You know what that sound means? It's another
episode of Game for a Movie where we ask, are
you game for a movie? My name is Mike. I'll be
your host this evening. I have another bad movie
for you. I don't know how bad it really is since
currently it is number one in the US on Netflix.
Yes, it is a very weird statement to start with
when talking about a bad movie, but it's true.
Of course, we have to go into what we are drinking.
As you know, Claire is from Cincinnati, and she
has been bringing me Cincinnati beer when she
goes and visits. So I have Truth from Rheingeist
Brewing in Cincinnati. It's one of my favorite
beers out there. Highly recommend it if you can
get your hands on it. It's basically in the Cincinnati
area, all of Ohio, as well as Kentucky for sure.
And I think they have a spot in Chicago as well.
So make sure if you can find it, Rheingeist Truth
is what it's called. It is very good. So it is
that time to jump into the bad movie talk, and
of course, it's time for Mike to shit on a kid's
movie. Yes, I watched 2017's Woody Woodpecker
from Universal Studios. It is a 3D animated adventure,
basically real human characters, but a 3D Woody
Woodpecker animated into the scenes and everything
like that. This movie was made for Brazil, and
it did have a theatrical release in Brazil. And
then basically got a direct -to -video release
in America and England and everywhere else, pretty
much. So we'll start with the cast, and really,
there's no big names out there. The only one
that I think you might recognize, and that's
a big might, is Eric Bauza. And not because of
looks, but because of voice, he is a very famous
voice actor that has been doing... All kinds
of rounds. He currently is Bugs Bunny, Daffy
Duck, and those iterations of Tiny Toons, Luniversity.
He's been in Adventure Time, Solar Opposites,
Rick and Morty, The Young Jedi Adventures, Harley
Quinn. You know, he's been everywhere. And this
is actually the second role he's taken over from
Billy West. Billy West, famous for playing Fry
in Futurama, one of my favorite shows. Billy
was the voice of Woody Woodpecker. and also was
the voice of Stimpy from the Ren and Stimpy show.
Bowser took both of those, and he also voiced
a seagull in the 2015 Nickelodeon animated live
-action movie, the SpongeBob movie, Sponge Out
of Water. So yeah, Eric Bowser may be the only
name you kind of recognize. Everybody else is
kind of, they've been in bit parts and stuff
like that, or they've been in the background
of certain things. One of them's a character
that's a recurring role on Psych, for example.
But for the most part, You really don't recognize
anybody in this movie. Another reason why it
shocked me that it was number one on Netflix
in the U .S. I'm going to keep bringing that
up probably because it just throws me that so
many people are watching this in the United States
to make it number one. I don't get it. I just
don't get it at all. Before we get into the storyline,
let's talk about this film's budget as well as
how much it made at the box office. It was made
on a $10 million budget, which is actually kind
of low for these kind of movies. which kind of
makes sense when you start hearing about some
of the stuff that goes through on this movie.
It grossed $15 .3 million at the box office in
Brazil, and then it was a direct -to -video release
in America. It has a cult following from Woody
Woodpecker fans, is what this page says. I don't
know how many Woody Woodpecker fans there are
out there, but maybe that's what's pushing it
to number one in the U .S. on Netflix. Yeah,
I don't know. Even if you are a diehard Woody
Woodpecker fan, there's not a whole lot to love
about this one. So let's dive into the storyline
details. The very beginning of the movie, Woody
is asleep in his house in a tree, and he hears
gunshots that get him to wake up. Basically,
there's these dumb poachers. Their names are
Otis and Nate Grimes. They're just a consistent
stereotype of dumb poachers, especially Otis.
Otis is the probably younger brother and definitely
the dumb one of the two of them, though Nate
isn't winning any Mensa awards either. And the
movie starts with a fourth wall break where Woody
addresses the audience and goes, oh, poachers,
time to have some fun. And his annoying little
laugh gets on right off the bat. I never said
I was good at impressions, folks. So if you hear
me try to laugh, it may not be the best. So Woody's
messing with them. He flies around. Basically,
they are shooting tranquilizer darts at him because
they aren't. killing poachers they are stuffing
poachers they like to stuff and sell rare birds
and of course woody woodpecker is a rare bird
so they're shooting all these tranquilizer darts
woody sits in between them they shoot and of
course he flies away and they shoot each other
that's the baseline humor for this one right
off the bat it doesn't get much better humor
wise besides that Now we go to our main family.
Our main family is Lance and Vanessa. They are
engaged to be married. And then Lance has a previous
relationship with Linda and a child, Tommy, from
that relationship. But right now it is just Lance
and Vanessa. And more specifically, it's Lance.
He just won a big case for his firm. He's a lawyer.
