1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:10,320 Hi friends, welcome back to a new episode of the Awaken Together podcast. 2 00:00:10,320 --> 00:00:13,920 I'm Kat and it'll be just me today. 3 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:19,600 I am going to be talking with you about a topic that is really, really prevalent in 4 00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:22,080 my life and has been for the past year. 5 00:00:22,080 --> 00:00:27,120 That's why I'm calling this episode Gas Lit by Birth Control. 6 00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:34,280 So really this episode has been a full year in the making. 7 00:00:34,280 --> 00:00:42,320 I decided to get off of hormonal birth control last June and I'd say the reasons were because 8 00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:47,360 I'd heard a couple friends talk about their journey getting off of it, all the health 9 00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:53,800 benefits that they experienced, just the shifts and the beauty that comes with just being 10 00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:58,800 in sync with your natural rhythms and your body's internal cycles. 11 00:00:58,800 --> 00:01:03,440 And just hearing all these sorts of things in the wellness world kind of piqued my interest. 12 00:01:03,440 --> 00:01:09,960 And while I'm not looking to have kids anytime this year, anytime immediately in the near 13 00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:18,400 future, and I wasn't obviously last year either, I decided to take this next step with Kyle, 14 00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:24,480 with my husband, and just see what my body can do in terms of regulating itself and getting 15 00:01:24,480 --> 00:01:30,840 these hormones out of my body, getting these synthetic things to give my body the best 16 00:01:30,840 --> 00:01:32,800 fighting chance. 17 00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:38,960 Kids are still something that we're talking about, but haven't locked in on a when or 18 00:01:38,960 --> 00:01:48,000 a what, but that's something maybe down the line that I'll be ready to talk about later. 19 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:55,920 So a couple things that I experienced, I was on birth control for 15 years, not straight 20 00:01:55,920 --> 00:01:56,920 the whole time. 21 00:01:56,920 --> 00:02:05,400 I was on it for I think like three years in high school, and then I got off of it freshman 22 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:12,680 year of college because I was like, I am not going to have sex until I am with a serious 23 00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:17,580 partner, until I have a boyfriend again, because I've just been burned by some guys and I was 24 00:02:17,580 --> 00:02:23,920 feeling just not great about my choices and how they treated me after we had had sex. 25 00:02:23,920 --> 00:02:28,560 And you know, it wasn't even one offs, which even if it was like, there's nothing wrong 26 00:02:28,560 --> 00:02:29,560 with that. 27 00:02:29,560 --> 00:02:31,880 But it just seemed to kind of change the relationship. 28 00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:36,100 So I decided to get off of it and again, just see what my body would do. 29 00:02:36,100 --> 00:02:39,680 And I didn't get my period for nine months. 30 00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:44,840 So that was my first time getting off of it after having been on it for three years. 31 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:48,600 This was fresh or this was sophomore year of college, actually. 32 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:53,680 It was when I was next door neighbors with Kyle, we had just met. 33 00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:58,000 And it was about May when we started like hooking up. 34 00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:00,160 And I decided to get back on the pill. 35 00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:05,720 But right around then is when I finally got my period after not getting it for nine months. 36 00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:06,720 So kind of crazy. 37 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:11,240 I think that's just kind of how my body reacts to this sort of stuff. 38 00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:14,520 Maybe a little preview of what's to come this past time. 39 00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:16,480 So yeah, I got back on it. 40 00:03:16,480 --> 00:03:18,240 It was 2011. 41 00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:23,800 And so yeah, I'd been on it for 12 years since then. 42 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:26,800 So a really long freaking time. 43 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:30,200 I didn't really know what would happen when I got off it. 44 00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:33,760 But I just, you know, I kind of took it into my own hands. 45 00:03:33,760 --> 00:03:40,160 Also one other important thing for me to mention is my experience while being on the pill, 46 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:43,680 because I hear a lot of people say that they chose to get off the pill because they had 47 00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:45,440 all sorts of awful side effects. 48 00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:47,840 And that's just so crappy, right? 49 00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:52,480 Because I feel like a lot of doctors have people get on the pill because of bad side 50 00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:57,080 effects and kind of just acts like a bandaid rather than saying, oh, do the hard work of 51 00:03:57,080 --> 00:04:02,440 changing your diet, changing your exercise, limiting environmental toxins, switching up 52 00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:03,760 your beauty care routine. 53 00:04:03,760 --> 00:04:07,000 Like, oh, well, here's this one size fits all thing. 54 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:09,440 And let's just get you on hormonal birth control. 55 00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:11,080 And that'll clear your acne. 56 00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:12,720 That'll make you lose weight. 57 00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:19,320 That'll clear your headaches, like all sorts of crazy false promises that sometimes do 58 00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:20,400 happen for people. 