You know what that sound means? It's another
episode of Game for a Movie, where we ask, are
you game for a movie? My name is Mike. I will
be your host this evening. I am joined by some
very good friends. First up, we've got... Oh,
hey, it's Amber Pistachios. People just call
me Amber, though. The pistachio silence. Yeah,
pistachio is my nickname people call me. But
I'll go by my first name, which is Amber. I hope
you don't call me your pistachio now for forever.
It's the more creative name than my boring old
pistachio name that I got. And we've also got.
Hey, it's Zach, but you can call me slap dummy
man for tonight. I think I'm just, I'm mad at
you, Mike. Why are we, why do we do this? See,
but here's the thing. You've watched it for the
first time. Amber and I watched this as kids
and loved it. And we have done this to ourselves
now. I'm so glad you guys turned out okay. I
don't know about that. Amber, yes. Me, no. Yeah,
I grew up watching it. And here we are. Amber,
you're new to the show. So I'm going to start
with a little intro. What is the worst movie
you've ever seen? Well, okay. I have two. The
first one that comes to mind is the more recent
one, which is Amelia Perez. Now, I don't think
I'd classify it as worst worst, but it goes up
there in the sense of worst movies. The second
one I would say is Jack and Jill, but it's not
the worst movie in a sense of bad movie because
it's a bad movie. But I also grew up watching
Jack and Jill and I loved it because it was a
bad movie. I mean, that fits. Yeah. That's, you
know, Duncan, Duncan, Duncan Chino. Coincidentally,
another Adam Sandler produced. Yes. That completely
threw me off. We're going to get to that, but
that did completely throw me off when I saw happy
Madison attached to this movie. He was executive
producer. Zach, what is your worst movie you've
ever seen? I think I've used many different examples
in the times I've been on this show, but I have
a new one, and it's Master of Disguise. I can't
believe that it's jumped that high already. I
mean, yeah. Obviously, we're going to get to
our thoughts on this movie, but we have to do
the thing we always do on the show. I know. spun
this on you last second, but what are we drinking?
We are a beer forward podcast. So we've got to
do that first. I have a nice classic vintage
Skittle flavored water. It's great. Skittle flavored?
Is it one of those like packets in the water?
It is a packet in the water. Yeah, nice. It's
better than cough medicine. Okay. I'm glad it's
better than cough medicine. Yeah. You could almost
call it purple drink. Not sure if it quite classifies
as great. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Amber, do you have
anything over there? I don't have anything near
me, but I have good vibes and masters of disguise.
Good vibes and masters of disguise. Okay. That's
what we got. Mine is cannolis. Mine felt right
because there's a little essence of magic in
this movie. So I have from Burlington Beer Company.
It's complicated being a wizard is what it's
called. That's a good name for a beer. What's
the flavor? It's a double IPA. I'm trying to
get it. My background is blurring on itself.
It's a double IPA. I've had it on the show before.
It's like a normal double IPA where I taste like
I'm biting into a hop, but it also has a little
juice flavor at the end. I don't know what exactly
flavor I'm tasting. I think it's a little pineapple
-y. All right. So it's good. I definitely enjoy
this one. It was a four pack that went quick
at this house. I'm glad you enjoy it. I'm glad
you enjoy it. It's a lot better than what we
were about to talk about. Yeah. So we've been
beating around the bush by saying it out loud.
We are talking about The Master of Disguise.
This is a movie that as kids, Amber and I watched.
I can say at least 10 times probably. I don't
know. I have it on DVD, Blu -ray. Blu -ray. Watching
it religiously. You know what's the sad thing
for me? I'm pretty sure we watched it when it
first came out, and I think I had it on VHS.
Oh, true. So, yeah. Amber, that thing that was
around before you? I mean, I was around. I was
existing. I was there. Okay, but you don't know
the struggles of the VHS rewind. I wasn't participating.
I had a VHS cabinet, though. We had a bunch of
VHS tapes, but I was not old enough to use the
VHS tape. If you had a cabinet of VHS, that pretty
well qualifies you. Yeah. We still have them
in my basement. Whoa, okay. I do have a question.
Have you guys ever wrecked a VHS player by shoving
marshmallows in it? I know, but I have a feeling
that you might have. Somebody in this chat may
have. I'm not going to name names. You were 24.
You should have known better. Yeah, right. Apparently,
when I was a kid, I shoved a bunch of mini marshmallows
in the VHS after seeing how to make s'mores in
a microwave. And I thought the VHS player would
work the same. It did not work the same. I mean,
it's a good thought. You had good ideas. And
you tried. You were innovative. It was intention.
I tried. It definitely did not work out. Master
of Disguise. This is a 1 % critics rating, 37
% audience rating on Rotten Tomatoes. I probably
contributed to that just a little bit. You made
it the 1 % or the 37 %? The 37%. She used to
go on every Tuesday just to put a five -star
review on there. That's the only thing keeping
it up. I would just write turtle the whole time.
This is a PG movie that's an hour and 20 minutes
long. Came out in 2002. I almost said 22. Jesus.
One of those days, guys. 2002, it's an hour and
20 minutes written by Dana Carvey as one of the
writers and starring Dana Carvey. it was only
an hour and 20 minutes and like the last 20 was
the credits and the end credits and the after
credits that definitely counted right like that
was definitely part of it i don't know so yeah
uh the master disguise um i will start by saying
this was a sleepover movie like this is one that
i watched as a kid religiously like every sleepover
we got one of three movies either mortal combat
Mortal Kombat Annihilation or Master of Disguise
or all three of them. And that's why I love all
these movies. However, going back to Master of
Disguise as an adult, it's lost a little something
is what I will say. Yeah, just a little bit.
I don't know what lost me in this. Was it the
farting villain? The butt jokes? The... I counted.
You counted five farts. Okay. I might have missed
one. There might have been six. It was the same
sound effect every time. Every single time. It
was the same poop. I did not watch this growing
up at sleepovers, but I did watch it yesterday
with my kids. How did the kids like it? They
didn't. That's a thing that exists. That's a
good one. Ransom kept asking me why Tony Stark
kept shitting his pants. Just very funny. Okay,
yep. Yeah. Devlin Bowman. In the history, though,
I will give this one credit. In the history of
villain names, Devlin Bowman is up there. It's
one of them. It's memorable. I'll give it that.
Yeah. You know what the budget of the movie was?
Oh, God. I don't want to know, but go ahead.
Ballpark. Give me a ballpark. So, 2002. Adam
Sandler produced. Adam Sandler produced. I'm
going to say like 60 ,000. 60. 16. 16 million.
16 million. Okay. Yeah. It made 42? So it was
profitable. Million? How did we not have a Master
of Disguise 2? I don't know. I don't think we
needed it, though. We definitely didn't need
it. I'm not saying that was needed. Most of that
budget went to the music, right? The music rights?
Oh, probably. And Jennifer Esposito. And Jennifer
Esposito. Which, okay, I don't want to shit on
her, but this is the third bad Jennifer Esposito
movie I've covered on the podcast. There's this
one. um what are the other ones i'm pulling it
up as we speak i covered this one i covered i
haven't even gotten the taxi yet which is another
one uh dracula 2000 and i still know what you
did last summer no i say i don't think she's
like a bad actress i just think she just ends
up in these uh she's not so good movies she's
a terrible agent right like that's what it is
because i agree with you i don't think she's
a bad actress She was in Crash. That won Oscars.
It's not like she's a terrible actress. She just
had this smile on her face and this look like
she was ashamed to be here and just smiling to
get through it. I think that's her face. I don't
mean that as cruel, but the same picture on her
Rotten Tomatoes movies, it's that same picture.
Resting shame face. Yeah, exactly. She kind of
knows like, yeah, my agent signed me up for this.
So if I just look like this all the time, it's
fine, right? It's okay. Yeah. I can't say much
about Dana Carvey's career after this either.
I can't even think of a movie that he's been
in recently. I mean, nothing. He was in The Secret
Life of Pets. Was he? Apparently, he's a voice
actor. Hotel Transylvania. Or Transylvania. Sorry.
Adam Sandler. Yep. Jack and Jill. Little Nikki.
