There's something most caregivers never say out
loud, and that is, I deserve kindness too. But
it's true, you do. And today I'm going to show
you why self -compassion is not selfish at all,
and how it can actually make caregiving feel
lighter on your mind, in your heart, and your
body. In the next few minutes, you'll learn some
simple ways to stop beating yourself up. how
to refill your emotional tank, and how to talk
to yourself the same way you talk to the people
you love. I'm Robin Schiltz, a certified dementia
specialist, and I've spent years helping families
through the hardest caregiving moments. So I
promise, these tools come not just from research,
but from real life. So let's get into it. When
you're caring for someone you love, you carry
a lot, right? And it's not just the physical
load. It's the emotional weight, too. The worry,
the constant wondering if you're doing enough.
Or did I miss something? Or why do I keep losing
patience? You know what I mean. Most caregivers
tell me they feel guilty more often than they
feel proud. And I get it. I've been there. You
try so hard. You want to get it right. But here's
what I've experienced and what I've seen again
and again. Caregivers who practice self -compassion
don't burn out as quickly. They feel steadier,
and they can handle tough moments with a lot
more grace. So let's talk about what self -compassion
actually means. It doesn't mean bubble baths
and scented candles, unless those help you, of
course. It's actually just treating yourself
with the same grace and kindness you give to
someone else who's struggling. That's it. It's
saying, I'm human, I'm doing my best, I deserve
understanding and not criticism. Here's what
I mean. Think about what you would say to a friend
who's exhausted and overwhelmed. You wouldn't
say, well, gee, you should be doing more. You
wouldn't say, what's wrong with you? Why can't
you handle this better? Instead, you would say,
hey, you're doing the best you can. Anyone in
your position would feel the way you do. You're
doing something incredibly hard. So why don't
we talk to ourselves that way? One of the most
powerful tools you can use is something called
a self -compassion pause. It takes about 10 seconds,
and it helps you come back to the present instead
of spiraling down into guilt and frustration.
When you feel the tension building, like maybe
your loved one is asking the same question for
the 53rd time, or you're running late, or you're
feeling that tightness in your chest or in your
stomach, stop for a moment and say to yourself,
hey, this is hard. You're naming the moment so
your brain stops fighting it. Then say, I'm not
the only one who feels this way, because face
it, every caregiver on the planet has felt frustration,
fear, sadness, or been overwhelmed at one time
or another. And the third thing is to say to
yourself, I deserve kindness in this moment.
You're reminding yourself that your needs matter
too. That's it. Three steps, and caregivers tell
me it helps almost immediately. It's like turning
off the pressure valve. Another part of self
-compassion is letting go of the idea of perfection,
which I know is tough. Caregiving can feel like
every choice matters, and it does, but not every
choice has to be perfect. Sometimes good enough
really is enough. And sometimes doing your best
looks different from day to day. I remember when
a caregiver told me, I lost my temper today,
I'm so mad at myself. And I asked her, did you
apologize? And she said yes. So I said, well
then would you forgive someone else for doing
the same thing? And she said, of course. And
I said, then you have to forgive yourself too.
She thought about it for a minute, and Lynn later
told me it had changed the way she thought about
her role. She realized she was allowed to be
human, and I want that for you, too. Another
simple way to practice self -compassion is to
check in with your basic needs, because I do
know how easy it is to let that slide. But trust
me, your body keeps score. If you haven't been
sleeping well or eating well or even taking a
small break on occasion, everything feels worse.
So try asking yourself once or twice a day, what
do I need right now, even if it's small? Maybe
it's just taking a break long enough to get a
glass of water. Maybe it's two minutes of deep
breathing. Maybe it's stepping outside and feeling
the sun on your face for a few minutes. Tiny
little resets like this help a lot. You know
how airplanes tell you put on your own oxygen
mask first? People roll their eyes and snicker,
but it is true. If you cannot breathe, you cannot
help anyone else breathe either. And caregiving
needs you to be steady and grounded and as rested
as you can be. So again, not perfect, just good
enough and steady enough. And here's something
else that people forget. Self -compassion also
means recognizing the things you're doing well.
Caregivers rarely give themselves credit. So
try this tonight. Before you go to bed, say out
loud one thing you did today that helped your
loved one. It could be something tiny like, I
helped mom stir cream in her coffee when she
couldn't do it. Or I made sure dad's lunch was
warm the way he likes it. Or, I kept going, even
when it was hard. Just one single sentence like
that can shift your whole perspective. Because
caregiving is not measured in grand gestures.
It's measured in moments. The meal you planned,
the hand you held, the appointment you kept track
of, even the moments where you wanted to scream,
but you chose patience instead. That's an act
of love, too. You're doing more than you realize,
and you deserve compassion for it. So let me
leave you with this simple truth. Cannot pour
from an empty cup. You cannot lift someone else
without grounding yourself first. And you cannot
keep going without giving yourself grace along
the way. Self -compassion is not selfish. It
is survival. And it just might be the thing that
keeps your heart steady on the hardest days.
So thank you for joining me today. If this episode
brought a little peace to your day, share it
with someone you care about. Maybe someone who
could also use a reminder to have a little self
-compassion. You'll find more resources for seniors
and caregivers at seniorsafetyadvice .com and
come back tomorrow for another daily moment of
guidance and encouragement right here on the
Senior Safety Advice Podcast. Until next time!
Take care. Bye.