59 00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:24,760 And sometimes it actually goes the other way and it just gets worse for me. 60 00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:29,840 I guess I was maybe, maybe lucky, maybe not lucky because I stayed on it for so long. 61 00:04:29,840 --> 00:04:35,160 But I had a pretty good experience on the hormonal birth control pill. 62 00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:38,680 I felt really steady in my emotions. 63 00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:41,960 I didn't have any acne. 64 00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:46,720 I didn't have any cramps before like getting on the pill either. 65 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:48,120 I had like normal amounts. 66 00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:51,560 I didn't have any issues with my period, with my skin. 67 00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:53,760 So I wasn't getting on it to fix things. 68 00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:59,160 But yeah, once I got on it, I felt just really steady and it went well. 69 00:04:59,160 --> 00:05:05,380 The one side effect that I thought was a side effect, because about a year, I'd say after 70 00:05:05,380 --> 00:05:10,800 being back on it, my sex drive just kind of dwindled and this was a new relationship, 71 00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:11,800 right? 72 00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:17,280 So Kyle was a bit frustrated and I was frustrated with myself too because I'm like, what is 73 00:05:17,280 --> 00:05:18,280 going on? 74 00:05:18,280 --> 00:05:21,360 Like, here's my partner who I love, who I'm very attracted to. 75 00:05:21,360 --> 00:05:25,120 And I just didn't feel like doing it pretty much ever. 76 00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:30,000 I would never get this spontaneous arousal that a lot of my friends would talk about. 77 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:32,400 And I just thought there was something wrong with me. 78 00:05:32,400 --> 00:05:38,440 So I remember at one point I had gone to the doctor, which was my primary care, and I had 79 00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:39,440 brought that up. 80 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:42,000 And she said, hey, like, I don't think this is normal. 81 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:46,280 I used to have like a healthy sex drive and now it's just kind of gone away. 82 00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:49,600 And she kind of like said, she dismissed me. 83 00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:53,040 You know, she said, oh no, like that doesn't happen on birth control. 84 00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:54,240 So it wouldn't be the pill. 85 00:05:54,240 --> 00:05:55,340 Maybe it's something else. 86 00:05:55,340 --> 00:05:57,160 Maybe it's your relationship. 87 00:05:57,160 --> 00:05:59,480 Maybe it's you. 88 00:05:59,480 --> 00:06:05,200 And that felt like total shit because I was just questioning like, what? 89 00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:06,200 This is me? 90 00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:07,200 Is this maybe my partner? 91 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:08,760 Like, am I not attracted to him? 92 00:06:08,760 --> 00:06:11,000 And it just stirred up a whole lot of things. 93 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:17,520 And I have since learned that, yes, hormonal birth control does very much affect sex drive 94 00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:19,600 for a lot of people. 95 00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:22,080 So thanks to that doctor. 96 00:06:22,080 --> 00:06:26,680 So yeah, that was my experience. 97 00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:28,860 It's unique to me as well. 98 00:06:28,860 --> 00:06:31,900 Everything I'm going to be sharing in this episode is unique to me. 99 00:06:31,900 --> 00:06:34,780 It's not going to be the same for everyone. 100 00:06:34,780 --> 00:06:39,400 But most of the women who I have spoken to over the past year, as I've been going through 101 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:46,200 this journey, have experienced at least some of the same elements as me. 102 00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:51,240 So let's take it all the way back to last June. 103 00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:57,920 It was, I was at Electric Forest and I was contemplating like just finishing this cycle 104 00:06:57,920 --> 00:07:02,320 and then like not refilling my prescription. 105 00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:03,800 And that being kind of it. 106 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:10,760 So to my surprise, I actually lost my pill one day when I was there. 107 00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:13,800 I couldn't find it for the life of me. 108 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:19,740 I knew it was somewhere, but I looked everywhere in my tent, in my fanny pack, in all the pockets 109 00:07:19,740 --> 00:07:22,760 of my bags, and I just could not find it. 110 00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:29,200 So I took this as a sign that it was just time for me to get off of it. 111 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:31,000 So that's what I did. 112 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:36,840 And after doing research and what I know now, it is recommended to complete the pack, complete 113 00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:44,640 the cycle that you're on, just to give your body that sense of familiarity when it's not 114 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:45,640 expecting something. 115 00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:48,200 You know, you just want to give yourself a leg up. 116 00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:49,200 But I just did it. 117 00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:50,880 I hadn't talked to my doctor. 118 00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:56,800 I'd done some research online, but I just kind of did it and it was fine. 119 00:07:56,800 --> 00:08:01,160 There was a couple days later, I had like a withdrawal bleed and there was some spotting 120 00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:08,040 and some cramping for a couple days, but really everything was fine for a little while. 121 00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:13,280 Also one thing that I think is really interesting that I've since learned is on hormonal birth 122 00:08:13,280 --> 00:08:18,200 control, you actually do not have a period. 