That's the start of another Game for a Movie.
Welcome to the party. This is episode nine. I
don't know what's happening over there. We're
podcasting over here. We're podcasting. Yeah,
okay. I'm podcasting here. I'm throwing my cap
at Mitchell because of what just happened. No
cap. That was a lefty throw, too. You're welcome.
That was pretty good. Yeah, you're welcome. I
am your host, Mikey Tank. We are joined by a
very special guest. I'm Allison. Oh! Yay! She
looked right through the microphone. I thought
we were going to do the bit where... Where I'm
T -Dog? Yeah, exactly. Oh, we're still trying
to figure out where T -Dog is this week. Oh,
okay. I thought she was T -Dog. I thought she
was T -Dog, and I thought this is, like, the,
like, T -Dog was being so secretive that he was
keeping his own gender and identity. Actually,
do we have T -Dog, like, in the other room all
the time? Is that what's happening? I don't know,
man. Like, he's just behind a curtain? Well,
obviously, the... He's like the Wizard of Oz.
Okay. There we go. Nice. Pay no attention to
the man behind this curtain. I actually like
this metaphor a lot, yeah. Yeah, it works. Okay,
we also have... Andre Bellinger. And? Mitchell
Clements. Welcome to the party, guys. Are we
guessing where T -Dog is this week? Are we done
with that? Again, I'm still not convinced that
T -Dog is on Allison in disguise. Right, yeah.
No, because he always comes in, like, masked
and stuff with, like, a voice modulator, so I
don't really know what he actually looks like,
so I just assumed that when you brought Allison,
that was T -Dog. I've seen Mission Impossible
probably five too many times. Oh, yeah, there
you go. Like, mask? I'm seeing a mask right now.
Yeah, right, right, right. I mean, T -Dog is
just... Whoever T -Dog is. T -Dog were the friend
that... Is this Russian philosophy? Yeah. Welcome
to Philosophy 101. Let me get a support Russian
philosophy right here. Welcome to Philosophy
101. Did you just say Russian philosophy? Because
that pairs perfectly with my fact that I think
T -Dog's still in Russia. Oh. Okay. Yeah. Or
the Ukraine because he got sent to prison. Do
we think he was a Russian spy this entire time?
He might have been. He definitely is. He definitely
is. Definitely is. We're all in. So the KGB is
still around. Oh, definitely. Trust me, I'm an
expert on the KGB now, so he's definitely KGB
for sure. Okay, so are you KGB? How are you suddenly
an expert? We will dive further into that later
in this episode of why he is an expert. We might
get assassinated before the end of the episode.
We might. I'm a career party man. Wow. Yeah,
so we'll just leave that there, you know? Okay.
Remember how in the first episode we kind of,
like, made assumptions about each other and,
like, how I was communist? We might have made
some communists. Goodness gracious. I'm just
a callback to the first episode. That is a callback.
I barely remember that fact, but now I do remember.
Yeah, maybe you should listen to the podcast
more. Look, man, I'm here for the rough draft.
I don't listen to the podcast. You guys all subscribe.
You know who else subscribes? Who? Our new friend,
Mike from Night Shift Brewing. Hey! Thanks for
subscribing, Mike. You are the man. It was very
nice to meet you today. So, yeah, he was an awesome
dude. We would be drinking Night Shift, but it
is not readily available in Connecticut yet.
Future episodes, there may be more Night Shift
brewing. So right now we are drinking Bell's
Two Hearted, and we are drinking a plethora.
of Great Lakes Brewing Company. Andre, do you
want to jump on this? Oh, sure, yeah. Well, I
went home for the Law Memorial Day weekend and
decided to bring back some of Ohio's best product,
Great Lakes Brewing. Cheers, you know? This is
the brew company that I grew up with. Please
fucking grow up with this. You grew up with this?
Yeah, yeah, no. We do not advocate drinking before
21. Not at all. Please drink responsibly. Andre
wasn't alive until age 21. Yeah, exactly. No,
I was just... Here, at age 21, I apparated into
existence with a beer in hand, and it was a Great
Lakes IPA. Test two. 21 -year -old? Yeah. Is
it just kind of kept into, like, a chamber? You
know, I don't want to get into it here, but...
Hey, drink responsibly. He is so KGB. He is so
KGB. Anyways, Great Lakes Brewing. Please, please
bring your beers to Connecticut. Please. We also
have a first -time loser. Oh, man. This is unprecedented.
Mitchell has lost. This is fantastic. I'm going
to, like, just... Let this sink in. Let's be
clear. Yes. It has been how many episodes? This
is episode nine. This is episode nine. Eight
of which we had a competition. Exactly. So we're
talking about that kind of stretch of me not
losing. Yep. You were eight for eight. I voluntarily
said, guys, let's, you know. It's true. He fell
on his sword a little bit. I fell on the sword
and said, pick up. The game that we ended up
playing was name that Pokemon. Who's that? Pokemon!
See, I even got the name of the game wrong. Yep.
And so, you know, you get the silhouette of whatever
freaking Pokemon it was, and it went beyond the
original 151. It did. Which I told Andre. We
went to Gen 3 for our Pokemon nerds out there.
That's still, like, that's 2003, okay? All right?
Like, if you, like... Nerd! Come on, man. Look.
You gotta hit the nerd bullhorn. I knew I wouldn't
know anything past Mew. Ooh, a nerd bullhorn
actually sounds kind of fun. Can we add that
in post? Well, no, I think we just need to get
a thing that's just like... Yeah, that's going
to play really well on the mic. I was going to
say, like, with the easy button. Oh, it was easy.
Fucking nerd. Fucking nerd. Anyway, I lost the
nerd thing. You lost the nerd thing. That's right.
He was too cool to not watch a bad movie. Hey,
you know what? I knew Sam Shrew. I knew Sam Shrew.
Yeah, we got Sam Shrew. And I'm proud of that.
You actually made the competition a lot closer
than it probably should have been. Yeah, no.
I'm sorry, that T -Dog. It's better when he's
in the room. It is, yeah. We can cut this out.
I've gotten lazier lately he does not listen
you won't know this happened he is subscribed
that's the important part you know who else should
subscribe? you Listen in right now. That's right.
You mean me? Yes, you. Oh, okay. You should also
like our Facebook page. Yeah, I did that too.
Yeah, good job. I'm doing my part. I've made
you guys like moderators and you haven't done
shit. Nope. What am I supposed to? Well, I'm
moderating. Make posts. Make posts. Okay. Yeah,
just make random posts. Like, hey, I want to
see this movie. Sign T -Dog. Okay, got it. Can
we sign everything T -Dog? Oh, yes. Let's do
it. T -Dog runs the Facebook page. This is interesting,
especially because I did not make him a moderator
because he wants to remain in secret. Just make
a T -Dog account on Facebook. That's why we invited
T -Dog over here. So we've got three movies for
you. We're going to start with the good and then
go to the bad, as always. I say good lightly.
I don't know if... Well, no, you saw a good show.
Alright. One of us actually did a TV show. It's
a limited series. It is a limited series, so
we will give you credit. It does kind of feel
like a movie atmosphere. It's like that same
production value, probably. I will say this,
the definition of movie is ever -expanding. Exactly.
It has that production value, at least. I would
say so, yeah. Just to give you more of an idea,
it's a TV show on HBO. So it does have the HBO
budget. What kind of HBO miniseries that came
out recently? It's critically acclaimed. I have
no idea what you're talking about. I don't know.
Spoilers. What are you talking about, Mike? Well,
so, I'm going to talk about the movie Aladdin.
Never heard of it. Oh, yeah, like the, you know,
month of the early 90s, right? Yeah, the one
from the early 90s. But no, this one is real.
Oh. What? Yeah. For real? So, this is a real
movie. It is live action. Animators aren't real?
Alright, I guess I said the wrong word. Oh, man.
What is live action when we get Lion King, which
is all CGI? That's just CGI. We're bordering
on some very weird definitions here of real action.
So, you saw Aladdin. I saw Aladdin. Hey, there
we go. Aladdin was good. Sick. Done. Moving on,
Andre. What I will say is it definitely, obviously,
is the original. It's just recut. There are some
new elements. There are some new songs that I
say were very derivative compared to the rest
of it. So the songs in the original movie, not
that they weren't on the nose kind of thing,
but like... Some of the songs in the movie, Jasmine
gets a few more songs. I've heard that Jasmine
gets some better characterization in this movie.
