WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:03.919 Welcome to Pomoja Podcasts, a ministry of Life 00:00:03.919 --> 00:00:07.580 of Christ International Ministries. Pomoja means 00:00:07.580 --> 00:00:10.619 together, and that's exactly what this space 00:00:10.619 --> 00:00:14.480 is about. Growing together, learning together, 00:00:15.000 --> 00:00:18.460 walking together, one conversation at a time. 00:00:18.800 --> 00:00:22.160 I'm your host, Barry Mwamba. And during this 00:00:22.160 --> 00:00:25.420 first conversation, I'd like us to explore one 00:00:25.420 --> 00:00:29.440 of God's greatest gifts to humanity, marriage. 00:00:29.739 --> 00:00:33.079 not simply as a relationship between a man and 00:00:33.079 --> 00:00:37.200 a woman, but as a covenant, a covenant established 00:00:37.200 --> 00:00:41.979 by God, designed to reflect his heart, and one 00:00:41.979 --> 00:00:45.259 of the greatest testimonies the world will ever 00:00:45.259 --> 00:00:49.679 witness. At the same time, it has become one 00:00:49.679 --> 00:00:53.280 of life's greatest challenges, and I don't think 00:00:53.280 --> 00:00:56.659 that's a coincidence. Have you ever stopped and 00:00:56.659 --> 00:01:00.560 wondered why? Why has marriage become such a 00:01:00.560 --> 00:01:04.319 battlefield? Why do so many couples begin with 00:01:04.319 --> 00:01:08.359 hope, only to find themselves struggling a few 00:01:08.359 --> 00:01:12.560 years later? Why are families under so much pressure? 00:01:13.459 --> 00:01:16.599 Why are husbands and wives constantly being pulled 00:01:16.599 --> 00:01:20.019 in different directions? I don't believe the 00:01:20.019 --> 00:01:23.980 enemy wastes his energy. Throughout the Bible, 00:01:24.349 --> 00:01:28.349 He consistently attacks what heaven values most. 00:01:29.129 --> 00:01:32.569 He attacked the promised seed. He attacked worship. 00:01:33.170 --> 00:01:36.590 He attacked God's people. He attacked the prophets. 00:01:37.290 --> 00:01:40.469 He even tried to destroy the Messiah himself. 00:01:41.290 --> 00:01:45.370 So why should we be surprised that he also attacks 00:01:45.370 --> 00:01:48.769 marriage? Because marriage is much more than 00:01:48.769 --> 00:01:51.810 two people living under the same roof. It is 00:01:51.810 --> 00:01:56.310 God's design. It is God's testimony. It is one 00:01:56.310 --> 00:01:59.950 of the clearest pictures of Christ and His Church. 00:02:00.450 --> 00:02:03.269 And when a Christian marriage reflects God's 00:02:03.269 --> 00:02:06.890 heart, it preaches a sermon long before anyone 00:02:06.890 --> 00:02:11.509 opens a Bible. Maybe that's why the enemy fears 00:02:11.509 --> 00:02:15.650 it so much. This season is an invitation. An 00:02:15.650 --> 00:02:19.349 invitation to walk together through a house, 00:02:19.610 --> 00:02:23.319 not just any house. a house in the middle of 00:02:23.319 --> 00:02:26.560 a forest. Over the next several conversations, 00:02:27.139 --> 00:02:30.120 we'll discover its foundation. We'll look through 00:02:30.120 --> 00:02:33.979 its windows. We'll walk through its rooms. We'll 00:02:33.979 --> 00:02:38.180 stand together when storms come. And by the end 00:02:38.180 --> 00:02:42.460 of this journey, my prayer is that you'll never 00:02:42.460 --> 00:02:46.000 look at marriage the same way again. Today's 00:02:46.000 --> 00:02:49.159 conversation is where it all begins, not with 00:02:49.159 --> 00:02:52.669 a wedding. Not with the ceremony, not even with 00:02:52.669 --> 00:02:56.729 my marriage. It begins with a story. Actually, 00:02:57.210 --> 00:03:01.830 it begins with my father, you know. When I was 00:03:01.830 --> 00:03:04.849 preparing to get married, I thought I knew what 00:03:04.849 --> 00:03:09.090 I needed. Like most young men, I expected advice. 