123 00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:19,200 You're like, what? 124 00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:20,440 Yes, I do bleed. 125 00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:29,640 No, so period as in the sense of like a traditional cycle where you ovulate, you have your follicular 126 00:08:29,640 --> 00:08:35,000 phase, you have your luteal phase and you get your period. 127 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:36,000 That doesn't happen. 128 00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:37,800 Like none of those things happen. 129 00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:43,840 So it's just like baseline, like one hormone, which is much more, not one hormone, just 130 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:45,920 like kind of flatlined. 131 00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:52,000 And this is much more similar to the male hormone cycle from what I've learned. 132 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:54,120 And feel free to fact check me on any of this. 133 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:56,240 I'm not a doctor. 134 00:08:56,240 --> 00:09:01,640 Clearly some doctors don't even know about this, but yeah, I'm just taking this in my 135 00:09:01,640 --> 00:09:04,040 own hands to educate myself. 136 00:09:04,040 --> 00:09:06,480 So yeah, fascinating thing. 137 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:11,040 When you bleed on your period, it's actually a withdrawal bleed, which is why there are 138 00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:15,680 certain types of birth control that you don't get your period at all because there really 139 00:09:15,680 --> 00:09:20,880 isn't a need to get your period when you are on the pill because you're not ovulating. 140 00:09:20,880 --> 00:09:22,640 So just kind of crazy. 141 00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:25,040 Thought I'd throw that out there. 142 00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:28,720 So that's what happened back in June of last year. 143 00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:30,140 Had that withdrawal bleed. 144 00:09:30,140 --> 00:09:31,140 Everything was fine. 145 00:09:31,140 --> 00:09:35,320 I felt pretty normal in July, but I didn't get my period. 146 00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:40,160 And I was kind of expecting that because remember the last time I got off the birth control 147 00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:44,360 pill all those years ago, I didn't get my period for nine months. 148 00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:48,720 Now when I was in college, I was exercising a lot. 149 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:51,680 I was partying, not sleeping a lot. 150 00:09:51,680 --> 00:09:56,920 And so at this phase in my life, I was sure that it wouldn't take nine months to get it 151 00:09:56,920 --> 00:10:03,440 back because I was treating my body a lot better and just feeling better in my body. 152 00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:07,920 So it didn't come in July, but I didn't really get worried. 153 00:10:07,920 --> 00:10:12,920 By August, I started experiencing some hormonal changes. 154 00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:15,960 There were some breakouts, but like nothing crazy. 155 00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:18,880 No real difference in my appetite. 156 00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:23,080 But my moods were way out of whack. 157 00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:27,320 I attended one of my good friends' Red Tent Circles. 158 00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:35,140 And a Red Tent Circle is a space where women, womb carriers are welcome to gather. 159 00:10:35,140 --> 00:10:40,800 It goes back to many, many years ago when certain cultures would actually do this. 160 00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:43,320 If you've read the book, I believe it's called The Red Tent. 161 00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:48,000 I haven't read it, but I've kind of just learned about it through friends who have and who 162 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:50,000 shared with me about it. 163 00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:55,360 But yeah, so my friend Courtney, she has these amazing circles. 164 00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:57,960 If you're local in Denver, definitely check her out. 165 00:10:57,960 --> 00:11:00,520 Her Instagram's The Well and The Wheel. 166 00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:04,680 And these are really magical days where we just gather. 167 00:11:04,680 --> 00:11:05,760 She is an herbalist. 168 00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:11,560 She serves amazing different tea blends for depending where you are on your cycle, there's 169 00:11:11,560 --> 00:11:16,440 a different tea blend to help support you through that phase and just make you feel 170 00:11:16,440 --> 00:11:19,120 all yummy and they taste delicious. 171 00:11:19,120 --> 00:11:23,200 So she was kind of educating us in this first Red Tent Circle. 172 00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:35,520 And I learned just about the natural things that happen within each cycle of our cycles, 173 00:11:35,520 --> 00:11:38,320 within each different segment of it. 174 00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:44,200 So different moods that happen, different sensations in your body, your energy levels. 175 00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:47,680 And I'd heard about this before, but this was the first time this was really broken 176 00:11:47,680 --> 00:11:48,980 down for me. 177 00:11:48,980 --> 00:11:52,160 And I think that in itself is pretty freaking wild. 178 00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:53,700 Like we had health class, sure. 179 00:11:53,700 --> 00:12:02,200 We learned about periods and sex and protection, but we didn't learn as women, as womb carriers, 180 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:09,280 what the heck happens in our bodies and why we feel certain ways throughout the month. 181 00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:14,700 So I just learned so much and it brought up a lot for me because at this point I wasn't 182 00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:20,000 cycling like normal and I just felt not healthy because of it. 183 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:25,120 I was putting all of these judgments on myself and having a hard time with that. 184 00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:32,880 But also I was just feeling more depressed, more anxious, more hard on myself. 