You know what that sound means? It's another
episode of the Game for a Movie podcast where
we ask, are you game for a movie? My name is
Mike. I'll be your host tonight. We have a special
Father's Day episode, and just like me, Father's
Day has to be late, of course, because I never
get anything right on the holidays. I never get
it done in time. So this one's only like a week
late compared to my Mother's Day episode, which
was three weeks late, I think, maybe even four
weeks late. So at least I... Kind of put a hurry
on this one, I'll say. I have a plan already
for 4th of July, so hopefully I can get that
done on time this time. We'll see about that,
though, because, you know, time gets away from
you and everything like that. Being that it is
a Father's Day episode, we have a specific Father's
-related movie. And, of course, we also have
a beer. Today, we are drinking... the juice angler
from one of my favorite breweries that i like
to frequent it is untamed waters it is in fort
mill south carolina i know we moved to north
carolina i always joke because we're right on
the border that i do my drinking in south carolina
and i've been to untamed waters i don't know
probably a thousand times at this point but it
is one of my favorite places to go to it's a
chill atmosphere good beer And I usually end
up leaving, making a friend or two. So that's
what's nice about Untamed Waters right there
in Fort Mill, South Carolina. It is also the
place where I came up with the idea to do a Mother's
Day and Father's Day edition this year. So that
should also take credit for why you have this
episode now in front of you. Speaking of that
Father's Day movie, let's talk about it. It is
the movie Father Figures which technically came
out in 2017. It's marked as a 2018 movie but
technically it came out in 2017. I know that's
a little weird because it did come out December
22nd. The one thing that Father Figures definitely
has going for it, it has a phenomenal cast. We've
got Ed Helms and Owen Wilson playing the two
leads. Their mother is played by Glenn Close.
We've got Terry Bradshaw, of all people, with
Ving Rhames, J .K. Simmons, Cat Williams, June
Squibb, Katie Aselton, Ali Wong, and Christopher
Walken, to close it out. I don't know about you,
but on paper, this movie should have been a lot
better than it was. And I will also give it,
it's not one of the worst movies I've seen. It's
not great. I don't recommend it to anybody. But
I've seen a lot worse movies than this one. This
was the directorial debut of Lawrence Schur.
You may recognize that name not because of the
actual movies he's directed, but because he's
been the head cinematographer on things like
Joker, Godzilla, King of the Monsters, Garden
State, The Hangover. The list goes on and on.
He actually has 50 great credits worth of director
of photography or cinematographer. this dude
is a hot commodity in hollywood so don't get
me wrong i'm going to shit on this movie but
this is his directorial debut and he is known
for a lot more a lot of other things father figures
was written by justin malan uh he has had some
credits as well he's the head writer Screenplay
by for Office Christmas Party. Father figures,
obviously. Yes Day. And, of course, one of the
favorite ones I like to talk about on the show,
Clifford the Big Red Dog. He also is writing
the earlier script for Bad Teacher 2. Yes, that
may be a thing that actually happens in the future.
Bad Teacher 2 might be coming. When Malin finished
the script, it was sold less than two days after
being pitched. That is an impressive 36 hours.
And it was originally titled Bastards, but about
three months before release of the movie, they
decided to change it to Father Figures instead.
Probably because it had a nice December Christmas
window that, I don't know, maybe your kids don't
want to see that there's a movie called Bastards
coming out. This movie was nominated for one
award, and that nomination was for Trashiest
Trailer by the Golden Trailer Awards. They didn't
win, but... they were nominated for Trassiest
Trailer. So, you know, there's that. A quick
synopsis before I jump into the main details
of this movie. Upon learning that their mother
has been lying to them for years about their
allegedly deceased father, fraternal twin brothers
hit the road to search for him. Our twin brothers
are played by Owen Wilson and Ed Helms, and the
mother is Glenn Close. I think I've said that
before, but just so you have an idea who we're
dealing with to start it off. So without further
ado, let's get into the movie. Of course, we
start with a prostate joke, and that is the kind
of humor that we're really being set up for.
Ed Helms is a doctor, and more specifically,
the kind of doctor that sticks his finger up
people's butts for a living. He's not a great
father, and he's possibly an alcoholic. We've
learned this in the first two minutes of this
movie. His character's name is Peter, and we
learn that he needs to loosen up. He needs to...
Calm down and not be so uptight. You know, the
typical Ed Helms stereotype that he goes for
in these movies. His brother Owen Wilson, named
Kyle in this movie, got his image on a bottle
of barbecue sauce that is selling everywhere.
