1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:08,960 Hello everyone and welcome back to season five of the Awaken Together podcast. 2 00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:09,960 I'm Kat. 3 00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:10,960 I'm Jen. 4 00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:14,000 And we're so happy to be back with you all. 5 00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:16,000 We hope you've had an amazing summer. 6 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:17,000 We missed you. 7 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:20,120 We've missed you so much. 8 00:00:20,120 --> 00:00:27,360 And we are jumping back in with some really juicy, really fiery content and we're going 9 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:28,920 to kick it off with patriarchy. 10 00:00:28,920 --> 00:00:38,040 So there's so much that we can say about this being two cisgendered women living in this 11 00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:39,040 day and age. 12 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:44,520 But really the inspiration for us covering this topic today is because we are coming 13 00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:46,720 off just seeing the Barbie movie. 14 00:00:46,720 --> 00:00:50,200 Fresh off the Barbie movie. 15 00:00:50,200 --> 00:00:54,880 And if you haven't seen it yet, spoiler alert, there's going to be some things we talk about 16 00:00:54,880 --> 00:01:01,440 that might give some things away, but we just thought this was too prevalent and too present 17 00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:04,080 in our souls not to talk about it. 18 00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:12,600 Yes, the Barbie movie was such a deeper processing than I think a lot of people anticipated when 19 00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:14,640 they went in to see it. 20 00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:21,640 And I'm just so hoping that this was kind of like a little nugget or a little seed for 21 00:01:21,640 --> 00:01:29,600 so many people that maybe would not be exposed to the world of unpacking patriarchy, your 22 00:01:29,600 --> 00:01:34,080 own self-love and all the things that we talk about on this podcast. 23 00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:37,560 It could have started some people's journey when they just thought they were going to 24 00:01:37,560 --> 00:01:40,680 see a basic movie. 25 00:01:40,680 --> 00:01:42,900 Exactly, right. 26 00:01:42,900 --> 00:01:49,060 And so we figured just to start it off super high level, what is the patriarchy in case 27 00:01:49,060 --> 00:01:53,920 any of us aren't super informed of the definition? 28 00:01:53,920 --> 00:01:58,080 And if you just do a quick Google search, it literally says, a system of society or 29 00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:03,440 government in which men hold the power and women are largely excluded from it. 30 00:02:03,440 --> 00:02:09,680 So whether or not that word is one that is commonly in your vocabulary or if it's a newer 31 00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:14,920 concept to you, you have been living in this society your entire life. 32 00:02:14,920 --> 00:02:16,800 So we'll kind of unpack that today. 33 00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:23,800 Yes, we're going to go over how it's personally impacted us, ways we contributed to it, and 34 00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:30,680 then also talk about how this kind of manifests in society and what we can do from there. 35 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:38,600 But the themes of the Barbie movie, it's really going over the experience of what it means 36 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:46,720 to be a woman and how complex that can be in the society that we have created. 37 00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:56,000 And it does it in such a casual way at first to where I think it can get you thinking. 38 00:02:56,000 --> 00:03:02,400 And then I love where the movie goes where eventually they realize that just by sharing 39 00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:09,160 and talking about your own personal experiences on how impossible the system is, it can wake 40 00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:15,160 other people up to knowing how ridiculous and impossible the system is so we can actually 41 00:03:15,160 --> 00:03:17,360 change and get out of it. 42 00:03:17,360 --> 00:03:25,600 So Kat, I would love to hear your journey with the patriarchy, how you feel that influenced 43 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:31,360 your you growing up and where you've kind of ended up being able to land. 44 00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:32,880 Yeah, thanks. 45 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,240 Oh man. 46 00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:38,320 I mean, it is brainwashing at its core essence. 47 00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:39,320 It really is. 48 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:40,320 It is. 49 00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:44,800 You're like put under a spell and we're put under the spell of believing that we are less 50 00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:50,220 than as women from really as early as we can understand that as a topic. 51 00:03:50,220 --> 00:03:55,960 So when thinking about this for myself, I go all the way back to childhood and I think 52 00:03:55,960 --> 00:04:03,120 about like something that my grandmother who she was 17 years old when she had my mom, 53 00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:09,000 she moved here from Greece and she was married off at 18 to my grandfather. 54 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:12,480 It was an arranged marriage and he was 11 years older than her. 55 00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:21,320 So I mean, even thinking back to that, that right there, like older Greek times, it was 56 00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:23,260 very prevalent there as well. 57 00:04:23,260 --> 00:04:31,800 So arranged marriages, the youth being seen as like the ideal older men going for younger 58 00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:33,440 women, all of that. 59 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,600 But she like I love her so much. 60 00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:38,640 My grandmother, she's still alive. 61 00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:41,720 She's my last living grandparent and we're very close. 