185 00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:37,280 After running my own business for a year and a half and just really focusing on my self 186 00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:44,480 care and guiding other people through their holistic health and healing journeys, I was 187 00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:49,920 pretty taken aback when all of these old thoughts and feelings that felt kind of foreign at 188 00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:53,560 this point were seeping back in. 189 00:12:53,560 --> 00:12:55,320 And that was really, really freaky. 190 00:12:55,320 --> 00:13:01,200 I remember like crying in this red tent circle and just sharing how I just didn't feel like 191 00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:08,640 myself and I didn't know who this version of me off birth control was. 192 00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:16,340 So that continued on through September and it all kind of came to a head in early October. 193 00:13:16,340 --> 00:13:23,200 So last October Jen and I led one of our amazing witch retreats in St. Augustine, Florida. 194 00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:30,440 And it was freaking incredible, but I was definitely PMSing and low energy through it. 195 00:13:30,440 --> 00:13:39,680 And even like after I got back, it felt like PMDD, which if you're not familiar, I might 196 00:13:39,680 --> 00:13:46,240 butcher it, but basically premenstrual depressive disorder is what I think it stands for. 197 00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:49,600 And it's like PMS on crack basically. 198 00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:56,880 And you get really, really down and just, yeah, people can dip into pretty dark places 199 00:13:56,880 --> 00:13:58,040 during those times. 200 00:13:58,040 --> 00:14:04,300 Some people have suicidal ideation, like really, really hard times. 201 00:14:04,300 --> 00:14:10,920 And this happens to some women, some people monthly, and there are resources for this. 202 00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:15,860 So I mean, if you're hearing about this and it resonates, I definitely recommend doing 203 00:14:15,860 --> 00:14:20,520 some research, talking with your doctor about it because my friend Courtney, she's one of 204 00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:27,080 those people who had that and identified it and sought out help and is doing so much better. 205 00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:29,280 So there's help out there. 206 00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:35,760 But it was interesting after being around so many women all weekend and just vibing 207 00:14:35,760 --> 00:14:39,920 with everybody's hormones, there were some people on their periods, there were some people 208 00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:49,040 not, I finally got my first period on October 13th after almost four months of not having 209 00:14:49,040 --> 00:14:51,480 a period since I got off birth control. 210 00:14:51,480 --> 00:14:53,380 And it was super light. 211 00:14:53,380 --> 00:14:56,920 It was one day, I think, and then spotting. 212 00:14:56,920 --> 00:15:00,280 And the reason I remember it was October 13th, I didn't just remember this, but I looked 213 00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:03,240 back on my natural cycles birth control app. 214 00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:10,600 I have been using that as well as the Oura ring to track my cycle and I've learned so 215 00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:11,760 freaking much. 216 00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:19,480 I cannot recommend these two tools more to anybody who's looking to take this next step 217 00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:20,640 in getting off birth control. 218 00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:26,960 Or even if you're not on birth control, it's taught me so much about my body, about my 219 00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:28,120 temperature. 220 00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:32,000 That's how it kind of tracks your cycle is your temperature. 221 00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:34,880 And yeah, I just feel so much more in touch now. 222 00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:42,360 But basically, I looked back, saw October 13th, and that's how I'm remembering all of 223 00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:43,360 this. 224 00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:44,360 So that was cool. 225 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:48,040 I was pretty stoked, finally had a period, it wasn't bad. 226 00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:50,760 And then after that, I had some relief, right? 227 00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:56,560 I was back in my follicular phase and I could actually identify where I was for the first 228 00:15:56,560 --> 00:15:58,080 time. 229 00:15:58,080 --> 00:16:03,000 So it continued this way through November. 230 00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:07,920 And then my energy kind of started to dip at the end of November. 231 00:16:07,920 --> 00:16:14,800 Then early December, I slipped again into like that PMDD depressive state just like I 232 00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:17,320 had been in October. 233 00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:19,080 And it was really, really hard. 234 00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:21,360 I just remember like a lot of anxiety. 235 00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:26,600 Like I wouldn't even touch weed at that time, because it would just give me crippling anxiety 236 00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:29,560 when that wasn't my experience in the past. 237 00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:31,520 And it's not my experience now. 238 00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:33,480 Like I'll have an edible a week or something. 239 00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:38,000 I have a Thursday night ritual with myself where I'll have an edible. 240 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:39,720 After work, Kyle has his men's group. 241 00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:43,940 So it's just me at home, me and Minnie, and I'll put on like a Netflix show and just laugh. 