So, basically, he has a lot of money, but he's
like this surfer, laid -back kind of guy. You
know, the odd couple that we have to start off
this movie. Their mother is getting married,
which is bringing them both together. Peter brings
his son to the wedding and Kyle doesn't remember
Peter's kid because it's been like four years.
So, you know, Kyle, that laid back surfer type
kind of focused on himself, doesn't remember
his brother's kid because he just doesn't care.
It's not about him, that kind of thing. Obviously,
at this point, we can already guess that Kyle
is going to teach Peter kind of the way back
and Peter is going to teach Kyle something about
caring about others or something like that. After
the wedding, Peter is relaxing and he is watching
Law & Order SVU. And he recognizes that their
father might still be alive because of this episode.
And he just has this feeling that their father
is alive somehow. Glenn Close, the mother that
is getting married this weekend, her name is
Helen in this movie. She reveals that she lied
about their father and this is the crux of the
movie. They are going to go out and they're going
to find their dad. Couple lines that I wrote
down because of this. It was the 70s. You have
to understand the priority was smoking weed and
fucking. And then Peter goes, I stare at assholes
all day long because of dad's colon cancer, which
the dad might never have had. So we've learned
that Peter's kind of modeled his whole life off
of his dad's potential colon cancer. And his
assistant is Donna from Parks and Rec. She's
kind of convincing him that. It's okay, like,
you still are successful, that kind of stuff,
and also kind of pushing along that maybe they
should go and find their dad. After a while of
trying to get her to admit who the dad might
be, because she doesn't even really know, it
could be potentially multiple people, because
again, the priority was smoking weed and fucking,
Helen throws out the name Terry Bradshaw, and
we learn that Peter loves Terry Bradshaw, like,
it's an idol of his that Terry Bradshaw And especially
that he might be his father. Peter is all but
gung ho now to go figure out how to find Terry
Bradshaw. So Peter's ready to take a road trip
and he's going to go to Tampa because that is
where Terry Bradshaw is. He's opening a car dealership
and he's doing like a meet and greet. So if they
get down to Tampa, they can meet up with him
and tell him that he's their dad. And I say them
because originally it was just going to be Peter.
But Kyle's just kind of like, the universe is
telling me to go on this trip. I want to go.
The universe is telling me we have this mission
now. So Kyle convinces Peter that they can go
together. They get the first ticket they can
to fly to Tampa. And by the way, they spend an
exorbitant amount of money, which is no problem
because Kyle's obviously the face of this. best
-selling barbecue sauce kind of thing so it's
not a big deal but it's just if I were to sit
there and do the math of all the traveling they
do in this like two -week period I got to imagine
it's somewhere in the like low 20 ,000s at least
at least so they get on the plane and the flight
attendant starts flirting with Peter and it's
like very obvious flirting and that kind of stuff
And Peter just kind of biffs it. He just kind
of shoots it down and messes it up. And Kyle's
like, what the hell, man? Like she was obviously
flirting with you. You're divorced. It's fine.
You can totally have sex with this woman. Peter
admits that he's only had sex with one person
and he's still kind of like not over her exactly,
especially because it is the mother of her children
or child, I guess I should say. So now the mission
has changed a little bit. The top mission is
meeting dad. Second mission is getting Pete laid.
And the third mission is stone crabs. This is
what Kyle's priorities are. They go to this Terry
Bradshaw dealership that just opened up. They
get to the front of the line. Kyle is confused
as a special fan. Again, this is the kind of
humor that we're dealing with in this movie.
And they ask Terry if he remembers Helen Reynolds.
And basically Terry just like is euphoric talking
about like, oh. Helen Reynolds yeah she's so
sexual she's so this that going through all of
the sexual features and both of them are just
sitting there kind of like cringing and everything
like that and they reveal to him that Helen is
their mom and that he may be their father and
Terry at first is kind of like no no no I couldn't
be no no no then he starts thinking about it
and goes Well, maybe. And now he's happy. He
is elated and realizes they might be his sons.
And so I say movie over, right? This is great
because Terry is happy. He takes a loving to
Peter right off the bat. Kyle, not so much. He's
feeling a little lesser, but it's okay because
they've found their dad. So he takes them to
his house and says, like, you guys got to come
over for dinner. My wife will cook, everything
like that. And so Terry and Peter drive like
this super fast car that Peter gets to drive.
