WEBVTT

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The Crows made me do it. Season 1. Episode 1.

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Can we be friends? I was scrolling on my phone

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one day when I saw this story about a kid and

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a crow. The crow would bring the kid gifts in

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exchange for food. All these shiny trinkets laid

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out on a towel. I thought maybe I would try that.

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Maybe that could be fun. I was lonely at the

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time. The only humans I interacted with were

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the delivery drivers, my co -workers on Zoom,

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and my downstairs neighbor, Lyudmila. I worked

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from home in my apartment above Lyudmila, and

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from my window I had a pretty good view of the

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power lines and driveway. Sometimes the crows

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would gather there and chatter, or more like

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caw, and I always wondered what they were saying

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to each other this. the secret world they were

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living in. The first step was the hardest, just

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getting them to trust me. I'd read that a common

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thing was to give them peanuts, so I walked out

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with some peanuts, and they flew off in a panic

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like black ink splashed across the sky. I tried

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again the next day, and the crows flew off again,

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and again the day after that. The day after that,

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they didn't show up at all. But on the fifth

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day, one of the crows took a peanut. The next

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day it was back and there were two others with

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it. I watched them eat from my window. Their

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shadows looked like pools of dark water on the

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pavement. When I went out to feed them the next

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day, they were already sitting on the power line.

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They were waiting for me. We made eye contact

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and they shifted uneasily. They still didn't

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trust me. Just then, Lyudmila came out of her

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apartment, pushing her bicycle. Lyudmila always

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wore the same thing. Black shirt, black jacket,

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black skirt, black leggings, black framed glasses,

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but her bike vest and bike helmet were reflective

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orange. She was the most stylish person I had

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ever known. She worked at a nursery and was taking

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classes at college to get her basics out of the

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way. She was going into dental hygiene or nursing

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or forensic science or biology, horticulture,

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criminology, literature, early childhood education.

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She was still deciding. She had dark hair. Dark

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eyes and a little gap between her two front teeth.

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She liked antique stuff and rode her bike everywhere,

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even in the winter rain. She always called me

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Marko. I'd never asked why. Hi Marko, she said.

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Hi Lyudmila, I said. What you up to, she asked.

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I have a plan, I said. I'm making friends with

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the crows. I'm going to get them to bring me

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treasures. I'm bribing them with peanuts. Lyudmila

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looked at me. Did you say penis? Peanuts. Oh.

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Lyudmila tilted her head. Either way, Marko,

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if a friendship is based on bribery, it can never

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be a true friendship. She had a point. I wasn't

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going to deny it. I still wanted to try it out,

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though. Business with birds. Treats for loot.

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I could post videos for clout. Maybe I'd go viral.

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I could become an influencer. Endorsement deals.

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Sponsorships. Investments. Passive income. Early

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retirement. Be careful, said Lyudmila. Do you

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know what a gathering of crows is called, Marko?

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A murder, I said. Exactly, she said. Also, Marko?

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If you're going to feed the crows, don't you

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think you should consider the other birds too,

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the little ones, just to be fair? Okay, I said.

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The little ones. Okay, she said. The crows above

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us cawed and flew away, tired of waiting for

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peanuts. Then Luke Miller flew off too. I watched

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as she peddled up the street and around the corner.

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She was very graceful. She had extremely good

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balance. Her dark hair was... Fluttery. The next

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morning I ate a bowl of Cheerios over the sink

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and logged into work, and at noon when I went

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to check the mail, there was a note on my door.

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It took me a moment to decipher the scratchy

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handwriting. Dear Marko, I was kidding about

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feeding the little birds. Forget them. Feed the

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crows high -quality dry dog kibble. They would

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like that. Signed, Lyudmila. Wow. A note from

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Lyudmila. I folded it and put it in my pocket.

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Then I got in my Nissan and drove to downtown

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and bought a small bag of the second most expensive

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dog food they had. Later, as I was setting some

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kibble on the stump, Lyudmila came out with her

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bicycle again, headed for her night class. I

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took your advice, I said. Dog food. She clipped

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the chin strap on her helmet. Sorry, what? Dog

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food. Dog food? She asked. Yeah, see? She looked

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at my hand. Oh, uh -huh. It seemed like she was

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getting ready to pedal away, but then she put

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her foot back on the ground. Hey, Marko. I was

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going to ask. I was wondering if you could do

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me a favor. I'm going to be out of town and I

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need someone to water my plants. Yes, I said.

