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Fuck. I've just dribbled all that myself man. I've just dribbled all that myself and I've

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pulled a classic Bjorn and just not moved out the way. Now I'm gonna T-pose

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because I'm all wet. Fucking hell mate, are you alright? You sound a little weird.

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Yeah? Do I? Do I sound weird? No. Oh fuck maybe it's somewhat on my end or maybe it's

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just that this is what 81,000 downloads sounds like. Let's start the show!

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Hello everyone and welcome to the Every Movie Ever podcast. My name is Ben

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Groves. And my name is Rob McFarlane. Welcome to the show, a movie podcast slash mental

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health check-in for two broken brain best friends talking around their

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problems but not about their problems whilst you know laughing at movies. So

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given that this is a thinly veiled mental health check-in, Ben before I get to

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what we're doing, how are you doing buddy? I'm doing good man. I'm doing good.

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I've had an entire week off work. Nice. So naturally I had all these plans to be

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sort of like I'm gonna get my life admin in done. I'm gonna get this done. You are a time optimist.

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You're like I've got four days I'm gonna build Rome. Yes, essentially that. I'm

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going to be Remus and Romulus. No, I've done nothing. I've done nothing but

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podcast the entire time. My life is still on fire. But podcast is up to date. No

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means, that's good. Yeah, yeah. We've slated a really busy... Well I'm good. I'm

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a little bit under it. We've got lots of things that I'm gonna be really happy

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once they're out. It just so happens that all of them are happening this weekend.

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Yes. And I've got a job interview coming up and I've not wanted anything as much

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as I've wanted this job for a very long time. It's made me very nervous and so

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I've just like I've got two edits on the go at the moment. We're recording a

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current episode. Right. We've got two interviews on the slate. Yes. Got to get like

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stuff prepped for this interview and we are reviewing the newest film we've ever

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spoken about on the podcast. This is less than 48 hours old. Yeah, yeah. This is

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this is brand new territory for us. Now we were gonna do a spoiler-free review.

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We were gonna keep it light. We're gonna keep this... We just tried that. We just

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tried it. We've just had to literally delete a recording and go you know what?

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Awful. Fuck it. Awful. What's the point? Yeah. There's too much to talk about. So

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this is straight off the fucking top of the bat. This is your spoiler

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warning. This film is brand new. It came out two days ago. We've seen it twice

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each. Yeah. We need to talk about it. If you're anything like us you're gonna

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come out of the cinema and you're gonna be really really confused and you're

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gonna be questioning what you just saw. Yeah. And whether you enjoyed it because

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there's lots in there to love. Loads to love. Lots in there to hate and it's

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blended together into a fine paste. Yeah. And Ben and I have seen it twice now. We

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saw it on the day of release. We saw it again yesterday. We're recording the very

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next morning and we hope that you can go to the cinema, pop this on and go oh okay

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that's what I watched. Yes. As far as these guys see it. Ben, what are we

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talking about? Today buddy we are finally at the final episode of our mainline

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alien series for now. Yep. With the brand spanking new Romulus. Yeah it's it's a

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weird feeling man. I'm gonna be sad to leave alien behind. Same. I'm also not

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that keen to do Alien vs Predator or Prometheus or Alien Covenant because

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they're prequels and crossovers and... The prequels can fuck off. The crossovers I'm

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into. They're stupid as shit. Let's do I'm all down for them all day every day.

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Let it down the line. Let's do Predator. Yes. And then we can do Alien vs Predator.

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Yeah. Have an annual dip into this universe. I'm up for that because we've got... Sounds lovely.

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Big fans for people who are fans of this universe. What we're about to do next is

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gonna be just as much in your wheelhouse. We've got a lot to cover this episode.

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Let's get into it. I want to I want to get into how we got here. How do we get

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here Ben? How did we get here? Do you remember how we got here? How we got

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here? Yeah with Alien Romulus not sat on a podcast. I was gonna say because

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like I imagine at some point Fred and Dorn had a couple of drinks.

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There's a glint in an eye. You know what I mean? I thought you were immaculately

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conceived. No. Pure mistake baby. Pure mistake baby. No I meant I meant with

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Alien Romulus mate. Oh that's what we're doing in the episode. Yes. Got

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you. Got you. Got you. Got you. Oh I should be reading the notes. What else are you covering? What does Romulus bring to the table for the Alien franchise?

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And has Fede Alvarez lived up to the expectations for the franchise?

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For the fandom? For us? I've got mixed answers to that. I've got thoughts on this. I've got a whole

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fucking Fede segment that we're gonna get into mate. The Fede segment.

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The fucking Fede segment right? The Fede-ration. I'm doing my part. There's not a single Romulan on this

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fucking movie is there? I fucking hate Star Wars. Fucking stupid. Where's Spark and Glip Shitter?

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You know what I mean? Boba Fett killed him mate. 80 million this film cost.

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80 million dollars. Yeah. And I'm just gonna I'm gonna be your guy in the chair

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for you Ben. Go on. This hand. Just a quick Google. Yeah. Right Batman this has made

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42 million. Fucking hell. This weekend. Fucking hell yeah fair. So unless everyone that's wants

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to see it has seen it this weekend I think it's gonna make its money back.

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It's gonna it's gonna do great. It's gonna do great. Everyone's loving the film.

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Everyone's coming out of the theatre saying this is super fun. What a great

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experience. I've loved everything about it and you know awesome. Fucking super grateful

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then a little bit jealous of everyone that's doing that. Little bit jealous. I've been talking to you since

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we came out the cinema and it's been nothing but rage for 48 hours. It's been yelling and voice

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notes essentially for like two days. But we've covered every entry in the main franchise and

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we have. It's the finale so let's let's do the spoiler warning again. Spoilers. Because it's

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tradition. Spoilers. Brand new film. If you've not seen it pause the show. Go to the cinema. Yeah.

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Watch it. Support it. And then. And then come back and listen. Come back because we're about to

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literally scene by scene go through what happens in this movie. So you know why we're talking about

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what we're talking about. Do you want to do part one or part two babe? I'm gonna go for part two

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please buddy. We're having a breakdown. Part one. It's raining. It's pouring. This colony is fucking boring.

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I love the colony. Colony is great. Rain and her synthetic brother Andy are citizens of Jackson.

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A bleak miserable Wayland-Yutani mining colony 65 light years from Earth. Middle of nowhere. Like

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Telford. After being denied permission to leave the colony for heavenly sun planet Ivarga. Even

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though she's met a minimum hours quota. But the Wayland-Yutani being bastards and they double

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rain's required hours before she can be granted permission to leave. Absolute bastards. Because

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you know worker shortage. They're all dying. Bastards. Bastards. Just as this bad news is

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setting in though rain gets a call from her mate Tyler. Asking her to come by his trailer and do

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her old gang of mates a favour. They've all got really deep personalities by the way. Like one's

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pregnant. Yeah. One's a dickhead. One's Asian. Didn't see that coming. Right. They explain that

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floating above their heads is a decommissioned Wayland ship that has enough cryopods to make

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the nine-year trip to Ivarga. Sure. Without having to slave away in the mines in the next couple of

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years. They just need Andy. Who being a recommissioned Wayland synthetic speaks the

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ship's operating system language. Mother. And will be able to get them aboard the decommissioned ship.

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No trouble. Hesitant but desperate to get out of the colony. Rain reluctantly agrees and they set

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off literally immediately. That moment. It is that moment. You're in yeah? Sick. Yeah. Pop your seatbelt on.

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Part two. The mythical twins of Rome. Turns out it's not a ship drifting above their heads. It's a

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massive fuck off space station that I need to break character for a moment here. How the fuck does a

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Wayland-Utani mining corporation not have one single fucking radar that goes hold on a sec.

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There is a massive fucking ship above our heads right now. But two cunts in a fucking trailer. I

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just sort of like. Because. Theirs summit. Because Ben you juvenile. You idiot. You fool. Yeah.

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Something really important like that I don't know the Large Hadron Collider. Sure. They just call

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to let everyone know how it's going. Got you. And if you don't hear a call you just assume it's fine.

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Right. Do you know where the Large Hadron Collider is right now Ben? It might be floating above the

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fucking west coast of the states with two surfers going hey there might be a little ship up there

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with a god particle on it. Wanna go and have a look see about it. Yeah. And no other cunt is ever

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gonna know about it. Fuck off. Anyway. Yes. Sorry. Sorry. So it's a massive fuck off space station.

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And this band of ambitious rapscallions with a personal synthetic are the only ones who know

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about it. Sure. Docking their ship onto this enormous space station. They discover it is the

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Romulus slash Remus. But it doesn't seem as decommissioned as once thought.

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No. Half the gang make their way through the station finding the cryopods but uh oh!