62 00:04:41,720 --> 00:04:51,360 But in growing up and just kind of understanding patriarchy and like kind of my gender and 63 00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:55,440 my responsibilities in the family and how I was treated different than my little brother, 64 00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:59,840 I started to kind of unearth some things that I was like, hmm, I'm going to think about 65 00:04:59,840 --> 00:05:00,840 that some more. 66 00:05:00,840 --> 00:05:02,080 I don't really like how that feels. 67 00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:09,180 So one example of this is so I'm three years older than my brother and my Yaya would say 68 00:05:09,180 --> 00:05:14,400 to me, oh, like how was she would pick us up from school every day. 69 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:16,840 So she would say, how was last night? 70 00:05:16,840 --> 00:05:18,560 Did you feed your brother dinner? 71 00:05:18,560 --> 00:05:21,960 Like I know mommy got home late from work, did you feed your brother? 72 00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:25,520 And I was like 13 at the time. 73 00:05:25,520 --> 00:05:29,840 He was nine and I don't know, I didn't want to cook for him. 74 00:05:29,840 --> 00:05:32,220 So I was like, no, he cooked his own chicken nuggets. 75 00:05:32,220 --> 00:05:34,520 And she was like, why didn't you cook for him? 76 00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:36,320 I'm like, he wanted chicken nuggets. 77 00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:37,840 And so he popped them in the microwave. 78 00:05:37,840 --> 00:05:38,840 Like I don't have to cook. 79 00:05:38,840 --> 00:05:44,240 I was 13, you know, I was like, I don't have to cook for my little brother every time. 80 00:05:44,240 --> 00:05:46,300 And that was just kind of the expectation. 81 00:05:46,300 --> 00:05:47,520 And it wasn't just me. 82 00:05:47,520 --> 00:05:50,600 I noticed how this was all of the women in my family. 83 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:54,600 It was, oh, why don't you go see if your cousin George is hungry? 84 00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:57,560 Why don't you go see if your dad wants a beer? 85 00:05:57,560 --> 00:06:01,200 It was just like, we were there to serve them. 86 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:06,240 And that was never explicitly said, but that was of course the message that was received. 87 00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:12,000 It was very clear to me that the women were there to make babies and care for the babies 88 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:14,000 and the children and the men. 89 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:16,720 And that was like our place in society. 90 00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:20,960 So that was one example that I thought about. 91 00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:27,560 I also, when I kind of picked up on all of this, I started to more resonate with being 92 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:32,920 a tomboy because I really didn't like that idea of women being there to serve. 93 00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:39,640 So I kind of took on this approach of wanting more power and in that made myself act more 94 00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:40,640 masculine. 95 00:06:40,640 --> 00:06:44,920 Wait, okay, patriarchy, here we are again. 96 00:06:44,920 --> 00:06:50,640 It seems like it's not, but then it sneaks right back, you know? 97 00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:51,640 Uh huh, right? 98 00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:52,640 Yeah. 99 00:06:52,640 --> 00:06:59,220 And I actually used to shit on my little cousin, Maria, who is like a little sister to me for 100 00:06:59,220 --> 00:07:00,220 loving Barbie. 101 00:07:00,220 --> 00:07:03,840 So it's like full circle because she loved pink. 102 00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:05,040 She loved Barbie. 103 00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:08,580 She loved shopping and shoes and all of the really feminine things. 104 00:07:08,580 --> 00:07:13,080 And here I was thinking like, oh no, like we need to be strong, independent women. 105 00:07:13,080 --> 00:07:14,840 We need to be manly. 106 00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:20,000 We need to act like we like sports and just like own that side of us or else we're never 107 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:21,440 going to be taken seriously. 108 00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:24,600 We're going to be seen as unintelligent. 109 00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:31,220 And so I remember like deciding really early on that I would dress really conservatively. 110 00:07:31,220 --> 00:07:36,520 Like even in middle school when girls, you know, frequently are kind of pushing the boundaries, 111 00:07:36,520 --> 00:07:42,440 I really didn't want to do that because I felt really uncomfortable being catcalled, 112 00:07:42,440 --> 00:07:47,080 just like walking down the street as a teenager, you know, being catcalled on the street and 113 00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:52,440 like being so uncomfortable, just feeling this heat rising in me and my face would be 114 00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:53,920 red. 115 00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:56,840 And I just felt like, you know, what the hell? 116 00:07:56,840 --> 00:08:00,240 Like I am not here for someone else's enjoyment. 117 00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:04,400 I'm not here just to be catcalled and stared at. 118 00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:09,760 And so I would purposefully dress in ways that were like more masculine, just to try 119 00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:12,600 to avoid that, to feel safe. 120 00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:13,600 Yeah. 121 00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:18,760 So just even body language, like my shoulders would cave in, my throat chakra was super 122 00:08:18,760 --> 00:08:19,760 blocked. 123 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:23,280 I would talk really quietly at school and stuff. 124 00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:28,960 And then at home it would all get kind of pent up and I would like get just so upset 125 00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:31,560 and I had this kind of anger as a kid. 126 00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:37,440 And I know that it was all built up from that way of feeling like I needed to act a certain 127 00:08:37,440 --> 00:08:39,880 way to be taken seriously. 128 00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:45,480 Like I remember having these thoughts of like, one day I'll show you all. 129 00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:49,000 That was my little Aquarius self. 130 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:51,920 Like one day you're going to take me seriously. 