Welcome to the Open Adoption Project. This is episode 105. We are the Nelsons. I'm Shaun.
And I'm Lanette. And today we are really excited to be sharing an interview. Today we're talking
with Kiara Dark and she is a birth mom. Yeah I loved listening to this conversation and we
know that you'll enjoy what she has to share. For me there's a lot of moments from this conversation
that I really liked and we hope that you like as well. But there's this turning moment where she
realizes how adoption is a blessing. Like multifaceted. Yeah that it works not just about the experience
she had but she experiences it from the other side and she says it's a moment of healing and
I love that. We're so grateful to Kiara for her sharing her experience as a birth mother and
sharing with all of us things that we can learn as we navigate the adoption world. Yeah so let's
jump into that interview with Kiara and then we'll be back at the end and chat a little more.
We are here on the podcast with Kiara Dark and we are so excited to have her with us.
Kiara welcome. Thank you. Yeah my name is Kiara Dark. I am a local resident of Utah and a realtor and
just like to stay as busy as I can. I do a lot of volunteering and community work and that's
kind of what I love to do. That's awesome. All right so we are really excited to hear about your
connections with adoption and your experiences. Do you want to go ahead and share whatever you'd
like to about your adoption story? Sure. What I've learned in my life through this adoption story is
that it's not a very typical one. Not that there is a typical one. I think everybody's story is
super unique but yeah so I guess I'll start at 17. I was 17 years old. My brother was serving a
mission in back east in the United States and there was a missionary there and his family wasn't
supportive so he wasn't receiving letters and things like this and so my brother asked me if I'd
be willing to just be supportive and send some letters. So I did. I started writing this
missionary just as you know an act of kindness I guess and we you know 17 year old girl we fell
in love in our letters and so when he came home from his mission we met quickly. We got engaged
quickly. We got married quickly. It just was kind of a whirlwind and without going into too much
detail what I'll say is from the time that we got married it took about three months for things to
really fall apart. You know I was barely 18 when we got married like 10 days. Barely 18 and you
know he was he was older obviously 22, 23 something like this but we were both still kids and
so again without going into all the all the drama it was not a it was not a healthy relationship.
So there I was three months married and then I find out I'm pregnant and completely unplanned
of course and so it just quickly turned into I can't raise this child. I you know like I said 18 and
not in a great mental health space myself and I was concerned about trying to work with
the father to raise that baby and what kind of quality of life my son would have and all these
things. So I think it was about February when I finally made the decision that I was going to
place the baby for adoption so this would this would have been about six months into marriage
and so I started working with the agency and back in the day it wasn't looking at profiles online
like you do now is what I've heard. I haven't actually experienced this but back back in my
day I was handed like 13 paper profiles with interviews and letters to me and like pictures
and their medical history and all of this and it was kind of overwhelming and so thank goodness
for my mother because I moved back in with my mom and she and I sat and went through the profiles and
it was so overwhelming and we're like how do you qualify one family over another? How do you
decide who's more deserving or worthy of a child than another one you know? So that was kind of a
strange experience but the first thing we did was I kind of laugh at this. We filtered out anyone
who didn't have a college education because it was just kind of a quick and easy way to like
par it down but I laugh at it because I never graduated college but that doesn't qualify you
to be a parent but like how else do you filter it out? I don't know so yeah it was just kind of
funny the criteria that we were like well maybe we'll start here and maybe we'll try this. I laugh
at it now but at the time it made sense. So I narrowed it down ultimately selected a family,
met them in March in person and then we continued communicating through letters that were sent
through the agency so it was very much a closed adoption to begin with. Everything had to be
filtered through the agency. They would open everything to make sure there was no personal
information. We didn't know last names anything like that and at the time I don't recall there
being different. This was almost 20 years ago and you know I know open adoption was
starting to become more common but at the time that was the norm. It was just privacy was super
important so but we had great social workers that kept us in touch and made sure we got our
