Hello everybody and welcome to a new episode of the Awaken Together podcast.
I'm Kat.
I'm Jen.
And today we have a very special love inspired episode coming at you.
We're going to get deep into intimacy, our love for sensory exploration, and give you
some tools that you can use to explore with your partner or even friends on a deeper level.
So starting with the topic of intimacy, Jen, how would you define intimacy?
What does that mean to you?
Yeah.
So I feel like intimacy is something that has really shifted and changed for me a lot
along my spiritual journey and religion trauma processing.
Like let's be honest because it definitely fits into that category too.
Yeah.
I think to me now it's just actually letting yourself fully be seen and connected.
I think intimacy is something that is so lacking and we really desperately need intimacy that's
coming from all forms.
Not just intimacy, like meaning having sex with somebody, the end.
Intimacy as in we really have to create space and time and circumstances to actually lean
into connection that's done in an intentional way.
So I think that has been the biggest shift.
And then actually making the space and time for it has been something that has been really,
really prevalent for me actually in so many ways.
Because I've really realized how much intimacy is nervous system regulation and it's nervous
system regulation that you can do with yourself.
But I think there's a whole other added beauty when we actually do it in connection with
something outside of us that's safe too.
What about you Kat?
Yeah, no, I still agree with all of that.
Intimacy to me, I think back to one of our old couples therapists, Kyle and I, who explained
and really defined intimacy in a way that I really resonated with.
She said, when you think of intimacy, instead of just thinking about sex, think about the
little phrase, into me you see.
And I think that's what it is.
It is being seen on your deepest, most raw, authentic level by somebody who truly cares
about you.
And so I think that as women, we are actually pretty good at this in the right settings
of being able to truly be there and see each other and the right kind of friendships, right?
Which are the only kinds of friendships that I have and really invest my time and energy
into these days, ever since really discovering what true intimacy is.
Because there's no sense in wasting our precious time and energy on the shallow, truly.
Like whether it's a friendship, whether it's a romantic relationship, I crave and need
that depth and call it like trauma bonding.
But I think there is something to be said for being able to go into the deep end with
somebody who you feel safe with and have them really see you and be able to also hold space
for them.
Yeah, absolutely.
I love that.
And I'll share from my own just knowing that intimacy was like really never demonstrated
for me in any way.
I think because I was raised in such a strict like religious household, it was very much
tied in very weirdly with sex.
And I feel like they wanted pretty big cutoffs of any other like forms of intimacy in a lot
of ways.
So this was something I had to very, very intentionally practice.
And I was, I even had very safe people around me and it was a block of not wanting to be
seen for myself.
Like I love your little phrase that your therapist taught you because I was ultimately, I didn't
have some unsafe people around which didn't help me expose myself.
But I also had so many blocks in my own essence of being terrified.
So I was shocked and I've shared this on the podcast multiple times when I got into yoga
and I started really working on my relationship with me feeling into my body for the first
time in my life and realizing how much I don't let myself usually sense and feel.
I skirt around it.
That was such a journey of intimacy, just connecting to myself.
And then when I started going to yoga retreats and they had me looking into the eyes of strangers,
these weren't even safe spaces for me necessarily.
These were people that were definitely seeking more mindfulness and connection.
But it was kind of beautiful to practice intimacy even with strangers because I realized for
some, I think the people I was closer to, I had to get past kind of our habits and the
stories and the past pains.
And that was so scary for me to ask what I needed to the people that had loved me and
dealt with me, especially when I noticed I was shifting and starting to heal.
I needed to really go through and do the harder work in my relationships.
But then having these strangers look into my eyes and realize like in those moments,
we would be called to look into each other's eyes for five minutes.
Even I did some like longer ones and I realized I would want to laugh.
There was even instinct to want to like, like want to push them away.
I could feel my body wanting to do all these things and just like sitting there and witnessing
that watching how much I wanted to block.
I wanted to look away.
I wanted to ask questions.
I'd feel myself wanting to talk like I could not do it.
And I felt my body just like twitching around it and like witnessing that and realizing
how hard it was for me.
It was such a light bulb moment that this was going to be a long journey of practice.
And I felt grateful for the strangers in a way kind of to start.