A little bit better characterization. Where she
wants to be the ruler. She doesn't understand
why she can't be the ruler just because she's
a girl. Very much modern woman power, that kind
of stuff. And it's not a bad change. I actually
really like that. The issue I have is the songs
are very on the nose where it's like... I shouldn't
be speechless. Like, that kind of stuff. Like,
that kind of stuff where she's, like, hiding
in the background. You mean, like, classic Disney
stuff? Like, yeah. Wait, so she's in the background
just belting these shows. Exactly. Like, there
is a spot where, like... You guys have seen the
original. I'm not ruining anything. Yeah, I'm
not ruining anything. I feel like I'm trying
to hide it. You can't spoil Aladdin. Yeah, exactly.
It's already out there. Right. I feel like I'm
holding back like I normally do where I don't
want to spoil a movie because you guys haven't
seen it. But at the same time, you've seen Aladdin.
You know what the fuck happens. So it's a spot
where Jafar... Jafar captures the Sultan. There
you go. You've seen it. I couldn't remember the
word. I was going to say king, okay? I was looking
for sultan. That was good. I could not have pulled
sultan out of that. Exactly. So he captures the
sultan. He has control. Yes, he has control of
the genie. And so she gets taken to the dungeon
is where she's about to be taken. So this guy
is holding her, and she's like, I can't be speechless
no more. Like that kind of stuff. Yeah, I'm gonna
bust out some show stuff. Wait, while she's in
the dungeon? No, no, where she's being taken
to the dungeon. And, like, the guards, like,
disappear? Like, they kind of, like, infinity
war. Artistically? Yeah, like, artistically,
right? No, they kind of infinity war, where they
turn into dust. Wait, hold on. I think Mitchell's
question is, is this happening diegetically within
the movie? Like, these people are actually disintegrating?
Or is it like an artistic, like, oh, this is
for the song. So this is artistic. They don't
disappear completely. It's not like they just
dust all of a sudden. It's a spotlight effect.
Just like, I want to listen to this song. Yeah,
exactly. Right, exactly. So it's one of those
things where it just kind of felt like this is
too on -the -nose, those kind of songs. And there's
another part where Aladdin's like, I want to
do this for my mom, to prove how worthy I am.
Wait, what? Is her mom in this? No, mom and dad
are both still dead. Yeah, okay. But it's just
kind of one of those things where he wants to
do right by them. Okay. So this is why he's the
worthy one, why he's the diamond in the rough,
as it were. Is there any more backstory? Because
I remember in Beauty and the Beast, they gave
backstory to Belle's character a little bit more.
Not really. And to the Beast as well. Not really.
I mean, there's not more that they dive into
about Aladdin. So this is the animated movie,
but just with real actors. Yeah, and then the
main problem I had with the movie, Guy Ritchie
directing. I like a lot of his movies, but not
all, for sure. Right. So I can see how he's...
He has a very distinct style that I don't think
necessarily works with this. Which I found so
weird. Like, why did he get the job? I don't
know. Yeah. He does a lot of slow -mo that comes
out of nowhere, and it drove me nuts. It worked
for Sherlock. Yes. It worked with Snatch. It
works when he does, like, those scenes where,
like, Sherlock's thinking. Like, I thought that
was great. That's a great addition to Sherlock.
And it makes sense. And it makes sense. This
one, it doesn't make sense. Like, all of a sudden,
it's just like... There's a part where Jafar,
that's a little different from the animated movie,
where Aladdin's taped to a chair. Oh, man. And
they're going to try to kill him. So they push
him off this chair, and he's falling towards
the ocean. And it's like one of those things
where all of a sudden it just slows down, and
it's like... It feels like a movie made in the
wake of the Matrix is what it sounds like. Yeah,
exactly. So he's falling towards the water, and
you're just like, just hit the water. We know
you're going to get the water. There's really
no suspense. There's no suspense in it. Just
like when Dumbledore fell off the tower. See,
but that was a cool moment, though. No, no, it
wasn't. I agree with that, though. It was terrible.
There were little kids crying in the movie theater,
and I was laughing hysterically. You were just
laughing. He just slow -mo fell with his arms
flailing. And so, yeah, I mean, that's exactly
right, though. And it's a Guy Ritchie effect
that's just made for a Guy Ritchie effect. Overall,
it was a good representation. It's not a great
one just because the animated one is still so
much better. Sure. How they worked the genie
in was a little weird, too. So the beginning
of the movie starts with, instead of the merchant...
Remember how Robin Williams in the animated one
was the merchant? Like, come and see my wares,
that kind of stuff. He was a traveler on a boat
with kids. Okay. And he was telling you the story
of Aladdin. And it was kind of interesting how
he did that. Because it comes out at the end,
when he became human, he marries the handmaiden
of... Jasmine. Okay. And then they decide to
travel together. Okay. Beautiful. Overall. Will
Smith was actually pretty great. I've heard,
like, okay, thanks. There was a huge blowback
after they showed that first teaser with him,
giant and blue. That's not his fault. That's
a genie. It was a very different genie than Robin
Williams, and I give him applause. It sounds
like it was just Will Smith doing Will Smith
things, which is fine. Which is what you should
do. You can't recreate the whole genie. So they
did A Friend Like Me? He also did a Wild Wild
West break for whatever reason. It was very bizarre.
Did they actually? I know of the special cameo
at the end. What? There's like a special -ish
cameo. So for the record, they do Will Smith
and DJ Khaled. Oh no! Oh no! that got spoiled
for me that's immediately it's not in the movie
it's the first song of the credits okay gotcha
so it's a credit song but that's like a wild
wild ass thing yeah yeah and so that's where
I say like it's a little strange like that um
one of the things I will say though is so friend
like me instead of like you ain't never had a
friend like me. It was, you ain't never had a
friend like me. Like, it is rapped instead of...
You hear the difference, though. Like, it's just,
it's the same song. There is a little bit different,
obviously, because it's a different character
entirely. Yeah, because low -key, Robin Williams
was singing in the first one. Like, there was
notes he was hitting that I can't hit. I'm not
sure if Will Smith could, you know? Well, and
just, it's that kind of stuff. So, like... I
give full applause to Will Smith. He did a great
job. It is very different, but it's different
in a good way. Is he CGI in blue the whole time?
No. Okay, got it. So there's a part where he
just kind of says, okay, I'll try to blend in
more. Okay, good. And so he's just, okay. And
they even make a joke about it. He has a top
bun kind of thing. And Aladdin's just like, do
you need the top bun? And he's like, I thought...
would look good. It's very jokey like that. I
heard people who liked the movie also liked Will
Smith as a genie and those who did not did not
like Will Smith. Which is fair. Do you feel like
that is the big driving point? I would say so,
yeah, probably. Because the rest of the movie
is just so on the nose for the animated movie.
It's a retread of the animated movie. It really
is. I mean, you can possibly dislike the new
way they took Jasmine, but then you're probably
just a sexist. Like a hot take. I'll give you
a hot take like that. If you don't like Aladdin,
you are a sexist. But it's just, that's the only
character. That's part of the intro. Oh, no.
But that's just like the main character that
changed the most. I mean, Jafar was pretty different.
He was a little more quiet. I've heard people
are not happy with Jafar. What did you think
about him? People are like, oh, he wasn't as
interesting or whatever. That's just the complaints
I've heard, though. He was a little more like
quiet intensity. Okay. And then when he got to
high intensity, it was a lot more cartoonish.
Okay, gotcha. Versus, like, even in the cartoon,
Jafar really wasn't that cartoonish. Like, he
was evil and conniving. Exactly. I guess the
transition would probably be a little bit better.
Hades from Hercules I have as cartoonish. Yeah,
but in a good way. In a good way, yeah. It works
in that context. Jafar was never a cartoony in
the animated movie, and this one, it felt like
he's at quite intensity. I agree with Allison
there. I think it's pretty cartoonish. Well,
yeah, but like... But I have not seen the live
action, so I have no idea what we're comparing
it to. So when he gets loud, that's the part
where I say it's... When he becomes a genie at
the end? No, no, no, where he has some... outbursts.