communications with each other so we were able to stay in touch and his adopted mom
asked me to keep a journal of my experience throughout the pregnancy so I did and I included
pictures of my family and I actually read that recently in preparation for this interview. It
was kind of cool to to look back on but anyway so then it was due date time and again I don't know
how common this is but at the time with everything being closed and structured at the time I was
being closed and structured the pregnancy was induced or the delivery was induced so I got to
the hospital got induced went through the whole delivery of course and the thing that stands out
to me about that experience it was hard but you know he was born and I got to spend two days just
loving on him and being so happy and getting to feed him and do all the things that I wasn't going
to get to do but the thing that stands out to me the most is the moment when I had to sign the papers
that relinquished my rights because I had him in my left arm and a pen in my right hand as I'm
signing these rights away and there's social workers and nurses and my mom and I was still
legally married even though we were very so this divorce had been filed and everything but because
there was a child involved they wanted to ensure the adoption took place before they granted a
divorce without um you know custody and parental rights so I was still legally married and my
husband at the time was on the phone with my social worker to make sure I signed the papers
so that he would also sign the papers like it was the most I don't have any other words for it like
controlling I don't know it was awful it was just this really strange experience and I didn't really
get to um what that it's it having that dynamic going on kind of in the background made it all the
more difficult yeah so it wasn't how you wanted it not at all yeah thank you for helping me find my
word yeah not at all how I wanted it and um very very not not public but it felt I felt exposed I
felt very exposed and like if I wanted to change my mind all of a sudden there was no way I could
now I didn't I knew the right thing for my baby and I didn't want to change my mind but there was
that kind of pressure with all going on for sure um so then I uh gave the baby you know I got to
be the one to place the baby in mom's arms and say my goodbyes and all of that and then we stayed
in touch um at the time and I haven't read up on laws lately but at the time adoption processes
were six months before it was completed and like legally final so for that six months the agency
still filtered our communications they would send me pictures of of how he was doing and I mean they
were amazing I got so so lucky with the parents because I mean they would send me stacks an inch
thick of pictures of every little thing bath time and feeding time and he's just sleeping and it was
amazing I have photo albums from his first two years of life that just I just got really really
fortunate they even sent me dvds with like videos of him having his first this or that and so I got
to be really um at least connected and see that he was okay and he was thriving and uh all the love
that he was surrounded by um fast forward that went on for about 18 months so when he was about
18 months old um I think it was at about actually the year mark that the agency stopped filtering
the letters and we started emailing so still no last names or anything but we had email information
and so they emailed me at when he was about 18 months old and asked if I'd be willing to meet
just them for dinner so we did we met at Bombay House uh it was their favorite place so we met
there for Indian food and they brought it up to me that um they felt strongly that if he grew up
not only knowing that he was adopted because they were very open with him about that he had a photo
of me pregnant with him on his nightstand right they were very open about where he was from
but they just had this strong feeling that by opening it up and removing the mystery as they
called it of like where he's from what taking away that fantasy and romanticizing that we do when
there's these questions um it could only help him and and you know they said at the time
there wasn't a lot of research we don't know what open adoption really looks like and how that
and how that affects these kids as they grow up but it feels like the right thing to do for us
if you're open to it and of course I was like uh yes please absolutely I would love that so it was
it only took a couple of weeks we met at a park and I baked a little you know summer cake thinking
because I wanted to I don't know it was something that I I don't know I felt the need to bring a
treat I don't know I love that I baked to show love I can see that if that right like yeah it's
it's like okay I want to bring something that I usually didn't so I had to like home bake a
orange creamsicle cake or something I don't remember but showed up at the park and little
guy was there playing and he knew who I was he recognized me and came straight up to me and
and it was just kind of remarkable that all that time later and he you know 18 months