But I also think like what it ultimately led to me doing was really telling going through
my friendships, the people that had kind of grown with me and saying like, I've shifted
a lot and I want to apologize for how distant I could have been in the past.
But I really am wanting to bring in like way more intentional relationships into my life.
And even that is vulnerable to say.
And then like trying to carve out time just to talk to people like in a real way, like
talk about things that, you know, I feel like I was really I don't know if this was more
Florida culture even.
But like, we just gossiped and drama talks like there was never deep talk.
So this was huge to like bring back to my family like, no, I really like want to share
what's truly going on in my life.
I'm done playing these games of like figuring out what you want to talk about and then like,
you know, just blocking so many sides of myself.
So a lot of this has been a journey of step to step for me.
And I love what you said, Kat, like at this point, I am going to go there with everybody.
Intimacy is what I want my life to be like surrounded with.
And that real sense of like letting myself be seen by the people that I'm going to be
interacting with.
And yeah, for the other people in my life, I try to reflect intimacy with a lot of relationships
now.
But I will give a warning right now.
The more you expose yourself and you move in through the world, expose, you will get
the shadows of so many people because it is terrifying when people, you know, we all reflect
each other and when you're willing to go there yourself, like there's so many people you'll
notice around you start deflecting real hard because of how scary this work is.
Yes, it's so true.
I've been told by some people who I now consider like really close best friends that when we
first met, I triggered the shit out of them.
And it's because I would just like speak my truth and say things that were real and true
to me and get really deep and vulnerable about hard topics that and just share what I felt
and that since they were so new to me, then understand that this was coming from like
a real raw place and not just, I don't know, like an attention grab or like ego, just like
me being me and that this is what you see is what you get that they said, like, yeah,
all the triggers came and it was kind of hard to be around me.
But the more time they spent around me, the more they, they realized that that was actually
their own shit, their own stuff that was coming up.
So it's so true.
We are mirrors for each other.
And I think it's so funny, like what you said before of how it can be easier to drop in
and just like spill your guts out to somebody who you don't know or even the eye, eye gazing
because they're kind of like a blank slate, right?
Like a blank piece of paper.
There's no stories.
There's no cords attached with your relationship and where it's been and all the journeys and
I don't know, lifetimes that have happened there.
And I think what's super interesting with all of that too, is the more practice that
we get being intimate, being raw, vulnerable, authentic and sharing that with people, the
more that we're met with receptivity and the more that we're met with feeling like, or
even people telling us that us doing that, just being ourselves, being real and sharing
all of that, we become a lighthouse, right?
And it's inspiring then for others to see that, to see others modeling that and want
to do it themselves and maybe dip their toe into intimacy, dip their toe into sharing
what's real and raw, even when it's really freaking hard and just be seen.
I think it's such a big part of yoga for me, especially as a yoga teacher, teaching yoga
for 10 years now, I've been reflecting on how this journey of holding space has transformed
for me.
And it really is the fact that the more comfortable I am with sharing my stories, sharing my
truth from a place of not ego, of not like, look at me, of just like, yeah, this is just
what's real and true and I'm just sharing it to share it and to be seen.
And if you resonate with that, I'd love to also see you and hold space for you.
And there's that reciprocity that happens and it's a very fine balance, right?
The holding space, the being seen, the seeing someone else that needs to happen in order
for it to be in flow.
Yeah.
And I think to review like what holding space is, we've definitely talked about this, but
holding space just means that you're realizing that when we are agreeing to like an energy
exchange with somebody, you don't have to be responsible for that person's stuff that
is coming up.
Holding space means that you're willing to just be in that place for them, whatever is
needing to come out and that that's theirs and yours is yours.
And just having those people that, yeah, that can be balanced.
If you have people in your life where holding space is just a very foreign concept, it doesn't
necessarily mean you have to cut everybody out because this is something that does take
a lot of work.
And telling those people, I think for me, it was just really important to advertise
like the shifts I was wanting to make, like being vulnerable about how I wanted to see
things change and that it was something that I did like want to work on.
Like my childhood best friend, like we, we had terrible coping skills around our friendship
because we had dysfunctional households.
So, you know, we didn't know how to like be there for each other.