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There's not enough fuel to make the nine year trip to Ivaga but thanks to a fucking fancy

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thermometer they find out that there's an entire cryo lab that will have the fuel needed just around

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the corner. The fuel's cold man come on. Yeah sure but so is space you know what I mean?

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Thermometers are famously able to be used as maps. Yeah exactly. You speak like a man who's never

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got lost. I'm such a fucking idiot. A number of times I just pull out my weather app. Yeah sure.

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I mean 21 degrees I should go this way. Yeah fuck off. The cryo lab is a horror show. A half

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melted synthetic on the ground and a fucked on a facehuggers in a paddling pool. Trying to retrieve

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the fuel they accidentally revive the gaggle of facehuggers that have been frozen and they lock

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themselves in the room. And he gets a chip from a half melted synthetic rook to upgrade his security

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access but unbeknownst to the rest of the pirate gang. This also upgrades his prime directive

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making him loyal to the Weyland-Yutani corporation. There are problems with the plot. There are

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problems with the plot and we've got them in the breakdown. I'm not as angry at this film as this

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breakdown might make it seem. Yeah me neither. Anyway part three run. Run. From the cinema.

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Leave. Go home. No no no no. No I'm joking. I enjoyed it. Yeah loved it. Great film. As

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the group flees the chamber a facehugger latches on to their Asian pilot. Remember them from the

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gang? Their whole thing was that they were Asian. Yeah. Rain reactivates rook the melted synthesizer

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for information on how to remove said xenomorph and he gives us all the backstory we need. Tells

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them why the ship is there. Tells them what they were up to. Your exposition dump. Let's just get

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it out now. Doesn't tell her how to remove the facehugger. She comes up with that on her own a

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couple seconds later. And Andy quite rightly points out that she's probably not safe to fly

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now that she's you know with alien. Yeah. So they try and flee because Andy gets all hostile. So

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pregnant. Remember her from the gang. Asian. Remember her. Dick face. Yeah yeah yeah. Dick

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face. The one who's just always a dick. Yeah. They reboard their ship and bang alien comes knocking.

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Back of that rib cage. Record time. Record time. They know it's an alien because she's got that

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torch that she puts on her neck and it illuminates her entire body cavity. I thought that was cool

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as fuck and I won't hear a bad word said against it. I actually thoroughly enjoyed that. Yeah

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definitely. The escapees they crash right back into the station they just left. The fucking

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idiots. And then queue up the fastest transformation into full fledged alien you've ever seen with a

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wall vagina at one point. Yeah. That drips acid onto a totally stationary and pretty much non plus

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dick face underneath who just sort of can't move out the way mate. You know what I mean. You dribble

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something on you. That's it. You're wet. That's it. That's the only option. It's a large remove

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from alien resurrection where there's the exact same scene of dripping acid. Yeah. And there's

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that beautiful shot where the camera flies down the hallway does a spin. Yeah. And he screams in

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pain. Yeah. This is more of like a oh no my t-shirt. Oh my fucking t-shirt. My fucking t-shirt.

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My fingers are fucking melted mate. Also T-Pose. Rain, Andy and her mate now have to make it across

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the station to the crash ship to rescue pregnant and survive untampered by alien dingle dongles.

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Meeting pregnant at the hangar door Andy refuses to risk everyone's life by unlocking the door.

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Smart. And she's dragged away presumably dead. Shocked by Andy's newfound coldness Rain asks

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him to repeat his prime directive. He openly admits he is now a company man through and through.

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He's even got a little side quest for them. Taking them to the heart of the station. He

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retrieves that mystical goop from Prometheus, which everyone knows and loves extracted from

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the xenomorph only a brief 500 years before Ripley endures a never ending cycle of failed

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attempts to clone her. I'm just saying. It's fucking insane. In their time. This is like medieval.

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Yes. From resurrection times. And that like by attempt seven, they'd got as far as mattress

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monster with a face on Ripley. Yeah. But we're supposed to believe that like bows and arrows

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people. Yeah. Yeah. 500 years in the past. Rook is like, I'm just going to extract this Prometheus

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goop from a xenomorph. Yeah. That's been frozen in space. And then also now I can manufacture

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face huggers from it. Yeah. Just 3D printer face hugger. But this is what I'm saying though,

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because that's like taking blood from me during a blood test and then being able to, I don't know,

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fucking make chimps. It's a different fucking evolutionary point. You know what I mean? I

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don't understand it. It doesn't matter though, because fucking fed a, you know what I mean?

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Join the federation man. That's it. Do your part. Now good up the gang rescue pregnant who wasn't

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killed nor implanted, not done anything with just sort of filed away like an overdue bill in the

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drawer. We've all got them. I've got some red notices in the drawer that I don't know. I see

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it and I'm like, I'm too poor. And I just put it away and I go, oh, I don't read it. It's not real.

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See, I don't even do that. I burn mine in a bin in the garden. I got a metal bin. I burn all my

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stuff in. There you go. Suddenly there's 19 xenomorphs just mooching about. They've been

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there the whole time. As soon as they're introduced rain shoots them to shit.

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The mall running eagerly into her gunfire, like children in a queue for sweets rain,

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Andy and pregnant make it back to the ship and all is well as the station bumps and grinds its way

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into a planetary ice ring, destroying all the horror. Yeah. Except oops. Cause pregnant,

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as we pointed out, didn't do anything. Did she? So fuck it. Let's just have her inject the goo.

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Yeah. That she's only ever seen used on the mouse. She's not even seen it used on the mouse.

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Andy, the Android was like, this worked on the mouse and you share 20% of DNA with a mouse. So

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fuck it. There's chances. They were all stood in the same room where that experiment went horribly

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wrong. And not one person decided to watch the end of the video or look a little bit to the right

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where the fucking mutated mouse was. I've got, I've got reasons as to why that's perfectly

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sure. Perfectly logical. Of course you do. It's fine. We'll get to it. She's, she's,

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she's all hopped up on goo. You know, she's, she's chasing the goo dragon. Yeah. And as a result,

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her, her baby becomes a sort of fucked up egg monster that immediately grows into a 10 foot

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tall Slender man, xenomorph, Slendermorph. Yeah. A Slendermorph. We're doing alien resurrection

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again, basically with added Prometheus. Yeah. So Ben, this is your breakdown and you didn't enjoy

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the film, I'm guessing. Look, you're really angry about it. I'm not angry about it at all. Right.

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I'm more upset in myself. For those of you that are regular listeners, you know that I have a love

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hate relationship with Fede Alvarez. He loves making films. I hate Fede Alvarez, but he's taken

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some franchises that I know and love. He took the evil dead and he just disrespected it and made

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whatever the fuck he wanted. Fair play. You know, make a film. It was a great horror film, just a

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shit evil dead film. He wrote Texas chainsaw massacre, the latest one. It's a great film,

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just a shit Texas chainsaw massacre film. Right now he gets given fucking alien. And I was like,

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this, this might be the one where I'm proved wrong. This might be the one where Fede is like,

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listen, cunt, I know exactly what you're thinking of me. Watch me. Let's just let me cook. Yeah.

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Let me cook. And I did let him cook. And what did he cook up? A gorgeous looking piece of shit.

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I don't think it's a piece of shit. I enjoyed it. Okay. I enjoyed it with some choices that I

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really didn't appreciate, but I think we run the risk. I had a fun time and it's a gorgeous film.

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We run the risk. And I'm going to come back to this later of being old men shouting at clouds.

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Yeah. Going, stop enjoying yourself. You're enjoying yourself wrong. No,

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because you're not enjoying yourself the same way that I did because things have changed.

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No, no, no, no, no, no. Okay. I borderline there, but I'm more like, what's with all this rap music?

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Stop doing it. Because I'm not enjoying myself. I'm glad that you're enjoying yourself and that

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everyone else is having a great time. I'm not, and I'm upset about it. Okay. Change everything

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you're doing to suit me, please. To please me. Okay. Yeah. Great. That lines up perfectly with

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what I'm coming back to later. Right. This film's got loads to love. Loads to love.

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It really does. There are people on this film who aren't Fedai Alvarez. Benjamin Walfish does the

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score and it's like, it's got nods to both alien and aliens. Yeah. It's got a few scores in there.

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Dude, there's like little pieces of like Star Wars sprinkled in. There's the almost playful tones.

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It's almost Spielberg in places. It's gorgeous. Right? Incredible. Lee Gilmore, Lee Gilmore sound

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design. Like the ship sounds incredible. A, fucking mindblownly good sound effects. B,

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there's one moment where the fucking ship crashes into a hanger and the screech in the IMAX cinema

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vibrated my eyeballs. I was like, I can never do that again. I used to have fillings. Yeah.