So, like, a lot of it is just more so, like,
I want to be the sultan. Like, I want to be the
sultan. And then, like, blah, blah, blah. And
then when he gets to the end, like, Genie, make
me an all -powerful sorcerer! So, he went from
0 to 100. Exactly. Whereas, like, Jafar in the
cartoon, more like a 70 to 100. Yeah, exactly.
It's already there. Yeah, right, right, right.
Does he still have his bird sidekick? Yeah, is
Iago in it? Oh, Iago's in it. Iago, okay. Iago,
and he does actually talk. He talks like a parrot
would, you know, like kind of repeating things.
So it's not Gilbert Gottfried. Yeah, it's not
Gilbert Gottfried. No, it's not Gilbert Gottfried.
He still has not. Is it Lion King style, like
just like realistic looking parrot that's talking?
It's not live action? No. It's a CGI parrot.
It's not real? It's a CGI parrot that's just
kind of like. hazard genie hazard genie oh okay
gotcha you know like that kind of stuff you know
mike did the voiceover yeah right hey i actually
have been nailing the voices so i will give it
two wishes out of five okay Two wishes. Two wishes.
It's not anything that anybody did bad. It's
just the cartoon is just so much better. It wasn't
Inway's fault. No, no, no. It's just, I mean,
Guy Ritchie probably, I would have had something
different. This was a fun movie to watch, but
does not supersede. Exactly. I would rather watch
the cartoon again tomorrow. Gotcha. Aladdin,
while I see it again, I'd watch it if it was
on TV. Okay. You know, but I'm not going out
of my way and saying like, oh, Aladdin's on.
Yeah. Click. You know, like, it's just one of
those things where, like, if I already have the
channel on, oh, you ain't never had a friend
like me. Like, yeah, okay. I think there's such
a generational divide because my siblings who
are... in their teens, love this, love this movie
a lot, they barely remember the cartoon. Which
is fair. You know, it's the same story because
the story itself is so compelling. Yeah. And
I think there are things in the animated version
that you could do better, mainly Genie stuff,
because it's Robin Williams going crazy and the
animators just totally falling for it. Which
they did a great job with the Will Smith stuff.
It's all CGI, but they do a pretty good job where
he is doing the anti - Yes, yes. So I could see
how we're always going to be biased. Right, yeah,
exactly. Like, I'm always going, yeah, this is,
like, one of the first Disney movies I ever saw.
I had it on VHS when I was, like, three, five,
I don't know, whatever. This is my favorite one
growing up. There you go. That's exactly it.
And so, like, I say I'm able to separate them
and have a good time watching this one. Yeah.
But at the same time, like, the cartoon has such
a spot in my heart. Robin Williams' interpretation.
It was hard to go in and accept Will Smith even
though he did a good job. He created a different
character. Kind of. He's a dynamic enough personality.
Exactly. Alright, we go to Andre. Allison is...
Filling in for our T -Dog here. Does T -Dog also
not watch any movies? That's up for debate. Yeah,
right. He says that he watches them, but it's,
you know. The only movie I've seen in the past
two weeks is Ant -Man and the Wasp. And that's
old. Give it a rating. I want a rating, actually.
Out of five. Out of five. And give us a cute.
What we like to do around here is have a cute
little rating system, you know? So you said two
wishes out of five. Let's give it a little relevant
metric, you know? That's a relevant metric. I
don't know. You could say... Three ants out of...
Two pin particles out of five. Pin particles
is a good one, too. Pin particles is always a
good one. Always a good one. I'm trying to think
of what else could be... I think there's two
instances where it's only a good one. Oh, it's
a good one. That was... No, I'm talking about...
I'm talking about when Ant -Man is involved.
Sure, sure, sure. Two minutes in the quantum
realm out of ten minutes in the real world. Okay.
Wait, two out of ten? No, that was just a...
I don't know. Random. Okay. But you picked it
up. You got it. You nailed it. You nailed it.
Alright, so, like, what are your general thoughts?
Yeah, I like the movie. It's a good movie. Not
great, not terrible. That's how me and Mike felt
when we watched it. It was good. Yeah, it was
good. I do like the X -Cons. They are my favorite.
X -Cons are good. His friend, what's his name?
Luis. Luis, yeah. He's clearly the scene stealer
of the whole thing. Love his stories. I heard
from my friend who heard from his other friend.
People are trying to get a petition for Marvel
to do a one -shot of the entire MCU from Luis's
perspective. I saw this thing that was like a...
A theory where he was going to come in and that's
how they were going to explain to Ant -Man what
happened when he came out of the quantum realm.
That would have been amazing. That would have
been pretty good. I wish they would have done
that. It's a bear movie. They have room. They
have room. He's my fan. They have room. No, they
did not have room. They had room for it. I'm
sorry. My left butt cheek was like sore at that
point. My bladder was about to explode. Ant -Man
came back early. That would have been early on.
I need 20 minutes. And then he would have had
to explain it to everyone else. Yeah, he would
have needed to cut something else. He could have
been, like, the breaking news alert after everyone
came back after five years. Breaking news alert.
So, what had happened was... But wasn't... So,
well, that was the problem with the whole thing.
Wasn't it confirmed by the Russos that he got
snapped? Yes. Yeah. So, otherwise... That's terrible
news. That would have been great if he wouldn't
have happened. I'm sad now. I'm sad. I sound
like Leezy writing to me. Ugh, jeez, that's pretty
convenient. Basically... Just think of... Alright,
I'm going into my theory now. Just look at Far
From Home. Look at Far From Home. All the classmates
are the same classmates. Yeah, no, no, no. They
all got snapped. They all got snapped. So they
all had to go back to junior or whatever. Right,
exactly. Right, right. Just the odds of that.
It's Ned, it's MJ, it's Spider -Man. And they
all didn't age, right? Right, right. They just
snapped back in five years later. Happy, too?
Because Happy didn't age. Yeah, I guess. Yeah.
Yeah, I don't think... He wasn't around in...
I thought... Oh, well, actually, he was in Endgame,
but was he... He was in the end. At the end.
Yeah, but was he part of the... I don't think
he was at the beginning. Dude, he was not at
the beginning. I don't know if he got snapped
or not now. Now I'm confused. It's left to the
viewer's interpretation. I don't know, dude.
I don't know, man. Either way. I'm sorry, I'm
over it. Do you have a rating for Ant -Man and
the Wasp? Get back to it. Yeah, I guess. I'd
go with 3 out of 5. 3 out of 5. I'd watch it,
but it's not the greatest movie of all time.
What did you think of that end scene? I just
want to know, because that's the end credits.
Yeah, end credits. Because that was the part.
I mean, obviously, that's one you've got to watch
in order, otherwise you're like... Yeah, right.
So, Ant -Man and the Wasp, I think, I'm in the
same boat as you, 3 out of 5 kind of thing. I
think it was a 2 out of 5. It was fun, but it
was just kind of 2 out of 5 until that end credits
scene. And I was like, holy shit. I liked it.
Comparatively, the first Ant -Man movie was just
a better story. I like Ant -Man and what they
could have done with it, but the storyline was
kind of meh. Yeah, I feel that. All right, Andre.
Yeah. So, can't you be Andre? Yes. All right,
so I cheated this week, and I watched a miniseries
instead of a movie in this miniseries. You might
have heard of it. It's called Chernobyl. Never
heard of it. Yeah. Well, all right. Do you live
under a rock? I do. Let me get... I actually
don't watch TV much, so... I've heard great things
about it. Well, I've heard it. Let me just wheel
in the replica of the nuclear reactor that I
have ready to go, and I'll explain what happened.
Yeah. Why do you do that? I like that pun. Mitchell
keeps making faces. What kind of faces? Is this
actually suggestive? That's a good time. Yeah,
anyways. Chernobyl. Another happy subject. Five
-part miniseries on HBO just wrapped up as of
recording a few days ago. Probably around maybe
five and a half hours total in length. Guys,
the hype is real. It's so good. I would say,
like, I haven't, I felt like, the best thing
I can compare it to is probably Band of Brothers
or maybe Schindler's List and that level of just,
it's on that level for me in terms of, like,
extremely heart -wrenching, visceral stuff, but,
like, also extremely powerful and just utterly
absorbing, I guess, you know? What is it about?
