...
BROTHERMAN
MANS
BROTHERMAN
HELL YEAH BROTHER
and we back, and we back, and we back, and we back
and we back, and we back, and we back
Juice Box is gonna talk and you're gonna listen for an hour and 42
That's god damn right people, it's the fucking brother man podcast
We're back in action if you hear me say it the last me and math say it the last 52 times
She made juice with me or all three of my lovely co-hosts
Order we got the friggin button bopper the knob nerler
the friggin nipple twister the goddamn titty tornadoes titty tornadoes we got dot bot over here
titty tornado tony
on the bed
i wonder
that'd be a great wrestler
titty tornado tony
and she can walk out to the ring
the fingers twisting you'll be like this and it sounds like
something like a shawn michael but
that's him fucking coming in dude coming in hot dude for another fresh episode
we got freeing a rail back in business the pope filled in for you last week dude and
did he have a lot to say?
he had a lot to say dude he really did
more than he showed up
and he sounded different every time he told me something
he wants to apologize for that
yeah like he sends his regards
he's like listen
i was just all over the place
jesus christ
he said throw a few hail marys up for me
he may have multiple personality disorder i think is what we came to dude but i mean like the hood loves him
the hood loves him and we found that out cause when he went outside after we were done dude
i mean there was a solid 37 people out there
and he definitely made an impression
made an impression for sure
and finally dude we have the god damn
we have another birthday episode in the house boys
can we get a button pop on that dude
something for the birthday boy
that's what i'm saying i was thinking like
you gotta give me music give me sound over here
give us something cool over there
in his head
he needs some snare in his headphones
hey bro baby
and we're celebrating dude just like we did last time
i brought you some things dude
i brought you some things
alright honestly this first thing i don't know what it is
but dude hear me out
i know
it's definitely some type of dead animal
i could figure out if it was a
i know it's roadkill but i don't know it
i bought it from a store
i really don't know what it is but i know you like different sweets and pastries and shit dude
so this is called a pecone
it's a california sweet roll dude
it looks gnarly it's got sugar and shit on it
so here's a skull that i dug out of the grass
that looks like a dude
that looks a little bit like a nipple
that's a huge nipple dude
yeah dude i mean like it looks like something
big areolas dude
that's our perspective buddy
big ol mommy milkers
big ol mommy milkers right there dude
big ol mommy milkers
i got i also
i also got
some cupcakes dude
you know
so you can choose between chocolate and vanilla
you know what i'm saying
and also
and the final thing dude
i also got to one of those
friggin
whistling dixies
yeah one of them whistling dixies dude
one of them cigarettes
and a candle dude
you pick your friggin
you pick your cupcake dude and i'll spark that candle for you
you are burning like the
not the end of that thing
i mean it's a birthday
episode for a reason baby
we celebrate now
we actually have a special calling for you
for your birthday
did we?
happy birthday
i hope you get filled with all the
fluids you could want
i will actually
that's fucking awesome dude
i thank you for that
dude morgan freeman's the man
shout out to morgan
oh forgen reeman
yeah
well forgen
i mean forgen's a cool name dude
dude i mean like forgen be holding it down out here in the fort
it's not
forgen
no but forgen be holding it down in the fort dude
thanks forgen
thank you mr freeman
hell yeah dude happy birthday
thank you
who knows what this episode has in store
for you sitting wherever you may be
sitting running wherever you may be
running
who knows what you're doing right now
listen dude
listen what i'm trying to say is buckle up or lawyer up
dude cause it's about getting tense
what made me think about was
what was that extreme
whatever where it's like
where are they running from
they're not running from they're running too
hell yeah that fucking show is the shit
make a wish
i wish you'd shut the fuck up
ahhhh
listen i know
you don't mean that but you know
listen boys
let's play the sound game
let's get right into it
wanna play a sound game?
what kind of sounds?
it's the one i explained to you before
see but it's not irrelevant
do you want me to say what it is?
you gotta tell the people
he forgot
nah you gotta tell the people
one of us is gonna be blindfolded
or in this case
i have a blindfold
it's a sessy blindfold
i'm gonna fall asleep
so what's that sound?
so those purple mattresses are made out of
could be
oh shit
so carl has volunteered to be blindfolded
so what's gonna happen
is the other three of us are going to
each make a sound
in a category of like
animals or
a monster
or something like that
or like a car
or something
or topics
but carl has to then
guess which one of us
made which sound
we're just gonna see if he can get them right
no stakes in the game
just for enjoyment
just worth 25 points right?
not on the scoreboard for that
no no no it's not worth any points
but
is it like a whatsapp movie
like i can make all those noises
it's uh
i was gonna say space balls
he might be the same guy
i forget what his name is
Michael Jordan
not Michael B Jordan
it's just regular Michael Jordan i think
it's Michael A Jordan
alright so what topic do we want to do
i think monsters are pretty good
because you can make up like a growl
or like a scream
you don't have to guess what
i know i know i know
i know i know
what's monster cheese sound like
um
yeah like
it sounds like that
i think that's a different type of monster cheese
it sounds more like a puddin or a jello
now you the listener have to guess who made that sound
dude fucking put in the comments below
baby
well the listeners can play along with the sound game
they can try and guess who it is
cause now they can comment on the podcast as well
you don't win shit either dude
so on spotify
they can now comment or ask any questions
at any point during the podcast
if they comment at a specific point
it'll tag the point or they can just comment
on the podcast itself
it's underneath where the play pause
forward reverse
utilize it and let us know what you think
and if you're listening to this and you guess
me the one that's listening to the other sounds
you're good
you're good you're real good
you an idiot
alright so
an idiot
we'll do monster sounds
that's what we wanna do
animal
if we pick a specific animal it's more fun
it's anthony he's talking right now
why don't we do two
this guy's good
why don't we do two
why don't we do an animal where we're specific
and then just like a made up fairy monster
so i feel like we all should get
fairy tail monster
hey
rawr
of course
it doesn't matter
so to make
sure that he
can't pick up on who it is from
the chair sliding or something
we're all gonna get up over there
yeah so he has no idea
before we started this podcast
we explained that
i didn't know that was happening
no i just put the mic on the table juice
because i thought it would be a good fucking pro
well not dude but anyone
one person at a time could get up
what animal do we want to do the category of
make sure these cover my eyes first
it will you just can't see
you'll be able to see beneath your nose
if you listen to it
just like that
or whatever way you want to do it
we're gonna do one where we do a random monster
and then the other
we're gonna do
animal of our choice and we're all gonna do that animal
alright
so what animal do we want to pick
i tried it on before i brought it out to make sure
a chipmunk
i don't know what sound a chipmunk makes
a fox
we're doing a fox
the fox screams are terrifying
a fox
and a monster
a fox?
