Hello and welcome to the Awaken Together podcast.
I'm Kat and Jen isn't with me again.
It's just me today.
And the reason for that is because Jen is currently sick right now.
Her voice isn't great, she told me.
We were texting a little bit earlier today because she was going to be recording this
week's episode with her husband.
So more to come on that.
It'll be TBD.
It's going to be a great one down the line.
And yeah, she's just been sick since Sunday, hoping her voice would get better.
And she said her sister heard her speak and was like, yeah, don't record a podcast sounding
like that.
So here we are.
I think it's just the time of year where people are commonly getting sick.
It's Thursday, December 2nd that I'm recording this.
This episode will come out tomorrow on the 3rd.
And yeah, it's like either it's allergies or it's flu season.
And of course, COVID time is not out of the woods.
So I think today's episode is going to be around what comes up when things get hard.
What comes up when things go down, really?
Because it's not just Jen, of course, we always have these weird little synchronicities between
us, but it's not just her household that is experiencing sickness this week.
My home also is well, unfortunately.
So I'll give you a little bit of backstory here.
On Saturday, Saturday day, Kyle and I had a fantastic day.
We went out to this thing called the Rhino Bazaar here in Denver.
If you're not familiar or local to Denver, Rhino, it stands for River North.
And it's this area, this neighborhood in Denver that's super cool, really hip, lots of art
and murals around, like painted everywhere and lots of cool bars and going out places
and restaurants and lots of things to do.
So there was this Christmas market that we went to and it was really fun.
There was tons of vendors, everything local made and cool holiday drinks.
And it was outdoors, so we figured, you know, it was kosher.
We're all vaccinated.
So we went with our friend and we had a really, really great time.
Bought lots of Christmassy candles and maple syrup and olive oil and vinegar and just all
of these yummy local handmade things.
I really tried to shop local for the holiday season, so that's where I like to get a lot
of my gifts.
So we had a great time and we're feeling great.
And then the evening, our friend came back to our house for a little bit and her partner
was coming to pick her up.
We were just hanging out and just as she was getting picked up, we turned to each other,
Kyle and I, and we were like, not feeling so great.
I was like, I have a sore throat.
It just came out of nowhere.
And he was like, really? me too.
It was really random that we were both having a sore throat that came on at literally the
same time.
So we had plans with another set of our good friends.
Later that night, we were supposed to have them over and play some board games and we
texted them beforehand.
We had already ordered food that they were going to pick up and bring over.
And we were like, hey, you know, we hate to even bring this up because probably nothing,
we know you're traveling to work for Mexico on Sunday and we just want to let you know
to be safe.
But we both just started getting sore throats and I know you're really cautious with everything.
So just a heads up, whatever you feel best doing, like you could still come here if you're
cool with that or we can totally cancel and we can pick up the food or whatever.
And these friends, you know, they were like, thank you for telling us, let's just go ahead
and cancel to be safe.
Like I do have that trip coming up.
That'll just make me feel better.
And it's a good freaking thing we did cancel because our sore throats just kept getting
worse throughout the night.
And then the next morning we woke up feeling like crap.
So I went and got us some rapid tests.
My sore throat had just gotten worse overnight.
But when I woke up, you know, I wasn't feeling too bad.
And I'm one of those people who as a kid, I would get strep all the freaking time.
So it really just felt like strep throat to me, like the swallowing cotton ball feeling
so icky, icky, but manageable, like familiar in that way.
And Kyle, he was also, he had a headache and started getting some chills.
So that developed into a fever that day as well.
And so it got a little scary.
So I went to CVS and I picked up some rapid tests.
I bring them home and we take the tests and I took mine first because Kyle was chilling
on the couch while I was setting it all up.
And I took mine and mine was negative like right away.
And then Kyle's, his was positive pretty much instantly.
And I don't know if you, if you're, you who's listening, if you've ever taken a rapid test
before, it looks kind of like a pregnancy test in the way that the sample, there's one
line if it's negative, and then there's two lines if it's positive.