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Water your plants. I would do that. Great, she

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said. Are you around this Friday? I could show

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you who needs what. Like, five o 'clock work?

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Yes, I said. Five o 'clock this Friday. That

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would work great. Lyudmila smiled. Thanks, Marko.

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You completely saved me. And then she rode off.

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The next day was Tuesday, and when I went to

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feed the crows, the power line was empty. I set

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ten kibbles in a little circle on the stump and

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returned to my apartment window. As I watched,

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a crow swooped in from the sky and landed on

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the power line. I waited for it to fly down to

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eat. Instead, it dipped its head and slid its

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beak along the line, one side and then the other,

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like sharpening a knife. Then it began to caw.

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Another crow landed on the line. The first crow

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cawed again and the second swooped down to the

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stump to eat. Huh. They were communicating with

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each other. Wednesday morning I fed them again.

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I watched as the first crow called to the other

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ones, one by one, to eat. They were smart, and

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they worked together. Thursday, just before sunrise,

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I was awakened by calling. I opened the shades

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to see a crow on the power line. At first I was

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annoyed. It was so early. But then I realized

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something. The crow was kind for me. We had just

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achieved interspecies communication. I brought

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a handful of kibble outside, and when I looked

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up at the crow, it didn't look away. We watched

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each other in the dawning light. Nothing needed

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to be said. We both knew the deal. But I had

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something to add. If I was going to feed the

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crows, I would like payment. There needed to

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be an exchange. We had to treat this like the

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marketplace it was because, after all, I didn't

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have to be feeding the crows. I could be feeding

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the squirrels instead. Or the raccoons. Or seagulls.

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Or rats. Cats. Coyotes. Dogs. I put the kibble

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in my pocket and took out a quarter. I held it

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up so the crow could see it. I set the quarter

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on this stump. I walked back up the stairs and

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into my apartment and closed the door. I counted

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to 50 and came back out. The crow was still there.

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I pretended to see the quarter as if for the

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first time. Wow, I said. This shiny coin is just

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what I've been looking for. Thank you, crow.

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Now I will feed you. And I set the kibble on

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the stump. And the crow flew away. When the crows

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returned that evening, I repeated the quarter

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routine. Wow, thank you for the shiny quarter.

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Now I will feed you. Friday morning, the crows

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were back, bearing zero gifts. I performed the

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quarter routine a third time, but in a hasty

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way. My mind was elsewhere. I had to get ready

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for 5 o 'clock. I cleared my calendar and filed

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for two hours of personal time. I took a shower,

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or started to, but I was pretty much out of soap.

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I drove to the subway to get some soap, and decided

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I'd get shampoo as well, and deodorant. Dental

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floss, mint gum, triscuits, Kleenex, Starburst,

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a bag of Funyuns. As I was driving back home,

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I decided I would get a haircut. There was a

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place I'd always noticed just off 6th Street.

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It was nice inside and smelled good. Brick walls,

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leather couches, ring lights, shiny stuff, hair

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things. There were two stylists. A big one and

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a little one and one customer in a chair. They

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were all talking and laughing. It was like standing

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in sunshine. The little stylist waved to me.

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Hi, looking for a glow up? Yes, I said. Fabulous,

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she said. She sat me down and draped me in a

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flowing cape and walked a circle around me. Okay,

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she said. What are we looking to do here? Braid,

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fade, or die? Hmm, I said. Can I get more of

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a haircut type thing? The little stylist nodded.

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It all comes down to who you are and what you

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want to be, what you want to portray to the world,

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and what makes you feel like your most confident

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and authentic self. Yes, I said. Okay. That sounds

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good. The stylist touched her lip. She had a

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lot of bracelets on. Okay, I'm thinking like

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maybe something along the lines of a classic

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pompadour, but like modern update, a little more

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subtle, not quite a French crop, like short on

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the sides but not too short and then swept up

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on top or maybe even spiked a little. What do

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you think? I have a meeting tomorrow, I said.

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So like, business casual? More of a personal

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type meeting. Like a date? I'm getting instructions

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for watering plants. Okay, said the stylist.