131 00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:57,040 I'm going to be really successful and you'll look back and be like, oh, I never should 132 00:08:57,040 --> 00:08:59,720 have doubted her. 133 00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:02,400 Do you know when it kind of started changing for you? 134 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:04,520 What was some of the turning points? 135 00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:06,320 Yeah, honestly. 136 00:09:06,320 --> 00:09:13,080 Like, ah, man, I think I started to kind of embrace my feminine energy when I was like 137 00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:16,960 midway through probably early on in high school actually. 138 00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:23,400 But then again, it was like maybe that was part of me just kind of succumbing to it and 139 00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:27,280 seeing how others were accepted and popular and leaning into that. 140 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:30,240 Yeah, because I remember you got into your shoe addiction. 141 00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:31,240 Yes. 142 00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:32,240 Yes, exactly. 143 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:37,400 So like young times I went the other way, but then I think I started to dip my toe in 144 00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:41,440 the waters and say, well, hey, if this is what's working for everybody else, maybe I 145 00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:43,480 need to fit that mold too. 146 00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:50,040 And so I did kind of swing the pendulum in the other direction and just kind of made 147 00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:55,440 myself dumb down and just, yeah, I don't know. 148 00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:58,720 Which is ultimately letting the patriarchy win. 149 00:09:58,720 --> 00:10:04,580 You start realizing like, OK, well, maybe I will just go into this box because this 150 00:10:04,580 --> 00:10:10,680 box gets me things a lot easier and then I'm not labeled and judged and looked at in this 151 00:10:10,680 --> 00:10:11,680 way. 152 00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:14,040 So yes, exactly. 153 00:10:14,040 --> 00:10:17,120 And there's such there's an example of that in the movie, too. 154 00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:22,120 Like, do you remember when Barbie almost gets back into her box to be put away because it 155 00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:26,120 was more comfortable and then she has that freak out moment of like, no, this isn't actually 156 00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:27,120 what I want to do. 157 00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:33,400 So I feel like I had that moment really when I found yoga, like really when my spiritual 158 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:39,760 awakening began of like, OK, I don't need to be someone that everybody else wants me 159 00:10:39,760 --> 00:10:42,640 to be, that society tells me I need to be. 160 00:10:42,640 --> 00:10:45,880 I'm going to start to understand who I am at the core. 161 00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:46,880 Right. 162 00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:51,360 And breaking down like both extremes of these like gendered presentations. 163 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:56,000 Like, you know, you lose a lot of that on the yoga mat because you start to see yourself 164 00:10:56,000 --> 00:11:01,760 as a soul and it gets a lot easier just to be like, what does my internal compass want 165 00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:04,360 beyond all this other bullshit? 166 00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:05,720 A hundred percent. 167 00:11:05,720 --> 00:11:06,720 Yeah, exactly. 168 00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:09,680 I'm so grateful for that and for that practice. 169 00:11:09,680 --> 00:11:15,200 I feel like for both of us, a lot can be traced back to to yoga and the mat. 170 00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:16,200 But how about you, Jen? 171 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:18,000 What was your experience like? 172 00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:21,160 Yeah, thank you for sharing yours as thinking even. 173 00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:22,480 Yeah, like so much. 174 00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:25,260 I can see some similarities. 175 00:11:25,260 --> 00:11:32,160 My starting point is like very unique, like yours in a way, because my parents growing 176 00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:38,160 up in a very strict Christian household, evangelical Christian, I'm sure some of you have heard 177 00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:40,760 in other episodes. 178 00:11:40,760 --> 00:11:49,080 But my my parents were very against all the things that were kind of like hyper feminine. 179 00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:51,800 So I was not allowed to paint my nails. 180 00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:53,600 I was not allowed to wear makeup. 181 00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:59,920 I was not allowed to wear most like clothing that would have been, you know, popular like 182 00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:04,080 in the time I wasn't allowed to have my ears pierced. 183 00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:06,960 So a lot of the like. 184 00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:13,960 Kind of like standard feminine presentation was like forbidden for me, which. 185 00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:19,480 You know, in a way, it could have been seen as like my parents kind of breaking that mold 186 00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:27,080 and not wanting me to go there, but it also made me deeply like see that presentation 187 00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:30,640 very sexualized and as very dirty. 188 00:12:30,640 --> 00:12:37,200 So it definitely had me like resisting a lot of people, like you said, with your cousin. 189 00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:42,540 Like I pushed a lot of people away from me that were into those things. 190 00:12:42,540 --> 00:12:48,620 So it led to me having this kind of very judgmental lens where I thought anyone who embraced any 191 00:12:48,620 --> 00:12:54,800 of that stuff was just like, yeah, doing the absolute like worst thing. 192 00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:57,080 So it took a lot of healing around that. 193 00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:59,280 So I was very much raised a tomboy. 