And basically, this is a big oil company that
they won for. And he's so happy, so proud. Everybody's
cheering him on. And his boss comes in and says,
you're fired. He's like, what? I won this big
case. How can I possibly get fired? Well, there
was a video of him bragging about big oil and
saying how wildlife, there's no profit in wildlife
conservation. I mean, I wouldn't say it out loud,
but you work for big oil. I don't think that's
really a shocker that you don't believe that
wildlife conservation is a big deal or profitable.
You're trying to destroy wildlife so you can
get oil. So they're in their big fancy, it looks
like a penthouse almost. It's Lance and Vanessa
and they're like talking about what are we going
to do. They have these glasses of wine, which
are these big glasses of wine that constantly
change how much the level is. I'm sure there
wasn't much happening to make sure that the wine
levels were exactly right behind the scenes.
But basically Lance comes up with this plan.
His father left him some property by the Canadian
border, so he wants to turn that area into a
country estate and basically flip it. Because
Vanessa is a city girl. She doesn't want to live
in the country. So they're just going to build
this estate and flip it and try to get this area
populated and make it this property destination
so they can make a ton of money. So the Grimes
brothers, it goes back to them, and they are
on their computer, and they find out that Woody
is a red -pileated woodpecker, which is endangered
species. They actually think there's none left,
that it's extinct, but obviously they saw Woody,
so they're going, oh, this is good. The last
one they saw sold for $500 ,000 on the black
market, so they are definitely going to get Woody
Woodpecker. Then for no reason whatsoever, it
shows Woody sitting outside on the river at night,
just kind of enjoying his surroundings, saying,
ah, this is good to be home. And then he rips
this huge burp. That's it. That's all you get
from that scene. That literally is it. We go
back to Lance and Vanessa's place and there's
a knock on the door and it's Linda along with
Tommy. Linda's dad is sick and she needs to go
to Philadelphia last second to take care of him.
They think it's basically going to be the end.
So she thinks it's a good plan that he spends
some time with his dad. And of course, Lance
is just kind of like, no, this is an awful time.
We're going up to the country. We're going to
build this house. This is a terrible time for
him to come and stay with us. And Linda's kind
of forceful, but not really. Just kind of saying,
you need to spend time with your son. He needs
to have his dad in his life. So of course, Tommy
goes with them. Let's talk about these characters.
So Lance is kind of like this cold -blooded lawyer.
He's going to destroy the rainforest, that kind
of thing. And then Vanessa is a Hispanic stereotype
of a prima donna. She doesn't want to scuff up
her heels while in the forest. She packs a ton
of luggage. And finally, Tommy is the stereotypical
kid that's constantly on his phone when dealing
with his parents because he doesn't want to listen
to them or anything like that. He has his headphones
in. And you can tell he kind of likes music because
he's always tapping along to something. We also
learned that Vanessa doesn't like kids. So while
Tommy is drumming along, she basically loses
it and goes, I need a Zanny and walks to the
back. And they are driving to this area in this
big RV that becomes kind of their house for the
rest, for most of the movie, I'll say. We also
learn a little about their characters when they
finally get to the outdoors and Lance walks out.
It's just pristine, untouched. I can't wait to
bring a bulldozer here. And Tommy goes, yeah.
And Lance thinks, oh, great. Like he's kind of
relating with me. No, he's just got five bars.
So it's great. They start unpacking their stuff
and Lance is trying to set up this grill. And
basically Tommy is recording him. doing so because
he's failing miserably at it but the recording
is obviously from his phone and it has like the
rec letters and the red light around it and everything
like that and just kind of made me laugh that
it's it's like a video camera but it's it's your
phone kid and then park ranger sam walks in sam
bartlett who is played by jordana largy um she
has been in several Hallmark movies, lots of
Christmas Hallmark movies. It seems like she's
very much the like woman in charge that goes
back to the country to get back with their roots
and learns the love of Christmas kind of person.
And you especially get that feeling later in
the movie with her character, too. So it's not
really a shock. But Park Ranger Sam comes up
and basically she's like, oh, you're you're Lance
Walters. Like your dad taught me how to fish
and everything. And he's just like, yeah. He
left me this land and we're going to build this
house here. And she's kind of, well, you don't
want to mess with the wildlife and everything,
especially the birds. There's been like bird
poachers and that is huge, fine and illegal.
And he goes, no, it's fine. We're just going
to build this house. And then she learns the
plans of the house and how big this house is.
And she's looking at the three of them and going,
just the three of you. And he goes, no, we're
not even going to live here. We're just going
to flip it. She's very upset about it. She doesn't
go out of her way to, like, say anything, but
you can just tell she's kind of upset about it.
And wouldn't you be? I mean, you are a park ranger.
You're supposed to keep this place peaceful and
everything like that. And though they do have
the rights to the land, it kind of sucks that
they're just planning on building this huge house
that's also blue, by the way. I forgot about
that entirely. It is completely blue. And not
like a light blue, like we painted our house
light blue on the side or anything like that.
