Welcome back to Pomoja Podcast, a ministry of
Life of Christ International Ministries. This
is the place where stronger lives are built,
faith is strengthened, hearts are encouraged,
and Christ -centered homes are shaped through
ordinary conversations that become extraordinary
encounters with God's truth. One conversation,
one story, one revelation at a time. In our last
conversation, we discovered that not every fire
has the same purpose. Some fires are ignited
by the enemy to destroy, others are allowed by
God to transform. We learn that everything of
great value passes through a refining process.
Gold, clay, bread, steel. None of these become
what they were created to be without first passing
through the fire. And marriage is no different.
But today, I want to take you one step deeper
because understanding why God allows the fire
is only the beginning. The greater question is
this, what is God trying to accomplish through
the fire? What is He changing? What is He shaping?
What is He producing inside us that could never
be produced any other way? I have discovered
something over the years that completely changed
the way I look at marriage. Marriage is far more
than a relationship between a husband and a wife.
It is one of God's greatest classrooms. It is
one of his greatest workshops, and perhaps one
of his greatest refining furnaces. Not because
marriage is designed to burn us. but because
it is designed to transform us. Many people enter
marriage believing they have found the person
who will complete them. Others believe they have
finally found the person who will make them happy.
Some even believe marriage is God's reward for
their faithfulness. But after enough years together,
after the first disagreements, after disappointments,
After financial pressures, after raising children,
after moments of misunderstanding, they begin
asking questions they never expected to ask.
Why is this so difficult? Why are we struggling?
What happened to the excitement we once had,
and sometimes the most dangerous question of
all? Did I marry the wrong person? I think almost
every honest couple has wrestled with questions
like these at some point in their journey. Not
because their marriage is broken, but because
the fire has begun revealing things they never
knew were there. The problem is that we often
misunderstand what God is doing. We assume he
is primarily working on our spouse. We pray,
Lord, change my husband. Lord, change my wife.
Lord, fix the person I'm married to. But while
our eyes remain fixed on the person beside us,
God quietly turns his attention to the person
within us. And that changes everything, because
marriage was never designed simply to reveal
who your spouse is. Marriage reveals who you
are. That may be one of the hardest truths to
accept. because it's much easier to see someone
else's weaknesses than our own. But what if the
greatest work God wants to do in your marriage
begins with the person you see every morning
in the mirror? Let's talk about that. One of
the greatest misconceptions about marriage is
that it changes people. I don't believe that's
entirely true. Marriage doesn't create character.
It reveals character. Think about it. A piece
of gold doesn't become gold because it enters
the furnace. It was already gold. The furnace
simply exposes what was hidden beneath the surface.
Marriage works the same way. Before marriage,
many things remain hidden. You can choose your
words carefully. You can hide your frustrations.
You can walk away from difficult conversations.
You can present the best version of yourself.
But covenant changes everything. Marriage places
two imperfect people under the same roof. The
same responsibilities. The same pressures. The
same disappointments. The same victories. Day
after day. Year after year. Sooner or later,
what is inside the heart begins to appear. Not
because your spouse put it there. but because
the fire revealed what was already there. That
is why Jesus said, for out of the abundance of
the heart, the mouth speaks. When pressure comes,
the heart speaks. When expectations are not met,
the heart speaks. When you feel misunderstood,
the heart speaks. When you are disappointed,
the heart speaks. The fire has a way of uncovering.
what comfort often conceals. I remember looking
back over different seasons of my own marriage.
There were moments when I thought the greatest
problem was the disagreement in front of us.
But as the years passed, I realized something
profound. The disagreement wasn't the greatest
issue. What mattered most was what the disagreement
was revealing inside me. Sometimes it exposed
my pride. Sometimes my impatience. Sometimes
my desire to always be understood before trying
to understand. Sometimes expectations I had never
spoken aloud. Sometimes fear. Sometimes insecurity.
Sometimes selfishness disguised as righteousness.
Those discoveries were not comfortable, but they
were necessary. Because God cannot heal what
we refuse to acknowledge. He cannot transform
what we continue to hide. And He cannot refine
what we never surrender. That is why conviction
is one of the greatest expressions of God's love.