And before Kyle's, like it says to not look at your results before 15 minutes have gone
by and that your results are only accurate between 15 and 30 minutes.
Well guess what?
Right when I put his swab in the little form, probably took a minute and a half for that
second line to show up.
And like unmistakable, it wasn't blurry, it wasn't light in color, like he had COVID.
And so of course we were kind of freaked out and that Kyle is one of those people who loves
to research everything, which if you have ever been on WebMD or have gone through that
rabbit hole of researching an illness online, it just freaks you the F out.
So that was fun.
We scheduled PCR tests for the next day and just to be sure, like more specifically about
me to see if I had it or not because I had the symptoms, you know, I had the sore throat,
the runny nose, the congestion.
I didn't have the fever and I wasn't as, I didn't feel as crappy as him.
So then we told all of our friends of course that we'd seen that week and I slept up my
yoga class for the next day and then we kind of buckled up for what we had no idea would
be a pretty rough 48 hours.
So the next day we got our PCR tests.
We did the saliva, which was so great.
The rapid test was nasal.
So it was like, okay, I'll hit all the bases.
I'll do the saliva one.
Maybe that'll come up as positive because it feels like it's in my throat, not in my
nose at the time.
So we did that and then we came home and Kyle was just really felt so sick.
He started getting these waves of fever where they became really debilitating.
He would get really disoriented and confused, which would be really scary for him because
you know, COVID is such a novel, I hate that word now.
It's like the novelty of it, this illness, this virus that we don't know much about that
can affect people so differently.
But we were just really hopeful that since we were vaccinated, we wouldn't get it so
bad.
But then his fever continued to go up to 102.7 and we got really nervous.
And I think, so Kyle, you know, in the last episode, if you listen to that, I interviewed
him and he shared about his experience with anxiety and depression and mental health and
his growth there.
And yeah, like, it's crazy, just like all of that growth and the anxiety that a sickness
can cause just in the background to your general mindset.
So when these fever waves would come on, I just remember him saying like, I hate this,
I hate this, I hate this, this is so hard, because he was struggling because it was scary,
you know, and his breath would naturally speed up in pace.
And that would cause him to panic even more.
He was pacing around the kitchen and just unsure of what to do before he would take
his next round of acetaminophen because you need to spread it out at least six to eight
hours in between doses.
So we were really timing that out well.
He's like, I don't want to mess up my liver.
So when those waves would come, it would just be scary.
So that was like the first day and a half was just me trying to hold space and do the
chores around the house and get him whatever he needed to feel good.
And I'm an Enneagram 3, so I do love, I'm the helper, sorry, no, that's Enneagram 2.
I wish I had Jen here.
She knows Enneagram so well.
She's the pro.
So yes, I'm a 2, the helper.
So of course, like at first I'm like, honey, what can I get you?
What do you need?
I'm here to serve.
What can I help with?
And then after time, I wasn't feeling awesome either and you might be able to hear it in
my voice still just a little bit like measly, a little congested, but I feel so much better
now.
And so yeah, eventually a few days after that, it was hard.
It became really hard to see Kyle struggle and have these fever waves.
And so after the third, we were in the third or fourth one of them.
And this one just, after having so many, it's almost like a little trigger, a little PTSD
when you know another one is coming on.
And so this one was coming on and after he's like, he was just chanting, I hate this, this
is scary.
And his breathing would quicken.
I'm like, oh, here we go again.
What can I do to comfort him?
So I just asked him, do you want to try saying a different mantra, repeating another phrase
that might empower you and make you feel better?
And at first, he was just still in that head space where he was like, I don't know, what
would I say?
And I was like, what about, I've got this or I can do this.
And so once he kind of calmed down a little bit, he decided, yeah, I need to center myself.
I need to do that.
So he sat himself down at our kitchen table and I took my seat on the couch, a good, at
least six feet away so he could take his mask off.
And we're both isolating at this point.
So I figured I was either I was going to get it or my immune system at this point had what
it needed to kick it.
So we haven't been the best with the distance or isolating or masks we've tried, but hey,
here we are.