And basically Kyle is left to follow them in
like a shit box car that they just rented. Terry
opens the door with Peter and walking in, talking
to his wife and the wife's like asking the right
questions about random people coming to the house,
like saying they're Terry Bradshaw's kids. I
got to imagine some of these people are probably
like in real life. Terry Bradshaw, you're my
dad. I could use some money, that kind of stuff.
And so like, she's just asking, she's just, are
you sure these are your kids? Are you sure they're
not coming to ask for money? And Terry goes,
Peter, do you like need some money or anything
like that? And he goes, oh no, no, no. I'm like
a famous doctor. I'm good. You know, that kind
of stuff. And Terry goes, he's a doctor. I told
you, these are my kids. This is good people.
We're good. So they're like passing the football
back and forth, you know, doing the things that
dad and son would do and everything like that.
And Terry throws one to Kyle and all of a sudden
out of nowhere, Ving Rhames, who was playing
Rod Hamilton, tackles Kyle to the ground in the
sand. Rod Hamilton is a famous linebacker that
played with Terry is what the idea in this movie
is. And he's moved in next door because he didn't
want to leave Terry. budding bromance but really
they're just they're good friends and everything
like that after the catch and everything like
that they're all talking catching up and it comes
out uh terry asks rod do you remember helen reynolds
and he's oh helen reynolds oh we had we had this
we had that we had this and terry goes yeah uh
these are her boys and he goes all we did was
cuddle word It just made me laugh because that
one was a good delivery by Ving Rhames. If you
don't know, I'm actually a big Ving Rhames fan.
I think he's funny as hell. He has great wit
and everything like that. If you don't remember
the Piranha 3DD episode, Ving Rhames was probably
one of my favorite parts of that movie. I love
Ving Rhames. That dude does no wrong. But then
Rod brings up, because he finds out the birthdays
of the boys, he brings up... That that couldn't
have happened because Terry was in Australia
recording an album and Helen didn't have a passport.
So she couldn't go with. So in the time of conception,
that kind of thing and doing the math, there's
no way Terry could be their father. And he's
just like, oh, you're right. You're right. And
Terry's actually a little disappointed. And it's
kind of it's kind of a touching thing because
Terry wanted to be fathers to these boys. Even
though he keeps calling Kyle the wrong name.
He keeps calling him Donald. But, you know, he
does, like, want to be in these boys' lives.
And it's kind of a nice moment when he's, like,
saying goodbye and everything like that. And
they realize now there's another guy that it
might be. It's this guy, Roland. She was seeing
this guy, Roland, sometimes. And I don't remember
how they get the last name. But they get it somehow.
And they figure out where Roland lives. basically
kyle says it's the universe telling them things
that this wasn't the stop but maybe this roland
guy is roland is played by jk simmons we're going
to get to him in a little bit but just so you
know ahead of time that it's this jk simmons
is roland so the brothers are driving up to go
to roland now and roland lives I want to say
New York. I didn't write it down exactly, but
I want to say somewhere in New York, like upstate
New York. It's supposed to be a nicer area, that
kind of thing. And the only reason I say this
is because they end up in Worcester, Massachusetts,
and it wasn't far out of their way is part of
what they bring up. This part of their journey
involves a lot more driving. So they end up at
a stop off to go to the bathroom. And Kyle's
in there. And then there's a guy obviously taking
a shit. And his son's in there with him. And
his son crawls under and starts peeing on Kyle.
And basically, the dad's just kind of like, oh,
oh, you got to pee on him back. So he learns
to stop it and everything like that. And so they
start a pee war, essentially, where they're peeing
on each other. And Kyle's phone goes off. And
he's just like, hold on a second. Hold on. I'm
peeing on a kid. I'm sorry, what? I'm peeing
on a kid. Okay. The phone call is the guy who
created the barbecue sauce. And basically he
said they want to go a different direction than
Kyle. So Kyle is no longer the face of the barbecue
sauce brand. He doesn't reveal this to Peter
because it's just gotta, you know, there's gotta
be some drama in the movie that gets revealed
later. You can't just tell them about your problems
right off the bat. Plus he doesn't want to derail
Peter because they're on this mission as loving
brothers to figure out who their father is. So
as they're driving down the street of where Roland
supposedly lives, there's all these nice houses.