194 00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:06,000 I was raised to like watch a lot of sports growing up and really to follow what my dad's 195 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,560 passions were. 196 00:13:07,560 --> 00:13:09,640 Good question on that, too. 197 00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:14,280 What was your parents reasoning for not letting you like paint your nails and do the thing? 198 00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:15,280 Yeah. 199 00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:18,380 So to them, they thought that that was a very like sexual thing. 200 00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:24,760 It was a way to kind of seduce and to like, yes, just sexualized stuff. 201 00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:30,480 So to them that if they raised daughters that way, we were going to turn into someone that 202 00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:35,520 would attract all these like men and be seducing. 203 00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:41,200 So it was so kind of grimy because even at a young age, it had me thinking in this like 204 00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:46,200 dirtier way because of it being restricted and viewed that way. 205 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:53,240 So it kind of shows my parents own like own stuff that they were going through where they 206 00:13:53,240 --> 00:14:01,200 were still like really being fueled by patriarchal thinking of like women are seen kind of objectively. 207 00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:07,440 And this is, you know, instead of dismantling that and kind of educating through it, it 208 00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:12,840 was like just forbidden, which ended up being like really weird to like unpack. 209 00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:19,960 So I think growing up, we leaned into a lot of my dad's passions, which my mom really 210 00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:26,400 struggled with a lot of self-esteem issues and a lot of self-hatred because I think for 211 00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:30,880 her it was really hard to find like identity beyond. 212 00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:36,680 Yeah, there is this hard for her to find identity, I think, in a lot of ways. 213 00:14:36,680 --> 00:14:42,880 And then you add that into the layer of the church, which, you know, we went to churches 214 00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:47,480 where they believe that women should never be pastors, that women shouldn't be a part 215 00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:52,240 of the elder team of the church making some of the decisions. 216 00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:59,240 Women were very much used in church to be of service, like prepare meals for after church 217 00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:04,020 and to lead the nursery and do things like that. 218 00:15:04,020 --> 00:15:10,880 So I was very much still put into a gender role in completely different ways. 219 00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:16,880 And this like feminine, like you need to be self-sacrificial was definitely still a very 220 00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:18,360 strong influence. 221 00:15:18,360 --> 00:15:20,700 It was just all done through the church. 222 00:15:20,700 --> 00:15:26,440 And I remember, you know, starting at a very young age in the church, which I think is 223 00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:31,840 messed up for so many reasons, but they start having, you know, these talks with you at 224 00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:38,600 such a young age about how us girls can tempt the boys and we can cause them to send from 225 00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:44,360 God and that we need to be really careful about how we dress and that every single thing 226 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:52,600 we do is a reflection of like how much we're willing to keep people on the path of God 227 00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:55,360 and heading in the right direction. 228 00:15:55,360 --> 00:16:01,540 And so I just remember, you know, I was always like pulling at my clothes, making sure like 229 00:16:01,540 --> 00:16:06,640 if I dropped something that I was holding my skirt, like don't, you know, don't accidentally 230 00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:12,580 like do anything scandalous, like making sure my shirts were always like not revealing anything, 231 00:16:12,580 --> 00:16:15,520 like watching my body language like so much. 232 00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:22,560 And then I think I had kind of like a hyper rebellion stage also kind of hit more closer 233 00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:31,020 to high school of like realizing how much I just did not, you know, I felt so behind 234 00:16:31,020 --> 00:16:32,020 in so many ways. 235 00:16:32,020 --> 00:16:37,480 I was still piecing together like these rules from my household, like my dad was very much 236 00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:43,560 encouraged and took on the role very gladly of being in charge of our households. 237 00:16:43,560 --> 00:16:47,720 My mom couldn't have too many opinions and everything always had to go through my dad 238 00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:49,400 and I hated that. 239 00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:54,800 I always felt like a burning fire for that a hundred percent. 240 00:16:54,800 --> 00:17:00,980 And I just remember as I got into high school, just being like, I want to experience everything 241 00:17:00,980 --> 00:17:06,160 for what it is and I will have to just like learn to make my own judgment calls. 242 00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:12,240 But that did end up still taking a darker direction because I was still at that point 243 00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:16,840 program so much that like the highlight of my life was going to be to get married and 244 00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:23,000 have babies that like I still was just so happy when I was getting attention from guys. 245 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:26,200 I wasn't even thinking about my own needs. 246 00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:31,040 So I wasn't thinking like, okay, maybe this person doesn't make me the happiest. 