so he obviously didn't remember me from the hospital but they'd clearly been
talking to him and showing pictures and all of that so he knew exactly who I was and was very
comfortable with me and let me hug him and everything and since then I've seen him
three or four times a year typically if not more we don't live very far apart
but enough that it's challenging but I've celebrated every birthday with him since he was two
I've been to he's a very accomplished musician I've been to all of his concerts that I that I can
he's even come and stayed with me and my family now and met he's come to family reunions on my
side and I've gotten to meet a lot of his extended family and it's just completely open and it's been
completely open and it's been that way now he'll be 20 this year and so it's been 18 years of open
adoption and I think it's truly been a blessing for both of us but most specifically for him
so that's that's kind of the high level story of of me being a birth mom. Wow
it's amazing thank you so much for sharing as you think about these experiences that you've had
with openness what would you want others to know who might be hesitant about open adoption based
on your experiences? Sure well there's not a textbook on how to do it right there's and
and while it is more common now and I haven't I haven't like dove into the research and the
details so I'm speaking only from my experience and not from like some educated space but I guess
what I would say is that it's it is a good thing and I think that the the child having the ability
to understand themselves and ask questions about their life and even just from like the medical
history like knowing being able to have open dialogue about those things I think is really
important but I think the thing that makes most people hesitant is what if it doesn't work or
what if the relationship doesn't vibe or what if birth mom expects too much or these kinds of
things and and this is something we talked about myself and my son's parents early on is
we committed to just having really open dialogue and what's working and what's not and and my
favorite thing that his mom ever said to me is like listen we can set boundaries but the boundaries
can change just because that's what we set now doesn't mean that's what it has to be forever
and and I think that's something that's key for people to understand is that listen you start one
way and you try it and if it's not working for either of you you can make adjustments so that
it works but the key there is having that open dialogue and mutual respect because I think
um I think the respect that each of us have had for each other's roles um is also has also been a
really big piece of why it's worked so well. Wow that is such amazing advice I love all of that
and so the open communication the respect and recognizing that boundaries can change. Absolutely.
I think that's so wonderful thank you. Yeah. So how do you think these experiences
that you've had as a birth mom have really shaped your life?
Wow um so much I think early on you know if you if you put this into perspective I went in the
in my year from 18 to 19 I got married was in an abusive relationship got divorced had a child
gave that child up all before I was 19 years old so it really that trauma really shaped my early
20s I was lost I was um it was just a painful painful time in my life and not just because I
had given up a child that obviously was very painful but I knew it was the right thing I
never for a second doubted my or or questioned what my choice was um but I think I let it I think I
let the trauma define me a lot for those first few years and I really really struggled Mother's Day
was always awful I would just cry and cry and it's like I would get offended if people in my family
didn't acknowledge me on Mother's Day but then at the same time I didn't want to be recognized on
Mother's Day and so it was just this very confusing difficult time that unfortunately led to me making
even more not awesome decisions in my early adulthood that led to more difficulty throughout
my adult life and it took me a really long time I I mean I think it took me about 10 years to really
find myself and find confidence in who I was and um you know I was one of the things that I read
in my journal that I had made for my son is that he gave me purpose and he was the first time
that this experience with him was the first time I felt important in the world
and so there was this piece of that like what's so if he's my purpose and that's what's important
and what is left right and so um thankfully I had an amazing relationship with them and and was able
to be a part of his life and so it helped kind of keep me going and and keep me um feeling important
in his life and I had a great support system around me but but that experience uh I mean all
of it but specifically giving up a child I think um that's a that's a trauma that I don't really
know how to describe but it definitely set the stage for a rough uh early adulthood for me.
So challenging so were there support systems that helped like was there
uh any counseling offered from the agency after placement or anything like that like?