Like it is a deep royal blue, the entire house,
the entirety of it. It also makes me laugh at
this whole scene because he basically then fumbles
with the grill again. And if he wants to build
this house and like this place that people can
go to and everything, and he can't figure out
this grill, he's going to have problems. So Lance
asked Tommy for help with the grill, and Tommy's
just like, you know what? No, I don't want to
help. I'm going to go on a nature walk and, like,
get away from my screen, Dad, that you tell me
to get off of all the time. And Lance is basically
like, oh, he learned how to lawyer me good. So
Tommy walks off on his own. He finds his picnic
table, and he puts his phone up, and basically
it's just, like, music playing, and he's just
kind of tapping along to it, and all of a sudden
he hears tapping that's going along with it.
And he's like, looks around nothing starts going
again he eats a peanut butter cookie and then
popping out of a trash can is woody woodpecker
and it becomes very obvious at this point that
they definitely filmed like they didn't have
a stand -in for woody they don't know where they're
looking or anything like that it's just kind
of like they're looking and then they animated
it where he is kind of because there's parts
where he slows down, and there's parts where
he speeds up, and it's just kind of following
the kid's head. But as long as he's willing to
give peanut butter cookies to Woody Woodpecker,
Woody's going to be his friend. He says in the
beginning, he's like, I'm not going to call him
friend. I just want food. And as soon as he gets
all of the peanut butter cookies, he's like,
I'm out of here. I'll see you at dinner, kid,
and flies away. Tommy goes back. And they set
up the table for food. And Lance, Vanessa are
eating like grapes and cheeses and stuff like
that. Why did you even need the grill? If this
is all you brought, like it's a charcuterie board.
It's not even, you didn't cook anything. So Tommy's
talking about how he met this bird. That was
really fun. And of course, Woody flies in and
basically is going to try to eat some of everything.
And he makes an obvious cut the cheese joke like,
who cut the cheese? Because it looks delicious.
And starts eating it. And Lance is getting so
frustrated because this woodpecker just flew
in and started stealing your food. And so he
runs into the RV to grab a broom to smack the
woodpecker away. And, of course, Woody is still
eating the food. He finds beans. And he's like,
ah, beans, beans, the musical fruit. And eats
it and farts. If you like fart jokes, this movie
may have been for you. The rest, not so much.
Lance comes swinging the broom and is missing
and he knocks the food over and then he hits
Vanessa in the face and Woody's just like, I'm
out of here, there's no more food. And flies
away. After all this mayhem, it goes to the next
day and Lance is talking with George, the leader
of their construction crew. Basically, he's talking
about how they're going to have this ready by
the fall. And that Vanessa is going to design
everything on the interior. And she's having
her own meeting with her interior designers.
And is getting ready for the interior design
of this house that hasn't been built yet. George,
the lead construction guy, is like, oh, if you
want it by fall, you know it's going to cost
extra. And he goes, money is no object. Didn't
he just get fired? Like, how much money do they
have? They only did this in the first place because
this piece of land was left to Lance in the first
place. As they're getting ready to start construction
and everything, Woody, of course, flies in and
starts messing with them because he's like, no,
I'm not letting you move in. This is not what
we agreed upon. I was cool when you were camping
because at least I get food. But now not happening.
So he like pecks at all the construction workers
and then he poops on Vanessa because, of course,
he does. Vanessa gets mad, throws a rock at a
truck and breaks the windshield. because she
was aiming for Woody, not because she just threw
it at the truck. And George, the lead construction
guy, is my favorite because he's just like, don't
worry about the truck. I'll just add it onto
your bill. Dude knew a prophet when he could
get one. It was great. While everything's happening
at the construction site, Tommy decides that
he's going to walk into town, which supposedly
they were miles away from everything. I don't
know how long this kid walked, but he walked
into town and he does so. repeatedly during the
movie so if he's like walking six miles a day
good for him and he walks into this curio shop
and there's a guitar there it's an electric guitar
and he's basically strumming it and this girl
named jill pops up and is kind of like hey i
didn't say you could pick that up and he's like
oh sorry sorry sorry and she's like i'm just
messing with you you actually sound pretty good
why don't you give it a whirl when he was picking
at it It wasn't plugged into anything, and we
never see him plug it into an amp, and it sounds
just like strings that are not plugged into an
amp for an electric guitar. All of a sudden,
it's plugged in, and he's ripping on this guitar,
which he looks terrible at it, by the way. And
she's like, wow, you're really good. That's about
as good as the last owner of that guitar. And
he's like, who was the last owner? And she goes,
Bruce Springsteen. And so he's kind of like freaked
out about the fact that he's playing Bruce Springsteen's
guitar. But she's like, no, like you can play
it and like you can have it as long as you play
with our band. We're going to host or we're going
to play at the Firefly Festival if we're good
enough by then. And Tommy, of course, agrees.