247 00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:33,680 I was going, oh, he thinks I'm sexy. 248 00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:34,680 He's kind of hot. 249 00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:36,680 Like I resonate with that so much. 250 00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:37,680 God damn. 251 00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:38,680 Yeah. 252 00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:44,600 And you're just like so thankful that someone is giving you a piece of like, like the moment 253 00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:46,440 you've been built up for. 254 00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:49,720 And then it just ends up still feeling so empty. 255 00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:54,120 And I think it takes a long time to piece that in, but it turned into me. 256 00:17:54,120 --> 00:18:02,000 Like I think I look back and a few stories that like stand out, like it was hilarious 257 00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:06,760 in the Barbie movie when they're trying to take down the patriarchy. 258 00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:14,200 They listened to all of their partners, like play guitar for like hours and then they, 259 00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:16,600 you know, they have this whole grand plan. 260 00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:22,600 But right when I saw that in the Barbie movie, I just thought like I was engaged to a pastor's 261 00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:23,600 son. 262 00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:29,000 I was so thankful that my life was going to be just as my parents wanted, like in the 263 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:32,400 church I was going to be able to be of service. 264 00:18:32,400 --> 00:18:38,360 And he would play the guitar for so many hours without even a check in on how I'm doing. 265 00:18:38,360 --> 00:18:44,280 I didn't have a thought to say, and I was just wasting these hours, not finding my own 266 00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:50,920 ambition and instead just letting my main focus be to just admire this guy just performing 267 00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:54,880 his guitar, which makes me so sick. 268 00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:58,920 And I really thought I know how I felt in those moments. 269 00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:05,560 And I was like, wow, this this should be exactly like I'm I think I have it right. 270 00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:11,360 But like no check in on my own need everything at like this kind of comparing myself to the 271 00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:12,360 checklist, right? 272 00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:15,200 Of like everything I had been taught. 273 00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:21,880 And one other story that really comes to mind, I mean, I really still had such little self 274 00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:27,560 respect for myself in college, which led to a lot of like reckless sex and like, yeah, 275 00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:33,600 giving a lot of people power that really had done absolutely nothing to, you know, earn 276 00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:35,680 it in any capacity. 277 00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:40,920 And it just like is so a mirror of how little I cared about myself. 278 00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:48,480 And I know that once I had gotten into doing my career in physical therapy, I moved from 279 00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:54,960 Florida to I don't know if we even want to say it's a more backwards place, but I was 280 00:19:54,960 --> 00:20:01,640 I was right on the cusp of West Virginia, Kentucky and Ohio, where there is so much 281 00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:03,680 toxic masculinity. 282 00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:07,600 These men really there's so many patterns of abuse there. 283 00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:11,720 And abuse has become kind of so normalized for a lot of these women because they're not 284 00:20:11,720 --> 00:20:14,760 exposed to as many other cultures. 285 00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:22,160 It's a lot of white families and there's a lot of that men's in charge, lots of churches, 286 00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:26,560 lots of this like play out of this exact problem. 287 00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:31,080 And I started working for a company that was fully ran by men. 288 00:20:31,080 --> 00:20:36,960 They hired me in management and I was the first woman that they had in that kind of 289 00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:38,880 like position. 290 00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:42,440 And I saw all of these problems with the company. 291 00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:46,680 Like there was a lot of legality stuff I was worried about. 292 00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:53,580 I was seeing a lot of problems with the employees and I was so happy to be creating this list 293 00:20:53,580 --> 00:20:59,080 of stuff that was a problem because they had hired me to be in management to help fix these 294 00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:00,440 things. 295 00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:05,860 And I remember I presented all of the stuff to one of the guys who did not have a high 296 00:21:05,860 --> 00:21:11,960 school diploma or any college degree and was running this entire company. 297 00:21:11,960 --> 00:21:18,440 Not that that's always a huge judge, but should have been noted more for what it was. 298 00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:23,880 And he looked at me and said, after I read him the list, I look up and he's like, listen, 299 00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:25,720 you're a 22 year old female. 300 00:21:25,720 --> 00:21:29,640 I don't need you coming in here telling us what we're doing wrong. 301 00:21:29,640 --> 00:21:31,520 You listen up. 302 00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:33,200 This is something we've been doing. 303 00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:35,840 We don't need you to come in with stuff like that. 304 00:21:35,840 --> 00:21:41,680 And he's like, you know, I think why don't, why don't we go out to Ponderosa, this, this 305 00:21:41,680 --> 00:21:43,280 buffet restaurant. 306 00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:44,280 We'll talk it out. 307 00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:46,520 And I just think maybe management's not for you. 308 00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:50,040 Like let's get you a place where you can be a little more comfortable. 309 00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:57,080 So right there is the embodiment of the patriarchy tries to offer me something to soothe these 310 00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:58,080 like feelings. 