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Legitimately. It was the loudest thing I've ever heard. And it felt like the speaker was in my

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fucking brain. It was horrendous, but it was incredible. Honestly, score's insane. Sound

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effects is insane. The, the look of this film, like the, when you, there's not a frame in this

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film that isn't gorgeous. Every single fucking thing is, is, is like an A4 poster for a fucking

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1999 windows like screensaver. Do you know what I mean? They've done that wonderful thing that

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the originals did, which is they've taken a space that has been designed by an architect and interior

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designer to be incredibly minimalist. Yeah. But it's then been lived in for 20, 30 years. Yes.

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And it's covered in human mess and clutter. Yeah. Just normal day to day messy shit. So you're

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looking at a set and you're seeing the influence of more than one person. It's not just I designed

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this space and everyone is living in it as I intended. It's I designed this space to be

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futuristic and it's now 50 years later and people have scribbled on the walls and there's coffee

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cups everywhere and just random shit. That's just a pile of stuff you'll get to one day when you have

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some time off. Everything about it. It looks believable. It looks and it feels gorgeous. The

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entire way through the film, there is not a beat that it misses. The one thing that I will say

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is that I struggled with the story of the film. Yeah. It sounds incredible. It looks incredible.

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The Andy is fucking incredible. Best character in this film is the synthetic droid. I agree with you

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that he's the best character. The actor, I loved what he was doing with his body. Yep. I loved that

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he was subconsciously giving me that Android vibe. Yeah. With the way he moved the sort of

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mechanization. Yeah. Towards the end of the film, I did find his face, his one face. Okay. Because

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he's got a facial expression in this film that is very much set in stone and I can only describe it

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as the face you might make when you go for a wee and you know you have a bladder infection.

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It's that sort of slightly sad, slightly panicked, but almost relief, but almost like resigned to

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your fate. Yeah. Okay. And I don't know if David Johnson is doing that face or if that just is

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David Johnson's face. And if it's the latter, I'm very sorry, David, but you do look like you're

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about to have an uncomfortable wee. I've seen it in a minute in views and he is like, hands down,

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just a fucking incredible actor. Like fucking incredible. Brilliant. I'm glad. Like you've just

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said, everything about him is very Android-y, but he has this insane, for the first part of the film,

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before he gets his upgrade, he has this insane innocence about him. He's very childlike. He's

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very pure. He's very sort of like agreeable. And then when he gets his upgrade, all of a sudden,

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he's bolt upright, his posture's perfect. He's running like a fucking pro athlete. He's strong

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as shit. He's a fucking strong boy. And then he gets super cold. Super like, fuck you. This is

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logical. And I'm like, oh my God, this is what this film needs. Logic. And Andy's the one that's

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going to give it to me. And he does all the fucking way through this nonsensical mess. Andy's the one

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beacon. He's the lighthouse at the end of the shit sea where I'm like, that makes sense. He's talking

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sense. Right. Okay. Again, I'm going to differ with you there. I liked all the crew. I know you say

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they're 2D. I know you say that there's not much to them. Paper thin. But there's the thing, there's

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five of the fuckers. How much do you know about the crew in the original Alien? I know that two of

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them are motivated by money and are upset with the wage that they're getting and the shares they're

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receiving. And what else? And are willing to fuck up their entire operation that they're working on

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for the rest of the crew, unless they get more shares. Then they're really dickish and sly about

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it. You know that from the quite Weasley, they're quite ratty, right? You get that just from sort

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of like a couple lines of dialogue. Yeah. And I would, I would argue that this crew do the exact

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same thing. I think what has happened with this film is it has got lots of stuff that's perfectly

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fine in a great movie. In a great movie, these characters are fine because they do the job.

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They're shorthand. You understand they each have stakes. This one is pregnant and she doesn't want

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to give birth to a child and have it grow up on a fucking hell world. Right. I know what she's doing.

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Right. But that's it though. And then she just goes to sleep for the rest of the film until she's

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needed for exposition. That's not the fault of the first third of the movie. No, of course not.

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My whole thing with this is that for that first 40 minutes, right up until Ian hold the fuck up,

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what is that? Why am I looking at it? Turns up on screen as Rook the Android. Yeah. I was fully

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on board because I was like, it's going to be a crew of young teenagers who make stupid teenage

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decisions and act in stupid teenage ways. Yeah. Which explains a lot of the issues you have about

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why do they do this? Why do you do that? Because they're morons. They're uneducated young idiots.

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Yeah. And the thin backstories and all that kind of stuff could have been fleshed out

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if we'd had the time because it was just them and one Xenomorph and they have to get across

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the station to get back to their ship. It would have been perfect. It would have been perfect.

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It would have been. But the thing is- And we came really close to having that.

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Yeah. Really close. And instead of what he did is instead of giving them the backstory and the

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motivations and the sort of the tie-ins and all this stuff is he's just gone, that's my cousin,

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he's a dickhead. And then that's it. He's a cousin dickhead. And then that's the entire arc. And

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you're like, oh, this is it. So when cousin dickhead gets melted, I'm like, so? There is the seed.

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There is the seed there of the best alien film yet. By the time you get to hour one, it's died.

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It's died in the pot because you've got- Hour one?

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At the end of the first hour, it's already dead. Sure. Because you've got a weird mix of callbacks

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to the original. Like, oh, this Android looks like Ian Holm. But then it's also bringing in

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the Prometheus Goot and it's trying to be a sequel to every alien film ever all at once. Bring it all

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in together rather than just doing as much as Dejabrom's get shit for what he did with Rise of

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Skywalker. If you look at The Force Awakens, if you look at his Star Trek reboot, he's really good

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at going, we're just going to do the thing they love again with modern effects and different people.

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And it's the shot in the arm that a franchise needs. JJ Abrams should be hired for issue one

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of every story and then let competent people who know how to finish stories take it over.

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This just needed to be Alien 1979 with some young teenagers and a wicked xenomorph. And it would

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have been my perfect movie. The thing that's upsetting is if you look to like comic books

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and the book, the extended universe of aliens, there are so many, so, so many interesting stories

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with real stakes and real wealth, like fleshed out characters already written like they're there

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just for the taking. And what Feday did is go, nah, nah.

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Well, what he actually did was he went for a chat with Steven Aspel and Ridley Scott.

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And they were in the depths of make, he was making Don't Breathe. They were making the Prometheus

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covenant movies and it was just, it was a chat. It's so spicy. It was a chat about, you know,

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what do you want to see as a fan? And he just started chatting and he wasn't intending to pitch.

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He was just chatting with them and they were like, Oh, oh yeah. And ended up kind of becoming a pitch.

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And then a couple of years later, Ridley rang him and was like, do you want to make that for like

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Hulu or something? Well, just straight to streaming. And this would have been a nice little

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standalone pocket story on streaming. And I think that's kind of where it should have stayed.

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Sure.

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The theatrical release and the big focus of this is the reinvigoration of alien. This is going to

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be where we kick it all off again. Yeah. I hear what you're saying.

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Gives it the problem. I hear what you're saying. I agree to an extent, right? I agree to an extent.

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My issue is we've done, I've done a couple of pros, right? So I'm going to get into my issue

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with the film. Are we doing meta? Are we doing shit sandwich? We're doing shit sandwich. We're

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doing pro con pro. All right. We're going to end on a, we're going to end it on a high. All right.

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My issue with this film is, is that it's classic fucking Fed Elvarez again. Like just it's Feday

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strikes again, man. I swear to God. Right. So he does, he's got this fucking amazing ability

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to make films. He can make great films, right? Yes. He truly, truly can. But the story

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of these great films so fucking illogical and they just leave gaping holes everywhere. And it's like,

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it pulls me out of the experience and I can't then get back into it. But you're, you've always been a

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very, what's the word? Logical. Autistic. Yeah. Okay. That's fine. Autistic person in that. That

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works too. If something doesn't chime with you in the story and you go, I don't believe that,

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you can't then just move forward and go, okay, well moving on. You're in that moment forever.

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Yeah. Right. I can suspend belief all fucking day long. Of course I can't. The second you're out of

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it, every little scene, you're like that shit. The second. You get in like a snowball moment.

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That's exactly what happens to me. The second that it doesn't make sense. Yeah. Even with its own

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rules. If I'm suspending, if I'm suspending belief and then they're like, yes, but here are the rules

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of the universe. And I'm like, okay, that's fine. I'm in on this. And then it makes sense.