No that was really interesting is that as soon as as soon as the baby was placed the agency
essentially would just get the mail to me. There were no check-ins there was no counseling um
I think six weeks after I maybe heard from my social worker to check in on me but other than
that it was up to me and thankfully again I was with my mom and she was very supportive and made
sure that I was getting help and had people to talk to and um and I wasn't always receptive to
it but I I generally would kind of lean on that on that counseling and but it was entirely up to
us to find and you know there weren't that I'm aware of there weren't like groups and as a birth
mom you know you something I've observed in my in recent months is as a birth mom there's not a lot
out there there's a lot not a lot there's a little more for adopted parents and for adoptees but for
birth moms and I don't know if it's because most birth moms choose to stay private and they don't
want to share that very intimate thing about themselves I'm not sure but there's just not a
lot of resources out there on um surviving after placing a child so yeah it wasn't it was pretty
much up to me and my mom. Oh yeah that's really too bad I feel like a theme that comes up on our
podcast pretty often is that secrecy and stigma build into shame and these cycles of shame are
so hard to shake and it sounds like that lack of support is really just feeding into that I hope
things are better for people placing now but that's hard. Yeah and I agree I think I think
there is still a stigma because you got to remember it wasn't that long ago that girls that found
themselves pregnant were shipped off to live somewhere else to have the baby in private so
they didn't bring shame to the family I mean what was that 40 50 years ago and even though that
seems like a while it's not that long ago yeah and so I think the stigma is still really really
strong and I don't I think our society is ready to handle it but I don't know how many of us are
comfortable being that vulnerable and setting ourselves up to be shamed you know. Yeah yeah
that is a really vulnerable place to be so another thing that struck me was your hospital experience
where you had these couple of days where you were able to like feed baby and take care of your son
and bond with him but then signing papers it wasn't really on your terms at all yeah and so
looking back how could people have better advocated for you what do you think could have
changed like how could that have been a better experience what do you think? Well yeah that's
you know and I haven't really spent a lot of time reflecting on that but I carried a lot of anger
about that because once I educated myself and understood that I could have advocated for myself
more and said no I'm not doing it like this and you know my sweet mom didn't know either we just
were doing what we were told I wish the social worker would have advocated for me more because
certainly the social worker had to have known that it didn't have to be like that yeah I didn't have
to have my ex-husband on the other end of the phone waiting to make sure that I had done my part
and so I guess I kind of and even even the social worker on the other side I don't I know they were
aware of the situation and I guess I just wish that the people that were informed and there to be
supportive I had a little more compassion for what I was doing and and ensuring to create a safe
space for me to do that and I wish I had educated myself more. I think I think we often rely on
others in their profession to take care of us but at the end of the day it's all it's up to us as
well and so I wish I had done more research throughout the pregnancy of what was or wasn't
allowed or okay or like how what what my rights were as a birth mom in that moment when I'm
actually giving up my rights you know what I mean but yeah and and and I don't know if this is
possible but it almost seems like an appropriate time to have a neutral almost a mediator but but
specific to you know one that's very informed about these situations but almost a third party
that's not representing any one person but just making sure everybody's okay you know.
I think that's such a good idea and like not being an agency or yeah anything.
Exactly and even even considering you know I was angry for a really long time I've been able to
get over that now but so now with my with my hindsight eyes I can even imagine my ex-husband
how hard that was for him and that probably wasn't a healthy thing for him to be sitting there on the
other end of the line either you know so really it wasn't good for any of us and it would have been
nice to have an objective perspective to kind of facilitate a healthier more more peaceful
experience in such a non-peaceful and difficult time you know. Yeah well and it also sounds like
it could have been a lot more beneficial if things have been offered afterward as well like
post-placement counseling and therapy. Absolutely. Yeah absolutely.
So you and your son's adoptive parents met when he was like 18 months old and talked about
opening things up and so it sounds like you had a really healthy conversation about what that would
look like at that point. Do you have any tips or advice on how to have those conversations?