And he has the Springsteen guitar that he got
for free from a curio shop that looks like it
needs a little bit of love and not giving away
Bruce Springsteen guitars. Flash forward to the
next day of construction, I guess, because I
don't really know the timeline for how long they're
here or anything like that. And Tommy's sitting
in the RV and Lance is like, they're laying the
concrete. Don't you want to watch them lay the
concrete? And Tommy's like, yeah, that sounds
boring as shit. I'm just going to sit here. And
Lance is like mad because he won't go out and
play or he won't go out and do stuff. And he
wants him to like his job and like the stuff
that he's doing. But Lance goes out there. Vanessa's
already out there. They're laying the concrete.
And of course, Woody shows up and he starts messing
with them, knocking construction workers into
the concrete. And then he finds the controls
and he's able to control the concrete pourer
and move it. And Lance and Vanessa are like running
away. They go into an SUV to try to hide from
them. And the moonroof's open. Instead of driving
the truck like, you know, you should or the SUV
like you should. Woody's able to have the time
to put the concrete and pour it all over the
SUV, including all over the people inside. So
Lance and Vanessa are once again pissed. Lance
takes the concrete covered SUV and goes to the
park ranger. And it's just kind of, okay, you
were talking about bird poaching. What can I
do? I have a woodpecker problem. This is when
he and park ranger Sam learn about the red pileated.
and that it basically is extinct besides Woody.
And we also learned that the Native Americans
believe that the woodpecker is an incarnation
of the god of chaos, which makes sense for why
Woody is how he is. And Lance goes, so can I
kill it? And Park Ranger Sam's just like, it's
a $10 ,000 fine. And Lance goes, do you take
credit card? Where the hell is he getting this
money? So we go to the kids. It is Jill on bass,
Lyle on drums. Lyle is a basic bit character
in this. And Tommy, of course, on guitar and
singing. They are practicing for the Firefly
Festival and they are performing different songs
and stuff like that. And they finish one song
and they're just like, oh, wow, we sound really
good. And then, of course, Woody flies in and
is like, hey, I'll join you and like start pecking
on like a cowbell while they're performing and
singing backup and everything. And they start
playing fucking Surfing Bird. Oh, my God. If
this movie could have any song that would drive
me over the edge more, fucking Surfing Bird had
to be the pick. This, of course, leads to a montage
of Woody messing with Lance, Vanessa, and the
Grimes brothers in a montage just basically back
and forth. We also see that he electrocuted a
construction worker. So he may have killed somebody.
We don't exactly know. And finally, the montage
closes with he blows the fire off of the gas
on the RV. Basically, Vanessa is boiling a tea
kettle. So he blows the fire off, but the gas
is still going. And it's like half a minute,
not even. And Vanessa is just like, ah, nothing
works and starts it again. And the fire. ignites
and blows up the RV, including Vanessa, who's
just like missing hair now. She's done. She is
a city girl. She does not want to be here. So
she's just kind of peace out. I'm done. And Lance
is kind of like, no, no, we're, we're so close.
Like we're almost finished. You get to design
it and everything. And then we'll go back to
the city. And she's like stroking his face and
going, I fell in love with a cold, heartless
courtroom killer. not this sensitive person that
won't even kill this woodpecker and then she
gets in a taxi and leaves Vanessa's gone that
is that's it that's all she is in the movie she's
completely gone and the RV is out of commission
too so Vanessa leaves in the taxi she does not
come back the rest of the movie the RV is out
of commission Lance of course is sad Tommy is
having a good time he's the only one happy and
basically Tommy and Lance now are camping out
under the stars. That's all they have left now.
They have all this money to burn on a house,
but they can't even afford a tent. They're just
camping out in sleeping bags under the stars.
So all that stuff is happening. Now feels like
a really good time to take a break because we're
kind of at the midpoint of the movie. It's funny
because this movie was only an hour and a half,
and I feel like I'm going to drone on for about
an hour on this movie. So it's time to announce
our winners of our bad movie guessing contest
and give them the shout out they deserve. First
off, I had one that was not on Twitter that deserves
a very big shout out. My buddy Nick from work,
he was able to put the pieces together and figure
it out that it was the Woody Woodpecker movie.
Even though he didn't know it existed, he was
just like, is there a Woody Woodpecker movie?
So he gets a very big shout out. Nick, congratulations.
You were the first one officially that guessed
it. As for the podcast that was the first to
guess it, it was I Finally Watched Podcast. Basically,
so many movies, so little time, two cinephile
friends watch movies that at least one of them
has never seen before to discuss whether it was
worth the wait, if the movie holds up, and would
they watch it again. They are very good friends
of ours. You can find them at ifinelywatchedpodcast
.com or at finallywatched on Twitter slash X
slash whatever the fuck we're calling it nowadays.