We were goofy and like we would be weird if one of us wanted a hug, like don't touch me.
Like just nervous.
Like we, we were not like that.
And this is a friend now, Kat, that you've met at retreats.
Like we've redefined so much.
Safety, but I had to go back and say, like, I'm really sorry to cause you know, I love
the belief that all versions of ourselves are always existing in this moment.
And I had to go back and say, like, I am so sorry to teenage version of you because I
know how cold I could be.
And I know that there was so much we could have, you know, done differently had we had
the tools, but like, I want you to know that the coldness was never coming from not having
an abundance of love.
It was coming from just being very scared of myself and not wanting to be perceived
and known really.
Cause I didn't even know who I was.
And I had a lot of journeying to do on developing that before I could be in front of somebody
else.
And another thing that popped up while you were talking, Kat, and I think you're so good
at this and I very much use the same strategy as we do.
But I like to announce like what, you know, an opportunity for intimacy and you do this
in group settings often Kat, like even in our casual hangs, proposing like a deep question
for everybody or like, how about everyone shares this?
Like you can make it fun.
It doesn't have to all of a sudden be just this like, you know, deep drop into feeling
out of nowhere with context that might be hard for people to just digest when, especially
if it's people that have known you a long time, you can say like, Hey, can we sit down
and just like ask each other questions?
Like it's been a while since we've peered into each other's brains or like, you know,
we haven't really spent time like talking about this subject matter.
I noticed that we don't do it, so maybe we can do it or yeah, can we talk about something
from the past that I know like weaves into the story I have with you and like, these
are the little things that we can cut around and we just try to exist a lot of times in
the relationship with how they are when the level you can get to in depth.
I loved what you said.
It becomes so reciprocal and there were also people that I never thought in a million years
were going to change.
But when I met them with different energy, it was incredible actually how much did shift.
Like we can tell ourselves like because of past story, like they're just going to laugh
or they're going to make fun of us or they're just going to shut down.
And maybe there's people that will always do that.
But when you meet them with an energy that's not so defensive, I've learned this even with
patient care and healthcare world.
If I go in like meeting them with this wall that's kind of more intense and like cold,
I am going to be met with that energy.
And I think people often reflect back what you give.
And when you meet with vulnerability, you might meet a lot of scared versions of someone.
But a lot of people can't dish out their same script when you're just being vulnerable for
you.
And it makes it really hard to put on your normal responses that like the brain goes,
wait, what did she just say that?
And it drops people's defenses.
And yeah, it might kick back online.
But I think I was very surprised that when I started going to like my family with this
different version of me that I bought like hell to get, I was more surprised and a lot
of those closer family relationships, what I was actually met with when I said like,
how hard things had been for me and what I had to do to get there and just levels of
exposure instead of just getting mad at them, you know?
Yeah, totally.
1000%.
And like, I guess if there's any tips that we have, it's just to pay attention to those
relationships of yours that you feel so seen in and also pay attention to those relationships
where you feel a lot of pressure, a lot of pressure to perform, a lot of pressure to
speak or be cool or be like a version of yourself that just isn't filled with ease and just
like one that your body doesn't feel safe in because we've all had those relationships,
whether with friends or with family or even coworkers or acquaintances where you are not
even super present in the conversation because you're so concerned with what you're going
to say next, right?
Like we're hardly listening in conversations that we feel tense or uncomfortable in because
we are in our own heads and thinking about like, oh, okay, they're saying this one thing,
or should I pivot the conversation to next in order to sound interesting, right?
And so if it is a relationship where you would like to bring more ease into, or you would
like to feel more comfortable or you'd even like to take this relationship to a deeper
level, I think we'd invite you to really confront that and have that hard conversation that
says something like, hey, you know, sometimes when I come to you, I don't really need advice.
I'm not looking for how you would handle it or your experience.
Sometimes I just need to feel heard.
Sometimes I just want someone to listen and I just want to vent.
Do you think you'd be okay with that?
Getting that little check in and on the other side, please let me know if there is times
that you just want to be heard and I'm happy to hold that space for you and just notice
how that changes things, how that shifts the relationship.