242 00:16:43,940 --> 00:16:44,940 And it's great. 243 00:16:44,940 --> 00:16:48,400 And then I'll talk to Kyle about his men's group stuff when he gets home. 244 00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:51,200 And it's lovely. 245 00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:56,200 But I was not doing this at that time because it just felt like way too much. 246 00:16:56,200 --> 00:17:04,360 So then in early December, my women's group that I'm a part of here in Denver, we decided 247 00:17:04,360 --> 00:17:09,280 to have a group mushroom trip just with our circle. 248 00:17:09,280 --> 00:17:11,880 And it was like super intentional. 249 00:17:11,880 --> 00:17:14,000 And we cleared the space. 250 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:16,880 We all set intentions and we opened it up. 251 00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:18,280 We pulled cards. 252 00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:20,280 We shared our intentions. 253 00:17:20,280 --> 00:17:22,280 It was really, really beautiful. 254 00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:28,080 But thinking back to it, it was a really hard trip for me, like the hardest trip I've ever 255 00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:34,280 had, which kind of makes sense with where I was hormonally, knowing all of this, right? 256 00:17:34,280 --> 00:17:42,360 In hindsight, I remember thinking like a lot of anxiety thinking about Kyle coming back 257 00:17:42,360 --> 00:17:47,200 because the guys, our husbands and partners, a lot of them, they were out together while 258 00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:48,200 we were doing this. 259 00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:51,160 And we knew that eventually they were going to come back. 260 00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:56,840 But I just like got anxiety about seeing him, which then made me judge myself because I'm 261 00:17:56,840 --> 00:18:00,840 like, why am I getting anxiety about seeing my partner? 262 00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:04,560 And it was just crazy for me to think that. 263 00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:10,440 And so then I excused myself from the group and I picked up my journal and I sat myself 264 00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:14,160 down by the kitty litter, I remember. 265 00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:15,640 And I just journaled. 266 00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:19,760 And even looking back at my handwriting, it was chaotic. 267 00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:26,720 I was like sobbing, writing and just feeling my feels, being with them. 268 00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:32,000 Because if you've taken any plant medicine, you probably know that suppressing those feelings 269 00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:33,160 doesn't work. 270 00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:36,260 You have to kind of ride the wave and go with it. 271 00:18:36,260 --> 00:18:38,080 So that's what I did. 272 00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:45,240 And then this was actually really, really good fuel for Kyle and I's conversations. 273 00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:51,760 And I also met with my therapist and we brought this up in couples therapy. 274 00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:56,280 And so I'm really actually grateful for the experience, even though it was super hard 275 00:18:56,280 --> 00:19:02,880 in the moment, because it brought up a lot of clarity down the line once I was able to 276 00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:05,280 kind of sift through it. 277 00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:09,600 So after that, I got my second period. 278 00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:14,540 You can probably assume this is where it was going with those moods. 279 00:19:14,540 --> 00:19:17,480 It was on December 13th. 280 00:19:17,480 --> 00:19:19,280 Isn't that interesting? 281 00:19:19,280 --> 00:19:23,540 Exactly two months after my first period off the pill. 282 00:19:23,540 --> 00:19:26,680 So two months had gone by. 283 00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:30,520 And again, it wasn't a bad period. 284 00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:31,600 It was light. 285 00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:33,560 It was maybe a day. 286 00:19:33,560 --> 00:19:36,360 And then I started to feel better after. 287 00:19:36,360 --> 00:19:43,720 But something interesting that I learned in all of my research of periods and cycling 288 00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:50,640 and getting off birth control pill is that every month a different ovary ovulates and 289 00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:51,920 bleeds. 290 00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:56,760 And so what kind of looking back, I didn't realize this when I was going through it. 291 00:19:56,760 --> 00:20:02,280 But now that I have the data in my natural cycles app from being hooked to the ordering, 292 00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:10,600 by the way, they're not sponsoring me, but it would be great if they did. 293 00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:19,480 Actually I gleamed that one of my ovaries wasn't ovulating, wasn't shedding, wasn't 294 00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:25,680 bleeding because it was like that perfect 60 days. 295 00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:29,200 No doctor has told me this, but this is kind of just what I've gathered. 296 00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:35,320 And if you pay really close attention each month when you are ovulating, when you're 297 00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:39,980 getting your period, you might even be able to feel which side it is. 298 00:20:39,980 --> 00:20:45,160 There might just be a little bit more discomfort, a little bit more like stuff going on on that 299 00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:46,160 side. 300 00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:49,720 So fun little reflection for you there. 301 00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:53,240 But yeah, so that was December. 302 00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:58,560 And in December I started listening to the book Beyond the Pill by Dr. Jolene Brighton. 303 00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:03,120 It had come recommended to me by a bunch of different sources. 