A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, four
people came together to drink beer, slash wine,
and talk Star Wars. Welcome to the Game for a
Movie podcast. I am your host, Mike B. Tank.
I am joined by... Mitchell Clemency, just drank
a beer. Andre Bellinger. And our special guest
tonight... Claire! I know you from The Wedding.
I thought about saying clear botanics. That's
just boring. First time as a married couple on
the podcast. I want to barf. Me too. Married
couple flow. Sorry, off to a good start. We are
drinking today. We've got a little bit of Powder
Hollow, the smoky aftermath. It's so good. Such
a good smoke. I haven't had this in a year and
a half. It's been forever. Yeah, it's been a
long time. We were in the area right by Middletown.
There's a new one, and they had it on tap. Get
a growler. Oh, no way. Yeah. So go to Middletown,
dude. Now it's in Middletown. A lot closer. Where's
the original one? Hazardville. Yeah. Okay, I
don't know where that is. That's near Mass. Yeah.
Andre, what are you drinking? I am drinking Cardigan
Double IPA from New Park Brewing, brewed to me
by one T -Dog, who is unfortunately absent. But
here's the T -Dog. We're going to play Where
is T -Dog in a second, but Claire, would you
like to say what you are drinking? I'm drinking
wine, Crafters Union Red Blend, gifted to me
by my friend Michelle. Yay, Michelle. Thanks,
Michelle. Hi. So do you guys want to play a little
Where's T -Dog? Yeah, sure. Well, I think T -Dog
is on some sort of hidden Sith planet that's
not been mentioned before in eight movies, and
we need to find, what is it, a T -Dog locator,
as it were. A T -Dog wayfinder. A wayfinder.
Yes. Okay. Yeah. I think that's where he is right
now. Absolutely. Did you mention that T -Dog
has put together his helmet, which he, you know,
is a big part of the last time he caught up with
T -Dog. He destroyed it. Right, right, right.
That was a very pivotal moment for him. A very
pivotal moment in the character's history. I
mean, T -Dog's history. Yeah. But now he's just
melded it back together, and I don't know why.
Which is kind of lame, but at least it looks
kind of cool because it has, like, red lines
in it and stuff, you know? Yeah, it's going to
sell toys. Yeah, it looks good on a poster. Yeah,
yeah, yeah. Yeah, T -Dog's new mask looks really
weird. Yeah. Anyway, what do you think he is?
Hmm. Hmm. Are you drinking his blood? Is that
what it is? That's not wine. Oh, there's the
red. I was trying to keep a low profile here.
There you go. All right. New T -Dog. That's Claire.
Hit me. Where I think T -Dog is is probably seeing
Episode 9 because he still hasn't yet. Yes, that's
very true. Winner! Yes. So we're going to talk
a little Episode 9. If you have not seen it,
here is your spoiler alert for Episode 9, Rise
of Skywalker. We're going to spoil the crap out
of it. We're going to spoil the crap out of it.
So we continue the... movie series, the trilogy
as it were, and finish with Rise of Skywalker,
directed by J .J. Abrams, the first director
of seven, and skip eight, and then go to nine,
and he's back. That's just like they always planned
it. It's like poetry, it rhymes. And speaking
of things coming back, we have Palpatine! Palpatine
is the big bad again. Aw. Yay. Woo. Yay. Extra
creepy. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, I will say... Oh, he
looked gross. Ian Mc... I forget how to fuck
up his name. Ian McDiarmid? Whatever. Palpatine's
actor. He nailed it. He was awesome. He brought
it. I don't know. It's a hammy role. You get
to sink your teeth into it and have fun. Exactly.
That's exactly what it was. He got to be super
creepy. There's nothing wrong with the way he
portrayed it. It's just more so, why do we have
Palpatine again? Exactly. Because fan service.
That's like, what you can say. On the last movie,
why would you bring a new villain into the last
movie? It's almost like there was no continuity
between the three. It's almost like Kylo Ren
was set to be the most interesting main antagonist
of all Star Wars, and then they decided, nope!
can't have that yep you take yeah you take Snoke
off the board and suddenly all that's left is
Kylo and now all there's left is Palpatine with
Kylo what about Hux Oh, yeah. Hux. I love Hux
as, especially in The Last Jedi, he was used
as kind of a joke piece. Yes. And he was hilarious.
Everything from the prosthetic eyebrows that
they put on him. It was just so over the top
because that's what he was in Force Awakens,
but they treated him serious when he was making
his Nazi speech in front of everyone on that.
you know Death Star planet he was like I'm a
serious bad guy and Rian Johnson looked at that
and was like yo you're a fucking tool and I thought
that was a perfect interpretation of that character
a little remnant of that is still around in Rise
of Skywalker they still have fun with them but
I hated that absolutely hated that when he's
just like I'm the spy I know. Oh, by the way,
that is set up in Act 1, and sure enough, he's
the spy in Act 3. Yeah. Smorky dork. Like, I
literally, I looked at Claire when we were watching
the movie, and it was just literally, oh my God.
So much disappointment across his face. Yeah.
So much. It's fine if he's the spy and whatever.
It's the line, I'm the spy. Yeah, okay, okay,
gotcha. So we're going into a lot of plot points
here, and I would just like to say this is a
very plot -heavy movie. Yeah, it's almost like
all the characters do is spout exposition and
hop from planet to planet. There's no character
moments, it's just plot, and there's no character,
you know? It's, oh, God. Oh, God. I just, I feel
like my main problem is that this movie needed
to be two movies, almost, right? If they wanted
to do all the things they wanted to do in this
movie, they needed more time and you needed to
pace it out better. Yeah, that was the thing
that I keep talking about with Mike that drove
me crazy. Like, it could have been a way better
movie, maybe, if it was broken up into two. But
the whole movie was just them, like, sarcastically
saying little, like, tidbits to each other. There's
no, like, actual conversation. Not that I need
to, like, sit and have, like, long dialogue,
but it was just, like, little... like bleeps
here and there at jumping plants play sure crazy
and like i i think i need that levity in star
wars like having those moments of having you
know having having um like uh poe like spot a
spot of queer like oh they fly now great you
know like that's totally fine i just need more
something meatier on top of that right right
as well as like what i have hated about this
trilogy is i feel like they always need to go
somewhere like it's just We're here. We're at
this planet. We need to find this pathfinder.