00:03:09.930 --> 00:03:12.909 I thought my father would talk to me about responsibility, 00:03:14.030 --> 00:03:18.680 about communication, about finances. Maybe about 00:03:18.680 --> 00:03:21.960 being a good husband. Maybe about leading a family. 00:03:22.659 --> 00:03:25.080 The kind of conversation every son expects before 00:03:25.080 --> 00:03:30.620 marriage. Instead, he told me a story. At the 00:03:30.620 --> 00:03:34.800 time, I'll be honest with you. I didn't fully 00:03:34.800 --> 00:03:39.259 understand it. I listened. I appreciated it. 00:03:39.400 --> 00:03:41.740 But I didn't realize what he had just placed 00:03:41.740 --> 00:03:45.500 in my heart. Some lessons are explained. Others 00:03:45.500 --> 00:03:50.139 are planted. And just like seeds, they stay hidden 00:03:50.139 --> 00:03:55.599 for years until life begins to water them. Looking 00:03:55.599 --> 00:03:59.819 back today, almost 20 years later, I realize 00:03:59.819 --> 00:04:03.219 my father wasn't simply giving me advice. He 00:04:03.219 --> 00:04:07.060 was giving me a way to see marriage. Sometimes, 00:04:07.740 --> 00:04:11.080 God uses stories because stories stay with us 00:04:11.080 --> 00:04:15.270 longer than instructions. In fact, That's exactly 00:04:15.270 --> 00:04:18.689 what Jesus often did. When people expected an 00:04:18.689 --> 00:04:22.829 explanation, he gave them a parable. Not because 00:04:22.829 --> 00:04:26.050 he wanted to make things more complicated, but 00:04:26.050 --> 00:04:29.189 because stories have a way of reaching places 00:04:29.189 --> 00:04:33.589 that information never can. I didn't know it 00:04:33.589 --> 00:04:36.529 then, but my father's story would become one 00:04:36.529 --> 00:04:39.490 of those stories. One that would quietly grow 00:04:39.490 --> 00:04:44.779 inside me, year after year, until one day, I 00:04:44.779 --> 00:04:47.800 finally understood what he meant. And that's 00:04:47.800 --> 00:04:52.060 the story I'd like to share with you today. Because 00:04:52.060 --> 00:04:56.360 I believe if it changed the way I see marriage, 00:04:57.540 --> 00:05:00.180 it just might change the way you see it too. 00:05:01.399 --> 00:05:09.000 Let's begin. So there I was, a young man, deeply 00:05:09.000 --> 00:05:12.389 in love. Certain that I had found the woman I 00:05:12.389 --> 00:05:15.529 wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Like 00:05:15.529 --> 00:05:18.949 every young man preparing for marriage. I knew 00:05:18.949 --> 00:05:21.689 there was one conversation I needed to have. 00:05:22.370 --> 00:05:25.670 The conversation with my father. I wanted his 00:05:25.670 --> 00:05:30.050 blessing. But more than that, I wanted his wisdom. 00:05:30.649 --> 00:05:33.269 Because no matter how much you think you know, 00:05:33.949 --> 00:05:36.589 there are people who have already walked the 00:05:36.589 --> 00:05:40.100 road you're about to travel. And if you're wise, 00:05:40.699 --> 00:05:43.480 you'll listen before you begin your journey. 