304 00:21:03,120 --> 00:21:07,920 And so I finally I decided to listen to it and I learned so freaking much. 305 00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:09,640 Oh my gosh. 306 00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:17,360 Did you know that oftentimes when people get off hormonal birth control, they will not 307 00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:21,360 be attracted to their partner anymore? 308 00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:27,200 So this is an extreme example, but and this wasn't the case for me luckily, but say someone 309 00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:33,200 gets on hormonal birth control and then they meet their partner after that some at some 310 00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:34,360 point. 311 00:21:34,360 --> 00:21:39,880 What happens with your senses is they are actually affected and the pheromones, the 312 00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:45,800 hormones that you smell and that you take in from your partner, they're kind of registered 313 00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:50,000 in your brain a different way while on hormonal birth control because the hormones that you're 314 00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:56,700 pumping into yourself, the synthetic ones, they affect that whole reading in the brain. 315 00:21:56,700 --> 00:22:01,960 So say you're with the same partner, then you get off birth control pill that might 316 00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:05,560 be affected and I'm not saying this to raise the alarms. 317 00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:09,480 I'm saying this because the more you know, right? 318 00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:13,840 And to validate people if this has happened to you and you're noticing a shift there, 319 00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:16,720 like it's not your fault. 320 00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:22,360 Here's one way like that it might be the cause of so. 321 00:22:22,360 --> 00:22:23,720 So yeah, that was wild. 322 00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:29,760 I reached out to my doctor after listening to the audio book, highly recommend it again, 323 00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:34,220 and she recommended that I start taking a supplement. 324 00:22:34,220 --> 00:22:39,520 She recommended Mayo and Dichiro and Naucetil. 325 00:22:39,520 --> 00:22:41,680 It is a big crazy fancy word. 326 00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:50,920 It's a couple of words, but basically it's this specific type of sugar that is said to 327 00:22:50,920 --> 00:22:56,040 have like, there's some data, some things that have proven that it helps balance out 328 00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:59,160 hormones and cycles and all of that. 329 00:22:59,160 --> 00:23:03,600 So I did some research, checked out my doctor, doctor recommended to me. 330 00:23:03,600 --> 00:23:04,880 I got it off Amazon. 331 00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:11,840 Honestly, I think it was a 60 day kind of bottle. 332 00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:12,840 So I took that. 333 00:23:12,840 --> 00:23:16,240 It was four pills daily. 334 00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:23,560 And then I also purchased the hormone balancing supplements that Dr. Jolene Brighton from 335 00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:27,180 the author from Beyond the Pill recommended as well. 336 00:23:27,180 --> 00:23:34,100 There's like a little quiz in the book that you can kind of decide and tell which hormones 337 00:23:34,100 --> 00:23:35,680 might be out of whack for you. 338 00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:42,040 And so based on that, I found, I think it was called hormone balancing was the one that 339 00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:43,460 I took. 340 00:23:43,460 --> 00:23:50,640 So I started taking these in early January and I tried to kind of put some of the things 341 00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:56,000 into motion that I learned from the book, like coffee before food in the morning. 342 00:23:56,000 --> 00:24:02,960 I tried to eat something in the morning before having my caffeine because that really messes 343 00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:09,120 with your cortisol levels and cortisol is a hormone and that can affect everything else. 344 00:24:09,120 --> 00:24:16,120 I really continued my healthy rituals of moving my body, getting a nice walk in in the morning, 345 00:24:16,120 --> 00:24:20,400 walking my dog, meditating, practicing yoga. 346 00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:24,560 I also decided to do some athletic greens. 347 00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:26,700 So I asked my brother for that for Christmas. 348 00:24:26,700 --> 00:24:31,480 And so I was on athletic greens for a couple of months. 349 00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:34,480 And yeah, basically that was January. 350 00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:35,840 Kept going this way. 351 00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:41,320 I didn't get my period for January or February. 352 00:24:41,320 --> 00:24:46,040 So the next period I actually got was March 1st. 353 00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:48,800 And that two months trend was still going. 354 00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:52,720 So one side, it seems like it wasn't cycling. 355 00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:57,900 So after I ran out of those supplements, I decided not to restock because it didn't seem 356 00:24:57,900 --> 00:25:00,320 like there was much of a change. 357 00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:06,740 Although they do say that it takes about three months of taking natural supplements consistently 358 00:25:06,740 --> 00:25:09,080 for them to show effect. 359 00:25:09,080 --> 00:25:14,440 So maybe they did work because my next cycle was a little bit closer to normal. 360 00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:18,600 I got my period after that on April 28th. 361 00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:24,800 And throughout that time, it seemed like my moods were like leveling off a bit. 362 00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:27,300 So that was really nice. 363 00:25:27,300 --> 00:25:35,760 And one massive, massive thing that I can trace this to is in March, I actually started 364 00:25:35,760 --> 00:25:37,720 eating meat again. 