Oh, it's on this different one. Let's go here.
Okay, let's go here. Let's go there. And it's
just, it's trying to get too many planets. Like,
they had all these ideas for these unique planets.
We've got the red salt planet or whatever, you
know. We've got this planet. It's underwater
or whatever, you know. And it's just, you don't
need to go anywhere. You can sit in a spot and
have a conversation and be like, hey, let's come
up with a plan even. It's just kind of. And especially
with this last one, when they go to the planet,
the water, and it's the old Death Star and everything
like that, where they're just like, okay, we
need to come up with a plan. Rey's just like,
fuck you, I'm out, see ya, I'm going on my own.
Yeah. It's a very bloated movie, right? Yes.
There's a lot of parts, especially in the first
and third acts, where it's just like, oh my god,
you're throwing so much information at me. None
of it's going to stick. Right. And, you know,
for The Last Jedi, this movie, by the way, The
Rise of Skywalker reaffirmed how much I love...
The Last Jedi. Exactly, right there with him.
And if I'm looking at Last Jedi, and I didn't
think about the planet stuff before, Mike, that
you brought it up, but even that is on the simpler
side in terms of, all right, we're mainly on
our ships, and then we got Cancerbyte, we got
the planet that Rey and Luke are on, and then
at the very end, we get the Assault planet or
whatever. So it's very limited, and it all feels
purposeful when we go to these different places.
This just felt like... an expose of like, hey,
look at how industrial light and magic can make
all these cool different worlds. And they can.
Like the, you know, the, what's it called? Coachella
universe. Yeah. Why couldn't we hang out in weird
desert space Coachella for a little bit longer,
right? It was beautiful to look at, but at the
end of the day, it felt so rushed. Like, oh,
by the way, Lando's here. Like, what? Yeah, like,
okay, sure. Oh, by the way, there's Chewie. He's
gone. And now, oh no, he's back. That's what
I hated most about this movie. It was so noncommittal
to the things that I, I think, would have made
this a strong story. There are four death fakeouts.
Yeah. Four death fakeouts. Okay, I got Chewie,
C -3PO. C -3PO, Chewie, Rey, and then, oh my
god, what was the last one? There's like one
more in my head. Oh, Kylo. In the middle of the
movie, Kylo gets a fakeout death. Yeah, they
throw all that at the end with Kylo and Rey.
Yeah. You're right. It's like he dies, which
is a pivotal moment for Rey, I think, where she
finds out that she is not only tapping into the
Force, but this is the dark side. Cool. Lightning
is coming at her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That five
-minute stretch where I thought we were supposed
to think at least that Chewie was dead, I was
like, wow, that's a really interesting character
moment for Rey. Exactly. Cool. That would have
been awesome if they would have actually left
Chewie dead. If I was sitting there going, oh,
my God, Chewie, like, you know, like, it's sad,
but at the same time. It is that character development
of, hey, Rage has shot lightning out of her hands.
She has to live with that. She has to live with
it. Exactly. She killed Chewie. Not Kylo Ren,
not Palpatine, not Hux. She did it. Right. Yeah.
And by the way, the reason how our characters,
we figure it out. Quite soon. Like, there's a
cut scene where we see Chewie, blah, blah, blah.
But Rey finds out because she could sense Chewie.
Why couldn't she sense him initially when she
thought she blew him up? Yep. Like, what? What
are we doing? Not good. Like, we can't just pick
and choose when her force powers come into play.
Even somebody like Finn, who's force sensitive,
like, he could have sensed something. Even if
it's just a glimmer. I know it's not as much
as Rey. But it's still something. He could have
figured out at least a little tinge of something
where it's like, okay. Because he can feel, according
to the backstory and stuff, he can feel when
there's an imbalance in the force. Losing Chewie
would have been an imbalance. It's not force
power, but it's good versus evil. And that's
why he can wield a lightsaber. He was not great
at it, but he can wield it. So they do know that
he is force sensitive. Yeah, this is not an airtight
plot. There's a lot in it. It feels like it was
written... It just feels, slapdash isn't the
right word, but it's definitely very reactionary,
where I think they just look at the reaction
from The Last Jedi, and they're like, oh, let's
just give the fans what we think they want. Fan
service the movie, yes. Yes. It's fan service
the movie. And it just spends so much of its
time undoing what The Last Jedi did, and it's
rough. As much as I love The Last Jedi, and I'm
with you, Mitchell, this reaffirms my like for
The Last Jedi a lot. I almost kind of wish we
had it at a different time. J .J. Abrams just
had control of the whole trilogy, and it was
just all safe. If it was all just Force Awakens
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, because this tries to
be Force Awakens Part 3, where Part 2 wasn't.
It was trying to make up that Part 2 wasn't there,
so it was filling the blanks. It just felt super
bloated. There's a second movie that sets all
the stuff that Rise of Skywalker tries to do,
and to me that's a less impressive trilogy overall,
but at least it's more cohesive. I don't know.
I'm just, ugh. And these three movies came out
in the span 2015 through 19. So four years, three
movies. That's a lot. I don't care how big Disney
is. That's not a lot of time to... Especially
with something like this. At least with, especially
looking at Disney, the Marvel series, you have
different characters. You go to different movies
because you have this character, that. So it's
a lot of time in between your characters. Thor
1 is way before Thor 2. Yeah, you might have
an Avengers movie where he's a piece of it, but
it's... They take their time with that. Exactly.
