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I know that.

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I know that.

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There's some fun here.

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There's lots of fun.

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There's lots of fun.

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So I think today,

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and the only way that I

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start off with that is

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broken.

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We're not really broken, but not broken.

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That's a problem.

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It's a good deal.

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Broken, but not both.

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Not both ends.

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Not broken, but just broken.

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So we're just a person in four.

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Versus seven and nine.

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I gave you a seven.

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I gave you that out of three.

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I was like, I always get a nine.

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So we're going to start with

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first aid and nine.

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And then we're going to have to

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set the first set.

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So first aid and nine.

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And then we're going to have to

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set the first aid and nine.

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And then we're going to have to

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set the first aid and nine.

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So we're not broken.

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We're not broken, but not broken.

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We're set.

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We are not broken.

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But we never are made

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of we are not.

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We get knocked down,

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but we are not broken.

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And then that first and one

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is the other.

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We are not broken.

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We now, today,

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have left behind

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So we all set out on a rather serious level to be from here.

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So today is this great trender.

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This music player that always follows is from God and not from him.

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And so it's a big, big floor.

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But how do you make it?

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I think it's a much more interesting question than God or the human.

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So you might want to go on and be doing the honor or the duty of the world and not just the human, but the activities that happen there.

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And you would have the thought of doing the honor or the duty of the world and not just the human.

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So here's something that's very, very interesting for a lot of people, for such people as me.

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So if I had to go down to the bottom of the earth, you know that.

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So you would have like to go down to the bottom of the earth, you would have to go down to the bottom of the earth.

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And so the whole world is doing the honor or the duty of the world.

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So you would have the thought of doing the honor or the duty of the world.

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All ouresty, and justice for the Navy and our

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How precious to hear those words of the woman who helped lay the foundation of what we are doing here today.

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And then of course Dr. Morton, and I saw his wife look at him when they said he was going to speak,

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and I was like, oh, I wonder if she already knew that, you know, if she just knew that, you know, he's moving a little differently.

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But we tried to keep it, you know, special, special for all of us.

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And so, and thank you to the women who answered the call for the short videos that we had as part of advertising.

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Of course, you know, Keisha doing the diligence to make it all look good, no matter, you know, no matter our own video skills.

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And so, and thanks to my children who are here, Terrence and Chiara.

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Some of you only know that about Brandon, but you know, we have another set, you know, who they made me mother first.

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And so I married a single mother and, you know, these Willie's kids.

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And so I married a single father.

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Anyway, but they are my kids through and through and through.

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So they have set the stage for a lot of things in my life.

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And so I'm getting a little bit weepy there.

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And then we, and then we added Brandon to the mix, you know, mix it all up.

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So my daughter, who is an amazing mother and part of the legacy that you saw up there, because, you know, this is her family.

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And so I said, hey, you know, I'm doing this thing at church and Mother's Day.

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You know, since this was back, right, like, I think the same day Pastor called me.

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So at least I think like a month ago, she said, well, I'm gonna be there.

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I was like, oh, okay.

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So we didn't talk about it again.

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But then my husband was like, yeah, she said she coming this weekend.

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And I was like, she said she's gonna be here.

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That's what she said.

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So thanks, thanks for making that extra trip and for Terrence to come on up in here and support his mom.

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And lastly, thanks to my mom and younger sister for setting the stage for this topic.

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And, you know, we're talking about Lady Jeanette.

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And so my younger sister there is, she's actually Dr. Deshaun Chapman.

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So talking about, you know, the emphasis like my mom talked about breaking those cycles and coming from a, you know, broken place.

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So my mom mentioned a lot of, you know, trauma and mental stuff.

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And so it made me think and maybe this is how I'm crafted, you know, because of her, right?

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But I am always a person who like wants to see, like I want you to know I see you, a woman in crisis or a woman, you know, in need of some kind of special help.

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And so, so just broken, but not broke, not ready to be thrown away, but just broken.

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And I think we all, whether we're women or men or whatever, have a little bit of, you know, that broken or a lot bit or a lot bit.

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And so today I want to talk about that a little because we are not left without hope.

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And that is sort of the purpose of today's message that we are not left alone.

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And no matter what state we find ourselves in, there is value because the value doesn't come from us.

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You know, Keisha talked about that a little bit a couple of weeks ago.

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Value doesn't come from inside of me.

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And so, so anyway, let's get, let's get on to this.

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So I love being a mom, you know, I love having adult children now.

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Oh, Lord, I love that they grown, they got their own jobs, even that young one, they, he's in school and he gets a little stipend every month and, whoo, hallelujah.

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Now, but being a mother is both amazing and nerve wrecking, like all at once.

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So what do I love most about being a mom?

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I'm hoping my kids discover things, you know, about themselves and about the world, you know, when that light goes on and you know, they're like, oh, mom was right.

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Or, or my daddy was crazy, but you know, I get it.

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Just that whole the light of all the things that that is out there and just the ability to discover and learn new things and try new things and take us beyond where we are.

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Because of them, I have been to places that I never would have been to been to.

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So the second thing is how my kids have helped me to grow and become stronger, how they gave me courage to face things that I might have shied away from.

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And you know, my daughter, she did one of those videos, she was in one of those videos and she said, you just want to be the best for them.

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And that really is true. And so they have taken me to places that I have never been able to.

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And as some of you know, when I teach women studies, I often say life is messy.

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And while it would be easier to talk about the high points and motherhood, you know, the photo ops, the graduations, and we love that stuff.

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We love it. We put it on social media.

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And there are just so much more that goes into surviving and thriving in motherhood.

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So in 2 Corinthians 4-7, the verse we read earlier, 7 and 8, says, we are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed.

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We are perplexed, but not driven to despair.

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We are hunted down, literally. We are hunted down.

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We're going to talk about that a little bit more, but I don't want to miss that moment.

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Like literally, we are hunted down, but never abandoned by God.

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We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.

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Women, man, that's a lot.

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Today, we are honoring the amazing opportunity God has given us to be vital to his plan of populating the earth.

