WEBVTT

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Ooh, Chris. Okay, okay. You know what that sound

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means? It's time for Game for a Movie, where

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we ask, are you game for a movie? My name is

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Mike. I'll be your host. I am joined by... Jill.

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Andre. Look at that. We're in person. This is

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great. You could point your finger at us, and

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we knew what to do. This is literally the crumb

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to the crumb when we're all in person. You can

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tell the voice quality, everything like that.

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Yep. It is episode 45. We made it. Every 15 episodes.

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We're in a midlife crisis. Smack dab in the middle

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of it. And look what we watched. It's true. That's

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actually a really good point. Every 15 episodes,

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we watch a movie together. It's a bad movie.

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It is an 8 % on Metacritic. It is a 21 % combined

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on Rotten Tomato. What do you mean 20 % combined?

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0 % critic score. 21 % fan score. So the fans

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are really giving this movie new legs. Yeah,

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exactly. So it's what? About an 11 % combined?

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The people's champ. 21%. It's legal. It's leaking.

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We'll tell you the movie we're watching after

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we tell you what we're drinking. Yes. We'll start

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with you, Jill. I'm actually drinking something

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today. This is exciting. It is exciting. I am

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drinking a cider from Artifact called Wild Thing.

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It's a craft cider. How fortuitous. given of

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the previews of this film that we watched this

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is why i love watching the previews on dvds and

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blu -rays and even vhs's it's like remember that

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time this movie happened i sure didn't but here's

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a cheesy commercial so if you didn't watch our

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twitter page i actually had this bad movie on

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dvd uh it's a long story how i got this on dvd

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but it wasn't that long when you told us it was

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a sentence it is probably a long story though

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if i actually think about the reasoning behind

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it but i don't care enough to share do you want

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me to share no yeah sure all right i went to

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school in fort worth texas and there was a blockbuster

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when i was going to school there for college

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That blockbuster went out of business. As they

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do. As they do. I decided to get a bunch of movies

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there because I had 40 bucks, whatever I spent

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there. Literally 40 bucks and I got probably

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20 movies. There you go. One of the movies that

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came out of this is my favorite bad movie of

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all time called The Tournament. It's not great,

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but it has Bing Rames and it has Kelly Zhu. I

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think I'm pronouncing that right. X -U. Who was

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the lady Deathstroke in x -men 2? Okay. Yeah.

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Yeah It has been both and it also has Robert

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Carlyle Yes, it is a very good movie. I actually

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really love it. It's stupid. I'm not going to

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say go watch it, but it is one of my favorite

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bad movies I got for $3 from Closing Blockbuster.

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I respect that. $3 is a great deal. Exactly.

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And one of the other movies I bought from this

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Closing Blockbuster, which says $9 .99, which

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I can't believe I said that. I was about to say,

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did you actually spend? So this was not a fourth

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of your haul. It could not have been. I don't

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think so. Okay. I do not think so. Like I said,

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it was a Closing Blockbuster. Yeah. So I got

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to imagine it was in the purchase section. section

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with like a sticker on it yeah they just chucked

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it that probably was like a dollar exactly yes

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i gotta imagine i didn't spend that much money

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for it so but a preview for this was wild things

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foursome yes which is definitely not the scene

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i didn't even know there was a sequel to wild

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things there's two sequels yes right yeah there

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are not only did i not i did not know they made

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another wild things they made two other wild

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things It might, like, I should, I'm going to

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look this up right now. Is it actually the fourth

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movie? Is it a quadrility or a quadrilogy? I

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don't think it's the fourth movie. Quadrilogy.

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I think it's. Well, because, like, you know.

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I don't know if I like the term quadrilogy. It

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doesn't sound sexy. It doesn't. No. That's why

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they didn't call it the vital. That's why it's

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foursome. Yeah, that's why it's foursome and

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not. You know why? Because the foursome is sexy.

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Three -somes are so last year. Wild Things Foursome

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is, I think, Wild Things Four. Wow. So they were

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not creative. So the third one, I guess, is called.

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Diamonds in the Rough. Okay. Diamonds in the

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Rough. So you got Wild Things, Wild Things 2,

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Wild Things, Diamond in the Rough, and then Wild

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Things 4. Can we just talk about the cast for

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the first one? Because I just pulled it up. Yeah,

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oh no, it's crazy. Matt Dillon, Kevin Bacon,

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Denise Richards, and Neve Campbell. Yeah. And

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there's some threesomes in that movie. Yeah.

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What? Yeah. Yeah. All right. What are you drinking?

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What am I drinking? Okay, so I'm currently drinking

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a Schilling hard cider. I feel like we've given

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them a lot of shout -outs, so I want to. It's

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a great cider. Glad to have it again. But the

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beer that got me through this movie. was Citra

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Perfect from Firefly Hollow. I knocked back.

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Shout out, Firefly. Firefly, you really pulled

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through. You were the best part of this movie

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for me, so thank you for that. That's fair. That's

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a fair statement all the way around. My drink

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currently, because I got a random six -pack,

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so there was two beers that got me through the

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movie, and I don't remember either of them, but

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they were both delicious so far. My beer currently

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is Crucial Mass from Counterweight, which is

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literally my favorite beer ever. Like that's

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like no, as the kids say, no cap. Was this like

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your favorite beer? This was my safety blanket.

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I knew I was getting this at the end of this

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movie. Wow. I saved this in particular. Do you

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want a glass for that? I feel like I heard it.

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No? No. All right. This is going to be gone.

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This is why I have a second beer. Okay. Because

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I know this is going to be gone soon. Sure, sure.

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I hate to tell you, we're, what, five minutes

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into the broadcast, and it's like half. Oh, nice.

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I mean, enjoy it, you know? You made it. Congratulations.

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We're all here. And we're all drinking local,

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I think, right? Massachusetts. Ah, we're at local

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enough. That's fine, though. New England. Is

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Schilling? Schilling is... oh you're right definitely

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new england though yeah i would say we're all

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drinking new england what is the state here on

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the bar oh my god it's washington this ain't

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local at all we're all coastal elites here drinking

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from coastal states that's fine it's true okay

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to be fair in my defense it's uh it's not what

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it says it's going to be I was drinking local

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for this movie. The Firefly was, yes, that's

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Connecticut. That is Bristol. Counterweight's

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Connecticut. You got Massachusetts. That's good

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enough. And then my second beer is the Great

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Gazoo. It's from Sheeban. Sheeban. Sheeban. Of

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the cannoli beer fame. Yes. From our Cosmic Sin.

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I'm so sad. Yeah, why? We need to talk about

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this. What? Sheeban closed their brewery. No!

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They're still distributing, but they're not.

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Did they commit a cosmic sin? God damn cosmic

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sin. I couldn't help it. You can still buy their

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beers. You can still buy their beers. They're

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distributing. In fact, I don't think this was

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at their brewery when they were there last. So

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you can buy the Great Gazoo out there. But they're

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closed. You can't go there and have something

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on tap. It's so sad to me. Because literally

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we went there out of the blue and they had just

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redecorated all of it. They redid all of it.

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Unfortunate. Whatever. We're not talking about

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Sheba in closing. No. We're talking about the

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birth that was stuck in my throat there. Well,

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we were also talking about the Great Kazoo, because

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Andre had some TV history to learn today. Yes,

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the Great Kazoo. That's one of those characters

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where I obviously recognize him, like, oh, as

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the green alien guy from some old cartoon. I

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had no idea that he was at all related to the

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Flintstones. Jill, you had a great question about

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it, though, so can you rephrase the question

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for the audience at home? That is the question.

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Because I didn't articulate very well the first

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time, so I think I'm going to fail at it the

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second time. What's worse, the great kazoo showing

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up in the Flintstones or the fawns jumping actual

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sharks? but my response that was all right yes

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the response i had was there's no phrase the

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great kazooing there is jumping the shark yeah

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and the great kazoo i would assume predates jumping

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the shark right significantly yeah okay by 20

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years yeah yeah okay which is fair so did the

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great kazoo join the flintstones like when they're

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like It was the last two seasons. It was the

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last two seasons. Okay, how long has that show

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run for? A while. Yeah. 14 seasons, maybe? 14?

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Okay. And they're like, we need to come up with

00:08:25.500 --> 00:08:28.279
it. It's like the baby in Fairly Oddparents.

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Yes. Poof. Poof. Yeah. Yeah, and when Timmy,

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doesn't Timmy get a female friend? That's actually

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true, too. Also true. Wow. Poof was around for

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a while. Oh my god. Yeah, you're right. Fairly

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Oddparents jumped the shark twice. Remember when

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Drake Bell played in it? Okay, six. Wow. How

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many years? Over six years. Wow. Okay. Yeah.

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166 episodes. I mean, that's decent. The Brady

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Bunch brought in a neighbor. Cousin Oliver. Cousin

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Oliver. Cousin Oliver. Is that who you're acting

00:08:56.950 --> 00:08:59.769
after? No, that is not. I mean, it's not to say

00:08:59.769 --> 00:09:02.269
the same thing, but I mean, they try to replace

00:09:02.269 --> 00:09:04.809
Kelso in That Somebody Show, right? With some

00:09:04.809 --> 00:09:09.629
rando, right? After Topher. Who does Topher Grace

00:09:09.629 --> 00:09:12.009
play? He's like the main guy. Yeah. In that Chevy

00:09:12.009 --> 00:09:14.789
show. Yeah. He quit the last season. The last

00:09:14.789 --> 00:09:16.769
season was somebody random. I do agree with you

00:09:16.769 --> 00:09:18.149
there. Probably the last season of Scrubs where

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J .D. laughed and everyone was like, new people!

00:09:20.269 --> 00:09:22.250
Yes. That's actually probably a - It was med

00:09:22.250 --> 00:09:23.750
school. Yeah, it was med school, right. It was

00:09:23.750 --> 00:09:25.970
literally called Scrubs Med School. It was supposed

00:09:25.970 --> 00:09:28.090
to be a spinoff, but it never took off. Never

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spun away. It had Dave Franco. Yeah. Dave Franco!

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Yeah. Dave Franco would have been good in this

00:09:33.429 --> 00:09:36.840
movie that we watched. No, but I didn't think

00:09:36.840 --> 00:09:38.039
I could see Dave Franco being in this movie.

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Okay, we should talk about this movie that we're

00:09:39.960 --> 00:09:44.940
watching. Yes, we should. And then I want to

00:09:44.940 --> 00:09:46.620
follow up with who does Dave Franco play in this

00:09:46.620 --> 00:09:48.879
movie in an alternate reality where him and Danny

00:09:48.879 --> 00:09:53.179
McBride get their hands on it. Because I will

00:09:53.179 --> 00:09:55.159
say Dave Franco is responsible for the worst

00:09:55.159 --> 00:09:56.500
movie I've ever seen in theaters and that is

00:09:56.500 --> 00:09:58.980
Your Highness. Which I never knew about until

00:09:58.980 --> 00:10:00.500
a couple years ago. It was the most terrible

00:10:00.500 --> 00:10:03.240
movie I've ever paid money to see. All right,

00:10:03.259 --> 00:10:05.179
so the worst movie you've seen in theaters, that's

00:10:05.179 --> 00:10:08.220
it? Yeah. You're one. Yeah. You're one. You're

00:10:08.220 --> 00:10:09.639
one is the worst movie I've ever seen in theaters.

00:10:09.759 --> 00:10:11.399
The worst one I've ever seen is Cats. Thanks,

00:10:11.480 --> 00:10:13.679
guys. No problem. Thanks for making me see that.

00:10:13.679 --> 00:10:15.360
You knew what you were walking into, at least

00:10:15.360 --> 00:10:17.259
on that, right? I didn't even get drunk for that

00:10:17.259 --> 00:10:19.240
one. You did it for the pod. You did it for the

00:10:19.240 --> 00:10:22.059
pod, and cheers to that. Cheers to that. All

00:10:22.059 --> 00:10:23.740
right, so we've skirted around this long enough.

00:10:23.759 --> 00:10:27.480
You're right, Joe. We have watched, literally

00:10:27.480 --> 00:10:33.970
10 minutes ago. Transylvania. 2009 classic that

00:10:33.970 --> 00:10:37.490
was actually filmed in 2007. Yes. It was filmed

00:10:37.490 --> 00:10:40.370
in all of 2007, never got released until 2009.