Wow. There's a trend. There's a trend. You're
starting to notice. And I mean, like, he does
fit that Happy Madison crowd. Yeah. I feel like
he's a decent, like, fit for it. But, yeah. He's
a step or two above Schneider. Yeah. For sure.
He is only in Hotel Transylvania 2, though. So
he's not a recurring character. Yeah, he's not
a mainstay in that one. But, yeah. This one was
probably not very good for his career, is what
I would say. Or Bo Derek's. Or Bo Derek's. Yeah.
Yeah, Bo Derek, the five seconds she's in the
movie. Was this her Razzie nom? I don't believe
so. I believe that was for I want to say it was
like the Shipwreck movie or I'm pulling it up
as we speak. Good, because your keyboard is probably
quieter than mine. So her Razzie nomination She
won the Worst Actress Razzie in 1982 for Tarzan
the Ape Man and 1985 for Bolero. Yeah. She also
was nominated for Worst Supporting Actress for
Tommy Boy and Master of Disguise. So, yes, she
did have a nomination for this one. Wow. But,
yeah, for five seconds of screen time? Worst
Supporting Actress. And all she had to do was
run. And fly. She can fly, apparently. She can
fly. Why can he fly when he's dressed as Bo Derek?
It was the costume, obviously. That's what got
him to fly straight and then all of a sudden
like a cross shape. So going into the flying
aspect of this movie about five minutes into
the start of the film, I was like, you know,
I don't know if I need to rewind. I said, I don't
remember being this interesting. Is the word
I'm going to use. It's very kind. I love how
you guys are focused on Bo Derek of all things.
Like there was plenty to focus on in this movie
and you guys are focused on Bo Derek and flying
right now. It was just wild. That's my first
note. Bo Derek can fly. And then whatever she
was paying, it wasn't enough. Those are the first
two notes. Yeah. Well, that's true. I'm wondering
if that's where the budget went to, because we
got a lot of cameos. We got like Michael Johnson.
We got. Jessica Simpson. Jessica Simpson, Jesse
Ventura. Governor Jesse Ventura. Governor Jesse
Ventura. And I get the idea behind it. Okay,
so for those of you who have not watched Master
of Disguise, there's a long line of Masters of
Disguises. Disguises. It's the family name. Just
terrible. Including the sun, Pistachio. The mom
and dad are kidnapped, and the dad, who is the
master of disguise, is forced to wear disguises
to steal all the rarities of the world. Let's
pause right there real quick, because it's not
just to wear disguises. It's to access and use
energico? How do you say this word? Energico.
Energico, which is the magic that the disguises
can tap into to become another person. And I'm
glad you said that because all they have to do
is say the mantra, become another person, and
they can become another person. Over and over
and over. I wish. Yeah, right. Like, that would
be awesome to just become another person. Except
for the first one. Well, so I wanted to get what
I wanted to get first before we jump into that
one. Because we're still talking a little bit
about the synopsis. Yeah, exactly. So he's using.
disguises to steal the rarities of the world
while working for Devlin Bowman because as Bo
Derek, he got Devlin Bowman arrested. I want
to pause you one more time. Sorry. It's not the
mysteries of the world. It's three specific U
.S. landmarks. It was more than that, though,
because it was like a hundred of them. It was
just the three we saw. You mean Black Mark eBay?
Black Mark eBay. Yes, exactly. And so Devlin
Bowman has like the Liberty Bell, the Constitution.
And the lunar space module. Yeah. Yes. So my
question is how the hell did they get Jessica
Simpson to convince the guards that she needs
it for her music video and just toes it off?
I don't know, man. No. My other question is how
did they get her in the movie for I mean, all
she had to do was be on set for probably five
minutes. I think that's probably what you got
there. At most. Because that was her own outfit.
They did not dress her like that. Yeah. Not a
chance. She showed up in the denim shirt and
skirt. Yeah. She probably was filming a music
video like next door. Down the street. And they
said, hey, we need somebody else for this movie.
Yeah. Jessica Simpson, you're here. Can we get
you to get the lunar space module? All you have
to say is thanks to these two guards. That's
it. And have your face revealed. Pulled off in
the middle. So that you become James Brolin.
Okay, sorry. Oh, James. Keep going. So, kidnapped
the dad and mom. The dad's stealing stuff using
magic. The mom is being poisoned with caramel
popcorn in the kitchen. where she supposedly
is thinking that she's at home cooking dinner
for the family for, what, three, four days now?
Constantly. No, I was thinking it was like a
week. She's cooking Thanksgiving dinner at this
point. There was a space where they said at the
Turtle Club, or not at the Turtle Club, at the,
we'll get to the Turtle Club too, but at the
Games Expo, or like the Toys and Things Expo,
he says, oh, I'm having people over at my house
Sunday. making it sound like it's multiple days
in the future yeah and so that's what i'm sitting
here going this woman is cooking for days on
end she's working the same flour pile the same
pot yeah i don't think we saw finished food a
finished dish no she didn't eat until she decided
to not eat the popcorn anymore and then she's
over yeah yeah which apparently she always knew
So, yeah. I want to go back to your become another
person. We need to talk about the first transformation
and we need to get this out of the way. I did
not actually have it correctly when you sent
me the timestamp. Oh, you had a different scene
in mind? I had a different scene in mind. Before
we get to that part, when he's trying on, when
he first finds his father's nest. The layer where
they keep their disguises and magical items is
the nest. He's putting on a nose and a mouth
separately, and I believe those are African -American
skin tones. The one definitely was. The nose.
Well, there was a mouth that was, too, because
it was... And I think someone had the sense in
that moment to say, don't put both of those on.
That's problematic. Until we get to the next
one. Yeah. Well, so like the mouth, the one I
was thinking of is very reminiscent of like minstrel
shows. Like it was like black, but then it was
like the puffy red lips. And like it was, it
was, it was a stereotypical mouth is what we
will say. And speaking of stereotypes, the first
character that he successfully becomes is Prince
Alihama. I think that was the name. I think that
I wrote that correctly. Who is a snake charmer?
And I would just like to preface as a nine -year
-old watching this movie for the first time,
right over my head. Oh yeah. And watching it
back, I said, my jaw was on the ground. I don't
know how this got into the movie. I mean, there's
a lot of things in the movie that I don't know
how made it to final cut. Yeah. But it is so
– I don't know why it made it into the movie,
into the writer's room to begin with. Yep. I'm
1 ,000 % with that. But this was also the generation
that grew up on The Simpsons. That's true. And
Apu was like in everybody's living room, you
know, at that time. I'm not saying that it gives
an excuse. Trust me. That's not what I'm doing.
But I think that's kind of a little more why
it flew over our heads because we had grown up
with something like that. Yeah. So to clarify
to listeners who have not seen this movie, full
brown face, turban, bad dentures. Don't remember
if he had contacts and just probably more offensive
accent than. Yes, it was thank you, come again
to the 100th degree. He's taming a scorpion or
a cobra. A cobra. I just called him Buttercup.
That's how bad it is. And we're just using this
as an example. Trust me. All three of us at that
scene were of the same reaction. Yeah. I think
I text both of you guys. Oh, no. you texted us
the time code and like i said um i thought it
was something else and you texted that time code
i was like okay i think i know what this is i
had no clue no that's what it that's what it
was and you're exactly right draw dropped that
was uh i think what had happened was is that
as a kid i only remember the turtle scene and
i only remember watching the turtle scene over
and over and over again and i blocked out the
entire rest of the movie so watching back was
so nice because i had to relive what it would
have been like if i would have watched this for
the first time now which again that scene i said
oh this is the tone of the movie i understand
now i know what i'm getting myself into i think
That's probably the fourth tonal swing in the
movie. That sets the tone going forward. Before
that point, Pistachio works at his parents' Italian
restaurant where he's carrying four plates of
spaghetti and he gets tripped by the bully Rex.
The plates fly at everyone. Now they're all covered
in spaghetti that was not on the plates. No.
Two seconds ago. I don't know where this big
A came from. Then we cut to him leaving work,
which doesn't make sense because they live above
the restaurant. Where is he going? Yes. And he
finds the girl that he's in love with making
out with the same bully. Sophia. I don't remember.