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You know what? I'm going to give you something

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where you feel good about yourself no matter

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what type of situation you're in. Thank you,

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I said. Yes, that would be great. The little

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stylist orbited around me, lifting and snipping,

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tilting her chin to observe my hair from different

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angles. She returned to her conversation with

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the other two, and I gazed at the rows of gels,

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creams, waxes, mousses, spritzes, volumizers,

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serums, and sprays, my eyes returning again and

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again to a candy -colored bottle of Signature

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Shampoo. Suddenly, the stylist stopped, blocking

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my view of the signature shampoo. And what's

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your opinion on the topic, she asked. What topic,

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I asked. Birds, she said. Birds? Are they real,

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said the big stylist. Are birds real? Yes, said

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the little stylist. Are they real? I wasn't sure

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how to answer. I'd been called into a conversation

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with no context. I didn't want to be on the wrong

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side of things. I've been feeding the crows,

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I said. Oh, crows are for real, she said. We're

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talking about the other birds, the little ones.

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Crows are sketch, said the big stylist. Seriously,

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you know what a group of crows is called? A murder,

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said the customer in the chair. Really, said

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the little stylist. A murder? Absolutely, said

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the customer. Know what a group of eagles is

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called? A burglary, said the big stylist. No.

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A hostage crisis? No. A pandemic? The customer

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spread out her arms and closed her eyes. A convocation.

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Girl, you should be a biologist. The customer

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smiled. Well, I kind of am. Did I tell you about

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my cruise to Alaska? She told us about her cruise

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to Alaska, the birds she'd seen. The big stylist

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talked about her honeymoon in Hawaii. The little

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stylist recounted a dream she'd had about the

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Kingston Ferry, how she was the only person on

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it, and guided by orcas it drifted out of the

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sound and into the open ocean. Then she spun

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me around to face the mirror. Bam, she said.

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I almost didn't recognize myself. My ears, my

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forehead, my hair. Wow, I said. Thanks. For sure,

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she said. And guess what? As it grows out, it's

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going to keep looking good. I designed it that

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way. Wow, I said. Thank you. After my haircut,

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I felt light and full of optimism. I decided

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to get some new clothes, so I drove to Goodwill.

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There was a sale on green tags. I found two short

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-sleeved button -up shirts, a blue one and a

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yellow one. When I got home, I logged back into

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work. I had a team's meeting with Payton, Chase,

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Diva, and some other members. I wore my new blue

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shirt. My direct manager, Gary, was the lead.

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Whoa, he said. Hey, check out Mark's new look.

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Big date, Mark? Nice hair. Thank you, I said.

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And Diva gave me a thumbs up emoji. Gary shook

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his head. Wow, I thought we had an imposter on

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our hands. Can anyone hear me? Chase interrupted

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from the top left square. Can you guys hear me?

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Yes. Chase, said Gary, and Diva gave Chase a

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thumbs up emoji. Because I can't hear any of

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you. Are you unmuted? You might have the volume

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down, said Payton, and Diva gave Payton a thumbs

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up emoji. We were talking about Mark's new look,

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said Gary. Okay, what about now? Can you hear

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me? We can hear you, said Payton, but you can't

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hear us. After the meeting, I changed into the

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yellow shirt. The sleeves were very crisp. I

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went outside to feed the crows, and they all

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flew off. Maybe they didn't recognize me. At

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5 .23, Lyudmila appeared, walking her bicycle

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up the drive. Sorry I'm late, she said. I got

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a flat. She tilted her head. You got a haircut.

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Yes, I said. Job interview? Um, no, just regular.

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Oh, okay, she said. Come in, I'll show you the

00:18:34.029 --> 00:18:40.390
plants. Her apartment was cozy and smelled like

00:18:40.390 --> 00:18:43.869
incense. There was a brown love seat, a green

00:18:43.869 --> 00:18:48.160
chair. A plush shag carpet, brown and white like

00:18:48.160 --> 00:18:50.880
the pelt of some enormous long -haired bison.