He doesn't expose us to shame us. He exposes
us so He can restore us. This is why I believe
every husband and every wife should occasionally
stop asking, What is wrong with my spouse? And
begin asking, what is God trying to show me about
myself? That question changes everything because
the moment I become teachable, the furnace begins
accomplishing its purpose. Instead of resisting
the fire, I begin cooperating with the refiner
and that's where transformation begins. But there
is something even more beautiful. God isn't simply
exposing our weaknesses. He is replacing them
with something greater. He removes pride and
teaches humility. He replaces impatience with
perseverance. He exchanges fear for trust. He
takes two imperfect people and slowly shapes
them into the image of Christ. That's the miracle
of the furnace and that's where we're going next.
There is something beautiful that I've come to
understand after all these years. God's greatest
miracle in marriage is not producing a perfect
relationship. His greatest miracle is producing
two people who become more like Christ. Think
about that for a moment. We often measure a successful
marriage by what happens around us. No arguments,
no disappointments, no struggles, no tears, no
conflict. But God measures success differently.
He looks at what is happening within us. Are
we becoming more patient, more forgiving, more
humble, more compassionate, more willing to listen
than to speak, more willing to serve than to
be served, more willing to extend grace than
to demand perfection? Because that is the image
of Christ, and that is God's ultimate goal. The
Apostle Paul tells us that God's purpose is to
conform us to the image of His Son. Marriage
becomes one of the greatest environments where
that transformation takes place. Every disagreement
becomes an invitation to humility. Every misunderstanding
becomes an opportunity to communicate. Every
disappointment becomes an opportunity to choose
grace. Every act of forgiveness becomes another
step toward becoming more like Jesus. The enemy
sees conflict as an opportunity to divide. God
sees it as an opportunity to mature. The enemy
wants every wound to become a wall. God wants
every wound to become a doorway through which
healing can enter. That is the difference. I
have learned that love is not proven when everything
is easy. Love is revealed when remaining faithful
costs something. Anyone can love when life is
comfortable. Anyone can smile when everything
is going according to plan. But covenant reveals
itself when emotions are exhausted. When expectations
have been disappointed. When words have wounded.
When life has become heavy. And yet two people
choose to remain faithful. because they remember
that God joined them together. That is not weakness.
That is spiritual strength. That is covenant.
Looking back over my own marriage with Giselle,
I can honestly say that the greatest victories
were not the moments when we never struggled.
Our greatest victories were the moments when,
by God's grace, we refused to quit. There were
seasons when we didn't have every answer, seasons
when we misunderstood one another, seasons when
the fire felt intense. But every time we chose
to pray instead of walking away, to forgive instead
of keeping score, to seek God instead of defending
ourselves, something changed. Not only in our
marriage, inside us, little by little. God was
shaping two imperfect people into a stronger
husband and a stronger wife, and that is a miracle
no human being can manufacture. Only the Holy
Spirit can accomplish that work. Everything we've
talked about today leads us to one unavoidable
conclusion. The fire is coming. Not because your
marriage is failing, but because God isn't finished
shaping you. The question is no longer whether
the fire will come. Jesus already settled that.
The real question is this. How will we respond
when it does? Will we allow disappointment to
harden our hearts? Or will we allow God to soften
them? Will we fight against each other? Or will
we stand together against the fire? Will we spend
our energy trying to change one another? or will
we surrender ourselves to the one who is able
to change us both? I have learned that the couples
who survive the fire are not necessarily the
couples with the fewest problems. They are the
couples who choose to keep inviting God into
the middle of the fire, because the presence
of God does not always remove the furnace. Sometimes.
His presence becomes the reason we survive it,
and that brings me to one of the most practical
lessons the Lord has taught me. Not only about
marriage, but about every covenant he establishes.
The fire is not only something to endure, it
is something to walk through with God. Let's
talk about what that looks like. If there is
one lesson my wife and I have learned over the
years, It is this. You cannot stop every fire
from coming, but you can decide how you will
walk through it. That decision changes everything.