And then finally they get to one that's a little
like, it's not a bad house, but it's gotten a
little decrepit. Like they have not been caring
for it. And they're wondering if Roland actually
lives here anymore. They knock on the door and
they're like having a conversation waiting for
Roland to answer the door. And all of a sudden,
Roland appears holding a gun at Peter's head.
He thinks that he's about to get robbed, that
somebody thought, oh, this house looks like the
winning ticket and we're going to get robbed
and everything like that. And so like Peter's
just like, ah, no, no, no, no, no. We we may
be your sons. We may be your sons. And Roland's
just like, what? You go, you remember Helen Reynolds?
And he goes, oh, Helen. Yeah. Yeah, I remember
her. Oh, my God. She's so sexual. She's so this.
You know, this is a common joke throughout the
whole thing and everything. And then reveals
they may be your sons. So he just, like, lets
them go. He's just like, oh, okay, come on in.
And he hands Peter the gun because, as he quotes,
I don't like holding it. And so Peter now has
a gun that he just walks in with. so roland's
mother comes downstairs he lives with his mother
and she's freaking out because she sees peter
with the gun and is going oh my god we're getting
robbed roland and he freaks out and grabs another
gun to which peter just like holds the gun up
and is just like uh what no no you handed this
to me no we might be your sons we might be your
sons he goes oh yeah yeah that's right that's
right and puts the gun away and uh Roland's mother
is played by June Squibb, who you've probably
seen in something somewhere down the line. She
has so many credits, I'm not going to name them
all. But she's basically, nowadays, she's basically
the old lady in every movie you've seen, probably.
And just this year alone, she's been in Don't
Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead, two episodes
of Velma as an older woman. She was Thelma in
the movie Thelma. and she was Nostalgia and Inside
Out 2. She's also got three other movies or TV
shows coming out that are upcoming, and she has
98 other credits. So June Squibb you've definitely
seen somewhere down the line. Amazing actress.
She's a bit part in this one, I'll say. And so
is J .K. Simmons, just so we're clear. Roland
at first is convinced they can't be his sons,
but he's basically... going along with their
stuff and everything like that and peter and
kyle are insistent they're just like no you knew
helen reynolds like you were together at this
point in time there's a chance you might be our
father roland goes and sniffs both of them like
gives them a big and then he walks away and freaks
out in the other room because he's certain now
they are his kids and he's just freaking out
And so after he freaks out, his mother convinces
him to go back out there and talk to them about
their relationship and everything like that.
So Roland takes them down to the basement where,
of course, there are creepy mannequins everywhere.
He makes them open a box and immediately Peter
drops the box because it contains a rat. And
Roland goes, sorry, that's the wrong box. The
right box has pictures of Roland and Helen together,
both very happy. And Peter says, you don't have
to tell us how amazing a fuck she was. And Roland's
just kind of looking at them and goes, she's
the only woman I ever loved. And so they kind
of feel for this guy because he actually cares
about their mother and everything like that.
And so even though he's a little strange, they're
willing to go along with him and everything.
Roland has a job that he is a repo man. He has
to go get this car that wasn't paid for by this
rich guy. And so he takes the boys with him to
help him do this repo job, just more so to get
to know them, that kind of stuff. As they get
there, the husband and wife who own the car pull
in, and they're obviously trying to repo the
very nice car. He says that he has the repo papers
in his car. That the boys just don't let him
leave in the car. He'll go get the papers, show
it to the guy, and then they'll be on their way.
So the boys are holding the car and basically
watching to make sure that nobody does anything
stupid. Roland is really running away. He is
like, there's no way that he's their father and
he just doesn't care. And on the passenger seat
just happens to be the box of the pictures. And
he looks at them and he feels bad. And he comes
back to help the boys. The owner comes out with
a gun and starts firing at them. So the boys
get in the car and they basically are like trying
to get the hell out of Dodge. They pull away
and Roland is walking back. And of course they
run over Roland. And he loses a lot of blood,
like a lot of blood. And he also is getting arrested.
So they're in the hospital like. checking with
him, making sure he's okay. And basically we're
like calling him out. Like, why did you let this
happen? And he's like, I don't know. I just,
I, I didn't want to be a dad. I don't want to
be your dad, everything like that. And the nurse
goes, he isn't your dad. He, we have his blood
type. There's no way that you two are the blood
types you are. And he has this blood type. There's
just no way. And also he admits. That there's
no way they could have been his. Because he did
his first stint in prison around the time that
they would have been conceived. But he does have
an idea of who their father might have been.