I just have a note. It says Pixar mom. You can
figure out why. The mom from Wizards of Waverly
Place. Oh, my God, it is. Oh, wow. I would just
like to say that there are two Disney Channel
stars in the film because the first one is a
Sprouse twin that plays Young. It's technically
both of them. Yeah, yeah. And the only reason
I know this is because of the bloopers at the
end. One was dressed like the explosion and the
other one was dressed like a kid messing with
it. So they just swapped in a twin. Yeah, great
use of twins. That's the first thing I saw. I
said, oh, there's two Disney channels. But that's
the first tonal swing. Then I think the next
one happens after his parents are kidnapped because
they switch to an exorcist parody. His grandpa
shows up, bottom right of the screen, fog, light.
flashing so it was now a parody film like oh
yeah they paid for that probably yep 16 million
so watching through this again now as an adult
i didn't realize how many parodies were in this
because there's exactly oh no that's three oh
there's exactly there is i think there's four
actually four we got exorcist jaws jaws yeah
Tony Montana from Scarface, which is not, like,
specifically referenced. Yeah. And then there
was another one at the end. Oh, I'll also say
that the, hmm, what was it? Because I noted those
were all 20 minutes apart, coincidentally, which
is really funny. That's actually funny. I thought
there was another one. Oh, they reference, this
is only during the credits. It's the slapping
dummy guy. It's a Mario. He literally is Mario.
Yeah, I was like, they might as well just give
him the hat. He had the suspenders, the overalls,
the red shirt. Which I didn't know. So I had
turned the movie off before the credits were
over. And I didn't know there was a credit scene.
I was talking with Zach and he said that he was
like, Oh, what'd you think of the credits? And
I said, the what? We watched that at one of the
sleepovers just because, you know, you leave
the movie running, especially when it's a VHS,
you just keep it going. And like the one character
that doesn't make it into the film that has so
much footage is that one like toy character.
And he sounds like King Candy now where it's
like, this is definitely the inspiration for
King Candy. Yeah. Where it's just, oh, you got
my yo -yo. Oh, it's a no -yo. That was really
good. I'm actually like, okay. Well, I'm actually
okay at impressions and I'm a little worried
about what that means if my last name is actually
Disguisey. As long as you don't make a movie
like this and it's not Carvey, you're doing okay.
Spend $60 million on it. the the exorcist scene
second tonal shift um then the grandpa takes
him to the nest again what the um the the note
i have it just says abraham lincoln scene yes
yeah what's happening abraham lincoln elected
because he was a boring speaker yeah like but
okay so i know dana carvey is funny I know he's
funny. I've seen him on SNL. And he does a bunch
of good impressions, too. This could have been
up his alley. And he's an incredible drummer
and musician. He's just fantastic. He knows what
a beat is. So how come when he's dressed like
Abraham Lincoln and I like to move it starts
playing, he looks like he's having a stroke?
Why did he not dance on beat? I didn't have that
in my notes. I did have a different dance scene
in my notes. So when they go to the party and
he's dressed like Tony Montana, the plan is that
Jennifer is going to sneak away, look for evidence,
and he's going to distract Bowman. And that plan
failed miserably because he decided he was just
going to start dancing? The beat called to him.
The beat called to Tony Montana. Gotta move it.
Because literally he was dancing while all of
a sudden Bowman catches on that Jennifer's in
the living room looking for the powder room.
Yeah. You know what's a really good sign of good
writing? Is when the characters discussing things
don't move stuff along so you have a pop -up
book that shows up in the middle of the movie
that says exactly what you have to do next. And
not only does it happen once. But it happens
twice. It happens three times. And they make
the same joke every time. He's like, I don't
think I want to do X, Y, and Z. Pop -up book.
Oh, and then they did X, Y, Z. And then the joke
every time is, that's weirdly specific. Yeah.
It was the same reoccurring gags the entire way
through. We have the pop -up book. We have the
farting villain that doesn't go away. That man
was Data on Star Trek. He was Data on Star Trek,
wasn't he? Now thinking about it, yep, he was
Data. Now you're wearing a goatee and a beard
farting in a limousine. Not once, not twice.
Six times. Six times. Oh my god. I want to see
what else. They let it sit. They let it sit.
That really sells the fart. No comments, just
silence. When I say they let it sit, yeah, it's
three seconds on them. sitting in it he's also
the voice of the joker in batman the audio adventures
and if you haven't checked those out please do
because those are awesome um i did not realize
though that he was the voice of the joker in
those dear lord man um we're at the first with
the questions of my kids that they asked me i
want to know what the kids want to know well
so Not long after he meets his grandfather, goes
to the nest, figures out how to work the holy
hand grenade of Antioch, how to dress up, and
he leaves. He sees the little kid. There's the
one kid in the neighborhood. That's the only
extra. Barney Baker. Barney Baker. We meet his
mom. Jennifer. Because all of a sudden they need
an assistant. His grandpa didn't mention that
at all in the book or anything. They need an
assistant. Who we're going to body shame for
15 minutes. Well, it's better than the other
ones where he just literally shit on everybody
that walked in the door. It was literally the
entire montage was just like, no, leave. Get
out. I don't know. He said Tush challenged and
I said, okay. All right. I am kind of surprised
when they finally get married that it wasn't
like and two years later and she just has like
this huge inflatable. Full Pixar mom. Yeah. But
they meet her and she tells Barney to go play
and they kiss each other. And June was like,
was that a mouth kiss? Did they just full on
kiss on the mouth? I had to rewind it two or
three times. I'm not 100 % sure. But I think
it was a nose kiss. Okay. Could it have been
like the face kiss, like the kind of thing? No,
it was either nose or mouth. Wow. Okay. I totally
missed that. Yeah. These kids are good. Do they
want to be on the show? Probably. The other one,
well, I'll tell you the other one when we get
to Turtle Club. I did in this moment. Jennifer
didn't stand for the body shaming in the Tush
Challenge. No, she did not. But she can do better
than $400 a week. Come on. So I did the math
on that because I watched on Tubi, so I had a
break. So I literally was like, oh, wait, hold
up. All right. So she gets $417 a week plus Delta
Dental. Yes, that was the important thing. So
I did the math. That's about $21 ,000. Oh. No,
21K? Yeah, for a year. For a year. That's nothing.
That's crazy. We make more than that make shit.
I don't know. I'm not sure where they live because
first of all, that Italian restaurant looks like
Rizzo's Pizza times two. Devlin Bowman's house
is either really close Or they can run really
fast. It's like on the other side of the Italian
restaurant. Because when they were chasing him
as a cow pie, he was all of a sudden at his place.
And there's just loose cows. No fence. But it
looks like they're in a city. But then they're
not in a city anymore. They're in an open field.
How is he getting to the Liberty Bell and the
Constitution? That's why I thought it was New
York. Driving, yeah. They can go to Philly. But
I will also say about driving, too, when they
did steal the Liberty Bell and the Lunar Module.
Which apparently Jesse Ventura can just pick
up, by the way. Apparently, yes. That's just
what happens. So when they steal this stuff,
they attach it to a trailer that's attached to
the car he gets into. And both times he gets
in... There's no trailer. There's nothing behind
them. Like, it's just the road. And so I noticed
that both times. I'm just like the first time
I went to Liberty Bell. I'm like, OK, so that
was that was weird. OK, no Liberty Bell. Then
they steal a lunar module. And I'm like. The
lunar modules like it's fully attached to the
car. I see the car. You can't see the trailer.
No. So, yeah, you can't see it. Nope. So they
just shot all the car scenes, the farting car
scenes in like an hour. Either that or the rarities
of the world are masters of disguises themselves.
I like that more. We're going with that. The
constitution disguise -y. Wow. Yes, I did think
about these things. You know where we're at now?
Where are we at now? We're at the turtle club.
Because Jennifer... Am I not totally enough for
the turtle club? I was trying to make a joke.
