1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:11,680
Hey everybody and welcome back to the second episode of the Awaken Together podcast.

2
00:00:11,680 --> 00:00:12,800
I'm Kat.

3
00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:14,880
I'm Jenn.

4
00:00:14,880 --> 00:00:21,800
And today we wanted to share with you guys our spiritual awakening stories, what that

5
00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:27,480
kind of looked like for each of us, and yeah, what that journey ended up leading to to kind

6
00:00:27,480 --> 00:00:32,120
of get us on the trajectory that we are currently at.

7
00:00:32,120 --> 00:00:36,760
So Kat is going to start us off and just share a piece of her story and then I'll get into

8
00:00:36,760 --> 00:00:37,960
some of mine.

9
00:00:37,960 --> 00:00:38,960
So enjoy.

10
00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:39,960
Go Kat.

11
00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:40,960
Buckle up everyone.

12
00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:41,960
This is going to be a heavy day.

13
00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:45,680
We're getting extra deep today.

14
00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:51,480
We're diving right in because hopefully you'll take a piece of our stories and be like, okay,

15
00:00:51,480 --> 00:00:52,480
interesting.

16
00:00:52,480 --> 00:00:54,480
I can resonate with some of that.

17
00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:56,000
Yes, exactly.

18
00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:57,720
To the point we're all in this together.

19
00:00:57,720 --> 00:01:05,600
So for my story, we're going to take it all the way back to 2007.

20
00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:13,340
I was in high school and I had a dark, dark phase of my life.

21
00:01:13,340 --> 00:01:18,680
If you follow me on Instagram, I'm no stranger to sharing how messy it was.

22
00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:26,600
But to give you just a high level synopsis of this, I was in with a crowd that partying

23
00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:29,320
was really, really the thing to do.

24
00:01:29,320 --> 00:01:37,440
Small town America, not much to do in general, so we turned to parties a lot.

25
00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:39,240
And it was the cool thing to do.

26
00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:42,760
And of course, when you're in high school, that's the goal, right?

27
00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:44,640
It was for me anyway.

28
00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:50,800
I came from a private school and in the public school immediately just got into that crowd.

29
00:01:50,800 --> 00:01:55,120
And I had a really toxic ex-boyfriend at that time.

30
00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:59,920
Very manipulative, a lot of gaslighting, just not a good time.

31
00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:02,920
Wouldn't recommend it if I could do it all over again.

32
00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:04,800
I would not date in high school.

33
00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:10,120
We all got to have that one toxic one where you look back and you're like, oh my.

34
00:02:10,120 --> 00:02:13,240
Everyone's allowed at least one, hopefully just one.

35
00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:16,360
Yes, yes, yes.

36
00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:22,520
So in the midst of that, at its worst, I was struggling with an eating disorder.

37
00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:26,840
I was being treated for bipolar disorder because I didn't really know what to do with me.

38
00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:29,200
My moods were all over the place.

39
00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:35,400
But now I know it was hormones and my setting, the whole environment was really not serving

40
00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:36,520
me.

41
00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:37,680
And I was anxious.

42
00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:44,560
I had depression, all of the things on all sorts of medication, starving myself.

43
00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:46,480
My relationships weren't really serving me.

44
00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:50,800
Of course, I had some best friends who really helped me along through it all as well as

45
00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:51,800
my family.

46
00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:55,560
Thank goodness for them or I don't know what would have come of all of that.

47
00:02:55,560 --> 00:03:02,240
But yeah, so really my darkest hour was one night where I'd had a lot to drink.

48
00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:03,480
I'd snuck out.

49
00:03:03,480 --> 00:03:08,840
My parents didn't know where I was and started calling me and I was out with that boyfriend

50
00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:14,840
and wasn't answering the calls because I didn't know what to say, quite frankly, and didn't

51
00:03:14,840 --> 00:03:16,600
want them to come find me.

52
00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:22,880
Oh yeah, so they called the police and went looking for me and found me and I'd had a

53
00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:28,760
lot to drink and ended up taking me into the hospital and they just didn't know what to

54
00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:29,760
do with me.

55
00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:33,160
So I remember laying in that hospital bed drunk.

56
00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:35,640
I think I was probably high as well.

57
00:03:35,640 --> 00:03:41,080
Just like my mom was crying and I just remember thinking, this is not the kind of life I want

58
00:03:41,080 --> 00:03:42,080
to live.

59
00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:44,040
This isn't me.