365 00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:41,740 I went Pescatarian back in 2018. 366 00:25:41,740 --> 00:25:49,360 So it had been five years, as of May this year, that I just cut meat out. 367 00:25:49,360 --> 00:25:50,360 I was in Hawaii. 368 00:25:50,360 --> 00:25:53,140 I had a creepy piece of chicken and I said, that's it. 369 00:25:53,140 --> 00:25:54,420 Something snapped in my brain. 370 00:25:54,420 --> 00:25:57,640 And I said, I'm not eating meat anymore. 371 00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:01,600 But in March this year, I had heard from a couple of friends, a couple other people in 372 00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:09,720 my community that they started, and also from Beyond the Pill, the book, that meat actually 373 00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:12,500 can help with regulating your cycle. 374 00:26:12,500 --> 00:26:18,520 And so there was this part of me that really didn't want to believe it and really didn't 375 00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:19,520 want to do that. 376 00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:21,520 I felt like I was selling out in a way. 377 00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:28,520 Sounds so crazy to say now, but we all have these parts in us that's really resistant. 378 00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:34,480 And it was like an ego part that was really closely tied with being a Pescatarian and 379 00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:36,060 not eating meat. 380 00:26:36,060 --> 00:26:41,280 And like certain kinds of meats creep me out still, and it is a lot of a texture thing, 381 00:26:41,280 --> 00:26:45,620 but it's also the animals and the kindness and not eating death. 382 00:26:45,620 --> 00:26:50,240 So that was hard for me to kind of just try again. 383 00:26:50,240 --> 00:26:51,240 I started small. 384 00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:52,720 I started with bacon. 385 00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:56,440 It's like the gateway meat, right? 386 00:26:56,440 --> 00:27:02,560 So some bacon, the occasional bite of sausage if Kyle was eating it, and then slowly added 387 00:27:02,560 --> 00:27:06,880 back in turkey and like a couple of bites of chicken here and there. 388 00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:09,520 Although chicken has been like really hard for me. 389 00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:14,900 So I don't know if I'll stick with chicken, but I've always been eating eggs, always been 390 00:27:14,900 --> 00:27:20,000 eating fish, but it didn't seem to be enough. 391 00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:26,060 So I mean, in March, that first period, March 1st, second period after that, April 28th, 392 00:27:26,060 --> 00:27:30,240 the biggest change in that timeframe was me eating meat again. 393 00:27:30,240 --> 00:27:34,640 So I was like, okay, I guess I'll keep this going. 394 00:27:34,640 --> 00:27:39,320 I also at this point started noticing more big changes in myself. 395 00:27:39,320 --> 00:27:46,600 I was actually starting to feel sexual desire spontaneously again for the first time in 396 00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:50,520 like 15 years. 397 00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:53,200 And I listened, I worked on a couple of things. 398 00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:57,600 I listened to the book, Tell Me What You Want, which I think I referenced a couple episodes 399 00:27:57,600 --> 00:28:01,820 ago when Jen and I were talking about the episode about sex. 400 00:28:01,820 --> 00:28:03,840 It was like something I was really focusing on. 401 00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:11,120 So sure, maybe parts of that were the meats and the changes, the leveling off of my hormones. 402 00:28:11,120 --> 00:28:19,120 Maybe I, and I have a hunch that at least some of this was an effect of me also working 403 00:28:19,120 --> 00:28:25,680 on shame and myth busting all sorts of beliefs and confronting different ideologies about 404 00:28:25,680 --> 00:28:30,760 myself and just really embracing them, talking about them with Kyle in couples therapy, doing 405 00:28:30,760 --> 00:28:35,120 this work on my own, reflecting around my own desires. 406 00:28:35,120 --> 00:28:38,020 And there were some pretty interesting shifts. 407 00:28:38,020 --> 00:28:45,520 Like I came to realize and learn that I'm like more gender fluid in desires and had 408 00:28:45,520 --> 00:28:51,680 really good conversations with Kyle about it, who dubbed it my second puberty. 409 00:28:51,680 --> 00:28:58,600 This whole time of my life as my second puberty, because I'm just learning about myself and 410 00:28:58,600 --> 00:29:02,160 I feel like a little teenager of like, do I like this? 411 00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:03,440 Is this weird? 412 00:29:03,440 --> 00:29:04,440 Is this me? 413 00:29:04,440 --> 00:29:05,440 Is this for me? 414 00:29:05,440 --> 00:29:06,440 Do what? 415 00:29:06,440 --> 00:29:07,440 What? 416 00:29:07,440 --> 00:29:08,440 Who do I like? 417 00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:09,440 Like, what do I like? 418 00:29:09,440 --> 00:29:14,240 And it's just been a freaking wild time, but it was crazy, right? 419 00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:16,400 That was a lot. 420 00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:19,920 And this is where it gets wild. 421 00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:25,280 After continuing all of this with these shifts, with the meat, with the work on myself, with 422 00:29:25,280 --> 00:29:30,800 the hormones seemingly like coming to normal, having a normal sexual desire. 423 00:29:30,800 --> 00:29:36,200 And I say normal with quotes on either end, because what is normal really? 424 00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:43,680 But I got my period on June 1st after the last one on April 28th, which was a 34 day 425 00:29:43,680 --> 00:29:50,320 cycle, which is still in what they say a normal cycle is. 426 00:29:50,320 --> 00:29:52,780 And so this was my first normal cycle. 427 00:29:52,780 --> 00:29:57,500 It was almost, it was almost a freaking year, almost a year. 428 00:29:57,500 --> 00:29:58,500 It was June. 429 00:29:58,500 --> 00:30:01,240 So I got off of it June, 2022. 430 00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:06,000 I got my first normal cycle June, 2023. 431 00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:09,200 And so here I am like, did me bring on my cycle? 432 00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:11,600 Like what brought on my cycle? 