311 00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:00,600 Cause God, we don't want you emotional. 312 00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:01,920 Why don't we just put some food in? 313 00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:02,920 Yeah. 314 00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:07,080 Then you can shut up and stop talking to me about the problems. 315 00:22:07,080 --> 00:22:13,040 Calls out my age, calls out my sex, calls out like every single thing I pointed out 316 00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:17,160 as being something that they didn't even want to look at twice. 317 00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:24,640 And in that moment, I feel like I had the most clarity on how the patriarchy really 318 00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:29,140 was like, I was shocked that that was thrown at me. 319 00:22:29,140 --> 00:22:35,960 And I think from there, the spite and the fire to awaken people to how screwed up this 320 00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:43,320 was, I didn't really, I think fully grasp how much that was limiting problems from being 321 00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:45,640 fixed in our reality. 322 00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:49,080 And then that moment, I think it finally clicked for me. 323 00:22:49,080 --> 00:22:52,600 So there's some of my takeaways. 324 00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:54,460 Oh my gosh. 325 00:22:54,460 --> 00:22:59,320 It's insane that that happened like in your lifetime to you. 326 00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:00,880 That wasn't 50 years ago. 327 00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:02,360 Like that was present day. 328 00:23:02,360 --> 00:23:03,360 That's insane. 329 00:23:03,360 --> 00:23:04,360 10 years ago. 330 00:23:04,360 --> 00:23:05,360 Oh my gosh. 331 00:23:05,360 --> 00:23:06,360 Unreal. 332 00:23:06,360 --> 00:23:07,360 Yeah. 333 00:23:07,360 --> 00:23:08,360 It still blows my mind. 334 00:23:08,360 --> 00:23:12,040 And I mean, age is so prevalent in the patriarchal conversation. 335 00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:13,040 Yeah. 336 00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:22,480 You're valuable only when you're young and fit this also very like disgusting and unrealistic 337 00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:30,000 look that is really hyper fantasized with Photoshop and editing. 338 00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:37,120 And it's just so clear these people are taking in images and have this viewpoint that's not 339 00:23:37,120 --> 00:23:40,560 even realistic to what the average person looks like. 340 00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:41,560 Yeah. 341 00:23:41,560 --> 00:23:45,440 And the crux of patriarchy, I mean, it's deeply rooted in capitalism. 342 00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:46,880 It's all so intertwined. 343 00:23:46,880 --> 00:23:55,400 But really the crux of it is that we are not okay and acceptable the way that we are. 344 00:23:55,400 --> 00:24:00,840 There's always this notion of needing to chase and change and be someone different and younger 345 00:24:00,840 --> 00:24:05,440 with less wrinkles and no cellulite and high arches. 346 00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:08,800 That's what we talk about in the Barbie movie. 347 00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:11,600 And it's like, what the fuck? 348 00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:19,280 And I think feminism is it gets such a bad rap in this patriarchal society because people 349 00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:23,600 think that we are trying to turn this all into a matriarchy. 350 00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:26,440 And I mean, that would be beautiful. 351 00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:29,200 But that's not what we're going for. 352 00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:30,200 Right? 353 00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:33,480 We're not saying that men should have less rights than women. 354 00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:39,960 We're just simply saying that we all need to be treated equally with respect and put 355 00:24:39,960 --> 00:24:44,080 on an even playing field because it's so far from that right now. 356 00:24:44,080 --> 00:24:51,680 So when thinking about how to rebel against the patriarchy, I think it's really simple. 357 00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:59,040 It's loving yourself and accepting yourself exactly the way you are right now. 358 00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:01,300 So so so true. 359 00:25:01,300 --> 00:25:10,920 And I think, too, that you see so commonly, like the very people bashing feminism, they 360 00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:15,560 don't even know the depths of what is even being asked. 361 00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:22,720 And I think it shows once again that a lot of the men that will be against feminism and 362 00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:31,040 that are usually in higher positions of power, they like to view any type of demand for change 363 00:25:31,040 --> 00:25:38,920 as this giant emotional crazy burden when they are just not being inconvenienced by 364 00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:45,000 half of the stuff that especially female presenting people have to experience and go through. 365 00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:50,800 Like the fact that we have like the shittiest maternity leave in the entire world, like 366 00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:58,340 we don't have there is no respect to be able to handle any of the experiences that are 367 00:25:58,340 --> 00:26:02,000 happening to 50 percent of the population. 368 00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:04,160 And we yeah, we're still behind in pay. 369 00:26:04,160 --> 00:26:06,040 We're still behind in representation. 370 00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:11,440 We still have less people in leadership that are female bodied. 371 00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:19,680 And it's yeah, it's so clear that beyond it is like I remember agreeing with this framework 372 00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:24,600 when I was so brainwashed that like women are very emotional. 373 00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:27,880 No, it is human to be emotional. 374 00:26:27,880 --> 00:26:34,760 It is the repression of emotions that ends up creating a very dark and messed up energy. 