brother man
mans
brother man
hell yeah brother
hell yeah bruh
yeeeeeeeeee
yeeee
it is
woop
ladies and gentlemen
it is finally here
the day of reckoning
welcome back
to the fucking brother man podcast
WHOA
and our brother maniacs
how we doin people how we doin
We got everybody in the studio except for our boy Carl
He's gonna be taking off for this friggin episode. That's ridiculous. You're right Carl. That's pretty ridiculous, dude
But you know we we managed to score a last-minute guest
Maybe we can talk him in turn himself in if not, we're gonna hunt him down. I agree
We we managed to score and I hope you're watching this week's episode
I hope they've been uploading to YouTube
We got Pope Francis ladies and gentlemen
He's chilling
Shoot let's get crazy how crazy we feel like getting dude
I mean like you know we only got about an hour and a half worth of a
Crazy time before you got to get out of here didn't get back in the bulletproof. We're gonna go out and grab someone
I know you're gonna go out there. I mean like you have to it's why you said you have to leave in an hour and a half
But it's all good. It's all good
Speaking right now is your man juice
With me are two of the three peeps that I just mentioned. We got my boy Matt
This week that's right, and then we have the key man the button bopper the knob nerler
whoop the dot-bot
Whoop we're not sponsored by whoop. Don't worry about it
Don't even worry about it. This goes out to all my jugalose
boys do we
So this week is the announcing let's have one more of the winner
Yeah, the winners shall I say not even a winner. I don't make a sign. It's just a singular thing going on here
We have three winners
I mean we figure it out yet, but but we have a raffle thing set up. We got all the entries in
All right on fucking a right dude, and you can't fucking set it better right
Yes, we got all the entries in it's on this little generator thing do we want to do that
Do we want to do that now we want to hit it? I mean we we could I mean you know
I mean you already mentioned you might as well just get into it. Yeah, we can either keep the people waiting or we can give
The people what they want
You want to give them what they want my name of all I like you I like six
It's nice. Let's do it, baby. I mean this pretty nice is very nice very very nice
all right, so
We did the
the post
It was up for a week
Tell them about it. Tell them what we tell what we did
Shout out to the people that did do it we got some new followers the one the one
Contestant tagged just a whole bunch of celebrities. I thought it was fucking hilarious
Do you want me to go live? I mean we can go live on Instagram just to let the people know
you
cooking fucking fuck
Come on be nice. Tell me really not fucking cooking. Hey be fucking pepper farm. I try one dude. Oh
Yeah, I
Like I fucking fuck you. I like dark chocolates. I mean no no bad, but it's more smoke
No, I hope they will be there's the notification
All right, do that cookies delicious
So I'm assuming when we are serious saying what the flavor of these it's interesting
Are we doing first place a third place like on this you tell me on the generator
How do you have it set up?
You can do it whatever order you want, but
Every time it every time it spins whoever wins will be that turn is eliminated from future winning
So we should do third to first
Okay
Fair
All right, so you want me to get the wheel out? Yeah bust the wheel out. All right
What do I do man? Just click it all you have to do is click it
So we're ready to go to third place. This will be for third. What do you want to third place?
Yeah, really, I mean because of all of the entries once you think that like
Should we do first first
Do not ours first. Mmm. No, typically it's third to first
Yeah, I would think you do last first. Okay, and then first would be the last one. All right, so let's start off with
So I don't know you want to do this what is what is the third place prize so third place prize is
this sticker pack well one of these sticker packs in my hand right now and
the bag that all these stickers are in is going to be the
bag in which you are going to fart in
Hopefully I don't shit it depending on the size of like, you know
How big of a fart you're thinking we might throw it in a bigger sandwich Ziploc
Do you have a 37 gallon construction bag by chance?
I mean we is I'll fill it with fart and we can literally float the stickers to them
I have like metallic sharpies so we can write on like a black trash bag
If you feel like you're gonna load that big of a bag up
I think I can put a load in that we can do that and then your sticker pack right here
It will be inside of whatever bag size to fill up the fart will be able to penetrate the sticker
All right, let's do this. Third place spin ready. Can I get a drum roll, please?
Yeah, do you have a drum roll button on that or do I just have to go like
He's doing two things at once. Yeah, I'm fucking trying to
I don't have a drum roll button. Oh my god. Just do a drum roll. Just
Here we go. It's a 10 second spin. We're rolling. We're rolling. Oh, it's slowing down. Oh, dude the suspense
Ooh, Kaitlyn rolling face sideways. We got rolling face sideways. Sir, you have won yourself a signed fart bag and a sticker pack, dude
Yeah, I happen to know who this is and he will love the smells of those farts. You're goddamn right
You're gonna love that fart bag. It's gonna be where I saw it one day
What do I do Anthony? Oh, you just spin again. All right. Second place, which is this custom
And another sticker pack
Morley 303
By the way, these are all the Instagram handles. They're not the actual name. No, I figured these were names
When do you think our society is gonna reach a point? I was just saying for people listening
Because people might not like who the fuck's blob marley 303, you know what I mean?
That might have the people fucked up. Clearly that's his real name
And clearly he burns or maybe he doesn't burn at all. I don't know. He might not burn
Kyle is currently asking for a redo even though we haven't done first place yet
Yeah, Kyle, my dude, my dude
When? Yeah, we're waiting on first
Do you think society will ever reach a point where we're starting to name our kids like what their Instagram handles are?
Like that'd be a good Instagram handle when they're older
Yeah, like yeah, this would be great
I've been thinking about renaming Uber Steezy dude. I don't know how I feel about it
What is first place's prize?
So we don't have all the things here, but we have the sign frame print of the brother man logo
It's not here. You'll get it though. Signed by your favorite non-famous podcasters
Thank you for that
Smells great
Kyle also said Hammer Rice will be his first born
Yo, do you have the box of the Lithuanian plus chips here?
Fuck, I forgot to bring those
You can't bring the plus chips, but we do have them. This is not
I knew I was forgetting something
This is not fraud. And you're also gonna get
Some of these god damn stickers right here
And for anyone that didn't know, yeah so Blobert, you won yourself a fucking travel mug
I think that's what he wanted too
I think he specifically said, can I pick my prize?