But he's not going to tell them unless they pay
him $1 ,000. Peter walks away. He's like, no,
I'm not doing this anymore. We're done. This
is over. This mission's over. Everything like
that. Kyle, of course, sticks around and pays
Roland $680. For the name Sparkly P. So Sparkly
P. Could be their father. They're basically.
Ready to call it quits. Essentially. Even though
they've got the name Sparkly P. Now they don't
know. Where to go from there. Because how can
you figure out from Sparkly P. And Peter is fuck
the universe. This entire time it's been telling
us to shut down. Operation Hoosier Daddy. Which
I thought was a funny line. Because now it's
Operation Hoosier Daddy. So now they're going
to drive back to Ohio. Apparently this movie
took place in Ohio or they're from Ohio or something
like that. I didn't know that, but apparently
that's where they are. So they're about to drive
home to Ohio and they make eye contact with a
hitchhiker. This hitchhiker is Cat Williams.
Cat Williams wants to go to Worcester, Massachusetts
because that's where his family is. basically
they come to a conclusion they can get him to
the train station but peter of course is worried
that he's a serial killer and so they're having
this whole conversation and like cat williams
is like i'm not a serial killer and like okay
that you're emphasizing the wrong word here and
this whole scene is kind of like awkward that
kind of stuff because he could just say repeatedly
i'm not a killer or something like that and so
they grab like The jumper cables they have in
the car and they tie him up so he can't kill
them, but they can get him to the train station.
Cat Williams doing his best. Cat Williams is
listening to their problems. And basically it
started this whole fight. Peter is upset because
Kyle is perfect. He's never worked a day in his
life. He's always gotten everything handed to
him. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Kyle's just
like, you've chosen your life. You've made your
own bad decisions. It gets so bad that they stop
the car and they get into a little slap fight.
And Cat Williams realizes they've parked on a
2 -2 train track to have this fight. And so a
train's coming. And they're so focused on their
slap fight, they're not getting out and everything
like that. Finally, Cat Williams is like, guys,
guys, guys, there's a train coming. 2 -2 train
coming. 2 -2 train coming. And Peter gets out.
He's able to get Cat Williams out. Kyle is struggling
with his seatbelt, and the car gets hit by the
train. It gets absolutely just eviscerated, and
we don't know what happened to Kyle. We think
he may have died at this point. Obviously, Kyle's
going to be okay, right? Obviously. My thing
was I'm more shocked by that Cat Williams, the
hitchhiker, didn't die. I thought for sure that
was going to be the end of his bit. He was going
to be stuck in there, and it was like, oh. sucks
sorry but kyle survives and they all embrace
and they have like everything's forgiven and
so they're just like oh this is great but then
kyle winds back and punches peter to feel better
he's like oh you could have had me die all right
cool so now they're sitting there waiting on
the cops to talk about everything and everything
like that the cops are interviewing hitchhiker
cat williams while he's still tied up by the
way he's still wrapped up and everything like
that and kyle tells peter that he's not the barbecue
sponsor anymore he's not the face of the barbecue
company he also thinks that he might bail on
his girlfriend and child because his girlfriend's
pregnant now and they because they might be better
off without him because he is a slacker he is
poor now he doesn't have any money he doesn't
have anything and he thinks he's going to be
a bad dad and Kyle kind of uh Peter kind of talks
to him and just like no no you're going to be
great you're going to do great and everything
like that talks him out of it and everything
and Peter kind of apologizes for operation who's
your daddy he just wanted to figure out what
his dad and everything like that and he didn't
like that Kyle didn't really care and Kyle says
to him, I wasn't that curious about Dad because,
like, I had you, Peter. Like, I always had you
and everything like that. And so it's a nice
touching moment that then gets ruined by a joke
that Peter doesn't actually wear glasses. He
wears them because they fit his image, but he
has, like, 20 -20 vision. He doesn't need them.
Why was this a thing? Why did this need to happen?
What? I don't get this. So the cops come to them
and they're asking what happened and everything
like that. And they're talking about how they're
on Operation Hoosier Daddy. And it just so happens,
Sparkly P is known by the cops investigating
their car crash. Sparkly P is Patrick O 'Callaghan.
Patrick O 'Callaghan is like this famous cop
in Worcester, Mass. And the hitchhiker wanted
to go to Worcester, Mass. And basically, they've
all decided. This is the universe talking to
them and everything like that. So they take the
hitchhiker. They drive him home. They give him
the jumper cables as like a memento. And basically
his whole family is waiting for him. He's grateful
for the ride and everything. And they go check
into a hotel in Worcester, Mass. Awaiting the
next day where they're going to find out if Sparkly
P, Patrick O 'Callaghan, is their actual father.