And I don't think they've cracked the code on
that with Star Wars. Obviously they haven't.
Now that they moved Kevin Feige in charge of
that, so who knows how the Star Wars universe
is going to be different. Wait, wait. Kevin Feige's
in charge of Star Wars now? Kevin Feige, in terms
of the high -ranking film people inside Disney,
he is now also overseeing Star Wars in addition
to Marvel. So look that up. Can I check me? Yeah,
yeah, yeah. But he is, because of the success
of Marvel and the lack of backlash from fans
in particular of how they treat characters, they
want a guy who they believe has that touch. I
think you need a Star Wars guy. Kevin Feige's
always been Marvel. Yeah, you need a separate
guy. Yeah, I think you need a separate guy. Right,
because I don't want Star Wars to be another
MCU. Right, neither do I. Yeah, you know, it's...
Man, I'm okay with Star Wars going into the ice
for a little bit. Well, yeah, right. And they
are. Yeah, I think so. Yeah, well, I think they
have it in a weird place because, like, the Mandalorian
is, like, that's huge right now, right? Yeah,
much better than Skywalker. Yes, I would also
agree. But I feel like Star Wars is more set
up to be, instead of a theatrical release, they're
going to be putting on smaller stories almost,
you know? Like, that's kind of what it's queued
up for. Like, the most well -liked Star Wars
properties that came out this year, last year,
rather, were... was the Disney Plus series and
the video game that came out. Those are the two
generally well -liked things. I heard it was
really fun. the video game yeah I was just playing
it before Mike came over it's good yeah it's
a lot of fun would you rank that ahead of Rise
of Skywalker in terms of story yeah so far I
mean I haven't finished it yet but yeah yeah
definitely yeah you should pause it wait for
them to get another director and then play that
oh yeah pause it again they'll get another the
same director from before and then see how it
finishes gotcha okay that way it's an even playing
field all right all right yeah sounds like a
sounds like a plan I can't wait to fight Palpatine
again yeah you already know yeah All right, well,
it sounds like we have finished our discussion
on episode nine, unless anybody has any more
thoughts on episode nine. Rayla was just not
a good call. I'm so salty about that final kiss.
Just why? Ugh. Oh, I actually had one more thought
as well. Yeah? Yeah, I was wrapping it up, and
I had one more thought as well. What the fuck
happened to Rose? Oh, yeah! A very unpopular
character, so they wrote her off. I was so pissed
about that. So they're claiming that a lot of
her scenes were initially tied to Leia, and I
feel like that's kind of another unfortunate
circumstance around this movie, is that they
clearly wanted Leia to be a central focus of
this film. Unfortunately, Carrie Fisher's passing,
that didn't work out. Carrie Fisher was dead
before The Last Jedi came out. I know! That's
all I'm saying. Give me that excuse. I just wish,
that's why I'm surprised that it took so long
for Leia's character to exit the movie. as it
did. Like, I really, I just assumed going in
that it's going to be like, she's going to set
Rey off on the adventure, and then that's it,
you know? Yeah. But no, like, they just constantly
bring her back, and so I'm like, what? Just a
bunch of scenes of her just sitting there. Right,
and it's unfortunate, because, like, again, I
want them to do right by the character, but it
just takes me on the movie, because I know, like,
Carrie Fisher's no longer with us, and it's just
like, ugh. And it's kind of weird, I mean, this
is kind of separate, but it's weird to me that
they keep bringing her back, and then, like,
billy lord's in the movie too so i'm just like
this is a weird like yes yes because just imagine
doing a movie with your mom but she's not really
there right yeah like it's it's just like i know
it's like you know cj or whatever but it just
like like as a viewer it just like sat with me
kind of weird so it's like i think about like
when it's really boring the plot kind of that's
what i think that's what i was thinking about
i'm like oh there's carrie oh oh there's billy
walking by that's weird i know she's not there
but you know it's just like yeah yeah no definitely
right it's definitely a strange but you're right
i think initially han's movie was force awakens
luke sendoff was last jedi and then leia's sendoff
would have been um whatever this movie was so
right the original concept if You know, Carrie
Fisher is still with us. Or Chewie's send off.
He got his medal. He got his medal. Chewie got
his medal. Our boy got his medal, finally. That
made me chuckle when I saw it. Yeah, that's like
the fun, dumb kind of fan service I'm like okay
with. I'm like, fine, sure, give him the medal.
How would you know about that? Like, who cares?
Whatever. Whatever. Movie. Do we give this a
rating? Yeah. We can give this a rating. Cool.
What would you like to give it? Because if you
ask the questions, you get asked first. Fine.
I give it two retcons out of five. Two retcons
out of five. Because on a base level, it's well
-made, and I had fun watching the dumb spaceship
blow up the dumb, I don't know, things. On a
base level, I still had fun. I'm still, whatever,
spoiling our rankings, but I still think it's
more well -made than the prequels. But that's
just me. Okay. Yeah, so there's a certain quality
of having the experience of going to the theater.
watching a Star Wars movie when you see a long
time ago in a galaxy far far away when the John
Williams score hits it is amazing I don't care
what words follow that it's just an amazing feeling
and that alone is worth half a star and that's
why this is going to be a two star movie for
me so two Star Wars two Star Wars two Star Wars
out of five two Star Wars out of five okay alright
well I give it two and a half lightsaber blades
okay if you can keep adding blades you get a
little half one Remember when Rey looks like
she was from the dark side and she had two bladed
light chambers? Oh my god. You're welcome. You
remember? I remember. I just remember the last
line of the movie, I'm Rey Skywalker. Fuck! One
and a half stars! I know. It's enough to piss
you off. I was not happy about that. I also saw
that one coming. I did it, but I was hoping for...