have you ever tried to make a fox
how about we do a wolf
it's way fucking easier than a yip
what does the fox say
let's do a wolf
that's a fox
wolf is the first round
alright who's going first
they all just leave
i'm here for an hour
we all do it at the same time
we'll never know
yeah they'll have no fucking idea
it's fine
alright let's go for this
do you have the other mics turned down
i can
yeah i would do that
uh
that's
that one's not me
okay
that's easy
that's my
we even need to go
he's gotta get some more
that's juice box
i can see
i'm just kidding
stay over
we're gonna do a monster now
dude he knows all of our tones
he knows our tones dude
i don't know who the fucking monster is
what's the goddamn
what's the goddamn super copper sound like
dude those shits are crazy
that's matt
jesus christ
it ain't gonna go well dude
you make a fucking sound
that's me
that's matt
no
we got one
i thought you were gonna trick me
is that juice box
that's matt
that's got him again
that was anthony and then the one after that was just juice box
you guys are kidding at me he's a monster
that was juice box
alright that was it
we got him off his game
you gotta make a noise
you gotta make a bullshit crowd
do you wanna try
what's an animal we can make
what's an animal we can
man i wanna try one of them cupcakes dude
man i was gonna do something
that's juice box
this is the single one dude
i can hear drool going on the mic
that's gotta be juice box
alright clearly carl is too good at this
this shit is hard dude
i'm saying like this the whole time
it's hard to make like a distracting
we gotta do that one week and have somebody else come in
we said he doesn't know he's here
we should do
we should do like a song or a movie snippet
to where we won't be
in trouble for playing snips
like we said that day
what's the legal limit for playing shit
like 12 seconds
technically there's none but like
you're not supposed to play any
but if you're using it
in certain contexts it's okay
so for like a game like that we could do it
so we don't
go tight to your eyes it's got my fucking eye juice on it
it's hot
looks like nipples
i've never used it
i've had that in my drawer for a long time
to be fair to that mask you got a big head
how about you
your head was tight to the mask
instead of the mask tight to your head
looks like a nice mask
well that game didn't go as well
as i thought
you guys got me on the monsters
the monsters you just gotta make a weird
fiddling sound
one of yous would have went twice
i was like oh they're gonna try to do that
nah we were honest
we're not cheaters
that's not cheating that's trying to trick me
so we should
we should have stopped that halfway through
and tried to open up the door and jump out of the plane
like vanilla or chocolate
dude i just ate a piece of cake i can't
i can't have a cupcake too
i'll pull out a candle dude
i'll eat a vanilla cupcake
me too
you both want vanilla
nah dude i don't give a
friggin f which one y'all want dude
i was just
i got some icing on my finger
i'm sorry
i'm lighting the birthday boy and you're giving me the first cupcake
well matt doesn't want one
i had a piece of cake earlier like literally
13 minutes ago
doesn't sound like something that would deter you from eating
anymore
yeah dude
i don't want to be fingering up another friggin cupcake
finger at daddy
finger at me
you guys call these jimmies or do you call these sprinkies
those are sprinkies
i'll tell you what
i'm sorry to Dairy Queen the first time
someone approached me and said i want jimmies
i'm like i don't know what that is
but we don't sell that here
i mean like we definitely
i don't know what a jimmy is i've never heard of that candy
i don't know who you're looking for but he doesn't work here
i don't know who jimmy
he actually just left he got done at four
you mean johnny dude? no he left
years ago dude
that's a hub that's a sub shop
hot dogs or something dude
jimmy johns? wait what am i thinking
you think jimmy johns is just hot dogs?
i was thinking johnny hawns dude
jimmy johns is definitely
they make sandwiches
let me tell you guys about a story
tell me
a lady
let me tell you about a plane
a plane leaving houston
back in
back in november
alright so
this plane
half way through the flight a woman
tried to open an exit door
and uh and bit a passenger
who tried to stop her
i was on a plane from houston in uh
in november well this could have been this could have happened to you
did you see this shit?
so the incident forced an emergency
landing he completely forgot about it
ahhhh
this is our
straight up shopper it's a bomb dude
he's like i totally forgot about it
go ahead sorry man
she said that jesus told her
to open the plane door so she
she was attempting
to she was she was gonna open
the plane door that's what happens when those intrusive
thoughts win yeah so
when you're staring at the door and you're like i could open
that no one's
between me and the door documents
released say that the 34 year
old woman walked back to the back of the plane
where she stared at the exit door
see
she asked multiple crew members
if she could look out the window near the
flight attendant's jump seat and after
each attendant told her no
she allegedly forced her way around a
flight attendant and began pulling on the exit
handle while the plane was 37
thousand feet in the air
uh i just picture
i picture her like crossing one up like
i know as being a man you're not supposed to hit a woman but i would
lay that bitch the fuck out dude
and she would never see it coming she'd be so focused
on that fucking door dude
would you do it with that stuff on your face? yeah
okay
do you want to grab him a napkin?
absolutely dude
his beard's holding on to all the icing
yeah it's a little fucking
flavor saver dude it's delicious
so um
another
flight attendant told her that
the authorities that she was shoved while
while she was trying to get to the exit door
um
a passenger nearby overheard someone
say she's trying to open the door
so she went to the rear of the plane to help
detain the woman, pinning her to the ground
the woman bit the passenger on a thigh
and apparently held on
so she she latched she went full
full police dog
and just latched on and wouldn't let go
she's like jesus told me jesus told me
i would have turned i would have stomped her
so fucking hard i would have turned her head into soup
oh did somebody bite you?
yeah dude that's so personal
i'm ripping her teeth out you can't get in trouble
i'll rip her teeth out
right there with my fucking fingers
i'll do what i do to my dog
you bite me i'm gonna get you back
you bite me nobody has any
say in what i do after that
everybody's fucking getting in
you bite her on the ear like a dog
i'll bite her
i'll bite her tits off
she was about to get tipped
i'll rip both of that
woman's nipples clean off her
titties
she will be
arrested by the police
they're gonna be flying out of the plane
she's gonna get arrested by the police
and i'm gonna be standing there like
bitch you ain't got no nipples
hear me out Matt
what if you stop her from opening the door
and then you open the door
they're like thank you so much and then you open it
i'll stop her from opening the door and then i'll open it
and i'll throw her fucking ass out
i saw how that would work
i'm pretty sure you're going with
you guys live in my head
but that's how it works
it ain't like you cranked the window down quick
yeah we'd all die dude
ugh
at least you would die
they're like thank you so much for helping us
they're like thank you so much for helping us detain this woman
you're like yeah no problem
you walk away fucking yank the door open
you're like i kinda wanted to know too
some people just like to see the world burn
but i wasn't helping you
i was helping her
we all get sucked out
i had you scratched
i feel like this is a rip away fucking close
and somehow i'm in a fucking gallon
i am
it's like ebonylmighty he's like wearing a suit
and all the soniers in full robes
long ginger hair dude
just like that guy
like a fat chain and everything dude
you're just bling the fuck out
before i hit the part
even like
that lady
like what? which one?
the helper or the crazy one?
the crazy one like
even i just don't understand
what type of thought would go through your brain like jesus wants me to open this door right now
well this is what she told
uh told authorities
is that jesus told
also told her to fly to ohio
which is where she was flying to
and then he also told her to open the plane door
so she's
she's got direct
connections with the big man
so she's got a land line
those planes don't add up
you never would have made it to ohio
i think she's got a direct connect to meth
dude i think she's got a direct connect to
dude i don't think it's god
every time i flew on a plane
i do sit there and i stare out the window and i'm like
knowing that people hate jobs
i'm like
somebody putting this plane together there's a chance
yeah but i'm like sitting there
there's a chance like this plane's not
the best put together plane
someone threw one of these rivets in there and it didn't
and he's just like you know what
dude fuck it
it's friday like this plane could have been built
on a friday i just put my two weeks in
and that's what went through my
head every time i fly like look around the plane
crazy check
you can't even like you have to check in everything
that's in your pockets when you go to build a
plane or a helicopter
i get it but like there's people in factories
that hate their jobs
so like
there's leeway in like
specifics if something fails on that
like it goes back to the date
that it was made to the person who worked on it
at that point
yeah i watched it
so
and that was part of my point because i'm like
they did it all for money dude
they cut all those fucking
corners because they wanted to make more money
that's my point is like there's
times that like
they fired safety inspectors
and shit and they cut all that shit
and i'm like there's like a million things that need to go
right for this plane to be okay
that's a helicopter a plane i think is a
little bit more they have a lot of back
i'm flying in may dude let's free
and not talk about planes
you might be crashing in may too but uh
so this lady she um
she apparently left
her home on a saturday without
telling her husband crashes you're fine
yeah i know it's a very low problem she didn't
she didn't bring any luggage and she
was traveling alone
um apparently she had not flown
in a long time and she claimed she could
not breathe on the plane