It's helped Kyle and I so much in our relationship just to have those little moments of check
in and helps us understand what kind of place we're coming from.
Because typically when I'm overstimulated, what is going to help me the least is telling
me ways, like hearing someone else tell me ways that I should do other things to be different.
And it's like, okay, no, sometimes I just need to slow the fuck down and just like speak
out of my mouth, all the things that are floating up in my head.
And just for someone to look at me while I'm speaking this stuff and to be met with love,
to be met with space and being seen.
And even though the chaos is flooding out of my mouth, being met with the feeling that
it's okay and that it's safe and that it's fine.
And that to me is true intimacy.
Yeah, I love that.
And that's so, so important and so well said.
And that's exactly what we want to call into our higher relationships.
And that is the perfect description to talk about for holding space.
I've also learned that for me, having the space for verbal processing is huge.
And a lot of times I don't want to do that by myself.
So having different outlets for that has been big.
But I've also come to learn that if I have someone's hand connected, hands on my lap
or hand on my back or hand, touch for me is extremely regulating for my body.
And that usually can drop me in a lot of levels deeper because I can just be so flighty so
easily.
And that sense is huge.
I have like so learned that like, hey, even to my friends, like I'm about to say something
kind of scary.
Just like, if you just sit here by me for a second, I'll connect like my leg to their
leg like I need to have like that little anchor that for me has been another like really huge
shift.
And yeah, advice for people that have relationships and people around you that you really love,
but you guys are just kind of going through the motions.
There's not this intentional thing.
Definitely like starting off with, hey, can we take maybe set a timer and take we're going
to give you lots of examples, but can we take five minutes to, you know, do X, Y, and Z,
or maybe even if it doesn't feel safe to do that and you're very worried about like opening
this channel up with somebody because there's just been so many habit loops, maybe even
sitting down in your own reflection and picturing like talking deeper to this person or maybe
even writing a letter.
I know in yoga teacher training, I wrote a letter to my dad and my mom and oh my gosh,
I got so much emotional release out just writing down the things that I needed to say.
So it wasn't so emotionally triggered.
And it also helped me realize just from writing the letters, like what stories I was holding
on to, like I could see my defenses, you know, of what I do to block it.
So that way when I actually went into conversation with them, I said like, I want to just kind
of share what my journey has been like, I would love for you to listen because we are
so distant at this point.
If there's any hope of relationship, I need to know that it's going to be, you know, at
least safe enough for me to say what my truth is.
And I would love if you guys could just listen.
And I was met with a lot more receptiveness than what I was expecting.
But I also think if I wouldn't have kind of pieced together that from writing a letter,
like, oh, I'm expecting him to say this and my mom to say this and them to, you know,
I had all these expectations because of hundreds of repetitions of that through my childhood.
But I was a different version of myself.
And I think that was the most important thing to see is that, you know, I had to get kind
of to the point of the story, like, what am I believing they're going to do when I say
this and where maybe is that coming from?
And I did go back.
I went back in my conversations with my family and said, like, this is what I'm reminded
of when I go to tell you this, just so they knew, you know?
And I think it did make a difference.
Like every time I go to share this, I think of the time when you said this and I have
a part of my body that, like, is very scared now to say this.
And they can't they they can't respond the same way when I share that deep level of truth.
And I think it took some kind of private reflection with certain relationships sometimes first.
So if you're thinking, I don't have these relationships around me, this is not something
I've been able to cultivate yet.
Maybe spend some time with reflection on yourself before you start carving out those spaces.
But also know that this work is scary.
And the scary part about it is you're radically transforming everything around you.
Change is always scary.
And you aren't living if you're not inviting in enough intimacy and vulnerability into
your life.
We know this like that is actual living.
And you can feel so alone and cold and numb without this work.
So it's so, so fucking potent and so important.
But yeah, there's a lot of dynamics in the human experience.
And this is not an easy one.
And it's going to look different with every single person.
And it's going to be constantly evolving.
So it's worth it.
It's right.
It's so true.
And once you feel like you're getting more comfortable with holding space and having
space held for you, this is like a little 2.0 communication.
Something that I've found, and this actually I can trace back to my days as a sales trainer
in the educational travel world, something that definitely makes people feel heard is
one, of course, holding the space, but two, how you respond.