Well like I said I kind of hit the jackpot I just I got really lucky with two very down to earth
and honest and communicative people so I think the thing that has worked really well
and specifically for me is I think through other stories I've heard a lot of times I think families
adopted parents want to kind of bend over backwards for the birth mom and I never felt that way from
them it felt very what is the word I'm thinking of? Like natural or? Yeah it felt very natural and it
didn't feel forced and it didn't and it it was very clear that it was this is something we're
doing for him and so at any point if it's not working for him we we're going to make adjustments
and I think that's the perspective going into these conversations that you need to have is that
this is for a benefit of the child this is so that the child can have that understanding of who they
are where they're from you know a stronger sense of identity and all of those things
there's not really room for our own egos and our own agendas it's got to come from a place
a truly paternal like parent's place not paternal but parental place of doing the right thing for
the kid yeah I think that would be the the number one tip would be to just
really really come from the perspective of doing the right thing for the child.
I love that so much I think that could solve so many problems in adoption if we just focus
focus on the children yeah yeah I think so too I've heard a lot of stories of
birth moms that get involved and they can't separate the emotional side of it which I
completely relate to but got to keep the kiddos up front of mind right.
Oh it's beautiful so in your experience do you feel like when things opened up with your
adoption did that affect your healing at all or that experience you were really struggling with
with trauma and post placement feelings did that influence that do you think?
I do think it helped I remember that for the first couple of years when I started spending
more time with him and his family it was like simultaneously therapeutic and healing to be there
and to see him I was very unsure of my place and how to act at first but I got more comfortable
but it was always like when I was driving away and I would just kind of cry and it wasn't like
a breakdown or anything it was just kind of like just really heavy and so it was it was emotional
but but I think in a good way I do think it helped me heal and it certainly helped to see him
thriving and surrounded by such incredible people learning such amazing things and
you can just you could just feel the love in the home and yeah so I do think that it helped
in my healing process for sure. Well but it was also challenging because maybe yeah it was yeah
yeah yeah it was challenging but if I try to imagine having not been involved in his life I
think it would have been harder because then it's it's the same thing it's the mystery of is he okay
what's he up to what is he like what's his favorite color all these things yeah but I knew all of that
I knew he was okay so the the pain was coming from that was a really hard thing I just did
and it takes a few years to recover from something like that but but I do think it absolutely helps
helped me heal more than it didn't if that makes sense. It does thank you. So thinking about the
adoption community at large what do you think some of the biggest challenges we're facing as a
community are? Yeah this and this is something I've just kind of recently been diving into you know
I've kind of had my story and I have a brother who adopted a child and so I've kind of had it in my
life but I haven't immersed myself in the community until recently and so what I've been discovering
and again this is not coming from an educated space at all just just my observations.
Is it it does seem like resources are lacking for all parties involved it doesn't seem like
there's a ton of research there's there's some literature that you can pick up and read there's
a few groups around but largely it feels like the adoption community has kind of been left up to
themselves to figure it out. I don't I don't see we have an organization up here
that is all it's a non-profit organization and it's an amazing organization but they do a lot of
free parenting classes for example and free counseling and education for blending families
and step families and how that looks and I've actually asked them why don't you also have
resources like this for families that have adoption in their story because it's very unique it's
different from blending families it's different from step families it's it's very different and
the dynamics and the and the issues that adoptee children deal with is different and it it's kind
of like it didn't occur to them and they were like oh yeah that's a great idea I don't know
maybe we'll look into that and so to me it's it's kind of like forgotten it's almost like it just
doesn't know nobody really knows what to do with it so nothing happens and so I think it's kind of
happens and I see that shifting I can see that there are more efforts but it's it's almost like
no one like again no one's quite sure what needs to happen so I think the biggest challenge is
is again just opening the dialogue and starting somewhere instead of leaving it up to individuals
to rally and try to make something good happen. Wow I love that so do you have any thoughts what
do you think would be a good place to start? Well I've heard a lot I actually spoke with a few
birth mother organizations and apparently there's a lot of anger that kind of hangs out in these
birth mom groups and I think when you get a bunch of angry people together to try to support each
other it turns toxic really fast and a lot of the anger is is towards the agencies why didn't the
agency do more for me but I have kind of a maybe unpopular opinion on that because in my mind
the agency's job is to make sure the child finds a family and is made and is placed there safely.