00:10:40.570 --> 00:10:45.629
It is directed by the Hillenbrand brothers, which,

00:10:45.710 --> 00:10:48.830
let's talk about it right off the bat. I am really

00:10:48.830 --> 00:10:51.549
glad that David Hillenbrand and Scott Hillenbrand

00:10:51.549 --> 00:10:54.299
put their name all over it. Because they are

00:10:54.299 --> 00:10:57.840
not afraid of what this monstrosity was. Mike's

00:10:57.840 --> 00:10:59.659
not exaggerating. If you've ever watched The

00:10:59.659 --> 00:11:02.980
Room, it's like Tommy Wiseau, director. Tommy

00:11:02.980 --> 00:11:05.860
Wiseau, producer. Starring Tommy Wiseau. Tommy

00:11:05.860 --> 00:11:08.100
Wiseau, the writer. That's the Hill and Brand.

00:11:08.159 --> 00:11:10.840
They had the logo for the Hill and Brand company.

00:11:11.080 --> 00:11:16.840
They had a logo in the middle when they did the

00:11:16.840 --> 00:11:19.960
credits. Hill and Brand production. Well, isn't

00:11:19.960 --> 00:11:22.299
it Hill and Brand production? That's the studio.

00:11:23.360 --> 00:11:26.879
Scott and David Hillenbrand director. It was

00:11:26.879 --> 00:11:29.600
all over. We were proud of this project. They

00:11:29.600 --> 00:11:32.500
were happy with this project. The thing is that

00:11:32.500 --> 00:11:34.759
we found or at least I found out at the very

00:11:34.759 --> 00:11:37.399
end that this is the final act of a trilogy of

00:11:37.399 --> 00:11:42.639
films. Possibly a trilogy. Right? We learned

00:11:42.639 --> 00:11:46.159
while looking into the Hillenbrands. It says

00:11:46.159 --> 00:11:48.659
right on the DVD box from the visionaries behind

00:11:49.200 --> 00:11:52.080
School Days 2. Dorm Days. Dorm Days. Dorm Days

00:11:52.080 --> 00:11:55.419
and National Lampoon's Dorm Days 2. But they're

00:11:55.419 --> 00:11:58.059
both from National Lampoon. Well, they only said

00:11:58.059 --> 00:12:00.220
Dorm Days and National Lampoon. No, National

00:12:00.220 --> 00:12:02.700
Lampoon is not responsible for Transylvania.

00:12:02.980 --> 00:12:04.419
No, they're not. No, no, no, no, no. But they're

00:12:04.419 --> 00:12:07.259
responsible for Dorm Days 1 and 2. No, no. I

00:12:07.259 --> 00:12:08.840
think they're only responsible for Dorm Days

00:12:08.840 --> 00:12:11.200
2. Because if you look at the box art, and you'll

00:12:11.200 --> 00:12:13.899
see, from the creators of Dorm Days and National

00:12:13.899 --> 00:12:20.039
Lampoon's Dorm Days 2. Yes. And note to the audio

00:12:20.039 --> 00:12:21.860
-only listeners right now, which is everybody,

00:12:22.399 --> 00:12:26.000
Dorm Days is spelled, the days part is spelled

00:12:26.000 --> 00:12:29.059
like D -A -Z -E, you know, because they're in

00:12:29.059 --> 00:12:31.120
a daze. Where we're trying to go with all of

00:12:31.120 --> 00:12:33.419
this is that we have unintentionally stumbled

00:12:33.419 --> 00:12:37.259
into the conclusion of a three -part series.

00:12:37.659 --> 00:12:40.980
Right. Starting, I guess, with Dorm Days, followed

00:12:40.980 --> 00:12:43.600
up with Dorm Days 2, which introduced a whole

00:12:43.600 --> 00:12:46.700
host of characters, and then I guess they go.

00:12:46.759 --> 00:12:49.259
on summer vacation. No, no, they're studying

00:12:49.259 --> 00:12:52.679
abroad. They do a semester abroad. My bad. They

00:12:52.679 --> 00:12:54.080
do a semester abroad in Romania. Yeah, there's

00:12:54.080 --> 00:12:56.019
some classes in there, okay? They're doing some

00:12:56.019 --> 00:12:57.879
real academic work. Did we say Pennsylvania?

00:12:58.259 --> 00:13:02.279
No, we said Transylvania. I heard Pennsylvania.

00:13:02.639 --> 00:13:04.179
I mean, it might have been filmed in Pennsylvania.

00:13:04.279 --> 00:13:06.500
No, no. It was filmed on location in Romania.

00:13:07.479 --> 00:13:09.220
That's where the budget went. That's where the

00:13:09.220 --> 00:13:11.899
budget went. Yeah. We actually don't know that

00:13:11.899 --> 00:13:14.159
it's in Transylvania. We thought that would be...

00:13:14.159 --> 00:13:16.440
Well, we thought that would be a drinking word

00:13:16.440 --> 00:13:18.399
for our drink. Right. Every time they say Transylvania,

00:13:18.480 --> 00:13:21.120
drink. We've got vampires. They mentioned Romania.

00:13:21.799 --> 00:13:24.679
They mentioned vampires. They never mentioned

00:13:24.679 --> 00:13:26.899
Transylvania. That's true. Until the end when

00:13:26.899 --> 00:13:30.750
they were talking about Wang and his... Surgeon

00:13:30.750 --> 00:13:35.370
stuff. Spoilers. They immediately set up this

00:13:35.370 --> 00:13:37.330
whole cast of characters, which in hindsight

00:13:37.330 --> 00:13:39.230
makes sense that this is the third movie with

00:13:39.230 --> 00:13:42.409
these characters. You don't need to know anything.

00:13:42.610 --> 00:13:43.830
It's not like they're complicated or anything

00:13:43.830 --> 00:13:45.870
like that, but it also makes sense where some

00:13:45.870 --> 00:13:47.330
of these characters that they introduce, they

00:13:47.330 --> 00:13:49.570
do the roll call in this forest exposition of

00:13:49.570 --> 00:13:51.809
like, and so... These are my friends. These are

00:13:51.809 --> 00:13:55.850
my friends. It's writing an IM just to show you

00:13:55.850 --> 00:14:00.570
how old this is. Why don't we take a moment and

00:14:00.570 --> 00:14:03.169
just summarize the plot and then get into it.

00:14:03.169 --> 00:14:04.870
Yeah, sure. Then we get into this. Okay, fine.

00:14:05.029 --> 00:14:08.629
Yes. So, Rusty. Yes. Our main character. Our

00:14:08.629 --> 00:14:11.909
main character. Is, he convinced his friends

00:14:11.909 --> 00:14:15.610
to go to a semester abroad in Romania at this

00:14:15.610 --> 00:14:20.009
castle, Razvan. Yeah. Razvan University? Razvan

00:14:20.009 --> 00:14:22.620
University. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, that

00:14:22.620 --> 00:14:24.720
was one of the jokes where everybody farts. Everybody

00:14:24.720 --> 00:14:27.220
farts whenever you... All the horses fart because

00:14:27.220 --> 00:14:29.240
it's a cursed thing. It's like, he must not be

00:14:29.240 --> 00:14:31.759
named. It'd be like if in Harry Potter, they

00:14:31.759 --> 00:14:33.139
just farted every time someone said Baltimore.

00:14:34.740 --> 00:14:37.879
Yeah, like that. Did you know that was the best

00:14:37.879 --> 00:14:39.919
joke in the movie? Because you're learning it.

00:14:41.620 --> 00:14:44.860
It's true. Disagree, the best joke. So his friends

00:14:44.860 --> 00:14:49.070
are... Let's just do this in order of the likability.

00:14:49.309 --> 00:14:52.370
Pete and Wang. Pete and Wang. Most likable. Knock

00:14:52.370 --> 00:14:56.110
off Harold and Kumar. Two stoners. Two stoners.

00:14:56.190 --> 00:14:58.169
Who, as soon as their introduction is, they're

00:14:58.169 --> 00:15:01.029
literally the first. Scene of this movie. The

00:15:01.029 --> 00:15:03.529
framing device around this is Rusty IMing his

00:15:03.529 --> 00:15:05.389
internet girlfriend. His internet girlfriend

00:15:05.389 --> 00:15:09.450
whose name is Draguta. No, Draguta. Draguta.

00:15:09.830 --> 00:15:12.350
Draguta. Who is this pretty Romanian girl. And

00:15:12.350 --> 00:15:14.950
we're going to do offensive accents because we're

00:15:14.950 --> 00:15:16.350
not above that and neither is this movie, okay?

00:15:16.429 --> 00:15:18.309
Yes, and we're not meaning to offend anybody.

00:15:18.350 --> 00:15:20.889
No, but literally that is what these actors are

00:15:20.889 --> 00:15:24.789
putting out. Exactly. That's exactly right. Right,

00:15:24.970 --> 00:15:26.750
so he's doing like, oh, I can't wait to meet

00:15:26.750 --> 00:15:30.070
you and show you all my friends. We got, we got...

00:15:30.070 --> 00:15:32.529
Pete and Wang. Pete and Wang. And literally,

00:15:32.889 --> 00:15:35.370
they're just, the joke is that they're stoners

00:15:35.370 --> 00:15:38.090
and that they're trying to smuggle in, what do

00:15:38.090 --> 00:15:39.909
they call it? Weed. Well, weed, but like stress

00:15:39.909 --> 00:15:43.059
relief. A submission for the stress relief. And

00:15:43.059 --> 00:15:45.700
their opening scene is literally them filling

00:15:45.700 --> 00:15:48.360
a condom. A condom? No, it's a condom full of

00:15:48.360 --> 00:15:50.500
weed. And they lubed it up. But it's shaped of

00:15:50.500 --> 00:15:53.500
a dildo. It's a dildo. It is literally a dildo.

00:15:53.759 --> 00:15:56.379
Oh, yeah, sure. Right, yes. They lube it up and

00:15:56.379 --> 00:15:58.519
everything. Right, but they fill the condom with

00:15:58.519 --> 00:15:59.980
weed. And then they're like, all right, are you

00:15:59.980 --> 00:16:02.500
ready? And then Wang shoves up the dildo, the

00:16:02.500 --> 00:16:06.950
weed dildo, into Pete. Which Jill correctly pointed

00:16:06.950 --> 00:16:10.990
out that Pete was not at the right angle to receive

00:16:10.990 --> 00:16:19.330
the dildo. This is the best part of the beginning

00:16:19.330 --> 00:16:22.009
of the movie was Jill correcting them on the

00:16:22.009 --> 00:16:24.970
angle of the dildo entering his ass. She makes

00:16:24.970 --> 00:16:26.690
a great point, it's just not going to work out.

00:16:27.210 --> 00:16:29.490
And it feels like they're doing it kind of early.

00:16:30.350 --> 00:16:34.210
They're doing it very early. Well, well, well,

00:16:34.210 --> 00:16:35.990
right. Like I'm like, well, like they're not

00:16:35.990 --> 00:16:39.289
even near the airport yet. Exactly. So it's like,

00:16:39.370 --> 00:16:42.330
it's like the night before they fly out. Yeah.

00:16:42.370 --> 00:16:44.269
That's a long time to have a dildo on your butt.

00:16:44.309 --> 00:16:47.009
I know. And then the other one, so that's Wang

00:16:47.009 --> 00:16:50.070
giving it to Pete and then Pete gives Wang, just

00:16:50.070 --> 00:16:52.029
they didn't even try on the second one. It's

00:16:52.029 --> 00:16:54.789
like a boob of weed. You're going to need to

00:16:54.789 --> 00:16:56.950
stick this way up your butt, Morty. No, he says

00:16:56.950 --> 00:16:59.490
it's like a poop in reverse. Is it a poop in

00:16:59.490 --> 00:17:01.710
reverse? Yes. It's like pooping in reverse. Right.