375 00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:37,080 And that is where a lot of these men in power are. 376 00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:42,320 They don't know how to handle any emotions like truly war literally. 377 00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:44,920 And they are so uncomfortable. 378 00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:50,360 Like clearly I couldn't even say like a list of things that were objective problems without 379 00:26:50,360 --> 00:26:54,820 it provoking my my boss at that time. 380 00:26:54,820 --> 00:26:59,140 Because any time you voice something, they they don't know how to deal with being uncomfortable 381 00:26:59,140 --> 00:27:03,120 because a woman has always filled in that gap for them. 382 00:27:03,120 --> 00:27:08,480 And I want to share that like I think a few other ways patriarchy kind of presents is 383 00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:14,920 like you said, the earn it mentality is like you do more to earn respect. 384 00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:20,500 And then, you know, if you don't put in this certain type, you're you're not valued when 385 00:27:20,500 --> 00:27:26,040 in reality, we're all humans on the same planet and there's really not even a fair shot. 386 00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:31,720 Some people this is where racism comes into play and how it like plays out. 387 00:27:31,720 --> 00:27:36,600 There can be groups of people that can try at level 100 and still not get ahead in the 388 00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:38,760 current system that we have. 389 00:27:38,760 --> 00:27:47,280 And another way that I think it presents is you have all of these baby men adults because 390 00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:53,480 these moms will come in and instead of teaching their son how to work through emotions, they 391 00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:59,960 only the moms only know how to copy what their life experience was, which was to cater to 392 00:27:59,960 --> 00:28:00,960 men. 393 00:28:00,960 --> 00:28:05,840 So you see these moms like cleaning the boys rooms for them completely, picking out what 394 00:28:05,840 --> 00:28:11,840 they're going to wear, like doing all of this stuff where those action steps help you learn 395 00:28:11,840 --> 00:28:15,960 to process emotions and it gets filled in by a woman. 396 00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:21,720 And then when the guy gets put into adulthood, he has no ability to unpack a lot of his own 397 00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:25,600 emotions and then tries to find a wife with that mentality. 398 00:28:25,600 --> 00:28:30,400 And then usually the mother-in-law puts down the wife and says, why can't you do more? 399 00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:32,600 Like look at what I did for him. 400 00:28:32,600 --> 00:28:35,680 Once again, we have to give space. 401 00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:40,440 All of us need to be processing tough emotions and know it's not easy. 402 00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:44,440 And yes, it would be amazing if someone could fill in the gap and do all that for us, but 403 00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:48,720 it doesn't make us actually deal with the human experience we're all going through. 404 00:28:48,720 --> 00:28:54,640 And we know that vulnerability actually leads to authenticity and connection and positive 405 00:28:54,640 --> 00:28:55,640 change. 406 00:28:55,640 --> 00:29:00,440 And we know that repression leads to anger problems, punching a wall when you have a 407 00:29:00,440 --> 00:29:06,640 basic emotion, driving off, slamming the door, not knowing how to sit and deal with one uncomfortable 408 00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:08,840 sensation. 409 00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:16,640 And that is the end result of a patriarchal society at its finest is that as the problem. 410 00:29:16,640 --> 00:29:20,880 And then women blaming themselves for it and hating themselves even more, which is the 411 00:29:20,880 --> 00:29:22,480 saddest takeaway. 412 00:29:22,480 --> 00:29:23,480 Truly. 413 00:29:23,480 --> 00:29:32,680 It's that masculine fragility and the learned women's response of like coddling that, right? 414 00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:35,440 And making it okay and making it better. 415 00:29:35,440 --> 00:29:39,800 And oh, if I don't do this, it's going to get violent and things are going to get bad. 416 00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:43,400 And it's like living in that fear mindset. 417 00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:47,680 It's just it's harmful not to care about this. 418 00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:54,480 It's harmful to just go along with it because we're perpetuating the toxicity of that. 419 00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:56,520 And it's turning abusive. 420 00:29:56,520 --> 00:29:57,520 Right. 421 00:29:57,520 --> 00:29:58,520 Exactly. 422 00:29:58,520 --> 00:30:02,340 And not encouraging people to do better and demanding that people do better. 423 00:30:02,340 --> 00:30:09,200 So a big part of this is healing the mother line and like lifting other women up. 424 00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:10,200 Right. 425 00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:12,320 It all starts with us, of course. 426 00:30:12,320 --> 00:30:17,200 But once we feel like we've done some healing work and can understand these patterns within 427 00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:21,200 ourselves, within our families, it's lifting others up. 428 00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:26,800 So rather than leaning into the rhetoric of like, oh, yeah, she that one, she's a bitch. 429 00:30:26,800 --> 00:30:28,040 Like she speaks her mind. 430 00:30:28,040 --> 00:30:29,040 She's so crazy. 431 00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:30,040 Like she doesn't. 432 00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:32,240 Like her emotions are all over the place. 433 00:30:32,240 --> 00:30:33,240 Like what the fuck? 434 00:30:33,240 --> 00:30:35,120 Like I used to talk women down. 435 00:30:35,120 --> 00:30:36,120 Yeah. 436 00:30:36,120 --> 00:30:37,560 So easy to do. 437 00:30:37,560 --> 00:30:38,880 And it's like talk that way. 438 00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:44,560 Like anyone who shows too much like they're the problem and everyone else is normal and 439 00:30:44,560 --> 00:30:47,000 they're like really fucking crazy. 440 00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:48,660 Yes, exactly. 441 00:30:48,660 --> 00:30:50,060 Or the whole notion. 442 00:30:50,060 --> 00:30:54,920 How many times have we heard certain women say, oh, I get along better with guys. 443 00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:55,920 Right. 