That's their job so when they've placed that child it makes sense to me that they kind of go
onto the next we have another baby we've got to find a home for right so yes would it be lovely
if the agency would also provide some services for their birth moms because that's important too.
Yes that's lovely but that's not that's not their wheelhouse that's not their skill set
it's almost like there needs to be some power referral program going on where agencies go okay
thank you so much you've done your part we need to move on to the next but this is where you go next
and some some place where birth moms can find some support and and it doesn't matter if they're
insured and if they can afford it but but almost a birth mom I don't know if you'd call it an agency
or whatever but some some group where there can be recovery support and um and counseling and these
things with people who are experienced and experts in that because again the agencies are experts in
in the adopted families right.
I think to me that seems like an obvious one but I don't really know how you make that happen
again this all requires money and resources and there's not endless amounts of that but as far as
for adoptees and adopted families I'm not as familiar with resources out there for that
I think there are a few more but still room lots of room for improvement.
So how do you think your perceptions of adoption have changed over time I feel like you've alluded
to this a little bit I'd love to hear more. Yeah um in the beginning it kind of felt like that was
my only choice it was either keep this baby and he's going to have a terrible life because
it was just not terrible but it was going to be hard or give him a family that's going to give
him everything that he deserves right and I so I didn't really have an opinion of adoption it just
kind of was what I needed to do and then for the first few years after I was pretty angry and not
specifically at any one person it was just I think how we deal with grief sometimes um and so I would
target it at different places and sometimes it was the agency but not always um but for me it was
there's a very specific moment and I actually wrote a story about this a long time ago that I
gave to my brother um so my brother and sister-in-law couldn't have they tried for five years couldn't
have babies so they decided to adopt and I could spend a whole other episode with you talking about
all of the amazing coincidental connections that happened in my adoption story that make it like
divine intervention that this happens like it's it's crazy but I won't the only thing I will say
is that my son's parents were on a panel for parents that were getting ready to adopt and
my brother happened to sit on that panel and as they told their story they made the connection
that it was me and so they got to meet each other and um so that was really really neat that they
they made that connection um and and of course they were super respectful like
talked to them privately and were like I think you're I think who you're talking about is my
sister I think anyway so through their story or their journey they um they ended up getting
a baby that was five months old and out of state and so they had to go fly to that place to bring
the baby home and and we were all there at the at the airport with our signs welcoming the baby
and they came walking down the um exit whatever with with their little bundle and I just I broke
down then they handed me the baby and I just held her and cried but it was that was the moment I
healed because I saw the miracle from the other side um I got to be firsthand witness to my this
beautiful couple who was so desperately wanted to have a family and couldn't and the miracle
that she brought into not just their lives but all of us and I can't imagine my life without my
niece right and and all of the memories that we have in the it's like she was meant to be a part
of our family and that was the moment that I realized I guess I stopped thinking about it
about from the perspective of what I lost and started thinking about it from what everyone else
gained um and so I think that was kind of a pivotal moment as far as like how my how my
perception has shifted is that uh it went from kind of like it was a necessity I had no other
choice to like no this is actually a really beautiful thing and should be celebrated and
should not be a secret because everybody that's involved are wonderful people that
have to set themselves aside to do something kind of miraculous wow that's so beautiful
this was really really great thank you oh my goodness well thank you so much I have loved
hearing from you thank you so much
well we want to give a huge thanks to Kiara again for her willingness to share her experience and
her story and obviously everyone's story is unique but I think I learned a lot of great
of great great things from her yeah I really enjoyed speaking with her she was really focused
on adoptee experiences and I thought that was really beautiful just hearing her talk about
how she keeps her son at the center of these decisions she makes which is really our goal
with open adoption and so I really appreciated that yeah and kudos to the adoptive parents of