Because who would be the Skywalker that answers
the question, where does the rise of Skywalker
come from? See, I had a good theory, but it got
shed on immediately. What did you think? So I
thought this was going to be the end of the Jedi
term. The idea Jedi, and then they were going
to start a new belief system that was... The
Skywalker. The Skywalker, or something like that.
Interesting. That was my thought. I almost could
jive with that better, actually. It's an interesting
theory. I thought that would have been great.
Sure. We've got Rey Skywalker. Claire, what's
your rating on Rise of Skywalker? I'm on board
with two. Okay. Hop on the board. But I don't
know what I want to rate it as. That's the most
important part. Coming up with something creative.
Unique. I am not creative or unique, so it's
going to be difficult. You're unique. I married
you. You're unique enough. That's sad. I don't
know. Well, you think about it. I'm going to
pour us another beer. No, the moment's gone.
Okay. Yes, please. All right, here we go. Beer
time. I will say this. To be honest, and... These
movies, and especially the entire trilogy as
a whole, and I'm including Last Jedi in this,
it is incredibly hard to create a universe as
expansive that George Lucas made. Yeah, that's
right. And to build upon it. Right. And that's
why it feels so awkward for fans. Yeah, he did
the prequels and they're universally hated, but
a lot of people will... Right, maybe they're
viewed with rose -colored glasses now, but the
whole idea... Don't say rose, I'm so pissed about
it. The Hobbit had more lines than rose, damn
it, fuck. Jesus. Anyway, yeah, just the idea
of, you know, this is his universe, he should
offer it as long as he's still alive. Sure. Not
gonna happen anymore, he sold it for $4 billion,
but, you know... Yeah, I feel like that's what
a lot of people did. Homeboy was done, man. Like,
fuck it. It works. Cash that check. Yeah, you
know, fuck it. Four billion, dude. It's hard
to turn down. That photo with him just looking
so dead with Mickey Mouse and lightsabers is
just an iconic photo. And Bob Iger's grinning
ear to ear. Yeah! And then he's like, I just
ripped this motherfucker off. And Gordon's like,
I know. All right. Well, let's jump into. Oh,
you actually had a good point where I'm just
like, oh, perfect. I got a little spot to come
back in. And then he snorted. And then he snort
laughed at me. This is fun. So we're definitely
not cutting that. Sorry, I ruined it. No, you
didn't ruin it. That's exactly what you needed.
You added to it. Yes, and. So we're going to
rate the movies. Rank them. Rank them. The power
rankings. Episode one through nine, as well as
adding Rogue One and Solo. Cool. So we have 11.
Yes. Yep. We are going to go 11 through eight.
Yes. Each of us. Our bottom four. Seven to four.
Each of us? Yes. And then finally, 3, 2, 1. The
rest of the way. Hell yeah. Plus me. Plus you.
Plus Claire. Are you just going to chime in or
you got your list? I'll make comments when appropriate
and when I can think of something good to say.
And then I'll talk about 3, 2, 1. Hell yeah.
See, unlike T -Dog who would have two movies
and then just be like, that's my list. Yep. Oh,
T -Dog. Oh, T -Dog. We love you. He would have
freestyled. He would have. Who would like to
lead us off? Alright, I guess I will. We're starting
from the bottom to the top. Alright, so my least
favorite Star Wars is The Phantom Menace, followed
up very closely by Attack of the Clones, and
then a pretty sizable gap, Revenge of the Sith,
and then finally Rise of Skywalker. You really
hate the prequels. Yeah, no, I don't like them.
They suck. Because I think I'm extra mad at them
because now we're seeing kind of like a meme
revival of sorts, you know? Because they're so
badly acted and weirdly written that you can
make awkward memes out of them and they're funny
outside of context. But there's this weird cachet
of people that think the prequels are better
than the new movies and I just fundamentally
disagree with that. Fair. Okay. Richard Brody,
who is a New Yorker film critic, he wrote this
huge op -ed. arguing that the prequels are better
than 4, 5, and 6. And it's enlightening. Whoa!
I don't know how much he believed it, but it's
enlightening when you view it from that angle.
How much did he smoke before he did this? I don't
know. He is a very pretentious, and also he's
a, what's it called, a contrarian kind of film
critic type. That's fair. So I think he was just
testing himself if he could successfully argue
this. Yeah, right. Which, you know, whatever.
Okay, Mitchell, what's your bottom four? Yeah,
so honestly, these could flip -flop, but I have
at 11, Attack of the Clones, and number 10, The
Phantom Menace. The Phantom Menace at least gave
me the Darth Maul fight sequence, so that was
enough. I really watched that. Like, you know,
I'll go back and re -watch some of that. I think
the choreography is fun. And, I mean, it also
has the Duel of Fates in it. The Duel of Fates.
Like, it's just anything John Williams. John
Williams is, like, the best part of all these
movies, I think, pretty much. And that was him,
you know, expanding upon a score that is so iconic.
Yeah. So, good for John, you know, X amount of
years later, still building on something that
he built in 1977. For sure. Very cool. Number
nine. This movie committed the crime of being
boring, and that is Solo. I did not like Star
Wars. Oh, wow. There's one thing a Star Wars
movie cannot be, and that is boring. It was very
boring to me. I could not latch on to any of
our lead characters, including Donald Glover,
as Lando. Who, by the way, has sex with his robot.