And so when you respond by kind of, I find that I'm around a lot of people who are very
airy, right?
I'm very airy myself.
And sometimes as we're speaking, it is truly, it's truly just, what's that phrase?
Like something of consciousness.
What's that?
Stream of consciousness.
Thank you.
As I'm talking about being airy.
Thank you.
Yes, we help each other out.
So it's just stream of consciousness.
Things can get really confusing.
And so something that I have adapted in my active listening journey is rephrasing what
I heard in a really boiled down, simple way.
So if someone is telling me stories about how they are feeling just like very unseen
in life, I'll kind of mirror it back in a sentence and be like, wow, God, I can't believe
what you're going through.
That feels so hard to consistently just not feel seen by your boss or what have you.
And then the reaction I get is like, yes, like, oh my gosh, you get me.
You see me.
Right?
And so just mirroring back what you're seeing, what you're experiencing, what you're hearing
can be so fricking validating.
I love that.
I think that's really can be shocking to people.
We think it won't be.
But if you have like a partner you're with and you say like, when you say that, what
I hear is that you don't want to like spend much time with me.
And it's really hard.
Like that hurts me.
Like that can be so reflective for someone.
You might not always meet, be met with, you know, no reaction.
But I think people can be shocked and it's important to say what you're actually hearing
and noticing from a feeling standpoint.
But also, yeah, you're so good at that cat, too, of like a lot of times when people are
talking, it's it's really just to land on a feeling.
And our minds can be so busy that it can be so hard to even sense what we are feeling.
And having someone just, yeah, be like, wow, that was that really, you know, hearing all
of that makes me really think this that can be so, so healing for people.
And yeah, it can also be reflective.
It can be two things.
And it really comes down to just like noticing what you feel while someone is talking to
you, but also like really being an active listener and holding space for the people
when they're using you that same way and helping them also maybe get a grip on what the story
is behind it or what the feeling is behind it or just an I'm here.
Oh, my gosh.
So many layers.
Yes.
Yeah.
A little phrase that Kyle and I have adopted is, you know, sometimes he'll be sharing something
and I my experience will be maybe different or he might have no idea of how I am interpreting
what he's saying, especially if it's something about me.
And so a phrase that we've adopted to kind of take the ego out of it and just clear up
any potential miscommunication is, OK, so I hear you what you're saying.
And the story I'm telling myself is the story I'm telling myself is so that you're kind
of saying like it's you're not accusing them.
You're like, I might be making this up.
I just want to get on the same page with you.
Is this correct?
Like, is this right?
And then you both have the opportunity to understand where each other is coming from
and either validate that like, yes, that is true or no.
Actually, what I meant was this.
And that can help so many potential arguments from just prevent them from happening.
And then something that one of my best friends out here, Kirsten, something that we've noticed
in conversation sometimes is like there are times when one of us will be feeling really
chatty and sometimes it's like I'm just thinking of one time an example when it was her and
she'll say like, I'm sorry, I'm talking a lot.
And my response in those times is often, no, you're not like, please don't apologize.
I'm here.
I'm listening and I'm actually just in a more listening mood.
So like, please keep talking.
I'm holding space.
I'm here for it.
And like, don't be afraid to take up that space.
Like if it's your best friend, take up that space, it's your opportunity to be heard and
listened to.
And, you know, with your besties, that time will always come back.
And there are times where I'm the chatty one and she holds the space.
And so in the right relationships, you'll notice that reciprocity just happening naturally.
Yes, I love it.
So I think this was like a perfect like overview.
We talked about a lot of levels of communication and terms.
We have other episodes that even dive in deeper into communication and things we've pieced
shifting gears a little bit for this last little part of this episode.
We wanted to really go over some tools for actual co-regulation and intimacy like exercises.
And I want to share too, that words can be really hard and take a lot of time.
And I think for some, the outlet is not always words first.
And you might be able to lean in a lot more with the body before the words come into play.
And I want to share that like a huge, like I said at the beginning, we just don't like
to drop into often intimacy without it leaning into that like romantic sex side.
It's gotten so intertwined that it feels really weird.
You can have some, you know, I think some people are a little more touchy feely with
their family and can like go into that space easier.