He picked his prize because he wanted a travel mug
So right there he spoke it to existence, the universe aligned with him
So that one's going out to Colorado
Let's see if the universe is still aligning with those Instagram comments
Because somebody really wanted to win number one
Drummer Mike get real pissed, is he watching?
No, he currently is not
Okay, ready?
Drummer juice box
Let's try a mic tap, see what happens
Yeah
I'm sorry if you don't like the sound of it
No, that's really good actually
I think
Oh my god, we got Jimbo in the house dude
Jim Garry in the double zero one
Zero one
Alright Jimbo
You got a signed picture my dude
Yeah, I can't wait to see his face eat his pussy chips
I wonder if he's going to eat them
Yeah, he's going to eat them, what do you mean?
Well you never know, he might be just like
He's going to hold it like as a novelty
He can keep the box dude and he can tell the story about them
I wasn't going to eat the other bag, I was just going to hold them and let them in there
Hopefully they're still within the eating range, they should be though
They should be, I mean I don't know how long it took them to get from Lithuania to here
I know one person who's going to be very upset that they did not win
Especially since that wheel stopped
And he had the most accessories too dude
The crazy thing is all the people that won only entered one time
We have someone that entered quite a few times dude
And uh
Go ahead
Listen, listen
This is what happened
You didn't tag enough people
That's what it came down to
He would have tagged 10, 15 times
If you would have tagged your entire friends list
Like I hypothetically suggested
The probability of you winning
Look this is what happened
You fell off dude, you got hype for a couple minutes
You were enjoying it
Tagging all the Kardashians for me
And tagging fucking Tim Dillon
I forget who else he tagged
He pulled the juice box, went real hard at the inception
And then was like ehh
What do you mean dude?
No I'm not saying anything, just continue
There was enough posts to remind everybody
What are you even referring to?
There was enough posts on stories and everything else
To keep reminding people to keep entering
Yeah I mean listen dude
You did a good job this week with keeping it
You could have tagged all those bots
You could have you know whatever dude
You could have tagged accounts that don't even exist
Just put the fucking at symbol and typed random shit in there
And I wouldn't have cared
It all would have counted
And no one tagged Slayer, I'm kinda disappointed dude
You know what? We'll have to
Maybe we'll do another
Giveaway in the future cause you guys did a really good job
With this I think
Yeah I think we should do it, that was a lot of fun
Shout out to you guys
Next one's gonna be a 30 tier giveaway
Nah we ain't doing that
We didn't even have 30 entries
That's how you know you guarantee everybody to win
Everybody gets a trophy
We ain't even, listen
Y'all fell off dude
But I appreciate the effort
Of the people that did do it
How are you gonna make it their fault?
Nah it's not their fault
It's called victim blame
Well I was blaming one specific person
That's gonna be really pissed dude
But he'll be alright
I think he'll be fine
How do you happen?
That's life, you roll with the punches
We're no longer Instagram live
It's not like he had to pay for it
Bye everybody
It's not like he had to pay
I am currently going to message everybody
It was just a free thing
Yeah
But you know like if
We put this shit on blast
How many followers and subscribers
Did we get? Did you do the followers?
I didn't do subscribers but I know followers
We gained like 15
But I didn't do subscribers for the podcast
Which I'm sure also went up because we had
More clicks on that than anything
But I didn't check to see how many more
People subscribed to the podcast
Interesting
Our goal was originally to increase social media
So we accomplished what we
Set out to do
Yeah
I think
I think there's this like weird thing with
Podcasting, not doing it
But talking about it
I feel like a lot of people are like
Fed up with
I don't think
Anyone's fed up with fat asses
Your Holiness
I think you need to chill out
Jesus
Dude is he cranking one out over here
In the corner? Like what are you doing dog?
You motherfuckers
No you motherfucker what are you doing dude
You're disrupting this shit right now
No my bad my bad
Nah dude it ain't you it's this fucking mouthy guy over here
It's Pope Francis he's inside of me
And I have no control over it
I can call the first place winner
And we can personally let him know he just won
Do it dude give him a call
We'll hook up the bluetooth to the thing dude
You want me to have another one of those dude?
Yeah as long as you don't lip smack on a microphone
Lip
Oh was I doing that on the last cookie?
Disconnect the laptop
I'll step back dude
I just lip smack like I just did there
I try not to
It happens
I mean we could call everybody but I think it would be more fun
If we just call him and let him know that he won first place
We should call the person that entered so many times too
And let him know he didn't win
I think we should just call somebody every episode
Just for no reason
Bro that's what I was telling you
A couple episodes ago
And you're like
We have four people as friggin hosts
Why do you want to call somebody else?
I don't know it would be fun
Damn
Damn dude
We'll see if he calls back
Maybe he's eating food or something
Oh I hit the wrong button
But congratulations
It's all the winners
Thank you for participating
Maybe we'll have more
Participation
If we
Up the
Up the prizes
Because I mean really you have to think
Some people might have gotten thrown off
Because we were giving a fart bag dude
Like who wants to win a bag fart?
You know?
Who doesn't?
Probably a lot of people
Who's bag farted is?
Who's bag fart hypothetically do you think is worth the most?
I gave you my five yesterday
I'm sorry?
We were talking about this
Something like this yesterday
What was it? Celebrities that I would
What were we talking about?
When we were coming back from picking up dog's truck bed
We were just
I forget what we were talking about
You said something about how you like
Jenna Ortega
And shit like that
Aubrey Plaza
And you said you would do something
Along the lines where like
You would suck farts out of a butt or something
Yeah that's basically
The same question
See what I'm asking y'all
You can't answer
Yourself for this question
Whose fart do you think is worth the most?
I don't know if we can reconnect
Whose bag fart? It's having a stroke
Oh I didn't try one
If I click the pair button it doesn't try and pair
It was empty in that one
Oh because it's still trying to
Connect to the air pods
But even with this
Like if I click the button
It's not doing what it's supposed to be doing
Everyone's just trying to avoid my fart question dude
And I see how it is
I get it
Can you un-pair it?
Yeah can you un-pair it?