00:17:01.789 --> 00:17:05.400
But. Alright, we gotta talk about the next two

00:17:05.400 --> 00:17:07.380
characters. Yeah, okay, so that's that's Pete

00:17:07.380 --> 00:17:09.660
and Wayne. That's Pete and Wayne. That's our

00:17:09.660 --> 00:17:12.559
first case of Pete and Wayne. And we can zoom

00:17:12.559 --> 00:17:14.200
in on that one because that's just the par for

00:17:14.200 --> 00:17:15.920
the course of this movie. Alright, let's go.

00:17:16.180 --> 00:17:19.799
Likeability of characters, round two. Numar and

00:17:19.799 --> 00:17:24.039
Lin. Numar and Lin, right. So Numar is like a

00:17:24.039 --> 00:17:28.940
scared... He's a boy, not yet a man. Yeah, a

00:17:28.940 --> 00:17:31.380
boy, not yet a man, very polite, you know. Lin

00:17:31.380 --> 00:17:34.440
likes role -playing. So he's like learning with

00:17:34.440 --> 00:17:37.740
her how to do the sex. Yes. And he's, you know,

00:17:37.759 --> 00:17:39.720
hey, he's a little awkward, but his heart's in

00:17:39.720 --> 00:17:41.779
the right place. It really is. And he cares about

00:17:41.779 --> 00:17:44.339
Lynn a lot. He's knockoff Jason Biggs. Yes. And

00:17:44.339 --> 00:17:46.759
Lynn obviously cares about him too, which is

00:17:46.759 --> 00:17:49.720
very nice. Their characters always care about

00:17:49.720 --> 00:17:51.900
each other. Yes. And that was their whole dilemma.

00:17:52.220 --> 00:17:55.559
Yes. All right. Likeability characters. Let's

00:17:55.559 --> 00:17:57.799
go next. It's a shame that Rusty had to go first.

00:17:58.059 --> 00:18:01.200
Yeah, right. Because, yeah, Rusty's definitely

00:18:01.200 --> 00:18:04.819
the last. Rusty fucking sucks. But I think Mike's

00:18:04.819 --> 00:18:07.759
going to be dead last, besides Rusty. So then

00:18:07.759 --> 00:18:11.440
we've got Brady. Oh, we've got Leah and Danny,

00:18:11.619 --> 00:18:13.180
I thought I was going to say. I'm surprised you

00:18:13.180 --> 00:18:14.980
guys remember these goddamn names. I don't remember

00:18:14.980 --> 00:18:16.279
the dude with the glasses. The dude with the

00:18:16.279 --> 00:18:19.779
glasses. Both the glasses. Mike is the weird

00:18:19.779 --> 00:18:22.559
-looking hair glass. John Lennon glasses. Okay,

00:18:22.579 --> 00:18:24.579
so then we'll do the sisters, Leah and Danny.

00:18:24.799 --> 00:18:27.839
Yes, Leah and Danny. Yes, they're twins. Leah

00:18:27.839 --> 00:18:31.299
is like a brainiac. The goody two -shoes brainiac.

00:18:31.539 --> 00:18:33.759
And then Danny is the party animal. Yes, but

00:18:33.759 --> 00:18:36.259
Danny's the party animal. And then Leah's, she's

00:18:36.259 --> 00:18:38.319
dating the stoner. She's dating Pete. She's dating

00:18:38.319 --> 00:18:41.180
Pete. Punching way below her weight. Yes, exactly.

00:18:41.500 --> 00:18:44.599
She just went safety there. Yeah, right. Somehow,

00:18:44.599 --> 00:18:47.819
even though he's so not, like even finally, fine,

00:18:48.000 --> 00:18:50.279
I'm going to date this slacker boyfriend. And

00:18:50.279 --> 00:18:53.019
then we have, we have. Come on. Yeah. So we have

00:18:53.019 --> 00:18:55.079
both the glasses people were like the nerds that

00:18:55.079 --> 00:18:58.059
Brady. Brady. Because Brady's likable. Brady

00:18:58.059 --> 00:18:59.900
is likable but he's barely in this movie. He's

00:18:59.900 --> 00:19:01.500
barely in this movie. We also forgot. And this

00:19:01.500 --> 00:19:04.019
is the part, what's that? Oh, Cliff. Cliff. We

00:19:04.019 --> 00:19:06.319
didn't forget Cliff. The movie forgets Cliff.

00:19:06.839 --> 00:19:08.500
Again, these are probably characters that were

00:19:08.500 --> 00:19:12.819
established in the deep core of Dorm Days 1 and

00:19:12.819 --> 00:19:14.960
2. Cliff is in the early movies. Yes, absolutely.

00:19:15.000 --> 00:19:16.900
Right. Because like his introduction is like,

00:19:16.960 --> 00:19:18.519
oh, and then there's Cliff. And then he's literally,

00:19:18.700 --> 00:19:21.859
he's making it, he's making a deal with the Yakuza

00:19:21.859 --> 00:19:25.579
over sex dolls. Yes. That's not like, like what?

00:19:25.660 --> 00:19:27.759
Like that's not, yeah. That's his entrance into

00:19:27.759 --> 00:19:30.319
this movie. Yes. Yeah. And he makes a shitty

00:19:30.319 --> 00:19:32.660
product. Yeah. Right, right. And oh, and then

00:19:32.660 --> 00:19:34.819
yeah, the joke is the sex dolls pop and then

00:19:34.819 --> 00:19:37.099
he runs away from the Yakuza and we don't see

00:19:37.099 --> 00:19:41.049
him for another 40 minutes. Yes. Agreed. So we've

00:19:41.049 --> 00:19:42.230
talked about Brady, we've talked about Cliff,

00:19:42.309 --> 00:19:44.430
and then last but not least is Mike. Mike. Mike

00:19:44.430 --> 00:19:47.809
is nothing. Mike is a punchline. Mike is a gay

00:19:47.809 --> 00:19:50.539
joke. Yeah. Punchline. Yeah. It's the worst part

00:19:50.539 --> 00:19:52.160
about it all. It's a bummer. Yeah. This movie

00:19:52.160 --> 00:19:55.880
very much reeks of 2007 fashion and humor. Yeah.

00:19:55.880 --> 00:19:58.700
I mean, like, yeah. And again, like, this is...

00:19:58.700 --> 00:20:01.460
We could recast this as a better movie. Well,

00:20:01.460 --> 00:20:04.700
sure. Yeah, we were doing it. So the point, to

00:20:04.700 --> 00:20:07.440
wrap up the synopsis just to, for, so we can

00:20:07.440 --> 00:20:09.839
get there. Wrap up the synopsis. Dude, we're

00:20:09.839 --> 00:20:12.099
in introductions, bro. I know. Let's just say

00:20:12.099 --> 00:20:13.839
we haven't even got into it so we can really

00:20:13.839 --> 00:20:16.740
get into it. Basically, this... Half the characters

00:20:16.740 --> 00:20:19.539
are all going to Romania, so Rusty can bang his

00:20:19.539 --> 00:20:22.519
supposedly hot girlfriend. Hot internet girlfriend.

00:20:22.680 --> 00:20:25.839
Hot internet girlfriend. Draguzza. Draguzza.

00:20:25.880 --> 00:20:29.259
And they land in Romania, they show up at the

00:20:29.259 --> 00:20:31.900
university, it does not at all match the picture,

00:20:31.920 --> 00:20:35.680
and horror movie, well, horror trope, parody,

00:20:35.900 --> 00:20:41.700
American Pie Baby happens. Yes. So, yeah, that's

00:20:41.700 --> 00:20:44.440
why we call Newmar Jason Biggs, is because it

00:20:44.440 --> 00:20:47.500
feels like the character from American Pie. Well,

00:20:47.539 --> 00:20:49.339
all these characters feel like some sort of facsimile

00:20:49.339 --> 00:20:51.579
of other shitty, you guys hit the nail on the

00:20:51.579 --> 00:20:54.119
head, it's trying to be scary movie, but vampire,

00:20:54.119 --> 00:20:58.299
vampire movie, you know? So, we've got the vampire.

00:20:59.099 --> 00:21:02.039
Who is looking for his lost love after centuries.

00:21:02.359 --> 00:21:07.700
Radu. Radu. Radu. Radu. Radu. Radu would have

00:21:07.700 --> 00:21:13.000
made it push it too far into parody. Radu. Radu.

00:21:13.099 --> 00:21:15.400
Who happens to look exactly like Rusty. Exactly.

00:21:15.400 --> 00:21:18.000
And why is that? There's no explanation. There's

00:21:18.000 --> 00:21:19.660
no explanation. You're played by the same actor.

00:21:19.920 --> 00:21:23.539
Well, yes. No. Literally, there's no explanation.

00:21:23.539 --> 00:21:25.839
There's no, like, lore reason. No, there's no

00:21:25.839 --> 00:21:28.140
lore reason other than the fact they wanted to

00:21:28.140 --> 00:21:30.769
do that for... Forget yes. Yes. Now that you've

00:21:30.769 --> 00:21:34.049
said that I want to know if Leah is the same

00:21:34.049 --> 00:21:37.700
person You mean as Danny? No, Leah and Danny

00:21:37.700 --> 00:21:41.259
are literally twins. They were on the screen

00:21:41.259 --> 00:21:43.660
for too much. They shared the screen too much.

00:21:43.819 --> 00:21:45.059
I don't think they're fully identical though.

00:21:45.279 --> 00:21:50.259
No, they're not. If it was the same person, I

00:21:50.259 --> 00:21:52.000
would have given this a cap in the movie's favor

00:21:52.000 --> 00:21:54.220
because those scenes are well done in that case.

00:21:54.339 --> 00:21:56.380
They were on the screen way too much together.

00:21:56.660 --> 00:22:01.079
I also want to talk about Rusty slash Radu. He's

00:22:01.079 --> 00:22:04.630
made a career since, which is great. He's been

00:22:04.630 --> 00:22:06.990
in a bunch of TV shows and stuff. But look at

00:22:06.990 --> 00:22:09.990
this man and tell me that he is Rusty slash Radu.

00:22:10.329 --> 00:22:12.609
Wow. Wow, he does look very different, right?

00:22:12.690 --> 00:22:14.630
I mean, I don't want to say he long -bottomed,

00:22:14.630 --> 00:22:16.890
but he does. No, he did long -bottom a little

00:22:16.890 --> 00:22:21.450
bit. He was in Bones, Gilmore Girls, Las Vegas.

00:22:21.589 --> 00:22:24.869
His career long -bottomed. Yeah, his career long

00:22:24.869 --> 00:22:26.650
-bottomed, but I just think that he fits the

00:22:26.650 --> 00:22:30.230
frumpy, you know, late 30s or early 40s something

00:22:30.230 --> 00:22:33.250
better than the college student. So he was in

00:22:33.250 --> 00:22:36.589
season one of Dead Time Stories, which was on

00:22:36.589 --> 00:22:40.390
Nickelodeon in 2013. Oh, I missed this. You did,

00:22:40.549 --> 00:22:43.230
because you know who directed it? Is it a Hillenbrand?

00:22:43.289 --> 00:22:47.509
Hillenbrand! The Hillenbrands are out there.

00:22:47.670 --> 00:22:50.130
So we've talked about why the gang from America

00:22:50.130 --> 00:22:52.670
is going to Romania. Let's talk about our Romanian

00:22:52.670 --> 00:22:55.089
characters. So we've talked about Radu. He is

00:22:55.089 --> 00:22:58.529
a vampire. His quest in this movie is to be reunited

00:22:58.529 --> 00:23:02.579
with his lost love, Stefania. who is briefly

00:23:02.579 --> 00:23:05.599
played by some actress, but then she gets Van

00:23:05.599 --> 00:23:08.619
Helsing'd by the discount Van Sloan. Yeah, Van

00:23:08.619 --> 00:23:11.819
Sloan. And it's discount Van Sloan, because the

00:23:11.819 --> 00:23:14.220
discount Van Sloan was on screen for, what, 20

00:23:14.220 --> 00:23:18.099
minutes, maybe? I said 20 minutes. I was thinking

00:23:18.099 --> 00:23:22.160
two minutes. Yeah, sorry. We have a very overlong

00:23:22.160 --> 00:23:26.119
flashback of... ...managed to banish Stefania

00:23:26.119 --> 00:23:27.900
into a music box. We drank a lot during this

00:23:27.900 --> 00:23:30.579
movie, so if I say two minutes slash 20 minutes,

00:23:30.700 --> 00:23:32.269
that's... That's what I mean. It feels like we're

00:23:32.269 --> 00:23:36.089
in a time hole. So Radu's driving course is finding

00:23:36.089 --> 00:23:39.069
a body and the music box that has Stefania's

00:23:39.069 --> 00:23:42.710
soul? Spirit? She's a vampire. Yes, her soul

00:23:42.710 --> 00:23:46.490
gets trapped into the demon moon and then reuniting

00:23:46.490 --> 00:23:48.109
and then going off and having epic sex forever.