00:18:51.960 --> 00:18:55.960
And houseplants. They were everywhere. Pots of

00:18:55.960 --> 00:19:01.660
every kind. On desks, tables, chairs, windowsills,

00:19:01.819 --> 00:19:05.740
pedestals. Sitting in roped platforms suspended

00:19:05.740 --> 00:19:09.859
from the ceiling. Lyudmila handed me a piece

00:19:09.859 --> 00:19:13.819
of paper. She'd drawn out a map. An overhead

00:19:13.819 --> 00:19:16.160
view of her apartment with the plants numbered

00:19:16.160 --> 00:19:22.759
and labeled. Pothos. Aloe. Fern. Snake plant.

00:19:23.200 --> 00:19:27.279
Fiddle leaf. Monstera. Peace lily. Shamrock.

00:19:27.599 --> 00:19:31.000
Queen's tears. Creeping fig. String of pearls.

00:19:32.259 --> 00:19:37.640
Wax begonia. She walked me through the steps.

00:19:38.490 --> 00:19:41.329
The plants were good now, but in two days, half

00:19:41.329 --> 00:19:44.549
of them would need water. I'm hoping I won't

00:19:44.549 --> 00:19:47.410
be gone more than a week, she said. But we'll

00:19:47.410 --> 00:19:50.630
see. It's supposed to snow in the past. I might

00:19:50.630 --> 00:19:55.269
have to take the long way around. Okay, I said.

00:19:55.730 --> 00:19:59.829
Is this like a vacation or... Lyudmila adjusted

00:19:59.829 --> 00:20:03.309
her glasses. I'm going to retrieve a giant copper

00:20:03.309 --> 00:20:10.589
pot from my dying grandfather. I'm sorry. She

00:20:10.589 --> 00:20:13.329
opened her arms. It looked like she was going

00:20:13.329 --> 00:20:17.630
in for a hug. This big, she said, I'm not even

00:20:17.630 --> 00:20:23.049
joking, like a real medieval cauldron. I put

00:20:23.049 --> 00:20:30.529
my arms back down. Wow, that's big. Will it fit

00:20:30.529 --> 00:20:34.170
in my car? Lyudmila shrugged. We are going to

00:20:34.170 --> 00:20:42.539
find out. The next day, the crows woke me again

00:20:42.539 --> 00:20:45.539
with their cawing. I performed the quarter routine,

00:20:45.859 --> 00:20:48.640
and they ate up the dog food and caught for more.

00:20:49.240 --> 00:20:52.140
I performed the quarter routine again, and they

00:20:52.140 --> 00:20:54.960
caught for more food again. They didn't seem

00:20:54.960 --> 00:20:59.779
to be getting the idea. They were greedy. That

00:20:59.779 --> 00:21:02.380
afternoon, I brought Lyudmila's mail into her

00:21:02.380 --> 00:21:05.859
apartment and read her note again. She had really

00:21:05.859 --> 00:21:10.740
nice handwriting. She was very meticulous. I

00:21:10.740 --> 00:21:13.980
decided to practice. I took the watering pitcher

00:21:13.980 --> 00:21:16.660
to the sink and pretended to fill it with water.

00:21:17.119 --> 00:21:19.940
Then, with a pitcher in one hand and her note

00:21:19.940 --> 00:21:23.160
in the other, I walked from plant to plant, tipping

00:21:23.160 --> 00:21:26.259
the little spout, moving it in a slow circle

00:21:26.259 --> 00:21:31.140
around each pot for even distribution. I fed

00:21:31.140 --> 00:21:33.880
the crows again that afternoon and sat on the

00:21:33.880 --> 00:21:37.269
stairs while they ate. When they were done, One

00:21:37.269 --> 00:21:39.730
of them hopped up the walk, three hops in my

00:21:39.730 --> 00:21:45.849
direction. It stopped and tilted its head, watching

00:21:45.849 --> 00:21:49.630
me. I could see the wind rustling its feathers.