So, it's about Chernobyl. It's about the, so
basically, the way that the show structures is
that it starts right at the minute of the explosion,
and so we see the fallout of that from the perspectives
of people in Pripyat, which is the town next
to Chernobyl, basically, that had to get evacuated.
And then it kind of goes through the immediate
fallout of that, of the next few weeks after
that, of the immediate figuring out what happened
and how to fix it and how to stop this radiation
from killing everybody, basically. And then it
gradually increases in scope to a few months
afterwards in terms of the long -term cleanup
of the liquidators that they had to get in to
actually sanitize the area to make it not poisonous
to the entire continent. And then it finally
ends with... the trial of the nuclear power plant
that exploded. The managers that ran it, they
were put on trial about a little bit less than
a year later, and that's where they explain how
the nuclear reactor actually exploded. Love that.
Yeah, so the structure, I really, yeah, I fell,
I really liked the structure in that, like, the
very first episode. it feels like a horror movie
almost you know uh just because like just the
way it's shot the music oh my god the music the
music is so good it's almost entirely made out
of apparently um like of industrial like powerpoint
sounds like the the lady that did the soundtrack
she literally just went to a power plant and
recorded sounds and used that as her samples
So, yeah, and just the reactor core that's melting,
that exploded, basically, becomes this sort of
haunting, it's like a monster movie almost, you
know? There's like this invisible thing, the
giant, huge amounts of radiation, that is like
this invisible enemy that's just eviscerating
everybody almost, you know? So, yeah, I think
the show does a really good job of explaining
what happened at a high enough level for an average
viewer like me, who knows nothing, I'm not a
nuclear physicist, but I understand. what happened
basically at a super high level and so explaining
what happened there in like the scientific level
as well as showing the human cost of it if that
makes sense yeah where like oh my gosh every
time Every time something awful happens, which
happens a lot, I'm like, oh, there's no way that
actually happened. I looked it up, and dude,
the main high -level bullet points are all factual.
So it's historical fiction, but it's accurate
historical fiction. It's dramatized. It's extremely
dramatized, and what I really like about the
show is that they have a companion podcast. I
know that's a huge ask. I'm like, hey, watch
this hour -long show, get depressed, and listen
to the podcast after. Don't listen to any other
podcast but ours. Good note. But the writer basically
hosts this podcast. all the facts about Chernobyl.
And he walks... The next six weeks are all about
Chernobyl podcast. But anyway, so the writer
will walk through what happened in that episode
and break down, alright, here's what actually
happened and here's what I had to kind of dramatize.
And I really like that because it's like, okay,
he's very upfront about don't take this, don't
take this show as 100 % fact. Like, do your own
research and stuff. And take it at face value.
I like that. Yeah. I want to do the real facts
and what they did to dramatize it. Exactly. Because
part of that is a huge theme of the show is that
it wasn't, like, this isn't, like, an anti -nuclear
show. Like, I was kind of worried about that
going, like, oh, man, nuclear power is dangerous.
We can't control it. It's more anti, like, Soviet
and anti just lies almost. You know, that sounds
very vague and dumb. But, like, the reason the
RBMK reactor exploded was because of lies. Because
of lies. Leading up to basically when it exploded,
they were trying to conduct a safety test, ironically.
So lies leading up to that safety test. Lies
afterwards to cover it up. Like immediately,
like the first episode is so haunting because...
Immediately, the reactor plant managers are denying
that the core exploded. They're thinking, oh,
it was just a control tank. It's fine. It's 3
.6 Roentgen. Not great, not terrible. That's
the equivalent of 50 checks x -rays a second,
or not a second, an hour. That was like the okay
number that they were trying to peddle. So they
thought it was 3 .6 Roentgen. It was actually
15 ,000. Yeah. That's two, so there's this great
scene where the main character, the nuclear physicist
they brought in to kind of clean it up, he's
like, it's 15 ,000 ronkin, that means the core
is open, that means it's two Hiroshima bombs
every hour. And so he's like, at the time it's
like 20 hours since the explosion, that means
there's 40 bombs that have gone off since we've
started, and it will continue to go until the
entire continent dies. So it's like extremely
dire. It's so well done. It's so gripping, but
also extremely depressing. Not for the faint
of heart, I would say. Right. With any of these
kind of projects that are based on real -life
events, because a lot of this stuff can be documented
and thus be turned into a documentary of sorts,
do you feel that the fact that it was dramatized
helps the storytelling, or do you think that
a documentary version of this, like imagine if
the podcast was turned into a documentary type
of thing, would have served the story better?
Just on your opinion, it sounds like you have
a very favorable review of this. I do, yes. Does
the dramatization help? I think it helps in so
far as it helps me get way more interested in
the topic, and now there are documentaries that
have been made that are made from real footage
that I'm going to go and watch now. So, yeah,
as long as you don't go watching this show and
then say, like, oh, yeah, this is exactly what
happened. I saw it on HBO. And they're clear
to not do that. They're clear, like, hey, like,
you know. So I think it's, yeah, I guess my answer
is yes. I think it helps. But as long as you
accept that that's not the full body of what
happened, there's more stuff. I will say that
it doesn't cover everything. It doesn't even
cover, in the aftermath, they built a sarcophagus.
It's fucking crazy it's even called a sarcophagus.
But this giant metal thing, they had a... create
in a huge hurry to shove onto the reactor core
about nine months later. So they didn't try to
keep it in kind of thing? Sort of, yeah, basically.
That's not covered at all. They don't mention
that at all. So that's a huge part of the story.
Season two. Yeah, season two. God, I hope there's
not a season two. That means that there has to
be a huge nuclear meltdown like that. Anyways.
It still says 2019 to question mark on IMDb.
Yeah, it is. It's not out of the question. Yeah.
I would say some nitpicks, because there are
nits to pick always. I would say, so to your
point, some of the dramatization goes a little
far. They're open about what's dramatized and
what's not. There's one character specifically.
uh she's uh she's a nuclear physicist her last
name is homeok i believe she's a completely made
-up character but basically the the uh she like
supposed to represent the huge team of scientists
that all kind of work together and try to solve
the problem of chernobyl try to figure out how
it happened because up until this point the type
of reactor, the RBMK, the thing that exploded,
was thought to be impossible. Which I see in
a lot of these kind of things, like when it does
historical fiction, that kind of stuff. Like
my biggest problem with Patriot's Day, the one
about the Boston Marathon bombing, that was really
well done, the actual bombing, but trying to
lump all the police officers together as Mark
Wahlberg. You have to condense something, and
it feels a little, it's not forced, but you can
tell. Where she's kind of, like, she's where
the plot needs to be. So she's with them at the
exclusion zone, like, trying to uncover, trying
to move the graphite off the roof. She's also
at the hospital in Moscow where they evacuated
the firefighters and the control scientists.
Coming from her eyes a little bit. Exactly, yes.
Yeah, so, like, you can tell, like, okay, like,
yeah, I get it. Like, these were totally different
people. That did take me out a little bit of
it. That took me out of it a little bit. I will
say another nitpick is that this is a... not
actually technically an HBO show, it is HBO,
HBO has a lot of rights to it, but it's a Sky
production, so it's a British production, so
all the actors are British, and they decided,
like, and I kind of respect this decision, where
all the, like, they're like, okay, don't try
to do a Russian accent, just act, you know? So,
you know, there will be parts where they'll,
like, if you're a native speaker, it'll probably
bug you more, but, like, they'll mispronounce
names, they'll kind of say stuff funny, and...
I saw Jared Harris and Stellan Skarsgård, both
of them, great actors. Amazing. Oh, my God, they
were so good, so well acted. But, yeah, they're
not trying to do an accent, so they're obviously
not fluent. And there's parts where it kind of
takes me a little bit, where there's one specific
part later in the series where they're evacuating
everybody, and there's this old woman that's
like an old Russian lady. I will say, cost a
department, make a department. Wow. Ten out of
ten. Anyways. She has, like, the babushka on
and everything, and so she's not talking. She's
silently, like, milking a cow, like, on her home
farm or anything and stuff. So you don't hear
her speak. So, like, I kind of had this expectation
in my mind of what she sounded like. Right. And,
like, you know, a Russian soldier comes in and
be like, we have to leave. You have to be evacuated
now. Like, he has a gun pointed at her to make
sure she goes. And she just immediately starts
speaking in this posh British accent. And I was
like, oh, right. That's, you know, it's like,
ah. It's a total nitpick. It's a tiny, tiny thing.