00:23:48.470 --> 00:23:53.930
Yes. Stefania and Radu. Then we have the descendants

00:23:53.930 --> 00:23:58.170
of Van Sloan, the vampire killer. Theodora Van

00:23:58.170 --> 00:24:01.529
Sloan. Who is played by... Not Lucy Lawless.

00:24:01.730 --> 00:24:03.589
Is not Lucy Lawless. But we wished it was. No,

00:24:03.650 --> 00:24:05.470
we wished it was. Because that would have been

00:24:05.470 --> 00:24:08.309
a good call. And I'm going to like... Lucy Lawless

00:24:08.309 --> 00:24:10.910
is better than this movie. Lucetta Vander. I'm

00:24:10.910 --> 00:24:13.250
going to give a thumbs up to Lucetta Vander because

00:24:13.250 --> 00:24:16.849
I want to... Musetta. Mu. Musetta. Musetta. Sorry.

00:24:16.990 --> 00:24:20.349
I'm going to give a thumbs up to Musetta Vander

00:24:20.349 --> 00:24:24.849
because even though this movie was really bad...

00:24:25.240 --> 00:24:27.660
I would have taken a bad movie with her in that

00:24:27.660 --> 00:24:31.660
slice of a plot over this entire film. Alright,

00:24:31.759 --> 00:24:35.000
so in Transylvania, Lucetta Vander plays vampire

00:24:35.000 --> 00:24:38.440
hunter Theodora Van Sloan. Theodora, not Theodora.

00:24:38.539 --> 00:24:41.839
Radu Andre Daniel plays vampire hunter Edward

00:24:41.839 --> 00:24:46.680
Van Sloan. And Claudio Trandefer plays vampire

00:24:46.680 --> 00:24:50.680
hunter Van Sloan. In the 1931 film Dracula, the

00:24:50.680 --> 00:24:53.200
character of vampire hunter Professor Van Helsing

00:24:53.200 --> 00:24:57.769
is played by Edward. Van Sloan. Ah, that's where

00:24:57.769 --> 00:24:58.849
the Van Sloan name comes from. That's where the

00:24:58.849 --> 00:25:01.750
Van Sloan comes from. Trivia! Yes, there is your

00:25:01.750 --> 00:25:04.509
trivia for this movie. I really have nothing

00:25:04.509 --> 00:25:06.710
else because I know normally I'm like scouring

00:25:06.710 --> 00:25:09.589
the IMDP page. There's literally nothing else.

00:25:09.829 --> 00:25:13.049
So we've got the Van Sloan by Theodora, who's

00:25:13.049 --> 00:25:16.009
Theodora Van Sloan, hunting out these vampires.

00:25:16.230 --> 00:25:19.029
She works for the university. Yes. And she works

00:25:19.029 --> 00:25:23.130
under Dean Floka. Dean Floka. Floka. Floka. Who's

00:25:23.130 --> 00:25:26.200
essentially Frankenstein. Kind of, yeah. That

00:25:26.200 --> 00:25:29.460
trope, yeah. Whose daughter is Dragutza. Yes,

00:25:29.460 --> 00:25:32.299
that's Rusty's online girlfriend. And that's

00:25:32.299 --> 00:25:35.279
our Transylvania staff. We never even mentioned

00:25:35.279 --> 00:25:40.140
Dragutza is hot -faced, but butter body. Yeah,

00:25:40.140 --> 00:25:43.200
yeah, yeah. Butter back. Butter back. She has

00:25:43.200 --> 00:25:47.859
a humpback. Butter back. That's the punchline.

00:25:47.940 --> 00:25:50.680
Is that like, oh man, she's so hot. Ha ha ha,

00:25:50.740 --> 00:25:53.299
you met a girl online. you didn't ask for a full

00:25:53.299 --> 00:25:55.259
body yeah yeah yeah yeah and like oh you're gonna

00:25:55.259 --> 00:25:56.940
get catfished or whatever and then the punchline

00:25:56.940 --> 00:25:59.480
is oh she has she has a horribly debilitated

00:25:59.480 --> 00:26:05.099
yeah we saw her later in the movie and like she

00:26:05.099 --> 00:26:07.960
had a fine ass yeah right well like the only

00:26:07.960 --> 00:26:10.299
thing wrong with her is her humpback she seems

00:26:10.299 --> 00:26:13.079
like a nice girl like i mean that's you know

00:26:13.079 --> 00:26:16.180
special effects put on her Well, yeah. But that's

00:26:16.180 --> 00:26:19.980
not what it is. It's just more... Rusty can't

00:26:19.980 --> 00:26:22.700
get over the humpback. Yes. He can't see Patrick.

00:26:22.700 --> 00:26:25.740
And apparently neither any of your previous suitors

00:26:25.740 --> 00:26:29.180
because the professor... Dean. Dean, sorry. Dean

00:26:29.180 --> 00:26:33.119
Floka. Dean Floka has a little axe to grind.

00:26:33.259 --> 00:26:36.259
Like, literally, like, he's like... He's like...

00:26:36.850 --> 00:26:39.210
Oh, yeah. Like, it's so nice of you to, you know,

00:26:39.210 --> 00:26:40.750
finally come over. Whoever betrays his daughter.

00:26:40.869 --> 00:26:42.529
Yeah. Like, here, do you want to check out this

00:26:42.529 --> 00:26:44.309
sweet Iron Maiden collection? Do you want to

00:26:44.309 --> 00:26:48.049
check out my torture tchotchkes? Torture tchotchkes.

00:26:48.109 --> 00:26:51.109
Torture tchotchkes. That was a great line. The

00:26:51.109 --> 00:26:53.650
torture tchotchkes. So, yeah, I think we've covered

00:26:53.650 --> 00:26:55.990
every, I mean, there's also the three vampire

00:26:55.990 --> 00:26:59.069
ladies. Ladies who just show their boobs. Yeah,

00:26:59.069 --> 00:27:01.900
show their boobs. They show boobs, yeah. They're

00:27:01.900 --> 00:27:03.980
there because they need to have some scenes for

00:27:03.980 --> 00:27:06.460
the unrated cut, right? Yeah, I guess so. I mean,

00:27:06.460 --> 00:27:08.180
this movie started strong with the unrated cut.

00:27:08.319 --> 00:27:10.480
That's true. We got front loaded with a dick.

00:27:10.700 --> 00:27:12.420
We got a dick in the movie. We got a shaft. Rusty's

00:27:12.420 --> 00:27:15.240
dick. Yep. Rusty's dick got smashed in the computer.

00:27:15.400 --> 00:27:18.319
Yeah, he closed his laptop because he was sexting.

00:27:18.440 --> 00:27:21.519
We didn't even learn who those people were that

00:27:21.519 --> 00:27:23.839
walked into his room. I'm sure they were just...

00:27:24.009 --> 00:27:26.309
The RA? No, she looked very professional. She

00:27:26.309 --> 00:27:29.250
looked like she was the pro. Yeah, I don't know.

00:27:29.470 --> 00:27:32.009
Yeah, I don't know. Who knows? So, we've done

00:27:32.009 --> 00:27:34.369
a rough synopsis. We've introduced you to the

00:27:34.369 --> 00:27:37.589
cast. Let's talk about it. I mean, we already

00:27:37.589 --> 00:27:40.430
have, but let's talk more about it. Where do

00:27:40.430 --> 00:27:42.289
we want to start? Do we want to break it down

00:27:42.289 --> 00:27:44.730
by character? We wanted to talk about the vampire

00:27:44.730 --> 00:27:46.730
mix -ups. That's what we want to talk about first.

00:27:46.750 --> 00:27:50.220
I mean... Yeah. Rusty and Radu keep getting mixed

00:27:50.220 --> 00:27:52.299
up for each other. And that is the whole premise

00:27:52.299 --> 00:27:54.720
of the movie. That's the reason why they look

00:27:54.720 --> 00:27:57.400
the same. And there's a party, a framing device.

00:27:57.559 --> 00:28:00.279
Yes, the framing device. Yeah, there's a masquerade.

00:28:00.279 --> 00:28:02.720
The students. Okay, so what I don't understand

00:28:02.720 --> 00:28:05.859
is that this castle has actually been repurposed

00:28:05.859 --> 00:28:08.019
as a university, right? Yes. That's the whole

00:28:08.019 --> 00:28:11.420
thing. And then the one scene we have is the

00:28:11.420 --> 00:28:15.900
Van... Van... Sloan. Van Sloan. Thank you. Doing

00:28:15.900 --> 00:28:17.940
defense against the dark arts. Yeah, yeah. Defense

00:28:17.940 --> 00:28:21.480
against vampires. No, defense and combat. Combat,

00:28:21.759 --> 00:28:23.400
right. And then, like, so that's the only class

00:28:23.400 --> 00:28:26.960
scene we get, and it's her just fencing and saying,

00:28:27.059 --> 00:28:28.420
oh, you have to... No, we got another class.

00:28:29.059 --> 00:28:31.750
What was it? Cliff's class. What was Cliff's

00:28:31.750 --> 00:28:33.109
class? Yeah, what the fuck was Cliff's class?

00:28:33.130 --> 00:28:35.710
When he's telling the young co -eds about how

00:28:35.710 --> 00:28:37.710
he... Oh, that's at the end. That's the day movement.

00:28:37.950 --> 00:28:39.809
That's the end of the movie. That doesn't count.

00:28:39.809 --> 00:28:42.289
No, no, no. That was before, too. He did it before.

00:28:42.369 --> 00:28:44.690
And then Van Sloan saw him and was like, wait,

00:28:44.730 --> 00:28:47.390
you're a vampire hunter? No, no, no. No, he was

00:28:47.390 --> 00:28:50.150
joking when he was talking about being a vampire

00:28:50.150 --> 00:28:51.869
hunter. Yes, but that was a class. That wasn't

00:28:51.869 --> 00:28:53.369
a class. That was a full class. That wasn't a

00:28:53.369 --> 00:28:54.789
class. That was them getting ready for the party

00:28:54.789 --> 00:28:55.869
because they were role -playing. No, that was

00:28:55.869 --> 00:28:58.450
a full class. What? Really? Cliff talked his

00:28:58.450 --> 00:29:00.529
way into being a professor? Yes! Well, Cliff...

00:29:00.559 --> 00:29:06.440
shows up because i was drunk yeah i don't know

00:29:06.440 --> 00:29:10.579
okay fine whatever whatever we we we learn how

00:29:10.579 --> 00:29:12.980
to fight vampires but then van sloan is like

00:29:12.980 --> 00:29:16.720
oh no we're not fighting vampires now you need

00:29:16.720 --> 00:29:18.640
to learn how to fight somebody that comes out

00:29:18.640 --> 00:29:21.000
of a coffin yeah right yeah like what what is

00:29:21.000 --> 00:29:22.779
the point of this joke i don't understand anyways

00:29:22.779 --> 00:29:27.079
so we'll wait too long so rusty looks like radu

00:29:27.079 --> 00:29:29.079
there's a framing device of a masquerade ball

00:29:29.079 --> 00:29:33.410
and of a Various orgies that are themed around

00:29:33.410 --> 00:29:36.390
being vampires. So you dress up like a vampire,

00:29:36.690 --> 00:29:39.549
show up, take your clothes off, and then have

00:29:39.549 --> 00:29:44.210
fun. Vampire sex. Vampire sex. Epic vampire sex.