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And, you know, it's not a man-bashing situation because men, they start it off.

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But we are there.

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The baby is listening to the voice and heart of the mother from inception.

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And as many mentioned today, once born, there are the aunties, the big sisters, the women, youth leaders, teachers, daycare workers, all adding something along the way.

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One of my sisters, not that one, she doesn't have children.

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Her name is Lisa.

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So Lisa is auntie.

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So I am Auntie Tanya.

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But Lisa is auntie.

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And so, you know, these kids I talked about, they used to go spend the summer with auntie and do certain things.

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And then my younger sister has kids.

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And so just thinking about what we said today, like she didn't bear kids, but she is auntie.

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And auntie is going to set it straight.

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Auntie is going to have fun.

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When auntie say move, we move in, she is auntie.

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And so we could go up forever.

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But Vaughn said in the motherhood videos that motherhood is not for the week.

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And so, girl.

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And so I remember driving up to my house, you know, it's a nice house, it's all right.

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And sitting in the car, looking at the house, saying, I hate these people.

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I just hate them.

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I can't stand these people.

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But you know, gathering my purse and my stand, going up in the house and you know, whatever, you know, doing your thing.

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It is like, you know, like most holidays, you know, we look forward to Christmas.

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But then we know that there are people who are struggling with depression or loneliness.

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And we look forward to the 4th of July.

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But we know that there are people who had incidents and all of that loud noise.

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And so we look forward to Mother's Day.

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But we also know that there are some missing their mothers or even missing a child.

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There are those that feel some kind of way about the mother they had.

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Or even maybe the mother they were.

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There are grandmothers that also had to be mothers.

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There are some that want or wanted to be mothers, but it just didn't turn out that way for whatever the reason.

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There are some with children, but the relationship is not what we plan for it to be right now.

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So I'm sure most of us can think of the great parts, but also the sore spots.

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The kutas, the shutas, the woodas.

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The feelings that flowers and candy just don't fix.

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And then there is the pressure of being a good mom or a great mom or just a mom.

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So my sister sent me a thing about the mental load of being a mother that I wanted to share a portion of.

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And I would go to say that most mothers in here will be like,

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Woosah, when I read this.

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I at least was and the ones that I have shared it with up to now.

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So the mental load is one of the hardest things about motherhood because it's invisible.

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Because it's expected and necessary.

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Because it's silent on the outside and sirens on the inside.

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It's like constant project management, sometimes menial, but largely momentous.

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Often heavy, mostly hidden, sorting, arranging, organizing, balancing, planning, preparing, anticipating, remembering, remembering, remembering.

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It's like having 200 tabs open on your brain at any given time and switching off might mean losing them all.

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It's like watching a movie play out in front of you with someone talking the whole way through.

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Sometimes you just want somebody else to make the list, make the decision, know what comes next.

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It's not the doing that's exhausting, it's the thinking for everyone.

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Y'all hear those little mmm-hmm.

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It might be invisible, but it leaves visible cracks.

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Visible cracks.

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So on top of the brokenness that we might have brought to becoming a mother because of whatever happened in our lives, this role sits right on top of that thing.

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It is amazing and a privilege, but it is also a challenge.

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In between the joys and the celebrations, there can be feelings of inadequacy and the anxiety is paralyzing.

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Then there is the regret.

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And that might just be me, but I thought I would share.

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The good news though, because we are in church, is we are not alone in this dabber.

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We are not alone.

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Some of us have spouses and or extended family support.

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Some of us do, but some of us do not.

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Some of us have amazing friends that know just the right time to show up, but some of us do not.

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But all of us, every single one of us, have a God.

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A God who uses broken things, crush things, abandon things.

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In 1 Corinthians 1, 27, God says, He chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise.

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God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.

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You know that's us, right?

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Just the regular folk.

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Regular old folk, doctorate or not.

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Woo, house or not.

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Money or not.

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You know, cute clothes or not.

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He chose us to carry out the plan.

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Being a mother is a whole ministry in itself.

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Some people say, I'm not a minister, but I'm pretty sure you have some words of wisdom for some little people or some older people at some time.

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It is a whole ministry.

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When we read this stuff and we think about it, I want us as women, as mothers, as contributors to remember.

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We're a part of God's plan.

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That role of motherhood is key.

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Not only bringing birth, but nurturing and growing and planting the seeds of mother.

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This is God's plan.

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We're chosen in God's plan.

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It is a ministry.

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In most cases, we're doing it from a broken place.

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But God, but God.

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I've heard some people talk about the father as the head of the home.

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I mean, God, I'm sorry, not some people.

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God.

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But the mother, the heart of the home, right?

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The mother is the heart of the home.

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So in Proverbs 4.23, it is written,

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guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.

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So as mothers, we are given the task.

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We guard our hearts, hopefully.

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I'm going to say hopefully, but we definitely try to guard our children's hearts.

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Try to turn that thing around to be like, yeah, it's embarrassing.

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But so, you know, so what they're going to do?

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Try to turn that thing around, guarding those hearts.

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Yeah, my kid did say that, you know, like, like, uh, Kwanza said, my kid did say that.

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But you know, what made them say that?

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I just want to know what happened.

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Can I get the whole story so we can, you know, parse that thing?

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So anyway, guarding the heart, what a responsibility,

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00:21:10,740 --> 00:21:15,740
because the heart determines the course of your life.

225
00:21:15,740 --> 00:21:19,740
So this is for us, but I think as just humans,

226
00:21:19,740 --> 00:21:23,740
but I just think, hey, as mothers, we have to think about that.

227
00:21:23,740 --> 00:21:27,740
So with all of that, that I have spoken,

228
00:21:27,740 --> 00:21:34,740
I just today want to encourage, equip, and inspire.

229
00:21:34,740 --> 00:21:37,740
So in spite of all the things that we've just talked about,

230
00:21:37,740 --> 00:21:39,740
I wouldn't change a thing.

231
00:21:39,740 --> 00:21:41,740
I wouldn't change a thing.