One of the bits on this is when they go to the
hotel to check in, for whatever reason, the hotel
clerk just whispers. It's kind of a dumb thing,
to be honest. But, you know, it happens and everything
like that. They go to the hotel bar to have like
a bite to eat. Kyle excuses himself to go to
the bathroom. But he also sees that there's somebody
at the bar and is kind of like convincing Peter
to go talk to her. It's Katie Aselton. Katie
Isleton's from The League. She's the wife in
The League. That's the thing I know her most
from. There's probably a bunch of other things
that she's known from. But that's the thing I
know her from. And she's amazing in that. So
that's the only thing I think I want to know
her from. If there's any other roles that she's
done that are not as good. We'll see. She plays
Sarah. well peter for whatever reason decides
that he has the courage so he decides to go up
and talk to her and they have a drink together
they're hitting it off and kyle comes back and
realizes oh he's he's talking with her he's like
okay cool i'll uh i gotta go on this special
meeting why don't you have the room tonight i'll
i'll see in the morning so kyle leaves and lets
peter try to uh Get his game on and they hit
it off and they do have sex. And Kyle sleeps
in the car overnight. And everybody's basically
pretty happy, even if they don't find out. They're
going to find Sparkly P tomorrow, find out if
he's their dad. Peter's back in the game. He's
just hooked up with this girl. Kyle, he's been
convinced that he's going to stay with his girlfriend
and the child. He actually has a FaceTime with
her in the car and like everything feels OK.
We're in a good spot, even if they don't find
sparkly pee. They feel okay. So, of course, something's
got to happen, but we're going to get to that
after this quick little word. About the people
that guessed our bad movie correctly. That is
Screen Nerds Podcast at Screen Nerds Pod on Twitter
slash X. You can find them everywhere. They're
podcast everywhere. They want to shout out for
this. It is a podcast for film lovers by film
lovers, and you can find it wherever you get
your podcasts. They have been a friend of ours
pretty much from the very beginning of our podcast
journey. Definitely check out their stuff at
Screen Nerds Pod on Twitter and X. You can find
their podcast everywhere. It is the Screen Nerds
Podcast. Thank you guys very much for guessing
it correctly. So everybody's happy. Now they
are going to go to Sparkly P's house. They find
his address and they go to his house and they
realize that, yep, there's a bunch of people
at his house and they are all wearing dark colors.
He's dead. Sparkly P, gone. It's unfortunate.
He seemed like a nice guy, even though we didn't
actually meet him. They're at the casket, like,
saying, oh, we wish you could have been our father,
or you might have been, and, you know, you seem
like a good guy and everything like that. And
somebody in the crowd makes an announcement that
the eldest daughter is about to say a couple
words on her father's passing. And wouldn't you
know it, it's Sarah, the girl that Peter just
hooked up with last night. Yep, she may be his
sister. Of course. Why wouldn't it happen this
way? This is the only way it could have gone
down. And they're just like, OK, we need to get
out of here. We need to get out of here. They
bump into some guys. And of course, they're the
typical like Massachusetts and Massachusetts,
Massachusetts, Massachusetts, whatever you want
to call them. Bostonians, that's probably more.
fitting the wooster ends that kind of thing and
they're tough guys that want to get into a fight
so they take it outside and everything like that
and sarah realizes like whoa peter what are you
what are you doing here like why are you here
why are you at my dad's funeral and everything
like that and they get into a fight with these
guys and basically some guy breaks it up gets
them all to sit down and talk and it's the uncle
or it's the brother of sparkly p and he's He
gets them all to talk about everything that's
going on, everything like that. And basically,
they admit that Sparkly P might have been their
dad. And Sarah immediately is just, oh, oh, God.
Oh, oh, no. And they learn that Sparkly P was
a good guy and never had sex out of wedlock.