Do you know how to do that? Nah
Un-pair it? You un-pair it
MWAAA
I was waiting for that
Ah
Right click it
I don't think it's gonna connect
Because this is not
Being friendly to me right now
Listen man
I'm listening
I really don't know what to
What to say here
Congratulations to the people who won
I already did that
I'm just reiterating
I mean not like we should already talk about
Doing it again
For the 100th episode I think maybe we should do
But it's kinda
Close already though
Is it? It's May, it's the end of May
Which I gotta make sure I'm even gonna be here
Yeah when in
What week of May is that gonna be?
Because I'm gonna be in the Dominican
Republic
This one is 90 so
10 weeks from today
You're gonna have to do that math slash
Counting for me
You know how I get down
It's the 14th
Will be the 100th
The 14th will not be the 100th
Probably not
Listen let me tell you boys
Let me tell you about a
A time a kitty did some cocaine
Alright
It was a pussy
Cocaine's no longer just for bears
The pussies are out here sniffing it too
What do you think would happen to a woman if she puts cocaine on her vagina?
It goes numb if I had to guess
You think she'd feel the effects of cocaine?
No
It's the same thing as it's almost the same as
Your body's absorbing it and they can get drunk through it
Because let me hit you
You get drunk through your asshole, it's the same thing
So you're telling me
Yeah
And the vision's gonna be bad
So I apologize in advance
My vision is bad, that's why I wear glasses
That's like you hypothetically saying
If you were to funnel cocaine through your
Through your pee hole
I think it will
But juice, what's the difference between that and your nose?
What's the difference between that and your nose?
That's what it's absorbing into your skin
What's the difference between if you cut
If you cut your skin open
You could theoretically just
Sprinkle cocaine in your skin there
And it would probably
That wouldn't be fun though dude
You get the effects without
Nobody said it was fun
I was just asking if it was possible
I heard stories of people doing coke off
People's assholes and their asshole goes numb
Because of the cocaine
Yeah I mean like it probably would
That's what I'm saying
I guess it would fuck you up no matter where
In your body
I mean people do alcohol going
When they fucking tampon soak it and shit
Yeah dude it's fucking ridiculous
Yeah it's gotta be possible
People used to try to spread a
Rumour around that I did that shit
Stop cocaine on your pussy
Stop boofing shit and then people want to start these rumors
I don't boof fucking alcohol
Soak tampons dude that shit's insane
You're like I just get the funnel
No
Juice does backwards keg stance
It's fine, he just keg sits
Like if you don't have your whole face
Going numb like did you really even do
Cocaine
But imagine your whole butthole going numb
Like your whole fucking nether region just shutting off
I know people that
Did those things dude
And it's wild and
But it's not the same
It might be better
I mean
Hypothetically, allegedly it's not the same
It might be better though
The same is not always a problem
Change is sometimes good
Alright boys
So start giving cocaine to cats
Also called a serval
Was rescued from a tree in Cincinnati
Earlier this week
I think it was like last Monday
And this
This kitty cat
Tested positive for cocaine
Cocaine, cocaine accessories
So the cat's name is actually Amiri
That's dope
Like a mirror cat
Yeah
Amiri? Amiri cat
So officials say that Amiri
Escaped when his owner was pulled over by police
On January 28th
So it wasn't
Last Thursday
The big cat leapt from the car
Into a tree
And Hamilton County dog wardens
Responded to reports of a leopard in a tree
Around 2am
They retrieved him
And brought him into the facilities
The organization's facility
They looked over the big cat who suffered a broken leg
During the retrieval
They also performed a DNA test
Which determined the cat was a serval
Not a leopard, and that he had been exposed
To cocaine
I cannot speak to how he was exposed to this cocaine
At the time Anderson said
But he had the cocaine
He was dripping fat lines
He went on to cocaine
What if he stopped a drug deal
Where he handed him cocaine
And the fucking cat rounds the corner
And they're both like, holy shit
They drop the cocaine tick off running
Cat comes up, sniffs it
That's probably exactly how it happened
Nah, personally
Or eats it because he smells it
Cats got really strong
What do you think?
I think that the guy that got pulled over
Is cocaine, and that is his
Designated cocaine kitty dude
For protection purposes
That thing chills in the back
Bump for me, bump for the cat
If the dude in the passenger seat that hops in the car
If he gets spicy
That cat's trained to pick up on
You know, fucking high intense
Tones
That cocaine kitty is going to rip your
Jugular out of your fucking neck
All the pictures like the guy getting in the car
And be like, what's up with your friend
Yeah, he's like
He don't say much, but when he do
Yo, your boy is sick or something, he don't look good
Yeah, he's like, man
When was the last time your boy got a haircut
Dude, your graph is
DANG
Yeah, you know what they say, leopards don't change their spots
Like, yo, your buddy just fucking
Grabbing me, man
So
Yeah, they're ripping lines off of a
Fucking stolen McDonald's food trade
That's probably what it was
And the cat was just licking the tray
Cause it's also the same tray they eat off of
So that's probably what happened
Is the owner probably does coke
Had powder residue on something
I still personally
Think that this cat does cocaine on the regular
And because
The cop pulled him over
And he was forced to open up the car
The cat finally got out and just
Went on a full blown rampage
He's like, you think I'm going to be stuck in this wild fucking thing
I don't know about anything
I'm going to go see the world
He's like, I'm going to go see it all
So, servals are illegal to own in Ohio
As you would think and as they should be
It's huge
But charges are not currently being pressed against Amiri's owner
Which, how the fuck not
If the cat had cocaine in the system
And the cat jumped out of the car
And they're not legal to own in the place where the guy's car was at
Where the cat jumped out of it
How is nothing being done for this guy to be like
Sir, we got some questions
At least
Real talk, I think this backs up my theory
Maybe he has more cocaine induced animals
And they're kind of afraid to question him about it
No, dude, I think this backs up my theory
I think that this dude is the cocaine
Pusher in the area
And he's got some connection in the PED
Yeah, I think he's got some PED connections, dude
Them Cincinnati cops might need to stay up for a while
I still think
I still think it's like a bump for me
A bump for the cat
Because I think it's like
People who eat food and give it to their dogs
Bite for me, bite for the dog
So they're like, bump for me, bump for the cat
They're ripping lines off of a McDonald's fucking food tray together
That's what's happening
He's doing key bumps while driving
He's not doing
A little mini thing, a glass or a mirror
Because the cat doesn't like to see his reflection
It's really fucking triggered, dude
Especially when it's high on cocaine
The worst thing we need
Dude, the last thing that fucking
What type of cat is it called again?