So I finally watched. Congratulations. You were
the first winner of the podcast to name it. As
well as Nick. Congratulations, buddy. I'll see
you at work. So where were we? Ah, yes. Lance,
Tommy camping under the stars. Vanessa no longer
in the movie. RV also no longer in the movie.
Lance needs to do something in order to get Vanessa
back in order to get his house back on track
and in order to kill the woodpecker or at least
get rid of him. So Lance is now working with
the Grimes brothers because they're the only
pest control company in town. Of course, they're
stupid and Lance thinks he's outsmarted them,
which he really has because basically Nate Grimes
is, oh, our rates, it's about 20 and Otis goes
$500 and Lance goes, deal, $500. So he's paying
them $500 in order to catch and release, he thinks,
the woodpecker. Poachers, of course, have. Alternate
means they want to kill the woodpecker, stuff
him, and sell him on the black market for huge
money. So even though Nate is a little frustrated
at first that they're only doing this for $500,
they also are reminded that the last one went
for $500 ,000. So they think they'll get a good
chunk for Woody. We go back to the kids, Tommy,
Jill, and Lyle. They are done with band practice,
and they are going to go for a swim. And they
come across this abandoned building when they're
on their way to the quarry. Or at least it looks
abandoned. And they're like, we're going to explore.
We're going to walk in there. And they walk in.
And of course, it's the poacher's place. And
they see these bird feathers everywhere. And
including, they see in a cage a live owl that
they haven't stuffed yet. By the way, this owl
never comes back. So it's safe to assume the
owl was stuffed. And it's very sad if you think
about it. the poachers walk in on the kids as
they're walking around and thinking about releasing
the owl and they're just kind of like mean talking
them what are you doing here kids if we ever
catch you again it's over for you that kind of
stuff you know tough talking kids um so the kids
run away and then it's the next day lance is
meeting with the grimes brothers the grimes brothers
have heat seeking tranquilizer darts electric
nets and there was one more thing, but they didn't
ever fire that off, so I can't really remember
what it was, and I didn't write it down, so it's
not important. But basically, they bought all
this stuff so that they can catch the woodpecker.
If you're smart like me, you know where this
is going. If you're not smart like the Grimes
brothers, you have no clue where this is going.
Woody shows up. They fire the heat -seeking tranquilizer
darts two at a time, so they fire two at him,
and Woody takes down this chase through the woods
and basically flies between the Grimes brothers.
And can you imagine what happens with the tranquilizer
darts? Yes, they go into the Grimes brothers.
Nate goes, not again, and then they pass out.
Lance is still out there, and Woody goes to the
electric net firer. I don't know what else to
call it, but the electric net firer. And Lance
is running away, but Woody fires and gets him
in a net, and it just kind of shoots this bad
blue electricity, like this bad CGI electricity,
and Lance is just... That kind of stuff. So Lance,
once again, is just kind of defeated. He doesn't
know what to do. This woodpecker's not leaving
him alone. This woodpecker's not letting him
build his house. He doesn't know what to do.
So he talks to Park Ranger Sam and he's just
like, I don't know what to do. I've done this.
I've done that. I've done that. Basically, Park
Ranger Sam's advice is like, have you tried playing
nice with him? It's like easier to catch flies
with honey than it is with vinegar. And Lance
is kind of, hmm. Play nice with him. I guess
so. So Lance one morning walks out and is like,
Woodpecker, Woodpecker, hey. And Woody kind of
like is intrigued, looks at him and ready to
mess with him. But he basically puts down these
cookies and goes. All right, truce, you win.
I'm done. I'll give you these cookies. And so.
Woody comes up and starts eating the cookies
and they're really, really good. Like the best
cookies in the world, apparently, according to
Woody. So Woody signs basically a truce with
Lance saying, if you give me these cookies every
day, I'll let you build your house. And Lance
is, okay, sure. As long as it's these cookies,
okay. So every day, it does a little montage
again showing that every day. Lance gives Woody
these cookies. And not only does Woody take the
cookies, but he also hammers in some nails with
his beak when he's walking out or he'll cut out
some wood and help out the construction workers.
He's actually helping while getting these cookies.
So everything takes a turn for the better. Like
everybody's really happy. So Lance gets a call
one day and it's Linda, his ex -wife, who is
basically, hey, my dad's doing better. I'm ready
to leave Philly. uh do you want me to come take
tommy and lance kind of was just like yeah yeah
yeah you know what no no i i think i think we're
enjoying this we're having a good time plus tommy
has this event that he's playing in a couple
days why don't i just hold on to him for the
rest of the summer and then when he goes back
to school it's kind of nice a nice little moment
there lance actually uh Tommy. You kind of get
that feeling where they've kind of turned a corner,
including Tommy. Tommy seems a little brighter
too because his dad was willing to work with
Woody. He still doesn't exactly agree with building
the house, but he does help a little bit and
he does understand that, hey, you're being nice
to Woody. This is all that matters. Now we go
to the Firefly Festival. Firefly Festival happens
every year and this is the festival that Tommy's
been preparing with his band for. There's also
Park Ranger Sam. park ranger sam and lance kind
of you know they have this little back and forth
and she's kind of how did it work like being
friends with woody and lance goes it really it's
really working it's really good hey my son's
about to play do you want to come watch with
us and you just sense this chemistry unfortunately
never goes anywhere but you just sense this kind
of chemistry and you're like oh this this might
actually have a good ending like this There also
is a hot dog eating contest that Lyle takes place
in, and he wins the contest, but then he feels
sick to his stomach and can't perform. So the
band Three Pete, is what their name is, only
has two members. Who's there to save the day?