so she decided to get up from her seat
she then says that she
remembers trying to open the door and biting
a passenger and she also
said that she has anxiety
and post-traumatic stress
disorder and became very anxious
and normally would have not done these
things i don't think that lady knows how breathing
works i haven't flown since the last
time i tried to open that door well i mean
you would get a very big
rush of air that would help you breathing at first i think
what's the oxygen level at
37,000 feet it's gonna help you breathe
out well they got oxygen tanks
in the no
no i'm saying i'm saying out for those if she
gets that window don't those doors open out
what is the pressure
too low or is it
i think it would have made a vacuum
because the pressure would be different
yeah i'm not sure how that works
haven't you seen in the movies doing the door
opens what did you bring in movies
well no the doors do emergency
break open
they test that shit where they flip out
not in the air but like the
doors are made that they fail
outward so that if like
something happens the door can be broken
open so you can get out like if the plane
crashes into water or anything like that
so i don't know what would happen if it's opened in
the air so if it would suck out or not
so it is not possible
because of the pressure differences
it's too high pressure outside compared
to inside i would have turned that lady's head into soup
for no reason it's impossible
it takes
around 20,000 pounds of strength to open
that door mid flight because of the pressure
difference yeah fuck dude
i could do that 20,000 she had the strength
of jesus behind her though that's true however
if you do
take that lock of that door off
that could cause some type
of pressure leak that eventually causes
some type of catastrophe
before the door opens or no if it causes
a pressure leak that could cause a weak point
in the system that just like you ever see like
when you know how when you get a little
hole in the side of the airplane it blows a little bit bigger
like it would be that same
dude speaking of this you ever see the
there's a picture of it a guy one of the
like captains or
co-pilots it's captains
captains got sucked out of like
the front windshield and the other one held on to them
until they landed jesus there's a picture of it
he's like it looks fake like
did he live yeah look it up
man gets sucked off by
plane
carl what the hell are you searching
man gets sucked off mid flight i forget
i don't i saw it on uh i saw it online
it's gotta be real
not into
not into no no no
not into a jet
never watch one of those
like the geese fly into it
no i watched a person dead
i seen a video where a flock of geese purposely
attacked a plane
like you could see them they're flying over here
and they're like they came over and they
just dove into the fucking fucking japanese geese
are crazy
oh my god dude
kamagusa's dude
fucking insane
no it was like the video
like you see the geese like flying like
way out of the way of the plane and they
purposely like move over and all
like it's like
all sucked into the fucking turbine
it's wild
yeah
yeah there is dude
it looks fake doesn't look like a fake like
that's wild
sucked his shirt off dude
and i'm free
that would be a hell of a rush
free pilot
that would be a hell of a rush
how'd that happen
he's got windburn
the fire noise
who held him
the co-pilot
who the fuck's flying the plane
what's happening right now
i'm sorry i'm about to land this thing
it's either you die
or we all die
he calls the flight attendant and he goes
hold my beer
watch this
and then he gets steady then he has a free hand to be able to hold on
to the flight attendant
he's like i need you to put lennard skiddered in the tape deck
real quick
imagine that emergency call like hey
i need some help up bro
what is that strength
i'm holding on to air
breaker breaker run now
he's here
in the background
jerry got sucked off by the plane
dude he got the back cracking
of a lifetime
dude oh my god
dude he's three
he's three inches taller
when he came off that plane
he's got the
his elbows definitely
fell the opposite way
dude he got a great fucking
oh my god
they're like so you coming
into work on monday or
we don't got anybody to cover your shift
oh man
so
so this uh this folks
and his heart
and his legs grew three
inches that day
oh my god
it says this image is fake it's a
2005 tv show
oh that's a shame
but it actually happened however the story
the story
he got beat up against a plane
the story it depicts is true and even
more extraordinary
okay at least the story is real
jeez i was gonna say who took the picture
it probably looked like that fucking like
the inflatable man the wacky
waving of the
i could just imagine
like that distress call where he's like i need
like six people up front now
we need the biggest motherfucker
on the plane so this picture
this guy in the hospital bed is
actually that is the guy that
happened to tim lancaster
so it happened in a
flight from birmingham
um england
to malaga spain
and somewhere over the english midlands
two of the cockpit windows smash
depressurizing the cabin so tim
lancaster was like you know what
i'll plug the hole with my body
he's like
i'm right here
ahhhh
he looks at the co-pilot
he goes
he looks at the
co-pilot he goes they'll teach you this in flight
school this dives into the hole
You know what happened? He said it broke multiple windows.
Did it say multiple windows?
So one was probably not broken, and he was like,
Oh, I plug it with my body.
And it got stuck through the other one.
He's like, Oh, there's not two of me.
So this is flight 5930.
Oh, my goodness.
It happened June 1990.
And as soon as the window smashed,
Tim was instantly sucked out of the cockpit.
Didn't have a seatbelt on.
This is why you need seatbelts on planes.
That's the whole reason.
Seatbelts on planes.
So they described chaos to follow up on this motherfucking plane.
Exposed to the rushing winds and pressure difference at seven
thousand meters altitude, the cockpit door was ripped off its hinges.
Can we get that in American?
I'm going for it.
So attention, all passengers, no need to worry.
But all all plane personnel, please report to the front of the plane.
A pilot is currently hanging 10.
I repeat, no need to worry.
But can we get all hands in the cockpit?
The passenger is hang or the pilot is hanging 10.
So he's like, Did you ever see that movie Teen Wolf?
Well, watch this.
Watch this motherfucker.
It's called Teen Hawk.
21,000 feet.
Yeah, because three feet, three meters or three feet to a meter. Right.
Roughly. Yeah.
It's like, you know, this is our flight attendant.
If you look to your left, Timmy.
Timmy is banging his fucking head off the side of the plane.
This is what she called.
Attention, passengers.
This is your flight attendant speaking.
We're not experiencing turbulence at the moment.
He's just banging his body off of the fuselage.
We are going to land immediately and hopefully recover his lifeless body
before it rips off with his legs.
No turbulence, but the pilot is pretty tubular.
He is straddling the gnar.
He is fucking hanging pretty hard right now.
Attention, passengers.
This is your flight attendant speaking.
Any man over any man over.
Attention, passengers.
This is your pilot speaking.
Timmy is getting sucked off by the plane.
Attention, passengers.
This is your flight attendant speaking.
No need to worry, but the pilot is currently shredding the gnar.
Any man over 250 pounds, please report to the cockpit.
We need help.
This is your flight attendant co-pilot, actually.
In the background, he's here.
Somehow our pilot is on the outside of our plane.
He always thought he was better than everyone else in flight school.
He graduated with the lowest score possible.
If there's any strong men on the plane.
If we land this, Tim's going to need a shirt.
Probably a new set of pants.
If there is a lost and found on this plane, it would be greatly appreciated
if a flight attendant could bring some extra clothes promptly.
For the next two hours, we are going to be playing Sarah McLachlan on replays.
As long as he keeps knocking, we know he's alive.
Goddamn Timmy knockers.
Can you take me higher?
This poor guy.
Oh, boy.
So remarkably, one quick thinking flight attendant, Nigel Ogden,
was able to grab his captain's ankles before he disappeared out the windows,
which gives a whole new meaning to turn around and grab your ankles.
Turn around, grab my ankles.
Dude, what? All right, this is crazy.
What would you rather be?
Would you rather be the guy?
Hear me out. Let me. Don't hit that fucking button.
Let me let me finish.
Let me finish this before you guys answer.
Would you rather be the guy outside of the plane?
Or would you rather be the guy
who has to hold on to that guy's ankles and his life is in your hands
and you're not that strong?
I'd rather be the guy holding because if something bad happens,
I'll say at the end of the day, it was his decision and I.
He chose to get sucked out of the window.
He just turns and looks at the copilot and goes, it's in God's hands now.
Some people make bad choices.
This is too tough. He chose this.
Dude, I'm going to try this 30 seconds into holding him.
He's like, bro, I can if it gets down to his feet.
His shoes are tied well, they slip out.
Well, Jesus ain't taken over this cockpit.
I fucking am, dude.
I'm laying in this bed like I'm a I'm a plug the hole with my body.
Let him go and you go up.
Dude, hopefully his arms and legs stay inside the window
and his body's bending like the spoon when the ice cream's too cold.
And he's just like this.
And he's just.
He's going he's going with the fucking window, dude.
Just just.
And that would be the worst case if this isn't my fucking job.
You're like, so about that race, huh?
Let's your hold this feet.
What if there is?
What if you're the what if you're the passenger that's in that front helping row?
You're supposed to help in any emergency, right?
Hold this. They blame you for his death in like every newspaper.
We're like, well, the guy in the first row refused to fucking help.
And the passenger just got sucked out the window,
even though he was sitting there in the first row.
I mean, hypothetically, hopefully there's a parachute up front for big homie.
Hopefully he's strapped up with or there's like.
I'd rather I'd rather be outside the window.
Or he pulls like an inflatable boat.
But if there's a way to go, that's got to be one of the fucking most wild ways to go.
And you just splat on the you're going to die.