433 00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:17,240 Questioning all the things, but I'm sure it was all the things, right? 434 00:30:17,240 --> 00:30:18,240 All the things. 435 00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:22,920 I don't think it was just one thing, but I'm just really, really grateful that I got to 436 00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:25,680 this point and where I am now. 437 00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:34,080 So almost exactly a whole year in from when I got off hormonal birth control, I'm feeling 438 00:30:34,080 --> 00:30:35,640 amazing. 439 00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:42,400 I feel in sync with my energy levels and what's going on in my body and my mind. 440 00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:46,520 I can pinpoint so much of this to my cycle. 441 00:30:46,520 --> 00:30:53,720 And really like we are magical cyclical beings as women and womb carriers. 442 00:30:53,720 --> 00:30:55,240 Truly. 443 00:30:55,240 --> 00:31:01,640 While it felt so random when I'd bleed after looking it up in my natural cycles and checking 444 00:31:01,640 --> 00:31:08,240 out every date of the start of my period, I'm freaking blown away because every single 445 00:31:08,240 --> 00:31:15,240 period while they felt crazy random, every single period started on a waxing gibbous 446 00:31:15,240 --> 00:31:17,560 moon. 447 00:31:17,560 --> 00:31:19,600 Like what? 448 00:31:19,600 --> 00:31:21,660 It's just, it blows my mind. 449 00:31:21,660 --> 00:31:27,280 So I got the Stardust app because one of my friends also recommended that and it is a 450 00:31:27,280 --> 00:31:33,140 really fun app where there's some astrology mixed in and it's just like visually appealing 451 00:31:33,140 --> 00:31:36,320 as well, but some spiritual elements too. 452 00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:38,360 So we love it. 453 00:31:38,360 --> 00:31:44,080 And basically with my cycle of how I bleed very close to the full moon, they kind of 454 00:31:44,080 --> 00:31:47,080 just bucket me in with bleeding on the full moon. 455 00:31:47,080 --> 00:31:52,360 That is under their category of the red witch, which is the healer type, the wise type, the 456 00:31:52,360 --> 00:31:58,520 shaman type, which is just really cool and I feel like I resonate with that. 457 00:31:58,520 --> 00:32:01,840 So wild, wild, wild. 458 00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:02,920 That's where I'm at now. 459 00:32:02,920 --> 00:32:06,880 I feel like I can pinpoint my energy levels. 460 00:32:06,880 --> 00:32:12,440 I am now in my luteal phase, which I'm not thrilled about because Electric Forest starts 461 00:32:12,440 --> 00:32:13,800 on Wednesday. 462 00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:15,680 When you hear this episode, it will be Friday. 463 00:32:15,680 --> 00:32:20,480 I will be at Electric Forest, my happy place in Michigan, frolicking through the woods. 464 00:32:20,480 --> 00:32:27,560 So it just sent me some good energy if you'd like, but I wish I was in my follicular phase 465 00:32:27,560 --> 00:32:31,640 because that's where we're like, we're ovulation, we're feeling our best, we're super energized, 466 00:32:31,640 --> 00:32:33,560 but I can't change it. 467 00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:39,960 And I'm just going to try my darndest to honor my sleepiness and just be with it and do all 468 00:32:39,960 --> 00:32:45,400 the good things for myself and try not to be too hard or stringent on the shoulds. 469 00:32:45,400 --> 00:32:47,400 I just try to be present. 470 00:32:47,400 --> 00:32:55,240 So one important detail that I realized I left out is what I have been doing for birth 471 00:32:55,240 --> 00:33:00,400 control since not trying to get pregnant and being off the pill. 472 00:33:00,400 --> 00:33:05,280 So what we've been doing, and I know this might be crazy to some people, we have been 473 00:33:05,280 --> 00:33:09,640 using condoms every single time for the past year. 474 00:33:09,640 --> 00:33:15,720 And you know, it's not my favorite, but if it's preventing children and it's keeping 475 00:33:15,720 --> 00:33:21,160 Kyle comfortable with all of it, we'll keep doing it for a bit. 476 00:33:21,160 --> 00:33:25,720 He's basically said, we'll keep using condoms until your cycle levels out and it becomes 477 00:33:25,720 --> 00:33:33,040 more predictable because you can only get pregnant six days out of an entire month, 478 00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:35,000 out of your entire cycle. 479 00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:40,640 And so when you have a normal predictable cycle and you're tracking it through your 480 00:33:40,640 --> 00:33:49,320 temperature through natural cycles or some other app, then you can literally know when 481 00:33:49,320 --> 00:33:53,480 you can have sex without protection and when you should use protection if you're not trying 482 00:33:53,480 --> 00:33:54,880 to get pregnant. 483 00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:56,880 So we're going to get to that point. 484 00:33:56,880 --> 00:34:03,560 I'm really thrilled because this cycle is even more quote unquote normal than anyone 485 00:34:03,560 --> 00:34:04,560 previously. 486 00:34:04,560 --> 00:34:10,560 It's predicting that I'll get my period on June 28th, which is a waxing gibbous, of course. 487 00:34:10,560 --> 00:34:13,920 So I'm feeling just really good about that. 488 00:34:13,920 --> 00:34:20,320 That'll probably be like a 27, 28 day cycle, which, you know, it's a range, but that is 489 00:34:20,320 --> 00:34:26,600 kind of what we hear most commonly as like a classic traditional cycle is 28 days. 490 00:34:26,600 --> 00:34:28,720 So that's a lot. 491 00:34:28,720 --> 00:34:32,280 I'm sure you might have questions, things to share. 492 00:34:32,280 --> 00:34:35,360 I'd love, love, love to hear from you all. 493 00:34:35,360 --> 00:34:41,280 Hopefully brightens both Jen and I's days and makes this all feel so impactful and worth 494 00:34:41,280 --> 00:34:45,520 it time wise when we hear for you and how everything's resonating. 495 00:34:45,520 --> 00:34:49,480 So if you have any questions, you can find me on Instagram. 496 00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:57,000 I am Katerina underscore Erickson, or you can find and or you can find our podcast Instagram 497 00:34:57,000 --> 00:35:01,080 at Awaken Together podcast. 498 00:35:01,080 --> 00:35:04,280 Thank you all so much for listening, for being here. 499 00:35:04,280 --> 00:35:08,960 I love you so much and can't wait to hear your thoughts. 500 00:35:08,960 --> 00:35:11,480 I will talk to you next time. 501 00:35:11,480 --> 00:35:34,320 Bye.