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According to his own rules. I'm like, yes, this is fucking awesome. This is great. Okay. So Feday

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Alvarez has done a bunch of films, right? Evil Dead is what he did. Evil Dead is a great horror

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film as a standalone thing. I think the main problem is, is that it's a bunch of people in a

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cabin with access to only one water well that's now full of heroin and going, why is everything

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bad happening to us? And then the bit that really gets me going is when he tries to make the dog

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killer, the hero. And I'm like, that doesn't make sense in any fucking universe. You don't bring the

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dog killer back. They're dead. They're gone. You can't do it. Except Tyrannosaur, which is the

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exception that proves the rule. That's an interesting one that we can't get into right now. Because I

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have a whole thing on that. Okay. But then you've got, don't breathe. Don't breathe is a great

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fucking premise for a film. Super fun idea until trying to imagine how the blind guy either built

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or hired people to build the breeding room that he has in his basement. And then when there is

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140 police officers around his fucking house, they've all seen the breeding room and the shelves

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have come and everyone is like, no, this is fine. He's just a blind man. He's the victim. That makes

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no fucking sense. Everyone's got kinks, mate. All right. Don't kink shame. Makes no sense. Texas

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Chainsaw Massacre. Super fun. The story's piss weak. It's, oh, you don't have the deed to this

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house of the town that these hipsters have just bought. But it's super fun. And then you've got

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Romulus. So hang about just before you get to Romulus. How do you like films like Maxine and

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films like Godzilla Kong and they stick to their own rules. It makes sense in their universe. They

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set the rules and they stick to them. That's it. As long as it makes sense in that universe for that

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fucking scenario, that's fine. In the don't breathe universe, we know that the police exist in a

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similar fashion to our universe because they're actively fighting a crime. They're helping a

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victim. Right. So I think it's fair to make this observation. I think you and I have the same issue

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with films, but on different subjects. OK. You have to have the universe and the rules of the

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place. Yes. Be consistent. Otherwise, everything that follows is ruined. Yes, because it's built

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on lies. I always have to have the rules of how people work be consistent. Right. OK. Your

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universe, anything can happen in it. Yeah. Anything can happen in it. But the second that a person

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does something that a person wouldn't do, I'm like, well, I'm watching. What am I watching?

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Yeah. And the rest of the film is ruined. Yes. And it's the exact same mechanism, just different

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focuses. Yeah. That's it. That's going to help immensely going forward with this show. Yeah.

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OK. So Fede Alvarez has done one good thing. Right. Well, for me, the people in this are

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consistent. They are consistent. They behave the way people would behave. Sure. And so then it's

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just choices that I don't like about what we're bringing in. The only problem I have with the

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people is it's just fucking cannon fodder. There's no real reason for the people to be there. They're

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just dicks for the sake of being dicks so that they die. And Fede Alvarez said before the fucking

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film, they die. And I was like, then I don't care about them already. That's it. Fucking Danny Boyle.

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Danny Boyle comes up later in my notes. He does. I've got fucking notes on Danny Boyle too,

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mate. This is going to be a good one. When Fede pitched it, he said, you know, it's just a good

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story with a bunch of characters you haven't seen before. Sure. I would have loved that. It was the

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fact that he then started bringing in a bunch of ideas we had seen before and a bunch of set pieces

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we had seen before and a bunch of dialogue we had seen before. And I'm like, buddy, we needed

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an original story, not a remix of all the prior stories put in a little tablet.

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I think at a certain point it starts becoming an homage and it starts becoming a bit of an insult

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because literally Romulus is just sort of like, it's supposed to, it's more of what we love from

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this franchise, right? It's country characters getting shit minced. Fucking excellent. Incredible.

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It's bearable characters, not grating too much on you, but making logical decisions that fit

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within what people would do in those situations, right? When they're faced with barrel, great,

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fucking great stuff. The synthetic Andy being the most interesting character arc is fucking perfect

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becoming cold, hard, logical over everything. It adds the perfect amount of mud into the water

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to just keep us guessing on what the intentions are right up until it becomes fucking stupid.

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It's fucking mental. There's zero gravity blood. I love that. Fuck right off. I swear to God,

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mate. All right. I loved it. I'm not going to get into it right now. I had major issues with it,

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but the concept of it, I love it. Concept is great, but it's fucking, it's not how blood,

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it's not liquid. Fuck it. It's fine. It's fine. The Xeno catching rain as she falls down the fucking

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shaft with its tail and then gently, gently placing her on a fucking ladder is mental. That's stupid.

367
00:34:14,600 --> 00:34:20,840
Uh, yeah. Uh, okay. Finish your list. I can see it. You've got a mental, I can see it in your eye.

368
00:34:20,840 --> 00:34:27,480
Thank you. As Xenomorph that has been alive for 27 minutes because I need to remind you

369
00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:34,920
that after the fucking chest burst is seen and the, the, the small ship that they travel to the,

370
00:34:34,920 --> 00:34:41,560
the Romulus in goes off course and hits a fucking fuel engine and sends the Romulus onto a crash

371
00:34:41,560 --> 00:34:47,480
collision course with the icy rings of the fucking, of the Jackson planet, right? They have 47 minutes

372
00:34:47,480 --> 00:34:52,920
until collision. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's a very compressed timeline. It is a very

373
00:34:52,920 --> 00:35:00,360
compressed, very compressed. It loses, it loses the benefit of, uh, in, in most films, the timeline is

374
00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:05,800
unsure. So things that perhaps are a little bit unbelievable because you're not told the timeline,

375
00:35:05,800 --> 00:35:10,760
you can go, well, maybe it was a week. Yeah. When they're, when they're trapped on the terraforming

376
00:35:10,760 --> 00:35:17,320
colony in aliens, you don't have a ticking clock. Exactly. It's exactly followed. Yes. You

377
00:35:17,320 --> 00:35:21,720
can kind of go, Ooh, the only ticking clock that is exactly followed is stuck to now he sticks to

378
00:35:21,720 --> 00:35:26,360
the time. Yeah, he does. In this film. Yeah, he does. But it's to the detriment of the film because

379
00:35:26,360 --> 00:35:32,280
then all the things that happen to happen within half an hour. And it's, it's not even half an hour,

380
00:35:32,280 --> 00:35:38,440
Rob. It's 27 minutes that the Xenomorph goes from fucking chest burst the scene to fully fledged

381
00:35:38,440 --> 00:35:45,400
Xenomorph after being attacked in a womb egg. Yes. Right. 27 minutes that all this is going on. Yes.

382
00:35:45,400 --> 00:35:49,640
The reason that you know, it's been 27 minutes is because there is a voice announcement that says 20

383
00:35:49,640 --> 00:35:54,920
minutes to impact from the 40 fucking seven minutes before. Anyway, anyway, yeah, yeah, yeah.

384
00:35:54,920 --> 00:36:03,400
This Xenomorph is 27 minutes old and is instinctively scared of guns. Well, it's scared of a bit of metal

385
00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:07,720
that's being pointed at it. And it's like, bitch, you have acid for blood. Okay. So you have a fucking

386
00:36:07,720 --> 00:36:13,000
pointy tail, but then they've always been scared of guns. Not instinctively. And in aliens, they

387
00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:17,480
were like, fuck it. I'm going to eat that shit. They weren't like, Oh, hold, hold up boys. She's

388
00:36:17,480 --> 00:36:21,560
got a gun. Hold up boys. Let's just, let's just take a breather. You could argue that they eat

389
00:36:21,560 --> 00:36:26,200
that shit in this one as well. You know, his idea that, Oh, they're scared of guns doesn't pan out.

390
00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:31,320
Fucking hate it. You didn't enjoy the film. I get that. And I did. That's the thing. I did enjoy the

391
00:36:31,320 --> 00:36:36,120
film. It doesn't experience fucked me off. It hasn't sounded like it for the last 15 minutes.

392
00:36:36,120 --> 00:36:41,880
Sorry. It's been a man shouting for 15 minutes about how sorry there's a few bits. The logic doesn't

393
00:36:41,880 --> 00:36:46,760
make sense. There's a few bits. And I think that's my thing is it unzips your, your expectations from

394
00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:51,720
the movie. It then puts you in the critical mindset and then anything that happens because

395
00:36:51,720 --> 00:36:58,600
your belief is suspended, you then revert to human rules. You revert to our universe rules. And then

396
00:36:58,600 --> 00:37:02,840
everything's broken. Then just the fact that it's fiction annoys you. I know I've been yelling and

397
00:37:02,840 --> 00:37:09,640
I'm sorry for yelling because I love seeing the xenomorphs. Right. I love seeing the facehuggers.

398
00:37:09,640 --> 00:37:13,880
I love the fact that the facehuggers were made from the weird Prometheus goo. I hated Prometheus,

399
00:37:13,880 --> 00:37:19,640
but also it's a fun little bit that Rook goes, yeah, but I did something cool with it. And it's

400
00:37:19,640 --> 00:37:23,560
like, you know what you did? You did, you did some pretty fucking cool with it. Yeah. There's,

401
00:37:23,560 --> 00:37:27,400
there's holes in the logic. The logic fucks me off. We genuinely to believe that Whalen

402
00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:32,200
Dutani don't have a radar on board that will pick up a giant space station. That's got two

403
00:37:32,200 --> 00:37:37,000
decades worth of weapons research that they're desperate for, for the next, however many years.