You're going to shit your pants in the air.
You're probably going to pass out.
When you come to the acceptance that they've been holding on to you for 10 minutes
and you're like, at some point, I might just take off like you accepted.
It's the plane flying you at that point.
You're like, you're like, I knew I should have called off today.
So he was probably even debate that morning, too.
It's like, you know, it was one of those mornings where he woke up and just sat on the edge of the bed.
Well, let's go see a matinee in the fucking bowling afterwards.
And he's like, try being in his shoes.
So almost like a slip down.
So the the hard shoes to fill the one of the flight attendants and help
when he's holding a shoe and he's gone.
And you're like, what do I?
Oh, my God.
I love it.
For you to do that.
Take the shoe and put it out the window.
You're like, I don't know what to do now.
You got this. I mean, it could have terribly.
It could end terribly if you can't or you're not strong enough to let him go,
because if you accidentally let him go and he somehow gets sucked into that motor,
everybody's dying.
That's true. Everyone's like, what are you going to suck the hell with him, dude?
Hey, you use him as a surfboard and you fucking what if you're just a little guy
and you can't fucking, you know, the whole, you know.
They got rope on those planes, right?
You just fucking tied to his foot and you fucking said there's no parachutes.
Why is this going to be a random thing, a rope in the cockpit?
They got random shit on that plane, like to tie somebody up or something.
And they smoke on planes back then.
Those are called handcuffs, dude.
And it's a fucking marshal, dude.
Yeah. But what if like handcuffs aren't enough?
You have to.
Marshals aren't on every plane.
I thought they were.
I thought that was the law now.
No, it's like every, you know, like one in like it's like one in like
10 flights.
The amount of money and taxes that's already being made, dude,
they can fucking afford to have a marshal on every goddamn plane.
No, they have 80,000 more IRS agents.
Yeah, they don't want you to know it, but they probably is.
No, it's like one in every 10 flights or something like that.
So the guy that saved him was quoted as saying,
I whipped around and saw the front windscreen had disappeared
and Tim was going out through it.
He had been sucked out of his seatbelt.
Who was in charge of that?
And all I could see were his legs.
It's awfully clear.
Wait a minute.
What the fuck's going on here?
Tim?
Tim, if he's up there, who's flying the plane?
My math isn't marathon.
He ain't close by.
It's like, oh, that was a fat pass.
He's like, Tim.
You good?
Tim, you good?
Thanks.
Damn, you cleaned that windshield good.
He said, I jumped over the control column
and grabbed him around his waist to avoid him going out completely.
His shirt had been pulled off his back.
Imagine if you didn't like the pilot.
His body was bent upwards, doubled over around the top of the aircraft.
His legs were jammed forward, disconnecting the autopilot.
And the flight door was resting on the controls,
sending the plane hurling down nearly 650 kilometers per hour
through some of the most congested sky in the world.
That's fucked up, Tim.
That's not funny.
That's when the one flight attendant was sleeping
and he gets up and he's like,
yo, some serious shit's happening.
Every fucking time I fall asleep,
you motherfuckers got to go and try and crash the flight.
And you look in the front and you're like,
Jim's fucking around again.
It's funny because it ended well and it was worst case scenario.
Yeah, his feet.
The only thing holding him in was his broken legs.
The whole body could be so fucking cramped.
His bones were so...
The only thing holding him on at that point is the muscles and ligaments.
And if those were ripped...
You imagine getting ripped in half
and all that guy's holding on to is his leg.
Literally.
Ogden, is that his name? Ogden?
Ogden, yeah.
Ogden was like, hey, Tim! Tim!
Quit fucking around up there. Get back in here.
You're not supposed to be out there!
You can't sit there!
So, while...
Why hell?
While the captain was held on for now,
Ogden said he felt his grip loosening
and the plane was still many minutes away from an emergency landing.
He was able to get help from a second flight attendant,
John Huard,
Huard the steward,
to help secure the captain.
And co-pilot Alistair Acheson wrestled with the control...
These are the most British names possible.
Alistair Acheson.
Where the fuck's Alistair at this whole point?
Why didn't John Huard...
Got a straight tooth in the house.
He's back there hitting on women in the fucking...
Yeah, Alistair.
I helped fly the plane and shit.
Meanwhile, it's like...
I'm like, you're holding me, baby.
Meanwhile, it's on a fucking death roll.
Oh, no way.
Meanwhile, the plane's like death rolling.
I'm dropping.
Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna get a piece of that.
Fish, it slaps.
So by this time...
Oh, no. So he says,
all I can remember is looking at Alistair and thinking,
struggling to get the plane under control
and shouting, Mayday, Mayday, in the radio.
By this time, the cabin crew were joined by another member,
Simon Rodgers,
who was able to tie himself to a cockpit chair
and stopped him from slipping.
Oh, you just let him...
So he was like, I did two of the fish ones.
I know how to keep him here.
His legs are broken.
They're easy to tie into a press.
God save our Queen.
I don't know where that came from.
From Britain.
Oh, well, you think they tied his legs to a steering thing.
You're the only one that's had a body.
And they're steering with his arms, too.
They're like, twisting his body.
I don't know how to fly this fucking thing.
I know you're getting sucked down, shit, but you're the only one that can land this.
So they said his face was banging against a window
with blood coming out of his nose and the side of his head.
His arms were flailing and seemed about six feet long.
I was going to say, he was pulled back at 300 miles an hour.
I was like, he just pulled the shade down.
Oh, God, no.
Oh, my God, dude.
You're cleaning that when we're landing.
Oh, he won't fucking keep it down up there trying to land this fucker.
You know, there is people out there that they saw that on the side
with their windows going up to feet like.
Oh, dude.
He spent 20 minutes like this on the outside.
I'm surprised he could breathe.
He's got a lot of air up there, dude.
When it's only 40 percent air and it's being forced into your stomach.
He says his eyes are wide open. He probably couldn't close them.
That's terrible.
You know how dry your eyes should be.
Clear eyewitness fucking shit for you.
You have to swim in it for like an hour.
His lids are probably like fucking.
It's like swimming in a pool all day with your eyes open.
Time's 10.
Dude, fucking Q in Forgen Riemann.
It was at that time where shortly after he landed on the ground,
Jimmy's eyes were removed.
It was safe to say the captain Tim never flew again.
He now likes to go
sailing permanently, permanently in a wheelchair as his legs are permanently
in a pretzel.
Thanks to the flight attendant. Smart thinking.
We had to retire the plane and then we had to retire to.
It's quite funny now.
It's quite funny now how similar Lieutenant Dan and the captain Tim now are.
So remarkably, the landing was smooth
and then the plane was met with emergency services.
And he survived apart from several broken bones and severe frostbite.
The captain had survived almost half an hour on outside of the plane.
All I thought about is when the plane stops, because he's been like this
and he is going to slam forward.
Yo, what was that Christmas movie with like the with like the DVD cover?
It was the dude with like the frozen spiked up like icy hair, dude.
Like that's what you home alone. No.
You know, it was like Jack Frost.
It was maybe like a frost movie.
Pryan up looking like that when they landed. It was just.
You know, the movie I'm talking about.
Your description is terrible. I got it.
You know, that movie that has that haircut that everybody is thinking about.
Like a snow mizer and heat mizer.
It was discovered that the maintenance crew had to replace
the window panels with incorrect bolts.
See, remember what I was saying earlier?
There's always there's always somebody that like just kind of that should be all right.
The bolts, which were of a too small of a diameter,
had been hanging on by their threads until the fateful moment
when cabin pressure blew the windows out.
But Captain Tim was not deterred.
He returned to flying the same plane model five five months later.
Same plane. Same one.
The same one that had his body print in front of the outside of it.
How are we going to get this den out?
I'm a party.
And yeah, he spent another five years banging his body, banging his body and flying.
I wouldn't.
He was out there looking like this, too, from the San Claus three.
You know, same when they landed.
I was a deep dive.
I found it. I told you.
I told you it is San Claus, too.
San Claus three shout out.
I think his name's Jack Frost.
It's probably Jack Frost.
I ain't no Jack Frost.
I think it is. I think it is.
Probably is.
It's not Lenny Kravitz, to tell you that.
Are you right? Definitely not Lenny Kravitz.