232
00:21:41,740 --> 00:21:44,740
This is not about not wanting to be a mother.

233
00:21:44,740 --> 00:21:47,740
It is about just talking about being a mother.

234
00:21:47,740 --> 00:21:49,740
And then where do we go from here?

235
00:21:49,740 --> 00:21:54,740
So how do we navigate this lovely challenge of being a mother or a woman,

236
00:21:54,740 --> 00:22:00,740
a protector, a provider, or whatever role we have, whatever role.

237
00:22:00,740 --> 00:22:04,740
So I'm up here today, so I'm going to give my viewpoint.

238
00:22:04,740 --> 00:22:10,740
There are lots and lots of viewpoints, lots and lots and lots of viewpoints.

239
00:22:10,740 --> 00:22:15,740
But just for a quick little saying, this is how we do it.

240
00:22:15,740 --> 00:22:20,740
We pray and then we slay.

241
00:22:20,740 --> 00:22:22,740
Okay, I'm just joking.

242
00:22:22,740 --> 00:22:25,740
I mean, not really, but just joking.

243
00:22:25,740 --> 00:22:31,740
So we pray and then we slay.

244
00:22:31,740 --> 00:22:33,740
We slay.

245
00:22:33,740 --> 00:22:34,740
We chop.

246
00:22:34,740 --> 00:22:35,740
We chop.

247
00:22:35,740 --> 00:22:36,740
We slay.

248
00:22:36,740 --> 00:22:39,740
So, you know, both of them, we can do them both at the same time.

249
00:22:39,740 --> 00:22:40,740
Okay.

250
00:22:40,740 --> 00:22:43,740
But we slay.

251
00:22:43,740 --> 00:22:44,740
We slay.

252
00:22:44,740 --> 00:22:49,740
So I don't have any idea how people make it through motherhood without God.

253
00:22:49,740 --> 00:22:52,740
I have no idea.

254
00:22:52,740 --> 00:22:57,740
So, you know, if you got some friends who are trying to do that thing, you know,

255
00:22:57,740 --> 00:23:02,740
like, look, even if you don't want God for yourself, you need God for that.

256
00:23:02,740 --> 00:23:05,740
And so, you know, definitely do that.

257
00:23:05,740 --> 00:23:08,740
So God is the ultimate.

258
00:23:08,740 --> 00:23:10,740
I got nothing but love for you, baby.

259
00:23:10,740 --> 00:23:11,740
He is the ultimate.

260
00:23:11,740 --> 00:23:13,740
He's got expectations.

261
00:23:13,740 --> 00:23:14,740
He's got discipline.

262
00:23:14,740 --> 00:23:16,740
He's got encouragement.

263
00:23:16,740 --> 00:23:22,740
But it is all unconditional love.

264
00:23:22,740 --> 00:23:30,740
So he is the only one who knows every single thing about us.

265
00:23:30,740 --> 00:23:32,740
He knows what we are facing.

266
00:23:32,740 --> 00:23:38,740
He knows the feelings that are coming up, like all the feelings.

267
00:23:38,740 --> 00:23:44,740
You know those things that, you know, I don't even want to talk about to myself.

268
00:23:44,740 --> 00:23:48,740
It's not the things that I text Adrienne about and be like,

269
00:23:48,740 --> 00:23:50,740
girl, put this on the prayer list.

270
00:23:50,740 --> 00:23:52,740
Put this, you know, my back hurt.

271
00:23:52,740 --> 00:23:54,740
Put this on the prayer list.

272
00:23:54,740 --> 00:23:57,740
You know, my kid, you know, did whatever.

273
00:23:57,740 --> 00:24:00,740
Put this on the prayer list.

274
00:24:00,740 --> 00:24:04,740
But there's all that other stuff that we ain't going to put on the prayer list.

275
00:24:04,740 --> 00:24:13,740
I mean, I'm not, I'm not, you know, maybe y'all do, you know, be like, oh, they brave.

276
00:24:13,740 --> 00:24:20,740
But we can, we can put it on the prayer list, the other prayer list, you know,

277
00:24:20,740 --> 00:24:26,740
the stuff I don't want to talk about, the stuff, the real matters of the heart.

278
00:24:26,740 --> 00:24:30,740
It's about asking God and myself the tough questions.

279
00:24:30,740 --> 00:24:33,740
Why am I this way?

280
00:24:33,740 --> 00:24:36,740
Why do I feel so weak and scared?

281
00:24:36,740 --> 00:24:38,740
Where are you?

282
00:24:38,740 --> 00:24:41,740
How did you let this happen?

283
00:24:41,740 --> 00:24:44,740
Did I mess my kids up?

284
00:24:44,740 --> 00:24:47,740
I'm a pause, just one second right there.

285
00:24:47,740 --> 00:24:50,740
I talked about being a parent of adults.

286
00:24:50,740 --> 00:24:54,740
And so if you're blessed to live long enough to be like, oh, maybe I didn't mess them up.

287
00:24:54,740 --> 00:24:55,740
Maybe they're okay.

288
00:24:55,740 --> 00:24:57,740
They got some scars, but they're okay.

289
00:24:57,740 --> 00:25:01,740
So you be like, thank you, God, thank you, God, thank you, God.

290
00:25:01,740 --> 00:25:03,740
Did I mess them up?

291
00:25:03,740 --> 00:25:06,740
What should my next move be?

292
00:25:06,740 --> 00:25:18,740
You know, all the things that make me lose sleep or aimlessly calm my nerves with food or alcohol or something, whatever your thing of choice, right?

293
00:25:18,740 --> 00:25:24,740
So in Philippians 4, 6 through 7, God says, don't worry about anything.

294
00:25:24,740 --> 00:25:27,740
Instead, pray about everything.

295
00:25:27,740 --> 00:25:35,740
Tell God what you need and thank Him for all He has done.

296
00:25:35,740 --> 00:25:38,740
Then, here's the part, here's the part.

297
00:25:38,740 --> 00:25:48,740
Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand.