He definitely fucks that robot. He definitely
fucks that robot, and that's why he's number
two on my list. You know why? Because Donald
Glover fucks. Donald Glover does fuck. He's homosexual.
man like which is fine and you're expanding the
universe you could argue that but also my mind
completely went in a different direction other
than where the movie was going after that little
nugget was dropped so I thought it was boring
I thought the movie itself looked muddy I do
yeah the color correction was off on that movie
for sure yeah and then number eight The Rise
of Skywalker we all had our takes on that yes
not a fan of that movie yeah yep that's fair
okay so a lot of what you've heard is goes Triple
for me. At the bottom, I've got Phantom Menace.
Second to last, of course, Attack of the Clones.
Rise of Skywalker makes an early appearance.
And then, different than the rest of you, I'm
betting, Return of the Jedi. Yeah. Return of
the Jedi is that low for you. I hate Ewoks. My
dudes. I hate Ewoks too. They're neighbors. Yeah.
My Return of the Jedi is neighbors to yours.
Yeah, okay. All right, all right. Yeah. Because
I was just going to say, like, I had, well, fun
fact, Solo's my neighbor. Yeah. Yeah. Right.
I just, I hate Ewoks. I absolutely hate them.
Dude, I fucking hate Ewoks. They're pro Jar Jars.
Everyone shits on Jar Jar Binks. He was already,
that, that. level of badness is already there
with the Ewoks. Plus, I can't exactly remember
what movie it was, but I think that was when
Boba Fett died in, like, the most embarrassing
way. Yeah, Boba Fett does nothing in that movie.
He's built it as this big, everyone's complaining
about Phasma. Dude, Boba Fett did it first, you
know? Like, built up this huge villain and then
did jack shit. And the Wilhelm scream. Just,
just, I can't. I can't do it. It's just a Star
Wars staple, by the way. It is a Star Wars staple.
Yes, for sure. Which is fine if it wasn't a badass
character that you just killed off. I will say
Harrison Ford looked straight up bored in that
movie. I think he was done being Han Solo way
before he got. Way before he got. Because he
died. He wanted to get killed in the first movie.
Oh, there you go. He wanted his character to
have meaning. Exactly. Right. So, yeah, that
Return of the Jedi sneaks into my eight spot.
Cool. There you go. Wow. Respect, actually. I
thought I was going to kick shit for hell. I
agree with everything you guys have said. These
are awful movies. I don't know. It's easy at
the bottom. I actually, I mean, I will defend
Solo a little bit in that I thought it was entertaining
and harmless, and that's pretty much where I
fall on that. You can definitely say harmless.
Yeah. You can definitely say harmless. You can't
say entertaining, but... No, you can. You can.
I mean, The Return of the Jedi is higher on my
list, but I think if I watched it... now for
like the first time I would agree with you that
the Ewoks are stupid but like I grew up watching
4, 5, 6 like my sister and I on road trips when
I was like 10 we had like the original trilogy
on VHS and that's what we watched and so it's
like to me it's like not plot reason I love that
movie it's childhood like it brings that in yeah
I grew up watching it and they were cute I can
also I agree with that yeah sure Claire was running
it past me earlier when we were driving in the
car. I said they're just little teddy bears,
and as much as I hate the stormtroopers and I
think they're dumb because they can't shoot anything,
how can you not shoot a teddy bear that hobbles?
And she goes, well, what about Chewbacca? He's
just a big teddy bear. He's a giant teddy bear,
just skinnier. Longer strides. And he can run.
However, but he cannot change. He's a big target.
But he can't, like, change little positions that
fast, like direction. But Ewoks can't either
because they hobble. They, like, march at you.
Yeah, Ewoks permanently made the Empire. I mean,
like, maybe they should have been the butt of
every joke by then because, as you said, Star
Trekers can't shoot. But as soon as I saw two
giant logs crush an AT -ST, I just stopped considering
the Empire as an actual threat. It's like, all
right, they're just mooks at that point, you
know? But it's a metaphor for the Vietnam War.
Oh, great. Wow. Sick. Real good. Thanks, George.
Really layered commentary there. Jesus Christ.
All right, Andre. Seven to four. All right. Seven
to four. At seven, I have Solo. At six, I have
Return of the Jedi. Five, Rogue One. And four,
The Last Goddamn Jedi. I will not be the last
Jedi. And I'm really, I will say, Last Jedi and
my neighboring film are like, they're just basically
tied. It's The Force Awakens. Well, I don't know.
Spoilers. Yeah, as I said, The Return of the
Jedi is my least favorite of the original trilogy,
but it still has that iconic, you know, final
fight between Palps and Luke. Palps. Yo, what's
up, Palps? Yeah, right. That's why he was a cool
villain because it was kind of fun and it was
actually built to a final climactic showdown.
He's like every villain ever. He has a Brooklyn
accent. I am all the Sith. What are you going
to do about it? Oh my god. Woo! Yes. If you don't
know, Andre, every single character he does comes
from Brooklyn. Especially when he's our judging
master. Indeed it is. I'm learning one more accent
besides Brooklyn. Just a one -up. I'm looking
forward to it. What do you want? I'm a bugbear.
What do you want? I'm a bugbear. I'm just trying
to eat it. So yeah, I would say the gap between
Rogue One and The Last Jedi is very large for
me. Rogue One, Return of the Jedi, and Solo I
tolerate. They're fun, and I will watch them
if they're on. The Last Jedi I actively enjoy.
So that's kind of where I'm at with that one.
The Rogue One, I would say, just in summary,
two -thirds, not a great movie, and then the
final third is fantastic. I really love that.
As soon as we get to the final scene on the final
Scarif, I believe, that's the final planet, everything
there is just perfect. But up until that point,
a little muddy. That's just where I'm at. I'm
with you. Yep. Cool. So at number seven, I have
Revenge of the Sith. Am I the highest among the
three? Okay. Yeah, I think so. Oh, never mind.