Ain't fucking Captain Tim.
That's a cool name, Captain.
I wouldn't fly on that plane, though.
He's like, you know, the one time I was flying this plane,
he's talking to everybody.
Be.
I'm hoping this thing has the correct screws.
Don't worry, your captain's not the only thing with a screw loose
as the plane takes off.
Don't worry, I have my seatbelt on this time.
Oh, that's kind of bragging rights.
You can be like.
You ever fly a plane from the outside?
Exactly.
It's like I landed a plane while I was on the outside of it.
What have you done?
What are you doing with your life?
I stare at my feet.
I just picture him flying a plane from like the flying bridge,
like on deep sea boats where you're on top.
And that's where he sits now.
That's where he's at.
He's like, you know, once I got used to the cold, it was really nice.
Yeah, I just got goggles now.
The view is beautiful.
And with this coat, it was really nice.
Never believe to get a day in his life.
I will never believe.
Oh, man.
Oh, it's fucking stupid.
Give one of us a button.
Your choice.
I would rather.
No, not that fucking button, dude.
Don't do it.
What is it?
They say what is it?
What's that, bro?
What the fuck is that?
It's what?
What the hell is that?
What in Darnation is that?
What is it?
The word today is snow blindness.
The word today is Vietnamese Hmong Bobtail.
Can I get a vowel?
Use it in a sentence.
Vietnamese.
Hmong.
Come on.
Come on, Bobdale.
So that's spelled Vietnamese, obviously,
like the country, Vietnam.
Hmong, H-M-O-N-G.
Fucking feeders.
Bobtail, B-O-B-T-A-I-L.
So.
Vietnamese Hmong Bobtail.
I kind of know what a Bobtail is.
I don't know what a Bobtail is.
Let me get another piece of that.
Meat Jerk and Beef Boys?
Dude, you're going to end up eating all those cupcakes, dude.
I'll fuck another one up, even though I know it.
I'll take them for breakfast tomorrow.
OK.
I love the way this man's brain works.
This is good.
Good breakfast.
Do you want to blow a candle out, dude?
I still have a cupcake for you.
I don't care about my birthday.
You son of a bitch.
He had Morgan Freeman talk to him.
How are you going to top that?
I got a cupcake.
The fuck did Forkin Riemann do, dude?
Hey.
I'm sorry.
I spent an hour and a half getting a hold of Morgan Freeman
to do that.
I know.
I'm sorry.
He cost us $3 million.
We had to get rid of everything.
I am never going to financially recover from this.
Fuck, dude.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Mr. Freeman.
I really do appreciate you, dude.
Do you know how hard it is to get the word of God?
Probably pretty hard.
Talk to that lady.
You know what I'm saying?
It was pretty easy for her.
She gets it for free.
I had to pay.
You just got to get elevated like she was, dude.
You're fine.
All right.
Everybody talks to God.
Carl?
Yeah, what's that?
20 seconds.
It's a truck.
A truck?
I was eating this.
I'm on a bobtail.
Bobtail.
OK.
Anthony?
Oh, there you go.
Crazy poke.
It's a knot.
A knot?
A type of rope knot.
Every time somebody needs a knot tied, they go to him.
Fucking five, six, four, three, here, right.
Get real.
The juice cocks?
Mr. Balloons.
I think it's a type of food, dude.
I still don't know if it's a meal or if it's a treat.
That's oxtail.
No, not like that.
I was saying like a cow tail, one of them like wrapped up
candy.
Oh, like a candy.
Yeah, dude.
I was going to say, oxtail is food.
I was about to hit him.
You know what I'm talking about.
Yeah, but when you said cow tail.
Yeah, but after he said oxtail, you're like, yeah,
like a cow tail.
I was like, I was going to do this motherfucker.
That's like the same thing.
No.
I know what you mean now, yeah.
Yeah, the candy, dude.
Eat all me.
All right.
None of you guys are even close.
This is a bit discrimination, I think.
Well, think Vietnamese.
Think Vietnamese.
I mean, I know I don't know a lot about the culture.
Go let that go.
What do you mean?
Let it go.
Who let it go?
What the Vietnamese do to me?
It was 60 years ago.
What it did to you is about what?
No, just fucking let it go.
Let it go, dude.
60 years ago.
I was a tail gunner.
If you come everywhere.
What would you gentlemen like to know about the
Vietnamese ball among the hotel?
I guess you say whatever the fuck you want.
Now, it's a lot.
But he did hear it.
He already went past it.
I was even saying bad news.
What? That's how Vietnamese people talk.
Yeah, I like it, dude.
Totally.
You know, that's just different.
They're the one that talk like me.
I mean, I've seen Tokyo Drift before, dude.
I don't think I just don't know if we're allowed to say that.
No, we can't.
Who cares if we're allowed?
Who's going to cancel us?
The guy that always fucking comments on our Instagram
to tell us to promote on fucking reality records, dude.
You promote a reality record, you son of a bitch.
Whatever the fuck it is, dude, you promote it, fucker.
Taking the time to comment on every single IG post, dude.
You promote it.
It's a box.
Carl, what would you like to know about the Vietnamese
hamang bobtail?
What were you doing when you found this out?
Like, where'd you find it?
What were you watching?
Probably Instagram, dude.
Pornhub.
It's one of those weird public fetishes, dude.
I just see when I, um.
You know, when you give someone a bobtail, dude, yeah.
Believe it would have been.
New hamang on their bobtail?
Yeah.
It would have.
It probably would have been Instagram,
because I saw, I remember seeing a picture of it.
Oh, it should have been.
And going, oh, that's neat.
It was a butthole.
It's like, I think.
I've got to think like a Viet Minh.
Instagram discovered.
And I got to think of something neat.
Neat.
Anthony?
Is it a game or activity?
Um, it is not a game or activity.
It's not a fucking game.
What you heard is what you hear and listen.
Cheese box?
Is it a living thing?
It is a living thing.
I ain't talking a plant.
I mean, like an animal.
Oh, you can't keep going.
You can't get more specific.
Well, yeah.
Well, I just wanted to specify.
What I meant.
Well, you should have specified that before you
asked your initial question.
Is it a cave, river?
I mean, a bobtail could be a frigging plant, dude.
I don't know.
They call those leaves frigging elephant ears.
It could be like a weird ass frigging Viet Minh plant.
Like a cattail?
Is that a plant?
Yeah.
Have you never seen a cattail before?
What about a pussy willow?
I'm allergic, dude.
You're allergic to cattails.
Dogs are allergic to cattails.
I'm allergic to cattails, dude.
Only when they'd be like rubbing up on me, dude,
and they come by, like on my leg and shit.
It's like rub on my leg.
That's a cattail.
OK.
Oh, dude, you can twist those things.
Yeah, but dogs can't eat them because they'll die.
All right.
Yeah.
All right.
So I'll give you a little background.
The Vietnamese hamong bobtails are
thought to be descended from the bobtails of South Korea.
The bobtails of Southern China.
Word.
Who accompanied the hamong in their migration
to Vietnam, where they were crossed with disease
and misfortune.
Yeah.
Sure.
So it's a descendant of a different landmark's
bobtail.
They migrated.
You listened.
I did.
I also picked up on something else
that I think he gave us a hint, but I don't
know how to relate it to anything.
All right.
Let's do the final round of guesses.
Carl, 20 seconds.
It's a weird form of cat.
Like an Asian cat.
Well, really Asian cat, because it's
from two different parts of Asia.
Doubly Asian.
Anthony?
It's one of them street dogs like they have in Peru.
Well, in Peru, there's street dogs.
Yeah, they're like, what up?
Wolf?
Vato?
No, they're like the wild dogs that just roam.
But they're domesticated dogs.
Yeah, they're bloodhounds.
Not those critpals.
I was also going to say dog, so I can't do that.
Do a deer.
It's not like a horse or a donkey for transportation.
Could be an ox.
I think it's a horse, dude.
It's not a donkey, then.
You ever seen an Asian horse?
I think it's got a bobby ass tail, dude.
Whatever a bobby tail looks like, dude.
I think a horse got one.
I've never seen an Asian horse.
I was going to guess dog, dude.
I was guessing one of those little.
Damn you, Mongolians.
You tear down my shitty walk.