298
00:25:48,740 --> 00:25:52,740
God's peace.

299
00:25:52,740 --> 00:25:53,740
We can't fix it.

300
00:25:53,740 --> 00:25:55,740
Like, I can't be there.

301
00:25:55,740 --> 00:25:56,740
We can't fix it.

302
00:25:56,740 --> 00:25:59,740
But God's peace.

303
00:25:59,740 --> 00:26:01,740
God's peace.

304
00:26:01,740 --> 00:26:03,740
His peace will guard your hearts.

305
00:26:03,740 --> 00:26:05,740
Oops, sorry.

306
00:26:05,740 --> 00:26:09,740
And minds as you live in Jesus Christ.

307
00:26:09,740 --> 00:26:11,740
God's peace.

308
00:26:11,740 --> 00:26:17,740
So it's not, you know, I'm not going to be up here talking about like how to pray.

309
00:26:17,740 --> 00:26:19,740
We know how to pray.

310
00:26:19,740 --> 00:26:22,740
Like, open your mouth and say the words.

311
00:26:22,740 --> 00:26:25,740
Like, that's all it is, right?

312
00:26:25,740 --> 00:26:28,740
But it's not easy, somehow.

313
00:26:28,740 --> 00:26:32,740
You know, I can pray.

314
00:26:32,740 --> 00:26:34,740
I can use that tool.

315
00:26:34,740 --> 00:26:37,740
Like, imagine having this tool that you just don't use.

316
00:26:37,740 --> 00:26:40,740
Like, your back is hurting, you know.

317
00:26:40,740 --> 00:26:44,740
But the tool right there would just be like, push a button and it would lift it.

318
00:26:44,740 --> 00:26:46,740
Like, that is what we do.

319
00:26:46,740 --> 00:26:49,740
I've said, I've given this example in many forms.

320
00:26:49,740 --> 00:26:55,740
So a woman, you already heard this before, but Adrienne, I'm going to talk about Miss Adrienne over there.

321
00:26:55,740 --> 00:27:01,740
And I was in Bible study in this very room sitting like right over there in Bible study, in dead.

322
00:27:01,740 --> 00:27:07,740
And I don't know, I can't remember what I was thinking about.

323
00:27:07,740 --> 00:27:11,740
But Adrienne just walked up to me, you know.

324
00:27:11,740 --> 00:27:14,740
I knew Adrienne, she wasn't like a stranger or a weird lady.

325
00:27:14,740 --> 00:27:20,740
She walked up and she said, sis, did you pray about it?

326
00:27:20,740 --> 00:27:22,740
I'm like, what?

327
00:27:22,740 --> 00:27:26,740
Yeah, yeah, that's probably a good idea.

328
00:27:26,740 --> 00:27:28,740
That's probably a good idea.

329
00:27:28,740 --> 00:27:33,740
So she and I talk about it and we laugh about it.

330
00:27:33,740 --> 00:27:37,740
But there was something sitting, just sitting.

331
00:27:37,740 --> 00:27:42,740
And you know, God is like, bam, did you pray about it?

332
00:27:42,740 --> 00:27:47,740
Because you know, I got, come on, like you everywhere, you know, everything.

333
00:27:47,740 --> 00:27:50,740
Sometimes, woo, come on now.

334
00:27:50,740 --> 00:27:55,740
So you know, but she said, did you, now Adrienne did not know, she didn't, like we weren't like, you know,

335
00:27:55,740 --> 00:27:59,740
hey girl, I'm gonna tell you, I'm my business kind of friends, you know.

336
00:27:59,740 --> 00:28:02,740
She was just a woman of God.

337
00:28:02,740 --> 00:28:04,740
Did you pray about it?

338
00:28:04,740 --> 00:28:06,740
So I can pray about it.

339
00:28:06,740 --> 00:28:10,740
I know how to pray, but do I pray about the real things?

340
00:28:10,740 --> 00:28:16,740
Like the things that I don't even know sometimes the words to pray about.

341
00:28:16,740 --> 00:28:28,740
So I just think like as a mother, as a human, but definitely as a mother, this is the tool that we need.

342
00:28:28,740 --> 00:28:30,740
We can, it doesn't weigh anything.

343
00:28:30,740 --> 00:28:32,740
We can carry it everywhere.

344
00:28:32,740 --> 00:28:37,740
It makes it through TSA, you know, beep, beep, no, beep, beep, beep, we got it.

345
00:28:37,740 --> 00:28:39,740
We got this thing.

346
00:28:39,740 --> 00:28:42,740
So I just want you to use that tool.

347
00:28:42,740 --> 00:28:47,740
Like maybe this year, take that tool to a new level.

348
00:28:47,740 --> 00:28:54,740
I know I did this study, 28 day prayer, you know, we talk about it in the women's study, 28 day prayer journey,

349
00:28:54,740 --> 00:28:58,740
because I just wanted to go a little bit deeper in this book that I bought.

350
00:28:58,740 --> 00:29:07,740
And one of the first happy Mother's Day that I got this morning was from my friend, it was the first, was from my friend Cynthia.

351
00:29:07,740 --> 00:29:16,740
Cynthia was my buddy in high school and in that prayer journey, I was thinking about other, you know, thinking about people much more.

352
00:29:16,740 --> 00:29:18,740
And I reached out to Cynthia.

353
00:29:18,740 --> 00:29:22,740
And when I reached out to Cynthia, I had not talked to her in a long time.

354
00:29:22,740 --> 00:29:28,740
Like we stayed in touch like in our 20s and then just, you know, we're still friends, but you know, we weren't in touch.

355
00:29:28,740 --> 00:29:32,740
And so I reached out and I was like, hey, you know, my mind, I just want to know if I can pray.

356
00:29:32,740 --> 00:29:38,740
And she had all this stuff that she wanted me to pray about.

357
00:29:38,740 --> 00:29:45,740
And then maybe a month or two later, she's caught was letting me know that her mother was ill.

358
00:29:45,740 --> 00:29:53,740
And her mother has survived some struggles, but you know, something came back and something not, didn't happen right in the hospital.