60
00:03:44,040 --> 00:03:46,600
And right now my future does not look bright.

61
00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:51,960
So the next day, as you can imagine living with your parents in high school, having that

62
00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:54,720
experience, the next day is not fun.

63
00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:56,220
Yeah.

64
00:03:56,220 --> 00:03:57,220
Not pretty.

65
00:03:57,220 --> 00:03:59,240
Probably some unsaid.

66
00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:00,240
Yes.

67
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:01,240
Yeah.

68
00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:02,960
There's lots going on there.

69
00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:07,000
And so I just made that conscious decision.

70
00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:14,280
I kind of had a heart to heart with my parents and made the decision that I needed to visualize

71
00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:19,760
what I wanted my future to look like because staying in that messy place that I was in

72
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:25,640
mentally, emotionally, physically, it was not aligned with where I wanted to be.

73
00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:32,760
And so I started thinking about college and where I wanted to go and just dreaming about

74
00:04:32,760 --> 00:04:38,320
the future and planning for that because my present wasn't what I wanted.

75
00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:45,940
So all of those little steps got me to UMass where I felt like it was a fresh start.

76
00:04:45,940 --> 00:04:48,640
It was two hours away from where I lived.

77
00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:53,880
First time living outside of my hometown and felt like I could take a deeper breath.

78
00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:59,400
There was more oxygen out there and my breath could go all the way down to my belly when

79
00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:02,920
before that it was only in my chest, really, really shallow.

80
00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:08,400
So I have my hands on my heart right now because I'm just feeling that difference for the

81
00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:16,000
first time was really, really intense and made some new friends, kept the old good ones.

82
00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:20,420
That relationship ended before I graduated.

83
00:05:20,420 --> 00:05:25,760
So that stayed in my hometown and it was a new me coming into college.

84
00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:32,000
I kind of reinvented myself and then sophomore year met my now husband, Kyle.

85
00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:37,440
We were next door neighbors in the dorms and things just started to feel a bit brighter.

86
00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:44,000
And then I graduated in 2013 and moved back in with my parents because what do you do

87
00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:45,200
after college when you're broke?

88
00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:48,240
That's one of the only options, right?

89
00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:54,960
And so yeah, I was kind of back in that space of where everything happened and I needed

90
00:05:54,960 --> 00:06:02,240
to learn how I wanted to move forward being back in that space, having changed over four

91
00:06:02,240 --> 00:06:09,440
years myself, but also knowing that I had graduated, I started working.

92
00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:11,800
Is this what life is all about now?

93
00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:14,280
So I kind of got into it.

94
00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:19,920
Such a weird time happens between that college, I did the thing.

95
00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:23,680
Now what is this life?

96
00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:29,540
Such a weird awakening, kind of a semi awakening happens I feel like for everyone in that college

97
00:06:29,540 --> 00:06:30,540
into adulthood.

98
00:06:30,540 --> 00:06:32,840
It's like one of the most awkward phases.

99
00:06:32,840 --> 00:06:35,000
Yes, exactly.

100
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:42,240
Any times of transition, whether it's after school, marriage, having a child, starting

101
00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:50,640
a business, any big life changes are just like breeding ground for hard times.

102
00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:52,280
Or you can see where you've really grown.

103
00:06:52,280 --> 00:06:53,880
Yeah, it goes one way or the other.

104
00:06:53,880 --> 00:07:00,560
It's either complete chaos or it either triggers you for your next thing it seems or you can

105
00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:03,080
really see what's wrong.

106
00:07:03,080 --> 00:07:05,400
Yes, exactly.

107
00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:09,560
It's like very good or very bad.

108
00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:15,960
And so I was just feeling lost and I, in college, had taken a few yoga classes that I liked,

109
00:07:15,960 --> 00:07:22,040
went to it for the workout, but decided to try another one back in my hometown at a gym.

110
00:07:22,040 --> 00:07:28,320
And I remember walking in and laying out my mat and the teacher's name was Sagarika Ghost.

111
00:07:28,320 --> 00:07:31,360
She's my original guru, my OG.

112
00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:37,020
And she's from India and she just had this way of commanding the room.

113
00:07:37,020 --> 00:07:38,380
Such a little woman.

114
00:07:38,380 --> 00:07:44,840
And there were people in their 40s and 50s balancing on their heads and balancing on

115
00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:50,240
one hand and extending their bodies in these positions, contorting them in ways that I

116
00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:53,120
was like, I want what they're having.

