Seinfeld Explained. Season 3, Episode 6.
The Parking Garage.
Kramer needs a cheap air conditioner,
he gets the last one at a New Jersey mall.
Nobody else gets anything, and nobody,
it turns out, paid attention to where they parked.
Elaine has new goldfish in a sealed plastic bag slowly running out of oxygen.
George needs to be outside his building at 6:15 for his parents' anniversary dinner.
Jerry has urgently needed a bathroom since the third floor.
The whole episode is a parking garage.
Nobody leaves.
The whole episode is one location,
a New Jersey mall parking garage.
Kramer dragged everyone out there for cheap air conditioners,
got the last unit himself,
and when they finally head toward the car it becomes clear that nobody,
not ONE person, paid any attention to where they parked.
And every single person already has a separate crisis.
Elaine's goldfish are sealed in a plastic bag,
Kramer estimates two hours before they suffocate;
George needs to be outside his building at 6:15 for his parents' anniversary dinner;
Jerry has needed a bathroom since they were still inside.
The air conditioner is too heavy to carry indefinitely,
so Kramer stashes it behind a random parked car and makes sure everyone knows the spot:
Purple 23. They still haven't found the actual car,
so now there are two things to find.
He hid the air conditioner before finding his car.
That is the WHOLE problem.
Jerry refuses to use the garage as a bathroom;
Kramer tries every angle, the organic argument,
truck driver bladder damage,
the adult diaper industry as a multi-hundred-million-dollar market.
Jerry builds a principled position about restraint and holds to it.
Is Kramer wrong, though?
The bladder damage argument is medically coherent,
he's genuinely trying to help.
And then he gives George the exact same advice twenty minutes later,
George follows it for the exact same reason,
and they both get arrested.
Eventually the principle breaks.
Jerry goes, gets caught,
and constructs a fatal disease on the spot,
he's had it since age eleven,
there's a city-issued urination pass,
his little brother ran out of the house with it that morning.
When the guard isn't buying it,
he apologizes and promises the truth.
The truth is that his father has been in a Red Chinese prison for fourteen years,
hosted by the general who personally invented the spicy chicken dish at the local Chinese restaurant.
The apology was just a runway for a bigger lie.
Both stories delivered with identical conviction.
George gets caught too,
delivers the true version of the same story,
parents waiting, anniversary dinner,
supposed to be at 6:15.
The guard recognizes it immediately:
Jerry already told that one.
And Jerry, still in the booth,
wants to know whether George's father is ALSO in a Red Chinese prison.
Jerry poisoned every exit for everyone behind him.
Elaine is running a completely separate problem.
She goes person to person through the garage asking for a five-minute drive to help find the car,
goldfish dying, please. She starts polite, gets philosophical,
eventually backs a stranger into a corner on the distinction between can't and won't.
But why would any stranger help?
They don't know these people,
and one man's response, he simply doesn't want to,
can't say why, survives even Elaine's position that not wanting to isn't a valid reason.
He agrees with her and drives away.
It escalates, two guys who look like bodybuilders drive past,
and Elaine calls after them about going home to their gym equipment as their car disappears.
George pulls her back.
Kramer has been packing heat this whole time.
Those fish were dead before they LEFT the escalator.
There's a woman who's been in the background of the episode,
George gets pointed toward the opening,
barely starts explaining the situation,
and she agrees before he finishes.
No hesitation, complete contrast to everything else in the previous thirty minutes.
And then: something about L. Ron Hubbard.
We never hear what.
She kicks them out of the moving car.
They land directly next to Kramer's, by accident,
three hours of searching in,
ejected from a stranger's car.
Kramer still has the keys and is still somewhere in the garage.
The Scientology ejection was more efficient than anything they actually tried.
Three hours of systematic searching and what finally works is getting thrown out of someone's car.
Kramer shows up at 7:45 with the air conditioner,
he'd forgotten where he hid it,
spent hours searching. George has the answer: Purple 23,
the spot Kramer put on the record three hours earlier.
George was standing right there when Kramer put the location on the record.
He held onto Purple 23 for three hours while everyone got arrested and the fish died.
Kramer forgot the ONE thing he made them all memorize.
Before they get in:
at least there's no traffic now.
The goldfish are dead,
George missed his parents by more than an hour,
and the engine won't start.
The car is dead.
Still in New Jersey..
Kramer has his air conditioner..
George's parents waited at 6:15.
He never came.