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There's something most caregivers never say out

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loud, and that is, I deserve kindness too. But

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it's true, you do. And today I'm going to show

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you why self -compassion is not selfish at all,

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and how it can actually make caregiving feel

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lighter on your mind, in your heart, and your

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body. In the next few minutes, you'll learn some

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simple ways to stop beating yourself up. how

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to refill your emotional tank, and how to talk

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to yourself the same way you talk to the people

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you love. I'm Robin Schiltz, a certified dementia

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specialist, and I've spent years helping families

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through the hardest caregiving moments. So I

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promise, these tools come not just from research,

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but from real life. So let's get into it. When

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you're caring for someone you love, you carry

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a lot, right? And it's not just the physical

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load. It's the emotional weight, too. The worry,

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the constant wondering if you're doing enough.

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Or did I miss something? Or why do I keep losing

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patience? You know what I mean. Most caregivers

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tell me they feel guilty more often than they

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feel proud. And I get it. I've been there. You

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try so hard. You want to get it right. But here's

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what I've experienced and what I've seen again

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and again. Caregivers who practice self -compassion

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don't burn out as quickly. They feel steadier,

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and they can handle tough moments with a lot

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more grace. So let's talk about what self -compassion

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actually means. It doesn't mean bubble baths

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and scented candles, unless those help you, of

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course. It's actually just treating yourself

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with the same grace and kindness you give to

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someone else who's struggling. That's it. It's

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saying, I'm human, I'm doing my best, I deserve

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understanding and not criticism. Here's what

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I mean. Think about what you would say to a friend

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who's exhausted and overwhelmed. You wouldn't

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say, well, gee, you should be doing more. You

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wouldn't say, what's wrong with you? Why can't

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you handle this better? Instead, you would say,

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hey, you're doing the best you can. Anyone in

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your position would feel the way you do. You're

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doing something incredibly hard. So why don't

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we talk to ourselves that way? One of the most

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powerful tools you can use is something called

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a self -compassion pause. It takes about 10 seconds,

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and it helps you come back to the present instead

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of spiraling down into guilt and frustration.

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When you feel the tension building, like maybe

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your loved one is asking the same question for

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the 53rd time, or you're running late, or you're

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feeling that tightness in your chest or in your

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stomach, stop for a moment and say to yourself,

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hey, this is hard. You're naming the moment so

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your brain stops fighting it. Then say, I'm not

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the only one who feels this way, because face

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it, every caregiver on the planet has felt frustration,

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fear, sadness, or been overwhelmed at one time

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or another. And the third thing is to say to

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yourself, I deserve kindness in this moment.

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You're reminding yourself that your needs matter

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too. That's it. Three steps, and caregivers tell

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me it helps almost immediately. It's like turning

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off the pressure valve. Another part of self

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-compassion is letting go of the idea of perfection,

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which I know is tough. Caregiving can feel like

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every choice matters, and it does, but not every

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choice has to be perfect. Sometimes good enough

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really is enough. And sometimes doing your best

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looks different from day to day. I remember when

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a caregiver told me, I lost my temper today,

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I'm so mad at myself. And I asked her, did you

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apologize? And she said yes. So I said, well

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then would you forgive someone else for doing

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the same thing? And she said, of course. And

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I said, then you have to forgive yourself too.

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She thought about it for a minute, and Lynn later

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told me it had changed the way she thought about

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her role. She realized she was allowed to be

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human, and I want that for you, too. Another

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simple way to practice self -compassion is to

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check in with your basic needs, because I do

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know how easy it is to let that slide. But trust

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me, your body keeps score. If you haven't been

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sleeping well or eating well or even taking a

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small break on occasion, everything feels worse.

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So try asking yourself once or twice a day, what

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do I need right now, even if it's small? Maybe

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it's just taking a break long enough to get a

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glass of water. Maybe it's two minutes of deep

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breathing. Maybe it's stepping outside and feeling

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the sun on your face for a few minutes. Tiny

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little resets like this help a lot. You know

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how airplanes tell you put on your own oxygen

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mask first? People roll their eyes and snicker,

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but it is true. If you cannot breathe, you cannot

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help anyone else breathe either. And caregiving

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needs you to be steady and grounded and as rested

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as you can be. So again, not perfect, just good

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enough and steady enough. And here's something

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else that people forget. Self -compassion also

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means recognizing the things you're doing well.

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Caregivers rarely give themselves credit. So

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try this tonight. Before you go to bed, say out

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loud one thing you did today that helped your

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loved one. It could be something tiny like, I

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helped mom stir cream in her coffee when she

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couldn't do it. Or I made sure dad's lunch was

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warm the way he likes it. Or, I kept going, even

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when it was hard. Just one single sentence like

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that can shift your whole perspective. Because

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caregiving is not measured in grand gestures.

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It's measured in moments. The meal you planned,

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the hand you held, the appointment you kept track

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of, even the moments where you wanted to scream,

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but you chose patience instead. That's an act

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of love, too. You're doing more than you realize,

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and you deserve compassion for it. So let me

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leave you with this simple truth. Cannot pour

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from an empty cup. You cannot lift someone else

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without grounding yourself first. And you cannot

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keep going without giving yourself grace along

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the way. Self -compassion is not selfish. It

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is survival. And it just might be the thing that

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keeps your heart steady on the hardest days.

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So thank you for joining me today. If this episode

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brought a little peace to your day, share it

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with someone you care about. Maybe someone who

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could also use a reminder to have a little self

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-compassion. You'll find more resources for seniors

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and caregivers at seniorsafetyadvice .com and

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come back tomorrow for another daily moment of

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guidance and encouragement right here on the

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Senior Safety Advice Podcast. Until next time!

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Take care. Bye.