359
00:29:53,740 --> 00:29:54,740
And she lost her mother.

360
00:29:54,740 --> 00:29:59,740
And I thought like, wow, you know, and we talked, we talked about it because of course she was with her family,

361
00:29:59,740 --> 00:30:03,740
but she would text me, you know, like, hey, this is, you know, like an outlet.

362
00:30:03,740 --> 00:30:10,740
And I thought like, wow, look how God connected us and we could share, you know, that moment.

363
00:30:10,740 --> 00:30:14,740
And I could be there for her like I haven't talked to her in a long time, but I could be there for her.

364
00:30:14,740 --> 00:30:17,740
But that was through prayer and listening to him.

365
00:30:17,740 --> 00:30:28,740
So I just pray that we pray that we pray for real that we think about people and then slay slay the dragon slay the devil.

366
00:30:28,740 --> 00:30:31,740
Slay the Goliath.

367
00:30:31,740 --> 00:30:34,740
Those things slay them.

368
00:30:34,740 --> 00:30:45,740
I remind my own kids, I did a quiz last night with my daughter, that the devil comes but to kill, steal and destroy.

369
00:30:45,740 --> 00:30:52,740
So like whatever the crazy thing that is happening, you know, it's in one of those.

370
00:30:52,740 --> 00:30:58,740
Like we have an enemy that is his mission. It is not a secret.

371
00:30:58,740 --> 00:31:05,740
Like in my job, I got like this other computer that I go over here for like the secret stuff, but it's not even a secret.

372
00:31:05,740 --> 00:31:11,740
It's not even a secret. He is against me and he is against you.

373
00:31:11,740 --> 00:31:16,740
He is against you every single day.

374
00:31:16,740 --> 00:31:22,740
He wants me to be afraid. He wants me not to use my power.

375
00:31:22,740 --> 00:31:26,740
He wants me to give in and give up.

376
00:31:26,740 --> 00:31:31,740
He wants me to despise myself and feel hopeless.

377
00:31:31,740 --> 00:31:43,740
He wants me to listen to the voices of the critics and the voices in my hand, the negative voices, the things I might tell myself.

378
00:31:43,740 --> 00:31:47,740
Look at you. You thought you were.

379
00:31:47,740 --> 00:31:49,740
He wants us to believe that.

380
00:31:49,740 --> 00:31:54,740
He wants me to be ashamed and embarrassed.

381
00:31:54,740 --> 00:31:57,740
He wants me to feel inadequate.

382
00:31:57,740 --> 00:32:02,740
He wants to remind me of every single thing.

383
00:32:02,740 --> 00:32:07,740
Every, every, every.

384
00:32:07,740 --> 00:32:10,740
I ever did wrong.

385
00:32:10,740 --> 00:32:14,740
He wants me to believe lies about my kids.

386
00:32:14,740 --> 00:32:16,740
He wants me to believe that.

387
00:32:16,740 --> 00:32:21,740
He wants me to think I couldn't be like the good moms.

388
00:32:21,740 --> 00:32:29,740
He wants me to think every challenge my kid faces is because what I am not.

389
00:32:29,740 --> 00:32:31,740
Or what I did.

390
00:32:31,740 --> 00:32:34,740
Or how I messed up.

391
00:32:34,740 --> 00:32:36,740
He wants me to think that.

392
00:32:36,740 --> 00:32:40,740
He wants me to think I can never, ever recover.

393
00:32:40,740 --> 00:32:46,740
He wants me to think my kids can never, ever recover.

394
00:32:46,740 --> 00:32:55,740
That the bad decisions or that big decision I made means that we are doomed forever.

395
00:32:55,740 --> 00:32:59,740
And that it will rub off on my kids forever.

396
00:32:59,740 --> 00:33:04,740
Oh, the anxiety, the fear, the doubt.

397
00:33:04,740 --> 00:33:07,740
We have an enemy.

398
00:33:07,740 --> 00:33:09,740
We have an enemy.

399
00:33:09,740 --> 00:33:12,740
We have a tool that I just talked about.

400
00:33:12,740 --> 00:33:14,740
We have a tool.

401
00:33:14,740 --> 00:33:18,740
That tool will help slay that dragon.

402
00:33:18,740 --> 00:33:21,740
That tool slices.

403
00:33:21,740 --> 00:33:23,740
It is a two-edged.

404
00:33:23,740 --> 00:33:25,740
Yes.

405
00:33:25,740 --> 00:33:29,740
That tool will give you the peace.

406
00:33:29,740 --> 00:33:33,740
Those voices, it will silence them.

407
00:33:33,740 --> 00:33:35,740
It will turn them around.

408
00:33:35,740 --> 00:33:38,740
That tool.

409
00:33:38,740 --> 00:33:45,740
That tool, a prayer coupled with the word.

410
00:33:45,740 --> 00:33:48,740
The sword is the word.

411
00:33:48,740 --> 00:33:50,740
Coupled with the word.

412
00:33:50,740 --> 00:33:59,740
You know when I am in a place, you know, I remember many things with my children and you're like, oh, I cannot fix that.

413
00:33:59,740 --> 00:34:02,740
But I can't find peace.

414
00:34:02,740 --> 00:34:07,740
Or, you know, did I cost that?

415
00:34:07,740 --> 00:34:09,740
Is that because of me?

416
00:34:09,740 --> 00:34:11,740
Is it because of me?

417
00:34:11,740 --> 00:34:13,740
Maybe it is because of me.

418
00:34:13,740 --> 00:34:15,740
Like for real, maybe it is, right?

419
00:34:15,740 --> 00:34:17,740
Like maybe it is.

420
00:34:17,740 --> 00:34:21,740
But there's God.

421
00:34:21,740 --> 00:34:23,740
There's God.

422
00:34:23,740 --> 00:34:25,740
It's some good stuff that's because of me, too.

423
00:34:25,740 --> 00:34:27,740
So.