So he sat down, he centered himself and he started saying, I can do this really softly,
just like whisper.
And I was just kind of watching in awe.
His eyes were closed.
He was just like looking down, chin down, repeating to himself, like holding his head
in his hand and saying, I can do this.
And I was kind of like cheering him on.
I was like, yeah, you can do this.
You're doing this.
You're doing it.
And he was like, yeah, I'm doing it.
I can do this.
And his breathing just naturally slowed down.
And man, after 10 minutes of that, he was just entering a meditative state and it was
pretty wild to witness.
Like I was so proud, so proud of him.
And he took his temperature again after maybe 15 minutes of that, just sitting in silence
with his eyes closed, breathing, repeating his mantra.
I can do this.
I'm doing it.
I can do this.
He took his temperature and his temperature actually went down and his breathing slowed
and he started to feel better.
And he was sharing this with me, just like the changes he was experiencing.
And he was proud of himself too, I could tell.
And we were just sharing in this moment of like, wow, the mind is so powerful.
And it's something that we both took away from that experience that we are going to
continue to try to remind ourselves of when the going gets tough.
So I'm happy to report now it's Thursday.
That was Sunday, Monday, we're the worst of it.
And he's so much better now, just like fatigue and congested and coughing, but the fever
broke I think yesterday, or maybe the day before at this point.
I don't know, the days are all blurring together.
So yeah, things are on the up and up here.
We're on the mend, happy to report.
But all of this like holding space and nurturing and taking care of him, oh, I'm going to
get emotional.
It's like, I kind of feel like at a deficit now.
And it's hard, you know?
And just feeling all the feelings.
And this is a podcast where we promote that.
And I want to encourage you to do that as well.
So what comes up when things go down?
To add to everything else right now, they're building a freaking house, like a whole house
next door to me.
And so if you hear like occasional hammering or knocking, that's why I considered skipping
the podcast for a week because of that.
But I said, nope, either you hear the knocking and it's true and authentic and what's actually
happening right now, or we just don't have fun.
And I decided to do that because this space is pretty healing for me too, just to share
in the rawness of how I'm showing up today, how I'm presenting in the world and just being
here with you.
So thank you for listening and for being here with me and for holding the space.
And yeah, ever since I woke up this morning, the day was kind of off on a rocky start due
to that deficit that I just shared about.
And I did the worst thing to start the day.
I scrolled through Instagram for like, I don't know, an hour, stupid.
Like, I know that's not what's going to make me feel good, but I went into that zombie
mode probably because I'm not feeling my best.
I woke up at like 5 45 and just went to my phone.
It was still kind of dark out and just pulled my phone on and started scrolling.
I don't even remember what I was looking at as we tend to forget that because it's
just like we go into the zombie state.
And once I realized what was going on and how crappy I was feeling, all those thoughts
of like, you know, looking at fellow health coaches pages and all the things they are
doing the comparison game just sets in, which makes you feel worse.
And I'm also on my cycle to add to this toughness of this week.
Hormones are bouncing all around and just, I don't know, I've been sleeping pretty well
so that's not a factor, but haven't been eating perfectly, but like screw eating perfectly.
That's not what it's about.
I had some fried food last night, which maybe didn't positively impact my mood.
So I scrolled and I realized what was happening and then I said, okay, I need to meditate
because I know that when things get hard, meditation is my most direct path to my inner
self, to like listening to what it is I need in that moment.
So I went on insight timer and I just clicked, you know, one of the first ones I came on,
I was kind of desperate just to get into the meditative space and start because I have
a short time window from when I wake up and feed Minnie in the morning to when I, when
she starts whining for a walk, where I have like that little bit of time for me.
So I made my coffee, I hit play on my insight timer, I'm sitting on the couch, Minnie sitting
next to me and I am holding my coffee, this warmth in my hand, my back is propped up against
the couch behind me.
I try to soften my body, loosen my jaw and take a deep breath and then I hit play and
my monkey mind was really bouncing all around from the scrolling, the serotonin, you know,
loose here and there and just the pulling of attention from one place to the next.