See a video of that little fucking fluffy dog
that looks like a cat, kind of?
So a Vietnamese mong bob tail.
Yeah, dude, that one.
I just explained it.
That's what I was thinking of.
Explain what you're thinking of.
That's what I was thinking of, dude.
But I couldn't guess that shit.
It is a dog that when groomed right, resembles a cat.
Dude, I just saw that shit on Instagram the other day.
Oh, he's cute.
They're adorable.
They're like sheep dogs.
Like their fur looks like sheep.
Super thick.
Isn't it crazy how I was describing that thing?
Asian cat.
And they kind of look like a cat.
I described that thing post-game, dude.
Fuck.
Look at them.
Oh, they're so fluffy.
Oh.
I should have asked if I can make a secondary dog guess,
like if I described it very, very specifically.
I did.
I got better than you.
I said cat.
That's what it resembles, a cat.
I was going to say dog, dude.
Son of a bitch.
Should have did cat dog.
That's fucked.
So because you said ye doggy.
And I'm like, OK, like it's either a dog or like a horse.
Or a cowboy.
Or it could be a ye.
Could be a ye.
Or a haw.
I don't know.
I don't know what the fuck y'all are out there listening.
So I'm going to give Anthony three points for guessing
some type of dog.
Not a street dog, though.
It's like a pretty prestigious dog in Vietnam.
It's the fourth Vietnam.
Vietnam.
Oh, Vietnam.
It's one of their four great national dogs.
I don't know what that means.
Well, it's probably like that.
What are the lucky dogs you get?
Like the Japanese lucky dogs?
Yeah.
But today they're using border police and military dogs there.
Oh, this episode's fucked.
So they're using hunter-herders and guard dogs.
Little statues.
That's a cat.
I thought they have a lucky dog.
It's a lucky cat, I think.
They definitely have a lucky dog.
I'm a lucky dog.
So they're square muscular medium-sized dogs,
double coat, short and hard without any feathering.
Can you buy this?
Why would a dog not have feathers?
Lucky dog is not the name of the thing.
So their tail lengths range from one to six inches.
So they have short tails.
So that's what they get their names from.
It doesn't get cut?
That's what I was talking about.
That thingy.
No docking is performed.
It's a dog.
It's a food dog.
Have you ever seen a dog with a mane like that?
It's a food dog.
The average cost of one of those is $3,000, dude.
What up, Foo?
They're expensive.
Yeah, the average cost is $3,000.
Well, their lifespan is $10,000.
Holy shit, their lifespan is 15 to 20 years.
I mean, honestly, for a purebred dog,
$3,000 is about average.
Yeah, it's not bad for a, fuck it, if you're going to get 20 years.
But 15 to 20 years, that's a...
I think dogs that aren't overbred,
that's like how long they're supposed to be there.
You know how much French bulldogs go for?
Dude, I follow this one for years from Philly,
and he sells these things for...
Look up...
The cost of a Tesla, dude.
Look up the cost of a purebred show poodle.
Oh, I bet.
They're wild.
I bet.
And they're like one of the hardest dogs to train.
Poodles are really smart.
They're German, actually.
It says that these are one of the rarest breeds in the world,
and they're also one of the most intelligent
and most loyal hunting companions and service great pets.
Poodles are hunting dogs.
Yeah.
That's what poodles were bred for.
I was talking about the Humana.
I know, but poodles were bred to be hunting dogs.
You said they were bred, yeah, they're bred for hunting.
Oh, my dear.
I'm looking to see...
They're bred for French.
They're like rat terriers.
They're bred for mice, rodents.
They don't do great around cats and small animals.
Other pests.
People always think they're French or something like that,
but they're actually German.
Yeah.
Everybody always names them French names.
Dude, I want one.
This is P.A.
Yeah, my grandfather's poodles were Pierre and Poupé.
Pierre and Poupé.
And they're not French at all.
They're German.
And they were little shitheads.
They were adorable.
They kind of look like chibis when they're black and tan.
They have a shibini, like a Rottweiler kind of design on their face.
If you walked by Poupé, she'd bite you for no reason.
Just thought it was fun.
Some of them are assholes.
Yeah, both of them are.
They're actually like...
I think they're actually on one of the aggressive breeds, actually.
My uncle drove over.
Where did he even buy one?
On accident?
Yeah.
She ran out in the driveway while he was backing up.
That's so sad, dude.
It is.
It's fucking...
It was hard to be sad, though, because she was such a bitch.
Oh, look at him walking.
Oh, he's cute.
He's got the same hair as me.
Boys, we should get a podcast, all right?
Oh, yeah.
We'll see him once a week.
Yeah, we should.
No.
Well, who else is going to do it?
I'll take him home with me, dude.
I think any of us would.
Are you kidding me?
I asked Megan if I could get a puppy.
She told me no.
She said no, not until we get a house.
And I was like, well, what if I just...
Look at that dog just there.
And I'm like, I don't know where he came from, but he lives here now.
Such a good boy.
All right, I gotta give...
It's a mail-ordered dog.
What do you mean?
They're dope.
They are cool.
I love them all.
So that puts Anthony up to six and a half points.
Carl, I'll give you a half point for your cat.
Slowly catching up, boys.
You're not doing as well as you did last year.
Hey, give me another 23-er.
That's true.
I actually won no matter...
I won besides that, though.
Remember that juice box.
I won besides those points.
It's true.
He did.
We were gonna gamble them all, and we didn't.
We forgot.
Yeah.
All right.
That is that for the what it is and what it isn't and what it ain't.
Thank you, gentlemen, for playing.
Maybe next time, you'll do better.
I got points.
Me and Anthony did great.
Yeah, I guess you guys did pretty good.
I just thought it was like a street dog.
The juice box, I guess, and after it was over.
Unfortunately.
Yeah.
I did just see that, though.
I did.
Same.
That's why it was on my...
I haven't been on social media much.
I mean, that's what was in my head, dude.
I was thinking that dog.
All she said dog was like, how is that?
She just said cat dog.
That would have given me five points.
That's what I said.
Anthony, I'm like, she just did cat dog.
Cat dog, cat dog, cat, kitty, kitty, kitty, dog.
We eat a cat dog, cat dog, kitty, kitty, dog.
Cat dog, cat dog, kitty, kitty, dog.
That's just shame.
I always want to know how he shit.
He doesn't.
He's a central cloaca right in the middle where his belly button...
Where each one of their belly buttons would be.
It just kind of plops out like perpendicular to his body.
Every day they rotate on which ones to...
They have the same back as Tim because they would curl.
Dude, I mean, they...
Maybe that's how Tim stayed in, dude, because he's secretly cat dog.
He's a good old round back.
He's right.
Yo, he'd probably kill her at limbo.
He is now.
Ever since I got this second set of knees installed in my calf.
He can play a swifter.
I'm real flexible now.
His crunches are tough.
He walks like an ostrich now.
They bend backwards.
He walks like a fat guy who's not fat.
He stands like a flamingo.
He literally constantly stands like a really drunk guy.
You know the Michael Jackson lean where they lean forward?
He's doing it the other way.
He just does it back and then comes forward.
Left hand red.
Watch this shit.
Who puts his shoes on?
He does.
He does from the back.
You don't need a shoe hoard, dude.
It's like...
That's fucking great.
Sorry, Tim.
Fuck Tim.
You know.
He used to make a lot of money.
He used to make a lot of the crab walk position, dude.
He used to be fucking...
Good question for you guys.
He'll never have a thrill like that again in his life.
He's peaked.
You guys, would you rather?
You want to do a would you rather?
Please don't hit the button.
No, no, no.
He's asking like a genuine would you rather.
Would you rather bang the hottest trans woman in the world or bang the oldest woman in the
world?
Oh boy.
Juicebox, you go first.
How old are you?
I'm Hulk Hogan, the greatest ruffler of all.
How the fuck did that go?
You finally gave me noises.
I turned it up during the video.
I didn't know you were trying to blush.
That's how old the woman is.
It's actually Hulk Hogan.
Are we actually playing this game?
Because I have questions before I answer this.
Was that just running through soundboards that entire time?
It must have been.
I have two questions before I answer this.
Well three questions.
Is this for real?
Look, you have to do it.
We have both outside right now.