404
00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:42,040
So in 40 years Ripley gets sent to the fucking, to another planet to pick up these fucking

405
00:37:42,040 --> 00:37:45,800
weapons development. So, okay, we figured out that you don't like it. We figured out that you hate

406
00:37:45,800 --> 00:37:51,800
it. So what would you have done differently? It's not that I hate it. I just needed it to make sense.

407
00:37:51,800 --> 00:37:56,520
That's all it was. Right. The bit that sticks with me is the catching of rain when she's fallen

408
00:37:56,520 --> 00:38:00,680
down the elevator shaft and the xenomorph sort of catches her and gently places her on a ladder.

409
00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:05,560
The best thing that went through my head in that moment was it's the end of rain.

410
00:38:05,560 --> 00:38:11,400
So this is exactly my thought. We spoke about this yesterday when we came out of cinema and I was

411
00:38:11,400 --> 00:38:18,680
like, there was a brief moment where I thought the film was going to save itself by rain splatting

412
00:38:18,680 --> 00:38:25,080
doing a Gwen, doing a Spider-Man Gwen at the bottom of the lift shaft. And then Andy being

413
00:38:25,080 --> 00:38:29,560
revealed to be the main character all along. Would have been fucking dope. That would have saved

414
00:38:29,560 --> 00:38:34,520
the film. And it would have had priors because that's exactly what happens in Alien 1979. So

415
00:38:34,520 --> 00:38:38,840
I was like, Oh my God, they're doing it. Yes. They're doing the thing. Yes. And then you would

416
00:38:38,840 --> 00:38:45,720
have had this interesting dynamic of what does Andy do now that his prime directive is no longer

417
00:38:45,720 --> 00:38:50,440
enforceable because his prime directive is do what's best for rain. Rain is no longer there.

418
00:38:50,440 --> 00:38:57,480
So he's then have to figure out his own autonomy. Exactly. Sort of slavery. There's a whole fucking,

419
00:38:57,480 --> 00:39:01,800
exactly, dude, you could have explored that for the third act of the film. It would have been

420
00:39:01,800 --> 00:39:06,840
fucking amazing. Right. And it would have been, what does a synthetic who is invisible to these

421
00:39:06,840 --> 00:39:12,600
aliens see as a threat when this isn't relevant to him? It doesn't have to be relevant to him

422
00:39:12,600 --> 00:39:17,480
anymore. Exactly. He's an unnatural thing against the natural predator. It would have been beautiful.

423
00:39:17,480 --> 00:39:22,600
It would have been beautiful. Yeah. Unfortunately, I think we're old men shouting at clouds. I've

424
00:39:22,600 --> 00:39:29,960
said it before. Every single younger person that I've spoken to loves this movie. They love it.

425
00:39:29,960 --> 00:39:36,680
This is a well reviewed movie. 95% of the people that clicked on this episode enjoy this film.

426
00:39:36,680 --> 00:39:40,760
Yeah. And I'm glad you do. I'm genuinely, genuinely glad that people fucking enjoy this.

427
00:39:40,760 --> 00:39:44,120
It's fine. They're not listening anymore, Ben. They're longer. Good riddance. It sucks. No,

428
00:39:44,120 --> 00:39:48,520
I'm joking. I'm joking. They will have like, they saw the original movies ages ago. Yeah. Like

429
00:39:48,520 --> 00:39:53,400
we've watched all of them. We've gone through the mainline series. If I, I spoke to one of the

430
00:39:53,400 --> 00:39:57,640
young people that I worked with at the restaurant and I was like, Oh, have you seen the old ones?

431
00:39:57,640 --> 00:40:03,400
I like, yeah, man, I've seen Prometheus loads. That's what old alien is to them. And 1979 and

432
00:40:03,400 --> 00:40:08,760
aliens, alien three, alien resurrection. They might've seen bits off when parents have shown

433
00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:13,640
them. They didn't find the latter day stuff problematic. They didn't find it, you know,

434
00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:19,400
they found it fun. They found it scary. They found it weird. And for them, this is a, this is a new

435
00:40:20,200 --> 00:40:25,880
taste. Yeah, of course. This original 1979 alien juice getting injected into Prometheus. They're

436
00:40:25,880 --> 00:40:31,960
like, Oh wow. Yeah. Well, this fits really great. What an original idea. Yeah. That's awesome.

437
00:40:31,960 --> 00:40:37,240
That's genuinely awesome. I'm jealous of those people the same way that I'm jealous of religious

438
00:40:37,240 --> 00:40:42,680
people with the faith. I would fucking, I would love to have that faith. The only thing is,

439
00:40:42,680 --> 00:40:47,240
is I'm snapped out of it when it comes to my own internal workings of logic. Right. And I'm not

440
00:40:47,240 --> 00:40:51,080
saying that it's illogical to be religious. Like I'm just, you know, I mean, for me personally,

441
00:40:51,080 --> 00:40:56,520
it has to make sense in a certain way for me to like fully buy into anything. Totally, totally,

442
00:40:56,520 --> 00:41:03,080
totally. I get that. I get that. But every, this is the, this is the experience of being an alien

443
00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:08,600
fan. If you liked alien 1979 and you saw it when it came out and you're a huge fan, by the time

444
00:41:08,600 --> 00:41:13,400
aliens comes out, you're like, well, that's not alien cause it's not a horror. Yeah. A thousand

445
00:41:13,400 --> 00:41:18,440
percent. It's an action movie. Yeah. And then you'd come out, if you saw aliens in the cinema,

446
00:41:18,440 --> 00:41:23,240
you'd see alien three and you go, but Newton Hicks are dead. Yeah. And that was my alien.

447
00:41:23,240 --> 00:41:27,800
Yeah. And then you'd come out of seeing alien three and you go into alien resurrection, you go,

448
00:41:27,800 --> 00:41:33,000
but Ripley's fucking dead. Yeah. No, I agree. And then you'd watch Prometheus and be sort of like,

449
00:41:33,000 --> 00:41:36,360
I don't understand what the fuck I've just watched. And you'd be right. Right. You would be right.

450
00:41:36,920 --> 00:41:43,720
I think the unifying experience of watching an alien film is going in, having your expectations

451
00:41:43,720 --> 00:41:50,600
violated and 15 years later going, Oh, actually not bad. And I wonder if that's what you're going

452
00:41:50,600 --> 00:41:54,040
to do. I wonder if you're going to go. It's never going to make sense to me. Yeah. It's never going

453
00:41:54,040 --> 00:41:58,040
to make sense, but resurrection doesn't make sense. Alien three doesn't make sense. Why have

454
00:41:58,040 --> 00:42:04,760
you killed them off at the front? Oh, cause we want to focus on rip. Okay. Do you though? Like

455
00:42:04,760 --> 00:42:10,360
I love alien three. It's my favorite alien movie. I can still say that now. It still baffles me.

456
00:42:10,360 --> 00:42:16,440
Yeah. The reason I like alien resurrection is the tone. Yes. Right. Because it doesn't give a fuck

457
00:42:16,440 --> 00:42:20,440
about itself. It's like, we're all here to do one job and that's take the piss out of what we're

458
00:42:20,440 --> 00:42:25,080
doing. So let's just have fun with it. Let's throw some basketball scenes in it. Fuck it. Why not?

459
00:42:25,080 --> 00:42:29,400
Right. And they have fun with it. It's tongue in cheek. It's goofy. It's stupid. It knows what it

460
00:42:29,400 --> 00:42:35,800
is. It's, it's self-aware. Right. This. I think for a new generation of people who've not seen

461
00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:41,000
the films that we have, cause they're not 35 year old men shouting at clouds. Yeah, of course. 16,

462
00:42:41,000 --> 00:42:46,840
17 year olds going to the cinema for their first time. I think they've not seen train spotting.

463
00:42:46,840 --> 00:42:51,880
They've never seen a baby crawl on a ceiling. This is their first baby crawling on a ceiling film.