How old is Pistachio? Yeah, we don't... So he's
at least 20. He's at least 20. Dana Carvey in
real life at this time is probably like, what,
40, 45? Probably, yeah. Because the thing was
the grandpa hadn't seen him for 20 years. Okay,
so fair. And there's more to come back to that
and why I was thinking about that. Okay. I texted
you guys already. We already have a kind of discussion
about this. So he's at least 20. And he is investigating
where his parents have gone. But he doesn't have
the wherewithal or even the basic knowledge to
look anywhere. She just finds a cigar on the
street. Now I'm just nitpicking. She finds a
cigar in the trash bin that he's already in going
through. That he's just throwing trash out of
the way. Which... It's an Italian restaurant.
Yeah. There's plenty of probably a million cigars
that are just like outside. I'm not saying I'll
give the movie a little credit with that little
tiny bit. Yeah. Yeah. Where like he just probably
saw a cigar and said, OK, this is nothing. And
then she goes, wait, this is the Turtle Club
specifically. My question, because. you have
a question on this is how was the cigar maker
able to know exactly that it was Devlin Bowman?
Well, especially if these cigars are made all
the time, because if it's like, who else would
make it specifically turtle club? Cause like,
it has nothing to do with him. He just goes club.
Right. There were plenty of people there. Like
it could have been any of them. Yeah. The cigar
maker is sitting in a room with shelves of cigars
behind him. I'm just guessing, you know, based
on the universe and the rules we've established
so far, he's got a cigar maker pop -up book and
it told him that was going to happen in three
minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If someone's asking
you about their kidnapped parents dressed like
a turtle and they have a Turtle Club cigar, it's
Devlin Bowman. They look at the box. The camera
zooms in to a box that says Devlin Bowman's name,
and it has the phone number underneath it. The
very next question Jennifer asks is, what's his
phone number or address? It's right there. Woman,
it's right there. Are you not also focused on,
because I did make a note of this. They do a
Google search, an Ask Jeeves search. Sorry, they
did actually reference Ask Jeeves. I heard the
grandpa. I remember the grandpa saying, did you
ask Jeeves? Yes. I didn't know what that meant.
It was a search engine before Google and Yahoo.
It might still be around. Yeah, it was like a
little butler guy that you asked whatever you
wanted, and then he just kind of brought you
the answer. His name was Jeeves. Wow. It definitely
still exists. It still exists? Uh -huh. Wow.
So we get to the Turtle Club. My daughter looks
at the screen, 14 -year -old. She's like, look
at that dollar store kingpin over there. That's
pretty good. That's a pretty good joke. That's
pretty good. Your kids are on it, man. So I will
say, the Turtle Club scene did hold up to what
I remembered it to be. The Turtle Club was exactly
as I remembered. The quote -unquote funniest
part of the movie. I think it has some nice little
gags. Does it make any sense? No. But for the
most part, I remembered it. It definitely has
longevity. The only thing I found that I hated
about the Turtle Club scene was they actually
did a spin out of the Turtle Club where he was
spitting on his shell. You know what I hate about
the Turtle Club? Everything. Well, that nose
scene. What the frick was that? He bit that man's
nose off? And spit it back. No open cap. No,
it was fine. He spit it back. It was fine. Because
when the penguin did it, blood went everywhere
and everybody freaked out. When Dana Carvey does
it, he's a hero. When I do it, I'm asked to leave.
He's got the magic, guys. Come on. He's got the
energico. The energico. I just wrote the nose.
What? Who? Where? Why? How? No, you have to sing
the song. I don't remember the song. A what?
A who? A why? Where and how? A who? A what? Where?
How? I might as well be as good as Pistachio
because... Okay, so... I forgot to nest in a
box. Here's your nest in a box. That never happened.
That never came into play, did it? No. Maybe
when he turned into Cherry Pie Man, but he might
have opened it. But what I was going to say about
after the Turtle Club, so they go back and they're
trying to find Devlin Bowman. And so Jennifer
doesn't ask Jeeves' search for where Devlin Bowman
could be. And she can't find anything about him
except for classmates .com, a yearbook quote
that says, I want to steal the world's rarities.
that's his pop -up book what what i just thought
it grew literally it's like okay so he's known
he's evil for forever um and he doesn't care
who knows it like that's how they found him and
they know now oh he stole mama and papa because
he's going to make him be a master of disguise
and steal all the world's rarities and i respect
it this is a good point to ask this i think um
because of how you just said mama and papa and
just the general not reading of social cues that
pistachio displays throughout the is this movie
about autism like is this a documentary about
being on the spectrum and learning how to mask
and exist and because like Yeah, that gives it
some weight behind it, a little bit of drama.
Yeah. Well, I wouldn't go that far. My thing
is, did they actually put that thought process
into this movie? Did they really think that deep
into it? Because I put in one of my little notes,
I put multiple personality because he said something
where he says, like, there's so many voices in
my head and I don't know who I am. And I went,
huh. interesting thing but then i was like i
don't think they would actually sit and think
about what this could represent so in seventh
grade i was tasked i was given an outline and
my friend katie and i were tasked with writing
a play around several rock and roll songs and
we created a bus driver that went back in time
named spazzy mcspaz spaz This was seventh grade,
and this was funny. Sounds like something Perry
Blake would direct. Keep going. Well, so, I mean,
I wrote it. I was Spazzy McSpazpaz. And I was
just goofy for no reason. Could it have been
autism? Maybe. Could it have been multiple personality
syndrome? Maybe. but i'm just going with this
was the same level i think dana carvey wrote
this yeah because dana carvey was right one of
the writers and it just feels like yeah he's
just being goofy just to be goofy he he knows
he can do an indian accent he's gonna be prince
aliyama yeah i also feel like there was at least
a part in the back of his head that wanted to
compete with his good friend mike myers Because
anytime he gets an opportunity, there's a Shrek.
I think reference. Yep. Donkey reference. An
Italian, a full character that uses an Italian
British accent. Yep. And then I'm just going
to go ahead and say the dummy slap man, slap
dummy man is a mini me. He's trying to get his
own little mini me going. Hey, it's not Vern
Troyer, but he's trying something. He's like,
it worked for Mike. Let's let's. huh it's very
possible because i mean like this movie too he
plays several different characters you know like
there there's definitely an argument there yeah
i know it's the same guy but he's playing different
characters it's either that or well there's one
scene where he's training to fight against slap
dummy man and he just keeps saying who's your
daddy who's your daddy and then he pants him
a couple times I'm almost convinced this is someone's
like humiliation kink and we're being forced
to watch it and partake in it. And I'm not sure
if it's Dana Carvey or Perry Adwin Blake's. I'm
not sure which one it is. I love how you mentioned
Perry Adwin Blake. Like people know who that
is. That's the director of the movie. Yes. Andalyn.
Andalyn Blake. Sorry. Really quickly, not to
sidetrack, but. Oh, you're good. did they direct
anything else that i would know they have one
tv series that they directed i looked this up
before before we got in uh they directed one
tv series but they were the production designer
on like a ton of different things including let
me see if you catch back in jill let me see if
you catch a drift here all right so he has 53
production designer credits um I am going to
go with the ones I think you would recognize.
Starting with Jack and Jill. Jack and Jill. That's
crazy. Grownups. Oh. I now pronounce you Chuck
and Larry. Okay. Click. Grandma's boy. The longest
yard. Wow. Eight crazy nights. Mr. Deeds. Little
Mickey. Big Daddy. The water boy. The wedding
singer. Happy Gilmore. Billy Madison. There's
a lot of commonality. In case you were wondering,
yes. Both Paul Blarts. The Ridiculous Six, The
Do -Over, Sandy Wexler. We've also got Murder
Mystery, Murder Mystery 2, Hubie Halloween, and
coming up, Happy Gilmore 2. Still working. Still
working with Mr. Sandler. I forgot that Don't
Mess With The Zohan existed until I just pulled
up this IMDb page. Perry, Perry Blake, he's probably
a great production designer for the most part.