Of course, it's Woody. Woody creates these drums
with pencils and cans of peaches and stuff like
that, and he's able to play drums along with
them and do background vocals. He's not plugged
into anything, so I don't know how anybody heard
anything. But they have this musical number,
and I'll be completely honest, it's awful. I
don't like to make fun of child actors, but it's
just terrible. And it makes me think back to
when my buddy and I had our own band that we
made our parents listen to, which was just us
with a karaoke machine. I'm sure we were terrible
too. I wish someone would have told me, because
then we wouldn't have made them suffer so long.
But, you know, that's what kids do. you're gonna
do it for your kids probably i'm gonna do it
for my kids probably it's what kids it's what
kids do and it's what parents do it's suffer
through for your kids of course at the end the
band's all happy and everything and woody says
they should call this woody stock god damn these
lines sometimes so everything seems happy and
everything like that all of them are getting
along and everything and woody catches up with
lance park ranger sam tommy jill at the end and
they're all congratulating tommy and then uh
tommy goes woody was playing drums and lance
goes wow woody here's your cookies for the day
that was awesome thank you thank you for coming
through and everything and woody kind of has
like this change of heart where he kind of now
wants them to stay and realizes he could be part
of a family and so He decides he wants to do
something nice, so he flies to the new house,
which is pretty much built at this point. It
needs some last -minute things, but it's pretty
much built. And there's, like, a wood panel,
and he carves this, like, sketch into it of Tommy,
Lance, and Woody all together. But he also accidentally
hits a wire, and it starts a fire and burns down
the entire house. Lance is losing it he's like
what happened what happened and this fireman's
just kind of like oh it looks like you had this
critter or something bite this electrical wire
and it burnt down the whole house so of course
Lance is now pissed he's how could I trust Woody
I I hate Woody and he basically gets a chainsaw
and cuts down Woody's tree and Woody is kind
of like shell -shocked by falling out of the
tree and so the poachers the Grimes brothers
were able to tase Woody and put him in a cage.
And so Lance is just kind of cool. You guys are
going to take him somewhere and let him loose.
He's going to fly and be free elsewhere. Great.
Tommy knows that they're going to kill him. They,
he knows it and he's pissed. And it also makes
me laugh. The cliche, because Woody is in the
cage with these bars that basically he could
easily fly through. It's one of those situations
where it's like, you can get through that. I
don't feel like you're ever in any danger. But
he just doesn't. And you're just kind of, oh,
my God, stop. Fly out. You can do this. And so
Tommy's pissed that Lance worked with the poachers
to get rid of Woody. And he realizes he's going
to kill him. And Lance goes, someday you'll understand.
Because he's dealing with the shell shock of
his house just burnt down that he's been working
all summer on. and he thought he could trust
somebody, and finally he's been, like, hurt.
So he's like, someday you'll understand. And
Tommy goes, oh, I understand. When something
bothers you, you get rid of it. Surprised you
just didn't get rid of Mom and I, too. It's super
melodramatic, and it just made me laugh the way
he delivered the line and everything. So Lance
is looking through the rubble and trying to figure
out, like, where he starts next, and he kind
of comes across this wood panel, and of course
it's the wood panel that Woody had carved. And
he looks at it and he realizes, oh no, Woody
just accidentally did this. This wasn't on purpose.
I want to know how that didn't burn down. Because
everything else burnt down. Everything else is
burnt to a crisp. Everything like that. This
looks untouched. I don't understand. It was right
next to the electrical wire too. It should have
been the first thing to go up. But somehow, someway,
this is the one thing that doesn't burn. Because,
you know, plot device. Plot Moppet, as Jill would
say. The Grimes brothers are back in their...
cabin in the woods kind of thing i guess really
it's a barn and they have woody in a cage and
they basically are live streaming to this black
market kind of like a home shopping network almost
it's like look at this bird this is the last
of its kind place your bids and it literally
is like a home shopping network where they're
just like doing this auction for this bird to
be stuffed and sent to whoever wants it And each
of the people on the black market thing are at
a different location. It's obviously just a person
sitting in front of a green screen or like a
backdrop or something like that, like a cheesy
backdrop. It's just terrible. You can tell each
and every one of them just sitting in a room
with a backdrop or like green screen behind them.