Definitely on you. Yeah. So I got Revenge of
the Sith there. Look, it closed out the trilogy,
and it was the one of the three where I was,
God, I just remembered that in -theater experience,
and that definitely kind of skews it a little
bit. For sure. It's not a great movie, but the
in -theater experience of watching it all happen
was fantastic. You want to hear something sad?
What's up? Attack of the Clones was my first
IMAX movie. Oh, that's rough. You hate to see
it. But at least you got a good lecture of why
sand is bad. It's as coarse as rubber. I felt
like I was that sand right there. That's great.
Anakin, she fell into the sand. Oh, okay. I ain't
going in there. He called the wrong Jedi. Number
six, Return of the Jedi. And now this one, you
had it at six as well. I will say like a good
positive note for me. You mentioned the Palpatine
versus Luke. For me, it was Darth Vader versus
Luke. That was like the pivotal scene for me.
For sure. In terms of, I've never felt more emotion.
put out in a lightsaber duel before where in
phantom menace you know you get darth maul it's
fun to watch there's not a lot of storytelling
there's not a lot of emotion behind each blow
and in return of the jedi he's struggling whether
or not he should kill his father the entire time
and you feel that um you feel the rage at the
end when he finally maims him cuts off his arm
so yeah i thought that's an incredibly well done
sequence so return of the jedi number six number
five rogue one Rogue One, for all the same reasons
that Andre has it at five, really loved the third
act. Number four, The Force Awakens, a fun time
at the movies. Again, great in -theater experience.
I saw it the Friday it came out, and I was in
Santa Barbara at the time, and everyone was cheering
at the right times. We clapped at the end. Some
people gasped when they saw Luke at the very
last shot. So it was just a really fun time,
and it did. I think, what is almost an impossible
task of relaunching this series and also introducing
new characters that we like or love in terms
of Rey and Finn and all those guys, and then
also reintroducing some fan favorites, in this
case Han Solo. So, number four. Nice. Don't forget
BB -8. Oh, BB -8. Oh, my favorite droid, by the
way. You're absolutely right. How can you forget
that? I know, I feel bad. I gotta say, BD -1
from the Jedi Fallen Order, the video game, is
kind of in the running for my favorite droid
right now, I'll just say. Okay, there it is.
Just big ups to BD -1. Big ups to BD -1. If it's
not on celluloid, I don't care. Seven for me
is Solo, just because, a lot of reasons, but
I mean, I didn't mind it. Donald Glover is a
pain to me. That's a rough one. That was such
a disappointing take. And my problem was I was
so excited about the casting when I heard it
that I was like, oh yes, this is great. Lando,
perfect. This is great. And then it became...
wow he was doing a billy d impersonation the
entire yeah right what's up hon and it's just
like it's so cheesy i will say the one thing
i like about that interpretation is that he actually
actually go with the what's up hand he's like
it's hon but okay that's like that's like the
one not i'm like okay that's a good one for sure
uh six i got last jedi It's a fun movie and everything
like that. Right above it, it's Force Awakens.
Agreed with your relaunching it and everything
like that. And it holds a special place in my
heart because of going to the theaters and experiencing
Revenge of the Sith. Yes, exactly. And that's
exactly it. It's going to the theaters. It's
not a good film and I'm not going to defend that.
No! Exactly. That is the dumbest scene ever.
If you're not with me... Then you're my enemy.
Yeah, exactly. Is that your Morty or your Rick?
I don't know. That's my Hayden Christensen, my
friend. I literally can't remember what happened
in Revenge of the Sith. Revenge of the Sith was
the third one. That's how memorable it is to
me. That was the third one. And yeah, it was
like, it's not an awful film compared to some
of the rest we have on this list. But at the
same time, like, it's not a good one. And I literally,
I probably could have picked, Force Awakens or
Last Jedi to jump it. No, but I mean, that's
still valid. Like I said, this is our list. This
is in the Criterion Star Wars collection. I will
not defend Revenge of the Sith, but at the same
time, to me, it brings that experience. And seeing
all the memes has actually made it more like
nostalgia for me. It's like ridiculous. But it's
just that nostalgia feeling. You bring up a good
point, though, about Star Wars movies in general.
It's definitely the relationship between where
you were in your life when you first watched
them, and your love of them is going to be higher
if you saw them at a younger age. For sure. And
that's why the nostalgia thing was such a big
deal for Rise of Skywalker. So, you know, they
just wanted to go back to the past and all that,
which ended up hurting it. But I think that is
a similar feeling that a lot of people will have,
for sure. There we go. Going to three? Are we
doing the top three? Yes, sir. How are we doing
this? I was confused. Three, two, one? So he's
going to read his three, two, one, or are we
going three, two, one? I think we keep going.
I think we keep going. That's too much. That's
fair. It's easy enough to deduce at this point.
It really is. We have it down. Alright, that's
fine. So, yeah. Number three, I have Force Awakens.
Again, I said that this and Last Jedi are basically
tied for me. Last Jedi took more risks and I
respect that movie a little bit more in ways
that it... kind of try to make, I don't know,
it's a different interpretation of Star Wars,
whereas The Force Awakens, to me, was just, like,
going back to what you guys said, my favorite
Star Wars going experience, just because that
was, I was just super excited for a safe Star
Wars movie, and that's exactly what I got. Right.
I mean, just when Poe, like, goes to the first,
like, X -Wing run on that, on the, I forget the
planet's name, but that green planet that they
were on, where they actually fight the Empire
for the first time. So, where they go to the
temple and all that? Yes. with the monsters yeah
like when they're like when the first order is
on like pushing back all the rebels and everything
like oh man there's no hope and then Poe does
his runway and whatever and like oh man I just
ugh that's one hell of a pilot exactly I was
fit right there I was like yeah oh fuck yeah
It's a cool shot. Yeah, and honestly, a lot of
the interesting stuff that The Last Jedi capitalizes
on in this movie sets up. I love Kylo Ren's introduction
to this series. He is the legacy character. He
is the Solo and Skywalker, and he's a bad guy.