But like this is another form of being vulnerable.
And it sometimes ends up being like a really good tool to actually end up going into more
language based intimacy.
So to share a few of the exercises, Kat and I are fresh off of just doing a guided workshop.
And this stuff is really passionate.
We are very passionate about this because we love sensory play because enhancing the
senses is really a way to be more mindful and dropped into your body.
I think so much of like that blur of like romance of like lighting candles and flowers
and all this stuff, it's really enhancing the senses.
And this is something that we shouldn't just do when we're trying to get to an end point
or, you know, like only doing it with certain like not thinking that we can have these like
romantic type friendships that lean into deeper intimacy.
I think that's just a precursor.
But yes, talking about some actual exercises.
So I think it's so nice to connect with every single one of the senses.
But touch alone, I love to get a timer out.
I do these.
I've done these at retreats guided with, you know, people that know each other and don't.
I do these with Danny.
We will set just depending on timeframe, two to five minute timer.
Keep it right beside.
I usually will play music on something to just to have a little more background sound
groundedness to.
But back to back breathing is what I love to start with, because it's allowing us not
only to breathe so we can get into our bodies, but you also can start by tuning into yourself
and then start by tuning in and trying to breathe with your partner that is back to
back with you.
It can be super nice to feel that back support and you're not having to go right into the
scariest thing all at once.
You're just feeling into that touch before facing each other kind of opens up another
layer.
And I know especially for my autistic ADHD brain, like dropping in is not easy.
So for me, once I'm facing into somebody, I'm connected in that way.
I love to do like a minute of eyes closed.
So in some connection I can do like forehead pressing and other connection.
I can do like one hand on their their chest, one on mine or maybe hands on each other's
legs.
And I like to have my eyes closed first because facing somebody is a lot more vulnerable for
me and setting a timer for that breathing into that space.
Then starts the layers of yeah, like you can take it one of two directions.
A lot of times when I'm like really just kind of going into this as a therapy mode, I would
not factor in like doing stretching and massage together.
But I think that is like something beautiful we just let in our workshop getting into the
body a little deeper and just being playful and like finding stretches that you can do
together.
Like, can you lean and press my back?
It's a lot of practice on consent.
Can you help me twist a little deeper here?
Can we hold each other's hands and like lean this way and lean that way?
And it can feel very playful, which is beautiful.
And there can be elements of actually waking your body up a little bit more, which I think
is huge, especially if you're doing this work after like a long day and you need to kind
of drop into the body a little bit more.
And then, yeah, the layers of actual intimacy.
Do you want to talk us through like eye gazing stuff, Kat?
Sure.
Yeah.
So once you feel really safe and comfortable with your partner, you've co-regulated a
little bit, you've breathed.
A couple of things that I love to do with Kyle, like when we're in that good place or
even if we're not in that good place, one thing that we love to do is a heart hug.
And so we've kind of adopted this term.
We've adopted this practice is sometimes when we're feeling really disconnected, we will
come and hug each other, but not the way that we typically hug people.
Typically we bring our heads to the left.
A heart hug, we bring our heads to the right when going in for that hug.
And what that does is it aligns where our hearts are with each other.
And so heart to heart hug.
We don't typically set alarms, Kyle and I, but we just hold that hug until we both feel
our muscles, our bodies and our energy just settle.
So that is one thing that we do often.
Eye gazing.
Yeah.
Kat, real quick.
Yeah.
I love that hilarious little heart story.
I love that turning your head to the right.
It is so cool.
If you hold a longer hug, our body actually produces oxytocin, which makes us feel connected.
They've proven that if you hold a hug for 20 seconds, you can really get this exchange.
So if you're just feeling like really overwhelmed, play the hormone chemical game and just hold
it and breathe.
I taught this to a patient, this cute little lady with Alzheimer's.
And I said, I got to get my 20 second hug.
And we would just like hold the hug and her little brain with her Alzheimer's.
She would just, I wouldn't even be there.
And she'd be like, I need my 20 second hug.
I need my 20 second hug.
And she'd repeat this.
It was so cute.
I got to go up to her in her wheelchair and I'm like, I'm here.
I need it too.