00:29:44.309 --> 00:29:45.869
All in air quotes here, because this is what

00:29:45.869 --> 00:29:49.049
people in Romania apparently do. Yeah. Isn't

00:29:49.049 --> 00:29:51.329
that a line where they say, like, wow, people

00:29:51.329 --> 00:29:53.910
love orgies here or something? If it is in there,

00:29:53.970 --> 00:29:56.049
it wouldn't shock me. But that's why Rusty's

00:29:56.049 --> 00:29:58.430
wearing that garb for so long, and then there's

00:29:58.430 --> 00:30:02.980
the masquerade. Yes. Annoying. Let's see. So

00:30:02.980 --> 00:30:06.579
meanwhile, so Rusty is, so Rusty's main arc is

00:30:06.579 --> 00:30:08.539
that he finally meets Draguzza in real life.

00:30:09.000 --> 00:30:10.920
Draguzza. Draguzza. Draguzza. But it's spelled

00:30:10.920 --> 00:30:12.559
in subtitles with a T -A and I don't know. It's

00:30:12.559 --> 00:30:14.440
pronounced with a Z. Okay, fine. Because it's

00:30:14.440 --> 00:30:16.880
like pizza. It's like pizza. He says this. Pizza.

00:30:16.960 --> 00:30:18.579
You're right. Draguzza. Oh, you're right. He

00:30:18.579 --> 00:30:21.059
says like pizza. Like pizza. Yeah. Okay. Draguzza.

00:30:21.220 --> 00:30:24.640
Draguzza. Pizza. Okay, great. And then his whole

00:30:24.640 --> 00:30:26.799
arc is that, oh no, she has a humpback and now

00:30:26.799 --> 00:30:28.440
I don't want to fuck her anymore. But I'll fuck

00:30:28.440 --> 00:30:30.539
everything else. But then, yeah, yeah. Everything

00:30:30.539 --> 00:30:34.490
else. His whole arc is like, oh, I need to get...

00:30:34.490 --> 00:30:37.009
Well, again, remember how we were doing it by

00:30:37.009 --> 00:30:38.650
likability? He's the least likable. We had to

00:30:38.650 --> 00:30:41.490
introduce Rusty first because he's the main character,

00:30:41.589 --> 00:30:43.089
but he is the least likable main character. He's

00:30:43.089 --> 00:30:45.990
the least likable. He's just trying to get him

00:30:45.990 --> 00:30:48.450
this vampire orgy so he can have some awesome

00:30:48.450 --> 00:30:51.769
sex. And he's a dick to Mike. Yes. Yes, he is.

00:30:51.849 --> 00:30:53.960
This is why we don't like Rusty. Rusty. Yeah,

00:30:54.000 --> 00:30:55.200
Rusty is, like, so, like, they're ragging on

00:30:55.200 --> 00:30:57.220
him. And we don't have anything else. So we did

00:30:57.220 --> 00:30:59.539
the likability scale, and we had Mike pretty

00:30:59.539 --> 00:31:01.259
low on the list. Because we have nothing else.

00:31:01.259 --> 00:31:02.619
We have nothing else for Mike. Because right

00:31:02.619 --> 00:31:05.599
now, Mike, this Mike character, his only service

00:31:05.599 --> 00:31:08.859
is to have just gay jokes that are bad, and it's...

00:31:08.859 --> 00:31:11.000
And just thrown at him. Yeah, where, like, where

00:31:11.000 --> 00:31:13.119
his whole entire, the whole entire joke is that

00:31:13.119 --> 00:31:15.920
they're ragging on Rusty. He gets a dude once.

00:31:16.119 --> 00:31:18.859
Yeah, so, yeah, yeah. So they're ragging on Rusty

00:31:18.859 --> 00:31:21.220
for... Dating a girl with a hunchback. And he's

00:31:21.220 --> 00:31:23.059
like, oh, yeah, well, Mike kissed a dude once.

00:31:23.220 --> 00:31:25.400
And then, like, everyone was like, whoa, blah.

00:31:25.640 --> 00:31:27.880
Dude kisser. As he has, like, a, yeah, a black

00:31:27.880 --> 00:31:29.940
spot on him now. And he's a dude kisser. And

00:31:29.940 --> 00:31:31.980
he's like, oh, I thought it was Jake, bro. And

00:31:31.980 --> 00:31:35.579
I'm like, yeah, okay. That's, that's that. That's

00:31:35.579 --> 00:31:38.579
the lowest this movie gets. Let's talk about

00:31:38.579 --> 00:31:40.940
something better. Let's talk about Numar. Numar.

00:31:41.480 --> 00:31:44.539
Numar. Numar and Lynn. Numar and Lynn. They're

00:31:44.539 --> 00:31:47.140
in this relationship. He's a little new in bed.

00:31:47.420 --> 00:31:49.460
She's. A little more seasoned. She's experienced,

00:31:49.460 --> 00:31:51.140
yeah. But she's willing to work with him. Yeah.

00:31:51.220 --> 00:31:53.799
And it's exciting. We liked this from the beginning

00:31:53.799 --> 00:31:56.039
because we did say... Yeah, I thought it was

00:31:56.039 --> 00:31:59.160
sweet. They're sex positive. She's communicating.

00:31:59.160 --> 00:32:01.680
She's telling him he's not sure quite what to

00:32:01.680 --> 00:32:03.839
do. Sure. So she's like, come over here. Now

00:32:03.839 --> 00:32:06.119
you kiss me. She's guiding him along. It's wonderful.

00:32:06.680 --> 00:32:08.819
Yeah. And she's working with him. Yeah, she really

00:32:08.819 --> 00:32:10.920
is. And it's wholesome in this movie because

00:32:10.920 --> 00:32:13.319
you need some shining lights. So on the train

00:32:13.319 --> 00:32:18.059
to the university, there's a whole... uh plot

00:32:18.059 --> 00:32:20.920
device with this music box that has the soul

00:32:20.920 --> 00:32:23.640
of stefania trapped into it and through machinations

00:32:24.589 --> 00:32:29.009
It lands in Numar's hands. Various foibles. Sorry,

00:32:29.109 --> 00:32:33.450
foibles. Various foibles. As Andre described,

00:32:33.950 --> 00:32:38.009
MacGuffin. Yeah. And it ends up with Numar purchasing

00:32:38.009 --> 00:32:40.390
it as a gift for Lin, and he gives it to her,

00:32:40.450 --> 00:32:42.410
and she thinks it's so sweet and it's lovely.

00:32:42.690 --> 00:32:45.369
But it turns out when she opens it, the soul

00:32:45.369 --> 00:32:48.509
of Stefania activates within her. Oh, can we

00:32:48.509 --> 00:32:52.230
not remember this? poked her finger she poked

00:32:52.230 --> 00:32:54.730
her she pricked her finger on a pin and then

00:32:54.730 --> 00:32:57.130
the drop of blood hits the dark jewel in the

00:32:57.130 --> 00:33:00.529
music box and then that's now suddenly the mcguffin

00:33:00.529 --> 00:33:02.950
turns into an on off switch for lynn turning

00:33:02.950 --> 00:33:07.069
into stefania the vampire the vampirist because

00:33:07.069 --> 00:33:09.690
when the box is closed it's over yeah yeah she

00:33:09.690 --> 00:33:12.130
goes back yeah yeah yeah it's the whole yeah

00:33:12.519 --> 00:33:15.180
So Numar is trying to figure out what's up with

00:33:15.180 --> 00:33:17.440
Lin. Lin's trying to figure out what's up with

00:33:17.440 --> 00:33:19.799
Lin. So Numar thinks it's a split personality.

00:33:20.279 --> 00:33:23.859
Lin concludes it's aliens. Aliens, yes. I could

00:33:23.859 --> 00:33:26.720
not believe. Hold on, hold on. What is the book

00:33:26.720 --> 00:33:33.400
that Lin and Neymar... Neymar? Numar. Codex Erotica.

00:33:33.599 --> 00:33:36.200
Codex Erotica. They get gifted the Codex Eroticon.

00:33:37.079 --> 00:33:40.140
Codex Eroticon. It's a Necronomicon joke, right?

00:33:40.380 --> 00:33:42.599
Numar thinks, because he got it as a gift from

00:33:42.599 --> 00:33:46.319
Rusty, that Rusty is just using it as a ploy

00:33:46.319 --> 00:33:50.099
to sleep with Lin. Yes. It's very sad, this triangle.

00:33:50.440 --> 00:33:54.140
Yes. Because Rusty does not want it. Well, Rusty

00:33:54.140 --> 00:33:57.200
does want it. No, Rusty wants it. But also respects

00:33:57.200 --> 00:34:02.079
their relationship. Ah, does he? Yes, because

00:34:02.079 --> 00:34:04.519
he got the note. He got the note. You're right.

00:34:04.539 --> 00:34:07.170
It was the green light. Yeah, that was the only

00:34:07.170 --> 00:34:09.949
reason he did. This movie fucking sucks, man.

00:34:10.050 --> 00:34:11.769
We're jumping around a bit. New Mars captures

00:34:11.769 --> 00:34:13.570
them in the sort of making out. I don't know

00:34:13.570 --> 00:34:15.309
how he couldn't jump around. I know, dude. This

00:34:15.309 --> 00:34:17.150
movie is... Okay, we're jumping around because

00:34:17.150 --> 00:34:19.409
this movie just jumps around, man. It does. It

00:34:19.409 --> 00:34:21.929
is literally the Family Guy movie, you know,

00:34:21.949 --> 00:34:23.789
where they just jump around to different dumb

00:34:23.789 --> 00:34:25.869
jokes. Play the sun is going to jump around.

00:34:26.150 --> 00:34:32.170
Yeah, I guess. Sure. That works, too. jump jump

00:34:32.170 --> 00:34:35.690
jump around yes yes joe we're all jumping around

00:34:35.690 --> 00:34:38.309
with you right now i can't like that song we

00:34:38.309 --> 00:34:40.469
played wisconsin in the rose bowl they played

00:34:40.469 --> 00:34:43.530
that song every fucking fourth quarter yes anyway

00:34:43.530 --> 00:34:48.389
numar writes this very sarcastic note in his

00:34:48.389 --> 00:34:52.210
mind. Well, he walks up to... Well, he's incensed.

00:34:52.210 --> 00:34:56.389
He's incensed because he... He thinks that Lin

00:34:56.389 --> 00:34:59.150
made out with Rusty, but really it was Stefania

00:34:59.150 --> 00:35:02.090
making out with Radu. Yes, but regardless, he

00:35:02.090 --> 00:35:05.010
pens this letter, his heart aflame in anger.

00:35:05.010 --> 00:35:07.969
I can't believe I had to explain that. You see,

00:35:08.010 --> 00:35:09.969
it all makes sense in context. Unfortunately,

00:35:11.650 --> 00:35:17.869
not Radu. Rusty reads it and interprets it falsely

00:35:17.869 --> 00:35:20.550
because he reads it as, go have fun sleeping

00:35:20.550 --> 00:35:21.710
with my girlfriend. Right, because he's like,

00:35:21.769 --> 00:35:24.110
I hope you enjoyed having sex with my girlfriend.

00:35:24.550 --> 00:35:30.300
And it's sarcasm. Sincerely, Newmar. And then

00:35:30.300 --> 00:35:32.940
he says out loud, I hope he understands the biting

00:35:32.940 --> 00:35:35.940
sarcasm. Which he does not. No. We haven't even

00:35:35.940 --> 00:35:38.820
gotten to Pete and Wang. No, right. They're on

00:35:38.820 --> 00:35:42.420
their side quest. Reattaching Leah's head. We

00:35:42.420 --> 00:35:45.480
haven't even gotten there yet. I know. We haven't

00:35:45.480 --> 00:35:48.659
even gotten there. The best running bit in this

00:35:48.659 --> 00:35:50.780
fucking movie. The best running bit in this movie

00:35:50.780 --> 00:35:53.719
is... They keep selling their jeans for services

00:35:53.719 --> 00:35:56.860
for Romanians. Jeans, like denim jeans. Like

00:35:56.860 --> 00:35:58.699
denim jeans. Not like their actual DNA code.