A serval?
He don't need to see another serval, dude
They're probably quite dominant
So they, servals are medium
Medium, or small to medium size
African Wildcats
Top out at about 40 pounds
They're like a bobcat
Just way cooler looking
Because they have like the spots and they're really like thin and like
Yeah, they're looking like a bangle, dude
Like he's
Yeah, they're cool
It's sick as fuck
Yeah, so I don't know what has
Happened since then
Oh, here's the update
I just showed him to a vet
Like, hey, my cat's sick
Coming with this 40 pound
African death cat
My cat has a disease
He's a cocaine addict
And he's very murderous at the moment
Imagine that AA meeting
You're like, this is my cat
And he has a problem
My name's Matt and I have a meth problem
And then you're done talking and then all you hear is
And this is my
And he's
The instructor's like, I'm glad to see you again Amiri
And this is my cat
El Chapillo
He has a cocaine problem
Dude, we even tried
Putting a muzzle on him
He just started fucking dragging his ass across the
Cocaine trade, dude
And he just started
This cat is just on a fucking
Spree right now, dude
I am an enabler
So the official said that
Amiri's health has improved enough
After receiving care for that
They were able to move him to the Cat Ambassador
Program at the Cincinnati Zoo
Yeah, until he starts pushing fucking
Cocaine throughout the zoo, dude
Now you got coked out gorillas and shit
This guy is a fucking
Mayhem
Yeah, well
You think he's gonna stay on the clean
And straight path, dude?
I don't know, hopefully he doesn't get the other cats
And this is hooked on the shit
And then the whole place is gonna go to hell
That's literally what I just said, dude
So I'm saying he's gonna get the gorillas hooked on coke
And then like, dude, they're just gonna kill everybody
Yeah, yeesh
You think he's gonna sprinkle cocaine
In all the fucking aquariums, dude
That's gonna be the new fish food
They're just gonna breathe cocaine through the gills, dude
Wild
Could you imagine? That might be the only time I go to a zoo
If I know every animal is on drugs
Watch coked out piranhas
Just do their thing
I'm not saying it's a good thing
But I'd have to see it
I would like, I wanna see the gorilla enclosure
PETA? I would never
This is all hypothetical
Where they're like, this is the meth gorillas
I'd be like, I have to see how this pans out
To see meth gorilla
Not because
You wanna see the gorilla die
No, no
I have to see how they react
It's kinda like how everyone says, like, I want like
A competition where like
Two crickets
Like drugged up, like high performance
Yeah, like PEDs
You know, I wanna see what animal would do the craziest shit
Like, who would go the craziest?
I would imagine it'd be like
Apex animals, like gorillas, lions
I mean, prairie dogs could be having the ground looking like Swiss cheese in like 30 minutes, dude
They're just
Just like, think about it
Dude, I try not to think about the things you think about
I think about greatness
I don't know about that
And provolone cheese
That part, that part I would understand
That part I believe
This is a servo cat juice
Big old ears, looks like a regular cat
It's awesome
No it does not, dude
Who's a regular cat with big ears?
No
That thing's crazy
None of those sounds were good
Yeah, which is why he was
Chillin' in the back seat during the
Drug transactions
Imagine that officer on the call though
Like a fuckin' cat jumps out of the goddamn
Out of nowhere
Unless he's like studied up on cat species
He's not gonna know it's a servo
He's like, there's a fuckin' cheetah in the goddamn
Yeah, the fuckin' like, dude
I'd have to stop the podcast to fix it
Cause it won't let me connect
Yeah, it's all good, fuck it
I tried, I don't
It just had a stroke
Can you just own them in like any state?
I think this is like the
Probably an exotic permit
That we were talking about before
But I think servos you can own
But you have to probably get an
Exotic animal license
Yo, I saw a video of um
You have to be Tiger King at this point
Juice will be servo king
Yeah dude, I'll just
Yeah, king of the servos
Yeah, right on brother
Thank you
Let's get crazy
Get crazy
Get crazy as fuck with it dude
That's right
Why not get crazy about it?
So
Who's getting a cocaine cat?
I think me and Juice had already
Discussed what we want to hold zoo
Yo, have you seen the Maine Coons dude?
There was this giant Maine Coon cat
No, okay, okay
That is a real animal
I wasn't sure
Don't clip that shit
At first I was like what is he
And then you said
Okay
No, I
Well speaking of being afraid of wild animals
I have a story of a man getting lost in a jungle
Recently that's pretty intense
To tell you about
Two questions
Was he attacked by a wild animal?
I do not believe so
And may I have another Pepperidge farm cookie?
You may
So I'm telling you about Jonathan
Acosta
Who just recently got
Rescued
And he disappeared
On January 25th
So he was a Bolivian man on a hunting
Trip in the Amazonian
Rainforest who at some point
Got separated from the four
Friends he was with
Which
I don't know how that really
Happens like how do you get that far
Away from your friends in the woods that you can't at least
Yell to them and
Find them but
But anyway he got disoriented
And he walked 25 miles
In search of civilization
But eventually realized he was pretty much just traveling
In circles and got nowhere
So he on day four
He ended up dislocating
His ankle so he
Was struggling
To even walk around
He did have
He did have some supplies
And a weapon he had a shotgun
With one cartridge left in it
Because they were hunting
So he had
You say they
What happened to the other dudes
He got separated from them
No but like
They just got
Separated and they couldn't find them
So they went back
So they must have gone so far in like shouting distance
Like they couldn't even tell where each other was
They got very far yeah that's how far
They got I don't know how does that
Were they traveling like along the water
They were going to hunt I don't know
The exact specifics of it
But
But I mean like yeah I don't know how that
Dude that would suck
You'd probably have I mean like
Depending on like how much food he had
If any at all like if he was camping overnight
Type thing like packed food
You're probably gonna end up eating bugs
Yeah yeah I would imagine
You're eating bugs
Cause I don't know what all the fuck he's gonna be able to find
There beside that or like
Cut off one of your arms I told you that
What? You cut off one of your arms and eat it
I don't think you need to do that Your body needs less calories now
And you have calories
Yeah but
Put me on naked and afraid
So he says
He says that he drank rainwater
That he collected in his shoes
Ate worms and insects while hiding from
Yaguars and peccaries
And
Which is a pig like type of animal
Of mammal
He was finally found by his search party
Made up of locals and friends a month
After he had gone missing
25 days he spent in
In the jungle
You do know all those survival shows
Have people on standby right?