The sets on this movie were not bad. They were
at least fun to look at, if we could give anything
to them. The two good things I thought about
were, I was thinking the sets are kind of cool,
but then also the music. for the most part most
part like destiny's child they got destiny's
child on there yeah no no and i'm not giving
shit about that um we're just trying to find
anything any little nugget no and i'm down with
that no my question was going to be is there
a movie that you know of that has more songs
played during the movie title of the movie Yeah,
that is true. It's about, like, six different
part one, part two, part three. I think it's
just two songs. N -A -S -T -E -R. Yeah, I think
it's just two songs, but they play it, like,
seven times. Like, it's a lot of M period, A
period, S period of the skies. I'm not going
to do the whole periods, but. Yeah. Yeah, there
was a lot of that. Yeah, I'm not wrong. So, yeah,
I included a note on that because I was just
like, wow. That they only had two parts, but
they keep saying it over and over and over again.
They just use different cuts of it. Right. I
kept writing in the note, Master of Disguise,
roll credits. And I lost count at like 14. I
did in the first one. And then said, I'm not
doing this. Because I remember the part of, I'm
going to be a Master of Disguise. I'm going to
be a Master of Disguise. which we used to quote
at each other all the time like going back to
the sleepover days it's legitimately we used
to say a lot of these lines over and over again
again didn't watch it but i know a lot of people
reference this and i think that's at least important
yeah the pop culture impact like i would have
friends do the hand you're doing this this is
what you're doing to do this this is what i want
you to do yeah i've heard that one a lot that
comes up that's great yeah we we used to do i'm
going to be a master of disguise we did that
this is what you're doing this is what i want
you to do yeah like we did a ton of that back
and forth with each other um you can say there's
a lot of memorable moments yeah good that's a
positive it's a bad it's a it's a good and a
bad all right so story -wise we're yeah where
are we he's he's we're jumping around we're coming
up on devlin's party yes he's been training with
the slap dummy man um i think he's been spying
on him at this point yeah him and jennifer getting
closer also jennifer has a boyfriend named trent
yeah here we are trent's a douchebag trent's
an absolute ass he's so mean to that little kid
in in movies this is a common trope where it's
like okay You kind of meet the boyfriend. He's
kind of whatever at first. And then he kind of
does something that makes him like a complete
douchebag that you're like, okay, I'm cheering
against this guy. Usually it's a little more
hidden. Yeah. With an hour and 20 minute runtime,
I guess we don't have time for this. Immediately.
He's just laughing at the kid falling off a skateboard
and like Colin, like he grabs pistachio immediately
and just like, Hey, quit hoarding in on my woman,
man. I think he'll have been going out for two
weeks. What's happening, Trent? Right. Yeah.
Trent sucks. Yeah. Good thing we only see him,
like, twice. And the one scene is to show that
he's an asshole, and the second scene is to show
that he just happens to be at a bar with another
girl. Yeah. The same girl from the beginning
that Pistachio was interested in. Yeah. Yeah.
I don't remember what this note means. Backstreet
Boys and Malcolm in the Middle jokes. That'll
hold up for sure. I think there's just one specific
one when he's dressed as Grammy num -nums. Yeah,
it's Grammy num -nums. And when Devlin pushes
her aside... Oh, again, for listeners who haven't
seen it, this is just like a watered -down church
lady. It is. It's just good. Yes. So she gets
pushed aside because Devlin has his eyes on Jennifer
and not on Gammy Num Nums. I wonder why. He like
he like waltzes back in and goes, oh, I'm not
going to be the Malcolm in your middle, sir.
I will say they do reference a lot of things
that you wouldn't expect to be referenced in
a movie like that. Like they reference Scooby
Doo at one point. talking about how it was what
it looked real even though it was computer animated
i'm telling you dude scooby -doo is computer
generated dude he looked too real yeah yeah i
was shocked with how many uh i guess current
references they would mention yeah Or Tony Montana
from Scarface. Was that disguise more offensive
to Robert De Niro or Italians? I couldn't nail
it down. I think it was just a parody of Al Pacino.
I think it was also just a 10 minute long wiener
joke. Yes, because he does say he wants to grab
do you have a little wiener and tiny nuts? I
can tell you have a little wiener and tiny nuts.
So many times. Oh, man. So we're at the party.
That's what I was saying about the plan was he
was distracting Devlin Bowman. I'm going to say
his name. It just has to be said. He's trying
to distract him. He fails miserably because of
a dance number. He doesn't just dance for like
10 seconds. He fully dances for like two minutes.
He does the flips. He does the tricks. We're
in full body double mode. Yeah. What was weird
about it, too, so, like, yes, you're right about
he dances for a while. It's two minutes of screen
time. That was it. Well, the actual action that's
happening, if it was real, that'd be, like, 20
minutes. Oh, yeah. Because this is when Jennifer
is found to go to the living room instead of
the bathroom. She found pictures. Pictures of,
like, Robin Williams. Yeah. Who else was in there?
It was Robin Williams, Whoopi Goldberg, Britney
Spears. uh -huh which britney spears um interesting
they mentioned britney spears again i'm putting
a pin on it i'm putting a pin on it we're getting
there with yeah there's something else yes yeah
um so jennifer living room yeah no big deal jennifer
just has pictures of like robin williams whoopi
goldberg um and britney spears and just thinks
this is the proof i need yeah and this is This
is when he gets chased off dressed like a cow
pie. I think that's good. He runs up a hill chased
by two guards after being quit from Jaws in a
rowboat. Best impression of the movie, by the
way. I agree. But he left the hairy arm on so
they know it's him. So then he runs away and
they can't find it. And now there's just two
cows. And that guard fully step would have stepped
on his face. That's what we're led on his face.
And then he takes it off. Well, and what's funny
about that is the one guard goes, I told you
he's not here. And they walk back and he's safe.
Like he is completely safe. Does not need to
get up. Yep. Gets up while they're still in earshot.
Yep. And the quote is. I told you, he's still
here. Two I told yous in two lines. And so then
he runs home and hides at a bus stop, still dressed
like a grass cowboy. And then runs back. Now
he's a British spy. No, we're a Bulgarian tax
man. Bulgarian? No, Bavarian. Bavarian, yeah,
excuse me. How dare I? Looking for Jennifer Baker.
Specifically, at his party. At the convention,
she said her name was Barbara. Who the fuck is
Jennifer Baker? He completely doxxed her. Completely
doxxed her. I didn't even catch that. Oh, yeah.
I caught that and was just like... uh what but
i mean they didn't say anything they didn't even
they knew who to look for yeah they immediately
found her and she was getting felt up by devlin
bowman uh yeah and tells him to leave the house
and he goes follow them they take two steps well
no when when they leave they as the bavarian
tax man yeah literally they're just like okay
he thinks he's busted And so he just decides
to dress up like the British secret agent, which
they already know they're dealing with somebody
who wears disguises. Yeah. And he looks the same.
He looks completely similar. It's not like he
put the mask on normally. No, it's the same person.
Looking for Jennifer Baker again. Yeah. She's
a popular gal. and that's when they go to the
bar and trent's with sophia yeah yeah so trent
and her are no longer an item no good but good
news the slap dummy practice yeah we're back
he's able to slap trent and make a fool of him
and now jennifer is falling for our friend here
i get it Do you get it? Do you really? No. Just
trying to make it better. I'm so excited. We're
almost at Cherry Pie Man. We are almost at Cherry
Pie Man. Before we jump into Cherry Pie Man,
because I need to do this and I haven't done
it yet, we're going to take a quick break. We
are back talking about Master of Disguise, and
you wanted to talk about Cherry Pie Man. This
is, I think, the next tonal shift from just jointed
comedy film to body horror. So this is also important
for something that I want to get into. They have
a doggy door on this villain lair. So the cuteness,
his dog, that has been a part of this movie.
We haven't even talked about the cuteness yet.
That's the least offensive part of the movie.
well my dog yeah dude i get offensive don't worry
so after like trent laughs at the kid barney
baker for being on the skateboard the cuteness
like hops on the skateboard and like is able
to skateboard and stuff like that cuteness is
the family dog not very important but he also
gets in there starts licking the cherry pie and
the cherry pie ends up being pistachio come in
there there was no other way to reveal the cherry
pie There was no other way to reveal it. No.
