateful for my health

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and I am really, really grateful for just like abundance.

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While yeah, people may look at me and be like, she doesn't have that much.

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Like I feel just so rich in my privilege and what I have, this cute little house I live

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in and a bank account that I've had the savings over the years to be able to support myself

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while not making a ton of money this whole year while running my own business.

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Of course, grateful for teaching yoga and all of my clients who have supported me in

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my business, meditation club, all of the offerings that do bring me some income.

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But I'm making a fraction of what I used to make, of what my friends make, of what Kyle

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makes.

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So the fact that I still feel abundant, I am grateful for that.

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So I practiced my gratitude and I decided I needed movement next.

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So I put on a little Kick It With Eliza video.

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If you don't know her, I went to college with her.

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She's fantastic.

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She has her own business and it's all cardio kickboxing.

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You can look it up on Google.

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I think on PopSugar there's a couple of videos, Neou or her website.

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Just a plug there for her because honestly this past like year, year and a half of COVID,

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two years now.

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Oh God, I don't even want to think of that.

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Almost.

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But yeah, I've been, I don't have a gym membership anymore and I turned to yoga and cardio kickboxing

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and Pilates and online at home.

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So I put on a 30 minute video in our little studio so I wouldn't wake Kyle up.

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It's also where I record this.

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And yeah, I started my video and I got maybe halfway through and I just like could not

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get in the zone.

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So I was like, what is it?

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And I just was looking around in my space and it was so cluttered, this like organizer

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we have.

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So I paused the video, which I rarely do.

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Like sometimes when I do, I just know I'm not going to come back to it, but I was motivated

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to move my body and feel good.

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So I was like, no, I'm coming back to this.

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But right now what's going to serve me most in this moment is to organize my surroundings

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a little bit.

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So I did that and I organized and it looks so much better.

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Just like mentally being in a clean space.

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It's so important.

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Clean environment, clean minds, all that.

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I believe in it.

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And then I also felt the need to go the next step further and to smudge my house.

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So I lit some Palo Santo and I started walking around my home, moving my hand counterclockwise,

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circle, which is removing unhealthy energy, stale, stagnant energy that is just unwanted,

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that is no longer serving the space.

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So there's been a lot of that trapped in here this week from just the sickness.

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So I did that, moved all around the house, got into more of like a meditative space again,

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and then I replaced it with Reiki energy.

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And so I just went in a clockwise formation with my Palo Santo burning and I set an intention

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for this space to now be a sacred space, a vessel of healing and light and love and ask

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that whatever we might need this next week, two weeks, that we receive just that.

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And I came back.

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I got back to my workout and I finished it and I took a shower and man, felt a lot better

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after that.

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And then I pulled a card.

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I have this lovely little Oracle deck.

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It's by Rebecca Campbell.

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I love her book, Light is a New Black, and I bought her deck and I believe the deck is

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also called, it's called Work Your Light.

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And it's an Oracle card deck, not tarot, not angel card, but Oracle.

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And there's four different decks within it.

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And I do this thing on Instagram like maybe once a week at this point where I do an interactive

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card poll for my followers, my community.

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And so yeah, I did that.

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And it's like you choose a card left or right, and then I share the message for which card

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you pulled.

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And the card I pulled was all about finding beauty in life.

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And it just struck a chord with me because of what I shared before of like needing to

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pause my workout to organize my space, to like make it more beautiful.

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And I took a shower and I just, you know, when you're clean, you just feel so much better.

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And then I put some makeup on for the first time this week for sure.

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And I actually got dressed.

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It's like the little things that sometimes do the most, just how we feel.

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And I felt just so much better.

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And after I finish this recording with you all, I'm going to dye my hair ends purple.

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So some more beauty, some more color, and it's my mission for my evening walk today

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with Minnie, my dog, to go somewhere that I don't usually go in nature, to reconnect

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with nature and its beauty and just try to ground myself a little bit, take in the smells,

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the sights.

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You know, there's no leaves left on the tree here, but I'm going to still appreciate the

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beauty of the trees and appreciate the gifts that they give me, the clean air that they

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give the earth, that they give me, that just the air around me, the sensation on my skin.

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It's such a nice day out today.

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It's like 70 degrees in Denver.

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So appreciating my place in this world and nature helps me do that a lot.

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So that's how I got to be here.

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Kind of a long-winded story of the past, I don't know, a week or so.

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But I would love to close out with just a little meditation and some breathing because

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I for sure could use it.

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So if you're with me, go ahead, no matter what you're doing, whether you're walking,

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driving in your car, if you're sitting, let's just tap into the body.

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So unhinge your jaw, relax it, move your tongue away from the roof of your mouth, let it drop.

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Roll your shoulders down and back away from your ears.

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Find a little lift in your heart space.

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Take a tuck of your chin to lengthen your spine, crown to the sky.

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Let's take a deep belly breath.

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Breathe in through your nose, send it all the way down to the base of your belly.

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Feel it rise.

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Exhale through your mouth, let it all go.

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Good.

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Again, deep breath and fill up.

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Exhale again through your mouth.

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See if you can lengthen your exhale to make it longer than your inhale.

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Inhale again, deep breath.

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Hold at the top this time.

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Take in another sip of air.

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Exhale through your mouth, let it all go.

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Hold at the bottom on empty.

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Push it all out and then take a breath in normally.

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Exhale normally.

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If you're able to close your eyes wherever you are and you feel safe doing so, I welcome

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you to do that.

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Feel your breath.

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And notice if you can feel your breath breathing you.

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Now imagine wherever you are that a protective circle of violet fire begins to engulf the

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area that you're residing in right now.

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It doesn't touch you, it's a few inches or feet, whatever feels safe away from you.

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It's protecting you in its warmth, in its purple fire.

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You see the flames flicker, a beautiful light.

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And with it you feel safe.

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With each exhale, this circular fire around you begins to come away from you, welcoming

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in some distance between you and the flame.

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And next, a golden pyramid surrounds you, still inside of the circle of your violet

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fire.

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And you notice these thick gold walls begin to come down, four walls surrounding you.

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One in the front, one in the back, one to your left, one to your right, and there's

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a hole at the top.

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So you're encased in this golden structure, feeling radiant, protected, safe and supported.

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I mean, suddenly you feel a light coming from above and in through the hole at the top of

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your golden pyramid comes in this milky, soothing white light.

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It comes down from the top and lowers, lowers, lowers, till it's just above your being.

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You can feel its presence just above the crown of your head.

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And then you decide to welcome it in.

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You take a breath in through your nose and you fill up with this light milky presence.

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It fills you up and with it.

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You feel healing.

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You feel cleansed.

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You feel invigorated.

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It gives you exactly what it is you need.

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Right here within the safe, supported, comforting confines, your golden pyramid of your violet

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fire sipping in this luxurious white light.

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I'd like to leave you here in this space.

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Feel free to stay just as you are for a few more minutes basking in the ambiance, your

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protection.

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Or if you're ready to move about your day, carry on from this space.

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You're welcome to do so.

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Thank you all so much for sharing this moment with me.

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And I will see you next week.