Like they legally contract it
It better be quick cause I'll get the salt real fast
Emergency medical personnel
They're gonna need it cause they're gonna die on the show
Well they're gonna have to sew my torso close
They also won't let you get to the point of doing that
Who's gonna stop me?
That's what I'm saying
There's gotta be
I mean like I know
They just don't think anybody would be crazy enough to do it
Watch me
And then I'll sue the shit out of them
For letting me cut my arm off
I'd like to see how small you are when you come back
This dude lost 37 pounds
I wouldn't lose much I would just come back
31 days How much does an arm weigh?
He was gone for 31 days
He dislocated his ankle on the 4th day
Jesus
How much does an arm weigh?
Cause I'd probably come back without either
Cut the last one off with my feet
Was he burnt?
Like a motherfucker?
He didn't have a machete or flashlight on him
When he got lost
So he had to use his boots to collect rainwater
He had
He had encounters with wild animals
Including a jaguar
Yeah
You got options
He could start a deal
Imagine that the bottle is shaped like a foot
And then you drink out of the big toe
You twist the big toe cap off and you drink out of it
Foot water
Saves my life
But it's natural water from the rainforest
It's just tap water
But it's gathered in old shoes
It's not fit water
It's foot water
Get fit with foot water
Socks
Ankle socks
No socks at all
Listen here, sharks
Foot water
Speaking of socks
Yesterday was the
First day in about
10 years that I've worn
Regular ankle socks
Our winner's calling
Our winner
I can't connect him to the phone
I can stop the podcast
And call him back
Put him on speaker
Stop talking for 2 seconds
You stop talking for 2 seconds dude
Alright so you got me to stop talking for like 45 seconds there
You did alright
Now that the soundboard is working
Let's call our winner
Yo
Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding
Ding ding ding
We are
Winner
We are the best place winner
Beep beep beep beep
Wa wa wa wa wa
That's what I'm talking about
Hell yeah
Yo
Congratulations sir
You have won yourselves
A delicious pack of pussy chips
From Lithuania
I've been looking forward forever
Yeah so
Uh
Congratulations
You have been framed and signed
Shortly
I'm signing it with my butthole
I'm gonna put an ink stamp
Yeah it's like a scratching smell right
It'll definitely have a smell
I don't know if you have to scratch it to smell it
It'll probably just permeate throughout the room
Yeah but can I still scratch it
Yeah you can scratch it
Then it'll be on your finger
But I mean it'll be like a great
It'll make you scratch after a while
It'll be like a glade plug in
See it's going forever dude
Like do you want to rip it open
And just like enjoy it right away
Or do you want to sit on it for a little bit like wine
Maybe it'll kind of change in the bag over
Like by whole stink
Yeah it'll change in the bag over time
Like a fine wine dude
It might be a fine fart wine
That's what I'm looking for
Just a little bit here and there
I'll do two I'll do one on the inside of the glass
And one on the outside
One that you can really sniff
The oils saturate the air
Let it permeate
Oh my god dude
That's what I'm talking about
My man
Congratulations buddy
He has a winner
Yeah well I appreciate it
My boys I appreciate it
Nah dude thanks for freaking partying
Long time listener first time caller
Oh no
Well dude you're here
You won
Hopefully you know everyone
Is happy with their other winnings
And hopefully the losers are still okay
If not they'll get over it eventually
Yeah they can go fuck themselves
Hey listen you say not me
Brother man
You're brother me
If you ain't
First you're last
Me first you're last
That's what I'm talking about
Tell Pope Francis
Yo Pope Francis
He's really doing good
You got anything to say to our
First place winner
Your holiness
Tell me one wingy
That's fantastic dude
Alright
Later my dude
I'm rippered up
Fucking
Start the fire doing some shit
That's right
Hey fucking hey
That's how we're ending the call
I like it
You think I can connect this now?
Yeah I just disconnected
That's how we do it
And
Hold on it didn't connect yet
God damn it Elon Musk
I hope it's not
Oh you gotta
Repair so you have to go to
Preferences
And forget that
That's what I had to do
Yeah it's cool we got a hold of our first place winner
And then
Hit the X on the right
Yeah
Forget that shit
Now reconnect
There you go
That was fun
That was cool
That's what I'm fucking saying
Your holiness thank you for that
Yeah he really is a good
Fill in dude I mean not like I
Want any of you know us to ever miss
An episode but
When one of us do I mean we
I think we got a good guy
It puts
You know a few more it puts a few more holes
In the podcast
Is that supposed to be a holy joke?