464
00:42:53,720 --> 00:43:00,600
All right. Is that your Danny Boyle link? Yeah. Because Danny Boyle was approached to do alien

465
00:43:00,600 --> 00:43:05,080
resurrection and he said, Oh, I've never, the only special effect I've ever done is a baby

466
00:43:05,080 --> 00:43:09,960
crawling on a ceiling. And I for one rate Feday for picking up that link. Okay. He obviously

467
00:43:09,960 --> 00:43:14,040
listens to the show. He does. Added that late in the game. That's why it's in there, Ben. That's

468
00:43:14,040 --> 00:43:19,320
why the fifth act of this film is so weird. I fed a herd, our podcast and went, Oh yeah, baby on

469
00:43:19,320 --> 00:43:25,400
the ceiling. I'm going to do that. Sick. I took that as Feday calling Danny Boyle out, you know,

470
00:43:25,400 --> 00:43:29,480
right? I took that as Feday looking at Danny Boyle's career, be like spoiling your own film

471
00:43:29,480 --> 00:43:34,760
by saying that everyone's dead. Easy done, mate. But you know what? I'm going to spoil my own film

472
00:43:34,760 --> 00:43:39,320
by adding a fifth act. I'm not going to be a pussy about this. I'm going to make the alien

473
00:43:39,320 --> 00:43:42,760
resurrection that you couldn't. Yeah. I'm going to put a baby on the ceiling. I'm going to make

474
00:43:42,760 --> 00:43:48,120
the alien resurrection. Also, everyone's dead. There you go, mate. Pure Danny Boyle. Fuck you.

475
00:43:48,920 --> 00:43:52,840
I tell you, the biggest victim of this film is though, speaking of baby on the ceiling.

476
00:43:52,840 --> 00:43:58,120
You know, the newborn at the end of this movie is, is, is not a practical effect. It's a man.

477
00:43:58,120 --> 00:44:04,840
It's a man whose body is like that. And all the reviews are like, Oh, that monster at the end,

478
00:44:04,840 --> 00:44:15,240
disgusting, terrifying nightmare fuel, absolute mess of human waste mixed in with alien disgustingness.

479
00:44:15,240 --> 00:44:21,240
Oh, it's so fucking gross. That's a man who was seven foot seven, seven tall. Yeah. And he's

480
00:44:21,240 --> 00:44:29,160
called Robert Baro, Baro, sorry, Robert. Nailed it. You haven't had a bad enough week as it is

481
00:44:29,160 --> 00:44:33,800
with these reviews. I was going to say, man, can you imagine just sort of like being Bob in this

482
00:44:33,800 --> 00:44:38,920
point and then Feday's just sitting across the table being like, I'd maybe skip the reviews on

483
00:44:38,920 --> 00:44:44,600
this one, Bob. I'd maybe give this one a miss. You know what I mean? And when you, when you Google

484
00:44:44,600 --> 00:44:49,400
him, just, just, you know, listeners Google alien Romulus newborn actor. He's a basketball player.

485
00:44:49,400 --> 00:44:55,080
You know, he's had a successful basketball career and it's just, it's literally just him in a suit.

486
00:44:55,080 --> 00:44:59,320
But it's the best, it's one of the best practical, practical effects in the film. And I've seen a few

487
00:44:59,320 --> 00:45:04,040
behind the scenes things of them making the, like an animatronic xenomorph and it's fucking incredible.

488
00:45:05,160 --> 00:45:08,760
There's a, I'm not sure if I can find it, but if I can find it, I'll put it in our discord.

489
00:45:09,320 --> 00:45:16,360
It's a, it's a full breakdown of it going from conception to like fully fledged, all singing,

490
00:45:16,360 --> 00:45:20,120
all dancing. And it's an amazing fucking, it's an amazing transition of what they've done,

491
00:45:20,120 --> 00:45:25,080
like pure feet of cinematic genius. Incredible. Nice. And the creature design in this film,

492
00:45:25,080 --> 00:45:30,440
fucking spot on. Holy shit. Was it good to see the face of this act in the way that they did?

493
00:45:30,440 --> 00:45:34,440
Yeah. The two little fucking legs at the front act in as like little pincer type things like

494
00:45:34,440 --> 00:45:38,520
spider, but also with the weird fuck off like stinger tail. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

495
00:45:38,520 --> 00:45:44,440
Disgusting, but amazing. And I think, I think this is my point is that the alternative to alien

496
00:45:44,440 --> 00:45:50,440
Romulus is no alien films. No, it's alien Remus and it's directed by Danny Boyle.

497
00:45:55,240 --> 00:46:02,200
Okay. Fair point. I get that this film is logically inconsistent. I get that it folds in a bunch of

498
00:46:02,200 --> 00:46:09,720
stuff that doesn't make sense. And I get that I don't necessarily, this is not the film I wanted.

499
00:46:09,720 --> 00:46:17,000
Same. It's so far from the film I wanted. I wanted a nice tidy reinvigoration, just a,

500
00:46:17,000 --> 00:46:24,360
just to remake it by another name with a different crew, just to get that concept back into cinema

501
00:46:24,360 --> 00:46:30,360
with modern effects and being effect, like the ones anymore of being an effective monster again,

502
00:46:30,360 --> 00:46:35,800
would have just tickled my pickle all the way. And I didn't get that, but I did get a flock,

503
00:46:35,800 --> 00:46:42,840
a gaggle, a colony, a clusterfuck, an army, a clusterfuck, a clusterfuck of facehuggers.

504
00:46:44,600 --> 00:46:51,320
That's the new name. Just slapping wet face. I got an incredible Xanomorph. Incredible. I got a

505
00:46:51,320 --> 00:46:55,560
really good, even if it is only 27 minutes old, it looked fucking banging. You know what I mean?

506
00:46:55,560 --> 00:46:59,800
It looked gorgeous. I wasn't down with the lightning head, but fuck it. I wasn't down

507
00:46:59,800 --> 00:47:03,240
with a catching a fucking catching your prey and putting it on a ladder so you can sniff it a bit.

508
00:47:03,240 --> 00:47:07,560
You know what I mean? But that's fine. Who am I to judge? I don't know. Is there more fucking motives?

509
00:47:07,560 --> 00:47:13,720
It's just, yeah, it's disappointing, but I'm also, I'm glad it's out there. I'm glad that it's

510
00:47:13,720 --> 00:47:20,280
successful. And I'm glad that there are people out there discovering this franchise for the first time

511
00:47:21,000 --> 00:47:25,720
having a wonderful time with it. And they'll go back. And it doesn't have to be for me

512
00:47:25,720 --> 00:47:30,440
because I'm old and I've had my time with the franchise. This is it. I had decades with it.

513
00:47:30,440 --> 00:47:34,840
This is it. I'm with you a thousand percent here. Cause as much as I've been like pissed off about

514
00:47:34,840 --> 00:47:38,840
the logic and all of this stuff and I'm, I, my love hate, the thing that's annoyed me the most

515
00:47:38,840 --> 00:47:43,080
is I wanted to be wrong about Feday in this film. I wanted him to put me wrong. And when he didn't,

516
00:47:43,080 --> 00:47:48,920
I was like, well, now I'm just, I don't know if my ego can take this bump. Do you know what I mean?

517
00:47:48,920 --> 00:47:52,520
Like I don't trust it enough as it is, but- You're a hater. There's now officially a man

518
00:47:52,520 --> 00:47:58,760
in the world who you hate. You carry that around with you. You go to work over day and it's just a

519
00:47:58,760 --> 00:48:02,600
little bit of your heart that's got hate in it. For Feday. For a man that just- Who doesn't know

520
00:48:02,600 --> 00:48:06,920
I exist. Just picks your franchises. So you can just do a little poop in them. Yeah. He literally

521
00:48:06,920 --> 00:48:10,680
picks everything I know in love and just shits on it. I'm literally, it's going to get to Christmas

522
00:48:10,680 --> 00:48:14,520
and he's just, my sister's going to go and be like, I made a new mate. Who is it? Feday. And he just

523
00:48:14,520 --> 00:48:21,800
shows up with like a fish in that over my sister being like, ha ha ha ruined Christmas. The thing

524
00:48:21,800 --> 00:48:27,000
that I'm like insanely fucking insanely excited about is the fact that people are seeing Alien

525
00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:31,000
for the first time. They're getting into this franchise for the first time and they don't need

526
00:48:31,000 --> 00:48:35,560
to watch the rest of the franchise to be into it because Feday speed runs every other film that

527
00:48:35,560 --> 00:48:43,960
exists in the first four acts of this film. Which is great. Also retroactively things will make more

528
00:48:43,960 --> 00:48:48,440
sense. Exactly man. Alien resurrection. They'll be like, oh no, I get that. That's not a weird left

529
00:48:48,440 --> 00:48:53,160
to feel thing. Because it would have already been like, okay, that's canon then. And it will be a

530
00:48:53,160 --> 00:48:57,560
fun time for him. It's going to be nothing but uphill. Even Alien 3 is going to be uphill for

531
00:48:57,560 --> 00:49:01,000
the people that are discovering Alien right now. How dare you? Not dare me. Alien 3 is the peak.