00:05:44.819 --> 00:05:48.819 Looking back today, I realize something. One 00:05:48.819 --> 00:05:52.120 of the greatest gifts God gives us is the wisdom 00:05:52.120 --> 00:05:56.160 of those who walked before us. The Bible says, 00:05:56.540 --> 00:05:59.819 stand at the crossroads and look. Ask for the 00:05:59.819 --> 00:06:04.139 ancient paths. Ask where the good way is and 00:06:04.139 --> 00:06:07.870 walk in it. I think we've lost something in our 00:06:07.870 --> 00:06:12.290 generation. We celebrate innovation and sometimes 00:06:12.290 --> 00:06:15.850 forget the value of wisdom. We admire what is 00:06:15.850 --> 00:06:19.610 new, but overlook those who have already lived 00:06:19.610 --> 00:06:24.050 what we're trying to build. My father had already 00:06:24.050 --> 00:06:26.990 lived through seasons I had never experienced. 00:06:27.569 --> 00:06:30.990 He had already faced storms I couldn't yet imagine. 00:06:31.769 --> 00:06:35.029 He had already learned lessons. that I hadn't 00:06:35.029 --> 00:06:38.529 even discovered I needed. And because of that, 00:06:39.089 --> 00:06:42.930 I chose to listen. Can I encourage you with something? 00:06:43.790 --> 00:06:46.569 Never underestimate the value of godly counsel, 00:06:47.189 --> 00:06:49.329 especially when you're making decisions that 00:06:49.329 --> 00:06:53.230 will shape the rest of your life. A career, a 00:06:53.230 --> 00:06:58.170 ministry, a friendship, a marriage. Some decisions 00:06:58.170 --> 00:07:01.980 are simply too important to make alone. The book 00:07:01.980 --> 00:07:04.720 of Proverbs repeats this truth again and again. 00:07:05.160 --> 00:07:07.800 There is wisdom in a multitude of counselors, 00:07:08.579 --> 00:07:12.819 not just any counselors, godly counselors, people 00:07:12.819 --> 00:07:16.120 who love God more than they love being right, 00:07:16.980 --> 00:07:19.920 people who care more about your future than your 00:07:19.920 --> 00:07:23.740 feelings, people willing to tell you the truth, 00:07:24.139 --> 00:07:28.100 even when it isn't what you hope to hear. I thank 00:07:28.100 --> 00:07:32.029 God that my father was one of those people. So, 00:07:32.930 --> 00:07:36.089 I sat down with him, expecting what every son 00:07:36.089 --> 00:07:40.709 expects. Advice, practical wisdom, maybe a checklist, 00:07:41.490 --> 00:07:44.350 maybe instructions about being a husband, maybe 00:07:44.350 --> 00:07:48.189 lessons about finances, leadership, communication, 00:07:48.750 --> 00:07:52.610 responsibility, honestly. I don't remember expecting 00:07:52.610 --> 00:07:55.829 anything extraordinary, just a conversation between 00:07:55.829 --> 00:08:00.529 a father and his son. But instead, he smiled. 00:08:00.670 --> 00:08:04.730 looked at me and began telling me a story. No 00:08:04.730 --> 00:08:10.009 instructions, no lecture, just a story. I remember 00:08:10.009 --> 00:08:13.050 listening, trying to understand where he was 00:08:13.050 --> 00:08:17.089 going, and if I'm honest, I wasn't sure. You 00:08:17.089 --> 00:08:20.230 know how parents sometimes tell stories, and 00:08:20.230 --> 00:08:23.930 halfway through, you're wondering, where is this 00:08:23.930 --> 00:08:28.649 going? That was me. I had no idea that nearly 00:08:28.649 --> 00:08:31.709 20 years later, I would still be talking about 00:08:31.709 --> 00:08:36.389 that story. Sometimes, God hides life's greatest 00:08:36.389 --> 00:08:40.669 lessons inside the simplest conversations. That's 00:08:40.669 --> 00:08:44.190 why Jesus spoke in parables, because information 00:08:44.190 --> 00:08:48.409 fills the mind. But stories find their way into 00:08:48.409 --> 00:08:51.870 the heart, and once a story reaches the heart, 00:08:52.309 --> 00:08:56.450 it stays there. Looking back now, I realize my 00:08:56.450 --> 00:08:59.250 father wasn't trying to answer my questions. 