He's a bad guy tempted by the light, and I really
like that The Force Awakens was willing to introduce
a character like that. I really was hoping you'd
say tempted by the fruit of another, but... Why
would you do that? Stuck in my head too. Everybody
must suffer. Number two for me is A New Hope.
Just, I mean, it's the movie that started it
all. Honestly, I could watch the movie over and
over and over again. Luke isn't exactly my favorite
character in that movie because he's kind of
whiny and he doesn't come to his own until the
later movies, but still a fun time. Easy to recommend
to anybody. Just, yeah, it's a classic. And then
my top is kind of like the vanilla answer, but
Empire Strikes Back. There's no vanilla answer.
Well, still. There is. I mean... It really is
just like the perfect second dark chapter to
me, you know, like the perfect sequel to me and
that it raises the stakes. It flushes out all
of our main characters into being something more
interesting instead of just being two dimensional,
a fun adventure. There's actually some depth
to it. And yeah, I don't know. I just, I love
all of the, like all three, like all of the plots
intertwining. There's usually with all the other
Star Wars movies, there's part, there's plots
that I'm like, okay, I just want to get to the
good stuff. The Empire Strikes Back is nothing
but the good stuff. Okay. So there we go. I would
agree that the Empire Strikes Back is probably
the best movie. Like if I was to look at, all
right, Lawrence Kasdan with this script is amazing.
I forgot who directed it, but George taking a
seat back and just producing this film, I think
opened up a lot of doors creatively and they
did, I mean, they knocked it out of the park,
which is why it's my number three. Oh! So The
Empire, and I will say this, this is a tight
bunch at the top three for me. For sure, yeah.
This could be a different order and a different
day, but how it stands, when I was writing it
as I was leaving work, The Empire Strikes Back
is number three. And I will say this, too. I
used to, or when I was growing up... they re
-released the original trilogy in cinemas, like
in a build -up to The End of Menace. Yes. Me
and my dad saw every single one. Nice. And this
one was the only one I did not fall asleep in.
Oh, there you go. So, and not to say I didn't
like the others at all, but, you know, I was
a little kid. And this one, for whatever reason,
captured my attention. So, The Empire Strikes
Back, I love it. Quite dearly. Number two, Star
Wars or A New Hope, as it was retroactively named.
Star Wars, I mean, look, you cannot... you cannot
replicate the because i just re -watched this
by the way it was like last week i just decided
to put on disney plus what's up and i just decided
to give it a watch and because yeah there's a
lot of line reads that age poorly there's a lot
of acting and special effects that just don't
hold up especially the new special effects that
george lucas yeah right and it's hard to not
view that movie without those like java java
the hut is in star wars now And no, he is just
a Jedi guy. He is not in the first Star Wars,
but he is here. Anyway, it is fun. It is charming.
And it's everything that you want in just like
a fun time at the movies. And I just love Star
Wars. It gives me the warm and fuzzies, unlike
any of these other movies that I've listed. And
then number one, not warm and fuzzy at all. It's
a dark wine that you drink nice and slowly. It
is The Last Jedi. Hell yeah. Oh, man. I love
it that you are that guy. I fucking love that.
Let's go. Let me explain. Is it perfect? Hell
no. The cancel bite stuff, while it has a lot
of social commentary that Rian Johnson has sprinkled
throughout his entire filmography, it is also
a thing and a plot line that drags the movie
down. There's a lot of fun moments, but at the
end of the day, you probably could have cut it
just a little bit. And then you look over at
the biggest controversy of this film. Luke Skywalker
is a crank. Well, you know what? I haven't seen
this guy in 30 plus years, and if he's the same
dude, why am I telling this story? Yes. I will
say, on record, The Last Jedi has my favorite
interpretation of Luke Skywalker as a character.
Absolutely. Absolutely. By a fucking mile. I'm
on board with that. Hell yeah. He is a jaded
Luke Skywalker who was coming off the peak of
his Jedi career and destroying the Empire, and
suddenly he realizes the Sith isn't gone all
the way, and he has to grapple with that. And
he does things that he regrets. And now he's
living in shame and is out living as a hermit
to die. By the way, Mark Hamill delivering his
best on -screen performance. You could say the
Joker is probably his best character ever. But
on -screen, we were talking about New Hope and
how that dude could not read a line to save his
life. He had the charm, but pretty much nothing
else. He was an actor in this movie. And Rian
Johnson pushed him there. I watched the behind
-the -scenes documentary on this movie. He straight
up says, Mark Hamill's like, yo, I do not like
what Ryan has done to Luke, like at all. I'm
fundamentally against what he put out there,
but it's my job as an actor to give him my best
performance. Oh, there's a little link there.
Oh, it's from Kelly. Hi, Kelly. Anyway, and it's,
yeah, it's probably the best on -screen performance
that I've seen from him, and it works. And then
third. The relationship between Kylo Ren and
Rey. I like how fleshed out it gets in Last Jedi,
where they start... They can connect, kind of,
and everything like that. Man, it's almost like
you can have two characters with an interesting
relationship, and that doesn't end up with them
making out. Huh. Fascinating. Exactly. Wait,
Andre, did you see 9? What's that? Did you see
9? Episode 9? Yeah. They ended up making out!
No! Why would you do that to me, J .J.? No! It
seems in your anger. You've ruined the fucking
plot. Give in to your anger. Damn it. Anyways,
yeah. So that dynamic was electric, and that
is, I would argue, the best special effect in
that movie is Daisy Ridley and Adam Driver acting
one -on -one with each other. So, yes, huge fan
of The Last Jedi, and that is why it's my number
one. Hell yeah. Respect. Well, I have a slightly
different list. Okay. Slightly, though, because
I will say at number three, I have a new hope.