The cherry pie was gifted. It was also four times
bigger than a normal pie. Yeah. I mean, pistachio
had to fit through it. Gotta be big. Okay, question
about this now. So, rolling cart is at Devlin
Bowman's party. This cherry pie was delivered
and gifted to him and it's on a roller. it's
not his party it's the black market the black
mark ebay black mark ebay yeah yeah which oh
we also forgot that jennifer was kidnapped after
following yeah yeah yeah yeah sorry jennifer
was kidnapped is this where he tells pistachio's
dad james brolin the plan yeah because he's gonna
glue a mask of his face yeah this is when he
was talking to the black art black mark ebay
i'm not gonna be able to do it i'm not gonna
be able to do it which is black mark ebay guy
who is kevin nealon okay famous for an snl skit
he did with dana carvey yes and like kevin nealon's
in a ton of happy madison too like he ended up
on snl and then was in happy madison yeah and
he stayed he's so far stayed above the muck and
the mire Except for one joke he makes in the
credit scenes, which we'll get to when we get
there. That's a whole different topic. That was
in the credits, wasn't it? I thought it was.
Okay. Yep. Yep. Where are we at? This part is
so disjointed. Well, so yeah, we're still at
the cherry pie, but we're also kind of like talking
about black mark eBay. Yeah. That's there. That
does not care about how he got all these rarities.
He's just trying to sell it. And Devlin's just
like, I'll show you how I got it. It's this Master
of Disguise, which the Black Mark eBay guy goes,
oh, you're selling the Master of Disguise? Yeah.
What? We're just selling humans. Yeah. Now we're
in a whole different offensive place. Yeah. Yeah,
right? So my question now. Are we supposed to
know that he's under the cherry pie? Are we supposed
to be believing that he is the cherry pie? I
took it as under the cherry pie, but now that
you phrase it like that... Yeah, it just hit
me a minute ago. So the only reason... I think
he's supposed to be the cherry pie because his
feet were the shoes of the cherry pie in the
next part. Yeah. Oh my god. That changes everything.
So he's just crumbled in this pie. Yeah. So he's
just in the fetal position as a pie. I'm sorry.
I'm swinging wildly on you guys. I didn't even
mention Kenan Thompson during the Black Mark
eBay scene. Why is it just Kenan Thompson? Why
is just him and a random dude on a couch watching
this auction? Which I completely missed and then
saw him in the credits. When was he in the movie?
It's Kenan Thompson. And Doug is his roommate.
A series of Mongolian men watching. And two Germans,
right? Yeah. Just wild. What is Kenan buying
off of Black Market? I don't know. Why is he
eating popcorn? He's watching and eating popcorn.
Is he eating caramel corn? Oh, maybe. Maybe he's
going to start cooking. Evelyn Booman has somebody
that's going to raise the prices just by eating
the popcorn. He thinks like, oh, just raise the
price. Doll comes in, licks the pie. Pistachio
turns back into a man by what I can only describe
as reminiscent of Jim Carrey coming out of the
Rhinoceros in Ace Ventura 2. Just right out of
the pot, like hands first. And he's now covered
in cherries. That he also can spit with superhuman
strength and accuracy. It was a James Bond movie
at that point. I want to see... I think they
did a lot with showing us the become another
person thing. I want to see the become another
person before you become a cherry pie. Wish it
had become another movie, am I right? Hey, got
him! Sorry. No, it was good. It was okay. I hated
it, but I'm still laughing. I guess he rescues
Jennifer and... Yeah, the movie's over. The ending
was quick. Yeah, I was like, I feel bad about
jumbling this. Literally, so after he becomes
a cherry pie, he then hides as a security guard
named Steven. Which Devlin Bowman's able to figure
out because he's still wearing the cherry pie
shoes. And so then he like unveils himself. Devlin
Bowman goes and then a bunch of ninjas come out
of nowhere. And then he takes off the cherry
suit. Well, he takes off the Steve and cherry
suit. Yes. And he's dressed like Steve Jobs for
some reason. And I thought that was going to
be something. Yeah, a little bit. Yeah, okay.
He's got a black turtleneck and jeans and black
shoes on. Yeah, well, I think it's just like
a spy suit. Yeah. Yeah, all right. He looks like
Archer. And he beats the ninjas up using slap
fighting. Yeah. And also was able to, with a
belt, smash the shackle on Jennifer's ankle.
And then the grandpa's just there. Yeah, even
though he wasn't there five minutes prior. So
this is the part. We're going to talk about it?
Yes. We're going to talk about it. We need to
talk about it. I think you need to talk about
it. I do need to talk about it. So as I've said,
I saw this movie a lot as a kid. Yes. For whatever
reason, I have it in my head. And I can't imagine
I made this up. I just can't. That. The cuteness
runs in and starts like biting somebody or something
like that. And then reveals that it was the grandpa
the whole time. And like, he's been keeping an
eye on pistachio for 20 years as the dog. See,
that would have been the perfect ending. However,
I don't think that's how it ended. Well, it's
definitely not how it ended. I feel like that
happens a lot in movies, though. So you might
be mixing it up with something. I have an idea
and my daughter has an idea. I'll tell you my
idea first because it's stupid. I think this
is a full -blown example of you having jumped
timelines. You are now in the world where...
The Fruit of the Loom logo had the cornucopian
the whole time. It's the bear and stained bears.
So we're talking Mandela effect here? Yeah. I
feel like that's a stretch. No, of course. Yeah,
sure. My daughter's theory, she was wondering
if you were thinking of the bubble scene that
we haven't discussed yet where Pistachio is on
the roof. he's kind of like at the end of his
rope jennifer's kind of ticked at him um he hasn't
had any luck in the investigation so far so he
pulls out again the holy hand grenade of antioch
from his nest his nest in a box because that
was a pre -recorded message which was a pre -recorded
message then talk to him because at that point
the dog does come up and bite him barney comes
out And the grandpa's there talking about having
watched him. But the grandpa's in the bubble.
Yeah. Are you talking about how he reveals in
the bubble that he was him? No, when he's in
the bubble, he talks about how he's been watching
and tracking Pistachio his whole life. He could
have merged the two scenes into one. Like I said,
it's just two theories. Or you just really wanted
it to happen, so you just imagined it. I really
feel like this happened. It's a sleepover, so
you had too many hot pockets. You're exhausted.
You're all doped up on Mountain Dew. Stuff happens,
man. Maybe. God, I hope not. I hope I'm not this
crazy. Also, this movie is so buck wild. If someone
left you a message or emailed you later and says
that they have a DVD with that on there and it
was edited to fit on the Tubi platform where
I watched it, I would not be surprised. Because
you could cut out any random scene in this movie
and still feel the exact same. I'll get my mom
to send me my DVD of Master of Skies. Alright,
fine. I just... I'm not watching it again. It
sounded like a great scene. I would have loved
to have seen it. I really feel like that happened.
Damn. Alright. Okay. Hold on. I just went way
down the rabbit hole. Okay. Did you find something?
I found something weird. I'm looking at the trivia
on IMDB page. Breaking news. No, this is completely...
unrelated and it's just hysterical. Pistachio's
big butt fetish was created because the filmmakers
wanted to push an anti -anorexia statement. What?
I wish you could see my jaw on the ground. Wow.
What? Did Delta Dental make them do that so they
could use your name? Maybe, but that's hysterical.
Wow. Okay. Do you think they came up with that
afterwards? Like someone was critical? Y 'all
talk about butts too much. No, we want to fight
eating disorders. That could be. Everyone's on
that side. Yeah. No one will get mad at you for
that. No. Oh my God. That's amazing. I want,
all right. I want to figure this out. Devlin
Bowman's fart sound were also Dana Carvey blowing
raspberries into a microphone. Wow. All right.
Even though they sounded the same, apparently
they were different. Oh, he's consistent, I guess.
Yeah, can't fault the man for that. No. This
was also released one week after Mike Myers,
Austin Powers, and Goldmember. Yeah. Okay, sorry.
Save Jennifer, Fault in Ninjas. Yes. Gets his
dad out. Of the glass cage where he's being sold
on Black Mark eBay. Yes. And we've been told
he has a mask of Devlin Bowman's. Black Mark
eBay. He's being turned into Devlin Bowman. Right.
