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Seinfeld Explained. Season 3, Episode 6.

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The Parking Garage.

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Kramer needs a cheap air conditioner,

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he gets the last one at a New Jersey mall.

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Nobody else gets anything, and nobody,

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it turns out, paid attention to where they parked.

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Elaine has new goldfish in a sealed plastic bag slowly running out of oxygen.

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George needs to be outside his building at 6:15 for his parents' anniversary dinner.

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Jerry has urgently needed a bathroom since the third floor.

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The whole episode is a parking garage.

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Nobody leaves.

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The whole episode is one location,

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a New Jersey mall parking garage.

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Kramer dragged everyone out there for cheap air conditioners,

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got the last unit himself,

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and when they finally head toward the car it becomes clear that nobody,

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not ONE person, paid any attention to where they parked.

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And every single person already has a separate crisis.

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Elaine's goldfish are sealed in a plastic bag,

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Kramer estimates two hours before they suffocate;

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George needs to be outside his building at 6:15 for his parents' anniversary dinner;

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Jerry has needed a bathroom since they were still inside.

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The air conditioner is too heavy to carry indefinitely,

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so Kramer stashes it behind a random parked car and makes sure everyone knows the spot:

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Purple 23. They still haven't found the actual car,

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so now there are two things to find.

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He hid the air conditioner before finding his car.

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That is the WHOLE problem.

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Jerry refuses to use the garage as a bathroom;

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Kramer tries every angle, the organic argument,

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truck driver bladder damage,

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the adult diaper industry as a multi-hundred-million-dollar market.

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Jerry builds a principled position about restraint and holds to it.

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Is Kramer wrong, though?

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The bladder damage argument is medically coherent,

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he's genuinely trying to help.

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And then he gives George the exact same advice twenty minutes later,

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George follows it for the exact same reason,

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and they both get arrested.

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Eventually the principle breaks.

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Jerry goes, gets caught,

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and constructs a fatal disease on the spot,

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he's had it since age eleven,

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there's a city-issued urination pass,

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his little brother ran out of the house with it that morning.

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When the guard isn't buying it,

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he apologizes and promises the truth.

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The truth is that his father has been in a Red Chinese prison for fourteen years,

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hosted by the general who personally invented the spicy chicken dish at the local Chinese restaurant.

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The apology was just a runway for a bigger lie.

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Both stories delivered with identical conviction.

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George gets caught too,

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delivers the true version of the same story,

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parents waiting, anniversary dinner,

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supposed to be at 6:15.

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The guard recognizes it immediately:

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Jerry already told that one.

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And Jerry, still in the booth,

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wants to know whether George's father is ALSO in a Red Chinese prison.

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Jerry poisoned every exit for everyone behind him.

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Elaine is running a completely separate problem.

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She goes person to person through the garage asking for a five-minute drive to help find the car,

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goldfish dying, please. She starts polite, gets philosophical,

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eventually backs a stranger into a corner on the distinction between can't and won't.

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But why would any stranger help?

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They don't know these people,

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and one man's response, he simply doesn't want to,

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can't say why, survives even Elaine's position that not wanting to isn't a valid reason.

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He agrees with her and drives away.

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It escalates, two guys who look like bodybuilders drive past,

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and Elaine calls after them about going home to their gym equipment as their car disappears.

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George pulls her back.

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Kramer has been packing heat this whole time.

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Those fish were dead before they LEFT the escalator.

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There's a woman who's been in the background of the episode,

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George gets pointed toward the opening,

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barely starts explaining the situation,

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and she agrees before he finishes.

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No hesitation, complete contrast to everything else in the previous thirty minutes.

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And then: something about L. Ron Hubbard.

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We never hear what.

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She kicks them out of the moving car.

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They land directly next to Kramer's, by accident,

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three hours of searching in,

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ejected from a stranger's car.

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Kramer still has the keys and is still somewhere in the garage.

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The Scientology ejection was more efficient than anything they actually tried.

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Three hours of systematic searching and what finally works is getting thrown out of someone's car.

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Kramer shows up at 7:45 with the air conditioner,

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he'd forgotten where he hid it,

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spent hours searching. George has the answer: Purple 23,

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the spot Kramer put on the record three hours earlier.

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George was standing right there when Kramer put the location on the record.

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He held onto Purple 23 for three hours while everyone got arrested and the fish died.

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Kramer forgot the ONE thing he made them all memorize.

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Before they get in:

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at least there's no traffic now.

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The goldfish are dead,

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George missed his parents by more than an hour,

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and the engine won't start.

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The car is dead.

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Still in New Jersey..

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Kramer has his air conditioner..

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George's parents waited at 6:15.

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He never came.