1 00:00:05,914 --> 00:00:09,834 Seinfeld Explained. Season 8, Episode 9. 2 00:00:09,834 --> 00:00:11,014 The Abstinence. 3 00:00:11,734 --> 00:00:16,794 A dry spell becomes a self-improvement scam before anyone understands the side effects. 4 00:00:17,634 --> 00:00:20,974 George Costanza, sex-obsessed Yankees employee, 5 00:00:21,534 --> 00:00:24,774 loses access to Louise, mono-diagnosed girlfriend, 6 00:00:24,934 --> 00:00:28,034 and suddenly finds brainpower. 7 00:00:28,034 --> 00:00:31,054 Elaine Benes, status-hungry doctor dater, 8 00:00:31,474 --> 00:00:33,774 tries the same trick on Ben Galvant, 9 00:00:34,634 --> 00:00:40,074 unlicensed almost-doctor. Jerry Seinfeld, school-status comic, 10 00:00:40,534 --> 00:00:42,334 gets trapped by career day. 11 00:00:43,014 --> 00:00:45,914 Cosmo Kramer, smoker-sympathy organizer, 12 00:00:46,494 --> 00:00:51,734 turns a smoking ban into apartment policy and legal vanity. 13 00:00:52,834 --> 00:00:55,014 The cold open is already the episode in miniature: 14 00:00:55,674 --> 00:00:58,754 George Costanza, sex-obsessed survival theorist, 15 00:00:59,034 --> 00:01:01,894 wants to know whether Jerry would eat him in a plane crash. 16 00:01:02,584 --> 00:01:04,754 Even cannibalism becomes a friendship ranking, 17 00:01:05,254 --> 00:01:08,114 and George treats survival protein like personal rejection. 18 00:01:08,874 --> 00:01:11,014 Dumb question, real Costanza wound. 19 00:01:11,994 --> 00:01:13,634 That possibility is the whole joke. 20 00:01:14,234 --> 00:01:16,474 Exactly, because a minute later Louise, 21 00:01:16,474 --> 00:01:20,854 mono-diagnosed girlfriend, removes sex from the relationship for six weeks, 22 00:01:21,414 --> 00:01:23,094 and George is not upset about romance; 23 00:01:23,654 --> 00:01:26,134 he is upset that the option has been removed. 24 00:01:26,794 --> 00:01:28,994 Who benefits from George having fewer options? 25 00:01:29,634 --> 00:01:30,774 Somehow, everyone. 26 00:01:30,774 --> 00:01:33,534 Right, he becomes a better boyfriend by accident: 27 00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:37,094 no growth, just Costanza's main distraction shutting off. 28 00:01:37,354 --> 00:01:38,754 Then the brain starts firing. 29 00:01:39,474 --> 00:01:41,854 George answers trivia, enjoys documentaries, 30 00:01:42,434 --> 00:01:46,414 remembers childhood details, learns Portuguese through household exposure, 31 00:01:46,974 --> 00:01:49,854 and starts carrying books around like a man who has discovered oxygen. 32 00:01:50,654 --> 00:01:53,314 Jerry Seinfeld, amused social diagnostician, 33 00:01:53,754 --> 00:01:56,414 quickly connects the new intelligence to abstinence, 34 00:01:56,594 --> 00:01:59,694 because George's brain finally has spare office space. 35 00:01:59,694 --> 00:02:01,934 Smart George is still George. 36 00:02:02,354 --> 00:02:06,474 Completely. He uses genius to lecture Derek Jeter and Bernie Williams, 37 00:02:07,074 --> 00:02:09,714 actual Yankees champions, on hitting physics. 38 00:02:10,594 --> 00:02:12,014 The confidence is insane, 39 00:02:12,354 --> 00:02:14,574 but for once the vocabulary almost keeps up, 40 00:02:14,854 --> 00:02:17,954 which makes his assistant-level job at Yankee Stadium even funnier. 41 00:02:18,594 --> 00:02:19,954 And the players are not awed; 42 00:02:19,954 --> 00:02:23,374 they are mostly placing the Yankees travel guy who stuck them in a bad hotel. 43 00:02:24,174 --> 00:02:25,454 Correct level of respect. 44 00:02:25,934 --> 00:02:27,334 Elaine copies the experiment. 45 00:02:27,734 --> 00:02:28,714 Which is so Elaine. 46 00:02:28,714 --> 00:02:31,954 Ben Galvant, unlicensed almost-doctor boyfriend, 47 00:02:32,434 --> 00:02:33,754 is close enough to brag about, 48 00:02:33,954 --> 00:02:36,374 and that is the trap: does she want skill, 49 00:02:36,374 --> 00:02:38,094 or the social glow of a doctor? 