Hello and welcome to the Awaken Together podcast.
I am Jen and I'm Kat.
And today we are going to be talking about the holidays and finding mindfulness through
it all.
So the holidays can mean a lot of different things to each and every one of us.
For some, it's a very exciting time.
We might be traveling, visiting with family.
There can be traditions involved and a lot of positive memories.
And for others, it can be a time of grief and sadness and a lot of trauma around the
holidays.
But regardless of how you view holiday season, the bridge to making it through is mindfulness.
So we are going to talk about all of the things that can help us stay grounded, stay within
our body and make us not get through the entire season and then say, what the heck just happened?
I don't even hardly remember what I just even went through, which is where a lot of us end
up in January when we just finished holiday season.
So I wanted to share first thing first is I really do believe, especially as I've educated
myself more on the neurodivergent brain and just the nervous system in general, that a
lot of the reason we barely make it through holiday season is because we go through high
levels of overstimulation.
So overstimulation is our nervous system to staying in that stress mode, that overexcited
mode.
It doesn't always look like actual stress.
It can also look and appear like a heavy levels of excitement, but with a giant uptick of
the nervous system, the stress system also comes a deep and heavy crash.
And I think we all have experienced that probably in one way or the other.
So there's so much access tied with the holiday season.
We see access in food, access in how we decorate.
And there's just a lot more in our visual fields everywhere we go.
And there's also just this access and giving food, making food, taking food, access and
giving gifts, receiving gifts.
It's so much different than our regular routine that it is a lot for our minds to take in.
That's right.
Yeah, it's a lot like holiday season just equals excess overstimulation.
Right.
And I mean, I know that I've already started seeing things in CVS, in the grocery store,
online, catering to Christmas and the holidays.
And it's still like a month and a half away.
But we hope that this episode is pretty timely with Thanksgiving just around the corner.
And then we're really officially in it.
We're in deep.
So hopefully this gives us some prep time to kind of take a look at like systematically
how we're advertised to so that we can bring this state of awareness and kind of slow things
down when we're in it to find that mindfulness and stay in the present moment while being
rooted and grounded so that we can take in all the good and leave all that doesn't serve
us aside.
So systematically, like thinking about the stores and the advertisements, we are being
shown flashy decorations, things that are meant to get you excited.
All of the scents, all of the flavors like cinnamon buns in the oven and turkey and gravy
and mashed potatoes.
They invoke a feeling within us.
Right.
All the candies and foods like it's everywhere.
The colors of red and green, like all of the senses just on fire.
And like Jen said, it's exciting, but that excitement can also invoke anxiety.
And speaking of anxiety, a big thing that happens around the holidays is visiting your
hometown, being with family.
So Jen, I know my take on visiting my hometown and all the emotions that stirs up, but what
does this do for you?
Yeah, thanks.
I would love to hear a deep dive on yours too.
This is actually in the awakened together mindset.
We want to look at the improvements that we also have from all of the things that we have
shared with you along the way.
And I kind of use my hometowns as kind of a test for myself on how I'm doing.
So if my mindfulness practices are actually making a difference, it's all this work for
my nervous system and awareness of what I do and why I do it.
All of this, I get to kind of test in a high stress situation when I go visit my hometown
in Florida.
And yeah, I think the hardest part about going back is as exciting as it is to see a bunch
of old friends and revisit places and see kind of what's changed in your hometown.
We tend to get called back to older versions of ourselves, even if we've really moved on
and changed who we are.
People view us and remember us through a certain lens and they don't often see the in between,
the moments of growth, all the work you've done, the therapy you've done, all the add
ons that have changed who you are.
You just don't see it that easily.
And so when I go back to visit, I mean, I have a lot of different beliefs than I did
when I first left.
So I'm presenting completely different to the people that have known me one way.
And I think I watch myself and I tend to want to go back to older versions of myself.
But I've also seen the improvement of that over the years that instead of withholding
and showing up a little less authentically, I've kind of said, I'm going to do it anyway.