Is this for real?
How old is this oldest lady and are all the parts done up on the hottest?
You're on Anthony's computer.
Look up the hottest trans lady.
Dude, I don't think there's going to be a thing.
That's all subjective.
Who's the oldest woman alive right now?
Give him an age.
That'll make him happy because he wants to know how old.
She's probably like a hundred and four.
Yeah, God save our queen.
You're going to hear an eighteen.
You should get oldest dead.
What's she look like?
What she look like at a hundred and eighteen skin everywhere.
She's been melted by the sun.
Sorry.
One hundred and fifteen as of January.
Nineteens.
Oh, she's got the crazy eyes.
Probably get a good gummy soon.
She looks like she just talks to her.
And then could we look up the subjectively hottest woman and trans woman in the world?
Can we look that up?
Wolf, dude.
That's perspective.
Well, this is.
No matter what, it's not good.
Like think about the gummy.
She could be 80 years old, she could be a hundred and eighteen years old.
I swear to God, if I become the oldest person that's ever lived, I'm going to be so fucking
mad.
You're the right size for it.
What if someone wants to pay to fuck you at a hundred and fifteen, you go let them fuck
you?
Can I say no?
Like I can't even speak.
At a hundred and fifteen, do you know what my body's going to be like?
I'm going to just be laying there drooling.
That's going to be my life and it's going to be miserable.
I'm banging the old lady.
Isn't that so?
I think I've come to the same conclusion, but I'm not proud of my choice.
What?
Yeah.
You're not proud.
I'm going to let Jesus tell me what to do.
Yeah, tell me what God takes away from me.
I'm never really proud of anything I bang.
Oh my God, dude.
How much money?
What?
Would you rather?
Yeah, you ain't getting paid.
Bullet to your head.
You've got to do one or the other.
Which one do you do?
Bullet to the head.
Is it a girl and then it was a guy or is it a guy and then it was a girl?
That's a good question.
If it's a girl, it's now a guy.
No, he said the sexiest trans woman.
Either way.
I don't know how trans women work.
I failed my thing at work.
I turned into a woman.
I failed my thing at work like four times.
I couldn't figure it out.
Either way, it's post-op, so it's operated on to be what they want to be.
So, are you talking about lady boys in Thailand?
No, no, post-op.
Lady boys are boys that dress as a woman.
If it's a man that wants to transition into a woman, they're snip and tuck.
I'm fucking the old lady.
I'm only banging the old woman because I don't want to catch the trans.
It's automatic.
I don't want to.
No, no, no, this can be manual.
It can be manual.
It's hyper-viral and I don't want to get it.
Wear a mask.
No, masks aren't that effective, I've heard.
Just get a couple shots, dude.
Yeah, I just don't want to catch it.
If you're coming with your hair dyed green or blue, I know something's probably going up, dude.
Look how far it's coming.
Oh, no.
His hair's dyed red every day.
Yeah, but what does green or blue matter?
You're right, he's already out there, dude.
He's already out there doing a lot of shit.
I don't see color.
Colorblind?
You don't see color?
Are you one of those fucking people, dude?
You colorblind as a bitch.
It's like Kyle's video, the day that traffic light did the red and the green light are all over this.
I saw that.
What do you want?
I saw that.
I was like that for a while.
Oh, was it?
So you're telling me you couldn't see either of those colors, have you approached that light?
No, Juicebox, I'm telling you that I don't see color.
Now, I believe that this is the man that you would bang.
I'm sorry?
Hold on.
No, not that one.
Oh, boy.
I don't want to shoot that guy.
He looks like a blobfish.
Dude, why am I banging the button?
Who are you?
The whole right side of his jaw collapsed.
Let's say like a guppy fish.
That's what happens when you start off looking like an old man when you're born.
You end up being an old man.
Sure.
What freaks me out is old people's hands.
I don't know why, but it really fucking bothers me.
Well, like the spots are-
So would you rather get a hand job from a little person?
No, like just the wrinkly-
Fuck a trans person.
Dude, it like fucks me up.
Like I hate it.
That dog?
Do I got sound?
Yeah, you do.
This is for trickery.
Bye, trickery.
I am a lawman.
Could be a lawman, dude.
This is what happened last week.
That went wild with sound ports.
Yeah, and the pope was talking crazy shit last week.
He should have heard the guy.
He was on one.
What's that thing he's got?
Juice bags.
You know what's fun about this week, dude?
I got no specific topic.
Oh yeah?
Yeah.
Do you usually?
Yeah.
Okay.
What do you mean?
It's a hot topic.
Sometimes I have specific topics like weird ass words or like things you didn't think
had a name or bread or toast or toasters, convection ovens, pizza, mummies.
Don't you fucking hit that shit.
Ray.
Way.
Shut up.
Don't tell me what the fucking dude.
Do you understand?
Fuck.
All right, first random one, right?
And for the vegan people out there or if you were to be forced to go vegan.
Vegan to me's?
Vegan to me's.
Nice.
These are a few things you could just fuck up every single day, dude, and you don't have
to feel bad about the animals.
Hershey's chocolate syrup.
Just the syrup, you could just eat it.
Ritz crackers.
Okay, sounds delicious.
Dum dum lollipops.
All this together sounds fantastic.
I'd pick all this over a fucking steak.
And Oreos, dude.
Wait, so that's all vegan?
Listen, I'm just telling the people what they want to hear.
That's what I'm asking though, that's all vegan.
That's all vegan.
Okay.
Oh my boy Bobby Ross.
It's not that exciting, I can tell you that, but it's something.
Here's something I...
Shoot, let's get crazy.
Just shoot.
Shoot, Bob.
This one has to do with Star Wars, because I fucked with Star Wars heavily.
I feel like I'm the only one here at the table.
Yeah, I've never seen Star Wars.
It's just a...
It's the same story as Harry Potter, but they have lightsabers instead of wands.
But Star Wars came out first, so J.K. Rowling was a fucking cheap copycat.
The sound of the lightsaber was created by pairing the sound of an idol film projector
and the buzz from an old TV set.
And that was like...
Crazy.
You know they just made one?
Disney did.
Yeah, Disney just made like an actual lightsaber.
You want to see it, Juice?
People who have just been dying.
Matt, pull up the...
Did you saw the video?
Dude, it's so sick.
It's pretty dope.
It's so sick.
I don't understand how...
You see it, Carl?
I don't understand how they did it.
It's actually pretty fucking cool.
I don't care.
I don't care about the science.
It's cool.
Well, the guy before that made one out of a fucking oxy-acetylene torch.
Well, yeah, that's...
He controlled the jet setting to where like the...
He bought the world's most expensive glassblower torch and he angled all the jets to...
It's pretty fucking dope, though.
Well, he turned it all...
Can it kill people?
I mean, it literally...
This one, no.
Extends that.
I imagine Disney would not release a lightsaber that could actually cut somebody in half.
Like there's no light beam...
Yeah, around it.
...built like a tube.
There's nothing that...
Yeah.
Like this isn't the shit that you get at a...
What's it called?
Some image.
Remember when we were kids growing up and we thought it was so cool when the fucking...
The one that had like the sleeve...
The different size sleeve plastic and it just lit up on those...
Those were so cool.
What happened?
The lightsabers that are like stacked and they like...
And then other...
And you can like swing it.
Like if you would have told us as kids one day that we'll still be alive when the actual
thing comes out...
I still have mine.
Dude, look up new fucking Super Soakers.
I have one.
I wish I was a fucking kid.
I had one.
I have a Darth Maul lightsaber and I got Luke's original one from the 80s.
I wasn't a nerd so I didn't have one, but...
I used to beat the shit out of kids with them.
I was good.
I was good at Jedi.
Dude, watch.
It just...
It just did that.
It was like, yeah, but can you fight with it or does it just go through stuff just like,
will it stop against something else?
So it's either like a light projected thing that comes from the handle or it's one of
those stupid ass fucking laser show things that like they're starting to get crazy with.
It'd be stupid.
Have you seen those laser shows that they do now?
No.
I don't know what you're talking about.
I don't know what it's called.
Are they putting lasers on sharks?
Sharks with freaking lasers?
No.
It's like, you know, like have you seen those like drone videos where it's like thousands
of drones and they like do those wicked fucking like projections of like 3D things in the
sky?