424
00:34:27,740 --> 00:34:32,740
So anyway, I sit in this place.

425
00:34:32,740 --> 00:34:38,740
I sit right here because the word is what gets me through.

426
00:34:38,740 --> 00:34:48,740
I remember being at home by myself and when something was going on and one of my kids was saying something and I just want to be like, you know, I got it, but I don't got it.

427
00:34:48,740 --> 00:34:50,740
I don't got it.

428
00:34:50,740 --> 00:34:57,740
And I remember opening up my Bible and just reading and then like, you know, peace.

429
00:34:57,740 --> 00:34:59,740
Like nothing changed externally.

430
00:34:59,740 --> 00:35:02,740
Like we still needed to address whatever the situation is.

431
00:35:02,740 --> 00:35:04,740
We still need to come up with a solution.

432
00:35:04,740 --> 00:35:09,740
But the power to do that came from reading that word.

433
00:35:09,740 --> 00:35:13,740
Saying that word out loud.

434
00:35:13,740 --> 00:35:15,740
That out loud.

435
00:35:15,740 --> 00:35:20,740
There is no depth, no height that will separate me from him.

436
00:35:20,740 --> 00:35:22,740
He loves me.

437
00:35:22,740 --> 00:35:24,740
I was created.

438
00:35:24,740 --> 00:35:27,740
Created, I wasn't, you know, it wasn't like an accident.

439
00:35:27,740 --> 00:35:28,740
It wasn't.

440
00:35:28,740 --> 00:35:34,740
I mean, you know, my dream, but not me, but you know, that younger sister right there that you saw that her.

441
00:35:34,740 --> 00:35:44,740
She was 15 years later and Brandon, you know, I'm just saying, but you know, but not unknown to us, but known fully.

442
00:35:44,740 --> 00:35:47,740
Fully, fully, fully to God.

443
00:35:47,740 --> 00:36:03,740
So, so I remember a particularly tough time in my life and I was saying to God, you say that the power in me is greater than the power in the world.

444
00:36:03,740 --> 00:36:06,740
But why don't you like that guy?

445
00:36:06,740 --> 00:36:07,740
Why?

446
00:36:07,740 --> 00:36:09,740
Like I don't, I don't get it.

447
00:36:09,740 --> 00:36:12,740
Like I keep feeling like the loser.

448
00:36:12,740 --> 00:36:15,740
I keep feeling like I don't have any power.

449
00:36:15,740 --> 00:36:25,740
I just, you know, but in time and wise counsel, the answer really was that I didn't really want to fight.

450
00:36:25,740 --> 00:36:28,740
I didn't really want to fight.

451
00:36:28,740 --> 00:36:30,740
I was tired.

452
00:36:30,740 --> 00:36:32,740
I was exhausted.

453
00:36:32,740 --> 00:36:37,740
I had, you know, made myself numb, not alcohol like that.

454
00:36:37,740 --> 00:36:41,740
I'm just talking about psychologically.

455
00:36:41,740 --> 00:36:44,740
Made myself numb.

456
00:36:44,740 --> 00:36:46,740
But we have to fight.

457
00:36:46,740 --> 00:36:47,740
Like we have to fight.

458
00:36:47,740 --> 00:36:52,740
Like we got to get up off our knees or the bed or whatever.

459
00:36:52,740 --> 00:36:57,740
We got to read that word, but we have to take a step.

460
00:36:57,740 --> 00:37:01,740
We have to fight because we have a sword.

461
00:37:01,740 --> 00:37:04,740
Like we don't have a pillow.

462
00:37:04,740 --> 00:37:06,740
We don't have like a cushion.

463
00:37:06,740 --> 00:37:08,740
We have a sword.

464
00:37:08,740 --> 00:37:10,740
We have to fight.

465
00:37:10,740 --> 00:37:13,740
So here, these are some silly little examples about fighting.

466
00:37:13,740 --> 00:37:15,740
Just some silly little examples.

467
00:37:15,740 --> 00:37:23,740
So my children, they crack me up sometimes and I tell my daughter about I had to channel my inner Kiera.

468
00:37:23,740 --> 00:37:25,740
I had to channel my inner Kiera.

469
00:37:25,740 --> 00:37:27,740
So I belong to AARP.

470
00:37:27,740 --> 00:37:28,740
You know, you should too.

471
00:37:28,740 --> 00:37:30,740
You know, just case because they got a lot of stuff.

472
00:37:30,740 --> 00:37:36,740
Anyway, good information, discounts, all kind of stuff, you know, that unpaid advertising.

473
00:37:36,740 --> 00:37:41,740
So I noticed that, so I am on like automatic renewal, right?

474
00:37:41,740 --> 00:37:42,740
It's like $16.

475
00:37:42,740 --> 00:37:45,740
I can't remember, but you know, I'm on automatic renewal.

476
00:37:45,740 --> 00:37:53,740
But I noticed there was these offers to people who like if you join or renew, you get this carrier bag.

477
00:37:53,740 --> 00:37:55,740
And I'm like, what?

478
00:37:55,740 --> 00:37:56,740
But I'm on a renewal.

479
00:37:56,740 --> 00:38:02,740
So there was not an event that triggered the purchase, you know, the release of the carrier bag to me.

480
00:38:02,740 --> 00:38:08,740
And so, you know, the numb, exhausted tired me, be like, whatever, you know, that's just more junk around the house.

481
00:38:08,740 --> 00:38:10,740
But I was like, mm-mm.

482
00:38:10,740 --> 00:38:15,740
I'm going to channel my inner Kiera because Kiera, she going to find a way.

483
00:38:15,740 --> 00:38:18,740
What's hers is hers.

484
00:38:18,740 --> 00:38:23,740
And she'd be like, Mom, I told that person, I'm like, for real, girl?

485
00:38:23,740 --> 00:38:25,740
I said, okay, I'm going to channel my inner Kiera.

486
00:38:25,740 --> 00:38:31,740
So I called those people and I was like, hey, so I think a bag belongs to me.

487
00:38:31,740 --> 00:38:35,740
Like this is one of my benefits.