It's a boundary for me to not withhold and then not to just try to make others comfortable
and people please just to make it a little bit easier.
So I've shared a lot more these last several years of visiting what I'm into, what I do
in my day to day life and what it looks like.
And if people give me that face after, then they give me that face after.
And I just have to accept it.
I think me and my family think very differently these days than I think they get very worried
about the path I'm on often because it's very different than what it looks like and
how I was raised.
But I know how I feel and that I'm very happy.
And because I've been able to really fully integrate that, I think I can hold off a little
bit of the anxiety, inner anger, all the real intense triggers that I used to feel.
I can actually see a pretty big difference in that.
Although I also do a lot of homework while I'm there to kind of keep myself from having
an overstimulation, stress mode, trigger mode.
So I tend to add in space and time, even if it's get a hotel for a night in the middle
of my visit so that I can recharge for a second.
Those are the little things that I've started adding in that can make a difference.
So what about you, Kat?
I love those boundaries.
It's so awesome.
And everything you shared, I'm like, yup, yup, yup, me too.
Like we're so alike in that way.
And I think a lot of what you said, it boils down to me to permission to show up as this
current version of you.
And I love how you said that so well.
And it's a big thing that I've noticed that that's how I'm able to feel like myself when
I go back, because it can be a lot.
It can be really heavy.
Certain areas, even in my hometown, trigger old memories that make me go back to that
place.
And it's a little bit of PTSD, I think of like, whoa, what happened there?
I was just immediately taken back to 15 years ago, my dark cat days where I didn't really
like myself and I didn't really like how life felt.
So it can be very triggering to go back to those areas and just have a lot of stuff stirred
up.
When now all of the work I've done has gotten me to this awesome place where I feel very
healed.
And I still know that a lot of family members don't fully understand all of that journey
and this lifestyle that I live now, which to me is so beautiful and spacious and full
of love.
I've had a lot of people in my family, extended family, unfollow me on social media because
of what I talk about and what I preach because it is just so vastly different.
So permission to still show up as this version of you as you are now, because everything
that you've become has happened this way for a reason.
And it's beautiful, the transformation that has happened.
So we've grown throughout the years and reminding ourselves of that, I think, is a big part
of the journey.
So thinking about that, mindfulness.
This is the answer to overstimulation, right?
You said it before.
So we have a few tools to share with you all of in those times when maybe you are traveling
and you're with family or just holidays in general, and you're feeling a bit overstimulating,
overstimulated tools that you can come to in those times.
So chances are you might be rushing around a lot.
We have a lot put on our calendars around the holidays.
So sitting down for meditation might feel extra tricky.
And we know that it's all the more important to sit down and meditate when you feel like
you don't have time for it.
But I know sometimes it just feels impossible when you have so much raciness, so much Vata
pulling on our last episode going on in your life to just go into that kafa mode.
It can feel like a lot.
So here are some tips.
Instead of multitasking, try doing one thing at a time.
Find mindfulness in your everyday tasks, things that you don't have to add into your life,
like carving out space for things that you're already doing.
So like brushing your teeth or folding laundry or washing the dishes or driving somewhere,
things that normally seem mindless.
Notice your sensations within them.
How does it feel to be washing the dishes?
How does it look?
What kind of bubbles do you see?
How does it smell?
What does the smell of your soap smell like?
Taste, maybe you have a taste in your mouth from something you ate before.
How does it sound?
Maybe some squishes.
So that's what I mean by bringing awareness back and mindfulness to your everyday actions
and thinking about, can you allow yourself to get so fully into the experience that it
even becomes enjoyable even for just a second doing your everyday chores?
So that is one tool.
Anything to add on that, Jen?
Yeah, I love that.
And me and Kat are very obsessed with sensory play and sensations in general, but that really
is what meditation is.
It's honing in on the senses and your internal state.
I think so much we get, yeah, we see this envisionment of stillness and complete silence
and that takes a lot of training to have more moments of that.
A lot of it for me is just honing in on one of my senses at a time.