444 00:30:55,920 --> 00:31:03,800 Like that whole unhealed like a sister wound and whether it's like a biological sister 445 00:31:03,800 --> 00:31:04,800 or not. 446 00:31:04,800 --> 00:31:07,280 What I mean is like having a wound from another woman. 447 00:31:07,280 --> 00:31:13,480 We've talked about this before on the pod, but like just believing that that they get 448 00:31:13,480 --> 00:31:14,880 along better with guys. 449 00:31:14,880 --> 00:31:20,200 And it's because somewhere they were scorned by a woman and they just don't want to get 450 00:31:20,200 --> 00:31:21,200 that deep. 451 00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:26,240 And oftentimes in male relationships we see things a little bit more surface level, which 452 00:31:26,240 --> 00:31:30,800 can be a little bit more approachable for some people who aren't comfortable with the 453 00:31:30,800 --> 00:31:31,800 depth. 454 00:31:31,800 --> 00:31:39,840 But I mean lifting each other up, praising women who speak their truth, elevating female 455 00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:44,200 voices, sharing other women's content, right? 456 00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:45,980 Being intentional about that. 457 00:31:45,980 --> 00:31:51,440 It's all starting with the love and that's how I think we can truly change this. 458 00:31:51,440 --> 00:31:53,160 And I mean, I have so much hope. 459 00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:58,980 Like our generation's doing badass stuff and the generation's younger than us just continue 460 00:31:58,980 --> 00:32:00,140 to amaze me. 461 00:32:00,140 --> 00:32:05,540 And so I truly believe that in this wave of Aquarius, like the future is female, but it's 462 00:32:05,540 --> 00:32:07,280 not just going to happen that way. 463 00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:12,800 Like we need to continue with the hard work and just loving ourselves the way that we 464 00:32:12,800 --> 00:32:13,800 love each other. 465 00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:14,800 Yeah. 466 00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:19,880 And if you deeply love yourself and you also realize that these things that get labeled 467 00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:26,320 as flaws or bad, that only creates patterns of shame where you're desperately trying to 468 00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:32,320 hide actual things that are happening to you, actual feelings you are experiencing, which 469 00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:34,320 is valid in itself. 470 00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:36,080 No explanation. 471 00:32:36,080 --> 00:32:39,200 Your human experience matters. 472 00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:45,240 Every single bit of it is relatable and you are not alone in anything you're feeling. 473 00:32:45,240 --> 00:32:51,560 And when you deeply, deeply believe that and you lead with even your weaknesses and realize 474 00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:57,640 that it's nothing more than you just being a human, you get to share that message so 475 00:32:57,640 --> 00:32:58,640 easily. 476 00:32:58,640 --> 00:33:04,480 So I think of like even having children, like when they get to see you living in your flaws 477 00:33:04,480 --> 00:33:11,040 and just owning like all the parts of who you are, they also won't feel so much shame 478 00:33:11,040 --> 00:33:16,600 when they experience their own, you know, roller coaster emotions because this life 479 00:33:16,600 --> 00:33:18,280 is always going to produce that. 480 00:33:18,280 --> 00:33:24,580 And the important part is that we hold each other through that and we hold space and acceptance 481 00:33:24,580 --> 00:33:27,100 for all of humanity. 482 00:33:27,100 --> 00:33:35,440 And this is so what we're lacking in especially the USA, there is so much that's still built 483 00:33:35,440 --> 00:33:40,520 on privilege and so much that's still built on white supremacy. 484 00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:43,640 And it's all of this has to collapse. 485 00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:49,880 And I think a huge part of being able to do that is owning the full truths of who you 486 00:33:49,880 --> 00:33:56,160 are very radically so that it can be passed down that anyone and what they're experiencing 487 00:33:56,160 --> 00:34:02,680 is safe to also voice that and hopefully those voices get so loud that it becomes very clear 488 00:34:02,680 --> 00:34:04,800 who's not doing that. 489 00:34:04,800 --> 00:34:08,720 And those stop being our people that are in leadership positions. 490 00:34:08,720 --> 00:34:09,900 That's exactly right. 491 00:34:09,900 --> 00:34:12,380 We can do whatever the hell we want. 492 00:34:12,380 --> 00:34:18,320 And that is what I want to pass along to the next generation of badass females. 493 00:34:18,320 --> 00:34:20,720 So I'm feeling stoked. 494 00:34:20,720 --> 00:34:21,720 I'm empowered, Jen. 495 00:34:21,720 --> 00:34:22,720 I got a flame. 496 00:34:22,720 --> 00:34:23,720 The flame. 497 00:34:23,720 --> 00:34:24,720 Barbie flame. 498 00:34:24,720 --> 00:34:30,880 Yeah, honestly, I looked out the window and we started recording this and it was really 499 00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:32,940 cloudy and now the sun's out. 500 00:34:32,940 --> 00:34:37,000 And I just feel like that's a beautiful representation of how this conversation has gone. 501 00:34:37,000 --> 00:34:40,840 I'm feeling just so much more clear and inspired. 502 00:34:40,840 --> 00:34:46,480 And I hope that our listeners are feeling that way too and just ready to love themselves 503 00:34:46,480 --> 00:34:48,720 and conquer the world. 504 00:34:48,720 --> 00:34:49,720 Yes. 505 00:34:49,720 --> 00:34:54,820 We love you guys and we're so happy to be here for another season. 506 00:34:54,820 --> 00:35:00,920 We want to continue to thank you because the podcast is really growing and it's been so 507 00:35:00,920 --> 00:35:07,840 fun to look at all of our statistics and see just like how much this podcast is reaching 508 00:35:07,840 --> 00:35:12,440 people all around the world and how with each season we continue to grow. 509 00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:17,780 So we just so appreciate you guys listening to all of our thoughts and conversations. 510 00:35:17,780 --> 00:35:23,600 We have such an exciting season ahead with so many cool episodes lined up for you. 511 00:35:23,600 --> 00:35:24,600 So continue. 512 00:35:24,600 --> 00:35:25,600 Every week. 513 00:35:25,600 --> 00:35:28,840 Yes, every week for this second part of the year. 514 00:35:28,840 --> 00:35:35,120 And so make sure that you're always listening in on Fridays, that you are sharing the podcast 515 00:35:35,120 --> 00:35:38,120 to anyone in your inner circle. 516 00:35:38,120 --> 00:35:45,040 And yeah, you go rate us on Spotify, like our Instagram and we will keep it coming. 517 00:35:45,040 --> 00:35:47,960 We love you all so much and we'll see you next week. 518 00:35:47,960 --> 00:36:15,960 Bye.