532
00:49:01,000 --> 00:49:05,480
Alien 3 is the fucking peak of summit. Yeah. It's the peak of summit. It's the peak of the trough.

533
00:49:05,480 --> 00:49:10,920
All right. I don't think you like Alien, Ben. I love Alien. I think you like two films. I like

534
00:49:10,920 --> 00:49:18,360
three films. Three films out of 15. Yes. Right. Okay. Yeah. Oh no, I like Alien versus Predator

535
00:49:18,360 --> 00:49:23,080
as well. Those are fucking stupid. I like them. Okay. They make no sense and mean nothing to anyone.

536
00:49:23,080 --> 00:49:28,680
It feels a little bit like you're a Metallica fan. Just going like, yeah, they got that one good album.

537
00:49:28,680 --> 00:49:35,640
They got a couple. Oh yeah. There we go. I'm not really a Metallica fan though. I love Alien. I love

538
00:49:35,640 --> 00:49:40,760
Aliens. I love Alien Resurrection. I like Alien versus Predator because it's stupid and it like

539
00:49:40,760 --> 00:49:46,360
independently takes the piss out of two franchises that I really like. Yeah. It's fun. It's a fun

540
00:49:46,360 --> 00:49:51,160
thing. It's the same reason that I like, uh, Freddy versus Jason. It's a, it's a throwaway film. It

541
00:49:51,160 --> 00:49:56,920
means nothing to either of them, but it's just a stupid, oh yeah. But imagine, you know what I mean?

542
00:49:56,920 --> 00:50:04,360
Right. It's that. So I feel like we just covered Ty West's, um, ex-Perla Maxine trilogy. We have.

543
00:50:04,360 --> 00:50:09,880
And I feel like your experience watching this film was my experience watching Maxine.

544
00:50:09,880 --> 00:50:15,800
The first half of it, you've got a set of expectations and then halfway through it goes, no.

545
00:50:15,800 --> 00:50:21,080
Oh, that's quite good. That's quite good analogy actually. Kind of. And that's, that's how I felt.

546
00:50:21,080 --> 00:50:26,120
It's that thing of like, I'm set up, you're doing the thing. Yeah. And then whilst, whilst I'm eating

547
00:50:26,120 --> 00:50:31,160
this meal, you take it away and you give me something that I'm allergic to. Yeah. And then go,

548
00:50:31,160 --> 00:50:38,520
you liked it, right? And I'm like, uh, in parts, parts of it, good mouth feel, good mouth feel.

549
00:50:38,520 --> 00:50:43,400
Good mouth feel. Right. Yeah. That's exactly where I'm at. And it's fine. Cause the film's not for

550
00:50:43,400 --> 00:50:47,480
me. The film's not for me. It's for everyone else. That's going to go and fucking enjoy the alien

551
00:50:47,480 --> 00:50:51,720
franchise for the first time. And Feday's knocked out the fucking park for those people. So fair

552
00:50:51,720 --> 00:50:55,880
play. He smashed it. He did the same thing for the evil dad. He was like, you know, here's,

553
00:50:55,880 --> 00:50:59,720
here's a really gruesome fucking horror film for the horror fans. And it was like, yep, super,

554
00:50:59,720 --> 00:51:04,680
super gory horror movie. Great horror movie. Yeah. Just not for me. Not my evil dad. And that's fine.

555
00:51:04,680 --> 00:51:09,000
That's completely fine. I'm going to go watch this film again. Are you? Cause I need to. Okay. Yeah,

556
00:51:09,000 --> 00:51:12,920
I need to, I need to support it more. I think, I think as much as the logic doesn't make sense

557
00:51:12,920 --> 00:51:17,080
to me, it's a fucking rip roaring good time. Yeah. There's some great deaths. There's some stupid

558
00:51:17,080 --> 00:51:21,640
shit where I'm like, ha ha. And it makes no fucking sense. And that's fine. I can enjoy myself in

559
00:51:21,640 --> 00:51:25,720
different ways. I think the most important thing is that aliens being made. Yeah. Yeah. 100%

560
00:51:25,720 --> 00:51:30,680
Aliens being made, man. We're like living it. This is it. I don't want this to be the last

561
00:51:30,680 --> 00:51:37,160
episode. No, it can't have our podcast cannot about the alien franchise. It cannot categorically.

562
00:51:37,160 --> 00:51:41,720
Can I, I'm going to go support the shout out of this. Although Feday has already teased a pitch

563
00:51:41,720 --> 00:51:45,800
for an alien versus predator movie, which I swear to God, I think he might nail because

564
00:51:46,360 --> 00:51:50,520
those films already ruined the franchises for me. So you might nail that one. I mean, that might be

565
00:51:50,520 --> 00:51:56,760
the, that might be my Feday movie. You know what I mean? I feel like, I feel like Feday is so hated

566
00:51:56,760 --> 00:52:04,680
by you probably because every franchise he touches, he claims to love deeply. That's the worst. He's a

567
00:52:04,680 --> 00:52:10,760
fucking incredible filmmaker that just shits on my entire personality. So I think there's a little

568
00:52:10,760 --> 00:52:17,080
bit where it's like, he doesn't know my franchise well enough to not get the basic facts right.

569
00:52:17,080 --> 00:52:22,040
Yeah. But he's allowed to make movies. Why aren't I allowed to make movies? Cause I know this

570
00:52:22,040 --> 00:52:27,560
franchise better than he does. But he's, he is hands down a fucking incredible filmmaker and

571
00:52:27,560 --> 00:52:31,880
no one can say anything different. He's insanely good at making films. It's just the storytelling.

572
00:52:31,880 --> 00:52:35,640
Yeah. His storytelling lets me down, but other people love it. And that's awesome.

573
00:52:35,640 --> 00:52:41,240
He should go in the Blomkamp pile of people who should direct films they haven't written.

574
00:52:41,240 --> 00:52:46,440
We almost had a fucking Blomkamp alien and we got this shit instead. Are we being serious?

575
00:52:46,440 --> 00:52:52,360
You've just brought that into my head now. Fuck the shit sandwich I'm ending on this. Where's

576
00:52:52,360 --> 00:52:57,560
Blomkamp's alien? I want the alien with the fucking goggles on. I want the weird robotic shit to come

577
00:52:57,560 --> 00:53:03,720
into it. Where the fuck is Blomkamp? I want that film only to spite you because when you see it,

578
00:53:03,720 --> 00:53:10,440
you'll hate it. And I'll go, fucking see, I told you Blomkamp was shit. Nah, let's set the next alien.

579
00:53:10,440 --> 00:53:14,760
Let's give Blomkamp the next alien movie and let's set it in the Sims world that was demonic.

580
00:53:14,760 --> 00:53:23,240
Let's do that. They travel by head gear into the Sims. No. Yes. Okay. Yes. And then it turns out

581
00:53:23,240 --> 00:53:29,480
they're just in alien isolation. Holy shit. I want to see what an Oculus Rift or a Vive looks like

582
00:53:29,480 --> 00:53:37,640
for a Xenomorph. How long is that strap? Yes. How many extenders do Amazon need to sell to one

583
00:53:37,640 --> 00:53:43,800
Xenomorph? Let's go. I'm in for it. We don't have time for Comic Corner this week. We've got time

584
00:53:43,800 --> 00:53:48,760
for something far more special. We do. There is a friend of ours who has helped us immensely with

585
00:53:48,760 --> 00:53:54,440
this show. They run the Instagram account called Alien the Eighth Passenger. And if you've listened

586
00:53:54,440 --> 00:54:00,120
to any of this series, you've heard them before. But let me say, if you are into alien, this is the

587
00:54:00,120 --> 00:54:04,200
Instagram account. He's the guy to go to. And this is the last time we're going to hear from him for

588
00:54:04,200 --> 00:54:09,400
a while. And that makes me very sad because A, his voice is gorgeous. It is like listening to

589
00:54:09,400 --> 00:54:15,480
fucking Velvet and the fact that he is an absolute legend when it comes to the alien franchise.

590
00:54:16,040 --> 00:54:20,600
I have looked at this guy's account more times than I care to admit when it comes to research.

591
00:54:23,080 --> 00:54:29,560
Because there is so much information that's just readily available and it's all cool little

592
00:54:29,560 --> 00:54:35,240
insights that you wouldn't normally expect. And he just has it out there ready for you.

593
00:54:35,240 --> 00:54:41,240
He does it for fun. It's fucking incredible. Love him. Here is what he had to say about Alien

594
00:54:41,240 --> 00:54:46,200
Romulus. I wasn't asking you, Carducci. I was asking the expert.

