It's gonna be a surprise for everyone this week.
I don't know the last time I updated this document.
So let's see.
Okay, I got Feel Good.
We're doing it.
We're going back.
I'm not giving you no choices.
I don't know what I'm saying.
Okay, I'm too excited.
Aren't we getting choices?
Yeah, you're getting choices.
I didn't pick one out specifically this week.
I'm too excited to give you choices again.
Okay, we got Feel Good.
We know what we feel good about, I think by this point.
Feel Bad.
We got the same amount of bad news in there as last time
because, like I said, it's not been updated in a while.
Pretty sure this is bad.
Pretty sure we know the King Chuck has cancer
that's in there.
Feeling uncertain and can't choose between good or bad feelings.
Oh, and feeling like science.
You know what?
For the sake of it, let's do a can't choose.
Okay, let's do can't choose.
Okay, there's only one that we haven't looked at.
So let's see where this takes.
Let's probably do that one then.
Yeah, it's a wild card.
I'm excited.
Okay, this one's titled USA Today August 19, 2023.
So we're a bit outdated on this,
but let's see what we got.
Exclusive from Mike Snyder.
Efforts to resurrect the Woodley Mammoth
to modern day reaches Alaska classroom.
A genetic engineering company is trying to bring back
several extinct species while also engaging
school children in the process.
This seems wholesome.
Okay.
In science class and like junior high,
they brought in like,
hey, by the way, we're going to be cloning a mammoth
this week.
I feel like I'd be more engaged in science class.
I would too, instead of like dissecting a frog,
they're like, we're gonna clone Wooly Mammoths today.
And then dissect them.
We're gonna make them.
Or the delicious gooey insides.
Yeah, we did tear into that.
And I think that we now understand why I'm not
a science teacher at this point.
Or me, I guess.
Or anyone or why they're not bringing,
well, let's see where this goes.
It might be about meatball.
Wooly Meatball in the classroom.
Okay.
The company seeking to bring back the Wooly Mammoth
and other long gone animals, such as the Dodo,
also wants to make sure the school children's interest
in science doesn't go extinct.
Colossal laboratories and biosciences,
which has been conducting radiocarbon dating
and genetic sequencing of American mammoths,
has shared fossils with 55 school districts in Alaska,
the genetic engineering company exclusively told USA Today.
The school districts get to name their fossils
and can use them to learn about Wooly Mammoths.
Radiocarbon and genetics findings related to the fossils
are shared with the districts
as they are finalized, the company said.
It's part of the Adopt a Mammoth Project
to do radiocarbon dating of about 1500 mammoth teeth, tusks,
and bones that are in the collection
at the University of Alaska Museum in the North.
The initiative has helped us get closer
to reaching our goal of classifying the mammoth fossils
in our vast collection while also getting kids interested
in science and ecology from an early age.
Says Matthew Wooler, that's a funny last name
working on Wooly Mammoths,
a member of the Colossal Scientific Advisory Board
and a mammoth researcher at the University of Alaska Fairbanks.
So they're like doing the research with kids?
Are they getting them to do the free labor?
Perhaps.
Two years ago, the Journal Science published a study
from Wooler and other researchers detailing
how they used isotopes collected
from the tusks of a 17,000 year old mammoth
to track its movements in and around the Arctic Circle
during its 28 year lifetime.
Wooler's name and his focus of the study, yeah.
Is it reasonable to say that they're really just saying,
okay, each classroom gets like this one
and you can learn all about this one wooly mammoth?
It seems like it and it sounds like they're also
getting them to do their work for them
by like radiocarbon dating them.
See, I feel like the children are not radiocarbon dating.
They might, sounds like it.
And then they name the bone or the mammoth.
How did you interpret that?
Yeah, I think they get to name it.
They get to learn a bit about it.
And it's kind of like, I don't know,
the way you get to like buy a star.
You don't do any of the science.
You just get to learn a bit about it.
Like, where did it?
No, look, look.
Okay, so the next paragraph talks about
how Wooler's name is like wooly mammoth.
And then the last, no, it's not the last paragraph.
It says throughout the process,
students gain ownership in the program
by being able to drill their own samples
and even naming their mammoth tusk,
providing a once in a lifetime experience
for the entire classroom.
Okay.
I think that's what they're doing.
So they really are using child labor.
They are, which is a weird thing to do.
Unpaid child labor, I assume.
There's some groundbreaking stuff happening
with wooly and the round in and around wooly mammoths.
Thankfully, and I think this is probably why,
wooly mammoth carcasses slash fossils
are just like everywhere in the North, like Alaska.
So they don't really have to worry about kids breaking
or wrecking them.
That's at least my thoughts on it.
That's true.
I could be incorrect.
It doesn't say, oh, oh, oh, okay.
I'm gonna go on here.
So he says, so far researchers is taking samples from,
I'm gonna say researchers alongside of kids
in the Alaskan classrooms have taken samples
from 223 of the 1500 in the university's collection,
with 25 of the 55 adopted mammoth fossils
radiocarbon dated.
Genetics findings from fossils will help colossal
in its tidbits to resurrect the wooly mammoth.
So it sounds like the kids have a less than 50% success rate.
The radiocarbon dating of these mammoth remains
is providing us a fantastic opportunity
to characterize the evolution of genetic diversity
in North American wooly mammoths
and will ultimately provide a better picture
of which genes were unique for its iconic species.
It says, love Dalen.
He's a professor somewhere.
There's something I wanted to read.
Less wooly mammoth related, which is very important.
Two years ago, Colossal and George Church,
a biologist at Harvard Medical School,
announced the project to use gene editing
to restore the wooly mammoth to the Arctic tundra.
Colossal's biotech and genetic engineering teams
are combining wooly mammoth and elephant DNA
to recreate the next generation of mammoth
that can survive in the Arctic
and help restore that ecosystem the company said earlier this year.
Embryos will be implanted into healthy female elephant surrogates,
Lam said at the time.
Okay.
And it goes on about Tasmanian tigers and dodos and stuff like that.
Yeah, but we already know about that stuff.
Our listeners, the intellects that they are.
They are.
We're ahead of every groundbreaking news in the section.
It's true. They're so cultured.
Soon, yeah.
I mean, this is always dangerous
when we're already foregoing paid labor
and just going right in for free child labor.
I'm just kidding.
It really worries me for when we get to the wooly mammoth meatball part of this
and that there are going to be bits of children in there
because their tiny little hands just fit right into that.
That escalated so quickly.
But you know that's the next step.
We know naturally where it's going from here.
It's true. That is the natural progression of that, isn't it?
Yeah. So I think human rights and child labor rights lawyers in Alaska,
should you exist, you should be looking into this
because we are mere maybe months away from this next natural progression,
keeping in mind that any measurement can be made in months.
It's true. Most are no.
Well, any time could be measured in months.
It can, as it should.
Anyhow, I think that's a great place to leave off on the child mammoth meatball.
And we will see you all in one fifteenth of a month for the main episode.
Yes, goodbye.
Bye.