of this baby right who reached out and established this relationship and connection while he was still
yet pretty young I loved when she shared that they went to the park and he ran up to her and he
already knew who she was even though they hadn't met since you know delivery but this adoptive
family had fostered a conversation in their home about his birth mother that was loving and like
helped him know of his origins and his connection to her I love that I love that too I do think
that there's a part of every child that's going to remember their birth parents right and especially
their birth mom but yeah I thought that was a really beautiful example of how these adoptive
parents were making sure to speak kindly and often and just really incorporating their child's
birth mom into their home and family yeah yeah I feel like when adoption is done right it should
really feel like our circle and our family is growing right and so it's not like the change
of your family and your circle but it's like it grows and expands yeah it's not like it shifts
it just grows yeah I also really loved and I mentioned this in the very beginning but I also
loved the moment where she is holding her now adopted niece and has this realization like
she's always been part of our family or belonged to our family and for her she said that was a
moment of healing experiencing it from the other side where she had placed the baby in a home and
had hoped for the best for his circumstance and she couldn't really feel that or know that from
from her perspective but then yeah just hearing how she articulated that it helped her feel
like I guess more holistic about the experience yeah that was really beautiful
yeah adoption is so complicated right like it's so complex there's so many struggles and so many
struggles and so many challenges and there's also beauty in it but there's also pain and there's
trauma and it's so just so deeply complex and I feel like it's a challenge right to make sure
that we're acknowledging these hard parts but we also want to acknowledge the beautiful parts and
yeah it's a challenge right like and it gets easier as an adoptee grows older they can
let you know yeah what they're feeling and what want to focus on but yeah actually it reminds me
of a personal experience that we had just this week where we were traveling as a family and we
were we were in the area of our youngest child's biological grandma his birth father's mother
and we knew that we would be close to her home and so we reached out and found out a time to meet
and we're able to meet her for the first time and it's been four years since he was adopted
and we've had connection a little connection with social media yeah social media that makes
things so nice and we have like a you know a group chat that has tons of extended family of his in
it but just to see this little connection between him and his biological grandma was really really
sweet and there were there were aspects of that interaction that were just really natural and
just genuine and it was so sweet to see and as I was sitting there on the couch watching them kind
of play with each other this idea of you know his circle getting bigger or expanding the little
the amount of people loving him and and doting on him and not just him that our other kids too
felt this love from her um it was just well I think it was also cool for our older kids to be
able to see that connection as well with a biological family member who we hadn't met in
person yet yeah but see that tangible connection and there's something special about it and so I
thought that was really neat to be able to celebrate that all together well and I thought
it was interesting too one of like the natural consequences of this was we feel more connection
and love with her and um you know I think we've been gone an hour when she texts sent a text and
said hey can you remind me of the birth dates of the other kids too I want to make sure that I send
them little birthday presents as well and so it was just this really awesome uh I guess witness that
we're this big eclectic family and we support each other and all all of us are connected to each
other even though there's you know different biological ties yeah different legal ties but
it's still we're all connected yeah it's just really beautiful yeah I love that that was a
really neat experience well friends thanks so much for listening to this episode again to
Kiara we're really grateful for her sharing her story um so grateful for you as our listeners we
love being a part of this community one thing that Kiara mentioned was that she still feels like
you know there's not a lot of research done in in the adoption community or about open adoption
and that sometimes we're kind of left alone to figure it out and we hope that we can be
can be a resource and a help to those that feel that way and we're going to do what we can do
as a couple as an organization to dive deeper and learn more than doing her PhD
researching and we'll share some of the things that she learns and we're just
grateful to be part of this community and hope that we can add to your experience
soon