And I absolutely love to go outside.
Even if it's cold out, I'll grab extra layers, extra blankets, because nature has such a
beautiful sensory input that you can get from it.
So going outside, sitting in a chair or laying out even somewhere.
I love taking my yoga mat and laying out if I have like a patio I can go out onto.
And just taking in the sky, setting myself.
I love to do like three to five minutes of just focusing on visual.
So focusing on what I see in front of me and then bringing awareness to what I hear, closing
my eyes, listening to the sounds of nature, which are always very calming.
If you did a sensory meditation in the middle of your house, it might not be oh so relaxing
as it can be outside.
Then noticing what I smell and then noticing what I'm feeling.
So feeling the earth supporting underneath me or bringing my hands down and creating
some form of grounding.
If it's not freezing, I love taking my shoes off and putting them outside.
I also like love cold months.
So it's my Vada.
But yeah, I think it's nature gives us like such a beautiful sensory scene.
So I do think in the middle of the chaos, like going outside and just pausing for a
second, even going to do a shorter version of that could be something that you could
do in the very middle of the chaos.
Just say, hold on just give me a second.
Like you are not obligated to show up and be there for every single person on a hundred
percent.
And I have a couple of thoughts that popped into my head as we were talking about this.
But I had a real epiphany that I thought of several years ago that has been really helpful
for me and these kind of situations that when I show up a little bit, when I show up more
authentically, so I don't show up a hundred percent.
So maybe I'm having like a day where I am just dead.
I don't feel that good.
I don't have a lot of energy to talk.
I don't have a lot of energy to be my bubbly normal gen self.
I still try to make myself show up when I'm at quote unquote lesser versions of what I
think is ideal gen for social situations.
And it really is.
There's obviously boundaries with staying in sometimes and letting yourself rest and
recharge.
But there's also this other way to view it that we do not need to just show up when we're
ready to be fully on showing up when we're having one of those mediocre days helps tell
everyone around us that they can show up on mediocre days as well.
I do think that's a tendency sometimes in certain social situations, maybe even around
the holidays that you have to put on this certain mask and persona and it gets exhausting
to keep that mask on all the time because realistically your energy is not going to
be able to be fully consistent from the whole experience of when your family comes into
town and when they leave, you just can't stay on all that all that time.
So I think it's important to note that as well.
And also I want to dive in just to a couple other boundaries to set because boundaries
are the way that we can really navigate the world of everything being too much and seeing
what our needs are in the middle of that.
So maybe you tell your family what you are willing to talk about and what you're not
willing to talk about.
You don't always have to explain fully what has changed, why it's changed.
I tend to do that because I love I love stirring up deep conversations.
It's just my blood and I do it.
And am I burnt out after sometimes?
Yes.
Do I probably need to watch this a lot more?
Absolutely.
But boundaries on what you're willing to talk about and saying that even ahead of time
can save you a lot of trouble down the line.
Or also, as I said, maybe you don't stay at the house of your and your family where it's
going to be so chaotic.
Maybe you pick some meals or sometimes where you go and find a set or recharge time.
And yeah, you can also in the middle of conversations, remember your communication skills and that
you are able to say, this makes me really uncomfortable.
I really don't want to go down that and honoring and speaking out your truth instead of stuffing
it so far down and just letting these normal, maybe toxic patterns within your family play
out like they always have.
You have the power to be able to redirect that with your words as well.
Yes, I love that so much.
It reminds me of the quote from Ram Dass, if you think you're enlightened, go spend
a week with your family.
Very humbling.
Yes.
And I also just thought to like this is my new thing very recently.
And honestly, it's going to be forever.
But I wear noise canceling headphones.
And sometimes I just wear my noise canceling headphones in the kitchen because I'm already
can feel that, you know, sense of nervousness.
And sometimes I just need the world to be a little less intense.
And I just will put those on.
That makes a difference.
You know, I do my yoga at least three times a week.
That's been a huge mindful tool for me to go back to.