00:35:58.699 --> 00:36:00.559
Correct, yes, their denim jeans. Their denim

00:36:00.559 --> 00:36:02.480
jeans. They sell out their denim jeans to get

00:36:02.480 --> 00:36:05.699
a motorcycle. And then they realize the town

00:36:05.699 --> 00:36:08.440
runs on jeans. They run on denim. And then they

00:36:08.440 --> 00:36:10.460
go out and then they decide, so they're at the

00:36:10.460 --> 00:36:11.780
university and they're like, oh, we're going

00:36:11.780 --> 00:36:13.179
to go out this weekend. We're going to party.

00:36:13.480 --> 00:36:16.619
And we want to get drunk. Bro, let's go. And

00:36:16.619 --> 00:36:18.500
they do. And they go to a strip club and they

00:36:18.500 --> 00:36:21.400
tip the stripper with a pair of blue jeans. With

00:36:21.400 --> 00:36:23.320
a pair of blue jeans. This is the best running

00:36:23.320 --> 00:36:25.800
gag in the entire film. That's so dumb. It's

00:36:25.800 --> 00:36:29.349
dumb, but it's funny. And while they're... And

00:36:29.349 --> 00:36:33.110
because Pete and Leah are dating, she was supposed

00:36:33.110 --> 00:36:35.309
to go out with them, but she's like, no, I want

00:36:35.309 --> 00:36:37.389
to go explore some culture. Yes. They're like,

00:36:37.590 --> 00:36:40.289
no, dude, we want to get drunk. We are getting

00:36:40.289 --> 00:36:43.449
drunk. So she stays behind and gets abducted

00:36:43.449 --> 00:36:47.010
by a shadowy figure. And that shadowy figure

00:36:47.010 --> 00:36:50.150
turns out to be Dean. Dean Floca. Dean Floca.

00:36:50.329 --> 00:36:53.230
And in the time that she was passed out, he cut

00:36:53.230 --> 00:36:56.449
off her head, put it in a box, and then he severed

00:36:56.449 --> 00:36:59.400
up her body, stitched it. back together for some

00:36:59.400 --> 00:37:02.159
other pieces i guess it's not all her body it's

00:37:02.159 --> 00:37:04.960
not her body it's her torso yes because he said

00:37:04.960 --> 00:37:07.679
torso well what's wrong with her arms and i don't

00:37:07.679 --> 00:37:09.840
know she had an attractive body yeah she did

00:37:09.840 --> 00:37:11.960
there was no reason why i don't understand why

00:37:11.960 --> 00:37:15.260
he had to cut it up all all of it so except for

00:37:15.260 --> 00:37:18.659
plot except for plot which is he's building this

00:37:18.659 --> 00:37:21.920
body to give to jagutsa so she can go to the

00:37:21.920 --> 00:37:26.780
masquerade ball without the bell of it yes so

00:37:26.780 --> 00:37:29.650
pete and wayne come back from their partying

00:37:29.650 --> 00:37:33.250
days and Jean giving away and they stumble upon

00:37:33.250 --> 00:37:37.809
this plot and Wang's like, yo, I got this. I

00:37:37.809 --> 00:37:41.250
studied pre -med after he smoked a shit ton of

00:37:41.250 --> 00:37:44.750
weed saying this. I can sew the body back together.

00:37:45.090 --> 00:37:48.329
And while he's talking about this, he accidentally

00:37:48.329 --> 00:37:51.389
nicks a wire that was used to stitch the body

00:37:51.389 --> 00:37:53.030
together. All of it together. All the limbs.

00:37:53.050 --> 00:37:55.090
All of it. Because some idiot stitched his body

00:37:55.090 --> 00:37:57.829
together with one string. Gets it tangled up.

00:37:57.889 --> 00:37:59.909
Including the boobs. Gets it tangled up. Because

00:37:59.909 --> 00:38:02.489
we need to say that. Yeah. And the body falls

00:38:02.489 --> 00:38:05.130
apart. Including the boobs. Including the boobs.

00:38:05.510 --> 00:38:09.869
The very ugly boobs. Yes. Yeah, no. I even commented,

00:38:09.969 --> 00:38:12.710
why do you cut off the boobs? Yeah. Yeah, Leah

00:38:12.710 --> 00:38:15.550
had good boobs. Doesn't make sense. Doesn't make

00:38:15.550 --> 00:38:17.969
sense. But now it's in pieces on the floor. Maybe

00:38:17.969 --> 00:38:19.949
he was more concerned about getting the cup size

00:38:19.949 --> 00:38:21.929
accurate to his own daughter's boobs. Why would

00:38:21.929 --> 00:38:28.969
he know that? And with that... That's why. And

00:38:28.969 --> 00:38:32.550
with that, let's take a break. Ah, yes. That

00:38:32.550 --> 00:38:43.210
is a good call. Oh, shit. It's brought to you

00:38:43.210 --> 00:38:45.949
by the Hillenbrand Company. I don't know what

00:38:45.949 --> 00:38:48.750
it's brought to you by, but we're back. We're

00:38:48.750 --> 00:38:51.670
back. Better than ever. We don't actually have

00:38:51.670 --> 00:38:56.550
a podcast to promote. Because nobody got it.

00:38:56.670 --> 00:38:59.570
I think that's a credit to humanity that nobody

00:38:59.570 --> 00:39:02.849
got it. Honestly, true. That means other people

00:39:02.849 --> 00:39:06.409
watched this movie. Which means we've seen the

00:39:06.409 --> 00:39:08.590
box office returns, so we know how many people

00:39:08.590 --> 00:39:10.820
may or may not have watched this movie. That

00:39:10.820 --> 00:39:13.159
box office returns will be included on our TikTok

00:39:13.159 --> 00:39:17.559
for Behind the Bad. Look at that connection.

00:39:17.760 --> 00:39:20.840
I love it. Yeah, yeah. So where were we at? We

00:39:20.840 --> 00:39:23.639
were talking about why he needed to stitch on

00:39:23.639 --> 00:39:26.039
the boobs. Right. Boobs. Did we talk about how

00:39:26.039 --> 00:39:28.219
many boobs were in this movie? Boobs. There's

00:39:28.219 --> 00:39:29.880
a decent amount. We alluded to it with all the

00:39:29.880 --> 00:39:33.659
vampiruses that narked Stefania, right? All of

00:39:33.659 --> 00:39:35.139
the... That are not... I thought you said are

00:39:35.139 --> 00:39:40.190
narked. 14 boobs. 14 boobs. 14 separate boobs.

00:39:40.469 --> 00:39:43.590
Did you count Lynn's boobs? Yes. Because we saw

00:39:43.590 --> 00:39:48.130
those. We saw the professor's boobs. Wait, when

00:39:48.130 --> 00:39:51.050
did we see Teodora's boobs? No, we saw them in

00:39:51.050 --> 00:39:55.250
the Lean Forward side boob. This movie's very

00:39:55.250 --> 00:39:57.449
horny. In case you didn't pick up on this. If

00:39:57.449 --> 00:39:59.170
you're taking out the professor's boobs, we've

00:39:59.170 --> 00:40:00.869
got 12 boobs. I don't recall the side boob, but

00:40:00.869 --> 00:40:03.210
I count 12 boobs. We saw Nip Slip from Lynn.

00:40:03.610 --> 00:40:05.769
We saw Nip Slip from Lynn. And we saw plenty

00:40:05.769 --> 00:40:08.570
of boobs on that stripper girl at the club. Yeah,

00:40:08.590 --> 00:40:12.150
the one that got paid in jeans. We saw two strippers.

00:40:12.389 --> 00:40:16.309
Three strippers. No, two strippers. The three

00:40:16.309 --> 00:40:20.389
vampires. So there's ten boobs. And then we saw

00:40:20.389 --> 00:40:25.070
boobs in the beginning. Twelve boobs. It was

00:40:25.070 --> 00:40:27.489
having boob sex. No, Lynn. It wasn't boob sex.

00:40:27.730 --> 00:40:30.349
No, Lynn. We saw Lynn. Lynn's boobs. Lynn's boobs.

00:40:30.429 --> 00:40:31.989
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, but also in the

00:40:31.989 --> 00:40:34.250
flashback. Stefania's boobs. Was that Stefania?

00:40:34.349 --> 00:40:37.610
Oh, yeah. Stefania's real boobs. Yeah, real Stefania

00:40:37.610 --> 00:40:41.769
boobs. And one dick. And one shaft. One crushed.

00:40:42.150 --> 00:40:45.190
It wasn't shaft. It was the full pecker. You're

00:40:45.190 --> 00:40:46.409
right. It was the full pecker, but it was crushed

00:40:46.409 --> 00:40:53.829
by the laptop. So 14 boobs, one pecker. God damn

00:40:53.829 --> 00:40:55.989
it. There you go. I'm so glad I don't have to

00:40:55.989 --> 00:40:58.530
edit this. This is how they should teach math

00:40:58.530 --> 00:41:03.849
always. I'm just pressing. I've heard 14 boobs.

00:41:04.150 --> 00:41:06.829
Yeah, I mean, the most interesting part of the

00:41:06.829 --> 00:41:09.170
movie, to be honest with you. The physical effects,

00:41:09.510 --> 00:41:11.570
you know, because people got impaled with things,

00:41:11.670 --> 00:41:15.289
like arrows. Oh, wait. People got impaled with

00:41:15.289 --> 00:41:18.309
arrows? Tell me about Cliff and Van Sloan's story.

00:41:19.010 --> 00:41:20.949
So, yeah, remember Cliff? Nice segue, bro. He

00:41:20.949 --> 00:41:24.320
got chased away by the Yakuza. They find him

00:41:24.320 --> 00:41:27.780
because Pete and Wang pay some bounty hunters

00:41:27.780 --> 00:41:29.880
in blue jeans to go hunting. Two pairs of jeans.

00:41:30.039 --> 00:41:31.260
Two pairs of jeans. Two pairs of blue jeans,

00:41:31.340 --> 00:41:33.780
yep. To go hunting. But they think they're going

00:41:33.780 --> 00:41:36.539
to hunt an animal. Specifically a panda? They

00:41:36.539 --> 00:41:38.360
were very excited about a panda. Because there

00:41:38.360 --> 00:41:40.719
was a joke about a panda not being able to climb

00:41:40.719 --> 00:41:43.219
trees. Yeah, Danny was up the tree going, pandas

00:41:43.219 --> 00:41:48.159
can't climb trees, right? Yeah. Paul? Paul? No.

00:41:49.159 --> 00:41:54.599
Who? No, the guy in Wang. Pete in Wang. Pete

00:41:54.599 --> 00:41:56.679
in Wang. I knew it started with a P, though.

00:41:56.920 --> 00:42:00.039
Yeah. Pete in Wang. This is beer four, guys.

00:42:00.159 --> 00:42:03.340
Yeah, yeah. We've been drinking. So Pete in Wang

00:42:03.340 --> 00:42:05.320
paid a bounty hunter to go hunting for sport,

00:42:05.480 --> 00:42:07.260
which they think is going to be a wild animal.

00:42:07.500 --> 00:42:10.699
And it turns out in a joke, you know, in a twist

00:42:10.699 --> 00:42:14.460
joke, think to you by hostile, it's Cliff. Yeah.

00:42:14.460 --> 00:42:17.519
Because the human is the most dangerous game.

00:42:17.639 --> 00:42:20.159
Yes, right. It's not just Hostel, but yes, I

00:42:20.159 --> 00:42:22.280
get how you get there. Yes, right, it's not just

00:42:22.280 --> 00:42:24.619
Hostel. Because I think Hostel is actually, oh,

00:42:24.780 --> 00:42:29.179
when did Hostel get released? Before 2000, I

00:42:29.179 --> 00:42:30.900
think 2009. No, isn't it? I thought it was like

00:42:30.900 --> 00:42:34.820
2010. No, no, no, no. Go on, go on, I'm looking

00:42:34.820 --> 00:42:39.159
it up. Hostel is 2005. Wow, I was way off. No,

00:42:39.380 --> 00:42:41.079
but I mean, the most dangerous game is a book.