I noticed that and it was the first time I actually had awareness that that was happening,
which is really good initial takeaway while not, you know, successful at meditating in
the moment.
It's okay to notice it's still a win to acknowledge that.
And there were some moments within this 10 minute meditation where I was still, where I was able
to check in with my breathing, check in with myself and just kind of be there with me noticing
how I actually felt pretty crappy.
And after it finished, I wrapped up, I came back into my body, into the room and I asked
myself what else it was that I need.
So parts of my daily ritual, meditation, movement and spiritual practice.
So I sipped my coffee and tried to practice some gratitude.
Today I'm grateful for Minnie.
She's been providing me with emotional support all week.
She's been glued to me sleeping with me on the couch every night while Kyle has the bed
and just giving me all the pets, all the love.
I've been giving her the pets, but she's been so good for that.
And then, yeah, I'm so grateful for my health.
Like somehow I've managed to not get COVID.
My PCR test came back negative and like, wow, I also heard that blood type O is more resistant
to COVID and I have that.
So that could also be a factor.
Kyle's also been more stressed than me lately with work and stuff.
So a couple of factors that might attribute to it, but I'm really grateful for my health
and I am really, really grateful for just like abundance.
While yeah, people may look at me and be like, she doesn't have that much.
Like I feel just so rich in my privilege and what I have, this cute little house I live
in and a bank account that I've had the savings over the years to be able to support myself
while not making a ton of money this whole year while running my own business.
Of course, grateful for teaching yoga and all of my clients who have supported me in
my business, meditation club, all of the offerings that do bring me some income.
But I'm making a fraction of what I used to make, of what my friends make, of what Kyle
makes.
So the fact that I still feel abundant, I am grateful for that.
So I practiced my gratitude and I decided I needed movement next.
So I put on a little Kick It With Eliza video.
If you don't know her, I went to college with her.
She's fantastic.
She has her own business and it's all cardio kickboxing.
You can look it up on Google.
I think on PopSugar there's a couple of videos, Neou or her website.
Just a plug there for her because honestly this past like year, year and a half of COVID,
two years now.
Oh God, I don't even want to think of that.
Almost.
But yeah, I've been, I don't have a gym membership anymore and I turned to yoga and cardio kickboxing
and Pilates and online at home.
So I put on a 30 minute video in our little studio so I wouldn't wake Kyle up.
It's also where I record this.
And yeah, I started my video and I got maybe halfway through and I just like could not
get in the zone.
So I was like, what is it?
And I just was looking around in my space and it was so cluttered, this like organizer
we have.
So I paused the video, which I rarely do.
Like sometimes when I do, I just know I'm not going to come back to it, but I was motivated
to move my body and feel good.
So I was like, no, I'm coming back to this.
But right now what's going to serve me most in this moment is to organize my surroundings
a little bit.
So I did that and I organized and it looks so much better.
Just like mentally being in a clean space.
It's so important.
Clean environment, clean minds, all that.
I believe in it.
And then I also felt the need to go the next step further and to smudge my house.
So I lit some Palo Santo and I started walking around my home, moving my hand counterclockwise,
circle, which is removing unhealthy energy, stale, stagnant energy that is just unwanted,
that is no longer serving the space.
So there's been a lot of that trapped in here this week from just the sickness.
So I did that, moved all around the house, got into more of like a meditative space again,
and then I replaced it with Reiki energy.
And so I just went in a clockwise formation with my Palo Santo burning and I set an intention
for this space to now be a sacred space, a vessel of healing and light and love and ask
that whatever we might need this next week, two weeks, that we receive just that.
And I came back.
I got back to my workout and I finished it and I took a shower and man, felt a lot better
after that.
And then I pulled a card.
I have this lovely little Oracle deck.
It's by Rebecca Campbell.
I love her book, Light is a New Black, and I bought her deck and I believe the deck is
also called, it's called Work Your Light.
And it's an Oracle card deck, not tarot, not angel card, but Oracle.