117
00:07:53,120 --> 00:07:56,680
So I just kept coming back to that class.

118
00:07:56,680 --> 00:08:04,480
And in a time where I was feeling lost myself of, is this what life is all about?

119
00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:11,760
Just working and money and just doing what I think I'm supposed to be doing.

120
00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:21,200
I found a lot of myself in my yoga practice with Sagarika and I became obsessed.

121
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:26,160
I was doing that twice a week and then quickly turned to five days a week because on the

122
00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:31,680
days where I wasn't with her, I felt like I needed to return to myself in that same

123
00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:35,040
way and yoga was my space in which I could do that.

124
00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:43,500
So it became a place for me to come home to myself and it just propelled me on this path

125
00:08:43,500 --> 00:08:48,800
of thinking about things differently, really sitting with my emotions, questioning the

126
00:08:48,800 --> 00:08:53,760
choices I make and deciding if they are the ones that's going to really get me to where

127
00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:55,440
I want to be.

128
00:08:55,440 --> 00:09:02,080
Being able to focus on my breath, my movements, the present moment really alleviated a lot

129
00:09:02,080 --> 00:09:08,960
of my anxiety and got me just so passionate about learning about yogic philosophy, what

130
00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:15,440
the gurus have been teaching about for centuries, this ancient wisdom that I could then take

131
00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:23,280
into my day to day and see how really the magic could infiltrate into my joy, into my

132
00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:29,440
work, into how I touched other people and yeah, I'm so grateful to be able to share

133
00:09:29,440 --> 00:09:32,920
that with others now with teaching yoga too.

134
00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:35,160
And when did you do teacher training, Kat?

135
00:09:35,160 --> 00:09:41,320
I did that in 2014 so I'd actually been practicing yoga seriously for just one year before I

136
00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:45,840
decided this is for me, this is my thing, I need to do this.

137
00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:48,280
I love it.

138
00:09:48,280 --> 00:09:49,760
Love it.

139
00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:54,720
Such a thank you for sharing all of that and one of the things I just want to say about

140
00:09:54,720 --> 00:10:00,080
your journey too, it's really incredible that that all happened so young.

141
00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:08,400
You got such an intense early on track, for some people that can happen so much later

142
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:14,160
so you really had all of that waking up start so young.

143
00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:18,600
Yes, it's such a good point and I'm really grateful for that now and my mom and I have

144
00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:23,640
talked about that and she's my best friend, we talk every single day.

145
00:10:23,640 --> 00:10:29,060
Really rocky start but we always say now how grateful we are that that happened then under

146
00:10:29,060 --> 00:10:36,880
their roof when they could support me and make me see a therapist and encourage me to

147
00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:41,120
do good things for myself because if I didn't have that, I don't know how I would have

148
00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:45,760
turned out and so yeah, just every step gets us to where we are, right?

149
00:10:45,760 --> 00:10:46,760
Yeah, wow.

150
00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:55,520
I can't wait for everybody to hear your story because it is such a beautiful one so would

151
00:10:55,520 --> 00:10:57,120
you like to share?

152
00:10:57,120 --> 00:10:58,480
Yes, yes.

153
00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:05,200
Yeah, once again, it's another deep track but we'll go back a little bit so I would

154
00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:13,960
say just to preface, as I said last episode, I grew up in a conservative Christian household

155
00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:18,640
so for me, my life was going to church a lot on Wednesdays and Sundays.

156
00:11:18,640 --> 00:11:22,040
I was very active in that whole scene.

157
00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:27,680
I will say as a kid, I really do think I was a questioner all the time.

158
00:11:27,680 --> 00:11:32,600
I really didn't take things that I learned and just like, okay, that's the reality.

159
00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:36,800
So I had a little bit of a rebellious edge already to start.

160
00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:39,440
We can word it like that.

161
00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:47,920
But yeah, as I went through high school, probably starting more like junior year, I think I

162
00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:52,560
didn't go to a Christian school but because I was so involved in church, that usually

163
00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:55,680
was my closer circle.

164
00:11:55,680 --> 00:12:00,120
But I do think as I got into high school, I started noticing more people partying, got

165
00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:03,720
involved in partying, very similar to Katz.

166
00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:09,080
I think we all go through this kind of like exploration side of ourselves where we take

167
00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:15,160
what we were given growing up for a lot of us that maybe had certain set beliefs and

168
00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:20,640
then you kind of just look at what's around you and explore a little bit.