00:42:42.820 --> 00:42:45.880
It's a short story. No, no, but it's a short

00:42:45.880 --> 00:42:48.920
story. The book is... about the most dangerous

00:42:48.920 --> 00:42:51.340
game books are not the most dangerous game oh

00:42:51.340 --> 00:42:54.599
yeah she was not she was not she was not pen

00:42:54.599 --> 00:42:57.099
is the mightier than the sword in you right yeah

00:42:57.099 --> 00:43:00.300
yeah exactly you don't get my biting sarcasm

00:43:00.300 --> 00:43:06.980
it didn't move it's not dangerous um the story

00:43:06.980 --> 00:43:11.300
itself is a story is a story Turns out to be

00:43:11.300 --> 00:43:14.440
Cliff, who's been captured somehow. With a penis

00:43:14.440 --> 00:43:17.300
target. He's traded hands from the Yakuza. He

00:43:17.300 --> 00:43:19.800
has a bullseye target on his forehead and on

00:43:19.800 --> 00:43:24.139
his other head. He's traded hands from the Yakuza

00:43:24.139 --> 00:43:26.559
to the Baltic Mafia. Who knows? Because he tried

00:43:26.559 --> 00:43:30.000
to sell counterfeit jeans. Yes, that was it.

00:43:30.099 --> 00:43:34.480
We caught it. So they're like, well, we can't

00:43:34.480 --> 00:43:36.840
kill him. We'll just give you more genes to take

00:43:36.840 --> 00:43:37.659
him off your neck. Yeah, we'll throw in another

00:43:37.659 --> 00:43:40.360
pair of genes to take off. So three pairs of

00:43:40.360 --> 00:43:42.699
genes per human. Yes, three pairs. Yeah, yeah.

00:43:42.739 --> 00:43:46.139
Cliff's life is worth three pairs of genes in

00:43:46.139 --> 00:43:48.559
Romania. So Cliff comes back to school. He's

00:43:48.559 --> 00:43:51.179
already, like, slicking back his hair. I'm going

00:43:51.179 --> 00:43:52.960
to get laid. I'm going to get them ladies. I

00:43:52.960 --> 00:43:55.139
hate to tell you. I know how much my genes cost.

00:43:55.219 --> 00:43:56.940
I'm not paying three pairs of genes for you.

00:43:57.480 --> 00:43:59.599
We just bought genes today, but I wouldn't get

00:43:59.599 --> 00:44:02.519
one half off. So would my discount teens buy

00:44:02.519 --> 00:44:09.539
things in Romania? Probably. Bam. So he goes

00:44:09.539 --> 00:44:12.400
back to university. He's trying to sweet -talk

00:44:12.400 --> 00:44:14.500
some ladies by pretending to be a vampire hunter.

00:44:14.739 --> 00:44:18.980
And unfortunately, Van Sloan hears this and misinterprets.

00:44:19.449 --> 00:44:22.570
his epic tales of greatness for reality. Think

00:44:22.570 --> 00:44:25.070
he's a real vampire slayer. She's excited. You

00:44:25.070 --> 00:44:26.809
know, finally somebody's speaking her language.

00:44:26.809 --> 00:44:29.210
And meanwhile, a classic misunderstanding, Cliff

00:44:29.210 --> 00:44:30.849
thought that they were just role -playing and

00:44:30.849 --> 00:44:33.150
that she was pretending to be a vampire huntress.

00:44:33.210 --> 00:44:36.469
And she's got her toys, which include crossbows,

00:44:36.489 --> 00:44:40.809
whips, garlic, crucifix, all the nine yards.

00:44:40.889 --> 00:44:42.730
And meanwhile, Cliff just showed up with some

00:44:42.730 --> 00:44:45.630
handcuffs. He didn't even have handcuffs. Well,

00:44:45.630 --> 00:44:49.650
he asked. He asked, but he did not have. I think

00:44:49.650 --> 00:44:51.269
he wished he had handcuffs. He wished he had,

00:44:51.449 --> 00:44:53.869
yes, because he thought it was totally sex. Yeah,

00:44:53.869 --> 00:44:56.170
he's Cliffy the Vampire Hunter. Yep. Cliffy.

00:44:56.389 --> 00:44:59.969
And in a confluence of errors, Cliff accidentally

00:44:59.969 --> 00:45:01.849
while playing around with what he thought I guess

00:45:01.849 --> 00:45:04.489
was a crowbar, like crowbar, a crossbow sex toy,

00:45:04.630 --> 00:45:06.750
he shoots himself with a crossbow, like literally

00:45:06.750 --> 00:45:08.889
looking at it. He's like, oh, and he shoots his

00:45:08.889 --> 00:45:10.590
leg with it. He's like, what the fuck? It's a

00:45:10.590 --> 00:45:12.869
real crossbow. And I'm like, Cliff, come on,

00:45:12.869 --> 00:45:14.679
man. Let's rub your two brain cells together

00:45:14.679 --> 00:45:16.860
and feed this out. There was mistakes in this

00:45:16.860 --> 00:45:19.760
movie? Yeah. Whoa. There was mistaken identity?

00:45:20.099 --> 00:45:22.980
I would never imply that. The writing in this

00:45:22.980 --> 00:45:28.039
movie, one could say, is not good. No. So, I

00:45:28.039 --> 00:45:31.260
gotta give a shout out to our writer. Because

00:45:31.260 --> 00:45:34.460
our writer was not. A Hillenbrand? A Hillenbrand.

00:45:34.659 --> 00:45:37.119
My God, how dare they? It was Josh Miller and

00:45:37.119 --> 00:45:41.449
Pat Casey. Okay. And you're like, who the fuck

00:45:41.449 --> 00:45:43.869
is Josh Miller and Pat Casey? No, I'm more like,

00:45:43.889 --> 00:45:46.829
fuck you, Josh Miller and Pat Casey. Josh Miller

00:45:46.829 --> 00:45:50.670
and Pat Casey are Brady and Mike in the movie.

00:45:51.170 --> 00:45:57.110
Brady and Mike? What? Yes! Are you kidding me?

00:45:57.110 --> 00:45:59.349
Those are the writers? Those are the writers!

00:45:59.550 --> 00:46:05.469
The guy wrote... My dude wrote himself as a gay

00:46:05.469 --> 00:46:13.019
joke? Yes! Are you kidding me? Before you go

00:46:13.019 --> 00:46:16.260
this far. Don't be too emotional about it. You

00:46:16.260 --> 00:46:19.860
know who Josh Miller also wrote for? Ew. Josh

00:46:19.860 --> 00:46:24.940
Miller and Pat Casey both wrote the script for

00:46:24.940 --> 00:46:30.400
Sonic the Hedgehog. Whoa. What a glow up. Now

00:46:30.400 --> 00:46:33.619
that's a long bottom. I found my behind the band

00:46:33.619 --> 00:46:38.010
for the TikTok. Let's go. What the fuck? Sonic

00:46:38.010 --> 00:46:43.670
the Hedgehog is not comedy gold, but when you're

00:46:43.670 --> 00:46:46.030
there, you're family. Remember, Mike and Brady

00:46:46.030 --> 00:46:49.949
gave us Pete and Wang. Mike and Brady gave us

00:46:49.949 --> 00:46:51.989
Pete and Wang, but also Sonic the Hedgehog. And

00:46:51.989 --> 00:46:56.889
also very forced Olive Garden. Maybe Olive Garden

00:46:56.889 --> 00:46:59.010
gave that part. Yeah, probably. But they knew

00:46:59.010 --> 00:47:01.949
how to write it in such a way that I'm still

00:47:01.949 --> 00:47:05.139
thinking about it a year and a half later. Your

00:47:05.139 --> 00:47:10.940
family. Yes. You guys got it. Thank you. Well,

00:47:11.079 --> 00:47:13.760
I'm happy for your career glow up. Good things

00:47:13.760 --> 00:47:16.800
ahead, I am sure. Oh, my God. That's why they

00:47:16.800 --> 00:47:18.280
wrote themselves out. Holy shit. They knew how

00:47:18.280 --> 00:47:21.239
bad it was. What? They knew how bad they were.

00:47:21.380 --> 00:47:24.579
I mean, hey, man. I mean, you know. Hey, man.

00:47:24.719 --> 00:47:26.679
I know I broke you with this. You got to start

00:47:26.679 --> 00:47:28.579
somewhere. I'm very happy I broke you with this.

00:47:28.599 --> 00:47:31.840
Your eyebrows are up. Yes. I am very happy I

00:47:31.840 --> 00:47:34.639
broke you with this. What the fuck? Yes. This

00:47:34.639 --> 00:47:36.699
is such cursed knowledge because I'm going to

00:47:36.699 --> 00:47:39.059
go watch Sonic the Hedgehog 2 and I'm not going

00:47:39.059 --> 00:47:41.780
to not think about Transylvania. Yes. So fuck

00:47:41.780 --> 00:47:43.860
both of you for this. Yes. Yes, John. I'll loop

00:47:43.860 --> 00:47:45.840
you in on this too. You want to know the best

00:47:45.840 --> 00:47:48.500
part about this? I found this information out

00:47:48.500 --> 00:47:53.489
while I was on your toilet. I let you piss in

00:47:53.489 --> 00:47:58.750
my own home and you come to me with this. I was

00:47:58.750 --> 00:48:00.829
looking up more knowledge while I was on your

00:48:00.829 --> 00:48:05.190
toilet and I said, fuck you. Fuck you, bro. In

00:48:05.190 --> 00:48:08.610
my own household. This is amazing. This episode

00:48:08.610 --> 00:48:10.989
is the best episode we've ever done and it's

00:48:10.989 --> 00:48:13.329
not even done yet. I'm going to stand by myself.

00:48:13.469 --> 00:48:15.550
This script is not good, but I guess they got

00:48:15.550 --> 00:48:17.789
better because, you know, Sonic the Hedgehog

00:48:17.789 --> 00:48:20.110
wasn't... He gave us the donut lord. The worst

00:48:20.110 --> 00:48:21.769
part is that this is their third goddamn try.

00:48:21.949 --> 00:48:23.710
You know what I mean? No, they did a lot more

00:48:23.710 --> 00:48:26.110
together. Oh, did they? They did Dorm Days. Well,

00:48:26.190 --> 00:48:28.230
that's what I'm saying. This is the third...

00:48:28.230 --> 00:48:32.429
They did not do Dorm Days 2. Oh. So this is their

00:48:32.429 --> 00:48:34.809
second shot with these characters. Yeah. Yeah.

00:48:35.309 --> 00:48:37.829
Okay. Yeah. Well, then it's understandable then.

00:48:37.889 --> 00:48:40.570
Yeah. Josh and Casey, good for you, I guess.

00:48:40.889 --> 00:48:43.969
Josh and Casey. Pat and Casey. Sorry, Pat and

00:48:43.969 --> 00:48:49.369
Casey. I mean, Josh and Pat. Josh and Pat, give

00:48:49.369 --> 00:48:52.650
us the Pete and Wang story that is just begging

00:48:52.650 --> 00:48:56.210
to be written. I want an HBO miniseries about

00:48:56.210 --> 00:48:58.710
these guys. They wrote two episodes of Into the

00:48:58.710 --> 00:49:03.750
Dark and I watched all of those. Not good? No,

00:49:03.909 --> 00:49:06.650
no, they did do Dorm Days 2. Never mind. So they

00:49:06.650 --> 00:49:08.610
have three tries to write these characters. I'm

00:49:08.610 --> 00:49:12.510
sorry. I mean, they're bad. This movie is horribly

00:49:12.510 --> 00:49:14.969
written. It's very much a product of its times.

00:49:15.110 --> 00:49:17.349
But you know what? I bought that these characters

00:49:17.349 --> 00:49:19.349
were friends with each other. It wasn't like

00:49:19.349 --> 00:49:21.210
they forced these characters into situations.

00:49:21.349 --> 00:49:23.190
And I'm like, yes, I really have to believe this

00:49:23.190 --> 00:49:25.610
friendship. So there. There's one nice thing

00:49:25.610 --> 00:49:28.110
to say. The writers of Sonic the Hedgehog are

00:49:28.110 --> 00:49:31.039
just the two of them. Well... Really proud. That

00:49:31.039 --> 00:49:34.780
blue jean joke was funny. Because you want to

00:49:34.780 --> 00:49:38.099
know why... At the end of this movie, they kind

00:49:38.099 --> 00:49:40.119
of sum up where everybody landed after their

00:49:40.119 --> 00:49:44.440
adventures in Romania. And Numar... No, and Pete

00:49:44.440 --> 00:49:47.760
and Wang ended up staying and getting a mansion

00:49:47.760 --> 00:49:50.820
and they built a pool in the shape of jeans.