50 00:02:38,454 --> 00:02:39,994 The diner answers that. 51 00:02:40,314 --> 00:02:42,074 Sue Ellen Mischke, old rival trigger, 52 00:02:42,634 --> 00:02:45,134 arrives with Rick, credentialed periodontist, 53 00:02:45,674 --> 00:02:48,214 and suddenly Elaine needs Ben's title to be real. 54 00:02:48,974 --> 00:02:50,674 Then a customer has a medical emergency, 55 00:02:51,174 --> 00:02:54,294 Ben freezes, Sue Ellen supplies the useful idea, 56 00:02:54,734 --> 00:02:57,554 and the whole doctor fantasy collapses in public. 57 00:02:57,554 --> 00:03:00,814 Perfect punishment. Elaine polished the label, 58 00:03:01,134 --> 00:03:02,734 then the room asked for competence; 59 00:03:03,214 --> 00:03:07,314 her fix is installing George's accidental abstinence program like exam prep. 60 00:03:07,734 --> 00:03:09,274 It works for Ben, not Elaine. 61 00:03:09,694 --> 00:03:11,794 Yes, and Elaine's mind starts buffering. 62 00:03:12,254 --> 00:03:15,094 The practical reset request is horrible and efficient, 63 00:03:15,574 --> 00:03:19,294 especially when Jerry refuses and she immediately considers the next apartment. 64 00:03:19,734 --> 00:03:23,554 Then Ben passes, and Elaine gets the meanest version of success: 65 00:03:24,174 --> 00:03:25,914 she has created the doctor she wanted, 66 00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:30,214 and he immediately decides doctor status entitles him to someone better. 67 00:03:30,954 --> 00:03:33,814 So the key change is that Elaine upgrades him out of her own life, 68 00:03:34,334 --> 00:03:36,954 which is such a clean little status boomerang. 69 00:03:37,194 --> 00:03:39,614 That breakup is rude, but logically perfect. 70 00:03:39,994 --> 00:03:42,354 Then Jerry gets junior-high big-timed, 71 00:03:42,354 --> 00:03:47,114 after pretending the first snub is no big thing and clearly needing everyone to agree with that lie. 72 00:03:47,394 --> 00:03:48,614 That hurts him too much. 73 00:03:49,134 --> 00:03:50,494 Adult hecklers are one thing; 74 00:03:50,874 --> 00:03:55,054 losing career day to a zoo worker with a lizard is status damage at locker-height. 75 00:03:55,054 --> 00:03:59,154 Katie, overzealous agent, panics and gets Jerry a full assembly, 76 00:03:59,574 --> 00:04:00,834 which creates a worse problem: 77 00:04:01,354 --> 00:04:03,814 how do you fill two hours for sixth through eighth graders? 78 00:04:04,714 --> 00:04:07,354 Smart George prepares science and gives Jerry a safety net, 79 00:04:08,054 --> 00:04:12,594 but the earlier Portuguese waitress becomes temptation with statistical cover. 80 00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:16,654 Jerry's rescue plan depends on George's least reliable condition. 81 00:04:17,114 --> 00:04:20,394 Classic George: intelligence gives him better excuses, 82 00:04:20,674 --> 00:04:24,254 not better judgment. He calculates his way back into old George, 83 00:04:24,254 --> 00:04:26,134 and Jerry faces the kids alone. 84 00:04:26,614 --> 00:04:28,174 Kramer has the bodily plot. 85 00:04:28,794 --> 00:04:34,294 Absolutely. Kramer gets forced outside Monk's and immediately builds hospitality for displaced smokers; 86 00:04:34,734 --> 00:04:35,694 it sounds like a cause, 87 00:04:35,854 --> 00:04:38,134 but it is really stranger-collection with ashtrays. 88 00:04:38,714 --> 00:04:41,754 The lounge succeeds so well that Kramer's face takes the hit. 89 00:04:42,614 --> 00:04:44,374 Jackie Chiles, theatrical attorney, 90 00:04:44,814 --> 00:04:47,814 sees a tobacco case in the damage, but Ms. Wilkie, 91 00:04:47,974 --> 00:04:55,914 company representative, flips the whole thing by treating Kramer's ruined look as rugged branding and bypassing Jackie when it matters; 92 00:04:56,574 --> 00:04:58,314 Jackie finally has his dream target, 93 00:04:58,794 --> 00:05:01,074 and Kramer still becomes the client from hell. 94 00:05:01,594 --> 00:05:04,254 Wrong rewards everywhere: Kramer gets a billboard, 95 00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:06,854 Jackie gets humiliated, Elaine gets dumped, 96 00:05:07,254 --> 00:05:10,814 George gets old-brained, and Jerry gets canceled after a school disaster. 97 00:05:12,454 --> 00:05:14,414 George's genius is gone.. 98 00:05:15,194 --> 00:05:17,334 Elaine's doctor dream backfired.. 99 00:05:18,434 --> 00:05:20,834 Kramer got a tobacco billboard.