Like, let's hug this one out.
So that's adorable.
So cute.
Yes.
It's so true.
And we all know our friends are people who are good huggers because they hug longer than
the what?
Like 0.5 of a second normal.
Just like, oh, hey, how's it going?
Quick little hug.
Yeah.
My, one of my other best friends out here, Celeste, she gives like a solid three to five
second hug every time we say hello and goodbye.
And it just like melts me to my core.
And so longer hugs.
Okay, everybody.
Longer hugs.
Yes.
Yeah.
And then eye gazing.
I mean, this is something so powerful.
Eyes are the windows to the soul.
So taking a moment and just like breathing, staring into your person's eyes and just noticing
what comes.
It can be super uncomfy.
You're going to want to look away.
You're going to want to laugh.
You might end up crying.
Just notice what happens.
And without words, the body has so much to say just through that connection of staring
into each other's eyes.
You might set an alarm for like two minutes.
You might just look into each other's eyes and see what happens.
And maybe it lasts longer.
Maybe it's shorter.
Just see what the journey has for you there.
I 100%.
I 100% need the rules of the timer.
I know you're a big timer person.
I want to die.
My autism says I need the endpoint.
So I know I'm safe.
Then we are good.
Yeah.
It's like a healthy little boundary you build in for yourself.
It's great.
It's safe.
And yeah, it can be so hard, like you said earlier, Jen, to prioritize and make time
for intimacy.
I feel it.
Like we live very busy lives here and it can be days of just going through the everyday
motions that we get swept up and lost in the hustle.
And it doesn't take long to start feeling disconnected from your person or from your
friends.
So something that we've adopted that I feel like I've shared before on the pod here is
when we eat dinner together, which we try to do it if not every day, maybe every other
day, we will say, what are your three things?
And this is just a great little conversation opener.
And what we mean by that is three things that you're grateful for today and three gifts
that you gave the world today.
So we usually start with the three gifts because it starts with ourselves and it's like, okay,
let me actually check in with myself.
What kind of day did I have?
What gifts did I give to the world today?
Whether it was hard work, dedication, whether it was presence, holding space for a friend,
whether it was anything like that, the grind, like moving my body, things like that.
And then it's like the gratitude.
And pretty much every single time we share how we're grateful for each other in that
moment.
I love that.
Such a good example.
Yeah.
So this is something you can maybe just carve out like one little session a week if this
is new.
I honestly think going to your own personal therapy is a form of intimacy, getting on
your yoga mat is a form of intimacy, but we're also really, really trying to let you know
that the elements of connection and finding people to do this with is so important.
You can even have a friend that you carve out time.
It doesn't even have to be a friend that lives in the same town as you.
Like let's go on zoom one day a week and like actually carve out space for intentional.
Maybe we do do the eye gaze for a second.
Maybe we take turns talking and sharing like what has been scary for me right now.
What's been on my heart?
Like where am I today?
Like yeah, just actually carving out space where then one person gets to talk and then
the other person gets to talk.
And it's also not about like the other person having answers for you.
It's a chance to get to hear yourself like speak.
It's a chance to be met with somebody that's lovingly holding space.
And we can do this in so many relationships.
And I think it's so transformative and it gets to the point where this actually does
become so much more automatic.
I've shared a lot of tick tocks about connection exercises and the top comments I always get
is like just how it's a huge no and how terrifying it is and like how that makes them want to
throw up.
Like this all gets to be second nature and it's practice and realizing that it's not
not being able to do it.
It's I need to really practice this because my life, you know, I haven't carved out the
time to actually work on intimacy and vulnerability.
That's right.
So we hope that you are able to take something away from this podcast episode.
We love to hear your thoughts, your takeaways, any feedback and ideas you have.
You can find us on Instagram at Awaken Together podcast and please write, follow, review and
share this little pod.
This month is all about love and we love love and we love you.
Yes.
And exciting news.
We got some totes made with our logo on it.
So if you want a Waken Together tote, we have a post up on Instagram.
You can message us and let us know so that you can walk around with your cute tote.
I literally love it.
Heck yeah.
They're so cute.
Well, thank you, everybody.
We love you and we'll talk to you soon.
Bye.