And I kind of, I'm sure. But still, I get it.
Yeah. Yeah. I guess it would have been cool if
they would have this level of production with
Russian actors and subtitles. I would prefer
that, I guess. Yeah. But what we got was extremely
well acted and just very, very gripping. And
frankly, more accessible. Yes. Oh, totally. Yeah,
yeah. It's way less of an ask. Yeah. Yeah, I
could imagine. You're right. I'm just imagining,
like, hey, watch this show for an hour and a
half, be super depressed, and read subtitles
the whole time. Exactly. You know? It's all in
Russian. Exactly. People love subtitles. Yeah.
It's a hard sell. Yeah. Especially. Americans
don't like subtitles. I watched a whole show
in subtitles once. You're one of the few. Congratulations,
pat on the back. Dora the Explorer, hard show
to follow. So, ranking? I give it 4 .7 high -range
disseminators out of 5. It is the favorite piece
of media I have consumed this year. Is that a
nice rating? That might be our... Nah, there
was a 5 out of 5, I think. I did not see the
5. No, but I think there was a 5 out of 5. And
with the caveat that this is extreme recency
bias, I literally just watched the final episode,
like, hours ago, so I'm still, like, pumped up
on it. So, like, maybe it'll go down a little
bit. It's like the IMDb thing. Everyone's like,
ooh, the IMDb is the highest rated. 10 out of
10 is the highest rated show ever. And I'm like,
yeah, okay, it's going to go down in a month.
Oh, yeah, of course. But right now, dude, I can't
recommend it enough. I think it's must -watch
material if you have the stomach for it. It's
very, very depressing. I do not have the stomach
for it. Claire has been watching it. I haven't
watched it. Watch highlights or something. Watch
the 90... Watch the SportsCenter recap. Yeah,
watch the SportsCenter recap. I would say, if
I'm reckoning one clip, watch the 90... Search
for graphite rooftop clearing scene. It's like
a scene where they have to clear off... I'm sorry,
I have to go down this tangent again. It's so
fascinating. So, the nuclear reactor exploded.
There's... Bits of graphite on the roof of the
reactor core. These bits of graphite are extremely
radioactive. They will kill you if you're unprotected,
like if you're standing next to it within like
five minutes, I think, of exposure. So they literally
calculate. They're like, okay, we can't get machines
to move this graphite off the roof because the
machine circuitry gets fried by the radiation.
So we have to send human people up there in full
lead suits, and we have to give them 90 seconds
to go up there, clear it, and leave. So there's
a scene where they have, they call them bio -robots.
Literally, it was like 60. thousand people they
didn't get and they move them up the roof there
they give them in the instruction being like
all right like like you need to clear this roof
off you have 90 seconds do not look over the
roof because over like or you don't look over
the ledge because over the ledge was the exposed
reactor cord that if you look down you're dead
Anyways, so just 90 seconds real time, like,
of them clearing this graphite. So it's just
dudes in lead suits with giant shovels clearing
off black rocks and jumping over. In 90 seconds
spurts. In 90, well, it's just they show one
90, they follow one guy, 90 seconds, and, like,
just the sound design, like, they have, obviously,
the decimeters, the Geiger counters going off,
and you can hear, like, in real time how much
radioactivity is going on. Yeah. Honestly, it's
like a D -Day scene, frankly. You know, like,
it's that level of intensity. It's like, oh,
my God. Anyways. Best reviewed piece of media
this year. You know what that means. Let's jump
into it. Mitchell! What did you see? My movie's
called Barely Lethal. Good job getting through
it. Good job getting through it the first time.
That was rough. I feel like the title is just
enough alone. Barely Lethal. Barely Lethal. And
by the way, it has nothing to... I don't know
how they landed on this title. Like, if you're
trying to sell this movie, obviously it's a pun,
I'm barely legal, has nothing to do with sex
or porn or even really coming of age, even though
it's in high school. Drinking, nothing. Well,
I mean, there's... Wow, there's no drinking.
No, there's not. Yeah, wow. So this is like,
yeah. I love that you have a notepad, by the
way. I had to take notes because I knew that
I was going to mentally check out. I also took
a note. I took some notes on things that I did
while I was not watching the movie. That is check
emails. I looked at apartments in New York and
L .A. Nice. That might be a spoiler. Spoiler.
Yeah. Wow. All right. Spoiler. I watched Game
of Zones. the new episode and the finale. Wait,
you watched Game of Zones while you did this?
No, I paused it. So I was telling Andre. So I
would, because... You couldn't even watch it
in consecutive minutes. Well, here's the thing.
I wanted to make sure it had my full attention
when I was watching. When I knew that I was mentally
checking out. At least I got through Leo the
Lion and Yoga Hosers. That's great on you. I
knew that I would not be as patient of a watcher.
So I hit pause as soon as I was zoning out and
did some things. Game of Zones was great, by
the way. Y 'all should check it out. But fairly
lethal. Not so great. Every time you say barely
lethal, it hurts a little. It just kills you
a little bit more inside. It's like there's a
knife in me, and it just pushed a little deeper.
It's a hard one, dude. That sucks. The big red
flag at the very beginning of this film, if I
want to call it that. How many production companies
were listed at the very beginning when the credits
were rolling? Oh, no. It was distributed, and
this hurts me to say, and they have put out some
stinkers before, A24. Oh, no. This is one of
their early, so they did not produce it, but
they distributed it. Oh, okay. Meaning they put
it in theaters, which it had a limited release.
I was just going to say it made theaters. It
did, and ultimately VOD. So outside of them,
RKO Pictures, which brought us classics like
Citizen Kane and King Kong from the early half
of the 20th century, they're back with Barely
Lethal. They're back! Finally! I'm sure they've
done a lot more between now and then, but holy
crap, they came through with this one. And then
also, Brett Ratner's production company was a
part of it. Oh, sick. And we know that name has
not aged well at all. No. No, it has not. Nope.
This film was shot in 2013. It got a release
in 2015, which, by the way, not a great sign,
too. No. Wow. That's a two -year gap, man. What?
Spoiler alert about Brett Ratner. There's not
a lot of posts you're saying? There's not a lot
of posts CGI to do? Literally, my first note,
A24 produced. The fuck? So many production companies,
indeed. My second note, Sophie Turner is in this
film, guys. And this, again, 2013, so about three
years into her Game of Thrones. It's a great
cast. for what this bullshit was. In retrospect,
yes, but it's a great cast. It's like a minor
league baseball team. It has a lot of great players,
but they're not fully developed yet. You see
Vladimir Guerrero Jr. in the minors going like,
he could have potential. So 2013, Sophie Turner
would have been, what, three seasons into Game
of Thrones, maybe? Yeah, about three -ish. Maybe
two and a half, I don't know. She was not a great
actress at this point. Was she American? She
had an American accent. Oh, no. That's rough.
Exactly. And it slipped. It definitely slipped.
There were times, so let me just say this before
we get into all the nitty gritty, because I'm
actually happy I'm on a movie that I get to spoil
and get to talk about a little bit more. So the
film is about this. Wait, you can't spoil it.
I want to see it. Well, it's on Netflix if anyone
wants. You have more patience than Mitchell does.
Yeah, seriously. I'm not seeing this movie, let
me tell you right now. Haley Seinfeld. stars
in this movie. Did you say Steinfeld? Steinfeld?
Oh, okay. I heard Steinfeld at first. Steinfeld?
And I was like, wait, what? Steinfeld's in this
movie? What? Yeah. I knew it was Steinfeld, but
it was, yeah. Yeah, so very big name, big name
actress nowadays. Is she Gwen Stacy now? In the
Into the Spider -Verse. Oh, Into the Spider -Verse.
Wait, Gwen Stacy's going to be in Into the Spider
-Verse? No, so she voiced voice when they see
Spider -Man. Oh, I'm sorry. The animated one.