And so even though. sparkly p was like in love
with helen and everything like that they never
had sex because he never put a ring on it and
so good news sarah and peter can continue fucking
they're not actually brother and sister and kyle
also has a line where he like points at sarah
and goes you were worried there weren't you um
so yeah because they never got married and because
they never had sex and everything like that Obviously,
this couldn't be their father. And it was also
because they didn't get married because of an
affair that Helen was having for a long time,
basically. The affair was with some guy named
Dr. Tinkler. And yes, that is his real name,
Dr. Tinkler, who just so happens to live in their
town, be their vet, and he's the one that put
down their cat, Chairman Meow. And now it all
makes sense. Obviously, Dr. Tinkler is definitely
their father. That makes sense because, like,
why would they live in the same area? That kind
of stuff. So they road trip it all the way back
to Ohio, and they're going to confront Dr. Tinkler.
This is when I also learned that Ali Wong's in
this movie because she is the receptionist for
Dr. Tinkler. And Christopher Walken is Dr. Tinkler.
And he... Seems to know already why the boys
are here and everything like that. Also, he may
have had an affair with Ali Wong, his his receptionist.
That also is a thing that might have happened.
They're having this super serious conversation
with Dr. Tinkler, and they keep getting distracted
by the fact that there's a cat on the table that
just has like massive cat balls. So, you know,
again, another thing. Dr. Tinkler is able to
distract them for a second and he's running off
because he just doesn't want to deal with this.
Kyle somehow picks up a tranquilizer dart gun
and shoots Dr. Tinkler. And so they put him back
in the vet room. They call their mother and they're
just like, yeah, we're here to talk about this
situation. We know the truth now that Dr. Tinkler
is our father. And finally, it all comes out.
Helen isn't even their mother. I know. You're
as thrown as I am. Helen used to work at a battered
women's shelter. And a woman came in six months
pregnant, went into labor early, and these boys
were born and the mother died. And so they don't
know the father's name because she never gave
it up. All they know is that the mother's name
was Jenny. And Helen basically stayed single
raising these boys because she didn't want them
to be broken up in the foster care system. She
wanted to care for these two twins. So Helen
took them on and basically stayed single for
their sake so that she could watch over them
and take good care of them and give them a life.
it's also they don't know the dad's name because
jenny never revealed it and they wanted jenny
to be able to start a new life so um yeah it's
actually it's a sad moment and then you think
about the whole movie you just sat through to
realize that just because helen didn't want to
tell you this you just spent $20 ,000 trying
to find your father's. You went through various
exploits. And to find an answer you'd never actually
have, all because your adopted mother didn't
want to tell you where you actually came from.
And mind you, these aren't kids. Like, when they
were kids, I understand. You want to hide that
kind of stuff, everything like that. That's a
lot for a kid to take on. These are full -grown
men. Like, they're adults. They can handle it
now. They can deal with it and figure it out.
But instead, you just went with this lie that
your father died of colon cancer, which spurred
all of Peter's life now. And they are trying
to find their fathers because of another lie
you told because you just wouldn't tell them
the truth. And like this moment's actually very
touching. It really is. They actually did a pretty
decent job with this moment. But it's all because
of a lie. So Kyle goes outside. He's lost faith
in the universe because they were born and they
killed their mother. But Peter convinces him
the universe gave them a mom who sacrificed everything
and kept them together instead of separating
them. Helen comes out and was just saying, I'm
afraid of hurting you, losing you. And they basically
reveal their exploits. And he actually did get
hit by the train and survived, by the way, because
he says, you almost did lose me. I got hit by
a train. That's all that we're supposed to have
at this moment. It then goes to an epilogue,
which is a year later. Peter is a better father
to Ethan. They are dating Sarah, and it seems
like they're visiting Kyle in Hawaii. Truthfully,
they actually live there now. And the brothers
created an app together that basically this app
sends you positive messages from the universe.
And it's voiced. By Hitchhiker Cat Williams.
Because of course it is. And that's it. Happy
ending. Yeah. I went on that whole spiel about
the fact that. She lied to them. She lied to
them again. They could have known this stuff.
And this whole movie didn't have to happen. Just
in general. But I just mean in life in general.
You took so much time from these boys lives.
To not tell them the truth. And. I understand,
again, in the beginning when they're kids and
you don't want to separate them, put them into
foster care, and you don't want to let them know
that their mother died because of them. I understand
that. I do. When you're kids, that's a big thing.
And so, like, it was easier at that time to tell
you, like, father died. I'm your mother. Okay.
Fine. As adults, I think they have the right
to know. I think they should know, especially.
If you're telling them another lie that Terry
Bradshaw is their father. Why couldn't you have
told them right then and there what happened?