And there's four different decks within it.
And I do this thing on Instagram like maybe once a week at this point where I do an interactive
card poll for my followers, my community.
And so yeah, I did that.
And it's like you choose a card left or right, and then I share the message for which card
you pulled.
And the card I pulled was all about finding beauty in life.
And it just struck a chord with me because of what I shared before of like needing to
pause my workout to organize my space, to like make it more beautiful.
And I took a shower and I just, you know, when you're clean, you just feel so much better.
And then I put some makeup on for the first time this week for sure.
And I actually got dressed.
It's like the little things that sometimes do the most, just how we feel.
And I felt just so much better.
And after I finish this recording with you all, I'm going to dye my hair ends purple.
So some more beauty, some more color, and it's my mission for my evening walk today
with Minnie, my dog, to go somewhere that I don't usually go in nature, to reconnect
with nature and its beauty and just try to ground myself a little bit, take in the smells,
the sights.
You know, there's no leaves left on the tree here, but I'm going to still appreciate the
beauty of the trees and appreciate the gifts that they give me, the clean air that they
give the earth, that they give me, that just the air around me, the sensation on my skin.
It's such a nice day out today.
It's like 70 degrees in Denver.
So appreciating my place in this world and nature helps me do that a lot.
So that's how I got to be here.
Kind of a long-winded story of the past, I don't know, a week or so.
But I would love to close out with just a little meditation and some breathing because
I for sure could use it.
So if you're with me, go ahead, no matter what you're doing, whether you're walking,
driving in your car, if you're sitting, let's just tap into the body.
So unhinge your jaw, relax it, move your tongue away from the roof of your mouth, let it drop.
Roll your shoulders down and back away from your ears.
Find a little lift in your heart space.
Take a tuck of your chin to lengthen your spine, crown to the sky.
Let's take a deep belly breath.
Breathe in through your nose, send it all the way down to the base of your belly.
Feel it rise.
Exhale through your mouth, let it all go.
Good.
Again, deep breath and fill up.
Exhale again through your mouth.
See if you can lengthen your exhale to make it longer than your inhale.
Inhale again, deep breath.
Hold at the top this time.
Take in another sip of air.
Exhale through your mouth, let it all go.
Hold at the bottom on empty.
Push it all out and then take a breath in normally.
Exhale normally.
If you're able to close your eyes wherever you are and you feel safe doing so, I welcome
you to do that.
Feel your breath.
And notice if you can feel your breath breathing you.
Now imagine wherever you are that a protective circle of violet fire begins to engulf the
area that you're residing in right now.
It doesn't touch you, it's a few inches or feet, whatever feels safe away from you.
It's protecting you in its warmth, in its purple fire.
You see the flames flicker, a beautiful light.
And with it you feel safe.
With each exhale, this circular fire around you begins to come away from you, welcoming
in some distance between you and the flame.
And next, a golden pyramid surrounds you, still inside of the circle of your violet
fire.
And you notice these thick gold walls begin to come down, four walls surrounding you.
One in the front, one in the back, one to your left, one to your right, and there's
a hole at the top.
So you're encased in this golden structure, feeling radiant, protected, safe and supported.
I mean, suddenly you feel a light coming from above and in through the hole at the top of
your golden pyramid comes in this milky, soothing white light.
It comes down from the top and lowers, lowers, lowers, till it's just above your being.
You can feel its presence just above the crown of your head.
And then you decide to welcome it in.
You take a breath in through your nose and you fill up with this light milky presence.
It fills you up and with it.
You feel healing.
You feel cleansed.
You feel invigorated.
It gives you exactly what it is you need.
Right here within the safe, supported, comforting confines, your golden pyramid of your violet
fire sipping in this luxurious white light.
I'd like to leave you here in this space.
Feel free to stay just as you are for a few more minutes basking in the ambiance, your
protection.
Or if you're ready to move about your day, carry on from this space.
You're welcome to do so.
Thank you all so much for sharing this moment with me.
And I will see you next week.