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It's gonna be a surprise for everyone this week.

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I don't know the last time I updated this document.

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So let's see.

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Okay, I got Feel Good.

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We're doing it.

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We're going back.

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I'm not giving you no choices.

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I don't know what I'm saying.

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Okay, I'm too excited.

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Aren't we getting choices?

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Yeah, you're getting choices.

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I didn't pick one out specifically this week.

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I'm too excited to give you choices again.

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Okay, we got Feel Good.

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We know what we feel good about, I think by this point.

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Feel Bad.

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We got the same amount of bad news in there as last time

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because, like I said, it's not been updated in a while.

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Pretty sure this is bad.

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Pretty sure we know the King Chuck has cancer

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that's in there.

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Feeling uncertain and can't choose between good or bad feelings.

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Oh, and feeling like science.

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You know what?

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For the sake of it, let's do a can't choose.

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Okay, let's do can't choose.

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Okay, there's only one that we haven't looked at.

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So let's see where this takes.

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Let's probably do that one then.

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Yeah, it's a wild card.

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I'm excited.

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Okay, this one's titled USA Today August 19, 2023.

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So we're a bit outdated on this,

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but let's see what we got.

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Exclusive from Mike Snyder.

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Efforts to resurrect the Woodley Mammoth

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to modern day reaches Alaska classroom.

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A genetic engineering company is trying to bring back

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several extinct species while also engaging

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school children in the process.

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This seems wholesome.

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Okay.

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In science class and like junior high,

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they brought in like,

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hey, by the way, we're going to be cloning a mammoth

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this week.

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I feel like I'd be more engaged in science class.

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I would too, instead of like dissecting a frog,

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they're like, we're gonna clone Wooly Mammoths today.

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And then dissect them.

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We're gonna make them.

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Or the delicious gooey insides.

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Yeah, we did tear into that.

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And I think that we now understand why I'm not

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a science teacher at this point.

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Or me, I guess.

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Or anyone or why they're not bringing,

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well, let's see where this goes.

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It might be about meatball.

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Wooly Meatball in the classroom.

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Okay.

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The company seeking to bring back the Wooly Mammoth

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and other long gone animals, such as the Dodo,

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also wants to make sure the school children's interest

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in science doesn't go extinct.

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Colossal laboratories and biosciences,

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which has been conducting radiocarbon dating

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and genetic sequencing of American mammoths,

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has shared fossils with 55 school districts in Alaska,

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the genetic engineering company exclusively told USA Today.

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The school districts get to name their fossils

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and can use them to learn about Wooly Mammoths.

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Radiocarbon and genetics findings related to the fossils

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are shared with the districts

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as they are finalized, the company said.

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It's part of the Adopt a Mammoth Project

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to do radiocarbon dating of about 1500 mammoth teeth, tusks,

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and bones that are in the collection

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at the University of Alaska Museum in the North.

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The initiative has helped us get closer

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to reaching our goal of classifying the mammoth fossils

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in our vast collection while also getting kids interested

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in science and ecology from an early age.

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Says Matthew Wooler, that's a funny last name

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working on Wooly Mammoths,

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a member of the Colossal Scientific Advisory Board

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and a mammoth researcher at the University of Alaska Fairbanks.

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So they're like doing the research with kids?

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Are they getting them to do the free labor?

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Perhaps.

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Two years ago, the Journal Science published a study

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from Wooler and other researchers detailing

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how they used isotopes collected

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from the tusks of a 17,000 year old mammoth

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to track its movements in and around the Arctic Circle

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during its 28 year lifetime.

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Wooler's name and his focus of the study, yeah.

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Is it reasonable to say that they're really just saying,

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okay, each classroom gets like this one

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and you can learn all about this one wooly mammoth?

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It seems like it and it sounds like they're also

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getting them to do their work for them

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by like radiocarbon dating them.

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See, I feel like the children are not radiocarbon dating.

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They might, sounds like it.

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And then they name the bone or the mammoth.

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How did you interpret that?

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Yeah, I think they get to name it.

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They get to learn a bit about it.

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And it's kind of like, I don't know,

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the way you get to like buy a star.

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You don't do any of the science.

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You just get to learn a bit about it.

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Like, where did it?

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No, look, look.

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Okay, so the next paragraph talks about

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how Wooler's name is like wooly mammoth.

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And then the last, no, it's not the last paragraph.

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It says throughout the process,

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students gain ownership in the program

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by being able to drill their own samples

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and even naming their mammoth tusk,

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providing a once in a lifetime experience

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for the entire classroom.

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Okay.

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I think that's what they're doing.

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So they really are using child labor.

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They are, which is a weird thing to do.

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Unpaid child labor, I assume.

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There's some groundbreaking stuff happening

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with wooly and the round in and around wooly mammoths.

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Thankfully, and I think this is probably why,

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wooly mammoth carcasses slash fossils

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are just like everywhere in the North, like Alaska.

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So they don't really have to worry about kids breaking

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or wrecking them.

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That's at least my thoughts on it.

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That's true.

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I could be incorrect.

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It doesn't say, oh, oh, oh, okay.

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I'm gonna go on here.

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So he says, so far researchers is taking samples from,

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I'm gonna say researchers alongside of kids

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in the Alaskan classrooms have taken samples

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from 223 of the 1500 in the university's collection,

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with 25 of the 55 adopted mammoth fossils

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radiocarbon dated.

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Genetics findings from fossils will help colossal

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in its tidbits to resurrect the wooly mammoth.

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So it sounds like the kids have a less than 50% success rate.

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The radiocarbon dating of these mammoth remains

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is providing us a fantastic opportunity

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to characterize the evolution of genetic diversity

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in North American wooly mammoths

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and will ultimately provide a better picture

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of which genes were unique for its iconic species.

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It says, love Dalen.

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He's a professor somewhere.

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There's something I wanted to read.

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Less wooly mammoth related, which is very important.

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Two years ago, Colossal and George Church,

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a biologist at Harvard Medical School,

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announced the project to use gene editing

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to restore the wooly mammoth to the Arctic tundra.

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Colossal's biotech and genetic engineering teams

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are combining wooly mammoth and elephant DNA

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to recreate the next generation of mammoth

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that can survive in the Arctic

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and help restore that ecosystem the company said earlier this year.

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Embryos will be implanted into healthy female elephant surrogates,

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Lam said at the time.

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Okay.

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And it goes on about Tasmanian tigers and dodos and stuff like that.

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Yeah, but we already know about that stuff.

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Our listeners, the intellects that they are.

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They are.

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We're ahead of every groundbreaking news in the section.

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It's true. They're so cultured.

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Soon, yeah.

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I mean, this is always dangerous

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when we're already foregoing paid labor

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and just going right in for free child labor.

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I'm just kidding.

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It really worries me for when we get to the wooly mammoth meatball part of this

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and that there are going to be bits of children in there

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because their tiny little hands just fit right into that.

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That escalated so quickly.

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But you know that's the next step.

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We know naturally where it's going from here.

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It's true. That is the natural progression of that, isn't it?

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Yeah. So I think human rights and child labor rights lawyers in Alaska,

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should you exist, you should be looking into this

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because we are mere maybe months away from this next natural progression,

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keeping in mind that any measurement can be made in months.

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It's true. Most are no.

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Well, any time could be measured in months.

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It can, as it should.

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Anyhow, I think that's a great place to leave off on the child mammoth meatball.

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And we will see you all in one fifteenth of a month for the main episode.

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Yes, goodbye.

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Bye.