It just looks bad. Tommy, with the help of Jill
and Lyle, are going to try to save Woody. And
they do a horrible job of sneaking into the barn.
Because they're immediately captured by Otis
of both of the Grimes. Otis did this. Was able
to set a trap for them. And they just so happen
to have this big ass cage that they put the kids
in. And it gets worse than that too. But they
finish the bidding and Woody is going for $900
,000. That is what he's going for. And the Grimes
brothers are so happy. They're like skipping
and everything like that. And one of the lines
that's officially... It's one of the best lines
of this whole thing. Nate looks at the kids and
goes, that's it. We're officially retiring to
Ka -ching City. And Otis goes, Ka -ching City.
That's in China. So bad. And it's so dumb. But
it made me laugh so hard for no reason whatsoever.
The kids are trapped. Woody's trapped. But the
only people not trapped is Lance, who goes to
Park Ranger Sam and is kind of. Hey, do you know
where these poachers might live? I need to get
Woody back. I made a mistake. We just need him
back. So Park Ranger Sam calls the sheriff and
basically is going to meet him there. So Park
Ranger Sam and Lance are going to meet the sheriff
there. So they go first. And basically the Grimes
brothers meets them outside the cabin. So they
can't see anything inside. And they're just kind
of. Oh, we already got rid of Woody. We haven't
seen your boy anywhere. No clue where he could
be. You know, sorry we couldn't help you. So
they're walking away and Park Ranger Sam steps
on a candy wrapper. And one of the things she
noticed at all of the poaching sites where this
candy wrapper was at. So all these dead birds
and everything, she realizes there's these candy
wrappers. So she knows now they're the poachers.
So park ranger, Sam's kind of like Lance, let's
get out of here. Like these aren't, we can't
find them. We'll go look for him elsewhere. We'll
go look for Tommy and Lance though. A little
frustrated. Cause you can kind of see like, he
kind of knows what's going on that these guys
have done something with Woody. He doesn't know
that Tommy's there, but he knows they've done
something with Woody. It's kind of like, okay,
cool. We'll, we'll drive away. And so they drive
up the road and Sam parks and is like, These
candy wrappers, they were at all the places the
poachers were. They still have Woody in there.
We need to go in there. And so Lance is like,
oh, okay, cool. Let's go. Lance and Sam barge
into the barn and Lance is like, you put my kid
in a cage and immediately is punched out by Nate.
And Sam has no backup and doesn't have a gun
or anything. So she's two on one. So basically
they have two more. Large cages out of nowhere
that Lance gets put in one. Sam gets put in another.
Everyone's caged up. There's no way to win. What
are you going to do? And so they're lining up
this poison tranquilizer dart to shoot at Woody.
And all of a sudden Lance just goes and runs
at his cage and kind of moves it. And Nate goes,
these are built for elephants. What do you think
you're going to do? Bust out of there? And Lance
goes, I don't need to bust out of there. Hits
it again. and falls in front of Woody, able to
get his arm through the bar, open up the cage
that Woody is in by just lifting it, and Woody's
able to fly out and go after the poachers. The
poachers are able to close the door on Woody,
and basically Woody gets his beak stuck in the
door, so he's stuck for a little while. The poachers
hop onto an ATV because the sheriff's outside,
and they go racing out into the wilderness. Woody's
able to push open the door after a while, after
a struggle, and he goes chasing after them. They
come across this bridge that's been closed off
that can get you into Canada. And so we're almost
scot -free if we can get across this bridge.
And all of a sudden you just start hearing wood
pecking from behind or in front or underneath.
And the bridge gives out and the poachers do
one of those uh -oh and fall into the river below.
When they're able to get out of the river, of
course, Park Ranger Sam and the sheriff and the
deputies are all able to pick them up and arrest
them. So the poachers are arrested. Park Ranger
Sam and the sheriff are able to take them into
custody. Lance, Tommy, Park Ranger Sam all have
happy endings. Woody apologizes for ruining their
house. He goes, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.
And Lance goes, it's all right, it's okay. And
then it's the next day, and the construction
crew's back. And you're just kind of like, what?
Turns out that Lance had insurance coverage on
the house, and that covered woodpecker damage.
So they're able to rebuild the house. They agree
they're going to build something smaller, and
Lance and Tommy are going to live out there.
And they also gave a birdhouse. to woody like
a step like made this huge bird house so that
he could have a place to live too and they all
lived happily ever after because lance was able
to fall asleep while woody ate some wood with
his pecking end of movie so there you have it
that is the number one movie on netflix in the
united states woody the woodpecker i don't know
what to say about this one i i just It's a kid's
movie, so I don't want to shit on it too much.
But at the same time, I think even kids will
find this stupid. It's not a smart movie by any
means. It has poop. It has fart jokes. It has
burp jokes, which fine, one or two. I get it.