You're right. But he's had a mask super glued
to his face. Yes. And now has gone so deep into
playing the character. He believes he is Bowman.
So deep into what? The character. Energico. Oh,
my God. the dark side of the energy just like
star wars he even says that doesn't he how could
you get this wrong oh my god i think i i was
fully fully like depersonalized and into like
derealization at this point just yeah gotta get
through the next 20 minutes Gets engaged. Oh,
no, we can't skip over the fight. He's fighting
his dad. He's fighting his dad. Finally gets
him out of it. To remove the mask, he just shakes
his head a couple times. Yes. This did not make
sense as a kid either. No. Doesn't make sense
as a 40 -year -old man. Wait, you're that old?
Yeah, shut up. I've gone 40 years without seeing
this movie, but here we are. You did it. I believe
in you. Yeah, he just takes off his face and
it just happens to disappear even though it's
super glued. It's crazy glued onto his face.
But Devlin Bowman has also escaped with the Constitution.
Yes. It's an interesting thing to take, by the
way. And everything you could have. I mean, it's
the thing you could have pocketed, though. Like,
you're not taking the Liberty Bell. He's a little
magic. Disguised as something else. What if he
did? That's the Lunar Lander. The U .S. Constitution
might not be the U .S. Constitution. Does he
ask Jennifer to marry him right then and there
or is it a little bit later? No, it's literally
just a throwaway line. Yeah. Because then, smash
cut. Yeah. We're in Costa Rica now. Beautiful.
lovely what is that like a sandals resort maybe
it's probably definitely yeah yeah where uh where
devlin bowman's hanging with his constitution
what's the constitution by the pool yeah hey
i wouldn't trust to put that in the in the little
um the lockbox like either yeah yeah i'm keeping
that with me take it with me poolside with the
constitution and a drink sounds good to me Just
because I was overthinking it. Is Costa Rica
a non -extradition country? I honestly couldn't
tell you. We don't need to look this up. I was
just curious if anybody knew. No. I don't think
they thought about it either. Yeah, right. This
was the Costa Rica tourism video. Presidents
just show up. Yeah. George W. Bush. He's like,
I could do it as a person of his dad. Might as
well do one at W, too. Yeah. That happens. Shows
up for the Constitution. And kicks him into a
pool. Yeah. Where he farts again. Yes. The last
part of the movie. Huge fart. And yeah. I also
love that he like snaps again to get like his
security guards and his security guards are the
grandfather and the father. There was definitely
a page in the pop -up book that said he needed
to do it on his own. i do love that the pop -up
book said he needs to do it on his own so grandpa's
just not going to be in the movie except for
just randomly and then i was like yay the movie's
over and then the credits happen and you have
to stay for the credits for like another 15 minutes
i'm so happy you made me watch the credits well
and that's that's also goes back to my theory
because there's the part where the grandpa's
voice is through the dog that says no more dog
food yeah turtle turtle i really i i feel like
i didn't make this up it must have existed at
some point much like his character from the toy
fair that we didn't see in the movie yeah right
i mean there was whole like he's wearing a costume
she's wearing a costume the sets yep how much
footage do you think they cut At least three
weeks worth. Yeah. Because there was, I mean,
there were scenes, like full scenes that we didn't
even see. Like extras, you know. It looked like
they filmed like a whole other part of the movie.
Yeah. I think that gives, my question is, my
little question in the notes I'm looking at,
why does Kenan Thompson have a featured credit?
Like he's before the. He's, like, in the top
five, which I would consider, like, the featured
actors. He's, like, right after the mom. Yep.
And before Jennifer Esposito, I think. Yep. Or
maybe it's the kid that plays Barney. So, like,
did he have a whole thing, maybe, that got cut?
It's possible. Because he shouldn't be there
for his, like, two -second scene he was in. Yeah,
I don't know. I don't know. I put that under,
like, the thanks for showing up section. Isn't
that wild? We're also getting a series of more
scenes of his character impressions. Including
the brown face. Because once wasn't enough. We
get that like three more times during the credits.
He's made a sweater for the cobra now. Yes, he
has made a sweater for the cobra. He has a whole
different character that we never saw at the
toy and game thing. i honestly think is a better
character than gammy num num was oh absolutely
hands down yeah he's at least something yeah
he had an over sexualized grandma i'll be the
malcolm in your middle did you catch the olsen
twins joke did either one of you catch that so
that was yeah that was part of the so kevin nealon
as part of black mark ebay yeah uh said wait
he can turn into anybody can you change into
britney spears yeah And like Devlin Bowman goes,
oh. And then he goes, can you change it to the
Olsen twins? That was the one that I was like.
How old were the Olsen twins in 2002? Yeah. I
don't think they were legal. No. I don't know
exact age, but. I mean, when Full House ended,
it was, I mean, they were probably what, like
seven, maybe. They were 16. Oh. That's not funny.
They were born in 1986. That's not okay. That
is not okay. That's rough. Yeah. Wow. Also, AI
on Google says the cuteness was not the grandfather.
I must have made this up then, I guess. I don't
know if I trust AI, though. That's true. But
are we trusting Mike's brain? that's the thing
you just shouldn't trust my brain either um can
i share my favorite fact about turtle club now
that we're getting to the end and i just made
a reference to the alton twins being 16 and kevin
nealon thinking they're hot yep turtle club scene
filmed on september 11 2001 false No, there's
a quote from him. He said, I'm dressed as the
turtle man. I'm holding hands, lowering my head
and praying. And I just thought at that moment,
this is very, very strange. So it wasn't. No,
no, no. So that's the thing. I just saw this
on the IMDB trivia. You're a liar. You're a liar.
Grandpa's the dog guy. You're a dirty, rotten
liar. So. Guys, we're all friends here. I know.
We're not turtley enough for this. The turtle
club. Okay, so for years, there's been a rumor
that the scene at the Turtle Club happened to
be filming on September 11, 2001. When word of
the terrorist attacks reached the set, the cast
and crew observed a moment of silence with Dana
Carvey already in the turtle costume. This is
not entirely correct. What actually happened
was that the film didn't even begin production
until September 24, 2001. The Turtle Club scene
was the first scene they shot. Everyone felt
weird to make such a silly movie after such a
terrible tragedy. Right before they filmed, director
Perry Blake gave a heartfelt speech to the cast
and crew, and there was a moment of silence,
including Dana in costume, and then Blake called
action. So that's, the quote is accurate. So
it was filmed a little bit after. Yes. I think
that makes it worse. Pretty close, though, still.
September 24th is only 13 days. Yeah. And people
were, like, probably, I don't know if all of
them were located in where California is where
they shot. Probably. Like, people got to travel.
Well, I mean, half these people were on SNL for
however long in New York. Yeah. So they still
have some kind of love for it. I mean, there
are probably no people. Right. Like, families
of people and whatnot. So my favorite fact about
the movie is a lie. Yes. So there's nothing I
liked about the movie anymore. Yes, you're a
dirty, rotten liar, and this movie sucks. Yeah.
Yeah. I hope you know, Amber. I'm calling him
a dirty, rotten liar because I love him. Oh,
I know. I know. There was never any animosity.
Never. $43 ,411 ,000. That is gross worldwide.
All right. $43 ,411 ,000. And what was the budget?
Sorry, $16 ,000 ,000. $16 ,000 ,000 is the estimate.
Okay. I mean, it's not a huge profit. It's a
profit. No, but it's something. I wonder if they,
cause we don't see probably on that number, like
promotions and stuff. And since it came out two
weeks after gold member, they probably tried
to, because Mike Myers and him had a little rivalry.
Yeah. Probably tried to promote it a little more.
Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. I just, this
is thoughts at this point. Well, well, so we
do a ranking zero to five. Instead of stars,
we do something specific to the movie. So, Zach,
because this is your first time seeing the film,
we're going to go with you first. My initial
thought, knowing you were going to ask me, was
to give it a strong Mitchell zero. Strong Mitchell
zero, okay. Switching to this, I would give it
three turtles out of 18 turtles. It's not quite
turtle enough for the Turtle Club, but it's still
a turtle. Why out of 18? Yeah, what's with 18?