169
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:23,480
I ended up partying.

170
00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:30,480
I was drinking a lot but I also ended up being engaged really young thinking like, yeah,

171
00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:35,920
that my trajectory was I found my person and all was good.

172
00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:40,760
But as I got deeper into like the partying, I started as I finished high school and got

173
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:49,160
into college, I think, yeah, my church boyfriend, our fiance rather started seeming like a worse

174
00:12:49,160 --> 00:12:50,480
choice.

175
00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:55,320
I think from then I was like, you know, I still think I have a lot to learn.

176
00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:58,280
I'm really getting to know more perspectives.

177
00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:04,400
So partying felt like a huge freeing thing at first because it was experimenting with

178
00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:09,680
completely different people than the circle I was originally a part of.

179
00:13:09,680 --> 00:13:15,520
But at that same time, one of my biggest goals was to move out on my own.

180
00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:19,680
I remember in high school that was like I was thinking of that all the time.

181
00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:22,120
So I started college in high school.

182
00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:25,000
So I graduated high school with an associate's degree.

183
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:28,720
I had done college throughout.

184
00:13:28,720 --> 00:13:31,700
And then I went right into physical therapy school.

185
00:13:31,700 --> 00:13:37,360
So here I am, like really busting my butt trying to get my physical therapy degree and

186
00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:44,480
then also trying to like explore this like college party scene that was like so foreign

187
00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:45,600
to me.

188
00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:53,180
And I think the way I really got through intense working in school was I really was told by

189
00:13:53,180 --> 00:13:58,640
my parents that they would not support some of my college if I went to if I didn't go

190
00:13:58,640 --> 00:14:00,120
to a Christian school.

191
00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:05,640
So for me, I had this kind of like ego, arrogance of like I'll prove everyone wrong.

192
00:14:05,640 --> 00:14:06,760
Like watch me.

193
00:14:06,760 --> 00:14:10,120
I cannot even believe what I physically used to do.

194
00:14:10,120 --> 00:14:16,080
Like working like 40 hours a week, going to school 40 hours a week and trying to keep

195
00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:17,480
up with a party scene.

196
00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:20,680
It was just yeah, it's a lot for anyone.

197
00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:23,800
It's exhausting to think about.

198
00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:27,240
I really just wanted to like figure it out.

199
00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:29,800
But anyway, well, fast forward.

200
00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:33,040
I was in I had finished physical therapy school.

201
00:14:33,040 --> 00:14:34,160
I was working.

202
00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:40,000
I was living with a bunch of roommates, really still into going out, partying.

203
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:45,600
And I had a night that I had gone out and I had planned for someone to come pick me

204
00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:46,600
up.

205
00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:49,240
So I was trying to be responsible in that moment.

206
00:14:49,240 --> 00:14:54,200
But I ended up drinking way too much and I blacked out, which is the first time I had

207
00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:58,680
like a straight up blackout.

208
00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:04,760
And you fast forward to when I come to I'm handcuffed to a hospital bed.

209
00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:10,920
I literally have no idea what happened from the point of the bar to being in this hospital.

210
00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:15,480
I have cops around me yet not answering any of my questions.

211
00:15:15,480 --> 00:15:17,740
I was so scared in that moment.

212
00:15:17,740 --> 00:15:18,740
Just like you in the hospital.

213
00:15:18,740 --> 00:15:21,120
I remember it with such clarity.

214
00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:22,280
I was terrified.

215
00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:27,400
This is just a setting I had never even been close to being in.

216
00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:30,040
I go into jail.

217
00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:34,520
I still have no idea why I was even in there.

218
00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:37,820
I couldn't piece it together.

219
00:15:37,820 --> 00:15:38,820
So many jail stories.

220
00:15:38,820 --> 00:15:39,820
I was in there 36 hours.

221
00:15:39,820 --> 00:15:40,820
We'll do an episode.

222
00:15:40,820 --> 00:15:41,820
We'll do an episode.

223
00:15:41,820 --> 00:15:42,820
Yeah.

224
00:15:42,820 --> 00:15:43,820
36 hours though.

225
00:15:43,820 --> 00:15:51,040
And then finally people are able to figure out like where I was.

226
00:15:51,040 --> 00:15:52,800
But I had I had driven.

227
00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:59,000
I found out from my police report like 40 miles on the interstate ended up getting off

228
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:06,120
in an exit and crashing into like three parked cars at a marina.

229
00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:09,120
Just a random random thing.