And yeah, it would have sucked. It would have
hurt. Everything like that. But they still probably
would have seen you for the person you were that
took care of them and took them in and everything
like that. That's what drives me most nuts about
this movie. This movie is not awful. It's not
amazing. I'm not recommending it for anybody.
But this movie is not awful because... It has
some funny moments. It has some good scenes.
It's a lot of vignettes, which is kind of fun.
The Roland scene, I could have completely gotten
rid of that, but it's fine. So this movie, I'm
not upset it happened, but it could have been
a completely different story if you actually
did what most people in that situation would
do. I don't know. Maybe maybe that's just me.
Maybe I'm making a bigger deal of this than I
thought. But that reveal at the end, though they
did it in a touching way, that reveal at the
end almost made it worse for the movie because
like you're sitting there going now, why the
fuck did I watch this movie? So. I don't know,
I am. I'm frustrated by the ending. I'll say
three quarters of the movie was okay. It's not
great. It's not Shakespeare. It's not, you know,
anything like that. Again, I'm not recommending
this to anybody. However, you could watch the
first three quarters of this movie and have a
decent time. Decent, not great, but decent time.
The end of it just makes it now, why did I watch
the three quarters of this movie? I didn't need
to, you know, because at the end it just doesn't
matter. This whole search was based on a lie.
So I think that's where my rating comes in. I'm
trying to think of a rating to give it. I'm probably
going to give it one out of five jumper cables
tying up a serial killer. The first three quarters
of this movie, I would probably give it two and
a half out of five. Probably. because of that
ending, it brought it down a point and a half.
And, I mean, that's just what it was. That's
just what it did. Overall, this movie, like I
said, not bad. It could have been a lot worse.
The cast in this movie was pretty damn good.
Some of the scenes with Christopher Walken, I
don't know what it is, but he looks like a robot
because of his face. It just doesn't move. And
then some of the parts of this movie, were actually
funny. I actually liked some of it. I mean, I
could have done without the Roland scene. I could
have done it without the sleeping with your sister
scene. That's fine. Like I, okay. And it's partially
because I don't know if I saw it coming, but
I had an idea that maybe they were going to go
that way when Peter started like hooking up with
Sarah. It's like, okay, I think this is going
to go probably she's related somehow. And that's
kind of dumb i almost would have been better
with this movie though if it would have ended
okay this is gonna sound weird all right um i
would have been happier with the ending if sparkly
p was the father dead and peter hooked up with
sarah than the way it actually went because at
least at that point there was a purpose to their
mission they actually found their father They
didn't get to talk to him. They didn't get to
catch up. That kind of stuff. But at least they
found their father. And it did end with a little
bit of incest. However, it was better than making
the whole movie pointless. The purpose of the
movie pointless. I guess that's what I'm saying.
You know, it sounds weird that I would have rather
the incest ending. But that's kind of what I
would have preferred. That's strange. I don't
like that. I don't like that those words just
came out of my mouth. But, you know, that's what
it was. I mean, I would have preferred the incest
ending. So, yeah, it's a one out of five jumper
cables tying up a serial killer. Or not a serial
killer, as Cat Williams so poignantly said. So,
yeah, that's Father's Figures. Like I said, not
a bad movie for the first half, but, you know,
could have been better. Could have been better.
So, yeah. Have any of you seen this movie? I
want to know if any of you guys have seen this
movie or have thought about it. Because it did.
I felt like it was. everywhere for a while like
I felt there was a lot of promos for it and that
kind of stuff and then it just kind of disappeared
probably because it wasn't as good as it could
have been so I feel like it just kind of like
tapered off and never went anywhere after it
got revealed because I remember seeing this movie
and going wow that's a stacked cast maybe I am
a little interested and then saw the trailer
and was kind of like nah I'm good that kind of
thing But obviously, because I like to torture
myself, I've actually seen it now anyways. So
yeah, Father Figures. That is a movie that exists.
I definitely watched it. And I would have preferred
the incest ending. God, that's so weird to end
on and everything like that. But yeah, so I've
been Mike, your host for the Game for a Movie
podcast, where we ask, are you game for a movie?
Thank you guys very much for tuning in. I've
got a 4th of July episode hopefully I'll get
to on the right amount of time. I also have another
backlog of movies that I've seen that I can now
record and edit and hopefully have done for the
rest of July, August into September I think is
when I can actually have some of these edited
and ready to go. So thank you guys very much
for tuning in for the Game for a Movie podcast.
I'll see you next time and... Don't prefer the
incest ending of this one because I'm an only
child. Bye!