00:49:51.280 --> 00:49:54.579
Sonic the Hedgehog 2. Who's the third guy? I

00:49:54.579 --> 00:49:57.320
don't know. John Whittington. Do you want me

00:49:57.320 --> 00:50:01.739
to let go? I think viewers, listeners, we have

00:50:01.739 --> 00:50:03.300
fallen down a bit of a rabbit hole. Oh, he did

00:50:03.300 --> 00:50:06.360
the Legos. Movie. All of them. Well, Ninjago

00:50:06.360 --> 00:50:08.400
is bad, so let's not give him credit for that

00:50:08.400 --> 00:50:10.960
one. He did Ninjago. He did Batman movie. Batman

00:50:10.960 --> 00:50:12.659
movie. Lego Batman movie. We just watched that

00:50:12.659 --> 00:50:13.960
last weekend. Two weekends ago. Two weekends

00:50:13.960 --> 00:50:17.719
ago. It was great. He's also writing the DC League

00:50:17.719 --> 00:50:20.860
of Super Pets, which is coming out later this

00:50:20.860 --> 00:50:24.380
year. Okay. I don't know how I feel about that.

00:50:24.480 --> 00:50:29.750
Movie? TV series? Movie. Made for a TV? No. Just

00:50:29.750 --> 00:50:35.230
like, ah, that's unfortunate. DC Lego, or the

00:50:35.230 --> 00:50:37.789
DC Super Pets. Wait, are they Lego DC Super Pets?

00:50:37.789 --> 00:50:39.969
No, they're Super Pets. They're just not Lego.

00:50:39.969 --> 00:50:43.369
Crypto, the Super Dog. Crypto, and then Batman's

00:50:43.369 --> 00:50:47.190
dog. Ace. Ace, yeah. And then, what's his name

00:50:47.190 --> 00:50:51.679
though? Blue Falcon's dog. Oh. Blue Dog. No.

00:50:53.360 --> 00:50:58.320
Hawkeye. Those are the worst. Pizza Dog. Mutt.

00:50:58.400 --> 00:51:01.619
You guys are the worst. I don't know who Blue

00:51:01.619 --> 00:51:03.820
Falcon is. Blue Falcon's dog. I only know, the

00:51:03.820 --> 00:51:06.119
only Falcon I know is Captain Goddamn Falcon.

00:51:06.280 --> 00:51:07.760
You know what I'm saying? Oh, there's Blue Falcon.

00:51:08.039 --> 00:51:11.619
Yeah. Dino Mutt. Dog Wonder. That's not. Dino

00:51:11.619 --> 00:51:14.320
Mutt. I'm sorry. Dino Mutt. There are no. Look,

00:51:14.559 --> 00:51:16.579
you can do like all these things. Oh, I believe

00:51:16.579 --> 00:51:18.820
it. I've never heard of. Dino Mutt. had a TV

00:51:18.820 --> 00:51:20.059
series on Cartoon Network. You're killing me

00:51:20.059 --> 00:51:22.760
with this. I'm not. You're killing me with this.

00:51:22.780 --> 00:51:25.460
You don't remember Dino Mutt? That's Dino Mutt?

00:51:25.519 --> 00:51:27.639
Yes. Standing next to Scooby goddamn Doo? Yes.

00:51:27.900 --> 00:51:30.380
With Blue Falcon. With Blue Falcon. That's Blue

00:51:30.380 --> 00:51:32.599
Falcon. Andre. Blue Falcon. Andre, Dino Mutt

00:51:32.599 --> 00:51:34.539
was very much a thing. Cartoon Network had a

00:51:34.539 --> 00:51:35.820
series with him in the thousands. Oh my god,

00:51:35.820 --> 00:51:38.159
you're killing me. I did. Alright, alright. We

00:51:38.159 --> 00:51:39.840
gotta get to reviews. I don't know what cartoons

00:51:39.840 --> 00:51:43.199
are. We gotta get to reviews of this shit because

00:51:43.199 --> 00:51:45.719
we have another segment. Is there anything that

00:51:45.719 --> 00:51:48.320
we missed while talking about this movie? oh

00:51:48.320 --> 00:51:50.260
there's a lot of vomit so if you don't oh god

00:51:50.260 --> 00:51:52.320
there's a gross but no no there's a lot of vomit

00:51:52.320 --> 00:51:53.900
condensed into one scene and it's when they're

00:51:53.900 --> 00:51:55.699
trying to that's what i was trying to say please

00:51:55.699 --> 00:51:58.559
do please go ahead if you are uncomfortable by

00:51:58.559 --> 00:52:00.739
people vomiting on the screen there's a part

00:52:00.739 --> 00:52:02.199
of this movie you should just fast forward through

00:52:02.199 --> 00:52:04.719
because it's just vomit joke after vomit joke

00:52:04.719 --> 00:52:07.219
well it's gross it's just one elongated vomit

00:52:07.219 --> 00:52:09.360
joke yeah when they pause and they say another

00:52:09.360 --> 00:52:12.699
joke and then they vomit more oh okay i guess

00:52:12.699 --> 00:52:17.550
that's true Okay, yeah, so there's vomit jokes.

00:52:17.909 --> 00:52:20.369
All right, let's get to reviews of this movie

00:52:20.369 --> 00:52:22.550
because we have another segment that we're going

00:52:22.550 --> 00:52:24.469
to try to squeeze in. I think we can squeeze

00:52:24.469 --> 00:52:27.010
in. We don't think we can squeeze in? I think

00:52:27.010 --> 00:52:30.269
we can. Okay, all right. You think we can. All

00:52:30.269 --> 00:52:34.639
right. Review. How many stars? How many stars?

00:52:34.840 --> 00:52:37.079
Well, not stars. Or whatever it is. I have to

00:52:37.079 --> 00:52:39.420
think of a thing that it could be. Oh, I had

00:52:39.420 --> 00:52:42.400
mine locked in from the moment they said it.

00:52:42.500 --> 00:52:45.179
Is it jeans? No. Although that's a good one,

00:52:45.179 --> 00:52:47.159
too. That is a good one. Are you sticking with

00:52:47.159 --> 00:52:51.860
jeans? I give this movie, I mean, honestly, it's

00:52:51.860 --> 00:52:54.860
probably actually homophobic jokes out of whatever,

00:52:55.079 --> 00:53:01.469
but we'll say 0 .25. Torture Chachkis out of

00:53:01.469 --> 00:53:05.389
five. Torture Chachkis. That's a good one. Wait,

00:53:05.829 --> 00:53:09.530
what did you give it? 0 .25. 0 .25, okay. I'm

00:53:09.530 --> 00:53:13.849
actually going to give it a one. Oh. Wow. High

00:53:13.849 --> 00:53:16.670
marks. Pete and Wang. Pete and Wang. Pete and

00:53:16.670 --> 00:53:19.050
Wang. I'm done with this zero point bullshit.

00:53:19.170 --> 00:53:22.650
I'm going back. Oh, okay. Do you want me to give

00:53:22.650 --> 00:53:23.969
it a half star? I can round it up to a half star.

00:53:23.989 --> 00:53:25.889
Pete and Wang get a half star from me, all right?

00:53:25.909 --> 00:53:28.789
Here we go. Pete and Wang. A half Chachki out

00:53:28.789 --> 00:53:30.719
of five. The combined. the likability of pete

00:53:30.719 --> 00:53:35.179
and wang and numar just numar lynn's fine but

00:53:35.179 --> 00:53:38.039
it's numar has my heart numar and his biting

00:53:38.039 --> 00:53:43.860
sarcasm i give it a one out of five jeans blue

00:53:43.860 --> 00:53:48.719
jeans blue jeans you got a point five now half

00:53:48.719 --> 00:53:51.619
a half half a half a half a torture half a torture

00:53:51.619 --> 00:54:01.980
kachki okay okay i give it Point five. Mistaken

00:54:01.980 --> 00:54:06.079
identities out of five. Okay. Yep. There's so

00:54:06.079 --> 00:54:08.820
much we did not talk about. Rad and sound mixing.

00:54:09.019 --> 00:54:12.059
Rad and sound mixing was awful. It was bad, dude.

00:54:12.260 --> 00:54:13.719
Yeah. Because there's some scenes where he sounds

00:54:13.719 --> 00:54:17.730
like this. I am the goddess of. vampires. And

00:54:17.730 --> 00:54:19.630
then, like, credited, like, they knew how to

00:54:19.630 --> 00:54:22.469
do Lynn because obviously Lynn with her split

00:54:22.469 --> 00:54:25.630
personality, her, well, her real, Lynn's real

00:54:25.630 --> 00:54:27.690
voice is squeaky and annoying but then they,

00:54:27.769 --> 00:54:30.650
you said it exactly right. Exactly. Lynn joined,

00:54:30.710 --> 00:54:32.530
they needed to have her squeaky and annoying

00:54:32.530 --> 00:54:35.090
so when she switched to Stefania it was actually

00:54:35.090 --> 00:54:36.730
different. Jill said it right. Yeah. At the beginning

00:54:36.730 --> 00:54:39.929
of the movie I was like, oh, fuck Lynn. Fuck

00:54:39.929 --> 00:54:42.570
her. She's the worst. Everything like that. She's

00:54:42.570 --> 00:54:44.849
played up as a dick. Like, lovable dick. But,

00:54:44.849 --> 00:54:51.590
like, squeaky fucking dick. And when then she

00:54:51.590 --> 00:54:54.389
switched to Stefania, she was like, sexy voice

00:54:54.389 --> 00:54:57.130
goddess. Yes. Very deep and commanding. Yeah.

00:54:57.190 --> 00:55:00.630
And so Lin was actually well done. Randy, on

00:55:00.630 --> 00:55:03.289
the other hand, was all over the board with his

00:55:03.289 --> 00:55:05.610
voice. Yeah. Because he all of a sudden had like,

00:55:05.929 --> 00:55:10.309
I am vampire king, blah, blah, blah. Oh my God,

00:55:10.369 --> 00:55:14.369
I'm going to fall down these stairs. Ah. It was

00:55:14.369 --> 00:55:17.550
that bad. But yeah. So that is Transylvania.

00:55:18.219 --> 00:55:20.039
Would not watch again. What a movie. What a film.

00:55:20.079 --> 00:55:21.800
And I'm kind of curious to watch the other Dorm

00:55:21.800 --> 00:55:23.300
Days. I was about to say, it sounds like you

00:55:23.300 --> 00:55:24.900
were going to have me locked in to watch these

00:55:24.900 --> 00:55:26.840
other fucking Dorm Days movies so we can get

00:55:26.840 --> 00:55:29.559
the full content. I want to know Numar's path.

00:55:30.400 --> 00:55:34.800
Dorm Days 2 is on HBO Max. Oh, great. We've got

00:55:34.800 --> 00:55:38.800
Numar. We've got Cliff. We've got Mike. We've

00:55:38.800 --> 00:55:42.340
got Rusty. Rusty. We've got Pete and Wayne. Mm

00:55:42.340 --> 00:55:45.400
-hmm. And Lynn. Shut up, Pete and Wayne. Those

00:55:45.400 --> 00:55:48.099
are the characters that repeat throughout the

00:55:48.099 --> 00:55:50.659
movies. So if you're interested in Dorm Days

00:55:50.659 --> 00:55:53.800
or Dorm Days 2, which is on HBO Max, go ahead.

00:55:54.280 --> 00:55:56.960
Well, that will bring it to an end for Game for

00:55:56.960 --> 00:55:59.280
a Movie. Yeah. Where we ask, are you Game for

00:55:59.280 --> 00:56:02.300
a Movie? I have been your host, Mike. I have

00:56:02.300 --> 00:56:05.579
been joined by... Jill. And Andre. We'll see

00:56:05.579 --> 00:56:06.960
you next time on Game for a Movie.