Cool. Yep. Okay. Yep. For all the reasons. Yes.
It's the one that started it. It's a classic.
Absolutely. Empire Strikes Back is my number
two. Okay. Just because at the end of it, you're
literally going, wait, our heroes might lose?
Like, I love that idea. Yes. That just is such
a great twist to me, especially how old this
movie was and everything like that. It was just...
Empire Strikes Back is everything I could want
from a Star Wars movie that's just different.
It is. And they did lose. If you ended there,
they lost. They lost. Hans and Carbonite. It
literally, Lando fucked them all. Exactly. Luke
no longer has his hand. It's like all these different
things. Just taking L's. Taking these L's. Taking
these L's. And my number one is very different
than the rest of yours. Rogue One, Star Wars
story. Yeah, man. Gareth Edwards' own. Rogue
One. So what my thing is about Rogue One is just
the first two -thirds of the movie, yes, you're
correct, it's not the greatest, but it does have
some great character intros where they have to
get a lot of characters quickly. And I like that
about it because the blind guy is one of my favorites.
I can't remember his name. He's one of my favorites.
K2 is my favorite droid, even besides. BB -8
because it's Alan Tudyk and he is just outstanding
he's the best and literally that end sequence
like the whole planet like the getting the plans
and then the fucking Darth Vader scene was so
Freaking awesome. It was so good. That is fan
service done right, I would say. That is everything
I wanted in my Star Wars movie. When I left the
theater the first time, I was actually pissed
at the movie. Because all of the characters died.
But at the same time, I was thinking, wait, they
couldn't exist. And I watched it again, and I
was like... They actually gave each of them a
really good send -off that made sense with the
characters and everything like that. Yes. It
was literally, it's just my favorite Star Wars
movie. It is a popcorn flick through and through.
Oh, yeah, for sure. And it is... Rogue One. Yes.
It's very self -contained outside of the Darth
Vader stuff. You know, it's just like, don't
joke in your ambitions. I can't get over that.
I know, me neither. I was just going to say,
that final sequence would have been so much cooler
if I didn't know Darth Vader was in that movie
and in the trailers and also with that first
scene. Like, if I could... I would just have
him only be in that final scene, and then that
would have just been mind -blowing. See, I went
in not knowing that. Oh, really? There you go.
I had no clue he was in it. They unfortunately,
I mean, like, he's marketable, so they showed
that for where he ignites the lightsaber, they
showed that in the trailers. Okay. Maybe I just
missed it. Maybe I wasn't looking for it, whatever
it may be. I didn't know that. So at the end,
when he was there, holy fuck, oh, my God. Yeah.
All the alarms are going off in my head. It was
so good. It's a great payoff. Claire, thoughts?
Comments? Concerns? My top three. I'm not going
to go into a lot of detail because it's all things
that have been said and I agree with most of
them. Last Jedi, number three. Woo! Yeah! Join
the clan! Woo! Um, Empire Strikes Back, for obvious
reasons that have been said. And actually, Rogue
One is my top. Aw, that's my big name! That's
my big name! It's my achievement. It expands
on the universe while still sticking to the primary
storyline. It also plugs the biggest plot hole
of the original Star Wars movie. Straight up.
They explain why the Death Star has a dumb ass
fucking weak point. They found a great way to
do it. How he just built it and was like you'll
find the way. I'm biased though. I really like
that. I mean. I like that movie for all the reasons
we've talked about, but I love Felicity. Felicity
Jones is very beautiful. She's my favorite. Very
beautiful. I will say this, too, and I'm totally
blanking on my point here. I'm choking. Don't
choke on your aspirations, Mitchell. I'm off
duty. Claire's a nurse, everyone. I think everybody
that listens knows. So sorry, everyone. So sorry.
All three of you. Nice hearing from you. Hi,
Kelly. Yeah, I don't know. I just love how...
they introduce a character who is not Force -sensitive,
but believes in the Force, like the antithesis
of Han Solo in A New Hope. Where he's like, oh,
you believe in that hokey shit? It's like, this
is a guy who's just like, I'm one of the Force,
the Force is with me. Even though he does not
have any Force powers. He doesn't have a lightsaber.
He doesn't have a lightsaber. It is religion
for him, and it centers him in a beautiful, and
it kind of taps into all the Eastern influences
that the Jedi adopted because of George Lucas.
But, you know, it's all in that character, and
I think that's amazing. For sure. I do want to
say real quick as a whole addendum to all this
is that we spent a lot of time shitting on the
latest movie in the series but I still fucking
love Star Wars. I'm excited to see more stuff
in it. There's something intangible about that
universe that makes me want to constantly see
more. The funny thing is I'm looking at my list
going I would watch each of these except for
Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones again.
Each and every one of them except for my bottom
two. And that just goes to show Star Wars. It's
a fun universe. It's great. It's imagination.
Did you just do the Disney logo? I was going
to be tanning. You're watching Disney. That's
what I was thinking. You know how many times
I practiced that as a kid? Okay, screw you. Why'd
you draw a penis in the air? Mickey, no! So that
will do it for our Star Wars talk. Next time,
guys, I think we jump back into our normal format.
Yes. Everybody is going to see a movie. You guys
are going to see what you want to see. I'm going
to see what I'm forced to see, which I have already
seen. Yes! And I've heard all about it. And I
drink heavily about it. I heard it's a perfect
movie. Oh, nice. I get it. I wish I could claw
my eyes out. That's good, too. So, that'll do
it for me, Mike. Claire. Andre. Mitchell. See
you guys next time on Game for a Movie. May the
force be with you.