Into Spider -Verse. The really good movie. Oh,
so that's her. Okay, cool. Yeah, she voiced the
character. Sophie Turner's in it. And then Samuel
L. Jackson. Samuel L. Jackson is in this movie
with Jessica Alba, who has all of maybe ten minutes
in this movie. Really? She's pretty prominent
in the trailer, honestly. In the trailer, they
definitely... Have a head fake there. They definitely
pump fake you on that. I want to go back to Samuel
L. Jackson. Did he get a motherfucker in this
movie? He did not. Did he get a censored motherfucker?
I feel like this always happens in like a...
below our movie where it's like Samuel L. Jackson
goes mother and then he cuts or something. It's
funny that you say that he does not but he definitely
plays a Nick Fury -esque role. I would say he
was probably like director of The Spies or something.
He was, yeah. Oh my god, nailed it. See, so this
movie is incredibly predictable as Allison is
laying out where Nick Fury or Samuel L. Jackson
is running this group of young girls who kill
people. So, I forgot the name of it. Oh, Prescott.
Prescott something something something. Prescott.
Boom. I remember that from the trailer. Is that
like an acronym? Or is that just a name? No,
Prescott's just the name of it. So, the thing
was named after somebody, though. Do they go
into this? Not really. That hurts. If they had
a sequel, maybe. Anyway, so, all these girls,
tons of voiceover at the beginning, so it's all...
You know, all exposition just poured out in your
face for like the first ten minutes. Haley Seinfeld
again, coming through there. So this is all about
girls who are orphans, who are raised under the
tutelage of Nick Fury, as they learn how to become
assassins. And assassins for what, you may ask?
I don't know. I still don't know. Do they kill
bad people? Do they kill not? They kill people,
apparently. Okay. However... However, there is
a very cheeky scene towards the end of the film
where Haley Steinfeld is talking with a gal pal
of hers, talking like once she has been found
out to be this assassin lady. Oh, so they find
out. Well, of course they do. So there's a part
where they're like, hey, so have you ever killed
someone? And then she's like, not all the way.
And then you begin to discover, whoa, this is
like a... a play on the whole i've never had
sex yeah right okay so i didn't go all the way
but i've done other things like so it's like
that conversation has nothing to do with killing
people but has everything to do with making fun
of the conversation about having sex like you're
a teenager if you haven't killed someone yeah
that's a thing that's a pretty shitty assassin
now again I don't know. What is an assassin,
really? What is an assassin? You guys gave me
a lot of compliments about having more patience
than Mitchell. I want to fight this movie. Like,
just put this movie in a ring and just... So
the movie is about Haley who grows up in this,
you know, fucking death camp machine where she's...
born and raised to be an assassin one of her
missions at the beginning of this movie is to
go capture jessica alba because she's listed
as a bad guy so they drop uh hayley seinfeld
into this area and then yada yada yada she gets
captured by jessica alba but on purpose so hayley
seinfeld kicks some butt Jessica Alba gets captured
by Nick Fury, but after some things happen, they're
helicoptered off, but because of how things worked
out in the battle, Haley Seinfeld's clip that
is attached to the wire to the helicopter slips
through, and she falls into a river. This whole
time, you do discover, thanks to voiceovers,
that she is super, super curious about what it's
like to be a real -life girl. Oh. I love how
they do this. Via voiceover. Yes. Come on. It's
via voiceover. Yeah. Show, don't tell, right?
That's the adage. They show, they tell, they
show. You always wonder what it was like to be
a real girl. That would have been great. I would
have been so in on this movie if Morgan Freeman
did the voiceovers. But not only did they tell,
not show, they showed and told at the same time.
Wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry. They tell, not showed?
They told, not showed. Okay. So meaning this,
meaning this. So the whole thing is like... We're
making bad puns. Terrible puns. So the whole
thing is like you want a movie that through the
art of visual medium will tell you how a character
is feeling instead of relying on voiceover to
tell you how she's feeling. Anyway, Homegirl
wants to be in Mean Girls. She wants to be in
Clueless. She wants to be in all these movies
that you see her watch on her laptop as she's
preparing for a quote -unquote mission. Anyway,
so her dropping into this river, she's like,
oh, my God, this is my chance to be a real girl.
Real Pinocchio shit right here. So anyway, she
takes advantage. You need to lose more often.
This is good. She takes advantage and joins.
You just need to take better movies. No, this
is great. She joins a student exchange program.
How? Again, guys, I do know this one. She found
it through... She applied? She went on the internet,
and she didn't use Yahoo or Google. She used,
and this is how you know this is a bad movie.
Bing? Bing? Bravo search. Oh! Wow! That's the
name of Bing! It's Bravo Search, which is clearly
modeled after Yahoo. Yeah. Oh, my God. Bravo
Search. I wish it was Ask Jeeves, because Ask
Jeeves existed. Yeah, right. Bravo Search. Ask
Jeeves was at least popular at one point. Yeah,
I used Ask Jeeves. It was a thing. So she becomes
a foreign exchange student in her foreign country,
Canada. Oh, of course. What a beautiful foreign
language. What's this movie? Do they make fun
of that fact at times? Of course they do. A.
And A, exactly. But they don't make that joke.
I just have flashbacks to Yoga Hosers. Oh, that's
right. Yoga Hosers. Very Canadian movie as well.
Oh, my God. So, anyway, that stuff all happens.
And she goes through all the tropes of a typical
teenage high school movie. And at the beginning,
as she's going through this, you're thinking,
you know, this could actually be clever. You
know, like she studied all the... Like, they
name Mean Girls by name. They have Clueless.
Like, they could do a send -up of all those tropes,
but instead, they do those tropes while also
trying to make fun of them and act as if they're
smarter than, oh, she's falling in love with
the brilliant musicians, like the hunky guy or
whatever. Sure, but she still does, so it's like...
She still does. And it's like they're trying
to have it both ways. And there's a scene where
the... like popular looking girls, like really
pretty cheerleaders. They're like, hey, do you
want to come sit with us? They were being absolutely
genuine. And Hayley's like, I've seen Mean Girls.
You're trying to lure me in, and you're going
to turn your backs on me. Again, she's an assassin,
so she has her wires up on everything. And then
the girls are like, no, we're just trying to
be nice. End of scene. She does not sit with
those girls. She should have assassinated them
all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Assassin them. Yes. Just
imagine a girl in Kick -Ass 2 with the sick stick.
Like, yeah. Boom, boom, boom. Exactly. That would
have been great. And literally, the quote I wrote
down was, I've seen Mean Girls twice. and then
the next line was is this a send up and then
my third line was uneven messaging and that is
really the crux of all my issues with this movie
because they laid out the groundwork for this
to be kind of a spoof on the teenage comedy kind
of thing sure and they try to have it both ways
They try to legitimately have Haley be the starlet
of a teenage comedy while poking fun at it in
stupid -ass ways. So, for example, they have
a seating chart in her science class. And because
she is a super -duper spy, she went into her
teacher's office at night. While the janitor
was walking by, stealthily, she walked into the
office. It changed the seating chart so she would
be sitting next to the really hot guy. Of course.
What? As you do. As you do. And by the way, this
whole spy thing, they try to make it so where
she does a really good job of researching high
school and she knows how to fit in. Or she'll
occasionally slip up because her only research
were movies. She would also have times where
she would go into death spy mode where they were
talking in English class. They were talking about
the Robert Frost poem where two roads divide
in the world. Oh, yes. The road less traveled.
The road less traveled. I am edumacated. Yeah,
see? Boom! And the teacher... who noticed that
Haley was zoning out, that's what it does, was
like, Haley, what poem were we discussing? She's
like, oh, something about two roads. You know,
what I would do is I would make sure that I would
have a buddy like 30 clicks behind me so we could
attack these guys. She goes through this whole
spiel of how she would attack people if there
were two diverging roads. So wacky. Yeah, thank
you. Those are the points of all those things
where she quote unquote slips up and lets her
spy self out. Sure. It's not motivated at all.
It's just made for a quote unquote joke and it
just wastes five minutes of your life every time
they do it. God damn it. Yeah. So spilling secret
agent stuff question mark was also one of my
notes. The only time where it worked. was when
she is the mascot of her school because she was
told that the hunky guy liked mascots, which,
by the way, was a trick played to her by some
other girls who didn't like her. Oh, my God.