595
00:54:49,000 --> 00:54:55,080
Hello, dear friends of every movie ever. Alien Romulus has finally arrived and I have mixed

596
00:54:55,080 --> 00:55:01,720
feelings about it. I really liked it and enjoyed it, but I didn't love it as much as I would have

597
00:55:01,720 --> 00:55:08,840
liked. So these are my thoughts. I'll start by saying it's a pretty effective movie. It has

598
00:55:08,840 --> 00:55:14,840
everything an Alien movie should have. Lots of tension, impressive horror and action scenes.

599
00:55:14,840 --> 00:55:20,760
The art design, production, sound and visual effects are top notch. The face huggers and

600
00:55:20,760 --> 00:55:27,560
xenomorphs look spectacular. And having practical effects back is like a breath of fresh air.

601
00:55:27,560 --> 00:55:34,360
You can tell how much respect Fede Alvarez has for the saga, both as a director and as a fan as

602
00:55:34,360 --> 00:55:40,680
well. My biggest issue, I think, is the story. I feel it's somewhat weak, though it has some great

603
00:55:40,680 --> 00:55:46,920
contributions. There were a few surprises for me, especially in the second half and how they

604
00:55:46,920 --> 00:55:53,000
resolved some situations. I found it quite predictable. The third ad, which has been very

605
00:55:53,000 --> 00:55:58,680
controversial, I won't spoil. I'll just say I really liked it. I think it's where they took the

606
00:55:58,680 --> 00:56:06,120
most risks and personally it's what I would have loved to see more of throughout the film. Finally,

607
00:56:06,120 --> 00:56:12,440
I think the most important aspect of the movie is how well it fits into the Alien world. It works on

608
00:56:12,440 --> 00:56:18,680
its own, but as a homage at the same time, while still making its own contributions, which is very

609
00:56:18,680 --> 00:56:24,680
difficult to achieve. It's definitely a great addition to the saga. People are loving it and

610
00:56:24,680 --> 00:56:30,680
it's getting very good reviews as well. Let's hope it does well at the box office, because that would

611
00:56:30,680 --> 00:56:37,720
mean we see more xenomorphs in the big screen. I'm giving it an 8 out of 10. That's my rating.

612
00:56:37,720 --> 00:56:43,000
Lastly, I want to thank you guys for the invitation. I know this is the last episode of the Alien

613
00:56:43,000 --> 00:56:49,160
series. It's been a great honor to collaborate with you. Alien the 8 passenger here, signing off.

614
00:56:49,720 --> 00:56:56,600
What a fucking sweetheart. Incredible. What an absolute sweetheart. I love that man so fucking

615
00:56:56,600 --> 00:57:03,720
much. I'm gonna miss having him in as the fucking ask the expert. Well, you say that, you say that,

616
00:57:03,720 --> 00:57:12,440
but I've got a confession to make then. Go on. Our new series after Alien. Yeah. We've already

617
00:57:12,440 --> 00:57:19,000
started it, mate. What are we doing for it? Well, there's one director in this franchise for whom

618
00:57:19,000 --> 00:57:27,000
his entry represents the very first entry he ever made. Fincher. David fucking Fincher.

619
00:57:29,000 --> 00:57:36,680
We're gonna do every David Fincher movie ever. Okay. I am so down for this. Also, quick side

620
00:57:36,680 --> 00:57:42,600
thought. The Crow remake is about to come out. Oh, you want to do a summer of summer of shit.

621
00:57:42,600 --> 00:57:47,720
You want to do. I want to do. I want to do. Because Romulus didn't make you angry enough.

622
00:57:47,720 --> 00:57:52,680
You're going to just full mainline. I want to mainline it. I want to fucking eyeball

623
00:57:52,680 --> 00:58:01,800
the what have you done to my movies. Okay. Okay. So how about this? We do a late summer,

624
00:58:01,800 --> 00:58:07,720
early autumn of incredible films by David Fincher. Yes. And some stuff at the cinema

625
00:58:07,720 --> 00:58:12,200
that we don't know how it got a sequel or why it has a sequel. Perfect. Let's do that. Yeah.

626
00:58:12,200 --> 00:58:16,360
Fuck it. Let's do the Crow. The Crow next then. Let's do the Crow. Let's do the Crow next week.

627
00:58:16,360 --> 00:58:22,040
We'll just be able to fit in. Yeah. Perfect. Fuck. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. We'll do

628
00:58:22,040 --> 00:58:26,920
the Crow. We'll do Fincher. We've got more surprises planned, but they're surprises. So yeah.

629
00:58:26,920 --> 00:58:33,960
Yeah. Keep your eyes peeled this week for a special surprise midweek. That's all we're going

630
00:58:33,960 --> 00:58:38,600
to tell you. It's special. It's surprise. It's midweek. Ben. Yes, mate. What are you, uh,

631
00:58:39,240 --> 00:58:46,920
I don't know why I'm asking this. What are you going to rate Alien Romulus, Ben? Four. Four.

632
00:58:47,960 --> 00:58:52,600
Rating it a four. Wow. All of those points are for the filmmaking aspects. They're fucking.

633
00:58:52,600 --> 00:58:57,080
Actually, no, no, no. I'm going to do a five. I'm going to do five. Right. Because it's a great fucking film

634
00:58:58,840 --> 00:59:04,760
from a filmmaker's perspective. Right. It looks great. It sounds great. It's fucking gorgeous.

635
00:59:04,760 --> 00:59:10,760
The end to end. Uh, it loses all five points because of the piss week story and all of the

636
00:59:10,760 --> 00:59:15,800
massive gaping holes in the logic that make no fucking sense whatsoever. But also it looks very

637
00:59:15,800 --> 00:59:20,040
good though. Nice shit sandwich there, buddy. Thanks, man. What are you rating it? I'm gonna,

638
00:59:20,040 --> 00:59:25,880
I'm going to go with seven. Seven. Seven. Seven. Yeah. Okay. Because I don't get annoyed with the

639
00:59:25,880 --> 00:59:30,520
universe not making sense. I get annoyed with people not making sense. The people in this,

640
00:59:30,520 --> 00:59:36,440
as thin as they are, make perfect sense. There are parts of the subtext that are raised and then

641
00:59:36,440 --> 00:59:42,040
never picked up. There are set pieces that are wasted. There's a, there's lots wrong with it.

642
00:59:42,920 --> 00:59:49,480
I was just so happy to see big screens, xenomorphs again. Yeah. To be fair. Being scary.

643
00:59:49,480 --> 00:59:53,480
Face huggers, man. And fay a gaggle, a clusterfuck of, uh, uh,

644
00:59:53,480 --> 00:59:58,040
clusterfuck of face huggers. Just that alone. I'm just happy. I'm happy it's back.

645
00:59:58,680 --> 01:00:03,960
And then, no, it's not perfect. It's pretty fucking far from perfect, but maybe we'll get there.

646
01:00:03,960 --> 01:00:07,320
Maybe we'll get there. But it's fucking fun. You know what I mean? And that's what matters

647
01:00:07,320 --> 01:00:12,360
at the end of the day. Yeah. Unfortunately guys, that is all the time we have for you this week.

648
01:00:12,360 --> 01:00:17,080
We love and appreciate each and every one of you from the bottom of our hearts. We really do.

649
01:00:17,080 --> 01:00:22,200
Make sure you go check us out on our socials. We're on Insta, TikTok, fucking Discord. Join

650
01:00:22,200 --> 01:00:27,560
our Discord. Super fun times to be had. In the meantime, Ben is going to thank you

651
01:00:27,560 --> 01:00:30,520
for spending an hour of your week with us, especially at the start of the week. I know

652
01:00:30,520 --> 01:00:35,560
a lot of you listen on a Monday. So Ben's going to turn this into a little Monday motivation pep talk

653
01:00:35,560 --> 01:00:40,520
by summing up the thoughts, themes and feelings of this movie into something you can carry with you

654
01:00:40,520 --> 01:00:45,320
to help you get through those tough times. I'm just going to tell you to consume.

655
01:00:45,320 --> 01:00:50,280
Listen, if you're being held in a place and you're trying to escape, you've done all your

656
01:00:50,280 --> 01:00:56,200
fucking hours, you're like, Oh, I can finally get to a Vaga and some pencil pushing dickhead

657
01:00:56,200 --> 01:01:01,880
is like, now mate doubled your fucking hours. See you in six years. Ignore them. You know what I mean?

658
01:01:01,880 --> 01:01:06,600
They don't have radars. They don't even know that there's a fucking space station above their head

659
01:01:06,600 --> 01:01:11,080
with two decades worth of weapons research that they spend the next 500 years trying to fucking

660
01:01:11,080 --> 01:01:16,440
get back. They don't give a shit. Just go do your thing, man. Live your fucking dreams. You know

661
01:01:16,440 --> 01:01:44,600
I mean, if Arka's waiting for you, if Arka's waiting for you, no single fucking radar.