00:08:59.639 --> 00:09:02.860 He was changing the way I would see marriage. 00:09:03.419 --> 00:09:06.720 There's a difference. Advice tells you what to 00:09:06.720 --> 00:09:11.059 do. Vision changes how you see. And once the 00:09:11.059 --> 00:09:14.820 way you see changes, the way you live begins 00:09:14.820 --> 00:09:18.299 to change as well. That conversation planted 00:09:18.299 --> 00:09:21.980 a seed, a seed I didn't fully understand at the 00:09:21.980 --> 00:09:26.600 time. It remained buried, quietly growing through 00:09:26.600 --> 00:09:30.389 the joys. through the misunderstandings, through 00:09:30.389 --> 00:09:33.769 the victories, through the difficult seasons, 00:09:34.090 --> 00:09:39.470 until one day, I looked back and realized my 00:09:39.470 --> 00:09:43.710 father had been right all along. And today, I'd 00:09:43.710 --> 00:09:46.509 like to invite you into that same conversation 00:09:46.509 --> 00:09:50.730 because I believe if you can see what my father 00:09:50.730 --> 00:09:54.190 wanted me to see, you'll never look at marriage 00:09:54.190 --> 00:09:59.149 the same way again. So, This is what he said. 00:10:00.669 --> 00:10:04.169 My father looked at me, smiled, and simply said, 00:10:04.470 --> 00:10:09.570 my son, let me tell you a story. He said, imagine 00:10:09.570 --> 00:10:13.490 a man, not just any man, a man who has decided 00:10:13.490 --> 00:10:16.909 to build a house, but not in the city, not where 00:10:16.909 --> 00:10:19.970 people pass by every day, not where neighbors 00:10:19.970 --> 00:10:24.669 are only a few steps away. Instead, he chooses 00:10:24.669 --> 00:10:29.090 a place deep inside a forest. far away from everything. 00:10:29.990 --> 00:10:33.370 A place where the only sounds you hear are the 00:10:33.370 --> 00:10:36.889 wind moving through the trees, the birds greeting 00:10:36.889 --> 00:10:40.230 the morning, and the quietness that only nature 00:10:40.230 --> 00:10:43.909 can give. Imagine walking through that forest. 00:10:44.389 --> 00:10:48.389 The deeper you go, the quieter it becomes. The 00:10:48.389 --> 00:10:52.049 noise of the world slowly disappears. No traffic, 00:10:52.309 --> 00:10:56.789 no crowds, no distractions, just trees. one after 00:10:56.789 --> 00:11:00.649 another. Then, after what feels like a long walk, 00:11:01.250 --> 00:11:05.070 you finally see it. A beautiful house, standing 00:11:05.070 --> 00:11:09.830 alone, peaceful, warm, almost unexpected. You 00:11:09.830 --> 00:11:13.029 wonder, who lives here? Why would anyone build 00:11:13.029 --> 00:11:15.950 a house so far away from everyone else? As you 00:11:15.950 --> 00:11:19.490 get closer, you notice something unusual. The 00:11:19.490 --> 00:11:23.710 windows don't open. The door only opens from 00:11:23.710 --> 00:11:28.309 the outside. And yet, inside the house, everything 00:11:28.309 --> 00:11:33.190 is warm, comfortable, peaceful, safe. My father 00:11:33.190 --> 00:11:36.190 stopped talking. He looked at me, as if waiting 00:11:36.190 --> 00:11:40.370 for me to understand. I didn't. Not really. So 00:11:40.370 --> 00:11:44.610 he continued. He said, my son, marriage is like 00:11:44.610 --> 00:11:48.429 that house. I'll never forget those words. At 