Has she seen Mean Girls? Has she seen Mean Girls?
Thank you. She's done all this research and fell
for that? Anyway, she did fall for that. She
got the job. And while she was... practicing
with the marching band in full mascot outfits.
There were guys dressed in black, and the whole
thing was, oh, wow, the spy people finally found
her, right? She went off the map, and now they
found her trying to get her back. No, it was
guys from a rival high school, and when they
tried to attack her, homegirl went full spy,
which makes sense. This was in the fucking trailer,
and it pissed me off. It pissed you off, and
I will say this, it makes sense in the movie
where I'm just like, damn, okay, this is like
a really brief light. of how the spy thing can't
come out because all instincts. People are attacking
me. I've got to get into them, blah, blah, blah.
Guys and ladies, this is an awful movie. This
is not good. And I can also say my last note
in this was dated references. Oh, no. This is
what happens when you film your movie and then
release it two years later. 2013 is when the
film was shot. I have no idea when it was written.
But in 2015, when Sophie Turner busts out the
line, P90X, bitch. Oh, no. By the way, Sophie
Turner's also a spy. They're not working out
using P90X. I'm sorry. I don't think Sam Jackson's
rolling around with the P90X tape to get all
these ninja assassins into shape. Anyway, the
response from Haley was, P90 extra large, bitch.
That's another line that you can take to the
bank with you. Wow. This is some inspired shit
right here. I'm telling you, the references,
the writing, the punchlines, all subpar. And
I watched all one hour, 38 minutes of it. you
were counting like you were like including the
credits yeah right you gotta wait for you gotta
watch the credits in case there's like after
credit scenes unless there's oh no i shut that
thing off and go right to this place yeah i was
like i was out and i was ready to go guys uh
before i give my uh final ranking are there any
questions for barely lethal Why are they so bad
at being assassins? Yeah, right. Yeah, that's
a great question. That's a great question. Sophie
Turner plays the rival assassin to Hailee Steinfeld.
And they grew up as rivals, blah, blah, blah.
And actually a fun twist. Once Hailee Steinfeld
is fucking sisters. No, not that. Oh, damn it.
Once she has found out to have gone and lived
this other life in this high school. Samuel L.
Jackson and his team sent out Sophie Turner as
the one. And then she wants to go to high school.
Well, she becomes a high school student in the
hopes of making her so unpopular that she leaves
the school. I kid you not. Not kill her, which
eventually it turns into. But the initial thought
is, she's going to be so embarrassed, she's going
to leave. I was like, wow, this is what we're
doing. That's what they thought would work. Yeah.
That's why they're not good assassins. This is
the scene. So I think Samuel L. Jackson is doing
a terrible job of training. Why can't we write
a better movie than half of the movies we've
seen? It's incredible. It really is. I really
wish I knew how this was made. Why did Samuel
L. Jackson agree to be in this movie? Samuel
L. Jackson has a thing in his contract where
he wants to keep the record of being in the most
movies of all time. God damn it, he's going to
get that freaking record. He's going to do it.
He's going to do it. I mean, if I were to watch
that movie, it would be because of him. Yeah,
I will say this. What other crappy movies has
he been in? Because he's been in a lot of crappy
movies. Oh, a lot. He has thrown so much shit
against the wall. Yeah. Not all of it sucked.
Is he in tax trouble? cages? No, I don't think
he is. Man, I don't know. By the way, guys, this
movie cost $15 million to make. $15 million?
$15 million to make. That's why so many production
companies were involved. I'm assuming that the
A -list talent didn't help. And it made $250
,000. Oh my god, dude. Nobody would pay to see
that. And Jessica Alba. Oh, guys, you guys did
not ask me. What role does Jessica Alba play?
You said her name once. Is she an integral part
of the story? Does she really bring it all together?
Oh, my gosh, Andre. Thank you for asking. She
is introduced at the beginning as a bad guy that
needs to be captured. She gets one more scene
with Samuel L. Jackson before where you're like,
oh, my God, these guys have a secret past together.
And you'd think if this was a better written
movie, Jessica Alba's actually the good guy in
this case. Because she's like, what are you still
doing, training little girls to kill people?
By the way, they don't kill people. They only
almost kill people. Fast forward to the third
act, Jessica Alba is indeed a bad person and
a person to be dealt with because she was the
first person enlisted in this Prescott program.
Everyone went by a number when they were in the
program. Haley Seinfeld was 84. Jessica Alves
is number one. Exactly. That is something you
could see coming from a mile away. She was in
it so guys would go see it. Oh, by the way, 100%.
By the way, she had a quote -unquote, again,
voiceover. She has an IQ of 140. That means she
will use her smarts to kill you. She's a genius.
She gets taken down by Samuel L. Jackson shooting
her with a sleeping dart. Right from behind her.
Her IQ was not high enough to dodge that sleeping
dart. It's incredible. Her IQ is too high. How
easy it is to take her down. Would you watch
a sequel? No. Then you're not in for Barely Lethal
2? I don't care if they're legal now. Oh. You
know, if they're full -on legal, I'm not buying
it. Lethal 2. Not Barely Anymore. Not Barely
Anymore. That's so Barely Lethal. The Barely
and the Lethal. The Barely and the Lethal. Could
you imagine if this was like a prequel to the
Lethal Weapons series? Oh my god! Really, it
should be lethal barely. Lethal barely. But really,
it should be a porno. Oh no! It should be like
barely. So they never commit to them being spies,
thus the barely, or assassins, barely lethal
part. I will say this, the only redeeming quality,
and I said that Sophie Turner was still growing
as an actress. And a lot of other people in the
film definitely were mailing this shit in. Hailee
Steinfeld is so much fun to watch. And she's
just like, the way I saw her act in Age of 17,
which is probably my favorite movie of her because
of her, she brought some of the same stuff to
Barely Leading. So she's got talent. She's talented.
Yeah, she's a leading lady. That's what she is.
I don't know if I remember this right. She was
True Grit, right? Yeah. So this was before True
Grit. Or this was after True Grit. I liked her
in True Grit. It was filmed before or after True
Grit, I think, right? Oh, it was after. 2010
was True Grit. There you go. I loved her in True
Grit. Oh, she was great. Yeah. And especially
going up against some really top -notch actors
in that movie. Yeah. Damon and Jeffery. She's
good. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She held her own
in that shit. Louis, not so much. This one, not
enough to save it. Any other questions before
I get to my dumbass ranking? great i got nothing
sorry thank god it it is a one half kill no one
so by being half kill that's what she was claiming
to have half kill so the metric is half kill
so it is a one star if i'm doing a star it's
one but it's everyone knows my ranking yes half
means you've made the movie yes they made this
movie yeah and so you're giving a little bit
above because of amy steinfeld I think there
is such a thing as an actor or actress carrying
a movie. Yeah. She didn't carry it, but damn,
she pushed it a little farther. She pushed it.
She tried. She tried. She gave it an extra yard.
She was in a shitty movie. So I'm going to give
it a one Sam Jackson half -baked performance
out of five. Woof. All right, cool. Wow. All
right. Beautiful. We jump into now our part we
always do, things we're excited about or things
we're dreading or whatever. Okay. Something we
feel strongly about, right? Something we feel
strongly about. Okay. Pull out your phone. You're
jumping in this too. What am I feeling strongly
about? You told me about one. We talked about
this already. What did I say? Can I say something
that came out or that will come out in a couple
years? In a couple years? Yeah. I mean, you can.
I try to stick to things that are like. I know.
Yeah, you know. Men in Black. Yeah. Men in Black
International. Yeah. I'm just excited because
Chris Hemsworth and Tessa Thompson were great
in Thor Ragnarok. So they're cool co -stars.
Yeah. Yes, you can talk about it. So, it should
be good. It should be good. I don't know what
the plot is, but they're good actors. I mean,
yeah. Like, they're good. Well, it's like Melnon
Gianni. Melvin Black is using Melnon Gianni.
Oh, he's an alien, right? He's an alien, yeah.
Woo, I didn't know that. Yeah, he's a little
alien. Well, I'm more excited now. Oh, yeah,
he's going to be great. Melnon Gianni loves him.