Well, somewhere in China or Japan, they have full blown 3D laser shows and you can...
Where it's like holograms?
Yeah, dude.
Why is that stupid?
He's saying if that lightsaber is that, it's stupid.
Yeah, I think it's stupid.
Because you can't hit somebody with it.
Somewhere in that convention building, like if the laser technology was set up...
You shouldn't hit anybody with it anyway.
Well, that's the point of being a kid.
You can't cut anybody with it.
Because you get the lightsaber and you beat somebody with it.
I mean, if he can kill somebody, it probably...
Yeah, if you can kill somebody, don't swing it at him.
That's like...
Lift the gun and then you give it to him.
That's why I always got my longsword taken away from me when I was a kid.
Spill in the blood of too many innocent.
It's like when Isaiah bought those kindoo sticks and immediately we went in the backyards and
started beating each other with it and realized how hard they fucking hurt.
Especially if you hit somebody in the ankle with it.
Yeah, some of those things are wicked.
But uh...
Pink Floyd does those at their shows.
I got another one for you, dude.
I don't know if...
I don't know if we're talking about one of these, but...
Uh...
Fight Club?
Has everybody seen it?
We're not supposed to talk about it.
We're not supposed to talk about Fight Club?
It's the first rule of Fight Club.
Have you watched fucking Fight Club?
Jesus Christ, Jesus.
I've never even...
I'm talking about the making of the...
I've never even seen the movie and I know that.
I'm talking about the making of the movie.
Not supposed to talk about it.
Not supposed to talk about Fight Club.
What about it?
In every single scene there's a Starbucks coffee cup somewhere in it.
Is that on purpose?
Yeah.
Okay.
I don't know if it was like a sponsorship thing or if like one of the people...
So like Game of Thrones?
Absolutely...
Well that was accidental.
That was an accidental cup that they left on set when they...
If you've never seen Game of Thrones there was a scene when the episode came out...
It's like one of the rockers...
They were having like a dinner and since it's set in like ancient times there was a Starbucks
coffee cup in the middle of the table.
I thought it was on a fucking hillside.
No, it was during a dinner.
It was on like a valley and it was next to a rock when they were filming it.
No, it was during a dinner.
It was sitting right on the table.
I wish you were in a valley next to a rock.
We weren't there.
We don't know.
I wish you were in a valley next to a rock.
I wouldn't be upset about that.
There's dragons and nothing.
I wish you were in a valley next to a rock.
I don't think so.
But then next they immediately...
Rock in a rock place.
They immediately edited the episode and re-released it so that it wasn't in the scene anymore.
Give me the soundboard.
Okay.
For what, dude?
Let's take drugs and go down on each other.
He never said that.
I definitely don't think he said that, dude.
I mean, I don't know.
Dog meat.
Have we talked about the Cookie Monster's real name?
I don't think so.
But I don't remember it, so bring it back up.
Douglas Von Stuf.
Yeah, I don't remember talking about the Cookie Dog's real name.
The Cookie Man's real dog name.
What?
Dude, who's my who?
Who the hell's plug?
The Cookie Dog Monster's name?
Yeah, the Cookie Dog Monster.
The Cookie Dog Monster.
It's named Douglas.
The Monster Dog Cookie Man.
I see, that's the monster.
One cookie.
The Monster Cookie Man.
It's Sid.
Cookie.
You did say this before.
Sid.
Yeah.
Cookie for me.
Cookie for you.
It just bugs me.
I don't like it.
Well, didn't they try to make him into the vegetable monster for a little bit?
Yeah.
And Bert and Ernie weren't allowed to sleep in the same bed anymore.
And now gay marriage is legal.
Robert Decker.
You're the one.
You make the bathtub so fun.
I can tell you a fear.
A weird fear.
And a vegan definitely would not have this fear.
It's called lacanophobia, which is the fear of vegetables.
Oh yeah?
People out there in this world would be scared of frigging broccoli.
It might be a different type of vegetable.
People out there would be looking at it, caring, and they're like, oh my fucking god.
Have you ever seen that?
Maybe it's a fear of people on life support.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, it could be a different type of vegetable.
I see what you're saying, but my statistic-
They're like, oh no, the beeping, the beeping.
My statistic is based on actual growing vegetables.
Oh no.
I was going to throw in the socks with the rubber stripes on the bottom for grip.
Did you ever see my strange addiction with the lady that ate cheesy potatoes all the time?
I saw the one the girl ate with the powder, right?
Yeah.
I saw the one the girl ate with the couch foam, dude.
But they tried to give her broccoli.
Just like a baby pit bull.
They tried to give her broccoli and her just smelling it, she started gagging and then crying frantically.
She said, cheesy potatoes.
Literally, she would only eat cheesy potatoes.
At lunch, she would go to Wendy's and get tots with cheese on them.
And yes, if you're wondering, she looked like she only ate cheesy potatoes.
Remember the bitch that huffs gasoline, dude?
She liked gasoline in water bottles.
She had taken everywhere she went.
Intervention and my strange addiction are my fucking guilty pleasures.
Because any time I feel bad about my life, I watch that and I go, I'm doing great.
Someone else eats dryer sheets.
Hoarders. Hoarders makes your house look super clean.
Hoarders, dude, always makes me feel great.
Because yeah, they got a whole room with newspapers.
A lot of people are like, you know what, toilet doesn't work.
I'm just going to shit on the floor.
Yeah.
And then we're going to collect it.
I'll never be able to fix this issue, so just let me...
There was one I seen where they slept on the trash because it got to the point that they had nowhere to go,
so they just laid on the trash that they had.
I was like, hell, how do you get to that point?
When I've been pissing and shitting on this floor for 10 years.
Dude, there were like 30 some cats dead, buried under trash in the one episode, dude.
Like they just couldn't get out.
They were in the freezer.
Yeah, dude, and like she shit like in the sink and in the tub.
This may be out there.
Like after the toilet was bad.
This may be, and you guys are going to...
I'm like getting chills.
Clean your house and people.
I think those people should be euthanized, and that's all I'm going to say.
Clean your houses.
Put them down.
Fuck.
No, no, no.
These are the types of people...
That tried to open the plane doors.
Them and Chomos...
Chomos?
What's a Chomo?
Chivalester.
Oh.
Chomo, that's what they call Chivalester, Chomo.
I'm out of time.
Yeah, I didn't know we abbreviated it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I thought they were called petties.
Sound like a racial slur for a second.
Chomo, Chomo.
Chimo is kind of the same thing.
Wouldn't it be a Chimo, dude, not a Chomo?
Chomos, that's what they call them Chomos.
Look, we'll look it up.
I bet you it'll tell you what it is.
So they're from the Spanish descent?
That's what I was saying, dude.
Prison Slime for Chomo, dude.
What's up, SA?
Prison Slime for Chivalester, Chomo.
Interesting.
Saying it with my motherfucking Chomos.
Yeah, so...
I guess it's not cool to say.
Chomo.
Yeah, I wouldn't promote that.
You don't want to be a Chomo.
I never even knew a Chomo was even a real thing.
I gotta stop calling you that.
What the fuck, dude?
That's what you're in my phone at.
Chilling with my Chomies.
Oh my God, dude.
Now we need to...
I call him Chomi.
Oh my God, dude.
And this is the point where we tell you,
we want to thank you for listening to the Brother Man podcast.
Like us, subscribe us.
But do one thing further than that.
Oh.
And listen, I have a theory that might work.
You might get banned from Facebook for a little bit, but do this for me.
Each and every single one of you listening right now
are probably in a group on Facebook.
Has absolutely nothing to do with podcasts.
But here's what you're going to do, dude.
Just for shits and gigs.
I'm not on Facebook.
Yeah.
I tell you this every week.
They're going to comment a link.
You're going to comment our Linktree link on your favorite Facebook group.
Just post it.
No, it's not.
You pull out your phone, which you're on right fucking now.
You're going to go on Facebook.
You're at a red light.
You're driving right now.
Hopefully you're not driving.
I'm paying attention.
But you are on your phone because you're using it to listen to this, Probs.
You're going to share it.
Thank you.
I love you.
Deuces, baby.
Let me the fuck out of here.
You don't even mean that.