488
00:38:35,740 --> 00:38:37,740
Because Pastor talked about benefits, right?

489
00:38:37,740 --> 00:38:39,740
This is one of my benefits.

490
00:38:39,740 --> 00:38:41,740
And you ain't giving it to me.

491
00:38:41,740 --> 00:38:49,740
And they were like, okay, ma'am, just a little, you know, a couple weeks later, my bag came in the mail.

492
00:38:49,740 --> 00:38:57,740
So I was talking to Brandon yesterday and he was paying for something and he was like, oh, Mom, it was $600.

493
00:38:57,740 --> 00:39:01,740
I didn't know it was $600. I thought it was going to be like $50 a month.

494
00:39:01,740 --> 00:39:06,740
So he kept on talking to me and he was saying, oh, I just found a code.

495
00:39:06,740 --> 00:39:12,740
I'm like, Brandon, you need to email those people and see if they will give you some of your money back.

496
00:39:12,740 --> 00:39:14,740
I'm like, put it in there.

497
00:39:14,740 --> 00:39:17,740
I'm a cadet in the military.

498
00:39:17,740 --> 00:39:18,740
I'm just, you know, like that.

499
00:39:18,740 --> 00:39:19,740
I'm struggling.

500
00:39:19,740 --> 00:39:25,740
And, you know, I forgot to enter the code and, you know, then why we were talking.

501
00:39:25,740 --> 00:39:28,740
He was like, mom, they just been moaning me $250.

502
00:39:28,740 --> 00:39:36,740
So benefits, benefits, benefits, going for your benefits.

503
00:39:36,740 --> 00:39:41,740
So those are silly examples, but we don't go for our benefits, right?

504
00:39:41,740 --> 00:39:43,740
Like we don't go for our benefits.

505
00:39:43,740 --> 00:39:47,740
At least I know I don't always go for my benefits, but we have benefits.

506
00:39:47,740 --> 00:39:50,740
And Pastor just talked about the benefits of the blood.

507
00:39:50,740 --> 00:39:52,740
We have benefits.

508
00:39:52,740 --> 00:39:56,740
So, you know, the benefits, you know, some of y'all know about them benefits.

509
00:39:56,740 --> 00:39:58,740
I've been here a hundred percent.

510
00:39:58,740 --> 00:40:03,740
So we got benefits, but we got to fight for them.

511
00:40:03,740 --> 00:40:05,740
We got to be in the fight.

512
00:40:05,740 --> 00:40:09,740
You know, like when you're at the movie and all of a sudden the music changes.

513
00:40:09,740 --> 00:40:15,740
And, you know, it's like Creed or Rocky and they're like, they can beat up, give it beat up, beat up.

514
00:40:15,740 --> 00:40:20,740
Then all of a sudden, like, you know, like, oh, oh, and then, you know, you talking to the movie.

515
00:40:20,740 --> 00:40:22,740
Like, girl, did you see that?

516
00:40:22,740 --> 00:40:28,740
You know, like it changes and all of a sudden they start like remembering something or they see a person.

517
00:40:28,740 --> 00:40:35,740
And then they're like, oh, you know, it's just, it's on, it's on, it's on and popping.

518
00:40:35,740 --> 00:40:39,740
So benefits, benefits, that's us.

519
00:40:39,740 --> 00:40:49,740
So like in sports, in sports, or if you're walking down an alley, they say make yourself big, right?

520
00:40:49,740 --> 00:40:53,740
You know, you're walking down an alley by yourself, you're in the parking lot by yourself, you see the creepy guy.

521
00:40:53,740 --> 00:41:00,740
You got to be like, whoa, I just got to be like, ah, ah, like, you don't want that?

522
00:41:00,740 --> 00:41:02,740
No, just kidding.

523
00:41:04,740 --> 00:41:06,740
I'm channeling my inner tolerance.

524
00:41:06,740 --> 00:41:08,740
You don't want that at all.

525
00:41:10,740 --> 00:41:11,740
Right there.

526
00:41:11,740 --> 00:41:13,740
Anyway, yeah, you got to be like that.

527
00:41:13,740 --> 00:41:21,740
Or you know, like basketball, you under the goal and you know, you tall but you skinny, but you got to make yourself big.

528
00:41:21,740 --> 00:41:23,740
I have a block about that statement.

529
00:41:23,740 --> 00:41:26,740
Like he tried, he's falling, statement is falling.

530
00:41:26,740 --> 00:41:28,740
He's like all up over there.

531
00:41:28,740 --> 00:41:35,740
So anyway, anyway, so Slay, read the word, believe it.

532
00:41:35,740 --> 00:41:36,740
Why?

533
00:41:36,740 --> 00:41:42,740
Because it helps you to remember who you are, who you belong to.

534
00:41:42,740 --> 00:41:44,740
You are unique.

535
00:41:44,740 --> 00:41:47,740
You are uniquely created.

536
00:41:47,740 --> 00:42:05,740
There is none like you, loved and known by the Almighty Himself, created with that personality, that weird way of seeing or doing things, gifted with those children in your life, those specific children with their personalities and quirks,

537
00:42:05,740 --> 00:42:22,740
created with a destiny at birth, fully equipped to accept Christ and call down the very power of God into your life at the right time.

538
00:42:22,740 --> 00:42:25,740
There's no like add on attachments.

539
00:42:25,740 --> 00:42:27,740
There's no add on attachments.

540
00:42:27,740 --> 00:42:29,740
Like the baby comes out.

541
00:42:29,740 --> 00:42:31,740
There's no like, oh, you know, they're 15.

542
00:42:31,740 --> 00:42:33,740
Hook in the Holy Spirit line.

543
00:42:33,740 --> 00:42:37,740
There's no Holy Spirit line at birth.

544
00:42:37,740 --> 00:42:42,740
Power to call it down.

545
00:42:42,740 --> 00:42:43,740
Call it down.

546
00:42:43,740 --> 00:42:50,740
I don't always believe that, but it's true whether I believe it or not, whether I do it.