He's so hot right now. Is he going to fall in
the sunken zone? Like, literally, have you seen
those guns? Are you fucking kidding me? No, he's
not going to fall in the sunken zone, as far
as I know. What? What? What? He's in a twilight
zone. What? What's going on? I don't know what's
happening anymore. Okay. You can bring up something
that's happening years from now. I always try
to stick the two weeks that we're going to do
this. This is news that dropped, at least for
me, that dropped today that now has a release
date. It's going to be May 21st, 2021. May 2021,
Taika Waititi's Akira. What? Yeah. Oh, shit.
Thank you, Andre. Oh, man, dude. Akira is a very
famous anime. It came out in the 80s. Taika Waititi.
It's so good. It was just mentioned about too
long ago. It's true. It's true. I do not know
the anime, but I know Taika Waititi. I will talk
for an hour and a half about Akira, which is
probably longer than the actual run time. I mainly
say this so I wouldn't have to talk anymore,
and then Andre could just take it away. Oh, yeah.
Talk about how excited he is. Dude, oh, my God.
Akira is, like, that's, like, one of the top
five anime movies that, like, I recommended normal
people, if that makes sense. Like, it's the highest
recommendation I can give, where it's, like,
you don't have to be a nerd to like this movie.
It's worse than I watched this. There's a normal
scale. Do you know what I'm saying? I read it
on YouTube. Yeah, I think it's a rental, digital
rental. Okay, that's fair. I go through the legal
methods. I do not pirate. Good for you, Mike.
I think I might have it on DVD. What are you
doing with your face, Mike? Twitching. I think
I might have it on DVD. I got it in a garage
sale. Wow, so legal. Literally in my room back
over there. Anyways. Oh my god. So, yeah. You
picked one that Andre is like over the moon about.
Dude. Well, it's the thing. I love Taika Waititi,
so I'm on board already. So the thing is that
this is, like, the exact opposite reaction I
had to Ghost in the Shell, which I would also
say, similar level, like, Ghost in the Shell,
Akira, they're, like, classic anime movies that
I would recommend to anybody. But, like, when
they announced the live -action Ghost in the
Shell, that's, like, ugh, rough. But Taika Waititi's
so talented, like... I love Taika. Thor Ragnarok
was fucking sick. And if he can bring his, like,
style... What they do in the shadows is fantastic.
Right. So funny. If he can bring any of his personality
into a story like Akira, I'm at least interested.
Absolutely. So two more years. There we go. Very
excited for that. Excited, dreading, anything?
Toy Story 4. It's coming out in a few weeks.
I am both excited and dreading it. June 21st.
Yeah, I will see it. And I'm excited to see it.
But also, dude, they could have just left it
at Toy Story 3. I would have been happy. That's
fair. Money? Money, yeah. I'm hoping that it's,
I mean, whatever. You can't take away anything
from that original trilogy, but I have a lot
attached to those characters at this point. And
yeah, I'll be interested to see how the fourth
one does after the Toy Story 3 ended it in such
a tight little bow. I thought it was such a perfect
ending. Yeah. Especially how they tie Andy in
and all that, and him letting go of the toys
was a spoiler. him letting go of the toys as
us letting go of those stories. That was a great
way of growing up. I was on board with that.
That was the perfect timing for us specifically
because we were all starting our steps in adulthood
at that point. I'm getting the opposite way.
I'm getting pissed off at the fact that they
are selling in toy stores a Spork. Right, the
toy Spork. Sporky is like a main toy. They're
selling plastic toys of Sporky. Yes. That is
so genius. That's funny. And, like, they're selling
you a fucking Spork, and I'm getting pissed off.
So, in all the teasers, they showed, like, the
main thing is that, like... She made a toy. Yeah,
she made a toy out of a Spork. Like, it's just
a regular Spork with, like, pipe cleaners and
googly eyes, and that's a toy. You know, like,
that I sent you. It's called Sporky. You can
just buy your own Spork and pipe cleaners and
make it for $30. Don't tell kids that. Don't
tell kids that. Because you can buy it for $19
.99 on the Disney Store. Or they can try it on
their iPad. You're cheap. Really? Oh, yeah. 30
bucks. I think it's like 30 bucks. That's Mickey
Mouse coming down from the mountains. Yeah, dude.
Make me some products. It's a fucking spook.
It's literally the joke that Apple could have
a pile of shit and put their logo on it. Oh,
yeah. Like their stand that's $999. Exactly.
Topical. It's still down here. Come here for
the tech hot takes, guys. Yeah, come here for
all the hot takes. So I will jump in then, I
guess, after Toy Story 4. I'm excited for this
movie. Early reviews and the trailer just came
out, and it's not good. It's like 5 out of 10.
But I am still excited for The Dead Don't Die,
a zombie movie. Oh, Adam Driver's in it. Adam
Driver, Bill Murray, Danny Glover. Yeah, it's
got a good cast. It's got a great cast. Could
still be terrible. I am so in on that. But it
could be a good kind of terrible. I know. Selena
Gomez is in this movie. What the hell? People
want to put in this movie. Yeah, exactly. Mitchell's
in. Mitchell's in. No, but it's just, it's one
of those movies, like, the last zombie movie
we saw with Bill Murray was Zombieland, and it's
fucking awesome. Is Zombieland 2 still happening?
Zombieland 2 is still happening, and Bill Murray
is in Zombieland 2. Get excited. Bill Murray.
As a real zombie now. Probably, yes. Yeah, that's
funny. Spoilers. You shot me. So this could be,
like, a good kind of terrible movie, though.
Like, it's, so I saw a trailer. the first time
today and i have seen it three times and every
time it has continued to make me laugh because
it's very deadpan humor um so they are the sheriff
and deputy of a small town uh they are very like
oh don't see that every day like when they see
zombies you know so it's very like it almost
feels Besides the aspect of it, it feels like
a Wes Anderson movie where it's just kind of
like wacky things are happening and the characters
are just like, oh yeah, that hasn't happened
in a long time. We live in this world. We understand.
Exactly. And so I'm excited for it. I'm ready
for it. It comes out in two weeks. Okay. And
so I want, or it actually comes out next week.
Oh, wow. Because I forgot. Surprise. June 14th.
Surprise. Surprise. Yeah, so I'm excited for
it. I'm ready to go. What's it called again?
The Dead Don't Die. The Dead Don't Die. It's
straight to the point. Yeah, June 14th. It's
definitely a zombie movie. If you guys are interested,
I am definitely going to see it. You guys are
more than welcome to join me. I'll be back next
Friday. Sure. I'll watch a dumb zombie movie.
Yeah. Whatever. It's going to be a goofy zombie
movie. Weirdly enough, it's been a while since
those have happened. Remember when, like, there
was a zombie movie coming out, like, every, like,
month or so? Yeah, some of those took them so
serious, though. Yeah. World War Z was, like,
the peak of that, right? It's going to happen.
I still suggest Warm Bodies got screwed over.
Warm Bodies? Warm Bodies. Who was that in that?
Who was that? Oh, I don't remember who that is.
Wasn't that? It was, like, a smaller, like, smaller
talent. No, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Definitely.
But, like, I remember there was, like, some guy
that was. Nick Holt? Yeah, Nicole. That was it.
Was he the zombie in it? Yeah, he was the zombie.
No, no, no. He was the zombie. The girl's human,
and it's like a romance. It's a rom -com. Yeah,
it's like a rom -com. I forget her name. I'm
not looking it up right now. I only have seen
this movie, but it was pretty good. I'm done.
I'm done. Got it. Boom. It was one of those things
where that one got screwed over. I love that
one. I love zombie movies, so I'm okay with it.
I'm in. I'm in. All right. You guys have any
last words as we close this episode? Episode
9? I hope I don't lose the next challenge. Do
you have a challenge ready for us? I do. I kind
of just made it up on the fly. And T -Dog won't
be able to participate unless Allison is going
to be our... Allison can stand in for T -Dog.
Because she is T -Dog. Your T -Dog, that's right.
That's true, yeah. T -Dog's avatar. So, for myself,
Mike. Allison. Comrade Andre. Mitchell. Comrade
Andre. Thank you for listening to Game for a
Movie. Please subscribe, comment, that kind of
stuff. Add us on Facebook. We'll see you next
time on Game for a Movie. Bye. Hydra.