Some couples allow the fire to push them farther
apart. Others allow the same fire to draw them
closer together. The difference is rarely the
size of the problem. The difference is who they
choose to become while facing it. I have learned
that every disagreement presents two invitations.
One invitation comes from the enemy. The other
comes from God. The enemy whispers, defend yourself.
Make your point. Win the argument. Keep score.
Bring up the past. Make them feel what you felt.
But the Holy Spirit speaks differently. Listen
before you answer. Be quick to forgive. Choose
humility over pride. Seek peace instead of victory.
Pray before you react. Remember that you are
on the same side. Every conflict becomes a choice.
Which voice will we follow? One of the greatest
mistakes couples make is believing that the problem
sitting across the table is the enemy. It isn't.
Your spouse is not your enemy. The Bible tells
us that our struggle is not against flesh and
blood. The real battle has always been spiritual.
The enemy wants to convince a husband that his
wife is the problem. He wants to convince a wife
that her husband is the problem. Because if he
can turn two covenant partners against one another,
he no longer has to fight them. They begin fighting
each other. That is one of his oldest strategies.
But when a husband and wife recognize that they
are standing on the same side, everything changes.
Now they stop asking, who's right? And they begin
asking, how do we protect what God has joined
together? That question changes the atmosphere
of the home. I've come to believe that one of
the most powerful prayers a couple can pray is
not, Lord. Change my spouse it is Lord. Don't
let this fire harden my heart Teach me what you
want me to learn reveal what you want me to surrender
Remove what does not look like Christ and when
this season is over May I love you more and may
I love my spouse better than I did before the
fire began I believe God delights in answering
prayers like that because those prayers agree
with his purpose. Perhaps today you are walking
through a season that feels overwhelming. Maybe
the fire has lasted longer than you expected.
Maybe you've wondered if your marriage will ever
feel different. Don't lose heart. The refiner
never abandons the gold. He stays near the furnace.
He watches carefully. He knows exactly what he
is producing. and he never allows the fire to
have the final word. One day, you'll look back,
not simply grateful that the trial ended, but
grateful for the husband, the wife, and the marriage
God was forming through it, because in the hands
of the master, even the fire becomes an instrument
of grace. As we come to the end of this conversation,
I realize we've finally reached the end of one
of the greatest mysteries my father gave me so
many years ago. When he first told me about the
house in the middle of the forest, he kept repeating
the same words. The house was warm. At the time,
I thought he was simply describing the house.
Today, I understand he was describing the marriage.
The warmth was never found in the wood that built
the house. It was never found in the walls. It
was never found in the roof. The warmth came
from two people who chose day after day to protect
what God had entrusted to them. It came from
forgiveness, from humility, from prayer, from
sacrifice, from grace, from choosing covenant
over convenience. And yes, sometimes it came
through the very fires they thought would destroy
them. Now I understand the warmth was never the
absence of conflict The warmth was the presence
of God The warmth was the testimony of two imperfect
people allowing the refiner to complete his work
That is the mystery of the warmth inside the
house But my father wasn't finished telling the
story There was another detail about that house
that puzzled me just as much. He told me the
house was warm, yet the windows were completely
sealed. For years, I wondered why he emphasized
that detail. Why mention the windows at all?
What was he trying to teach me? Was it simply
part of the story, or was God hiding another
revelation inside the parable? Over the years,
The Lord has continued opening my eyes. And the
more I meditate on those sealed windows, the
more I realize they carry far more than one lesson.
There isn't just one revelation. There are many.
Some speak to marriage. Some speak to family.
Some speak to our relationship with God. Others
speak to the way we protect, or sometimes fail
to protect. the life he has entrusted to us.
In our next conversation, we'll return to those
windows, not to rush through them, but to slowly
discover the truths God has hidden there. Because
sometimes, the greatest revelations in scripture
and in life are found in the details most people
overlook. Until then, keep building. Keep protecting
the warmth God has entrusted to your home. And
remember, every house built on Christ becomes
more than a shelter. It becomes a testimony.
God bless you. And I'll see you in our next conversation.