547
00:42:50,740 --> 00:42:51,740
Chosen.

548
00:42:51,740 --> 00:43:00,740
I am chosen for this time, for this day, for this task, created to occupy the space in which I am in.

549
00:43:00,740 --> 00:43:04,740
And fully blocking out.

550
00:43:04,740 --> 00:43:06,740
Fully.

551
00:43:06,740 --> 00:43:14,740
I went to a basketball game for my little four-year-old nephew last weekend, and he was like, you know, two, two, two, two.

552
00:43:14,740 --> 00:43:16,740
And then the coach was like, athletic stance.

553
00:43:16,740 --> 00:43:18,740
And he was like, whoa.

554
00:43:18,740 --> 00:43:20,740
I was like, whoa, okay.

555
00:43:20,740 --> 00:43:24,740
Fully block, block that thing.

556
00:43:24,740 --> 00:43:26,740
Make yourself big.

557
00:43:26,740 --> 00:43:28,740
This is our life.

558
00:43:28,740 --> 00:43:30,740
This is our life.

559
00:43:30,740 --> 00:43:32,740
Fully occupy the space.

560
00:43:32,740 --> 00:43:36,740
Don't make, don't let people make you, don't shrink.

561
00:43:36,740 --> 00:43:39,740
I was going to say let people make you shrink, but they don't.

562
00:43:39,740 --> 00:43:40,740
We do it.

563
00:43:40,740 --> 00:43:42,740
Don't shrink.

564
00:43:42,740 --> 00:43:44,740
Fight.

565
00:43:44,740 --> 00:43:46,740
Fight for it.

566
00:43:46,740 --> 00:43:49,740
It's not self-confidence that we're looking for.

567
00:43:49,740 --> 00:43:51,740
It's God-confidence.

568
00:43:51,740 --> 00:43:57,740
My mom said to me the other day that self-confidence is not what we're supposed to have.

569
00:43:57,740 --> 00:44:00,740
And I thought about that thing.

570
00:44:00,740 --> 00:44:02,740
And I was like, oh, wow.

571
00:44:02,740 --> 00:44:07,740
You know, God sent people into battle with his name.

572
00:44:07,740 --> 00:44:11,740
He didn't say, you know, go in there and do it like you do it, girl.

573
00:44:11,740 --> 00:44:13,740
He didn't say that.

574
00:44:13,740 --> 00:44:18,740
He said, go in there and like, you know, walk around seven times.

575
00:44:18,740 --> 00:44:22,740
And then it's gonna, you know, that's his name.

576
00:44:22,740 --> 00:44:28,740
He, I was like, oh, it's God-confidence that we should be striving for.

577
00:44:28,740 --> 00:44:34,740
So back to the theme, broken but not broke.

578
00:44:34,740 --> 00:44:40,740
So Ernestine shared a perspective in one of our women's studies that stuck with me and it's appropriate for today.

579
00:44:40,740 --> 00:44:46,740
So picture a woman, you know, it's gotta be like an animated cartoon because it's a little bit fictitious here.

580
00:44:46,740 --> 00:44:54,740
But picture a woman filling a water vessel at the well and carrying it back home.

581
00:44:54,740 --> 00:44:58,740
So she feels that she puts it up on her head.

582
00:44:58,740 --> 00:45:05,740
But it's got cracks in the clay, invisible cracks, and maybe even some visible ones.

583
00:45:05,740 --> 00:45:15,740
So along the way, some water drips out, water drips out, and slowly the vessel is almost, not quite, but almost empty.

584
00:45:15,740 --> 00:45:17,740
When she gets home.

585
00:45:17,740 --> 00:45:26,740
And while we would feel that all hope is lost, when you turn around, you see a trail of flowers.

586
00:45:26,740 --> 00:45:36,740
That water that dripped from that broken vessel, watered those seeds.

587
00:45:36,740 --> 00:45:41,740
The seeds began to bloom from the broken vessel.

588
00:45:41,740 --> 00:45:47,740
So I don't care what you came in here with today.

589
00:45:47,740 --> 00:45:50,740
I don't care what I came in here today.

590
00:45:50,740 --> 00:45:54,740
We are chosen for his use.

591
00:45:54,740 --> 00:45:56,740
For his use.

592
00:45:56,740 --> 00:45:59,740
It doesn't matter.

593
00:45:59,740 --> 00:46:06,740
He uses the broken to confound the many.

594
00:46:06,740 --> 00:46:09,740
He uses us.

595
00:46:09,740 --> 00:46:11,740
I know you get the point.

596
00:46:11,740 --> 00:46:20,740
Both in the plant world and as our role as parents, we have the job to plant the seed and watch the increase.

597
00:46:20,740 --> 00:46:28,740
So my prayer for you today is that you occupy that space, that you leave here with the God confidence.

598
00:46:28,740 --> 00:46:37,740
That regardless of the situation, the past, the mistakes, that you will know that God uses broken vessels to spread the word.

599
00:46:37,740 --> 00:46:39,740
We are part of that plan.

600
00:46:39,740 --> 00:46:42,740
And parenting is part of that plan.

601
00:46:42,740 --> 00:46:50,740
So find your unimaginable peace that exceeds anything we can ever imagine.

602
00:46:50,740 --> 00:46:57,740
And occupy that space fully that God has given you on this earth.

603
00:46:57,740 --> 00:47:00,740
And in closing, I will just read the verses again.

604
00:47:00,740 --> 00:47:05,740
We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed.

605
00:47:05,740 --> 00:47:08,740
We are perplexed, but not driven to despair.

606
00:47:08,740 --> 00:47:11,740
We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God.

607
00:47:11,740 --> 00:47:14,740
We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.

608
00:47:14,740 --> 00:47:21,740
We now have light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure.

609
00:47:21,740 --> 00:47:26,740
This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.

610
00:47:26,740 --> 00:47:30,740
So plant the seeds and watch God give the increase, right man?

611
00:47:30,740 --> 00:47:35,740
Amen.