230
00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:15,460
But with that the moment that I had to walk out of jail my parents were picking me up.

231
00:16:15,460 --> 00:16:24,580
I remember this sense of almost kind of relief and surrender because it was like no longer

232
00:16:24,580 --> 00:16:29,640
did I have to have this facade of being so strong being so independent.

233
00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:31,560
Like in that moment I was helpless.

234
00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:34,880
I had literally nothing I could control.

235
00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:42,520
And so for me yeah I had to admit that I needed help in a way you know because I needed someone

236
00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:43,520
to take me home.

237
00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:47,000
I needed like all sorts of stuff came about with that DUI.

238
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:49,880
I ended up losing twenty six thousand dollars.

239
00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:55,440
I had to sell my dog because I just couldn't keep up with taking care of him without a

240
00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:56,440
car.

241
00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:57,440
Yeah.

242
00:16:57,440 --> 00:17:00,160
And I lost one of my jobs at that time.

243
00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:02,920
I had just like so many series of events.

244
00:17:02,920 --> 00:17:07,920
So I lost everything that I had thought was me.

245
00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:13,480
And the only thing I had was a yoga practice which I had just like you Kat gone to a few

246
00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:19,920
yoga classes like you know like them wasn't obsessed with it but I had a yoga mat and

247
00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:23,640
I just remember I couldn't control anything at that moment.

248
00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:28,280
It was like every day a new phone call was coming in something to figure out.

249
00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:31,720
And so I just started rolling my mat out every day.

250
00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:37,800
I was having so many panic attacks like up to six a day and it was like wearing my body

251
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:40,760
out because I just had so many unknowns.

252
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:46,520
And I realized in that moment what a false sense of control that I really had believed

253
00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:53,240
was you know I thought I had it all together and that I was you know on top of everything

254
00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:56,440
which control is such an illusion anyway you know.

255
00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:57,440
Yeah.

256
00:17:57,440 --> 00:18:02,600
In that moment everything I literally lost so many categories across the board and I

257
00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:07,440
just realized like the only thing I can control right now is showing up on this mat and breathing

258
00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:12,880
to try to calm myself down to know that I am still here and it's going to be OK.

259
00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:19,000
So I remember doing yoga like every single day sometimes twice a day because I was so

260
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:20,960
panicked.

261
00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:26,320
And so with that started I ended up leaving Florida that environment like this happened

262
00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:28,080
really fast actually.

263
00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:33,760
I just left Florida I moved to a little apartment in the middle of the hills of West Virginia

264
00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:40,560
and decided from that point on that I needed to rebuild who I even was because when that

265
00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:45,360
facade all left that sense of control I was like well what is left.

266
00:18:45,360 --> 00:18:49,400
Like I've just lost everything that I've been hustling for for so long.

267
00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:51,160
Who even am I.

268
00:18:51,160 --> 00:18:56,080
And so I knew at that point like I needed to figure all of that out and that's what

269
00:18:56,080 --> 00:19:01,280
really catapulted the entire spiritual journey along with like a way more developed yoga

270
00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:03,120
practice as well.

271
00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:10,560
So so wild both of our stories like kind of like started on the yoga mat in a way and

272
00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:16,440
in like the party scene you know but even the correlations there are so interesting.

273
00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:23,200
Like yeah red thread between both of our stories is we found yoga or yoga found us in moments

274
00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:24,200
of helplessness.

275
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:26,720
That's what I really need.

276
00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:27,720
Right.

277
00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:31,600
Yeah and oh my goodness that identity shift for you too.

278
00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:39,480
I mean pre car accident to post it really seems like it stripped you of a lot of things

279
00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:44,700
and I'm just so impressed and amazed by the way that you've rebuilt your life in a way

280
00:19:44,700 --> 00:19:49,520
that actually seems to be a lot more aligned than how it was before.

281
00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:50,920
Would you agree.

282
00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:52,440
And same for you.

283
00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:54,820
Yes literally same for you.

284
00:19:54,820 --> 00:19:59,280
And so yeah that's the interesting part of the spiritual journey.

285
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:06,240
You know we can go into a lot of like theories on this but for some they can consciously

286
00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:11,240
choose the spiritual journey and you know start start kind of dabbling into it.

287
00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:17,320
But I do think a lot of people you really have this like pivotal moment.

288
00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:25,080
It's like a moment where yeah it's like something more divine is telling you like this is not

289
00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:27,160
this is not where you're supposed to be.