And I really try to do any version of yoga, even if it's two postures, 10 breaths, three
times a week in the middle of chaos as well.
Definitely.
It's so important.
Moving your body on vacation is like underrated, I think.
It's something that easily gets kind of pushed into the back burner when you get super busy
with things.
But this is important for so many reasons.
One, it's alone time.
You know, if you can get that alone time or if family will move with you, like, hey, that's
great for everybody.
You can kind of inspire people to make a healthy choice.
Right?
Yeah, so moving your body during the holidays, it's going to make you feel like yourself,
help you release emotions, work through all of that, get back in your body, out of your
head.
And it's also going to make you more hungry so that your metabolism picks up and you can
still process all the yummy, delicious foods that are put in front of you.
And with that, too, another tool is circadian walks.
So this is a massive, awesome, great thing to do, especially now with daylight savings
time.
We have less daylight happening, and so it's all the more important to still wake up early.
And sometimes with that shift, if you know, before the time change, you are waking up
at eight o'clock, your body isn't going to know the difference if you wake up at seven
now.
One of my clients, I was talking with her this morning and she was saying that it's
actually worked out in her favor because she's set her alarm for seven, she used to wake
up at eight, and now she's up an hour earlier, but her body doesn't feel the difference.
It doesn't feel tired.
And so she's able to make the use of more daylight by waking up that much earlier.
And it's really important because seasonal affective disorder is a thing.
Whether you think you are affected by it or not, we are all affected so deeply by the
sun's rays.
And at a primal level, we need vitamin D and the sun is a major source of how we're able
to absorb that.
So if you're unable due to your work or what have you to get out in the sunlight for an
adequate time, which I'd say is, you know, bare minimum 20 minutes a day, I would recommend
supplementing with vitamin D, just getting a supplement for the winter months and your
body will thank you, your brain will thank you, your mental health.
But really the ideal situation is to get out for a walk.
So even 10 minutes outside face in the sun, ideally even without sunglasses for part of
it so that your body can fully absorb the sun's rays.
Even if it's cold out, just bundle up.
It's so important once, twice a day, 10 to 30 minutes doesn't even need to be much longer
than that, if it is kudos to you.
That's awesome.
But breathing in the fresh air, we are meant to be in nature, we are meant to be outside
and hey, the city is nature too.
You're still going to be outside.
So take a stroll around the block and just feel the benefits that come to you from that.
Awesome.
Thank you, Kat.
Yeah.
And I think another important thing to remember is the first time you are triggered with your
family, you notice that a conversation is getting you heated or you're feeling that
feeling like you feel deeply hurt.
I ask for a few minutes to myself and I go and I put my hands on my body and I try to
feel where I am feeling that sense of being triggered.
Do I feel it in my stomach, that tightening in my stomach?
Do I feel it in my shoulders?
Am I keeping my shoulders held way up?
Where am I storing that tension and anxiety in my body?
And what I've noticed is becoming aware of it after has started helping me notice it
before it even happens.
So if I'm in the middle of a conversation, I might mentally feel fine, but I start noticing
those signs in my body before my mind even catches up to my body.
And so noticing those things can help you dismiss yourself or in the conversation or
keep yourself from getting to that point where you're so triggered that then at that point,
it's already going to become very hard to not deflect or say something you didn't mean.
This is another really important thing to get good at is noticing and developing that
relationship with your senses and your inner body to where that can be your guiding compass,
as well as you move through more chaotic times of the holidays.
Such a wonderful tip, Jen, and such an amazing tool.
We all need that self regulation and the mind body connection is a fantastic way of just
helping us realize when we're in that time of maybe fight or flight being triggered about
to snap and just kind of reel it in like, okay, this is happening.
Awareness, calm down.
Yeah.
Uh huh.
Well, this is awesome, Kat.
I hope you have an amazing holiday season and you've noticed your triggers and you do
yourself love and you do all the things to enjoy every bit of it.
Happy Thanksgiving, everybody.
We're so grateful for you.
Yes.
Thank you.
Bye Kat.