00:11:48.429 --> 00:11:52.009 the time, they sounded beautiful, but I didn't 00:11:52.009 --> 00:11:55.740 understand them. Not yet. Maybe you've had moments 00:11:55.740 --> 00:11:59.080 like that. Someone says something to you, and 00:11:59.080 --> 00:12:01.820 you know it's important. But you don't yet know 00:12:01.820 --> 00:12:06.059 why. You write it down. You remember it. You 00:12:06.059 --> 00:12:11.360 carry it. And then, years later, life explains 00:12:11.360 --> 00:12:14.480 what words could not. That's exactly what happened 00:12:14.480 --> 00:12:18.480 to me. For years, that story stayed quietly in 00:12:18.480 --> 00:12:22.169 my heart. Then marriage began teaching me. what 00:12:22.169 --> 00:12:25.509 my father had already tried to show me. Today, 00:12:26.070 --> 00:12:28.850 I understand why he didn't give me a list of 00:12:28.850 --> 00:12:33.049 rules, because rules can be forgotten. But a 00:12:33.049 --> 00:12:37.210 picture stays with you. Can I tell you something 00:12:37.210 --> 00:12:41.129 I've discovered? God often teaches through pictures. 00:12:42.210 --> 00:12:45.450 When Jesus wanted to explain faith, he spoke 00:12:45.450 --> 00:12:48.929 about seeds. When he wanted to explain the kingdom, 00:12:49.730 --> 00:12:53.769 he spoke about vineyards. shepherds, sheep, fishermen, 00:12:54.409 --> 00:12:58.190 wedding feasts. Why? Because pictures remain 00:12:58.190 --> 00:13:02.009 in our hearts long after explanations fade. My 00:13:02.009 --> 00:13:06.210 father gave me a picture, a house, standing quietly 00:13:06.210 --> 00:13:09.669 in the middle of a forest. And every time life 00:13:09.669 --> 00:13:13.049 tested our marriage, I found myself returning 00:13:13.049 --> 00:13:17.509 to that house. The older I became, the more I 00:13:17.509 --> 00:13:21.210 understood. The story wasn't really about a house. 00:13:21.590 --> 00:13:25.049 It was about covenant. It was about protecting 00:13:25.049 --> 00:13:28.269 something precious. It was about understanding 00:13:28.269 --> 00:13:33.470 that what God builds must also be guarded. Because 00:13:33.470 --> 00:13:37.250 every beautiful home will eventually face weather. 00:13:37.590 --> 00:13:41.590 Every marriage will experience seasons. Some 00:13:41.590 --> 00:13:45.230 days will feel like spring, others like winter. 00:13:45.789 --> 00:13:48.610 Some days... The fire inside the house burns 00:13:48.610 --> 00:13:52.429 brightly. Other days, someone has to gather more 00:13:52.429 --> 00:13:56.870 wood. That's marriage, not perfection, faithfulness, 00:13:57.029 --> 00:14:00.950 not the absence of storms, but the decision to 00:14:00.950 --> 00:14:04.769 remain inside the covenant while the storm passes. 00:14:05.370 --> 00:14:08.649 And perhaps that's the first lesson my father 00:14:08.649 --> 00:14:12.269 wanted me to learn. Marriage isn't built because 00:14:12.269 --> 00:14:16.539 life will be easy. Marriage is built. Because 00:14:16.539 --> 00:14:20.039 covenant gives two people a place to stand when 00:14:20.039 --> 00:14:24.500 life becomes difficult that little house hidden 00:14:24.500 --> 00:14:27.600 in the middle of the forest has stayed with me 00:14:27.600 --> 00:14:32.559 for nearly 20 years and today I'd like to take 00:14:32.559 --> 00:14:36.440 you inside it because every part of that house 00:14:36.440 --> 00:14:41.820 has something to teach us and I believe Before 00:14:41.820 --> 00:14:46.220 this conversation is over you'll begin to recognize 00:14:46.220 --> 00:14:52.279 your own house. As I look back today, I realize 00:14:52.279 --> 00:14:55.539 something. My father wasn't simply preparing 00:14:55.539 --> 00:14:58.899 me for marriage. He was preparing me for the 00:14:58.899 --> 00:15:02.240 journey of becoming a husband. There is a difference. 