Could be
It is Sunday
It is dude it's the day of the Lord
Pope Francis
Just
Crushing it
I'll tell you being president has its challenges
It does
I'm president of the Catholic Church
Man dude
He's just running these streets out here
Killin it
It ain't easy you know
It ain't easy that's what I could say
But I don't know much
I do know one thing
What's that
What is it
They say
What is it
What's that bros
What the fuck is that
What the hell
What in
Darnation is that
What is it
This week is
Pussy hoisting
I'm sorry
Pussy hoisting
Was that a turkey
Yeah the word of the week is pussy hoisting
Pussy hoisting
P-U-S-S-Y
Slash hoisting
Are we gonna get
Oh we should have let Jimbo play the what is it
Special prize
Dude you know what we should do
We should give the person that didn't win with the most
Entries
We should see
You call him I'll link it
Matt you gotta disconnect again
Okay
We can do this
There's more of a chance he answers if you call
There do the bluetooth juice
It should pop up
He's gonna be so upset
Cause he doesn't even know that the raffle went off yet
He doesn't
Cause he didn't pop into the live
Well listen he's about to find out
So we're gonna
I'm gonna
Dude's got an android
So I'm gonna fucking
You don't have to facetime him
What do you call him on facebook or something
Snapchat
Yeah
Alright so listen
Listen good buddy
We have some good news
And some bad news
Yeah we have good news
And bad news for you
You are live on the podcast
You are synced up to the thing
Give everybody a shout out
Or whatever the fuck you wanna do real quick
Yeah I got nothing to say
Alright good news and bad news my guy
You ready
What's up
Well I mean what do you want first
Ah
Dealers choice
Alright I'm gonna give you the bad news first
Let's hear it
You didn't win any of the three prizes
Oh no
Now
I do have good news
We are missing one of the co-hosts this week
And as a filler
We have Pope Francis here
But he doesn't have much to say tonight
So
We decided that we were going to
Give the person with the most entries
That didn't win anything
The third spot on the what is it this week
If you would like to partake
If you accept
I am caught very off guard here
I'm actually ripping some fall duty
Well dude do you wanna play the freaking what is it
You wanna be on the freaking epi
Yeah fuck it
That's what I'm talking about dude
That's ridiculous
Alright
So the word
The what is it this week is
Pussy hoisting
That is a hyphenated word
P-U-S-S-Y-H-O-I-S-T-I-N-G
Pussy hoisting
As our guest
I think the guest should go last
That way he has some more time to think about it
Since he sprung this on him
Anthony will go first
Anthony let me get my cock up
Now if our guest wins it
Does that go towards Carl's thing
If the guest
If he wins it
If he gets it I will buy him a bag of pussy chips
And mail them to him
There we go
I like that
That is what he wanted
Technically he had six entries
Cause somebody entered for him as well
Yeah
So just
Alright
Alright Anthony
20 seconds on the clock
I am going to say
It is some form of
Crane rigging
Interesting
Crane rigging
Alright
Juice box
Alright dude real talk
Um
I think this is
Ah god this is not going to sound good
He says the N word
What no I didn't say shit dude
Um I think
I think it is an old school
Chinese method
Of fucking
Prepping cats for eating dude
I am going with it
I am doing it I said it
Do I mean it? I don't know
I struggle
I struggle with turning off the timer
Alright
Carl aka Tyler
Oh shit
I think it is like a ritual
Or a celebration where some
Where somebody
Hoists the cat in the air
Like into the air
That is my guess
Celebration of a cat
Pussy worship
Celebration of a cat
It is going to be amazing
Alright so none of you were
None of you were close
Okay
Probably it is not a cat
I mean well
Maybe not
So I am going to give you guys
Should I give you guys a little hint here?
Should we ask questions first?
What is your first question?
Um
What do you
What do you want to know about pussy wasting?
Um
Is it a common practice?
Um
It used to be
I would say
Ha! Old school
Um
Let me find it again
I know what I am doing dude
I just had it on this fucking page
What the fuck did it go?
It is probably a French or something dude
It is probably not even like
Who say hoisting?
I like hollering
With that in the front of it
We need the Jeopardy music
Do do do do do do do
Do do do do do
Do do do do do do do
Do do do do do do
I was waiting on you
We were waiting on Matt to find the page
So yeah
It would have been about your
Yeah yeah it would have been fairly
Popular
I mean it was a
Term became yeah
It was a thing
This term was made up
Specifically to describe something that was happening
Juice what would you like to know?
I think
I don't know dude
Is it um
Like where was this
Where did this happen
Yeah like where
Why?
Yeah really why dude
But where
Like what's going on?
What happened?
Most of these accounts look like they're taking place in Britain
Yeah Britain
Got it
Yeah yeah Britain
Servel is doing cocaine
But also there's one
Entry from like
From the US doesn't say where in the US
But I would imagine cities
Would be you know
The area most places where
Pussies got hoisted
I have two different guesses
Mr. Boot Kaboosh
Does this involve violence?
For the violence
It doesn't involve violence
But it could be a lead up to violence
A lead up to violence
Alright
Yeah
Not sure dude
Both my guesses still could lead to violence though
Now don't let these
Now don't let your thoughts just hang around your neck
You know
You want to take them out
And really put them out on the table
Here
Everybody got that?
Yeah you got that?
It does not help me
I got this shit dude go
Don't wear your stress
Alright let's do third round
Anthony
20 seconds
Like murdering your wife?
I don't know
What?
That's what I'm going with
That's locked and loaded
I'm going to give you 5 seconds to think about that
Domestic violence
I mean
That doesn't even lead to violence
Sometimes it leads to more violence
Domestic violence
Goosey box?
I think it is
Another term for like
The gallows
I think it's like
We had a word that was like that before
It's like let's go see the pussy hoisting
So let's go
Probably for robbers or thieves or some shit like that
Like another
Why would that lead to violence if it's not violent?
Well because you're probably seeing a family member
That might have stolen a fucking
Couple bags of rice or grains dude
Now they're getting their fucking
Neck snapped I don't know
He said it could lead to violence
But it's not violent
They might start a fucking riot like
Yo that was my uncle dog
All he did was steal a couple beans
Beans from a giant
That could be violence
Am I right? I don't know
I'm sticking with it
You want to shut the hell up now?
What's your final guess?
My third and final guess
Oh my god
I have no clue
All of the hints have gone so far
Over my head this is awful
For a first time
Gamer here
Dude they go over an hour
I still think it has something to do with cats
You mentioned something like out the window
Or something like that
I'm saying you're hoisting an animal
From a balcony
I think
I got nothing so we're locking it in
He's gotta be closer than what we in G is
Is that your final answer?