It's a kid's movie. They're going to happen.
That's what kids like is fart, poop, burp jokes.
That's fine. They relied way too much on it.
It was just one of those stories where you can
see everything coming from a mile away except
for the fact. You couldn't see that Woody was
just like, oh, family. I thought he was going
to get along with them by the end, but he was
full on, I'm a family member now. Don't follow
that at all. The poachers are just too dumb.
Like, they're just way too dumb. Every step,
every turn, they got outsmarted, and it's no
question why. If you're sitting here wondering
why this movie got released in theaters for Brazil,
it's because Woody Woodpecker is still an extremely
popular character in Brazil. That's why it actually
was aimed at the Brazilian market in the first
place. It's just funny to me, this movie, because
it actually was second at the Brazilian box office
the weekend it released behind Blade Runner 2049.
And then it increased in its second weekend,
moving into first place for $2 .1 million. $6
million of the $10 million that it grossed overall
was from Brazil. All the rest are Latin American
countries that it was actually in box offices
and everything like that. I don't get it. I just
don't get it. A lot of things don't make sense
in this movie to me. um not the movie itself
the the stuff around it why was it in english
if it was marketed towards brazil and therefore
then why did it release straight to video in
the u .s and finally why is it number one on
netflix in the u .s right now i just don't get
it i don't follow it i it makes no sense to me
whatsoever because this movie is not good. And
I get having kids and stuff like that. And usually
kids are a big driving force of certain movies
and everything, including this one, probably
because it's an easy one while you're still at
home, put on for the kids. Okay, fine, whatever.
I just find this movie so dumb and so predictable
that I don't even think kids would like it. And
I'm not a kid myself, so I can't decide for them,
but it just doesn't make sense. Overall, this
movie is just poop, burp, fart jokes for a lot
of it. And then it's just antics by a cocaine
-addled woodpecker, it feels like. I don't think
it's normal Woody. I think he's just on cocaine.
So this is the sequel to Cocaine Bear. Who knew?
Or I guess the first one because Cocaine Bear
came out after it. But speaking of coming out
after, they actually have already filmed a sequel
to Woody Woodpecker that is supposed to release
sometime this year. And I really, God, I hope
not that it ever sees the light of day. It may
be another straight -to -video one, but who knows?
Maybe it'll take the number one spot again on
Netflix. With a woodpecker, overall, I'll give
it a one out of five peanut butter cookies. It
wasn't the worst thing I've seen. I don't want
any more of it. I definitely am happy with the
amount that I got of it. It wasn't... Since it
was an hour and a half, it didn't overstay its
welcome. I will say that. That is the one thing
it had going for it. It wasn't... I wasn't ever
sitting there going, God, let this movie end.
It was a quick watch for the most part. Even
though that watch was ridiculous and goofy and
probably had a lot of things that it didn't need.
Including, there were some times where they would
cut between scenes that lasted for all of 10
seconds and then would cut back to the next scene
and you just didn't need it. Like the one scene
where Woody is just hanging out in the woods
at night and just rips this huge burp. That was
it. It was 10 seconds and they ripped to it and
then they go to the next day for Vanessa and
Lance. I also wanted to kind of know what happened
to Vanessa. Why all of a sudden she's just like,
I don't want to be in this movie anymore. If
that's a choice by the actress or if that was
just how it was scripted and she just was supposed
to be. And if they dropped a love story for Park
Ranger Sam and Lance because they were definitely
having Hallmark Channel vibes. It was definitely
small town. Hey, I want to teach you the value
of wildlife. Why don't you come love me in the
wildlife? You know, those kind of vibes. I definitely
get that feeling, especially since Park Ranger
Sam, all she's done after has basically been.
Hallmark movies like Hallmark Christmas movies.
So one out of five peanut butter cookies for
Woody Woodpecker. That's it. I mean, that's all
I got. If you guys have a good Woody the Woodpecker
laugh and you want to record and send it to me,
I will put it in at several points where I failed
miserably. I would love to hear you guys do some
Woody the Woodpecker. You can find us at Game
for a Movie everywhere and just send it. Send
it, Chef. Send an audio file of you doing Woody
the Woodpecker or your thoughts on the movie
or anything like that. I'd love to get some audience
response to this one, including audience response
in the form of a five -star review. Every time
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Message me. I'd love to make the show better.
I like listening to the audience, so let me know.
So five -star review, if you could. That would
be great anywhere. Spotify, Apple, wherever.
Thank you guys for listening very much to me
ramble on about Woody the Woodpecker. That laugh
is going to haunt me in my nightmares. That is
the one thing I definitely took out of this movie.
And that peanut butter cookies are really good.
So there you go. Woody the Woodpecker. I've been
Mike, your host for a Game for a Movie podcast
where we ask, are you game for a movie? We'll
see you next time on Game for a Movie. Bye.