00:15:02.820 --> 00:15:05.440 You can prepare for a wedding in a few months, 00:15:05.820 --> 00:15:10.120 but becoming a husband takes years, sometimes 00:15:10.120 --> 00:15:15.250 a lifetime. I also realize He didn't choose a 00:15:15.250 --> 00:15:19.350 lecture. He chose a story. Because stories have 00:15:19.350 --> 00:15:22.710 a way of staying with us, long after words are 00:15:22.710 --> 00:15:26.269 forgotten. I carried that story into my marriage. 00:15:27.149 --> 00:15:30.230 There were moments when I remembered it, moments 00:15:30.230 --> 00:15:33.350 when I questioned it, and moments when I finally 00:15:33.350 --> 00:15:37.450 understood it. Not all at once. One season at 00:15:37.450 --> 00:15:41.450 a time. One challenge at a time. One lesson at 00:15:41.450 --> 00:15:46.139 a time. Then one day, I realized something beautiful. 00:15:46.759 --> 00:15:50.240 The house hadn't changed. The story hadn't changed. 00:15:50.500 --> 00:15:54.639 I had changed. Marriage had changed me. God had 00:15:54.639 --> 00:15:58.299 changed me. And suddenly, what once seemed like 00:15:58.299 --> 00:16:03.539 a mystery began to make perfect sense. Perhaps 00:16:03.539 --> 00:16:06.840 that's where some of you are today. Maybe there 00:16:06.840 --> 00:16:09.820 are things God has spoken over your life that 00:16:09.820 --> 00:16:14.750 still don't make sense. Promises, prayers, scriptures, 00:16:15.450 --> 00:16:18.730 conversations, seeds that were planted years 00:16:18.730 --> 00:16:23.090 ago. Don't be discouraged. If you don't understand 00:16:23.090 --> 00:16:27.370 everything today, some revelations can only be 00:16:27.370 --> 00:16:30.629 understood after you've walked with God for a 00:16:30.629 --> 00:16:34.230 while. God rarely reveals everything at once. 00:16:34.490 --> 00:16:38.250 He reveals enough for us to take the next step. 00:16:38.690 --> 00:16:42.779 Then He teaches us. As we continue walking with 00:16:42.779 --> 00:16:46.340 Him, time doesn't replace the Holy Spirit, but 00:16:46.340 --> 00:16:50.440 the Holy Spirit often uses time to reveal what 00:16:50.440 --> 00:16:53.940 He has already spoken. So don't rush the process. 00:16:54.120 --> 00:16:58.559 Walk with Him, trust Him, and allow Him to unfold 00:16:58.559 --> 00:17:03.519 His purpose one season at a time. Next time, 00:17:04.000 --> 00:17:06.960 we'll walk back into that house, not simply to 00:17:06.960 --> 00:17:11.160 admire it, not even to escape it. But to discover 00:17:11.160 --> 00:17:14.519 why my father built every detail of that story 00:17:14.519 --> 00:17:19.200 the way he did Because nothing inside that house 00:17:19.200 --> 00:17:24.200 was accidental Every detail was pointing to something 00:17:24.200 --> 00:17:28.039 far greater than I could have imagined Until 00:17:28.039 --> 00:17:31.980 then may the Lord strengthen your faith guide 00:17:31.980 --> 00:17:36.440 your home and continue building your house one 00:17:36.440 --> 00:17:42.400 day one lesson and one revelation at a time. 00:17:43.200 --> 00:17:47.579 Thank you for joining me. Grace and peace. I'll 00:17:47.579 --> 00:17:50.519 see you in our next conversation.