Like deal or no deal dude
Alright dude you fucking
Finally I have to slam it down in
Close the box
Pussy hoisting
Is a long forgotten
Slang term
For stealing
Fur
So like the act of stealing
Fur is pussy hoisting
So like stealing a fur coat
Or like a scarf
That makes way more sense than anything I was thinking
Hanging around the neck though kind of got me
Fucked up that's why I thought
And then he said don't wear your stress
As it could yeah that's why I tried to
I mean I didn't really
It makes sense now
It still doesn't make sense to me dude
Like what's a scarf after the stress
Do people wear scarves like
They get real stressed the fuck out
Do you do scarf wear
Don't wear your stress cause that's the
Where
Public service
Public service announcement
Any of you out there
Any of you scarf wearers out there
If you got some shit going on dude
You can talk about it to somebody
If you're stressed the fuck out
Don't wrap
It all up in your scarf dude
Take it off
Unravel all your
Stress a little bit at a time dude
Take that shit the fuck off your neck
Alright thank you
I don't think anybody gets points
Unfortunately we have no winner
I said thieves
You did say thieves but that
I can't
I also said old school
He said cats
Anthony said
Domestic violence
Anthony didn't say cats
He said murdering wives
I'm gonna kill that cat
You guys had some good questions
Like you know leading up to
Violence
Ask him where it's from
I don't know I thought it was
I thought it was gonna be a good one
Dude I would
Never thought about
Dude only the
Only the
British would make a slang term
For stealing scarves dude
Like y'all soft
Y'all softer than your fucking
Scarves dude what are you
Doing right now
Cause they were stealing furs they were mostly
Feline furs so
Pussy feline pussy cat
So if it was like leopards
Leopard furs and they were stealing it
It would involve the cat
They were hoisting cat furs
I still stand by my
State man y'all
Y'all softer than your furs dude
The fuck
Well they didn't want to put any money in the till
You know what I mean bruv
They didn't want to put in the till
I can't really do a British accent
I was gonna try
You gotta put in the till
Put it on me in my mic there
What's the hell mate
That's Australian
It's close enough don't you think now bruv
Hey that's a little better
Fuck think if I worked at it long enough I'd get
Softies
Well boys
Speaking of softies hold on before you go I got a question
What do you
I had this thought the other day what do you guys think
What do you think if teeth were like
Were like
Where they were flaccid until you were hungry
And then they got hard
Alright
Well dude
You know what because
Listen dude
Four
You're walking around with some flaccid
Flappies
Listen dude four
You know when you're driving in the car
And you're around and you smell like a neighborhood barbecue
And you just get some hardies
Like some hard cheese
Like oh my mother's just got it wrecked
Yeah mine would get the hardest for tacos
And pizza
And we'd both be shaking fingers
I can tell you're hungry
Well yeah because I have like a natural body
Function like really telling you
That you're hungry or not so it's not even
Like if you are
If you do have flaccid teeth and you're like
I'm hungry but like you lion ass bitch
You just want to eat like you don't
You're like no I can tell you're still hungry
Yeah but like no like oh you really
Aren't hungry huh like okay Timmy go do your homework
Yeah
That actually would be kind of crazy
Elon Musk should get on it
That's his next thing after going to Mars
That or make the teeth like change color
Dude make them like glow like a certain color
Like green
I've seen people with green and yellow
I've seen black teeth
That already happens
That's wild
Listen dude before
Before we send you off
We're sorry
We're sorry you didn't win
But thank you for participating
In the one minute game
And for that dude
We did make some extra
Friggin stickies dude
So we'll send you some stickies
Throw them on a board
Throw them on the dashboard dude
Throw them on the goddamn right
Throw them on the dog's forehead dude
I mean like
It's great advertisement
More women might start listening
Dude take them to a dog park often
Put one on his tail
Like what's that? Oh it's one of my boys
Wrestling an alligator
You know what I mean?
Like what's that?
Oh that's one of the boys
Slamming some friggin brujas right there
Boom
Sticker pack
You got my address my friend
Thank you again for joining
Thank you
Enjoy the rest of your evening
You too man
What did you say you fuck?
Sniff my butt cheeks
Nah this aint works bro
Crack it open your crack
Let me get a little bit of that smell
Let me get it
Wanna get a sniff of your crack
Let me get a sniff of your crack
Alright juice you gotta disconnect now
I wish you guys would have asked the question
That Carl was asking about
Where did I find it
Because I found it on the account was
Forgotten Slang
I think that would have gave you a little bit more
We would have known it was slang but it was still
Forgotten would have at least given you
Okay it's not common anymore
It's not around
This is a neat little thing you got here buddy
Dude aint it?
He just passes out
The same little little ripper dude
It's not the best taste
It's like you know
Will I die?
You might
You just gonna get it
Then I don't want it
I think this was just a
Successful raffle I can't believe out of six entries
He didn't win once
I wish you could just shut your big
Dude I will not have
A fucking guest host talk like that
In the studio
You know what's funny Matt
As I was telling Juice what he got here
I tested it out earlier in the day
And he didn't win
Any of those times either
It was down to his six entries
And two other people
Well now you know buddy
I just kept clicking spin to see how many times
Until he won
I think you were praying on his downfall and I think that you set up
Like in the settings
Display the name multiple times but don't
Dude that
Raffle generator though might be
Praying on the little guy dude
The person
The person that only entered one time
Not the guy that went balls to the wall and actually
You know
Really tried to spread the awareness of the
Podcast
Which is why we had to include him dude
I tried to be fair I didn't put all his names
Next to each other I spread them out
Gave him more of a chance to win
Dead on balls accurate
Excuse me I had
Prepped it on a fucking
App I found
Did he win on there too?
I never did it but I mean we can run it right now
Just to see if he won in a parallel universe
It's just
Loading up right now give me a second dude
And then we'll spin this wheel
You know you're a fucking mumbling
Stuttering little fuck you know that?
Alright seriously what we got going on?
Raffle it's spinning
Is it a 30 second wheel?
No it's not that long
17 hours later
Oh dude it shows like
Is it going like down through the list?