Who knows? I don't know. Well, out of five, I
think I would give it 0 .5 disguises out of five.
I give it 0 .5 because of, you know, I think
Zach said this earlier. They made a movie. It
exists. That is the definition of the Mitchell
Zero. So the Mitchell Zero is a .5 out of 5 because
they made a movie. So it's technically a zero,
but it's the Mitchell Zero because they did work.
It exists. It's there. And the Turtle Club. Maybe
I'll give it a .7. Not a 1. It's definitely not
a 1. But it's there. I'm laying on that fence
of the Mitchell Zero. I got it as a .5 out of
5. I'm going to give it a .5 out of 5. Tiny Wieners
and Little Nuts. They made a movie, yes. I laughed
at parts. I will say I laughed at parts. Not
a lot. Not as much as I did as a kid. I probably
laughed every time there was a fart. I probably
laughed every time they talked about a butt.
This time I didn't laugh as much for sure, but
there was some parts that caught me where I was
like, okay, that was pretty funny. I don't have
it. Was it laughing out of just being uncomfortable?
I think, I mean, there was a lot of that. Don't
get me wrong. There was definitely a line that
was a great line that made me laugh. Was it Krabby
Cakes? That was pretty good. I don't think that
was it, but that was pretty good. I can't even
find it. I don't have it written down even. Krabby
Cakes was probably pretty good. That was up there.
But yeah, there was a line or two that caught
me off guard that I laughed at. So I will give
it a .5 out of 5. Solid. Any last questions about
the movie? Why does he have an Italian accent?
Because he's a disguise -y. But no one else in
his family does. That is pretty funny, actually.
I would have been okay with it if the mom did.
The mom didn't. She has a southern accent as
well. The generic, like, Oh dear, I want to make
you a pie. Yeah. Amber, what were you saying?
Sorry. If this was filmed in New York, nobody
else. Right. There's not a single person. You're
exactly right. Yeah. The only one who was Sophia,
I think. Yes. Sophia was like the, she was Janice
for friends. Yeah. Yeah. I called, I would have
called hers more of a Jersey accent. Probably.
Yeah. That's what I guess made me think it was
New York that they were set in. Yeah. But it
makes sense. Yeah. But pistachio. Pistachio.
Pistachio definitely did. And his dad did not
know. um and i would have been okay with it i
think okay with it if his mom did but that again
that's me stretching the level it was all it
was all of mama's cannolis i love how he's on
the phone with the police and he's just like
i'm just here with mama's cannoli and they go
don't ever call back that may have been the line
that got me that's yeah man but yeah Yeah, this
was a movie that existed that brought a lot of
joy. It did. Yeah. This is why I have a list
of movies I grew up with that I should probably
never see. Yeah. Is there a movie on your list
that you know you loved as a kid that you just
do not want to put? Like you don't put again
as an adult. I've got like three off the top
of my head. The We're Back, the dinosaur one.
And then the two Flintstones movies, the two
live action Flintstone movies. The only ones
I could think of are for vastly different reasons
than what I think you just meant. And it's Secret
Garden. Okay. Never Ending Story. Yep. And My
Girl. Oh, My Girl. You can't see it with those
glasses. Oh, my God. I think the only one that
I can think of is Shorts. Shorts? Yeah. The only
thing I remember from the movie is the Rainbow
Rock. And that's it. I never saw Shorts. And
you don't need to. I'll put it on the list. 30
on Rotten Tomatoes. I will put it on the list.
Mine were all great movies, just kids dying.
Oh, that. Yeah, I mean, yeah, I don't want to
see that either. I mean, all right, then don't
watch Hardball. Hardball was one of my favorites,
and don't do that. Was Shorts 2009? Yeah. 46
critics. Yeah, I saw it in theaters, and I don't
remember anything about the movie except that
there's a rainbow rock somewhere in there, and
that's it. I couldn't tell you who, what, when,
where, why. But you'll find out. 2009. Yeah.
I was in college. Dear God. I don't know. That's
my blood sport. Where's that fall? Bloodsport,
I wouldn't say is a kids movie, but I mean, yeah,
probably not. Anytime it was on USA Network,
we would stop and watch it. Yeah, Bloodsport's
great for exactly that reason. It's right there
with Mortal Kombat and Mortal Kombat Annihilation.
Mortal Kombat Annihilation. I am a defender.
It's a 74 % critic score for Bloodsport, by the
way. That's crazy. Hey, you know what you should
watch on here? You should watch a Barbie movie.
Specifically, Barbie Fairy Topia. Barbie Fairy
Topia. Or the 12 Dancing Princesses. So, I actually
think I have seen the 12 Dancing Princesses.
Barbie Fairy Topia does not count. 58 % critic
score. I mean, don't get me wrong, they're great
movies. Mermadia. I'm just saying, I don't think
I can. Magic of the Rainbow? Like, what? 65 %?
There's like 50 of them. Okay. Okay. One of them's
got to be low enough. Okay. I'm going to find
one. I'm going to find one. It looks like it's
the same voice actress, so I can go off of her
page and find her lowest rated. Anything with
dibble in it? Yeah. Okay. Pretty good. Okay.
You made me think of another one, by the way.
Holes. Yeah. I don't want to go back and watch
Holes. No. Because I just know it's probably
not great. That's 78 % and 76%. So maybe it's
better than I remember, but I feel like it's
going to be bad. We did watch it with the kids
recently. It holds up. Was it okay? Yeah, yeah.
Mac and Me, does that count? I watched that a
lot as a kid. Mac and Me does count. What about
college movies? You've done Evil Bong, right?
I have not done Evil Bong because Evil Bong is
too highly rated. What are you guys watching?
When I was in college, I had a Hollywood Videos
membership. Oh no, 38%. Tommy Chong's in it.
I had a Hollywood movies like card and it was
unlimited movies. And eventually you run out
of good movies. So you just like go on through
the horror section and you know, there's always
something in the horror section that is just
trash. I mean, I just watched again, I'm, I'm
spoiling the fact when we're recording this,
I just watched Aqua slash with two swords in
a fucking water slide. How long was that movie
runtime by the way? One hour and 11 minutes.
And it was a perfect, crisp one hour, 11 minutes.
It was exactly what I wanted. It was not good.
Yeah. I will not say it was, but it was fun to
talk about, honestly. So, yeah. Okay. Yeah. I
could talk to you guys all night, honestly. You
guys need to come on another episode. I know
Zach is scheduled for a couple more. uh amber
you need to come on for a couple more i think
i have you on for one more too maybe if you do
barbie i'm in okay any barbie movie i will talk
about that for hours okay all right we'll see
i i might i might be able to squeeze one in uh
my schedule is not set in stone so yeah uh especially
i'm looking at september 1st and what i have
scheduled there and I don't need to do that one.
I can definitely, especially with one of the
people in it. But yeah. So, hey, thank you guys
for jumping on. I appreciate you. Thanks for
having us. Yeah, thanks. This was fun. I love
talking about my childhood favorite movie that
was not a good movie. It was rough. Not going
to lie. I could not watch that again. No, I don't
think I could either. Yeah. I'm sad because I
wanted it to be better. but yeah but we'll still
quote the quotable things yeah i will say uh
nine -year -old mike or whatever no wait so i
was 11 11 year old mike still loves this movie
yeah 34 year old mike i don't have enough booze
no no yeah nine -year -old me loved it I wasn't
nine when it came out, but nine year old me when
I discovered the movie. Loved it. And you know,
me now, I love it in a not good way. I love it
that I don't have to watch it again. I will say
it falls into that category. It's not the worst
thing I've seen, but it's definitely not going
to happen again. It's definitely in the middle
ground for best or worst bad movies. It's there.
It's there. It's a movie that exists. Thank you
guys for joining in. I've been your host, Mike.
I've been joined by Amber Pistachio and Slapdummyman.
Thank you guys for tuning in for the Game for
a Movie podcast where we ask, are you game for
a movie? We'll see you next time. Bye. Who's
your daddy? Bye.