00:21:50.569 --> 00:21:54.630
I took out my phone to get a video, and the crow

00:21:54.630 --> 00:22:01.609
flew away. I didn't sleep well that night. I

00:22:01.609 --> 00:22:05.220
had a lot of dreams and kept waking up. I tossed

00:22:05.220 --> 00:22:09.039
and turned and saw visions of the dead. And then

00:22:09.039 --> 00:22:13.519
it was morning. And the dreams disappeared. Partly

00:22:13.519 --> 00:22:19.900
cloudy skies. Crows on the power line. It was

00:22:19.900 --> 00:22:25.220
my big watering day at Lyudmila's. I was surprised

00:22:25.220 --> 00:22:27.519
at how heavy the pitcher was with water in it

00:22:27.519 --> 00:22:29.640
and how fast the water came out and I sent a

00:22:29.640 --> 00:22:32.279
cascade over the rim of the Japanese lily and

00:22:32.279 --> 00:22:36.180
onto her desk. I cleaned it with toilet paper

00:22:36.180 --> 00:22:40.119
and tried again, moving cautiously now, following

00:22:40.119 --> 00:22:43.279
Lyudmila's directions precisely, double -checking

00:22:43.279 --> 00:22:47.619
my work along the way. When I was done, I considered

00:22:47.619 --> 00:22:52.440
the room. All the green living creatures. They

00:22:52.440 --> 00:23:01.039
were my children now. I was their mother. That

00:23:01.039 --> 00:23:04.710
afternoon, I attended a mandatory webinar. and

00:23:04.710 --> 00:23:07.869
my attention soon strayed to the window. I thought

00:23:07.869 --> 00:23:10.230
I'd heard cawing again, but now when I looked,

00:23:10.230 --> 00:23:13.809
there were no crows. Instead, something else

00:23:13.809 --> 00:23:19.769
caught my eye. Something silver. Something glinting.

00:23:21.410 --> 00:23:24.190
As soon as the webinar was over, I rushed outside.

00:23:25.750 --> 00:23:31.390
There, on the stump, was a single silver gum

00:23:31.390 --> 00:23:36.680
wrapper. I looked up to see the silhouette of

00:23:36.680 --> 00:23:40.000
a crow on the power line. It lingered a moment,

00:23:40.200 --> 00:23:47.559
and then it spread its wings and flew away. Outstanding.

00:23:48.180 --> 00:23:53.740
A major and momentous breakthrough. I decided

00:23:53.740 --> 00:23:59.359
to get some cake to celebrate. I got a big slice

00:23:59.359 --> 00:24:04.910
from it and set a chunk on the stump. I went

00:24:04.910 --> 00:24:09.650
inside and watched from my window. It didn't

00:24:09.650 --> 00:24:14.950
take long. One crow appeared, then another, and

00:24:14.950 --> 00:24:18.690
soon there were a dozen or more. I watched from

00:24:18.690 --> 00:24:20.950
my window as they gathered around the slice in

00:24:20.950 --> 00:24:31.490
a frenzy. They were absolutely ravenous. The

00:24:31.490 --> 00:24:35.220
next morning, they brought me a bottle cap. That

00:24:35.220 --> 00:24:39.519
afternoon, a blue flosser. The next morning,

00:24:39.700 --> 00:24:44.740
a Milky Way wrapper. That evening, a grocery

00:24:44.740 --> 00:24:50.680
receipt. Guitar pick, can tap, zip tie, pen tip,

00:24:50.920 --> 00:25:01.440
marker cap. A tiny metal screw. On the fourth

00:25:01.440 --> 00:25:04.720
day, As I was leaving Lyudmila's apartment, something

00:25:04.720 --> 00:25:07.960
caught my eye. Some kind of gray -green paper

00:25:07.960 --> 00:25:12.720
sitting on the stump. Green embossing. Blue security

00:25:12.720 --> 00:25:18.220
strip. As I drew closer, I saw that it was a

00:25:18.220 --> 00:25:24.160
hundred -dollar bill. My hands trembled as I

00:25:24.160 --> 00:25:28.299
picked it up. It was surprisingly smooth and

00:25:28.299 --> 00:25:32.779
thin. The edges were almost sharp. There was

00:25:32.779 --> 00:25:37.559
something off about it. On one side of the $100

00:25:37.559 --> 00:25:43.140
bill was a $100 bill. And on the other side was

00:25:43.140 --> 00:25:47.119
biblical scripture. I held it up to the crow

00:25:47.119 --> 00:25:53.220
on the power line above me. Good. But see? It's

00:25:53.220 --> 00:25:59.339
fake. An advertisement for God. Still, so close.

00:26:03.690 --> 00:26:10.170
So close. So close. This called for more cake.