Dude what's crazy is that the fucking
First winner
Is the first place winner
That we just had
Spin it fucking two more times
I'm spinning it dude
Oh I see what it's doing
Second winner dude
He would have won
Hypothetically he would have won
The travel mug and stickers
Off of my phone app
Hopefully it didn't piss him off
And then we'll do
The third place winner hypothetically
He won again dude
For the third place too
It would have been first
It would have been second and first
In the order we spun it
That's too damn bad
Yeah dude
That one god damn it
That's too damn bad
Man
Should I screenshot that
And be like yeah buddy you thought
That's a shame dude
But you know
That's the way the cookie grumbles
It was fun
And like what's cool
The one app
You can like sync like a URL
In the app and it will just
Track all of the shit like within
That URL and it'll do
Like it'll give you like reminders on your phone
Like you have like five days or five more hours
Or whatever until like your shit
Wait you gotta go five days between the shit
That's what you just said
Oh absolutely not dude
That was selective hearing right there at it's finest
No I knew I heard all of it
I was playing a joke
I poop on the daily
On the hour
Every hour on the hour
That's extreme dude
Listen
What are you gonna
Listen this is what
I've been wanting to tell y'all
He's laughing his sick
Fucking ass off
He's a tight ass
He's a sadist
Um
Come on
Jesus
Well dude you keep hitting sound bites dude
I don't know when to fucking start talking
Talk
Listen can't you see him talking over here
I'm saying um
Alright so I've
No cause I started to say I've really been
Enjoying doing
The facts about words
Or things that you didn't know
Had like a term to them
For example
The infinity sign
You would think
That it is just called the infinity
Sign or like the infinity logo
Symbol whatever term you wanna use
Are you gonna
Turn
Can you turn all the mics off
So I can
Go ahead
No absolutely not
It has a name probably like an ampersand
I was like racial slurs in 30 seconds
Well you know how you like to speak
Off air when I'm unrecorded
I get real raunchy
So the infinity symbol
Or sign is called
A lemniset
Oh okay
Lemniset
L-E-M-N-I-S-C-A-T-E
Lemniset
I said a lemmins
Lemniset
Now this next one
Contradicts what we
Talked about before for one of the
The facts I think
With the
The
Get ready for everything you ever wanted to hear
Know and find out about
Hulk Hogan
Hell yeah
That's not what I was loud dude
Hulk really knows how to fucking crash through the wall
And interrupt the fucking party
So this fact is saying that
The longest english word is
190,000 letters
But that doesn't make sense
That was the word we had before
Well now that we talked about that's not 190,000
That's one episode it and I don't remember
It was earlier I don't remember what it was
Because we couldn't pronounce it so we just named it
It says the longest word found in a major
Dictionary is 45 letters long
And that's probably it
Yeah but
There
There's a word
There's a word to describe food
But it only applies
Relating to breakfast food
Like it doesn't apply to any other
Type of food or snack
Just breakfast
But it's not a term
For breakfast it's a word
To describe breakfast food
Breakfast
That is Gentacular
You wanna touch my Gentacular
Yeah
Jesus sir
Your Gentacular is showing
Your Gentacular is hanging out
Hey listen Doc
I'll tell you what the other day
I moved too quickly and ever since then
My Gentacular has hurt when I get out of bed
Oh my god dude
That does not sound
Gentacular
You see the Gentacular is on her
The word confetti
Let's have one more
Meaning
Everyone knows like confetti
Yes
What do you think the name for a
Single piece of confetti is
Confetto
Oh
So close
One singular piece
Of confetti
Is that spanish or is that latin
Italian
One being
The ending for words with
Single
I could not tell you
The E ending being words with plural
It could be
It could be spanish or italian
It could be spanish and italian have different words
For different genders
There's only two by the way
Different words
For each gender and each language I mean
It's latin
I found that out pretty quick
Italian
Yeah because in latin it was
Confessere
And then in italian it became confetti
Meaning sweets
Sweet
It also comes from
Confectum which means something prepared
What do you think Carl's doing right now
I got one more
I don't know if he's going to pick up today
Dude
Due to circumstances
I like that
Do you like
Antigrams
Antigrams are
Fucking fascinating
I'm not
Against
Grams
I prefer
Younger women
I traditionally don't go after
Antigrams
Ants or grams
I
Don't know how to
Go from here I'm debating on
Just walking
I'm
LORRED
Yeah I know what an anagram is
Do you know of any? Like off the top of your head
You can think of? Do you?
Any anagrams you can think of?
Because I have a feel
Like schoolmaster
Does that ring a bell
To anything? No
An anagram for schoolmaster is
The classroom
Which is kind of weird
Another one
Western Union
No wire unsent
Oh yeah okay
Clint Eastwood, Old West Action
Astronomers
Moonstarers
Like you can take those
The letters, yeah
We can do that. Rearrangement
And like it has some form of like significance
Like Clint Eastwood has done a bunch of
Old West Action films has he not?
Yeah
That's pretty crazy. Astronomers or
Moonstarers. It's kind of fucking weird
Like who? You son of a bitch
You know
See? Good damn
The bitch. Sir, listen
Sir
You
I fuck with the holiness's head
That's not good
He doesn't believe in space
He doesn't have to go to fucking counseling now
Space is where Jesus lives
Well he doesn't believe in space
Does the pope believe in space?
This is the pope that blended space
Or science and religion
Do popes believe in space dude?
I just said
This is the pope that blended science and religion
Yeah but do he really be believing though?
Or is that just a move?
He was a scientist
This guy? Yeah
He's got a doctorate
Get the fuck out of here dude
He's got a PhD
I don't believe you. He's got a pretty huge dick
Ask him. No I believe it
Look at that thumb
Say no
I'm sorry
I think we need to get out of here
Yeah I don't
I don't disagree with that
Bunch of haters
I mean yeah you know we can bounce dude
You can bounce, move on to the next thing in your day
Or your night
Wherever you may be after listening
Up to this point
Love you
I love you too
You're welcome
Thank you
Tell your fucking friends
Good morning
Good night
This has been another
Brother Man
Podcast
I just want my guy right now
I just want somebody that's wanted
Absolutely
If you make us chase you or search in your house
We're gonna all go through hell
So let's don't do that
Let's not do that dude
Let's not all go through hell
So even though the giveaway is over
Even though the giveaway is over
Still tag more people dude
We just keep tabs on him once in a while
And you know maybe we'll send you
Like one of the heaters in the studio
What did you just fucking
Tell
Tell your friends
Right on brother
Hell yeah brother
It's over come on out
You're like a man