290
00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:30,840
Here is like a bigger soul journey for you.

291
00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:34,240
Let's redirect your attention to something else.

292
00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:40,040
And I mean yeah here I've heard so many stories of people having these like big kind of like

293
00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:42,200
moments that started.

294
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:48,040
And so for both of us like we didn't really have an active role in choosing it so much

295
00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:50,080
as like it just kind of found us.

296
00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:56,720
And that is what is so interesting about this journey is there are some conscious choices

297
00:20:56,720 --> 00:21:01,840
for sure always there's always choices that that will direct like what's going to be the

298
00:21:01,840 --> 00:21:02,840
next thing.

299
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:09,280
But there is you know we this is the whole thing but there is this energy that is taking

300
00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:10,280
care of us.

301
00:21:10,280 --> 00:21:17,160
And I do think when we get into this like stripping away of what elements we think we

302
00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:25,160
are identity wise when all of those get either stripped away by choice or kind of by circumstances

303
00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:32,560
that lead to that you realize that beneath all of it you don't have like you know there's

304
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:38,320
not like a sense of control sense of control is so such a false belief because there's

305
00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:42,780
always going to be things without it with you know not within your control.

306
00:21:42,780 --> 00:21:48,560
And so yeah when you start having these little baby steps just leading to a totally different

307
00:21:48,560 --> 00:21:55,320
track or you have one big thing like catapulting you to the next track is just so interesting.

308
00:21:55,320 --> 00:22:02,880
I so agree so beautifully said and it kind of I just got this visualization of a forest

309
00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:10,880
fire and how even after forest fire the roots underground stay alive and it's the time

310
00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:16,600
for them to really just grow underground and sprout new life and it's going to look different

311
00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:22,400
than it did before but it's no less beautiful it can even be more beautiful and if there's

312
00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:29,440
one thing that we all are it's resilient and tear us down we'll get back up and we'll

313
00:22:29,440 --> 00:22:31,240
come back tenfold.

314
00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:34,400
So if we can do it you can too.

315
00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:36,960
Yes I love it.

316
00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:41,640
So yeah that was pieces of our story with The Awakening.

317
00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:50,720
We will definitely go into kind of what you know what what spirituality even means I think

318
00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:56,000
that would be a really good topic to hone in on because there is definitely like different

319
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:58,540
ways to view all of this.

320
00:22:58,540 --> 00:23:04,120
I like to think of it as a baseline as being a divine energy that comes in and is just

321
00:23:04,120 --> 00:23:07,880
here to work with you when you strip all that stuff away.

322
00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:17,440
So I think next week our next episode rather talking about how to even identify what parts

323
00:23:17,440 --> 00:23:24,560
of you are personality versus what parts of you are your soul you know and kind of that

324
00:23:24,560 --> 00:23:30,360
like more intuitive side of yourself is a really great place to start because even when

325
00:23:30,360 --> 00:23:38,400
you have these shifts so perhaps for some of you 2020 was that like oh crap moment where

326
00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:43,400
you couldn't control anything and you knew like you know your normal things couldn't

327
00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:48,080
work I think for some maybe this happened before but for 2020 it was probably the biggest

328
00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:51,600
collective awakening.

329
00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:57,600
But I think after that point you know that work has to be done and you feel kind of more

330
00:23:57,600 --> 00:24:05,960
guided but I think a huge part of for me next step was figuring out that difference of like

331
00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:12,480
what what I what I have actually created as my identities versus yeah like which of these

332
00:24:12,480 --> 00:24:17,080
things are not actually me like why am I even fighting to prove that I'm some of these things

333
00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:18,080
you know.

334
00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:20,560
So yeah what do you yeah.

335
00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:26,800
Getting to choose what parts of you you want to keep and what parts you aren't actually

336
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:34,040
you right that identity of the human experience separating that from your soul and what you've

337
00:24:34,040 --> 00:24:37,240
carried into this life maybe from past lives.

338
00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:40,600
Yeah we did in the past lives too.

339
00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:49,000
Yeah so tune in for our next episode we will go into that kind of personality versus soul

340
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:52,040
and I thank you Kat for sharing your story.

341
00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:56,480
It feels so good to kind of review and talk about it all.

342
00:24:56,480 --> 00:24:59,120
So happy to be on this journey with you.

343
00:24:59,120 --> 00:25:02,520
Oh same so grateful.

344
00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:04,160
Okay talk later.

345
00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:27,040
Okay bye.